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Years ago I was so touched by this song. It has since remained filled with significance (since the mid-80’s!) If you know me, I adhere to the notion that for awakening there is no need for a guru or teacher, or even a method (thus the words become so much sweeter when you read and listen to this song). It made such an impression on me and has since served as a kind of prophetic story, right down to a violet color and an awakening in the garden.  So I share this song with you today honoring the return of an old soul from another lifetime, which gives fresh meaning to  this song.

 

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“In The Garden”

The streets are always wet with rain
After a summer shower when I saw you standin’
In the garden in the garden wet with rainYou wiped the teardrops from your eye in sorrow
As we watched the petals fall down to the ground
And as I sat beside you I felt the
Great sadness that day in the garden

And then one day you came back home
You were a creature all in rapture
You had the key to your soul
And you did open that day you came back to the garden

The olden summer breeze was blowin’ on your face
The light of God was shinin’ on your countenance divine
And you were a violet colour as you
Sat beside your father and your mother in the garden

The summer breeze was blowin’ on your face
Within your violet you treasure your summery words
And as the shiver from my neck down to my spine
Ignited me in daylight and nature in the garden

And you went into a trance
Your childlike vision became so fine
And we heard the bells inside the church
We loved so much
And felt the presence of the youth of
Eternal summers in the garden

And as it touched your cheeks so lightly
Born again you were and blushed and we touched each other lightly
And we felt the presence of the Christ

And I turned to you and I said
No Guru, no method, no teacher
Just you and I and nature
And the father in the garden

No Guru, no method, no teacher
Just you and I and nature
And the Father and the
Son and the Holy Ghost
In the garden wet with rain
No Guru, no method, no teacher
Just you and I and nature and the holy ghost
In the garden, in the garden, wet with rain
No Guru, no method, no teacher
Just you and I and nature
And the Father in the garden

-Van Morrison

 

 

Would you like to listen to this song now on Youtube?

Let its healing sounds wash over you today..

  Click here:

In The Garden

 

 

 

 

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People say a lot about it…and for the most part, there’s a lot of good information out there. But there are a lot of things said that just aren’t so. Some say you must have a guru, receive diksha, and stuff like that. But they say it because that’s their only experience, so they can’t imagine it any other way.

I didn’t have a guru. I didn’t receive diksha. I didn’t do yoga. I didnt sit in full lotis with back straight, eyes on the nose. I did have a confluence of serendipitous events based on my singular intent to get to the bottom of a few things in my life. These were things that I had buried and needed to resolve that wound up being the switch that turned on the lights. I didn’t have a guide, I did what I was trained as an artist to do: I observed. I’m no different than anyone else except I have been seeking this something “more” that came crashing into my life like a cosmic visitor who made sure nothing would ever be the same ever again.

I see so many searches done on my page that show me that on a daily basis people are just trying to come to grips with their awakening. In the beginning it is a lot to take in. But I think that you were made for this. I also think that we all have existential threads that we need to learn how to cut while awakening is present and strong in us. Doing this will free you up to go from intense awakening to smooth flow. For as hard as it was for me at times, I always knew I was going to make it. I think I chose this at some level. Something in me has the resilience to get through the harder parts of the experience. It’s incredibly personal, so it’s a bit like being laid open like an experiment in dissection…and yet, if you notice, the things that are dissected are never a loss to you. I had this fear….like it was going to destroy me. It was really my fear of change. Over time I learned simple forms of surrender which took me twenty feet into my soul depths, then 40 feet…only to find there was a still deeper surrender as it took me deeper into my psyche to dig out the deeply rooted issues. Not happy with trimming my existential bushes, I dug deep and asked the energy to take me with it. It has always been my teacher and my guide. I am the guru…but that guru is mine. It is your job to recognize the guru in you, too. There is nothing wrong with seeking to figure out how you will do this. My words are just a reminder that you have this. Get curious about yourself.

Today as I was working, there was this channel of information streaming in. Normally I ignore it so I can focus on the busy-work of my day. But it comes, and when it does, when I listen deeply and give myself to it, I can later go and lay on my soft carpeted floor on cushions and give it my full attention. This makes a lover of me, I am not ashamed to admit, and it draws me closer, a great nothingness that is everything, that I am drawn to. And then, I am on fire again.

So as this comes in the moment, let me see if I can explain something that it’s telling me and if you can relate to it.

Kundalini is just an abundance of an energy we call prana, chi (qi), ka, or life force or vital force. It comes when enough blocks are removed to make it possible to let it’s flow increase. I know the Indians say you concentrate on it to imagine drawing it up from the base of the spine, but energetically something “gives way” inside of you that allows for this flow. This isn’t a physical change. It is a change in the structure of your thoughts and your feeling. It’s simple. In fact, way simpler than most people let themselves to be.

Since prana is a force that is also conscious energy, the “structures” that govern it is the subtle energy system. Normaly, we were made for it’s flow, but as humans, it’s stopped. In most people, its a trickle. Once it flows, little can stop it.

The one thing that can stop it is strong negative emotional energy and your thoughts. In the early stages of awakening it seems nothing can stop it, but I have seen that it can be regulated. So if this is so, then the way you can work with this energy is by learning how to be so that the ride is easy instead of hard. This is how it teaches you. You might want to resist it at first, but this is the universal intelligence in all of us, and it has no limitations. The only thing that limits you is you. And for a time, keeping a handle on it may be what you need before going deeper with it. Just follow your instincts and your comfort level. You can, though, go as deep as you wish with it. It is without limit.

Growing up, I had a lot of run-ins with energy. I could have awakened early in life, but the material didn’t move enough. I knew intuitively though that I needed to increase the flow of my inner energy. Interesting things would happen when the flow increased. I often missed what the trick was in increasing the flow. I didn’t realize how I felt was the valve that opened it up. I was too much in my head. I was shown that as this energy increased, my ability to be more aware of numerous streams increased, too.

In an experience at age 18 with a past life as a Native American man who was having a Thunderbeing vision, I found myself swept up into a high level electrical energy of the spirit that made it possible for me to be simultaneously aware of being in four places all at once. Without going into the experience in detail, as the energy rose in me during this vision quest experience in that past life, I was able to be aware that I was alive in numerous aspects or spiritual beings in the vision. I looked out through my eyes as the native man, my own eyes in 1984, the eyes of the thunderbird, and the eyes of the Thunderbeing who was in the storm. I was able to be aware of each location at once. There are exercises that yogis use that do the same thing, and I suspect it’s to achieve the same type of state.

