Archives for category: awakening symptoms

I will be putting up a new installment in my ongoing effort to provide information about awakening (in the context of kundalini) through interviews. Being my busy time of the year for me at the studio, I am happy to be able to get this next one out to you in the next week.

I decided to create a battery of basic open-ended questions a few years ago for people who have experienced this phenomenon. While the questions ate limiting on the one hand, they serve to build a reference source because as each new interview is added, the same questions get asked. My hope is that the answers from my interview subjects will begin to create a spectrum of responses that may help illuminate in the mind of the reader the degree to which this phenomenon can vary from person to person while still standing under the big tent cover of awakening.

I am happy to include anyone who would like to participate in this project. You can choose to be anonymous if you wish, but I am happy to link to any web sites that you might be involved with so others can read your blog, or learn more abput what you do or up to our there in the world. Stats show a steady review of these interviews on weekly basis. Each interview is first posted and then a dedicated page is created where the interview remains at the top of the WTI blog so it remains easily accessible.

For inquiries about participating, you may reach me at info@staffordartglass.com.

Have a great day!

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I was searching kundalini awakening on Youtube today, a first for me in quite some time. I didn’t know what I would find or even what I was looking for. Then I found her there in India….she has this hard unyielding way, but she is also able to express what I might need to thrash about in a poetic trance to spit out. Any insight is always appreciated. More about her in a moment.

The questioner asks her how to deal with the issue of having the feeling of the other within…even though it has been a lot of time since they parted ways. I am reminded of how these “twin” or soul connections work and how people I know even years later are still affected by their other. I know how I have been affected.

So I came across the work of Maharishikaa on kundalini. She helped a man who was really having a hard time in one video. Then quite by surprise there was this touching video about a woman who was trying to move on when her soul connection abruptly moved on without her. She came trying to find a way through this. The response I found to be unique, novel, and beautiful. Watch what she says. I think maybe the way through is not to go away but to go through. Step into the fire, do not run around it, ask what remains and be ready for what might come. For me, the answer was so simple, really. So much fuss over such a little hitch in my heart and ego.

Some put so much on these connections. More than they deserve, in my experience. At the same time, though, they help to show us what love can be, how we are the love instead of that moment of dissatisfaction that then fuels a connection later, in another life.

I find the arrangement to be paradoxical once you see what happened (in another life). It is like bread dough left to rise too long; it winds up much bigger than it ever was in that last life. Perhaps it is the effect of letting karma go for a single life – it grows bigger than it was when first minted.

Except no one seems to know this. That, or all my searching has somehow led me astray. Aren’t we passionate about getting it right? Could that be enough to open such a vibrant portal to the soul and it’s love?

We only see the large loaf and surmise it is more than it is. The paradox is…..that it is more than it should seem. Perhaps that is what these connections do; they open us to the love shining in the soul. For the soul, it seems that this is an everyday thing, completely common. But here on Earth, it seems singularly unique (which of course it is). It remains enigmatic to me. I wish I could go back to those simpler days of believing that it was a twin. It is, tbough, more mysterious than that. Perhaps it is enough that it moves us as it does. For what else makes us examine so much over something we might not have ever known that much about?

I know it may not make sense, but I think there is something here for those who need it. We let go of our need for it to be a certain way. When we do that, there is a greater peace and this cosmic presence expands and it’s one less thing that creates pain. We think it is about them when it’s just about our reaction to something that we think fell short of expectations. This is, I think, the genesis of these soul connections.

I want to take a moment to tell you about someone who has figured strongly in my awakening journey.  I want to mention her because of how much experience she has in the arena of energy, consciousness, and awareness.  There is the saying that when the student is ready, the teacher arrives.  For me, this was true.  I wasn’t going to find a traditional teacher, though, this much is true, but at a very specific point in my awakening when I began questioning what it was that I was reading and hearing about the phenomenon (Twin Souls/Flames especially), she came along at just the right time. We struck up a friendship and would have conversation about the process of awakening, consciousness, and how we can recreate our lives to find a better way.

My friend is a professional psychic intuitive and has worked in the field for decades.  She is not a fortune-teller but is someone who uses her gifts to supercharge change for her clients.  She has worked with individuals, couples, groups, and businesses large and small.  Her gifts have been used on start-up projects that have gone on to do big business, to couples who are wanting to get married.  Big or small, Ali has helped people from every walk of life.  She is like a big fish that you would never realize is the big fish because of how humble and soft spoken that she is.

My friend and guide was born with gifts that were off-the-chart incredible.  Talking to her at first, it wasn’t readily apparent just who I was dealing with, but as time rolled on I began seeing the evidence of her gifts.  I have been lucky to have known her since 2008 to the present day.  I have gone through my own contortions and difficulties during that time, have remained dedicated to pushing my own envelope of understanding and find that my friend is still there as brilliant and as insightful as ever….and forgiving of my own difficulties when I try to push them onto others (we call that projection!).

What is so amazing about my friend and her gifts is that she was not born with the “veil” that most have.  If you ask me how this veil works, I will tell you that I think it is very simply a process related to our development here. It is also how our brain works in consort with consciousness and the way that some parts of the brain actually “brake” other parts that have the ability to process information that doesn’t come from the five senses. I say this because I have had my own forays into this realm, perhaps just enough to get me into trouble.  But in truth, Ali is like that person who didn’t get programmed to be like everyone else and the barriers that most people have, she doesn’t.  I know for my friend, based on having known her over the years, living this way can be very hard because you feel EVERYTHING.  The other side is super crazy and over-the-top psi ability. My own sense is this is part personal interest that accrues over lifetimes, but can also be a feature of the awakened state.  Kundalini, after all, is said to bring many abilities, and Ali has had this since she can remember.

I think most people who have done the work like she has simply are at a place where they no longer need to reincarnate here, so perhaps this is why we don’t see a lot of these types of people. People like her are rare.  I know in my own experience that I am showing evidence of pulling back the curtain through a growing memory of past lives both here in this reality as well as others. Perhaps you have also been experiencing this very thing yourself, so you might know what I mean firsthand.  I know that along with awareness there seems to be a willingness or ability to begin using our minds in ways that are contrary to how most are taught here on Earth….all of which contributes to enough of a difference that we begin to see more and more open windows through consciousness.  At least, this has been my observation thus far. But the point is, my friend is so clear she can get to the crux of a problem so fast that you will be left wondering what just happened.

I am writing about my friend because I want you to know her.  I am telling you this because more people need to know about her because the gifts she has are remarkable.  While she is a healer, her healing work is so incredibly versatile that she can do her work over the phone and literally work a miracle for you inside of twenty minutes if you are ready.  These things happen so fast that I am left wondering what just happened sometimes.  It’s hard enough living in a world that wants to pooh-pooh these things as it is, but if you suspend disbelief and go into work with her with an open mind and a ready heart, there is nothing that you can’t do with her help.  I know I am waxing grandiose here…but let me explain…

A number of years ago my friend came to visit my home in Virginia.  While she was here I had been invited to a gathering by a family friend and I took my friend along.  A lot of the people there knew me and were curious about who she was and why she was there with me. My friend explained that she is a healer and an intuitive.  In minutes, she was in the next room conducting impromptu sessions with people whom I have known since I was a kid.  My friends looked at me before we left to go home, “Where did you find her?  Oh my goodness, she is the real deal!” I have watched my friend as she has held healing sessions with friends, and I have seen what she has been able to do for me over the years.  It has remained consistent in terms of her level of ability. Yes, she is the real deal.  My friend is remarkable, a real talent, and I feel fortunate to know her.  I feel fortunate because for so long I didn’t know anyone who liked to talk about the things I like to talk about in terms of our hidden potential as beings here, or how to tap into alternate layers of consciousness, or how events begin to change as consciousness is used differently.  When she does work with her clients things can change on a dime.  I don’t know why she shouldn’t be a household name.

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My friend is Alison Neville.  She lives in California and she has the gifts of clairvoyance, clairsentience, clairaudience, and an ability to read and heal energy.  She has had these gifts her whole life.  She began to learn to use them in her twenties and has been doing so up to the present.  Her “toolkit” is so inclusive that there isn’t a situation that she can’t work through with aplomb.  As a result, Alison doesn’t employ methods or scripts, she just goes into a session and uses what needs to be used at the time.  Each session can be wildly different one from the other.  It is because of this that her work is so beneficial.  You aren’t getting a script, you are getting real boots on the ground work. It is why sometimes when I start a conversation with her I might wind up completely surprised with what comes up because of something that her inner guidance says that puts us on an unexpected trail.  More about this in a moment. I will say that if you find yourself wanting her help, all you need to do is to be clear about what you want to cover because she will do that so long as you are honestly seeking to get to a better place.

You don’t have to believe in this phenomenon in order to benefit from what Ali does.  But what Ali does is not some cute parlor trick.  I have spent sustained time with her over the years and there was no way that she was able to gather all the information beforehand just in order to make it seem as if she had a gift.  You know what I am talking about here; the cynical skeptic, who, no matter how much proof they are shown, refuses to concede that there might be something to what she does.  This is probably an occupational hazard for her, but either you want help or you don’t….and even for  cynical skeptics Ali delivers in spades.  It makes you wonder why someone would fake it if they were so incredibly good at bringing solutions to your life that work so well? I guess I don’t think about those things because I have been around Ali so much over the years and I know that it’s real.

In the beginning of our correspondence and discussions, Ali helped me to remove or heal a long-standing issue from my childhood as it related to my Mother.  It was a thorny problem that had eluded me for about forty years.  It had developed at a time that was so early in my life that I had lost all hope of being able to use memory as a doorway for getting to it and healing it.  Ali showed me that these kinds of things are always accessible and so we used feeling (instead of memory) as the doorway.  One moment I was talking to her on the phone in my car headed to the studio and the next moment I am settling down in a chair in the studio, the lights off, with her speaking and taking me into a guided meditation.

The effect of healing this issue was like correcting something that had been wrong for years inside of me that I had been projected outward as something that I believed was a problem with the world, or my Mother. Gently my perception was turned ’round so that I was able to see it in the right way.  Once seen in the right way, once truly heard and examined without the distorting lens of my beliefs about it, this healed very quickly and righted itself.  That was in 2008 when that happened.  It changed my relationship with my Mother from that day onward.  Having been in the mental health field as a counselor for years, my Mother wondered how on earth I was able to heal something from such an early place in my life.  I had help from Ali.

That experience is emblematic of the huge leaps forward I have been able to make.  The truth is that the vaulting would not have been possible without her help.  When I write in my blog about having had an energetic “reset” years ago that helped my energy field become many times more sensitive, it was Ali who helped with that.  Yes, it was hard to deal with, but just when I thought my sensitivity had gone through the roof in awakening, what she was able to do for me showed me that there was no ceiling on our roof at all as my energetic system was put into orbit.  I’m not exaggerating, here.  My being able to understand how grace is tied to creativity, that was Ali.  My being able to step into my authentic self in many important ways, it was in that time when she and I were conversing and she was sharing her insight with me. I had simply manifested the influence that my soul needed most for that time.  Now I sense that there are others who also need it.  They might not know it is so, but that is how these things happen.

