Archives for posts with tag: spiritual healing

Just a note, I don’t know who needs to see this, but for those who have done clearing work, the act of allowing the force of prana (often expressed as kundalini, but not always) then you are familiar with how this works. If you aren’t, there are numerous modalities that can help, with or without an abundance of prana present. Many of them involve movement of the body: deep tissue massage, chi gong, ecstatic dance, acupressure/puncture. Whether the stuck emotion is in the body or there is an important feedback from the body for unlocking stuck emotion, the body plays an important role.

The release of stuck energy is a bit of a rabbit hole, though, and this is because the energy body has five nested aspects that make it up, which is your full energetic expression on this plane. This means that you can clear an energy center once, twice, three times, and on up to FIVE times. It can be a bit mystifying sometimes. When it happened to me, I wondered if I had somehow missed something. This was the result of these layers of the energy body that in the Sanscrit is called ‘kosha’ which means sheath. The energy body is like a multidimensional nesting doll, with multiple aspects all nested one into the other. This is why you might have a fabulous clearing of the root chakra only to come back the following year to be at it, clearing it again.

Koshas are like the layers of an onion.

The clue here that you aren’t just clearing new material you managed to store away, is how the center feels each time you perform a release. It is like entering a room, say the living room, and it feels completely different and even looks different as you enter each of its different aspects. It’s possible to clear a center five times, and each clearing feels as if you are in a different space.

Clearing the heart center years ago left me wondering what was going on. Hadn’t I already had a dramatic clearing already? I shrugged and figured it would make sense later. It did, luckily, as I found by accident the concept in yoga of the koshas.

I found that by clearing material in the heart, it got hard for me to relate to certain people the same way as before. Turned out, we shared an energetic arrangement and karma that created a kind of tense ‘cord’ between us. I was able to observe what dissolving that glitch in me did to another person who was not ready for change. Now this is highly individual. One person might just feel an emptiness tied to peace, but another person who is invested in their inner junk could feel unsettled. I saw how many of my releases definately impacted my then-wife who, it turns out, was not a person interested in doing any inner work to speak of. Meltdowns ensued within 12 hours of each release. This happened over a dozen times. The important thing to remember is I never told anyone about my releases as they happened, so this type of coincidence goes beyond coincidence in my book (most likely probably 🙂 )

This work has also meant that by releaaing so much, it effectively allowed me to step over the wall of people’s own limits as a personality on Earth to go into the realm of their soul so that I could feel the sublime character of souls in communion….even as that person could not feel what I felt and seemed incredulous about my insistence that I could feel what I felt. Since all of our hopes as social creatures is to have the other share in the experience, it is like having someone meeting you in a restaurant but who can’t see you when you show up. It has happened before, and it is a sign that real substantive work is being done. It can also be lonely, too.

Just as an aside, this is why I often say traditional methods of psychic protection are not that effective by putting up resistance. What happens perceptually with ANY consciousness is when you change your energy signature to something finer, it is difficult for others to see you or sense you etherically. Lower level entities can’t hook into your energy neither can they see you since to see you would mean matching your vibration. This is to my experience the only real “protection” from untoward influences. Your energy doesn’t contain unhealthy desires that can hook or be hooked by something.

That said, I am not convinced that the goal is to ever be without desire (and their corresponding hooks) because even the Dali Lama admitted not long ago that some desire is noble. Me, I think some desire can be of a very high quality that avoids the coarser qualities that may have been present in our nature or consciousness at one point in our development. Some desires lead us to God. And no, that union isn’t one that is devoid of junk, but full of a live that isn’t divided, which means all aspects of love are present in that moment, regardless of how embarrassed you might be about it. Mystic union is in fact heresy were the Christian church to know its fullest reality. Luckily, we have other arrows in our quiver.

The work for me was a slog at first. As time went by by sense that each release would acrue to a better state that woukd be persistent and not subject to swings from amazing bliss to horrible depths of shadow…a dark night of the soul. I dug myself out by digging deep. To dig deep you just need to feel deep and allow your intuitiin to guide you. It might not be perfect, but it is far superior to anything your rational mind cooks up. With the rational is also the most restrictive form of ego. It has forgotten that it is a budding creator. The path to understanding this is the feeling part of the self. Doing this is so simple many people make it too complicated (I did). It drives a simplicity along with a joy as you realize that all of this is a creation. Are you creating a sense of limitation and the poverty of heart and mind it brings? It doesn’t matter how rich you are because this is about feeling. Learning to conquer feeling opens up a vast dominion that is what you are.

I hope you can put this to use to assist in freeing yourself. . .

Life is full of surprises.

Copyright, all rights reserved

I have been working methodically on a manuscript about early Christianity. It’s a slog in order to have all of the right sources. My project presents the thesis that in earliest Christianity there was a very different understanding concerning some foundational concepts that would inform the religion for centuries. It’s a story of one group that pitted itself against another and sought to wipe away its influence for all time. But like the sun, moon, and the truth, what was hidden was later revealed when documents began to surface from early on in the movement that told a very different story. It is one of the greatest stories never told about a religion that exerted tremendous influence for centuries.

It’s here that someone from the distant past emerged, a seeker herself, and artist like me, who was keen to collaborate with me. What has emerged has been a new project on a facet of awakening most commonly known as twin souls or twin flames. This is an aspect of awakenings today that link people who have karma in common.

I have been critical of the concept, though, and it was a surprise finding myself considering a project like this. The result has been a flood of information that provides a new perspective on the phenomenon that I have been bringing through. Because of my familiarity with the subject already and the history of awakening, I found I have been able to bring what I think may be a new perspective on the phenomenon.

The agreement was that the project had to be small. I didn’t have the time to devote to a 200 page manuscript. As a result, a book of 120 pages emerged very quickly. The collaboration begins with me writing and my coauthor providing illustrations and proofreading the manuscript.

The illustrations in some cases reveals the artist’s own discoveries of her brush with a new energy in consciousness, which shows up in her work, which I think helps to bring added meaning and comprehension to the project. Being able to have the work illustrated is a plus, something that makes the project unique, I think. There will be some intersections with the book I am working on related to early Christianity, which is awakening and how kundalini was actually being taught. Other cultures and traditions that have teachings or writings on awakening also tends to include the phenomenon of union both on the individual level as well as between two people, which is a second wrinkle in the awakening phenomenon. The book shows that the history on twins as they are called today is scant in the way some would like them represented, but a more abundant field of understanding awaits when you can shift your focus. To this end, I show instances through time when high vibrational relationships emerge. The phenomenon has been hiding in plain sight, but is not obvious to anyone unfamiliar with the subject. It helps if you know how and where to look. A little sleuthing can make for interesting reading.

A lot has been done in a short time, and with our moving into the Fall, I am facing the busiest time of the year for my studio business in glassmaking, so work on the book will go into a less intense phase now which will be a refinement period where I will have friends help review the work for editing. It managed to get slipped in just in the nick of time!

In the meantime, I will be publishing excerpts from the book as the editing work proceeds. This has moved along so quickly we don’t even have a title yet! I am including preliminary illustrations from the artist, which will help give you a sense of the character of the artwork and the flavor of one important aspect of our story telling.

Thanks for stopping by!

We invited our ghosts in with a gesture now long forgotten. They have been haunting us ever since. We love our ghosts for how they ride us, making us feel like weaker versions of ourselves, defeated. We are such curious creatures for how much we love what we dislike. We protest against such truths, but there it is.

A gnawing sense that all is not right in a marriage, we tell ourselves that it could be worse, or how we swallow so much and brush aside what offends our hearts until we turn ’round to find ourselves dunn-hearted, isolated, and alone in our theater of ghosts. Jobs we love to hate, politicians, the line at the store, the broken clock, computer, or way home…we love to hate it all. Why?

It takes great love to not hate ourselves for this, but to summon that love that, when felt, extends to everything it touches, including ourselves is one of the kindest of things we can do not just for ourselves, but for the good that will come to those around us. We take those parts of ourselves, in love, like how a parent loves their child, in order to show ourselves the way to a better place, where the ghosts are free to live their truer lives – no longer unknowingly grasped within our hearts and bodies, no longer held to a less than perfect expectation that our underwhelm has trapped them in. In so doing we appeal to the greater lights of our becoming to incrementally find our way home – which is itself a constant process as we go. What once was profane is rendered sacred, what was empty is now full, and what was forgot is remembered.

Someone asks about implants or entity attachments. Beyond this, you’ll need to read my book when it’s out.

