Archives for posts with tag: heiros gamos


This is from my drafts backlog. This was written in December of 2018. It needs work but I’m so busy these days…


I have been in this funny place…I just don’t know how to explain it very well without a little backstory.

I grew up very curious spiritually. I felt like there was so much more to know, and that we were so much more inside. I was maybe three years old and I was having what I later learned were out of body experiences. These experiences were very specific though, and were all the same; I would find myself at the interface between spirit and matter as I watched these filamented orbs of energy entering physical reality to take on the bodies of what I knew were babies that were soon to be born. I was watching souls entering the world of matter. Over the next twenty-five years, I would have a dozen memories from past lives, a kind of inner cosmic disclosure that I kept entirely to myself and with just a handful of friends. The point being that I came into this life with my work from many lifetimes bearing on me.

I say this not as a boast. It took me all this time to see what has been happening around me and to me to finally begin making sense of this. I never spoke about this in any open way. I say this in order to set the stage because often, as we find, old stories and experiences wind up bearing on events later.

I also experienced experienced seeing my parents before I was born, the moment when it was made clear to me that it would be they who would be my parents. This memory, though it took place before I was born, somehow was evident to me as an early life memory that stuck with me. It exists just as crisp today as it was 54 years ago.

I grew up with having prophetic dreams about local and international events, dreams so specific in detail that it made it impossible to have simply been coincidental. Later, when I grew into adulthood, I began a series of dreams in which I began helping those who had died to pass over safely to the next world, experiences oddly congruent with my early “travels” to the edge of our world.

What I know is that on the one hand, I have had lifetimes…scores of them where trying to find “that” truth had been a cherished activity and that it was honed in early Christianity, in Tibet, in North American as a native American (twice), in the jungle of Palenque as a leader of the Maya, and as a freed slave in the U.S. All were connected or threaded-through with several central spiritual themes that appear to be flowering right now in our world.

All that work and so was it any wonder my childhood was filled with what it was? But even so, I have learned that you can, by diving deep into your feeling self (not emotion!) to discover what the rational mind can never offer up. This is your amazing capacity to feel incredible depth in each moment, each thing…no, don’t confuse this with your emotions because your emotions most often is a mine field, a trap) you can realize your greater potential. Hint: you can lean forward to feel the brilliance and peace written inside of the core of Prana or Qi itself instead of falling backwards into your past where you fall into pain and the regrets unhealed there. You can’t heal an emotion with logic, you have to let go and allow the perfect light to take it for you. This has been the away of things, the great lesson in my life.

I grew up with this voice telling me to stay away from religion. It actually said that I was not to buy into any one belief system. This wasn’t something that was based in dislike of religion. If there was anyone who needed a spiritual community, it was me. It was a very odd request, but because it came from inside, from my heart center, I just knew that I had to trust it. It’s kind of weird thinking about it now, though. When I screwed up the nerve to ask this voice why I needed to do this, the voice answered simply, “You will understand when the time comes.”

I obeyed even though I very much wanted to belong to a spiritual community growing up. I even went to church with my family, but I did as told…even though I didn’t really understand why. I did know that I was promised some kind of reveal somewhere down the line, but I didn’t know when that would be or what form it would take. And yes, after three decades, I had reached a point where I began to think that all of this was one big hoax, or a delusion on my part. It just seemed like nothing was taking shape. This took decades.

It wasn’t until I reached age nine that my unusual experiences began to take shape in the form of seeking. I sought, yes, some, but I never joined. I was told not to. This was not a voice in my head, but an inner directive. I would heed that directive. Imagine, though, you go to church, attending classes designed for those who wanted to become a member, and you get through the two-month long process of becoming a member of the church and you are standing before the congregation and you look the pastor in the eye and say “no” to whether you were going to go on to full membership. A part of me was mortified, another part did as I was told. I never understood why.

Over the following years I would hear that familiar thought in my mind….”Don’t join, don’t buy into that religion…”

I limited myself to very light reading. I stayed away from religions and philosophies. I did, however, keep a library of “lost books of the bible” books on near death experiences, a channeler whose work didn’t seem religious but was deeply thought provoking. I began to meditate, I considered that if we were beings who survived death that it stood to reason that we had a soul that existed beyond or idependantly from the body. It seemed simple enough of an idea and yet these kinds of things were considered as fringe or New Age. I wondered how something so fundamental to our being could be relegated to an “ism” so easily. I had experienced the out of body state. There wasn’t anything “new” about it.

I don’t think it was forbidden to study a religion, the point was not to buy into it. When I went to college I had to take two semesters of religious study at this small Christian college that I attended. I went to Sunday school, I sang hymns and I listened to many sermons. Don’t become blinded by belief it seemed to suggest. It was really a bit much…

Thirty years of this. I went to Quaker meetings in college because, I reasoned, there were no trappings, just silence and no preaching. The truth was I wanted to be close to God, to our fundamental nature, which I felt, provided a means to know God. I was devout but I was without a church. I felt like it was okay to attend those meetings because no one was telling me what to think.

By my twenties, I assumed that all of this would lead to something that was responsible for the feeling I had as a child about the church, which was that something had been hidden. I suspected this early childhood experience of mine had to do with hidden books. Something, I knew, had been hidden. I had no idea what that even meant, though. It was like reading from a fragmentary text or recalling a memory in the midst of amnesia. It did come from a place of utmost certainty though.

I tried to see if those lost books of the Bible rang any bells. They did not. It’s important to emphasize that I didn’t feel like I had a choice about how I felt. It was the oddest thing. I knew this like how we know gravity. And yet, I wasn’t given to being conspiratorial about subjects like this. It was only with the church. Not as if I was against it just not of it for some great unknown reason.

The truth of what had been hidden was hidden even unto me. Yeah, pretty crazy. I mean, you would have to be very patient to bear this one out to see what lay on the other side of this deep-in-my-bones feeling. I have spent the better part of my life with this odd notion in me, solid and certain as stone. And I did think it seemed crazy at times but inside the feeling was a certainty that I just couldn’t ever sell out or bargain away.

