Archives for the month of: July, 2018

Torus Field

I’m going to share something with you, something I have not discussed on this blog before. I haven’t shared this because no matter how I would think of telling it, I kept hearing people in my head saying how it was a boast and not paying the heed to it that they ought to. I’m over this and I know that in just writing it, it opens a causal pathway that others can use. It’s nothing fancy, it’s simply awareness. Just knowing about something is enough to bring focus to it as a possibility. This experience involves how I experienced being in multiple locations (and time-lines) at once. What I found most interesting was how I was completely conscious of each location, each vantage point throughout the experience.  I am certain now that I know what the key was to my being able to be aware in the way that I was.  I think that it has important implications for others of you out there who are interested in the outer limits of consciousness (I say this knowing that there may be no limits to consciousness).

Before I do I want to tell you how improbable I once thought this experience was, just months before experiencing it.

Somewhere I read about a meditation practice used in India. It went like this: you hold in consciousness the thoughts or actions of something fairly simple, like a chant or counting of different objects. The object of the exercise was to hold numerous different things in consciousness, paying equal attention to each, thus allowing the mind to process many streams of awareness all at once. Call it a cosmic game of patting your head, rubbing your tummy, hopping on one foot, and whistling a tune all at once. This was thirty years ago so while the exact details of the exercise are a little dusty in my mind, this was the gist of it. As I contemplated this, I thought how impossible such a feat was. I really couldn’t believe such a thing was possible. I also wondered what the point of it was. That is, until I had an experience that came completely out of the blue that showed me that it was possible. Instead of having to practice this for months, maybe years, I was able to do it right out of the chute. What made it so easy is an element of consciousness which I am going to share with you.

Consciousness is not a finite quantity. Consciousness is energy. It also has the ability to turn itself into anything, to be large, to be small. When we project consciousness, you are able to find exact locations based on thought alone. The laws of physics are upended as light years can be traversed instantly.  Through a complex series of lightening fast calculations, consciousness is able to expand itself to any location, enabling you to see the location as though you are there. You are in truth at two places at once; in your body and in the travelled-to location. When we feel others, our consciousness has the capacity to recreate what they feel in instances of empathy as though we are the ones experiencing it. Healers can pinpoint disease or blocks in the body, mind, heart, and more, helping them to release just by using energy. Beyond our conscious awareness, behind this “veil” everyone speaks about is a soul that is able to make endless versions of itself and be in all places at once.  Why?  Because the idea of time is largely that, an idea.  We seem to be experiencing a sequential ordering of events, and it seems perfectly reasonable that we grow up, grow old, and then die.  Caught in the stream of energy that is time, this seems certainly so.  However, in accelerated states of consciousness, time can be experienced as an expansive present.  This enables the old idea of time to be collapsed and awareness of a multidimensional present to emerge.  But just as all-time represents a multidimensional experience, so too is consciousness multidimensional.  It’s just that most people never experience events all at once, or multiple streams of events going on at once and find that they are able to follow all of it perfectly fine.

But we can.

The trick to expanded consciousness is opening up to more energy. There is one experience that people have that while rare, often happens to enough people that they can relate to the experience because it has happened to them.  This experience the phenomenon of simultaneous dreams.  In the dream, there are multiple levels or multiple dreams happening at once.  The dreamer is aware of the levels all at once, and while the information is often processed as one dream following another, the dreamer knows that the dreams were happening all at once, but often have difficulty trying to recreate the effect of what it was like to be in two dreams at once.Outside of dreaming, there are cases where the shift in energy allows for multiple perspectives to exist, either in the same reality or in multiple realities.  Realize, too, that the oversoul is doing this as part of its normal operations, looking after hundreds, perhaps even thousands of lives in any given reality, for example.  As a result, I do think that we have these same abilities or characteristics….we just might have to dig deeper for them or shift awareness in order to realize that they are there.

