Archives for the month of: September, 2014

ded82-keysRecently….less than 24 hours ago, I mentioned how I had sought to make contact with some people with whom I had been connected through awakening.  I walked away from them in the hopes of clearing the karma that existed between us and which was fueling the draw.

Last night after coming home from a nice evening talking with friends and reflecting on what I have been working on, I continued my conversation with this person whom I have been out of touch with for so long.  I had been asking her what it was that she felt, deep down, it was that she needed from me.  The assumption was that most of these connections are fueled by karma.  If you talk to people who have had spontaneous memories concerning their soul connection (twin, etc.,) so often it centers around a relationship being cut short or something that happens that leaves the two feeling as though things were not finished.

So much of this material isn’t rational so its not something that you can resolve using the rational mind.  People do try.  I have, and it doesn’t work.  In fact, the best way to navigate through all of this is by way of feeling.  When you consider that this all happened as a result of feeling at odds with your feelings, then touching deep into your well of feelings is the way to resolve this.  This can be a little slippery to some people, but what I can tell you is that feeling is not emotion.  Feeling is like a sensory ability.  And so, the fear is that you will feel pain. But this is not true.  Feelings may be bittersweet, they might even hurt, but they are experienced in order that the old material is allowed to go.  Imagine if you were to just bottle a feeling up and stick it deep down inside of you.  When we don’t face our feelings completely what was a small issue looms big.  Mice become dragons.  they really do.  They have for me.

I had three central connections that I felt I need to clear karma with.  I have asked each of these people the same question as a way to frame the conversation.  All but one have been willing to engage in some thoughtful dialog about all of this. With so much healing having taken place these last six or seven years, it has meant that there has been some pleasant surprises for healing.

So I got to ask this person this question.  Following my intuition I began to speak the words I FELT she needed to hear.  I asked myself what was it that I resisted the most saying?  What was it that I had held back from this person?  How could I help her in moving forward?  Instead of seeking to go back down into the old energy, I sought, through intention, to touch the surface of the feeling and, acting as a mirror, disturb its surface enough so that it might help her to feel whatever it was she needed to feel. The only reason why I took this approach was because it FELT right.  I went into this with the intent of clearing this up, so I had to have some chance of it being successful, I reasoned.

There was a pause after I had said what I had said. It turned into a longer pause and the words came back that a dam had burst.  Then a flurry of words…..exclamations of relief….thankfulness.  It seemed that what I said had helped dislodge something that had somehow caught this person in an old snag.

The interesting thing is that in healing, as we heal, we open up the room for others to heal also.  I was discussing the way all of this has appeared to me to a friend recently, which is that instead of the idea of a cluster of worlds, which scientists are calling “strings” I think that we have an infinite number of them.  Instead of our living in a world that is set, we move through different worlds non-spatially depending on each and every act and choice we make.  As I heal myself in one of these, I find the world where this healing exists….and the people there?  They also reflect a slightly different state of healing, too.  It all corresponds to a vibratory state.  Endless worlds all based on our focus and belief of what we feel we are capable of.  The events in this new world actually happen differently because it is a slightly different version…..

So here I am.  What will this change press or change in me?  I don’t know.  I prefer not to know.  I prefer, instead, to ask for the highest.  I will let the multiverse bring it.  So many want to make karma into a punishment, a way that people “get theirs.”  But this view of the world is a human one.  This is the same attitude that religious extremists carry that have to do with people burning in hell because they believe a god would cast them into a pit of fire.  Silently gloating in the process.  We actually WANT people to suffer as we have suffered.  It is a kink in us that is best worked out of us so we can see that the world was not built with such limiting terms of punishment and reward.  The world is as we are.  Don’t like it?  We each can change it!

Be the change.

Shakti-Shiva2

In experiences of nonduality nothing is just one thing or another.  With everything connected, increasingly, there is less and less and less that we see or feel that is seen from a biased state of mind.  As the walls or barriers within ones own self fall, the truth of things begins to emerge.  The truth is there are many facets to any given thing.  There are facets we give to events and people and things and then there are those things that are simply there, despite our need to project upon them or see what we are in them.  Everything that Is has its shades of dark and light.

Learning to see what is, is a big part of my journey- and the journey of many others in disentangling what we create from what exists…prexistant of our own projections, beliefs, expectations, and hopes.  It is a way to see clearly, to know “what is.”  When we operate from a place of wanting to know what is, we tend to be increasingly inoculated against the tendency to build into each moment, each event, each meeting, expectations that are based on our own inner hopes….which are themselves based most often on what the accumulated presence of karma does to a person’s thinking and acting.  Truth is, we have all of these programs running in us that rule us.  Until we can remove that stuff, we are mastered.  And there are layers to this material.

