Archives for category: awakening symptoms

Boy, this has taken a bit of courage to post especially given my stance on using substances for altering consciousness in the past. Gulp. I am writing, though, to share an observation and point something out that happened in the event that you are interested in taking a deeper look on your end. Or not.

July 1st 2021 was the day that the prohibition of marijuana ended in the state of Virginia. Not long after that, a friend stopped by the studio after having obtained weed. All legal, now, and what a strange place to be I suppose.

If you read my blog you will see that I advocate natural means for reaching alternate states of consciousness. While Terrance McKenna didn’t believe it was possible to enter into the numinous without DMT or psilocybin, I know different. While I very much respect what these early psychonauts were attempting to do, theirs was just one path or road to “Oz.” In a way I would have liked to have spent some time with Terrance explaining to him how I came across this naturally. I don’t think it would have changed his mind, though. For his generation he had found a viable way of gathering knowledge and experience that in many ways is perfectly valid because of how broad and far-reaching consciousness is. My way took longer so it was not a path meant for the impatient. People get bored quickly.

While under the influence of a drug we say that our consciousness has been altered. Has it really been “altered” unnaturally? We have receptors for all kinds of substances that are found in nature that allow us to experience what those agents do to us. We also have bodies that produce many of those compounds naturally also. You can see that I might appear like I am hemming and hawing. The truth is, I think that plant agents can be very helpful if used judiciously and not used so they become like a crutch. That said, what I hear from friends who have used marijuana for years illegally, is that it is far superior for cutting anxiety and helping with sleep than drugs that leave them feeling out of sorts and with other unintended symptoms (“may cause intestinal bleeding, rapid heart rate, shingles, fear of the unknown, sleeplessness, and dizziness”).

Recently a friend offered some of the devils lettuce to me and I decided that I would take a very small amount because I was curious to see what effect it would have on me now that I have awakened. I decided quite unexpectedly that I would give it a go after many decades of having sweared it off. I explained to my friend that one reason why I didn’t smoke the stuff was because it made me feel like I could feel this immensely large consciousness very close to me and I explained that I could not tell if that consciousness was me or if it was something else. It made me feel very….self conscious too! My friend looked at me and just smiled. I realized she had no idea what I was even talking about, and I kind of felt funny even mentioning it. That’s one reason why I don’t talk much about any of this stuff because I inevitably wind up sounding like I am crazy. Or baked.

“I’m not baked! It just sound like I am!”

After my friend left to go home, I was free to turn my attention inward, which I was eager to do to see if I could trace the contours of my awareness and see if I noticed anything different about it. Obviously I felt different, yes, that was the drug, but what about whether it might confer something interesting in regards to awareness? It all happened quite quickly.

At first I thought it was my imagination. It seemed real, but ever the scientist, I needed some form of proof one way or the other. What had happened was my mind turned to my two children who live on their own now, having grown up. When I thought of them I had the distinct impression that my mind was locking into their own vibration and that I was seeing through their own awareness, something that had not happened before in the way it was happening on that day recently (I keep my distance so as not to spy on my kids). It was novel and different from what I have experienced in years past when I had a connection to someone or when I was running some strong energy that would have an effect on my awareness. I don’t mean to sound contradictory; when awakening came there was a slew of phenomenon that I was peppered with and they all seemed to just happen without knowing how or why. Yes, so I was psychic from having awakened. The Hindu write at length about this, it is a sign of attainment. And everyone is a little different, none of this is a competition. In those earlier cases, my perceptions would become more sharp or would open up more. This would mean I would feel what others around me were feeling. The difference between then and now was that back then I felt like I was tossed bodily into the experience. I felt like I had little say-so about it. I felt it bodily, but what I was feeling or experiencing recently was a lot more controlled. I felt it more as though I was in control of myself, and I had the distinct impression that something in my awareness was able to just slip into these thought-streams and it certainly had the distinct feeling like that was exactly what was happening. Still, maybe it was just my imagination, maybe it was the weed. I took a few moments and surveyed the landscape of the mind of one child and when I decided to pull out of it, it was like breaking the surface of the water and I was out of it. In fact, it was like waking up from a dream where it got to be a little hard to even remember what it was I had just seen and experienced.

Reflexively, my mind turned to my second child, and the experience was completely different. I experienced what felt like a panic attack, but it was unlike any kind I have myself ever experienced before. It came on very fast and then was gone very quickly. While I was experiencing this, it felt completely real to me. What’s more, it showed me something about my child that I had not considered previously. I had seen these sudden outbursts before and I had not understood them, two had happened just recently when I was helping with a move from one apartment to another. It had thrown me for a loop. It was upsetting, and I was left at a loss as to what on earth had just happened. Was it possible that I had gotten inside someone’s head? Was it possible that I was now seeing or experiencing what this child sometimes experiences? In similar fashion as the first experience, when I was out of it, it felt like popping out of the ocean, moving from one phase or mode into another. I was now back in my own local focus. When had that happened before the way I had just experienced it? I couldn’t say that I had experienced reading someone like that in the way I had just done. The difference was that I felt like I was in control of the experience. I was able to pull out when I was ready. I felt like there was this observer in me that was able to watch and then feel what this emotional and mental material meant (or seemed to mean). Still…was it just the weed that had done this, had created the appearance of this phenomenon? Like I have said, it felt like the real thing.

The memory of the experience kept at me the rest of that afternoon. By that evening, I resolved to call my child to compare notes. My only concern was there might be no interest in talking about any of this, but when I did call there was no resistance to discussing it. I was so relieved. I remembered what a psychic friend of mine explained to me many years ago who said that often when we read someone and really see them, when we see them next, they will often tell you everything about what it was that you had seen perhaps a few days or a week before. She explained that it was like some part of them knew that they had been seen, and this is something that sparks a response even if it comes from a more subconscious state. We know, but we don’t know that we know. Perhaps we suddenly feel like we want to tell that person our life story, or one part of it. I had experienced this before with a number of people who I had read in similar ways before, so I had seen some evidence of this being a thing. “Read them and then they will then speak back to you everything that you saw, which is a very good way to confirm without needing to ask that what was seen was accurate.” What was remarkable was how much of a breakthrough it represented in my understanding of another person. It became clear to me that what was experienced was in line with what my child experiences.

The feeling that I had when this scan happened was a sense that I was going deeper into my mind than I normally go. I don’t know how else to describe it than that. I had the distinct impression that I was using or utilizing a part of my brain that doesn’t normally get used and it felt like it was a deep innermost core part of brain and self. Each time that I had this experience happen, I was aware that I was in this very deep place within that had been made possible with the use of the marijuana. Maybe it is a little bit like what we do when we channel? No, strike that; it didn’t feel quite like that. No one was taking me over. I was slipping into a mind-stream and my own inner perceptions were analyzing and sensing what was taking place or what exists within their mind-field of thought and feeling. That is what it seems like from my vantage point right now. One outcome was that I understood a little better how my child might get triggered by me or something I say or do. It was helpful because by being more aware of what I say or do or how I interact, I can in some instances head the triggers off at the pass.

It feels like I have gone full circle in my work and my experience with kundalini. In the beginning, I was swept up by the force of the energy and I had all kinds of unusual experiences taking place that I seemed to have no control over, they simply would happen. I would know things, I would walk past someone on the street and I would feel their painbody or their load that they were carrying around. I didn’t seem to have any control over it or when or how it would happen. Now, though, it felt much more controlled. It felt like I had found that place in the center of my brain where there is this transceiver. It felt just like that. It felt like I went into a place don’t normally go that was quite deep and it was there that I could see in this “new” way. Yes, I have had experiences similar to this before, but now it was also different. Now, it was controllable, more intentional. At first, I felt like I was spying to be honest. But then I also realized, if what I was experiencing was on the mark and not just imagined, then this kind of insight could help me to better understand the behavior and reactions of others who are near me.

Clearing the inner junk is critical for being able to fine tune your inner senses. This is why doing the “work” not only helps you to be free from the distortive effects of your own repressed emotion, but it also can make you clearer as a seer or psychic. It makes your life more peaceful as you integrate the truth of who you really are in a concrete way in your inner sensory landscape. I have seen in myself how stored emotional material can get in the way of inner sensing work. I have also seen in another person that I knew very well who was constantly projecting her own mental illness onto me or others whenever she “read” them. The problem was how readily apparent she was drawing from her own inner index of past material but was unable to see how it was clouding her own inner vision. Another friend who is an established psychic with years of experience counseling others is someone who has worked doggedly most of her adult life to clear and cleanse herself of stored emotional material, and the result is that she can do cold readings that have an incredible level of accuracy. The only difference is one person has done the work and the other person still has a lot of work left to do. So let this be a lesson to you; do your work! One sure sign of what you are seeing is inner material being projected onto the other person is that fear is often involved. When I felt my child I didn’t feel fear, I simply experienced something on a visceral level but I can’t say that “I” was the one feeling it. I was sensing it, yes, but I knew it didn’t originate with me….and that is, I think, the small but significant difference. Mind the gap.

So did weed make me more psychic? Did it open part of my mind in a way that it helped to catalyze this new shift into awareness? Possibly. I find myself having to admit that I will have to conduct a few more controlled experiments first to see if I can more completely confirm what it is exactly that has ben taking place. For all I know this might be something specific to me, but then again, it might not be. I think it is worth taking a look at, especially given how after decades of negative press about marijuana the results are showing that instead of being dangerous, that it has medicinal qualities and for this person, it is a great sleep aid. Much better than taking some complex pharmaceutical compound that might leave you with a host of undesirable side effects.

I’m not rushing out to buy and use. I am, however, quite keen now on seeing what else it might suggest to my consciousness as directions to go. Sometimes a compound in a substance will act like a trap door in our consciousness which we can then go back without the compound in us and recreate through our own native chemistry. How? We meditate on the state that the substance produced in us originally. Does that sound strange? Turns out, people describe how they can recall the states experienced with psychedelics in such a way that they don’t have to actually take the drug again in order to produces its effects in consciousness. THIS is how the plants can help us. We can recreate their effects in our bodies and consciousness if we simply focus on them and remember their effect so clearly that the body itself produces the effect that we are thinking about (which the body is expert at doing). It is amazing when you think about it: if you focus on feeling a certain way, your brain will see this and then your body will begin putting out the chemistry for the state you are imagining.

So? I guess my views on using substances has changed. There is nothing wrong with using them if you understand what you are going into. Psychedelics have been known to help people perform some of the same “exorcisms” of emotional material as kundalini does. There have been a lot of recent studies in this area that involve the use of magic mushrooms that have had some very amazing results for those involved in the studies who took the mushrooms, and were more positive in result than other drugs that are legal to use which can produce many undesirable side effects. That isn’t to say a psychedelic wont produce some intense experiences for the person, the difference is that often when faced with a negative experience, the issue is often being brought up to be healed. Just noticing and seeing that emotion fully for the first time can be enough to break the bonds it has in our subconscious. Ergo, it can be, however hard, a path to authentic healing. And no, it isn’t for everyone.

Absent the drug effects, it seems that all of the same requirements are the same: face the fear or the emotion, see it for what it is, let it play through you but remain dispassionate in relation to it (don’t grab back at the emotion in order to keep it) and it just goes “poof” and is gone forever. Ayahuasca does the same with a lot of vomiting and being led to facing old repressed emotions and fears in order to overcome them. DMT seems to offer some emotional release effects as well. But I think at what point do these things become crutches? No one will know except you. As for me, I am now a little more curious than before and is an old dog who is learning some new tricks.

image of the human brain with strands of electricity on it.

So every now and again, this inner Presence does its thing when I am in the right kind of mind space. It always feels like someone is asking me to become part of a partner in crime….to go on this thought adventure….

So consider what it showed me. I have been writing about, as have others written about, how kundalini is at least in part the union of the opposites, two opposites that move into union. These opposites may very well be reflected in the two hemispheres of the brain as channels for cognition and then explode into something more when the two become-one, an idea that is pretty big amongst those who experience awakening and the resulting near-obsession that we can tend to have with inner union…divine union. But this little rascal in me opened a door recently and flashed that mischievous smile at me that told me I just had to follow it.

It showed me another dimension of all of this, which has had to do with research I have done over the years of the connection that exists with stored emotion being let go especially after kundalini is aroused. It’s as if the emotion is being released from the body. A close friend and massage therapist who knows energy work has many times worked on me and by pressing a spot on my body, caused an emotion to lift and release, gone forever, leaving me with a little blank spot and a little less reactivity or one less trigger. Okay, so this energetic presence is saying to look deeper at this quality. I’m not getting what it is pointing to, so it says, that as we wake up and as the two hemispheres activate in this new arrangement we call cosmic consciousness or what I used to call meta-mind (before I even knew this thing I had had a name), but that it then activates the body consciousness or intelligence that exists in each person. We don’t think of the body as having intelligence within materialistic science, but it turns out there is a LOT of information about it written in the East. In Zen Buddhism they say “the body thinks.” We say “What does your heart tell you?” and “What does your gut say?” All of these are a nod to body intelligence. Now we might at this point kind of roll our eyes a bit with that suggestion, but hang on a moment.

In recent research we have found that the human gut has as many neurons as the brain of the average house cat. Now I ask you, what is the gut doing with so many neurons? What’s more, the heart has them in a high concentration as do all of the major organs. The body or viscera has its own neurological system separate from the one that goes from the brain to the rest of the body that is called the vagus nerve. Researchers have found recently that there is more signal activity going from the brain from the heart than from the brain to the heart. Signal means information, and information implies intelligence. What gives?

So this presence is suggesting that this other “brain” is linked to the brain in our cranium during the process of awakening and that one reason why many report feeling these energetic blasts up the core of their bodies (raises his hand) is because this is the moment when this brain is brought along with the other two hemispheres into a greater unity. Then conversations I have had with people who have described their awakenings begin to make a kind of sense when they almost universally use terms to describe the experience of feeling things all the way down to the cellular level (some say atomic, but close enough). Is it possible that what we are experiencing is the linkage of this third brain into a larger consciousness and that this ties us more closely to our emotions which may well have some of their origin in the body itself? For as crazy as this may sound, we do have both anecdotal as well as established evidence that this may well be true.

In my hunt years ago for this intelligence I came across the work of researchers who gathered data from hundreds of organ recipients and found a high correlation of the recipients having what could only be described as the memories of the donor. In fact, in one case a child was able to identify the person who had killed the donor, which triggered the organ donation. The child was able to name and describe the person who had committed the murder. There are all kinds of stories similar to this one (okay, this was one of the most dramatic illustrations of memory retention in the organ) that researchers had collected. Now it is worth noting that some scientists view this area of study as being pseudoscience, but I find it to be something worthy of more study. I know for myself that my body has certainly exhibited and still exhibits some form of intelligence and awareness that is structurally different from what the brain offers, but still may make up part of our overall intelligence. If it does indeed do this, then it would be worth tapping into it for a host of reasons, many of which we might not even be able to anticipate at this point what they might even be.

My question then is this why those who awaken are able to “shake” off the trauma from the past because we are now more intimately connected with that part of the body, that the whole neural network is now aligned and “connected” by way of this inner alignment that pushes consciousness into a whole new arena of awareness? I ask the question. I’d be interested in your thoughts and experience pro or con. I don’t know what to think of this impish presence that takes me down these rabbit holes. Just had to put this down so I could get to sleep tonight.

Sweet dreams…

©Parker Stafford

The mystique of enlightenment tantalizes us with promises of a new world, a new mind, a new way to be. I sought, never really knowing where it might all lead to. Perhaps what the mystics and yogis had said, had whispered about, was an inaccessible realm for only the chosen few. What I know now, though, is I had forgotten what had graced my spirit upon coming into the world.

It remains a mystery to me why it took as long as it did. Was it just that I had some very real-world lessons to learn first? Did the mundane trump the transcendent? While there have been answers, questions crowd them out in greater number than ever before. It’s as if in seeing the “iridjuel,” a transcendental object existing at the end of time only serves to deepen the mystery. That may just be the point and the way of things. For myself, I am surprisingly more content now with the motley crowding-in of questions over answers. It is a bit like how poetry is. It never seems to give you a solid answer, it teases you along with still-greater possibilities, a greater inescapable reality. Like poetry, maybe the whole point is to be inspired and not answered. Perhaps it is better to have an experience over answers. And yet, along the way, answers do come, but they come about through a very different process than before. These answers, though, lead to a more informed kind of mind and heart filled with greater humanity and kindness, perhaps a sensitivity that appeals to the Shakti in each of us. Fiery, alive, but gentle and sensitive to the needs of the All.

What is so interesting is how we all come to these in our own way. I’m not suggesting that it is the same, though. Many paths, many arrivals. The moment that I think that there is a hard and fast answer, a path that is clear, I see so many other paths that weave in and out of my own and down into parts of the forest that I had never considered before. What is clear though is I can see how there was a single substantive move from the laser-focus of the logical rational mind to that of another which was its opposite which led me to this shore and the end of time which is like Terence McKenna’s “iridjuel,” the transcendental object at the end of time.

Was it just as simple as activating the power of the more feminine side of our brain, that right hemisphere? So much of what I saw happening in meditation when the lights came on was about this shift. If it weren’t for how the meditation technique was designed, I might have missed it. It appeared first like a giant empty room. I had been there countless times before. I might have dismissed it that time, passed it by and gone on to more active pursuits. But I stayed. I gave it time. Instead of a focus, it was the opposite of what I knew was that laser-like focus which we all had grown accustomed to and comfortable with. It was a focus, but without the usual sense of focusing. It is, in short, precisely what the non-dual crowd calls “not doing.” It was the opposite of “the doer.” It was observing but it was not aware in the same way. It was as if my mind had been switched off and a giant seemingly endless expanse opened up. This I think is what so many call the “void” and many back away from it both in fear and unknowing. It was in that darkness that the brightest of pure white light flashed before me, subsumed me for just a moment before receding, after which everything began to change. You could say it was my “journey to Damascus” moment.

I stuck with this new form of observation without a single-point because I found it novel, a new challenge to my mind. Curiosity had the best of me. And maybe I had tried so many different ways before this that I kind of shrugged and thought, what’s the harm? It wasn’t that this void was really empty. In it phenomena would rise and fall based on how well I didn’t drag into it my old focus, that old comfortable and certain laser focus. It invited me to open, open, and open still more. The more I did, the more it would show me. I considered the possibility that the void was perhaps just a gulf between two selves, one of which was incomprehensible to the other. If the other side to this new form of “focus” was apprehending, then this was a very different acquisition altogether. I didn’t catch a bird, I observed it through its very essence, whatever the object of my interest was. A window opened in my forehead and I saw images from a great distance. A hallway, an apartment, the windows, the arrangement of the furniture, the bedrooms and other things. I was lucky, I knew the person to whom these scenes belonged….I just didn’t know it at the time. Coincidence or synchronicity saw to it that its import was made known to me and I was placed on that person’s path. I was able to see that for as fantastical all of this was, for as seemingly self-created it could appear, what that window revealed was in fact images from a world away. I corresponded with the person to whom these images belonged, who was able to tell me how correct or true those images were. It was as if I had caught onto something that had been hidden in a seeming void, images shelved behind darkness that might never have been found had I remained incurious and remaining in my old ways. It all seemed impossible, and yet there it was. Over and over I tested this seeming novel capacity, always with a high degree of accurate results. If this was mere imagination, there should have been results that reflected that reality and I would have seen more misses than bullseyes. Somehow, it was as if my mind could imagine what wasn’t there before and could show me what did exist through some unknown capacity opening up within me. And surely this is what happens when we open our minds in this way. Psychics often describe how they seem to lack the filter that keeps such access to this phenomenon at bay. While it isn’t that important to have these experiences, it nonetheless is a symptom, a sign, of the change that is taking place. It turns out that this is a universal symptom regardless of your religious belief or school of thought. The Christians have it as “gifts of the spirit” and the Hindu have it as “siddhi.” They all come from the same precise phenomenon but go by different names.

If the old way of being was achieved by way of a linear progression and its laser focus, then this was a compliment to it. It emerged seemingly as if it was a divine compliment, for surely it was just that. It looked and smelled and felt like the simplest of tricks, a simple key in the lock that turned the tumblers of time and everything else with it. Yet, holding a key or grasping a lock alone would lead to nothing. The world remained as it was; as appearances only. Both were impotent apart, but both were suddenly potent when brought together. Together they opened up secrets, the unknowable, the impossible, and yes it all seemed like a fantasy at first until I found that no, these were very real things that I was seeing. I didn’t see them from the outside, but rather I felt them from the inside out. Everything was in reverse. I considered that I was sick, perhaps suffering from some brain malfunction for about two weeks, that is, until I realized that no, there was a basis for what appeared completely implausable. This is perhaps why the concept of union over-arches this experience in all of its forms. Left brain and right brain, always out of sync, always putting out different frequencies, now line up and are on the same page. They then create a third mind, a meta mind, which then opens its window into the world beyond the senses. Like a ladder adding to itself, it leads us into a new way and a new world within ourselves. It is apt calling one side the masculine and the other the feminine, for that is surely how they seem. The one caveat is that regardless of whether you are male of female, we all have the same two present in us. Like the rails of a ladder, when we bring them together with the rungs, we are able to climb up into the transcendent, into what science says isn’t possible. It was in the practices of shifting into the other lost rail of the ladder of our mind that I found the way upward. But just as it showed me the way upward it also showed me that it also goes downward and into the realm of shadow where if we release those old ghosts of our fear, we can continue higher with fearlessness and wonder.

It has helped to show how all people matter, how it is that different turns of mind are important as we reach the end of time and its realm of appearances. It always seemed as simple as hitting a whole new gear. We just didn’t know that this gear even existed. So simple, so broad in its implications.

I began to see how, through time, just as we had subsumed the inner Shakti within ourselves, so too did we subsume the Shakti’s in the world. As above, so below. Was it ordained that it be this way? Or was it just inevitable given how we had limited ourselves? More, every once in a great while there would come some person who was a teacher who would pass on something that would yield a brief period, a kind of renaissance of spirit, whose words would fill a scroll or book and we would be left scratching our heads wondering what or how they got to where they were. Like a tide, knowing would come flowing in and then after a time, it would flow out, seemingly lost to human comprehension and the limits it had placed on itself. Always a teacher to light that fire, fanning the flames as best as he or she could. Over and over, we would fall back into forgetting. Not all of them would, but the most worldly of them had an amazingly short half life.

That is why this time seems a completely different iteration of past events. Waking up as we have, without a teacher or any knowledge of the secret practices of yogis or mystics, perhaps millions may have already reached this further shore. Will it make this iteration different? Will it last? Is it a new wrinkle whose very presence will change the pattern for all time, or will it be just another tidal phenomenon, subject to the larger forces present in our cosmos and thus our own bodies?

While the left brain says “Aha!” It is the right brain that brings the myths which tell truths that facts cannot. So Shakti dances in a wreath of fire and beckons us to her mystery. Perhaps this time we can see the two impulses as not mutually exclusive, but capable, when brought together, or forming a window into a larger understanding of what those two sides represent when brought into union. It is why I think that both, set apart, will only offer up what they think they know instead of a larger view of what is. It seems nature has a proclivity toward having us learn how to cooperate between our disparate inner nature if we are to reach the prize. And what is this prize? Is it a definite object that we can know in a concrete way, or is it instead both mystery and known quantity that mystifies as much as it informs? Is it the gift that reveals how important it is to see both sides of things, which pulls us along in our curious journey to discover what has not previously occurred to us? Is the answer as much how the meta mind is created as the object at the end of time is composed? And as such, will that object always defy our attempts at grasping it, but remain like a ball of wool, indistinct, random, but from which, with the pinch of our mind, can grasp a small part of its incomprehensible nature and spin it into a coherent thread? And will those threads always be just one small aspect of a still larger whole? I tend to think as much, but I also observe that anything that you might ever want to know can be found and teased out in just the way that I have described. This represents the exact opposite of how we are taught learning can take place….and yet the transcendental object at the end of time remains, enigmatic as ever, urging us forward into some new understanding of ourselves and the cosmos itself.

I might never have thought that this was possible had it not happened over and over to me. Had I been less prone to digging in and seeing how the fantastic seemingly self-imagined objects I saw behind closed eyes were, I might not have seen that they were supported through fact and independent experience. And it isn’t even that doing such a thing is that important, it is I think, a signpost along the way that we are now in new territory. It says: The Transcendental Object At the End of Time Up Ahead.

A hundred years hence what I have considered may itself be seen through the tunnel of time as only one small wrinkle in a still larger unfolding. And yet, still, I cannot help but grasp that bit of air with my mind and pinch with my intention to spin out threads of coherent thought and discovery from the object that seems surely to exist at the “end” of time.

Shaktipot or Shaktipata is the process by which a teacher aids the student in stepping over the last barrier that divides them from an ordinary state of being and the expansion of consciousness that takes place with kundalini. If used incorrectly, it can awaken students who are not yet ready and it can cause problems. It can also not “take” because the student is not sufficiently prepared. However, it is possible to use it correctly when the teacher has a discerning mind to aid the person to step over that last barrier.

The great yogi and teacher Swami Rama speaks to this issue in a way that I think is one of the more enlightened and balanced ways of any teacher I have ever had the chance to listen to speak. Swami Rama also has many other teachings which have been recorded and are available online to watch. I have found that his approach has been the most sound and the most balanced.

For example, he points out that kundalini is not a goddess only, but is instead a fusion of the opposites of those qualities which we consider to be masculine and feminine within our consciousness. This is important to understand if you wish to understand what is at work with kundalini. Most say it is a goddess. If you know why that is, you might understand how “masculine” we are in our thinking and being. This in no way takes away from the experience the importance of the feminine, but it helps to show how kundalini is itself an act and phenomenon that seeks balance. I will say that what we term the feminine aspect in all of our consciousness (men and women both) is normally dormant, and it has as much to do with the “cosmic egg” resting at the base of the spine as it does with the two hemispheres of the brain.

For anyone who has experienced awakening you may have felt how a very feminine quality has suddenly come online. Have you ever considered why this is so? Could it be that as a culture and a species that we have favored the rational, linear and logical parts (and thus “masculine”) of ourselves more than the nonlinear, holistic, emotional (and thus “feminine”) aspects of ourselves? I consider kundalini to be a way whereby the two powers of mind are now brought into a unity, which then leads to the generation of a “new” mind which we call cosmic consciousness. If you take one away, the wave of awareness collapses. Both are necessary to produce this kind of mind I call the Meta Mind. It also shows us in our own lives how all of life matters, how all people matter. If we lose sight of this kundalini becames one-sided and our minds become one-sided, too. I know that I digress a bit, but sometimes these small points are important for helping iron out confusion.

Kundalini will clear the self of blocked emotion, and this is itself the imperative that kundalini has, which is to bring the person to greater balance, not drama or intensity or just “cosmic” experiences. For a time it feels dramatic as the kundalini is clearing out the blocks, but once this is done the energy settles down. The ancients describe how it becomes smooth. No ripples, no disturbances.

As a result, there is an entire generation of awakened people who have gotten used to its “intensity” when in fact it is kundalini doing what it does in the early stages of the process. The endgame is peace. The problem is that people can get stuck on the intensity and not let kundalini do its work. They like the intensity, the drama, the strong emotions that it brings up all without realizing that this emotion is the poison leaving the system. So to say that kundalini is one or the other misses the point and can leave you “one-sided” in your awareness. Yes, it connects us to higher order energies and those energies include what we think of as divine feminine and masculine….but so too does it connect us to other energies in consciousness that are just as beneficial to us.

Swami Rama’s teachings have been the most consistent in how it goes beyond any agenda. These kinds of teachers often are not as interesting to people who want something dramatic, but he is a teacher who has gotten beyond many of the conceits that often plague non-dual teachers. These conceits as I call them, often result in distortions of awareness and become an article of belief (which stills further investigation). As a result, these teachers repeat teachings that can only go so far and are not born out in more final or complete results. What do you think the result is when you have a teacher who does not know the true nature of self? Ideas like the self is an illusion, that all of life and reality are illusory, not real. While it is true that we are constantly judging or filtering what we see in the world, that alone is not what makes our world illusory. It is possible to see into the core of physical reality to see how it is composed. When I did that, it wasn’t that the world was an illusion but rather that it was a creation that was creating the appearance of solid matter from a source of great energy and purpose.

This is one example of how these teachers, no matter how much acclaim that they get from their followers, have missed important realities of the self and how it relates to cosmic consciousness. But who would know if the teacher him or herself does not know?

The teacher teaches something that is based on his or her own lack of understanding and awareness and this gets handed down and gets passed around to all of the other students, and it get repeated until everyone takes it as an article of faith. What do you think that person’s capacity for discernment might be under such a situation as this? But it gets worse; teacher after teacher then goes on repeating the same ideas and it seems to others who study their teachings that it must be, and the pattern only gets more deeply impressed on the community at large. If you say an untruth enough times it has a way of being accepted as truth and no one bothers to question it.

In my own experience I have seen that we take on selves and identities as an important part in our learning process. At no point have I ever seen self as false but instead as part of the process of becoming. But do not mistake the expansion of consciousness that comes with awakening to mean that the self is somehow false, it is simply part of a much larger story of how varied our consciousness is. We can experience both feeling separate as well as one. Both. They are not mutually exclusive. Why would they be? You come from the infinite and you have divided part of yourself to fit into this body, one chapter in a host of chapters called lifetimes. And despite how the self is decried as false, there is not a single one of these teachers who have shown how they can remove it with a waive of their own awareness. If it is an illusion, then why not pierce that illusion once and for all? Not a one. And so this is telling, the elephant in the room. Hopefully that elephant is Ganesh, the remover of obstacles, lol! Rama has much to say about ego, not as something to kill off, but to master. He even touches on this in the short but revealing video below.

So Rama is unique in the field. His teachings continue to show a great deal of awareness on a host of fronts. I am not one who “follows” a teacher, but what I have seen in his work has been a considerable level of insight. Yes, it is because without a teacher I have seen how his teachings have aligned with my direct experience.

How do I know that I myself am not buying into a belief? My earliest memory in this life was of choosing my parents. This was before I had a body. If ego is false and identity is false, how did I manage to have a sense of self at that point? Further, how did I recall numerous past lives? Given my level of recall (including two lost languages and historical accounts to back up some of my memories) I see the chance of simply “imagining” these things hard to square with Occams Razor.

I invite you to watch what he has to say about what a teacher can do for the student when it is done correctly…

I will be putting up a new installment in my ongoing effort to provide information about awakening (in the context of kundalini) through interviews. Being my busy time of the year for me at the studio, I am happy to be able to get this next one out to you in the next week.

I decided to create a battery of basic open-ended questions a few years ago for people who have experienced this phenomenon. While the questions ate limiting on the one hand, they serve to build a reference source because as each new interview is added, the same questions get asked. My hope is that the answers from my interview subjects will begin to create a spectrum of responses that may help illuminate in the mind of the reader the degree to which this phenomenon can vary from person to person while still standing under the big tent cover of awakening.

I am happy to include anyone who would like to participate in this project. You can choose to be anonymous if you wish, but I am happy to link to any web sites that you might be involved with so others can read your blog, or learn more abput what you do or up to our there in the world. Stats show a steady review of these interviews on weekly basis. Each interview is first posted and then a dedicated page is created where the interview remains at the top of the WTI blog so it remains easily accessible.

For inquiries about participating, you may reach me at info@staffordartglass.com.

Have a great day!

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I was searching kundalini awakening on Youtube today, a first for me in quite some time. I didn’t know what I would find or even what I was looking for. Then I found her there in India….she has this hard unyielding way, but she is also able to express what I might need to thrash about in a poetic trance to spit out. Any insight is always appreciated. More about her in a moment.

The questioner asks her how to deal with the issue of having the feeling of the other within…even though it has been a lot of time since they parted ways. I am reminded of how these “twin” or soul connections work and how people I know even years later are still affected by their other. I know how I have been affected.

So I came across the work of Maharishikaa on kundalini. She helped a man who was really having a hard time in one video. Then quite by surprise there was this touching video about a woman who was trying to move on when her soul connection abruptly moved on without her. She came trying to find a way through this. The response I found to be unique, novel, and beautiful. Watch what she says. I think maybe the way through is not to go away but to go through. Step into the fire, do not run around it, ask what remains and be ready for what might come. For me, the answer was so simple, really. So much fuss over such a little hitch in my heart and ego.

Some put so much on these connections. More than they deserve, in my experience. At the same time, though, they help to show us what love can be, how we are the love instead of that moment of dissatisfaction that then fuels a connection later, in another life.

I find the arrangement to be paradoxical once you see what happened (in another life). It is like bread dough left to rise too long; it winds up much bigger than it ever was in that last life. Perhaps it is the effect of letting karma go for a single life – it grows bigger than it was when first minted.

Except no one seems to know this. That, or all my searching has somehow led me astray. Aren’t we passionate about getting it right? Could that be enough to open such a vibrant portal to the soul and it’s love?

We only see the large loaf and surmise it is more than it is. The paradox is…..that it is more than it should seem. Perhaps that is what these connections do; they open us to the love shining in the soul. For the soul, it seems that this is an everyday thing, completely common. But here on Earth, it seems singularly unique (which of course it is). It remains enigmatic to me. I wish I could go back to those simpler days of believing that it was a twin. It is, tbough, more mysterious than that. Perhaps it is enough that it moves us as it does. For what else makes us examine so much over something we might not have ever known that much about?

I know it may not make sense, but I think there is something here for those who need it. We let go of our need for it to be a certain way. When we do that, there is a greater peace and this cosmic presence expands and it’s one less thing that creates pain. We think it is about them when it’s just about our reaction to something that we think fell short of expectations. This is, I think, the genesis of these soul connections.

I want to take a moment to tell you about someone who has figured strongly in my awakening journey.  I want to mention her because of how much experience she has in the arena of energy, consciousness, and awareness.  There is the saying that when the student is ready, the teacher arrives.  For me, this was true.  I wasn’t going to find a traditional teacher, though, this much is true, but at a very specific point in my awakening when I began questioning what it was that I was reading and hearing about the phenomenon (Twin Souls/Flames especially), she came along at just the right time. We struck up a friendship and would have conversation about the process of awakening, consciousness, and how we can recreate our lives to find a better way.

My friend is a professional psychic intuitive and has worked in the field for decades.  She is not a fortune-teller but is someone who uses her gifts to supercharge change for her clients.  She has worked with individuals, couples, groups, and businesses large and small.  Her gifts have been used on start-up projects that have gone on to do big business, to couples who are wanting to get married.  Big or small, Ali has helped people from every walk of life.  She is like a big fish that you would never realize is the big fish because of how humble and soft spoken that she is.

My friend and guide was born with gifts that were off-the-chart incredible.  Talking to her at first, it wasn’t readily apparent just who I was dealing with, but as time rolled on I began seeing the evidence of her gifts.  I have been lucky to have known her since 2008 to the present day.  I have gone through my own contortions and difficulties during that time, have remained dedicated to pushing my own envelope of understanding and find that my friend is still there as brilliant and as insightful as ever….and forgiving of my own difficulties when I try to push them onto others (we call that projection!).

What is so amazing about my friend and her gifts is that she was not born with the “veil” that most have.  If you ask me how this veil works, I will tell you that I think it is very simply a process related to our development here. It is also how our brain works in consort with consciousness and the way that some parts of the brain actually “brake” other parts that have the ability to process information that doesn’t come from the five senses. I say this because I have had my own forays into this realm, perhaps just enough to get me into trouble.  But in truth, Ali is like that person who didn’t get programmed to be like everyone else and the barriers that most people have, she doesn’t.  I know for my friend, based on having known her over the years, living this way can be very hard because you feel EVERYTHING.  The other side is super crazy and over-the-top psi ability. My own sense is this is part personal interest that accrues over lifetimes, but can also be a feature of the awakened state.  Kundalini, after all, is said to bring many abilities, and Ali has had this since she can remember.

I think most people who have done the work like she has simply are at a place where they no longer need to reincarnate here, so perhaps this is why we don’t see a lot of these types of people. People like her are rare.  I know in my own experience that I am showing evidence of pulling back the curtain through a growing memory of past lives both here in this reality as well as others. Perhaps you have also been experiencing this very thing yourself, so you might know what I mean firsthand.  I know that along with awareness there seems to be a willingness or ability to begin using our minds in ways that are contrary to how most are taught here on Earth….all of which contributes to enough of a difference that we begin to see more and more open windows through consciousness.  At least, this has been my observation thus far. But the point is, my friend is so clear she can get to the crux of a problem so fast that you will be left wondering what just happened.

I am writing about my friend because I want you to know her.  I am telling you this because more people need to know about her because the gifts she has are remarkable.  While she is a healer, her healing work is so incredibly versatile that she can do her work over the phone and literally work a miracle for you inside of twenty minutes if you are ready.  These things happen so fast that I am left wondering what just happened sometimes.  It’s hard enough living in a world that wants to pooh-pooh these things as it is, but if you suspend disbelief and go into work with her with an open mind and a ready heart, there is nothing that you can’t do with her help.  I know I am waxing grandiose here…but let me explain…

A number of years ago my friend came to visit my home in Virginia.  While she was here I had been invited to a gathering by a family friend and I took my friend along.  A lot of the people there knew me and were curious about who she was and why she was there with me. My friend explained that she is a healer and an intuitive.  In minutes, she was in the next room conducting impromptu sessions with people whom I have known since I was a kid.  My friends looked at me before we left to go home, “Where did you find her?  Oh my goodness, she is the real deal!” I have watched my friend as she has held healing sessions with friends, and I have seen what she has been able to do for me over the years.  It has remained consistent in terms of her level of ability. Yes, she is the real deal.  My friend is remarkable, a real talent, and I feel fortunate to know her.  I feel fortunate because for so long I didn’t know anyone who liked to talk about the things I like to talk about in terms of our hidden potential as beings here, or how to tap into alternate layers of consciousness, or how events begin to change as consciousness is used differently.  When she does work with her clients things can change on a dime.  I don’t know why she shouldn’t be a household name.

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My friend is Alison Neville.  She lives in California and she has the gifts of clairvoyance, clairsentience, clairaudience, and an ability to read and heal energy.  She has had these gifts her whole life.  She began to learn to use them in her twenties and has been doing so up to the present.  Her “toolkit” is so inclusive that there isn’t a situation that she can’t work through with aplomb.  As a result, Alison doesn’t employ methods or scripts, she just goes into a session and uses what needs to be used at the time.  Each session can be wildly different one from the other.  It is because of this that her work is so beneficial.  You aren’t getting a script, you are getting real boots on the ground work. It is why sometimes when I start a conversation with her I might wind up completely surprised with what comes up because of something that her inner guidance says that puts us on an unexpected trail.  More about this in a moment. I will say that if you find yourself wanting her help, all you need to do is to be clear about what you want to cover because she will do that so long as you are honestly seeking to get to a better place.

You don’t have to believe in this phenomenon in order to benefit from what Ali does.  But what Ali does is not some cute parlor trick.  I have spent sustained time with her over the years and there was no way that she was able to gather all the information beforehand just in order to make it seem as if she had a gift.  You know what I am talking about here; the cynical skeptic, who, no matter how much proof they are shown, refuses to concede that there might be something to what she does.  This is probably an occupational hazard for her, but either you want help or you don’t….and even for  cynical skeptics Ali delivers in spades.  It makes you wonder why someone would fake it if they were so incredibly good at bringing solutions to your life that work so well? I guess I don’t think about those things because I have been around Ali so much over the years and I know that it’s real.

In the beginning of our correspondence and discussions, Ali helped me to remove or heal a long-standing issue from my childhood as it related to my Mother.  It was a thorny problem that had eluded me for about forty years.  It had developed at a time that was so early in my life that I had lost all hope of being able to use memory as a doorway for getting to it and healing it.  Ali showed me that these kinds of things are always accessible and so we used feeling (instead of memory) as the doorway.  One moment I was talking to her on the phone in my car headed to the studio and the next moment I am settling down in a chair in the studio, the lights off, with her speaking and taking me into a guided meditation.

The effect of healing this issue was like correcting something that had been wrong for years inside of me that I had been projected outward as something that I believed was a problem with the world, or my Mother. Gently my perception was turned ’round so that I was able to see it in the right way.  Once seen in the right way, once truly heard and examined without the distorting lens of my beliefs about it, this healed very quickly and righted itself.  That was in 2008 when that happened.  It changed my relationship with my Mother from that day onward.  Having been in the mental health field as a counselor for years, my Mother wondered how on earth I was able to heal something from such an early place in my life.  I had help from Ali.

That experience is emblematic of the huge leaps forward I have been able to make.  The truth is that the vaulting would not have been possible without her help.  When I write in my blog about having had an energetic “reset” years ago that helped my energy field become many times more sensitive, it was Ali who helped with that.  Yes, it was hard to deal with, but just when I thought my sensitivity had gone through the roof in awakening, what she was able to do for me showed me that there was no ceiling on our roof at all as my energetic system was put into orbit.  I’m not exaggerating, here.  My being able to understand how grace is tied to creativity, that was Ali.  My being able to step into my authentic self in many important ways, it was in that time when she and I were conversing and she was sharing her insight with me. I had simply manifested the influence that my soul needed most for that time.  Now I sense that there are others who also need it.  They might not know it is so, but that is how these things happen.

Just last week I was visiting her helping her with some marketing work for her business (and going to visit a regression hypnotist/counselor) and while talking one morning before breakfast, we wound up in a healing session. This wasn’t something we had talked about, it just happened.  A block that had eluded me my entire awakening was resolved inside of forty minutes.  Just like that. I could feel into my own field in a way that I had not felt before….maybe ever.  This was so important for me because I knew that if I was ever going to do any healing work myself, I knew that I could not be working with people unless I myself was healed….that was my own bit of guidance.  So this outcome was really important for me on many levels.  How I feel and relate to my energy now is very different.  Wow.

When I went out to swim in the ocean later I began hearing a voice speaking clearly within me that I had not been able to hear before. The block in the root had kept me from being able to hear clearly something that has been a part of my life and my soul existence for a very very long time.  It was like the cherry on the top hearing and feeling this presence that I simply could not meet or feel or hear until I did this work. As we open and clear ourselves we are more able to use our innermost senses in a more dependable and less distorted way. At least, that is how it seems to me.  The clearer we are, the less invested we are in an agenda.  The source of all life is supportive and free from agenda beyond that of love.  I find that as I go through this process, this is what I am moving into each day. How do I learn from Source?  How do I learn from Ali?

Some of what Ali does is energy healing.   How she does this from a distance over the phone is the remarkable part.  While much of what she does can be understood through the lens of known healing modalities, Ali has explained that much of what she does is the result of her own inner connection to what she calls her “guidance” which always seems to know exactly what needs to be done at just the right moment.  So it might be energy healing on the one hand,  the next minute it might be reading an ancient time line, a past life, or speaking with a relative that has passed.  She might do something completely unexpected, even for her, within the span of a session.  In short, there IS no pattern, every single session is unique.  If you watch true pros you will find that they don’t have scripts that they speak from.  They embody what they do. Ali is one of these pro’s.  It’s what made our talks so interesting.  Maybe someday she and I will put our heads together and do a book about these talks. It would be so interesting I think for the very reason that none of it would be scripted, not even once.  You just have no idea.

There is sometimes this freewheeling feeling in a session with her where you are asked to consider what life might look like outside of your own perceptual box.  Now she has you beginning to set up the very conditions for transforming your life, maybe without even realizing it.  By helping to surrogate the energy necessary for rebuilding the conception of what you think your life could be, she serves as this bridge to what your life will be once you decide to take that one little step into what seems like a vast cosmos. It can happen so fast you don’t even see it coming.  You might not even realize that she is holding you in that place, holding the seed of it and waiting it for it to germinate and to find it’s root in a new level of your life. You can actually root yourself in what seems to be a new cosmic place…..maybe it was just a place you never thought was even possible for you. We have chosen all of this, our choices are just that; choices.  Those choices may have represented the very best thing you could imagine.  There was a time when we built rockets that went up only thousands of feet and thought that was an amazing feat, but within a decade we were sending rockets into orbit around the earth.  Then we went to other planets.  You see what I mean?  Working with Ali can be like this.  The limitation is that you think you are limited.

And that is just it.  We each stand at the edge of a limitless cosmos and all along it is we who are limiting and choosing what we will experience.  Yes, you are in a body.  Yes, you are focused in this reality with a set of senses physically.  You are also more than just this one body.  So I ask, what on earth are you waiting for? 

As a result, Ali is one of the most innovative healers ever.  Missing a loved one who passed?  She can tap into that person right now and help fill in any gaps that you might have.  Have difficulty with your supervisor and don’t know why? Ali can dig into that and help to explain what is at work.  Not only that, but she will take your hand and show you how to heal it.  Poof!  Now everything has changed for you with your supervisor and anyone else after that who is like that supervisor.

Maybe it is a challenge with a relationship.  Maybe it is with a parent (like me) or with a spouse, a child, or a friend, it really doesn’t matter, that is how flexible her gifts are.  Maybe you can’t quite understand why the relationship dynamic is the way it is.  Not only can Ali help shed light on it, she can also help you to change everything about it on a dime if you are ready.  Maybe you are starting a business or you want to take your business to another level–Ali can tell you exactly the things you will need to work on in order to manifest that type of abundance in your life and to make it work with the fewest hangups as possible.  You of course need to be ready and you need to make yourself available. But if you can be as innocent as a child, you will not only change things for good, you will have great fun doing it because that is just how Ali is.  Ali is remarkable.  I want you to know about her gifts because I have been helped so much, my friends have been helped, and people that she knows have also been helped. I was able to do in half an hour what might take people years using traditional talk therapy.  I actually think therapy has its place, but what Ali does is she cuts out all of the preamble and gets right to the issue at hand.  The only problem with this might be that you might think that there is no way that she can cut to the chase so fast.  Way.

There are no accidents.  You are the one who needs to hear this right now.  Her gifts are amazing and more people need to know, and now I am telling you.  I have nothing to sell and nothing to gain. If there was a time when her skills were needed, that time is now. If you do get in touch with her and work with her, come back here and leave a comment  about your experience. I want the world to know. I want you to know.

To get in touch with Ali start here:

https://www.alisonneville.com/

 

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I am facing an odd conundrum which has me seeking the services of an experienced regression hypnotist who specializes in cases related to ET abductions. While I have done work in this vein with past life experiences, I am saying this because for years I always thought that my experiences with regards to the ET question all happened within dream. After all, I was pretty expert at grabbing information through the dream state that often wound up being true (instead of dream-state gobbeldy gook) so this seemed like a plausible thing for me to do.

My thought-set for years has been, “I wasn’t an abductee, I was using consciousness in dream to experience these beings.” My response more recently, though, has been, “What if this wasn’t just a dream, wouldn’t you want to know more about it?” Well the truth is, I have been kind of whistling past the graveyard in a sense for decades. Yes, there are actual reasons for suspecting that what happened to me was more than just dreams.

I say this because many abductees, some who are now my friends have said to me, “I had dreams about being abducted and then under hypnosis found that those weren’t just dreams but were part of my real life.” They then cite countless cases where events that were real and very physical got stuffed deep into their subconscious…sometime for years only to begin emerging in much the same way that victims of MK-Ultra style mindcontrol have experienced an unraveling of their therapist-induced amnesia, bring up memories from a life completely blocked or forgotten. I have resisted the possibility of ET abduction because it just didn’t seem like that was what was happening to me.

I didn’t have that uncomfortable feeling of knowing something was happening and that it was happening a lot. I didn’t seem to have missing time, which is one feature. I may have had a scoop mark, another feature. There were other things, too, that I will cover here, but a lot of time has passed and I wonder whether that stuff is retrievable. As I say this, I am reminded of how far out in terms of time I have been able to retrieve past material (releasing blocks often brings up past life memories, some that are thousands, even millions of years old). I am not going to pretend to be consistent with anything here because I feel like I just don’t know.

I can’t say that it happened a lot. I can’t say that most of what is described in the abduction literature may even apply to me. But maybe it did and it has been hidden in memory. Maybe there are multiple ET agendas, each different substantively from each other. Yet, some of it does apply to me and most of the things that apply were things that took place before I ever cracked a book on the abduction phenomenon. It would have been hard for me to have made up the things that I did, things that are now features of the ET abduction experience.

As for the elements that are part of the abduction scenario, these are things that are always part of the abduction, but not every person who has them as their experience are necessarily abductees (as best as we know). Every person, though, who is an abductee has seen a craft. There was the fact that we had seen craft near our home (me on multiple occasions). Of course this does not make me an abductee, so I have to look more closely. Well, there is more than just a sighting. My sister had this bizarre burn on her abdomen that we could not explain after our first sighting. It was a series of circles and looked for the life of us like a shower drain pattern. Only problem was there was no way to physically get your stomach over the drain. Nothing fit. Her burn pattern went away without incident. We forgot about it. I did, until I did look into the ET issue in books that were just beginning to come out in the mid-seventies. What happened to me was was before I had read anything about ET encounters. All I knew was what I had seen and that UFO’s were the kind of thing that should be dismissed (courtesy of some very careful propaganda run by our own government for decades in order to hide the ET issue altogether). Besides, it was a dream, right?

Later, I would read in the ET abduction literature about identical burn marks my sister had that would fade in time leaving no marks. Reading the abduction literature quite frankly freaked me out. I had dreams of being trained to….wait for it….to fly a ship. These dreams were repeated over and over during a certain period of my life. I knew in the dream that I was being trained to fly an ET craft. How bizarre is that? Hang on, there are people who have described the same thing, flying craft using thought as the navigation method. I didn’t read about this in a book somewhere….it simply didn’t exist. I read about it years after it happened on a forum on Unknown Country, the web site that Whitley Strieber has hosted for decades.

I had a dream in the early 1990’s where I sat in my living room next to a female ET whose skin looked like….burnt marshmallow who was conversing silently with me, telepathically, and she ended the conversation by pointing up to the ceiling, indicating that she was going back to her home planet. Now try to find a case of a being with skin like that. Well, it turns out that there are a few cases of a being just like this. I found one encounter where my being was described perfectly, down to the unusual way (unlike any other alien this far described) that it’s head was shaped. It wasn’t like we had compared notes with each other.

But perhaps the only really disturbing thing that happened was the morning that same year as the dream of the dark-skinned being. I awoke to find that my feet showed every sign of having been dragged through a gravel parking lot and through grass. My feet were abraded, scratched, dirty, real dirty actually, and I had fresh grass stains on my feet.

I hadn’t been outside barefoot.

I had not been outside the evening before nor in weeks prior to this observation.

I just hadn’t gone outside barefoot pure and simple (and this was what made looking at my feet so strange, so alarming—who the hell was taking me out in the middle of the night for crying out loud??). I had taken a shower the night before. I went to bed clean. How in the world did this happen? Following logic, I must have been taken out of my bed at night. More, the way my feet were scratched up, I must have been unconscious. Let me be clear; the scratches on my feet weren’t from fingernails. I could see how the nails on my toes had been scratched up, abraded considerably as though my feet had dragged in a gravel parking lot. Have you ever had scratches like that before? Do you know the kind of force required to create those kinds of scratches? Yes, the driveway where I lived was all gravel. Did some govt agents come and steal me out of my bed? No matter what subject you used, it all sounded impossible, crazy. Was I sleep walking, falling down enough to cause the grass stains to be on my feet, along with enough dust to settle into the corners of my toes and to abrade the nails enough so you could clearly see them the following morning? This, the most seemingly likely scenario, sleepwalking, itself made so little sense. No, I had never been caught sleepwalking. The more I tried to find alternate reasons, the more silly it all seemed. It just sat there, this big red flag that would not go away. The most disturbing part was how, in my case, I wasn’t getting flashes of memory about it. It was one big fat silent blank spot.

This event, whatever it was, appears to have been stuffed deep down some rabbit hole in my head, because while I had had dreams about all sorts of unusual things, including ET’s, there was nothing that pointed to the kind of experiences most abductee’s have mentioned. Why couldn’t I remember the clinics aboard the ships, the growing tubes, or all the other things that have come up in the ET abduction literature? Maybe I just had those memories stuffed too deeply. It is one chief reason why I thought it was just a dream. There were parts of the phenomenon that didn’t appear to apply to me. Did I have a one-off? Was I taken aboard? But what about learning how to fly the ships? Maybe chalk that up to being obsessed with life from other planets. And yet, there are others who describe the same thing.

I could not remember any more deeply than this. I told myself, “Maybe it is best that you don’t remember. Maybe it’s good that you can’t dredge any of it up. You might be wigging out if you knew what had actually happened!” And then there was that part of me that would say, “I have no idea what took place. I could have been abducted by monkeys for all I know. Or a weird sleep cult.” I was unable to explain away what I had seen that early morning when I gazed at my feet when they hit the floor in the morning light. It stood out the way that it did because I had such a clear memory of what had happened the evening before. I hadn’t even been outside barefoot for months. The scratches could not be explained by fingernails. Pretty deep abrasions. No blood, but if I had been dragged further, then maybe. I felt the way a bear might feel when it is shot by a tranquilizer dart but has no memory of what took place. If it weren’t for this one experience, I probably could have pushed all of this off into the woo-woo box and left it there never to be inquired into again.

The problem for me is that I have done so much with repressed emotion and memory during my awakening that I have a hard time with the idea that there is something that kundalini is not dredging up. While I am beginning to consider that the way it is being dredged might be through a very different route, and that instead of being just an abductee (which may have happened), I have this strange sense that feels really out there that whatever my experience, it was part of a different section of the usual ET phenomenon (but even so—I am not even sure if this is even remotely correct at all). It’s unnerving to consider that there might be a still deeper bit of work that has completely eluded me all this while as my awakening has progressed over the past thirteen to fourteen years.

I have been aboard a ship and saw how its anti-gravity drive worked. I had a short conversation with an ET about what was behind the operation of that device. Based on the principles clearly present, this turns out to be the same set of principles that countless others who have abductee histories have sometimes described. Author Whitley Strieber tried to build one of these devices as a kid in his room as a result of his abduction experiences. When the device ran, it started a fire connected with the wires in the house, but not before knocking power out in his local area. Another man, whom Strieber wrote about in his book Communion, built a device in his barn based on the principle of counter rotating magnets. The device nearly tore the barn apart—as the story goes, the device caused objects to begin flying through the building until it was shut off. When I approached a group wanting to crack the embargo on off-world technology that the military is hiding in black budget projects by knowing how this class of device worked, they explained that what I had told them from my “dream” was indeed precisely what they were doing work on. My device was based on counter rotating magnets. I was event told by the ET standing beside me that the device was based on electromagnetics.

It is a strange feeling when dreams begin to step into our waking world. If all of this is simply a product of imagination, how is it that we are imagining the same things and having some consistent results with the imaginary devices we saw in that dream or in that abduction scenario? I mean, isn’t it curious that we see an anti-gravity machine in an abduction scenario and then when we try to build it, it actually begins to do what it was supposed to do? It strains credulity to then say that abductions are just the domain of the imagination. That, or we simply have undercut imagination far too much as a species and we have powers far greater than we could ever imagine. I would actually agree with this, but it is beside the point.

Taken together, though, and that one glaring physical artifact of my feet that morning, I am left with the realization that even though I have done considerable work doing what I call “Spiritual Archeology,” I might have blank spots in my life that I would like the option of being able to deal with in the interest of releasing stored emotion/trauma. This is what kundalini naturally does, and my awakening was with kundalini as its major feature. While I have had some ET experiences post awakening, the bulk of my history exists during my adolescence and young adulthood, long before awakening took place. What is also interesting is how my silent periods correspond so well with the silent periods of other abductees. It is one of those things that you might not read about until a decade after the fact, so the information isn’t always out there for you to read before and then incorporated into a false-memory type of narrative, which is often what skeptics try to suggest is at work for abductees. Me, I think it is just as simple an explanation that beings travel and take biological samples and do their best to hide their footprints in the memory of those abducted. Nothing complicated, nothing really cloak and dagger necessarily. Just what it is. A being from another planet can look scary to a race unaccustomed to seeing them. We might do the same. We do the same when we trap bears or other animals for study. We will hit them with a tranquilizing dart and then the animal has no memory at all. A more sophisticated system might be that you use another generation of technology to move a person through objects right up into a craft (which by the way happens in most abduction scenarios).

Swimming around inside of me is another issue which I feel compelled to tell you in the interest of full disclosure. I see the subject of extraterrestrials as one of the biggest most important discoveries that we as humans could make here on on earth. I say this because the implications would be huge for us here in our understanding of how life can emerge on other planets, an idea that until about thirty years ago was thought an impossibility. I am not a skeptic. I am not a skeptic for the very reason that the universe is an awfully large place and instead of thinking that life is a rarity, it may be more likely that the universe may favor life emerging in a myriad of ways.

There are studies that have shown that life can survive in the vacuum of space for certain periods. There are those who suggest that we may have come here from elsewhere, that we ourselves may be a kind of hybrid (stories from our ancient past point to this possibility). I am interested, and I am engaged. I have had a range of experiences that I cannot explain and I am now interested in seeing if I can figure out what the larger story (my experience) may be about.

