Archives for the month of: April, 2015

When I first awoke I asked the energetic presence of kundalini what it was doing. I did this because this presence showed every sign of intelligence.  In the beginning, this is unnerving-feeling as though there is this intelligent energy that is there, but later, as the story unfolds more, it develops into something more complete and understandable.  Still wet behind the ears, I was still getting my footing. The energy immediately unfolded a scene within my mind’s eye as soon as I queried it.  I was shown a vivid image of a large warehouse full of boxes.  I was shown how “it” (the energy) and I were going to go through every single one of these boxes, opening each one, making a check mark for each box.  As each box was opened, something came out of them. What came out of them was stored emotion that had been shoved down at one time or another in my lifetime. I began calling this “the inventory.”

This inventory was the incredible backlog of repressed emotion and trauma from my life.  I was here to get rid of my baggage. Some of it touched on past lives.  In an earlier post, I describe how a being who announced himself as Sandalphon, bid me to get up in the early morning hours (4:00 a.m. on Good Friday to be exact) and come outside as I was shown how what I was going through was about emptying myself of all psycho/emotional material, even past life material.  In a very serious tone, he explained that this shift, this release, and cleansing would affect all times or lifetimes.  This was something of significant scope.  Understanding this now, I hope that you can perhaps know how foundational, precious, valuable, and important this kind of process and the mechanism within us that triggers the avalanche of “inventory” is.  U.G. Krishnamurti described this same process for him that he described in The Mystique of Enlightenment as when the “Saints go marching out” (as opposed to the saints marching in).

Looking at this image created in my mind, it was daunting, frustrating even, to see the sheer volume of boxes.  I knew that what I was being shown in my inner vision was accurate as to the sheer volume of material that needed to be removed.  It seemed like chipping away at a mountain.  Over the course of awakening, though, I have found myself in the midst of sudden rapid-fire releases, some of which were falling away by the dozens, like blips on a radar screen, going so fast I had no chance to see what they were even about.  Others, being more stubborn, were seen as they passed into the night.  Some I was able to pin to experiences in my past, some in this life, others from past lives.  All of them bore on this life even if their genesis was from an event in the past.  In each case I began feeling that this form of energetic release was not just clearing me here in this present time, but was also reconfiguring the past through other parallel time lines.  What I mean is that a block cleared now has the effect of clearing and redeeming all time. I could feel the tension in the block like a cord that tied the block through my life, as though some cable ran through my time-line in this life.  As it released, I could feel through past memory how it released all of the events in that past where the block came up as a problem or stumble.

We are all like this.  As I speak to people who are engaged in their awakening and “get” how important it is to allow blocks of this kind to go, it is clear that the whole world is just jammed packed with this stored material (whether anyone knows, realizes or is willing to acknowledge it).  It is work like this that we are here for.  When I sit in deep meditation on the Tao, on the Source, what I find is a brilliant and beautiful energy that resides in potential.  It is like an explosion that has been utterly frozen.  Somehow, in ways that I do not yet fully understand, this energy moves “out” of this state of pure unrealized potential into worlds like ours, effectively projecting itself into countless worlds wherein it is able to realize itself in creation.  It is through this creation that a clever kind of situation is set up wherein the potential is “realized” through many smaller parts.  This, of course, does not help anyone in knowing the All or the Tao, except by way of observing it at this level of awareness that monks, priests and shaman have all described at various times through history. This Tao is the small dot that exists in the center of the Shri Yantra mandalla, but before the dot even appears.  This dot is like the stone cast into the mirror-surfaced reality, sending ripples of phenomenon everywhere; this is an act of creation.  When I say all of this, realize that the Source of life exists both in and out of potential.  It is all, it is both.  It exists outside of time, just as all souls are radiations or projections into a reality such as ours here on earth. The radiation, though, is across all time all at once.  When you experience time as a dimension of experience, you effectively exist in a spacious present, as was described by Jane Robert’s trance personality Seth (they wrote a few notable books about the nature of reality, etc.).  Despite all of this, in each life, until the cords are cut and the blocks healed, these issues continue to haunt us.  The way out of them is through intent.  It is just that simple. You can tell yourself, even if you are scared to death to let go of all of your junk that you want to let go of it.  If it is something that you really do want, you can correct enough of the bad programming within you that will open enough doors within you to make it so.  Especially in awakening, which is already stirring you like nobodies’ business.  You are not powerless.  This is why we are here!  To do this work means the end of countless lives running over the same old ground!  This cleansing has far reaching implications not just individually, but for the planet, for the great well-spring of collective consciousness that is the human race.  It has and will continue to trigger a big shift globally that we are beginning to feel even now that will perhaps be messy, but will result in some significant changes when this process more or less “completes” itself (which is a misnomer because all of life and growth is a spiral that does not end, constantly looping back onto itself, but never in the exact same place as we spiral “upwards” in our evolution physically and spiritually on this planet).

