Archives for posts with tag: awakening

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In my last entry I described a meditation I got caught up in that resulted in strong light activity, a phenomenon often tied to awakening experiences. After what was a very productive session, I decided it would be a good idea to revisit the meditation again to see if I could continue with the work. This time was decidedly different, but was oddly similar to the movie about the after death experience “What Dreams May Come” starring Robin Williams. In a similar way, it was also a bit like the movie “Inception” too. This was due to the lucidity present throughout the experience, I think.

When I say my meditation was like a movie, it’s not lost on me that there was an undercurrent of drama, hinting at a subsumed emotional energy, like a great big question lying in hidden veils at the center of some great edifice that kept coming up and up, over and over. But this meditation took me deep while awake, and then took me into dream, while I alternated between lucidity and full-on dream state and forgetfulness of earthbound ego awareness. This time, instead of brilliance, I delved deep into the shadow.

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I have tended to see awakening taking on this kind of cycle; a moment of brilliance followed by a deep dredge of the muck as though one serves to bring up the other. It isn’t perhaps why many people misunderstand the power that awakening contains. It’s not all rainbows. It is more about clearing, cleansing, and it can be hard on you to do this kind of delving. I know it’s not fun for me….but it always comes with a reward that is forever reaped, an inheritance that remains perennial.

I slipped into the deep state. This part is the easy part. It’s being able to remain lucid enough inside such a deep lovely swirling eddy of energy and not lose consciousness, especially when it’s at the end of the day and you are ready for bed. I remained neutral, not seeking to do anything since the intention was already placed. I just had to wait for the subconscious and higher self to do their part. I was along as a witness to what would unfold. My cat lay next to me, again, purring softly, a few snorts as she drifted either deep or up out of her own deep sleep. This time, she would project right into my lucid dream, acting as a reminder to remember why I was there.

I wound up inside a dream. It was night and I was walking around an old house that I remembered having dreamed of years before in another shadow work dream at an earlier stage in my progress. Nowadays, dream imagery and its meaning tends to be much more direct or understandable than it ever was before awakening. For me, a house represents the construct of human consciousness. It is an image that Jesus often used, too, and it has been a consistent image each time I dream of it. In one dream I might be in a house, in another, a warehouse, or in one, I stood on the streets of a city as I observed the roots of some massive tree or plant that was growing in a large building, revealing its roots as it emerged through cracks in a deep stairwell….an image that spoke to me of the work that remained to be done in the root chakra, the foundation.

Last night, it was that same old haunted house. It had the weight of ghosts, of lives and people who had lived inside of it and now it lay abandoned. A moment of lucidity began to build and I felt myself dream while kicking into meditation all awareness simultaneously. The last time I was here, the dream ended with me discovering that I could lift up into the air; a clear indication of my letting go and allowing the organic force flow through me. I lifted up into the treetops. This time, though, I was solidly grounded. I pondered what else was there to clear out, to resolve in this tumble of an old home? It was in its own slanted way, a great life, but it wasn’t my life today, but one lived a long time ago. All of this was emblematic of the work I had left incomplete in that previous life, and here I was, having to set it right, to give it that moment of forgiveness it so needed in order to be free.

The house lay in a depression, between two sloping meadows. It must have been a lovely sight in its heyday, but it was lying in moonlight and was ramshackle. The large wrapping porch had sunk in, taking a wing of the roof with it. You could see into its interior and as I made my way around it, I realized how much it lay in shadow. “If there is to be light here, I am the one who must bring it…” I realized.

Just as I thought this, I felt myself lift and the dream fall away from me. I was warm in bed, and only had a moment to ponder as, like a swimmer, I went right back in, grabbing a quick breath as the waves of sleep lapped over my head and everything went muffled and I lost ordinary waking consciousness, trusting that I would find myself again on the other side.

I was walking in yet another building, another old house, and this time I was inside it. There was no light, and windows down the hall and into a large outer room were painted over a kind of greenish color. Drapes hung in tatters, and there was a drip of water that made a smacking sound as each drop filled a puddle on the wooden floor, now a wash of sepia in the dark of the night. I remembered this house, too. This was one I didn’t like at all. It looked like it hadn’t been lived in in forty years. Nothing was bright about this place, it had a dank and decaying feeling to it. I kept walking though, wondering if I would find something that would mean I had broken through to something. I noticed kitty was with me. She has a name, but she knows kitty best. Sometimes she is monkey, sometimes Georgette. There she was, her tail flicking upwards. I could hear her thoughts, wondering why we were here, then immediately realizing that she was in my dream. She settled in after that and began following alongside me with less trepidation. She predicted that we wouldn’t be here long,and she was right. I surfaced yet another time out of sleep and felt my deep breathing. It was like being awake, but feeling the spell of dreaming still all around me.

The answers didn’t come in the usual fashion. So much of these places represented aspects of myself from the past, mostly distant, unresolved, lying unseen, needing badly to be seen. They had a surrealistic quality to them. I felt that edge of…fear, dread, and yuck about it. But that was exactly why I had to go back into these old haunts. I wasn’t there seeking to do what a guide once admonished me never to do, which was to try and drag it back into my life again. No, this was different. The idea that I had to carry the light into these darker corners was what this was all about.

Awakening is ruthless. You can’t bullshit yourself. Only when it’s completely clean, clear, forgiven, can things be forgotten. Until our inner compass is satisfied, we wind up going back to those places to sweep that little remaining bit of shadow away. I felt like I was ingesting it, taking it in so that I could metabolize it into light. Kitty stirred and looked at me through blinking eyes, sleepily, her head up, then back down, nonchalantly falling back in for another round of sleep. This felt like it was turning into a tag team wrestling match, dipping into lucid dreaming using meditation as the launching pad.

I kept at this all night in a marathon of visitations, never knowing where I would end up next, but in each case it was some long forgotten building, some old remnant that I have inherited in this go-round and am tasked with emptying of what is less than it’s best. Like  a big cleaning. You know how it is. You pull out the big stuff and haul it away, and with each time you go back, the particles get finer and finer until you go from sweeping up the last bits to wiping up the dust. This is all old business, an old self, a past life, and it’s now being brought forward.

I thought about that first house I dreamed of in the months before awakening came. It was all so much brighter, more optimistic. A road led up a hill with a creek running beside it. The creek grew stronger the closer I got to its headwaters, which revealed how this wasn’t an ordinary body of water. It was prana itself, filled with symbols and brilliant. How could water be so bright? Climbing the hill, on the right, was a beautiful arts and crafts meets Zen monastery. Built from large beams, the building interlocked, revealing its construction. Stone rose up through its middle, and when you walked inside you could clearly see two fountains inside, split down the middle, representing the Ida and Pengali currents with the Shushuma in the middle. That was my house, my temple, a place that was more than just home, but was who I was. It still is. But since that time, I have had to venture out into the past in order to heal it and cleanse it. Actually, I can’t even say it is I who does this; clearly my earthbound self isn’t up to this, but something deeply rooted in me is. It is this part of me that teaches, reveals, redeems, and ressurects. I wish dream could be brighter sometimes, but there are plenty of regular dreams that are, and besides, digging into shadow always resolves some deeper sense of feeling ill at ease in me.

It would be great if I could offer some grand finale, but an ending is itself a beginning, a new thread is discovered and it’s then followed through until something big is exposed from the rubble. Another chapter is begun even as additional chapters emerge. Over time, what I have found, is the gradient becomes finer and finer. It actually gets harder to keep the shoulder to the grind stone sometimes. It’s easier…the energy is less turbulent and it doesn’t stir me in the same way. But what I also find is that in some ways it’s a little easier simply because so many blocks have been removed. The blocks have gotten harder, but the level of confidence has been forged in the flame of awakening. As if that makes any kind of sense, right? The easy stuff came away first, and when I put myself into energy work like Chi Gong, material cascaded away, and this continued for years. Thousands of blocks, I figure, big and small, always burrowing down deeper and deeper.

For me, the hardest blocks lay deep down. For me, the root was where the hardest wounds lay. And despite all of this, I was able to manifest truly remarkable opportunities in my life, and when I was ready, events have simply fallen into place. When I was ready to fund the next phase of my life after a collapse of the markets, I waited, keeping my wealth in assets I could relate to, which was real estate. Even though I saw half the value of my property evaporate, it also came back during a confluence of events when I was ready to make my next step. Wanting in truth to sell directly to a buyer instead of a realtor, my soon-to-be realtor cancels when she gets too busy with a market which suddenly was going crazy. Deciding to sign papers for representation in another three days, I’m contacted by a family who heard through the grapevine that I was going to list my house soon. They asked if they could buy it directly from me, an outcome which I had wished for in my heart. While taking a nap hours before I would speak to them on the phone, I see them in a meditative state, not knowing that they would be talking to me later that day. Before I was set to sign papers with my realtor for representation, they brought a contract. I was able to sell to a family who had loved my house for years and were having trouble even seeing homes because of how hot the market had heated up within months.