I am telling you this to illustrate the point that as energy increases, so too does consciousness and it’s ability to perceive and take in information incredibly fast and on many channels at once. This only happens when there is enough energy present. I am telling you this to help you be aware of what your potential is and that you can use this to help yourself understand better what’s going on inside you. And if you don’t believe what I have conveyed to you is possible, try imagining the possibility that it is possible, and then do an experiment where you tell yourself that you will allow yourself to open up and be led. Depending on who you are, you might slip right into it, achieving what you thought you were not capable of moments before, or it might need to incubate in you for days or even weeks before you have that surprise “a-ha” moment. Could be, too, that you have it come to you in dream. If it fits you enough, it’s only a matter of time before you encounter it. It’s really about where you put your focus.

So the really great thing I was being shown today was a version of something I think about a lot because I find it so interesting. This is the energetic engine that keeps prana flowing. I’m being shown that it’s these two polarities, things I think of as a cosmic quantity that I might symbolize in my mind as the shakti-shiva or the divine pair. But when these “two” which are really just one wake up inside of you, it wakes up the rest of the cosmos inside of you, too, because this pair is seeded into everything, so it opens you up and gives you access to all that is.

The energy in you is moving through all other things, and since the energy exists outside of space/time, it is everywhere all at once. This means you are also everywhere, too, by extension. I know you aren’t everywhere physically , but take a moment to feel the “god” state alive in this experience and feel how the very fine energy within it is simply not limited. Do you feel that immensity?

Maybe you think you should do something with it. Maybe you think it’s just that way and nothing more can be done. What I find is that as I turn my attention, the energy can “fetch” whatever it is I want or need to know about a good many things. I also need only think about something and it winds up happening. I have been having some very nice adventures in manifesting lately. This reveals to me how the world is really creating using our thoughts. The world is not for or against me, it’s giving me what I am.

Imagination is the gateway for this experience. Beyond the most obvious use of imagination, which is the creation of things, is also the capacity in you to image things that you never knew about before. Imagination becomes a portal for direct knowledge, direct learning, and your ability to feel is what makes it possible for you to relate to whatever information you are picking up on. All of this is experienced not as concepts but as a living reality. Everything has a life. Everything is alive, sentient, even if it’s not physically alive. It is the aliveness of atoms that makes it possible for matter to evolve or to become living like we are.

This aliveness, this livingness is in everything, and it isn’t that our existence as sentient matter is the ultimate state, because it isnt, it’s that everything that exists exists because it is aware. Far from dead matter, atoms have an enduring life of their own, with subatomic particles making up the “cells” of each atoms “body.”

What makes this possible is the sweetness, the uncompromisingly compassionate and ever-present energy on which we are all riding. By sinking into it, you avail yourself of its healing as it straightens out the kinked and blocked places within you. It feels fierce early in awakening only because it’s like trying to fit a thousand gallons through a straw. This is due to the energy body still being restricted or blocked. The more you let it flow into you in your dark places, the more it removes and the more smooth everything within your body and mind gets.

This is to me like the biggest story around. It is for many, a secret. But hidden in your ability to feel (not your emotions…this is your ability to feel and to be more and more sensitive inwardly) is it’s “secret” revealing itself. The less you rationalize with it,the more it will unfold in you.

The more aware you are, the more capable you will be of feeling the remaining blocks in your energy body. As you turn your attention to them, the prana flows. It flows through your attention. This is why we can transmit energy through our eyes. It isn’t that the energy literaly flows through our physical eyes, but that it flows through our attention, and for this energy, a gaze is a form of attention.

It’s quite something knowing that your body is host to trillions and trillions of other lives existing in your body at this moment. It’s true; every cell has it’s own life, even if it lives for only a few weeks, or even days. Every atom, when you see it up close , pulses and vibrates in such a way that it’s a wonder that your body mass doesn’t just slip through everything.

The world’s secrets can open up like a beautiful mountain flower which only you are privy to in that moment. What would you like to see? Would you like to see how we were made, how we came to be here on this planet? It’s surprising to find out that human life as we know it was active long before earth was hospitable, existing in different genomes in different regions of this and other gallaxies. Sound impossible? Go look. Use your minds eye. Or maybe you ant to learn how other cultures existed, or how the light body works, or new forms of technology that use sentient energy as a way to interface with them without the use of dirty fossil fuels, or how you can cancel gravity through high frequency waves, or how some theories in physics only get it partly right. Or, closing your eyes, you can listen to the life of plants and read about their story and how their passions exist in differently seeded ways than our own, a realization that helps to open the mind to the possibilities.

Your energy body is a perfect reflection of the totality of the universal truths of existence. The seven major chakras represent seven major aspects that make up the seed of all creation. In you are seven major chakras which are like an octave, a totality. When you can clear these seven chakras of all of the shame and guilt and repressed emotions, you can begin to really know by direct experience what creation is because it has been seeded in you. This is the “divine spark” the Atman, the higher self. 

This “seed” has within it the power to know truth (crown chakra), see the truth(third eye chakra), speak the truth (throat chakra) love the truth (heart), be the truth (solar plexus), feel the truth (the sacral chakra) and create the truth (the root chakra). When these centers are clear, you no longer repress the truth but experience it cleanly. As long as you have repressed emotion in a part of the light body, so too will the truth be hidden from your direct experience. Clearing these centers is an act of clearing karma. You might think karma is tied to your actions, but I ask; what is the root of your actions? This is what clearing karma is, and it closely aligned to the concept of sin (which means anything that harms your soul). It clears away bad memories, bad knee-jerk behaviors that keep you in a cycle of pain and spreading that pain to others. It clears you so you know who you truly are beneath that mountain of dross. This is the true freedom, it is true peace. 

When you reach this place, you see clearly that anyone behaving in anything other than their highest is simply acting in accord with this mountain of things. And while we are human, and imperfect, we also can step into, and remain, in a fully integrated self that calls on all aspects of the self, including the super self. Yes, the world is imperfect, but to bring perfection it is incumbent on you to reach it first for yourself. This can only be done through a process of inner inquiry, observation, and radical self honesty. You have to want truth more than you want the mountain of things.

