Archives for category: kundalini

Part of me didn’t want to come here, but another part had made a promise to.

This world is like the womb of heaven. It awaits its opposite to bring heaven to earth. It is how the soul guaranteed that we would enter into relationship: with ourselves, with each other, with matter itself. Our myths contain elements about this union of opposites. I see them as much in us as in the world…for we are a part of it. We are learning about the aspects related to creative energy. As our relationships often bear out, we are imperfect with it. These polarities exist in our two brain hemispheres, our two sides (left and right) mirror it as do the sexes, the yin and yang. The great secret is it has been in us as well as outside of ourselves.

This relationship is multidimensional in nature, existing at many levels at once. It is in the atom, the cell, the soul, and exists as a unifying element that can lead us to our salvation. It can also lead us to our doom if we refuse to understand it.

Presence here, to be more realized, has always meant breathing awareness into this world, into ourselves, to bear heaven to earth, to recognize a trinitarian consciousness whereby two opposites within merge and birth a third consciousness, a synthesis of the two, an ascendant aspect or quality in our consciousness that leads us each to a greater life, better awareness, and with time: bliss. Some fold that quality into higher vibrational relationships that offer redemption and cleansing. It can also be done alone, and is done alone (even when in relationship). It is along one end of the spectrum of awakening dealing with the archetypes of the divine feminine and masculine.

This redemption isn’t achieved by believing that earthly existence is somehow flawed, broken, or inherently bad. It is instead waiting for us to make it into what we will. Each one of us has a part to play. You need only listen to your own inner voice. The Buddha within points to this inner knowledge as did the Christ…and both tend to point away from physical life as some ultimate answer seems to loom. The ultimate has always been here in the power of the present moment.

The delights here are a mirror of what exists in spirit. They always have. To what degree are we each good at translating that reality here on earth? Right. There is a lot of work to be done.

I find that the way into this work is to regard our experience here as filled with possibility and adventure. The sensual need not be eschewed, for our desire isn’t a force leading to our downfall, but to its opposite, if we can realize what the forces are at work: opposites not made to snare you, but to teach you. When we surrender to them a transcendent quality in us knows just what to do.

Be an earthling, take part in its wonders, know that this is a place to learn, a place where we each agree to dream an experience that has in the past felt like a “fall” into density. I came here to raise that dense vibration up by adding something to it in my own personal experience…to experience it, to share it, and then to tell at least one or two more souls about the alchemy that our souls and bodies bear. So much shame that was not necessary.

For me, the height of the spiritual is seeing the physical as an important part in the cosmic play. This is not a place to be feared but a place to be redeemed…and we are the ones whose beliefs need to be remade and redeemed.

Physical and spirit, two ends of a spectrum. I leave you with the words of a man who got it:

Just a note, I don’t know who needs to see this, but for those who have done clearing work, the act of allowing the force of prana (often expressed as kundalini, but not always) then you are familiar with how this works. If you aren’t, there are numerous modalities that can help, with or without an abundance of prana present. Many of them involve movement of the body: deep tissue massage, chi gong, ecstatic dance, acupressure/puncture. Whether the stuck emotion is in the body or there is an important feedback from the body for unlocking stuck emotion, the body plays an important role.

The release of stuck energy is a bit of a rabbit hole, though, and this is because the energy body has five nested aspects that make it up, which is your full energetic expression on this plane. This means that you can clear an energy center once, twice, three times, and on up to FIVE times. It can be a bit mystifying sometimes. When it happened to me, I wondered if I had somehow missed something. This was the result of these layers of the energy body that in the Sanscrit is called ‘kosha’ which means sheath. The energy body is like a multidimensional nesting doll, with multiple aspects all nested one into the other. This is why you might have a fabulous clearing of the root chakra only to come back the following year to be at it, clearing it again.

Koshas are like the layers of an onion.

The clue here that you aren’t just clearing new material you managed to store away, is how the center feels each time you perform a release. It is like entering a room, say the living room, and it feels completely different and even looks different as you enter each of its different aspects. It’s possible to clear a center five times, and each clearing feels as if you are in a different space.

Clearing the heart center years ago left me wondering what was going on. Hadn’t I already had a dramatic clearing already? I shrugged and figured it would make sense later. It did, luckily, as I found by accident the concept in yoga of the koshas.

I found that by clearing material in the heart, it got hard for me to relate to certain people the same way as before. Turned out, we shared an energetic arrangement and karma that created a kind of tense ‘cord’ between us. I was able to observe what dissolving that glitch in me did to another person who was not ready for change. Now this is highly individual. One person might just feel an emptiness tied to peace, but another person who is invested in their inner junk could feel unsettled. I saw how many of my releases definately impacted my then-wife who, it turns out, was not a person interested in doing any inner work to speak of. Meltdowns ensued within 12 hours of each release. This happened over a dozen times. The important thing to remember is I never told anyone about my releases as they happened, so this type of coincidence goes beyond coincidence in my book (most likely probably 🙂 )

This work has also meant that by releaaing so much, it effectively allowed me to step over the wall of people’s own limits as a personality on Earth to go into the realm of their soul so that I could feel the sublime character of souls in communion….even as that person could not feel what I felt and seemed incredulous about my insistence that I could feel what I felt. Since all of our hopes as social creatures is to have the other share in the experience, it is like having someone meeting you in a restaurant but who can’t see you when you show up. It has happened before, and it is a sign that real substantive work is being done. It can also be lonely, too.

Just as an aside, this is why I often say traditional methods of psychic protection are not that effective by putting up resistance. What happens perceptually with ANY consciousness is when you change your energy signature to something finer, it is difficult for others to see you or sense you etherically. Lower level entities can’t hook into your energy neither can they see you since to see you would mean matching your vibration. This is to my experience the only real “protection” from untoward influences. Your energy doesn’t contain unhealthy desires that can hook or be hooked by something.

That said, I am not convinced that the goal is to ever be without desire (and their corresponding hooks) because even the Dali Lama admitted not long ago that some desire is noble. Me, I think some desire can be of a very high quality that avoids the coarser qualities that may have been present in our nature or consciousness at one point in our development. Some desires lead us to God. And no, that union isn’t one that is devoid of junk, but full of a live that isn’t divided, which means all aspects of love are present in that moment, regardless of how embarrassed you might be about it. Mystic union is in fact heresy were the Christian church to know its fullest reality. Luckily, we have other arrows in our quiver.

The work for me was a slog at first. As time went by by sense that each release would acrue to a better state that woukd be persistent and not subject to swings from amazing bliss to horrible depths of shadow…a dark night of the soul. I dug myself out by digging deep. To dig deep you just need to feel deep and allow your intuitiin to guide you. It might not be perfect, but it is far superior to anything your rational mind cooks up. With the rational is also the most restrictive form of ego. It has forgotten that it is a budding creator. The path to understanding this is the feeling part of the self. Doing this is so simple many people make it too complicated (I did). It drives a simplicity along with a joy as you realize that all of this is a creation. Are you creating a sense of limitation and the poverty of heart and mind it brings? It doesn’t matter how rich you are because this is about feeling. Learning to conquer feeling opens up a vast dominion that is what you are.

I hope you can put this to use to assist in freeing yourself. . .

Life is full of surprises.

Copyright, all rights reserved

I have been working methodically on a manuscript about early Christianity. It’s a slog in order to have all of the right sources. My project presents the thesis that in earliest Christianity there was a very different understanding concerning some foundational concepts that would inform the religion for centuries. It’s a story of one group that pitted itself against another and sought to wipe away its influence for all time. But like the sun, moon, and the truth, what was hidden was later revealed when documents began to surface from early on in the movement that told a very different story. It is one of the greatest stories never told about a religion that exerted tremendous influence for centuries.