When we say we are like onions, we are….layer by layer we are undone just as we made ourselves through years of shoving junk down into those layers.  This is what constitutes the bulk of these blocks and conditioning….but it also means that programming exists at deeper levels, yet, in perfect onion-layer form.  Removing it all is a humbling experience.  it is also something I sense is the most beautiful thing.  We are changing the story as we go.  Sound impossible?  It means facing all of your own silliness, rudeness, reactivity, anger, fear, jealousy, and sense of lack. You name it, it comes up, and gets to be cleared. And this, the cleansing of the self, is so important. It is our saving grace.  It is the single most important part of my awakening.  It continues to offer me the opportunity to undo lifetimes of junk.  And the result is that it will change those lifetimes as much as it will change THIS life.  Its beautiful and huge.  It will send ripples throughout the multiverse.  There is a lot on offer here. And yet, for as huge as this all is, we can, in our all-too-human frames become undone by what remains.

When I awoke, I found that this energy began taking me apart right away.  Blocks began falling away within the first week. After two weeks of having felt the “rising” of this energy in me, effectively lighting me on fire, my juiced system began to respond by churning and teasing out these small blocks of knotted emotion from my awareness, from my body.

Part of this dynamic was being aware of another person whom I had never met in this life, someone who lived about 1,500 miles away. A whole other country in fact.  As time rolled on I learned that I was feeling what this other person was feeling as though it was a direct link. I was incredulous at first but as the incidents piled up day after day I realized I shared a connection to this person that was from the inside out.

There was a lot that was said about these connections.  Awakenings like mine were often being accompanied by these connections.  It was a way of shifting your way of seeing the world in a pretty dramatic way.

As I went from this being the will of the universe to something that my own soul was embarking on, I began to bid this energy to do its work.  I sensed that the stronger the energy was, the more work it would do.  Part of me was apprehensive of this energy.  A part of me was afraid that “me” would be swept away.  There was a calm sense of impartiality, almost coolness to the intelligence that lived within this energy, that lives in all energy.  My own awareness sought to commune with it, to learn why it was here, to learn anything I could.  This probing would begin to form the first of what I would come to call my “epiphany talks” which was where in a deep state of meditation, I would let this energy do its work, and as a plus, I could ask it questions.  For me, understanding the very core of what Is was what I was interested in.  I felt that in knowing this I could begin to unravel my own mysteries, to become, to transform.

This journey resulted in my becoming aware of multiple connections.  They just happened.  I didn’t know why, but they did.  Over time, these connections would be a source of shame and guilt for me.  I would also set these connections aside in an effort to overcome whatever it was that had fueled these connections.

As time passed and I continued to let this energy do its work, I went from surface blockages to removing deeper, more substantive ones.  Each time as this happened, the energy which I had been communing with came through clearer and clearer.  But as long as I remained even slightly uncleared of blocks, I was like  visitor to this land of the divine.I could tune it in anytime I was ready to.  It was mine.  It was me and I was it, and yet, I had this baggage that my personality had to learn to let go of.  I knew there was probably a way to just let it all fall away at once. Theoretically possible, yes, but likely?  Nope.

But the journey along the way helped me to understand energy more and more…..in the way I was most gifted.  It seems that we meet this conscious energy where we are at the time.  As the dross clears, the energy also becomes more clear.  The intelligence within the energy resolves too.  The personality also goes through changes.  For me, the hardest and most difficult was my own Dark Night of the Soul.  This was itself a period of time when the gateway of energy opened up within me to the degree that I would feel clobbered by the energy.  I often would have to lie down, unable to know how to deal with this crush of energy.  This period would result in dislodging my ego from its front and center location in my psyche.  What resulted was that a higher-vibrational version of the ego was within view, a way to still know myself as me, but with fewer snags.  The idea that ego dies, is itself silly, yet people still use the term “ego death” which stirs fear and anxiety in anyone who is going through awakening.  This part, is, in fact, a saving grace, a blessing, since it allows the self to not identify so powerfully with so many things that can serve to hang it up.  Ego itself does not die, it is more…..mobile. Instead of ego being the latch on your toolbox of gifts, it becomes one tool IN the toolbox. The result? You become more of the master and less the slave.  But here is the thing….the deeper issues, the ones that are most ingrained….they tend to appeal most directly to ones identity and sense of self, and as a result can be the last things to go in this cleansing that is awakening.  The Dark Night itself comes of its own accord when one is ready.  There is no formula to this, or for this.