How you do this clearing work can be found on this blog by using the Search function with the keywords “clearing blocks.” There should be more than 30 posts that speak to the techniques that are most effective for doing this work. There are techniques for clearing this blocked or stored energy using TRE, movement, breathing, and eastern methods like Qi Gung, just to name a few.

One if the biggest blocks we have as a species is in our root chakras. Here, our ability to give and receive nurture exists. It is where our creative fire is initiated, whether for creating new life in the physical or for that next new idea or way to help create your day in a new way. Creativity is so much more than an artistic pursuit as it is a way of being and living.

We are all so tied up with root block, and it shows! It shows in how we have so little regard for creativity in our culture (save for technical pursuits). It also shows up glaringly in how we treat sex. It is pushed down, made dirty by taboo and “kinks” in our being. As a result, we never get to experience our creativity as the wildly powerful thing that it is. We regulate, control, and turn it down because we think it’s inappropriate to ooze with it, or let it fill our life with its vitality, wonder, bliss, and the awe it brings. It is our collective shame that most everyone here is faced with dissolving and letting go. It is our shame that literally attenuates or blocks our full experience with the divine within. The divine does not move with these kinds of shackles. 

Getting to the root is substantive work that when cleared makes the rest of the work easier, but it’s most often the last center to clear in people. Why? It is so foundational. It leads us to what we are: co-creators. Most don’t want that kind of responsibility, so we shirk it by saying our problems are because of our parents, our loved ones, our society and its institutions. But ask any co-creators and they will tell you, your misfortunes are all entirely self made. It’s because this is so hard to face that many don’t, preferring instead to blame an event in childhood as the cause. But it isnt the cause, it is a symptom.

I know this is hard to believe or trust us true, but if you apply this awareness to your life, you will progress much quicker and be much happier.

This is why it is only a symptom….

You chose your life and your parents. You chose them in order to set up events that would challenge you to both create and to heal. No true learning comes by way of a mental understanding of how bad something is that needs to be healed; you have to know this through every inch and atom of you. No exceptions. This is how the divine is; it is not a half measure of itself. It is a full measure. It only got to be that way by not falling for anything but the best of itself. It has made itself and it is unwavering in this. This is why when you try to heal and reach into the divine that you are that you can feel a lot of tension inside building up. You are dragging your mountain of things into it, and you can feel the chaos and tension and difficulty with just trying to remain in that superstate. Eventually, you are destined to “fall” from that grace over and over until you learn that you cannot enter your heaven with that baggage. When you awaken you can visit there for longer and longer periods, but your fall is all but promised when you still have work to do. Once you clear the baggage, you naturally and effortlessly are able to remain in this heavenly state with ease. And to be clear; this is a process, so most often, ease comes gradually, piece by piece as the blocks are removed. Its because they block you from something that you really are, deeper down. 

We get tricked into thinking that we are victims of our past or our upbringing as a way of not having to dispense with our brokenness. But the events in your early life are the result of a soul that exists prior to each lifetime. It is a glitch already in you that is creating how you are. No one makes you do or be anything. You choose just as you chose the conditions of your birth. You are here to clean it up. So instead of playing the victim, play the role of the responsible creator-in-training that you truly are. If you adopt this attitude, it will straighten all that is crooked in you. It will make you strong. It will make you more honest. Now be ready to work at it each and every day until it becomes a part of your thinking and feeling; this is true empowerment!

It is for some an inconvenient truth that there are two forces working to make prana and these two are described as yin and yang, the Shakti and Shiva. They are in Jungian psychology the anima and animus. In ancient Christianity they are the father and Holy Ghost (which was considered the feminine aspect before orthodoxy came and obfuscated it’s true meaning). What we are looking at are two forces in us that we experience as archetypes in our lives and our cultural and religious institutions, and eventually they merge into one in order to fuel both awakening and divine union. In awakening, we can experience them as the “lost” sides of ourselves, our twin (a karmic relationship in awakening) or as a side of God that allows us to experience ecstatic union with the divine. This is all there to help us learn not to feel shame about sexuality and spirituality existing together in an unbridled and free way. This happens when the self becomes less divided and more whole. 

Once free, dysfunction is healed. Sexual “kinks” go away, and a desire to use sex for control (men and women both do this in different ways) and what replaces it is nothing short of relief and freedom. Your creative energy expressed through all seven centers (the seed) is free to be.

To get there, though, requires diving deep into the matters of the root in order to acknowledge what’s bent, broken, and limiting you. You can’t feel the divine by doing this intellectually. You can’t do it by leaving any single part of you behind. You can’t know the divine until you ARE the divine, which has no compunction about sexuality or ecstacy as one channel of the seven major rivers of experience which leads us to that one great ocean. To be whole, the whole must ascend together bearing no more falsehoods about itself.

I realized that I was a tantric when I began recognizing that my sexuality had to come along and be okay with complete and total surrender and flow of all that I am. That means, no shame with sexuality. So I have worked on healing this shame and it has helped me to be more grounded, healthy, and happy. I am at ease with my riotous creativity. I also no longer hang out with people who don’t understand or value my creative fire and the vast abundance that lies bubbling up from deep within me. Whenever I have been able to dispense with people who are limited in their own hearts and minds, I tend to soar on skies that I know are my own. It isn’t that I study tantra or even practice sacred sexuality,  because the truth of tantra at its core is this idea I have been telling you about, which is being healed and more fully integrated so there are no divisions within who you are. You are free to feel all aspects of yourself as bliss and the love behind it that supports the universe.

 I promise that dissolving your deep-seated shame will also dissolve the appearance of divisions in the self.

This healing is a critical first step in the awakened experience. Nothing substantive can be done before you clear the dross within. Deprogram, cleanse, heal, and you will find the you you knew existed within you.

Yes, cleansing is a process. It might take years to go through all the levels, but by clearing them, it is rare to go back and reinstitute them. My experience is that some blocks go fast and easy but there are others that are deceptively hard. You can’t B.S. your way through this, you just have to be honest with yourself when you continue having a problem cropping up; you haven’t cleared it yet. Be patient, and be ready to continue doing the work. This is not a race. Give up your misgivings because you created them. 

The conditions of your life are only a symptom that comes from your own inner origin that you have come here to clean up. Once you do, the events and conditions that were in that old life will be gone forever. A more accurate set of conditions of events will prevail. If you espouse the value of “ascension” then this is the process that will get you there.

Until next time….

