No one breaks your heart –they break your expectations!
No one breaks your heart –they break your expectations!
Let the small love do for now
it leads you to a deeper love
rivulets lead to torrents
and rivers run out to the sea.
Let love lead you
go blind and follow down blind alleys and heart break
until there is nothing left but a bigger love
which yawns widely
taking you into itself
as it shows you it’s bliss
Let the small lead you to its inevitable course,
to flow into the larger
so that you are led into an ever greater love
that no one could imagine exists.
But this love sets up shop
like lovers who are unafraid of making their love
right in front of you,
in the bathroom
the living room,
They are there,
unafraid to be within you
wherever you are
going at it
and sharing this sweet orgasmic experience with you.
These two have lost their shame
and visit us each
of how Creation is
beyond our breathing world….
Let it lead you.
It will trick you
until you learn
that it is first inside you
as a creek empties into its river
and fish become platelets
and water turns to salt
and salt into wine….
Let it take you
and why it wants you
It is not an emotion
but a force of nature
It is not for a thing
but occupies us
a revealer of our truth
of both our dark and light….
but by being it’s follower,
it’s crazy saddhu,
we are remade by it
and become the consumate lover
Not for a thing,
we become that love
and become the force we were all along.
It is a crazy crash of a love
that tears down illusion
leaving the eager lips
and consumate heart
as it’s center
turning ’round endlessly
wondering what is the point
until we realize
it is in just being it.
By being just that
the noblest truth is owned
felt to the marrow
no fakery here.
To love because you are love
is the hardest path
because there is nothing else
to turn to—
because it cannot tolerate anything else but it’s relentless drive to the Center….
Only one great truth remains
and it has hid itself in you
so that your lips last for only that love
and your heart is aflame for nothing else but it.
Who else can you love then?
The bar raised so high
only the universe can pick the one
when all else is shed
and you wander seemingly alone
in a world filled with lovers who feel it for a thing.
My religion is the wind swept plains, the tea shared on rainy days with wordless joy passing between us. It is the pulse within me which finds the pulse of the universe as I find them the same. My religion has no beliefs but is filled with presence, and a joy that grows ever-bountiful. Like a hermit I live, and every moment with those whom I love grows more precious by the day.
My heart is filled from a deep well from within as it’s waters never lessen or subside. I do not have to believe anything when what I know burns and flows with a power I just can’t tell. But I do wish the world could know this. But until then, I do the curious things we creatures do and find excitement in the simplest of things. This eternal flame of a presence contents me and rouses me to a new life.
I wish it were true that love is found in another, but this pulse of life that animates my awareness says this is not so. We must find this love first within us if we are to know it in another… for how else could we ever love them rightly, speaking such different languages which we want to call love. No, I must first overflow, be so enlivened and filled that it will ward me off from loves mistaken, loves that seek to take and make others responsible for what we truly each must find for ourselves. It’s been one of my latter realizations that I am here building a vibrant love inside myself so grand that its often hard to stand. But I do, and sigh into deeper folds of its mesmerizing wonder.
I am left utterly stripped of belief, and naked as I am, I am so much closer to the one that animates and guides. Listening quietly, I do wonder that if this is all there is, how grand that I may have just come to it, ready for the consummating kiss that is it’s promise made somewhere hidden in the folds of our bridal chamber.
I do not believe, but I bear the riches of the heart of religion. I have the temple without the priests. It is the deepest and most holy of the mysteries, and it is the only one you ever need to know to see how it alone reveals the rest. She bids me enter her most sacred of mysteries. She shows me where her lover meets her which is in the triadic chamber of my heart. No priests or priestesses, no law, no guess work. No prophets, no holy wars. No hymns, save my warm breath and yearning. No candles, save the flame of it all, and no opinions, no pronouncements in the deep chamber that is my soul knowing itself.
To love that the divine moves in you is no sin but sacred. To know beyond all dogma is a healing hand. With just a glance my whole life opens to it with no eventuality ever being just sheer chance. To honor the love that lives in me is to love and honor how masterfully I was made…and I do hope that you find this soon, too, so we can share Summer’s last fading light with tea and thunderstorms and the honor of pure religion flowing in our hearts.
She’s made sacred by desire
Her great yawning passion
are the forge
The multiversity rests
even to her
until the brilliant light enters
whose warmth stirs
a celestial womb
draped in night
and buried deep
but moved by by his presence
she opens deeper still
as everything in the illumine
taken and given
all at once.
