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Narcissism is a term used to describe an emotional dysfunction and personality type. I never knew what a narcissist was until I lived with one. What is so crazy about life with a narcissist is how they are able to operate for years undetected even by their victims. The narcissist is a consummate actor or actress. They don’t even seem to be acting, they appear to be completely convinced of the positions that they take. It is their apparently certainty that makes them hard to spot. They are highly functional people who hold positions often of power and control over other people. They can be leaders, authorities of some kind or another. For a narcissist to be successful there is one thing they need to make it all work: the victim. This isn’t just anyone. This person needs to be unable to understand how a narcissist could in fact be devoid of true feeling and proper emotional boundaries. To the victim the narcissist seems normal. In fact, the victim can often want to believe that the narcissist is a normal person. This can go on for years. I was married to a narcissist for 16 years and most of what she did to me and my children was carefully done behind the scenes, behind my back, so that I was left wondering what on earth was going on. I doubted my sanity, I felt like something was going on but I just didn’t know what. This ate at me, and it wasn’t until years later when family members began coming forward to fill me in on what she had been saying that the behavior all began to make sense.

My abuser was so successful because I was so unwilling to consider what it was she was doing was as bad as it was. No way she could be working against me. No way she could be trying to hurt me by using my children as pawns. I just could not imagine anyone doing that. I mean, who would do such a thing? After all, I had lived with this person and she showed no sign of being the kind of person who would do something like this. Get real, already!

This did happen, though. It was nothing short of a nightmare. After seven years of this kind of petty behavior that drew my children into an abusive spiral, my ex when confronted, refused to admit that she had done anything untoward or wrong. Standing outside my building which I had caught her breaking into, I asked her why she had said the things she did to my children. She looked me straight in the eye and said she had never said such things to my children. Ever. And if you didn’t know her very well, you might believe her, or want to. She sounded….wow, it was a great performance. I think people like this are missing something in their heads and hearts. They think what they are feeling is real but they just don’t know this level of real. it is like they have a reptile brain and they just go along and ape everyone else when it comes to the higher functions of being a mammal or a primate. I know that sounds hard, but after years of this I finally realized that people like this are fundamentally different from the rest of us….and most of us don’t even know that they are.

Years ago I had an old friend from high school who I remained friends with throughout my college years and into after I got out of graduate school. I noticed how she had a string of relationships that always started and ended the same way, over and over. I became her go-to shoulder to cry on when things went south. It wasn’t until years later that I figured it all out; she was having relationships with men in her life that were replays of her relationship with her father, which was strained to say the least. Because she was unable to get past her misgivings with him, she replayed that drama over and over in her relationships with other men in her life. Remember the saying “what you resist persists?” Well, it happened to my friend and later in my life it also happened to me. After I divorced my ex, almost exactly a year after we separated, I became involved with someone who was a carbon copy of my ex in many respects, but with a twist. In this case, this person actually tried to utilize my own kundalini to facilitate hr own awakening. This was something that was done in absentia, or through the etheric, but the result was very real. Strange, but real. A telepathic bond was created that was so strong I was unsure that I would ever be able to break it. My life with this person was an experience of their projecting most everything they suffered from being put onto me. The narcissist has no ability to truly self-reflect. But wait….didn’t she say how sorry she was? Didn’t she say how sorry she was, how horrible she had been only to tell me later how she had gotten better? Turns out this is another part of the abuse spectrum, which is saying how horrible they have been and then begging to be taken back or swearing how they will change even though the behavior never does change in any material way.

My second narcissist told me early on in my knowing her that she hadn’t stayed in any one place for very long. She said she only stayed about five or six years in one place at a time, a pattern that had been with her her whole life. Before knowing me, she had been married for about six years. Before that, she had also been married prior to that. She wound up staying about 5 years in the area before moving on. Publicly she sounded like she had a great life, but privately she expressed how much she disliked her work and how unhappy she was. I saw how she would say one thing to one group of people and say something different to another group. Sometimes, these stories would grow or shrink in scale depending on how stressed or upset she was. It is never about herself, it is always about another person or some other source that is causing the problem. What happens when you combine kundalini with narcissism? Is it even possible? We are all human and the realm of spirit can be nuanced and complex. There are also levels to it. We all go at our own pace and we often get in trouble when we try to define their experience through our own experiential lenses. Fundamentally, there is a dishonesty lying at the base somewhere, a dishonesty with ones own self that keeps a part of the self in a broken and delusional state where these types of people seem to believe that the problem is with the world, or with some person or some other shadowy threat “out there” when in truth, the threat comes from within. Trying to redeem them never works because all of this is an inside job. So the empath can get sucked into trying to help this type of person. Round and round they go until the empathic person finally realizes that the same pattern continues to repeat. It only seemed like they were gaining ground. It was all a show. And the only cure is to cut them free so they can go on and continue their behavior until the universe conspires to reveal to them when they are ready to see the fatal flaw within and then set about healing it. it might not happen in this life, who knows when it happens. It is an inside job. The empath learns a great lesson that it is not their job to save anyone, only themselves. This is the lesson for the empath that will lead them to their own healing, which will take them out of the orbit of people like this in the future. The one thing I had in common with a narcissist was me.

It’s easy to point fingers, harder still to do the work inwardly to look good and hard at your own flaws. And yes, needing to help so much that you are blinded by who the narcissist is is a flaw. It is the one flaw I am working to give up in total. Sometimes the greatest act of compassion is letting go. It doesn’t come easily, but within it lies the greatest of lessons. To be able to cease seeing yourself as a victim in this is the next step. If you were pulled into this type of dynamic, you played a part. It was a great cosmic set up meant to help to show you where the flaws exist on both sides if you are ready to see clearly enough. The most important thing one can do is to forgive yourself for putting yourself through that. I have found that when I do this first, forgiving them comes naturally. This isn’t the usual perfunctory “I forgive you” but is instead a much deeper and ore substantive forgiveness that has the power to shift the draw that we have with people like this. The lesson is learned and when it is, these people lose all their charge for us. This isn’t something you can fake, it has to be done in an authentic way. In some cases, just being away from it long enough can help to create the contrast necessary to see just how bad it all was and how you never want to go back to that kind of madness again.

I was once told that the universe is neutral….but the forces in the universe are not. Whether you are drawn to someone based on negative or positive karma, the draw can often feel very similar….but the difference is what lies beneath. Being able to get to that deeper substratum within the self is where the work lies. It seems the way forward is in being radically honest with yourself. The draw can seem supernatural but the past can be marked by strife and trauma from other lifetimes. All of this is healed with love and that just lets all those threads drop away.

I was actively doing this with my first narcissist years ago in a period of rapid cord removal. It was one of the blessings of kundalini; I just made myself available. What I found that bothered me a good bit at the time was that many of the cords I was dissolving were cords that were tied to my ex at the time. I could feel these taut cords let loose, often in quiet moments, and moments after it was gone I could feel her presence on the other end pulling them back into a taut position. By then, it was too late. But what was so interesting was how she would go into a meltdown within about 12 hours or so after the release. I counted nine times that a cord was released that was tied to her, followed up with her going into an emotional meltdown, upset for some reason or another. It was very instructive to me because it showed me the etheric effects and presence of these lines of influence that work behind the scenes in our lives. Instead of my ex accepting the healing, she went in the other direction completely. She got worse. She got more angry, more mean, and poor thing, she didn’t seem to even know why. All of this felt very dangerous to me because this I knew would lead to her lashing out at me and my children. She was never able to see or sense more deeply to understand what was at the root of her own behavior. It showed me that at least in this life she was not redeemable. She wasn’t about to heal, she was going to hold on for dear life, and that was that. I had married someone who didn’t have it in her to heal in any substantive way, at least not with me around. Narcissist 2.0 was much the same except with the added quality of saying how she was changing while she in fact had not changed. The stumbling block that I had sensed in her from day one remains to this day. Some day she might get around to healing it. I hope she does because it will add a little more peace to the world somewhere, but luckily, it wont be anywhere in my sphere of experience. When I am able to give up these things, the universe has a very efficient way of clearing these people from my life. Thank goodness.

Acceptance is the most adult and most compassionate thing that can be done in my estimation. Narcissists only respect the authority like judges and police, never their victims. Until they can see what it is they have done will they begin to change. Only they can do this work, and who knows how that will play out. It has been incredibly instructive, just as my inner voice had told me it would be, which would be one of my greatest of teachers. It just wasn’t the kind of teacher I thought it would be. But that is fine, because the universe is neutral and sometimes we take the light with the dark and do what we can as we can.

What is interesting is how everything can change when I decide to no longer be silent on the matter. In the case of my first narcissist, writing to one of my children who was affected by what his mother had done was one important outgrowth of this process. It is hard to explain how vulnerable a child can be when their mother is so willing to lie and obfuscate the truth to a young child. What is a child to do? Whom are they to believe? Families can be torn apart by this kind of behavior, something known and parental alienation syndrome. Whether that child can take what I write to heart isn’t what is important at the cosmic level because that child will do what that child’s freewill dictates. However, just by writing the letter some things have shifted for the better. And for my second narcissist, just by writing to that person and letting them know some of the inconvenient truths which I never spoke about (what was the point I wondered?), that alone has begun to bring rapid change in my life at a material level. New people are beginning to filter into my life all with a very different vibe than from before. When we signal we are ready, that signal can often be honored. I think for me, it was long over due.