When you enable this level of energy, consciousness can process more and more information. It’s like upping the voltage and giving a computer more processing power. When you are aware that this is possible, you will begin having events that make it possible to experience precisely this, provided that you remain open to it as a possibility. When you catch on to how to bring in more energy, it is like your awareness suddenly taking on more dimension. It is an experience that must be experienced directly.  Intuition is increased, awareness changes, things that seem impossible happen as if there was nothing to them. Greater levels of energy allow us access  the higher self as a natural consequence of handling more energy (we will see how this theory holds up).  It can often feel as though some hidden hand is controlling or orchestrating things, and then humans set about trying to create a narrative about this hidden hand and what it is that they think it is.  Some folks will say its the “will of the universe”  but my sense has always been that this is an aspect of the higher self, which we, the little self,  hardly ever experience. I think the same thing is done when people say that it is the will of God.  In my experience I have not found a deity that looks or behaves like a person at all.  Its existence is so incredibly large in consciousness that relating to it as though it were a person seems highly improbable.  It isn’t that this force can’t be related to, it can, and incredibly well, its just that in terms of intervention, this being simply stays out of it completely.

The point is that we just are not as aware of the higher realms as we think we are, and when we do we often carry our biases and beliefs into them and interpret what is happening in those terms.  I have found that by divesting of what it is that I think I know, the universe opens up in a fashion that is too amazing to be believed, but has very important implications for us today.

I had an experience when I was 18 where I was conscious and aware of being in four locations or focuses in a scene all at once. I was equally aware of each vantage point while this encounter took place. I was not specially trained. I hadn’t awakened, and I only knew that some yogis develop this sort of awareness to expand the mind. For me the one thing that made this possible was a very high level of energy. I learned that as we learn to handle or manipulate more energy, consciousness can be better understood. Imagine running a factory on 120 voltage when it really runs best on 240 volts. That was my experience. Normally we experience a very low level of experience, but as more energy is brought in, consciousness blooms and is capable of so much more. We are each this.

The way to learning how to handle more energy is simple, you expand your capacity to feel. The Secret to this is you let yourself be open. You allow yourself to be receptive, ready, and aware that all of this is possible. By doing the things that soften you and let’s your body and awareness to become a conduit for more energy, you set up the ideal environment for this type of experience. Breath work might help if you are new to this, and knowing how to breathe can make all the difference. By quieting the mind and being powerfully present, your energy is focused and not bled away. When you look within you conserve the energy of consciousness. When you focus outwardly, energy is blessed outward. This is a very simple principle.

 

The reason why this is important is that it can reveal to you the capacity that you have as a sentient life form here. Before you try splitting awareness, try increasing your energy first. You can feel your chakras opening and being active because you can feel them develop a sense of floating and spinning. This is increased pranic flow. Instead of trying hard, going about it as an allowing is the best way to bid the energy to flow. It may seem nonintuitive, but in not trying you open the path for aspects of the higher self to play through. I know this because I practice it, finding it not by a teacher but through direct practice.

The first step is in knowing it’s possible. I am no different than you. But in knowing, you also know about the multidimensional nature of consciousness. The first step down this path might be a meditation practice, becoming involved in seeking out what this consciousness of yours is all about, and then observing its changes objectively as you travel through this world.  And the way there is often through meditation, but there are practices such as projection of consciousness which can tell you a lot about the nature of consciousness, time, and reality.  Projecting consciousness is not easy though, but it can be done with a great deal of practice. Meditation, while easier, can offer important clues, too.  Practicing a form of meditation I always thought of as inner energy work was one very interesting way for me to activate the chakras and then observe them.  The only problem was that for a long time I lacked a good enough sense of awareness or perspective necessary to really fully understand what it was I was looking at or experiencing.  If I had, I would have not just felt the energy in the innocent way that I did and thought, “My how neat it is that I am feeling this really groovy energy in my body” and went to, “The chakras are activating, turning, and I can feel the energy massing in its core, with numerous blockages there, all having to do with stored trauma…. I have some work to do; I think next time I will begin to send my energy into those center and  try to dissolve a block or two.”

You see, as humans, lacking awareness of these things, we make up stories about them.  Sometimes the stories hit it close, but sometimes the stories are just distortions that do little to help us to relate to material that at the end of the day has no words, has no dimension, and has no real way to truly describe it in physical terms as it relates to the physical world.  And yes, this means it is very difficult to describe this stuff and very often, I don’t even try….but I think that from time to time I do need to try in order to cut through the distortive material. This experience asks of us more than we are used to….but I think we each have the innate capacity to relate to it because it isour birthright to do so.