Now it might be a big question what this has to do with my work. What I have found is that as each block is removed, so too are the blocks to manifesting the events in my life that support what needs to come next. This isn’t for me about chasing wealth, but finding my own inner abundance, which is less about money as it is about opportunity and helping to make others lives better. There is so much feeling of loss and lack, and for years I too fell for this feeling. But often, the things I chased after weren’t the things that would have been good for me. That was why they were hard. What is easy comes like magic. These things emerge in perfect timing. Life is increasingly different as the years roll, and as the air clears. Life is more a series of serendipitous events that have purpose and flow, pushing some old block to the surface, or leading to the next step. Something bigger is in control. That might sound superstitious, but it’s not. As division falls away, there is a marriage of the small self with something larger within. This is about bridging the gap and clearing the way for this to happen, and it’s not done halfway or half-assed. How’s that for mystical musing?

Whatever it will be for you, getting out from underneath the tangles holding you back, is what brings the change. For now, the work continues, and who knows what is around the corner.

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I’m not going to blow smoke up your behind. I honestly cannot say where it comes from. I can’t even say if it originates in our neurochemistry or in interdimensional space. What I do know is that it figures in most every transformative event for people down through the ages.  Saints and sages all speak of it and in the world of awakenings, it’s presence is ubiquitous. You might even say it’s a prerequisite or initiation into awakening itself.

 

Im talking about the experience of “the light.” Most who have awakening experiences have had at least one encounter with it. In earliest Christianity they wrote about it, even connected it to the same light one sees when one dies, linking this encounter as critically important for attaining something more in this life of ours. What is clear is that whether you were Paul on his way to Damascus, or a monk meditating in a cave, getting hit by that blinding light is an important clue that awakening is here.

 

I experienced it in a completely unexpected way while meditating prior to the full “rise” of kundalini. When it happened, I actually thought someone had flipped the light switch, like playing a trick on me to get me to come out of the dark room I was in at the time. But no, there had been no switch flipping that day…at least no switches in the physical, that is…

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after my innocuous encounter with with the white light, things began changing real fast. I didn’t see events downstream as being connected, but over time, I have come to see it as one of several central events tied to my awakening. I think that to attain this light leads to what the ancients called the perfection of the Light Body, the Rainbow Body, or soul. In ancient texts an encounter with the white light is the demarcation point most often used to point out how a person’s life has changed. I should add that this is not, in my experience, an instantaneous cleansing, but an event that initiates a process of cleansing.

But here’s the thing. I can’t say for sure that it’s even really light. It may simply be an interpretation of an energetic emanation of some kind. It might even be connected to how we perceive. It might be inside of us all along. I say this because it feels like it is within. It does not feel like it’s coming from outside in the least. Perhaps this is a realization about our true nature as this light? I really cannot say. It is a bit of a mystery. Maybe it’s God, Maybe it’s an emanation from it. Maybe it’s my own connection to higher order awareness. What I can say is that while I am aware of it, I don’t feel anything particularly special at the time while I see this light effect. It seems to have had a healing effect, but more “downstream” from the light event itself. It remains a bit of a mystery in my experience, and I am loathe to jump to conclusions about what I think it is or isn’t.

What isn’t a mystery, though, is how this encounter has life changing effects.

Last night, on what can arguably be considered one of the coldest nights in years, I snuggled into bed with my cat purring by my side and after watching a documentary, slipped into a nice meditative state. I did this after feeling a bit of upset about something happening with a family member who is unable to understand something which I felt was important at the time. For some reason, it had me tied in knots. All the more reason to go into meditation and see if I could find resolution of one kind. So with eyes closed, I felt my energy begin to move, fluttering, spinning, and pulsing. The more I let go, the more it was free to simply be itself. My meditation nowadays tends to center around letting my energy body simply be itself without controls from the mind. Call it a surrender to the higher self, a larger order or picture of what is true. When I did, even though I had been tied in knots thinking about the world as it is, everything went by the wayside as a world of light effects began to take shape for the first time in years.

Since my encounter with the light, my experience has been largely one of sensation but without a visual compliment. No light effects. As I found myself very quickly in deep water, I prayed about the state of the world, my experience in it, and how I might resolve my feelings about it. That’s when the light came.

It was without form, but it felt as though it had layers and that these layers were unfolding from within, as though from my core a light was being generated and was propagating such that it had sheaves or orbs with different layers nested one inside the other. It was multilayered light. Suffusing it was this white light. I know I just said it had no form only to begin giving it form. It had the idea of form, but was not tied down to how form is linear and composed as it is in the physical. If something was in a center point, it was more the idea that this was so. In truth, I can’t adequately explain exactly how it appeared to me. It was at once no local while also having locality, shape, and form. Formlessness within form.

Was I being cleansed? Was it healing me? Was it a neurological effect? All I can say is that when I awoke, whatever feelings I had last night that weighed on me, they feel far away.

So here is what I am going to do. I’m going to see if I can repeat last night’s performance and try and place my unresolved feelings into the light, if it comes again, to see what happens. I will see if I can begin doing this on a regular basis to see how it works. I suppose if one believe in it enough, anything is possible. But humor me my experiments. I’ll report back on what I have found. And I also should include that it’s easy to say there has been a change 24 hours in. The story will probably be told after weeks or months. Only after seeing sustained change can we ever know that the change was real and not just wishful thinking.

In a sense, this is what awakening does anyway, which is to resolve blocked emotional material. In the healing method called Ho’oponopo, one offers up your brokenness to the universe in order to heal it. It is offering it up to a higher power. There are countless other methods for healing that are from many different traditions that all involve very similar methods, a “let go and let God” sort of idea.

I think it could be interesting…<3

They don’t tell you this in the sales brochure, but Awakening isn’t all sunshine and rainbows. Sometimes it’s you, marinating in some dank dark oil of your own indefinable misery as you tell yourself that this must be what they mean about “Shadow Work.” Sounded pretty innocuous at first glance. It didn’t stop you from rushing through that door, though, did it? And it hasn’t stopped you from reading this far.

It gets better. I promise.

Awakening for Westerners is proving to be it’s own unique kind of experience. In India, the culture has systems in place that have been developed over hundreds, even thousands, of years all for the purpose of preparing the individual for one thing: awakening. This is in a word, called yoga, a system with multiple rungs intended to somatically clear the naddis (our circuitry for prana) of stored emotional energy in preparation for the emergence of a stronger or higher energetic state which is called kundalini. The results, then, are different for those in India than for most Westerners (with every case being unique). I could say it’s good to prepare, but here we are, Westerners, blank slates where awakening is concerned, now thrust into this new life. It’s a birth that took only seconds in some cases where everything is changed…..irrevocably. Truth is, we haven’t a clue about the kind of prep needed for awakening. But then again, this preparation wasn’t a part of our culture unless you count accepting Christ as your savior or having a meditation practice.

It’s exciting to watch as it takes shape. It can also be a little terrifying. It’s because something quite large is within and it’s running the show. For as freaked out as I was those first few weeks, I came to realize that this force was not here to hurt me. It never has. It has always removed things that in the end really did me no good at all. I thought of it as a chef in the kitchen of my spiritual life, concocting solutions, changing the menu, setting things right. I learned to stay out of the way, watching a master at work.

I lost really important relationships. I was crushed by a woman I was married to and had children with who sought to turn my children against me. It never hurts nearly as much as when they succeed, though. I was taught that some things just aren’t my own, and never were. I was just there, and it could have been anybody, really, the same scenario was going to play out for them. I saw the kitchen door open as the chef showed me the back door. He whispered, “It will be safer for you this way.”

There is hurt, happiness, fear, joy, loneliness, love, and longing. It’s all lit up, incandescent, at least for a time, so you can see your issues and foibles and learn to let them go. Since the truth is that material things don’t ever buy authentic happiness, the shift is into real often “lonely ” joy. It’s this solitary joy that is like entering the Holy of Holies. It is what dying is like, too, which is surprising when death comes because it’s such an expansive process rather than the dark ending that our worst fears promulgate. It grows in freedom the further you go along with it. It has a swirling beauty that is sensual and orgasmic. It is, of course, nothing like the Southern Baptist minister said it would be like. It’s clear that you are blissful now for no reason except that this is what you know about yourself, and it’s unbelievably beautiful. You feel this way because of this realization that woke you and opened you to your true nature as a child of the one great Light.