It’s here that someone from the distant past emerged, a seeker herself, and artist like me, who was keen to collaborate with me. What has emerged has been a new project on a facet of awakening most commonly known as twin souls or twin flames. This is an aspect of awakenings today that link people who have karma in common.

I have been critical of the concept, though, and it was a surprise finding myself considering a project like this. The result has been a flood of information that provides a new perspective on the phenomenon that I have been bringing through. Because of my familiarity with the subject already and the history of awakening, I found I have been able to bring what I think may be a new perspective on the phenomenon.

The agreement was that the project had to be small. I didn’t have the time to devote to a 200 page manuscript. As a result, a book of 120 pages emerged very quickly. The collaboration begins with me writing and my coauthor providing illustrations and proofreading the manuscript.

The illustrations in some cases reveals the artist’s own discoveries of her brush with a new energy in consciousness, which shows up in her work, which I think helps to bring added meaning and comprehension to the project. Being able to have the work illustrated is a plus, something that makes the project unique, I think. There will be some intersections with the book I am working on related to early Christianity, which is awakening and how kundalini was actually being taught. Other cultures and traditions that have teachings or writings on awakening also tends to include the phenomenon of union both on the individual level as well as between two people, which is a second wrinkle in the awakening phenomenon. The book shows that the history on twins as they are called today is scant in the way some would like them represented, but a more abundant field of understanding awaits when you can shift your focus. To this end, I show instances through time when high vibrational relationships emerge. The phenomenon has been hiding in plain sight, but is not obvious to anyone unfamiliar with the subject. It helps if you know how and where to look. A little sleuthing can make for interesting reading.

A lot has been done in a short time, and with our moving into the Fall, I am facing the busiest time of the year for my studio business in glassmaking, so work on the book will go into a less intense phase now which will be a refinement period where I will have friends help review the work for editing. It managed to get slipped in just in the nick of time!

In the meantime, I will be publishing excerpts from the book as the editing work proceeds. This has moved along so quickly we don’t even have a title yet! I am including preliminary illustrations from the artist, which will help give you a sense of the character of the artwork and the flavor of one important aspect of our story telling.

Thanks for stopping by!

A couple of years ago I wrote a post about a very unusual discovery that took place involving a documentary released in 2020, a conversation with a guide in 2008 and a past life memory that emerged as a result of the confluence of these events.

In 2020 I saw a documentary entitled The Hunt For Transylvanian Gold. It was streaming on Prime, and had made the rounds on Netflix too. In one very short scene there was shown the ruins of a ceremonial center in present day Romania that had images of a large stone disc that my guide was talking to me about in 2008. It looked exactly like it. It was the same size, same thickness, and had lines cut into it.

I know how that sounds…weird, right? Well, at that time in my life, my awakening had just turned a corner of sorts and I was getting a lot of inner activity with a guide who had seemed to make a return after first emerging back in 1985. As he explained to me, it wasn’t that he was ever absent, but that I wasn’t always able to tune into the range where I could hear him. All of a sudden, I was hearing him loud and clear after my awakening intensified in the wake of questioning what people were saying about aspects of the experience. I always thought that need brought him back, but no, it was the other way around. I had shut down and my ability to hear him seemed to go completely away.

Among the things he was telling me that early April during a walk to the waterfalls near my home here, was an object he made sure to show me. It was a large stone disc, about twenty feet in diameter, that had lines cut into the surface so that it looked like a giant pizza. There were something like 8 to twelve triangular sections. I wasn’t sure of the exact number, but it was easily in that range. My guide was telling me about how this stone had to do with union and that this was related to the work I would be doing in my life. I was walking along deep in thought trying to understand what was being told to me. It seemed that what my guide was showing me was how a group of people had merged and had become part of this stone disc. Huh??

I struggled to understand that one. What was the reason, the point? It was like my guide was trying to explain something to me, and try as I might, I wasn’t getting all of it. I wrote about this in a blog post in 2019 or 2020 when I saw the documentary. In it they showed an image of a disc that was part of a large ceremonial complex. It was uncanny.

The large divided disc in the ceremonial center

It is easy I think to try to make something you have seen fit into a random story line that seems to be a fit, but there is a curious second element which I never connected with this part of Europe that bears mentioning.

Many years ago I read the epic tale by Marion Bradley entitled The Mists Of Avalon. The story is an effort to give the Arthurian legend a more pagan and thus gaian twist, which means Druids and priestesses to whom the Druid priests answered to. In one notable scene, the main character, Morgan, is remembering a past life that involved her warching as Atlantis burned and then sank beneath the waves. That memory was trigerred by being with a man in the story. She could see tattoos of serpents around people’s wrists in blue woad, telling her that this man was a follower of the goddess and the hirned god. The thing that was curious about this was I never saw them as tatoos as I read the book. Instead, I saw them as golden serpents that wrapped around their arms. These serpents “burned” as Bradley wrote, because the serpent power, which was kundalini, was the sacred fire, the grace that inspired people no matter their belief system or their epoch. While Bradley’s story was historical fiction it always felt like she got more right about those days than she may have realized. It is a small detail but it is another one that supports the possibility that I was once with these people called the Dacians. The height of their civilization when these ruins were built was 100 BC to 100 AD.

When I saw the documentary, though, the whole story had me shaking my head in disbelief. There were those gold serpents some 30 years later! Still…maybe I was jumping the gun. Maybe it was all just coincidental. I considered that even as my gut screamed I was on to something from my past.

The Dacian gold serpents

So who were these people? To learn that, I went digging in the Romanian archives.

The Dacian bracelets were created during a period of great flourishing of the Dacian culture, known in history as the “classical Dacian era” (1st century BC – 1st century AD), in which significant transformations took place at all levels: political, economic, religious and cultural. This fortunate context was greatly influenced by the fact that in the 1st century BC, for a short period of time, King Burebista united under his reign most of the regions inhabited by the Getae and the Dacians into a “great dominion” with borders reaching as far as the geographical area of today’s Slovakia.

The last great king of Dacia was Decebalus, during whose reign the kingdom became a political, economic and military power again. Located on the border of the Roman Empire, which it had successfully faced in the past, Dacia had become too much of a threat to Rome. Thus, Emperor Trajan decided to eliminate this danger and, following the wars of 101-102 and 105-106, Dacia was conquered and transformed into a Roman province. This is how the “classical Dacian era” ended.

Statues of Dacians on the Arch of Constantine in Rome

Above: Representations of Dacians on Trajan’s Column. The nobles, the military chieftains, are the ones with their head covered. They were known as tarabostes or pileati. The others, commoners, without head covers, were known as comati. The images are engravings from Pietro Bartoldi’s 17th Century album.

The political and religious center of Dacia was the great fortress Sarmizegetusa Regia, on Grădiștea Muncelului (almost in the center of today’s Romania), with numerous houses, workshops, warehouses, but also with water supply systems. Near this fortress were several shrines and altars, which formed an impressive Sacred Zone, with walls, stairs, paved roads, canals and other stone arrangements, as we find in the Greek world. In Dacia there were many other cities (called dava), which permanently housed a large population, and which were important centers of craftsmanship and trade, but at the same time central places of political and religious life.

The royal polyspiral gold bracelets are the most original creations of the Dacian artisans that survived through ages. They were made of Transylvanian gold, beaten in cold and then punched and engraved. The utensils used were wooden and metal hammers, covered with leather, wooden anvils, as well as sets of iron chisels and bronze punches.

Between 1996 and 2001, the entire Sarmizegetusa Regia area, the last capital of the Dacian Kingdom (inscribed on the list of monuments of humanity in 1999) was targeted by the activities of organized crime groups, which practiced archaeological poaching on a large scale. An exceptionally large number of gold and silver objects were exported illegally. 14 of the 24 bracelets that had originally been spirited out of the country were returned.