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I promised a short post in my previous post, so here you are.

People say that the people in our lives are a mirror of who we are.  I have found this to be incorrect.  There are indeed cases where ou share similar characteristics with some of the people that you know, but this in no way is an absolute. I have met people who were not at all like me who have made their way into my life.  I have met people who fought against what was right.  I have known people who have engaged in behavior I have never engaged in and that I find abhorrent.  I have known people who threw the ones they loved under the bus emotionally just so they could get at another person.  No, I find that the people who have been in my life want to be like me even as they are unable to hold or anchor the level of embodiment required for the behavior to match the innermost values that I espouse.  Sometimes people are anything but a mirror.

In truth, I knew someone who abused my children emotionally who claimed being abused byme and to others in my family (it turns out that when it comes to family abuse, this type of abuser claiming being a victim is very common).  I met another person who did much the same, this time in the context of a soul connection (some call this a “twin” soul or twin flame).  The forces that create our subconscious attractions are not based on who we are, but based on something that has not been completely processed.  The people who hurt me this life were people who hurt me in other lives.  The truth I found was that this was not some cosmic tit-for-tat but rather part of a pattern that has not yet resolved itself.  My end of all of this is in being able to walk away from people who were nothing more than bullies.  My weakness has been in being able to just let it go.

No, the people who were claiming something that was being done to them when they themselves were engaging in this behavior were people who wanted to be like me but had no real means to do so.  Have you seen this in your life?  Maybe it began with a powerful form of admiration and devolved into something that made you feel like somewhere the tables had been turned on you.  I applaud anyone who seeks to heal and improve, but my experience has been that some of the people I have known needed a significant level of integrity that they just didn’t have at the time.  The problem for me was that in the process of their trying to develop it, they walked all over me.  No, these were not people I would have normally ever have wanted to be with-and in time I grew tired of the excuses and the dysfunctional behavior.

The “magic” of a karmic connection is that something unresolved in one lifetime gets turned into something that feels cosmic in another life.  A murder of you by this person in one life becomes your undying admiration of that person in another, marked by an incredibly intense level of yearning for that person. There are scores of people who have all experienced this same phenomenon with similar kinds of stories, and they as all the same kinds of questions.  One group calls it an “alien love bite” and I completely understand why they would call it this (even though I am not convinced that there are aliens involved in the way that they say they are—I think that it is more complicated in a way that actually reveals to us an aspect of how reality works but hidden from our view).  If anything, when you feel this intense draw, maybe its a sign that you need to look at the issues alive between the two of you, absent the draw.  The deeper I looked the more I saw how different we were.  If anything we were compliments.  That means opposites.  Compliments are opposites that attract.  In this case the differences are karmicaly based.  Have you ever known someone you were attracted to but you also found that you butted heads at the same time?

Sometimes a mirror is not a mirror at all.  Sometimes its just someone who simply hasn’t done the work and can’t face the fact.  For myself, I am learning that this rarefied energy is not a good sign. The good sign is the gentler draw, the gentle form of admiration where your energy doesn’t feel like its being hijacked like so many in this group of people have been describing.  The persopn in front of you isn’t always a mirror of you.  Sometimes they are anything but.

~Peace~

 

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This morning  (now two day ago as this post ages in my drafts folder) I had what I think of as a grand mal seizure of pure ecstasy.  It put me into this state of deep and abiding ecstasy so strong, so sweet, that I was unable to move or do anything for about an hour.  I was finally able to move before getting to work in the studio, but for a while, I felt like I was frozen on the spot, not wanting to go anywhere.  I just felt the love.

I didn’t have a seizure, not really….but these moments come and I am not always sure that I can point to a reason for it, except that in an extremely simple way, I am ready for it…just ready to do what I must for this field of love to envelop me, to remind me what I really am beyond what I think is challenging me.

I do try to think what contributing factors have been at work on why a given event happens as it does.  Did I say just how incredibly sweet this last experience was?  Boy, it was a real doozie. There.  We have finally brought “doozie” into the realm of the transcendental.  But back to the why at hand. This extreme high might have come courtesy  a lot of activity on the “release” side of things.