As I move into a more accelerated period of block removal, and as I get down to the last bits in my energy body, I find myself in a new place.  I will be honest and say that such a rapid removal of these blocks can be unsettling for the fact that whether we like it or not, or whether we are willing to admit it or not, these blocks, negative, yes, have nonetheless formed a significant part of our lives.  They have mine.  While I have a lot in the rear-view mirror now that I can look back on and see how the loss of these dysfunctional behaviors that were energized by those old blocks were a saving grace to have gone, the truth is that the things remaining are the same in some ways to some of the first blocks.  Each one feels like the first time…..because in truth, they are in a way…..The very nature of these blocks is that in many ways, releasing them often means feeling them for the first time…..and I mean really feeling them…..as opposed to skirting them, brushing up against them, or having them kind of bundled up like a mummy within my body of memory…..there, yes, but not really being encountered fully enough to see it, know it, acknowledge it, and then let it go.

We are human.  It is easy to tell ourselves we are in such a different place, that we are “spiritual” now or awake and part of the cosmic federation of spirits.  🙂  Truth be told, our spirituality lies in every single corner of who we are, and most notably it lies also within our frailties.  THAT is our humanness.  It is also our spirituality.  Everything we do, good or bad, exists under the umbrella of what we call spiritual.  All of it. Wherever our presence and awareness goes, it is spirit.  We want to think of it as something beyond us, but it isn’t.  It is right here in the chores we do, the mundane and fantastic.  We want to spin stories about some ultimate truth, but this “truth” is something so broad that it is witnessed in each moment even as the world changes or the light in our bedroom changes, or how others change.  These are the 10,000 Things.  Within all of them is the One.  The Tao, Source….and this thing has levels layers just like us and escapes explanation because it can only truly be experienced.  And this glimpse?  It changes lives.  And we put all of this up on pedestals when we need to just keep it right here where we are.  We need it in fact in order to do the work of Awakening.

So digging deep, I continue this balancing act.  I find that the releases now require me to really focus on what the releases have offered to me in my present moment.  There is, for me, a real benefit to be found in keeping myself away from things that trigger me.  Why?  Some might say that “triggering” as we so often call it is a great way to focus on what remains. And they would be right!  But the difference for me now is that I am more aware than I ever have been during this current phase as I dig deep into the bottom of my barrel.  I can feel how I might be triggered.  Some part of me just knows. For me now, triggering tends to slow me down, like how a loop can catch you in a merry-go-round of the same old behavior.  And so it is important for me now to help support a new way of being, feeling, and experiencing.  It is like a gentle but persistent reminder to help support a new kind of life.  After all, an old story is being erased, revised, some pieces are being kept that belong to the soul’s purpose here, and there is a lot of chaff blowing out into the wind.