A hilltop site belonging to the Dacian culture

The bracelets as they are called, were buried in a number of different locations as caches, we suspect, to keep them safe from an invading army of Romans. With enough leaders lost in battle against Rome it is possible that the gold was forgotten or the location was only known to a few. An article in National Geographic on the subject said that these bracelets were offerings to the gods. I felt myself stiffen when I read that. These pieces were buried in numerous locations away from ceremonial complexes. If, as those at National Geographic insist, that theae were somehow offerings, where is the surrounding supporting structure that ought to exist?

My take is different. They were ceremonial, so they were used. They were power objects in the sense that everyone who used them were focused on the same energetics.

We also have the possibility that the culture practiced ritual union in a ceremonial context and this union was used to help strengthen the culture and to provide meaning for their spiritual practice.

It is also likely that they had developed their spiritual understanding to a significant degree. All of this was prior to the influence of Orthodox Christianity which would seek to convert everyone it could, wiping away any memory of the forces alive in earth and all of life that was tied to recreation, healing, and fertility.

My sense is that these people knew about the interplay of opposites and how awakening played into this. It is also quite likely that these people weren’t as shut down and didn’t suffer from the results of that condition to the degree others did, with less of a “veil” needing to be pulled away. This would make them appear intimidating to the “civilized” Christianized people who came into contact with them because such a state roots you in a very different reality concerning your creaturehood.

This Christianization wouldn’t happen until a few centuries after the Roman soldiers had invaded and took control over the region, though, because it wasn’t until the third and fourth Centuries AD that Christianity was legitimized or made legal (and the state sponsored religion) by Rome. Their conversion would have happened more gradually, first by Rome, then by Christianity. This would be repeated numerous times all over the world. It would happen in South America with the Spanish instead of Rome providing the civillian force to bend the culture when it would appear unseemly for the monks to do so. It would repeat in North America with the empire-in-waiting that began as a confederation of colonies and evolved into a nation that would later act like a new Roman empire (as it does today). It is curious how this pattern developed. Regardless, my sense was that these people, of which so little appears to be known about their spiritual lives, did what all people who live close to the earth do: they brought earth into the equation spiritually and that naturally included the concept of the family unit of the creative duo of feminine and masculine as an engine for creation seen in all things.

The Taoist concept of yin and yang, for instance, naturally gave room for the masculine and feminine together. Christianity did not: it had a god who behaved like a vengeful emperor as any notion of the humanizing effects of the family unit didn’t exist in this later model (present in Judaism but now being adopted by Christianity around this time period). Once seen in the earth as a force, it would be seen in all of life, and might even be seen in the forces that move air and push the earth through space in its travel around the sun.

People like this tended to be aware of the cycles created by the revolution of earth around the sun, even if they didn’t know its true nature in the larger scheme, they did know that the days and years had a specific repeatability to them as the erected standing stones in France and other regions reveal (a stone that is centered so it frames the sun on the winter solstice for instance).

The documentary raises the specter of the gold bracelets as being cursed because so many people experienced negative outcomes while hunting for and seeking to spirit away, the gold out of the country. I am not superstitious, but objects that are used communally can have energy associated with them that appears to have effects on people later who unearth them. In the documentary, which was more about buried treasure and the theft of priceless artworks in gold, the documentary uncovered how one of the discoverers of the location of the gold wound up dying a mysterious death later. The documentary suggested that the objects had a powerful aura about them.

As all of this was shown in the documentary, I found myself bothered, upset even, with images that were emerging spontaneously in my mind. When these happen in this way, my ears prick up. It felt as though I was picking up on another age, a time that came from our legends having to do with a time when there were dwarves and fairy folk….except there were no fairy folk or elves, but there was a time out in the expanse of forest where a people lived who were pagan and who lived close to the earth. And following me around was the pattern that has been present not in all of my lives but many of them: the inner union within consciousness that liberates a bio-psychic energy that reflected that union in the physical world. As many would use their consciousness in a lopsided way, often, I found myself wanting to scratch beneath the surface to this more luminous state I have sensed was there, could be there…..must be there.

An overview of the ceremonial grounds

I have seen a life in Babylon where the leaders of the country participated in ritual fertility rites of heiros gamos. Enough details flooded in that I found myself being able to identify the leader. If you happen to have a life or two that was known to history, being able to identify details from memory that later check out is a pinch-me kind of moment. When I was researching the region where I had lived as a Miwok in California in the 1800’s I found an Army memo describing a raid on their fort by the Indians who lived in and around Yosemite. That memo described a memory I had twenty years earlier to a “T.” There were no other attacks on a fort in that area that were written about in the record. What are the chances?

So it was an unusual pinch-me moment when I met someone who I knew from this life in Romania. It’s easy to secobd guess and doubt, but one thing I have learned is that when you really feel something is right from another life, it probably is. We just think getting to those memories are hard work. They seem that way, but in reality aren’t. If you are like me, you might get a small cluster of memories or impressions but precious little else. Why? Sometimes the bridge to that self isn’t as strong as it could be, some material would prejudice you in regards to a lesson you keep trying to learn and you need “radio silence” in order to solidify the lesson. Sometimes. Some lessons, once learned, are done with. Other lesons are like a seven course meal that is digested in parts.

It all happened effortlessly where I could feel the tug, the pull, the flow of that edge of bliss as I held off going any further. I knew exactly where we had met. Union, and heiros gamos again, a pattern showing that for my higher self, this work is some of the most important I can think of. While the stream of energy is powerful, we have decided to collaborate on a book on the subject of union and awakening. There is a lot out there that seeks to cast this experience as something closer to myth than anything else, and I think it is time someone gives a new perspective. I am not even going to say the “twin” experience isn’t real, but I will instead show how it is related to awakening and the sacred. It’s an exciting prospect especially since the book will be illustrated, which should help to emphasize and enliven the work in peoples’ minds.

Memory of past lives isn’t that hard, but you don’t get there via the rational mind. The feeling side is much more constructive and doesn’t throttle down the intuitive flow. Many things you are interested in now are experienced in other lives. Twice in two lives as a leader I embarked on building projects that included pretty amazing adornment and decoration. Today, I am an artist who makes objects to decorate the home. I am not a king. I also have a strong interest in leadership and good governance. But what I am saying here is your lifetimes often share a lot in common with where you are now…and the best way to explore is to playfully imagine. It wont seem like anything serious, but for this reason you can often find some gems. The position is one of feeling. Don’t let ego, pride, or ypur rational mind get in the way…feel it out. Oh, and if you tell me you were Cleopatra, I am going to have to say it wasn’t likely since so many in the past say they thought they were someone famous like Cleopatra. But who knows, someone out there might have been her actually!

We invited our ghosts in with a gesture now long forgotten. They have been haunting us ever since. We love our ghosts for how they ride us, making us feel like weaker versions of ourselves, defeated. We are such curious creatures for how much we love what we dislike. We protest against such truths, but there it is.

A gnawing sense that all is not right in a marriage, we tell ourselves that it could be worse, or how we swallow so much and brush aside what offends our hearts until we turn ’round to find ourselves dunn-hearted, isolated, and alone in our theater of ghosts. Jobs we love to hate, politicians, the line at the store, the broken clock, computer, or way home…we love to hate it all. Why?

It takes great love to not hate ourselves for this, but to summon that love that, when felt, extends to everything it touches, including ourselves is one of the kindest of things we can do not just for ourselves, but for the good that will come to those around us. We take those parts of ourselves, in love, like how a parent loves their child, in order to show ourselves the way to a better place, where the ghosts are free to live their truer lives – no longer unknowingly grasped within our hearts and bodies, no longer held to a less than perfect expectation that our underwhelm has trapped them in. In so doing we appeal to the greater lights of our becoming to incrementally find our way home – which is itself a constant process as we go. What once was profane is rendered sacred, what was empty is now full, and what was forgot is remembered.