My instinct through all of this, no matter how hard it has been, has been that I need to drive the energy as high as I can, to let it sweep me away, to allow it to come because I sensed it was going to clear away a lot of junk. Before I knew that this had a name like kundalini, I was hearing it speak to me telling me telling me to just soften, let go, to open to its power so it could do its work. And for the record, that trust was not easy to come up with right out of the chute.  In the first month or two of my awakening, I considered all sorts of possible scenarios, including having been possessed.  That said, though, what I got from this force in my life was that I needed to drive this energy higher and higher.  I wasn’t sure in the beginning why, I just knew that this was what I was here to do.  And you know, as I bid the energy come, it did. As I said for it to take me, it did.  It was sometimes uncomfortable, but it always led to relief from having been held in an emotional vice which really was of my own making.

For those who have had this, you will know that when I say that as I was getting ready to awaken I was suddenly met with people from all over the place who were awakened who were making entrances into my life (and not because I was on a site online for awakening or because I was attending a class or workshop….the truth was, no one knew, and I was one of those people who was not in on what was happening.  It was like my whole life began vibrating at this different frequency and it began to attract people who, for the time, were important catalysts for understanding and for accelerating my process. Some were old karmic connections that needed to be cleaned up.  Some were hard, some were surprising in how they changed from one thing into another once the karma was cleaned up.  In that process I have known people whose energy was higher, lower, and all over the place.  Everyone has their own comfort level it seems….but my feeling remains that we have cut ourselves off from the most amazing field, which the Tibetans call the Buddha field (I am sure other Buddhists call it something similar).  It is cosmic consciousness.  Just thinking about it puts me into its throws again (which makes writing this challenging)!This attenuation of our awareness is this Veil I was recently writing about in an earlier post.

Recently I have spent the last few weeks traveling to places both old and new, seeing some old places from my earliest childhood and going places I have never been but have always wanted to see. I have discovered that some of the places that I knew well as a child now no longer exist, or exist in such altered form that they are simply no longer recognizable. What is so interesting is that  I felt like this was perfect because so much of me had changed.  Before going there, I thought how I wanted to go to the spot where one of the biggest traumas of my life happened, the one where my new stepfather beat me within an inch of my life (no, he really didn’t beat me literally within an inch of my life, but at age three and never having been whipped before, his beating felt brutal and it left a big mark on me).  I found that while I thought about releasing this, in going to the location, it no longer mattered.  I had released so much stuff as a result of my awakening that I no longer felt an attachment to finding the place.  I knew my awakening would release so much more stuff, and each time I did that, my capacity for this love that is at the core of my being would grow, as though I am a vessel that was clogged with mud which I am now removing so the love fluid can flow through me unhindered.  It is so real, so vivid, it is like a fluid.  Have you noticed?  I’m drifting into it…

I think that because of this realization that what I thought I might want to do, which was to try and revisit a place I thought I had an issue about was changed by the unavailability of the location physically, I was able to better see that all things are only issues if we make them issues.  SOme are hard to get over, no doubt, but at the end of the day, our own suffering does not stop until we find a way to be okay with our past.  Regardless of what we think is right or wrong.  We are all human, we all err, and we all deserve to be forgiven.  Most of all we deserve to be forgiven by ourselves as the ultimate act of learning how to move forward.  It’s actually easier to forgive others than it is to forgive ourselves sometimes.  We just don’t always realize how deeply our misgivings are about ourselves. When we are able to really see it and then forgive ourselves for putting ourselves through that kind of difficulty for so long (and admit it; you probably have something you have been beating yourself up for close to a decade or longer….and if so, you know just what I mean). These kinds of things have helped me to unexpectedly shift a lot of stuff over the course of this trip which was a kind of vision quest almost. I just didn’t think it would turn out that way, but there it is.

It has been eleven years into full awakening and I thought I would give a quick sense of perspective, for whatever it is worth.

I feel bliss more easily.

This corresponds to the years of releasing I have been doing.  This has been a daily task for well over a decade.  It is now resulting in a fairly significant reward for me on a day-to-day level.

I am not disturbed by things like before.