©Parker Stafford

I remember feeling that dot activate in the center of my brow even when I was little. It was maybe the size of a pea. Okay, maybe half the diameter of a dime, a little bigger than a pea. It always came with this curious sense of pressure there. Like something was just…resting there….a dime, a pea, really it could have been anything. I would wonder if my third eye was activating.

But then I was jettisoned into an awakening, and it began, in part, when this voice in my head told me to close my eyes and focus my eyes along the center-point of my brow line. That changed it for me. It sounds impossibly simple, right? This has been one method used by many people across time and cultures to activate life force so that it flows at a higher level (Egyptian Mystery Schools, early Christians, Hindu, Taoists, and more). I slipped past the mirror and began a journey into a world within that was expressing itself through myriad lives here on earth….atoms, trees, fish, stars, and the ten thousand things.

That dot transformed. I felt it as it changed, grew, then spread across my forehead. I didn’t know that this would lead to awakening, I was trusting in the inner voice that was urging me along. I drew a picture of it as it felt on my head. It was just that vivid. It was no longer a dot, but a double channel of yin and yang energies fueling my inner sight. 

Bands of energy radiated outward horizontally and wrapped all the way around my head. The pressure was intense, but it never hurt. It was an ethereal energetic pressure, and it felt like it was cracking my head open like a nut.

The dot, a seed, really, had sprouted and grew each night as I sat down in bed to meditate before going to sleep. I watered the seed with my attention. You don’t have to think magic thoughts, you don’t have to do anything when you turn your awareness to it. In fact, it seems like you are doing precious little. It is like flipping a switch. But be aware what you are in for. Are you ready for a relentless process of realignment, cleansing and release? Are you ready to go forward one step, crossing a threshold from which there is no return? “Buckle up because Kansas is getting ready to go bye-bye.” There’s no putting the genie back in the bottle. But when you are ready, you are ready.

Please come take me,”  I wrote in my journal that night. “I am not afraid of you, I know you do not mean any harm. I know you want to open me like a lover opens his beloved.” Unashamed, unafraid, I knew that this was how this had to go. I was to be lit on fire by the Holy Ghost, the Cosmic Fire, the Kundalini. One part of me was the initiator and another was being initiated by this new fire of life. And it happened so effortlessly, like I had come here for this. My ticket had been reserved aeons ago. It was going to happen. 

This is a full third eye awakening, my friends. I thought I knew, but I knew only the tip of its tail, that pea-sized dot. The dot is the seed. Nascent, full of promise, but not fully activated. Maybe that’s why they paint the bindi on their foreheads I thought. They do it because that’s how it feels to them.

When the third eye blossomed in me, it was so radically different, you see, that I had to draw it, recording it both so others could see it and so I could look at it with my  physical eyes, too.

It led me into undescribable bliss. Like a rocket, it took me there until I learned how to reach that pearlesent bliss on my own. It taught me that I had to work to clear my baggage. This took years. I wish I could say it was easy, but it wasn’t. But the inner presence that woke up within me didn’t care; it offered me endless chances with no judgement. While I would feel defeated by my stumbled, it seemed to smile as if to say, “This is how you learn. You stumble, you fall; you get back up and go farther each and every time.”

Some refer to it as “the helmet” some as “a vice.”  I wanted to study it. My little secret is that if you bring your fiery love of awakening with you, unashamed, into the moment and come to your wanting to know more about something, something in the universe opens inside of you, like a blossom, a riotously wild but free blossom that contains just what you want to know. The universe opens its “secrets” to you. I don’t know who is being seduced more, me or God. But it works so beautifully. Just silence your mind and be ready to let your imagination build the images or words or smells to give you it’s truth and meaning….because when you do, you naturally can become the thing you are after to know. What better way to know something than to become it in your heart.

How do I explain to you that you fall in love with the Universe? How do I explain that while this intense live flows, it just gives all of itself to you in the process? It responds to the seductive power that is the human spirit. This spirit, gifted through God, is a spark or piece of God and thus our own desire is God’s desire. How do I explain how when you feel this love you lose who is you and who is God? The gift is that in this live beyond all our loves, all secret hidden things become plain as the scales of our earthly condition fall away…or can…if you can give yourself completely to this love. 

It is this way that I have learned so much. No teacher, no guru, and no need to wade through what parrots have to say. But this was how I began to learn and how I use my third eye as a sacred instrument of knowing. It is. It is part of my inner temple. And we all have that temple in us, that place where we meet the divine. My third eye let’s me see what is important or most immediate in my life. It’s force spreads across my head, a reminder that it’s there. The secret is to keep it simple. Our rational minds stumble and fall in its advancing presence. No, you have to be able to let yourself think and feel in an impossibly big way.Are you ready? It is like an amazing dream, impossible for it to be real, but is. 

I was pleased to see that what I had drawn matched perfectly the Tilak that yogis paint on their foreheads. They too were just drawing what they had felt. Maybe some were just parroting what others had done, not realizing that this was how a fully awakened third eye felt like. Shiva has it always painted on his head. The yogis sometimes don’t have the horizontal bands on their Tilak. Some do. Some have a series of dots with those horizontal pressure bands. It’s all the same, I know, different versions, varieties of the same experience. Below are some images of the Tilak, so you know, so you can see that it isnt just decoration, not merely a ritualized marking; it is an illustration. It describes something. Something real in us…

Look at my drawing again….

So look for this, but do so carefully because if you are feverishly seeking awakening, no one will keep you from it, but it’s good to prepare. It makes things easier. But if you are going to be taken by God, it’s just going to be. This third eye is how they got there. The yogis describe it, Jesus even taught about how to activate it (few even realize that he was teaching about something so esoteric), and anyone who knows where it is that his teaching on the third eye shows up wins a prize! I will give you a hint; it is in one of the canonical Gospels! Verily I say to you, it is true! Let me know if you can find it…

You can travel with the third eye, you can. I was taught by “it” this broad inexhaustible divinity in all things, how it’s to be used (or how I would use it). You can step into worlds through it and glimpse wonders. If that sounds too impossible to you, just remember; it’s already been done, and I do it whenever there is enough of a need. It’s always about something I either need to know or would love to know. Either way, it’s always juicy and perfect. It’s also teaching me how to live my life on the narrow path….which is in truth how to balance between shadow and light so that I might know the depth of love and bliss right here and now. That of course freaks out the fundamentalists, but is understood by the esoteric, the mystics: the shadow we create through our actions does not dissolve until we recognize and heal it (“repent and sin no more”). Until then, it haunts us, taunts us, until we can call on the grace that we are that is God-given, a lifesaving, soul-saving gift. We can be saved, but not until we repent…or recognize that we were doing shadow work to begin with. 