Just last week I was visiting her helping her with some marketing work for her business (and going to visit a regression hypnotist/counselor) and while talking one morning before breakfast, we wound up in a healing session. This wasn’t something we had talked about, it just happened.  A block that had eluded me my entire awakening was resolved inside of forty minutes.  Just like that. I could feel into my own field in a way that I had not felt before….maybe ever.  This was so important for me because I knew that if I was ever going to do any healing work myself, I knew that I could not be working with people unless I myself was healed….that was my own bit of guidance.  So this outcome was really important for me on many levels.  How I feel and relate to my energy now is very different.  Wow.

When I went out to swim in the ocean later I began hearing a voice speaking clearly within me that I had not been able to hear before. The block in the root had kept me from being able to hear clearly something that has been a part of my life and my soul existence for a very very long time.  It was like the cherry on the top hearing and feeling this presence that I simply could not meet or feel or hear until I did this work. As we open and clear ourselves we are more able to use our innermost senses in a more dependable and less distorted way. At least, that is how it seems to me.  The clearer we are, the less invested we are in an agenda.  The source of all life is supportive and free from agenda beyond that of love.  I find that as I go through this process, this is what I am moving into each day. How do I learn from Source?  How do I learn from Ali?

Some of what Ali does is energy healing.   How she does this from a distance over the phone is the remarkable part.  While much of what she does can be understood through the lens of known healing modalities, Ali has explained that much of what she does is the result of her own inner connection to what she calls her “guidance” which always seems to know exactly what needs to be done at just the right moment.  So it might be energy healing on the one hand,  the next minute it might be reading an ancient time line, a past life, or speaking with a relative that has passed.  She might do something completely unexpected, even for her, within the span of a session.  In short, there IS no pattern, every single session is unique.  If you watch true pros you will find that they don’t have scripts that they speak from.  They embody what they do. Ali is one of these pro’s.  It’s what made our talks so interesting.  Maybe someday she and I will put our heads together and do a book about these talks. It would be so interesting I think for the very reason that none of it would be scripted, not even once.  You just have no idea.

There is sometimes this freewheeling feeling in a session with her where you are asked to consider what life might look like outside of your own perceptual box.  Now she has you beginning to set up the very conditions for transforming your life, maybe without even realizing it.  By helping to surrogate the energy necessary for rebuilding the conception of what you think your life could be, she serves as this bridge to what your life will be once you decide to take that one little step into what seems like a vast cosmos. It can happen so fast you don’t even see it coming.  You might not even realize that she is holding you in that place, holding the seed of it and waiting it for it to germinate and to find it’s root in a new level of your life. You can actually root yourself in what seems to be a new cosmic place…..maybe it was just a place you never thought was even possible for you. We have chosen all of this, our choices are just that; choices.  Those choices may have represented the very best thing you could imagine.  There was a time when we built rockets that went up only thousands of feet and thought that was an amazing feat, but within a decade we were sending rockets into orbit around the earth.  Then we went to other planets.  You see what I mean?  Working with Ali can be like this.  The limitation is that you think you are limited.

And that is just it.  We each stand at the edge of a limitless cosmos and all along it is we who are limiting and choosing what we will experience.  Yes, you are in a body.  Yes, you are focused in this reality with a set of senses physically.  You are also more than just this one body.  So I ask, what on earth are you waiting for? 

As a result, Ali is one of the most innovative healers ever.  Missing a loved one who passed?  She can tap into that person right now and help fill in any gaps that you might have.  Have difficulty with your supervisor and don’t know why? Ali can dig into that and help to explain what is at work.  Not only that, but she will take your hand and show you how to heal it.  Poof!  Now everything has changed for you with your supervisor and anyone else after that who is like that supervisor.

Maybe it is a challenge with a relationship.  Maybe it is with a parent (like me) or with a spouse, a child, or a friend, it really doesn’t matter, that is how flexible her gifts are.  Maybe you can’t quite understand why the relationship dynamic is the way it is.  Not only can Ali help shed light on it, she can also help you to change everything about it on a dime if you are ready.  Maybe you are starting a business or you want to take your business to another level–Ali can tell you exactly the things you will need to work on in order to manifest that type of abundance in your life and to make it work with the fewest hangups as possible.  You of course need to be ready and you need to make yourself available. But if you can be as innocent as a child, you will not only change things for good, you will have great fun doing it because that is just how Ali is.  Ali is remarkable.  I want you to know about her gifts because I have been helped so much, my friends have been helped, and people that she knows have also been helped. I was able to do in half an hour what might take people years using traditional talk therapy.  I actually think therapy has its place, but what Ali does is she cuts out all of the preamble and gets right to the issue at hand.  The only problem with this might be that you might think that there is no way that she can cut to the chase so fast.  Way.

There are no accidents.  You are the one who needs to hear this right now.  Her gifts are amazing and more people need to know, and now I am telling you.  I have nothing to sell and nothing to gain. If there was a time when her skills were needed, that time is now. If you do get in touch with her and work with her, come back here and leave a comment  about your experience. I want the world to know. I want you to know.

To get in touch with Ali start here:

https://www.alisonneville.com/

 

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I am facing an odd conundrum which has me seeking the services of an experienced regression hypnotist who specializes in cases related to ET abductions. While I have done work in this vein with past life experiences, I am saying this because for years I always thought that my experiences with regards to the ET question all happened within dream. After all, I was pretty expert at grabbing information through the dream state that often wound up being true (instead of dream-state gobbeldy gook) so this seemed like a plausible thing for me to do.

My thought-set for years has been, “I wasn’t an abductee, I was using consciousness in dream to experience these beings.” My response more recently, though, has been, “What if this wasn’t just a dream, wouldn’t you want to know more about it?” Well the truth is, I have been kind of whistling past the graveyard in a sense for decades. Yes, there are actual reasons for suspecting that what happened to me was more than just dreams.

I say this because many abductees, some who are now my friends have said to me, “I had dreams about being abducted and then under hypnosis found that those weren’t just dreams but were part of my real life.” They then cite countless cases where events that were real and very physical got stuffed deep into their subconscious…sometime for years only to begin emerging in much the same way that victims of MK-Ultra style mindcontrol have experienced an unraveling of their therapist-induced amnesia, bring up memories from a life completely blocked or forgotten. I have resisted the possibility of ET abduction because it just didn’t seem like that was what was happening to me.

I didn’t have that uncomfortable feeling of knowing something was happening and that it was happening a lot. I didn’t seem to have missing time, which is one feature. I may have had a scoop mark, another feature. There were other things, too, that I will cover here, but a lot of time has passed and I wonder whether that stuff is retrievable. As I say this, I am reminded of how far out in terms of time I have been able to retrieve past material (releasing blocks often brings up past life memories, some that are thousands, even millions of years old). I am not going to pretend to be consistent with anything here because I feel like I just don’t know.

I can’t say that it happened a lot. I can’t say that most of what is described in the abduction literature may even apply to me. But maybe it did and it has been hidden in memory. Maybe there are multiple ET agendas, each different substantively from each other. Yet, some of it does apply to me and most of the things that apply were things that took place before I ever cracked a book on the abduction phenomenon. It would have been hard for me to have made up the things that I did, things that are now features of the ET abduction experience.

As for the elements that are part of the abduction scenario, these are things that are always part of the abduction, but not every person who has them as their experience are necessarily abductees (as best as we know). Every person, though, who is an abductee has seen a craft. There was the fact that we had seen craft near our home (me on multiple occasions). Of course this does not make me an abductee, so I have to look more closely. Well, there is more than just a sighting. My sister had this bizarre burn on her abdomen that we could not explain after our first sighting. It was a series of circles and looked for the life of us like a shower drain pattern. Only problem was there was no way to physically get your stomach over the drain. Nothing fit. Her burn pattern went away without incident. We forgot about it. I did, until I did look into the ET issue in books that were just beginning to come out in the mid-seventies. What happened to me was was before I had read anything about ET encounters. I hadn’t cracked a book by Bud Hopkins or Whitley Strieber at this point. All I knew was what I had seen and that UFO’s were the kind of thing that should be dismissed (courtesy of some very careful propaganda run by our own government for decades in order to hide the ET issue altogether). Besides, it was a dream, right?

Later, I would read in the ET abduction literature about identical burn marks my sister had that would fade in time leaving no marks. Reading the abduction literature quite frankly freaked me out. I had dreams of being trained to….wait for it….to fly a ship. These dreams were repeated over and over during a certain period of my life. I knew in the dream that I was being trained to fly an ET craft. How bizarre is that? Hang on, there are people who have described the same thing, flying craft using thought as the navigation method. I didn’t read about this in a book somewhere….it simply didn’t exist. I read about it years after it happened on a forum on Unknown Country, the web site that Whitley Strieber has hosted for decades. I had sat in my living room next to a female ET whose skin looked like….burnt marshmallow who was conversing silently with me telepathically and ended the conversation by pointing up to the ceiling, indicating that she was going back to her home planet. Now try to find a case of a being with skin like that. Well, it turns out that there are a few cases of a being just like this. I found one encounter where my being was described perfectly, down to the unusual way (unlike any other alien this far described) that it’s head was shaped. It wasn’t like we had compared notes with each other.

But perhaps the only really disturbing thing that happened was the morning I awoke to find that my feet showed every sign of having been dragged through a gravel parking lot and through grass. My feet were abraded, scratched, dirty, real dirty actually, and I had fresh grass stains on my feet. I hadn’t been outside barefoot. I had not been outside the evening before nor in weeks prior to this observation. And it wasn’t like I was forgetful. I just hadn’t gone outside barefoot pure and simple (and this was what made looking at my feet so strange, so alarming—who the hell was taking me out in the middle of the night for crying out loud??). I had taken a shower the night before. I went to bed clean. How in the world did this happen? Following logic, I must have been taken out of my bed at night. More, the way my feet were scratched up, I must have been unconscious. Let me be clear; the scratches on my feet weren’t from fingernails. I could see how the nails on my toes had been scratched up, abraded considerably as though my feet had dragged in a gravel parking lot. Have you ever had scratches like that before? Do you know the kind of force required to create those kinds of scratches? Yes, the driveway where I lived was all gravel. Did some govt agents come and steal me out of my bed? No matter what subject you used, it all sounded impossible, crazy. Was I sleep walking, falling down enough to cause the grass stains to be on my feet, along with enough dust to settle into the corners of my toes and to abrade the nails enough so you could clearly see them the following morning? This, the most seemingly likely scenario, sleepwalking, itself made so little sense. No, I had never been caught sleepwalking. The more I tried to find alternate reasons, the more silly it all seemed. It just sat there, this big red flag that would not go away. The most disturbing part was how, in my case, I wasn’t getting flashes of memory about it. It was one big fat silent blank spot.

This event, whatever it was, appears to have been stuffed deep down some rabbit hole in my head, because while I had had dreams about all sorts of unusual things, including ET’s, there was nothing that pointed to the kind of experiences most abductee’s have mentioned. Why couldn’t I remember the clinics aboard the ships, the growing tubes, or all the other things that have come up in the ET abduction literature? Maybe I just had those memories stuffed too deeply. It is one chief reason why I thought it was just a dream. There were parts of the phenomenon that didn’t appear to apply to me. Did I have a one-off? Was I taken aboard? But what about learning how to fly the ships? Maybe chalk that up to being obsessed with life from other planets. And yet, there are others who describe the same thing.