These are ours
from the infinite
a Sunday morning late in Spring
with tea and rain
drawing us into this warmth
How beautiful, how perfectly this expresses how I feel. Can you feel it?
What is your history? Where are you from? Are we really so different from one another?
This video is beautiful….it will open in a new window…in-joy…
Peace to you, my brothers and sisters.
When I had my awakening, I awoke aware that I was feeling someone in my head, in my space….it was hard to pin down at first….but some part of me that woke up KNEW this was so, even as my rational mind was struggling just to keep up with the newness that was taking place. All of it was novel, interesting, sometimes even scary or anxiety-producing. I lived with the idea that I had a soul twin because, simply, there was no other theory out there that explained it so….well.
Cracks began to show up in that fairy-tale world when I heard the really hard and mean things this twin of mine would say sometimes. I began to question, and as I questioned, more things popped up that showed me that something was amiss. The concept of the twin soul was a fairy-tale. Like angels on clouds and happily ever afters and gurus who are perfect (note: there is no such thing-these are things we would like to be true but are not). The experience was cosmic and I WAS feeling this person at the soul level deeply. Yes. Wonderful, yes. But human still, yes.
In perfect timing, as I was beginning to question the mythos of the Twin Soul and the Twin Flame along came a person who had gone through all of this herself and we began this dialog. It was one of the most insightful of any kind of dialog I have had with another person. She spoke my language, and she helped to fill in some spots that I was clamoring around in the dark for. One of the things that she talked about was how karma creates chemistry. At first, this was so non-intuitive that while I took it all in, I honestly had some trouble with it. After all, the energy that was a part of the connection felt so….natural. It just felt like it was so deep within me, right?
But the same is true for karma. Whoops.
I have been at the cleansing process that is a part of awakening since early 2007 (early February) and I have slowly come to a realization through many many releases that some of the biggest troubles have been in the more base chakras. Each release in the meridians or chakras (or both) has always been accompanied by changes in how I felt and how I reacted to things that might have upset me before. I have been hard at “work” getting my field cleared because of how much better it has made me feel, how richer and more…..buoyant….my energy has felt following a clearing. Despite how some have said that the root is cleared first, I have to take issue with this and call such tales utter nonsense. No, kundalini clears the easiest to the hardest. It is like water, following the path of least resistance. If it had tackled my poor solar plexus, sacral, or root chakras first, I would still be here today telling you how kundalini is still trying to bust down that one hardened armored wall! Instead, I have hundreds, thousands of victories both big and small that has made the last three years easier.
The last three years has been a time period where MOST of my energy field was cleared with mostly sacral/root blocks remaining. it has been challenging and sometimes utterly frustrating to see how big the block was, but I can say that over the last year especially, I have spent every single day surrendering to the flow of prana in the hopes that it would flow into those hard places and break up the material. My meditations have shown me that it was a densely packed series of layers. Some of the work that I have done has included utilizing a reiki practitioner as well as a massage therapist who specializes in the Kahuna method, which honors the balance of the masculine and feminine current in our bodies. I was able to break a lot of material free from those sessions. I even reported a year or two ago how one reiki practitioner could not detect ANY blockages in my root and patted me on the back and admonished me about not trying to create a problem where no problem existed. This was a person who was the head of a massage school and is well known in our community for her therapy work. And this is mentioned as a cautionary tale that for those of you who are going extra deep into yourselves that there may be some who could help you that don’t….or can’t…perhaps because they themselves cannot feel that deep or detect what exists at such a cleared level.
I mean, think about it….most everyone on the planet is blocked from head to toe in some way or another. I know this may sound severe, but as I awoke, my ability to sense energy was increased about three to four-fold. Before then, I had been reading auras since I was 18 and I am now 50. So lots of experience with this end of awareness…..and I can say that those who slumber are simply not aware all that much. And it is probably good that they are not aware for the time being. Only when you are ready to tackle such a backlog of material as we all have here on the planet can you really have any hope of getting it done. otherwise it simply seems to be too big of a mountain. I know that it has been a mountain for me, and I also know people who have been at this for decades who are still wearing away the stone, so to speak. I am not saying this to be negative, I am saying it because I observe that it is true.
So the “proof” part….