I Ask You….





So how does the third eye feel to you? Has it given you wonders, has it been a curious thing, a mystery? Have felt pressure there? Does it seem inconsequential to you?  Is it a mystery? Do my words seem impossible?

 Know the mysteries. Like stars, they beckon us to adventure. How does it feel, this awakened third eye? Is it a dot? Does it spread across your forehead? Where has it gone? Did it open to you, was your life changed? Has it been hard? Did the hardness show you the way into supreme bliss?

I’d love to know your story…

Sorry to be away so long; so much is afoot right now for me. I’ll write about it later. Meanwhile, how does the third eye treat you? I would love to know.

Swimming in bliss…

I don’t really see the thing we do, this intense multi-year process of shedding old skin as “work.”
I use the term..work, but it is, for me in truth, a letting go, a deeper and deeper surrender. This is not an effort, you see? But in the beginning it seems that way.

 

This “work” is a returning to a quieter less noticed part of us. It is the “part” that so easily gets drowned out by our barrage of physical sensory information. If you want to see effort, see how we hold onto those looped strands of energy we have formed by hard emotion and a lack of surrender. This is the stuff that forms our inner programs, conditioning, and negative karma!
When the programs, negative energy blocks, drop, those things that you obsessed over dozens of times each day just go “poof” and are just GONE. In fact, once they go, isn’t it hard to even remember what they were, or why all the drama?

We actually clench our minds recursively around so much that hurts us, numbs us, all without realizing we are doing it. But what a relief when the hand of the mind.just.lets.go. So this has been my “work” since awakening entered my life.

I’m at a place now where I’m getting down to the bottom of the barrel. I will say that while I’m pleased with how much I have released, it’s a small pleasure, a lowercase “p.” I feel different, and things are getting easier even as I hold tight to a few last broken pieces. They are doozies…but as I say that some part of me is laughing because it seems to know how ridiculous that is, saying, “It’s only that way because of the power you gave it….and it’s a thing that disempowers you!” True.

I’ve not been so keenly aware of this “doozie” though as I do now. It has come into vivid focus because so many other blocks near it have been removed. These  blocks veiled the ones deeper down. I am now aware of the deeper blocks more keenly. This is of course a good thing because awareness is what helps bring change. It tightens my abdomen, it keeps some part of me dull, upset, clinging to….what? An investment in hurt. Yuck.

This state, though, however temporary,  leaves me feeling graceless, bumbling even. I lose grace, I sometimes feel normal….and I’m aware that it’s my inner compass telling me I’m a hippocrite as long as I’m holding this last bit, this pile of stinking stuff. But after being here hundreds of times it tends to play out the same way.  Being not filled with grace seems to be the whole point, which is to help point out the glitch that keeps me unsettled.  More so than usual.  This place is different than just grinding away on something that is firmly planted inside of me, though.  Its got a bit of that muck being stirred, you know?  Something is up. there is a feeling of something is about to happen.  My feet, feeling the edge of a great cravass, teeters there a little and something in the back of my mind begins to calculate (which I wish it would not do) and wonders what would happen if I fell.  And again, that is the whole point.

It leads me to being at a loss for words. Entering here, I feel the inner earth shaking, uneven, like a world on fire, burning, strange, even dark. It leaves me feeling vulnerable. I have this “work” to do, and it makes me feel… upset. Mildly agitated. For as much as I once reveled in the cosmic energy of union with a “twin” I have never before felt so relieved not to have to deal with my un-becoming and all it entails while dealing with another in my head space going through their own gyrations and chaos.
We all do this differently, and for as much as I have wanted to beat back loneliness with connection, I am finding that when I can just be left to do my “work,” my part of it, it gets done. I’m learning, stubbornly, to love the grace that will be permanent, common, sure, and solid instead of falling for the idea that this can be done while enmeshed in a karmic connection. Yes, a karmic connection  drives powerful energy, but it also leaves me yearning for an ideal I see in that person that has yet to be manifest. I used to think that because I could see a soul in its pristine state that this meant it HAD to manifest itself in them. But their time scale is not mine. I’m making peace with how we all go at this with a different pace. I might leap forward, now no longer attracting nor attracted to that old karma. The tension goes slack right along with the sexual tension, tightly focused previously. When it goes, my focus widens.Each time, the force widens, sublimes, and then grows stronger….but only because I am now more open…less clenched and cluttered. And the things that mattered before don’t. I’m left having to figure how I do feel about any number of things. I’m left having to figure out what fulfills me enough to even keep me here.

It isn’t that I don’t care. Im a feeling passionate person in all truth. It’s that the old arguments…they are, so many of them, just gone. I remind myself, though, that there’s more work to do. I keep leaning into the wind, though. I’m ready for the next thing.

This leaves me wondering what even to write. This process leaves me at odd ends at times. When I’m processing blocked material I often feel agitated, raw, upset, and close to the presence of a block that gives me grief right up to the moment that I find that gap in my heart mind and soul where I can root it out deep so it can go away entirely. Transmuted, redeemed it feels like. This makes it very hard to write.
I’m reminded I have 60 posts in draft mode. I can have one posted each week for a year and not run out. I’m thinking that I’m all out of words. I kind of wonder what is the use. I mean, nothing seems more important to the journey inward that is me and mine. I’m thinking I want to garden quietly, contemplatively, seeing into the mystery that fills me that I alone must face and encounter wordlessly. It’s made all the more precious because it is so quiet.
I’ll be working on getting those drafts more acceptable and not worrying about what next to say. I just can’t. But all those drafts will make it possible for me to go quiet without really being quiet. That’s nice. Better when I’m shedding my skin. I want to move quiet, silently, heeding my own bliss.
Like all of these periods, it’s temporary….but it’s necessary.