Sin has been with us as an idea for far too long for many of us to even take a good guess at how or where it developed or evolved from. It is, though, known that the concept of sin originated in Judaism. Until the time of its emergence, the world literally was without sin. The idea of an act, though now passed, sticks with you and which can be used to judge you later by the divine, was not in existence before Judaism or in other regions of the world. The closest idea of sin might be the Indian concept of karma, but even karma diverges in its main tenets from sin and constitutes a wholly unique take on how our actions affect our future. We have kept it or it has kept us for as long as it has because of how it has occupied our minds and helped to be the influence that it has for as long as it has. I am not going to say that it is all good or all bad, but I certainly think that there were some much better ways we could have gone about illuminating our behavior that didn’t bring up the concept of sin.

With the birth of Christianity in the first century A.D. and its subsequent acceptance of sin, the idea of what you do as having an affect on your future spiritual life in some heavenly realm was given a huge boost. While Judaism asserted that all people were born in sin from the Garden of Eden, Christianity offered a way out of that sin….in a manner of speaking, with Christ letting you off the hook. While it was an advance, it was not without its failings. The tenets of sin have said that we each will be judged for what we have done, and that there is a heaven or a hell waiting for us.

With advances in medical technology, though, people are being pulled back from the brink of physical death more and more. Since many life-saving measures have developed, so too has the incidence of near death experiences (NDE) risen. Now, we have tens of thousands of accounts of peoples’ experiences, and there is one very interesting pattern that emerges despite the variety of cases, and that is no one is sent to a Hell where they stay throughout their NDE. People can in some cases wind up in a dark place, but they are always pulled out of it, or the experience manages to unfold so that the soul winds up back in the light. Further, there is not a single case where a person has been judged by any outside agency. Every account describes how the person, after their life review, is asked how they felt about it, after which the person is able to reflect and explain themselves. While many in the scientific community want to suggest that NDE’s as experienced are little more than a kind of fever dream of the brain shutting down. Doctors point out that normally under conditions of low oxygen levels, the person isn’t peaceful and doesn’t experience anything that remotely approximates the classic NDE.

Dannion Brinkley who had multiple NDE’s explains that in all of his experiences there was never any judgment of him. The judgment was always done within himself. All of this, he explains, is an inside job. That jives with what Jesus said, as well as many other teachers (Buddha for one) down through time regardless of culture of institution. In one case, a person described seeing their past lives as well as their own life review, and the sense was all of this was one very long and involved process of development.

I know that in my own experience that I had what could be termed a kind of life review while I was still alive, courtesy of the dream state. Others have described these “reviews” of their lives also who have had kundalini awakenings (not all though). It happened not long after I found myself suffused in a brilliant white light during meditation. Not long after that, I had a full-blown kundalini awakening, and in a dream I experienced a shortened version of my life review through all of the main issues in my life that had served to snag me emotionally. I had never had a dream that lasted all night. I hadn’t awakened from sleep drenched in sweat either, but there I was, feeling like I had run a marathon. Did I go to Hell? I did descend into shadow lands within myself in order to acknowledge stuck emotional energy in order to free it. Nowhere have I seen evidence of a desire on the part of the divine presence, the Source, to punish us for what we have done in this life. Even the concept of karma, which is often bent by humans into meaning that the universe is somehow “getting back” at them, is itself merely the result of what we put out setting up conditions for future events….unless we heal and become more aware of how a given energy in our consciousness (often with a powerful emotional component and thus tied very closely to beliefs of all kinds) is creating a given condition for us ongoing. I am reminded of the scene in Jesus Christ Superstar where Judas says, “Just don’t say that I’m damned for all time…” In this world, not even you, Judas (much to the chagrin of many devout Christians).

It seems that when we reach a place in our development when we can really see our stuff, we tend to see it and the inner compass which exists in all of us helps us to know how to feel about our lives and our actions. It is true that people do terrible things, but the compass I mention still exists within all of us. In many cases, our access to this divine conscience is buried, covered over. It is also buried behind tons of false beliefs about what we think is good and what we are told is bad. It is never so simple as that, nor black and white.

One of the great prisons for us concerns sin and what we think sin is. Our beliefs about our sexuality and our nature as bliss has somehow managed to become distorted and wounded. There is, though, the bliss body “beneath” the pain body, and when you can dispense with focusing on pain you can begin to experience bliss. The advantage of this is that bliss can help pain to drop away. At the end of the day, you are either going to let it go or you aren’t. i spent a few years trying to manage or wrest my junk out of me. No. There is a way and it is through radical forgiveness. If you can practice that in an honest way, you can in short order, release the stored emotion that causes you to feel reactive to a host of issues in your day to day life. One of the most curious connections between the bliss body and our trauma is how physical bliss is so closely tied to our sexuality. Sexuality is itself a minefield for all of us, and it requires healing to be able to experience bliss ongoing.

Sin was seen as anything that served to distance us from God. In early Christianity the mystics whose history was largely swept from the stage (the Gnostics) describe this as a state of life or a state of death. Sin made us like “dead” and waking up was what restored us to a new glorious life, freed from the burden of sin in each person. In that sense, this is the best description for sin because how we act and how those actions coarsen our soft insides so that we grow dull and can no longer feel the delight that is the divine, then the idea of sin has a place I suppose…I just wish we hadn’t used it as a tool for control.

Yesterday Facebook memories reminded me that wild cherries that I used to pick were ripe. I took the picture on the day I picked those cherries and then posted it that day, so I had an assurance that the same trees were bearing. The cherries grow on a tree in a dear friend’s yard who deceased in November of last year. He was one of my very best friends. We were like wheels that had come off the wagon of the world, misfits, iconoclasts whose journey song no longer matched a loud and increasingly jarring world that seemed like it was losing itself. So we took shelter in our friendship. We had talks about all kinds of things, and he helped me with my electrical equipment since he was an electrical engineer. Rational, but highly creative, the kind of people I often gravitate towards.

With his property still in limbo I went to his place and checked to see if the cherries were ripe. They were. I took a small step ladder to help me reach them because I was going to pick as many as I could get. These cherries are wild, so they are small. They are both bitter and sweet all at once, and being wild, I like that about them.

Normally, I tend to have some communication with someone like my friend after they pass, but I have only gotten glimmers, and it has made me wonder what was up. I was thinking about this as I walked across the yard to get an even larger step ladder to get up higher into the boughs.

Being there, though, in nature, did something to me. It wasn’t a surprise, it is something that happens to me a lot. If I am going to feel a burst of prana, it is going to happen when I am alone in nature. The quieter I am in my mind, the better it is. And I had gotten very quiet. Still. Hands reaching for the cherries still ripe and not overly ripe. I was busy with very little…

As I stood there, I felt my heart open up, and I enjoyed that moment of communion with the tree and all of the life around me…birds, the insects, other trees. I sank into it, and as I did, it was like I found someone there looking out through it all. It was my friend, but it was an aspect of him that, while I recognized it as him, he was just very different. I “got” that it was him, but it was as if he opened up in a way he had never done (perhaps because we weren’t communicating telepathically with each other while he was alive). What happened next is nearly impossible to explain or describe, but I am here to try, so here goes.