Even though I know that it is all nonessential material that I am removing, some part in my human side feels that moment like this is a goodbye.  Another part seems to pat my shoulder and say how it was never really something that served me in my highest. As all of this happens, though, the people and events that triggered me simply do not trigger me. And it was never really about them. The only problem I have ever come across has had everything to do with how I chose to feel or react to it.  This is not to say that I am aloof to injustice or lack in compassion, but just that I am so much clearer about who is taking part in the actions that lead to negative outcomes.  By becoming embroiled, or upset about it, I toss myself into the same bin with those who perpetrate the wrongs in our world.  It is on whomever is engaged in it.  Why should I be unclear about who is doing what?  Sometimes those fighting for peace are as embroiled in a war inwardly as those who are engaged in the physical warfare.  It is a tender balance, but it is one that is actually quite clear.  In the end, it is the essence of personal choice.  We have this as part of our individuality and our freewill.

Digging deep, while I find greater peace, I have also found that what remains has, for me, become more reactive in some ways for the simple fact that this is the stuff I have held on to the hardest.  It is the hardest to let go, I suppose.  These things represent a very stubborn part of my psyche, so I am approaching this last part in me with understanding, compassion, and patience.  Feeling shame or guilt or sorrow or hurt over it does little to help it to go.  the desire to just dig it out, does. So go easy on yourself.  Listen to what you need.  Take a walk, take a break, give yourself this time even if some part of you feels like you cannot afford it.  The infinite is spreading out before you, so why not take this time to do what it is you need?  We need never feel bad for giving ourselves this level of self care.

The hunger to be free grows with each step I take.  I wonder what lies ahead.  What does this new world look like?  As I think back on all that has been conferred on me, on what I know that I am capable of as I go forward, the possibilities really feel exciting.  Life can go from drudge to play so quickly. I am moving toward play.  I hope you do, too!

Namasté!

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Here is a quickie for you.  Ha, right?  But it will be quick, I promise.  Always be willing to listen to your own inner compass when it comes to healing blocks.  I have a perfect example about this.  In “spiritual” work most people will say you need to eat a certain way, live a certain way, etc.  But really, it is about BEING a certain way, and when you do this, the rest will follow.

A couple of years ago as I was sitting meditating on what was next for me in my healing work, I heard the very definite and clear “command” that I should go to my nearest ABC store (where they sell alcohol), and buy a small amount of something strong.  This was out of left field, and it made me wonder a bit.  “Just go and do it.” the voice inside of me said.  So I did as I was bid.

If you know me, I am not a drinker.  Every now and again I might have a beer or some wine.  Mostly, though, I find it messes with my blood sugar a good bit, and it also makes me feel rough.  So on this day I go into the store and I decide Ia m going to do as I was told and I had my thoughts set on buying a very specific type of alcohol.  A year previous my brother had bought some rye whiskey and we imbibed together.  I found that I kind of liked it peppery taste.  Considering how horrible I thought bourbon is, I thought that the rye would be the thing.

So I go into the store and I head for the back where my brother had gone to get the rye from a year before.  Before I could get there, a vendor at the front was asking me if I’d like to try a sample of something they were offering.  I explained that I was needing to get some rye and began to go for the back of the store.  She called to me and explained that this was just what they were giving samples for and that they had rye for sale at their table where they were giving out the samples.  So I turned on my heel, smiling, and took a bottle and headed out the door after making my purchase.  That was quick, I thought!

So I drank a little that night.  Not a lot, but enough to feel as though I was relaxing and feeling the effects of the brew.  I continually kept connection with my inner guidance and kept asking if this was enough or if I needed to do more.  It urged me to get just the right amount, so I did as it directed.  Not really sure what was up, I just went along.

The next morning, as I awoke, I felt pretty good.  Normally I can feel a little “off” from drinking, which is why I don’t normally drink. As I took stock, I felt this growing knot in my belly, down low, and along with it came the now-familiar sense that something was moving.  Just then, a block released.  I then felt the presence of my guidance looking back at me almost in a smiling way and then saying, “Now don’t be using this as a way to remove the rest of the blocks.  This method was suited just for the one block you released; doing what you did was the perfect fit for what needed to go.”

Do what you need to do. And listen to your insides for guidance on what this might entail.  If you allow the higher self to come in and make its suggestions, in my experience, it has been dead-on even though the method at the time might seem a little….unusual or even unorthodox.  This is just a reminder that when you stop using your head and let the flow work for you, you can get work done that you might have struggled with previously.  And best of luck!