I’m working on my house. But The house is connected to me in this weird way. I find I am shifting the energy pattern in the house just as I shift and heal my own—some which are compliments and some have been mirrors to some aspect in me.
It isn’t that the house has the same patterns as me. It has patterns that are present in the awareness of all-time that were created by previous owners here. Both me and my daughter can sense the energy here, and we sense it best when it’s something that is also in us. It’s easier to relate it and to tune it in this way.
It’s two years worth of renovations. Detail work with trim and feelings being stripped away and repainted so this old house looks anew.  It’s more than just looks, though. It’s feeling differently day by day.
Already so much has been done, and it feels like my house is changing right along with me. We are drawn to people and places because they match something in us. I am ready to change the pattern in me as well as the person who buys it. Once complete, I won’t have to worry about its being valued….because it will be a different story based on seeing this house in a new way. It wont be because there are new curtains or new paint just covering the old with new.  Something else will be in the mix, changing the feel.  It is already happening.  A friend of mine told me a few years ago I needed to be careful about those stuck emotions in me and in the house.  People can feel them….and yes, while someone else who is stuck in a similar way might be attracted to it, I prefer to just change the narrative by editing out the noise.  This, I suppose is the work, if ever there was any (on the house I mean).
Columns stripped and repainted, looking brand new. Walls clear and clean. Weeds pulled, mulch beds framing the house in a new look. It’s a labor of love. Now eleven years in, I am ready to sell and move on. Out of it will come an explosion of creative output I have been pushing hard against the harness on for many years. Free now to create just as I have always yearned for: free and clear. Clear inside, free outside.

Meantime, I have research on a book about early Christianity and it’s forgotten mystic roots….and teaching. And renovation in more ways than one.

So I am taking a”rest” for a bit while I work on me and drink deep of this lovely life that keeps growing sweeter…I will have blog entries scheduled each week, and I might just be more consistent by posting all those old drafts than I ever was when writing when the spirit struck.

c4835-earth-sun

 

In the last week I had an unexpected release of an old block.  For the last couple of years now block release has gone from fast and furious to slower and more difficult as I have gotten down to what I know are the deepest of my blocked energy.  It is now like chiseling away stone.  While this has required greater patience than ever before, the reward has been great.

 

The interesting thing about the release of this latest block was that I was able to trace it back through history to a past life event.  While I do not know the exact date of the event, I have been able to locate it in the third to fourth century AD.  This was interesting, and this was not something that was on my radar at all.  In fact, I have in numerous instances been over this same ground that involved this block many times, but never had much of a reaction one way or the other.

 

It involved burying a cache of ancient documents, and it helps to explain why, before the block lifted, I felt the way I did.  For years I had this driving feeling as though something had been hidden that told the story , the untold story of a very important, a foundational, aspect of Christian thought.  This sense within me has driven me since I was a small child, and honestly, it wasn’t the best sense for a child to have.  How do you explain to someone that you KNOW that something had been hidden, but upon being questioned, you don’t have ANY details about what on earth this could be?  So you see the conundrum. This is why I have always kept this sense entirely to myself, with only a few people ever even knowing I felt this way.

 

To give you just enough back story without loading you down with details, I had to bury documents I considered sacred and extremely important to spiritual maturity (a code word for awakening) in order to hide them from the church. I hid them in order that they might be protected, so they might be found by someone at a later date who could appreciate their importance. I was hiding these documents because the church had deemed documents such as these heretical and were an anathema to Orthodox belief. This experience was not ot unlike placing a child in a boat on a river alone, hoping that they might survive. Things were so bad where I was that doing this was the last and final option. It was my message in a bottle. Hidden. Would they ever be found? Would they survive?  The desert is a sea where no oar is dipped, so say the Muslims. I placed my hopes in the hands of that great ocean of sand and said many prayers that they might come back to a more inquisitive kind of human in the future. This was in a day when everything was written down, not printed and widely distributed as today. 
Once the block was encountered and the emotions fully processed, this driving feeling in me that I had felt most of my life went away completely. What is interesting about this, though, is that I lost the “fire in the belly” over this issue…which has made my recent work more difficult because now I am left without this driving feeling as though something was done that should not have been and am instead left with a peace and bliss that comes as a result of fully processing these blocks.  All of this repressed emotion was what was driving me forward with such conviction and vigor….it ate at me, you could say, and this is very important to understand about how blocks affect us.  They just keep turning in us until we resolve them. Depending on the nature of the block, it could be very destructive to all you hold dear. 

 

I find it very curious that I would have a block like this pushed so far down.  I say this because over the course of my awakening process, I have noticed the the easier blocks all went first.  There were a lot of inconsequential blocks, many I had no clue what they were that simply evaporated, and these left in complete anonymity in numbers beyond my counting (but every one is accounted for in how they will affect us until it’s released).  I am happy not to know what they were about because I no longer am affected by them….whatever they were.  This has simply left me at a greater place of peace. But this last one, because I had a memory of how it was connected into the an event in the past and my connection to sacred texts, and because it came later in an area of the light body where the blocks have been notoriously difficult to dig out, I have been given a view of how this block has affected me and for so long. This was not an inconsequential one. How would you feel if you knew you had to hide the truth because those in power didn’t want to hear it? When I look back on the people I have known whose lies have degraded my joy, or destroyed parts of it, and I see how I did what I did, the guilt, the sadness, all of it, served to attract or draw to me lights that were less than the one great Light. This was what we called it back then because it was a great unfathomable beautiful mystery that was the Light!

 

Below is an image of the meridian where the block released.  In the hip there are three locations for acupuncture points 10-12.  It was on the #12 point that this last block released.  I could feel it quite vividly.  Shoot, I felt the presence of the block long before then nearly every day as a hard tense tight and burning sensation.  Really.  I am blessed to be able to feel these points, even though I feel them all the time.  But when you wake up, it seems that when you are able to feel more deeply, as is often the case, you feel all of it, right down to where blocks reside. Knowing where they are is one very useful step in releasing them.
It is on my right side that this block was located.  

Before I began feeling the specific meridians where blocks are now located, I felt them previously in a more regional way, and they were also released in a regional way through the action of the stirring effect of the major chakra centers.  Now, though, the chakras seem less at play as I get down to the last blocks in the major chakra regions. It seems that now I am down to doing this piecemeal.  But by feeling them as clearly as I do, I have been able to point directly to the specific blocked area on my body and either my acupuncturist or my body worker (a lovely Kahuna healer who is perfect for this kind of work at this stage in the game) were then able to go directly to the site and begin working their magic on me in those places.