So much said about these. My observation over years (40) of active energetic sensory perception is that we become vulnerable to energetic entities of every stripe, based on the emotional issues we carry. Read that again and let it sink in. Some can be akin to simple life forms all the way up to bipedal types (but still not all that intelligent). There is alot out there that isn’t physical that is entirely energy beings. Also, some beings are fragments of consciousness. It just takes enough energy focused in a particular way to create them. Homes often have them from their occupants. We call them ghosts, but I don’t think people understand what ghosts are in all truth (not completely…and that’s a post for another time).

Every single case I have seen, the entities attached due to a “trauma” or emotional wrinkle in the psyche of the person. This is always dependent on the person. What hits you wrong might not impact me…at all. This is to say that this is all because of you. Your choice in feeling led to this outcome. As hard as that may be to hear, its true. The good news is by doing your inner work, you can naturally clear these entities by clearing your backlog of emotional material. The other side to all of this is that there is no real protection in a universe as fluid as this. Vibration is everything. If you carry an off vibration somewhere in your field, it can be fair game.

Some have said drug use can cause it, but that isn’t correct. Most drug use stems from a condition of deficiency, a perception of deficiency, even if subconsciously. Something the drug supplies, that the emotion felt, robs the body of. The drug type doesn’t always track the emotion, but rather the personality type determines the drug used. I could experience the same trauma as another person but medicate with a different drug because I have a different constitution or turn of mind.

I have seen one entity daisy-chain with people. It does this because of the law of attraction. One person will attract certain people, and in that circle, many will be interesting to an entity because of the similarities between them. People do flock together.

If you use drugs of any kind, ask yourself what are you medicating? The true answer leads you right to the problem that needs your attention. Feel it, acknowledge it, and let it go, like a spirit leaving a bottle. By doing this, you engage in soul retrieval. Remember not to fall back into the habit of what the drug use represented. If you think that this is too hard, you might have become hypnotized into thinking this work is hard, and you might not be used to using the wisdom or intuitive part of yourself. That part knows where all your shit lies. It’s so easy, you will think, “That can’t be it…that was too easy…” That’s the brain washing. I can go deeper into how this is done, but this would be a chapter in a book.

There are ways to get at this material. Body work (deep tissue massage), energy work, chi gung, cranial sacral, acupressure/puncture, and TRE (trauma release exercise), holotropic breathwork, Rolfing (deep tissue again) are all ways that this material can be released. Kundalini and awakenings in general can often release this material also. You have to be very clear about whether you are ready to let it go.

People hold onto their stuff while swearing they are ready to let it go. Be humble. Be honest with yourself. Some things that feel great are in fact the illusion that a constriction in your field will make something energetic feel more intense and fool you into thinking it is “the bomb” or the thing, the person, the experience. You have to watch closely, honestly, and be able to see how inner feeling relates to how you respond to the things in your environment that are matching that unresolved issue. When it goes, the tight intensity goes and an expansiveness replaces it. It’s good to let it teach you how to be in this part of the new you.

I knew a person who had an entity attached to her. I described the being and she recognized it, saying, “He is my guide!” The being was a text book demon. Red skin. Horns. I was careful to confirm her description of the being. I offered that what I saw was a being just like Hellboy. She agreed that it did look just like him. In another case, I saw the entity which looked like a kind of dragon/dinosaur with terracotta colored skin, male. The person replied that this was her guide also. I had seen this being attached to a well-known psychic and it was attached to many of his female clients. When I offered to the woman that this was what I saw, she threatened me saying that this kind of talk was slander, and saying this could destroy the man’s ability to provide for himself. Stockholm Syndrome, anyone? I suspect both people still have their lower level entities still in place.

I chose not to remove them because I had done this once before and it made life difficult for me. I don’t regret it, I just know there are better ways (hint: it is an inside job). It is much better if the person can be made aware of what might be atrached to them so they can let them go.

I hope this primer helps. There is a lot of nuance I have missed, but posts can get long when I really dig in and I lose people. If you have questions, ask, and if you have experiences, do share! We swim in the ether. The nature of life is that we are made up of aggregates of consciousness. Our bodies are cells that have their own consciousness. Not all of this is bad or negative. The path to your higher evolution is in knowing what hinders you and what helps you.

There are a handful of methods that have been used down through time to liberate the mind from the shackles of its previous life, leading it to a new dawn of self realization. The methods are all very similar and they involve looking within. So we have meditation and there are visualization exercises, too, designed to bring about a condition that happens once this inner switch is flipped.

I hear those who say “you cannot induce awakening intentionally…” but you can. My old friend Jensen, who I spoke to not long ago after not being in touch for close to a decade described his experience for me when he went to a recreation department class on kundalini meditation….and awakened kundalini. I have a close family friend who went to a Vipissana retreat, the method that Guatama Buddha recommended, and it was there that something shifted and her life was forever altered. I had gotten the sense that this old friend had become awakened but wasn’t using terms that described it directly, so I asked her if she had had any remarkable experiences in the last few years. Vipissana is a retreat where one is silent for about ten days and meditates the whole time. Gopi Krishna sat in the early morning hours bidding an energy rise up his spine and it did, forever changing his life from then onward. I was given a meditation technique whose central method was to quiet the mind. I had meditated up to that time for years and no awakening. Once I was given this technique, I had results immediately. Within a week I found myself suffused in a brilliant white light, and wondering what had just happened was enough to cause the brilliance to vanish. I had managed to begin using a part of my mind that was usually shut down so much that I didn’t fully know that it even existed in me. I thought that it existed in other people, that it was something that people developed over lifetimes. While I think there is some truth to this, call it a gradual ripening into a place that is suitable for awakening, I also observe that there is something much like a switch, and one of the ways to it is through meditation. I know that my meditation got me there, because it was only after meditation and the use of hemisync discs that induced a deep theta state, that I entered into a period of high strangeness that culminated in a full rising event of kundalini.

Was I intentionally seeking to awaken kundalini? No. Was I seeking to wake up somehow? Yes. It had been part of my life for many decades before this. I was a seeker after all.

That said, there are people who haven’t used meditative practice to awaken. There are people who woke up in nature, walking down the street, and one case describes being scared to death nearly as the “jolt” that brought on awakening. I wasn’t meditating when kundalini rose, it just happened as an outcome of a process that began much like an automated system produces an end result. All of the changes that took place over the course of five months were autonomous in nature. I was little more than an observer watching and wondering what these sensations were about.

To be clear, not everyone does this. Awakening processes are all very individual and each are unique. Looking back on it the process I was going through was being driven by something inside of me, but I was clueless as to what all of the symptoms meant over those five months. Clearly, I was hallucinating some things…like the voices I heard and the Native American drumming and singing, all may have been psychic energy expressing itself. The dreams, which were like a giant inventory punctuated with brilliant and vivid imagery of water and light and a mysterious language embedded in water and light, made me wonder just what was up.

Some people I have known awakened when they met someone. That in itself was enough to trigger them. In one case, with someone I have interviewed for the site, the person had known the other in another life and they shared a karmic thread, one which they didn’t see for what it was, and was taken by the power of the draw. Ultimately they didn’t resolve their karma together, they each resolved it individually.

Buddha said it right when essentially he said no one makes you feel a certain way or makes you react a certain way. You do. At the root of karma are our honest reactions and feelings. Some feelings are based in beliefs and thinking that are not aligned to our truer higher selves. Is it something that the cosmic judge will put us away for forever? There appears to be no such judge, save for our own inner compass. In NDE’s the only person judging the person was themselves, and no one, not a one, being sent to hell. Yes, there are accounts of people going to a dark place they thought was hell, but pay attention to the account of the NDE closely: in every case the person winds up in the light.

In my research it appears that awakening is essentially like a near death experience in that there is a communion with the energy that represents “the light.” Not all awakenings involve a white light like mine did. Some involve vibration, heat, sound, or other representations of energy. At the end of the day, this is what out minds and bodies are trying to explain to ourselves or to interpret, which is that awakening is at its core an energetic event. Along with these events can come karmic relationships, and they wind up being powerful movers sometimes. But for as powerful as they are for inspiring change, often the change is limited in all truth. It is, though, enough for most people. It “gets your attention” as one person once explained it to me. It certainly does. But beyond that, what does it materially do? I myself really thought I had to work something out with this person who I had karma with. I even knew what the karma was, as I have seen most of the karmas from others who I have known who were like this.