A friend sent me this link to Matt Kahn’s insight into pain and spirituality.  It is maybe one of the best discussions about the subject I have heard in a long while.  I think it is honest, and on point.  It also points out how we continually keep our lives and world on a circular escalator of pain through punishment instead of the compassion that leads us and others out of pain.  Its kind of huge when you think about its implications for us as a species.  While it is long, it is worth listening to all the way through.  Let me know what you think!

I suggest using a down-loader program to grab the video (which is usually fairly quick) for viewing later.  YTD downloader is one such program that you might find useful for these longer videos.  It is HERE and can be used for Youtube videos.  You can choose to download the video at a low resolution for faster loading, put it on your phone or tablet, computer, etc.

Surrender

Sometime last year I spoke with some local healers about whether they knew someone in my area who did a combination of body work (massage) with energy work.  I knew what I needed, I just didn’t know if there was anyone who did the kind of work I was feeling like I needed.  One of the people turned to the other and they both said almost at once the name of a local practitioner in my area.  It took a while to get on her schedule, but the work she does is based on the Polynesian method of balance of the feminine and masculine as yin and yang in the body.  It embodies awareness of the meridians and points throughout the body just as the Chinese methods of acupuncture do.  It is, for me, proving to be a very useful modality at the stage I am at right now.

My first appointment went well, and some blocks were removed.  It was helpful.  I have been working on some of the last blocks in my system, a process that has taken about eight years or so since kundalini rose and began clearing me out.  As I have gotten down to the end of this, it has gotten harder to remove the most stubborn of blocks!  But unlike the beginning when I felt defeated by the hardness of each block, then victorious as the block was magically moved by the stirring energy of awakening, I now have a level of confidence born out of perspective or experience. The second appointment, though, was something else.

We began the second session by going over where some of the blocks were and what they were doing to my physiology.  This provided her some clues, and she got to work.  I am able to identify very specific locations along certain meridians which helps her to know where some of the blocks are happening. She went all over the body, pressing here and there, both massaging, getting me to breathe a certain way, and then placing her fingers at certain points.  Once she had gotten through a certain portion of the work, she then placed her finger in one spot.  As she did so, she asked me what I saw.  It was funny, because I had begun to see something rise up in my inner vision just before she asked this. This was bringing up stored memories that existed on the other side of the blocks I have been dealing with for so long. My healer was already beginning to assist in the release of this stored material.

I found myself going back, back, back, further through time and deeper into the blocks in the root chakra.  Having to do with survival, abundance, nurture, care, and love, I felt like a toothpaste tube being squeezed out.  I saw my feet on wet sand as a child, an experience from early childhood in my home in Florida.  But then as I moved through these old blocks, I found myself looking down at feet that were not my own.  Different feet were running through a rainforest.  This was on a Pacific island.  A very old story unfolded that explained so much about the trials I experience in life.

Letting it go was the single most important thing I could do.  Somehow, in perfect timing, I was given this gift of a Kahuna healer to reach into a place in my past that was Polynesian.  This was not something I was experiencing that was by way of suggestion (that I was Polynesian), but rather through a complete and perfect form of serendipity. I needed something from that old world in the new to help bring it all up.  And there she was, my massage therapist, an amazing person for her insight into a system that seems to wed a range of sensibilities into one practice. Furthermore, this person lived right around the corner from my home, which has been how my most important finds have taken place, such as my Qi Gong teacher who helped me so much in releasing blocks, who lived the same distance from my home as my Kahuna healer does (almost exactly the same physical distance).  This, instead, points to the amazing nature of what lies ahead of us in a journey of this type.  Some want to call it miraculous, but instead of miraculous, consider that it is pointing to the potential for the universe to bring you exactly what you need when you need it (even if it means having a Polynesian who just happens to do healing work right around the corner from you with a healing modality that is perfectly suited to your own healing).  Rather than the universe working against you, it can also work FOR you in remarkable ways….