How To Deal With A Narcissist

But before you deal with a narcissist you might need to figure out if they are a narcissist or not. One thing that is helpful to understand is that when identifying personality disorders, you don’t need to have all of the symptoms present. People exist along a spectrum in all aspects of life. You can easily have someone who has borderline personality disorder who only has half of the stated symptoms as stated in the DMS 5, a guide for health professionals in diagnosing and treating personality disorders. My first narcissist was hard to identify because she had so many behaviors that looked like she was selfless, kind, and caring. When the gloves came off, though, the truth was revealed to me: a lot of this was an act. When she got mad enough, she would start telling me exactly how she felt, and it wasn’t pretty at all. It was in moments of stress that the truth came out and that was when I was able to see for certain that this person said a lot that sounded like she was a kind compassionate person but that these outbursts would show how she really felt. Was she an undercover narcissist? Did she submerge a lot of her behavior that was narcissistic unless there was stress in her life? With narcissist #2, some behaviors were easier to identify right out of the gate. I suspected that this was a replay of my life with the first narcissist, so I think I was more able to watch and observe behavior. With narcissist #2 there was more apologies but with the result of pulling me back into the web of manipulation and chaos. Being able to identify these types can save you from a great deal of strife in the future. Luckily, narcissists are fearful of being found out and will go to great lengths to keep that from happening. In my situation, I was told by my attorney to make notes of my ex’s behavior and to save all texts and emails. This helped a lot in helping to dispel any notion that this was just in my head. The same was repeated for the second narcissist. I saved posts and emails and texts and they helped in creating a library that revealed how contradictory her statements were and how much of a liar she had been. Because she tends to crave others’ attention and approval, having someone who can call them out is not someone who will stick around you if they know that this is the case.

Identifying A Narcissist

Good luck, and take my advice: there is not real dealing with a narcissist. They alone must reach a point where they themselves are willing to change (or an authority imposes it on them). It is better to step away and ask yourself why it was you were drawn to them in the first place.

~Parker

She wants the one who will worship,

in a Temple whose mysteries are surrendered

with the right touch.

It is the He who knows this

and seeks to worship

prayerfully speaking into that mystery

where springs the greatest bliss…

Her church begins in the nave

the channel that leads to the altar

where new life is fostered,

where new worlds are birthed

and every man who understands

knows this as a sacred passage upwards,

and He is made, initiated by Her,

to recognize what is so simple…

When he reaches that altar

he coaxes it to open if he knows its secret

and enters to find himself vaulted upwards

into heaven.

It’s inward secret wont open to him unless he knows the Way.

There at the transept lies the “right and the “left”

the place of action

of creation on earth and heaven

where a new life is made

where souls merge to create something greater

than the sum of their parts.

All altars, all Temples, all edifices made in the world

are shadows of this one

which lie within us.

Do men know the way of worship?

Do they know the illuminating character they bear?

Can they speak so She can hear?

Will his prayers be heard?

He must bow to something greater within himself.

So long as we seek edifices in stone

we will have lost it,

for the flesh holds its great secret

of its master from other worlds,

until you see rightly, idols will continue

and our minds taken from the great truth

within ourselves.

Many of you know how sex can be a vessel for the transcendental. Heiros Gamos, the divine masculine and feminine, kundalini as a union of the divine within the self. Finding artists who have an awareness of the sacredness of the feminine and the masculine without falling for the mundane is pretty rare. You’d think it would be easier done given how much energy we put into the act of begetting.

For some time now I have been availing myself and those I know who appreciate a deeper awareness of our sexuality than just a moment of pure pleasure, and that is the artist whose name is elusive but whose presence on the internet is not. Found, for now, on Instagram under @alphachanneling. I say this because if you haven’t noticed, social media has been enjoying its heavy hand in the censorship arena these days on just about anything that anyone might frown upon, be it an errant crumb on the tablecloth, an unapproved of political opinion, or scientific information inconvenient to whatever the current narrative is. Or sex. Even when your channel is defined as for adults only. Even then.

When I first saw the work I saw a range of works using different styles but clearly rooted in the sacred. There is, to my eye often a whisper of Art Deco stylization in some of the work. Many are fast, gestural, and I think it is what keeps the work from being less than what it is. That’s not to say that if it were more that it would be less either….(I have a right to be inconsistent if I wish).

I suppose that I should do a little digging to find out a little more about the artist sans actually interviewing him. So I found another who did, but not before contacting him to get permission to publish a few images of his work for you to see.

“Alphachanneling is a Swiss-born American artist based out of Oakland, California….Central to my process is … channeling, an ongoing cultivation through a deep relationship I have with several master-teachers….Spiritual in practice, the images I produce are simple thought-waves … I look towards Taoism and tantra, pornography and folk art, BDSM and the divine, the mystical and the occult, indigenous and outsider art alike … Alphachanneling lives in a boundless world called the Utopian Erotic, a world of magical pussy, radiant women, bedroom jungles and temples of light.” 

Is There Great Art On Instagram? Jerry Saltz, Vulture. https://www.vulture.com/2014/12/saltz-great-instagram-art.html

Since I find reviews of artwork usually tedious and more about the writer than the artist, let me get down to the work so you can see for yourself. Hang on for the ending because I will include a link you might want to save…

This one was either the same one or one very much like it that I saw first when I came across his work a number of years ago. When I saw this image I stopped my scrolling and thought, “Hang on…someone has gotten onto the whole concept of energetic transfer.” Then sure enough, with a title like “energetic transfer” a little bell went off. Its nice to be on the same wavelength, it makes everything so easy.

Sadly, though, there is an image that this artist has been seeing too much of right along with his viewers, too, and one wonders whether the prudes at Facebook/Instagram will play the bully and selectively edit this chap’s feed:

With the announcement that the post runs afoul of their community standards….

I don’t know what the problem is quite honestly: there are images that some might want to call “scandalous” that stay up while, selectively, some are banned with this rather jolting image that belongs on the roadways and not on the Instagram feeds. It looks more like Sally Prude works on Tuesday the censor shift and she finds something she just can’t stand so she slaps on the above sticker, only to be followed by Ted, who we all know is a malcontented prude, who works on Thursdays the censor desk and goes to work hacking away at the artist’s lovely feed of spiritual erotica. It’s almost like there aren’t enough of them, taking down what they don’t like, but kind of hacking their way through the lovely jungle. Meanwhile, images of graphic violence and gratuitous sex remain on other channels. It’s enough to make a person want to start carrying around a pitchfork or something. We are lucky that this platform hasn’t gone demented and taken to censorship, at least not as I can yet tell.

So I will leave you with this one last image and a link to the artist’s site should you find yourself wanting to buy a piece or two. Maybe for your altar…It’s lovely to know that the feminine is treated as a sacred altar as evidenced in this artist’s work. Let me know what you think. Please, don’t be shy!

The artist’s website: https://alphachanneling.com/

if you search articles in neurophysiology or neuroanatomy, you will see a raging debate about something called “hemisphericity” which implies that you can have one hemisphere more dominant than the other. Well yes you do, in some ways, and in other ways, no.

THIS article explains that you CANNOT train one hemisphere to be more dominant since the brain is so involved in cooperating between its different regions and “sides” that such an idea is impossible (and debunked in the 1980’s).

Everyone, from winners of the Nobel Prize in physics to the artists behind the Archibald Prize, used both sides of the brain when performing any task. In fact, the idea that people can be classified as left- or right-brained was debunked in scientific literature in the 1980’s

https://theconversation.com/mondays-medical-myth-you-can-selectively-train-your-left-or-right-brain-4704

The problem, I think, is that we are dealing with an incredibly complex and also nuanced biological machine we call the brain. So many regions responsible for different functions, we think, based on the data so far collected. Something gets lost in translation, I think. And while you might be using one part of your brain for one type of function, you might also be using other parts as well. If your body is in motion, well, you have the motor cortex in on the game, too. Lot’s of busy-busy. And to my mind, based on the research I have been doing over the years on the brain, I think some scholars and researchers tend to get lost in the details….because let’s be honest, there are a lot of details when it comes to our grey matter.

The same source goes on to say:

Despite this, left/right-brain training programs appear to be gaining popularity. This is puzzling because there’s no evidence indicating that you can train just one side of your brain. Such attempts are doomed because the two hemispheres are heavily interconnected and constantly communicating.

Ibid

Again, there is truth in what the writer is saying, but there is another side to all of this and it has everything to do with how we do indeed train ourselves how to utilize the abilities that appear, thus far, to be seated in one hemisphere in the brain. You might wonder where I am going with this and how this is tied into kundalini, but give me a minute.

When I was in art school, I was keen to be the best that I could be as an artist, and part of this was to learn how to use my mind to its fullest as it related to the creative process. Betty Edwards had come out with a book entitled Drawing On The Right Side Of The Brain a decade previously, and we were beginning to know a few things as it related to the (visual) arts where the brain is concerned. In this seminal work in the field of art, she explained how many people often use the wrong side of their brain when creating artwork, or in creating likenesses of people in portrait work, sculpture, or landscapes, for example. The problem, she explained, was the left brain is reductive in its approach, meaning that it tends to create abstractions and stores “ideas” of what an object looks like, not really the real thing. The left brain is great for making cartoons, but it’s terrible for creating real-life likenesses (“abstraction” means to take those details that you feel are the most important and isolate them—such a left brained thing to do). This is one reason why many beginning artists are so bad at making a realistic likeness, which is due in part to their drawing on an inner image of what they think something looks like rather than what is in front of them. It is a very difficult habit to break in our species it seems.

Over and over, Edwards showed how art students would draw an eye and a mouth all in the same stilted manner, making almonds for eyes and sardines for lips. But look more closely; do they really look like that? “Draw what you SEE!” was the admonition by my teachers. Of course, do that, but you have to get out of the part of your mind that tells you what it is that you THINK that you see. And what are the implications of being in that abstract left brain process? You are in fact living in the past. You are drawing on an inner image of what it is that you think you are looking at. You wont EVER see what is in front of you so long as you let the left brain continue its dominance in your thinking and doing.

This has everything to do with enlightenment, I promise, and it can show you the folly of trying to use the “rational” left brain in the process of enlightenment. But hang on, I am going to string you along a little longer!

By the way, you can pick up a very inexpensive copy of Edwards’ book here at Thrift Books in case you would like to be better at drawing. The book has a lot of very good exercises that actually work if you want to be better at art.