Have you ever watched a movie that is in a language you don’t understand, and instead of reading the subtitles, you fix your eyes on the people talking? You are aware that you are not getting the full drift or meaning of the conversation, but you are getting the feel of it, and probably a lot more than you even realized. I could feel my friend coming through, communing with me there, but also speaking to me but not in words….not completely. He was telling me something, but it was more like listening to a symphony of feeling more than anything else. The explaining in word was only a small subset of all of what happened. Part of me craned my neck to try and hear his words…but this seemed like it wasn’t entirely the point. Still. What I was getting was something that was partly just feeling with a kind of narrative wound around it….but he wanted me to get the depth of feeling, and was there I think, because he knew I might be able to catch it in that moment. He approached me, I think, in the way that he did because he knew he could. While I really liked his earthly presence, what I was feeling into was really quite grand, like an inner self without any fear or sense of vulnerability that we often experience here with people.

What he was doing was he was feeling something and telling me about it. I didn’t need the words if I could just stretch out into what he was feeling. I did that. I let myself get closer and closer and to open up more and more without engaging my rational side.

He was capturing a state of mind, one, which, he was explaining, he had spent his life on Earth finding and keeping. He was saying how it would elude him…he would get it and then it would wane and slip between his fingers. What was that? He was showing me and it felt like for a moment that we were somehow suspended outside of time just a bit while I was standing on that ladder picking cherries. I didn’t skip a beat, didn’t get “way far out” I was just very present….right here in the Now. Tears streamed from my face as I leaned into this feeling he was “telling” me about. His big regret was that he couldn’t stay in that state all the time. He said something to the effect that he always knew that this kind of state could change the world. I chuckled at that, and he said something that approached “Okay, it changed my world…”

I stayed with it and I could feel this transmission keep going, and the less I tried to hear it the more I felt it, the stronger it got. It felt a bit like a saxophone playing this really long note, and the longer that note was played, the sweeter and riper it would get, the more intense it was. It required a surrendered state where I could become inspired, and this was what was fueling the experience. It would be very easy to think that I was making this all up in my head, except by now after many instances or experiences like this where I have encountered people who I have not even met before saying and doing things in the ether, I have come to suspect that when it comes fully “hatched” as this experience did, the likelihood of it being something from someone else and not self-created, is very high. I have done this in my work where I have been able to describe the behavior of people who I have not met before and who have been deceased. This feeling that was so nuanced, so full, and that had this undeniable stamp of his nature on it, was sweeping all through me. I was reminded how the rational mind, when allowed to come stumbling into encounters like this can make a mess of things. I checked the rational a few times in the process of this in order to allow the part of my mind, which had the capacity to expand and roam free, the greatest room. It was like being told that being so inspired, so full of wonder and awe is what the world needs more of. My friend has this brand of it that is part of who he is, and he chased it the whole time he was in his life. Later in life, however, he grew jaded and tired of how the world seemed to be falling apart around him, and wondered what the whole point was. This encounter was him setting the needle back into the groove again.

It was very much as Jesus said, that we must be like children in order to get there. There was something orchestral about it. Funny, too, because he was a great musician. We used to make music decades ago in another life when I was in my 20’s. We lived a few miles apart back in the 90’s, and then I went to graduate school and wound up settling in the opposite end of the state four years later. In 2006 I had the opportunity to invest in real estate in the area, and considered my old stomping grounds in the mountains. The only problem was there was only one building on the market that fit the bill. There just wasn’t anything around to buy…and the one building that worked for what I do was almost directly across the street from my friend. We had a good chuckle about that when I bought the property (just as awakening was taking hold). I eventually moved to the area where I bought the property and here I am today. We had both lived in many different places (him the son of a Joint Chief of the Pentagon, he moved around a lot) but this area we both loved more than anywhere else. Now we were just across the street from each other. How funny. This was not an area that I was looking for property nor did I particularly care to go there…but it was the only building like it on the market in the region. Kismet.

What was fascinating about our interaction was it was an exercise in reaching a certain vibration, which was really only the result of surrender and letting myself “fall” into it deeper and deeper. It’s funny how we talk about changing our vibration in cases like this, but honestly, when I experience things like this, it feels more like opening up my mind and heart, removing the blinders, the barriers to the experience. Why it is I sometimes have resistance, why we as humans have resistance, I don’t know. Maybe it is this fear of being “out of it” and fearing a saber toothed tiger might eat us or something. But that was then and this is now, and so we are learning a new way to be…an old new way, I think you could say. But for me, my friend didn’t just present his earthly persona, he dug deep and inspired me to do the same, apparently. Maybe he didn’t need to dig deep in the state he was in without a body. It was one of the most remarkable experiences…and a lot has been happening on the telepathy front as of late. It reminded me that these states are what the earth needs, people who can reach deep and feel…and then pass it along to the others. I think that when we do this, we begin to realize our potential as beings here. It is like stealing back a bit of heaven to plant it here. I find so much of what I try to do is to help bring that “higher vibration” here to the earth (which is I think simply surrendering to our deeper truer nature). But what we think of as a high vibration is I think being honest with who we are, what we are, and learning to first shed the bullshit programming that we have taken on foolishly in our time here. Even if a million wise guys said it wasn’t good to do this or that….and if the strongest and most powerful parts of ourselves have been shamed in the process I say question what those wise guys say. There is so much activity around wanting to control our creativity, our energy, our inner power.

I am finding that this is getting easier as time goes by, and I think that this is so is because it is actually a natural capability. If I can do this anyone can. You have to reach within, something that many people doesn’t want to do for fear that it comes from a place where it is fabricated or made up. Getting past that and beginning to be open to the possibilities is one of the first steps. The feeling state, the energy body, is the means of receiving and sending these messages. The universe is energetic and so are we.

I wish you were here to share these with me. That will, though, have to wait for another time, maybe another life.

Someone asks about implants or entity attachments. Beyond this, you’ll need to read my book when it’s out.

So much said about these. My observation over years (40) of active energetic sensory perception is that we become vulnerable to energetic entities of every stripe, based on the emotional issues we carry. Read that again and let it sink in. Some can be akin to simple life forms all the way up to bipedal types (but still not all that intelligent). There is alot out there that isn’t physical that is entirely energy beings. Also, some beings are fragments of consciousness. It just takes enough energy focused in a particular way to create them. Homes often have them from their occupants. We call them ghosts, but I don’t think people understand what ghosts are in all truth (not completely…and that’s a post for another time).

Every single case I have seen, the entities attached due to a “trauma” or emotional wrinkle in the psyche of the person. This is always dependent on the person. What hits you wrong might not impact me…at all. This is to say that this is all because of you. Your choice in feeling led to this outcome. As hard as that may be to hear, its true. The good news is by doing your inner work, you can naturally clear these entities by clearing your backlog of emotional material. The other side to all of this is that there is no real protection in a universe as fluid as this. Vibration is everything. If you carry an off vibration somewhere in your field, it can be fair game.

Some have said drug use can cause it, but that isn’t correct. Most drug use stems from a condition of deficiency, a perception of deficiency, even if subconsciously. Something the drug supplies, that the emotion felt, robs the body of. The drug type doesn’t always track the emotion, but rather the personality type determines the drug used. I could experience the same trauma as another person but medicate with a different drug because I have a different constitution or turn of mind.

I have seen one entity daisy-chain with people. It does this because of the law of attraction. One person will attract certain people, and in that circle, many will be interesting to an entity because of the similarities between them. People do flock together.

If you use drugs of any kind, ask yourself what are you medicating? The true answer leads you right to the problem that needs your attention. Feel it, acknowledge it, and let it go, like a spirit leaving a bottle. By doing this, you engage in soul retrieval. Remember not to fall back into the habit of what the drug use represented. If you think that this is too hard, you might have become hypnotized into thinking this work is hard, and you might not be used to using the wisdom or intuitive part of yourself. That part knows where all your shit lies. It’s so easy, you will think, “That can’t be it…that was too easy…” That’s the brain washing. I can go deeper into how this is done, but this would be a chapter in a book.