I could not remember any more deeply than this. I told myself, “Maybe it is best that you don’t remember. Maybe it’s good that you can’t dredge any of it up. You might be wigging out if you knew what had actually happened!” And then there was that part of me that would say, “I have no idea what took place. I could have been abducted by monkeys for all I know. Or a weird sleep cult.” I was unable to do was to explain away what I had seen that early morning when I gazed at my feet when they hit the floor in the morning light. It stood out the way that it did because I had such a clear memory of what had happened the evening before. I hadn’t even been outside barefoot for months. The scratches could not be explained by fingernails. Pretty deep abrasions. No blood, but if I had been dragged further, then maybe. I felt the way a bear might feel when it is shot by a tranquilizer dart but has no memory of what took place. If it weren’t for this one experience, I probably could have pushed all of this off into the woo-woo box and left it there never to be inquired into again.

The problem for me is that I have done so much with repressed emotion and memory during my awakening that I have a hard time with the idea that there is something that kundalini is not dredging up. While I am beginning to consider that the way it is being dredged might be through a very different route, and that instead of being just an abductee (which may have happened), I have this strange sense that feels really out there that whatever my experience, it was part of a different section of the usual ET phenomenon (but even so—I am not even sure if this is even remotely correct at all). It’s unnerving to consider that there might be a still deeper bit of work that has completely eluded me all this while as my awakening has progressed over the past thirteen to fourteen years.

I have been aboard a ship and saw how its anti-gravity drive worked. I had a short conversation with an ET about what was behind the operation of that device. Based on the principles clearly present, this turns out to be the same set of principles that countless others who have abductee histories have sometimes described. Author Whitley Strieber tried to build one of these devices as a kid in his room as a result of his abduction experiences. When the device ran, it started a fire connected with the wires in the house, but not before knocking power out in his local area. Another man, whom Strieber wrote about in his book Communion built a device in his barn based on the principle of counter rotating magnets. The device nearly tore the barn apart—as the story goes the device cause objects to begin flying through the building until it was shut off. When I approached a group wanting to crack the embargo on off-world technology that the military is hiding in black budget projects by knowing how this class of device worked, they explained that what I had told them from my “dream” was indeed precisely what they were doing work on. My device was based on counter rotating magnets. I was event told by the ET standing beside me that the device was based on electromagnetics.

It is a strange feeling when dreams begin to step into our waking world. If all of this is simply a product of imagination, how is it that we are imagining the same things and having some consistent results with the imaginary devices we saw in that dream or in that abduction scenario? I mean, isn’t it curious that we see an anti-gravity machine in an abduction scenario and then when we try to build it, it actually begins to do what it was supposed to do? It strains credulity to then say that abductions are just the domain of the imagination. That, or we simply have undercut imagination far too much as a species and we have powers far greater than we could ever imagine. I would actually agree with this, but it is beside the point.

Taken together, though, and that one glaring physical artifact of my feet that morning, I am left with the realization that even though I have done considerable work doing what I call “Spiritual Archeology,” I might have blank spots in my life that I would like the option of being able to deal with in the interest of releasing stored emotion/trauma. This is what kundalini naturally does, and my awakening was with kundalini as its major feature. While I have had some ET experiences post awakening, the bulk of my history exists during my adolescence and young adulthood, long before awakening took place. What is also interesting is how my silent periods correspond so well with the silent periods of other abductees. It is one of those things that you might not read about until a decade after the fact, so the information isn’t always out there for you to read before and then incorporated into a false-memory type of narrative, which is often what skeptics try to suggest is at work for abductees. Me, I think it is just as simple an explanation that beings travel and take biological samples and do their best to hide their footprints in the memory of those abducted. Nothing complicated, nothing really cloak and dagger necessarily. Just what it is. A being from another planet can look scary to a race unaccustomed to seeing them. We might do the same. We do the same when we trap bears or other animals for study. We will hit them with a tranquilizing dart and then the animal has no memory at all. A more sophisticated system might be that you use another generation of technology to move a person through objects right up into a craft (which by the way happens in most abduction scenarios).

Swimming around inside of me is another issue which I feel compelled to tell you in the interest of full disclosure. I see the subject of extraterrestrials as one of the biggest most important discoveries that we as humans could make here on on earth. I say this because the implications would be huge for us here in our understanding of how life can emerge on other planets, an idea that until about thirty years ago was thought an impossibility. I am not a skeptic. I am not a skeptic for the very reason that the universe is an awfully large place and instead of thinking that life is a rarity, it may be more likely that the universe may favor life emerging in a myriad of ways. There are studies that have shown that life can survive in the vacuum of space for certain periods. There are those who suggest that we may have come here from elsewhere, that we ourselves may be a kind of hybrid (stories from our ancient past point to this possibility) I am interested, and I am engaged. I have had a range of experiences that I cannot explain and I am now interested in seeing if I can figure out what the larger story (my experience) may be about.

I have remained silent on this subject, the issue of my ET involvement for many years (and about its nature: was it all dreams or did it have a physical component?). I realize I have remained quiet about it because of how the subject is treated in our culture. I’ll tell you that for myself, it is a desire to know the truth, whatever it might entail, that drives me. If I dreamed all of it, fine, that would be really good to know. If it was something physical, that would be good to know also. I’d like to know what took place. I’d like to know why it took place (even if it is a small reason, a simple reason, “We were taking the semen of all males in your area along with the ova of women”). If they were taking tissue samples, what was the reason for it? An effort at creating a new species, or disease study? It may be that as humans we are more interested in the why of it than any ET being conducting scientific experiments. For ET’s it might seem a non-issue. They might not understand why we would want to know so much about it. When the bear we took for study asks us why we shot them with the tranquilizer dart, we might well shrug and say, “We wanted to study you and find ways to help preserve your habitat so more of you could live.” Or we might say something even more incomprehensible which might lead us to say, “You have something in your genetic material that we wanted to use for study.” The bear, not knowing what genetic material even is would wonder and wonder what any of this even meant. We might realize this and just say, “There is something special in you that we want to study….it is very important to us to do that.” This, in fact, are very similar to conversations some abductees have had with their ET abductors.

I don’t know exactly where I stand with this. It may be that this effort will only reveal that yes there was some missing time and I was taken a number of times. Maybe it will all just be stubbornly attached to the dream self and that is that. Who knows, really. The thing is, I am going to find out. I have a nagging sense that it may in fact be something much larger than just about having been taken or having had dreams about the ET presence. I say this because of what took place after a recent healing session with a gifted healer who lives in California named Alison Neville. It left me feeling clearer than I had been before and what happened after the healing made me wonder what on earth was happening to me.What happened in its wake is not something I am prepared to discuss in this post, but I will be covering it in another post (a lot has happened in the last week).

There might be a third possibility that has been lurking in the background which has to do with our spiritual lineage and how we may be connected to a self or consciousness that very much is aware that there are ET’s and that there is a much bigger and vibrant world out beyond our own planet. That, though, is jumping the gun. Wasn’t this supposed to be about a possible way to dig into these dreams to find out what lies in their marrow, their substance?

I haven’t know where to start if I was going to have regression hypnosis to tap into old memories to see what they might contain. I had to ask Whitley Strieber the author of Communion and a number of other books on the subject. He suggested a couple of professional regression hypnotists in California. In a surprise turn of events I will be doing some business there and will have an opportunity to sit down for a session to see if I can begin the process of beginning to understand what has been going on. I think that I need to finally put this question to bed.

If you would like to know more about the book that Strieber has written entitled Communion, there is a review at Goodreads along with links to buy the book if you want to find out more. Communion is a memoir written by the person who had abduction experiences. It is fortunate that a writer with Whitley’s skill set has written in the way he has about the subject. Whitley has followed up that book with several other books on the topic of his abduction experiences as well as those of others similarly affected as well.

His is one voice, not to take anything away from his courageous work, but to say also that there is one reaction that we as humans will almost always have when faced with an unknown which is that we will most often fear it. Absent any straightforward information, we as humans will invariably spin fear into a narrative in order to fill in the dead or missing spots. “Aliens abducting us for sperm and ova? That is creepy!” And yet, what about how we take sperm and ova from animals all over the world? Do you see what I mean? How creepy is what we are doing, people? No, it isn’t creepy. Instead, it is filled with purpose, our purpose, which may be completely unknown to the animals being taken. In this case, you can perhaps see how easily the humans become the animals and the people taking the animals are the ET’s. In our case as abduction subjects, we don’t know why they took us. They would probably prefer us not to know because there is invariably a certain quality of callousness present in the act of taking someone for their reproductive material, especially when you have never asked that person for it. The truth is, there is a callousness when we do it and there is a callousness when they do it. They might see us like we see bears. We are warlike and we would fight them if they tried to do such a thing as that.

When you leave anyone out of the loop in a situation like this, you naturally create a mystery, a void, and that void often gets filled with nightmares because that tends to be the high water mark for humans. A car passes you super fast: “Oh my goodness they must be fleeing from the law!” In truth, they were rushing to the hospital. A person cuts you off in traffic and you get incensed. The truth was, it was never intentional, they just never saw you….as hard as that is for you to believe. Whenever there is a gap, we will sure as shooting fill that void with…..our weird shit. It will be our shit and it will say more about us than it ever will say about the other, whoever that winds up being. But I also have to say that the shit is our reaction. It in no way voids the memory that we have about the experience. Yes, we can forget parts, or emphasize other parts, this type of process happens all the time. Hypnosis, though, does a very good job often to dig into memory in order to find the parts that are missing. This is why it has been possible for people who saw a fleeing car from an accident to see clearly the license plate under hypnosis when they have no conscious memory of it while awake. I am not saying that the experience of the ET’s is somehow made up, I am saying our reactions to the phenomenon may in fact be creating a form of alternative narrative because we simply lack full disclosure from these beings. I don’t think we will get it, not in the way that we would like. I suspect that we wont get it in the way we would like because our purposes and the purposes of the ET’s who are doing this are not the same. I will also readily admit that it is just as likely that the ET’s are like bandits who don’t give a fuck about us and see us as stupid vessels to play with as we would like. But I say this in order to show you that I am ready for any outcome (I think!). I am not being an apologist for ET’s, I just think that there are many ways we can see and react or respond to this same phenomenon. Of course, if it turns out they have me strapped down, I might feel differently, so let’s wait and see what comes up.

And yet, I will say I don’t know. I only know what I think I know and what I think I know has led me to wondering if everything that I have in my memory is the whole story or not. I will admit that sometimes this gets a little crazy feeling, but I will also admit that it does not keep me up at night anymore. After I had the experience in the 90’s with my feet being dirty, scratched, and marked with grass stains, I certainly had a sinking feeling in my heart and in my gut. That was one of those things, like a vector, a line, pointing outward into space without any explanation or seeming purpose. I have resisted filling the void with stories. I have, though, considered that it could be one physical manifestation of an ET presence in my life despite their desire to keep it hidden from me.