There was something about art making that I always found curious, and it had to do with what we call inspiration. It was always this elusive thing. I knew enough about it that I could lay my hands on it when I needed to. I understood it intuitively, but it wasn’t like it was something that I could force. In fact, it was the opposite of forcing. I had to bid it come. I had to be receptive to it. And that was the point. Inspiration, I found, was not something that happened in the way the logic circuits of my left brain worked. What was even more interesting to me was that I often bumped up against a very interesting outcome of the inspired state when things got really intense, and that was that i often would wind up feeling sexually aroused when things were really cooking. I can remember staying up late into the night working on piece after piece. Inspiration would breed more of itself in those solitary hours as I worked in the studio. I felt funny because I had never heard of this before. Was I weird? Was it just me? I later learned that I wasn’t alone, that a number of other artists and writers commented on the coincidence of the sexual with the inspired state. The writer Anais Nin wrote about it a good deal, as did other artists. Maybe it was natural. I felt like it must be. I suspected that the channels that carried creative energy and sexual energy might not be all that different. They might in fact be the same. Our idea of creativity might actually be the stumbling block. Some of the great artists had a charisma and were notable in their sexuality often (although not always). I always felt like there was a connection here even if I was too young to know enough to say definitively.

Fast forward twenty-five years or so, and I wake up after using a meditation technique a friend I met through an online forum who had passed it on to me. I have yet to meet him, but we had a lot of very lively conversations through email back in 2006. The result of my using this meditation method was that I inched closer to awakening with it. Suddenly suffused in a brilliant white light during meditation, I was flabbergasted, and after which everything picked up steam in the strangeness department and in a few months I “popped” and the cosmic egg was cracked. I didn’t go into this thinking that I was going to try to awaken. Back then “awakening” wasn’t that much of thing, not like it is today.

I had no idea what it was that I had. I considered I could have had a brain tumor (yes really). I didn’t speak about what happened to me to my family for close to a year. I was concerned that I could be carted off to the hospital or institutionalized. As a result of this, I spent a lot of time observing what was taking place inside of me with this new energy. I had a keen sense that I had stepped into something entirely new and I was very much on my own now. It was exhilarating and lonely all at once. I sensed that whatever this was that had happened, it was permanent. there was no going back to Kansas, there was no putting the genie back in the bottle. There was no being normal again. I felt like a stranger in a strange land. It was both death and rebirth, caterpillar and butterfly. I had no resources upon which to refer to. I studied the phenomenon closely as it unfolded within my mind and my body. I wanted to know as much about as I could summon so I could take my notes and see if they compared to any other experiences other people had had so I could get a better understanding about it. It is interesting what happens when you rely on yourself in this way. As you ask, so shall you receive. Miracles tended to happen, small ones, inexplicable ones, sometimes on a daily basis. I would later learn that these were called synchronicities, a term coined by the Swedish analyst and researcher Carl Gustav Jung.

One of the important aspects of the awakening process for me was how I felt like some new state was being brought online, activated, and it was different from the way I normally had felt. I also saw how similar the awakened state was to inspiration, something I was very familiar with. In fact, I would say, they were identical in terms of how they felt and behaved, the only difference between the two was a matter of degree. One was much stronger than the other (can you guess which one?). I wondered if this wasn’t me shifting into my right brain more, or that perhaps what kundalini amounted to was breaking the bonds that kept the right brain constrained because this unrestrained portion seemed to emerge almost out of nowhere (“almost”). I began to feel that human beings were in fact left-brain dominant by nurture, even artists like myself. I suspected the entire race was this way, that we simply had developed this way as a means of survival. Linear logical things are extremely good for getting stuff done, no doubt about it, but I think that we as a race were (and are) moving out of that old paradigm so things are shifting now.

When I learned that what I had was kundalini, I saw how the Hindu’s use the imagery of the man and woman, how one side was depicted as the feminine, and the other masculine. These images were created for a reason, and I had already felt the twin energy of what felt masculine and feminine rise up through my body. They were speaking to me about my condition.

I got to watch this curious phenomenon in myself for months, close to a year, even, before ever cracking a book on kundalini. When I saw the merging of the masculine and feminine and on the correct sides of the body, I realized, they were describing the same thing I had been experiencing. They had images painted on the foreheads of yogis called a Tilak and it was shaped exactly in the same way as my third eye awakening proceeded. I actually can feel when my third eye opens, it creates a force of pressure that is exactly like the Tilak. They were on to it, and while I searched article after article, no one really was able to explain why the Tilak was shaped this way. I knew it was shaped this way because that is how it FEELS when the third eye is fully activated (more than just a small round dot in the forehead—this was a process that proceeded over a three day period in order to completely open the third eye, a chakra that spread all the way to the back of my head in bands horizontally and in a dual-forked energy vertically moving upwards, corresponding to the Ida, Pengala, and Sushuma nadi (energy channels — the feminine, masculine, and cosmic, respectively).

They say kundalini is the coming of the feminine Shakti. When I felt this take place, I recognized it as the part of my mind that I often used when making art. It was the same, but it was also much much more present, more powerfully present once the cosmic switch was flipped. Before all of this, I had to search for “her” and then I had to wait quietly, in a receptive state. I had to become that feminine trait that was in me in order to reach the inspired state. I began to consider that the cosmic light switch was using the mind to overcome the resistance we all seem to have to shift out of the logical confines of the linearity of thought that have so predominated our thinking for so long. To open up to the right brain was like a revelation. It felt like letting the genie out of the bottle, literally, as if it had been held in such tight confines for so long. And why does it feel like that? Because everything in the left brain is small, it is highly focused, linear and logical. We just don’t realize how caught up in that part of the brain that we are. The more that I slipped into this very large space that was the “feminine” I felt like I was set free. I also felt disoriented for a time, and sometimes would go scurrying back to the familiar prison of the left brain. This is most popularly called a “contraction” in awakening circles. Every time I did this, I felt a strange pain, the painbody so many were talking about. I made it my mission to break out of painbody once and for all. It took great effort, an effort at letting go of so much that I thought was important (but was really useless baggage).

I didn’t have any proof that my theory was correct, though, and to be honest, it seemed like the whole of science pertaining to the brain was against me. I went searching, and what I found was one brilliant gem, the work of Doctor Jill Bolte Taylor who, in her now famous TED talk, described how as a neuroanatomist, she realized one morning while getting ready for work that she was having a hemmorage in her left hemisphere. She knew it was her left because her language centers began to shut down. She had trouble understanding English, she had trouble even reading the keys on the phone to try and call someone to help her. This took her about 45 minutes to do, to call out to tell a friend that she needed help. As she recounts her harrowing ordeal, she found that another brain state started to come online, one that she had never experienced before, a mystic state where everything was connected: samādhi. She stood there, tears streaming down her face, describing how incredibly beautiful the experience was. She also proclaimed that, because of the shut-down of her left hemisphere, she was able to have a unique view into a state that is normally only experienced by yogis or gurus or by people like myself (and perhaps to you if you have experienced this). Her talk, entitled “A Stroke Of Insight” was the last nail holding down this idea that I had based on little more than my own observations that this comes about by way of letting go of the tightly held control that the left brain has, probably has had in people, for centuries.

Not long after this, I looked into the concept of the left brain acting as a brake against the right brain, and as if on cue, researchers were finding new evidence for this in fact being the case in the months prior to my thinking about how this appeared to me to be at play in the awakening process (how it overcomes this left-brained dominance). I read about people whose corpus collosum, the nerve fibers connecting the two hemispheres of the brain, which had been damaged in utero through disease, exhibited some unique traits of superconsciousness, but which also kept them from being able to fully participate in society because they had limited communication between their two hemispheres. It was amazing to watch and to read how these people have incredible genius and yet had trouble tying their shoes are making up a grocery list or coping with the rigors of linear life in our world. I saw an analog with their ability to calculate numbers; I had answers come into my mind with lightening speed often, vast amounts of information, a storm of it, processed in fractions of a second. I sensed that my experience was tied to their same abilities, except because I had two intact hemispheres that could “talk” to one another, I could call on both sides of my mind, not just one.

When I began to catch on to how early Christians were talking about a unitive state that caused something to “rise” (see the gospel of Philip) and how people would go from being “dead” to alive, I felt like I was seeing how they were describing awakening. The more I read, the more I saw this pattern in their language emerge. It was curious, too, because these Christians were branded heretics and stamped out over a period of about two to three hundred years. In truth, the effort continues to this very day, but the main part of their work was done between about 200 to 400 A.D. more or less.

In their earliest writings these early Christians spoke of the “left and the right” of the “father and mother” coming together in the bridal chamber and out of their union came the Christ. While Christianity and Judaism before it had a notable and solid use of “left and right” meaning the goats and the sheep, the bad and the good, it certainly appeared that these Christians were turning these old conventions on their head (in the same way that they were turning the creation of Eve from Adam as that moment when our whole being was cleaved from its primal natural state into one that was responsible for our Fall even further because of some bite into Knowledge). Further, in the Gospel of Philip he goes so far as to say that those who do this aren’t just Christians, they are Christs. Whoo boy, nothing gets the Orthodox in a lather faster than insisting that the Christ dwells in all people and that this state of being comes about through the feminine and masculine coming into union with one another (the father and the holy ghost or sprit). Further, the feminine was revered by this group because it was she who brought so much wisdom, the ability to see deeply into things, to know (gnosis), not to simply believe (which is a poor substitute for knowledge) and to even heal.