We think that it is something we create together, but in truth, we don’t. All of the karma that I ever worked through was always something that I worked out on my own. It is rare to find someone who is as engaged as you are in wanting to work through the same set of issues as yourself. My “twin” often went into meltdowns when I tried to push the energy to begin clearing our karma. Something inside of her simply resisted it. She wasn’t ready. No harm no foul. And sitting alone, a number of years later, I thought that I had to work it out with her, and in so doing, or trying to do it, I asked her what it was she needed from me. Her response surprised me. “This awakening helped me so much. It changed my life and kept it from being ordinary…and I am a better person for it. What do I need from you? I don’t need anything from you: I am happy!”

And just like that, it was done. Poof. The karmic threads fell away. But what was it that did it? What was holding up the train? My feelings were holding up the train, that’s what. I thought there was something I needed to do. There was nothing I needed to do. It could have been over years earlier, but I labored under the false assumption that we had to do this together. It’s a good thing that I reached back to her all those years later (seven years later in fact), because if I hadn’t, I might still be feeling this draw created by the charge of feeling like I owed someone something or that something wasn’t finished right or done. Except that it was in everyone’s mind but mine.

You might be like this somewhere and you don’t even know it. You might be taken in by the love that you feel. It’s good to feel it, but I can tell you it wont take you anywhere significant because the force is for your change, not anyone else. In order to go anywhere significant with another in such a rarefied environment, you need to be exactly the same and respond and want in exactly the same way. This experience makes you think that you are one, that you are twins. Yes, we are ALL ONE, we are, but goodness sakes, we also have free will and individuality and for as much as the Advaita people want to say it, self is real and ego serves an important purpose in learning while here. That means that individuality is the real wild card.

I have tried to help so many people over the years and what I have found is that the bulk of the advice was unheeded or not acted on. And you know what, it’s perfect because at the end of the day a person has to be ready to see their lessons in front of them. In fact they have to own them before they see them.

A teacher once told me to be careful about telling someone something they weren’t ready to hear because most often people will reject perfectly good advice because it comes from the outside. Not all information from the outside is bad. In fact, we each have blinders about our issues in life. A close friend can see our junk so much easier for the simple reason that it isn’t theirs and that they don’t have the same blinders. But after that, as for what to do or how to do it, fagetaboutit! It really has to be an inside job from there on out. But listen to your friends when they are trying to waive you off the runway when you are trying to take your jet full-throttle across the runway. They might just be seeing the tire that is flat that you doggedly are refusing to look at. And yes, that is a metaphor… But even more importantly are the people who think they have insight into your life when they don’t, when their insight is little more than their own beliefs wrapped up in such a way that they are fooled into thinking what they have created is genuine. Already two such people have described events they knew to be real when there was nothing to them…at all. They convince themselves they are psychic and so they are…no matter what. They may have been at some point, but somewhere something happened. It’s a bit like the Hollywood psychic saying, “I see a woman in your life right now…” with the respondent saying, “Yeah, no woman in my life, nope…” Only to be followed with, “I see you received a promotion!”

“I’m self employed, so no promotions really…” Humility and self honesty are critical components to this. Mercy…where was I?

The most successful methods shut down thought and keep you present and aware. You aren’t shutting down, you are shutting down the monkey mind. When that happens, you are that much closer to the recognition that takes place that everyone experiences, which is nonduality, the awareness and experience that everything is One and everything is connected. Kundalini, is one step further than that where the portion of consciousness that is able to understand what nonduality feels like then takes it one step further and beings a process of churning consciousness in the hopes that something breaks free. While the Hindu systems of yoga and meditative practices all say do this work before you awaken Westerners simply do not do this work. the good news is that kundalini itself will cleanse the system the Hindu call nadi, and much of the fireworks you read about as it relates to awakening in the West is attributed to clearing that kundalini can do. Nadi are seen as channels in the body that carry prana. The meridian system in Chinese medicine maps out the same energy even though it is called chi (qi). Going back lifetimes, the idea of union within was learned through the systems alive in various cultures I have lived in that have ritual forms of union like hieros gamos in its many different incarnations. In this there is implicit an understanding of awakening since they involve elements that are identical to one another.

After attempting to awaken and not succeeding, what is missing may be your being ripe for the experience. When someone I know attempted to force an awakening years ago, I was witness to someone who was off her rocker for most of the time. It sounds harsh, but it was true. Was this person always this way, I wondered? Maybe. Or maybe what kundalini did was to drive the shadow out into the light….with the exception that this person wasn’t letting go. She just wasn’t ready. Friends questioned whether she had actually had a real awakening. It was real, even if she forced it by utilizing my energy in the etheric. And on the flip side you can have someone who wants to awaken and despite all efforts, they just don’t or can’t. Any number of hurdles stand before them. You can lead a horse to water, but we all must learn to drink ourselves. The woman I knew in 500 B.C. had in her an inability to be happy where she was. Other than that, she was an incredible person. That pattern is still playing out today and there is nothing that I can do to change it, and now I am at peace with it being that way. She will change once she knows that it is an issue for her and can really see it for herself. Telling her it is an issue would likely cause her to get upset and angry, even go into denial. She has to figure it out on her own. She has to get to that place where she really think that she was the one who had it all figured out (even though people may have been trying to tell her this for years…who knows really if that is so, but these things have a way of happening like this) And really, that is good because waking up is about growing up spiritually. It will only ever work when we take those steps to the water ourselves.

Awakening isn’t a mystery though…not as deep a mystery as we would like it to be. We may not always understand it, but it is a phenomenon tied closely to our consciousness (because it is a function of it) and as such it is not some exotic phenomenon. It isn’t for the lucky few, the elite or chosen. It is a state that everyone can experience when they are ready. I once tried to explain this to a friend and I said to her that awakening is like a second puberty, a growth into a new state of being. You are still you but this energy has helped to divest you of a lot of the programming that was cast into you since infancy. And to what end? To know more of the truth both of reality and of ourselves.

Not long after what I would describe as an over-the-top energy event, I had a new wrinkle that surprised me.

In the midst of feeling like I may have been responding to turmoil in the world by getting blasted with energy, I received some suppliments in the post that I had ordered just before this latest spike. The irony is that one was a human growth factor precursor and another that boosts testosterone. Like I really need it, right? Was I crazy? My intuition said I should get them, sense be damned, it seems.

I began taking the suppliments about two weeks ago and found that they helped to moderate the very high bliss with sensual energy down to something that made me feel more like I was in my body and more grounded. Curiously, this led to less sexual/sensual bliss and more of a feeling of physical energy and groundedness.

It was like drinking an espresso before going to bed in order to sleep. You wouldn’t have thought that would be what I should have taken, but it helped a lot and it has boosted the hours that I work. I’m not sure that is a good thing since I am working seven days a week now and I really ought to take more time off for myself.

I was curious to see if it was just my imagination. After going off the suppliments, the pranic energy came roaring back like before. I found that I missed this feeling of being grounded. Instead, I found myself meditating on a feminine presence that served to ground my energy. I am under no illusion that this is an aspect in my own “subtle psyche,” which is that part of us connected to, or aware of, other lives lived and available for tapping into them for insight and help in gaining awareness into certain psychological states, for instance. In Gnostic terms, this is the szygy, the blend of like-masculine and like-feminine into a unity, that unity that serves to give vigor or life to kundalini.

As the last weeks have shown, a major operation has been underway in the U.S. under Biden and the allies, which has been to induce an invasion on the part of Russia so the U.S. could slap on sanctions and then legally sell it’s LNG to Germany which once was being sold by Russia.

With the propaganda machine being ratcheted up, casting this as being about democracy, the invasion would stop if Ukraine did what Russia has called for for decades: remain neutral and stop attacking the separatists in the Dombas region. Instead, the U.S. has been determined to ignite a new cold war with Russia. The maniacs are in control, and they are trying to play on our patriotism to push their agenda. Meanwhile Condaleeza Rice says on t.v. that Putin invading Ukraine illegally makes him a war criminal. God help us all. Invasions, the U.S. stoking a new cold war, unnecessary actions that suggest a deeper agenda…and all of this perhaps causing the ripples that I would feel as an over the top energetic response?

I am glad to find that my intuition was on the mark in regards to the supplements, I am feeling much more peaceful. None of it made any sense, though, not conventionally. Is it possible to get these effects as we age? I am sure a lot of this post doesn’t make any sense either.

