Archives for posts with tag: nonduality

Twelve years in and I have had enough water under the bridge to see how all the work I spent clearing away the dross has impacted my life.

I can say that for as challenging the early stages can be, sticking with it has its benefits. Awakening led me to an undeniable awareness that I had made many compromises in my earlier life that came back to bite me once I could no longer live the old way. Not living the old way simply no longer was tenable once awakening came. This wasn’t just caprice, a desire to be different, but was itself a fundamental return to a basic ground state that had become, to some degree, self-evident.

What was interesting to me as awakening got underway was that the mere presence of awakening in me was showing every sign of affecting those in my life who didn’t align to the presence of my own truth. I thought this curious effect was my imagination at first, but as awakening proceeded it was clear that as I released old karmic material, it served to unsettle others who did not fit this truth, what the Polynesians call “Pono” which means correct alignment.

I should explain that this was not merely the result of my behaving differently in front of others, but that there were deeper subconscious reactions taking place around me that were tied to my own inner work. I have described in previous posts how my then-spouse would go into emotional meltdowns as I privately released inner blockages in my own field of awareness, a reaction that I was able to see was causally tied to what I had been doing just the day before. I observed nine times in a row that this took place over a three month period, each resulting in her going into a temporal meltdown each time. These events continued beyond the nine, but I stopped counting after nine times because I felt I had already met the burden of proof for myself at that point.

This was the crazy world of my awakening, an awareness of this underlying truth of what we all are that began to emerge even though I was living in a toxic environment that favored slumber and dysfunction of those around me. To see how they sought to demonize it (awakening) and me, I saw graphically just how off they were. I was able to see how deception and dishonesty was raised in order to attempt to keep the old regime up and running. It was sad back then, and hard to take because I was the butt of these efforts at keeping the lid on a poisonous can of worms. This helped me to see how buried we can all be in beliefs that limit us all.

After a serious injury the same year that awakening came, I was unable to work and the economic debacle of 2008 the following year made clear that this was a major turning point in many ways for me. Like it or not, I was being put into an environment where my eyes would be opened more and more by having time to myself to reflect on my life. If you knew me pre-awakening, you knew someone who worked long hours trying to grow his business who had his head buried in the sand.

In a reading many years later, this time period was described as my being made into a sacrificial lamb. This characterization seemed odd at first, but as I reflected on what this reader had told me, it made a lot of sense in the end. This is what we ALL do when someone presents us with a view of truth we are not ready to face: we dismiss and sometimes even demonize it. We literally begin to project the falsehoods of our own inner deceits on others as if they belong to those people. It’s so strange how we do this, isn’t it?

I was to focus on awakening. I did. I was able to spend time on it alone. While things might have seemed dire to others, I had this feeling like everything was going to be alright. That was one of the most important time periods in my life. My time in the wilderness. I was able to see that the life I thought I had didn’t fully conform to reality. I was blinded by hope instead of illuminated by clear seeing. I spent easily a year free to reflect and absorb what was happening to me. I wish everyone could do this, just take off a year and meditate, commune with nature, and be with people of like mind.

Like clockwork, whenever something was needed, the universe provided. When I thought about finding work someone I didn’t know contacted me about a job that was perfect for me. I landed the job and it helped me to develop my teaching skills, an important step in the next phase of my work. But before that, I had been carefully cared for even though it didn’t seem that way to others. It allowed me an unprecedented gaze into the mysteries of this phenomenon and how it was slowly but surely taking me apart and putting me back together again.

I learned that those to whom I was connected were not really able to see me for who I was despite the innextricable deep soul ties that we had. I saw that what probibited this clear knowing was always their own inner baggage. I myself also had my own baggage, and awakening, while clearing me of it, did not clear all of it in one magical twinkling, but was instead a process. Storms of energy would sweep through, and each time less and less remained. More peace took its place each time, but this was gradual. It was fast by any other standard, but still it was a process. I wa able to see how someone so close to me could know so little while inserting so much into the narrative that didn’t belong.

I learned that when people aren’t ready to face truth, they will project. It does no good to point out the truth. People are only ready when they are ready. The mere presence of connection does not mean that there is a purpose or destiny in it, only that there is something in me that is not fully resolved at a karmic level, and that these karmic entanglements are at the heart of the soul connection phenomenon…the twin flame or whatever your term dejour is for it.