Even as you know this, you go through bliss to misery, sometimes many time in a day, a sure sign that your buried bones in your subconscious are still there, rattling away, killing the thrill of your “be here now moment.” You wake up one day and you feel paralyzed. Unable to move. The next day, the energy is leaping around the room and you hear voices or see shapes, or angels in the wee hours, or a hundred other amazingly wonderful things. On this day you are a golden goddess or a god,but you do wonder when it will turn to rust. But wait long enough, and you suspect you will be on that train to Paradise yet again. Something in you screams that there is a reason for this rapid cycling, and you’d be right. You make a new promise to let the energy penetrate as deeply as it can, next time, even if it does uncover acts and feelings you are ashamed of or that you have loathed secretly about yourself for years. As a Westerner, you probably have to be brought to the furthest edge of your misery before you are howling in the night, praying for it to come take you from your fucked up madness. And it does. Honestly, this is how souls are saved more often than we would like to admit.

One morning you might look in the mirror and forget for a few seconds who you even are. The disorientation itself is enough to keep your brow furrowed. You might worry that it might be a brain tumor but you think, “No, I’ll just wait” because you dont want to tip your hat to the world that you might be hip deep in a shit creek. Sure enough, it passes, but you get a feel for what a real brain tumor might be like and tell yourself that you’ll have to give to cancer research because what you just experienced was its own special version of a bad morning discovery.

You are visited by angels even as you are haunted by your demons. Its how this is for us; we didn’t prepare. We come to awakening dirty as sin while standing in the temple of our greater spiritual light. Lucky for us, this light is just so glad we managed to show up. There is a bit of muddy water until we begin to get washed clean. It goes on for years, really, but you can’t help but clean a dirty garment of its filth when you live in the water of life.

Over time, and in direct proportion to the amount of material you have released (It’s all repressed emotion from one traumatic event in your life to another), it gets easier. Turbulent intense sexual energy refines into finer vibration. It’s smoother. There are fewer stones in the road. It all takes time, dedication, and a willingness to just let go. What feeds your purpose stays, what doesn’t, goes. The pendulum swings aren’t as great as they were before. You don’t transit from heaven into hell and back again from one day to the next. Swings come, they just aren’t as destructive as they seemed before. We each have much to learn from each other who are going through this trial by fire and water.

It’s just your baggage. Seems you can’t be in heaven with it, so we learn how not to accumulate it here. And awakening is the magical elixir that makes it possible to heal the impossible. It loosens your grip, allows you to fall, it let’s you see that there is nothing except this feeling which is a version of what the great Light feels. It too was once lonely, and it speaks through the very light of awakening in as unobtrusive way as it possibly can. It wants to be with us if we can let it in. Its like how the Egyptian god weighed hearts using the feather as the measure. It isnt that you are damned if you have a heavy heart; you just cant feel or be aware of heaven without that lightness of being. Which of course begs and answers the question all at once that heaven is a state of mind and not a silly tale about a gated community somewhere.

The earthly self is one rung on this ladder into heaven. The Higher self is the second rung. From there, ever higher rungs lead us back into our ancestry, our origins, back to a less complicated way of being, and back to something we call God (note to self: no description can ever describe it).

It gets better. You get to be whoever, but perhaps more importantly however you want…. just as long as it’s your highest. Anything else will always be hard. What is easy is the flow. I know; Westerners look at flow and think “lazy ” but this is in truth learning to partner with physical reality to bring about the manifestation of important events that reveal a hitherto unknown quality for consciousness to join with the physical universe to make small and big miracles happen.

Whoah! That was fricken incomprehensible!

How about this: we are suddenly magical and can make miracles happen when its needed. It’s just co-creation and it has everything to do with how you feel and how your mind has been unleashed. Yes, it gets easier. It takes dedication and a lot of self honesty. This is turning the light back on yourself. What do you see? Yeah, shadow work.

It is lonely. It’s lonely realizing how everyone is caught up in a world that has very little to do with what is here on this planet, or that matters. Sure, you can get people to care so long as you tie it to a 5k Run for charity or you can create a slick meme you post on social media so it gets gobbled up and digested for a few moments. You wonder how anyone wakes up at all.

Can you see how our desire has been eating our planet alive? Car trips spewing carbon just so we can satisfy our desire to see someone we love,or to go to jobs, to do all the things we say and see as important. Plane trips to visit coral reefs in decline. An addiction to plastic that makes eating our Little Debbies so much more convenient but also gets into our rivers and lakes as microplastic, disrupting the guts of fish and their endocrine systems. Yeah. Big buzz kill, right?

The shape of our desire has forced us to live easy but it comes with a price. Again, buzz kill, but it’s true. People who want things so they can feel a certain way….cars, houses, and relationships. We marry so we won’t be alone. We have children because we don’t want to die alone. We buy nice things sometimes to scare away a deeper sense of poverty or fear that we aren’t good enough. Once in a great while we get really honest about what is motivating us, but we usually want what we want. We will take dying rainforests and bleaching coral reefs just to get those Little Debbies and lifestyles born of a desire that is killing our world. And there you sit, on your own, watching this giant pooping machine of hunger turn and move. You are, afterall, a part of it, too, but maybe a little more aware of what’s going on because a channel was opened in you that let you feel the connection everything has with everything else as you can’t help but feel a sacredness about it which leads to grace. But it still won’t change unless we are it’s harbinger, it’s mover, it’s shaker, it’s champion. The loneliness might also come from knowing that the life of desire, the shape of desire as we know it now on average, is coming to an end as it pertains to what we think will make us happy…

Nothing, though, brings as much exquisite….feeling…than the energy in awakening, simply resting in the heart of the divine. And that too is a challenge because it washes away desire for the things of this world. Is it any wonder we demonized it back in the garden by calling it a deceiver who brings knowledge? But still, I challenge you to find anything as incredible as the light which confers a standing wave of orgasmic ecstasy pulsing through every level of body, mind, heart, and soul for days-months-at a time.

It does get better, but it’s a new world. Maybe we need this so badly that it’s coming the way it is…to people nearly unbidden and woefully unprepared. It’s a new orientation, a new world, if we can take it.

Namasté ❤

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My morning window view

 

 

It comes in the unexpected moments,

with lack of guard

the inbetween

where the barrier to it falls

the heart melts

the self is returned to its primordial state

a glimpse

that returns again and again

until the brilliant flash fills and alters

changing you forever.

 

 

It isn’t worth wasting it

on anything but wonder

this sovereign moment

that owns itself

turning you over to a higher ❤️

a force that

forges you

bending the crooked

straightening,

cleansing,

purifying…

 

It can come at any time

especially when you least expect it…

making a lover of you.

In the work of awakening, the great stumbling blocks we encounter are the things we resist. And what you resist is what persists.

The road to wholeness and happiness is in the singular awareness that no matter what troubles you in your life, it all comes down to an inner resistance deep within. It does not seem that way when we get upset by the events and people in our lives that upset us, but what’s unsettling you is an inability to see and respond to things as they are. When you are able to see things as they are, without your own inner dialog running, you can much more easily accept that things are happening not to unseat you from your bliss, but that you are resisting the world as it is. You probably wont change the world, but you can change yourself, which is what inspires others to want to change, and many people all doing this in their own back yards helps to sow seeds of change. People have their own reasons for doing what they do that most often has nothing at all to do with you, but is more a story all their own. When you can honestly give them real space to be, resistance ends and we can accept that none of what upsets us is personal. We choose to be hurt. We choose to be angry. Most often, we don’t want to take responsibility for how we feel in each moment, though. This is resistance. Expect the feeling to persist many times each day. Or you can let it go. Was it really so important to your ego. Really?

All the great teachers taught how important it was to chang the mind. Even Jesus did so. Jesus is often thought to have used the word “repent” as the key term for shifting the tide, but he (along with John the Baptist) actually used the word Metanoia, which means to change ones mind. Call it a translational error, but if you ask me, its a significant clarification that really casts more of Jesus teaching in a new light. But I digress. The point is that all of the great teacher saw, experienced, and knew that we all have a capacity to remove thinking of one kind much the same way a mask of thinking or believing is removed (often with the effect of revealing a deeper layer of being and thinking that’s more original to our nature in the process).

So I ask you, how do you see things differently? It is all in how you choose to see it—the power is in your mind! Choose a different conclusion, choose a different assumption. It only seems hard if you have never tried.

How many times did you have something happen where you assumed an outcome that was completely wrong once you learned more about it later? We make all kinds of assumptions that are based more on who we are rather than how things are in the world. I have seen myself do this more times than I care to admit. But I do learn from them when they happen. It’s done by reflecting on events from the past and assuming the events are following the same pattern, but nothing is ever quite the way we think it is, especially from the past and how we have responded to it emotionally as we color it the way it suits us.