There are ways to get at this material. Body work (deep tissue massage), energy work, chi gung, cranial sacral, acupressure/puncture, and TRE (trauma release exercise), holotropic breathwork, Rolfing (deep tissue again) are all ways that this material can be released. Kundalini and awakenings in general can often release this material also. You have to be very clear about whether you are ready to let it go.

People hold onto their stuff while swearing they are ready to let it go. Be humble. Be honest with yourself. Some things that feel great are in fact the illusion that a constriction in your field will make something energetic feel more intense and fool you into thinking it is “the bomb” or the thing, the person, the experience. You have to watch closely, honestly, and be able to see how inner feeling relates to how you respond to the things in your environment that are matching that unresolved issue. When it goes, the tight intensity goes and an expansiveness replaces it. It’s good to let it teach you how to be in this part of the new you.

I knew a person who had an entity attached to her. I described the being and she recognized it, saying, “He is my guide!” The being was a text book demon. Red skin. Horns. I was careful to confirm her description of the being. I offered that what I saw was a being just like Hellboy. She agreed that it did look just like him. In another case, I saw the entity which looked like a kind of dragon/dinosaur with terracotta colored skin, male. The person replied that this was her guide also. I had seen this being attached to a well-known psychic and it was attached to many of his female clients. When I offered to the woman that this was what I saw, she threatened me saying that this kind of talk was slander, and saying this could destroy the man’s ability to provide for himself. Stockholm Syndrome, anyone? I suspect both people still have their lower level entities still in place.

I chose not to remove them because I had done this once before and it made life difficult for me. I don’t regret it, I just know there are better ways (hint: it is an inside job). It is much better if the person can be made aware of what might be atrached to them so they can let them go.

I hope this primer helps. There is a lot of nuance I have missed, but posts can get long when I really dig in and I lose people. If you have questions, ask, and if you have experiences, do share! We swim in the ether. The nature of life is that we are made up of aggregates of consciousness. Our bodies are cells that have their own consciousness. Not all of this is bad or negative. The path to your higher evolution is in knowing what hinders you and what helps you.

There are a handful of methods that have been used down through time to liberate the mind from the shackles of its previous life, leading it to a new dawn of self realization. The methods are all very similar and they involve looking within. So we have meditation and there are visualization exercises, too, designed to bring about a condition that happens once this inner switch is flipped.

I hear those who say “you cannot induce awakening intentionally…” but you can. My old friend Jensen, who I spoke to not long ago after not being in touch for close to a decade described his experience for me when he went to a recreation department class on kundalini meditation….and awakened kundalini. I have a close family friend who went to a Vipissana retreat, the method that Guatama Buddha recommended, and it was there that something shifted and her life was forever altered. I had gotten the sense that this old friend had become awakened but wasn’t using terms that described it directly, so I asked her if she had had any remarkable experiences in the last few years. Vipissana is a retreat where one is silent for about ten days and meditates the whole time. Gopi Krishna sat in the early morning hours bidding an energy rise up his spine and it did, forever changing his life from then onward. I was given a meditation technique whose central method was to quiet the mind. I had meditated up to that time for years and no awakening. Once I was given this technique, I had results immediately. Within a week I found myself suffused in a brilliant white light, and wondering what had just happened was enough to cause the brilliance to vanish. I had managed to begin using a part of my mind that was usually shut down so much that I didn’t fully know that it even existed in me. I thought that it existed in other people, that it was something that people developed over lifetimes. While I think there is some truth to this, call it a gradual ripening into a place that is suitable for awakening, I also observe that there is something much like a switch, and one of the ways to it is through meditation. I know that my meditation got me there, because it was only after meditation and the use of hemisync discs that induced a deep theta state, that I entered into a period of high strangeness that culminated in a full rising event of kundalini.

Was I intentionally seeking to awaken kundalini? No. Was I seeking to wake up somehow? Yes. It had been part of my life for many decades before this. I was a seeker after all.

That said, there are people who haven’t used meditative practice to awaken. There are people who woke up in nature, walking down the street, and one case describes being scared to death nearly as the “jolt” that brought on awakening. I wasn’t meditating when kundalini rose, it just happened as an outcome of a process that began much like an automated system produces an end result. All of the changes that took place over the course of five months were autonomous in nature. I was little more than an observer watching and wondering what these sensations were about.

To be clear, not everyone does this. Awakening processes are all very individual and each are unique. Looking back on it the process I was going through was being driven by something inside of me, but I was clueless as to what all of the symptoms meant over those five months. Clearly, I was hallucinating some things…like the voices I heard and the Native American drumming and singing, all may have been psychic energy expressing itself. The dreams, which were like a giant inventory punctuated with brilliant and vivid imagery of water and light and a mysterious language embedded in water and light, made me wonder just what was up.

Some people I have known awakened when they met someone. That in itself was enough to trigger them. In one case, with someone I have interviewed for the site, the person had known the other in another life and they shared a karmic thread, one which they didn’t see for what it was, and was taken by the power of the draw. Ultimately they didn’t resolve their karma together, they each resolved it individually.

Buddha said it right when essentially he said no one makes you feel a certain way or makes you react a certain way. You do. At the root of karma are our honest reactions and feelings. Some feelings are based in beliefs and thinking that are not aligned to our truer higher selves. Is it something that the cosmic judge will put us away for forever? There appears to be no such judge, save for our own inner compass. In NDE’s the only person judging the person was themselves, and no one, not a one, being sent to hell. Yes, there are accounts of people going to a dark place they thought was hell, but pay attention to the account of the NDE closely: in every case the person winds up in the light.

In my research it appears that awakening is essentially like a near death experience in that there is a communion with the energy that represents “the light.” Not all awakenings involve a white light like mine did. Some involve vibration, heat, sound, or other representations of energy. At the end of the day, this is what out minds and bodies are trying to explain to ourselves or to interpret, which is that awakening is at its core an energetic event. Along with these events can come karmic relationships, and they wind up being powerful movers sometimes. But for as powerful as they are for inspiring change, often the change is limited in all truth. It is, though, enough for most people. It “gets your attention” as one person once explained it to me. It certainly does. But beyond that, what does it materially do? I myself really thought I had to work something out with this person who I had karma with. I even knew what the karma was, as I have seen most of the karmas from others who I have known who were like this.

We think that it is something we create together, but in truth, we don’t. All of the karma that I ever worked through was always something that I worked out on my own. It is rare to find someone who is as engaged as you are in wanting to work through the same set of issues as yourself. My “twin” often went into meltdowns when I tried to push the energy to begin clearing our karma. Something inside of her simply resisted it. She wasn’t ready. No harm no foul. And sitting alone, a number of years later, I thought that I had to work it out with her, and in so doing, or trying to do it, I asked her what it was she needed from me. Her response surprised me. “This awakening helped me so much. It changed my life and kept it from being ordinary…and I am a better person for it. What do I need from you? I don’t need anything from you: I am happy!”

And just like that, it was done. Poof. The karmic threads fell away. But what was it that did it? What was holding up the train? My feelings were holding up the train, that’s what. I thought there was something I needed to do. There was nothing I needed to do. It could have been over years earlier, but I labored under the false assumption that we had to do this together. It’s a good thing that I reached back to her all those years later (seven years later in fact), because if I hadn’t, I might still be feeling this draw created by the charge of feeling like I owed someone something or that something wasn’t finished right or done. Except that it was in everyone’s mind but mine.

You might be like this somewhere and you don’t even know it. You might be taken in by the love that you feel. It’s good to feel it, but I can tell you it wont take you anywhere significant because the force is for your change, not anyone else. In order to go anywhere significant with another in such a rarefied environment, you need to be exactly the same and respond and want in exactly the same way. This experience makes you think that you are one, that you are twins. Yes, we are ALL ONE, we are, but goodness sakes, we also have free will and individuality and for as much as the Advaita people want to say it, self is real and ego serves an important purpose in learning while here. That means that individuality is the real wild card.