For anyone who feels stuck with clearing out old material, I suggest body work by a person who is intuitive and sensitive.  This Kahuna healing work was perfect for me, since it brings into the moment all of the things that help to move these blocks. What I have struggled with for over a year was released in that two hour session. As it sure seems that I have saved the hardest blocks for last, getting this kind of compassionate care has been so important. My healer looked at me afterwards and asked inquisitively, “Have you had releases like you just had in your process in the past?”  I had to explain that I had a couple that were as dramatic as the one she witnessed, but most of them were almost non-events since I was not experiencing the trauma that made up the block.  It seems that for these last bits, I almost NEED to feel the highly charged energy, to bring it into awareness in order to understand where the fault has lied within me (how I bypass the feelings that are so foundational and thus are root-related and that get stored as a result of this)

Its been two days now and I still feel tender, and I feel new.  The releases were so deep that they have left me feeling….at odd ends….which is something that I am used to by now. I just don’t sweat it as much now. I feel a stronger or renewed sense of my own energetic integrity and how important it is to no longer allow people into my field who mirror the pain that I have now released.  Up until that time, however, I continued to be vulnerable to this intrusion of sorts simply because that was just where I was, sharing the same “samscara” or soul scar. In a very real way, I was like a heroin addict hanging out with other addicts.  We kept each other going on this merry-go-round of dysfunction.  While I may have known all along that it was not healthy at all for me to be connected to these people energetically, I was also powerless to do much about it deep down.  To gain back the power of my own will, I had to cure the fault or hurt I had stored in the first place.  This naturally moved me out and into the new. Unlike a sudden arrival, though, this is one step of many steps, a kind of continuous spiral of evolving, healing, and becoming. It continues to be a process.  There is still more material to release, but I am now better equipped to feel a sense of quiet within myself without someone banging on my inner doors or sneaking in through the back way.  This is critical to do if I am to continue to heal, which is to remove all of the negative influences that serve to keep the new at bay and the old constantly reinforcing itself.

After these kinds of clearings, I just kind of observe, feel, and wait for my system to reach its new balance.  I have been living with this junk for so long, it might take a few days or weeks to reach stasis again.  But its good. Since you might be curious to find out more, here is a link to one of many Kahuna sites…I highly recommend this modality for anyone who is dealing with hard to remove material.

http://fionahouse.com.au/therapies/kahuna-bodywork/

Once I caught on to what had happened to me had a name (kundalini/awakening), I came across some work by U.G. Krishnamurti.  A friend lent a book to me of some central thinking from his life.  I remember feeling how spare his view was about all of this.  A pathless path. As humans, we like to fill our lives with the things that serve to decorate our lives.  We are all about the mental jewelry, right? Inner and outer kinds.  So it felt kind of bereft of a certain human feel to what he was saying.  But the thing is, the wonderful thing about all of this, of awakening, is the less you believe in something, the more open you are to what is true….potentially at least. You now have a new channel into this world that is all around you.  It is like a umbilicus that nourishes you, and it is the universe that is sustaining you.  Instead of letting belief get there first to muddy the water with centuries of error and opinions and half-glances and incomplete comprehensions, you can get it directly.  And perhaps, too, you might also have your own half glances about it, but it will be yours, and it will grow organically like a flower bud opening.

You look out from the eyes of your body here and feel the rush of the universe inside of you….and you know that as the soul of the world moves through you as light forms, you are feeling the goings-on that is all around you at incomprehensible distances.  This is part of the overwhelm that many feel when they “rise”(the rise of kundalini…)  or resurrect into this new life.  It is an inward inner-net of life.  It would not be stretching it to say that you have unlimited information at your fingertips. This is where the siddhis come from in the Hindu tradition as they describe one facet of awakening, which are abilities.  Now on the one hand, they are just this, and should not be given too much weight, but only the same weight you might give them as you give eyesight, hearing, or anything else: they are there now to help bring more information into your life.