Now what if you could rewind the tape and assume differently using a whole different mindset? Maybe you try not to judge anything until you speak to the people involved, or until you check your messages, or gather more information. All of this behavior I’m describing says nothing about the world, it’s only saying something about you. Maybe you have been on the receiving end of similar assumptions before. Maybe you know what it’s like to have someone do that, completely convinced of the utterly fallacious script running in their heads, right? So change it on your end and it will be one less person doing this. Your greatest gift is who you are. What kind of you do you want to be?

I was once told a dream this guy had. It illustrates resistance and acceptance so well. In the dream, my friend would encounter werewolves. This dream would happen over and over. It bugged him. These werewolves would show up as these slobbering wild men who would transform into these beasts, menacing and chasing him all night long. It was really getting old and he needed a solution to this nighttime delimna.

One night my friend was in his dream and he saw these men coming through the woods. They had just transformed and came rushing up at him. The chief werewolf got up in his face. He was still wearing, of all things, his sunglasses! As my friend looked closely, he could see his reflection in the glasses. What he saw surprised him; he could see that he too was a werewolf! He could see his own teeth gleaming in the reflection as the other werewolf smiled with a grimacing set of teeth. My friend, realizing all of this, gave a chuckle and took off with the pack, howling and running like the wild things that they were. Oh, and after that, my friend no longer had another werewolf dream.

I can’t speak for him, but I think one thing is clear; our dreamer was resisting something about himself which morphed into fear and scary dreams about an aspect of himself he had been resisting. Once he accepted it, he integrated it into himself, making it a conscious (rather than subconscious) part of himself. Maybe he was afraid of what it might mean if he was a werewolf. But instead, accepting it freed him of fear and the trouble it caused and he saw these werewolves were all just out having a grand old time. He learned, I think, that what he resisted wasn’t about what he thought at all. He integrated or accepted it, and thus was free.

So for our dreamer it might have been fear of his wild side. For you, it might be something else. It could be any sort of fear that drives you…and very often these issues come down to fear of some kind. A fearless person is calm, gentle, easy in themselves. They dont jump to conclusions. Maybe you fear a seemingly thoughtless person. But let me ask; if they are being thoughtless, how could it be that they are being this way just to upset little old you? Let it be, give it acceptance, maybe see that it was in you all along, and you will see it all melt or fall away like a house of cards. It means being willing to change your mind, to change how you see it. Then, poof, like magic, it evaporates and any negative charge it had is gone because you changed it. This is the essence of all clearing of the consciousness to help reveal the true self shining within. And this self is more free to express itself. Energy moves more freely when you are not so resistant to an aspect of yourself that remains unhealed. You are, afterall, a conduit for an energy that was called “the water of life.”

“Be like water, my friend.” —Bruce Lee

It’s a curious fact that I haven’t stayed in this one place the whole of my life. I do seem to move through what we call time, but time as we think of it isn’t the whole story.

I have broken with the rules laid down by physics and travelled away from this time into the future, the past, and it’s all been quite easy. In fact, I began doing this as a little boy. I didn’t know how I did it, except that it took place effortlessly. I didn’t even think about it something about it suited me. The reason why I am telling this unusual story is because I know that it’s in everyone, and I hope that my words can serve as a reminder.

I often think that I’ve been doing it for a very long time…lifetimes, even. For whatever reason, I seem to have chosen to be this way, to be less glued to the spot. It isnt that I dont know how to “be here now” but rather, no matter where you go—there you are. It comes with its drawbacks, which is that it comes with a mind that knows how to wander within itself.

You might not know this, but this is the first requisite for time travel. It sure has been hard, though, because everyone sees me as spacy. So glued, so nailed down to one line of thought, people react funny to a wanderer like me. But just like John Muir once said, “All who wander are not lost. It’s very was to assume that you know how another person feels or experiences by judging based on your own exprience. Far from spacy, I find my wandering to be like a wonder-filled landscape filled with emanations of spirit, like feeling the pulse of the multiverse. In fact, my thoughts are really quite pristine, it’s just that they aren’t thoughts like many tend to think of them. And really, I don’t think it’s much use explaining what this even means when there’s no common language between us. I do wish you could experience it. Otherwise if I described it, you might think I’m crazy, weird, or just….spacy. Perspective is everything I suppose. That, or maybe just experience.

I do know that in a past life the self I was peered into a future life, which is my life today. Jus as I looked forward from the past, I was peering from the future into the past. Based on my research into that life, this took place just before my lifetime as a freed slave after Emancipation. This put me in the earlier part of the 1800’s.

It wasn’t a long life. I was shot with a round lead bullet while trying to steal the horses belonging to white army officers. It was like being hit with a hammer. It didn’t go into my heart, but into my left side. I died from fever days after. I was Native American.

I had a vision in that life when I went into the mountains to pray about the atom bomb that was going off that was the result of contacts with Whites. It was a hard time. Worried, I went into the mountains to pray. Instead of great insight, I was pretty much told by a Thunder Being in the vision that it was “game over” for my people. The being went on to tell me about a day in the future when I would be reborn as a new person, this time White, at a time when the earth would be sick and be in need of “cleansing.” For a period of a week I had several “warps” in time where I saw his life events and he apparently saw mine. The curious thing about all of this was that instead of this being a memory, it was more a visitation, a trading of places. What I realize was that this was all negotiated or mediated by my higher self. A doorway opened up that Saturday evening that I could feel. Like Neo noticing the mirror in the room, I was about to tumble down the rabbit hole. It’s funny because I think my higher self is in many ways just as mobile as many of my past lives have been. Probably moreso. Most certainly so.

Because these memories are so vivid and detailed, I have been able to identify the time, sometimes the people if they were well enough known in our history. I had heard the language of the culture and I was able to track them down…in a sense. I was able to find that the culture was from California and had been displaced, absorbed into the Paiute tribe where most that was known about the language was lost.

This begs the question how I was able to find the culture based on a language that was dead? In a tribal meeting I was told that I should remember who I was. The old man pointed to my chest, emphasizing a word that turned out to be the name of the people. The name was what had survived, and for the purposes of finding the culture, my higher self knew that this conversation would serve as lock and key to understanding the historical importance of this memory.

I went on to research the archives of the Army stationed near Yosemite where I once lived. I found a description of a raid on the fort where a small group of natives rode out into the open in a brazen attempt to steal horses. Two were shot of the five or so men with everyone getting away. This was precisely the scenario I remembered during the week where the door to the past opened to me. In fact, as I lay dying from a septic wound, I came down with one of the worst fevers in my life in the present day. As my past self faded away, my future self was left to recover to continue in a new life.

In some lives, I tend to travel while in the dream state. This is the most ideal way that it happens. I can shut down normal focus and wander weeks, months, even years from my current point in time. All of this is perfect because when you use dreaming as the springboard, there are no immutable laws of physics getting broken, not when consciousness doesn’t have mass. Free of mass, you are free to travel. The lure of physical time travel appears to require bending the rules of physics, a hitherto misunderstood aspect of our universe…..an error in the equations.

I am the first to admit that I haven’t the slightest clue how I manage it, except to say I think it’s a deep interest of mine. That, and the secret that we exist in many realities beyond time. This is just one level. The others, we often dream about them and don’t even realize it at the time. We often dress these dreams up in the focus of our own current focus so the differences are less noticeable. The wandering part of me knows that time as we know it lies curled up inside of a massive expanding present in which all kinds of times exist….Time that moves to count or measure events happening at the nano-scale, times that run backwards, times that run sideways, and time that radiates in all directions.

You see, we can all do this, this coming unstuck in time. Not quite like a Vonnegut novel, but every bit as interesting and even entertaining. To do it requires being willing to wander within consciousness because it is consciousness that carries all of the keys. As a result, to achieve it, you learn how to accelerate your consciousness by opening up to inner streams of energy which we all have access to. Most people have a hard time conceiving of this as a thing because its secret is in feeling. And who trusts their feelings? It means going just a little farther than you normally go. It requires being open to the idea that it’s possible. Without that, you have no way to build those portals or bridges through time. If you don’t believe it’s possible, it isn’t.

In the last few years of my awakening I have been finding that I’m using travel in time to have an effect on my past. I know this is supposed to be a no-no, but I see no reason that it should be. If we have managed to travel back in time, as long as we are in the future relative to the time of travel, it’s still an event focused in the past even if you have yet to travel back in time (maybe this takes place a week from today). Still. I know how it all sounds. Sounds crazy. I know. That’s why only by going through it yourself can you know what I’m talking about.