I have tried to help so many people over the years and what I have found is that the bulk of the advice was unheeded or not acted on. And you know what, it’s perfect because at the end of the day a person has to be ready to see their lessons in front of them. In fact they have to own them before they see them.

A teacher once told me to be careful about telling someone something they weren’t ready to hear because most often people will reject perfectly good advice because it comes from the outside. Not all information from the outside is bad. In fact, we each have blinders about our issues in life. A close friend can see our junk so much easier for the simple reason that it isn’t theirs and that they don’t have the same blinders. But after that, as for what to do or how to do it, fagetaboutit! It really has to be an inside job from there on out. But listen to your friends when they are trying to waive you off the runway when you are trying to take your jet full-throttle across the runway. They might just be seeing the tire that is flat that you doggedly are refusing to look at. And yes, that is a metaphor… But even more importantly are the people who think they have insight into your life when they don’t, when their insight is little more than their own beliefs wrapped up in such a way that they are fooled into thinking what they have created is genuine. Already two such people have described events they knew to be real when there was nothing to them…at all. They convince themselves they are psychic and so they are…no matter what. They may have been at some point, but somewhere something happened. It’s a bit like the Hollywood psychic saying, “I see a woman in your life right now…” with the respondent saying, “Yeah, no woman in my life, nope…” Only to be followed with, “I see you received a promotion!”

“I’m self employed, so no promotions really…” Humility and self honesty are critical components to this. Mercy…where was I?

The most successful methods shut down thought and keep you present and aware. You aren’t shutting down, you are shutting down the monkey mind. When that happens, you are that much closer to the recognition that takes place that everyone experiences, which is nonduality, the awareness and experience that everything is One and everything is connected. Kundalini, is one step further than that where the portion of consciousness that is able to understand what nonduality feels like then takes it one step further and beings a process of churning consciousness in the hopes that something breaks free. While the Hindu systems of yoga and meditative practices all say do this work before you awaken Westerners simply do not do this work. the good news is that kundalini itself will cleanse the system the Hindu call nadi, and much of the fireworks you read about as it relates to awakening in the West is attributed to clearing that kundalini can do. Nadi are seen as channels in the body that carry prana. The meridian system in Chinese medicine maps out the same energy even though it is called chi (qi). Going back lifetimes, the idea of union within was learned through the systems alive in various cultures I have lived in that have ritual forms of union like hieros gamos in its many different incarnations. In this there is implicit an understanding of awakening since they involve elements that are identical to one another.

After attempting to awaken and not succeeding, what is missing may be your being ripe for the experience. When someone I know attempted to force an awakening years ago, I was witness to someone who was off her rocker for most of the time. It sounds harsh, but it was true. Was this person always this way, I wondered? Maybe. Or maybe what kundalini did was to drive the shadow out into the light….with the exception that this person wasn’t letting go. She just wasn’t ready. Friends questioned whether she had actually had a real awakening. It was real, even if she forced it by utilizing my energy in the etheric. And on the flip side you can have someone who wants to awaken and despite all efforts, they just don’t or can’t. Any number of hurdles stand before them. You can lead a horse to water, but we all must learn to drink ourselves. The woman I knew in 500 B.C. had in her an inability to be happy where she was. Other than that, she was an incredible person. That pattern is still playing out today and there is nothing that I can do to change it, and now I am at peace with it being that way. She will change once she knows that it is an issue for her and can really see it for herself. Telling her it is an issue would likely cause her to get upset and angry, even go into denial. She has to figure it out on her own. She has to get to that place where she really think that she was the one who had it all figured out (even though people may have been trying to tell her this for years…who knows really if that is so, but these things have a way of happening like this) And really, that is good because waking up is about growing up spiritually. It will only ever work when we take those steps to the water ourselves.

Awakening isn’t a mystery though…not as deep a mystery as we would like it to be. We may not always understand it, but it is a phenomenon tied closely to our consciousness (because it is a function of it) and as such it is not some exotic phenomenon. It isn’t for the lucky few, the elite or chosen. It is a state that everyone can experience when they are ready. I once tried to explain this to a friend and I said to her that awakening is like a second puberty, a growth into a new state of being. You are still you but this energy has helped to divest you of a lot of the programming that was cast into you since infancy. And to what end? To know more of the truth both of reality and of ourselves.

I wish I could tell you about what I feel. There are no words to contain this. I do try, though. My being is a swirl of bliss if I let the reflexive thoughts stop. That bliss would make me blush, running red-faced from the room. Hours have been spent lying down, unmoving, caught in the grace and transcendent wonder as worlds would shift and move through me like some cosmic broadcast. We are all like radios, I thought. I would realize my capacity for realizing dimensional aspects of reality and the Source which I could not explain using words was the best way for grasping this new realm of experience. It was curious, too, how just a look could contain it all. This is perhaps why love is so powerful because at this level, it may be one of the few states that can contain and be aware of the multitudes inherent in reality. Feeling, I found, was how the universe lives and breathes (and responds to you) while the rational was designed to be limited because the feeling mind isn’t. Like man and wife, they compliment each other. I became a lover, but one who, in time, was content to be alone, the beloved alive in my heart.

I was shown that this love was not divided out but included all forms. Like every Christian mystic, I was found wed to God, or like yogis deep in a trance of samadhi, I made the realization that love is the way. People don’t know this but in Luke Jesus uses three different forms of love to ask Peter if he loves him. One of the forms of love was erotic love. This passage was mistranslated by scribes in order to obfuscate the true meaning. Most Christians just think Jesus is trying to point out that Peter denied him three times. That wasn’t what was happening at all. Jesus was describing a love or encompassing a love that included all loves into one. It was not divided like my love, it was all of it in one go. Somewhere the power of this teaching got lost and there is not more about it in any of the sources coming down to us. Whether Jew or Hindu, the experience is the same. It was so for me, as well.

A friend and I spoke for the first time recently about my experience and he asked what it was like. It was the first time I had ever tried to explain it to a person who hasn’t awakened. I tried as simple and direct an approach as I could, saying, “You know that moment when you can feel the point of no return in orgasm?” He nods. “I feel that as a spiritual and physical energy all the time.” My friend said what I thought he would, which was, “That’s gotta be frustrating!” I replied, “At first it was. We are taught that we have to throw this energy away. I learned that when that energy accumulated, a thresh hold was crossed where this energy began healing me, transforming me. I could have become desperate, and sometimes I am, but it’s like the energy is there offering a chance for transmuting it where this unspeakable mystery is found…”

I feel like I have been disabused of my old habit of feeling, which is to always think of bliss as just sexual. It’s funny how the sexual bliss is the door to another finer state. It’s quite something. Maybe I’m not like Gautama Buddha who was said to have found solace in being able to feel such bliss without a partner. I am singular and happy, but we are social creatures who I don’t think have found peace with having intimate relationships while being so “spiritual.” There’s always someone who thinks this is about being a guru or a teacher and then the old memes get dragged out and it becomes a show. Maybe we just aren’t ready for this to enter all aspects of our lives. Such capable levels of deep communion can be scary sometimes. I get it. I’m still sitting here catching up with how awe inspiring nature is. Talk about the ultimate technology of the gods..

It’s been worth it to have been through so much. I stuck with it, stone by stone, grain by grain. After a few years I turned around and found my mountain had moved. Everything seemed so big at the beginning. It was like living in a blizzard of energy. Instinctively I knew my job was to drive the energy higher in order to…..to what? I soon learned what. I availed myself of every opportunity, every method, every happy accident and synchronicity that led to a release. I was in the belly of the dragon for years. There were times in the first few years when it all seemed bleak, but persistence has paid off.