In the early days of awakening, I used my desire to know to penetrate deep into this “inner” world.  By allowing consciousness to accelerate, you can do what I have done.  We all can.  When I read the words of Edgar Cayce, who did thousands of readings for clients using a method of going into trance (code for an acceleration of consciousness!), he was able to access what he described as an unlimited library of information. I can’t say that I have seen it as a library, but the image is useful to point you to the place where you and the universe meet.  I discovered remote viewing before I even knew what it was.  Seeing objects from a distance, describing the interiors of people’s homes who I knew, or feeling into the marrow of the multiverse, I was most interested in knowing directly, personally, what the stuff of the universe was.  I didn’t want an article of faith.  I didn’t trust that people always got it right.  I wanted to enter into a personal and intimate relationship with the soul of the world.

The universe is thus inside of you.

You do not need belief in order to experience the divine reality.  This reality, in truth, is merely an expansion of your narrow focus.  It has simply unfolded in important ways.  In many ways, the right brain, in its capacity to glimpse the big picture, is adept at processing the information that is streaming into you in a moment by moment basis.  Why one person picks up on it and another does not is not because of ability, or due to divine favor.  It is simply due to less things being in the way of this stream of energy, life, and information.  You can let it flow like a river and just watch the surface of this water sparkle or you can dip your awareness deep into it and “grasp” the stream and examine it.  In doing this, I have found worlds in a drop of this energy, this water of life.  A world explodes into view and is so powerful you have to let your imagination take center stage in order to help to construct what it is that it is trying to tell you.  Imagination is incredibly important, central, in fact, if you want to let this world teach you, speaking to you to reveal its secrets.

You don’t have to believe in anything to inherit the universal truths.  You do not even need to believe in a deity. You don’t.  You just need this connection, this umbilicus that nourishes you and fills you.  The trick is in waking up and shifting focus. The energy will itself accelerate your consciousness.  Some call this an “altered state” but accelerated is much more accurate, so I use that.  It is literally like being swept off your feet by a wind and finding yourself flying where before you had to walk. And really, you can know just about anything that you are clear enough to have come through. As long as you remain totally open without your blinders in the way, you have so much to learn.  You can learn about grace, about how this energy has animated worlds, vast universes, and how it has seeded all of matter with sentience. It can show you the relationship between how this energy filters down into matter and turns itself inside out, transforming itself into countless things.  When you see things like this you see just how free-wheeling creation is. Suddenly the world stopped being dead matter and became this thing that was alive with a vitality that was incredible.  At the atomic level, this creation is taking place constantly and at time scales that are astounding.

If you take a second and then divide that second into 300,000 even increments and then slow that one increment into an hour, what you would be able to glimpse would simply amaze you. You might see just what I saw, which is that matter is not solid at all, but is being supported by way of a stream of quasi-particles that move from energy to matter at ridiculously fast speeds, Speeds so fast, I don’t know that we have yet detected them. And someday we might have a way to glimpse this so science can know it, too, but for right now, consciousness as it exists in your body is perfectly suited for being able to move into these time scales and see the world that explodes into view.  With no mass, your consciousness can become small, large, slow in time, or fast.  It can also move through time as it does this, too, which is helpful when you are examining the “insides” of all that is. It might seem impossible, or like some drug trip, but I assure you that it is not.  This is the potential we have in our hands.  We can use it to heal the planet, to change how people see their world from one of dead matter to more than sheer miracle, but zillions of miracles happening on each needle-point stretch of space that is wrapping itself around your flesh.

I know it sounds a little out there.  I know.  And yet, my experience along these lines was described perfectly in a thousands of years old document found within the Vedas where our ancestors used their newfound awareness in awakening to glimpse vast cities inside of their bodies, where cells exploded into view and revealed to the onlooker that the cells were themselves made up of still smaller particles.These folks were all over it. Old school.  And they might not have the technical vocabulary like atoms or compounds to explain it all, but they did very well with what they had.  And you have it. We all do.  This is the good news.