Of all the traveling the most amazing journey was when I visited myself when I was 17. That was a long time ago, but it resulted in a change in my own timeline. By going backwards, I was able to talk to myself. This took place in the dream state. I made an impression on myself it seems because the next day things felt very different. It also felt very interesting meeting myself from the past. Seeing your double and talking to him is….well, it’s trippy is all I can say. It’s also unifying in an unexpected way. That was a plus. The weird thing was how I had forgotten the dream when I was younger. It took my going back from 2015 to jar my memory to remember how I had had the dream. At the time I was not sure that the me from today could ever be my 17 year old self’s double from the future. The older me just didn’t look like the me thirty years ago. The dream impressed me, but I forgot it because I looked so different from how I would have guessed. I looked like a total kook, wide-eyed and breathless. I looked that way because in the present I was lucid and was trying to think of something useful to tell myself at age 17. Should I tell him about the future? I had managed to travel back, was lucid, and was facing myself. In the end my message was the importance of love. Everything else was just details.

I think we can change our lives for the better by traveling like this. I don’t buy that I’m breaking any rules by doing it. It just seems….normal to me now. If you use it to improve, those changes will ripple down through time, reinforcing a new pattern in your present. I don’t use it for lottery numbers or betting on the market. Most often, I don’t need to. I tend to know how an investment will play out. I did this with my home and I’m about to do it with what is about to become a new form of currency. Sometimes I am off a little, but I find my way. I could feel how money is going to change in a very big way and thought that buying silver was the thing. I realized that the big banks are going to continue making silver artificially cheap by shorting silver in the markets. That’s why this new form of currency will be so huge…at least for a while.

This is what I would call “anticipatory foresight.” It’s general, but it’s anticipating events that are upcoming. The strongest events are the ones that will flow into our time and particular reality. It’s like….intuition.

I’m telling you this because I know everyone can do this, and just knowing it’s a thing is enough to trigger it’s happening all in your own. Like I said; it’s easy even if I don’t know how it’s done.

My time travel is through my projecting myself there. I’m not sending my physical self there. I go on the light….which has no mass, remember?

This is just the tip of the time traveling iceberg, though. I grew up seeing deaths, births, and world events before they happened. I saw Waco weeks before we ever would have imagined it would end in slaughter. I saw the explosion over Chernobyl which sent a radioactive plume into the atmosphere, which rained down as snow in Eastern Europe. I saw people being evacuated by railcar and that the numbers exceeded 65,000 people (100,000 was the total amount). I have seen tsunamis in Indonesia, and an earthquake in Mexico. All had enough details that enabled me to corroborate what I had seen with events in the near future.

I know that skeptics will say its coincidence, that if you wait long enough you will eventually get events close to a dream. In my case, my dreams of the future are about 3-6 weeks ahead, so the possibility of matching a dream to an event becomes increasingly unlikely. I’m not waiting years to get the dream to fit. It’s mere weeks in most cases.

Before I go I can tell you that we will develop antigravity for use in cars. This will come about through a control mechanism that keeps cars just a few feet off the ground. We won’t be allowed to lift off into space, but this will be the implication of the technology. I can also tell you that we have this technology now and that in order for it to enter the civilian sector we will need to bring pressure to bear on our government to release it because it’s being hidden right now.

I can also tell you that we will survive this difficult time in our present to develop technology that will enable us to take a quantum leap beyond our place on earth.

I think people see time travel as breaking the rules somehow…but really it isn’t. It can be used to improve your life. I’m writing this in case it rings bells for another out there who might wonder if they are travelers, too…

 

 

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Blown Glass, Parker Stafford

You can care for your soul, and the souls of others if you do not let the crazy energy moving through the world right now get to you.  The lesson?  Well, it is easy to say there is a lesson here… But we can take a lesson for ourselves in moments like these.  Fever pitched, with the world going up in flames, hurricanes one after another.  Bangladesh, Texas, Florida.  Hundreds of thousands of forests are ablaze, marches that lead to violence.  Everyone is so raw, the nerves just beneath the surface vibrating, ready to leap after the next punishing touch.

 

I am experiencing the intensity of this earth energy, which is synced right up to the life here….animal and human kingdom.  All of it, rock, star, water, air and fire.  It feels apocalyptic.  When I say that, I mean it in the original Greek, which originally meant a sudden revealing.  Like a curtain pulled away suddenly, the nakedness of our perception, our hearts, our bodies laid bare.   Its easy, oh so easy to pull back from such a shock.  It is easy to find it is just too much.  It is easy to assume what does not actually exist.  It is easy to hurt when we do not mean to.

 

So its important to take care during this time, to open up to a whole new level of letting those energies flow through all of us, even if they are hurricane winds or roaring forest fires.  If we don’t, if we hold onto them and do not let them pass, the energy will get stuck in us.

 

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Blown Glass, Parker Stafford

 

Take time to rest, take time to eat well.  Take time to read a book and smile. Remind yourself to give a kind word even to those who are not being kind.  Everyone is going through a struggle of some kind deeper down that none of us know anything about.  A smile wont hurt, a kind word like salve to the soul.  And breathe.  Just breathe through your day.  Alone or together, let it move through you, feel its rippling energy turn from hard to extreme ecstasy, for surely it can and will if you just position yourself just right.  Are these bodies the only line leading us into eternity?  No.  Enjoy them, cherish them, treat them right and honor them around those who are friend or mere acquaintance.

 

This, too, is a shift in seasons.  This last eclipse, with undertones of Piscean energy, can bring up the deep waters of the soul and bring tidal waves and tsunamis of emotion.  It feels like too much, I know….but if you go with it, it has a higher order vibration within it that is cleansing.  There are other worlds, other lives, other realms and adventures waiting.  This is not all there is, and yet, we should find a way to care for our Gaia before she is no longer ours and we get slowly shrugged off.  We need to get our stuff together, no doubt about it, but these times were also foretold by the seers and prophets in Native America.  The Hopi, the Cherokee, the Lakota, and more, all have prophecies pertaining to this very period of time.  They are described as the  birth pangs of our entry into a new world.  Called The Cleansing Time, or The Day Of Cleansing, these prophecies have figured prominently in my life and have led directly to my awakening.  Its force is like lightening, and it seeks to strike to the center of things.

 

…And this is not easy to feel when it also is happening to us…

 

So the way through the nagual (pronounced “Nah-whah”), through the dream of the superconscious as a higher-order aspect of the subconscious and urge for union within, we can begin to knit all parts back into wholeness so that the circle might not be unbroken, so that the Kingdom might come in each of us, the Christ, the Cosmic, the transcendent anchored right here in us and in earth. We can be the bridemaid of earth accepting heaven and becoming married to it om a sacred alchemical marriage (of sorts) without cloaks or religions but hearts and souls…

 

Learn your place as co-creator.  Discover how each of us can participate, training wheels are okay, even necessary.  I wish you well, and I wish you self-care.

People say a lot about it…and for the most part, there’s a lot of good information out there. But there are a lot of things said that just aren’t so. Some say you must have a guru, receive diksha, and stuff like that. But they say it because that’s their only experience, so they can’t imagine it any other way.

I didn’t have a guru. I didn’t receive diksha. I didn’t do yoga. I didnt sit in full lotis with back straight, eyes on the nose. I did have a confluence of serendipitous events based on my singular intent to get to the bottom of a few things in my life. These were things that I had buried and needed to resolve that wound up being the switch that turned on the lights. I didn’t have a guide, I did what I was trained as an artist to do: I observed. I’m no different than anyone else except I have been seeking this something “more” that came crashing into my life like a cosmic visitor who made sure nothing would ever be the same ever again.

I see so many searches done on my page that show me that on a daily basis people are just trying to come to grips with their awakening. In the beginning it is a lot to take in. But I think that you were made for this. I also think that we all have existential threads that we need to learn how to cut while awakening is present and strong in us. Doing this will free you up to go from intense awakening to smooth flow. For as hard as it was for me at times, I always knew I was going to make it. I think I chose this at some level. Something in me has the resilience to get through the harder parts of the experience. It’s incredibly personal, so it’s a bit like being laid open like an experiment in dissection…and yet, if you notice, the things that are dissected are never a loss to you. I had this fear….like it was going to destroy me. It was really my fear of change. Over time I learned simple forms of surrender which took me twenty feet into my soul depths, then 40 feet…only to find there was a still deeper surrender as it took me deeper into my psyche to dig out the deeply rooted issues. Not happy with trimming my existential bushes, I dug deep and asked the energy to take me with it. It has always been my teacher and my guide. I am the guru…but that guru is mine. It is your job to recognize the guru in you, too. There is nothing wrong with seeking to figure out how you will do this. My words are just a reminder that you have this. Get curious about yourself.