My awakening, when it came, was itself like a giant clearinghouse for so many questions in my mind. Awakening made things clear to me in many ways (it raised many questions that would layer be answered, some of them), and it all began with what the church had hidden. When this became clear to me, all of the doctrine of the church began to make sense in a way that was fuller, more expansive, and now had the capacity to reach into the cosmic or transcendent. In a word, the doctrine began to mirror the capacities I was seeing in myself over my lifetime and that what was in us was an important spiritual physiology in order to know divine union, what early Christians called “The Consumation.” But like I said, something was lost and it was like losing the lock while still holding the key. Further, we each have this within us, this innate capacity for divine union, of being one with the Beloved.

We grew up as most Christians were being told that you didn’t have a lock, you just needed the key. But that was just a story based in collective ignorance. So the saving words of Christ were lost almost as soon as they were given. I am convinced now that entire generations of Christians completely misunderstood key aspects of the innermost teachings so that the understanding was edited out and the books that began to describe the real depths to early Christianity were ordered destroyed. This took place as a steady drip by at least the first century A.D. as early works and letters show a move against the “heresies ” began. By the fourth century the church was allied with Rome and heresy hunting was moving powerfully with decrees handed down by the emperor.

I know how that will sound to ardent Christians. I have had people tell me that if there was something new to know about Jesus or Christianity, we would have found it out by now. The the crazy thing is that in close to two thousand years, this really has remained a mystery, a secret, and this secret has kept countless followers from the means by which one opens the lock and opens the gate to the garden where the white light dwells…the light which transforms each of us when we touch it here on earth. I was able to open that gate in order to glimpse this vrry real and tangible light that most must wait until physical death to experience. I know its effects, I know how just a glimpse can transform any of us here…forever.

The Secret I uncovered had to do with the Trinity and how it served both as an anatomy of God but also of our own inner spiritual anatomy too (as children of God). This secret has been kept out of the church so that no member or believer may know its truth and its effects on us.

I finally realized that in order to understand this, I couldn’t be in the church, no matter how much I wanted to be. I wanted to be! It has resulted many years later in my finding my “rest” in the understanding that this was all for something. I see and understand some of it. Now I understand the fervor, the passion and intensity of my journey. So much is clearer now even as I know that personally, I have more work to do to become more like Christ, to embody that fiery passion that raised souls from death into a new, second birth.

This discovery has changed the makeup if the Trinity, the force which “raised people up” from a dead state to a living one. It also puts a spotlight on the ressurection and many central tennets if the Nicean Creed. Goodness sakes, this discovery changed a lot and when I begin writing about it, it will upend many cherished notions all made as a result of incomplete understanding. To do that will take a book because there sre countless references that will need to be cited and I have to learn my New Testament now like someone who has been studying this his whole life. I dont expect to convert anyone but I do hope for deeper reflection to take place. I have been avoiding writing this book because while I discovered something critically important, it is so different from what one billion church members worldwide that I doubt it will be taken seriously by anyone in that membership. It is, though, critically important to understand just as important as it is to understand how such an error happened in the first place. Lastly, it will just happen to link Christ’s teachings with those from other times, schools of thought, and philosophies.

Recently, after having spent years alone, I have felt this stir of wanting to return to the Church. About three years ago that inner voice, that guiding presence, said to me that I could now read about other religions and philosophies if I wanted. I asked why now because whenever that voice comes, I feel like I can get a few good words out of it before it goes quiet again. I thought I’d try. It explained that I needed to be able to show how my experience mirrored the awakening described in the early church and I would have missed it if I had become a follower. “By being on the outside you were able to finally understand what the missing piece was because your experience included the missing piece which you will bring back to those who are brave enough to encounter the Light and be changed in a twinkling.”

This is why I was able to take Christ as the saving presence without being in the church. The problem is taking Christ as your savior meant taking on the Christ—which means becoming one. Philip’s gospel spelled it out about how this all worked. That the church was calling his teaching heresy was itself the heresy. I did this because of what has been lost. Yes, Paul was right when he said that we take on the Christ, but this was literal. We DO take on the Christ because what gives rise to the Christ has always been inside of us. Even Jesus hinted at this in pretty clear ways saying that the Kingdom was within. It isn’t attained from without but is instead the single most intimate experience one can have where once you encounter it, you do not feel it as anything that ever existed outside of us. It’s just that intimate an experience. There is no man who comes into you, this is the error that was sewn all those centuries ago.

It is the height of ignorance and arrogance to believe that there isn’t anything new we can learn. But there is, and for those who have laughed at me for saying I have found something new I will say this; the assumption of this truth has been extremely rare…so rare in fact that there have only been a precious few who were able to speak to its innermost truths. It wasn’t until about the 16th Century that anyone speaking out about Church doctrine was labelled a heretic. It wasn’t that long ago that heretics were burned, tortured, and mutilated (remanded to a civil court for sentencing and punishment). Only now have we been free enough to speak freely without fearing for our lives, or excommunication. I don’t have to fear any of this because God kept me free from all of it. I never joined, I had no dog in the fight.

This gets to how I have been feeling lately. I know that my devotion to the church has been strong all these years even if it was to point out a flaw or lie or deception within it. I know that the bees in the broken hive still think their hive is perfectly fine, but I stand outside and know better. I am here to fix that hive. It will be up to the bees to accept this and make the changes. Luckily, none of this diminishes the one thing I love most; my communing with the one true creator.

Finally though, I find myself hoping for the same devotion to a religion that honors the truth. I yearn to know another who has this same level of devotion so that we might both gaze into the infinite that is within each of us. I find myself wishing for someone as devoted as I have been. I know I was made to serve, but I find myself asking the Light, “What now?”

I know that because the truth dwells in each of us, we CAN know the truth without books or teachers. Afterall, I did! I know it’s possible and I know the way to that lock on the garden gate. I don’t want to be a teacher or guru. I just want to live my life in quiet devotion with this radiant life that dwells within me…and maybe get this book written about my experience and how it helped to unlock a secret thpusands of years in the making. And I suppose that is a bit of a boast, but there it is.

And alone has been fine, but now I seem to yearn for a mirror who shares the same love of God. Those awakened who lack devotion to the higher purpose present in this experience seem to me to be like rudderless boats. I think I see an ingredient missing and it is devotion. I’m being judgmental I know, but it’s based on experience with those rudderless people. I’m not here telling those people directly that they lack direction, no, and it may even serve an ultimate purpose for them, so who am I to say? It’s just not for me anymore. Sometimes you do need to be lost a bit before realizing you need something more. For me, the devotional path feels just right for the rest of the time I have here.