I work weekends so yesterday and today were my days off. While I ran some errands, I wound up back in the studio cranking out new work, working until past nine p.m. when I realized how late it was and that maybe it was time to relax and go to bed. That in fact is what I am about to do. That’s the news from the wilderness…

I often see forecasts for energies, and while I am aware of the body of people who have awakened on the planet, I can’t say that the energy forecasts have had much relevance to me. I think that I have been so active clearing material over the years it may be that I grew unaware of the energetic landscape to a certain extent. I say this and I can also admit that around the time that awakening came I was aware of a lot of pretty strange energies which I attributed to the earth and cosmos. And after all, the Schumann Resonance did begin to change a lot in the earlier part of Y2K, as it continues to do (and that can make you feel absolutely crazy sometimes). I sound so certain and oh so clear, don’t I?

About a week ago I posted a quick little post about getting it right, and it was the week before that, that I began to feel like something had just turbocharged in my body and inner awareness. I can’t lie, it has been alternatively bad and good, but it has been more intense than I can remember it being in a long time. I have had this odd sense of being self-conscious like I was the first few weeks after my awakening, feeling like I had a giant neon sign over my head saying “Awakened!!” I was relieved when I found that no, no one could feel it or notice anything had changed. I would later read how Buddha had wondered the same thing, if people could tell something had happened to him. The only difference was they didn’t have neon signs….but I bet that if they had, he’d have made that allusion sure as shooting!

This energy is a bit of a double-edged sword. When it is so strong it can be very distracting. I have found it hard to do much of anything with any degree of full recognition that it was done. A day of work will fold in on itself and I turn around, as I walk across from the studio to home, just 75 paces in all, and I wonder what I had done all that time, because the time felt like it had simply evaporated. I will have put in a full day with many pieces made, a lot of sweat given up to those pieces, and it is as if a world just pulls in on itself by virtue of my being so present that I sometimes cannot remember what it was I have just done. It isn’t that I can’t, it is that I am swept so powerfully along a tide of bliss that honestly, I could care less. When I am in the bliss I am in the moment and in the moment it is easy to forget things….not because you don’t care but because that is how things are. I know how that sounds, but how different is this from the Buddhists and the Zen teachers who taught non-attachment? I think this is the same. I have it in some areas of my life, but not in others (like relationships — I appear to have pretty solid attachments in regards to those).

In this last week especially, the energy has gone from bliss to stronger and stronger. It feel like a channel is getting overloaded sometimes. I begin to have the feeling like I just need to find something that I can discharge this energy into. I described this to a friend recently as feeling like I am like a lightening bolt without its ground. The energy just seems to build and build. Since bliss is so close to orgasmic energy, this has gotten difficult because it seems like if there was something working in me to clear out some old stuck energy that it would have done it by now. Normally when kundalini begins to work in this way, it is doing something to clear my system. It just does it on its own, this intelligent energy. Maybe I just reached a new peak or ability to hold this much bliss, but I have my doubts about that (but check with me in another month – if it is still pegged up high then maybe I was wrong and this is the new normal).

It’s in a place such as this where I began to wonder if I haven’t been interfacing with the world somehow. Sometimes really strong raw energy in the world, reflective of hard emotions and deeds, I seem to feel as pure energy without knowing what that energy is. Ripples in the Force, perhaps. Sometimes, often actually, I will feel the intensity of it, which can feel fantastic, but then I will get some symptom or edginess with it that tells me there is more to this that I am not seeing or sensing fully. I consider that maybe this is energy out there that has been stamped a bit too hard with the thinking of others that were less than enlightened. I want to disabuse you of the notion that energy somehow “belongs” to any one person. Instead, we swim in a nondual stream where all is one while also individual all at the same time. Saying that one drop of water in the ocean is somehow “yours” in a case such as this is kind of ridiculous. At a certain point, all can be known once you get past the barriers that you have erected before yourself (and which I seem to still have since I don’t always immediately know who put this vibratory stamp on this batch of energy!). I have begun to consider this past week that this might be tied to some world event or other. And then Ukraine happened. To be fair, this run-up to Ukraine has been on a slow roll for years it turns out. It can be real easy to jump to conclusions that this crazy energy might be tied to the events on the other side of the earth. I am not convinced they are, but it’s possible. It’s also possible that there is something wrong with me, and I wont discount that either, but if that is true then the bliss is acting in a protective role in this case. Yes, this is me ruminating. . .

Then I hear how Pluto transits or conjuncts with the U.S.A. on 2/22/2022 an event that hasn’t happened before since about 1776. Pluto is about death and change. It isn’t necessarily about bad things, but change…uh…

Yesterday and today have been a peak. The energy just continues to drive as hard as ever. I have begun to wonder what the point is. Breathing, meditation, nothing calms it.

With the coming of kundalini there also came extrasensory abilities. At first their evidence appeared as blips on my screen, the result of mere coincidences where I thought of something and found out later that what I had thought about had happened, or that when thinking of a person I could see where they were even though I had not ever been there or had that location described to me. Over time I found that these happenings were consistently taking place, repeatedly (not just a one-off) and my sensory take on whatever I was picking up on had a high percentage of accuracy. Now, of course, I have read about how in Eastern practice and their knowledge base in India that abilities are one of a number of signs of the presence of kundalini.

By having this energy pegged so high lately, I have been able to experience something that was very noticeable to me at the time, which was the notion that in the energy there is…..information encoded into it. It sounds a bit strange or counterintuitive, but when I first had interactions with this energy during my initial awakening period, there were signs or symbols in my dreamscapes that revealed a kind of psychological or psychic/spiritual language of sorts present in the symbols of my dreaming (codes or letters in light or in water, for instance). These symbols had a very definite character to them, but were also unlike any form of writing that I have known or seen before. What is curious is how similar those symbols are to what those who have attempted to reproduce them who have also seen them in dreams and meditations. The symbols look somewhat, although not exactly, like Hebrew writing.

I would also add for anyone who is familiar with this language which some have called “light language” it seems to me at least to be a language less about words as it is about describing state of being or intensities in awareness. I also suspect that this language is also tied to the phenomenon of speaking in tongues, known as glossolalia, and which some call ‘light language’ which many people describe singing or talking in, which gives a release or flow of energy that strikes me as being the same kind of release as kriyas do. These symbols may in fact be more like code that makes up the landscape of feeling instead of just thoughts. Anyway, I have suddenly felt closer to this language all of a sudden as well as feeling as though I am in some version of a Matrix movie where everything around me has information encoded within it (which I suspect it does). My Matrix movie, though, develops its plot without violence.

The point here is that beneath the energy lies what I sense is a data stream for lack of a better word. When the energy is strong that stream becomes more obvious to me. This happens because the reality is that sexual energy alters consciousness in such a way that certain ranges of cognition appear to open up in rather fantastic ways, but they don’t always open up during ordinary intimate encounters, and so can be missed entirely. I don’t feel this undercurrent until the energy begins to get to a certain level, and it is as if the energy serves as an illuminating presence that reveals to me that this transmission is going on all the time and I simply hadn’t noticed it. It is a bit like looking at your router where your computer is hooked up. You see all of this data, a bunch of dots and dashes, and there is this tremendous amount of information flowing and what comes out the other end is a picture of a horse or a cat, or a spreadsheet on your computer. The question I have is what is the rest of all of that information doing? It feels like there is a lot more there that we simply aren’t getting at this point.

In the early stages of awakening I was shown how what we call time is itself a very deceiving thing because of the true nature of time outside our system of reality here. I was shown that time itself is real, but what we see here is only one aspect or facet of a much larger phenomenon, which is itself a kind of energetic radiance. The teaching here was that outside the world of mass and gravity here, time is very different. Outside out reality everything is accessible all at once. The sense of sequential events is overturned a good deal as those who have experienced NDE’s (Near Death Experiences) describe how everything felt like it was happening at once, or that they had access to all times, lives, or existences. I was shown that under such a state of awareness what we think of as our snail-paced linear transformation that has taken lifetimes in our earthly perspective has already happened “over there.” I had a hint of this reality in a past life as a man who was crying for a vision as a Awaneechee in California in the mid to late 1800’s. In his vision he was shown by a Thunderbeing how all time existed for it like a landscape. This being spoke of a time in the future when I would be reborn as a new person in a time when the earth would be going through a cleansing (now), and as I looked out through that being’s eyes, I could see how it related to the future. It already existed for this being. It spoke with great certainty about the event of my birth in this world at an important time in earth history. For the Thunderbeing, all it had to do was to look off slightly in the distance to see where I was in this other life, the one that I am living today. For the Thunderbeing, all of this was a certainty, it looked off into the distance slightly and could see my life there which had not yet happened in the life as our Native American man. If this is so, and I think it is, then there are states we access where the unity of all things is not only possible but can be shared in a practical way with us here through these glimpses into these rarefied spaces of awareness. I suspect, though, that most people will want to frame them as an encounter with
God or something outside of themselves when in truth they may be encountering the god of themselves unbound by time and space where there is no cause or effect, only the realization of what we are in the scope of infinity. Its so big a thing that it can be almost irrelevant for most people here, making it difficult if not impossible to discuss with words. It may only be transferrable through direct cognition, psi (or maybe poetry).

