Archives for category: awakening symptoms

 

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In this next interview I have a sit-down with local artist, healer, and family friend Diane to talk about her experience with her kundalini awakening.  Recorded several years ago, this interview was transcribed but had gotten swept up in a computer crash that only recently was recovered.  Her interview can also be found in the section at the top of the blog.  I am including the events surrounding her awakening first and I will have a second part of the interview, which was the earlier portion, in a second post a little later.  The format for the interview is different from the other interviews as it was a more open conversational style.  My questions and comments are all italicized and her responses are in normal type.

Today I talk with Diane who lives in the Blue Ridge Mountains of Virginia and who, coincidentally, is a close family friend. She is a wife, mother, artist, and mystic of some note. Diane’s artistic talents including writing, photography, sculpture, and performance art. She is part of the artist group Web Six who have, over many decades, produced multimedia performances that are part visual art, poetry reading, and performance centered around their experiences as women. Their performances have covered the trials and triumphs that they face in their day to day lives. Made up of musicians, writers, poets, photographers, and painters, the troupe has performed throughout our region over a thirty year period.

Diane is a gifted healer who has, over the years, brought her insight into her work through workshops and retreats on issues related to the shamanic journey and spirituality, to name a few. She also owns a business as a masseuse and has directed Yoga Nidra classes. I sit down with Diane to discuss her experience with her awakening.


 

Can you identify anything that triggered your awakening?

I had been to the first workshop for the Institute for Shamanic Studies with Mary North. It was always a vivid experience for me, and I had power animals…

Was this based on Harner’s work?

Yes. I went to this workshop and just jumped into it. I think I need to work on that. I did these workshops, I just jumped into them. Well anyway, that’s maybe beside the point.

Well did you feel like a tension had built up over the slow loss of your mother might have triggered anything?

Well, she was my friend, we said we were soul mates. But she would be sitting across from me having coffee and she’d ask, “Do I know you?”

Did this make you feel lost?

Well my father had already died, and I felt like I was losing my rock, yes. The daily grind of care was hard because she did not sleep like she used to. My sister and I would trade her off so we had some time off, which was a blessing. So it was during this free time that I decided that I would take a workshop on developing your psychic ability. Mom and I had actually had psychic things together. And she was psychic, but she never developed it. She introduced me to Wayne Dwyer. So she introduced me to that world. She would say that someone was coming, and we would need to clean house to get ready, and sure enough, later, a cousin would show up knocking at the door.

One night as I was lying in bed, after she had died, I had a dream where I saw this sphere in the room, it was this pulsing sphere that looked like water. Then I heard a voice that said to me….and now I am going to cry….it said, “This is her last gift to you, and someday you will understand…” Then I woke up and the ball was still there, and I was awake. I even pinched myself, and I could still feel it coming into me. I think it gradually dissipated. That was one of the reasons why I wanted to take this workshop to develop my psychic abilities. But then this whole thing happened with this person named Tom. So….

So was your awakening a clearly defined….was there a galvanizing moment..

Oh yeah. [laughter]

Yes. [laughter] So what was that?

I went to the workshop. I was so relieved to be there, I walked on the beach. I didn’t need to take care of anybody. I went to the center and was sitting down, and we were having this introductory meeting that gave us the bones of the thing. I heard someone laugh, this was like some enchanted evening, except it wasn’t. I heard someone laugh, and I turn around, and there is this huge guy, big big neck, the kind of guy I am like “Eeew! Get away from me!” Had a pony tail pulled back. He was squatting down and he was talking to people, and he turned around and looked at me and it was like….it was like on point…like a bird dog. He was looking at me like, “Oh my God, there she is!” which was what he was thinking when he talked about it later when I found out that I was in a dream of his.   I was looking behind me, thinking “What the hell?” So I was pissed. I was having this great time and there was this guy looking at me.

Later I decided to join a sharing group, people you would eat breakfast and lunch with and you could share your experiences. So when I went in the room where the list of the sharing was, I didn’t want the guys name on it, and I was relieved to find his name wasn’t on it. But as I was there a woman erased a name and put his name, Tom, on the list. There was this feeling of inevitability to it. So I found that he was actually quite funny. He had this self-depricating humor, and it was mostly about himself. He worked in sanitation for the city of Philadelphia. And one day after our meal he asked me if I wanted a ride up to the conference center, and I said no, and then thought, “Well that was kind of mean…” so I said that I would take a ride with him and we rode up to the conference center together. And I thought I was getting a lesson on not judging a book by its cover, because he was quite nice and funny. And it was while people were talking there that all of a sudden there came this feeling that came up from my spine to the top of my head. And it was like a wave of emotion. It was very emotional. Tears came to my eyes. It was like someone divulged some secret of the universe to me. It was like awe. And I began to shake. I even looked under my seat. I thought there was electricity under it. I started sweating. I had to hold onto my seat; I was rocking. I looked over at Tom and he was shaking. He was rocking. He was holding on to his seat. I thought, “Holy shit!” I wondered did we eat something? Did we have food poisoning? We both wound up leaving when the break came. We fled. I asked if he was okay. I asked “Is this you, are you doing something?” I walked around thinking, “what the hell is this?” I thought maybe it was a blast from the past, was this an issue raising up? Maybe it was something we ate. I decided “I am not doing this, I came here for R&R…whatever it is, it is going to have to come get me because I am not doing this…” Later, I came out of the meeting and I was going to walk on the beach. The parking lot was empty. But Tom was sitting there on the hood of his car. He looked horrible. He looked sweaty, he looked pale. So I thought, okay, I am going to talk to him. I asked him how he was doing. He said “I feel like there is a pillar running up from my bottom to the top of my head and it’s going to explode.” I remember reading something about that pillar, I had read about it and I thought, hmmm….okay. I felt like I was on automatic, ”do you want me to take you to the hospital? Do you need me to drive you?” He said he didn’t think he could be around people. He was kind of staggering around. So I said, without even knowing I was going to say it, “Give me the car keys. I will drive you. I will get you some Advil.” When I got him to my room and I gave him the Advil, I felt like I was seeing this almost outside of my body, like this was something we had agreed to do this before.

He sat down on the chair and then he went berserk. He starting yelling and screaming. He tore up the bed! I had been to enough workshops, so I knew that this was something you were supposed to do, just let it happen, so I said, just let it out. When he calmed down I asked him if that was a seizure. He said that it wasn’t a seizure. He was walking down the hall and I thought, okay, something weird is happening.

The next night, I hadn’t seen him, I had been doing some yoga, and there was a knock on the door. I knew it was Tom. I answered the door and it was him. He was carrying some flowers. He said, “Whatever you did last night, it really helped me, and I wanted to thank you.” I said well I wonder how my husband would feel about this, and he said, “ That isn’t what this is, and you know it”…and I thought, shit, he was right, it wasn’t.

He asked me what I knew about my work. He wanted to pick my brain, he wanted to do work with me. So we sat across from each other and looked at each others face. As we did this, I saw this young man in his face with the turned up bangs, and I drew the picture in my notebook. Very innocent and young looking. He saw my fear of growing old, which I do, because of my mother. That night, I woke up and I thought that there was an earthquake! I had the same thing he did. I had to get up and go out on the beach. And I ran.

So did you feel like you had this build up of tension and movement helped?

Oh yes. I wanted to move. I wanted to feel my pain, I wanted to feel my breath , I was on the edge of the surf. I wanted to feel it all because I couldn’t stand it. Later when I was in my room, there was this flickering inside, like something was crawling that went up and down from my solar plexus and my head, up and down, up and down. I took a shower and held my pillow and fell asleep. Later, we would do work together.

I did this shamanic journey and I saw the image of this armadillo and I saw all these cracks on its back and I could see this image like it was written on the sky that said, “Pain” and when I saw that and told him this, he said I have to show you something, and he showed me his back. There were all of these scars that were like these hands that were reaching for his spine. He would have been like Quasimodo if he hadn’t had his spine broken, so he had been in a body cast, it had been in a Catholic hospital where they didn’t let his parents visit. He had just had a horrible time. So somehow, we had come together to work on this.

Okay, so I am going to ask you something that I know about personally about nearly all of the people….no….all of the people I know who have awakened together. They might be sitting across from one another or across the miles. They all have this unsettled karma together. And a lot of time there is this experience of revelation, or apocalypse where there is this sudden revealing where all this stuff comes up, all this stuff….you don’t even know what the name is for this experience, but its this energy that needs to get out. And then in the midst of this you sometimes can have this little “Aha” moment. Did you ever have that?

I did.

Did you have that moment where you understood what it was that was not finished?

Somewhat. I think it was somewhat.

When I went to do the whole holotropic breath work, which I wanted him to do, but he didn’t want to do it. That was when I felt a goddess moving up through my body. At the time I didn’t know it was Shakti, you know, the goddess they speak about. It was definitely female. Then I saw myself. I was both outside myself and in my body. I saw myself sitting in a circle of stones. I knew that I was a willing sacrificial woman. I had red hair and was wearing a white dress. I was coming down into the scene. The stones had runes scratched into them. I had always thought they were Celtic, but they were Viking. And he [Tom] looks like a Viking. I saw my throat being cut. And I saw the blood coming out of me and I became very white. He was standing at the end of the circle. Then I turned and asked who he was. He was standing there, like a shaman with a metal helmet, with fur. Then his face changed and he turned into an old man with a wolf head on his own head, it was this headdress. Then he turned into a woman in a long white dress in sandals standing on a dais with white columns with a really blue blue sky behind. I asked, “Well, who is he?” And the voice said, “He is a gatekeeper.” I have learned that this sometimes refers to the person who helps you with your psychic life, who is the gatekeeper for entering your psychic life.

I had this incredible dream the night I felt the…thing…I dreamed….I am going to cry. I was sitting on the porch of this ancient building with columns were crumbling and the steps went down into the ocean. And in the ocean, walking out of the ocean, was this wolf girl. She was part wolf and part human. And I knew she was me. She pointed behind me, and there was this ancient door with these rusty hasps and she pointed that I needed to open the door. And I couldn’t open the door. I woke up and thought, I have got to open this door! So I went back to sleep and had a dream about a crowbar, but I could never open the door.

I have had shamanic journeys about the door, and I have had experiences where I have been led to what is behind the door. Some people have said that it is love, but I am not sure. So anyway. [laughter]

How has your awakening progressed?

I had different….I have written about the whole thing what happened to me with Tom about that. I had it for about three years, before I could not feel it in my body. I was terrified a lot of the time, and even though I went to the holotropic breath work, but I would have movements of extreme ecstasy and then extreme fear. I had all kinds of things happen to me, like a snake coming out of my throat chakra. But I also had amazing synchronistic experiences. I had an amazing experience with reclaiming my relationship with Jesus. I would go to workshops and would feel drawn to them and would start talking to them and would find out they had had an opening. I went down to Greensboro to study hypnosis. I met this women who was doing this work and she wanted to do this work with Mary Magdeline and she laid me down on the table and began touching me where Jesus’s wounds were and I found I just opened like a flower. I found that I was meeting others who had this same opening, like you, who also had this same thing. One day while I was meditating, I felt like I was going to give birth, so I moved into the birth position and felt as though I was giving birth, and afterwards, I just rolled around on the floor lauging and feeling great.

You know, it’s interesting, but this is an experience I have read about many women who have had. Men don’t seem to have it. Maybe its an archetypal Jungian kind of experience where we are dealing with higher order energy within our psyche about creativity, and birth. So its interesting.

Did you have any physiological effects related to dealing with the fear in this? This whole shadow and the light…

Sometimes I would have the shaking. Oh my god there is an earthquake. Oh, and I also had a spontaneous orgasm, which I hear is normal, which was great! I thought that was pretty cool! I am standing there at the edge of the bed, and there is no one near me.

I am not trying to pigeon-hole you, but I am interested in how people are dealing with their shadow stuff. How did you deal with releasing this energy?

Well I would have this shaking, and at night I would have this feeling like I was just full of fear and that there is this darkness. Darkness was upon me and darkness would be upon me. I would lie in bed with Richard [Diane’s husband] and would just shake. But he does not go there. I would sometimes say, “I am running some energy today” and he would say, “Okay, don’t want to get into it, but it’s okay.”

I often had this anxiety about myself, why I was feeling this way. I would often sit and pull some runes and would think about it. I began to see that a lot of what had to do with Tom was about the male dominant energy. I saw that he represented my own male energy that I had been dealing with for lifetimes. But it was a real issue dealing with this male energy which when it comes into my life has always wanted to be dominant…..but the fear of it was overwhelming sometimes.

How did you get through this?

Well let me think about this. I would read and do a lot of shamanic work. I always felt like it was a place I could go and feel solace. I don’t know….it gradually died away. And as I did that, Tom fell away, too. He was my….he awoke….he was my gatekeeper, I guess.

You know, this gatekeeper….this is not a monodimensional…

Yes…

But its this thing, I mean, who knows, but it might be more than just here and now, it could be many places and times. Sometimes when we step back and let our intuition flow sometimes we get this “Oh….why didn’t I understand that before?” I also see how so many relationships point to the nature of this, and it leaves me seeing patterns that exist in them. Do you feel the same way about this man and the experience?

No. I feel like I reached a different level of consciousness. It also had to do with my having cancer recently. That was in 2010, so this has been going on for a while. I think I didn’t know what I did, but I just kind of held on and it happened in a different kind of way.

I always felt calm when I was tapping into some kind of energy. When I do massage I know I always felt calm. I just felt like I could tap into something that makes me feel more at peace. But sometimes when I think about the shaking I feel like I can bring it back.

So with all of the “violence” of the stirring of kundalini do you feel like you are more at peace?

Yes. I don’t feel the fear like I did before. But sometimes I will wake up in the morning and will sometimes have this thing where I have this reaction…and there is this moment of bliss as I wake up but then feel like there is something yet to do and I will feel that sense that causes you to react, [quick draw in of breath] you know.

Occasionally, I will have this experience, recently I looked at a tree and I just saw it shimmering and I was….wow! Sometimes I find that when I go into the Witness, I feel this amazing sense of peace. I was ironing recently and as I did this, I could feel how I was a physical being having a spiritual experience. It was so perfect.

Once while I was with Tom, we were sitting by the water and as I sat there I could hear this voice behind me and it was a woman’s voice. It was Sheila’s voice! And she said, “You are done! You are done!” And I knew that it was time for this to end. I turned to see who it was, and there was no one there. And who knows, it could have been my own psyche doing that.

And maybe it doesn’t matter, whether it is you or her, I think the soul doesn’t care what face that is put on it. So yeah.

I think about how we got over the fear. Sometimes we would sit and pull the runes. Tom was able to work with this and sometimes he would just fall to the ground sometimes and go into convulsions. So during this time, having him in my life, helped a lot. We would share our experiences throughout it. I think that helped me move through it into something calmer. And I went to workshops and did readings. I had you, and Vicky.

Do you employ any practices like meditation or yoga?

[laughs] I am pretty bad at employing a practice. I find that I don’t like to do anything regularly. I am very spontaneous. I go here and there, where I feel drawn. Sometimes I call on my spirit guides, spirit animals, and they help me.

Do you find that you reach a state of deepened meditation anywhere, anyway….like at a grocery store or wherever you are?

Yes. I can often feel this pulsing of energy and I will see this blue light.

How has this impacted the work that you do, your creative work? Have these changed?

Well I wrote that book about my mother. I think that I am able to focus on that kind of thing better. But there was a time when I wanted to be well known, but now I am more interested in just making the work and finding the right world. My relationship to all of this is changing and I am going more inward. That’s what’s more important is my inner life. What I love is talking one on one with people. That is my true love in my life now.

I recently read the book Goddesses in Every Woman, and that is Aphrodite, and I never thought of myself as an Aphrodite. I always think of her as the young beauty on the shell. Actually Aphrodite is the one who likes to talk deeply about the deeper subjects…you know….she likes to sit and talk deeply with people. That is what I love. I love this.

What are your thoughts about these mass awakenings happening?

You said it best at the beginning of this, which is that it is the return of the Goddess. And I think she is returning right now to the earth. I know popular culture doesn’t see that but there are people like Sera Beak, have you read her book Red Hot and Holy?

No…

It’s wonderful. She is a young goddess lover. Went to visit Mariom Woodman and you know, she is a little too much for me. I am a little too old for all the sex toys and stuff but she’s bringing it back in its full vitality and richness. And I think there is a whole movement out there. She calls it the Red Volution, instead of the revolution. I like her because when she speaks, she doesn’t try to be on top of it the way men often do, she is just up there with her trembling voice saying, “This is me. This is me. I am a goddess, and so are you!” You’d like seeing her. She is very beautiful.

I think we don’t need to go back to matriarchy, either. Patriarchy is changing, too. I think we can go to the balance. It’s a mystery. It is a deep mystery. I have learned to trust the mystery and not try to control every little thing.

This energy that is kundalini. How did you relate to it? Did you feel like it had sentience?

Oh yeah!

Did it feel like it was a part of you or it was separate?

At first I thought it was separate, but later, I felt that it was me. When I felt the goddess, I knew it was me. But before that, I felt this thing that was like a devil in me that I wanted to just cast it out….but I think that is what is happening, it is the goddess touching you. But because the patriarchy was so long in power that it has to be the goddess coming back now to balance it. And with Tom he was such a powerful form of the masculine that I had to touch that to balance that, to bring balance to its opposite.

Thank-you, Diane.

Photo of sculpture of seated Buddha holding golden flower

Buddha holding golden flower, VMFA Richmond, Virginia, photo by author

Think of me as that guy who has been working on cars for years but doesn’t know the terms used to describe the cars I have worked on. I have overhauled engines, transmissions, brakes, and more, all without having cracked a single book. I just look at it and can figure out it’s use and how it needs to be put back together and how it works (and this also means this has been part of a process of greater and greater understanding). In some cases, going this route could be considered a terrible handicap, but not in every situation is this true.

If you read any of the sutras of Pantagali, or the Vedas, you might think a person would have to spend years winding their way up the eight rungs of yoga to get to the top. Certainly those within those systems believe that, but there are people today that are proving this notion wrong, or at least incomplete. Maybe we did get training elsewhere in another life, or like I certainly did in the dream state all through my life. Maybe you do need maturity, or some kind of preparation so that your personality can handle the extraordinary rigors of what kundalini brings to the table. It is possible that we pick this up organically in the process of living our lives. There are certainly a few simple but absolutely critical and at least extremely helpful qualities one is greatly helped by in picking up along the way.

In a manner of speaking, kundalini is a cheat of sorts. It is a way whereby a person with none or hardly any long-term practice or study in the means of preparation is able, over night almost, to rocket to the top three rungs of yoga as described by the experts noted in these august and ancient writings. I know this only by reading these writings that tend to agree about the levels of attainment involved. Clearly, I had experienced them all. No boast, no brag. I have nothing to sell, no one to convince. The problem is in thinking we somehow have to get it. No, we are already that. If you aren’t that, then you merely have to strip away what does not belong. For me, to do this has involved hundreds of different “techniques” that the energy itself told me to use. Every one worked for the block in question. I was even told to go buy strong alcohol to drink, not a lot, just enough to feel lightly tipsy. The following morning I stood up out of bed and felt something release from my hip almost like a spring releasing. Poof! Gone. I never used strong drink again for energy therapy, but imagine being a real yogi and being told you should have a stiff drink. Yogi’s would reject this because they believe all sorts of things, like drinking will lead to your end somehow.

Don’t get me wrong, I revere the body of knowledge that Indians have accumulated, but no system is complete, finished, or without its error or blind sides. It is up to us to keep pushing at the borders of the known in order to expand our understanding. I am the guy who had no formal training and thus was never told to believe that there are things that can’t be done. I am free to think outside the box.

By way of example I am reminded of the very courteous but corrective comments I have received over the years from men who live and practice meditative and yoga techniques who have very kindly told me, “Mr. Parker, you cannot have kundalini because you have not yet received diksha.” Or the other one, “There is no way you have kundalini, you do not have a guru.” Now on the latter, I understand that the belief is in India is you need a guru. I am living proof you don’t need a guru, but try telling them that. Mist of you reading this, assuming you are like me and awoke one day through a series of fortunate and perhaps synchronistic events, know the fallacy of the belief in the guru as a prerequisite to awakening. There are all kinds of low-hanging fruit that is available to us that can help us step into the numinous.

I had to look up what diksha is, because that is how little I knew about it. You know, I think life itself was handing out its own diksha to me since I was little. It was the dream state and a few carefully placed out of bidy excursions as a child that showed to me that life is not at all what I was told it was as I got older, and even though I tried to shoe-horn myself into the culture I sensed all along that something was gravely amiss. I’m just surprised it took me as much time as I did to finally arrive at the jumping off point where I began exiting the merry-go-round of karma and of conventional thought. Certification in automechanics? No thank you.

In 1945 Gopi Krishna sat in his house and managed to stimulate the flow of prana to the necessary degree that it was able to kindle the constant energetic state known as kundalini. He had a hard time with it, though, and was sure it was going to kill him. He sought out monks at an ashram for help. He explained, but they shook their heads saying, “We have been studying this, some of us, for twenty years. Why should we accept that you, a householder, have managed this feat all on your own?” They patted him on his head, sending Gopi (he suspected) to his certain death.

Gopi didn’t die, though. He worked it out and managed to balance the forces of mind and body that allowed this power to coexist with him in an entirely new synthesis of being. He in effect lifted the hood and gazed at that engine and asked himself what he had been missing. Gopi figured it out. So much for the guru set.

While I doubt Gopi would have died if he hadn’t figured it out, I am certain it may have driven him mad, if only for the strain it puts everyone under who doesn’t get this one part of awakening “right.”

For about the first ten years of my awakening that inner voice that I had been hearing since I was a child that told me not to join any religion or school of thought persisted until secetral key hurdles had been passed by me in my life. Some part of me expressed as a larger or more universal self or awareness wanted me to keep to my own experience. As a result, I haven’t known much about the religions of the world. That was lifted once I had reached a certain point and I am able to look at other traditions like the sutras of Pantagali or the Vedas. I understand that for myself it was critical that I develop in this fashion. I am here to tell you that to the degree that you accept someone’s own theories and ideas about awakening, you are at the same time limiting your own development. It isn’t that a theory about this phenomenon isn’t in some way based in fact or truth, but that this phenomenon is so broad that no one theory can hope to contain it and also by definition cannot hope to be instructive to any significant degree. Instead, there are pieces if truth in eveything we observe, but by being individuals, we also have built-in biases that blind us to a more briad view of just how big all of this awakening business is.

There are those who on a daily basis write about how we are ascending, and how this means that we will at one point no longer be physical, that we will shift into another world. When I look at this I think how silly that is on the one hand, but also how in a way there is truth to this. I am not one to toss the baby out with the bath water, but clearly I think we all need to put a little more thought into this idea to refine it based on real world examples. Such a grand theory requires just as grand evidence.

I know of a writer who insists that the communication between twins (take your pick: twin souls, twin rays, or twin flames) is in fact not really happening, but is instead akin to an “alien love bite ” phenomenon. On the one hand, I have pretty clear evidence that the one who I thought of as my twin starting out was having inner communication from a 1500 mile distance that we were able to describe independantly of one another. On the otherhand, the issue of entities filling our space and interacting during this communication cannot be ruled out because they certainly do play a part in all of this, I just don’t have the evidence that all of this psychic phenomenon can be attributed to just those nonphysical lower-level forms of consciousness that act in a kind of parasitic way. And lest I wax extreme, let me say at the same time that all of life and consciousness is cooperative and symbiotic, so one person’s parasite is another person’s guide or helper. The operative question for me is what proof do you have that these nonphysical influences are helping or holding you back? You see, this takes the kind of self reliance and willingness not to just crack a book or blog an the subject in order to find the truth of the matter. What I might say is entirely from my own experience.

What holds for me may not hold for you. Also in addition, we ARE all viewing the same field, so there are some basic facts about all of this that are underpinning this phenomenon, which is to say yes your experience will vary from my own, but it varies more in the sense that when we walk through this field, you may go right where I go left. Our choices may create different experiences and our own relative perceptual abilities may also differ as well. Don’t assume that we can all have perfectly stirling views of this new world…not even me. What will make the difference will be testing your assertions to see if they stand up. I would also add that if you bbelieve sonething to be true, don’t just believe in it, test it. I know you might not know how to test your idea or theory, but trust me that if it is real, there is most certainly a way that it can be tested. This may not appear easy or obvious because it requires invention based in insightful thinking. It takes work, and some things may not be testable for the simple fact that maybe you can’t prove what, say, prana is as a “substance’ or phenomenon. To my knowledge there is no device that detects prana or proves it existance. But perhaps there are other ways to test for it to monitor its traces, such as resistance testing, or using consciousness to regulate its flow, or the effects of transmitting prana, or any number of other alternative means of gathering that much-needed data.

If we are ascending into other layers of matter, what might be some experiments you could conduct to show that this is happening? Some cameras with super low light sensitivity have filmed objects and what appear as life forms not of this world. Here, I propose, is one way you could set up an experiment for fleshing out a part of what may exist in these other levels or layers of reality. I would consider using human subjects using their own powers of perception in such an experiment to see how what that person percieves matches with what such a camera picks up. If you are unfamiliar with this technology and its use, look into Steven Greer’s use of cameras to peer extradimensionally during his CE5 experiences. You can find his web sites very easily.

What I find as a result of going it alone but then reading some of the material written on the subject is something akin to what our mechanic might find when finally cracking a repair manual on a Ford GT, say. Most of it makes sense right off the bat and some things strike him (or her) as awkwardly stated. Maybe it is a cultural thing. What this shows me is we have more to do, more boundaries to push heyond.

We have to push beyond the idea that we need teachers. We do not. If you need help, help will come. Keep your eyes open. Be ready for anything, but for goodness sake, you do not need to give your power to any authority. When you rely on others, you stop relying on yourself, and people who don’t rely on themselves are the worst kind. I know because I was one of them. It is in this place that these people fall for being a victim. It is the worst form of self-blindness I have known and seen because it almost always signals that the person wants you to be responsible for them. It is bad for them and bad for you. Claim your power no matter how disempowered you think you are or how much you think you need a guru or teacher.

Here is a little I have found on my own…

  • Awakening leads directly into a persistent meditative state that takes some years to achieve using traditional methods.
  • The trigger behind awakening is by way of a unitive state. This joins the two hemisphere’s of the brain in a synchronized state that leads to an order of magnitude of efficiency leading to physiological changes and benefits along with an intensification of libido, which is an outcome of the stimulating effect of this physioligical union mirroring the nonphysical inner union possible. This simple condition leads to a world of things, with a cosmic or transcendental state and awareness resulting. This is itself a doorway to some pretty amazing discoveries about consciousness, matter, and the true nature of space-time. Gulp.
  • The Shakti and Shiva correspond to the two hemispheres in function as mirrors of a larger nonlocal consciousness (the soul). Kundalini,then, is in truth, the fusion of opposites that allows the feminine aspects of consciousness in everyone to come forward, an aspect missing in most people (including women!). Recent brain studies have shown that the left brain serves as a brake against the right brain. The right brain handles cosmic consciousness, the left serves process-based tasks and is highly limited (for a reason). Both hemispheres need each other to adequately express or mirror the full power in consciousness as a nonlocal phenomenon. The brain may be a transmitter more than a container for memory and all thought (maybe some thought, but not all).
  • The awakened state provides all the potential needed to uncover what needs to be known about the phenomenon. One must always be devoted to pushing beyond belief to uncover the deeper truths.
  • The awakened state, as described in the Pantagali sutras, allows the person to look at anything in nature and peer into it to see the information associated with it, allowing one to understand information that may not yet be available even to theoretical physicists (this happened to me). This also means that considerable insight can be had when dealing with people making those awakened good at energetic healing. You have to be as clear and neutral as possible to get an uncluttered undistorted signal. Many healers can only heal along those lines that they themselves are clear on. Many healers wind up projecting their neurosis onto their patients subconsciously.
  • If you are dedicated to allowing the inner knowing alive in this state, you can release any belief that does not align to what is true (tension and emotional turbulence are clues). This involves learning how the right brain works. The right brain has a focus that can be broken by the focus that the left brain has (especially early in awakening). It is a skill learning how to defocus from the left brain so the right brain “open focus” can propagate. This works in opposite fashion to left brain operations. Books are written on this one aspect of learning how to not be the “doer.” There is a marvelous TED talk that supports my observation avout the role the right brain has in awakening (hint: it involves both).

I will keep it there as a short list. What are some of your observations? I would love to know.

-Image by author

There is a large and growing community of people who have experienced a phenomenon known as kundalini, tummo, golden flower, or awakening. This used to be an extremely rare occurrance, often requiring a guru or teacher in order to reach it. Because so many have managed to “flip the cosmic light switch,” a group of people who have had little to no grounding in yogic practices or methods are suddenly dealing with the rammifications of such an occurrence.

There are many symptoms tied to awakening, and most of them are listed on this blog on the symptoms page found along the top menu of this blog. One of the symptoms or effects from the energetic event that is kundalini is a range of near flu-like symptoms. I am going to go into understanding this symptom and ways to cope with it if it happens to you.

I have had to deal with this symptom in a variety of ways throughout my awakening process. Before the full “rising event” I was experiencing bouts of diarrhea that had no apparent cause, something that would come and go about every three to four weeks in the run up to the fuller awakening or rising event that took place in January of 2007. I even went to the doctor for it, but nothing could be found that could have been the culprit. It was suggested that I try adjusting my diet, a mention of perhaps too many fats in my diet, or that I might be eating at odd hours. It was a kind of mouse that roared.

After the full rising event happened, just a week or two after my visit to the doctor, most of my initial stomach distress went away. I hadn’t felt flu-like symptoms through my body, just the odd coming and going of diarrhea. I never felt really sick. This was different, I just didn’t know how it was different at that time. Since my stomach trouble seemed to resolve itself, and with the blast up my spine not long after that, I quickly forgot about the incidents of that distress.

My awakening process was gradual, one that came in stages over 5 months,so while the energy hadn’t risen, it was moving.

Over the next two years, however, I would have more symptoms much more like flu. These were never marked by an elevated temperature, at least not one that I would consider out of the normal. But I would feel something very close to flu symptoms of a mild sort.

I would sometimes feel warm, but not hot. I would feel nausea the most. I would also feel a mild but fairly persistent nausea as if my stomach felt on edge. I would lose my appetite sometimes, but I never would throw up or feel so bad that I wouldn’t be able to work. Often, it could be pushed into the background and ignored.

During the first five years after awakening I had many changes physiologically, and from time to time stomach upset would come and go. In some cases it would affect my appetite somewhat, and at other times my appetite would not be significantly impacted. I went through periods where I couldn’t eat meat, and there were times when I would crave certain foods. There was a period during high energy that eating spicy foods would make me feel blissed-out, but that would cease after about six months, only to be replaced by some other facet of reactivity with digestion.

My sense has been, watching my own process, has been that stomach issues have remained but have changed, waxing and waning depending on the way in which the energy, prana, has flowed or has been blocked along certain channels in what we know or call the light body.

I found that there were foods that I was directed to eat at one stage by a being who unceremoniously entered my bedroom early in the morning hours, showing me what some of them should be.

I was shown that during this early stage of awakening that I should eat eggs for protein. I was also shown cantaloupe. I ate both. I found that the cantaloupe had an unexpected yet welcomed effect of smoothing out the energy. This worked for about a year after this initial experience. I think the changeability was due to my own working through the knots or samscaras, suppressed emotion, that was rapidly being liberated from my system. My reaction to foods was based on my inner process I observe, dependent in part to the effects that stored emotion has in a body “lit up” by this excess of energy.

I continue to eat a lot of eggs as a protein source. I also have found duck eggs to be very good I suspect because ducks are a very calm bird. Their chemistry I suspect has an effect on what compounds wind up in their eggs.

Overall I have found bland foods, often grains, have been helpful. I have found oatmeal to be soothing while providing good amounts of fiber. At one point I lived on the stuff because of what I was going through digestively.

If you have read through my blog you might know about the five month period where I inexplicably lost my appetite. I began to fast and never felt hungry. I did eat a meal each week, though, because I felt like it might not be healthy to simply not eat. The very curious thing about this is that while I did lose weight, I didn’t lose as much as I thought I would. It was kind of bizarre, really. I had developed sensitivity to potato a couple of years previously and I suspected that I was mildly sensitive to wheat as well. I tried to avoid it, but never cut it (wheat) out completely.

My appetite returned after this period and I went on to eat like a horse, and a range of foods.

I found that high fiber foods were very good. There would be times when I would eat close to a vegetarian diet while at other times I ate like a caveman. I would say, though, that a plant diet has been the kindest to my system.

I would reccomend having a powdered milk protein that you can mix up in smoothies when your stomach feels bad. You can experiment with nutrients. I was using blue-green algae for nutrition as well as fruits and vegetables. I was given a juicer right at the time when I thought juicing might be a good thing to do. Sometimes a liquid diet is very soothing. I often took lunch at work as a shake or drink with good nutrition. I often did this by taking a thermos to work to provide this during my short lunch period.

It turns out that in the Hindu system, melon is used to “cool” kundalini. That means cucumber, watermelon, honeydew, and cantaloupe are all good. Cucumber is surprisingly nutritious and can be used to calm your system at the same time. Consider how you can include cucumber and these melons in your diet. While cantaloupe was prescribed specifically to me by a guide, you might find other melons as helpingto “cool” the energy as you experience. While melon didn’t calm my stomach, it had at a specific period in my process a positive overall effect on the energy as a whole. You could say it calmed my mind and response to the energy.

When worse comes to worse, pepto-bismal has calmed my stomach. I suspect that it should only be used occasionally, though. It may be that other things that coat the stomach can soothe it during periods of irritability.

Nausea is often felt as a result of the stomach producing mucus. Mucus is a way to protect the stomach lining, and mucus is what can cause nausea. For me, nausea is a sign that I am running strong energy or that blocks are being dissolved. I have learned that mild nausea is part of the experience. Small buts of some foods, mentioned above (bland grains-if you don’t have reactions or allergies to them).

Broths can be beneficial if you are having trouble with heavier foods. Try bone broths, or vegetable broths, created by cooking these things down. You can create flavor by first sauteeing them, browning some of the vegetables first. Consider using oils like roasted sesame, which will impart lovely flavor once the vegetables have been browned, then boiled. Other light soups can be very soothing. Miso has been particularly good. I can add ginger (which is soothing to the stomach) and garlic along with onion and other vegetables and udon noodles (Japanese noodles-found in Asian food markets most often) if you want to go all out.

It’s important to listen to your body through this process. Make adjustments when you do not feel well. What grains work? What protein sources feel the best to you? Are uncooked vegetables better or do cooked work better? I say this because awakening has a great deal of variability that its hard to say exactly where you are in how the energy is impacting you. It can change from day to day!

During times when I feel like not eating, often it has been eating that has been the very thing that helped calm my system. Nothing has led me to think that only a vegetarian diet was THE way to go forward, but a vegetarian diet is a healthy one provided you keep your diet balanced so you get enough protein and iron.

I suspect that some stomach problems are linked to awakening. Celiac and other conditions considered permanent I suspect can be brought on by a reaction to prana (this is not to say celuac IS a condition stemming from awakening only). I have observed a few historical cases of individuals who showed a level of awakening who also had stomach trouble.

I hope that this helps you and that it gives you some insights and ideas of your own for caring for your system. Additionally, I would be interested in your own experience, whether it is similar or different. This blog is about helping understand and come to grips with this phenomenon.

Blessings…

At a certain point in my own process of shedding blocked energy in the wake of a kundalini awakening, I became many times more aware and sensitive to my own energy. As a result of the clearing work, I realized that the body, every square inch of it, has chakras. Not just seven, there were thousands. I had never heard of such a thing, but reading later confirmed this.

I saw that this energy system extended to every corner of the body in much the same way that the nervous system is established at the most minute scales in the physical system. I saw how energy lines would cross, creating a thicker line of energy, and that a line would cross another line in a series of branches until all lines seemed to be connected by way of a central trunk. This looked like a tree of life. I realized that this system was responsible for what we call chakras, which are vortices of energy that are produced when at least two lines of energy come together. In the case of the trunk of the system, many lines merged to create powerful effects. This is where the seven major chakras are located. Everyone knows about those, but not about the thousands and thousands of chakras all through the body.

What kept me interested were the chakras no one seems to mention, which are the chakras in the arms and legs. Why doesn’t anyone talk about those?

These areas deserve attention if for no other reason that the energy that gets stuck there is the hardest to remove (at least this has been my experience). Not only this, but the type of energies that become lodged there are also the ones that can hold us back the most.

It would make sense that more awareness about these chakras is in order. To that end, I have blogged on this topic numerous times already. You can search my blog using “leg chakras” to learn more. I have named them and the paricular emotional vibrations they correspond to. I’ll put up a few direct links about those older posts since this topic is so popular.

Moving energy in the legs is no different than how energy is moved in any other part of the body with the one exception that the force in the legs seems lower to me than in the trunk of the body. It is the intensity or force of the energy that is so useful in releasing or clearing blocked energy. I will tell you that the hardest energy to move has been in my legs.

A Curious Event

Last night as I settled down to sleep, I slipped under the comforter and instantly felt the energy in my legs seem to come alive. This thing about this, I knew, was that my awareness was what was coming alive, not the energy. The energy had always been there. Something about last night was different. I couldn’t figure out what it was, but something was different.

As I lay there, I experienced what I call “shimmer” which is a word I use to describe a pulsation of energy in my body. This shimmer effect was happening at about five pulses per second in my legs last night. This pulsation moved all through my legs and it gives me the feeling as though I have come alive in some novel way. This was located in my legs only. I call it shimmer because it has the effect of a physical compliment to how a visual effect might feel like if it was moving through your body. As one pulse emerges, there seems to be the tail end of the last pulse leaving. In a way, it could be also a little like an echo, with multiple pulses happening each second, some pulses feel as though they could be echos of later pulses (even though they aren’t). I was very pleased with myself and was happy to be experiencing this.

I began trying to approximate the cycles of pulsations. With my phone on the charger and in another room, I didn’t want to get up to try to use the stopwatch in order to count the exact number of main pulses per second so I tried to “guestimate” it. As I put my attention there, there came a sweeping type of movement of the energy, moving from one end of my legs to another. This was so enjoyable, lovely, and as the energy continued, it turned into bliss. I kept counting the pulses until I felt relatively certain they were in the 4-6 per second range.

I wondered how this might relate to ELF waves, which are waves of energy human energy operates at (this stands for Extra Low Frequency). For the moment, it was good enough to map it in this way. It could change over time, s this could be a moving target of sorts. Time would tell.

All of this was happening as if my energy system was on automatic. Nothing I did seemed to make any change in it. As I lay there my inner guidance nudged me to place my hands on my legs. I had noticed that there was a strong pulse coming from an accupuncture point just above the right knee, about 4 inches from the knee on my thigh, so I centered on that point to see what might happen. This point can be seen on the meridian chart above, which was LV-9. At the time, I wasn’t familiar with this point as I was with the one lower down on the leg.

All pulsations changed….immediately. I heard a voice in my head explaining how it changes when another part of the body and its electrical system gets placed in proximity to it. It had the effect of having been grounded out, although I can’t say that this is an accurate description. Perhaps some energy was being re-routed? Accupuncture can sometimes reroute blocked energy through metal needles that conduct electricity so that energy flows with the hope this is enough to clear the center of the blocked energy.

I then took my index finger and traced from the meridian point up my leg into my right hip and up into the liver meridian to try and move the energy. This was a technique I was shown in a dream years ago about how to move energy in a body. I could feel a sense of something being drawn upwards. This was very subtle, and no other results were noticed after having done this. I wouldn’t say this resulted in a large release of any kind, but something moved. That is, nothing moved at that time or in that particular interval of time. Something interesting was about to happen that was surprising, though. Sometimes a “nothing” winds up as something.

The shimmer effect or the cycling had changed after this, and as I lay there I returned to the point above my right knee that had been pulsing earlier. As I thought about it I was being told how this point in my right knee had an energetic relationship to jealousy. This was odd because the point normally associated with jealousy was much closer to the knee, the inside knee point as a matter of fact. Instead of resisting, I asked how this was so.

Almost immediately I was shown the person that this block was associated with. I was having a memory of being dressed down and berated by this woman in a parking lot years ago for having called a cashier in the market by her first name (this is something I do-its part of who I am which is letting people who work these menial jobs know that I appreciate what they do). This woman kept yelling at me, trying to create this sense that I had somehow done something wrong, a terrible transgression. Even though I knew there was nothing for me to get upset about in that moment, it was upsetting for other reasons, most notably that she obviously didn’t understand me very well. Still, connected as it was to her being over the top jealous must have been why the block happened where it did. This is very interesting, because it wasn’t me who had stuck energy related to jealousy, it was the other person and yet I had stuck energy from this emotional attack just above the knee area regarless. It was my stuck energy, but was based in my reaction to another person “losing their shit.” I think this is interesting to learn. Jealousy is described as being locked into the knee region under the Indian chakra system (different yet similar to the Chinese meridian system).

As I lay there, it seemed like something was beginning to clear. This was an unexpected outcome. My guidance said to imagine placing my hand over this person’s heart and feel the energy return, flowing back to this person and to the universe. Normally energy of this kind only needs to be dropped, but I suspect the nature of how the block happened had to do with this urging on my part to give it back, so to speak. I suspect this only served to keep my mind clear and focused on how this block was created (not like there is any magic to any of this beyond my mind being made clearer about where this emrged). Quite unexpectedly there was this moment of feeling this person right across from me. I remained calm and did as instructed. She seemed to be laying facing away from me, which was good for me and I directed the energy and felt the energy return or flow out of me.

After this I fell into a deep sleep brought on by a fuller flow if prana. You know the feeling you have after having a great massage? It’s as if you can’t focus with the rational mind and you just float off into deep sleep. That was me.

I awoke suddenly in the middle of the night to find that this person had been in a dream, but when I fully woke up, she was still there. She said she had left but came back and began making a statement that sounded like an odd excuse for being there. What she said suggested to me that there was a less than honest statement being put forward. As she spoke I could hear an entirely different dialog in my head of what she really was thinking . You could say this was what she really meant. As she kept talking and I kept hearing how her words did not match her thoughts or feelings, I began to tell her what was the truth and then said, “You really need to be more honest with yourself if you ever hope to heal from your issues..” I then turned over and went to sleep. At first I was concerned that I wouldn’t be able to get back to sleep because I had been asleep for a few hours already. Surprisingly, I was able to drop back into deep sleep again.

Upon awakening, I found I was aware that my right leg felt different. I also had crazy bliss moving through my body. It continues unabated since the experience, which is a very nice outcome.

I think I will try to focus my attention on my legs each night to see what happens. If I continue to feel the energy so clearly then perhaps it will be an avenue for working through the energy system of the legs. To be clear, I never really know when something like this is going to come along. It certainly isn’t something that is deepky rooted in intention or expectation, but seems as though it works on its own time-table. Why I would quite suddenly be thrust into working on my leg chakras, I can’t say. Maybe it is a ripening process. Maybe this simpky had to reach some stage of maturation before it would emerge in my conscious awareness? Being calm, quiet, and reflective seems to have been an important factor in tapping into the state necessary to be aware of this issue enough to be guided properly. I know for some of you, this may seem obvious, but it may not be for others. Learning to feel your energy is important.

I have been increasingly busy lately with a relaunch of my business, a “redux” that takes into consideration the tools we now have for doing business remotely. The internet represents a giant shift in how we communicate, connect, do business, and live our lives. Not good or bad (not yet anyhow), and those who can learn to harness it will find their way down this new path.

These last two years have been marked with my designing entirely new work in my creative medium, hot glass. The old wasn’t tossed, just added to. In the process I shared the new work on Facebook, and watched as my base grew. This period represented some of the most productive periods in my life creatively since founding my studio in September of 1997. Literally scores upon scores of new works were brought forward. There is still more to bring forward. Goodness sakes.

While Awakening appeared to tear me down, it also released a lot that was not necessary. So much change, some extremely rapid, some slower. But what made it impossible for me to create in my medium at one stage became the very thing that vaulted me forward. I am left praying that the universe offers up all the right people in divine timing for the next chapter of growth upcoming, because I will need just the right kind of people who can be a part of the studio to help it move forward.

For a time I considered that the intelligence within this energy had no care as to my welfare, but I found that I was wrong. It just wants me clear and aligned, the rest are details. Turns out I may have been sabotaging myself without fully realizing it.

As a result of all this work, which has transformed my studio practice, I have been running to keep up with the pace. I just haven’t had time to write much unfortunately, so you haven’t heard much from me.

In the last few months, a very interesting thing happened. I was about to cancel my subscription to Gaia after subscribing to this online channel for a few years. As a result, I was trying out videos I might not have tried otherwise. One was called Soul Power with Carolyn Myss.

In it she described a series of archetypes in personalities. All are universal and regardless of culture, and each responds in exactly the same way for everyone when working through the shadow side of them to begin embodying them in a positive polarity. She began describing one archetype that I knew made up a part of my own inner landscape. When she made the prescription for how to release the shadow aspect, I found myself very quickly reaching into her words and being able to put her words into an inner action in a radical act of forgiveness for what my ex-wife had done to me and my children during our divorce a few years after awakening had come. It was like the flip of a switch on a large part of this issue. I will also explain that none of the bad things would have happened to me had I simply made better choices in a spouse. To do that, I would have either been healed already, ir not reacting to the elements that subconsciously triggered me. I will also state here that I certainly had warning signs from my subconscious through dreams and quite bizarre signs (one just before stepping out to get married), so there is that.

I found also that a relationship I had after my divorce which ended up involving someone who acted in spookily similar ways towards me as my ex resulted in a release of that person from a small but persistent hook in my karmic life. I could actually feel the hook release. I could then feel my energy reach a calmer state, with a feeling of more balance and solidity which followed. My energy later began peaking back into those highs of rarefied pranic-induced states. But calm now, no longer turbulent.

The voice spoke:

When you accepted or believed in your own limitations, you naturally attracted others with complimentary limitations which then served as a foil to your own self-imposed limitations dictated by those beliefs. When you let those limiting beliefs go, you gave up the hook along with the sinker that weighed you down. Naturally, forgiveness was the fulcrum that shifted this within you.

I could feel my own essential energy flood back with the admonition to not look back. “Flee the burning building, just leave. The whole world is a burning world, with everyone trying to keep their beliefs carefully in place as they cannot see the flames all around them. Their immolation will be their own lesson, just as it was once your own. Just go…” And I did just that. A feeling of relief followed. I had this feeling that with that weight gone that I was now more than ever myself, free from entanglements, freer than I had been before, at least. That voice said sonething about how I had handed my own energetic essence to those peole for misuse. I misused it myself, too. I came away with the distinct sense that they will now be missing something they thought was theirs. A sucking sound, a rebalancing happens, and a new more real path will open to them without my energy to feed on. I’m not sure if that is how it will really play out because I also want to remain optimistic for the best outcome for everyone.

It reminded me of an experience I had after getting out of college. I had gone through a relationship with someone who experienced a deep trauma partway through our relationship while she was away during the summer on a trip to Europe.

This trauma put a heavy burden on our relationship. It made me feel as though I was living with a stanger in many ways because of the effects this event had on her. We wound up going our different ways after school, and about six months later, I had a dream in which I dreamed that something, a cord perhaps, broke free from her. I found myself strapped into the cockpit of the space shuttle as it shot up into space after this cord broke free. It was a sense as though I had been lending my energy out to her. Had I? Had I called this onto myself? Was it just me lending my energy out in order to remain attached? Or was this something that happened because of both of us?

The feeling I had then helped to illustrate how our energy can become enmeshed in others and remain that way, acting as a drag on our systems all the while. I’m in a very different place than I was then, so the experiences were different and yet they also shared clear similarities with one another.

Many things got easier in the wake of this most recent release. Still other issues rose to the surface to be looked at, but this is a great improvement. The path of clearing continues and with each one I can see more clearly and less through a glass painted with belief.

It’s interesting how quickly things change, though. Behavior changes, habits change. Some remain, but they aren’t the ones that are causing grief or upset. It will all get done. And each time, a clearer channel of perception, a better ability to see things as they are. I remain humble and watchful for that which remains.

Part of this issue I released appears to have been related to abundance. Gearing up for a studio event, there seemed to be one hurdle and challenge after another. It made me second guess myself. Was this the universe or my higher self telling me I needed to get on with my healing work for others, to write that book that has been nagging at me? No, it wasn’t a message, it was my own energy getting in the way all along. The release came, and despite all of the technical glitches with the roll-out of a complicated new site, people began piling on shooting my profile upwards almost all on their own. No, it was working. Instead of losing customers over glitches, I began gaining them. People called in to have orders shipped who could not attend in person, or who couldn’t order online because of some odd glitch in the site that remains to be figured out.The tables were turning.

The event resulted in my nearly selling out of work. And here I was fretting over having made too much. I could have made twice as much. Leason learned. Sometimes we really do need to suspend belief if we are to see things as they are. I had it all wrong. I had to get out of my own way.

While incredibly busy, I find my thoughts are more systematic. I feel less scattered and I am able to plough through what needs doing more easily. I can’t say things are completely healed, but it is an improvement. There is less second guessing, although the volume of the emotional work was itself a remaining tail of the old way from around the time this healing took place, which was also near the time that this studio event was planned. What’s more: I feel blessed with this time and these creative gifts that I get to share with my community to help others realize their own capacity for being inspired, be it learning glassblowing in classes or buying something from the gallery as a treasured gift.

People sent me photos of their piece sitting on their dining room tables or the one lady who showed me her glass collection just to drive home how she really was an enthusiast when it came to glass. That was better than any sale I could have ever made. It was like their inner child felt brave enough to peek out to show itself. The heart glows in moments like those.

Our nature is essentially creative. All around us we see its positive and negative effects (because even waging war is itself a creative activity at its root-as much as it pains me to say). It oozes out of everything we do, and yet so many of us throttle it back. When released, we glow.

People say that kundalini is sexual energy. What they miss is at its root, prana is wildly creative. It does not have the limits placed on it as those we impose on ourselves. We do not realize how limited we are, all the result of our having shut down our inner creative flow. So if prana is focused through our sex, it feels sexual, but it also flows through all other channels and corners of our being, and that is what I want to point out to you here. Its only because of how shut down sexually that we are that the enegy feels like its coming to get us in a sexual way. If you remain open and stop clutching at it, that intense sexual awareness softens and changes character. It becomes buoyant, less troubled, less clutching, and gripping. You realize this can be used for anything and you are only experiencing the tip of the tiger of prana. Instead of grabbing, open your arms. Open your heart, open your mind, and open your body together all at once. I will bet where the energy feels intense is where healing remains.

I mention kundalini as creative because it is that nature that has the power to heal, to show us a new way. A new life awaits and most likely it is achieved gradually as each stuck emotion and its history is felt fully and then released from the deeper parts of ourselves. Call it shadow work, call it whatever you like. It can bring change.

I don’t know what tomorrow looks like and I recall I have over a hundred draft posts I could publish, one a week for almost the next two years if I needed to. I know that if things keep getting better, I will be able to use the relative calm of January and February to sit down and thrash out this book on early Christianity. Maybe if I can get every piece of research sorted out it might be easier than I fret over its being.

I have learned a lot about the early church and how different Christianity really was from what it is today. A secret lies at its core, though, and its time that this secret is released. I feel like I am faced with completing these things, that it is time to just get on with it. This book, that voice says, is one big life purpose. That is daunting, so I hesitate. It tells me the way forward is how I always move forward: ignore what I think others might think and do it how I feel in my heart it needs to be done. In a way, the book isn’t for anyone except me, one of my final testimonies of my journey through countless incarnations. If I make it into some stage production, I freeze up. If I write it like I am writing it to myself, everything about it changes. It seems to just flow.

I hope you will read the newest interviews, all in the menu’s at the top of the page. I think they help to show how awakening is experienced through our glorious (not illusory) individuality. I am so glad the people who took part did so. We are not all identical Buddha’s. We each are experiencing this phenomenon through the inviolate validity of our own souls in motion and in time.

Finally, I leave you with this inspiring video that puts a fine enough point on all of this. Namasté.

Included at the top of this blog is the next interview with Cynthia. I hope you find it helpful in your journey to remembering what you are.

Each interview has been given their own page so that they remain front and center on the page, making them easy to find. My thanks to Cynthia for taking the time to provide this resource for others.

These interviews are with people who have had what is commonly called an awakening, or an awakened kundalini. So far, everyone interviewed has been hip deep in the experience for a handful of years. That isn’t to suggest in any way that those new to this aren’t as informed. I know for myself, I am grateful to have kept a journal my first few years (I thought it would help me keep up and maybe figure it out–ha!) because it has helped me to remember just how the early experiences were like. For perspective maybe.

If you would like to add your voice to this growing body of information, I welcome your participation. I do this just to do my part to help others. You can email me and I will forward the questions to you. Sometimes I will ask follow up questions that I think may be relevant or to try and clarify some points for readers. In some cases, I am curious to know more.

Info@staffordartglass.com

Blessings,

~Parker

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I have been doing a lot of research now on a subject near and dear to me: early esoteric Christianity. As a result of this work, I have begun to discover a few things about Eastern tradition as it relates to awakening, and most specifically kundalini.  When I say “Eastern” I include Indian, Chinese, and Japanese traditions for the most part.

Before I touch on that, let me say that I made a fascinating discovery about esoteric Christianity that happened concurrently with my awakening experience in the first few months of my awakening: they, early Christians, were describing kundalini in their own way. Sure, the words being used were different, but by cross-referencing throughout their documents, it was clear what they were describing. My research is about this and I am hoping to develop it into a decent guide that helps to show that Jesus was indeed teaching a secret doctrine. This was a secret because not everyone was ready for it. And no, I am not remotely suggesting Jesus travelled to India or Tibet to “get” this. For my money, my theory is more fascinating and hopeful than that. I think there is ample evidence to suggest that anyone who has awakening can describe and then teach about it after having experienced it if they are good at being able to understand its many facets and can convey the information in a cogent and direct way….and even in indirect ways.

This, though, is about a link to awakening that was picked up by Jesus that does not appear to be taught in the East. At least not in any direct way. I know this link because it was a clear and certain element in my awakening. Coincidence? Nope!

This missing element strikes me as the essence of what opens us each to awakening. This link, a seed really, if understood properly, could help awaken more of us. Maybe.  Probably. It would mean having the right teacher who knows how to relate a person to what this missing link means in our consciousness. It would mean learning how to be different, or how we relate to what we are deeper down. Its just a seed, but great things grow from them. Like a mustard seed, maybe. Winks.

The interview with Ian is now up and is now permanently installed on its own page, which you will see along the header for the blog.  My thanks to Ian for being willing to go along with this project. I hope that it helps folks gain a broader perspective based on those who have been going through it.  ❤

 

Sleeping, slumbering, rolling deep within is that part of you you always suspected must be there, your link to the infinite.

Bigger than you, scary when it first comes, its resources are amazing. Like a deep ocean, an aquifer moving silently beneath your awareness, the path to its ineffable reality lies in the innocence of your heart, the desiring of your soul, a few chance encounters with eyes closed or an event that shakes you out of your workaday world. It is like a mystery, and yet there it is, shining new in each moment that you find it. Or did it find you?

Letting go puts you in its grip. Dissolving the rational allows it to step forward. Now this is usually where most “normal” people stand up with raised hand, seeking to interject a “Yes, but!..”  But what I am explaining to you is not business as normal.  Humans have, for centuries, sought to control by way of the rational, and this, I will point out, is precisely the problem.  Anyone, most great teachers in nonduality have pointed, who seeks to go this path will find only trouble and difficulty.  Shoals await you in such an effort, and this is where many remain.  No, the path forward is letting go of those tendencies that have hung us up since forever.  The way to cosmic consciousness, this larger stream or sense of presence, does not lie through the limited rational mind and it’s left brain.  Instead, it is the right mind or brain that has the demonstrated capacity for handling the broad sweep that is cosmic mind.  Listening, expecting miracles, bids it to come near. Every single teacher, every single experiencer all comes back from this experience and explains that this is not a thing tied to “doer-ship.” Are you getting the picture?   Wiping your slate clean is how it can communicate with you, or rather, perhaps even better, letting go of what it is that you think you know is one of the cracks in the wall between the mundane and the ineffable. Let go the small to grasp the big, and yet it is no grasp, no trying. It is the one that can bring you so much.

People struggle saying how hard it is. Only if you let the rational and its playmate, ego, have its way. This teaches you how not to be so you can BE. It is a great windswept silence that returns you to those places long forgot. So simple, this is no place for a linear mind. This is our multidimensional nature. How could anything so linear as the rational left brain ever hope to guide you? You need the nonlinear, holistic part of your mind, which is a mirror for that part of your eternal consciousness to channel and express itself through this body, this self. Learn its secrets which are breath, movement, and quiet intuition. The Sophia within.

When awakening came I saw that there was another part of me, clearly tied to both body and mind, that had come on line.  A switch flipped, a new world of a kind, a very new kind.  Awakening is not some kind of exotic, it is not tied only to consciousness.  The body must also follow, as it is a mirror of consciousness.  I observed that my ability to see the bigger picture increased significantly to the point of increased intuition, and psi ability. These are the symptoms of awakening.  The Hindu call these siddhis, and they have been extensively reported by those in eastern traditions as well as those who are awakening today more or less spontaneously.  We also know that the two hemispheres of the brain are oriented differently.  One deals largely with linear processes, handles language, and does not show a masterful ability to tap into feeling.  The right brain, however, is not linear, but shows every sign of being able to process many streams of information at once.  The left brain abstracts, finding the most important aspects of an idea or object and it highlights those.  Very useful for certain things.  The right brain, however, is able to see the whole picture without any need to abstract.  This is one reason why artists are said to be “right brained” which is that they “draw what they see.”  However, the right brain does not appear to have an ability to pinpoint the important aspects of this big view.  It is the right brain that has the capacity to comprehend cosmic consciousness.  Remember, the right brain is not here judging or prioritizing. It is this capacity that makes the right brain so good at this “new” state of mind because it is less apt to be biased or creating some sort of preconceived bias which would color what the whole mind or person thinks they are seeing.

Perception is not done at the level of the physical senses only, but it is has been shown to be “formed” by the individual as that person “thinks” about what it is that they believe they are experiencing.  As a result, you will get all kinds of explanations about what people think awakening is.  Luckily, we have a host of pretty specific symptoms to help this hold together pretty well, but it also leads to a lot of speculation based on thinking.  This is both good and bad, a double-edged sword.  As one remains unbiased in what they think they are experiencing, the more the phenomenon leaks through over time and informs the individual.

If you would like a primer on what it is like to have the left hemisphere shut down for a time, I recommend that you go to YouTube and watch Dr. Jill Bolte Taylor’s TED talk entitled, “A Stroke Of Insight” which describes her experience of how a stroke in her left hemisphere left her, a neuroanatomist, without many of the functions of her left hemisphere.  What she describes in her talk is nothing short of a brush with samadhi, and samadhi is the cornerstone experience of awakening (or is eventually once the person has gotten a handle on this new kind of state of being).   You can see her talk HERE. So what is the point in this little brain primer?

Let the rational observe. Let it watch from a distance. Don’t let it get any ideas. Take notes but don’t pretend that you know. The more empty you are, the more you can be filled by it. The more empty that you are, the more you can be guided by its great mystery and power. The more you have it figured out, the more it eludes you. Consider the choice you might not usually take but that keeps bubbling up around the edges of your awareness. That is the corner stone that most toss away as unimportant.

You have this, but to gain it, you must let it all go in order to grasp the bigger. It is like embracing the wind. Now let it it take you. This befudles most people and sounds like wishy-washy bullshit.  But this time, it is not.

There is a sleeping giant within. So many never find it because the way to it cannot be known by what you know. Instead, feel. Who wants to do this?  TO learn how to orient yourself to deep feeling would also mean that the closet within your consciousness that we now call the subconscious would suddenly be opened.  That is terrifying to many people because, as Carl Jung has said, people will run from this their whole lives in order to not face up to themselves.  But there is more on offer here than a blast from the dark past.  It is a kind of existential deal on offer that has the power to free you, to remake you, to save you and resurrect you (to the degree that you avail yourself of its power which I note is greater than your own). Open to mystery, and trust that it will come, a giant ready to merge with you to lift you into a new awareness. Let it do the work. It has all of this. It alone is perfectly suited to take care of anything that feels beyond your ability. Trust. Ask. Wait. Be patient. Believe it could come, and it will.

 

POST SCRIPT – There are myriad methods and means to aid in awakening.  Ultimately what these methods achieve is a bringing together of the opposites within awareness and the mind.  No method is some kind of magic, but aims at bringing a person to a certain state of feeling.  This is why awakening has been so elusive to so many for so long.  The answer is not in patting your head and standing on one foot.  It is not only in breathing, it is not only in visualizing a force rising up the spine, but rather tapping into the primal feeling state that actually knows the way.  More people have awakened as a direct result of becoming inspired and led along in that state to reach a whole new level.  Ultimately, something breaks down within the vigilant left brain and a stream begins, first a trickle and then a blast that can be both bizarre and bewildering while at the same time life-saving.  Every culture on the earth has described this experience in one form or another, emphasizing some aspects of it over others, but it is clearly not something that comes about because of a religious viewpoint or belief, but as a result of a hitherto poorly understood mechanism within every single human being.  That said, it has been found that a religious framework often serves to help or assist a person through this process, but it is not required.  It is also true that some fundamentalist ideas held within numerous religions can  lead to demonizing the experience, resulting in misunderstanding this gift.

I’m an artist by profession and was trained in being good at observation. I have been involved in fairly technical media during my training and career, so I have spent a lot of time testing things for a wide range of results and insight. I have had to pay attention to a broad range of phenomenon in order to properly understand what is happening, from melting metal to melting and forming glass.  This power of observation stemmed from learning to be a good observer, to really see what is in front of me without my applying my own bias on what I think is happening and why.  It just so happens that because of how technical my materials are, I have had to expand that power of observation into more arena’s than when I was drawing from the figure in drawing class all those years ago.

If you learn how not to bias yourself with what you think you are seeing, the data often will lead you right to the issue and you can then begin to formulate solutions from there.

Hang on, there, this does tie into spiritual or energetic work, I promise.

By my second year into awakening, I noticed that while I was having lots of synchronicities, I had this feeling, though,  like there was something more to this facet of awakening than met the eye. Was there a way to test this phenomena so I could learn more about it? It seemed reasonable to me.

I began with a hunch that synchronicites were in fact part of a poorly understood phenomenon that was creative in nature.  I just felt in my bones that synchronicities were just the tip of the iceberg.  That said, I was careful not to be blinded by my hunch.  Instead, I just watched and observed.  if there was any truth to my hunch, I would know.  in the meantime, I would have to be careful not to try and make any evidence for my feeling to fit my own preconceived notions, a pitfall that every scientist can fall into.  Or any person when doing this kind of work.

Let me explain for you how it is for me with kundalini, first.  Through this unusually high level of prana flowing through my body on a consistent basis, I found that the nature of events in my life began to shift right along with my awakening experience.  Was it coincidence?  After having read countless accounts of others’ awakening experience I knew that this was not unusual at all.  Like I said before, synchronicities are a regular experience.  They are the “new normal.”  I also identified that I had been experiencing various layers or levels of what the Hindu call “samadhi.”  This is a high level of bliss brought on by the prodigious flow of prana in the body.  I say that prana causes bliss not because I read this somewhere but because I saw it directly in my own experience.

The period of time in which I made this discovery or observation was in 2009 when I was able to break out of a five month cycle of high adrenal output, another fairly common occurrence for many people who awaken. This was really a horrible time because of how high my adrenal levels were on a consistent basis.  I knew that this was something I had to break out of or else it would wreck my body and put me into adrenal collapse.  Through sheer will, and observation, I learned how to regulate adrenaline in my body.  After five months of this horror-show of an experience, I emerged out of this into a fairly clear place.  This was accompanied by a number of releases of old stored trauma from earlier in life, which also helped my state of mind resolve into a more peaceful state. That said, what I found was that while my energy was no longer in “fear mode” it was replaced or was transmuted into something much finer in quality.  The energy was every bit as high, sometimes higher, but was now a powerful vibratory force that would create a shimmer effect all through my body.  Still, it was a lot to take but I was happy to be at this point in the process because adrenaline 24/7 is simply dreadful.

It was against this backdrop that I was able to see if there was any correlation between my energy levels and the incidence of synchronicities.  While my energy levvel was pretty high at this point, I did have dips and rhythms.  I might have one week of powerful energy followed by a week of quiet energy.  This was not unusual, and it seemed a good reason to begin paying attention.

During this time I noticed when the energy got to a really high in frequency, I would begin having more synchronicities. If the energy cut out, so too would the synchronicities. This was repeated many times.  I watched and observed for months to see if this were mere coincidence or if it was a pattern.  I found, at least to my own satisfaction that each time energy peaked, so did the incidence synchronicities.

It was at this point that I then began thinking about the concept of manifestation as being connected or responsible for what we think of as the synchronistic event.  Now I needed to find a way to test this idea to see if it held water.

Carl Jung coined the term synchronicity and wrote a short book explaining the phenomenon.  The thing about synchronicities according to Jung was that they all had an aspect to their occurrence that involved a coincidence that was meaningful to the person they were happening to.  As a result, these were almost always highly personal or tailored to that person.  There is also an aspect to the phenomenon which is the seeming impossibility of the event taking place in the way that it does.  He described one such synchronicity in which he was in a therapy session with a woman who was describing a dream she had which had Egyptian symbology or archetypes in it.  While he was listening to her in his study in Geneva he watched as he saw a beetle climb across the outside window.  This was no ordinary beetle, though.  This was an Egyptian dung beetle, an insect that is considered sacred among Egyptians.  This is the scarab.  There was absolutely no way that this beetle could have flown from Egypt to be on his window at that precise moment in time, and yet there it was making its appearance.  Jung intuited that this was sign to him, to prod him in his analysis of the dream.  he brought up the scarab symbol and found himself explaining to the woman what her dream meant.  this led to her having a major breakthrough in her inner work as a result.

Taking all of this into consideration, I had felt like there was a lot more “juice” behind what drive synchronicities.  I felt like this was just scratching the surface.  But how could I develop a way to see if I could shift these events into a more meaningful way? Many people who experience these events nowadays almost always describe seeing unusual numerical sequences.  Mostly it is on clocks that are at “11:11” or “3:33” for example.  There are even people who try to decode what these numbers all mean.  For all I know there might be a meaning, I mean, I think for the most part these events are like the subconscious trying to communicate to the conscious level of the self.  It seemed that if I did a little digging I might find a way to expand this more, to see synchronistic events for what I felt like they were.

First, I knew that any event that you would like to see happen has to be something that you really feel like could happen.  There can’t be any “yeah but” feelings in your wish or intention.  The problem with this is that the negative feelings mingle with the positive ones and can either cancel each other out or deliver you a manifestation that has been tinged with both sides of your intention.  To do this form of creative visualization as Shakti Gawain wrote about in her book so many years ago of the same name, you had to have a way to leave out the negative parts so they did not co-create along with the positive part of the energy.  Then, all that was left was to have something that I was really engaged in that I really truly wanted.

Around this same time I began writing a manuscript for a book about the awakening process.  Most of it was first hand, but there was a chapter in the book that I felt like needed to be sound tried and true methods for helping people to cope with awakening.  I knew that I needed to find sources for this because the methods I used were just too hard to explain to people. I didn’t follow a method or teacher of any kind.  I felt like I needed to have things taken from outside my experience.  The truth was, I had no idea where to start.  A week later, though, I had a series of synchronistic events that came in threes that were simply bizarre.  To explain them, I need to set them up for you.  First, these events happened at a time when I had not spoken to anyone about this chapter I was writing.  I had no idea how it was going to turn out and it was ore or less “in the wings” at this point.  The second condition was that I did not in any way initiate the event, it merely happened on its own and involved, usually, another person who was the unwitting participant.  With that explained, let me describe this one set of events.

It was about a week into my thinking about this chapter, but I had written nothing on it.  I had a friend who began telling me about how as a small child she found that in order to cope with the effects of kundalini she happened on shaking as something that made her feel better.  She would go into a closet and shake for extended periods and this would help to ease the effects of the energy.  While she was telling me this, I had this feeling like this was something that I was looking for.  It felt significant.  Almost like a bell ringing in my head, I sat up and took notice.  I didn’t mention how I was looking for just such a technique.  It gets better, though.

A day later, I take my friend to the airport and return home, running a few errands in town and stopping by a friends house who had been going through a battle with cancer for many months.  I showed up completely unannounced and thought I would say how I was thinking about her and to wish her well.  I was greeted with her smiling face and her ushering me onto her back deck as she was eager to tell em about the events of the last year.  As soon as she was finished with her brief history, she said, “you know, I have just finished a book written by an animal behaviorist…..”  Once she said this, I felt that bell going off in my head.  I sat up, took notice, and listened intently.  She went on to describe how the author had observed that prey animals who had survived attacks by large predators (lions, tigers, bears) would universally go through a shaking fit for about fifteen minutes and then go about their way as if nothing had happened.  he considered that this may have been a way for their nervous systems to literally “shake off” the trauma of the attack they had just survived.  He applied a technique of shaking on soldiers returning from the Persian Gulf and found that it gave them relief.  Bells were going off in my head like crazy.  But wait, it gets more interesting!

As soon as I let her house, I decided I should probably try to research some books to see if I could find anything that might be useful for my chapter on techniques for coping with kundalini.  I in fact found very few books on the subject of kundalini at our university library.  I did find one book by Gopi Krishna that was a second book he had written later in life that I was not familiar with. I headed to the stacks to find the book.  Along the way, well before I got to the row where the book was, I walked by a small book that just caught my eye.  For no real reason, I plucked this book off the shelf and took it with me.  In a minute or so I had reached the book I had actually searched for and I headed to the desk to check out my randomly plucked book and the book on kundalini.

It turned out that the book by Krishna had no usable material in it.  No bells, not interesting coping methods.  My “random” book was interesting but it too contained nothing in it as I had suspected all along. I held onto the books for about two weeks and on the evening before they were due back at the library I was lying in bed and I picked up that small book and flipped through its pages really fast,  like how you shuffle cards. I opened the book to a random page (bear in mind I had not read through the book, I had only skimmed to see what it was about and had dropped the book as anything meaningful) and my eyes fell on the last paragraph on the right side page. This paragraph began to describe how a therapist named Arthur Janov had cured a patient of a long-standing trauma from his childhood by getting him to feel the full breadth of the emotion that he had, Janov felt, had been repressing since an early age.  There, on the page, was a description of how just before being cured of this trauma the young man went into a shaking fit while lying on the floor.  Immediately after he stopped shaking or convulsing, the young man looked up at Arthur Janov and exclaimed, “You did it, you cured me!”  he no longer had this hanging over his head anymore.

I was dumbstruck.  I leafed through the book to see if there were more incidences like the one the author had described.  There were none.  In fact, the author did not identify the shaking as even important, only as an element in the retelling of Janov’s own account which was being retold in this small book. I had literally found the one account in this book that described how shaking was part of a healing process. I realized that this concept of shaking was not something that was really understood, not until the animal behaviorist had written about it.  My random book had been written at least a decade before the first one my friend told me about earlier in the day when I had met with her.  What I realized I was dealing with was a quintessential needle in a haystack.  For me, however, this was a huge plus because when you think about it, how was I going to find books in print in a library that would tell me about this method that I would go on to write about in my manuscript?

I went on to have a number of these similar events while writing my book, all just as strange or bizarre as the one I just recounted. I had another set of three events that all pointed me to a philosopher whose ideas conformed to my own and helped me in fleshing out what I was dealing with as a central theme to both awakening and the book as a work.  I will, however, resist telling you about that series of events.  The point here was that I found that if I needed something in my book (or in my life for that matter) and had not real way to get to it “out there” the resource would magically find me by hook or by crook. I remember trying to describe this to someone once and she so distorted the concept that she retold the story as though I had been working some kind of magic on people to get my way.  Nope.  But it was a lesson in how some people will quite naturally misunderstand the nature of a phenomenon by applying their own inner biases on what it is they believe they are seeing.

For me, intention is key as it is in all teachings related to manifesting your desires.  I found that after I found a way to use intention to go beyond mere funny number sequences, those events tended to lessen and the more significant events took more form.  Always, there was a pressing need, a clear and pressing need and desire for something but without any understanding about how that was going to take place.  All on its own, those events would form around my own life and would repeat three times, often providing additional needed material in order to understand it better. For me, the number three is important because it deals with the trinitarian quality of kundalini itself and served as a kind of code or signal to me to sit up and pay attention.  Even when experiencing the first of any of these events, they always have this feeling that I experience, which is that of being somehow significant, even if I don’t always know how.  Once the number set of events completes itself then I always have just enough material to go on to get to the next point in my writing.

I wanted to pass this along for anyone who has either had this happen or who wants to test it for themselves to see what results they get. I hope this adds a little new wrinkle to your day. ♡

(Copyright, Parker Stafford)

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