That probably makes me sound like a religious geek, but truth be told, I always wanted to know God’s thoughts. Even as a kid. Now awakened and entering states that put me at the feet of this Presence, I have simply said, “I want to be more like you.” I realize that to do that, I must learn how to be all love. I know that the attention and love that I feel streaming from it to me tells me it wants a perennial engagement with me. It does not want me out of that stream of powerful love that undoes me, empties me so that I might be ever-more-full. I know that now I am the same; I yearn for a love that results in two unafraid to grow together as one. It’s a tall order I know.

Seems I have my work cut out for me.

She was the one who was touched by the growing bloom of desire. Each center opened to a presence that moved all through her. It was little more than a wisp, really, like a rising tide of water. Just like that. This touched her at every level of her being. Pulling him close, though he was far from her, she initiated a dance that she was never able to complete perhaps because the prize was just that precious and powerful a thing; fire from heaven.

The truth amongst our kind is that once touched, we are forever changed. We cannot pretend to be the same. We cannot act as though the genie has gone back into the bottle. We try, many times we do, just as she had done, hoping to return to her Kansas and her blissful ignorance. We all do, if the truth is told. We do grow accustomed to it though and in its big roaring realm of a shift it awakens us to deeper truths, and not all of them sit comfortably with us. With such power, with such roaring realms as these, we are ourselves made into instruments of the emanations that is our universe. The Gods and Goddesses speak through our fiber, our bone, our idiosyncracies, our desire, our failings and our triumphs. We face up to the fact that to be spiritual is to be sexual, which is to be creative, which is about begetting both spiritually and physically. We cannot nor will we ever remove ourselves from the truth of this which is that at its core, all of this awakening is creative. She wants to create with him, to feel his words and his presence upon her lips, drawing out of her a consummate creation born of a love that is transcendent….something more than just she and more than just he. Through every center she feels how the truth of this touches her inwardly just as it touches him inwardly. They are carried, touched, enlivened…. by this fire to know how they both share in an inuterable truth about it and each other….Such a truth draws souls together unlike anything else.

serveimage

People can turn their backs on these things but so strong are these events that they make indelible marks on our lives, our souls, our hearts, and even our bodies. For as much as we seek to seem normal, to fit in, to fly under the radar, we are rendered an exotic forever after and for always. All of the heresies come to live in us all at once, shaking us to that inevitable conclusion that each of us make, which is that the world is both backwards and upside down. …and it has been that was for a long time.

We, even touched as we are by this, remain backwards and upside down creatures until we relearn and allow ourselves to break under the pressure of the great force that is the divine bearing down on us and on the falsehoods of our innermost lives. The difference is that we are pilgrims who travel not without comprehension to the Promised Land but with full realization that we each ARE what was once promised us.

She is the kind who can sense and even smell him before he arrives. Her innermost senses are so enlivened by him that her own senses begin to form a world around him that is made up of him. Something in her is made to know him perhaps as much as he knows himself. It is at this great level of intimacy that she can never again pretend she had not caught glimpse of the bringer of that fire to her frame in this life or that she served as the crucible within which their surrender became the Great Revealer. She knows him and he knows her in a way that defies any idea that we are in any way separate or that the universe itself is not strung together in an incredibly intimate fashion such that no lie about separation can stand long before the roar of this world washes over it and topples it, washing its pieces away as we stand gape-mouthed wondering over what just happened, and also over how we could build such castles to honor the deeper heresy of separation.

heart

And even those who have parted still meet in the breathless silence of their innermost realm at night and between the sentences of spoken words and between the architecture of our thoughts. They are just too large for that not to happen, and we must learn to forgive ourselves if the fire is ever to make any sense to us and not burn us to a crisp in fear or in anger, or in jealousy, or in uncertainty. It is in the in-between that it calls to us and does not care the channel or vessel who carries it. It seems to need us to tell its story, like some wordless presence, like some vivaciously creative mute that is suddenly tired of keeping silent but has no means itself with which to speak or caress or to love the other in the way that we are equipped.

For many, it’s just too much. It’s too much as long as we resist being as big as it is. It’s too much as long as we refuse to stretch into its being and learn to give that higher self a place in our lives. We resist because the higher self is not uncertain but knows…..and we, the children waking up to its presence within us, are limited and do doubt and are afraid that it might mean our end…..even though that never seems to happen.

He can feel how she visits him. It’s often only after she falls completely asleep. Some nights he waits up and others, he slips off into a sleep that contains chapters only the two of them know, but mostly know peripherally or secretly (even when its secret from themselves sometimes). It isn’t always clear, and there isn’t always a narrative to paint the sky so it can be seen, or a room or a sense of place…..because this now belongs to the timelessness that we each touch when our bodies open their eyes and as our mind is dragged along for the ride. He holds his hand up; this is all he needs do to transmit the ripple of pure bliss which penetrates and travels faster than light and ignores the laws of our world because of how it lives and breathes the one Law that has ever really mattered and is the one Law upon which worlds have been built. This Law lives within him and its movement into her is what remains a world of endless pleasure and delight.

This plays out in this way with many today. Married, single, alone but connected….it has taken all of us into its arms regardless of our laws and rules or conventions. It asks us to tell the truth by BEing the truth, and so it changes our lives when this enters them. We are shaken by this and it is hard, but it is like leaving Kansas with no hope of ever returning, perhaps never wanting to return. The genie is out of the bottle and the truth turns in us until we learn to face it more fully each time it swings us ’round in its pulsating dance of both pleasure and becoming. This truth, if ignored comes back around in other years, seasons, and lives. There is all the time in the world and yet, it seems to make us all feel that there is little time left. I think that this is because of how long we have remained ignorant of how much we have lived outside of its Law even as some of us proclaimed to know it intimately. This force does not care about how our lives are composed it seems, and will clear a path in us to see that its will is done. Eventually, the truth catches up with all of us….and until it does, it exerts a steady pressure on each of us until we give way and forgive in order for the resistance to allow flow again. He remains in silence until she acknowledges that nothing has the power to stop this…

20180222_204957-1136167983.png

Their opposites, both as the Cosmic She and He attract. Karma attracts, that which is left undone attracts. But what is really at the root of our misgivings after all? In each case, it is always something that felt that we did not reach in its fullest apogee for our hearts to feel filled with it. We return to lovers who died too soon for us to play it again just as we turn the wrongs other have done to us into the force that cracks our insides open to reveal the greatest bliss one could ever imagine. In each case, we feel a sense of lack that always has us forever chasing it, forever yearning for it, forever focused on it even if it is done subconsciously. We hide so much from ourselves that our lives do not adequately allow fulfillment for. But how

serveimage-1

do we correct for a wish never filled that is now thousands of years old, covered over by ten lifetimes or more? These bones form the substance of our desire in some of this as we wake up…..and there is nothing so compassionate a hope as this; to free ourselves and to know the force of love not as something that we feel FOR someone but a force that we finally ARE.