Ideas like this sound strange to us today because we have about sixteen hundred years of entrenched belief behind the notions that we think of as Orthodox (a compound word from the Greek meaning “right thought”), but for those early Christians whom we call Gnostic, this was the authentic path to becoming Christ. And precisely because of this constellation of the feminine, masculine, and the indwelling Christ (which was treated in the same way that the Buddha is in the East which is to say that the Buddha is not a person but a state of mind that each person has within them, but is in slumber…..or more accurately, the person is slumbering before their own inner Buddha), was why this was too much for the Orthodox wing of the church to handle. Hadn’t Eve been the one who brought down the whole house of humanity? Hadn’t it been Lot’s wife who turned to look back even though she was told not to? David can go on for chapters in Psalms about how many people he has killed and no one bats an eye. Never mind that he was transgressing against the Law of Moses.

When I felt this triadic quality in myself, I thought how perfect that was: as above, so below. We make babies through union physically and we make a new level of consciousness inwardly with the two like-male and like-female parts of ourselves, an engine for enlightenment, with these two qualities which are in ourselves. This was much more natural than the Orthodox way which was an all-male club. It just seemed more perfect, more in keeping with how we are actually composed esoterically. And what better way to fold the feminine into our spiritual lives here on earth by making her the mother? The Gnostics believed that two people so awakened to this inner seed of light in themselves should have babies because that light be would all the more be kindled in their progeny, the result being an elevation of the spiritual quality in humanity.

If you want to see mysogyny in motion, you need only see how Christianity stripped itself bare of any kind of decency in what it did with the early Christians which we now call the Gnostics. To do that, you have to dig into the texts (history) because you wont see any evidence in today’s church save for cries of heresy whenever such a thing is brought up. You have to look at what the heresy hunters had to say about these people in order to know what they were fighting against. It all sounded strange to them because they didn’t understand, they didn’t have that seed of light in them which would grow like a mustard seed. And yet, traditions throughout the world describe a means of reaching an exalted state of being that required no belief, just a few very simple methods for turning the attention inward and which often involved the union of opposites within. Meditation techniques work as well as they do because it is there in such a place of quiet mind that you can begin to glimpse the lightening strike that is the realization of who you really are inside. No two worlds could have been more different though: one was literal and linear and cramped and stuck-up sexually and the other was ecstatic, vibrant and full of inspiration and light where the masculine and the feminine merged in order to form a “ladder” by which your own consciousness could ascend into the heavenly states simply and in a natural organic fashion with those two working together, not against one another. This is the core of the secret, and the mystery of the divine marriage within. The failure of the Orthdoxy was one of awareness, knowledge, and imagination, three elements crucial for navigating the numinous.

When you make the two one, and when you make the inside like the outside and the outside like the inside, and the above like the below, and when you make the male and female one and the same, so that the male not be male nor the female female; and when you fashion eyes in the place of an eye, and a hand in the place of a hand, and a foot in place of a foot, and a likeness in place of a likeness; then you will enter [the kingdom].

The Gospel Of Thomas, James Robinson ed., p. 129

I use the above quote because during what I later learned was a temporary “kundalini flash” a few months before the full rise of the energy, I wrote a piece that contained a passage nearly identical to the quoted passage in Thomas above. I posted it online on a forum. My friend who gave me the meditation technique pointed out how it was similar to Thomas. The only problem was I didn’t know that Thomas even existed. I really didn’t know, and I read it for the first time in the Fall of 2006 online. My jaw dropped to the floor. They were describing an arrangement by which one reaches a state of inner unity where the spark of awakening is kindled. I would later realize that none of this was an accident, and it had unfolded in the way that it had in order for me to realize something very important about earliest Christianity (and my role in it in the Fourth Century). It was known that there was a quality that was like a man and woman, and that they were arranged as if one was on one side of the body and the other on the other side of the body, very much in keeping with how the Hindus described it. This wasn’t an article of faith, but was instead the very thrust of the Gnostics which was they knew. They didn’t need to believe because what they had was the indwelling awareness that made union with the divine possible. And you know what? They were right.

Today as I worked in the studio, I entered into that familiar place I go where ecstacy waits. Nowadays, I don’t have to be deep in meditation, all I have to do is open to it and there it is. I have learned that this state, like the inspired state, is one where I let myself be seduced, to surrender to something higher where I then rest in a state of deep devotion and love as I go about my work. I can listen to a radio show, I can get distracted, I can even get frustrated now and it comes right back. It didn’t used to do that. All of this took time to cultivate, and I have largely done it on my own. No guru, no teacher, but a series of events and people who all had something to teach me as they came and went. Others are also doing this in their own way all across the world as more and more of us continue to awaken all on our own. Ripe. Vibrant. Alive. Awake.

What the Orthodoxy failed to see or grasp was how important our sexuality is spiritually. The reason why it is important is for the same reason why awakening happens in the first place, which is a union of opposites brought together in a rare moment where often there is a roar of sound, a sudden riotous vibration, or a flash of light (as was in my case). When I give myself completely over to this ecstacy, my mind opens like a flower opens and new faculties show themselves. I do not have to have any article of belief, but I know something divine is at work. Yes, there is nothing that compare to it except the orgasmic, but with a difference; it is as if the electrons go into a glorious precession that acts as a waveform that unites my being and in a state like there, wherever I put the beam of my awareness, impossible things begin to happen. I might think of someone and know something I can only know was true only later, or I might peer into the core of matter, or I might gain insight into something that I need to do, this insight being like a vast bundle like how a dream is often untangled or remembered after a night of dreaming. People call this today a “download” and certainly the term is apt because sometimes it can take hours for me to feel the bundle unwind. I often will remember that I had had a dream about this issue years ago, different state of mind are touched on, and none of this process is in the least logical but is driven instead by what I sense is a superconsciousness and intelligence that I rarely possess in my day to day except for when I am in love with the universe and it is in love with me. All of this sounds like what a mad person might say except that as a practical mystic, I have always sought to try and note my experiences, jotting them down when I can, to see if there is any correlation later with something in physical reality. Many times I have seen things there was no way for me to see and known things that had I told a physicist, they would just assume I was lying, that I had read a journal somewhere. I know that this experience, this ecstacy, opens us to our greater potential. And while I really take no joy in writing about it because of how it is often frowned upon because it seems boastful, I only mention it here because doing so is like me shaking your arm and pointing to the phenomenon because I know that it is possible for you to do the same. “What I do you will do also, and you will do even greater things…”

Kundalini has been described as a “libidinous” force, sexual in character, and while this is true, that it sparks sexual energy, that isn’t all that it is. I have found that everything that we have in the body exists first in spirit, that everything we are emerges out of consciousness, not the other way around, and as such, what we think of as sexual energy here on earth, which makes new life, there is a higher dimensional aspect of our sexuality which is connected to our spiritual selves, that part which survives physical death and which exists in all time. It is this aspect, which we call “sacred sexuality” which is, to my mind, nothing more than the spiritual compliment to our sexual selves. It is this part of ourselves that allows us to have union with the divine. And while some will cry heresy, I can tell you that when the moment comes when you do reach union with the divine, it will be that part of you which surrenders like one surrenders to a lover, that will make such a union possible. I can also say that when you do touch the divine, the divine will have zero shame about any of this, unlike ourselves who try to point fingers and try to make a beautiful thing an object of shame. Some of us, it seems, have a lot of growing up to do. This isn’t a mental exercise, but is instead something that encompasses parts of yourself that you may not have even known existed before. Instead of feeling shame, you will come out of that cloud of light renewed, healed, revived. Each time you step into that state, it seems as if some bit of the hard crust falls away and the mind is opened more and the logic centers go quiet because none of this is the domain of the logical. The only thing it can do is to write down what it is that that happened to you, and it will always do so poorly because language exists in the left brain and this experience cannot be contained or compassed by words.

In awakening, it is known that those who are too logical have a very hard time of it. Taisen Deshimoru, the Zen master, who taught in France said in The Ring Of The Way that monks who are “mental” were the ones who had the hardest time with Cosmic Mind. You just can’t get there with the left logical mind. You have to use the part of the brain that specializes in the holistic, the nonlinear, and that is the right brain. In fact, Dr. Taylor came back from her stroke describing the brain in just this way, despite what all of the researchers might want to say (she was there, she saw it happen in motion as a trained researcher in the field). The biggest lesson that I learned was how to stop trying to understand everything logically, to learn how to FEEL (this is not to be confused with emotion—feeling is a capacity that we have like intelligence is a capacity that we have intellectually for example). When I did this, I shifted more into the right brain process and moved into the much larger realm of awareness. The logical mind was never intended to grasp the mysteries of the cosmos. It’s job is to learn how to build a ladder to the stars, not contemplate the meaning that is behind them. It is the feminine in us that alone has the wisdom to open us to ever-larger realms of awareness. And to be clear; the two work best when the feminine is given the room she needs while not being silenced by the left brain. The feminine must now find her voice in all of us. In the process, we will all grow wiser because of it. We might even help stamp out mysogyny and begin to craft a new way to be in the world. The Gnostics had a word for those who had discovered this inner feminine and masculine trait in union: syzygy. Some have referred to it as an androgynous outcome to enlightenment, but I have not seen it this way at all. Instead, I experience it as a highly cooperative and dynamic state where two rely on each other for what it is they themselves do not possess, and which, I will point out, is very similar to what two people fall in love do, which is to admire and even lean upon those opposite traits in their beloved which they do not have. In the process of this that is spiritual and individual, it fuels the outer process as well (how we relate in the world). I know what it is like for a woman to love a man and I also know what it is like for a man to love a woman. My own gnosis has shown me in those moments of ecstacy how it must be or can be if we just learn how to develop or cultivate this form of inner and outer cooperation. I can dream.