Since I began this post a month ago, a lot has taken place between now and then. Much of it I am not ready to put down in word both for brevity’s sake but also because what I have thus far uncovered that I just don’t know what to think. So much is so new and different that I feel like I need to live with it more in order to understand its texture, feel, and its outcomes. What is clear is that when it comes to the ET question, it has woven into itself issues related to our own evolution in consciousness. For me, the ET question has continued to be entangled with issues related to our consciousness. I will also reserve the right to amend this sense later if I turn out to be woefully incorrect. Right now I have had one regression session and will be having more. Once I am closer to being done I will disclose who I have been using but for now I prefer to keep this under wraps.

I want to point out that I am not writing a book on the subject, I have nothing to sell, I have no agenda beyond my own experience about seeing where I get with this. My only hope in writing about this subject is that the truth might be known and that in so doing it might help others. That is all. I can find better ways to get attention that would be a whole lot more positive than the one that I am writing about. I feel that this might still need to be said for those still captured by the quality of brainwashing that has captured so many of us in the past about the subject of ET’s. I suspect that this post will be the first in a series of exploratory efforts at trying to understand this phenomenon insofar as I am concerned. Stay tuned…And yes, I know that was quite the ramble…

This quote from Jane Roberts and her trance personality Seth describes precisely the two forces that were responsible not only for a new level of consciousness but for a new way of living. Within them is a new form of awareness if you are ready to embrace what this union represents.

Image of a quote from Seth about intellect and intuition being like man and wife.

Source: Seth International, Facebook

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This was a question that came up a while ago and it was something I was certain was obvious to anyone who would be around me after whatever it was that had happened to me: blast of light, lightening strike, rocket engines taking off, take your pick of what “that” thing was that happened on that fateful day that left you in deep mystery about what had happened.  Well it was kundalini, that’s what.  I was asked if this energy was obvious to others and it triggered an old memory I had those first few weeks after my awakening. And the answer is no.  Those not awake will not feel your energy.  Okay, mostly. Sometimes they can.  Alright, that didn’t sound very clear, did it?

Clearly, no one was feeling my energy. I literally thought that I had a giant neon sign over my head that first month after the energy raised.  I really felt exactly that way until I realized, no, no one was picking up on this!  What a relief!

Except that as time went on, I began to see clusters of curious behavior that suggested that some people, not everyone, was feeling something. I wasn’t sure at first, so I did what I always do: I sat back and observed to see if I could gather enough data on the subject that would inform me more one way or the other.  All of this took a while, it didn’t happen overnight.  So the answer here is that in some cases, yes, some people can.  Mostly, they don’t. Clear as mud?  Read on.

This is why it may be that you might want to be aware of this when or if someone starts acting weird around you.  It seems that there is a range of reactions in my experience.  It tends to be either a bliss response (or approaching that-say an unusual attraction or enthusiasm in your direction) or the opposite, which could present itself along the lines of anger, upset, frustration, and fear.  I am telling you this because it has been an observation of mine and it might help to clarify some odd instances of how some people will react to you.  I have had both.  I really wish that it was more nuanced, but in my experience it usually isn’t, at least for me.  People here are not mature enough to know how to deal with the energy that could catalyze their own flow of prana in themselves.  I am hopeful that this trend will change and I think that if it is going to change, now would be the time in our history that it would do so (fingers crossed).  To do this, I think that we need people who are more accepting and surrendered in their lives.

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In my garden…

I think that the best thing to always do is to remain neutral when it happens.  Someone is responding to something in you a certain way and my sense is that it can move them to extremes.  I now prefer to keep my bliss to myself and not have hitchikers or hijackers along for the ride. For those who act more peaceful and give me that look that tells me they are spellbound, I have to realize that they aren’t spellbound by me at all, they are actually responding to their own insides and how it makes them feel.  Yes, in some cases they may think it is coming form me, and in a sense they are right, but what they feel as a result of that actually has more to do with their own capacity to feel what they are capable of when it comes to a flow of prana and the bliss it can bring.  In short, when someone is feeling prana that might be attributed to me they are feeling it in their own world on their own.  It is like how we are all breathing the same air.  Is the air me? Is it you?  Well now perhaps you can see how silly it might be to think the air comes from someone like myself or anyone for that matter.

I will add one caveat to all of this, which is that you can project this energy to a person. The energy body is not limited to location, and this is why people can do reiki atunements, or why the power of prayer can make sudden changes in outcomes.  We can send energy to people, yes, it is true, but I don’t know that we really know everything there is to know about how this even works from an energy standpoint, we just knows that it can and does work. Are we sending energy or are we communicating with that person’s own higher self or energy body and they accept the idea that there is more energy available to them?  I say this in the way I do because it is like me bringing you a bucket of water that I just filled from a boundless ocean just fifty feet away from us.  Do you see what I mean by that? Am I actually sending energy or am I sending the suggestion that more energy could be available to them, and because they pick up on it, they do….and they do this based on my own thought of sending X amount of energy to them? And who knows, it could be a bit of both.  I really wish we were further along in our study of this energy than we are.  I suppose we could set up experiments to make some important determinations about how this all works. Okay, I know, you probably think I am just splitting hairs, here.  You might be right, but this is what I think about because I have always taken this attempt at being objective and asking lots of questions that maybe most don’t think to ask, but might be worth looking into if only for curiosities’ sake.

The best thing to my mind is to always bring it back to the person so they don’t focus on you as the source when these odd interactions happen.  There are gentle ways that you can do this and it all has to do with intention.  If they can feel the vibe then they can also pick up, perhaps subconsciously, your intention which might be that while you might inspire the energy, the energy is theirs.  If there is a conversation, keep bringing the talk back to how great it is that they are feeling what they feel and how it is something that they are doing and how great is that?  I have had people ask me if I was doing something to them.  I said each time that no, I was not doing something to them.  Instead, I would say, I was just serving as inspiration, nothing more.  I think this is correct and also keeps everything appropriate.  People can get hung up on the small truth and not be able to see the bigger truth that is looming.

I went through a period, a very definite one, where I was literally turning heads.  This started to happen when I was myself at peace with the energy flowing through me.  I just let it flow and didn’t worry about it. As a result, I felt so much better.  It was a breakthrough for me, actually.  I was able to embrace the inherent sensuality of the experience without feeling like I needed to tamp it down or feel shame about it. Its odd to think that I once felt shame about something so incredible, but I did.  But once that was being released,  and this happened quite suddenly in my life, I noticed how all of a sudden I would have these really quite comical things happen to me with the people around me.  It was the double-take or the rubberneck effect as I think of it. Maybe you have experienced this.  I might be walking down the street or driving in my car and I would see these people craning their necks to look at me.  In many cases these were people looking in my general direction with a look like they were trying to find something.  I had many instances where a woman would walk past me and would turn on her heel to scan the street in my direction as soon as she passed me, with a looks like she was trying to find something but had no idea what it was she as looking for, only to give up and keep walking. It was worth a giggle or two, yes.  I knew it wasn’t me, it was the energy.  If it had only happened once or twice it would not have meant much to me, but it was happening multiple times a day during a particular period in my process.

I have also experienced the dark side of what this energy can do to people.  I knew two people who quite literally wanted to destroy me because of it.  Both behaved nearly identically and instead of being able to part as friends, they had to demonize me just to move forward.  I also saw that as I removed blocked energy one ex would go into fits of rage within a 12 hour period of each block that I removed.  I have written about this before on the blog.  I counted nine times in a row where I had released blocked material and the person I was with would go into this rage meltdown each time within about a 12 hour period each and every time.  It continued to happen, but nine times in a row was enough for me to make a causal connection to what was happening.  There was NOTHING that I did to cause the person to go into a rage meltdown.  It was always something that she had somehow procured within herself as the source of the problem.  You just never knew who she was going to focus her rage at at any given time.  So there is that.  Usually in these cases, in my experience, there is always some kind of resistance in the person that precludes them from embracing whatever this seemingly disruptive energy means for them on a personal level.

People who are resistant to change will tend I think (just my own opinion thus far) to go into the negative range of expression or reaction.  Either you realize this and seek to engender a more compassionate understanding and patient approach with encouragement, or you just leave well enough alone.  In my case, I knew that nothing I could do would amount to any substantive change in their reaction.  And it is just that-a reaction-so don’t beat yourself up about it. It really isn’t about you.  It is very easy to hop on their karmic merry-go-round and then get caught up in their own pattern, which can be very hard for you.  It is sometimes better to leave well enough alone.

Those are my two cents on the matter. I think that if you yourself go in the direction of using it to your advantage, this will only result in bad karma, so please don’t do that.  Let it be what it is, a sign, an indication, but nothing more.

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There is another instance where your own energy is affecting another person and this is what I would call the twin experience.  Some call it twin flames or twin souls or rays, take your pick. In this case, two people have become effectively entangled in their soul energy where a significant degree of telepathy is involved. These in my experience have always been karmic in nature even though those who have been so affected will hold out for this being something divine. While it leads to our divinity, it is a connection to the soul-self which operates under a very different sort of premise than the self in time and space (in this lifetime).  As a result, there is an overpowering draw to that person that goes beyond mere location and transcends the physical senses. It feels significant, and it is, but it is what happens when two people become connected, and it is always because of karma.  If anyone can illustrate situations where there is no karma whatsoever in one of these connections, I would like to learn more about that case because I have yet to see an instance where karma is not involved as the trigger into the experience.  It isn’t that I am narrow minded, it is that I have looked and observed and experienced this phenomenon and at no point have I found a compelling reason to say that this is a horse of a different color beyond karma being one important element in kicking off the connection.  So I am open to having my mind changed, I just haven’t seen it happen yet.

These are unusual instances and are unique to the two people involved, although there are many cases where once someone has had one connection, they may wind up with another, or several.  Again, all have karmic material at its foundation. That isn’t to say it is bad, not at all.  It does present challenges, though, very real ones, and you should be aware of this.  It can lead to loving their soul but having real challenges that are nearly diametrically opposed to that soul which feels perfect to you about who that person is in their present life. This leads to a conundrum for people in relationships like this.  It is, to my mind, a call to learning how to step into the soul-self in a more embodied and authentic way.  This takes real work to do and it can take a lot of time and requires a lot of patience.  The soul, though, will always seem beyond your reach in this lifetime for the simple reason that it does not exist in time, but rather projects parts of itself into time in order to become flesh.  In so doing, there is a new version of the soul created with a personality and a body, all of which were chosen in order to hopefully achieve certain specific goals. The soul does not appear to have any of this. It just IS.  I suspect this is why we reincarnate in the first place, which is to work through things that the soul cannot in its no-time-space state.  There is a song that says, “In heaven, nothing ever happens at all…” and there is a certain truth to this.  How do you have things happen when there is no time or space?  Where is there to go when you can be aware of being potentially everywhere and everywhen?  It seems the soul needs these projections in order to focus itself more narrowly, to take on roles, conditions, and the mask of personality in order to work through certain dramas central to its needs and concerns, whatever those might be.