It is this information that lends to my mind the sense of what the ancients called hieros gamos, which is simply put ‘sex with a god.’ This was clearly a facet of human experience in many cultures, and it is curious to me, and perhaps telling, that people felt close to the gods when intimate. I suspect that this is so because of the effect that bliss energy has on consciousness. It is interesting to me that in my life I have had two women both describe a precise account of an experience during intimacy with me that involved seeing energy as a star field that sped up and exploded, and how it was that this experience that they both experienced was tied in some way to our physical intimacy. In each case, we were experiencing ourselves in a higher nonphysical form. I think that the idea that the gods may be in us or that our awareness expands in certain states to include a much larger story has been there for a very long time.

I have long been aware of a presence of my higher self that comes forward during meditation and in acts of intimacy. It only happens when I am completely surrendered and feel at ease with who I am with. It can’t be forced, and sometimes just an expectation of it being there on the part of my partner can be enough to make me feel self conscious enough to make finding that state elusive. There is too much of a feeling of being on some stage. All this to say that this is a very natural phenomenon that has arisen as my consciousness has expanded or accelerated over these last fifteen years. As I reflect I realize that right now is very close to the anniversary of my awakening.

In fact the period of time that I have been feeling such intense energy corresponds with my awakening in early 2007. Added to this is how Pluto is coming into the picture (is there anything to any of this planetary movement?), and what is up with the world at large. It becomes very easy for me to wonder whether what I have been experiencing is a synchronized anniversary event that may have been exaggerated by the very turbulent energies at play in the world stage that are now playing out in Russia. Whether or not that is so, I can say that whatever you think you see playing out as the official version of reality (a public narrative) is most certainly not what is actually happening. One thing is for sure: the world is drenched in deception, and there is a lot of it happening on a daily basis that often has more to do with how one person or country wants an outcome and is willing to lie to get it.

OMG….He Is Going Political…

Right now the narrative at play on the world stage is that Russia is an aggressor who is invading Ukraine. That is true, but what is also at play are how Western forces, especially the U.S., who have been meddling in Ukraine, going so far as to pick the people in the government in a recently discovered recording leaked to the press has revealed. Ukraine was supposed to be for Russia a buffer from NATO and now the Western allies are going against that promise which was made by Reagan and Bush when the fall of the Berlin wall was front page news. Most people see what happened in Ukraine through a Western lens, but there is more to the story, which includes Russian wanting to protect itself.

Right now there are a bunch of narratives being pushed that hides the involvement of Western forces in a conflict that is being represented to appear to be a straightforward invasion by Russia when in truth there is a lot more at work, but because of how much faith some people put in corporate media, it means that the narrative they want to put out gets taken up by a large block of the population. For those willing to dig there is another narrative that tells a different story. And what is taking place right now in this regard is no different from what has been happening for hundreds of years. It’s just that the deceit has ratcheted up considerably from where it was fifty years ago in the U.S.A. If you don’t agree with the Orthodox view then you become a kind of outcast and that becomes your punishment. For some people that means losing jobs and their place in society as a person of influence, say. What is interesting to note though is that in this system, those who push back and fight this effort to silence through demonizing, people have won back a level of credibility again (which is a ray of hope for now).

When I awoke I could feel the mass of deception turning in the world even though I didn’t know specifically what it was at the time. What this sense has done is it has led me to investigate news story more deeply, more thoroughly, to see if there is more to the story than is being reported. On the one hand it can look like someone like myself is being paranoid, but as is often the case, I will find out later that my concerns which were rooted in a feeling of deception in a world event and the reporting on it were founded in truth, but not one that was immediately apparent. I will also say that in order to do this requires that you clear away as much of the rubbish within your subconscious because the self has to be clear to get a clear signal. I am not suggesting that I am some great psychic, though. I am not. I have certain areas where I do pretty well, but I am not always 100%.

Can Our Inner Senses Save Us From Ourselves?

It is against this backdrop that I often feel rumblings months and weeks before events taking place. I, like others like me, can detect the smell of deception most often, and while we may not always know exactly where the deception is in world events, they can often be seen once the events have rolled out. In some cases anyone can see how what officials say often falls apart when scrutinized, so this is not always a hard thing to do for the average person as it now stands, but to feel it coming down the pike and not being aware fully enough to know that there is a new version of “fuckery” coming our way or what form it will take exactly is the real challenge at this point. In that space the awareness is beyond physical sensory capability, and this is just where we need to go as a race just to keep people honest. Once we get to that level we will be able to see events emerge just before they do, or as they do, and be able to see how they are in fact constituted instead of how they are sold or represented to the public, we will be much more able to fight against this endless need to spin and lie. It is possible for us that in the future we will all be able to smell the rat in world events. There is this old axiom that says here on earth we can hide things, but in spirit all things are known. I think we are in the process of knitting spirit more closely to our world here, which itself serves to alter how this reality can be experienced. If we can raise everyone’s awareness as a simple matter of course, I think that would spell hope for humanity. As was said in the movie Avatar, “We must first cure you of your insanity…”

All of this to say that I think that we can be more aware of what is happening around us because it may well be streaming through us as a kind of coded light signal much like the computer code that makes it possible for you to see a horse or kitten or that spreadsheet on your computer screen. I know that I can feel it and often dip my toe into it in order to begin detecting what is moving by at the speed of light. I also know that this is happening all the time, and under certain instances, I am more aware of it than in others. The fact that I am more aware of it through sexual energy is very curious to me and I think it suggests to me that in meditation I may need to extend the level of surrender I feel in intimacy to my meditative practice. While the bliss is constant and assists greatly in staying in that nondual state, I sense that there are more blocks to knock down, blocks that I think are entirely artificial and unnecessary. I do wonder whether sexual surrender and bliss creates the same required state needed in order to use psi abilities correctly, that is, an empty mind that doesn’t seek to insert what it think fits but instead waits for the information to come (the difference between tuning in a station and making up what you think that station might say were you to be actually be able to be tuning it in).

It seems counter-intuitive but clearing the mind is the first precursor or requirement for clear and uncluttered psi sensing. I am reminded of this person I knew who was convinced that she had superior psi ability. She went on telling me what I was thinking and feeling and over and over again, it was clear that she had done little other than insert her own fears and beliefs into what she thought was a genuine sensing ability. Because she believed that if she was sensing psychically, it had to all be correct. That was the logic that appeared to be used. She had superior intuition, she had after all sensed all of this material (which was completely off the mark). This was for me an important lesson in learning to clear away all the crap within that can cloud inner sensing. It is soooo easy to want to insert something that you feel is right instead of being that still receiver, like a radio.

One good thing to come out of all of this has been my reaching a point where I began to sit back and kind of laugh about it all. Somewhere inside my heart I just wanted the people of the world to be good ethical people. We aren’t, though. Self interest flies through the air like flaming arrows, all at cross purposes with others in transit as they create chaos in the world. It is what I call The Big Ugly Beautiful. It’s ugly, that is true, and it is going to probably stay that way, and the point may be not to have a perfect world, but to be perfectly human and not take it all so damned seriously.

I looked at all of this, the whole thing, and I thought how what we really need is to spend more time sitting down eating meals with one another, seeing each other for who we are and not judging. Everyone is on their own journey, and everyone is at a different place than everyone else. If asked I would have said to those angels to save Sodom, because the whole world is like that. Perfect? What a heresy that is. Come, have some smoked pork. Or try this salad…stuff your mouth and just look at the light in each person’s eye. We are killing everything that we eat, come join the celebration of death and life! Maybe we either find a way not to kill through our technology or we find a way to be humane in our killing so we may live. It’s a conundrum, don’t you think, all this killing in order to survive, killing that none of us really wants to look at or acknowledge is happening (so it’s done behind closed doors so we don’t see the slaughter)?

We are all so different but also much the same. We have spent centuries feeling shame for the very range of energy that might free us from our bonds, which is this crazy thing I feel when the sexual energy is driven or pegged high enough, which is how everything is like a vast internet and I am plugged in, plugged into some great cosmic play of divine union second by millisecond….and I really don’t know how to even say it to anyone except myself.