The left brain reflects on what is known or what it think it knows. The right brain does not, in my experience, have this facility. Instead, it does the opposite; it looks much more impartially at what is happening in the present. There is a reason why so many, since Buddha first mentioned the power of being fully present, have gone on to write books about the awareness that happens in the present moment. Ram Das wrote “Be Here Now” and Tolle wrote “The Power of Now” and they are both saying the same thing that Buddha said first. This is a right-brained activity, this ability to be in the present. But more: quiet the mind so that you can begin to sense what is beneath all of the mind-chatter. It is there, they all insist, where the greater awareness lies. It is not something that you do, it is something that you are and which your thoughts keep you distracted from perhaps ever finding. The left brain will always be in a prejudiced state, and it is this part of us that seems to be running so much of the show when it comes to awareness. It think it knows, but it is only basing its thoughts on conjecture based on what has happened in the past. To know this new state you must be open to what can be, not what has been. I contend that when you can reach into this silence in yourself you are quieting the mind and that this allows you access to the parts of you which are not wed to time and space. This is the same space that is written about by the Gnostics, the Pleroma, the fullness. We are all related, we are all family, from the largest to the smallest. It is an unimaginably large family, but knowing your place in it will forever alter any sense that you have that you are ever alone or set adrift or singular only. Even in the synoptic gospels Jesus reminds the Pharisees that their scripture did say “ye are gods.” What the Orthodoxy could not imagine was that we all are. Did they just want Jesus to be that beacon of a light on a hill that we all seek to give ourselves to? Was it all just a way to herd the sheep into an ever-tightening space spiritually for control? Or was it just a conspiracy of ignorance, a failure of imagination?

Contained within these two parts of us is all the wisdom and knowing that we need to navigate them. You literally have access to vast amounts of information that is part of what the Gnostics called the Pleroma (Koinē Greek: πλήρωμα, literally “fullness”). It is here that the sacred marriage of takes place. It is firstly within, and can be bolstered by others who are likewise centered and known to themselves. Staring into the awakened can be like staring into the same infinite that one feels within ones own self. This is also where the “deficiency” that the Gnostic Jesus spoke about was resolved. This idea that we are not good enough, this feeling that we are set adrift, sinful, bad, and unloved. All of this is washed away or redeemed in the Pleroma. And Jesus was showing the way.

Even as I say all of this, you cannot get there simply by becoming more aware of what the right brain can do for you. Something else needs to happen, and unfortunately, even the yogis of India, for as good as their systems are for explaining all of this based on numerous observations by monks in the past, cannot explain what happens when we awaken. The energy rises, they say….it is aroused, they say. But by what means, exactly? The Gnostics explain this simply: by becoming one with ones self, to become known to one’s self, and then by going as deeply as one can in silence, you can then touch on that place where the union of the opposites creates the spark that cracks open the wall separating you from a super-conscious state. “Remove what divides you” said the Gnostic Jesus, something I read six months after I had done exactly this very thing which I knew at the time was the first step into self-initiation into the mysteries of the kingdom. Once there, it is a self-sustaining font of energy which gets busy clearing the “knots” of emotion, the samscaras in the Sanscrit, of the stored emotion which is out “baggage.”

It is a quantum leap, but once you reach it, you have it forever. Its power may wax and wane over time afterwards, but its force will purify and clear you so that you can be a vessel for both the divine and who you really are. In many ways it has felt like my whole body became a sensing organ, a body of awareness. Was this new mind tapping into the wisdom of the body? Do all of the neurons scientists have found existing in our organs also provide thinking potential, as vessels for awareness also? I am afraid we don’t know yet, but I have a sinking suspicion that there is a connection whereby what we think of as the brain extends itself in awakening to include the body, and expresses its twin character of like-male and like-female qualities of what the Gnostics called “the left and the right.” When I say all of this I also know that awakening itself is a fairly simple thing, but it can take years to get there. It seems you have to want it badly enough, because who else could stick with its relentlessness, its intelligence, long enough to allow the changes to take place that makes a broader awakening possible?

Achieving this state could be done through years and years of preparation. What I know is that it is possible for it to happen much faster than that. I would suggest that you don’t do that, though, since getting yourself ready for it can be of immense importance. It is true as many in India have suggested, that this is in all truth, a more deeply fundamental state which is less something that you reach for but is instead something that you already are. It seems to be activated, but it is more like waking up to what you already are. It is your get out of jail free card. I ask; are you really ready to be that free?

I will be putting up a new installment in my ongoing effort to provide information about awakening (in the context of kundalini) through interviews. Being my busy time of the year for me at the studio, I am happy to be able to get this next one out to you in the next week.

I decided to create a battery of basic open-ended questions a few years ago for people who have experienced this phenomenon. While the questions ate limiting on the one hand, they serve to build a reference source because as each new interview is added, the same questions get asked. My hope is that the answers from my interview subjects will begin to create a spectrum of responses that may help illuminate in the mind of the reader the degree to which this phenomenon can vary from person to person while still standing under the big tent cover of awakening.

I am happy to include anyone who would like to participate in this project. You can choose to be anonymous if you wish, but I am happy to link to any web sites that you might be involved with so others can read your blog, or learn more abput what you do or up to our there in the world. Stats show a steady review of these interviews on weekly basis. Each interview is first posted and then a dedicated page is created where the interview remains at the top of the WTI blog so it remains easily accessible.

For inquiries about participating, you may reach me at info@staffordartglass.com.

Have a great day!

This just in from a friend.

There is a lot here about the interplay between the sexual polarity of man and woman. This struck a chord with me, underlining how much we often allow our own misalignment and deeper issues to get in the way of a more honest and realistic approach to who we are not just physically but psychicaly (emotional/psychologically).

Worth a listen…

https://podcasts.apple.com/au/podcast/deeper-with-sophie-josephina/id1518161721?i=1000485819892

Enjoy~

Parker

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I was searching kundalini awakening on Youtube today, a first for me in quite some time. I didn’t know what I would find or even what I was looking for. Then I found her there in India….she has this hard unyielding way, but she is also able to express what I might need to thrash about in a poetic trance to spit out. Any insight is always appreciated. More about her in a moment.

The questioner asks her how to deal with the issue of having the feeling of the other within…even though it has been a lot of time since they parted ways. I am reminded of how these “twin” or soul connections work and how people I know even years later are still affected by their other. I know how I have been affected.

So I came across the work of Maharishikaa on kundalini. She helped a man who was really having a hard time in one video. Then quite by surprise there was this touching video about a woman who was trying to move on when her soul connection abruptly moved on without her. She came trying to find a way through this. The response I found to be unique, novel, and beautiful. Watch what she says. I think maybe the way through is not to go away but to go through. Step into the fire, do not run around it, ask what remains and be ready for what might come. For me, the answer was so simple, really. So much fuss over such a little hitch in my heart and ego.

Some put so much on these connections. More than they deserve, in my experience. At the same time, though, they help to show us what love can be, how we are the love instead of that moment of dissatisfaction that then fuels a connection later, in another life.

I find the arrangement to be paradoxical once you see what happened (in another life). It is like bread dough left to rise too long; it winds up much bigger than it ever was in that last life. Perhaps it is the effect of letting karma go for a single life – it grows bigger than it was when first minted.

Except no one seems to know this. That, or all my searching has somehow led me astray. Aren’t we passionate about getting it right? Could that be enough to open such a vibrant portal to the soul and it’s love?

We only see the large loaf and surmise it is more than it is. The paradox is…..that it is more than it should seem. Perhaps that is what these connections do; they open us to the love shining in the soul. For the soul, it seems that this is an everyday thing, completely common. But here on Earth, it seems singularly unique (which of course it is). It remains enigmatic to me. I wish I could go back to those simpler days of believing that it was a twin. It is, tbough, more mysterious than that. Perhaps it is enough that it moves us as it does. For what else makes us examine so much over something we might not have ever known that much about?

I know it may not make sense, but I think there is something here for those who need it. We let go of our need for it to be a certain way. When we do that, there is a greater peace and this cosmic presence expands and it’s one less thing that creates pain. We think it is about them when it’s just about our reaction to something that we think fell short of expectations. This is, I think, the genesis of these soul connections.

I want to take a moment to tell you about someone who has figured strongly in my awakening journey.  I want to mention her because of how much experience she has in the arena of energy, consciousness, and awareness.  There is the saying that when the student is ready, the teacher arrives.  For me, this was true.  I wasn’t going to find a traditional teacher, though, this much is true, but at a very specific point in my awakening when I began questioning what it was that I was reading and hearing about the phenomenon (Twin Souls/Flames especially), she came along at just the right time. We struck up a friendship and would have conversation about the process of awakening, consciousness, and how we can recreate our lives to find a better way.

My friend is a professional psychic intuitive and has worked in the field for decades.  She is not a fortune-teller but is someone who uses her gifts to supercharge change for her clients.  She has worked with individuals, couples, groups, and businesses large and small.  Her gifts have been used on start-up projects that have gone on to do big business, to couples who are wanting to get married.  Big or small, Ali has helped people from every walk of life.  She is like a big fish that you would never realize is the big fish because of how humble and soft spoken that she is.

My friend and guide was born with gifts that were off-the-chart incredible.  Talking to her at first, it wasn’t readily apparent just who I was dealing with, but as time rolled on I began seeing the evidence of her gifts.  I have been lucky to have known her since 2008 to the present day.  I have gone through my own contortions and difficulties during that time, have remained dedicated to pushing my own envelope of understanding and find that my friend is still there as brilliant and as insightful as ever….and forgiving of my own difficulties when I try to push them onto others (we call that projection!).

What is so amazing about my friend and her gifts is that she was not born with the “veil” that most have.  If you ask me how this veil works, I will tell you that I think it is very simply a process related to our development here. It is also how our brain works in consort with consciousness and the way that some parts of the brain actually “brake” other parts that have the ability to process information that doesn’t come from the five senses. I say this because I have had my own forays into this realm, perhaps just enough to get me into trouble.  But in truth, Ali is like that person who didn’t get programmed to be like everyone else and the barriers that most people have, she doesn’t.  I know for my friend, based on having known her over the years, living this way can be very hard because you feel EVERYTHING.  The other side is super crazy and over-the-top psi ability. My own sense is this is part personal interest that accrues over lifetimes, but can also be a feature of the awakened state.  Kundalini, after all, is said to bring many abilities, and Ali has had this since she can remember.