I used to be thrown into all manner of energetic contractions in the past.  This happens much less and to a far less degree.  I am reaching a point where I can feel bliss nearly in every situation.  I do, however, throttle it back when I need to focus and use my rational mind (because that is released or suspended during these bliss states).  That said, I still have other issues that can affect me that I am still working on (hey it is a process!).

The bliss field alters how reality works.

People talk about synchronicity.  I observe that synchronicity is merely the result of our letting go of the strictures we hold in consciousness that hold back bliss and also hold back the energy that naturally co-creates with the energy that drives reality (they are the same!).  I have been able to live life as one long series of synchronicities at long as I am able to anchor the bliss field within me.  When I drive this bliss field higher within me, this heart stopping love, the incidence of synchronicities goes up each and every time (it helps to be thinking about something strongly so things have a reason or anchor for).  This bliss field takes the place of intense emotion which used to be the thing that drove this co-creation.

The triadic nature of consciousness remains but is now less divided in appearance.

The Ida and Pengali or the yin/yang meridians carry an energetic polarity to an energy that we call prana.  We know so little about this except for observations made by yogis and yoginis. The masculine and feminine qualities in consciousness which seem like separate things are in truth mutually reliant on one another in order to make prana what it is.  I have not yet seen evidence that there really is a female and masculine form of prana that exists on its own without the other existing along with it.  What I do find is that they both exist together, but one can be admired or studied within the self and within another.  Traditionally we admire the opposite in someone of the opposite sex, but this is not merely a physical phenomenon.  Kundalini would never have arisen had it not been merged together with its opposites of Ida and Pengali (Shakti and Shiva). I have found I am much easier with my true nature, which includes a combination of masculine and feminine traits as part of my individuality.  The curious thing is that while this proportion has been differed in other lifetimes for specific results, the thread has been how I have managed to utilize these forces in my life for union with the divine nature.

Life is easier.

The right things happen as I need them.  I once struggled with keeping the things that brought abundance into my life stable, but now events have reached a culmination point where I am able to reap what I have sown.  This makes me very happy and has afforded me a degree of freedom that I cherish as part of a spiritual path where I do not have the support of, say, an ashram or community.  i find that I want to show people how to do this thing, like an affordable class full of inspiration and energy….but this has not yet fleshed itself out yet.  I am on the verge of a new business start-up with a lot of very exciting implications.  Creative in nature, I will be working with the forces present in my awakening on a day-to-day basis.  I hope that I can continue to bring the same grace and magic into it as has been happening lately.

I am more peaceful.

I am.  And that said, I have more work to do.  That is the nice thing about this: I am aware of how turbulent I felt the first few years and how this affected my life.  I could see how this impacted the events in my life.  Now, a good bit further down the road in my process, I can see how my ability to anchor a given state has had an effect on the events in my life. It also helps to highlight what remains as work to do.  I was actually concerned that once things began reaching that tipping point in my favor that I might lose the feeling or energy somehow.  But what I have found is that while the energy is less turbulent, i can still manage a good release….its just different now.  And I think this is important to anyone who is still in the more turbulent waters.  The energy really does get a little more sublime in some ways.  it is easy I guess to get lazy, but I have not found this to be the case for me, but I see how it could be for some.  It’s just so cozy being where I am now…I just don’t want to upset it too much (but I get over that once I know this energy has more stuff to show me once I rid myself of more stuff).

The blocked material remaining becomes more obvious.

There are pros and cons (for me at least) of having had this happen. The day my grandmother died, she came and spoke to me about her afterdeath experience.  I was in a deep meditation (lying in bed taking a nap, naturally! Lol!) and when she left, she turned and reached out and touched my left side with her etheric finger.  In that moment my entire left side (along the hips) released a huge block that I had been trying to let go of for about two years without success.  My left or Ida side was now perfectly clear.  But my male side, however, was still blocked. This amazing release that took place on that day served to highlight how stuck the male side was.  In a way, all of this releasing made it harder for the left side.  It felt like it had this spot light on it now all of a sudden.  This feels familiar, though, as we expect men to perform! I chipped away at this thing for years and it was alike a freaking stone!  I found that it was impacting my physical body and I have actually been quite concerned that if left long enough, that it could manifest into disease (like cancer—all my friends seem to be going through their cancer troubles now).  Right now I think the problem involves posture and nerve pain, which I work on (see how the psoas muscle is considered the “seat of the soul” in other blog posts).  I have had several rather significant releases from the right side, all of which resulted in changing what I was drawn to, interested in, or thought were some of my likes.  It is funny how the nature of a repressed emotion can color or taint your personality.  For me, I am a believer.