I lean back in my chair and my back cracks from mid-back all the way up into my shoulders. My muscles are just a little tight, causing those bones to slip out of alignment. And yet, with one gentle release of breathe and leaning backward, those bones all line up like they know how they are supposed to be. DO we know how we are supposed to be, what we may be in a fuller or larger context? Is it even important to seek that? Will it do any good for this, our corner of Sodom? My back will fall out of alignment in another hour and I will lean back, arching backward over the chair back as I feel that delicious alignment brought back to rights…I am clearly unclear on something niggling at me, though, but it isn’t clear enough that I seem able to just find it on my own. Maybe by saying that it will signal to my innermost self that a challenge has been thrown down for it to delicately deliver to me….maybe in a dream, maybe in the midst of meditation, maybe in that gap of thought that transpires at seemingly random moments during the day where I become inattentive enough that a bigger story can be told and my mind can absorb it. I could say that this is as simple as a need for all humans to have communion, but it feels like there is more than just that on offer, there is a new world rising. Can we understand what that ultimately means for us, or will we sink back into our illusions again because they are the devil that we know instead of the strange angel of our better nature. One thing is for sure: I am not going to find it sitting here for another minute.

Dinner is served at 6 o’clock sharp…

Learning about this has been one of the most formidable lessons in my awakened life (and it got me into plenty of jams before I got the memo). ❤

It took a bit of courage to photograph and then publish the marks that showed up when kundalini rose a decade and a half ago. It was an odd thing to witness these marks, one on my right hip and another that emerged after a clearing of karmic material tied to my heart center several years later. The posts about this are in the archive. I include one from the heart below.

At first when I wrote about it, there was little comment about them, but after about a year comments began to come in with people describing similar marks who had been running searches for burn-like marks after spiritual events, and voila—they found me. Many tended to be either on the hips or near the shoulders. Then, a few years ago, a Japanese graduate student shared photos with me of his own marks which were nearly identical to my own, also on his hip and another like my heart center mark except at his throat chakra which following a kundalini awakening.

I thought that someone or something had done this to me, but as increasing numbers of people have come forward to describe their own burn-like marks, it seems to me that these marks may simply be what happens when strong energy is being released (because of its proximity to the energetic event tied to kundalini awakening). Intuitively it seems right that the marks could happen when energy is trying to move up the legs to the torso, and vica versa, and like an energy bolt used to traveling in a more or less straight line, it has to make a sudden turn and becomes impeded and marks result (this is my theory at this point). This could result in a burn or iritation to the skin. For me, I know that this is nothing mystical or “woo-woo” but serves as a physical trace of the energy in the physical. I also have not just marks that emerged around the time I awakened, but I have a persistent mark over my heart and recently that mark has moved.

It would be helpful if science were to take an interest in this observable phenomenon. Absent that, I am left to investigate and collect accounts by others with similar effects that have happened to them.

Three days ago, I noticed that the mark over my heart center has moved. It started at the lower sternum as you see in the photo. It has moved up by about 2 and a half inches, and the mark, which has tended to be circular, and which has been constant in its presence for years now has grown three times in size. It is less noticable but can be easily seen in the right light. It hasn’t waned in that time and resembles two semicircles that sit opposite each other along the vertical axis of my torso. The end of each semicircle doesn’t touch the semicircle beneath it, but the effect is seeing a near-perfect circle being formed (or at least suggested). I am observing it to see what it does after this move, if anything.

I often find it hard to describe what I feel because while I know that it became a novel but continuous state compared to how I felt previous to this experience of awakening, its constancy has led me to find it to be a new normal. How do you normalize supreme bliss? I spent years learning how to appear normal while speeding through another world within. It’s progress now that I can keep from needing to sit or lie down for an hour or two because the bliss is so strong. There were periods where I would be so blissed out that I would forget from one moment to the next what I was thinking about or even doing. It didn’t even matter in many cases. I can’t say that I handled it all that well in the beginning, but over time I learned how to carry that bliss while being able to focus on the kinds of things that would normally get wiped away by the thick blanket of bliss.

The effect of the bliss is that it has had a significant effect on dulling or eliminating a lot of pain in my body, and softening emotional pain. While this is helpful, even miraculous, I am concerned that it could make identifying a physical problem difficult in the future. Pain is an important feedback when things go wrong that need attention. I sometimes worry a little about this. Could I miss important signs of my imminent demise? The bliss says, “pipe down, it’s okay, just chill…” What’s behind the bliss? A cocktail of chemistry, I have found. It isn’t all just dopamine, but a good portion is based on my experience and investigation into it.

I disagree with Jana Dixon in her assertion in the Physiology of Kundalini that dopamine does not play an important role in the symptoms of kundalini. I have observed that high dopamine levels are responsible for being able to take part in the release process because while dopamine is a natural pain killer, the effect it had on me psychologically was that it made it possible for me to let go, and to stop “grasping” for the old familiar psychological patterns that were the basis of old beliefs and programming. What I experienced fell neatly into the realm of high dopamine levels. Additionally, I have found that in people with schizophrenia, the condition involves an inability to properly metabolize dopamine, resulting in a build-up in the brain resulting in the psychotic break if nothing changes. I found an online conversation of a group of schizophrenics who had gone off their medication just to see how long they could go without serious problems. One person said that he discovered his symptoms after a week were identical to kundalini. For me, this was proof that at the right level, dopamine is directly tied to elements that makes kundalini feel the way that it does. It may also be responsible for boosting psi ability in the brain by allowing the self to tune out the usual signals through the sensory cortex in favor of tuning in the nonphysical senses. Dopamine, it could be said, gives peoole a pleasant rush at one level, but could do much more at higher levels.

When I read accounts of people who smoked opium (a dopamine analog in plant form) many of the accounts described symptoms very similar to my own experience with dopamine. When the self lets go and surrenders, the chemistry instantly shifts away from the stress hormones of norepinephrine and adrenaline and into the softer more dreamy dopamine/oxytocin range of the spectrum. And who among us haven’t felt intense feelings of love during awakening? I am not suggesting that dopamine production is kundalini, I am suggesting that dopamine is the concoction that creates part of the experience of bliss in the body. This is all being coordinated at the nonlocal consciousness level. Dopamine doesn’t get produced or released until the signal from the consciousness comes. I will also add that I am aware that other compounds are in this mix, it’s just that the effects of dopamine were so easy to identify with some simple online searching. I do think that without a little adrenaline, dopamine tends to make me want to lie down for considerable lengths of time. It slows motor response, it has even slurred my speech and gave me the stereotypical “Buddha gaze” where eyelids are often at half mast. I wouldn’t rule out the presence in small amounts of DMT since in small amounts it has been shown to create bliss. I for one would like very much to test this in a clinical setting to see how DMT bliss compares to my own physically produced bliss compounds.

When this shift in the heart happened, what I count as the fifth in a five-layered process (tied to the koshas—each chakra is like an onion, kosha meaning “husk” and each layer aligns with the five major aspects of the energy body: emotional mental, physical, energetic, and spiritual). This means that each chakra can be cleared by kundalini up to five times as it acts on each aspect of the chakra and its koshas.

At this time, just a week before the change in location, I inquired in meditation to find out the nature of a hitch that I had for most of my life, which is a habitual tendency to move into poverty consciousness. This never made much sense to me in the past because I always had a capacity to get whatever I needed in life, so what gives? Just ask and it will be given.

I realized in the course of the inner inquiry that there were no limits that existed within, and what was causing it was a vestige remaining that came from growing up in a family where this issue seemed front and center. I was myself taken on a very fast journey through a space that I knew was my being and what felt curiously similar to a spaciousness that I experienced in the wake of the third clearing of my heart center in 2008.

In my recent meditation, my inner guidance took me through this vast open space and there was simply nothing there that would impede it (it was completely clear—a vast brilliant white space–my own connection to and experience of the divine white light capable of being anchored here by me in this life). Huh.

This was new to me because over the years this inner space was always cluttered with something. I grew accustomed to feeling the “remainder” of the stuck energy that had yet to be resolved, with the process always being where I saw, noted its presence (after a while of getting used to this process), knew it was there, but relied on the energy to get to it in its own time. I, as a result, never second-guessed the energy in terms of which block it would get to next because it was much better at getting it done than I could ever do on my own. That said, I did practice Qi Gung and meditation in order to ‘soften the ground’ so to speak in a hope of making things go more smoothly for this intelligent energy. It was my “project” and after years of doing this work sudden it became a wind-swept silence of a space.