 

In an odd twist, though, it helps me to see how close this issue of getting the word out is to my own soul.  As a result, while I now feel freer than ever before, I have this calm sense of resolve that I do indeed need to finish this work. No fire in the belly, no, but I have something much better perhaps.  A quiet calm knowing.  To know that something I did in the past helped in some way to preserve the esoteric wing of early Christian thought is like having the past reach out to me and touch me on my heart, telling me that while we are at a time when these books can be seen anew, or seen for the first time in a new context, the work is perhaps even more important so I can round the end of this one chapter that has been almost 1600 years in the making. I get to tell the story I didn’t get to tell, you see. My work will be for the texts themselves and what they meant to me and how it was that I understood them when others did not seem to know.  The research I am doing will seek to illuminate this to show just how revolutionary and how similar these teachings were to other very different traditions in other parts of the globe.  

We each do not see the sun rise through the eyes of a Muslim or Christian or Zorasterian.  We see them through human eyes and awakening is very much a human experience, not one attained by way of religion (our self-imposed ignorance as a race has seen to that!).

 

The other really interesting thing is how it has loosened up my energy.  The heart center, which has been one center that has cleared the most in my ten years at this work, now suddenly seemed to explode with a new found sense of energy.  The heart center was not the one blocked, though, but when a block near the root opened up, it put the heart center into what felt like was a new context.  It has provided a vibrant presence of this energy within me that is remarkable.  That is a beautiful outcome. This is showing me yet again the complex reciprocity between all aspects of the light body (yes, heart is open and clear, but when the root is clear, the heart can know continuously what it could only feel in peak states previously).  It also gives me an unexpected level of hope and excitement about clearing up the two other blocked areas in the root that I can feel vividly. This last release helped to confirm what I had felt in my body before laying eyes on a meridian chart, which was a cluster of points (and blocks in each) that corresponds to an acupuncture meridian that has three points along it.   That is pretty cool, I think, because it shows that those Chinese who helped develop these charts really knew their energy centers and could feel them like I do. It’s almost as if I can see them talking now, “Xiao, I feel resistance right here in my hip!”
“Write it down on the chart! A new point! Now let us observe if anyone else has it and what its nature is!”

 

With each release, there is also sometimes a certain kind of confusion over why I am feeling the emotional reaction that I am feeling.  Often, for me at least, a few days before a block lets go, I begin feeling all kinds of emotions that are tied to the block….except I don’t know in the beginning that it is associated with that block.  I just feel all this emotion and I wonder if I am just “in a mood” or just what is going on!  But, as is often the case, my mind turns to the possibility that it is a block releasing and it is then that I quietly observe and just do as I have always done, which is the work to help the block go ahead and release.  In some cases, physical movement helps this.  Shaking, massage (deep tissue), breath work, and some other somatic work can help.  In this case, actually feeling the emotion and seeing where the block happened, can in some cases help me to realize its origin and to just let it go by flushing the emotion in my system partly by processing the emotion more fully.  In this case, this meant feeling such an intense mix of emotions was what took place.  Over the period of one day, this emotion kept coming up.  In moments through the day I mourned the loss of something I knew were texts that were  central to understanding how to help people to wake up.  And the narrative changed considerably after that date as Orthodoxy stretched out its limiting hand on Christian thought.  In its origins, what these people had was nothing short of explosive, and it was largely lost to time until about 60 years ago when some of them were recovered.  But how do you explain to people who don’t get it how important these books were?  Most often, people’s eyes glaze over when they are confronted with something someone says is important Christian thought.  But this was itself a different Christianity, an aspect that never made its way to the light of day.  I have had people criticize my thesis on this because, well, they only know what they know as a result of what Orthodoxy has handed down to them.  But this….this was something powerful, and there were people who had a clear view and understanding of it.  What it means is that human experience is human experience.  This prefigures ALL religion because an awakening is NOT Christian or Hindu or Muslim or Sufi or Native American.  Each has its unique cultural coloring, but its all like Rumi said, just water.  We all argue over the water in one bottle over another, simply because the labels are different.  But really, they all come from the same well, the same source.  We all experience it the same way the world over.  This is what people have a hard time coming around to.  But it is the truth.  It is also what will set us free. We all are seeing the same light. Our water all has the same source. Call it heresy if you must, so we all must face a common heresy because we are made by the same one who created the truth that we call heresy.

 

We don’t often feel a connection to the church because, it lost its own connection with the truth….or an important aspect of it.  The church has much good to say, some about a glorious garden whose keys to they themselves have lost. And it is here, in the midst of this, that I have been set free.  Here, the flow of life force is so strong, I am excited over getting the rest of the blocks cleared so that I can know a greater peace and a field of undisturbed bliss.  It is already better than it has ever been before.  
It is interesting to see how it will affect those who have been caught up in karma contrary to my own who have not themselves come to the truth of their own soul. And really, who knows.  It is their story.  I have my own, and in the end, we are each like flowers opening before the light of this new day, aren’t we?  Isn’t this a pretty amazing time?  And no matter what happens, we each know that at the least, we helped to bring the collective to a point of greater realization than has happened in a very long time.  It would be nice to continue just to witness even bigger miracles on the world stage. I suspect that in the next six months, we will be in for a very bumpy ride.  All of it, though, will be the collective consciousness coming to grips with many of the issues that still dog it. Some will see the change coming and miss understand the forces at work seeking to work it’s own agenda. If that sounds cryptic, hang on because the last leg holding up our economic table is about to be assaulted. And soon! This will unfold in such a way that someone who could have brought great change will be, very likely will be, neutered in effectiveness. If events unfold as I feel they will, this event is soon upon us.

 

Not long ago I was gifted with a reading by a really great person who works with ancient systems of knowledge and divination.  I know how that might sound, but when I talked to him, I explained that I never felt like I could do the work he was saying I would be doing because I had not fully cleared my field.  I have just always felt that before I do healing work with others, I need to be clear.  He explained that I needed to begin the work now because doing the work would get me to where I needed to be.  He had his ideas about what this would look like, but in doing this work with this book, which he didn’t see as playing a very big role in my future work, I have found that it has helped to do just what he was saying my work would do, which is to get me to that place of clarity.  While I have some ideas about what I am interested in delving into to help others, I don’t know what this will look like in specific because spirit always has a way of bringing me all the right events and opportunities in unbelievably synchronistic ways. So we will see how that unfolds, but by giving it the room it needs, the higher self will express itself as it needs to, with elbow room and with me not meddling too much in what I think it needs to look like. Maybe you have a few experiences with how that has worked out in your own life?