So yes, I read from time to time of others’ experience….not to know some truth, but to gauge where I am, and to try to pick up new awareness.  It usually comes when I am not even looking.  I’m just thinking about it and then someone comes around the corner, smiles, and hands me a book saying, “I was wanting to give you this because it has something pretty cool that I thought you might like.”  And there it is, a cosmic friend who has arrived in perfect timing to answer a feeling or question in a way that feels like a gift from that universe which winks back at me, urging me on to open even more so it can reveal more of itself.  And of course, I am giving something to the universe that is highly personified.  But there is an intelligence there that is beyond anything I could even grasp in ordinary consciousness.

This that I am explaining is itself the means by which you can know instead of using belief to prop up for what is a shortcoming now in awareness for you.  You do not need belief though, since all of the things that were expressed in the past and written down will come into view to be seen for what they are. And just like I am doing, using words to describe the ineffable, we achieve varying degrees of lucidity of this “formless” presence that gives form to all things.  Emptying your mind of what you think you know, you can be open to what is.  Like a data stream of bliss, it will move through you.  Its grandness is enough to reveal just how wonderful the universe is.  It can fill you with grace, awe and wonder, softening you and shifting your awareness.

When we talk about our advancements in technology, this consciousness is light years ahead of using THOUGHT and the force behind all things (its love people!) in its ability to animate, create, play, and discover. We could learn a lot from something like this. “It” is ever present, yet what “it” is will escape you because, I think, it is just so vast.  And yet, if you allow yourself to be true inside, you can glimpse the whole in every single of its parts.  Like a cell inside a vast body, this is akin to glimpsing the dna or some universal holographic form that has all of itself in everything else.  Yep, it will boggle the mind and of course, discussing this in mixed company would get you some funny looks, but the world needs it.

No belief is required.  I know that the hymns and the rituals all help make us feel warm and safe, but there is a greater safety inside every moment that will also strip you down of all your faults, errors, and blindness.  Seems you have to just let it work as it burrows down into your core.  And it can be hard letting go of something you reflexively have held onto but don’t even know what it is.  This feeling inside, a broken feeling that you have taken as being who you are when in truth it was simply a story inside of you that you grafted onto your personality.  Its brokenness just feels……familiar…..and when this force digs deep it is like a death….but when you open to this cosmic invader, the light illuminates the roots of this and will show you what is true and what is error.  And really, this is what sin is about, which is doing that which damages us. Doing this work often means slipping past the subconscious self in order to dig out the roots that you thought were you.  It was the devil that you knew.  And its simple.  Jesus said you needed to be like a child.  True.  And trusting of “it” in the same way that a child might trust a parent.  You put yourself in the hands of this thing….and it can be hard for the most ardent believer…..especially for the believer….because they already have their own ideas preformed about what they think this will be like.  And it is different from what most people have thought, so it unsettles them.  It is so deep a place of communion, of union with the universal force of all life….and of course many of us shrink back because we feel like we have a reason to feel shame for our sin, for all the roots we let grow inside of us.  But this light….it does not care….it does not CARE what you have done.  It knows that in this moment, you could unwind centuries of wrong as it dips down into you and pulls out those roots wrapped aroud your energy body that form your negative karma.  This is the error of all of us.  The reward is simply so grand, why would you want to live another day in prison? Well, that is the illness of humans.  We just don’t know how bad we have got it.  If you open to this light, it will show you.  But to do this means that you get really honest and really open to it.  You do not need a priest or priestess.  You do not need to believe in a matrix or a 5d world or commandments or any of that.  The light will naturally guide you.

Will you fall?  Oh, probably. At least a couple thousand times.  Get used to it.   Just accept this as the price of admission to the next level of existence.  If you think that you awaken and suddenly are completely enlightened, you miss the human part, and this is the part missing when we think of those who are “enlightened” because I can tell you from experience that there is no great completely free person full of enlightenment sitting on a louts.  It does not exist.  And why should it?  It just isn’t what is real. Our humanness is.  We do not leave our humanness.  We renovate and perfect it by clearing it of the junk we put there so we can honor the Presence who made all of this for us here. It is then that you can glimpse how amazing this world is by how your own vessel, your soul made flesh is. But fall, yes.  Learn from it….not just how what you did made you fall….but about how compassion can make you better.  Awakening give you this rocket boost way ahead of anything you might have known, and yet, you still are little you.  It takes a while to catch up.  It may be true that it takes lifetimes before you can refine what you capture in awakening. But we have all the time in the world. We do.  Existing as soul independent of time, you can glimpse how time is not some kind of race.  The grace and compassion built into the creative force that is prana is that we have all of it and more than we need.