Today as I was working, there was this channel of information streaming in. Normally I ignore it so I can focus on the busy-work of my day. But it comes, and when it does, when I listen deeply and give myself to it, I can later go and lay on my soft carpeted floor on cushions and give it my full attention. This makes a lover of me, I am not ashamed to admit, and it draws me closer, a great nothingness that is everything, that I am drawn to. And then, I am on fire again.

So as this comes in the moment, let me see if I can explain something that it’s telling me and if you can relate to it.

Kundalini is just an abundance of an energy we call prana, chi (qi), ka, or life force or vital force. It comes when enough blocks are removed to make it possible to let it’s flow increase. I know the Indians say you concentrate on it to imagine drawing it up from the base of the spine, but energetically something “gives way” inside of you that allows for this flow. This isn’t a physical change. It is a change in the structure of your thoughts and your feeling. It’s simple. In fact, way simpler than most people let themselves to be.

Since prana is a force that is also conscious energy, the “structures” that govern it is the subtle energy system. Normaly, we were made for it’s flow, but as humans, it’s stopped. In most people, its a trickle. Once it flows, little can stop it.

The one thing that can stop it is strong negative emotional energy and your thoughts. In the early stages of awakening it seems nothing can stop it, but I have seen that it can be regulated. So if this is so, then the way you can work with this energy is by learning how to be so that the ride is easy instead of hard. This is how it teaches you. You might want to resist it at first, but this is the universal intelligence in all of us, and it has no limitations. The only thing that limits you is you. And for a time, keeping a handle on it may be what you need before going deeper with it. Just follow your instincts and your comfort level. You can, though, go as deep as you wish with it. It is without limit.

Growing up, I had a lot of run-ins with energy. I could have awakened early in life, but the material didn’t move enough. I knew intuitively though that I needed to increase the flow of my inner energy. Interesting things would happen when the flow increased. I often missed what the trick was in increasing the flow. I didn’t realize how I felt was the valve that opened it up. I was too much in my head. I was shown that as this energy increased, my ability to be more aware of numerous streams increased, too.

In an experience at age 18 with a past life as a Native American man who was having a Thunderbeing vision, I found myself swept up into a high level electrical energy of the spirit that made it possible for me to be simultaneously aware of being in four places all at once. Without going into the experience in detail, as the energy rose in me during this vision quest experience in that past life, I was able to be aware that I was alive in numerous aspects or spiritual beings in the vision. I looked out through my eyes as the native man, my own eyes in 1984, the eyes of the thunderbird, and the eyes of the Thunderbeing who was in the storm. I was able to be aware of each location at once. There are exercises that yogis use that do the same thing, and I suspect it’s to achieve the same type of state.

I am telling you this to illustrate the point that as energy increases, so too does consciousness and it’s ability to perceive and take in information incredibly fast and on many channels at once. This only happens when there is enough energy present. I am telling you this to help you be aware of what your potential is and that you can use this to help yourself understand better what’s going on inside you. And if you don’t believe what I have conveyed to you is possible, try imagining the possibility that it is possible, and then do an experiment where you tell yourself that you will allow yourself to open up and be led. Depending on who you are, you might slip right into it, achieving what you thought you were not capable of moments before, or it might need to incubate in you for days or even weeks before you have that surprise “a-ha” moment. Could be, too, that you have it come to you in dream. If it fits you enough, it’s only a matter of time before you encounter it. It’s really about where you put your focus.

So the really great thing I was being shown today was a version of something I think about a lot because I find it so interesting. This is the energetic engine that keeps prana flowing. I’m being shown that it’s these two polarities, things I think of as a cosmic quantity that I might symbolize in my mind as the shakti-shiva or the divine pair. But when these “two” which are really just one wake up inside of you, it wakes up the rest of the cosmos inside of you, too, because this pair is seeded into everything, so it opens you up and gives you access to all that is.

The energy in you is moving through all other things, and since the energy exists outside of space/time, it is everywhere all at once. This means you are also everywhere, too, by extension. I know you aren’t everywhere physically , but take a moment to feel the “god” state alive in this experience and feel how the very fine energy within it is simply not limited. Do you feel that immensity?

Maybe you think you should do something with it. Maybe you think it’s just that way and nothing more can be done. What I find is that as I turn my attention, the energy can “fetch” whatever it is I want or need to know about a good many things. I also need only think about something and it winds up happening. I have been having some very nice adventures in manifesting lately. This reveals to me how the world is really creating using our thoughts. The world is not for or against me, it’s giving me what I am.

Imagination is the gateway for this experience. Beyond the most obvious use of imagination, which is the creation of things, is also the capacity in you to image things that you never knew about before. Imagination becomes a portal for direct knowledge, direct learning, and your ability to feel is what makes it possible for you to relate to whatever information you are picking up on. All of this is experienced not as concepts but as a living reality. Everything has a life. Everything is alive, sentient, even if it’s not physically alive. It is the aliveness of atoms that makes it possible for matter to evolve or to become living like we are.

This aliveness, this livingness is in everything, and it isn’t that our existence as sentient matter is the ultimate state, because it isnt, it’s that everything that exists exists because it is aware. Far from dead matter, atoms have an enduring life of their own, with subatomic particles making up the “cells” of each atoms “body.”

What makes this possible is the sweetness, the uncompromisingly compassionate and ever-present energy on which we are all riding. By sinking into it, you avail yourself of its healing as it straightens out the kinked and blocked places within you. It feels fierce early in awakening only because it’s like trying to fit a thousand gallons through a straw. This is due to the energy body still being restricted or blocked. The more you let it flow into you in your dark places, the more it removes and the more smooth everything within your body and mind gets.

This is to me like the biggest story around. It is for many, a secret. But hidden in your ability to feel (not your emotions…this is your ability to feel and to be more and more sensitive inwardly) is it’s “secret” revealing itself. The less you rationalize with it,the more it will unfold in you.

The more aware you are, the more capable you will be of feeling the remaining blocks in your energy body. As you turn your attention to them, the prana flows. It flows through your attention. This is why we can transmit energy through our eyes. It isn’t that the energy literaly flows through our physical eyes, but that it flows through our attention, and for this energy, a gaze is a form of attention.

It’s quite something knowing that your body is host to trillions and trillions of other lives existing in your body at this moment. It’s true; every cell has it’s own life, even if it lives for only a few weeks, or even days. Every atom, when you see it up close , pulses and vibrates in such a way that it’s a wonder that your body mass doesn’t just slip through everything.

The world’s secrets can open up like a beautiful mountain flower which only you are privy to in that moment. What would you like to see? Would you like to see how we were made, how we came to be here on this planet? It’s surprising to find out that human life as we know it was active long before earth was hospitable, existing in different genomes in different regions of this and other gallaxies. Sound impossible? Go look. Use your minds eye. Or maybe you ant to learn how other cultures existed, or how the light body works, or new forms of technology that use sentient energy as a way to interface with them without the use of dirty fossil fuels, or how you can cancel gravity through high frequency waves, or how some theories in physics only get it partly right. Or, closing your eyes, you can listen to the life of plants and read about their story and how their passions exist in differently seeded ways than our own, a realization that helps to open the mind to the possibilities.

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I only want one thing for you, if you are blazing with the fire and rushing with the rivers running through your heart and soul as your body is taking this wild ride of awakening: to make it count.

 

 

You can push this beyond what you think is possible, you can reach for the ripe fruit. You can dare yourself, you can reach uncharted waters.  I have been there, and I am egging you, nudging, waving my arms.  Its here.

 

 

Imagination is the portal through which you will go. Learn to trust it.  If you bring the awakened state with you, as you sink into it and it fires up, a world will emerge before you.  Blank slate at first, but hush, be quiet; its up ahead.  I am pointing you to the impossible.  I am asking you to make the unknown, known. Now lean into it.  Lean into it and ask a question….but that question should be something that you are really interested in.  Its not stock quotes or the lottery; you are here for the secrets of the universe, right?  Ask about how things go, the root cause of things.  Do not expect an answer, just make the call inside of your mind.  This is the inception.  It broods, it grows, it gestates. This is how it goes.  Wait.  But be ready. At any moment, it could come.  Make awakening your friend, make it your partner.  In it will be everything reflected.  But disbelieve that you can even do this and poof! It scatters like light in rain.

 

 

Then you are lost.  You are stuck with what you think you know, relying on what your senses have been telling you, which is itself a limited story.  You don’t need to read or acquire knowledge in the old way.  There is a new way, a way that has been used for a long time by a very few people.  It isn’t magic, and its poorly understood.  It just takes getting in the right grooove.