There are many stories that remain silent and secret but that live vibrantly in the luminous realm. Don’t let its grace pass you by.

Lovely artwork suggesting Heiros Gamos…

​She’s made sacred by desire

Her great yawning passion

Whose throes 

are the forge

of creation

The multiversity rests

perched,

ready,

unknown

even to her

until the brilliant light enters

whose warmth stirs

and awakens

a celestial womb

draped in night

and buried deep

but moved by by his presence

so that

blooming

she opens deeper still

as everything in the illumine

is undone

revealed

taken and given

all at once.

These are ours

moments snatched 

from the infinite

a Sunday morning late in Spring

with tea and rain

drawing us into this warmth 

of presence

where divine

laden

springs.

serveimageNOTE:  Many think that tantra or Heiros Gamos is about sex.  Thinking this is like thinking that the gate that you open to go out for a walk is actually the journey. It isn’t.  It is a part of it, yes, but certainly it is not the whole story.  The story is about how our energy expands beyond this dimension into a multidimensional reality, which is what and where we exist in ALL TIME.  We are not JUST our bodies here.  We are much more.  But to understand what this more is, you must first understand the light body, the pranic body, and the bliss body.  These bodies are in truth part of an integrated whole, aspects of something that most do not experience to their fullest potential while here on earth (we are working on that, though). That is because most people are so focused in their physical senses that they lose sight of the dominion beyond the sensory world.  And really, the senses only make up a small part of what you and I are capable of.  But it is this ignorance that leads to thinking that tantra is about sex, or that the divine marriage is about sex.  It is actually about our capacity to experience bliss, whether incarnate or not. What do you think you will use to experience all the things you are so used to experiencing in the physical when you are no longer made of flesh and bone?  Being immortal, we go beyond this one body and time and experience.  “Above” us in “larger” dimensions what we call sexual bliss here exists as something that has expanded in dimension and is already something similar to, but distinctly different from physical sexual energy.  And lying alongside sexual energy is creative energy, which is not that different in its effects on us.  Many creatives can FEEL the bliss that turns sexual when creativity is at its peak.  Many have written and spoken about it.  Not everyone feels or experiences it, though.

This post is not about sex, and yet in a certain aspect, it is.  It is what happens when sexual energy is traced beyond its expected terrain or surround (one which we mistakenly think is THE definition of it as we see it in our world).  This is how one energy expands outward like a pyramid into infinity, ever-expanding in scope and power.  Hence, by riding the powerful current of creative and sexual energy it is possible to know these realms within, and in so doing, it can illuminate you to who and what you are in a larger context.  Yes, it is bliss, but imagine bliss that has been refined and then distilled.  This is higher-order energy. We CAN experience this here.  He can pull the rug of heaven down and step upon its warp and know its spaces and purposes.  We CAN inherit the god and goddess because they exist within us in our multidimensional aspects. To get there, you let go of all that you think you are and just BE.  It is a genuine thing, and it can lead you to realization and freedom.  The energy itself has the power to move mountains in your world because what moves a grain in the world of a god or goddess is what moves a world in our own.  You will see that Thales, the Presocratic philosopher, discerned it right:  “All things are full of gods [and goddesses]”

UPDATE:  After working on this post, I came across an image of Inanna, mentioned in the following post.   Images of her likenesses show up early in the post below.  Three days after working on cleaning up the image that I used, I walked into a gallery and found in the basement of this gallery an Inanna sculpture exactly like the ones shown below.  Here I had not seen an Inanna image like the ones shown below before and then walk up to one that is thousands of years old from a time when the goddess was revered and worshiped. These things happen all the time, though.  Inanna is staging a comeback, I think!

With that in mind, the post….

The pagans of Gaul and Britain had enough in their trove of symbology for us to suspect that they knew about Heiros Gamos.  And while they may not have used the same term, there is enough floating around in the form of jewelry, and pictographs for us to suspect strongly that they had a god/goddess duality taking place in their rituals and ceremonies.  That the word even exists is itself proof of our awareness that it exists less as an abstraction and more as a collective reality that touches us all.  The maxim “as above, so below” applies, which is that as we experience in our world, it is a lower dimensional version of a larger reality.  But what is this thing we call  Heiros Gamos?

This is a term in Greek, ἱερὸς γάμος, ἱερογαμία, which means sacred marriage.  It has many notable mirrors throughout world culture.

Amongst the Greeks, what we know is that this was a ritual that was played out where two people acted as god and goddess in union with one another. Ti was not necessarily something that had to be acted out physically, since in the realm of the god and goddess, this is a nonphysical reality, so intent and an understanding of higher order energies comes into play.  When you hear about the term “energetic sex” you are touching on the spiritual reality of sexual energy as a reality beyond the physical experience.  Everything we experience here on our earthly plane has a compliment in other realms. dimensional realities. As above, so below.

In each dimension, though, things change, while keeping the essence intact.  So what do you think that means?  Imagine what life is without a body. This might be hard to do since your memory is bounded most often by this one life.  However, within your ability to see and know lies a deeper sensing that is possible, and you touch on these realities when you get quiet, become reflective, and also meditate.  It is in this world that you can experience the world that is the one most native to your soul. Believe it or not!

serveimage-1

Images of Inanna

In the middle east, the sacred marriage was played out between high priestess of the goddess Inanna and most often the king of the Sumerian city/state. There were other temples throughout the Sumerian kingdom that were dedicated to Inanna.  The temple of Eanna, meaning “house of heaven” in Uruk was the greatest of these. The temple housed Naditu, priestesses of the goddess.The priestess would choose a man who would represent Dumuzid, who was considered the consort of Inanna, which would take place during the Duruk ceremony, This would take place during the new moon of the Autumn equinox. (Source: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hieros_gamos)

serveimage-2

Shepherd God illustration taken from a seal, Ur.