I think most people who have done the work like she has simply are at a place where they no longer need to reincarnate here, so perhaps this is why we don’t see a lot of these types of people. People like her are rare.  I know in my own experience that I am showing evidence of pulling back the curtain through a growing memory of past lives both here in this reality as well as others. Perhaps you have also been experiencing this very thing yourself, so you might know what I mean firsthand.  I know that along with awareness there seems to be a willingness or ability to begin using our minds in ways that are contrary to how most are taught here on Earth….all of which contributes to enough of a difference that we begin to see more and more open windows through consciousness.  At least, this has been my observation thus far. But the point is, my friend is so clear she can get to the crux of a problem so fast that you will be left wondering what just happened.

I am writing about my friend because I want you to know her.  I am telling you this because more people need to know about her because the gifts she has are remarkable.  While she is a healer, her healing work is so incredibly versatile that she can do her work over the phone and literally work a miracle for you inside of twenty minutes if you are ready.  These things happen so fast that I am left wondering what just happened sometimes.  It’s hard enough living in a world that wants to pooh-pooh these things as it is, but if you suspend disbelief and go into work with her with an open mind and a ready heart, there is nothing that you can’t do with her help.  I know I am waxing grandiose here…but let me explain…

A number of years ago my friend came to visit my home in Virginia.  While she was here I had been invited to a gathering by a family friend and I took my friend along.  A lot of the people there knew me and were curious about who she was and why she was there with me. My friend explained that she is a healer and an intuitive.  In minutes, she was in the next room conducting impromptu sessions with people whom I have known since I was a kid.  My friends looked at me before we left to go home, “Where did you find her?  Oh my goodness, she is the real deal!” I have watched my friend as she has held healing sessions with friends, and I have seen what she has been able to do for me over the years.  It has remained consistent in terms of her level of ability. Yes, she is the real deal.  My friend is remarkable, a real talent, and I feel fortunate to know her.  I feel fortunate because for so long I didn’t know anyone who liked to talk about the things I like to talk about in terms of our hidden potential as beings here, or how to tap into alternate layers of consciousness, or how events begin to change as consciousness is used differently.  When she does work with her clients things can change on a dime.  I don’t know why she shouldn’t be a household name.

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My friend is Alison Neville.  She lives in California and she has the gifts of clairvoyance, clairsentience, clairaudience, and an ability to read and heal energy.  She has had these gifts her whole life.  She began to learn to use them in her twenties and has been doing so up to the present.  Her “toolkit” is so inclusive that there isn’t a situation that she can’t work through with aplomb.  As a result, Alison doesn’t employ methods or scripts, she just goes into a session and uses what needs to be used at the time.  Each session can be wildly different one from the other.  It is because of this that her work is so beneficial.  You aren’t getting a script, you are getting real boots on the ground work. It is why sometimes when I start a conversation with her I might wind up completely surprised with what comes up because of something that her inner guidance says that puts us on an unexpected trail.  More about this in a moment. I will say that if you find yourself wanting her help, all you need to do is to be clear about what you want to cover because she will do that so long as you are honestly seeking to get to a better place.

You don’t have to believe in this phenomenon in order to benefit from what Ali does.  But what Ali does is not some cute parlor trick.  I have spent sustained time with her over the years and there was no way that she was able to gather all the information beforehand just in order to make it seem as if she had a gift.  You know what I am talking about here; the cynical skeptic, who, no matter how much proof they are shown, refuses to concede that there might be something to what she does.  This is probably an occupational hazard for her, but either you want help or you don’t….and even for  cynical skeptics Ali delivers in spades.  It makes you wonder why someone would fake it if they were so incredibly good at bringing solutions to your life that work so well? I guess I don’t think about those things because I have been around Ali so much over the years and I know that it’s real.

In the beginning of our correspondence and discussions, Ali helped me to remove or heal a long-standing issue from my childhood as it related to my Mother.  It was a thorny problem that had eluded me for about forty years.  It had developed at a time that was so early in my life that I had lost all hope of being able to use memory as a doorway for getting to it and healing it.  Ali showed me that these kinds of things are always accessible and so we used feeling (instead of memory) as the doorway.  One moment I was talking to her on the phone in my car headed to the studio and the next moment I am settling down in a chair in the studio, the lights off, with her speaking and taking me into a guided meditation.

The effect of healing this issue was like correcting something that had been wrong for years inside of me that I had been projected outward as something that I believed was a problem with the world, or my Mother. Gently my perception was turned ’round so that I was able to see it in the right way.  Once seen in the right way, once truly heard and examined without the distorting lens of my beliefs about it, this healed very quickly and righted itself.  That was in 2008 when that happened.  It changed my relationship with my Mother from that day onward.  Having been in the mental health field as a counselor for years, my Mother wondered how on earth I was able to heal something from such an early place in my life.  I had help from Ali.

That experience is emblematic of the huge leaps forward I have been able to make.  The truth is that the vaulting would not have been possible without her help.  When I write in my blog about having had an energetic “reset” years ago that helped my energy field become many times more sensitive, it was Ali who helped with that.  Yes, it was hard to deal with, but just when I thought my sensitivity had gone through the roof in awakening, what she was able to do for me showed me that there was no ceiling on our roof at all as my energetic system was put into orbit.  I’m not exaggerating, here.  My being able to understand how grace is tied to creativity, that was Ali.  My being able to step into my authentic self in many important ways, it was in that time when she and I were conversing and she was sharing her insight with me. I had simply manifested the influence that my soul needed most for that time.  Now I sense that there are others who also need it.  They might not know it is so, but that is how these things happen.

Just last week I was visiting her helping her with some marketing work for her business (and going to visit a regression hypnotist/counselor) and while talking one morning before breakfast, we wound up in a healing session. This wasn’t something we had talked about, it just happened.  A block that had eluded me my entire awakening was resolved inside of forty minutes.  Just like that. I could feel into my own field in a way that I had not felt before….maybe ever.  This was so important for me because I knew that if I was ever going to do any healing work myself, I knew that I could not be working with people unless I myself was healed….that was my own bit of guidance.  So this outcome was really important for me on many levels.  How I feel and relate to my energy now is very different.  Wow.

When I went out to swim in the ocean later I began hearing a voice speaking clearly within me that I had not been able to hear before. The block in the root had kept me from being able to hear clearly something that has been a part of my life and my soul existence for a very very long time.  It was like the cherry on the top hearing and feeling this presence that I simply could not meet or feel or hear until I did this work. As we open and clear ourselves we are more able to use our innermost senses in a more dependable and less distorted way. At least, that is how it seems to me.  The clearer we are, the less invested we are in an agenda.  The source of all life is supportive and free from agenda beyond that of love.  I find that as I go through this process, this is what I am moving into each day. How do I learn from Source?  How do I learn from Ali?

Some of what Ali does is energy healing.   How she does this from a distance over the phone is the remarkable part.  While much of what she does can be understood through the lens of known healing modalities, Ali has explained that much of what she does is the result of her own inner connection to what she calls her “guidance” which always seems to know exactly what needs to be done at just the right moment.  So it might be energy healing on the one hand,  the next minute it might be reading an ancient time line, a past life, or speaking with a relative that has passed.  She might do something completely unexpected, even for her, within the span of a session.  In short, there IS no pattern, every single session is unique.  If you watch true pros you will find that they don’t have scripts that they speak from.  They embody what they do. Ali is one of these pro’s.  It’s what made our talks so interesting.  Maybe someday she and I will put our heads together and do a book about these talks. It would be so interesting I think for the very reason that none of it would be scripted, not even once.  You just have no idea.

There is sometimes this freewheeling feeling in a session with her where you are asked to consider what life might look like outside of your own perceptual box.  Now she has you beginning to set up the very conditions for transforming your life, maybe without even realizing it.  By helping to surrogate the energy necessary for rebuilding the conception of what you think your life could be, she serves as this bridge to what your life will be once you decide to take that one little step into what seems like a vast cosmos. It can happen so fast you don’t even see it coming.  You might not even realize that she is holding you in that place, holding the seed of it and waiting it for it to germinate and to find it’s root in a new level of your life. You can actually root yourself in what seems to be a new cosmic place…..maybe it was just a place you never thought was even possible for you. We have chosen all of this, our choices are just that; choices.  Those choices may have represented the very best thing you could imagine.  There was a time when we built rockets that went up only thousands of feet and thought that was an amazing feat, but within a decade we were sending rockets into orbit around the earth.  Then we went to other planets.  You see what I mean?  Working with Ali can be like this.  The limitation is that you think you are limited.

And that is just it.  We each stand at the edge of a limitless cosmos and all along it is we who are limiting and choosing what we will experience.  Yes, you are in a body.  Yes, you are focused in this reality with a set of senses physically.  You are also more than just this one body.  So I ask, what on earth are you waiting for? 

As a result, Ali is one of the most innovative healers ever.  Missing a loved one who passed?  She can tap into that person right now and help fill in any gaps that you might have.  Have difficulty with your supervisor and don’t know why? Ali can dig into that and help to explain what is at work.  Not only that, but she will take your hand and show you how to heal it.  Poof!  Now everything has changed for you with your supervisor and anyone else after that who is like that supervisor.

Maybe it is a challenge with a relationship.  Maybe it is with a parent (like me) or with a spouse, a child, or a friend, it really doesn’t matter, that is how flexible her gifts are.  Maybe you can’t quite understand why the relationship dynamic is the way it is.  Not only can Ali help shed light on it, she can also help you to change everything about it on a dime if you are ready.  Maybe you are starting a business or you want to take your business to another level–Ali can tell you exactly the things you will need to work on in order to manifest that type of abundance in your life and to make it work with the fewest hangups as possible.  You of course need to be ready and you need to make yourself available. But if you can be as innocent as a child, you will not only change things for good, you will have great fun doing it because that is just how Ali is.  Ali is remarkable.  I want you to know about her gifts because I have been helped so much, my friends have been helped, and people that she knows have also been helped. I was able to do in half an hour what might take people years using traditional talk therapy.  I actually think therapy has its place, but what Ali does is she cuts out all of the preamble and gets right to the issue at hand.  The only problem with this might be that you might think that there is no way that she can cut to the chase so fast.  Way.