I will also add, there are more things to heal, but the difference now is I don’t feel defeated by them. Every single thing dealt with was like acruing some cosmic grace that never went away. I have found great solace in this. I also found myself drifting away from “normal” human understanding. I fit less and less. That too was an adjustment. I would feel out of sorts, but then find a new angle with which to be able to relate to people I know and love.

Twenty four years ago I was awakened out of sleep by the angelic being who had appeared in my room only weeks before and I was told at four in the morning to go outside. There in the dark, he said “Look over here..” and motioned to the woods. There I saw a long hallway open up, kind of like something out of a Maurice Syndak story where the boy’s bedroom slowly turned into the wild outdoors. This hallway began tilting downward uneasily as I heard my guide say, “This lifetime is the conduit through which lifetimes may be healed or redeemed.” That hallway was shaken like a bag of potato chips to get the last bits out that were left. I was being shown how this would go and that my guide had been there since my birth, “Watching over you.” I realized the next day that this had happened on Good Friday.

Maui

Since then, I have been reminded, like on my trip to Maui, that I am the “doctor” for my soul. I was connected almost immediately to a past life on Maui with a man who had become stuck, mired in a poor definition of what being male was all about, and in a fifteen minute direct experience while driving along the coast, I was able to telepathically show him the way to feel. This was a past life of mine that was unfolding very quickly. He was taught to be the tough guy who didn’t talk about his feelings to the point that he was miserable. When I hear about “toxic masculinity” I think about how little our culture really understands how the culture carves out behavioral niches that are not natural or healthy for men (or women). A lot of toxic masculinity is the result of cultural expectations put onto men that are not natural. But what man feels like he can emote and not have his woman feel her stomach turning or feeling like her man is weak…because we misjudge just how attracted we are to these programmed responses. Men are silent strong and quiet. We support and the quieter we are the better. Don’t talk about your feelings as you really feel about them (millions of men quietly wanting to explode from holding it in or so disconnected from feeling that they don’t even know what the heck their feelings even are)/ While being the mute male sure makes women feel secure, it is making men neurotic in the same sort of way that women have difficulties with unrealistic expectations put on them as well. Okay, so in that moment I could enter his heart and show him how to feel, to bring in what he could not allow himself to feel (which he really needed but equated with being feminine or being weak). Immediately, there is this expansion, this joy that was completely new and then this guy lying in his hammock began crying for the first time in decades in his hammock. Crying because his life had been made into a kind of emotional sepia tone image. When I reached him, there was a tear coming down his eye already, but it was not a tear of feeling deeply, it was more the tear of a man who had been put into a vice and then crushed for about forty years. He had been holding it all in for so long and he was miserable. And with those tears, his hardness was gone. It bled out of him like puss from a wound. I had to pull over to cry, to let all that emotion out and to move it along so I didn’t get stuck, too. To him, my past life gentleman, I was like an ancestor spirit coming to him to give him that good medicine. Me, I just knew right where to go to find him perhaps at his worst point in time. I just had this feeling like I had to go to Maui, but not for the reasons other people go there. It felt like I really needed to go to get something done or to see something…it wasn’t really clear. It was ironic, too, because there he was, dressed in traditional Hawaiian garb, lying in a hammock near the beach, looking at the sunset in what most would describe as paradise, and he could not have been more miserable. All of this was done by way of feeling, and being open. Truth is, I don’t know much, a lot of this involves me being led by a more capable self. So when my guide showed me all of those doors in that hallway and explained how this life would be a life where I would be able to clear and cleanse my soul going back lifetimes, he wasn’t kidding. It has been quite the ride and there have been no dull moments. I am glad I am alone because if I were to describe this to a “normal” person, I would likely wind up in a hospital.

I do a lot of listening inwardly and outwardly…and I also realize that I have a turn of mind that allows me great flexibility emotionally so that I can be what these past selves need me to be in order to get over their own humps, glitches, and limits. Every time this happens I feel as if I am rewriting the past and improving the present and future lifetimes and timelines. While its hard to travel physically through time, your consciousness can travel back with ease! I can only imagine the ripple effects this will have. Has this ever played through your mind, the implications of this work? If nothing else, I was able to help a number of people in my soul, all past lives and one future lifetime, to reap greater reward through this awakening. No matter what happens, the ripple effects will be spreading out through time and consequence…

Sometimes I tell my higher self that I’d like to help others, too, but it tells me that in my evolutionary spiral, it is better to help myself so that in other lifetimes my purpose can be dedicated solidly with serving others.

There was a time when meditation was tricky. I would drift into another energy state, but it never went anywhere. I wondered what I was doing wrong. Only after opening up this powerful energy did I realize how solid our “veils” in consciousness can be. The rise of kundalini found me pierced from bottom to top seven times. It was as though I had been pierced and opened so that the flood waters from the cosmic could come in. They did. I had to navigate tsunami waves. It wasn’t always easy. With practice and familiarity, it got easier.

Sometimes “it” felt like a challenger, but it wound up an ally. It depended on what I brought to it. After months of struggle, the same struggle over five months, something finally clicked and everything went quiet. I mean to say, no thoughts. It was as novel a condition as weightlessness might be the first time in the body. After that, a great peace was available to me. I will also say that despite such a wonderful outcome, I would find plenty of instances where I would choose to be upset about something! We are so very human. Note to self: you can become a yogi overnight but you will still have to pay the rent…

I think that I think differently now. I rely on the grace of the universe saving me sometimes. It is tricky to be both Mr. Cosmic and Mr. Business at the same time. When I rely on God or the universe, it always seems to work out perfectly. A customer who is used to worrying about things, was put off by my peaceful demeanor recently. It was funny because she was speaking as though the thing out of place with me was this devil may care attitude that I seemed to have. Perhaps there is this idea that artists starve, that it’s a problem and since I am an artist, that is what must be happening. It isn’t happening, lol! “It must be so hard for you as an artist…” people often have said, and I kind of roll my eyes because it isn’t that way at all. It is a business like any other.

People incorrectly think that this is me not caring, which is my bliss state, when I care very much. I just don’t care to think about or worry about the same things other people worry about. I get how the visionaries tend to all get killed: they are no longer bound by the same steering forces and are no longer governable or controllable. People can look at you funny… It’s been worth it though.

It’s worth it to see my breath, so full of bliss, enter this world. I pray that it can be a gift to someone somewhere. I am not much of an evangelist…no religion, or guru to be found. I find I am just as J. Krishnamurti was on his pathless path. When you rely on yourself, an abundance of wisdom makes itself available to you. The more you rely on it the greater the wisdom that pours forth. We aren’t aware of the deep well of knowing that is available to us. You are one life among many. You are a child to a still-larger self. You exist outside of time. You are instantly god-realized in that part of you outside of time…and it then seems to be the task of these selves to realize their own divine lineage. Everyone is like this, I think. The answer seems to be found in our becoming limited in order to learn the most precious lessons, which often is about how to experience limitation and to touch one thing at a time, rather than constantly embracing the All in such an all-encompassing state.

All the work has been worth it. Keep at it. Follow your gut and heart while remaining open. If you can feel something with all your heart, that something will come. It seems like it takes forever, but every single ounce of it is accounted for and as the load drops, the soul becomes light. The bliss, which we once thought was to be used, or even thrown away, is now seen as The Way, a part of who we are. Instead of rising and falling, it is steady now. Hardly anything lessens it now. I am glad to have been able to show one person the way to bliss. If we all did that, the world would be a much better place. I talked to their soul about it and in one week the switch was flipped. I pray it has remained. If we can each do this, we would have a better, more peaceful world, perhaps.

It gets better. Stick with it. Surrender. Be a devotee. Within you is all the wonder you could ever imagine. Your divine parentage makes it so.

All My Love,

~ Parker

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