In the Hindu Devadasi tradition, girls were married to a deity and took part in dances and theater which was meant to serve the deity.  In Tantric Buddhism, yabyum is performed, it is said, of the male and female together in a form of ecstatic union. While many in the West think that this is referring to literal sexual union, the union that is referred to is something that each person is able to experience in their own bodies first as a  result of the union of the opposites through the personality up through the higher self, effectively making it possible for divine force to bath the whole self and being in the rich flow of pranic force. Higher order union is that union that we experience through the soul.  It is thus, not contingent upon our being in a body or having sexual union with another person for it to take place.

The Alchemical tradition was also about this same concept, and it may have been by way of Buddhism that the Alchemists were able to fashion a means to relate the material in a more Western flavor.  Certainly some of the earliest of documents concerning Alchemy point directly to the source as being old and wide-spread.  This points to the fact (I feel) that this form of union is something that is part of the human experience, regardless of one’s belief, culture, or belief system. The union of the opposites occurs within the self first.

But is it possible that this union is more than just within the self? I think that the union must first occur within the self and resolve there for enough time to effect the work necessary to clear the energy channels in the body.  Yoga, especially pranayama seeks to cleanse the naddis, those etheric channels of blockages that might cause trouble were they to be charged fully with the action of kundalini, of life force in abundance. I think that this is the next layer, the next stage for us to experience, which is beyond the rather tawdry westernized tantra where its all pretty much about sex and sexual positions.  Oh, there is a nod to energy, because, afterall, isn’t that what its all about? I sense, though, that the depth of this experience is one akin to dipping the toe in, rather than swimming. When we allow such a small amount of energy to flow through us, we are attenuating it, which means that it will FEEL very intense, but will itself be a small flow of energy compared to what is possible. It will be more chaotic, and it will be less peaceful.  You will see how this will almost always lead to problems between the two people as a result. We  judged buy our fruits. So, then, if you want to improve and know there is more, the work dear reader, lies within yourself.

My experience is that yes, this form of union is not only possible, it has happened here in my own life.

I was still quite young when I was with the woman who was my first love.  We both had leanings into the spiritual, but our youth and lack of experience had us still quite green.  But once while we were together making love, I noticed that her body seemed to….change.  She seemed to relax as though she slipped out of herself.  Her head fell back. She seemed barely there.  She looked upward and away from me.  Her eyes sparkled.  After a few moments she seemed t come back to herself and asked, “Did you feel that?”  I looked at her, wondering.  “Yes.  I saw all of this light gathering around us, like stars that kept drawing into us closer and closer and this energy built up until I felt we were out amongst the stars and it reached a peak and there was this explosion, and the explosion was of countless stars……and after that, I chased you through space amongst those stars, like we were playing hide and seek.”  I felt nothing of the sort.

Does it mean, though that this kind of experience is just in our own mind?  If a tree falls in the forest, will only one person hear it? It is possible, I think.  the reason why I say this is because access to soul energy is based on ones own individual willingness or availability to it. Soul energy, which is infinite and unbound by time, exists beyond all time.  This is why people like Robert Monroe, who was able to project out of the body, was able to experience countless “versions” of himself from other lifetimes as well as an aspect of himself that was so far advanced that it appeared as a brilliant point of light.  But beyond the body, touching on the soul, one inherits infinity and it is there that the potentials can be experienced that belong to the soul.  Kundalini, or its action in the body, is what brings prana, but what is prana but soul energy?  I know what the Hindus and the Tibetans say about prana (but is not everything at some point or place in its vibratory frequency soul energy…consciousness?)…..but I ask you…..Are we not one with the All?  And what makes each of us different?  Ego. It is what makes this vast sea able to know itself as all these different things….and yet also know itself as the One.  We are both. Its really kind of wonderful when you think about it. You can choose to be One, you can choose to be All.  You can choose everything in between.  We are this.

Time has shown me that this person was herself an initiate into an order of Isis, which was another temple in Egypt that was connected to heiros gamos.  In a memory a few years later, I saw how she had merged with this male energy that was Ra, or was experienced as a solar golden light that came into the temple during a ritual that was performed that was, I believe, initiatory in nature.  Already, she had experienced this, her own soul had attained this level of connection at her soul level.  As for me? I don’t know.  I have no memory of any experience that was of this type.  It was not until decades later when I awoke that I felt the golden fire move upward through my body, releasing the force of energy we call kundalini. Perhaps in my own way, sans temples and teachers, I attained it on my own in 2007.

What I do know is that it is possible to feel and know the soul energy of another as an aspect that exists beyond time and space.  So this soul energy which I touch in one lifetime is similar to that which I feel in another lifetime.  the only thing that changes my own experience are my own blinders or perceptual blind spots that might limit my perceptions in one way or another.  When you touch the soul, you touch ALL POTENTIAL, which means you can feel all the way into godhood or goddess level energy were you able to allow yourself to surrender that deeply to contain such a broad experience.  I know that from experience, it is possible to do this.  That is why liberation and awareness are so huge; you have a god or goddess on your side who can teach you innumerable things, far better than anything I could ever do, and completely fashioned just for you (because it IS you).  When Jesus was criticized by the Pharisee’s in John 10:34, he says this:

“The Jews answered Him, “For a good work we do not stone You, but for blasphemy; and because You, being a man, make Yourself out to be God.” 34Jesus answered them, “Has it not been written in your Law, ‘I SAID, YOU ARE GODS ‘? 35“If he called them gods, to whom the word of God came (and the Scripture cannot be broken),…”

Those awakened are aware of this fact.  We each can feel how the self is itself limitless.  the only thing that limits us are those blind spots which are induced by way of what these blocks represent in the energy system, the naddi of the Hindu, the meridians of the Chinese practitioners.

acupuncture-chart

The sensible approach seems to perfect ones self and allow cleansing of this energy system to take place. Suggestions are that this is something that can take a decade or longer to complete. I am at year 8 and sense that I have now gotten the bulk of blockages cleared, but have several centers which contain some blocks at different levels of the koshas, which can be thought of as layers or dimensions, within the chakras and the meridian or nadi system.  With five layers deep, each nadi system will have five complete passes in order to completely clear and wipe the slate clean.  The good news is that the action of kundalini is the thing that makes this incredible amount of work something like a short-cut.  But it is also possible to do the work as described in pranayama yoga that involve “locks” that are movements of the core body to help move the blockages in the nadis. Long before I ever learned about these movements, I was performing similar ones with my own body that were not too different.