Being solitary has been okay.

I fought loneliness for years and found that the things that affected me most, which was alienating actions and words would throw me into a tailspin most often.  Realizing this, I moved to change this dynamic, to give it a rest.  The only way to do this was to be alone.  With so much ju-ju flowing through me, it makes it hard.  I have spent lifetimes in celibacy because the traditions really had no meaningful way to incorporate spiritual and physical intimacy or union together into one practice.  As a species, we just weren’t there (except perhaps for the tantric masters that originated from Tibet (a tradition that is distinctly different and in no way part of the Buddhist tradition, I should point out).  Now, I feel like things have moderated a good bit.  I think we are social creatures, so the desire to be with others is natural, but when does it become dependency?  When does it serve as a gloss to hide our own insecurities?  Or our inability to really love ourselves?  Interesting things happen when you learn to love yourself.  One, you are much more grounded all in all.  You also have less extreme views.  Life in this mode teaches you a love for balance because self-care is about stasis or balance, not living in the extremes. It could be said that my bliss is extreme, but it has been won by no longer having those large swings from one extreme to another.  Instead of bliss being an extreme, it has become the new baseline.  That is the difference, loves. And with that kind of discovery, I find that it would be great to have a partner who is dedicated to the same things I am, someone with whom I have positive karma with for a change (instead of some harder negative karma). Often those whom we have known a long time in other emergencies are those who we feel most natural and comfortable with.  Perhaps I am setting up an intention…

Fear Of Death has been conquered as best I can tell

When I was all of nine years old, my spiritual quest began with a search to find ways to erase my fear of death.  I felt that if I could do this, I might lie more fully and with less fear hanging over me.  I found the book Life After Life which had at that time just been published by Dr. Raymond Moody Jr., and with that book and others to follow, I was off to the races.  I have found that all of the religions of the world have not provided this assurance.  Only experience does, and not just one experience, but many experiences over a long period of time.  Out of body experiences, seeing or interacting with energy from a distance, contact with deceased relatives, all have helped to build a sense that this life is not all that there is.

My understanding of energy and how to work with it has been greatly expanded – I am ready to work with it at some level in my work now.

Even though I shrink from being a part of any method or technique or dogma, I find my life has taken on a form of dedication that really has been extremely persistent.  In fact, it is nonstop. I find this to be the most rewarding part of this work, the fact that I have committed myself to this path and that the path (which is really only my trail through my life and nothing more) continues to help me to feel more deeply committed as each day goes by. It also helps to reveal to me that not everything that we do in our relationships is strictly about mirroring.  Many have said that the people that are in our lives are there because they are mirrors of us, but what I have found is that this is just not so.  Instead, I have found that there are a lot of people who are very different from who we are and that sometimes the only thing holding us to one person is a karmic thread that has nothing to do with our being similar to one another.  In my next post, I will go into this mirroring idea in what I promise wont be as long a post as this one has been.

 

~The Light In Me Salutes The Light In You~

 

 

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People talk about it, this veil…but the veil is in us, that is where it is.  It is made up of a bundle of our biases, the lies we tell ourselves or that have been told to us and we never bothered to correct them, taking them on blind faith. So is it any wonder we call it a veil?  We have blinded ourselves.

The act of removing the veil is a sticky one.  There is so much to release, to remove. So much of it is forgiving yourself just so you can be closer to the Source of all things.  I wish awakening was enough to rid you of all your masks, all your illusions, and all of the misperceptions and delusions….but it is a process and it takes time, commitment, willingness to help it along through a practice (even if its your own that no one else taught you but your own shining heart).  As the veils fall, the world becomes clearer.  We see the world more as it is and less as we are.

 

Blessings on your path….

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