Those are my two cents on the phenomenon, and it isn’t to strip it of its meaning or importance, only to leaven it with what I think is an important ingredient so that we don’t have a blindside to some important aspects of the experience.  There might just be a very real reason why you react and respond to the Other the way that you do especially when it is a negative reaction.  That bit of resistance that you are feeling is pointing out  the work you need to do most likely. I think this is the only way these unions will ever see a significant level of peace within them, which is to say they could be a call to change, real substantive change.  Otherwise, you will be caught up in the maelstrom of your own triggers, all karmic in their foundation, and it is possible you will be something like those people I discuss earlier who would go into melt-down after melt-down.  If you have had an experience along these lines, I am all ears (and eyes).  I am open to learning more, so if you have something to add, I would love to hear about it.

Blessings, P.

 

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In this next interview I have a sit-down with local artist, healer, and family friend Diane to talk about her experience with her kundalini awakening.  Recorded several years ago, this interview was transcribed but had gotten swept up in a computer crash that only recently was recovered.  Her interview can also be found in the section at the top of the blog.  I am including the events surrounding her awakening first and I will have a second part of the interview, which was the earlier portion, in a second post a little later.  The format for the interview is different from the other interviews as it was a more open conversational style.  My questions and comments are all italicized and her responses are in normal type.

Today I talk with Diane who lives in the Blue Ridge Mountains of Virginia and who, coincidentally, is a close family friend. She is a wife, mother, artist, and mystic of some note. Diane’s artistic talents including writing, photography, sculpture, and performance art. She is part of the artist group Web Six who have, over many decades, produced multimedia performances that are part visual art, poetry reading, and performance centered around their experiences as women. Their performances have covered the trials and triumphs that they face in their day to day lives. Made up of musicians, writers, poets, photographers, and painters, the troupe has performed throughout our region over a thirty year period.

Diane is a gifted healer who has, over the years, brought her insight into her work through workshops and retreats on issues related to the shamanic journey and spirituality, to name a few. She also owns a business as a masseuse and has directed Yoga Nidra classes. I sit down with Diane to discuss her experience with her awakening.


 

Can you identify anything that triggered your awakening?

I had been to the first workshop for the Institute for Shamanic Studies with Mary North. It was always a vivid experience for me, and I had power animals…

Was this based on Harner’s work?

Yes. I went to this workshop and just jumped into it. I think I need to work on that. I did these workshops, I just jumped into them. Well anyway, that’s maybe beside the point.

Well did you feel like a tension had built up over the slow loss of your mother might have triggered anything?

Well, she was my friend, we said we were soul mates. But she would be sitting across from me having coffee and she’d ask, “Do I know you?”

Did this make you feel lost?

Well my father had already died, and I felt like I was losing my rock, yes. The daily grind of care was hard because she did not sleep like she used to. My sister and I would trade her off so we had some time off, which was a blessing. So it was during this free time that I decided that I would take a workshop on developing your psychic ability. Mom and I had actually had psychic things together. And she was psychic, but she never developed it. She introduced me to Wayne Dwyer. So she introduced me to that world. She would say that someone was coming, and we would need to clean house to get ready, and sure enough, later, a cousin would show up knocking at the door.

One night as I was lying in bed, after she had died, I had a dream where I saw this sphere in the room, it was this pulsing sphere that looked like water. Then I heard a voice that said to me….and now I am going to cry….it said, “This is her last gift to you, and someday you will understand…” Then I woke up and the ball was still there, and I was awake. I even pinched myself, and I could still feel it coming into me. I think it gradually dissipated. That was one of the reasons why I wanted to take this workshop to develop my psychic abilities. But then this whole thing happened with this person named Tom. So….

So was your awakening a clearly defined….was there a galvanizing moment..

Oh yeah. [laughter]

Yes. [laughter] So what was that?

I went to the workshop. I was so relieved to be there, I walked on the beach. I didn’t need to take care of anybody. I went to the center and was sitting down, and we were having this introductory meeting that gave us the bones of the thing. I heard someone laugh, this was like some enchanted evening, except it wasn’t. I heard someone laugh, and I turn around, and there is this huge guy, big big neck, the kind of guy I am like “Eeew! Get away from me!” Had a pony tail pulled back. He was squatting down and he was talking to people, and he turned around and looked at me and it was like….it was like on point…like a bird dog. He was looking at me like, “Oh my God, there she is!” which was what he was thinking when he talked about it later when I found out that I was in a dream of his.   I was looking behind me, thinking “What the hell?” So I was pissed. I was having this great time and there was this guy looking at me.

Later I decided to join a sharing group, people you would eat breakfast and lunch with and you could share your experiences. So when I went in the room where the list of the sharing was, I didn’t want the guys name on it, and I was relieved to find his name wasn’t on it. But as I was there a woman erased a name and put his name, Tom, on the list. There was this feeling of inevitability to it. So I found that he was actually quite funny. He had this self-depricating humor, and it was mostly about himself. He worked in sanitation for the city of Philadelphia. And one day after our meal he asked me if I wanted a ride up to the conference center, and I said no, and then thought, “Well that was kind of mean…” so I said that I would take a ride with him and we rode up to the conference center together. And I thought I was getting a lesson on not judging a book by its cover, because he was quite nice and funny. And it was while people were talking there that all of a sudden there came this feeling that came up from my spine to the top of my head. And it was like a wave of emotion. It was very emotional. Tears came to my eyes. It was like someone divulged some secret of the universe to me. It was like awe. And I began to shake. I even looked under my seat. I thought there was electricity under it. I started sweating. I had to hold onto my seat; I was rocking. I looked over at Tom and he was shaking. He was rocking. He was holding on to his seat. I thought, “Holy shit!” I wondered did we eat something? Did we have food poisoning? We both wound up leaving when the break came. We fled. I asked if he was okay. I asked “Is this you, are you doing something?” I walked around thinking, “what the hell is this?” I thought maybe it was a blast from the past, was this an issue raising up? Maybe it was something we ate. I decided “I am not doing this, I came here for R&R…whatever it is, it is going to have to come get me because I am not doing this…” Later, I came out of the meeting and I was going to walk on the beach. The parking lot was empty. But Tom was sitting there on the hood of his car. He looked horrible. He looked sweaty, he looked pale. So I thought, okay, I am going to talk to him. I asked him how he was doing. He said “I feel like there is a pillar running up from my bottom to the top of my head and it’s going to explode.” I remember reading something about that pillar, I had read about it and I thought, hmmm….okay. I felt like I was on automatic, ”do you want me to take you to the hospital? Do you need me to drive you?” He said he didn’t think he could be around people. He was kind of staggering around. So I said, without even knowing I was going to say it, “Give me the car keys. I will drive you. I will get you some Advil.” When I got him to my room and I gave him the Advil, I felt like I was seeing this almost outside of my body, like this was something we had agreed to do this before.

He sat down on the chair and then he went berserk. He starting yelling and screaming. He tore up the bed! I had been to enough workshops, so I knew that this was something you were supposed to do, just let it happen, so I said, just let it out. When he calmed down I asked him if that was a seizure. He said that it wasn’t a seizure. He was walking down the hall and I thought, okay, something weird is happening.

The next night, I hadn’t seen him, I had been doing some yoga, and there was a knock on the door. I knew it was Tom. I answered the door and it was him. He was carrying some flowers. He said, “Whatever you did last night, it really helped me, and I wanted to thank you.” I said well I wonder how my husband would feel about this, and he said, “ That isn’t what this is, and you know it”…and I thought, shit, he was right, it wasn’t.

He asked me what I knew about my work. He wanted to pick my brain, he wanted to do work with me. So we sat across from each other and looked at each others face. As we did this, I saw this young man in his face with the turned up bangs, and I drew the picture in my notebook. Very innocent and young looking. He saw my fear of growing old, which I do, because of my mother. That night, I woke up and I thought that there was an earthquake! I had the same thing he did. I had to get up and go out on the beach. And I ran.

So did you feel like you had this build up of tension and movement helped?

Oh yes. I wanted to move. I wanted to feel my pain, I wanted to feel my breath , I was on the edge of the surf. I wanted to feel it all because I couldn’t stand it. Later when I was in my room, there was this flickering inside, like something was crawling that went up and down from my solar plexus and my head, up and down, up and down. I took a shower and held my pillow and fell asleep. Later, we would do work together.

I did this shamanic journey and I saw the image of this armadillo and I saw all these cracks on its back and I could see this image like it was written on the sky that said, “Pain” and when I saw that and told him this, he said I have to show you something, and he showed me his back. There were all of these scars that were like these hands that were reaching for his spine. He would have been like Quasimodo if he hadn’t had his spine broken, so he had been in a body cast, it had been in a Catholic hospital where they didn’t let his parents visit. He had just had a horrible time. So somehow, we had come together to work on this.

Okay, so I am going to ask you something that I know about personally about nearly all of the people….no….all of the people I know who have awakened together. They might be sitting across from one another or across the miles. They all have this unsettled karma together. And a lot of time there is this experience of revelation, or apocalypse where there is this sudden revealing where all this stuff comes up, all this stuff….you don’t even know what the name is for this experience, but its this energy that needs to get out. And then in the midst of this you sometimes can have this little “Aha” moment. Did you ever have that?

I did.

Did you have that moment where you understood what it was that was not finished?

Somewhat. I think it was somewhat.

When I went to do the whole holotropic breath work, which I wanted him to do, but he didn’t want to do it. That was when I felt a goddess moving up through my body. At the time I didn’t know it was Shakti, you know, the goddess they speak about. It was definitely female. Then I saw myself. I was both outside myself and in my body. I saw myself sitting in a circle of stones. I knew that I was a willing sacrificial woman. I had red hair and was wearing a white dress. I was coming down into the scene. The stones had runes scratched into them. I had always thought they were Celtic, but they were Viking. And he [Tom] looks like a Viking. I saw my throat being cut. And I saw the blood coming out of me and I became very white. He was standing at the end of the circle. Then I turned and asked who he was. He was standing there, like a shaman with a metal helmet, with fur. Then his face changed and he turned into an old man with a wolf head on his own head, it was this headdress. Then he turned into a woman in a long white dress in sandals standing on a dais with white columns with a really blue blue sky behind. I asked, “Well, who is he?” And the voice said, “He is a gatekeeper.” I have learned that this sometimes refers to the person who helps you with your psychic life, who is the gatekeeper for entering your psychic life.

I had this incredible dream the night I felt the…thing…I dreamed….I am going to cry. I was sitting on the porch of this ancient building with columns were crumbling and the steps went down into the ocean. And in the ocean, walking out of the ocean, was this wolf girl. She was part wolf and part human. And I knew she was me. She pointed behind me, and there was this ancient door with these rusty hasps and she pointed that I needed to open the door. And I couldn’t open the door. I woke up and thought, I have got to open this door! So I went back to sleep and had a dream about a crowbar, but I could never open the door.

I have had shamanic journeys about the door, and I have had experiences where I have been led to what is behind the door. Some people have said that it is love, but I am not sure. So anyway. [laughter]

How has your awakening progressed?

I had different….I have written about the whole thing what happened to me with Tom about that. I had it for about three years, before I could not feel it in my body. I was terrified a lot of the time, and even though I went to the holotropic breath work, but I would have movements of extreme ecstasy and then extreme fear. I had all kinds of things happen to me, like a snake coming out of my throat chakra. But I also had amazing synchronistic experiences. I had an amazing experience with reclaiming my relationship with Jesus. I would go to workshops and would feel drawn to them and would start talking to them and would find out they had had an opening. I went down to Greensboro to study hypnosis. I met this women who was doing this work and she wanted to do this work with Mary Magdeline and she laid me down on the table and began touching me where Jesus’s wounds were and I found I just opened like a flower. I found that I was meeting others who had this same opening, like you, who also had this same thing. One day while I was meditating, I felt like I was going to give birth, so I moved into the birth position and felt as though I was giving birth, and afterwards, I just rolled around on the floor lauging and feeling great.

You know, it’s interesting, but this is an experience I have read about many women who have had. Men don’t seem to have it. Maybe its an archetypal Jungian kind of experience where we are dealing with higher order energy within our psyche about creativity, and birth. So its interesting.

Did you have any physiological effects related to dealing with the fear in this? This whole shadow and the light…

Sometimes I would have the shaking. Oh my god there is an earthquake. Oh, and I also had a spontaneous orgasm, which I hear is normal, which was great! I thought that was pretty cool! I am standing there at the edge of the bed, and there is no one near me.

I am not trying to pigeon-hole you, but I am interested in how people are dealing with their shadow stuff. How did you deal with releasing this energy?

Well I would have this shaking, and at night I would have this feeling like I was just full of fear and that there is this darkness. Darkness was upon me and darkness would be upon me. I would lie in bed with Richard [Diane’s husband] and would just shake. But he does not go there. I would sometimes say, “I am running some energy today” and he would say, “Okay, don’t want to get into it, but it’s okay.”

I often had this anxiety about myself, why I was feeling this way. I would often sit and pull some runes and would think about it. I began to see that a lot of what had to do with Tom was about the male dominant energy. I saw that he represented my own male energy that I had been dealing with for lifetimes. But it was a real issue dealing with this male energy which when it comes into my life has always wanted to be dominant…..but the fear of it was overwhelming sometimes.

How did you get through this?

Well let me think about this. I would read and do a lot of shamanic work. I always felt like it was a place I could go and feel solace. I don’t know….it gradually died away. And as I did that, Tom fell away, too. He was my….he awoke….he was my gatekeeper, I guess.

You know, this gatekeeper….this is not a monodimensional…

Yes…

But its this thing, I mean, who knows, but it might be more than just here and now, it could be many places and times. Sometimes when we step back and let our intuition flow sometimes we get this “Oh….why didn’t I understand that before?” I also see how so many relationships point to the nature of this, and it leaves me seeing patterns that exist in them. Do you feel the same way about this man and the experience?

No. I feel like I reached a different level of consciousness. It also had to do with my having cancer recently. That was in 2010, so this has been going on for a while. I think I didn’t know what I did, but I just kind of held on and it happened in a different kind of way.

I always felt calm when I was tapping into some kind of energy. When I do massage I know I always felt calm. I just felt like I could tap into something that makes me feel more at peace. But sometimes when I think about the shaking I feel like I can bring it back.

So with all of the “violence” of the stirring of kundalini do you feel like you are more at peace?

Yes. I don’t feel the fear like I did before. But sometimes I will wake up in the morning and will sometimes have this thing where I have this reaction…and there is this moment of bliss as I wake up but then feel like there is something yet to do and I will feel that sense that causes you to react, [quick draw in of breath] you know.

Occasionally, I will have this experience, recently I looked at a tree and I just saw it shimmering and I was….wow! Sometimes I find that when I go into the Witness, I feel this amazing sense of peace. I was ironing recently and as I did this, I could feel how I was a physical being having a spiritual experience. It was so perfect.

Once while I was with Tom, we were sitting by the water and as I sat there I could hear this voice behind me and it was a woman’s voice. It was Sheila’s voice! And she said, “You are done! You are done!” And I knew that it was time for this to end. I turned to see who it was, and there was no one there. And who knows, it could have been my own psyche doing that.

And maybe it doesn’t matter, whether it is you or her, I think the soul doesn’t care what face that is put on it. So yeah.

I think about how we got over the fear. Sometimes we would sit and pull the runes. Tom was able to work with this and sometimes he would just fall to the ground sometimes and go into convulsions. So during this time, having him in my life, helped a lot. We would share our experiences throughout it. I think that helped me move through it into something calmer. And I went to workshops and did readings. I had you, and Vicky.

Do you employ any practices like meditation or yoga?

[laughs] I am pretty bad at employing a practice. I find that I don’t like to do anything regularly. I am very spontaneous. I go here and there, where I feel drawn. Sometimes I call on my spirit guides, spirit animals, and they help me.

Do you find that you reach a state of deepened meditation anywhere, anyway….like at a grocery store or wherever you are?

Yes. I can often feel this pulsing of energy and I will see this blue light.

How has this impacted the work that you do, your creative work? Have these changed?

Well I wrote that book about my mother. I think that I am able to focus on that kind of thing better. But there was a time when I wanted to be well known, but now I am more interested in just making the work and finding the right world. My relationship to all of this is changing and I am going more inward. That’s what’s more important is my inner life. What I love is talking one on one with people. That is my true love in my life now.

I recently read the book Goddesses in Every Woman, and that is Aphrodite, and I never thought of myself as an Aphrodite. I always think of her as the young beauty on the shell. Actually Aphrodite is the one who likes to talk deeply about the deeper subjects…you know….she likes to sit and talk deeply with people. That is what I love. I love this.

What are your thoughts about these mass awakenings happening?

You said it best at the beginning of this, which is that it is the return of the Goddess. And I think she is returning right now to the earth. I know popular culture doesn’t see that but there are people like Sera Beak, have you read her book Red Hot and Holy?

No…

It’s wonderful. She is a young goddess lover. Went to visit Mariom Woodman and you know, she is a little too much for me. I am a little too old for all the sex toys and stuff but she’s bringing it back in its full vitality and richness. And I think there is a whole movement out there. She calls it the Red Volution, instead of the revolution. I like her because when she speaks, she doesn’t try to be on top of it the way men often do, she is just up there with her trembling voice saying, “This is me. This is me. I am a goddess, and so are you!” You’d like seeing her. She is very beautiful.

I think we don’t need to go back to matriarchy, either. Patriarchy is changing, too. I think we can go to the balance. It’s a mystery. It is a deep mystery. I have learned to trust the mystery and not try to control every little thing.

This energy that is kundalini. How did you relate to it? Did you feel like it had sentience?

Oh yeah!

Did it feel like it was a part of you or it was separate?

At first I thought it was separate, but later, I felt that it was me. When I felt the goddess, I knew it was me. But before that, I felt this thing that was like a devil in me that I wanted to just cast it out….but I think that is what is happening, it is the goddess touching you. But because the patriarchy was so long in power that it has to be the goddess coming back now to balance it. And with Tom he was such a powerful form of the masculine that I had to touch that to balance that, to bring balance to its opposite.

Thank-you, Diane.

Photo of sculpture of seated Buddha holding golden flower

Buddha holding golden flower, VMFA Richmond, Virginia, photo by author

Think of me as that guy who has been working on cars for years but doesn’t know the terms used to describe the cars I have worked on. I have overhauled engines, transmissions, brakes, and more, all without having cracked a single book. I just look at it and can figure out it’s use and how it needs to be put back together and how it works (and this also means this has been part of a process of greater and greater understanding). In some cases, going this route could be considered a terrible handicap, but not in every situation is this true.

If you read any of the sutras of Pantagali, or the Vedas, you might think a person would have to spend years winding their way up the eight rungs of yoga to get to the top. Certainly those within those systems believe that, but there are people today that are proving this notion wrong, or at least incomplete. Maybe we did get training elsewhere in another life, or like I certainly did in the dream state all through my life. Maybe you do need maturity, or some kind of preparation so that your personality can handle the extraordinary rigors of what kundalini brings to the table. It is possible that we pick this up organically in the process of living our lives. There are certainly a few simple but absolutely critical and at least extremely helpful qualities one is greatly helped by in picking up along the way.

In a manner of speaking, kundalini is a cheat of sorts. It is a way whereby a person with none or hardly any long-term practice or study in the means of preparation is able, over night almost, to rocket to the top three rungs of yoga as described by the experts noted in these august and ancient writings. I know this only by reading these writings that tend to agree about the levels of attainment involved. Clearly, I had experienced them all. No boast, no brag. I have nothing to sell, no one to convince. The problem is in thinking we somehow have to get it. No, we are already that. If you aren’t that, then you merely have to strip away what does not belong. For me, to do this has involved hundreds of different “techniques” that the energy itself told me to use. Every one worked for the block in question. I was even told to go buy strong alcohol to drink, not a lot, just enough to feel lightly tipsy. The following morning I stood up out of bed and felt something release from my hip almost like a spring releasing. Poof! Gone. I never used strong drink again for energy therapy, but imagine being a real yogi and being told you should have a stiff drink. Yogi’s would reject this because they believe all sorts of things, like drinking will lead to your end somehow.

Don’t get me wrong, I revere the body of knowledge that Indians have accumulated, but no system is complete, finished, or without its error or blind sides. It is up to us to keep pushing at the borders of the known in order to expand our understanding. I am the guy who had no formal training and thus was never told to believe that there are things that can’t be done. I am free to think outside the box.

By way of example I am reminded of the very courteous but corrective comments I have received over the years from men who live and practice meditative and yoga techniques who have very kindly told me, “Mr. Parker, you cannot have kundalini because you have not yet received diksha.” Or the other one, “There is no way you have kundalini, you do not have a guru.” Now on the latter, I understand that the belief is in India is you need a guru. I am living proof you don’t need a guru, but try telling them that. Mist of you reading this, assuming you are like me and awoke one day through a series of fortunate and perhaps synchronistic events, know the fallacy of the belief in the guru as a prerequisite to awakening. There are all kinds of low-hanging fruit that is available to us that can help us step into the numinous.

I had to look up what diksha is, because that is how little I knew about it. You know, I think life itself was handing out its own diksha to me since I was little. It was the dream state and a few carefully placed out of bidy excursions as a child that showed to me that life is not at all what I was told it was as I got older, and even though I tried to shoe-horn myself into the culture I sensed all along that something was gravely amiss. I’m just surprised it took me as much time as I did to finally arrive at the jumping off point where I began exiting the merry-go-round of karma and of conventional thought. Certification in automechanics? No thank you.

In 1945 Gopi Krishna sat in his house and managed to stimulate the flow of prana to the necessary degree that it was able to kindle the constant energetic state known as kundalini. He had a hard time with it, though, and was sure it was going to kill him. He sought out monks at an ashram for help. He explained, but they shook their heads saying, “We have been studying this, some of us, for twenty years. Why should we accept that you, a householder, have managed this feat all on your own?” They patted him on his head, sending Gopi (he suspected) to his certain death.

Gopi didn’t die, though. He worked it out and managed to balance the forces of mind and body that allowed this power to coexist with him in an entirely new synthesis of being. He in effect lifted the hood and gazed at that engine and asked himself what he had been missing. Gopi figured it out. So much for the guru set.