For me, the hardest was saved for last.  And that is where I am. It seems that this is being taken apart bit by bit.  The advantage to getting down into the dirt, into this root junk, is that with each release, no matter how small, it changes the balance of power, or energy, in the body.  What affected me before no longer does.  And all along, I was very good at being able to manifest what I needed.  I had been using this method I developed that worked for me.  I simply asked for the big things, the important things.  They all came to pass in time.  What I could not change was the karmic field that existed within each of the manifested events that brought me what I needed, all in divine timing.  But it is now a matter of no longer wanting to manifest the abundance I need in my life in order to do what I am here to do.  It is now a refining process that now frees me from the entangling alliances that were part of the past but that my soul now feels is no longer necessary for what lies ahead in the future of time.

I ask myself what these connections were for….I ask them what they think now after all this time.  What was at the very base of all of this?  What holds us back?  What has limited us?  What has kept us from something that was less than an easy form of love in ourselves? And not all of them are able to know the answer.  It is, in a very real way, an answer that they must find for themselves.  Understanding one’s mirrors are an important step in doing the inner work necessary to stop attracting the same thing as in the past.

These were all people who obviously felt as though something had been left unfinished.  An expectation was not met the way the individual felt like it needed to be.  This is where what Buddha had to say about the suffering of the world comes into play.  Remember what he said?  When we build expectations that are not based on what Is and are instead something from our own inner dialog, our own karmic leanings.  Having begun to dig deeper into the root, I have found that as I do, I am less reactive and am simply wanting to know what is it that remains? How do I honor and heal what remains in me and does understanding what lies in the other serve as a reflection for me?  It does.  But it requires a willingness or ability to see things impartially.  As you might guess, karma is not about being impartial.  It is about feeling something that is less than our divinely inspired selves.

So what was shame and guilt has resolved into an awareness that I am here to resolve some old accounts, to clean it up, to open the way for a new Way to be to flow through me.  Like a creek that has been dammed up, the walls are falling away, and while most of them feel as though they are down, there is this part at its base that is now being excavated.  This, the root, is the darkest, the most difficult, I suspect because it goes to the very source-point of our survival, our nurture and our ability to create at the most fundamental levels.  ANY kind of creation….from procreation through the body to art or the use of our creative energy for a whole host of things. What I know from my talks with this light inside of me is that when I remove the troublesome junk in the root, I wont have any concern as my ability to co-create will not be muddled by action (karma) from a past life, or from some earlier part of my life here.  How do we build the temple when the stones were lain from poor stock to begin with?

So this is the journeywork.  This was what the Dark Night did; it scattered the stones of my being.  Some remained….it seems that if we are not ready to allow ourselves to be scattered and remade, we wont.  Not even kundalini will be able to take care of it.  Perhaps with enough time….perhaps then.  But for me, I sense that time is of the essence.  Time for all of us here….time for me….time for my children, time for those I love.  Time to enjoy the fruit of my labor, to settle into this way of being for the next time I am scheduled to re-emerge.

So what is holding you back?  you might feel as though you wrestle with yourself sometimes, resulting in knee jerk reactions.  If so, I can tell you categorically, that is the karma speaking.  And as long as that is the case, you will respond the same over and over and over.  Yes, you might be able to put a good face on it, yes, you might learn to CONTROL it.  Yes to all of that.  But we have spent lifetimes doing this.  It is as though we have worn these masks which have hidden all of our own fears about who and what we are…..and those things were themselves the lies we tell ourselves….why?  Fear.  We are afraid we are terrible somewhere deep down…..so we ignore that dark spot and go on about life.  Sometimes for lifetimes.  Eventually, the karma comes calling and the soul no longer wishes to deal with it like this anymore.  We grow up.  Slowly, perhaps, over many lifetimes, this maturation takes place.  And perhaps there is something in us that needs to know this shadow part of ourselves.  Maybe.  But then, in doing so, embody it, which effectively removes it as something you are pitted against, or fighting with, or having a knee jerk reaction to.  Whatever it is for you.  For me….there were strains of victimhood in there.  I was not ready to take responsibility for the fact that my own light body, how it is composed, is what is creating ALL of this.  There is nothing that does not happen that I myself do not attract.  And what happens when that image is one I don’t like?  Well, its in me to heal!  ME. Until I do, I am mastered by whatever it is I see in the world around me. Sometimes, it is with disastrous results.  And the deeper we go into the chakra system, the harder it seems to be.  Digging in this deep pit is now the work that I feel so ready to do.  My focus on this center is constant.  Every moment of the day I breath into it, I place my awareness, the light that is in me that is also the universe.  What a way to shine the light on things!  But it WORKS.  In fact, the easier I allow it to be, the easier it is. As I have said in past posts, sometimes a glance is all it takes.  After turning this old soil with my awareness, it eventually soften enough to fall away.  There is little else as important as this.