 

And all of this happening on the eve of my birthday.  I think I picked a great time to be born; a time when everything in the world is waking up, peeking out as new life.  How juicy it is to feel new life in me, right along with new life in the world.
Until next time…
-Parker

What do you think awakening will be?
It will be what you are.
If your life is lived in fear
It will be that fear.
It can be what you choose
you were never a prisoner
or so incapable.
It can be grandeur
and awe can bathe you
clearing shadow
transforming it
into light.
But how you are is what it will be
and your choice is just that powerful.
You can choose to live in ignorance
you can live in the light.
There is no honor nurturing wounds
only in realizing that they were never the biggest and best in you.
A bud blooms in my chest—
nothing else need make any sense but this
the guiding light
the spreading wonder
that this has become.

It can be this and more for you,
and still more…
which is enough.

I will tell you straight and true that I do not think of Christ’s birth this time of year because with the consciousness he sought to impart, which has awoke in me leaves me at odd ends with the way followers chose to tell the story and how it lives ever-present in me. The Christ within has a different story to tell me.

When I think of his birth, I have never seen a child born in Winter but who was carried on the promise of Spring. Christ, my Christ, was a life cast in a message of rebirth, renewal, and boundless vigor, hope, wonder, and expansive possibility. For this is how Christ has healed as it has entered my life.
As a result, I can’t think of his life beginning in the dead cold nights, even though the fables say it so. I am his close companion and he says he is as much a he as he is a she…which is the deeper mystery no one dares speak for fear of being called a heretic or blasphemer…

Historians point out that there was a supernova that occurred in the Spring of his birth year. It was a bright star shining for a time in the night sky that may have been the portent the magi used to get them looking for a king not of our world, but the one who sits with his queen enthroned in a kingdom few seem to describe well, apart from the bliss they heap upon those who enter the secret bridal chamber. But so scandalous was that idea that no mention of it was to be found in the canonical Gospels. I could almost forgive them for not knowing. It was, though, the only apt image to describe what happens when that dove descends.

It’s that it’s a reality that isn’t seen or known well, that it’s less about being prim and proper as it is about a sensuality that is explosive…and I have always been left at odd ends when I hear words like the pagan Rumi instead of Mark or Luke echoing in my being.

So I am thrilled to let Christmas be….to let the event it has always been just BE, which is a way to break up the cold night in order to share good food and celebration with family and friends. It’s just that it’s an earthy festivity to do this and stop pretending we even know what our fables try to tell us is even true…

The mystery of Christ runs so deep and asks so much of us, but it asks only once it has penetrated to the very depths of us and whispers how it is there to take us whole, in order to redeem us in the great incandescence that is the love of the Source, our tripartite God, our Trinity where the goddess is shrouded as the holy ghost….and we go eagerly, consumed as we are from the start.

So like a pagan I enjoy Christmas for its earthy pleasure whilst feeling Christ alive in me rioutus and sensual, still and deep, using all of me to reveal the greatest of mysteries to me that I can scarcely explain or describe….
So I don’t. Or if I do, I do so so feebly that it’s like a joke that I even try. For me, it’s almost enough to sink back into that incandescent depth and have a sip of wine. Well, almost enough.

I await what I know was your birth in Spring, which is the same as my own. Born on the cusp of when everything turns green and springs into life and leaps up in promise and unbridled joy, I find your physical echo firm and sure, simple, and quite lovely.

So you can call me a sinner or lost soul if you must, but I am hardly moved by lessons so poorly formed in our past, the fables hardly pass the test for truth, or even poetry. I meet my Christ in Spring as we both run naked in flowering woods unafraid and with no spit of shame, just like the children he described when he was alive and staring onto our world. He says it was as though  whispered  because it was in his day a blasphemy; I am one with the father and the mother….
These two, who merge in us and create the sacred third, the cosmic consciousness, the Christ consciousness have as their means a union of their seeming opposites to birth the transcendent in us.
They are the cosmic lovers who beget us when we each become Christs. We come about by way of their begetting, their cosmic love which we come to know as our own birthright. This was the good news so many sought to change and fudge and clean up because of shame. We come about spiritually by way of a spiritual begetting. This was much to big and too shameful an admission for the early church fathers to admit so they hid it and chose a version of the truth. Winks.
I try to make peace with this past as I live in the vibrant wave that fills me and has remade me, and continues to do its work as my devotion only deepens for its great work.

That is how lovely my Christmases are….

Let the small love do for now

it leads you to a deeper love
rivulets lead to torrents
and rivers run out to the sea.

Let love lead you
go blind and follow down blind alleys and heart break 
until there is nothing left but a bigger love
which yawns widely
consuming you
taking you into itself
as it shows you it’s bliss
orgasmic,
alive,
eternal,
forever new.

Let the small lead you to its inevitable course,
to flow into the larger
so that you are led into an ever greater love
that no one could imagine exists.
But this love sets up shop
like lovers who are unafraid of making their love 
right in front of you,
in the bathroom
the living room,
the park
temple
and office.
They are there,
unafraid to be within you
wherever you are
going at it
and sharing this sweet orgasmic experience with you.
These two have lost their shame
long ago
and visit us each
as revealer
of how Creation is
beyond our breathing world….

Let it lead you.
It will trick you
until you learn
that it is first inside you
as a creek empties into its river
and fish become platelets 
and water turns to salt 
and salt into wine….

Let it take you
show you
and why it wants you
to follow.

It is not an emotion
but a force of nature
this love.
It is not for a thing
but occupies us
a revealer of our truth
of both our dark and light….
but by being it’s follower,
it’s crazy saddhu,
we are remade by it
and become the consumate lover
of all.
Not for a thing,
we become that love
and become the force we were all along.
It is a crazy crash of a love
that tears down illusion
leaving the eager lips
and consumate heart 
as it’s center
turning ’round endlessly 
wondering what is the point
until we realize
it is in just being it.
By being just that
the noblest truth is owned
not borrowed,
felt to the marrow
no fakery here.
To love because you are love
is the hardest path
because there is nothing else
to turn to—
not anger
or fear
or jealousy
or lies….
because it cannot tolerate anything else but it’s relentless drive to the Center….
Only one great truth remains
and it has hid itself in you
so that your lips last for only that love 
and your heart is aflame for nothing else but it.
Who else can you love then?
The bar raised so high
only the universe can pick the one
when all else is shed
and you wander seemingly alone
in a world filled with lovers who feel it for a thing.

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