This work is like putting a big puzzle together….the puzzle is you…your self cleared of all the pieces that did not fit.  Errors, assumptions, beliefs that all sounded good at the time, but wound up not being quite right.  And each of these are like blocks for the true light.  So piece by piece, you feel this light shine into those cramped places inside of you…..and as each piece goes and is replaced by its more perfect piece, you can begin to feel all the other places where other puzzle pieces don’t fit.  Like tight shoes.  You wear them for a while and you one day realize, “You know, these shoes aren’t that comfortable!”  This is the beginning of the change.  Just awareness.  So simple.  Your own personal awareness has flowing through it the light of the All, and this force has the power to melt and erase and save you from all of these pieces that were installed incorrectly, or were less than joy.  You don’t even need to know HOW it works.  You just  let it in.  It is the single most intimate act you will ever do, letting that thing in.  No mantras are needed.  No prayers, no postures, no methods or techniques.  It is what U.G. described as the pathless path.  But that path, I will tell you, is simply amazing.

To awaken, you will do so when you are able to remove that which divides you.  The more of this you remove, the more this flow will move into you.  It is this simple. Some might call this removing blocks from the body, others will caution that you MUST breathe a certain way or else the kundalini will flow the wrong way….and I am here to tell you that this is all the result of the past error in perception because we really don’t have a lot of time left to get this right.  The Collective is pushing forward the energy of awakening now in what can only be described as a watershed moment in history. People who have not spent decades in a practice are waking up spontaneously.  This ought to tell you something.  This is not for the elite, the chosen.  It is WHAT everything is, and when you awaken it is just this very thing that you find stringing all of this together into something at once vast and also incredibly simple (like how a galaxy can be resolved into a speck in the night sky).

Sometimes a simple meditation is enough to bring you to enough unity within that “it” revs up and turns into full blown awakening.  Maybe being around someone who is awake will remind you of what it is “this” is.  I stirred awakening in myself, I know, by resolving a long-standing sense of guilt that I had with the universe about not doing enough in my inner life.  When I made peace with that (quite unexpectedly), the waters flowed from then on. My days as the old self were numbered….even as my essence has remained.  Two days later I turned and felt this thing…..like a far off song playing on the breeze….and I wondered….how could something be so beautiful?  “It” told me that I was part of a family of consciousness, that I belonged, that the story of this family would be what “it” would be revealing to me for the rest of my days here on the planet.  Its funny, because this “family” is actually everything that is.  That is the family.  Every leaf, every atom, every star and galaxy.  Every baby, every smile, every action, event, thought, all of it. Nothing is excluded.  And if that don’t shake your world, I don’t know what will.

You don’t NEED belief.  When you move from imagining what the Kingdom might be like to feeling it surging in your veins and traversing at light speed via prana in your energy system like so many invisible fiber optics, there will no longer BE a need for belief.  You now have EXPERIENCE.  As this experience accumulates, belief naturally can go by the wayside.  And this?  This is what Yogi Bajan (I am told—I don’t read his writings) is what makes you the most dangerous person in the world.  I am sure he used this for dramatic effect, but its good because in a way it is true.  It makes you this person who cannot be lied to. If you see the world of the 10,000 things as the Taoists describe it, but also feel the soul of the world, then you see the outer and feel the inner.  You don’t need belief to prop any of that up. You walk by someone and you feel their world of life moving all through them.  Loss, gain, love, hate, joy, frustration, and that incessant chattering thought.  We have all been this.  We are this. But we are potentially more.  So beyond belief, yes.

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