“There is nothing there” my inner guidance said to me. There was nothing in my way, whatever that hitch was that I had was now gone. Looking back I realize that most of it was the result of other people who either expressed a poverty consciousness, or it was people near me who tried to connect me with it. Luckily those people have edited themselves from my life now and for the last three years I have been actively engaged in bringing my studio business back to life (with the greatest growth happening during the pandemic).

Within days events changed. I had cobbled together work from last month’s production in the studio, held an event, and in 20 years of doing shows and events, this one wasn’t just better than anything I had done before, it was head and shoulders beyond anything that I had ever done since I began the business in 1997. I thought it was a fluke until the next week’s event was just as crazy as the first. This was repeated a third time for good measure and the result was the same. The whole tenor of the business has changed. I am hiring part time help and the truth is, it wont be enough. A new chapter has opened up. The heart mark had shifted during this time, signaling a readiness to step into the next phase of the journey.

The curious thing about this is that I keep hearing that abundance is tied to the root or base energy center. I feel that for me, it all happens in my heart as a pivot point, a mediator, between root and crown centers. For whatever reason, this was the most natural outcome for me. How is that possible? Is it that when we do something with love, it can only really emerge best from the heart? Would it then be an outcome mediated by it?

All of this is the culmination of years worth of work, so while this recent development was a pleasant surprise, it was one step along a long line of steps. And why am I even saying this? It’s to show that there are different ways of doing this work, to convey that the moment someone says that something must happen a certain way, you can know there are many paths that lead to the same summit. The other side is my sense that none of this is supernatural but is, I think, natural. It’s physioligical and driven by an energetic force we unfortunately don’t know much about in a scientific way because so few researchers are willing to delve into it. We do have reams and reams of accounts both current and ancient by the people experiencing the phenomenon. It is described as a serpent in India. Based on how the energy rose up through my body, I can understand why. But there is no snake, there isn’t even a Shiva and Shakti meeting at the crown. Those are apt descriptions to say what it is like, no one thinks it actually is that. This is much the same as Jesus saying the kingdom is like a candle, or a treasure in a field. The kingdom isn’t literally those things, it is like those things. Based on my observations it is more likely that this energetic even is the result of the two brains, the left and right hemispheres finally synchronizing in a very particular way which leads to a sudden rush of energy and bliss flowing into the crown and radiating throughout the body. That may not sound terribly exciting, but how the mechanics sound and how it feels can appear quite different. Prana is just electricity?? It might be that a slight “over-volt” in the body is enough to supercharge the brain and kick the endochrine system into high gear where a host of hormones kick into high gear resulting in better health, sharper physical senses, and an expansion of cognition even into intuitive abilities. Clearly these burns or marks are the result of a real physical force, and the best explanation is an arc of electricity perhaps coupled with resistance at critical points where energy flows from and to the torso to the legs. It would help if someone with a technical background were to take an interest. How to rouse those in slumber?

Personally I suspect that the phenomenon represents an area of inquiry scientifically that would likely serve to challenge materialist views long held about consciousness as arising from matter rather than the other way around (which is what I think this is). It also has the potential to vault us into a new understanding of ourselves, and our potentials If only we can break the log-jam of enlightenment-era thinking (namely Descart who championed the idea that we are just biological machines entirely driven by the matter assembled that we call biological life). The incidence of marks that show around energetic events like awakening is one such example of real physical traces that help to anchor the phenomenon in something more than “woo-woo” and gets us all closer to “how-to” through an investigation of this field as a once-rare event that is fast becoming a more common phenomenon.

I know that it is entirely possible that my heart mark could help show the physical traces and existance of the chakra, not as a belief or notion promulgated by Eastern philosophy and esotericists, but as a reality that could serve to point to the system most directly tied to the forces of consciousness.

Additionally it could help us to understand the size of the chakra in the energy body. The fact that the mark on my heart emerged immediately after a heart clearing event, was the size of a dime at that time (in 2011), only to change size while also moving up my sternum by about three inches may have a lot to tell us about how this system behaves. While we may not have dozens of people for a half-decent study, we may be able to glean information from the few who do exhibit these markings as a response or reaction to the energy. Is this mark, which persists, the result of a strong energetic pathway that opened up in the wake of awakening and the release of emotional baggage? It feels electric to me, so that would be one clue for future investigation. I also sense that what might be increased electrical activity in my body may well be felt or read as bliss in consciousness. I see a connection with this energy serving to stimulate my endochrine system which has led to a host of positive physical results. It also, not surprises, has pushed libido a good deal, and with so many experiencers describing kundalini as a sexual energy, this effect may help us to understand why, while helping us to see how this energy impacts the body in a positive way (while understanding better how to support the physical organism so it has less chance of burning us out or experiencing negative side effects from the energy).

Currently most materialistically inclined thinkers think that the idea of the chakra is just speculative hogwash. I think that by upping our game on this front we could begin to show anecdotal evidence that this is more than mere speculation.

The problem I face is finding the people who are affected in the same or similar ways as I have in regards to the marks. While I have a handful of people who have reported having had simkar marks only one has been willing to share pictures which he took before the marks faded after the surge of energy that likely produced them faded. While I had a hip mark, my Japanese friend developed a mark at his throat chakra which is not that different in size and shape as my heart chakra mark. At this point, these kinds of numbers are not enough to convince any researcher that there is anything to it.

If you have experienced this type of phenomenon, I would like very much to know because it will help us to better understand this phenomenon and without data, there isn’t any interest. If you have images you can send them to Your info will be held in confidence for any contacts that you make.


Narcissism is a term used to describe an emotional dysfunction and personality type. I never knew what a narcissist was until I lived with one. What is so crazy about life with a narcissist is how they are able to operate for years undetected even by their victims. The narcissist is a consummate actor or actress. They don’t even seem to be acting, they appear to be completely convinced of the positions that they take. It is their apparently certainty that makes them hard to spot. They are highly functional people who hold positions often of power and control over other people. They can be leaders, authorities of some kind or another. For a narcissist to be successful there is one thing they need to make it all work: the victim. This isn’t just anyone. This person needs to be unable to understand how a narcissist could in fact be devoid of true feeling and proper emotional boundaries. To the victim the narcissist seems normal. In fact, the victim can often want to believe that the narcissist is a normal person. This can go on for years. I was married to a narcissist for 16 years and most of what she did to me and my children was carefully done behind the scenes, behind my back, so that I was left wondering what on earth was going on. I doubted my sanity, I felt like something was going on but I just didn’t know what. This ate at me, and it wasn’t until years later when family members began coming forward to fill me in on what she had been saying that the behavior all began to make sense.

My abuser was so successful because I was so unwilling to consider what it was she was doing was as bad as it was. No way she could be working against me. No way she could be trying to hurt me by using my children as pawns. I just could not imagine anyone doing that. I mean, who would do such a thing? After all, I had lived with this person and she showed no sign of being the kind of person who would do something like this. Get real, already!

This did happen, though. It was nothing short of a nightmare. After seven years of this kind of petty behavior that drew my children into an abusive spiral, my ex when confronted, refused to admit that she had done anything untoward or wrong. Standing outside my building which I had caught her breaking into, I asked her why she had said the things she did to my children. She looked me straight in the eye and said she had never said such things to my children. Ever. And if you didn’t know her very well, you might believe her, or want to. She sounded….wow, it was a great performance. I think people like this are missing something in their heads and hearts. They think what they are feeling is real but they just don’t know this level of real. it is like they have a reptile brain and they just go along and ape everyone else when it comes to the higher functions of being a mammal or a primate. I know that sounds hard, but after years of this I finally realized that people like this are fundamentally different from the rest of us….and most of us don’t even know that they are.

Years ago I had an old friend from high school who I remained friends with throughout my college years and into after I got out of graduate school. I noticed how she had a string of relationships that always started and ended the same way, over and over. I became her go-to shoulder to cry on when things went south. It wasn’t until years later that I figured it all out; she was having relationships with men in her life that were replays of her relationship with her father, which was strained to say the least. Because she was unable to get past her misgivings with him, she replayed that drama over and over in her relationships with other men in her life. Remember the saying “what you resist persists?” Well, it happened to my friend and later in my life it also happened to me. After I divorced my ex, almost exactly a year after we separated, I became involved with someone who was a carbon copy of my ex in many respects, but with a twist. In this case, this person actually tried to utilize my own kundalini to facilitate hr own awakening. This was something that was done in absentia, or through the etheric, but the result was very real. Strange, but real. A telepathic bond was created that was so strong I was unsure that I would ever be able to break it. My life with this person was an experience of their projecting most everything they suffered from being put onto me. The narcissist has no ability to truly self-reflect. But wait….didn’t she say how sorry she was? Didn’t she say how sorry she was, how horrible she had been only to tell me later how she had gotten better? Turns out this is another part of the abuse spectrum, which is saying how horrible they have been and then begging to be taken back or swearing how they will change even though the behavior never does change in any material way.