Deep down, we know.  We know and can connect with this limitless self that touches God-dess, the totality.  It is here that knowing pours through us, for everything that has been or will ever be, is alive in this same flow of energy that is moving through everything else.  Don’t believe me?  Open your mind, your heart, and resolve all that divides you.  When you achieve the movement of this energy of the universe within you, tell me then what it is that you think.

Union begins within….but union is with all of us.  The question is, are we brave enough to do the work that will lead to more substantive experience in this realm?  Remember, you can still dip your toe in the universe whilst beginning, but doing the work will allow you to swim deep in its waters.

0a63b-tantra_yabyumI have been an ardent seeker my whole life, but my seeking was singular in the sense that I always felt that whatever truths might exist for me to discover would be somehow found within.  I was not always like this, for when I first felt that deep urging within me, I was all of nine and knew that something, some great secret, had somehow been hidden away from me, and from all of us.  I did not know then that this secret was hidden away within each and every one of us, and so I sought to find the answer outside, in the things which were hidden or taboo.  My reasoning was that if there had been something indeed hidden, it would be likely hidden in those places where we had placed taboos on their access somehow so that no one would bother go looking.  This seemed most plausible.  By age thirteen, though, I began to sense that somehow this was not without but within.  It began with an intuition about how we sense reality and the role of the individual in sensing this reality. It expressed itself as the world not being quite what it appeared to be and fueled an almost conspiratorial sense that things were not quite the way we thought they were.  In very short order I would read a book that would speak many of these core intuitions back to me.  It was a book by Jane Roberts and her trance personality Seth who proclaimed that we create our own reality and that our sensing of reality is itself very personal, individual, and while we each see the same tree and sky, we also choose to see it a certain way.  It is this choosing that would become the basis for the undoing of so much inside of me when I experienced awakening many years later.  I did not know then that our own inner biases about HOW we though the world was would play so heavily in what I would eventually come to face.

I have, perhaps, as a result of my own journey and predilection for seeking within, have always sought the source of things and not just how they seemed to appear either directly or through the lens of our own bias, our own karma.  Bias is easy enough to overcome, but karma is harder.  Karma, though, I have learned, can be completely undone and is the greatest liberator of all, for its bias lies deeper yet within us and moves without our awareness always.  By bringing the force of awakening to the fore, it was enough to also bear awareness in greater degrees.   Surely energy is consciousness and consciousness is awareness just as awakening has shown these years.  It is also curious that we do not simply do what we wish to do, but to do what we are, what we are in our larger context, which itself is not always glimpsed in the day to day but in those often rare moments when we feel an acceleration of consciousness and begin to see things in a larger context, an undeniable one, and the self begins to turn within itself so that it sees things from a different perspective, often a more honest one.  If yoga is about union, then what is the purpose of all of the positions and methods and poses?  Its a highly developed system, and so if union is the goal, then what is it that yoga does on a physical level to feed into us a sense or feeling of union?  And what is union?  That may sound like a too-simple question to ask, but it is what I know is a question that has all kinds of realizations that go unnoticed by many for the very fact that if yoga worked so well, we would all be experiencing a deep abiding sense of union. True union resolves us back into our authentic selves, beyond karma, beyond bias, beyond what we have adopted based on a fear of how we think we should be or ought to be.  If there is a false self, then it is this self.  Otherwise, all that we choose to be is the gift we have received from the Creator which is that of freewill.  Saying something is false is like saying we are not being honest with ourselves, and if that is the meaning, then it is true.  So much of awakening is about unwinding the great cosmic spring of our vitality to find that the spring was wound the wrong way.  The current of energy reverses, the world changes, we follow a new path which others do not always understand, appreciate, or value.  Much of what we do, then, becomes a silent prayer, a silent process that is true to no other but our own selves.  The self re-learns, remakes, is destroyed to be rebuilt again, but built in a manner that is more honest, true, and satisfying.

The essence of union is the removal of all that divides you from this one thing that your consciousness rides upon, is carried by, and is a part of.  Through an awareness of self, of ego, through the left brain operations of object and self, we create an appearance of separation that only exists as a kind of conceptual construct.  But like all constructs, once erected in our consciousness, it begins to work like all constructions work; unaided and with fidelity to the rules under which it was installed with in the first place.  Beliefs are this way and if you have any question about the power of belief, all you need to do is look at how a country can move its populace to war under the slimmest and weakest of pretenses.  It is all a carefully understood process that involves the left brain and ego.  It is amazingly simple to do and it is done very well by those with an understanding of it whether conscious or not.  These things are the manipulation and creation of belief and it is ego that identifies with them and will hold onto them for the simple truth that ego is installed centrally in most people rather than peripherally.  This is why upon awakening and the movement of ego away from the central font of awareness that those thus awakened are much harder to manipulate in this way.  The old process no longer works quite as effectively.  It still works to the degree that ego rests near the center of the self, but less as ego moves to the back of the bus.  When you go through awakening the sheer force of the energy now moving in your awareness shifts and changes these beliefs and positions…..and even then, it can be a mighty struggle for some to undo the programming.  For me, I unknowingly struggled with this shift in me for many months until ego was gradually shifted to the side of my awareness so that it did not act as controlling agent in my consciousness as it had previously.  It was then that greater union was possible for the simple reason that more had been moved out of the way to allow greater flows of energy to move in me.  Simple.

But this was all done without yoga as one commonly thinks of it, and yet, all that I have done has been a constant process of it.  Every day I sought union within, quietly, silently, feeling into those places that served up a sense of resistance and letting kundalini wash away the resistance.  I will say that I did do Qi Gung as a moving method for helping to assist in removing blocks.  While we may want to think of awakening or kundalini as some exotic energy that is entirely nonphysical, it is not  It makes up everything here and is wed to the physical just as it is wed to the spiritual.  So what we do in the physical can create an effect on it just as how our thinking and feeling can have an effect upon it as well.  It is not one or the other, but both. the body is the soul IN FLESH.  Both sides of the coin benefit from the presence of life force, of prana moving through them and is the result of sound integration of it within both.  So while I know that physical disciplines can work if you know what they seek to achieve, and sometimes even when you do not, some of the methods are there to guide you to a way of feeling.  Kundalini is always here with us.  What makes the difference in feeling it is our awareness.  So how does a posture help with awareness?

