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Note: this is a piece that I started almost six months ago but hadn’t finished it.  Today I had enough time to sit down and edit and try to trim it down some and get it ready for consumption…It is based on my own experience, but it is also informed by numerous other accounts and people’s experience on the subject.

I was once fully believing in what was said about the Twin Soul.  I had an awakening that began to stir in mid-2016 with the “full” process unfolding in early 2017.  When this happened, I was aware of another person there within my awareness….sharing my inner-most space… with me.  Boom.  I felt as though I had transited into some strange new world.  At first, I thought that maybe this was temporary, like some kind of telepathy.  It was just so new, I had nothing to compare it to.

As time went on it became clear that I could feel what she was feeling and she was feeling what I was feeling.  In the beginning, I considered that maybe I was just somehow making this all up, or that the two of us were maybe psyching the other out somehow.  The rational mind was firmly in place even as the force of awakening was beginning to deconstruct and bring its inevitable change.

So we took notes.  For months we would check back with each other to compare with each other the things that we each felt, what time, and what stood out.  Over months of doing this it was clear that this was not some sort of self-delusion.  She was able to accurately pinpoint the minute where, for the first time, I had cried in a few years. She could trace the ups and downs of the energy in the day.  Sometimes I would read something and she would bring up the subject matter as though it had come from her own thoughts.  It was an other-worldly oddessey.

What made this so different was the intense feelings that came about through this experience.  Cosmic, certainly.  My physiology was changed, my mind was undergoing a kind of reformation right along with my emotions.  It took some time before I knew that the symptoms I was experiencing was kundalini, but what was very clear to me was the connection that had been forged suddenly, inexplicably, and from a distance of 1500 miles or so.  I didn’t know this person, at least not in this life.

What I have been describing is an aspect of awakening that many people are going through today that is popularly termed the “Twin” experience.  There are twin souls and Twin rays.  Depending on who you talk to, there is a difference.  What is common, though, is that an awakening has occurred in which two people have developed, often, an instantaneous connection that utilizes the light body in such ways that telepathy becomes the order of the day.  It drives bliss and it tends to make one feel as though they have connected to some hidden or”lost” aspect of their soul.

As I sat in meditation back in those early days, I asked the force, this very intelligent force, why it was there.  I asked what it was.  It obliged in both cases and explained in images, like waking dreams or inner visions, what was going on.  I was being met by an evolved form of energy that was a future version of me that had looped back to my time frame and was boosting my evolution through all time by moving through me.  It explained that normally we think of time as set when we think of the past, but that the past is in fact still very plastic. By going back through time it was able to boost its own evolution, explaining that as my growth accelerated in THIS probable past, it sent out ripples down into what I think of as the future, which it explained was simply an advanced state or awareness of itself.  It had the effect of opening the self that this self was/is in a way that might not have been possible in other ways.

What I suspect was being communicated is that this was my soul coming to call in a way that it could not do previously. Prior to awakening I observe, we are just too blocked for anything meaningful to get through that is transformative in nature (like the flow of prana that we term “kundalini”). The force also showed me that the work that it was here to do with me was to assist in the removal of repressed emotion, my “baggage” you could say,  everything that kept me from knowing my deeper divine self in an embodied fashion.  So this was how the work began in earnest.

I have spent each day with this force moving in me and assisting in removing a huge mass of material both from my life here and now as well as those that I have carried over from other lifetimes.  I have watched as the material went form the easy stuff to what is now the more dug-in material.  I have gone through all five of what the Hindu call the “koshas” which are what I think of as dimensional aspects of the energy body.  Each chakra, then, you see, has five sheaths or dimensional aspects that express body, mind, emotion, spirit, and prana. A block in one chakra in one kosha layer can be cleared and later you can wind up in the same chakra center clearing it again because a different kosha in the same center is now being cleared.  This was the work of awakening.  This is what the flow of prana does, what we call Awakening or Kundalini.  And I was connected to this person as part of this.  I naturally assumed that this person’s presence served a purpose, that it was connected to my awakening experience.  I had, after all, had dreams that foretold this event and the coming of three people into my life who I would know who would play central roles in my process. This was just prior to the full-on rise of awakening.

In the midst of this was the feeling of falling into the”thrall” of the energy that I felt was connected to this person.  In the beginning, it was this beautiful thing, wonderful, really.  But over time, as I tried to understand the connection, I found that the literature that describes this phenomenon kind of….came up short.  The community of people trying to understand this phenomenon would describe it in ways that sounded great, but in truth, it was really contradictory.  People would say “He is the most wonderful twin, and I love him so much…” and then, the weirdest thing would happen.  You have to wait for it….so often they would say “And I hate him, he is the hardest person to get along with!”  In fact, today, as I was preparing this, I did a survey of several blogs that espouse the Twin-Soul and Twin-Ray concept in the way that I first learned it and I kept seeing these comments in much the same way I have just related to you. And I think there is a reason for it that we don’t always admit or acknowledge.  The bliss and wonder just feels too good.  I think we are afraid that if we grow and move on that this wonder and bliss will somehow evaporate.  But awakening is a permanent feature to our lives.  But the web is full of this story that has caught on.  It has caught on because it sounds so good, and it seems to make some kind of sense.

The concept goes something like this:  the Twin is the other side of your soul.  You have been going through your whole reincarnational cycle waiting for this person to come along.  The purpose of the two of you is to reach a state of full union here on earth and that this is your last incarnation.There is NO karma with this twin.  They would never hurt you, ever. They connect you to incredible bliss and love in such a way that hurting the other side of themselves is just not something that would ever be considered..”  Or something very similar to that.  Cue the dolphins jumping in the moon light (actually, I think leaping dolphins are really cool, but I digress).  I am making light of it, but the experience is real and powerful and it is unlike anything you are bound to have ever felt before.  By just thinking about this other person it is as though you are accessing a catalyst that drives orgasmic energy that ripples through your being.  The story as told is one in which twins are this model for the new paradigm, sainted beings put on earth to usher in a new age.

The problem was that this was not the case in my experience. In fact, my twin would have these ….temporal melt-downs every now and again.  In the beginning I figured that this was just her reaction to powerful energy and she should just be able to toss her fit. She would sometimes resort to cussing fits and she would say really mean things.  Then, a few seconds later, she would be quiet and calm as if nothing every happened.

“Wait.  Did you just see what you did just now?” “What?” she would ask, seemingly oblivious to what had just gone down.  I just shook my head.

Okay, I get it; we are human, too.  But, see, there is nothing about this when anyone talks about twins.  Not really.  Its all rainbows.  Whatever the challenges are, they are glossed over when you go to these sites.  It has the whiff of the myth.  And at the very least, there are a lot of misconceptions about this whole twin phenomenon.

When I went on the message boards that dealt with this discussion on this topic I found the stories were all the same.  I observed ALL of the behaviors as so similar. Different stories, all the same story. Everyone was battling the disparity over the fleshly real-world self and this seemingly divine awareness of self.

And then, there was that gulf.  And EVERYONE knew about it.  You know it if you have had this experience.  No, it is not easy to know what it is exactly, not at first, but it sits in the background is a much more powerful arbiter for this experience than you could have imagined.  It is brought about by the mass of your own karma….the negative karma….the shadow self….the samscara.

This gulf does not serve separation with your”twin” no, but there is something there….but what? Yes, this was the same for everyone.  The only difference was in how each person chose to respond to it.  Individuality in motion, right?

So the question became, if this story is true, that your Twin would not hurt or harm you, then why was there such a preponderance of the “twin blues” being expressed on the boards?  I get it; it was a place to vent, and in truth, there were people who quietly worked within the experience to understand, grow, maybe be better.  Yes, heavenly feelings, they would say, but twin is not with them.  Nearly ALL of them. So few every really were married or in relationships with each other.  What?  Why not? Oh.

The gulf.  Mind the gap, lads and lasses….

This is the dark wind that breathes coolly between you and the other.  I know you know exactly what I mean, people.  That bit of mystery.  You have not been able to penetrate it.  And I will boldly say, you never will as long as your soul is unable to give up the concept of the twin as presently conceived.  It will remain a stumbling block.  Why?  Because the twin becomes the dose of endorphins for the day, the deep sensuality in body and soul. The twin is a connection, most often, through karma, often negative karma, and the attraction being created is what I think of as a “reverse” polarity draw.  This is the pecularity with energy; you can draw based on positive and negative aspects.  What would normally repel can wind up, in another life, to be a draw.  Sounds a little non-intuitive, I know, but I see it over and over and over and…. And we each fear giving this up and so what do we do? We keep the gulf, that gap, in place.  It is out on the edge.  Beyond your fear.  I ask; will you step out on the ledge with me and be willing to risk everything for what lies beyond that wind-driven dark nothingness?  You have to be willing to die to attain it.  The room goes quiet.  “Who the heck does this guy think he is?”

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You have to die to who you think you are.  When you read about all these wise cats from India, they talk about the false self.  Or illusion.  All of it is created, and it has its own reality, but it may not be the most authentic version of your highest realization. And so, most people get taken down by awakening, peeled down, taken apart, reworked, their foundations scattered and put back together.  We are a generation of Osiris’s whether we be male or female.  And the gap?  That gap seems to promise us endless sensual bliss as long as we keep a little of it in place.  I am saying this because honestly, there were so few people who were event talking about getting to a better place, to really “ascend” as so many are so fond of saying.  When I read the work of people who talk about “ascending” I find they are the ones doing it the least.  I mean, what gives?  Are we really THAT guilty of projection and all the rest?  I am beginning to think that the people who talk the most about ego death are the ones who have ego firmly planted the most, or that those who ascend know they are not ascended, but boy do they wish they were.  How about this; a little honesty?  If you did that, you would inspire a new generation to be human and to ask how to reach across the gulf to do the real work of being and becoming.  The truth is, no one knows what this ascension is.  Everyone likes to use it, but really, what does it mean outside of a vague notion?  No, you have no idea what it entails because the process you are in folks is robbing yourself of all of the false, the lies you told yourself about yourself, the wishes that did not really fit you, the looks you yearned for that would never match you and this caused suffering….the jobs you did not get because they would have made you unhappy but instead you were unhappy that you didn’t get it.  This is all of what Gautama described as the suffering.  This is not a time that is rich in embodiment, but a time of doing something foundational and really important to your spiritual evolution that will send powerful ripples out through time.  You are the rock mover, the dam deconstructor, and your soul made you for this purpose. You are here for this, right?

I have been through this more than once, this twin experience.  I had two even though they say you can’t have but one.  What I observe is that I have never seen a single case of a true Twin soul as described in the literature.  Not once.  It is like an image of a unicorn that is running up ahead of us.  It is always up ahead.  It is never really here.  It is like the Loch Ness Monster and the Yeti. We hear their plaintive cries in the night, or think we do, but we never stand before it, flesh, blood, and bone.

But the image of the unicorn, caught in the dreamy-eyed light is so much more grand when we let it run up ahead of us so we can imagine it in those otherworldly terms, right?  Come on, admit it, what I am telling you is true.  The chance to catch that fleeting image in the soft focus of 50 feet away is so much more preferred than seeing things up close with sharp focus, right?  And this is just what the experience of the soul brings.  It doesn’t NEED to be realistic; it is infinite.  It knows EVERYTHING is possible because….it has seen it.  It knows it.  But the difference is that we here have not and we need to manifest whatever it is that we are going to create.  That is a very different kind of work, a different focus altogether.  You can learn a lot from your soul about how to do things.  Just ask; it exists outside of time and can give you the cheat sheet.  Try it sometime.  I delved into this and did the work on this so I know it exists.  I wont bother trying to wrap it in some fairy tale story.  You will have to do the work and determine if what I said holds water.  Go looking.  But do you know what I mean when I say this?  The soul has seen it all and it is in this place of undivided innocence of a sort while we here in this focus are creating, making, learning, as if it had never been learned before!  What!  Okay, I will save that for another day what THAT is all about….

It is true.  In fact, unicorns are real, but not in this world.  No, I absolutely agree, unicorns like the one I just described DO exist, but they are not made of flesh and bone.  The trick, it seems, is how to bring their magic into the moment.  Here.  Because friends, if we do not, then the world will just roll its eyes at us and we will retreat into the private world of those twin boards in order to vent or whatever, right?

I just think that we need to get real with all of this.  I sense that this lack of living in the moment, in the flesh and blood and boundless soulfulness of this experience will not serve us.  Any of us.  I know it did not work for me.  It did not serve me in my release of old karmic material. It is time that we get real with it.  And why?  Because there is a world of people who are just stuck.  They are. Stuck in the heaven of the “twin” experience when the story is itself a fairy tale.  They are in these tar pits, trying to pull their “twin” out with them and all the while they are just digging themselves into it.

You might wonder why it is that the more people “try” the more stuck they become?  Its because YOU are not the part that does the healing.  the higher self does.  There is no way that your earthly self has any ability whatsoever to effect healing for yourself.  YOU are a channel, you see.  Your higher self, it has the power.  You, you are just learning here.  This is why we all talk about this surrender idea.  What do you think you are surrendering to?  We are alike this. Children, really. The more someone tries to put themselves out there as knowledgeable, the more suspicious I am.  But the bliss is necessary so that you will be willing to surrender just long enough for the rough stuff inside of you to slip away into the night.  No one wants to empty out their garage.  Never.  We all say we want to clean it out, but most folks have to get to the very edge of sanity before they will consider just backing the truck up to the door and giving the heave-ho. Let’s just be real here.  And this is what the twin experience is all about.  Yes, we touch heaven, but we also touch earth.

I’m not angry.  I am not upset.  People assume that I am when I speak this way.  But no, in truth I go deep within and when I read the “library” that is out there in the cosmos what I see is actually something different from what some people have described.

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For what it is worth, this is what I have dug up.

We are each masculine and feminine within.  We are.  This is what the force of kundalini is, a dimensional aspect of the feminine and masculine, not expressed as a sexual orientation, but as soul, as consciousness.  We each have had various lives as both men and women.  the biggest hurdle for most people is the idea that they were the opposite sex because, well, homophobia. Inside of everything there resides this presence that is so hard to describe….it is at once a channel for energy, and IS the energy, and IS itself.  And then you are there, or the rock or water molecule, bird, or bacterium. This current makes up the positive and negative poles necessary to drive reality.  And it is in everything, holding this whole thing together moment by micro moment.  This is the dual, the twin, you see.  What we are missing is already inside of us.

The twin force is not “out there” but is alive in every subatomic particle and in every star.  It makes up the matter of the physical universe and it animates conscious living tissue in a blissful way.  It does.  And so many of us are shut off from it.  These, we call those who slumber.Those who have awakened, whether they know it or not, have removed enough emotional material out of their way to allow for the twin force of the yin and yang to touch, to move into unity, into union.  And when this happens, there is most often a flash of intense white light and the other symptoms that follow in the wake of awakening.  But its union.  And it naturally drives us to want to BE in union.  In our lives, in our work, in our spiritual lives.  All of it.  Because the world is actually designed with this in mind.  All of nature is interconnected.  When I had my first experience with nonduality, the day “this” moved inside of me I saw how I saw that everything was “family” and I was a part of it.  The joke being, that the family is a really really really big one (every atom in the entire universe for starters…).

Do I think that this means that twins are not real?  Well, I ask you, have you ever met anyone who has had the experience of the stereotypical twin?  Have you?  If you have, let’s talk.  I’d love to meet them and learn more about this phenomenon.  But you know, I have never met one.  Not one.  And yet people keep talking about it as though it is a thing.  Maybe it is a distraction from the very important work of becoming.  Maybe?

But the baseline energy of the cosmos?  Its bliss.  Our bodies are designed for it.  In fact, our brains are wired for the pleasure by putting out reward chemistry for it.  All of this is compliments of two forces that turn and duck and sway all through us from toe to crown and builds incredible bliss, bliss that is strong enough to tear down our sacred cows and castles and desires to chase unicorns…And these two energies in each of us, all of us, is an important part of this. You cannot have what is called the kundalini shakti without the shiva side of the force.  This is not a force that exists independent of one another.  If you were to take the positive or negative away from what we think of as kundalini, all would go silent.  Energy would withdraw from our universe and the screen would just wink out.  Hard to imagine, right?  One does not exist without the other.

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When we are heterosexual, we align along male or female sexual orientation,and are drawn to the opposite physically, traditionally. But this is only sexual orientation and says nothing of the deeper more nuanced story of the soul which is more than just female or male, or bisexual, say.

In non-traditional pairings, there is still an energetic dynamic at play.  At the base of this experience, in its core, is always an interaction with the cosmic emanations that are both us and the universe.  I know how that sounds.  But this experience spawns the experience of nonduality, that moment when your energy rides on the nadis, where you experience, directly the fire from heaven that pulses through you and into the other and then develops this circuitry that you feel powerfully in the moment when you are together and also when you are miles away. The male energy radiating outward connects to the feminine and flows through a creative presence that is the feminine.  This is a part of the experience of what we describe the twin phenomenon. This is a sharing of prana. It is transferable.We go from the circuitry of our single selves to the circuitry of two people-as-one.  This is not an illusion.  It is real.

When my “twin” said she didn’t feel the bliss, something that I felt all the time but that she didn’t know herself, I explained she needed to breathe deep and listen to my words.  In a matter of moments, she had it.  Like magic. This was done over the phone, across the miles. I could do this because of the connection.  I could incline her toward bliss by feeling it in myself and then transferring it to her own mind because she was in touch with my own.  This is a life that is lived from the inside out, not from the outside, in.  We serve as reminders to the other about how we can be simply through feeling.  When the other can feel what you feel they can learn to feel differently in the case of someone who does not have the same hitches as you. It is a cheat. Just like the soul coming in and bringing this experience, that too could be called a cheat.  It is the best sort of cheat out there.  It at the very least helps to catalyze a new direction or focus.  And then, we have to chop wood, carry water, which is to say we have to work on the personality in order to grow it into a new direction, to erase all of the deep grooves of whatever undesirable behavior there is in us that has kept us tangled up in something that is less than our highest.

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I know from the work I have done that what we experience as masculine and feminine in awakening, not just as sexual orientation, is an energy in consciousness that is indeed a polarity.  Here, in our lives as physical beings, we experience the dimension of this force as sexual orientation and as physical sexual orientation (male or female).  But this division itself is only a seeming.  It is not a literal spiritual division.  We are both. Within us, whether either of us wants to admit it, we carry some proportion of masculine and feminine traits.  We do.  And one day, as I went deep, I found myself experiencing a life as a woman.  And just so you know, I am a man (a very heterosexual man).  The experience of being a woman did something to me that opened me up in ways I had been blocked.  I was able to observe that while I was remembering this lifetime in my past, I also felt that the polarity of my sexual energy had flipped not unlike how the polarity of the earth’s poles might flip magnetically from north to south.  I had this slight edge of concern because when I felt the flip take place, it was strong, the same way that a magnet might flip when its same pole from another magnet is put in close proximity to it.  But I went with it.

Instead of my energy going outward, I felt it going inward.  I found how my focus and attention was of my beloved moving all through my heart mind and body.  When I was able to completely let go of what I now know was a trace of homophobia, I could embrace this experience. It taught me a lot about the feminine.  It cleared a block as I did this which opened up a large flow of energy.

The point I am getting around to making is that our energy is itself aligned a certain way in each lifetime to suit our purposes for that life.  In my life I have a blend of both masculine and feminine traits.  These traits make me strong, but they also make me receptive.  They also make me wildly creative, as I have lived my life as an artist professionally since 1996. But there are different alignments along this spectrum, too, and all of them are each just as valid as any other.  But all of this is begging the question: what does this have to do with twins?

I know I go far afield….Let me ask you a question:  here we are as physical beings.  We all know that we are all pretty messed up here on this planet.  There is so much hurt here in all of us.  There is.   It is what we are dealing with in this focus.  But it is JUST a focus.  It is where this part of us is right now.  We wake up and we begin to feel this cosmic energy moving through us.  What is that all about?

Yeah. What is that all about?  Is it possible that in our focus here, shut down as we have all been for so long, that when we wake up some, what we are doing is we are waking up to the energies that the Soul lives in natively as part of its eternal existence?  When we speak of twin, aren’t we simply talking about the confluence of soul energy, which is a pure powerful and unlimited (potentially) pulse of love that gets magnetized and drawn when we have karmic issues with another person who may also be awakened?  And is it possible that the soul is working out its own issues through us and its own karmic material even as we ourselves create our own.  We aren’t just puppets.  And working out karma is a necessary step in clearing the decks enough so that we can come into a greater awareness of what we are at the level of the soul? Add the flow of prana to karma you have with another person and what do you get?

I mean, aren’t all of these connections just that, karmic connections that have as part of their character all of this fear and running and love and bliss all wrapped up together and what we are each experiencing is both our infinite nature and our finite nature all at once?  And is it just possible, then, that what we are doing is seeking to heal that gap, that rift, that is symbolized by our own karmic troubles that another person is a compliment of/for?  Is it possible that what we each are feeling are our souls and that this powerful energy, when it flows through us, intensifies everything we experience (which includes our sexual draw to another) but that this is happening most often, if not always, through the karma?  Again, a reverse polarity draw? Search your memories if you can access them.  In every single case where a “twin” remembers their past with their “twin” there is always an experience that goes something like this: “He stepped onto the boat and I never saw him again.” Or, “I stood as I watched her being killed as I was helpless to save her, watching as her body was slipped into the grave” or, “A great wave came, one after the other until the boat was capsized. Everyone died. I have carried this guilt over leading them into that storm ever since.”  Something happens that we just can’t get over….and we die and carry it over into the next life.  It serves to shape events in our lives.  It attracts certain people whose own karma is a compliment to our own karma.  If its a case of feeling powerless, then there will be someone who disempowers you.  If it is some deep guilt, there will be someone there pointing the finger at you.  It isn’t that the karma is the same, folks, its that it is complimentary.  You don’t even need to remember anything form your past, though.  Its truth is right here with you now.  If you want to know what your past has been like, look at how you feel and think in your present life.  Don’t like it?  You can change it.  And doing so will change your lifetimes in both directions in time.  Look at where you are and this will tell you your challenges down through time.  the more foundational the issue, the deeper it drives through lifetimes.  It is also often the hardest at excavating from your mind.  Mind the gap.

We like to think in terms of black and white so often.  We can’t, some of us, even imagine how it could even be possible for us to be drawn to a person who, say, stabbed us to death in a past life and we come back starry-eyed about them in a future life.  How does THAT make ANY sense, right?  And yet, all of energy is this way….whether it is expressed in its shadow or light, ANY energy can be an attractive force even if it is what we would think of as “repulsive” or negative (the back stabber, or the one who could not be with us or who abandoned us or simply fill in the blank with your preferred trauma of the day).

As I look back on all of it, I see how I got snagged in my karma in the past.  This snag actually represents a glitch in my ability to feel myself as anything less than what my soul is in its unlimited, unbound, being.  And make no mistake; the soul is independent of time and space, so it is possible for each of us to know our souls in their highest forms dimensionally.  This is, I contend, the very thing that drives all of the cosmic energy, the bliss, the wonder, the awe, and the “5-D” experience as so many have called it.  And that snag formed the basis for a connection later in a life where I awakened the pranic force in awareness.  Simple.  I know it is not intuitive to some folks that energy is this way, but you can see people engaging negatively with each other just as passionately as some people do in a positive way.  These are simply opposite ends of the spectrum.  But with so many people engaging in what winds up being that gulf, the rift, the gap that exists in that dark land “out there” there is often an inability to honestly grapple with the larger issues.  They just seem….so beyond us.  And yet, it really isn’t beyond us at all, is it?  If we have been touched by the cosmic, then we are that, right?  So let’s roll up our sleeves and tend to this gap, right?

The only problem here is that while karma SEEMS to be something that we are entangled in with another, this is just not true.  If you get really honest with yourself you can see how YOU chose to respond in a way that resulted in your feeling less than your divine self.  That means you felt hurt or pain or anything that is less than bliss, right?  I can see how my own “twin” would say I made her feel a certain way.  No, actually, I am not her maker.  I did not make her feel any sort of way.  She made herself feel a certain way.  And this was the substance of her own karmic tangle with me and with others, too.  She believed that I let her down or that I did not love her enough.  But the truth was, I shone with the brilliance with all I could be in the moment, karmic tangle and all.  She chose to want to make someone responsible for how she felt.  But it was she who was feeling this all along, and as long as she did this, she fooled herself into this very dysfunctional way of being (which was karmic because it was not her highest truth). So I ask you to think on what it is that snags you.  What is it?  If you look at it honestly, you can, very quickly, speed yourself to the very nucleus of the karmic tangle with this other person.  You can.

I went round and round with my “twin” on this for years.  I finally woke up to the realization that I had been trying to please everybody in order to win their acceptance or approval.  Why?  This was the hard part.  I did this because….I could not approve of myself. This has absolutely NOTHING to do with ANYONE else on the planet.  It was my own shit.  Mine.  And when I got a handle on that, I began to heal it.  One day, when I returned to speak with my twin, to try and see what it was that I could try and help in healing, she said something that just flipped a switch in my head.  She said, “You know, I am really happy.”  In a flash, all of the energy just dropped away.  It was less that I felt a loss, and more like I broke through some kind of gap or barrier that I had inside of myself.  Poof, it was gone.  All of the tension just evaporated.  What was left was a feeling of easiness. I felt free.  And so did she.  No longer did I feel this compulsion to return over and over to try and complete something.  It was done.  A layer was peeled away and the gap dissapeared. My own energy flowed more freely.  I didn’t feel fear or angst amidst the bliss.  It was just gone.  It was less filled with drama, and it also lost an edge of intensity.  But I also felt more intense within myself.  I also was able to see how self-honesty really did win the day.

I am saying all of this only because I sense that this is what each person in these “twin” relationships is dealing with.  We are all drawing from the same well and we are all slapping our own labels on the same water bottles.  We each make it fit our own circumstances and turns of mind and heart….but at its core it is all the same; we face the inevitable contrast that exists between what we are here on the planet as 3-D beings and what we feel our souls are.  Form the soul we are now opened some and feel the bliss to varying degrees….but we are also grappling with the messy part of being human.  But by cleaning up that mess, I have found, it all can get easier.  And if its not easier, there is more work to do. Chop wood, haul water. I think in all truth what we are here to do is to marry our physical limited selves to the soul in order to create a new synthesis, in much the same way that my own soul told me it was doubling back through time to catalyze change in me now that would ripple down through all my futures in order to lift itself up in that time outside of time.  So what is this force?  As I see it, the force is prana, a very refined conscious energy that is not divided.  It is like water….it flows through us, makes itself a part of us and then flows through the rest of the universe as the universal force that animates all reality and consciousness.  To say it is apart from us misses the point.  It is us and we are it.  As such, prana makes us into something more just as we make more prana by interacting with it.  Creator becomes created….and the created creates the creator…..adding to it in ways we can scarcely imagine.  It is like a beautiful mystery that we open up to as we ourselves grow and accelerate our own consciousness or awareness of who and what we are (which is infinite).

This force is the force that is alive in the universe.  It washes us free from shame when we open to its grand healing force and it crushes us when we resist it.  Right?  But we are each this twin within.  Already!  We were never NOT complete.  And yet, being social creatures, we crave connection, and I think that this is what all of this is about. Our loneliness.  And this loneliness has, over lifetimes, lead to karma.  A desire for that “One” that mythicaly proportioned part of ourselves that exists like our unicorn, prancing in soft focus a few hills and vales ahead of us, always a little elusive.