I was reflecting how I was able to magically release the soul connection I had when I first awakened. God bless her, but she had issues that made dealing with her hard, and being connected to this, once I became aware of the hardness (I was not aware of the hardness in the beginning you see), it got more difficult. But what “did it” was a couple of years ago when I initiated a correspondence with her in the hopes of clearing up whatever was left was the moment when she wrote to me, “Parker, I am really HAPPY in my life now…..I woke up and had someone like you to help me through it, to share and make sense of it…..and I now feel things I had not felt before but knew was possible….I really love my life!” Poof! In that moment, it was like this thing gave way in me and I realized I was holding something up I just didn’t need to hold up anymore. Then thre came this awareness in the clarified moment that I had known her in some official capacity as an advisor. It FELT like she was a leader of some kind….and somehow I had let her down in some way. THIS led to a hitch karmically that led to our connection later while in the super-charged environs of an awakening (a double-whammy!). Then, as I began breathing more deeply and more slowly, I dropped down into it deeper and I was shown that no, I had not let her down. It wasn’t event THAT clear-cut. I had FELT like I had let her down. Her problem was HER problem, but I had taken it to mean that I had failed her.
The interesting thing is that this was exactly what happened in another relationship…I was hooked, literally hooked into this fear of failing another person and letting it eat me up energetically and karmically. It doesn’t matter what actually happened, it is HOW we choose to FEEL about an event that is the hook of karma. And this is one reason why I have so much trouble with the concept of karma. It is called “action” and I have recently considered maybe they were including inner action, because otherwise the definition as given by the Buddha seems…shallow….and prone to turning into being a punishment or something of the like. People do this, though. They are upset that something didn’t turn out the way they would like and they say “Karma is gonna get you!!!” All the while, though, the deeper truth is that karma isn’t a punishment. It is based on how far we have chosen, yes chosen, to turn away from our inner divine natures. THAT nature is….perfect. it does not NEED to be anything except perfectly itself. And yet, we allow ourselves to get pulled in all these directions that are not in our highest. Like me, just wanting people to be happy and failing at it because…..well…I am not the Lord of people’s happiness. They are. This was so bad in a prior relationship that my ex told my children that I had failed them at a time when I was sticking to my guns when the economy was in a rut. Truth be told, when you tell children this kind of thing, YOU are the one “failing.” But this was the consequence of living in this way. The person who acted as the put-upon victim became the victimizer. Terrible. So it was in my interest to untangle this mess as soon as possible, right?
To learn more about how this all turned out, I have broken this post into two chapters, with the second one immediately following this one. So now for chapter two….
It lies like a primordial shell on the ocean floor of time
No one knows its beginning
only its expanses
its tender notions
as it seek to reclaim itself moment by moment.
It is the oldest of its kin
but the youngest of its kind
and dreams the Big Dream.
It knows its godliness and godessness
as it turns golden
in its circling spiral upward
no word can contain it
but everyone chases after it
eyeing a tender splinter of it as it rises,
awash from storms
in the deep ocean of our time
It expands outward
and is known in its smaller dimension here
and in other worlds.
Some slips of it reach through the crevices of our self imposed enslavement
to glimpse a sliver or blast
from its deep endless boundless ovens
to bring back tales of that something
that the little one is.
The little one is like an earthling
of its god-self.
Deities cast through all of matter
space and time
but not lost
to blind minds
not because we are all so bad
but because there is still so much more to open to
as our eyes widen and hearts expand.
The little is the big
and the big its smaller self too.
Like you are, humbled before an oversoul
laughing that it too is you….
this is simply an expansion of what has always been
and what lies outside of time
so it has no known boundaries,
We simply glimpse a part of it
but in catching that thin slip of it
grasp for more
gape-eyed in the moment when it comes
and makes our souls
like the flowers
that we are in truth really are.
“Open! Open!” the love calls
man and woman,
bird and star
all of it
bursting to fullness
by opening to it
from emptiness and lack
to abundance and light.
You only see it when it is in you
(no wait….it is always in you…we just need to be aware….)
as Sattva G. said “The universe is awakening with me….”
The small love turns around the big one
even if we do not know it
or feel it
but when ready
we will rise into it
or it will lower into us
and love us like no other lover has ever dared or known
but which we seek to emulate
even if it might have no chance to do
and even if it does.
and grasp hold of it
as it turns you through the dark and the light
your journey now takes you into its peace
to claim you as its greatest love
which is the biggest of them all…