As I have said, I do not do yoga, not as one would normally think of it, and yet if the core of yoga is to be known or understood, my life has been the very essence of it.  I am aware, however, of lives spent in the East.  I know that I have spent many lives in silent meditation.  All of it has helped in what is happening in this life I am sure.  But I am more than a Tibetan in Lhasa or in Angor Watt.  I have sat atop mountains in California’s Yosemite Valley and watched as the Thunder Beings moved very quickly towards me, beings that spoke of a day in the future when the earth would be going through changes, a time when the “Great Wheel comes full turn.”  It was in experiences such as these that I was shown that I and the Thunder Beings were in truth one and the same, that my higher self WAS that self and that through accelerations of consciousness (which some called “altered states” which is a term I do not like for how misleading it is), our own consciousness expands to become aware of larger dimensions of itself and of reality.  It is curious and telling that I have no other recollections from the past that served to bear such incredible flows of energy, of consciousness, into my awareness as simply sitting atop a mountain crying for a vision as that experience with the Beings in the storm did.  For me, it is a lesson to my own self here and now that by simply removing that which divides us, we may inherit our birthright, or realize it in the moment.  It waits for each of us as surely as the dawn.

All of this has led me to the inescapable conclusion of how consciousness works and how we have access to still larger realms of awareness, which is a recall of what we truly are in all of our potential.  These experiences, for me, help to form a core teaching or reminder of what we are and that as humans, we contain a lot of material that serves to block our view of this world waiting to happen to us through an act as simple as becoming aware.

In my life I have observed the function of two sides to our awareness and both of these have corresponded to the left and right hemispheres of our brain.  One side of us is incredibly restricted in what it can do and how it processes information, but it is a necessary agent in our lives.  This part of us is the left brain operation and the brain itself mirrors a certain part our own consciousness.  This part of us is necessary for being able to get anything done that is sequential in the world.  Without it, we would not know what comes next, or how to put a clock back together, make logical and sequential rationalizations.   The other side could not be more different because it sees wholes instead of parts.  It has the capacity to ponder the infinite and does.  It is not so restricted as the left but it also does not have all the answers either.  It might be able to glimpse incredible realms but it wont know how they work exactly.  That is the plodding job of the left brain.  And yet, these two worlds can be made to converge, in UNION with one another, to create a cooperative sense of realization.

When union, these two sides of us can serve to create a new synthesis.  Their union is the essence of creation.  You see it everywhere you look where opposites, attracted, merge and there is an explosion of energy.  Always.  Sometimes the explosion is destructive, sometimes we consider it creative.  And yet, when the two currents of consciousness within us merge we call it inspiration.  We see the world anew, we break ourselves out of our old conceptualizations in order to consider something different.  This merging is in no way within the box at least for that brief moment when the incandescent energy of union happens, the kind of orgasm of the mind which is the same orgasmic energy we feel when we awaken, something that is the result of UNION.  It is the same when a woman and a man make love. It is so with all forms of union whether conceptual or physically literal.  This union can happen within the self,  within couples, groups, and even institutions, all in accord to how they are made to move energy. While the union of sex may feel different from the union of the self, a similar kind of energy is created and is nonetheless just as liberating.  Energy is energy and it takes on different effects as it moves through the different wheels of our own energetic realization, which we have come to call chakras.  Even the chakras, themselves, are “lobed” to carry both masculine and feminine energies, the yin and yang.

Why My Yoga Does not Bear Kriyas

It is interesting to me that it is mentioned that those who awaken experience something called kriyas, a kind of involuntary movement in the body which is a physical feature of assisting with the flow of energy through it.  While I have experienced some of these, I have not experienced them a lot.  I have thought about this and it has occurred to me that the reason why these jerking motions have not happened so much is because my own consciousness has been focused on moving this energy within it in less physical ways.  I am aware because of my work in art that there is a subtle flow of energy and an interaction between left and right brain in order to bring about what we call inspiration. The energy is moving through less physical channels and is being assisted through the self and the neurophysiology.  I am not here to say it is preferred because I know that there is no one way to go about this, but only to point out that this is one tool that can exist in your toolbox for how to assist in e greater flow of energy through you.  Certainly, physical movement helps.  Sometimes it doesn’t even need to be Qi Gung or yoga.  Just MOVING the body helps  A nice walk, a run, or even just moving your arms around so the core of your body is not so rigid is very freeing to energy.  Because so much energy is taken up in what I’d call more dream experiences, not literal dreaming, but in subtle accelerations of consciousness, I tend not to experience so many of these jerking movements.

At a certain point, which I identify with the period of time in which the ego was moved to the side of my awareness more (to the back of the bus as I often say), I began to experience these very quiet and expansive states of awareness in which thought itself was entirely stilled.  Over time, this stillness of thought has become more of a feature of my makeup.  It isn’t that I can’t think, I do, but that there is simply less chatter and more….observation….of everything.  This was first introduced to me many years ago while I was driving late at night and saw in my inner vision a presence that was practicing this “quiet presence of mind” as he looked back at me.  I found at the time that I could not practice this same quietness of mind and found the encounter to be interesting but also beyond my ability.  In truth, I think it was within my capacity, I was simply not living a life that was conducive to that sort of thing.  But I am glad that the presence who came did at least introduce it to me.  Only later did I see the same face on the back cover of a book on Japanese Zen and in that same book the person describes the same emptiness of mind and quieting of thoughts.  it seems it is a pretty universal experience.  What I think I was afraid of was that it would empty me, that I might lose something of myself at the time that this happened. We seem to fear obliteration, and for as much as some monks and yogis seek to do just that, the self continues to be. And not just be, but it evolves as we ourselves are aware of still “higher” states of awareness where there is another identity much like our own here now, but more advanced….perhaps more refined.  The sense of self and ego is an important part of what we have created for ourselves here. However, learning to move some of it into a more harmonious position is itself  what has aided in helping with still deeper ranges of union within the self and with others.