There are no accidents.  You are the one who needs to hear this right now.  Her gifts are amazing and more people need to know, and now I am telling you.  I have nothing to sell and nothing to gain. If there was a time when her skills were needed, that time is now. If you do get in touch with her and work with her, come back here and leave a comment  about your experience. I want the world to know. I want you to know.

To get in touch with Ali start here:

https://www.alisonneville.com/

 

If you want to know where you are in cultivating presence and whether your quiet-mindedness holds up only because you know there will be something to relieve you of having to hold that “pose, ” now is a great time to test whether you are as far along as you thought. And no, this isn’t a competition. It is a test, and while it is easy to say where you think you are, the actual boots on the ground experience will be what actually gets to tell the story. And don’t beat yourself up over it if you feel you came up short.

I say this because in the beginning of my work, because so much was happening so quickly, I thought I was further along than I thought. I didn’t realize one release does not cure the whole system. It is one step, one erasure of something from the past. This is painstaking work. Be gentle, be kind, but also be honest with yourself.

Why?

I knew her before and after awakening. Her reaction to her awakening resulted in her going through all manner of meltdowns, most were in front of me. In each case she would say I was at fault for her preterbations emotionally. That of course wasn’t true, and as an observer it showed to me the sheer volume of emotional junk that she was dealing with and how she was going to deal with it going forward. I was able to see pretty clearly how she thought she was further along than she actually was. Everytime there was some release or some shift, a grand pronouncement was made. Everything was suddenly better I am healed!

On the one hand it was congradulations on the change, but the reality was there was still way too much remaining for her to be able to behave and feel without ripple, without upset, without problems. Let me be clear, we are human, and we are not going to be perfect. We also must rid ourselves of the old patterns in order for the presence of the higher self to come forward to aid and guide. It (the higher or core self) helps a lot, but you are still human and you are still having to deal with duality. So it is a balance. Each release makes something easier (whatever you were repressing). It doesn’t make the whole thing better necessarily. You have to want it. Repressed emotion will ALWAYS make you want something different from what you THINK you want.

What???

Be honest. Be true to you, no one else. Have compassion for yourself. This isn’t a race. Didn’t get everything you wanted to get done in this life? You can do it in the next one. Sure, challenging yourself can be fun, so do that if it is your bliss, but go easy on yourself. And still be honest, too. This may all sound unusual, but it is a good prescription. We have all time.

I wonder if she got to where she hoped she would be? I suspect she still suffers from that problem of overstating the cure. I think I served as a test for her development. Ten minutes with me would reveal all of the places that still needed work. Our connection meant that I could feel all the places that needed work. She was a real “fixer-upper.” I could feel her blocks because they were not mine, but I could feel them as if they were mine (except they weren’t-and this made it possible to know all of them).

In a similar way this pandemic can be the same test to see where you are in your work. Just wait for it until you start feeling hard or rough. Where did that come from? Ask yourself, your inner wisdom, to show you where it comes from and then wait. It might come in meditation, when falling asleep, taking a shower, who knows. It will show you if you trust it and are willing to place yourself in a blind spot. You are receptive, blind to what you think it might be. Sssshhhh…..

The blind spot is an ability to not know while letting another part, your subconscious perhaps, maybe it is superconscious, to do the work for you. It has the peculiar quality of feeling as though you yourself didn’t get the answer but something else did. I think it is you, but that is for another time. But it is imagining the problem having a string tying itself to some part of you deep down. You grab that string and it leads you down into the watery depths where the core self resides, or at least the source of this issue in you. This works only because you are going blind, only because you keep your rational concrete mind in ignorance. Then, once you reach its end, you just feel. Don’t rationalize now. That will not work. Feel. Sense. No judging. How did it start? Was it in another life? If so, it may show itself as its released. A feeling might bubble up. Let it go. As it does it might reveal its origins. If it doesn’t, that is okay too. It is gone, that is good enough. Some part that was hard is now easier. It is like a walkway made up of tessera, that is, mosaics. One piece might stick up more and you find yourself tripping over it over and over again. After you do this, it is easier in that one place (within you). So doing this work is like repaving a rough walkway of small mosaics. After a few years you notice a difference. It takes time. It is a labor of love. When you return, you will have a smoother foundation for a new story that will be easier. I promise this is how this works. When you reincarnate your foundation will be so much easier you will wonder why you didn’t discover and started using this sooner.

So what bugs you the most? Selfish people? Duplicity? Dishonesty? It will take looking into yourself first to turn that hard feeling into bliss. But you can do it, and I hope you do. You are worth the bliss it will bring.

-All My Blessings-

~Parker

Beach scene on Oahu Hawaii

Beach on Oahu

Have you ever been to a place, felt a shudder,or had an emotion move through you that made you feel as thought maybe there was something special about the place, or that maybe you had been there before? Have you ever found yourself reaching into that feeling and finding yourself tumbling down the rabbit hole? Have you had that deja vu moment, a sense you have been there before?

Waikiki, Hawai

I recently had an experience on the island of Maui that shook some of the things I thought I understood about myself and the origin of experiences I had as a very young boy. I wound up seeing things that I had seen in visions and out of body experiences some 50 years ago that were now on the island of Maui in the Hawaiian island chain. Was an old circle being completed?

I had gone to these islands as a result of an invitation from a friend who had a timeshare on the island. It was my birthday and my good friend wanted to help me celebrate. I had been planning on beginning to visit locations such as Hawaii in order to get photo documentation of fish for a sculpture project that has been in the works, possibly a new business, I have had in the works. I just didn’t think I would be able to go so soon.

While we were there, my friend suggested we go to the other islands. I had read about the snorkling in Maui and I knew I wanted to go there to film and photograph fish. When my friend mentioned Kaua’i I said that island felt too emotional for me, I didn’t know why. I went first to Maui after landing in Oahu.

It turned out that Kaua’i was the calm one and Maui was the emotional one. I hustled over to Maui to get the opportunity to shoot some fish and I was not ten miles from the airport when I began to get waves of emotion along with a growing perception of a man, another version of me, who had lived there some time in the past.

In what wound up being a very quick and efficient clearing of past material within me, I found myself cleansing not only a past life but my life as well of the particular quality of stuck energy that this self had in him. And boy was this guy stuck! He was like a rock. He must have been in some leadership role because of how monolithic he felt. Maybe not, but goodness sakes, he sure did dig a hole for himself!

Years before this experience the same friend who invited me here had been telling me about Ho’oponopono. This is a pretty amazing healing modality based on the concept of radical forgiveness of self by asking forgiveness from the universe while knowing simultaneously that we make up a part of the universe energetically and physically. I had not been able to use this method in all the years of having known about it, though. I sensed I just wasn’t there yet with Ho’oponopono. I knew I had to be in the right “space” in order to be in the grace necessary for it to work for me.

This was the breakthrough moment for me. I already was aware of a life as a Polynesian a number of years ago, I just…..couldn’t connect into Ho’oponopono like I felt like I should. I needed this moment to reach that place. So much of this isn’t mental, rational, head or book learning. It is more about a capacity to feel, to include, to encompass, to wake up to. It sounds grandiose, it really isn’t. This isn’t a problem we solve, it is something we let go in order to feel or focus on what lies hidden behind the stuff we are dropping or letting go. Big difference.

As I drove, I was being coaxed to do something. I was feeling this aspect of myself, unsure if it was me or a past self, or a bit of both, being pulked into something. I don’t always know what is about to happen, so I go into witness mode and observe. As I felt this personality my inner guidance kicked in. It said,

You are the doctor. You chose this time to heal all the other parts of you. You can do this now by filling this man with what you have. Help him, help yourself.

That was what it was telling me. I felt how closed he was. I felt him lying on the beach at night in the firelight, listening to the waves, and watching the flickering firelight and feeling like shit. He was so stuck. I had a little “Wait…what?” happening. Do you know what I mean?

Okay, here is a little more of my thought process, ” You are lying in a hammock under the stars, listening to the waves on the sexiest beach on earth, the fire feels fantastic, and you are feeling like shit?! Are you kidding me?”

That boi. He must have been raised the wrong way. Maybe he raised himself the wrong way. Maybe he felt a man has to be hard, strong, unmovable, unemotional, ya think? Basically these are all the things we teach boys to do that we later decry as “toxic masculinity.” Is it any wonder?? Poor guy. Living in paradise and suffering in hell.

So he had no way out. I, however, had a way in, and I was NOT stuck at all, not in the way he was. Okay, I could feel his stuckness in me, but I had enough mobility to slip into his moment there on the beach. I hated how he felt, but boy did I enjoy lying there with him next to that fire listening to those waves! Okay, about three seconds worth, but I had to soak that in! Time to work, to invoke an extra juicy form of grace…

I could feel something in me sinking down into him. Me, sinking into another version of me. I was like a germ that his spiritual immune system had no defense for. In this case, what I am doing is “infecting” his pride and rigidity emotionally. I was able to feel the fluidity, the forgiveness, the softer more mobile form of consciousness and adapted it to him. I infected him with me. I could do this because he was another me.

“Wait. You said this was about forgiveness! Right? This doesn’t sound like forgiveness, not really.”