The result?  In important areas of my life, I am finding myself becoming less stuck.  Things that I knew I needed to do but had been stuck by the economy or by a hundred different reasons, has now suddenly freed itself up.  The way forward has clarified.  As soon as I was able to see it, those in my life responded with excitement because this shift would offer them opportunities that we have not yet had together. These were opportunities their own souls have been waiting for.  It is an important step, one that charges my creative energy with the push to get this next step done in divine timing.  Divine timing?  Yes.  this is when the impossible becomes possible.  This is when all you have to do is put the intention there and the world conspires to assist.  Some of it is not because of anything that you yourself have done.  This is the foundation for the synchronicity….those inexplicable events that happen with uncanny timing.  So why something is in your life is the result of something within you…..for good or ill.  When you can come to terms with any given block, you can free yourself to be able to choose how you react and respond.  You free yourself from a kind of slavery.  The idea that we have been the ones to have enslaved ourselves seem repugnant to us…..and is the very reason why it continues. When we take responsibility for our stuff, for our lives and choices, we are that much closer to owning all of it instead of being the ones who are owned.

The reason, I know, that this work is important is that as each of us are able to break these chains within us, it makes it easier for others to do so also.  If you haven’t noticed, the world is rapidly moving towards an effort to use technology to control in a whole new way.  It is time to so fill this world with the hunger for true freedom that the idea that we would seek to control the world just because of greed or fear or anything less than our highest will seem….so unnecessary.  Why would we want to do that?  To change the world, we have to change ourselves. From one backyard to another.

So in awakening, in the beginning, there is so much in you that is magnetizing so much….from feelings to events.  You are in a pit and you don’t even know it.  But what you DO know is that you want things to change.  Sometimes it feels like a gift, sometimes a curse.  But that is as it should be; to be able to see both sides is so important….and once we do….integrate it all into our being so that it can be free to transform.  The path to change is in forgiving ourselves.  This, it turns out, is the hardest thing for us to do….but it leads to the greatest love there is.

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No matter what happens today, you are a living biological miracle with trillions of individual cells that call your body home and who all show all evidence of having and enjoying their own lives. Your consciousness, itself a miracle, exists beyond the biological miracle that is your body and can travel through time and space when your body is no longer living.

You are hurtling through space on a ball of rock with a molten core at speeds of over 43,000 miles per hour just to make its orbital revolution each solar year. But consider also that this sun that we see in our sky is itself also spinning through space in its own orbit around the Milky Way galaxy at a speed of over 480,000 miles per hour as we complete one galactic year (which is 225 million years – we have been around this sun 22 times since the earth was formed if our information is correct).  Its an amazing world in each and every scale…..so when things get you down, just think about a few of these things and wonder….

How awesome is that?

Blessings for your day earthlings….

~P.

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26c022755ef9b108caaf6e3f4d28f7b5All it takes is a subtle shift to change how you see everything.  Einstein explained that he didn’t understand physics because of how some scientists chose to see or describe what it was they were seeing.  I think this happens a lot with people who are linear in their thinking, and who are unable to see bigger pictures. For the big picture people, the descriptions can leave us  holographic thinkers caught in lack.  But just one radical shift, like how we thought the universe revolved around the earth and later found that it was actually very different.  Each time we do this, it represents a huge shift in awareness and cognition for the race.  For all of us.

What happens when what you see in the world is suddenly very different from what the most brilliant minds have been saying…..even as you know something is amiss in a pretty big way and that things are far more poetic, beautiful, and built on patterns more like sacred geometry than anything else?  What, the universe is superstitious?  No. It is just different from what we were thinking.  And that is just it; it is that the theories we come up with are not completely mirrors of mere phenomenon.  They also wind up being mirrors of….well…US.  Sometimes it is about who we are and how we think and the biases that we have that shape our thinking….all without our believing it is even possible. Plato said something quite prescient that keep coming up and bears repeating here:

Those that are able to see
beyond the shadows and lies
of their culture will never be
understood let alone believed
by the masses.
-Plato

That is something to think about as we teeter on an age so full of possibility revelation, and possible change. Peace ~Parker

b88c0-ouroborosimagesI was reading recently about how empathy is so important when writing.  I would agree with that appraisal.  The author of the piece I was reading, here on WordPress, described this empathy as a product of our imagination, something that we produce by thinking what it might be like to be in the skin of the Other.  I was thinking about this and how it is that once you experience non-duality that this effectively puts an end to imagination.  Maybe his world view would be greatly expanded with just a sliver of what non-duality can do to us, for us….