 

 

Feel with your body. Stop the mind.  This is how you shift out of the physical senses.  It is also how you can make your awakening count by doing this.  It does not seem legitimate simply because our world is awash in the belief that you can’t do this.  But you CAN.  I have, and so can you.  Sink into it, and let the mind go blank.  Its easy once you know how.  So slip into that delicious space where you don’t have to think or worry, you are in that place where you feel Presence.  It is YOUR presence that meets the Tao.  The One.  Its simple, no thunderclaps.  In fact, no one would believe you had done it, so let the haters hate, the empty suits just be empty.  You have this.  It is all done through feeling.  Its how its been done for centuries.  FEEL your body, FEEL your energy.  Let it grow and increase. Its so simple, so easy, yes?  Get quiet.  Feel those eddies and currents begin to flow and increase.  That is the first part.  Your mind goes quiet, you focus inwardly.  You are almost there…

 

 

You let your body FEEL it and the mind goes silent.  There, as you wonder if its even working, is the first thread.  Just grab it with that empty mind and don’t worry what will come.  FEEL it!  The more you learn to feel, the more of it that will come. This is the secret.  This is the reverse of rational thought.  It’s okay, you can do this, you have permission.  Play.  Consider.  What is there to lose or risk?  Then, it will seem as though some part of you is magically coming up with ideas, images, concepts. They will slowly begin to resolve.  Reach beyond what you think is possible.  It is like being suspended in thin air and all of a sudden land builds around you to support you: impossible, you think.  But there it is, a world is forming.  Let form build.  See where it takes you.  Everyone will go in the direction that they are most intimately interested in.  That is always the best stuff because it is so close to your heart, you see.  Your imagination is stepping beyond mere production to reception.  This is the other side of what imagination is! As you go, things add up….ideas stack up in your head.  You feel excited, you feel inspired.  It all seems crazy, your rational mind is in fits.  You let the rational mind go in circles for a while longer as you tease more and more threads from thin air.

 

 

I will tell you that I saw how matter is formed from energy using this method.  I wanted to know, but I did not know how it could be known.  Weeks later as I sat in a park I felt the inner Presence speak: “Look at the trees” it said.  I did, and I felt something pull me inward through their leaves and cells, down into their compounds, atoms, then subatomic particles.  All of this, through my third eye, I saw as if in my imagination a world explode into view.  I was there, feeling the warm breeze and watching carefully as my child played in front of me.  I was all completely there, tantalizingly present, totally aware of everything, yet this energetic presence was supporting me and showing me another channel.  My mind was fed information about that place where matter turns into energy and energy into matter.  It took me years to untangle it, to understand that what I was seeing had been described by such great minds as Plank, Heisenberg, and more.  I knew what I had seen was true, but really, who would have believed me?  I hadn’t gone to school for this, I hadn’t studied for years in books, and I hadn’t worked on advanced formulae.  I simply got pulled down into it and saw it first-hand.  I related to what I was feeling.  I FELT the phenomenon as an atom might feel itself.  I WAS the phenomenon.  I had to translate it, make it into something my mind could grasp.  But I did, and you can too.  All of this took only moments. I kept going back to it over and over, just to get a better look, and to satisfy my rational mind that it was real.  Of course it was real.  Doubters will always doubt, and that is the rational mind for you…

 

Seers have done this for centuries, and because it was so poorly understood they were often oppressed.  You do not need to fear this this time around.  The world supports this, this way is built into the very molecules of life and matter.  It is encoded into the All like light shines through our world.  This thread can lead you to many other worlds and can fill your life with inspiration, creativity, and life.  It IS life.  A forgotten life….but you can remember it, and the more who do this the easier it will be for others.  I have blazed a trail as others have, too.  Just follow the path of least resistance into the underbrush.  Feel the currents pull you.  Trust the universe in the wisdom and structure built into it.

We can all do this, it isn’t so hard.  It is reading the light.  It is teasing strands out of the ether, and it can be used for the good of all.  We can learn how to do this and we can teach others. We have this one moment in the sun of our illumination where this can be done and passed on.  It need not be covered over in myths and legends, or in misconstrued notions about how reality is or might be.  You need only consider that it could happen….

The story of the night in shining armor has a shadow side that we often prefer not to look at. 

I was one of those people-pleasers who grew up with all the right family dynamics to bring this trait out in me. What begins as a desire to make the life of a depressed or bereaved parent or sibling’s life better can set up a pattern that gets carried into relationships later in life. Most of this is unconscious behavior, so it is neither recognized as it’s being felt or acted upon nor experienced. This is most often experienced as what some call the “karmic merry-go-round” where certain behaviors and personality types come into our lives repeatedly (hint: we are attracted to them without fully knowing why…and this is why I say “karma creates chemistry” for all you twin flame and twin-souls out there).

 For every man who wants to come to the aid of a damsel in distress, there is a woman who wants to be saved. Notice I didn’t say “needs to be saved.” We do these things because they satisfy a deficit in ourselves. The deeper problem is that there is a brokenness in both people, allowing themselves to be drawn into a relationship that is highly codependent. The question becomes, why does that “knight” need to save anyone, and why can’t the woman save herself? The answer, or part of it, lies in our inability to be truthful about how we feel. The man probably feels innadequate in some way and saves people to make himself feel better about himself. The woman, incapable of accepting her own feelings of inadequacy, relies on others to fix things she believes she is powerless to affect.  Both are relying on someone else to give them what they lack within themselves. I don’t need to tell you that such relationships don’t end well unless both are equal in their respective need or dysfunction. The moment one grows or changes is the moment this delicate house of cards can fall.

It’s common for us to point to childhood as the genesis for these behaviors, but this is short-sighted when you bring in the issue of karma. In all of my experience in releasing karmic blocks, all of them emerged from a central point within not just me, but within my larger being on a reincarnation-based scale. What I am saying is that many of these glitches come about not through a linear progression of lifetimes lived, but outside of time and most often trouble multiple lives at once.I say this because I have had access to numerous lifetimes and I have seen how these issues often repeated in some lifetimes (but not all). The themes predate life here, ad in going to their root, I did not find a Genesis here, but “elsewhere.”

 It appears that we come back over and over to work through a number of different themes, some which can be very different from each other. 

Some cycles in reincarnation can be fairly straightforward in the sense that a soul comes in as a woman, man, father, and mother. These encompass the entirety of our possible relationships (including siblings when we are a part of a family). For others, a soul with a more expansive interest will come back in a variety of cultures in order to get a larger perspective. It’s possible to develop many major currents in karma as well as sub-currents.  All of these come in with you while the soul is drawn to the very factors in life that will help activate these patterns, even when they are negative. Once a soul on the planet begins to be self aware, these deeper patterns begin to be more noticeable and they can be worked through. Healing these patterns actually can have an effect on past lives as hard as that might be to believe. I have seen this happen in my own experience when my spiritual guardian awakened me in the wee hours of Good Friday seven years ago to show me a vision of how all my past junk was being shoveled out through my lifetime now. I stood outside in the cool night air at 4:00 a.m. as he motioned for me to look off to my side. I saw a long hallway appear going off into the woods behind my house. He told me to watch and the hallway tilted downward while the other end tilted up and I saw the doors to each room (a lifetime) fly open and the refuse contents all came sliding out. Hopes, dreams, fears, upsets, all repressed emotion the self was unwilling to deal with, all of it, came sliding out. Sandalphon turned to me and explained that this was part of why I had come here, to be that life where this material was cleared for lifetimes. This wasn’t just from my life as a child, this was from my soul, a pattern that was being made right again. If you understand how something you do here and now can impact your existence both forward and backwards in time, its easy to get very “hungry” for wanting to clean that kind of mess up in your life.

The result of these changes I was going through in the early stages of my awakening put me on a collision course with my then-spouse who was unsteadied by the forces at play in my awakening. Angry over the changes taking place that made me less reactive to her codependent behavior, I had to move forward with the forces in my awakening regardless of the ramifications it might have had for my old life.
I learned that I was drawn to these damsels who, I would learn, were engaging in a form of destructive behavior known as projection. Projection is a type of lie we tell ourselves, a lie that we completely believe….

Projection is an observed behavior that both Freud and Jung wrote a lot about. Jung ascribed the need to project to the Shadow Archetype in the self, a part of us that does not reflect on itself. Jung explained that when the person affected by their shadow self has a deep enough fault or a deep enough misgiving about a fault they have, they will turn this on others and believe that the fault lies with the other person. This is more than blaming, it is the result of a rift within the shadow self that can make this possible. While we all appear to project from time to time, those with neurotic tendencies or who are pathological, will most often do it regularly. For people such as this, projection becomes a way of life. I know because I married one and because of how traumatizing it was, I was drawn to yet another person a few years later who had all the same traits. Because I was awakened, the karma fueled a powerful connection which I attempted to work through a number of times with no success. People like this woman who are serial projectors are said to have either narcissistic tendencies or have a condition known as Borderline Personality Disorder. My first clue about this was when I drove with a friend to a neighboring state to pick up a car she had bought online, and while we were going, I talked about my ex-wife. My friend, who was a licensed counselor, said that my description of her behavior was consistent with BPD and narcissist tendencies. 
As a result of our discussion I did some research into these designations and found that I had not just one run-in with this kind of person, but two. Remember that merry-go-round I mentioned earlier? That’s what I mean. I was drawn to another person who would repeat all the same behaviors as my ex-spouse! And the crazy thing about it was after a few weeks of knowing this person and seeing how she let down her guard and began showing her true self, I had already begun to suspect, even was able to predict what range of behaviors I was likely going to see come from this person, assuming at the time that this was a karmic connection modelled on my ex-spouse. And I was right. To make all of this even more entertaining, I actually thought I needed to work this karma out with this person so I could put an end to this extremely hurtful pattern once and for all!