If you have felt what happens during a radical form of self-forgiveness, you might have caught how forgiveness involves a giving, which is much like giving something away which then leaves an empty space where something else can then fill it, something from the true foundation of you, that kind of substratum where the soul is accessible. In this case, what fills the empty space is a ressonant field that is at once your awareness and the energy of the universe. The hard feeling is given up as this healing feeling is given on my end to the man on that island. A pure moment of being able to feel, and in feeling just a bit more, that sense just obliterates that stuckness. What an angry kind of guy. He’d be a 60’s biker in So Cal and he’d be no one to mess with. So fuck that, right? I’m pretty sure all the yogi’s and yogini’s secretly want to say that very thing, but aren’t allowed to because, well….fuck.


I am driving on my way to a special bay known for turtles. As I drove, tears in my eyes, I feel like I really want to clear this spot out as much as I can. I realize that as this is all happening, I am sinking myself into that same space necessary for me to “get” Ho’oponopono. Yes, there is this deep humility and reverence needed for me. I need that reverence, I don’t know about anyone else. I realize that the way to create the circuitry necessary for this to work in my own consciousness, I seem to need reverence. In that moment I could feel my mind reaching out into that vibrant field that is the All and it was responding. “I am sorry. Forgive me. I love you. Thank-you!” I just hadn’t been able to do Ho’oponopono before, not effectively. Not until this very moment. The capacity filled me, bloomed, or emerged in me at that moment. I’m not sure exactly how it happened, or by what route, only that it did. Something clicked, which is how all of these hundreds of healings have happened over the last decade and some change…

All of this went so quickly, so smoothly. I think that is how these events go for me, so quick, so efficient. I make a turn in mind and it is like the ju-ju grabs hold. I really mean it. I think it is a hallmark of the higher self being given space to work. This only seems to work, for me, through surrendering my control. Then, as those parts of the brain are shut down, nonlocal consciousness can step forward. Thank-you small self for letting in the larger.

The juju was starting as I was boarding the plane to go over from Oahu before I had even departed to go to Maui. I kept seeing these Polynesians in the airport. I hadn’t sern them like this before. They only spoke Hawaiian. They were older, people who looked like I looked in that lifetime, except I hadn’t had the experience yet. It is easy to second-guess myself in this moments. Maybe I was just taking the visual material around me and crrtating a fanciful narrative. Thing is, it is always the other way around. I am seeing these things because an event of importance is about to take place. How I felt. Maybe not so stuck. I kept running into them, hearing their soft language slipping into that place within me that has that powerfully charged sense, the emotion, like where volcanos always start, in a blistering moment that leads to creation. Strong raw creative. Better be careful. Respect that force in nature, maybe in you, too.

The energy I am moving clears out that spot in the man. This feels like a warp in time. Did I just go back in time and fix this guy? It feels and looks like a warp. Did I create a new time line? Or, by intervening, did I alter his own actions in his own timeline. If that is so, I did what time travelers aren’t supposed to do without generation new timelines or time branches. Changing his line alters mine and it by extension altered his physical line in an ancestral way. His great great great grandchildren are different now, but in a small way. A small burden is lifted, however inconsequential. Ripples spread outward. I have waited my whole life for this moment to arrive at this time. I catalyze it by being ready for it. Only then do I have the means to reach back through time. Let me emphasize, this is fundamentally different from most every release or cleansing that has taken place thus far.

I feel like I sank into him by way of using this location, Maui, as the means of connecting in to this man’s life. As this began to happen, I could feel him feeling me moving into him. It felt like a moment of inspiration where something of himself, maybe a more developed self, a future self, was present and was there with a heart full of love-no judgment at all. Here is that liberation you were looking for my brother…

The fire crackled, the waves crashed in the moonlight, and his eyes filled with tears as this simple thing happened. With no effort on his part, this burdened mind softens, shifts, and is relieved. No rituals, no method, no bullshit.

He looks up into the night sky and he says something, a thank you to ancestors or a god or goddess. I don’t know. What I do get is his intent. I understand that about as clearly as a maidenst knowing smile.

Copyright, the author

I was still only halfway to my first stop. I relaxed and sank into the trip. Once I reach the first bay, surrounded by black volcanic rock, I see almost no fish, but lots of really nice coral. For over an hour, things were kind of….meh. I began to make my way back when I get up in shallow water near the rocks and suddenly come across a moray eel, it feels like a sign. I get on the rocks, and as I sit there a turtle comes right up to me. Very well; I will follow you, miss turtle. I get some pretty good photos. I head to shore and while standing in thigh-deep water a turtle comes right next to me. So I just follow along and am able to get a series of excellent photos for my work. Right after, it begins to rain. Perfect. Everything on this day trip is happening like clock work. I feel this voice that says what to do next. It is halfway my wish mixed with this “Okay, you need to move on to the next step for the next event to happen.” If I had gone too quickly or too slowly the things that happened would not have happened as they did. That is, the last part, which is what makes this post so long.

Photo Copyright, Author

It is lunch and I drive to the next location. Again, great snorkling, and I am able to get scores of excellent photos of fish for the project. I think how nice it would be to be on the island and make work for galleries on the islands. How nice would that be, right? Everything is beautiful, and everyone just seems to be enjoying themselves so much.

And Then Things Get A Little Weird…

Once I am done, I realize I need to get on the road so I can make my flight back to Oahu. I am going to go back in a direction I hadn’t been through before. As I drive, I am going out into the most rural parts of the island. I come across these cliffs that look so similar to cliffs I had seen in an out of body experience as a child. The color of the earth was surprisingly similar to the cliffs I saw as a child. It is looking like a match. It’s been 50 years but the color of those cliffs in my experience as a child look for the life of me to be right here along the road on Maui. These were the cliffs I saw over and over in my oobe as a child.

I feel a little nuts, questioning whether this is a thing or not. “It’s just really similar” says that part of me. But I know if its for real, synchonicity will squash that part of me, leaving no doubt. The thing to appreciate is I hadn’t seen a cliff face that looked like that cliff face from my childhood until this moment. Not only this, but the cliff face could have been completely missed had it not been for the rain which caused me to go a different way. I couldn’t see these cliffs headed in the direction I was going originally. I had to turn around to see them.

I keep driving and wind up on a single-lane road. It is raining harder and harder. I get to a bridge that has close to two feet of water rushing over it. I turn around and go back after I stop and walk across the bridge to test depth and flow speed. Yep, no safe way to cross, not in that little car of mine. But here is the weird part: only by going back in the other direction do I see a cliff face that is eerily identical to what I saw as a child. Only by going in the opposite direction. By doubling back, I was concerned about making my flight on time. I do make my flight and I get to my gate just as boarding began.

So what is the deal with this early childhood experience?

I have written about this before.

At the age of about four, I began having a series of identical experiences that would take place while I was awake. I might be outside playing and I would get this feeling that would come over me. I would feel incredibly heavy but incredibly light all at the same time. I realized my body felt incredibly dense as a new awareness cane on line and….cleaved itself from my body. I later learned that I was experiencing sleep paralysis except I wasn’t asleep.

I would go to this location that for the life of me looked like a giant cliff face. This cliff face had these striations in it that put my young mind in mind of pot roast. Yes, funny, I know, but this cliff face didn’t look like anything I had seen before. I had nothing to compare it to. It was this deep iron red. It looked like flesh. I thought of it as part of the flesh world. The carnal (meat) world.

At the same time, I also would see these forms which looked a lot like dandelion fluff floating down from the top of the cliff face. They would float downward, all so very much like Mary Poppins. I understood I was witnessing the souls of people who were going into the bodies of babies. Just floating down into matter, into our world.

I knew that souls entered bodies like this. It wasn’t a big mystery. It wouldn’t be until several years later that anyone would say anything to me remotely similar about spirit in flesh. These episodes would just happen. Each one was the same. I had a handful of them before the phenomenon stopped, emerging years later as real dreams in another level of consciousness, helping people who had died to cross over completely to that nonphysical world, effectively returning from whence they came. In a way, I guess I got to see both sides of the cycle complete. Here I am, all these years later having spent the better part of my time here now thinking about the next big adventure that is beyond this one life.

What’s next is the interesting bit. I am telling my friend about all of this and she explains to me that in the Polynesian mythos there are locations on the island where this very thing actually happens, and it happens from the top of a mountain where souls come down into our reality, our world. The story sounds like a creation story. But inside of it lies the shadow, too. Well now, given what took place on Maui as well as Oahu and Kaua’i, I am finding myself reconfiguring my past a bit to allow for the possibility that this idea has its origins in that other life. Was I experiencing the living myth of creation using my knowledge about the Polynesian tradition as a frame for that OOBE?

I had always thought that my “location” was a nonphysical one, more like a visionary image. Instead, through a series of unlikely events, it appears as if I am being confronted with this that is connecting me to those islands by way of an actual location that looks exactly like the location in my OOBE from 50 years prior. In addition, I find myself in an encounter with a self from the past needing help from me, something that has at the same time made instant change in me as well.

Turtle on Maui, photo by the author

I think what I want to get across with this experience is to follow your instincts. I was going to go to Kaua’i first, but I kept going back to Maui in my mind. I ultimately went alone to the island, something that probably opened the door for these events to happen just as they did. With additional people, we could have wound up somewhere else, or I may not have been quiet enough inwardly to feel this building pressure inside. I might have pushed it away or tried to ignore it.

Sometimes when things seem like they are going wrong, it may mean they are just getting underway the right way. By holding a state of surrender, it is easier to reach the state necessary for processing these things with awareness. I say all of this to show you what can he done, to take heart, to turn your own corner over and over. It gets better and better, I promise.

So that is the crazy long story, a caution for others that you too might have one of these waiting for you. The result I notive most is my root energy feels strongee. My creative energy is flowing very strongly as my sexual eneegy has also increased. What is interesting is how this isn’t leading to any obsession or overt attachment. Being a tantric at heart, I don’t see these things as a problem, only how we respond or relate to what is. That is my postmortem on the experience. If you have thoughts, I would love to hear them.

Mahalo!

~Parker

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