Something happens inside of us when we experience non-duality that literally changes how we think, how the corpus of our energetic selves orients itself, and this most often leads to bouts of expanded or accelerated consciousness.  Hard to deal with at first because of how intense and how far reaching that it is, but with some time you become more accustomed to the experience.  And most often, it expands, becoming much more ubiquitous in your life.  This sense of empathy goes beyond mere imagination because what happens is that increasingly, the barriers within consciousness begin to come down. For people who are rational and control freaks, this is a scary difficult time.  For people who are ready to go with the flow of what this experience can bring, it can be one of the most illuminating, educational, and compassion-driving experiences of your life. 

But ask anyone.  Read how Krishnamurti turned to look at a buffalo and found that all divisions between him and the animal just went out the window.  We was the buffalo standing out in the field.  The part that kept you inviolate and so focused as YOU shifts.  The fear for some who experience this profound shift is that their own sense of identity will be erased, or IS being erased, but this turns out to not be possible. The ego remains, and is an important (albeit overblown) part of a healthy functioning self.  When this happens, it is difficult to explain how total this can be.  There is no limit to the “empathy” that is involved, here.  This “empathy” is extended to every living thing and every inanimate thing because, as you naturally discover, even inanimate objects are in truth alive with energy and that this energy is alive or aware without need for a nervous system or any of the things that we humans have been raised up to believe is sentience. 

Remember that bit where Einstein saw that E=MC2?  What he realized was that matter is energy.  But what is energy?  Do you really know?  Have you FELT energy that is more than just your own biological functioning? Have you stepped beyond your own known borders to taste a larger world? It is THIS energy, I say, that you assume is as dead as a stone, just a form of matter that is vibration differently then matter.  And you would be right on the vibration part, but you probably aren’t getting the awareness in all things. This, I tell you, is currently only possible to pick up by way of consciousness.  There just isn’t a device yet created that can detect it.  Once scientists and researchers get a little more interested in this end of things, we will get a lot of very interesting stuff.  And yet, I ask you, is there a better device but your own consciousness?  Would you rather have a machine do for you what you can do naturally? 

An experience like this is one of the most profound experiences you could possibly have because it shows you that while you are you, there is also another world, a world of worlds, that exists all around you.  Every person, every single thing, has its own story, its own life, its own journey, and while they are each the same, we are also bound by way of a web of energy and consciousness that is what you awaken to when an experience in non-duality comes into your life. 

It is interesting to me that for years I have experienced aspects of the non-duality in my energy work long before the coming of kundalini.  I was aware of a sea of energy and lived in it just like anyone else does.  I remember someone saying to me “I don’t want you in my field anymore” someone that I loved, who was being hard and mad.  So while this was not really entirely possible, not in totality, I turned my attention away from her soul-shine and set my mind onto other things.  It made me smile because the truth is, here we are, utterly changed beings, living in this sea of energy.  We are all one. And while it can be a matter of how we focus, it is also that all currents flow through this.  We are all one and this individuation is…..not so much an illusion as it is that it is one facet of who we are. And we are one.  We are. You cannot undo what non-duality has set into motion.  You just can’t.  You wake up to the fact that we are all one living in these skins and boundaries….and the boundaries all serve important functions, they do, but here I am, I am sitting here and I feel all of life on this planet.  All of it as one gigantic yelp of a chorus.  Like a complex array of currents, the entirety of all awareness runs through these currents….creating them, utilizing them, undoing and recreating them all at once. And while they ride this wave, they are as much the surfer of this wave as the wave itself. It is all gloriously connected.  No if’s ands or buts.  For me, once you reach this place, no sense of connection comes about that is not itself happening at both ends of the spectrum. 

The greatest challenge is in being honest about what we see in the world.  Our own inability to see or be aware of what is right in front of us is the hardest part.  We cannot see beyond our own karma, the collection of our own choices, our actions, that now serve to define so much about ourselves.  But being able to reach across the river from one side to another, this is what non-duality offers each of us.  It also can make us better writers, better healers, and even better people.

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