My second narcissist told me early on in my knowing her that she hadn’t stayed in any one place for very long. She said she only stayed about five or six years in one place at a time, a pattern that had been with her her whole life. Before knowing me, she had been married for about six years. Before that, she had also been married prior to that. She wound up staying about 5 years in the area before moving on. Publicly she sounded like she had a great life, but privately she expressed how much she disliked her work and how unhappy she was. I saw how she would say one thing to one group of people and say something different to another group. Sometimes, these stories would grow or shrink in scale depending on how stressed or upset she was. It is never about herself, it is always about another person or some other source that is causing the problem. What happens when you combine kundalini with narcissism? Is it even possible? We are all human and the realm of spirit can be nuanced and complex. There are also levels to it. We all go at our own pace and we often get in trouble when we try to define their experience through our own experiential lenses. Fundamentally, there is a dishonesty lying at the base somewhere, a dishonesty with ones own self that keeps a part of the self in a broken and delusional state where these types of people seem to believe that the problem is with the world, or with some person or some other shadowy threat “out there” when in truth, the threat comes from within. Trying to redeem them never works because all of this is an inside job. So the empath can get sucked into trying to help this type of person. Round and round they go until the empathic person finally realizes that the same pattern continues to repeat. It only seemed like they were gaining ground. It was all a show. And the only cure is to cut them free so they can go on and continue their behavior until the universe conspires to reveal to them when they are ready to see the fatal flaw within and then set about healing it. it might not happen in this life, who knows when it happens. It is an inside job. The empath learns a great lesson that it is not their job to save anyone, only themselves. This is the lesson for the empath that will lead them to their own healing, which will take them out of the orbit of people like this in the future. The one thing I had in common with a narcissist was me.

It’s easy to point fingers, harder still to do the work inwardly to look good and hard at your own flaws. And yes, needing to help so much that you are blinded by who the narcissist is is a flaw. It is the one flaw I am working to give up in total. Sometimes the greatest act of compassion is letting go. It doesn’t come easily, but within it lies the greatest of lessons. To be able to cease seeing yourself as a victim in this is the next step. If you were pulled into this type of dynamic, you played a part. It was a great cosmic set up meant to help to show you where the flaws exist on both sides if you are ready to see clearly enough. The most important thing one can do is to forgive yourself for putting yourself through that. I have found that when I do this first, forgiving them comes naturally. This isn’t the usual perfunctory “I forgive you” but is instead a much deeper and ore substantive forgiveness that has the power to shift the draw that we have with people like this. The lesson is learned and when it is, these people lose all their charge for us. This isn’t something you can fake, it has to be done in an authentic way. In some cases, just being away from it long enough can help to create the contrast necessary to see just how bad it all was and how you never want to go back to that kind of madness again.

I was once told that the universe is neutral….but the forces in the universe are not. Whether you are drawn to someone based on negative or positive karma, the draw can often feel very similar….but the difference is what lies beneath. Being able to get to that deeper substratum within the self is where the work lies. It seems the way forward is in being radically honest with yourself. The draw can seem supernatural but the past can be marked by strife and trauma from other lifetimes. All of this is healed with love and that just lets all those threads drop away.

I was actively doing this with my first narcissist years ago in a period of rapid cord removal. It was one of the blessings of kundalini; I just made myself available. What I found that bothered me a good bit at the time was that many of the cords I was dissolving were cords that were tied to my ex at the time. I could feel these taut cords let loose, often in quiet moments, and moments after it was gone I could feel her presence on the other end pulling them back into a taut position. By then, it was too late. But what was so interesting was how she would go into a meltdown within about 12 hours or so after the release. I counted nine times that a cord was released that was tied to her, followed up with her going into an emotional meltdown, upset for some reason or another. It was very instructive to me because it showed me the etheric effects and presence of these lines of influence that work behind the scenes in our lives. Instead of my ex accepting the healing, she went in the other direction completely. She got worse. She got more angry, more mean, and poor thing, she didn’t seem to even know why. All of this felt very dangerous to me because this I knew would lead to her lashing out at me and my children. She was never able to see or sense more deeply to understand what was at the root of her own behavior. It showed me that at least in this life she was not redeemable. She wasn’t about to heal, she was going to hold on for dear life, and that was that. I had married someone who didn’t have it in her to heal in any substantive way, at least not with me around. Narcissist 2.0 was much the same except with the added quality of saying how she was changing while she in fact had not changed. The stumbling block that I had sensed in her from day one remains to this day. Some day she might get around to healing it. I hope she does because it will add a little more peace to the world somewhere, but luckily, it wont be anywhere in my sphere of experience. When I am able to give up these things, the universe has a very efficient way of clearing these people from my life. Thank goodness.

Acceptance is the most adult and most compassionate thing that can be done in my estimation. Narcissists only respect the authority like judges and police, never their victims. Until they can see what it is they have done will they begin to change. Only they can do this work, and who knows how that will play out. It has been incredibly instructive, just as my inner voice had told me it would be, which would be one of my greatest of teachers. It just wasn’t the kind of teacher I thought it would be. But that is fine, because the universe is neutral and sometimes we take the light with the dark and do what we can as we can.

What is interesting is how everything can change when I decide to no longer be silent on the matter. In the case of my first narcissist, writing to one of my children who was affected by what his mother had done was one important outgrowth of this process. It is hard to explain how vulnerable a child can be when their mother is so willing to lie and obfuscate the truth to a young child. What is a child to do? Whom are they to believe? Families can be torn apart by this kind of behavior, something known and parental alienation syndrome. Whether that child can take what I write to heart isn’t what is important at the cosmic level because that child will do what that child’s freewill dictates. However, just by writing the letter some things have shifted for the better. And for my second narcissist, just by writing to that person and letting them know some of the inconvenient truths which I never spoke about (what was the point I wondered?), that alone has begun to bring rapid change in my life at a material level. New people are beginning to filter into my life all with a very different vibe than from before. When we signal we are ready, that signal can often be honored. I think for me, it was long over due.

How To Deal With A Narcissist

But before you deal with a narcissist you might need to figure out if they are a narcissist or not. One thing that is helpful to understand is that when identifying personality disorders, you don’t need to have all of the symptoms present. People exist along a spectrum in all aspects of life. You can easily have someone who has borderline personality disorder who only has half of the stated symptoms as stated in the DMS 5, a guide for health professionals in diagnosing and treating personality disorders. My first narcissist was hard to identify because she had so many behaviors that looked like she was selfless, kind, and caring. When the gloves came off, though, the truth was revealed to me: a lot of this was an act. When she got mad enough, she would start telling me exactly how she felt, and it wasn’t pretty at all. It was in moments of stress that the truth came out and that was when I was able to see for certain that this person said a lot that sounded like she was a kind compassionate person but that these outbursts would show how she really felt. Was she an undercover narcissist? Did she submerge a lot of her behavior that was narcissistic unless there was stress in her life? With narcissist #2, some behaviors were easier to identify right out of the gate. I suspected that this was a replay of my life with the first narcissist, so I think I was more able to watch and observe behavior. With narcissist #2 there was more apologies but with the result of pulling me back into the web of manipulation and chaos. Being able to identify these types can save you from a great deal of strife in the future. Luckily, narcissists are fearful of being found out and will go to great lengths to keep that from happening. In my situation, I was told by my attorney to make notes of my ex’s behavior and to save all texts and emails. This helped a lot in helping to dispel any notion that this was just in my head. The same was repeated for the second narcissist. I saved posts and emails and texts and they helped in creating a library that revealed how contradictory her statements were and how much of a liar she had been. Because she tends to crave others’ attention and approval, having someone who can call them out is not someone who will stick around you if they know that this is the case.

Identifying A Narcissist

Good luck, and take my advice: there is not real dealing with a narcissist. They alone must reach a point where they themselves are willing to change (or an authority imposes it on them). It is better to step away and ask yourself why it was you were drawn to them in the first place.


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