Everything Can Be Yoga

For me, everything has become yoga, but it is not itself a physical exercise.  I do not sit on a mat, but rather I observe quietly and intently as my hands move together to wash dishes, or to make tea, or to rake leaves.  My yoga creates a space of presence that is not mental only but is like a presence that opens up the cover to a deep well where my soul enters into the moment so that small self and larger self merge and experience union within, which brings bliss.  As I give myself over, I realize that this feeling of yoga, or union, is like giving myself to a lover.  I feel the yin current in my consciousness open unabashed to show me how to open to the universe of me and the All by simply surrendering so that world womb may touch soul womb so that my yin womb may feel all of this in ladder-like fashion as heaven descends into me.  This is, you see, the secret of Heiros Gamos, the union of the two currents in us, in consciousness, in our bodies, and in the universe.  It is all of this, undivided, and yet our own consciousness, by not being in union, chops up the thread or current so it SEEMS to be separate.  When I give myself over to it, all thought stops and feeling begins.  This is why I find the words of so many teachers who speak of feeling as being the enemy.  What do these poor minds know?  The way to the All is through feeling!  And yet, unless you yourself have experienced this enough to know it well, you might be tempted to believe these very authoritarian people who have entirely missed the boat.  I suspect it is because they still are caught up in the thousands of years’ worth of paternalistic and left-brained functioning that has gripped our species for so long.  I hope that they themselves can feel this rich and delicious experience of the feminine side of their being without fear or queasiness and know that we are all like this….that you cannot experience the feminine as a male and not be able to know the All.  You can’t just feel it a little….but the more you feel the feminine, the more you can feel the ALL.  And it isn’t because the feminine brings the missing pieces, but because she has been hidden.  Its been buried under layers of denial and chauvinism for centuries, millenia.  When the yin side is opened, we feel it so strongly and identify it as kundalini because all of us, women and men, have become so used to the masculine awareness. The feminine current has nearly been lost on the planet.  And I am sorry for those women who are reading my words.  I know it might seem like I do not know the truth of your own experience AS female, but what I am writing about it the yin current, which has the capacity to bring the deeper range of the feminine experience into the world. Yes, women are here and yes they do experience a wide array of perspectives by simply being in flesh as female, but there is a vast amount of feminine awareness that simply does not exist just yet in the world.  It is like a woman holds a cup of water, which is her feminine nature and thinks that this is what she is, but what I have seen and felt is that she is a vast surging ocean, unlimited and wondrous.  If you reflect on the world and its ways, you will surely realize that this surging sea has never had any real place here because all of us, women and men alike, have been so shut down.  What matter does it make when I look at the world of women and see such vast seas churning silently and without awareness, within them?  They would all get mad at me to presume, as a MAN to say such a thing.  Truth is, we just are not aware of just how dumbed down we have become, or how limited we have been in our experience of the feminine.  And one more thing; I suspect that we have done all of this for the very reason that SHE feels so incredibly good.  Suckling at the breast without a fear in the world, feeling her depths in love, being carried away within her is pure ecstasy.  And loss of control.  Our world has been a model of control….rigid control that you don’t begin to appreciate until you feel this restless sea churning beneath you….churning beneath all of us.

So my yoga is tantra.  It is this moment by moment attempt, at least, of seeking union within.  It isn’t even about sex, but about larger archetypes and energies that we can learn from and evolve with, and how integrating this into ourselves actually changes the patterns IN OUR CELLS.  If we have lost our ancient knowledge of the feminine, then it is here in such a place that we can find it.  Silently, as I move my hands to the coffee pot, I feel the yin current move through me and I feel a stab of bliss that is like a petal opening deep within me that pushes all the petals behind it open.  It is like being taken, seduced by this warm presence that makes me realize that I can be opened entirely, taken apart entirely, loosened and cracked and given a means to flow more surely.  My own masculine is like the force that opens up ancient creek beds so that my own vital force may flow down into the sea and know itself as itself connected to still larger portions of itself.  This is my union, this is my yoga and none of it is done through any movement of the body but in a quiet realization that MUST happen here or else it cannot be realized in the physical.  And I wont say I have it all worked out, for just as a creek must join with larger portions of itself without any resistance, so too must I join larger portions of myself without similar resistance, and just as a creek learns to know it is a might river at other parts of itself, so too do I realize what I am in its larger context.  Ego is not always so agreeable, or the self so courageous.  It is like any discipline, a practice where I slowly but surely release the blockages in my own cellular and etheric memory so that I wipe the slate clean so that I might dream something anew.  Until those old programs are running, I am a prisoner in some fashion to them.

Last night I had a dream that helped to illustrate what I have known for years now, which is that it is possible to reset our inner programming and erase ancient patterns by connecting with those aspects of ourselves which do not have such patterning.  A life lived on another planet, seemingly foreign to us, could well have been lived in order to pick up an example of a template that could be used “later” by a self waking up.  Certainly our world does not have a lot of good examples for how to be enlightened.  Perhaps it can be reintroduced from somewhere else.  I am not sure that it can be found here on this planet since so much of our journey has been one of collective self loathing, manipulation, murder and mayhem.  By being able to culture a new template, we can learn how others have managed to do it and escape that very precarious position in evolution where technology begins to outstrip our own commons sense.  I think if you look around you can see the trap that our own technological advancement has brought.  And yet, we work hard to not let that impact us negatively.  Sometimes we give in and do silly things.  And yet, this is our story.  Maybe we will get our act together and grow a world that is just and compassionate and much more awake and aware of itself, its connection to all things, and how it is only existing within a small portion of its physical potential.

There is nothing more important to me than to do this, this type of yoga.  It is quiet and requires no teacher or guru, but it is true and makes me realize we all have this amazing resource at our fingertips.  It is what we seek, what we yearn for, what we hunger for and it is only as far from us as the beating of our own heart.  The authority does not exist outside of you, it is well within you and will work if you simply let it have a voice in your life.  Authority from the past may be in error; things change, we change, the world changes.  Not everything is as rock solid as we think.  Some have said what I did was not possible, to awaken as I did, and yet, thousands have awakened in just this “impossible” way.  So what voice do you listen to?  Clearly, the best voice is to listen to your own.  Have courage, it will lead you where you need to go. Indeed, it has led you to this place, reading this here and now.

What do you think it is telling you?

%d bloggers like this: