Archives for posts with tag: awakening symptoms

I’m an artist by profession and was trained in being good at observation. I have been involved in fairly technical media during my training and career, so I have spent a lot of time testing things for a wide range of results and insight. Like how long it takes on average to finish a surface in metal or glass in order to determine how long each step will take in the production of a piece that will get created many times. Having a good and dependable data set is critical to being able to know how to price work competitively, but also how to reduce flaws or problems that crop up. It is also a great way to understand all sorts of phenomena. Engineers will test new alloys in order to understand how it will weather, hold up under stresses, or finishing surfaces.

If you learn how not to bias yourself with what you think you are seeing, the data often will lead you right to the issue and you can then begin to formulate solutions from there.

Hang on, there, this does tie into spiritual or energetic work, I promise!

By my second year into awakening, I noticed that while I was having lots of synchronicities, I had this feeling like there was something more to them than met the eye. Was there a way to test this phenomena so I could learn more about it? It seemed reasonable to me!

I turned to observation to see if I could tease out any important details. My feeling about this phenomenon was that this wasn’t something the universe was sending me, like a message from the divine as I had heard others describe it. But what was it, if not that?

When you run high energy for days, weeks, months, and years at a time, you get lots of opportunities to observe it in action. I had reached various levels of what I learned was called samadhi.

I noticed one early Fall after I had broken my dreaded adrenal cycle experience that my energy hit new high vibrational peaks. I can only describe this as feeling different from how kundalini had been. It was just….high frequency is the only way I can describe it. I could feel it in my body, too, all this energy once used to fuel unacknowledged fear (expressed as 24/7 adrenaline for about five months solid), now being expressed as this new energetic feeling. I had released some repressed emotional material, along with learning how to regulate my system through the will for this “new” state I had finally reached.

This energy was fairly constant, but it would go away for a day, a week, or just an hour or two, so I had opportunities to see it at work under a variety of conditions. Who knows how it was going to go, except it was doing its work on me.

During this time I noticed when the energy got to a really high in frequency, I would begin having synchronicities. If the energy cut out, so too would the synchronicities. This was noticable as a cery different frequency, I could feel it as this shimmering energy instead of the old peak energy mixed with my body pumping out adrenaline.

“Hmmmmm,” I thought, “I wonder if the two are connected?” I considered the possibility that my energy was responsible for creating these events. It sounded reasonable to me. What had me a little fuzzled was how this worked. Like usual, I had ideas but needed ways to test them.

I continued to watch and observe. I would wake up one morning with a totally calm energetic landscape but would find by, say, mid-day that suddenly the energy would whir to life….and I’ll be darned if the synchronicities didn’t track right along with the energy. Coincidence or correlation? After observing this dozens of times with the result being the same each time, I felt that this was a correlation. Okay, that was most likely figured out. I had also noticed whenever I began feeling the energy awakening early on in my process I also noticed really bizarre synchronistic events taking place. So, yeah.

I then began thinking about the concept of manifestation, considering that this was very much like that principle but now on steroids. I wondered how I could test this idea? I considered that synchronicities were just how we ran our energy and that the universe was doing what it had always done, except now events were more clearly mirroring our thoughts.

I know that this sounds like a bit of a leap from seeing “11:11” or other number sequences, but my intuitive read on this was that seeing number sequences were the result of my simply not giving a direction to my thoughts. I reasoned that we all usually have these number events because we aren’t thinking about how we could direct out thoughts more. This was just my theory. It was time to try to gather some data.

In order for my theory to show any correlation to directional thought, I would have to experiment with that very thing. As I began doing this, I tried to envision outcomes stemming from my thoughts. I picked things that I knew I had few competing beliefs about since this has long been known as one element that can keep a wish or thought from coming to pass. I had to feel like there was no, “Yes, but” kind of thoughts present. I did this over about four months, often on a daily basis, depending on when the energy was peaking or strong.

I found that my old synchronicities dissapeared almost completely and began to be replaced with even more complicated series’ of events that, while synchronistic, were now providing me with much more information based on relevance to my own thoughts. This showed me that a synchronicity as we think of them can become much more complex than before.

I also began having events that would repeat, such as seeing a quote from a writer and then randomly seeing that author’s name coming up based in events for which I had no direct control over, all within a few hours of each other. I would then look up the quote in a book by that author only to find that the chapter in the book from whence the quote was mentioned would contain critically relevant information for the chapter in a book I was working on. I had numerous events like these, but with the caveat that each set of events were specific to a goal or wish that I had in mind. Maybe you have had experiences similar to this!

To put a fine point on this phenomenon, nearly all of the “research” that I did for this book was all gleaned as a result of synchronicities much like I have just described to you. The conditions were that I was engaged in the subject and really didn’t want to have to pour over books to find what I was looking for. That is, I dreaded having to do research the traditional trial and error way. This set up a parameter for how the events would take place. This, I think, was the direction given to my thoughts, which would manifest in these unbelievable events.

I began to realize that the books that came to me, whether randomly plucked from the library shelves and opened to the very page that contained the pertinent information, or from a friend who might innocently reference a book on the subject I was currently working on, the result was always the same. I was gleaning information that would have been nearly impossible for me to find in the way these events were doing. And yet, these events happened with considerable regularity. In truth, ALL of my outside research simply came to me in this inexplicable way. I know that some people on hearing this might say, “You were meant to find that one paragraph in that book!” But, I thought, what if the emphasis is on how our consciousness interfaces with reality, essentially creating an alignment based on your own thoughts? Yes, I do think there is an intelligence there, but if it is as objective as many want to think it is, why doesn’t it do more things for us that we don’t think about that are in our best interest? Do you see the difference, here?

Why doesn’t it save thise children in the school bus in Yemen that was instead blown up by a missile? Why didn’t it jump in and save the Jews during the Holocaust? Why didn’t it save me from a head-on collision four months ago? I’m fine, by the way, but I really wish the car wasn’t totalled! Do you get what I mean here? This was showing me that it was being driven by my own needs which I was thinking about, not some objective intelligence. I know, that might be a tad cerebral, but this is the kind of thing that fascinates me. And yes, I do split hairs!

Always there was an aspect universal to these events, which was that the information that I needed was not known to the person when they randomly mentioned a book relevant to my topic. If it was an event that didn’t involve another person, I was plucking books off the shelves and turning to the one page that had the information I was looking for.

The other side to all of this was a state in which I was either not thinking of finding the material or not having spoken about the information to the person who would mention a book on the same topic or a teacher who had information on the topic at hand. This still kept the “bizarre” aspect in place that is native to most synchronicities.

This experience showed me that synchronicities are little more than our ability to manifest outcomes by using a “field” based approach instead of a particle based approach. A field is consistent with “putting it out there” as an unencumbered wish or visualization, whereas a particle approach is more about trying to work to make an event happen a certain way. One wishes for an outcome but doesn’t think beyond how that will happen, while the other wishes for an event and tries to make it happen. Want to guess which one has been heads and shoulders above the other in both efficiency and usefulness?

I use these terms of particle stnd wave symbolically to refer to the two seemingly dualistic modes referred to in physics and electrical phenomena. One feels masculine and one feels feminine in character. Can you guess which one refers to which mode of “doer-ship”? Particle. Solid, concrete, following a rational systematic and liner approach. The other is much more mysterious and always seems to work with amazing accuracy and perfect timing.

The end result in my observation of this phenomenon is that it seems that our intention meshes with our reality and helps bring certain events to fruition at a speed that makes these events feel almost otherworldly. Can you relate?

Does prana work with our own thoughts to help create events like these on a shorter time scale than usual? I say this because awakening is certainly a change in the flow and awareness of prana (that is what kundalini is, a radical flow of vast amounts of prana).

I wanted to pass this along for anyone who has either had this happen or who wants to test it for themselves to see what results they get. I hope this adds a little new wrinkle to your day. ♡

(Copyright, Parker Stafford)

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My awakening came gradually. It came in somewhat measured steps. The first step clearly opened me to a strong flow of prana and my first experience of nonduality. Then, over five months, I began having innexplicable events occurring that led me deeper. A friend loaned me a hemisync cd for clearing emotional baggage. Another gave me a meditation technique I have detailed in the last post.

A Voice spoke in my mind telling me to close my eyes and focus on the center of my brow. Complying, I awakened my third eye, a process that expanded over several days once I focused my attention there and saw the fiery brightly lit eye emerge into my field of vision. Then I was taught or tutored in how to alter my consciousness to take advantage of the wave-form part of our consciousness, the part we call the feminine, the Shakti, the right brain and left side of the body. Everything was unfolding, gradually, carefully, as if by some plan. I wrote about it to close friends. I had no idea what it was leading to.

I had several events that all directed me along a path to awakening in a way that left me the last to know what all of these things were adding up to. Clearly, a higher intelligence was involved. This is not to say everyone must awaken the way I did. What is clear to me, because of my own experience, that at the base of awakening is an effort to break through a logjam of trapped energy to liberate or open a hole within us that will let the water of life stream in. First a trickle (for me), and growing stronger each day, each week, until my body was conditioned enough so the full rising event could come. A breaking through this logjam.

One of the events that took place in October of 2006 was a day-long acceleration of prana, which was a preview of what kundalini would bring. I had a vivid vision-a certainty in inner vision and through intensely felt feelings-about how all life feels prana or life force in the same way when it is felt abundantly (which is all kundalini really is—unusually high levels of pranic flow).

Getting ready to go home, this information nagged and pulled at me until I put it down on my computer starting at 7:30 pm and finishing at 7:34 pm (I had no idea why I should note the start and ending time but I did…now try and type what I typed in under four minutes).

This writing spoke of prana and how it was affecting both my body and mind. After writing this, I would find myself experiencing an odd synchronicity involving my finding the only magazine on a rack full of popular magazines whose content was uninteresting to me except one magazine I had to hunt for around a corner, blocked by a card rack placed in front of it. Without anything on its outside to suggest its contents, I would find that it had an article that read in bold: “When it comes to seeds, it’s all about sex.” Here is the piece I wrote to try and get that stuff out of my head, a first brush with a powerful burst of prana.


The Yearning

The fields are wet from rain after the corn has been harvested. Trees slowly turn from green to yellow, then gold. The air cools and the mind thinks back on days when life was brimming over and the air was thick with the smell of pollen. The same corn, now nothing but stubble, stood gold and green with tassels swaying with the breeze, releasing its sweet nutty smell. To some it was just a delightful thing that marks the passage of seasons. To me, its more than that. It speaks of life seeking its own, making itself over; a new generation. A yearning, a leaning toward the wind in the hopes that Nature will take care of Nature, and carry its life giving sweetness on the air to waiting seeds, waiting for that breath of life, that germ of passion that makes the flowers grow, and makes life turn ‘round once more in the endless cycles this world is known for.

Seeds and plants and pollen, all lean into passion in ways we can scarcely imagine. For this is the glue that keeps life going. For them, it must be pleasurable, a passionate act of giving, a release, an immersion into a mystery far older than our own known seasons, our own individual lives and experiences. For this is the gravity that pulls them, moves them to continue. How can it be any other? Why then would life seek to replace itself through an act as perfunctory as the dropping of an apple from a tree? No, the drop of the apple is not perfunctory, or a second thought, but part of a yearning to become, a part of merging with some larger dance. If trees can’t feel this, then why continue? Why go on? Perhaps in measures we can only guess or imagine, there is some divine spark of wantonness, of passion and pleasure bound up within their shells of being. How can it be any other? Perhaps there is a secret life these rooted beings feel that is beyond our ken, beyond our too quickened ways. We have been “beyond” these beings for so long that they are now “just plants.” And yet, they are more. They will speak if only you will listen, and they yearn to tell of this ancient dance, this incredible desire and passion bound up within every cell of their being, so it pays if you will only listen.

I know that seeds seek and yearn and hope and dream; dreams perhaps that are so different I could never scarcely imagine or see them for what they are. And yet, it seems inescapable that these creatures, ancient as all of life here, yearn for the touch of pollen upon their seed pods and enclosures, waiting patiently for the bee to carry their spawn beyond them into other regions where others await the touch of the life giving sparks that enliven and awaken a new generation. Even the warming caress of sun and drenching rain is an act of divine providence, or giving in a wheel that knows no end and no beginning. Quiet and still, these beings mask their greater inner lives.

So even we do these same things, even we make this dance of longing and yearning, so old and ancient that its root can escape us as we are caught up as if in some whirlwind, some deeper dance both of passion and letting go as we give ourselves to life’s great mystery, to its passionate embrace, and longing that brings us to this place, this wonder filled state where our minds and bodies and hearts are excited beyond the normal trebling that life gives or provides.
To touch my eye with your eye, to touch smile to smile, or hand to hand, we join in this ancient dance, this passionate longing for life seeking to complete itself, and in so doing, complete ourselves. Round and round we turn, like stars upon an endless wheel that rolls and ducks and sways in the lost night of time. We are carried one by the other, some by our imaginings, some by the reality, but always by the same glue that keeps life turning turning back and forward at once, calling to the roots of what it was to the heavens of what it will become.

So as our hands embrace, our smiles merge, as face becomes face, and eye becomes eye; as flesh becomes flesh, we excite in this dance, this subtle movement first tentative, then more certain as we are gathered by the compass of its certainty, of its need to move as it moves, which is ever forward into endless days and tomorrows.

We came here as boundless beings who knew neither limit nor touch, and followed down into narrow pathways into minds of earthlings, like spirits on a cosmic voyage, we entered the world of limit and pain and loneliness, only to be called back by forces that were brought to bear in this world, moving us through realms of limit and bounding to that greater reminder that this is a dance of mystery, passion, and love. In this love we touch the infinite, wrapped in that which pulls and grabs us like hawk talons grasping talons in a spiral dance of yearning, moving us one step beyond this one, seeking the divine, seeking the infinite. 10/13/06 – 7:30-7:34 p.m.

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As I look over our history as a species, from the Middle East and the religions it spawned, to the East and the philosophies, the almost-religions that stopped short of being those because they do not espouse worship of a deity or a god of any kind, I see a pattern emerge as it relates to our creative energy and all of its relatives; except under very specific conditions creative energy is only allowed to be expressed in certain ways.  I am dealing with creative energy in a very broad sense here, so if you thought creative energy was that part of us that solved problems or helped create new things like cars or rockets to the moon or music and art, hang on.  Creative energy, I have come to see includes all aspects of our being, from our desire to create art to our desire to build bridges and civilizations.  Our creativity also includes the forces that maintain our bodies and it also includes our capacity, our ability, to create more of ourselves through sexual intercourse between men and women.  All of this to my mind and experience is part of a cosmic strand that divides out in numerous ways in our consciousness but has at its root an energy that in its origin is wild and free.

The problem in our world today is that except as noted previously, creative energy has been tamped down, controlled.  Churches have done this by instilling a sense of shame about our sexuality. We were to not trust our sexuality or our urges least of all so we relied on our religions to tell us what was what.  And you know, I am not convinced that it was for good.  Look at the scandals rocking the Catholic church and they don’t seem to stop. The Pope speaks out about it, but its like it is some monolithic structure with little accountability or willingness to change.  If you doubt what I am saying here, just do a historical church of the scandals that have taken place with the Catholic church over the years and you will begin to see how difficult this issue is.  Part of it stems from requiring priests to be chaste.  I am just going to say that when our creative fires are so narrowly focused there will always be trouble. Creativity was meant to be wild and free, not tamed, and here we are with our religions trying to tame what really was meant to set us free.  And instead, we are prisoners.

I will admit that what I say about prana is my take.  People are keen to try and point out that our perception is just perception, so human, so frail, so likely to be distorted.  But you know, this time, I don’t think so.  As I read about the hundreds, thousands, even, of experiences describing the bliss of the flow of prana, I see the same thing. It’s seen as a goddess, perhaps, wild and free, powerful.  But this energy is in all of us, the place where our inner man and inner woman meet, the explosion of opposites.  That is the definition of kundalini….which is nothing more than this: prana in supreme abundance (finally!). What I observe is what everyone else observes.  People may have different reactions to it.  Some might close down, some might open up.  Some might open and close in turns.  Some will be highly insightful, some will realize there is more to their ability to plumb their depths.  All through it, prana is the wild child to me, a liberating and spiritually lubricating force.

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Torus form with multiple sheathes/fields

Prana is creative.  It stimulates all centers of the body when there is an abundance of it.  The ancients described bliss that was off the charts due to the increased flow of this energy.  As I sit writing this, I feel a steady-state experience of bliss.  I came to this level of bliss as a result of a lot of inner work.  I instinctively knew that if I followed what kundalini was doing that things would get easier.  They have.  I still have my challenges that I deal with, but they change with every realization or inner breakthrough.  I know that in my case that prana has fueled wildly vigorous creative energy.  In fact, I had to be creative in the arts in order to build enough of a flow in my body to sustain the current level of bliss that I feel.  When I go into the energy I can feel its wildness.  I can feel that it was never intended to be tamed.  yes, it is like water and will flow into any container in which it is poured, but the vessel itself is what limits or allows the flow of this force.

As someone who deals with awakening on a daily basis for over a decade, I luagh at the videos of teachers telling people how to awaken the kundalini.  The “Sat Nam!” breath that is one part hammer and one part release into the Mystery.  i know that if I had to depend on an exercise like that to awaken I think I should wait a very long time.  Maybe someone figured out that it worked for some folks, but I direct the flow of prana by way of feeling only.  This has always been what has opened the gates….always.  Even teachers who say prana is breath are wrong; prana is a fine energy that is in no way contained in the air.  No, prana moves by way of feeling. In fact, feeling is how we actually communicate to the cosmos. it is how the dream is made manifest (I write about this extensively in the blog so do a search to find out more).

The chakras are energy centers and every one has an emotional vibration connected to it.  This “emotive power” inherent in the chakras is born out of this feeling quality I am talking about.  No, people shut down their chakras and thus prana when they feel a hard feeling instead of a soft opening feeling.  And even if a million teachers say prana is breath, it does not make it right even once.  It just means that they themselves do not understand prana or have not been able to stimulate prana with anything other than breath (and this tells me as the observer that they may be lacking in their ability to connect with their feeling side of themselves to boot!). I know it might sound pedantic, but I promise you that it isn’t.  When we understand something so simple as prana responding to feeling, we can get ourselves on the right track in our own work for bringin in more of it so that its flow can heal (which it does).

Breath, when properly used, has a stimulating effect on the body which in turn stimulates prana. It isn’t even that the chakras respond to thought, it is deeper still than that.  Feeling….the whole world is lacking in feeling and awareness of their power to feel.  People who are not awakened will laugh at this, but trust me, the world carries a level of numbness in them…..even awakened people.  The journey to full feeling can take some time.  I know that I have been gifted with a kind of energetic “reset” by a healer who revealed the true depth of my woundedness, which sent me into a very real sense of physical pain (which was itself emotional/spiritual but now boosted by the presence of prana so it feels physical), so I know that we can go merrily along with the work of awakening only to find, “holy bejebus! there is so much more!” even years later.  So this is why all of this can become such a journey for people.  This is a journey to realization.  Realization comes about as a result of awareness.  Sometimes, once in a great while, we can meet people who we connect so deeply with that they share something about themselves that can spark all sorts of realizations within ourselves.  Some are direct, some tangential.  Some are unintended.  But this is why relationship has been so important in awakening and is also one aspect that is largely denied by the world’s religions as a bona fide religious or spiritual “practice.”

Yes, prana is creative. There are stories of how women who have undergone awakening have experienced a sense as though they were pregnant, that they were going to birth something. A close family friend confided in me during one of our talks about her awakening process that she went through a period of time when she could feel her body wanting to physically birth something. She sensed that this was part of her awakening process, but it was a curious experience to her.  When I explained to her that many other women have reported the same experience it made her feel a little less crazy. The experiences have all been extremely similar and I think that it points to powerful energies that are creative in nature but that operate at higher dimensional levels and are having their effect in our day-to-day lives (because it’s all connected now).

So I think that when we are faced with the spirit and the higher self, it is quite natural for higher-order experiences to be transmitted into the language of the body, to be related to our bodies as well as all other levels of ourselves.  I have noticed that at a certain level the self knows itself to be One with all things, so naturally the creative energy of prana is the same as the creativity of our personalities, the same creativity of our physical bodies in making babies, and who knows what other forms of creative output there are in other realms of experience that we have yet to discover as sentient beings. What is universal is that creativity always feels blissful.  When we create babies in the physical our bodies provide us with an orgasm to make the experience that much more filled with reward, but creative energy also brings chills and goosebumps to creators of music and art.  It at once expresses and evokes powerful feeling. People who have awakened almost all go through intense creative bursts.  As an artist I can say that my awakening has fueled a number of new directions in my work that would have never existed before.  It’s a little crazy in a way just how crowded my inner landscape is with ideas.  My only challenge is in bringing these ideas to fruition.  And, in the way that prana also works, it speeds up manifesting many-times over.  For example, when I began thinking about how close I was to reopening my studio practice after teaching, without saying a word, but thinking how I would like to have some good assistants, I received one highly qualified request for being involved in some part-time capacity at the studio making work as well as two beginners who expressed a sincere desire to learn the discipline.  The interesting part of this is how well-timed it was.  By now, I am not surprised by any of this, but I know that when my prana flow increases, it accelerates manifestation of desired outcomes.  That said, it might bring me a person who WANTS to work in my field, but it does not guarantee that they will be excellent or that they will decide to stay with it a year or even a week later. Sometimes, you have to dig deeper to find where these glitches exist.  But that is for another time.

But here is the problem as I see it, at least as it relates to many of our institutions on earth,  which is that our creativity has been hijacked.  It’s not some demonic conspiracy to enslave humanity, just a desire to tamp down creativity because it scares people who are in positions of power.  One thing I know about power is that the vast majority of institutions and the people within then have a great need to control.  This control on the one hand may have been intended to keep people from killing each other or behave badly, but the other side of the coin has been that it also limits freedom.  It limits our creativity.  When I look at what I have seen in my meditations about creativity and how wild and free it is and when I look at the human race, I see a big disconnect.  And the problem? Here is your problem…..

We value war and destroying in the name of greed and the usurpation of land and wealth through military invasions and keeping our race held hostage by the fear of the next fabricated threat that the military industrial complex decides to come up with next (read your history on this—most of our wars have been coups on the part of the CIA or an effort to fool us into war, this didn’t start with the invasion of Iraq, this has been going on for a long time). We are taught that to be a man we must be warlike, unfeeling.  Women have their place, perhaps one of the greatest fonts of creative energy alive on the planet and our women are shut down to such an unbelievable degree. Their thought process mimics men in their rational approach, with that fabulous intuitive and feminine character of soul nearly gone.   Really, you have no idea.  But so are the men shut down.  We all are, so don’t think I am picking on anyone in particular.  But men are shut down in such a way that it creates this rage and it just keeps feeding their desire to go to war so they can just kill something.  This, my friends, is creativity turned into itself.  This is the dark side of the creative force.  Do I really need to point this out to you? Men who don’t know how to command their sexual energy, women who are afraid of these men, and then women who aren’t in command of their own sexual energy too, and use their emotional forces of manipulation to work things in their favor.  It is a crazy mixed up mess if you ask me.

Our institutions by and large forswear sexual expression as a necessity to make babies, but by and large, we have incredible taboos placed on our sexuality.  While there are good reasons for governing behavior in theory, my observation is that our attempts to govern sexual energy result in greater dysfunction than ever.  Men pitted against women, the war of the sexes, men not in possession of their source of power and women not in full possession of their source of power either.  All the while we are taught that our sexual nature is dirty, that lust is not redeemable, and forget having sex if its lustful.  In fact, most of our institutions teach us how to sublimate sexual energy as a convenient way of side-stepping the issue altogether. In many parts of Asia its as though the teaching of Zen Buddhism and Taoism and other strands of Buddhism would rather deal with packaging bliss so that its no longer sexual as their axis mundi for solving the problem.  Women no longer in possession of themselves will never engage a man at the level of his divinity for very long, but the exact same can be said for men with their women.  I ask; how did we get here? I feel like I am in that video by the Talking Heads for the song Once In A Lifetime where a clearly out of control David Byrne seeks to illustrate the chaos of our lives as controlled beings while desiring finding the flow of life.

When I step back from this madness, I can feel a world within me swirling with the forces of creation in a way that I had always hoped to be able to feel, actually.  I had always hoped prior to awakening that creative energy was this vivid and strong (and it is). But when I look at the world I see we have a long way to go, baby.  We have a long way to go because we have squashed the creativity of the feminine and masculine both.

It’s interesting to me how as men begin to soften, kundalini is coming onto the scene also as women are learning how to find their own strength and their own sovereignty.  I observe that on a collective level humans are reaching across the aisle and integrating more of their opposites into their lives especially over the last twenty years (which also corresponds with the sudden increase of awakening (I could be wrong, but I don’t buy that these awakenings are due to someone decided it will be, but are the result of a myriad of factors all resulting in the changes we see today.  If you know how awakening is itself defined by the fusion of opposites in consciousness, then you can perhaps appreciate how it is that we now have a mass awakening taking place on the planet. Right. Now. And honestly, I observe that the progress we have made not just for hundreds of years, but especially during this last century, just happens to be of a kind that favors the fusion of opposites.  What if instead of this being some grand cosmic event as many want to say it is, we are simply glimpsing the natural result of people having reached a kind of threshold point in their development with awakening being the result.  This period has shown us more possibilities and people have been able to shrug off the control of their institutions just enough to begin to evolve in new directions, directs that favor awakening.

I think we need to be less concerned about how others will react or treat us.  We already are made into a kind of outcast by the differences in our experiences moment by moment from the average Joe and Josephina.  I mean, admit it, even as you go through your life undercover as the awakened being on the planet, you also find that this makes you feel so singular and lonely.  Social things for social creatures.  I think that the teachings of Tantra have a lot to explain about bliss.  While tantra is itself not necessarily sexual, the parts of tantra that are do not seek to shy away from confronting issues in our consciousness (well, it is the same with white tantra or black, both head straight-away right into the center of the fire which is how all emotional release work is done in fact).  The lesson is that you never skirt the briar patch, you head right into it and liberate it of whatever hitches that reside within the self.  Free yourself from shame, guilt, and repressed emotion. I know that in my life I have worked to dissolve as much of it as I can.  I have more to go, but as this last block rears its head I am reminded that if I am to be able to hear the voice of my intuition and my inner guidance as clearly as possible, I have to continue to be clearer.  Don’t be tamed, friends.

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I’m not going to blow smoke up your behind. I honestly cannot say where it comes from. I can’t even say if it originates in our neurochemistry or in interdimensional space. What I do know is that it figures in most every transformative event for people down through the ages.  Saints and sages all speak of it and in the world of awakenings, it’s presence is ubiquitous. You might even say it’s a prerequisite or initiation into awakening itself.

 

Im talking about the experience of “the light.” Most who have awakening experiences have had at least one encounter with it. In earliest Christianity they wrote about it, even connected it to the same light one sees when one dies, linking this encounter as critically important for attaining something more in this life of ours. What is clear is that whether you were Paul on his way to Damascus, or a monk meditating in a cave, getting hit by that blinding light is an important clue that awakening is here.

 

I experienced it in a completely unexpected way while meditating prior to the full “rise” of kundalini. When it happened, I actually thought someone had flipped the light switch, like playing a trick on me to get me to come out of the dark room I was in at the time. But no, there had been no switch flipping that day…at least no switches in the physical, that is…

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after my innocuous encounter with with the white light, things began changing real fast. I didn’t see events downstream as being connected, but over time, I have come to see it as one of several central events tied to my awakening. I think that to attain this light leads to what the ancients called the perfection of the Light Body, the Rainbow Body, or soul. In ancient texts an encounter with the white light is the demarcation point most often used to point out how a person’s life has changed. I should add that this is not, in my experience, an instantaneous cleansing, but an event that initiates a process of cleansing.

But here’s the thing. I can’t say for sure that it’s even really light. It may simply be an interpretation of an energetic emanation of some kind. It might even be connected to how we perceive. It might be inside of us all along. I say this because it feels like it is within. It does not feel like it’s coming from outside in the least. Perhaps this is a realization about our true nature as this light? I really cannot say. It is a bit of a mystery. Maybe it’s God, Maybe it’s an emanation from it. Maybe it’s my own connection to higher order awareness. What I can say is that while I am aware of it, I don’t feel anything particularly special at the time while I see this light effect. It seems to have had a healing effect, but more “downstream” from the light event itself. It remains a bit of a mystery in my experience, and I am loathe to jump to conclusions about what I think it is or isn’t.

What isn’t a mystery, though, is how this encounter has life changing effects.

Last night, on what can arguably be considered one of the coldest nights in years, I snuggled into bed with my cat purring by my side and after watching a documentary, slipped into a nice meditative state. I did this after feeling a bit of upset about something happening with a family member who is unable to understand something which I felt was important at the time. For some reason, it had me tied in knots. All the more reason to go into meditation and see if I could find resolution of one kind. So with eyes closed, I felt my energy begin to move, fluttering, spinning, and pulsing. The more I let go, the more it was free to simply be itself. My meditation nowadays tends to center around letting my energy body simply be itself without controls from the mind. Call it a surrender to the higher self, a larger order or picture of what is true. When I did, even though I had been tied in knots thinking about the world as it is, everything went by the wayside as a world of light effects began to take shape for the first time in years.

Since my encounter with the light, my experience has been largely one of sensation but without a visual compliment. No light effects. As I found myself very quickly in deep water, I prayed about the state of the world, my experience in it, and how I might resolve my feelings about it. That’s when the light came.

It was without form, but it felt as though it had layers and that these layers were unfolding from within, as though from my core a light was being generated and was propagating such that it had sheaves or orbs with different layers nested one inside the other. It was multilayered light. Suffusing it was this white light. I know I just said it had no form only to begin giving it form. It had the idea of form, but was not tied down to how form is linear and composed as it is in the physical. If something was in a center point, it was more the idea that this was so. In truth, I can’t adequately explain exactly how it appeared to me. It was at once no local while also having locality, shape, and form. Formlessness within form.

Was I being cleansed? Was it healing me? Was it a neurological effect? All I can say is that when I awoke, whatever feelings I had last night that weighed on me, they feel far away.

So here is what I am going to do. I’m going to see if I can repeat last night’s performance and try and place my unresolved feelings into the light, if it comes again, to see what happens. I will see if I can begin doing this on a regular basis to see how it works. I suppose if one believe in it enough, anything is possible. But humor me my experiments. I’ll report back on what I have found. And I also should include that it’s easy to say there has been a change 24 hours in. The story will probably be told after weeks or months. Only after seeing sustained change can we ever know that the change was real and not just wishful thinking.

In a sense, this is what awakening does anyway, which is to resolve blocked emotional material. In the healing method called Ho’oponopo, one offers up your brokenness to the universe in order to heal it. It is offering it up to a higher power. There are countless other methods for healing that are from many different traditions that all involve very similar methods, a “let go and let God” sort of idea.

I think it could be interesting…<3

People say a lot about it…and for the most part, there’s a lot of good information out there. But there are a lot of things said that just aren’t so. Some say you must have a guru, receive diksha, and stuff like that. But they say it because that’s their only experience, so they can’t imagine it any other way.

I didn’t have a guru. I didn’t receive diksha. I didn’t do yoga. I didnt sit in full lotis with back straight, eyes on the nose. I did have a confluence of serendipitous events based on my singular intent to get to the bottom of a few things in my life. These were things that I had buried and needed to resolve that wound up being the switch that turned on the lights. I didn’t have a guide, I did what I was trained as an artist to do: I observed. I’m no different than anyone else except I have been seeking this something “more” that came crashing into my life like a cosmic visitor who made sure nothing would ever be the same ever again.

I see so many searches done on my page that show me that on a daily basis people are just trying to come to grips with their awakening. In the beginning it is a lot to take in. But I think that you were made for this. I also think that we all have existential threads that we need to learn how to cut while awakening is present and strong in us. Doing this will free you up to go from intense awakening to smooth flow. For as hard as it was for me at times, I always knew I was going to make it. I think I chose this at some level. Something in me has the resilience to get through the harder parts of the experience. It’s incredibly personal, so it’s a bit like being laid open like an experiment in dissection…and yet, if you notice, the things that are dissected are never a loss to you. I had this fear….like it was going to destroy me. It was really my fear of change. Over time I learned simple forms of surrender which took me twenty feet into my soul depths, then 40 feet…only to find there was a still deeper surrender as it took me deeper into my psyche to dig out the deeply rooted issues. Not happy with trimming my existential bushes, I dug deep and asked the energy to take me with it. It has always been my teacher and my guide. I am the guru…but that guru is mine. It is your job to recognize the guru in you, too. There is nothing wrong with seeking to figure out how you will do this. My words are just a reminder that you have this. Get curious about yourself.

Today as I was working, there was this channel of information streaming in. Normally I ignore it so I can focus on the busy-work of my day. But it comes, and when it does, when I listen deeply and give myself to it, I can later go and lay on my soft carpeted floor on cushions and give it my full attention. This makes a lover of me, I am not ashamed to admit, and it draws me closer, a great nothingness that is everything, that I am drawn to. And then, I am on fire again.

So as this comes in the moment, let me see if I can explain something that it’s telling me and if you can relate to it.

Kundalini is just an abundance of an energy we call prana, chi (qi), ka, or life force or vital force. It comes when enough blocks are removed to make it possible to let it’s flow increase. I know the Indians say you concentrate on it to imagine drawing it up from the base of the spine, but energetically something “gives way” inside of you that allows for this flow. This isn’t a physical change. It is a change in the structure of your thoughts and your feeling. It’s simple. In fact, way simpler than most people let themselves to be.

Since prana is a force that is also conscious energy, the “structures” that govern it is the subtle energy system. Normaly, we were made for it’s flow, but as humans, it’s stopped. In most people, its a trickle. Once it flows, little can stop it.

The one thing that can stop it is strong negative emotional energy and your thoughts. In the early stages of awakening it seems nothing can stop it, but I have seen that it can be regulated. So if this is so, then the way you can work with this energy is by learning how to be so that the ride is easy instead of hard. This is how it teaches you. You might want to resist it at first, but this is the universal intelligence in all of us, and it has no limitations. The only thing that limits you is you. And for a time, keeping a handle on it may be what you need before going deeper with it. Just follow your instincts and your comfort level. You can, though, go as deep as you wish with it. It is without limit.

Growing up, I had a lot of run-ins with energy. I could have awakened early in life, but the material didn’t move enough. I knew intuitively though that I needed to increase the flow of my inner energy. Interesting things would happen when the flow increased. I often missed what the trick was in increasing the flow. I didn’t realize how I felt was the valve that opened it up. I was too much in my head. I was shown that as this energy increased, my ability to be more aware of numerous streams increased, too.

In an experience at age 18 with a past life as a Native American man who was having a Thunderbeing vision, I found myself swept up into a high level electrical energy of the spirit that made it possible for me to be simultaneously aware of being in four places all at once. Without going into the experience in detail, as the energy rose in me during this vision quest experience in that past life, I was able to be aware that I was alive in numerous aspects or spiritual beings in the vision. I looked out through my eyes as the native man, my own eyes in 1984, the eyes of the thunderbird, and the eyes of the Thunderbeing who was in the storm. I was able to be aware of each location at once. There are exercises that yogis use that do the same thing, and I suspect it’s to achieve the same type of state.

I am telling you this to illustrate the point that as energy increases, so too does consciousness and it’s ability to perceive and take in information incredibly fast and on many channels at once. This only happens when there is enough energy present. I am telling you this to help you be aware of what your potential is and that you can use this to help yourself understand better what’s going on inside you. And if you don’t believe what I have conveyed to you is possible, try imagining the possibility that it is possible, and then do an experiment where you tell yourself that you will allow yourself to open up and be led. Depending on who you are, you might slip right into it, achieving what you thought you were not capable of moments before, or it might need to incubate in you for days or even weeks before you have that surprise “a-ha” moment. Could be, too, that you have it come to you in dream. If it fits you enough, it’s only a matter of time before you encounter it. It’s really about where you put your focus.

So the really great thing I was being shown today was a version of something I think about a lot because I find it so interesting. This is the energetic engine that keeps prana flowing. I’m being shown that it’s these two polarities, things I think of as a cosmic quantity that I might symbolize in my mind as the shakti-shiva or the divine pair. But when these “two” which are really just one wake up inside of you, it wakes up the rest of the cosmos inside of you, too, because this pair is seeded into everything, so it opens you up and gives you access to all that is.

The energy in you is moving through all other things, and since the energy exists outside of space/time, it is everywhere all at once. This means you are also everywhere, too, by extension. I know you aren’t everywhere physically , but take a moment to feel the “god” state alive in this experience and feel how the very fine energy within it is simply not limited. Do you feel that immensity?

Maybe you think you should do something with it. Maybe you think it’s just that way and nothing more can be done. What I find is that as I turn my attention, the energy can “fetch” whatever it is I want or need to know about a good many things. I also need only think about something and it winds up happening. I have been having some very nice adventures in manifesting lately. This reveals to me how the world is really creating using our thoughts. The world is not for or against me, it’s giving me what I am.

Imagination is the gateway for this experience. Beyond the most obvious use of imagination, which is the creation of things, is also the capacity in you to image things that you never knew about before. Imagination becomes a portal for direct knowledge, direct learning, and your ability to feel is what makes it possible for you to relate to whatever information you are picking up on. All of this is experienced not as concepts but as a living reality. Everything has a life. Everything is alive, sentient, even if it’s not physically alive. It is the aliveness of atoms that makes it possible for matter to evolve or to become living like we are.

This aliveness, this livingness is in everything, and it isn’t that our existence as sentient matter is the ultimate state, because it isnt, it’s that everything that exists exists because it is aware. Far from dead matter, atoms have an enduring life of their own, with subatomic particles making up the “cells” of each atoms “body.”

What makes this possible is the sweetness, the uncompromisingly compassionate and ever-present energy on which we are all riding. By sinking into it, you avail yourself of its healing as it straightens out the kinked and blocked places within you. It feels fierce early in awakening only because it’s like trying to fit a thousand gallons through a straw. This is due to the energy body still being restricted or blocked. The more you let it flow into you in your dark places, the more it removes and the more smooth everything within your body and mind gets.

This is to me like the biggest story around. It is for many, a secret. But hidden in your ability to feel (not your emotions…this is your ability to feel and to be more and more sensitive inwardly) is it’s “secret” revealing itself. The less you rationalize with it,the more it will unfold in you.

The more aware you are, the more capable you will be of feeling the remaining blocks in your energy body. As you turn your attention to them, the prana flows. It flows through your attention. This is why we can transmit energy through our eyes. It isn’t that the energy literaly flows through our physical eyes, but that it flows through our attention, and for this energy, a gaze is a form of attention.

It’s quite something knowing that your body is host to trillions and trillions of other lives existing in your body at this moment. It’s true; every cell has it’s own life, even if it lives for only a few weeks, or even days. Every atom, when you see it up close , pulses and vibrates in such a way that it’s a wonder that your body mass doesn’t just slip through everything.

The world’s secrets can open up like a beautiful mountain flower which only you are privy to in that moment. What would you like to see? Would you like to see how we were made, how we came to be here on this planet? It’s surprising to find out that human life as we know it was active long before earth was hospitable, existing in different genomes in different regions of this and other gallaxies. Sound impossible? Go look. Use your minds eye. Or maybe you ant to learn how other cultures existed, or how the light body works, or new forms of technology that use sentient energy as a way to interface with them without the use of dirty fossil fuels, or how you can cancel gravity through high frequency waves, or how some theories in physics only get it partly right. Or, closing your eyes, you can listen to the life of plants and read about their story and how their passions exist in differently seeded ways than our own, a realization that helps to open the mind to the possibilities.

Its pretty amazing to me just how big the stats are on people searching using kundalini and flu symptoms. This has been going on for a number of years on several blogs that I have.  It is consistent across the board. This tells me that kundalini awakenings are going strong and that people are concerned most with this, next to a handful of other observations related to awakening. I think that it is important to help illuminate this subject because this spectrum of experience effects so many people.

 

I dealt with flu-like symptoms a lot during awakening and my sense has always been that prana as a force has a stimulating effect on the body, yes, obviously, but it also creates some irritation as well. I have for years made a habit of making careful observations of my experience.  this goes back to the days when I began seeing energy fields around people, which was about twenty years before I had awakening.  being an artist as well as a scientist-minded person, I have been taught to be a professional observer as part of my training as a visual artist, so this has been easy for me to do.  When it comes to this flu issue, I have dug into it and I will provide you some key observations that I have made.  Understanding the basics can help you in knowing how to soften its effects.

 

I felt this irritation  or flu before the full rising of kundalini in the form of stomach upset and mysterious bouts with flu-like symptoms that affected my intestinal track.  it would come, I would take Pepto and things would settle back to normal again for a few weeks before it would come back again.  It is normal.  Along with this I also found a lot of other bodily fluids being produced that I felt were the direct result of this stimulating effect.  I could be wrong, but my sense has always been that these fluids were being produced as a way to protect the body from further irritation.  When prana flows at such high levels, I think the body does what it can to deal with it.  When I had gut trouble in the beginning, I used pepto, which always made it go away for a while.  I think that similar stomach coating methods can be helpful.  Just a little something to provide comfort.  At the time this was happening, I didn’t know it was related to kundalini.  I even went to the doctor for it.  He showed nothing of concern, and suggested it was just my natural system adjusting to something.  All good, he said.  And a week later: boom!  Then things began making more sense to me.

 

My observations have led me to observe that the type of energy that is causing this irritation the most is what is referred by Chinese Medicine as “solar” Chi (Qi)  prana, or the “masculine” side of the energy.  But then it came time for me to see if what I had found in my inner observations  was correct.  When I looked it up on some Chinese medicine sites, sure enough, they described solar energy in the gut related to Qi flow and its effects, most notably irritated bowel, production of mucus, etc., as a result of this stimulation effect.  So yes.  Normal. But the questions about how to cool things down. How do we deal with it?

 

My first thought is to focus on the feminine energy, the yin side to this for comfort.  It has what is called a “cooling” effect.  On the one hand, the masculine energy can clear and heal a lot of things, an energy that I like for letting things go having to do with blocked energy, but it is only one side of the equation.  While the yang energy is good at pushing through stuff, you also have to work the other side of things, by really going deep in another more “feminine” shakti way.  Push out, draw within. Part of a cycle of innermost creation.  And this cycle is what makes consciousness whole.  We each have both, so don’t be afraid to explore it.  It will also connect you in to issues and balances that will help you in your process. I often meet people who tell me they have no idea how to balance this energy.  These are people who have awakened sometimes.  I think, “really?” Each one of us has both masculine and feminine energy, not literally male and female energy, no, but what we call that.  It has more to do with the nature of consciousness and the fact that we have these two “sides” which are in fact part of a spectrum of experience or character.  To understand how this works, imagine the letter “U” and on one arm of the letter there is a male side and on the other, there is a female side.  This is negative and positive energy like a magnet or battery.  The point to realize here is that there is no one point where the U is either male or female, positive or negative.  Do you get that? So if you still don’t get it, let me see if I can help you.

 

U

 

How you are able to anchor the feminine energy will be something that you connect well to, your own inner associations.  You will FEEL “her” in you, so the trick will be how to explore it more.  When you anchor this awareness or focus on this part of your awareness, you are effectively opening up to what I call a wave or field-based awareness instead of a particle awareness (which is masculine).  This awareness is vast, it is very very large in its scope so when you shift into it, it allows issues to not be felt quite as acutely and it can also help you to shift or transform the energy by allowing the wisdom within the field or waveform awareness (feminine)/  The opposite can also work but in a different way, but usually particle or masculine energy will often mean that you are willing to “burn’ through a block.  There is also the possibility where you can use a balance of the two and in those cases, healing comes about much more quickly and can lead to large releases all at once.

It might be that simply thinking about the feminine, looking at images of goddesses, dakinis, or yogini’s can do it for you.  Sometimes just reading something about the divine feminine….meditating on the moon and its symbolic nature in your own mind as an archetypal symbol loaded with meaning….deep rivers, the dark side of our being, a deep void pregnant with possibility might do it.  if you are actively experiencing awakening you wont have to go far to encounter her.  She resides along the left side of your body and then as she moves up into the neck and the head, the energy does a flip as it goes into the “zero” state, where the flow moves into what I calla “flux” condition where its polarity changes.  It meets in the head and the hemispheres of the brain mirror this.  Right brain is holistic, sees the big picture, is diffuse, vast, wildly creative, but also needs the direction of the left in order to create a focus within that vast field.  Learn how the energy works in your consciousness and body.  I think that this will help if you do this kind of work daily.

 

The other thing you can do is to look at what the Eastern traditions say about foods that are good for yin.  These will be described as “cooling” in nature.  Before I knew about this type of diet I was approached in a vision by my guardian and he showed me an image of several foods.  One was eggs.  That was the protein I was to eat for a while because meat was giving me a lot of trouble.  Then alongside the egg was a slice of cantaloupe. “Really?” I thought. But I tried it, and by golly, it really helped to calm kundalini effects a LOT.  In fact, it put me into this very calm blissed-out state.  It was like a drug.  This only lasted for about a six month period for me, though.

A year later I came across an article on a site that described that eating melon was very good for calming and “cooling” kundalini down.  Well there you go, right?  Along with melon are other foods like cucumber which are supposed to be good.  I found myself not eating meat and eating a lot of eggs, fruit and light uncooked vegetables.  I also found that a couple of years later that raw jalapeno would really even me out and put me into a similar blissed-out state as the cantaloupe had a few years prior.  Again, this was synchronized with where I was at the time.  Jalapeno does not affect me the same way as it did then when kundalini was stirring me so strongly with all those blocks to clear out.  You might want to listen to your intuition, consider lucid dreaming and mediation to get messages about the best things to try.  Trust that you can discern these things. Whatever the way is that works best for you, the information is there and it can help you out a lot if you can learn to trust that this can happen.  Sometimes just being aware that you can do this is enough to begin grabbing that informational tiger by the tail.  Heavier foods have had their place for good grounding, but there is also a time not to be grounded completely.  Sometimes you have to go waaay out in order to do the work, right?  So go.  Do.  And then, get your grounded state in so you keep balance in your life.

 

The other side to all of this is that during rapid block removals you can feel achy.  It feels almost like you are going to get sick.  This is a good time to let the junk flow through you.  it is a bit like the “hair of the dog.”  When I had rapid removal during Qi Gung work, I actually felt clammy and sick for several weeks.  Then, just as a block was getting ready to move, I would feel sick a little to my stomach.  This always became a sign that I was moving energy.  At this stage, it can often be the result of what I call chakra energy movement where the force of the chakras are moving many blocks in a given region of the light body instead of individual blocks.  This is more a wholesale kind of removal.  You can often be dealing with a whole cluster of blocks being removed at once and this was always where I got flue symptoms.  It was a lot to deal with, so symptoms emerged.  But instead of this being a situation where I was being made sick by the junk floating through me, it was more its last hurrah before it was gone.  So think of it as a positive sign and that once it all moves, the flu feelings will recede until the next big series of blocks go.  You will likely find after a few years of this that things quiet down and you begin experiencing blocks moving more from the meridians than the chakras.  They are ALL moving out of the meridians or the nadi, but the chakras are creating these powerful stirrings of the energy in certain areas that sweeps all that stuff up and out.  Let it do its work!  Its good! Just know that this is simply a reaction and you are not getting sick.  If it gets bad enough, consider minimally invasive ways of calming and creating comfort for coating the stomach. Teas, honey, even yogurt or milk if you can handle that.

 

Drink plenty of water, too. I know it sounds simple, but your body is working overtime.

 

I hope that this helps you.  My hope is to help ease your way, to provide you with what I have found useful, to add to our base or understanding.  Use what works and bear in mind, too, that some things wont work at one point in the journey and suddenly work in other periods.  ~P.

 

 

NOTE: This is part two of a two-part work that details the marks that have emerged on my body throughout my awakening process.  I am finally including this information here in the hopes that if anyone else encounters them that they can rest assured that they are not losing their minds and that all is well.  If you are finding this and would like to read the first installment please click HERE and a new tab will open and you can come back to this installment once you have completed the first part.

Continued from the previous…


 

When I awoke and saw this burn on my hip, I was at a complete loss as to how to explain any of this.  How had I managed to burn myself and never even notice?  If I had burned myself, I reasoned, whatever had burned me would have burned through my clothing. I would have noticed this kind of burn.  It would have been a circular or semi-circular object.  I would have clothing that was burned through near the hip.  As I searched memory, I had not been in the kitchen or near anything that was hot enough to create a burn like this.  It just wasn’t adding up the morning I got up and saw the mark plain as day as I sat on the side of the bed before my feet hit the floor.   I knew there was no way I could have gotten burned just lying in bed asleep.  No sharp objects, no chemicals had come into contact with my body in the last week. And a burn?  I would have noticed it.  I would have felt it.  I would feel it throbbing, begging me to put something on it to ease the pain. This was a complete mystery!

 

Over the course of the next couple of days I shot the same mark several different times in a variety of different light just to make sure that I had captured it.  Had I been branded? A friend later suggested that maybe I had been branded, but perhaps branded by spirit. Had I been taken out and abducted?  Why a burn?  And why didn’t it hurt?  Why didn’t it behave like a burn?  It simply faded over a period of about three days with no marks, no scaling of the skin, no itching, no scarring at all.  There was no evidence of bruising or abrasion either. It was a complete mystery…at least as the time.

 

Below, see a close-up of the mark.

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The Second Mark

The next photo is of a mark that manifested in 2012 after I experienced a powerful heart clearing.  This was the third such clearing that I was aware of, which suggested to me that this was the third kosha, level, or dimensional aspect to be impacted through the clearing process that kundalini helped to facilitate.  In the case of the mark at my heart chakra, it took a number of days before this mark emerged. Prior to that, I felt a powerful magnetic effect of energy surrounding my heart center that I can only describe as a beaming energy that was moving outward from my heart center.  It is worth noting that I had two years prior to this had an experience with an angelic being who reached into my heart center in a kind of psychic surgery where he pulled out what felt like a part of my insides.  All of this was energetic in nature, but felt very physical at the time.  While he had his hand in my heart center, I was on fire with an unbelievable pulse of love that radiated throughout my entire being at a pitch that I could scarcely believe was even possible.  It was this experience that initiated a series of powerful heart openings that continued over the following three years that resulted in a number of releases of old ancestral, physical, karmic, and emotional material from my field of awareness.  Once the release came that resulted in the mark in my heart center, my heart felt more different than it ever had.  It felt as though I had a beaming light shining from the center of my heart.

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This mark began as a single circle and over a period of months as my heart center grew or expanded, a second lighter circle developed on top of the first.  This had the effect of two hoops or circles making a figure “8” on my chest.  I did not take photos of this new or expanding of the mark on my body.

I noticed that when I looked at it in the mirror over that year that the circle took one a look as though it was a circle with many smaller flames encircling it.  It reminded me a lot of the image of Shiva dancing and being surrounded by a circle of flame.  In fact, this mark was different from the first in that it was more like a series of marks making up a circle.  It also has the effect of being like a string of red burn-like marks strung together, which the picture above illustrates.  Again, this mark did not come about as a result of a fungal infection like ringworm or psoriasis and has been a mark that at various times reemerges when I am moving strong heart energy. I can in fact feel its presence all the time, but it gets stronger at different times. Besides the burn mark shown earlier, I have never had these strange burn marks that I could not account for.   If anything, the marks are more like the result of my body being slightly irritated by the energy across the skin, perhaps more like how electricity might burn the body more than anything. Could this be a reaction to strong pranic energy flowing through the heart chakra?  It’s interesting to me that it is so small; this ring feels like it corresponds to the central channel, the shushumna as it transits through the heart chakra because my heart chakra takes up nearly my entire chest now.  There is an emergence of the most brilliant part of the heart center that starts at the center of my chest and radiates outward.  This ring corresponds to this most intense center of energy (and might be a slight overloading of energy that irritates my skin?).

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What I do find interesting is that in my inner work I discovered a characteristic of prana while working with a Kahuna healer one day.  When I am having her work on me, I feel very relaxed and secure and I often drop into a deep trance state in the hopes of facilitating the energy she is moving in my body.  As I looked down into my meridian system I noticed something I had never seen before, which was that each energy line was surrounded by a series of other lines, like a bundle of fiber optic cables surrounding a central sheath.  The mark on my chest is very similar to how the channel looked when viewed in cross-section (I am able to use the inner eye to get all kinds of views of my body ethereally, including what is essentially a cross section view). But I don’t know if this is connected to this discovery I made with my healer or not, and will be something that I will be bringing up with healers in my area to see if we can develop this further to see if these bundles can be further looked at to work out ways to work with them for moving energy and for healing work. So much to ponder and consider!   All of this, no larger than the size of a dime.  This is one reason why I think that this mark corresponds to the central channel and not the entire chakra because in both the Indian and the Chinese methodologies, the channels are described as quite small.  The Ida and Pengali (which are nadi, or channels, for prana) are said to be as thin as the hair of a boar, for example.  Each of the spots or flames are themselves closer to that size while the central core or inner circle is more in line with the shushumna channel size.  I bring this all up because this might possibly be a way to study the anatomy of the energy body (until a scientist or engineer gets curious enough to build a device that can detect and read prana in the body!). So given this size of these channels, does this circular mark correspond to the diameter of the center channel, the shushumna?

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If you would like to learn about the nadi, which are many, and the larger system of energy that transmits prana throughout the body you can begin with a pretty good wiki article first.  https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nadi_(yoga)

 

What I have noticed is that my chest continues to feel different.  It even seems to have had an effect on how my skin reacts to this energy.  Radiant, glowing almost, there is an abiding presence of all that I have worked to bring forward within myself.  The energy, though, seems to have a slight irritating effect, which is mild, but is ever-present.  Sometimes it can lead me to want to scratch or rub it, which can also make it sore very easily.  I have to remind myself not to touch it, but to be aware of it, to feel what this all represents and the change that it has brought into my life.

Marks Are Not A Given Nor A Necessity

I don’t think that you have to have ANY physical manifestations of awakening in your life to prove anything about your awakening experience.  In fact, the central phenomenon of awakening that is most important to my mind is the Presence that emerges and never goes away, which is itself, at least to me, a higher dimensional aspect of who and what we are potentially, and that this Presence can help to bring great change in our lives if we allow it to do its work.  This Presence can bring awareness if we can be humble and if we can be honest with ourselves.  Then, it burrows deeper into us, integrating and clearing as it goes.  Resist, and it too will cease its development, its movement ever-deeper.

I also consider the great likelihood that I may have been a mystic Christian in an earlier life and either knew of, or experienced, some aspect of stigmata before, and this may be part of why I am experiencing these marks as I have in this life. Or not.  I will give you a couple of examples of how past life experience can inform our experience in the here and now (hoping its not too far a jaunt off our beaten path of the marks of awakening).

Thirty years ago, in an effort to project consciousness out of my body, I was approached by a serpent with the face of a man where the face of the snake should have been. This serpent was coiled and was floating in the air.   This face looked decidedly Mayan.  In the projection, I was being told that I needed to project my consciousness into the form of the snake. I looked at it and thought how odd an image that was, because I knew about a Mayan God name Quetzalcoatl, but always imagined it to be a winged or feathered serpent, not a floating serpent with a man’s head.  I wondered why it was that I would experience this image, obviously connected to Quetzalcoatl, in the way I had.  There was a reason for it, I just didn’t know what it was, at least not right away.  Later in life, however, I would have a series of dreams that revealed to me that I had lived as a Mayan in the Yucatan Peninsula and probably had some experience with this same god.  In my studies in art school, I came across a nearly identical image of Quetzalcoatl I had not seen before in the Museum of Natural History in Mexico City that depicted him in just the same way I had seen him during my projection work.  I also read later about Quetzalcoatl and found out that the priests who worked with this being were said to be visited by this god and would be taken on spirit journeys. Curious, that, I thought.  It was exactly what I was being told to do when I was younger, yet I knew nothing about Quetzalcoatl.  Not at least in this lifetime (and not until I took a course in college later simply because my curiosity had been piqued). And in still another interesting turn, that lifetime spent in the jungles of Palenque would bear upon many things that would take place in a life in the future which is the life I am living now with the whole “end” of the Mayan calendar-round in 2012.  Life is not without its interesting coincidences, and seems to be woven into a dynamic fabric where one life informs another in useful and coherent ways.

In an odd twist, I also found out a year after my experience with the seraphim that visited me while reading up on Christian mystics that there was an account written about a seraph who visited one Christian mystic which was strikingly similar to my own experience.  The mystic was St Theresa of Avilla. Theresa wrote about her experiences, and the account was similar, right down to the side that the angels would come to her and how the seraphim had pulled her insides out of her while she was “on fire with a great love of God.” While Theresa offers no insight into why the angel did this to her, I suspect that this was nothing short of a kind of “operation” performed in the etheric with the matter of the meridians, prana, or chi as the substances or systems that were being worked on.  All of this sounds crazy of course, unless you have seen and felt these systems for yourself.

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Ecstacy of Saint Theresa by Bernini, Santa Maria della Vittoria, Rome

What I am saying is that I think that we may have a predilection toward certain experiences over others depending on our own turn of mind, reincarnation background, beliefs, and our constitution.  Some of us may need this “surgery” while others may not.  Some of us may “remember” the lost or ancient gods and goddesses as they seem to make a return to us in this age.  If I could count the number of people who I know who have had some significant experience with Isis, I would have a large room full of people who all know an important aspect of this woman who once walked the earth, who taught, and who was revered above mere saint and reached goddess status.  Lying deeper within us are these memories.  We are often just too busy or unaware that they exist.  Awakening can be enough to shake them loose in us and bring us face to face with these forces in the healing and resurrection that is this experience.

For some time, I have resisted putting these images up because I suspected that there would naturally be those who would be skeptical.  However, I know I am not the only one, and I place these images not for the skeptics, but for those who may have had unusual or baffling physiological changes taking place within them that might seem alarming or strange to them. While all of this takes place in the context of a grand sort of unraveling and rebirth and a coming to know one’s self in a new or expanded way, we also remain physical creatures with our own frailties sometimes.  Everything is as it should be.  And things will continue to change along a path that is certain and for your own betterment.  Believe in yourself, your own inner voice, and the authority placed there by the divine!  The universe, while neutral, is set up to allow you to succeed if you just know how to be authentically in the world. Others might not understand it, or might not even get it.  And this is, in its own way, part of how things are.

Finally, and lastly, I would add that for some time I considered that this phenomenon might not be unlike some of the burn marks that are common amongst those who have experienced abduction phenomenon.  I hesitate to put it too front and center in all of this because of how loaded all of this is. Having a few things in my own past experience that have made me wonder about the nature of my et experiences in my earlier life, I often consider the very possibility that some of the et encounters are themselves not entirely physical and belong to a range of experiences not unlike those experienced in awakening.  That is, that they may be a form of out of body experience, or inner “synthetic” reality which the ancients knew and wrote about at some length. Now I know that for some people, these are traumatic experiences and it can be hard to hear someone suggest blithely and perhaps unknowingly that they might not somehow be entirely physically real in the normal sense.  But I ask you; what is real?  Do you actually know what is real?  It is curious to me that the early Christians (Jesus in his “secret” teachings to his disciples) knew about these beings and described them as a spiritual agency that behaved more like spiritual parasites than god-like beings (although they behave in both cases as if they are on this kind of level). While mainline Christianity barely mentions them, the newly discovered documents in the Nag Hammadi do, and it is there, in the Hypostasis of the Archons that so much can be discovered about them and how similar they are to our modern et experience in certain strands of the phenomenon.  What books like this describe is a phenomenon with beings that fit the modern et abduction scenario perfectly, and are too similar one to the other to dismiss out of hand.  I suspect that in these cases, we may have a presence that is psychic or spiritual in nature that could be so present and powerful enough to create effects in us in just the same way that hypnotists have been able to cause burn marks to emerge on their subject’s bodies.  It is also likely or possible that what we have seen is a kind of transiting between dimensions so that physical dna can be taken, while in other cases, their presence is more of an internal nature.  What is sure is that these beings behave more like shape-shifters than anything we normally know in our world.

I know that such a mention might seem far afield to you, but I suspect that all of these things may cross at a place where body and mind might have a lot to tell us about ourselves and the capacity for us to release or express hidden or submerged memory, emotion, or knowledge when a thought or feeling contains sufficient force to manifest in these ways.  And it is here that burn marks emerge along with a few minor other types of markings as well.  We may yet be only on the edge of understanding the full breadth of what all of this means or is about.

So the marks of my awakening are my own.  Others have experienced them, and still others may experience them in the days, months, and years to come.  I simply want you to know that all is well, it’s just your body expressing a truth or a knowing or awareness that it needs to get out for your conscious mind to see.  In the case of my first burn mark, this took place just prior to the full rise of kundalini.  However, I will remind my readers that my awakening was gentle and gradual (taken in phases or steps).  I had a six-month period where the full power of awakening was released in distinct stages through my own inner practice and hearing a voice inside of me that guided me.  I was brave enough to not think I was going crazy and I listened to that “voice” or inner prompting.  As a result, it led to what I think was a much gentler form of awakening that could help others to awaken more peacefully and with less worry or fear.  And still, even then, it was quite a wild ride because….well….kundalini.

Finally, in sum, I would like to add one small point that might be why the first mark emerged as it did.  Ten years after that mark emerged on my right hip, at a time when I had removed layer after layer of piled on junk from my consciousness, I found myself at a place where I felt like I had reached nearly the end of the material I had worked so diligently to remove after this decade of inner work.  As this vista came into view, I have noted that it is in this same location in my body that the single most difficult block has remained. I have learned a lot about what this represents in the esoteric systems that describe it.  This is the point, an acupuncturist once observed, that resided along a meridian line that was tied to the gall bladder.  Being solar in character, it could create specific digestive problems aligned with this hot or solar energy (which I have had throughout awakening related to bouts of nausea and even diarrhea in the first six months of the awakening process).  Here in the hip, so close to the root chakra, along the yang energy line, we have masculine energy stuck in a realm having to do with nurture and a sense of safety, and personal abundance.  Here, too, is very likely the emotion of both fear as well as anger, stopped up in a block, held in tension without a place yet for the psyche to know how to let it go, and which can be felt as an almost physical sensation which no physical doctor would be able to ever detect unless the block were to manifest as a physical condition such as illness.  So in the last few weeks I have received guidance on the inside that has told me what next I need to do to neutralize this last block.  This is ultimately bringing in the feminine yin to balance the masculine and neutralize the block and to heal this last rift which has been so stubborn.  I suspect that blocks can be this way; the easiest and least activated are likely to go first while the more dug in and most activated ones remain until the end.  But by the time that day comes and one block remains in a field that has been cleansed, having even the stubbornest of blocks does not feel like an impossible feat to remove.  I know that when I can bring up all the right feelings that I need to both acknowledge and move through, this block, like the hundreds before it, will also go into the ether as it is transmuted back into a clear and brilliant body that has been my life work here these past number of years.  And maybe the crescent holds some symbolic meaning for me. It might have been the image of the seers of old, or emblazoned on the heads of priestesses and priests in Atlantis, Egypt, or pre-Christian Europe. Perhaps once this cycle is complete, I might just find out.  Until then, it’s for me a sign of the times playing out on the intelligence of my body.

Until next time…

 

 

©Parker Stafford, all rights reserved. No part of this work may be copied or republished without consent of the author.

U.G. Krishnamurti had them, saints and other “ecstatics” have had them, as well as some members of the Warao of the Orinoco Delta have been known to have them.  The topic of stigmata or marks from no known physical source is one that is documented, known, and yet in truth little is known about it.  One of the early phenomenon for me was a mark on my body that could not be explained by conventional means and happened around the time that awakening was taking place.  My awakening happened slowly in such a way that I didn’t know it was kundalini,  During that time I had a series of very unusual things taking place that I was careful not to talk about for fear that people would have thought I was crazy!  Part of what happened to me is something that I was concerned may have been connected to my experience in a dream during that time.

Let me explain that the marks on my body have been documented by photographs as they have happened. Also, their emergence cannot be explained in any traditional fashion that have thus far been conjured.

The first mark I received was during my six month period of “high strangeness” that led up to the full blown awakening effects that would happen early the following year and, happened not long after I had had a very vivid dream that involved a being that was not human.  This being was incredibly vivid and I was able to make drawings of it.  I found a source on the web, quite by accident, that was the account of a man who had had long ongoing experiences with nonhuman beings in what he described as abduction scenarios who drew pictures of the exact type of being I had dreamed of (these were not at all like the typical grey alien being however).  The man was an artist and his images were so unusual for how perfectly they depicted the being I saw in the dream.   The details were very specific down to the thickness and character of their skin, which was much thicker than our own, an upper eyelid that worked differently than ours and gave them a strange staring look of surprise.  Their eyes, which were not at all bug-like as described in the alien grey scenarios, were much more like our own.  They were slightly bigger for their frame and the eye was almost entirely black except for a brilliant beautiful blue ring around the iris.  Descriptions of the manner of these beings have all been consistent with my dream.  So this was, as you might imagine, all very strange to me.  I was very concerned that maybe I was being caught up in some kind of alien experience.  What concerned me was how people normally had no control over their experiences.  This was what caused me concern, you see. The first mark happened around this time.

In an interesting post script to this strange dream of this possible ET being, the person who was with me in the dream, and who I had never told the dream, later would describe to me a dream she had about a being that was startlingly similar to the one I had dreamed of.  Later, while watching a movie that had some fairy-like beings in them, she jumped up and exclaimed how similar one being was to the one she had dreamed of.  This being was so similar to the one I had dreamed of five or six years earlier that it was spooky!

The mark took the shape of a large crescent mark on my right hip.  It appeared one morning without any way to properly explain how it got there.  Let me explain.  I am a glassblower.  I make what is called offhand blown glass.  My work is traditional handblown glass using pipes which are dipped in a pool of molten soft glass in order to blow bubbles in it that are formed into vases, bowls, ornaments, lamp shades, sculptures, and more.  I work around high heat all the time so I know the effects of burns from hot metal objects, glass objects, as well as radiant heat burns.  Name it and I have seen it.  My furnaces, which run at 2,200° Farenheite, are hot on their outsides and belch a good deal of heat which can be felt twenty feet away across the same room from them when doors are opened, for example!  I am used to working in this kind of environment.  Burns are not uncommon and I have learned a lot about burns over the years for the simple fact that I have gotten so many of them.  One thing I can tell you is that I have never gotten a burn that I did not feel soon after it was inflicted.  Ever.  The burn that showed up on my hip would have been of the type that would have burned a hole in my jeans and would have caused me significant pain.  That is to say, I would have noticed this burn upon its being inflicted.  This pain would have lasted for several days while slowly tapering off.  In the meantime the burn would have blistered, weeped, and crusted over.  I would have missed work because being near a heat source would have caused it to “rage” from the heat.

The mark looked just like a burn, this is true.  However, there was no pain associated with the mark, not even an itch, which was unusual.  Stranger still was that the mark completely disappeared once I noticed it.  It faded within three days time completely without scarring of any kind.  So if it wasn’t a burn, what was it?  One thing I can tell you is that I woke up one morning and noticed the burn.  this led me, at least for the time being, to worries that it had a non-terrestrial origin.  This was based on my noticing how some people who have had abduction experiences with ET’s have had burn marks on their skin.  In fact, I found out about the ET connection by doing a search for burns of this type.  There are a lot of people who also have ET experiences who also have strange burns that behave in exactly the same way as my burn behaved.  Add a strange ET dream to the mix and you have a concoction that for the time, caused me a great deal of concern. I don’t think I am ready to be branded by the aliens just yet….and yet, at the time, it was a very real concern simply because of just how STRANGE is all was!  ALL of it!  Good golly, get a burn with no explanation, toss in a weird alien dream and I’m running around like my hair is on fire.  I joke, but you get the idea.

I have considered an infection of some kind, but an infection would have caused topical swelling that this burn mark did not have.  Ringworm, which is a fungal infection, was next in line. That too was marked off the list simply because I was unable to find any examples of ringworm that formed a crescent the size of my mark.  I posted this story on another blog and got a response from someone who had had a similar mark on her right shoulder and this had taken place in conjunction to spiritual energy being present.  This person had found my account because she had been searching for what this all could mean and came across my account.

Within a matter of days of having released a significant and longstanding block in my heart chakra which had been causing me a significant amount of pain for close to a year, there appeared a smaller mark directly over my heart chakra, which was one inch above the bottom of my sternum in my chest.  This mark has persisted ever since then, which has been over two years.  It is circular yes, but it also shows up as a kind of crescent mark where the waxing part of the crescent is pointing directly upward towards my head.  Since that time, I have released more blocks and in the wake of the last big release of a block, which was not in my heart center but the sacral chakra, the mark has grown to include a second circle which now gives the heart mark the appearance of an infinity mark standing up on its side like the number 8. They appear as two crescents with the fuller end of the crescent being upward and downward, alternatively.  These two crescents are about the size of an American dime or British half-pence.  This mark is nowhere near as big as the first that showed up on my hip and it also does not go away.  It waxes and wanes somewhat, but I am reminded that it is there when I look in the mirror.  It feels more like it is an expression of some form of energy in my body that is affecting my skin somehow.  It feels like something is trying to seep out of me, perhaps an energy of some kind.

This heart mark, which DOES have a size consistent with ringworm has not responded to any medication that ringworm responds to. It seems, at least for now, to be a regular feature.  I continue to photograph the marks from time to time and I pay attention to when it gets brighter or weaker looking in order to learn as much as I can about this unusual phenomenon.

Ordinarily these kinds of marks usually are an expression of some spiritual fact or issue.  In the Christian tradition marks on the body run the gamut from burns and whip marks to actual holes in the body that bleed as is the case with the passion of Christ.  This, though, is but one manifestation of such an effect.  To understand it, consider that when people are under hypnosis burns can be induced from the mere suggestion that the hypnotist is holding a hot branding iron to the person’s skin.  This has caused swelling, reddening from a histamine release to the area, along with a blister forming in many cases.  Its not that far from the possibility that any number of skin effects could happen at a time when the body and self are undergoing a powerful transition or transformation spiritually or energetically.  For me, I did not get crosses or holes in my palms because that tradition wasn’t the content of my experience.  My wagon was not hitched to that particular experience.  The moon, though, has continued to play an oddly synchronistic role throughout my awakening.  I have met someone who is connected to the moon as a spiritual element in her inner work.  I have suspicions that there was some past life involvement with something that was called “The Daughters of Isis.”  I don’t think we have anything on this group beyond old stories or perhaps rumors.  I am not so sure we even have much about these ancient practices.  What it may all mean, I really am unsure.  WHat I am sure of, though, is that if it is important for me to know, it will be made known.

I am not posting the marks here simply because I feel that for those who will not believe, it wont matter if I show photos or not.  Skepticism is more a belief than a desire to know the truth, I have found.   An honest answer will most often lead to still more skeptical questions not in an effort to get to the truth but to express a skepticism simply because a phenomenon is outside of someone’s own realm of experience.  We tend to doubt what we have never experienced, and while this is a good way to go about things, it is also a bad way of being able to accept things as they are.  This leads to arguing with evidence sometimes.  I have posted these marks in other places so that if you really want to see them, you can.

I am posting this because there may be others who have had these unusual unexplained effects and cannot understand why they are happening.  It may be that my case is so rare that there are few cases happening.  For as strange is it may sound, I have come to the conclusion that the burns in the “abduction” cases may well be nonphysical manifestation of something deeper going on for these abductees. This is a long story and it has to do with what I think is a misconstrual of what we as humans take the ET presence on earth to be, which is not all as it appears.  I am not talking about a conspiracy by shadowy men in black, but rather something more fundamental to human spirituality and our lack of awareness of beings all around us in the etheric which are seeking to appear in a given guise.  Interestingly, there is an insightful and freethinking scholar who very much stands outside the realm of traditional Christian spirituality who has built a convincing theory about what the ET presence actually is all about, at least in part. It also helps to underscore how lacking in awareness we are as beings and that the flames of awakening can help to break away the barriers, at least in part, of how we perceive things.

So no, I do not think this is about aliens.  However, people who are on the verge of awakening HAVE had such experiences which they take to be real events which have happened in a vivid and seemingly real holographic reality much like an out of body state.  Like a dream that seems so real you think its actually happening, these people have had these experiences.  Some have led to burn marks, for example, not so much because they have been physically abducted but because this is a nonphysical reality now being expressed through the agency of body Gnosis, or stigmata.  The mind says it is real and thus creates an effect that would seem to express this reality, except that the root of the effect is misconstrued or misunderstood for what it is.  The burn is itself just an effect, and it is happening nonphysically and since we know so little about this effect, it is taken as being caused in physical reality when its not.  THAT is one concept that I know is a bit hard to swallow, but is to my mind quite possible given what John Lash, the scholar I have mentioned earlier, has uncovered about the alleged ET source (which, if you have been following my drift you will suspect doesn’t have anything to do with ET’s at all).

There are lists of the  symptoms of kundalini awakening, and at first glance, they are bewildering in their breadth, and do little to shed light on the larger phenomenon (at least at first glance).  I say this because they are just so broad a range of symptoms that it might lead some to wonder if this is A thing or many other things.  But I assure you, it is THE thing.  The symptoms are so broad I think because kundalini isn’t like something you catch, like a cold.  With a cold, it’s a fairly focused or specific experience.  You get head, throat, and ear soreness.  You sneeze and cough.  You get itchy eyes and you feel tired.  You might have congestion.  But for the most part, a cold has a series of symptoms that all make sense as a specific THING.  With kundalini, this is involving all aspects of your being, so be ready for a host of symptoms.

Kundalini is like the World Tree of the Maya.  It feeds everything, is everything.  It is the World Hoop of the Lakota, the sacred circles and Dream Time of the Aborigines.  So it spreads it limbs far and wide and does not include one energy, but a host of them, all interlocked, related, merging and unfolding.

While it is easy to point to the event of the rising of kundalini, I think that the approach that I do believe we make towards awakening may well  provide clues to us for something looming on the horizon.  In the Hindu tradition it is claimed that you cannot even awaken kundalini without the proper preparation, which means kundalini yoga and meditation.  Well, there are people all over the planet right now who are awakening spontaneously without having had ANY practice and certainly not even knowing what kundalini yoga even was before this thing hit them.

Even before the series of events that took place that landed me smack dab in the nondual universe that day in August of 2006, something had actually been brewing.  There was a sense of expectancy, as though something was happening, I just could not put my finger on it.  The one big symptom pre-awakening (if I can even call it that) was what I would call “time slips.”  Time  was acting weird.  I thought at the time that maybe we were being bombarded by cosmic rays (imagine my surprise when I read about how the entire solar system is actually heating up as a result of some radiation, perhaps coming in now from the central galaxy “sun” or from increased solar activity—note: Mars’ ice caps are melting and most planets are showing evidence of symptoms that could be attributed to warming up!). Others who were having these same symptoms thought this same way, too.  I don’t know if this was an intuitive sense, or an attempt to fashion a myth around an unknown effect that was beginning to hold people in its sway.  These slips were a sudden change in the perception of time.  Time simply would suddenly seem to go by very quickly.  I remarked once that five minutes ago it was yesterday, an hour ago it was last week, and who knows what tomorrow will bring.  These slips seemed random, but were happening frequently.

After this period of time, I had the definite sense that something was up.  What it was, I just didn’t know.  I didn’t know what I knew.  I was not fully aware of what I was aware of.  Does that make any sense?  Perhaps a new current was already making its way inward, but not enough to spark a deep enough level of awareness to gather my cognitive function into the famous “A-ha!”  moment.  I mention all of this because this MAY constitute one aspect of the awakening experience that is not talked about or even mentioned simply because we become too fixated on the more dramatic effects of the “rising” of kundalini.  For my experience, I had a slew of symptoms that all presaged the rising of kundalini.  For a good while I just wasn’t sure WHAT was going on, and because of how these symptoms presented themselves, it kept me off the scent of it being kundalini.  Sometimes it can be helpful to know what you are dealing with when it comes to things like this.  Many people thought they were going crazy, and I do wonder how many people did go off the deep end who were lacking in the support they may have needed at such a crucial time.  Would having a good support structure make the difference between a hard or easy awakening?  My sense is that if you are engaged, curious, and have a good sense of self, you can make it through all of this quite well without thinking you are going around the bend.  When you awaken you aren’t alone.  With it comes a presence, an intelligence, a kind of silent guide that is ever-present.  However, years of programming that might keep someone from listening to this trusty presence could create a lot of inner turmoil about it.

Some of the most mentioned symptoms of awakening are these:

An awareness of the unity of all things – an different sense of time – increased creativity – powerfully inspired states of mind – increase or decrease in libido – changes in appetite – sleep patterns can change – quality and intensity of dreams can change – a sense of presence near or within ones self – awareness of nonphysical presences – increased empathy – increased psychic abilities – chills or goosebumps on the skin – crawling sensations on the skin – feelings of energy in the form of hot or cold, buzzing, and vibrations – hearing sounds, music and voices – sensations of pressure in the body – sudden and subtle sensations of something (energetic) moving up the body in a serpentine manner – sudden giddiness/laughter – sudden sadness or even depression and despair – light effects; seeing lights when eyes are closed, seeing energy around the body -strong effects of energy in the chakra centers a sense of pressure even to the point of discomfort can take place as chakras open in powerful ways – anxiety brought on by all of these changes – fear of losing ones mind – sense of physical pain often centered in certain regions near the chakras (abdomen, heart/shoulder as well as throat, third eye and head pressure) – the presence of synchronicities in ever-increasing numbers –  a larger sense of awareness, intelligence, which you are now a part of – jerking or sudden movements that may help to relieve the “pressure” of some energy (the Hindu call these “kriyas”)

Okay, so by now you may wonder just what this is all about.  All of these symptoms and others similar to these or analogous to these are all a part of the awakening process.  The thing to understand is that an awakening can be beautiful or it can be horrifying.  It can also be somewhere in-between.  There can be bouts of incredible bliss  and rushes of energy followed by a sense of intense pressure on the psyche or emotions.  This process, its nature, is in truth all up to you.  If you get anxious, then this will color the experience.  If you surrender and go with it, it is much easier. I can remember being on carnival rides where I really didn’t or couldn’t give myself over to enjoying them.  I felt like I was gritting my teeth all through it.  On other rides, however, I felt open and free and had a ball.  So you see, it is very much like this.  So much in this is up to you, and this is all a choice. So for this reason you will notice a broad range of symptoms that are quite frankly all over the place and could make for a sense of confusion over just what this is all about.  Since this is not the common cold with a fairly limited range of symptoms, this is about life.  It is about you.  None of this awakening will leave any part of you untouched.  It will move down into the very cellular structure of your being.  This can be disquieting to some who are used to being in control.  It is just a ride, and we can enjoy it or not enjoy it.

What I can tell you is that the most central effects are less dramatic in nature and more feeling in nature.  Yes, there is energy, and yes it creates bliss and brings on enlightened and “altered” states (I don’t like this word—perhaps “alternate” is better). it feels a bit like riding a very big wave, though, one which might be invisible to everyone around you but is absolutely there.  Learning to ride this way, neither too forward nor too far back (holding on) is key to a positive experience.  The chemical cocktail that gets triggered in the body is pretty significant and I will be writing more about the changes that take place with the body, and learning how to regulate feeling so that the body is an accurate  mirror of what you intend or want is key.  What is termed a spiritual experience is in fact a whole-being effect and what touches on the nonphysical parts of you also touches on the physical body as well.  This is alchemy; a refining of both spirit and body in a crucible of energy whereby the person is brought to a new place or way of being.

But let me be clear; awakening is JUST the beginning.  With rapid change taking place, it is easy to think that you are further along than you are.  The junk that is now being dealt with, the “house cleaning” taking place now is up to you.  You can block progress or you can get out of the way and let the “crew” within to do its work, which it will most certainly do.  Perhaps enlightenment comes in degrees.  When we awaken, it is as though we see the sun rise for the first time.  As we progress, we move ever closer to this sun until we are this sun.  Not a perfect analogy, but it gets you close.  You are able to see and feel all that this sun is on first glimpse, the very moment it peeks out over the edge of the horizon, but there is a difference when you embody this solar body.  Perhaps also awakening can come all at once, but we tend to pull back and try to manage it, telling ourselves that we need to be in control of this thing happening to us.  This energy seeks to remove so much dross it can feel a bit like you are having someone come into your house and begin tossing out all your cherished belongings.  It can take a while to begin to trust that whatever gets tossed was simply keeping you from being aligned with your own authentic divinity.  I hesitate using that word because of the associations that it has, and yet it is the best one I have to use just now, so divinity will have to do.

There are other symptoms certainly, but the ones I have mentioned are the main-line ones.  If you understand how you are positioned spiritually and emotionally prior to awakening  then the symptoms tend to fall into three categories; energy effects (which I would include seeing lights as well as psi ability and tend to happen to everyone), and then negative and positive effect (which are determined by “where” you are before awakening).

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