I have remained silent on this subject, the issue of my ET involvement for many years (and about its nature: was it all dreams or did it have a physical component?). I realize I have remained quiet about it because of how the subject is treated in our culture. I’ll tell you that for myself, it is a desire to know the truth, whatever it might entail, that drives me. If I dreamed all of it, fine, that would be really good to know. If it was something physical, that would be good to know also. I’d like to know what took place. I’d like to know why it took place (even if it is a small reason, a simple reason, “We were taking the semen of all males in your area along with the ova of women”). If they were taking tissue samples, what was the reason for it? An effort at creating a new species, genetic or disease study?

It may be that as humans we are more interested in the why of it than any ET conducting scientific experiments. For ET’s it might seem a non-issue. They might not understand why we would want to know so much about it. When the bear we took for study asks us why we shot them with the tranquilizer dart, we might well shrug and say, “We wanted to study you and find ways to help preserve your habitat so more of you could live.” Or we might say something even more incomprehensible which might lead us to say, “You have something in your genetic material that we wanted to use for study.” The bear, not knowing what genetic material even is would wonder and wonder what any of this even meant. We might realize this and just say, “There is something special in you that we want to study….it is very important to us to do that.” This, in fact, are very similar to conversations some abductees have had with their ET abductors.

I don’t know exactly where I stand with this. It may be that this effort will only reveal that yes, there was some missing time and I was taken a number of times. Maybe it will all just be stubbornly attached to the dream self and that is that. Who knows, really. The thing is, I am going to find out. I have a nagging sense that it may in fact be something much larger than just about having been taken or having had dreams about the ET presence.

I say this because of what took place after a recent healing session with a gifted healer who lives in California named Alison Neville. It left me feeling clearer than I had been before and what happened after the healing made me wonder what on earth was happening to me.What happened in its wake is not something I am prepared to discuss in this post, but I will be covering it in another post (a lot has happened in the last week).

There might be a third possibility that has been lurking in the background which has to do with our spiritual lineage and how we may be connected to a self or consciousness that very much is aware that there are ET’s and that there is a much bigger and vibrant world out beyond our own planet. That, though, is jumping the gun. Wasn’t this supposed to be about a possible way to dig into these dreams to find out what lies in their marrow, their substance?

I haven’t known where to start if I was going to have regression hypnosis to tap into old memories to see what they might contain. I had to ask Whitley Strieber the author of Communion and a number of other books on the subject how best to go about it. He suggested a couple of professional regression hypnotists in California. In a surprise turn of events I will be doing some business there and will have an opportunity to sit down for a session to see if I can begin the process of beginning to understand what has been going on. I think that I need to finally put this question to bed.

If you would like to know more about the book that Strieber has written entitled Communion, there is a review at Goodreads along with links to buy the book if you want to find out more. Communion is a memoir written by the person who had abduction experiences. It is fortunate that a writer with Whitley’s skill set has written in the way he has about the subject. Whitley has followed up that book with several other books on the topic of his abduction experiences as well as those of others similarly affected as well. He speaks with his own voice with his own set of questions and is willing, it seems to consider all kinds of theories in order to probe the phenomenon.

His is one voice, not to take anything away from his courageous work, but to say also that there is one reaction that we as humans will almost always have when faced with an unknown which is that we will most often fear it. Absent any straightforward information, we as humans will invariably spin fear into a narrative in order to fill in the dead or missing spots. “Aliens abducting us for sperm and ova? That is creepy!” And yet, what about how we take sperm and ova from animals all over the world? Do you see what I mean? How creepy is what we are doing, people? No, it isn’t creepy. Instead, it is filled with purpose, our purpose, which may be completely unknown to the animals being taken. In this case, you can perhaps see how easily the humans become the animals and the people taking the animals are the ET’s. In our case as abduction subjects, we don’t know why they took us. They would probably prefer us not to know because there is invariably a certain quality of callousness present in the act of taking someone for their reproductive material, especially when you have never asked that person for it. The truth is, there is a callousness when we do it and there is a callousness when they do it. They might see us like we see bears. We are warlike and we would fight them if they tried to do such a thing as that.

When you leave anyone out of the loop in a situation like this, you naturally create a mystery, a void, and that void often gets filled with nightmares because that tends to be the high water mark for humans. A car passes you super fast: “Oh my goodness they must be fleeing from the law!” In truth, they were rushing to the hospital. A person cuts you off in traffic and you get incensed. The truth was, it was never intentional, they just never saw you….as hard as that is for you to believe. Whenever there is a gap, we will sure as shooting fill that void with…..our weird stuff. It will be our stuff, and it will say more about us than it ever will say about the other, whoever that winds up being. But I also have to say that the stuff is our reaction. It in no way voids the memory that we have about the experience. Yes, we can forget parts, or emphasize other parts, this type of process happens all the time.

Hypnosis does a very good job often to dig into memory in order to find the parts that are missing. This is why it has been possible for people who saw a fleeing car from an accident to see clearly the license plate under hypnosis when they have no conscious memory of it while awake. I am not saying that the experience of the ET’s is somehow made up, I am saying our reactions to the phenomenon may in fact be creating a form of alternative narrative because we simply lack full disclosure from these beings. I don’t think we will get it, not in the way that we would like. I suspect that we wont get it in the way we would like because our purposes and the purposes of the ET’s who are doing this are not the same. I will also readily admit that it is just as likely that the ET’s are like bandits who don’t give a fig about us and see us as stupid vessels to play with as they would like. But I say this in order to show you that I am ready for any outcome (I think!).

I am not being an apologist for ET’s, I just think that there are many ways we can see and react or respond to this same phenomenon. Of course, if it turns out they have me strapped down, I might feel differently, so let’s wait and see what comes up.

And yet, I will say I don’t know. I only know what I think I know and what I think I know has led me to wondering if everything that I have in my memory is the whole story or not. I will admit that sometimes this gets a little crazy feeling, but I will also admit that it does not keep me up at night anymore. After I had the experience in the 90’s with my feet being dirty, scratched, and marked with grass stains, I certainly had a sinking feeling in my heart and in my gut. That was one of those things, like a vector, a line, pointing outward into space without any explanation or seeming purpose. I have resisted filling the void with stories. I have, though, considered that it could be one physical manifestation of an ET presence in my life despite their desire to keep it hidden from me.

Since I began this post a month ago, a lot has taken place between now and then. Much of it I am not ready to put down in word both for brevity’s sake but also because what I have thus far uncovered leads me to thinking I just don’t know what to think. So much is so new and different that I feel like I need to live with it more in order to understand its texture, feel, and its outcomes. What is clear is that when it comes to the ET question, it has woven into itself issues related to our own evolution in consciousness. For me, the ET question has continued to be entangled with issues related to our consciousness. I will also reserve the right to amend this sense later if I turn out to be woefully incorrect.

Right now I have had one regression session and will be having more. Once I am closer to being done I will disclose who I have been using but for now I prefer to keep this under wraps.

I want to point out that I am not writing a book on the subject, I have nothing to sell, I have no agenda beyond my own experience about seeing where I get with this. My only hope in writing about this subject is that the truth might be known and that in so doing it might help others. That is all. I can find better ways to get attention that would be a whole lot more positive than the one that I am writing about. I feel that this might still need to be said for those still captured by the quality of brainwashing that has captured so many of us in the past about the subject of ET’s. I suspect that this post will be the first in a series of exploratory efforts at trying to understand this phenomenon insofar as I am concerned. Stay tuned…And yes, I know that was quite the ramble…

UPDATE 1/2021: I experimented with seeing what would happen if I tried to telepathically communicate with the dark-skinned being. I was able to do so. The conversations were filled with very specific material and I was able to see where it lived. Most surprising was how this being explained that it had a human “counterpart” on earth and explained who that was. I know this person through email correspondence as a result of a dream I had of her. When I told her about something the ET had told me, she said she had memory of the things I had been told by the ET. Curiouser and curiouser…

This quote from Jane Roberts and her trance personality Seth describes precisely the two forces that were responsible not only for a new level of consciousness but for a new way of living. Within them is a new form of awareness if you are ready to embrace what this union represents.

Image of a quote from Seth about intellect and intuition being like man and wife.

Source: Seth International, Facebook

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