While I doubt Gopi would have died if he hadn’t figured it out, I am certain it may have driven him mad, if only for the strain it puts everyone under who doesn’t get this one part of awakening “right.”

For about the first ten years of my awakening that inner voice that I had been hearing since I was a child that told me not to join any religion or school of thought persisted until secetral key hurdles had been passed by me in my life. Some part of me expressed as a larger or more universal self or awareness wanted me to keep to my own experience. As a result, I haven’t known much about the religions of the world. That was lifted once I had reached a certain point and I am able to look at other traditions like the sutras of Pantagali or the Vedas. I understand that for myself it was critical that I develop in this fashion. I am here to tell you that to the degree that you accept someone’s own theories and ideas about awakening, you are at the same time limiting your own development. It isn’t that a theory about this phenomenon isn’t in some way based in fact or truth, but that this phenomenon is so broad that no one theory can hope to contain it and also by definition cannot hope to be instructive to any significant degree. Instead, there are pieces if truth in eveything we observe, but by being individuals, we also have built-in biases that blind us to a more briad view of just how big all of this awakening business is.

There are those who on a daily basis write about how we are ascending, and how this means that we will at one point no longer be physical, that we will shift into another world. When I look at this I think how silly that is on the one hand, but also how in a way there is truth to this. I am not one to toss the baby out with the bath water, but clearly I think we all need to put a little more thought into this idea to refine it based on real world examples. Such a grand theory requires just as grand evidence.

I know of a writer who insists that the communication between twins (take your pick: twin souls, twin rays, or twin flames) is in fact not really happening, but is instead akin to an “alien love bite ” phenomenon. On the one hand, I have pretty clear evidence that the one who I thought of as my twin starting out was having inner communication from a 1500 mile distance that we were able to describe independantly of one another. On the otherhand, the issue of entities filling our space and interacting during this communication cannot be ruled out because they certainly do play a part in all of this, I just don’t have the evidence that all of this psychic phenomenon can be attributed to just those nonphysical lower-level forms of consciousness that act in a kind of parasitic way. And lest I wax extreme, let me say at the same time that all of life and consciousness is cooperative and symbiotic, so one person’s parasite is another person’s guide or helper. The operative question for me is what proof do you have that these nonphysical influences are helping or holding you back? You see, this takes the kind of self reliance and willingness not to just crack a book or blog an the subject in order to find the truth of the matter. What I might say is entirely from my own experience.

What holds for me may not hold for you. Also in addition, we ARE all viewing the same field, so there are some basic facts about all of this that are underpinning this phenomenon, which is to say yes your experience will vary from my own, but it varies more in the sense that when we walk through this field, you may go right where I go left. Our choices may create different experiences and our own relative perceptual abilities may also differ as well. Don’t assume that we can all have perfectly stirling views of this new world…not even me. What will make the difference will be testing your assertions to see if they stand up. I would also add that if you bbelieve sonething to be true, don’t just believe in it, test it. I know you might not know how to test your idea or theory, but trust me that if it is real, there is most certainly a way that it can be tested. This may not appear easy or obvious because it requires invention based in insightful thinking. It takes work, and some things may not be testable for the simple fact that maybe you can’t prove what, say, prana is as a “substance’ or phenomenon. To my knowledge there is no device that detects prana or proves it existance. But perhaps there are other ways to test for it to monitor its traces, such as resistance testing, or using consciousness to regulate its flow, or the effects of transmitting prana, or any number of other alternative means of gathering that much-needed data.

If we are ascending into other layers of matter, what might be some experiments you could conduct to show that this is happening? Some cameras with super low light sensitivity have filmed objects and what appear as life forms not of this world. Here, I propose, is one way you could set up an experiment for fleshing out a part of what may exist in these other levels or layers of reality. I would consider using human subjects using their own powers of perception in such an experiment to see how what that person percieves matches with what such a camera picks up. If you are unfamiliar with this technology and its use, look into Steven Greer’s use of cameras to peer extradimensionally during his CE5 experiences. You can find his web sites very easily.

What I find as a result of going it alone but then reading some of the material written on the subject is something akin to what our mechanic might find when finally cracking a repair manual on a Ford GT, say. Most of it makes sense right off the bat and some things strike him (or her) as awkwardly stated. Maybe it is a cultural thing. What this shows me is we have more to do, more boundaries to push heyond.

We have to push beyond the idea that we need teachers. We do not. If you need help, help will come. Keep your eyes open. Be ready for anything, but for goodness sake, you do not need to give your power to any authority. When you rely on others, you stop relying on yourself, and people who don’t rely on themselves are the worst kind. I know because I was one of them. It is in this place that these people fall for being a victim. It is the worst form of self-blindness I have known and seen because it almost always signals that the person wants you to be responsible for them. It is bad for them and bad for you. Claim your power no matter how disempowered you think you are or how much you think you need a guru or teacher.

Here is a little I have found on my own…

  • Awakening leads directly into a persistent meditative state that takes some years to achieve using traditional methods.
  • The trigger behind awakening is by way of a unitive state. This joins the two hemisphere’s of the brain in a synchronized state that leads to an order of magnitude of efficiency leading to physiological changes and benefits along with an intensification of libido, which is an outcome of the stimulating effect of this physioligical union mirroring the nonphysical inner union possible. This simple condition leads to a world of things, with a cosmic or transcendental state and awareness resulting. This is itself a doorway to some pretty amazing discoveries about consciousness, matter, and the true nature of space-time. Gulp.
  • The Shakti and Shiva correspond to the two hemispheres in function as mirrors of a larger nonlocal consciousness (the soul). Kundalini,then, is in truth, the fusion of opposites that allows the feminine aspects of consciousness in everyone to come forward, an aspect missing in most people (including women!). Recent brain studies have shown that the left brain serves as a brake against the right brain. The right brain handles cosmic consciousness, the left serves process-based tasks and is highly limited (for a reason). Both hemispheres need each other to adequately express or mirror the full power in consciousness as a nonlocal phenomenon. The brain may be a transmitter more than a container for memory and all thought (maybe some thought, but not all).
  • The awakened state provides all the potential needed to uncover what needs to be known about the phenomenon. One must always be devoted to pushing beyond belief to uncover the deeper truths.
  • The awakened state, as described in the Pantagali sutras, allows the person to look at anything in nature and peer into it to see the information associated with it, allowing one to understand information that may not yet be available even to theoretical physicists (this happened to me). This also means that considerable insight can be had when dealing with people making those awakened good at energetic healing. You have to be as clear and neutral as possible to get an uncluttered undistorted signal. Many healers can only heal along those lines that they themselves are clear on. Many healers wind up projecting their neurosis onto their patients subconsciously.
  • If you are dedicated to allowing the inner knowing alive in this state, you can release any belief that does not align to what is true (tension and emotional turbulence are clues). This involves learning how the right brain works. The right brain has a focus that can be broken by the focus that the left brain has (especially early in awakening). It is a skill learning how to defocus from the left brain so the right brain “open focus” can propagate. This works in opposite fashion to left brain operations. Books are written on this one aspect of learning how to not be the “doer.” There is a marvelous TED talk that supports my observation avout the role the right brain has in awakening (hint: it involves both).

I will keep it there as a short list. What are some of your observations? I would love to know.

-Image by author

There is a large and growing community of people who have experienced a phenomenon known as kundalini, tummo, golden flower, or awakening. This used to be an extremely rare occurrance, often requiring a guru or teacher in order to reach it. Because so many have managed to “flip the cosmic light switch,” a group of people who have had little to no grounding in yogic practices or methods are suddenly dealing with the rammifications of such an occurrence.

There are many symptoms tied to awakening, and most of them are listed on this blog on the symptoms page found along the top menu of this blog. One of the symptoms or effects from the energetic event that is kundalini is a range of near flu-like symptoms. I am going to go into understanding this symptom and ways to cope with it if it happens to you.

I have had to deal with this symptom in a variety of ways throughout my awakening process. Before the full “rising event” I was experiencing bouts of diarrhea that had no apparent cause, something that would come and go about every three to four weeks in the run up to the fuller awakening or rising event that took place in January of 2007. I even went to the doctor for it, but nothing could be found that could have been the culprit. It was suggested that I try adjusting my diet, a mention of perhaps too many fats in my diet, or that I might be eating at odd hours. It was a kind of mouse that roared.

After the full rising event happened, just a week or two after my visit to the doctor, most of my initial stomach distress went away. I hadn’t felt flu-like symptoms through my body, just the odd coming and going of diarrhea. I never felt really sick. This was different, I just didn’t know how it was different at that time. Since my stomach trouble seemed to resolve itself, and with the blast up my spine not long after that, I quickly forgot about the incidents of that distress.

My awakening process was gradual, one that came in stages over 5 months,so while the energy hadn’t risen, it was moving.

Over the next two years, however, I would have more symptoms much more like flu. These were never marked by an elevated temperature, at least not one that I would consider out of the normal. But I would feel something very close to flu symptoms of a mild sort.

I would sometimes feel warm, but not hot. I would feel nausea the most. I would also feel a mild but fairly persistent nausea as if my stomach felt on edge. I would lose my appetite sometimes, but I never would throw up or feel so bad that I wouldn’t be able to work. Often, it could be pushed into the background and ignored.

During the first five years after awakening I had many changes physiologically, and from time to time stomach upset would come and go. In some cases it would affect my appetite somewhat, and at other times my appetite would not be significantly impacted. I went through periods where I couldn’t eat meat, and there were times when I would crave certain foods. There was a period during high energy that eating spicy foods would make me feel blissed-out, but that would cease after about six months, only to be replaced by some other facet of reactivity with digestion.

My sense has been, watching my own process, has been that stomach issues have remained but have changed, waxing and waning depending on the way in which the energy, prana, has flowed or has been blocked along certain channels in what we know or call the light body.

I found that there were foods that I was directed to eat at one stage by a being who unceremoniously entered my bedroom early in the morning hours, showing me what some of them should be.

I was shown that during this early stage of awakening that I should eat eggs for protein. I was also shown cantaloupe. I ate both. I found that the cantaloupe had an unexpected yet welcomed effect of smoothing out the energy. This worked for about a year after this initial experience. I think the changeability was due to my own working through the knots or samscaras, suppressed emotion, that was rapidly being liberated from my system. My reaction to foods was based on my inner process I observe, dependent in part to the effects that stored emotion has in a body “lit up” by this excess of energy.

I continue to eat a lot of eggs as a protein source. I also have found duck eggs to be very good I suspect because ducks are a very calm bird. Their chemistry I suspect has an effect on what compounds wind up in their eggs.

Overall I have found bland foods, often grains, have been helpful. I have found oatmeal to be soothing while providing good amounts of fiber. At one point I lived on the stuff because of what I was going through digestively.

If you have read through my blog you might know about the five month period where I inexplicably lost my appetite. I began to fast and never felt hungry. I did eat a meal each week, though, because I felt like it might not be healthy to simply not eat. The very curious thing about this is that while I did lose weight, I didn’t lose as much as I thought I would. It was kind of bizarre, really. I had developed sensitivity to potato a couple of years previously and I suspected that I was mildly sensitive to wheat as well. I tried to avoid it, but never cut it (wheat) out completely.