 

waterish

What I sense through all of this is that in truth we are dealing with karma.  Be honest, look within, and don’t try to blame anyone for your misfortune or else you will get stuck.  And you can also get stuck in the “forever” feeling of the bliss.  If you make it all about the other person as I did in the beginning, you can become dependent on how they are as a baseline for how you are.  Then what you have done is made someone else responsible for how YOU feel.  THAT is codependent.  Someone once told me that in scuba diving they used to have a rule that everyone had to have a dive buddy.  They still do.  But whenever someone had a problem with their equipment, the buddy was supposed to go to the one having the trouble and give them a little of their air.  They were to reach a place of stability at the bottom of the sea floor and once they had each gotten enough air, they were to slowly ascend to the surface of the water and to safety. But what was observed was that people did not ascend.  Instead, they stayed, breathing the air and often wound up running out of oxygen and dying as a result.  I think that in many ways this is what is happening with a lot of people today who are caught in the bliss of the Other and do not push themselves to do the work that they are here to do; to heal that gap, that rift, which the Hindu call “samscara” or soul scar.  Otherwise, you are a person who has inherited a great treasure but are unable to use it.  You awaken, but you do not improve or evolve.  And isn’t this what awakening is all about?

The challenge with someone who shares karma is that by connecting in this way, the karmic energy is intensified.  Rumi said something, I think, about just feeling a burning building.  Just leave it.  By going back to try and “fix” it, we each descend back into the karma.  Ask yourself what is yours to heal.  Do that work.  Surrender.  Let it go.  And then, if beyond the karma there is something there for you and your “twin” then it will be.  And if not, then there was an important lesson learned and a lot of healing that took place.  But we do not go into karma with another, we simply find a foil for that karma.  I might feel the need to gain approval because I lack that in myself, so the foil for me is to find someone who will approve of me.  Except the glitch here, if you will notice, is that rarely will you really find someone who will deeply accept and approve of you until you can find it first within yourself.  You gotta be really honest here…whatever the karma is.  Pick the flavor…your choice.  But be honest with it. Then you can heal it.

Its not easy to be so incredibly honest with ourselves.  But I can tell you that when you feel the dread or the hard feelings in awakening, THAT is your shadow lurking.  THAT is the awareness of your own karmic backlog.  And while its hard to feel it, liberating it is so freeing and so healing.  Suddenly, by healing some block, you wind up erasing a small part (or even a large part) of that samscara.  And how beautiful is that?

I remain unconvinced that there is such a thing as a true twin soul.  I say this because I have not yet seen it.  I know some have said it exists, but no one seems to have an experience that matches the perfection of it.  Maybe what all of this is is just our awareness of our own soul perfection and we are each trying to embody it in our lives right now.  And if that is so, then the “twin” simply helps us in pointing out where our rough edges are.  Yes, it can lead to pain-and what is this pain, though?   But no, it belongs to no one else but us. When we can get that honest, then perhaps we can use the force of awakening to our own advantage and rocket ourselves to a better place.  The lure of remaining in the “forever” of the bliss can become a stumbling block.

Lord knows the world needs more people who are easy in themselves and who have blazed a trail through the collective awareness of the species in order to effect a miracle for themselves.  What we each do in this regard accrues to ALL of us.  I know this to be true.  It is part of higher-dimensional awareness.  We are all really one.  We never were separate.  This is the illusion fueled by our own over-reliance upon the ego and on the self.  We will always remain self, for it is that self that knows that when it touches the divine it is “it” who is doing it.  You see?  It is like this big experiment in a particular focus in awareness that we are each experiencing….All one, all individual, and all here working it all out. I remain hopeful because the current trend in awakenings is a pretty audacious outcome with so many of us waking up.  But waking up is just the beginning.  We each have so much to work through; how to get out of our rational left brains and into our right brains more….into the “shakti” side of ourselves in order to be more receptive, softer, gentled, and full of our grace.

I know this has been a lot to digest.  I do hope, though, that it helps you to see things with a renewed perspective.  All is not lost.  Is there a way to learn how to work with these higher-order connections?  Maybe there is.  Maybe until we are able to clear away the “debt load” on ourselves in much the same way that the Hindu monks do in preparation for kundalini, working for years to clear the energetic channels called nadis, things will remain turbulent based on whatever our own personal karmic issues are.  But far from considering karma a punishment, karma is simply HOW you choose to see the world and respond to it.  When you change one, you can change the other.  Being aware that we can change is what gives me great hope for all of us.

I know that I have not given you neat tips for coping with your twin. Instead of that, I hope I have helped you to gain some insight into this phenomenon and learn to see the bigger picture so that you can grasp the bigger issues that rest in your own soul life.

All my blessings!

-P.

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