One of the most difficult part of being with these kinds of people are the lies. In fact, when I saw how both of these women were psychopathic liars, I was accused of being a psychopathic liar. Living with someone like this is like living in a hall of mirrors. Everything that is theirs gets put onto you and then they begin isolating you and trying to alienate the healthy people in your life so your relationships with them are ruined. 

My wife said I didn’t love my children and said this directly to them numerous times. It was a cycle of denigration that had a destructive impact on my life, my sense of wellbeing, not to mention how it effected my children and how it strained, unnecessarily, my relationship with them. It was a nightmarish kind of experience. This second person said I was online seeking to seduce women using my “kundalini powers,”writing publicly and creating an air of drama and conspiracy.  These were the tame lies, and they got worse from there. All of the lies she told appeared to me to be efforts at character assassination in order to isolate me from friends and family, or from colleagues professionally. The really crazy part to all of this was how this person worked in a professional capacity dealing with issues of harassment in the workplace. Talk about a fox in the hen house. 

What makes these lunatics believable is how functional they appear to be. How can they be psychotic when they hold down jobs that require a degree of responsibility? In truth, the narcissist and the Borderline personality type have a public face and a private face. No one saw how the Borderline personality would behave at home, ranting and raving at family, or at themselves. “I talk to myself like this to calm myself” she would say when we would get out of public and into private. The truth was, for as composed as she seemed, she was really repressing a huge amount of emotion second by second and on a few occasions would simply go into a temporal meltdown that would be the reason why she would have to leave a public place because she couldn’t hold it together long enough. 

All I ever saw was that this behavior and the words she used were not about finding peace, but as a way to keep the tension in place. We say that venting helps, but all venting does is it serves as a way for us to justify our upset. If venting is done without being defensive then, yes, it can help release stored anxiety. But this wasn’t what was happening. She was putting her neurosis onto me.When she claimed I was hiding her presence in my life by not friending her on Facebook, I was instead not wanting her to have access to my friends for fear she would use them as she had used me in her need to shirk her responsibility for her feelings and reactions. I feared that she would do to my friends what my ex had done to my children. She complained about my not introducing my family to her, but the truth was, I suspected she could use them the same way my ex used my own family members to try and distance and alienate them from me. The jealousy I’m talking about here is beyond anything anyone would call within normal bounds. It was scary. The “clusterfuck” of emotions she claimed marked my emotional state were the result in large part to her own raw emotions and upset, which was vented directly at me. She would get upset if I looked a female cashier in the eye and thanked her by name for checking out my groceries. I was dressed down for being playful with wait-staff at a restaurant. Behavior that was just me being nice suddenly took on a sinister tone. I found myself being punished for being me. What was happening was that she was putting her own hard emotions on to me , the guy so eager to help. The result always felt like having someone pooping on you and then saying what a mess you are. It was beyond upside-down.

It’s hard because people like this do not see how they are creating the crisis they claim others bring to their lives when it’s all their own doing. In fact, the victims of this form of emotional abuse often wind up being enablers by being afraid to speak out against these kinds of people. I was accused of having sexually assaulted “all” of my female art students at my work. When I confronted her with this lie, she pointed out how she had not used my name which is the definition of slander and libel. She then said that had a Constitutionally protected right to write anything she wanted. I have the email. 

The problem is that in our society when a woman makes an accusation like this, people tend to believe the woman. In this case, it was another in a long line of lies. People don’t stop to consider the pain that this causes men who are often stuck in roles that expect them to just “suck it up” and go on. It’s a deadly double standard that assumes women don’t lie about these things. My experience has been that they do, and do so in spectacular fashion.

So how do you make sense of all of this? How do you deal with people who project? What are some of the symptoms and the backgrounds of people who engage in behavior like this?

Projection is a psychological defense mechanism in which individuals attribute characteristics they find unacceptable in themselves to another person. For example, a husband who has a hostile nature might attribute this hostility to his wife and say she has an anger management problem.
In some cases projection can result in false accusations. For example, someone with adulterous feelings might accuse their partner of infidelity. Considering how much the woman I knew engaged in affairs while being with other men, it began to make sense that she was putting on to me her own inability to control her sexual appetite. She claimed that I had broken up her marriage when she actually said to me privately that she divorced her husband because she was not happy with him. She said that you don’t go looking unless things aren’t alright at home to begin with (I have screenshots of those texts). Months later, she was blaming me for her own broken marriage. She was also claiming that I too was married at the time, but I was not. I had been separated for over two years by the time I met her and my divorce was finalized the following year.

According to the psychiatric community there are types of projection. Like other defense mechanisms, projection is typically unconscious and can distort, transform, or somehow affect reality. A classic example of the defense mechanism is when an individual says “She hates me” instead of expressing what is actually felt, which is “I hate her.”

There are three generally accepted types of projection:
Neurotic projection is the most common variety of projection and most clearly meets the definition of defense mechanism. In this type of projection, people may attribute feelings, motives, or attitudes they find unacceptable in themselves to someone else.

 

Complementary projection occurs when individuals assume others feel the same way they do. For example, a person with a particular political persuasion might take it for granted that friends and family members share those beliefs.

Complimentary projection is the assumption other people can do the same things as well as oneself. For example, an accomplished pianist might take it for granted that other piano students can play the piano equally well.

What Is the Purpose of Projection?
Sigmund Freud believed projection to be a defense mechanism often used as a way to avoid uncomfortable repressed feelings. Feelings that are projected may be controlling, jealous, angry, or sexual in nature. These are not the only types of feelings and emotions projected, but projection most often occurs when individuals cannot accept their own impulses or feelings.

In modern psychology, the feelings do not necessarily have to be repressed to constitute projection. Projection can be said to provide a level of protection against feelings a person does not wish to deal with. Engaging in either complimentary and complementary projection can allow people to feel more like others or relate to them easily.
It is fairly common for people to engage in projection from time to time, and many people who project their feelings on occasion do not do so as a result of any underlying issue. In some cases projection can contribute to relationship challenges. Projection may also be a symptom of other mental health concerns. In my case, projection was part of a personality disorder.
Projection and Mental Health Concerns Projection, one main mechanism of paranoia, is also frequently a symptom of narcissistic and borderline personalities. A person with narcissistic traits who does not respect their partner may say to the partner, “You don’t respect me or see my true worth.” Some individuals with borderline personality may be afraid of losing the people they love and project this fear by frequently accusing friends or partners of planning to leave. However, individuals who project their feelings in this way do not necessarily have either of these conditions.

A person in therapy may be able to address these projections with the help of a qualified mental health professional. When a person can explore the reasons behind any projected feelings, it may be possible to prevent or reduce occurrences of this behavior in the future.

In the end, there is no “working” with a person like this. Instead, you learn when enough is enough. I thought I could heal a troublesome pattern, but I learned that this is not possible with someone with neurotic and delusional traits. In the end, it was far more productive to work out my stuff instead of tossing my junk into a cauldron with another person’s junk and expect anything good to come of it. But I knew this already. I was stupid. I was foolish. I learned you can only do this work quickly and productively on your own. Everything else is an invitation to the tar pit of karmic entanglement no matter how much that karma revs up your pranic engines. The result is I am genuinely happier, feeling safe, free, and ready for the next big adventure I’m about to embark on, and it finally looks like a dream come true.

References:

American Psychological Association. APA Concise Dictionary of Psychology. Washington, DC: American Psychological Association, 2009. Print.

Corsini, R. J., & Wedding, D. (Eds.). (2007). Current Psychotherapies (Eighth ed.). Brooks Cole.

Perry, J. C., Presniak, M. D., & Olson, T. R. (2013). Defense Mechanisms in Schizotypal, Borderline, Antisocial, and Narcissistic Personality Disorders. Psychiatry, 76(1), 32-52.

Projection. (n.d.). Changing Minds. Retrieved from http://changingminds.org/explanations/behaviors/coping/projection.htm

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