My appetite returned after this period and I went on to eat like a horse, and a range of foods.

I found that high fiber foods were very good. There would be times when I would eat close to a vegetarian diet while at other times I ate like a caveman. I would say, though, that a plant diet has been the kindest to my system.

I would reccomend having a powdered milk protein that you can mix up in smoothies when your stomach feels bad. You can experiment with nutrients. I was using blue-green algae for nutrition as well as fruits and vegetables. I was given a juicer right at the time when I thought juicing might be a good thing to do. Sometimes a liquid diet is very soothing. I often took lunch at work as a shake or drink with good nutrition. I often did this by taking a thermos to work to provide this during my short lunch period.

It turns out that in the Hindu system, melon is used to “cool” kundalini. That means cucumber, watermelon, honeydew, and cantaloupe are all good. Cucumber is surprisingly nutritious and can be used to calm your system at the same time. Consider how you can include cucumber and these melons in your diet. While cantaloupe was prescribed specifically to me by a guide, you might find other melons as helpingto “cool” the energy as you experience. While melon didn’t calm my stomach, it had at a specific period in my process a positive overall effect on the energy as a whole. You could say it calmed my mind and response to the energy.

When worse comes to worse, pepto-bismal has calmed my stomach. I suspect that it should only be used occasionally, though. It may be that other things that coat the stomach can soothe it during periods of irritability.

Nausea is often felt as a result of the stomach producing mucus. Mucus is a way to protect the stomach lining, and mucus is what can cause nausea. For me, nausea is a sign that I am running strong energy or that blocks are being dissolved. I have learned that mild nausea is part of the experience. Small buts of some foods, mentioned above (bland grains-if you don’t have reactions or allergies to them).

Broths can be beneficial if you are having trouble with heavier foods. Try bone broths, or vegetable broths, created by cooking these things down. You can create flavor by first sauteeing them, browning some of the vegetables first. Consider using oils like roasted sesame, which will impart lovely flavor once the vegetables have been browned, then boiled. Other light soups can be very soothing. Miso has been particularly good. I can add ginger (which is soothing to the stomach) and garlic along with onion and other vegetables and udon noodles (Japanese noodles-found in Asian food markets most often) if you want to go all out.

It’s important to listen to your body through this process. Make adjustments when you do not feel well. What grains work? What protein sources feel the best to you? Are uncooked vegetables better or do cooked work better? I say this because awakening has a great deal of variability that its hard to say exactly where you are in how the energy is impacting you. It can change from day to day!

During times when I feel like not eating, often it has been eating that has been the very thing that helped calm my system. Nothing has led me to think that only a vegetarian diet was THE way to go forward, but a vegetarian diet is a healthy one provided you keep your diet balanced so you get enough protein and iron.

I suspect that some stomach problems are linked to awakening. Celiac and other conditions considered permanent I suspect can be brought on by a reaction to prana (this is not to say celuac IS a condition stemming from awakening only). I have observed a few historical cases of individuals who showed a level of awakening who also had stomach trouble.

I hope that this helps you and that it gives you some insights and ideas of your own for caring for your system. Additionally, I would be interested in your own experience, whether it is similar or different. This blog is about helping understand and come to grips with this phenomenon.

Blessings…

At a certain point in my own process of shedding blocked energy in the wake of a kundalini awakening, I became many times more aware and sensitive to my own energy. As a result of the clearing work, I realized that the body, every square inch of it, has chakras. Not just seven, there were thousands. I had never heard of such a thing, but reading later confirmed this.

I saw that this energy system extended to every corner of the body in much the same way that the nervous system is established at the most minute scales in the physical system. I saw how energy lines would cross, creating a thicker line of energy, and that a line would cross another line in a series of branches until all lines seemed to be connected by way of a central trunk. This looked like a tree of life. I realized that this system was responsible for what we call chakras, which are vortices of energy that are produced when at least two lines of energy come together. In the case of the trunk of the system, many lines merged to create powerful effects. This is where the seven major chakras are located. Everyone knows about those, but not about the thousands and thousands of chakras all through the body.

What kept me interested were the chakras no one seems to mention, which are the chakras in the arms and legs. Why doesn’t anyone talk about those?

These areas deserve attention if for no other reason that the energy that gets stuck there is the hardest to remove (at least this has been my experience). Not only this, but the type of energies that become lodged there are also the ones that can hold us back the most.

It would make sense that more awareness about these chakras is in order. To that end, I have blogged on this topic numerous times already. You can search my blog using “leg chakras” to learn more. I have named them and the paricular emotional vibrations they correspond to. I’ll put up a few direct links about those older posts since this topic is so popular.

Moving energy in the legs is no different than how energy is moved in any other part of the body with the one exception that the force in the legs seems lower to me than in the trunk of the body. It is the intensity or force of the energy that is so useful in releasing or clearing blocked energy. I will tell you that the hardest energy to move has been in my legs.

A Curious Event

Last night as I settled down to sleep, I slipped under the comforter and instantly felt the energy in my legs seem to come alive. This thing about this, I knew, was that my awareness was what was coming alive, not the energy. The energy had always been there. Something about last night was different. I couldn’t figure out what it was, but something was different.

As I lay there, I experienced what I call “shimmer” which is a word I use to describe a pulsation of energy in my body. This shimmer effect was happening at about five pulses per second in my legs last night. This pulsation moved all through my legs and it gives me the feeling as though I have come alive in some novel way. This was located in my legs only. I call it shimmer because it has the effect of a physical compliment to how a visual effect might feel like if it was moving through your body. As one pulse emerges, there seems to be the tail end of the last pulse leaving. In a way, it could be also a little like an echo, with multiple pulses happening each second, some pulses feel as though they could be echos of later pulses (even though they aren’t). I was very pleased with myself and was happy to be experiencing this.

I began trying to approximate the cycles of pulsations. With my phone on the charger and in another room, I didn’t want to get up to try to use the stopwatch in order to count the exact number of main pulses per second so I tried to “guestimate” it. As I put my attention there, there came a sweeping type of movement of the energy, moving from one end of my legs to another. This was so enjoyable, lovely, and as the energy continued, it turned into bliss. I kept counting the pulses until I felt relatively certain they were in the 4-6 per second range.

I wondered how this might relate to ELF waves, which are waves of energy human energy operates at (this stands for Extra Low Frequency). For the moment, it was good enough to map it in this way. It could change over time, s this could be a moving target of sorts. Time would tell.

All of this was happening as if my energy system was on automatic. Nothing I did seemed to make any change in it. As I lay there my inner guidance nudged me to place my hands on my legs. I had noticed that there was a strong pulse coming from an accupuncture point just above the right knee, about 4 inches from the knee on my thigh, so I centered on that point to see what might happen. This point can be seen on the meridian chart above, which was LV-9. At the time, I wasn’t familiar with this point as I was with the one lower down on the leg.

All pulsations changed….immediately. I heard a voice in my head explaining how it changes when another part of the body and its electrical system gets placed in proximity to it. It had the effect of having been grounded out, although I can’t say that this is an accurate description. Perhaps some energy was being re-routed? Accupuncture can sometimes reroute blocked energy through metal needles that conduct electricity so that energy flows with the hope this is enough to clear the center of the blocked energy.

I then took my index finger and traced from the meridian point up my leg into my right hip and up into the liver meridian to try and move the energy. This was a technique I was shown in a dream years ago about how to move energy in a body. I could feel a sense of something being drawn upwards. This was very subtle, and no other results were noticed after having done this. I wouldn’t say this resulted in a large release of any kind, but something moved. That is, nothing moved at that time or in that particular interval of time. Something interesting was about to happen that was surprising, though. Sometimes a “nothing” winds up as something.

The shimmer effect or the cycling had changed after this, and as I lay there I returned to the point above my right knee that had been pulsing earlier. As I thought about it I was being told how this point in my right knee had an energetic relationship to jealousy. This was odd because the point normally associated with jealousy was much closer to the knee, the inside knee point as a matter of fact. Instead of resisting, I asked how this was so.

Almost immediately I was shown the person that this block was associated with. I was having a memory of being dressed down and berated by this woman in a parking lot years ago for having called a cashier in the market by her first name (this is something I do-its part of who I am which is letting people who work these menial jobs know that I appreciate what they do). This woman kept yelling at me, trying to create this sense that I had somehow done something wrong, a terrible transgression. Even though I knew there was nothing for me to get upset about in that moment, it was upsetting for other reasons, most notably that she obviously didn’t understand me very well. Still, connected as it was to her being over the top jealous must have been why the block happened where it did. This is very interesting, because it wasn’t me who had stuck energy related to jealousy, it was the other person and yet I had stuck energy from this emotional attack just above the knee area regarless. It was my stuck energy, but was based in my reaction to another person “losing their shit.” I think this is interesting to learn. Jealousy is described as being locked into the knee region under the Indian chakra system (different yet similar to the Chinese meridian system).

As I lay there, it seemed like something was beginning to clear. This was an unexpected outcome. My guidance said to imagine placing my hand over this person’s heart and feel the energy return, flowing back to this person and to the universe. Normally energy of this kind only needs to be dropped, but I suspect the nature of how the block happened had to do with this urging on my part to give it back, so to speak. I suspect this only served to keep my mind clear and focused on how this block was created (not like there is any magic to any of this beyond my mind being made clearer about where this emrged). Quite unexpectedly there was this moment of feeling this person right across from me. I remained calm and did as instructed. She seemed to be laying facing away from me, which was good for me and I directed the energy and felt the energy return or flow out of me.

After this I fell into a deep sleep brought on by a fuller flow if prana. You know the feeling you have after having a great massage? It’s as if you can’t focus with the rational mind and you just float off into deep sleep. That was me.

I awoke suddenly in the middle of the night to find that this person had been in a dream, but when I fully woke up, she was still there. She said she had left but came back and began making a statement that sounded like an odd excuse for being there. What she said suggested to me that there was a less than honest statement being put forward. As she spoke I could hear an entirely different dialog in my head of what she really was thinking . You could say this was what she really meant. As she kept talking and I kept hearing how her words did not match her thoughts or feelings, I began to tell her what was the truth and then said, “You really need to be more honest with yourself if you ever hope to heal from your issues..” I then turned over and went to sleep. At first I was concerned that I wouldn’t be able to get back to sleep because I had been asleep for a few hours already. Surprisingly, I was able to drop back into deep sleep again.

Upon awakening, I found I was aware that my right leg felt different. I also had crazy bliss moving through my body. It continues unabated since the experience, which is a very nice outcome.

I think I will try to focus my attention on my legs each night to see what happens. If I continue to feel the energy so clearly then perhaps it will be an avenue for working through the energy system of the legs. To be clear, I never really know when something like this is going to come along. It certainly isn’t something that is deepky rooted in intention or expectation, but seems as though it works on its own time-table. Why I would quite suddenly be thrust into working on my leg chakras, I can’t say. Maybe it is a ripening process. Maybe this simpky had to reach some stage of maturation before it would emerge in my conscious awareness? Being calm, quiet, and reflective seems to have been an important factor in tapping into the state necessary to be aware of this issue enough to be guided properly. I know for some of you, this may seem obvious, but it may not be for others. Learning to feel your energy is important.

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