In one case for me, a connection was forced. You might think there is no way this could happen, but it absolutely did. It was true that I had known this person before this forced coupling took place and I had no underlying fascination with this person previous to this event. How this went down showed me that a soul connection is not destiny but in fact can be manufactured when the right ingredients are present. It is made all the stronger bye preponderance of karma that cane passed to the other person in this entangling of twinning process. While others get lost in the foreverness of these connections, I saw that it instead was simply a mechanism for unlocking soul potential and that this had little to do with destiny at all. I know this throws cold water on the entire topic, but I can say if it happened to me, I am not merely an anomoly. In fact, I found an entire community of people who suspected that this phenomenon was not all as it seemed. They attributed the phenomenon to an outside agency or force that had less than perfect intentions. I don’t agree with their take on the phenomenon either, since I see as many holes in the argument as there are in other “twin” descriptions out there today. I think I fall into a middle way that states that the universe is neutral.

Entanglement (“twinning”) is a phenomenon that can occur when all the right set of requirements are met. The universe does not care if the ingredients are positive or negative, only that they be present. If so, an entanglement takes place. The ingredients that are used determine the intensity of the entanglement. The ingredients can be our own innability to see the truth and thus whatever that karma represents in specific feeds into the entanglement. The problem, though, is you can have a direct line to a person’s soul while the personality is itself extremely polarized from the higher self to the point where earthly self and higher self bear little resemblance to one another. This happened to me. My experience was with someone who resisted her transformation instead of embracing it to the degree that she could have. Still, awakening is difficult for all of us and we do what we can do. All of this opened my eyes to show me that even those who awaken can languish for years in the remaining karmic tangles they have set for themselves. I no longer needed to be their helper or savior. In fact, I was much better off alone instead of mtrinating in a desire to quell lonliness. I found that true love arises out of aloneness, in owning our solitary state while seeing how everythng is simultaneously wedded together even at the subatomic level. It is the higher levels in us that need the work, not the more fundamental ones.

By seeing how this person tried to blame her troubles on the world and me I got a clear view on the depth of inner deception we can build around ourselves, even as we awaken. I had in my own way done similar things a few years before, but now I was rushing the exits. I had a little more perspective by this time.

I had been, for my part, unsettled by a lot that went down during awakening, unsure that I’d ever get back to my business again. Clearly, awakening could not be bothered about what I wanted. I was going to take this time to slow down whether I liked it or not. This resulted in my reaching states where I could tap into streams of pure information that I was able to use to further my development. These states came as blissful epiphanies where it was like I was being attended to by a cosmic librarian who would show me to books that would teach me about a host of subjects I knew litle about. In some cases, this “librarian” would push me in certain directions. Sitting by a river on rocks, my mind flipped through the pages of a world of living information existing as energy and described by the Hindus as the akashic records. Edgar Cayce had said he used these to perform his readings. Curiously, they way he described how h achieved this was exactly how I found myself accessing them.

In one instance, I was shown how matter is created from energy. This helped me to see how two complimentary energies served to form physical reality. The bottom line, the lesson, was that the universe was not just alive, but that it was based in play and bliss. It showed that creation is a cooperative unifying event that happens inside of us along the line of the Ida and Pengal currents and that we can also create in groups a well as with a singular other.

I was shown the role that the three brains have in learning how to utilize awakening to its best effect. These brains, the light explained or showed me, were the reptile, mammal, and primate brain all present in us as beings on the planet. It explained that no part of this system could be ignored, and explained how best to use each part of the brain in order to realize the best process. Denying their presence was a disastrous way to go, it explained, and it showed how to balance thought and feeling across them in order to harness them in what could be a new synthesis of consciousness where there is less fragmentated behavior. All parts had to present. The brain had a way to mirror higher order consciousness by kowing how to use what gifts we were bestowed with.

I was shown in another epiphany moment how the energy body and the neurophysiology are in some ways mirrors of each other. I was shown the role that the “zero point” energetically has with the way that the brain and body are arranged in order to mirror a very similar principle in brain wiring or mapping.

I am pointing these things out in order to illustrate how fleshed out all of this information was and that all I needed to tap it was a deep open bliss state coupled with a focus or desire to know more even though I knew little on the topic. I mention this because you can do it also. This was what a psychic who did a reading on me described as my ability to speak from the master realm. If I can do it, you can too, but it requires an ability to keep your mind a total blank slate or else you will fill it with information that does not belong. You have to constantly feel as though you are empty and constantly grasping for the material. You always do this blindly, always unassuming but excited in the heart that soon, its life/information will fill you. There is no determining or chewing or digesting in process as far as trying to determine what it all means as it is coming, you just soak it up first, then roll it around in your head later. No expectation of any outcome. This got easier the more I could trust the process.

In retrospect, I wouldn’t have changed anything. For years I lost my creative groove. I lost confidence and then discovered how easy it is to do that when surrounding yourself with toxic people. I had been using my creativity as a way to gain approval. Yuck! It all crashed and burned and was ressurected to what it is today, which sems to be much healthier and much more stable and dependent on no one’s say-so. It was me handing my powe to another. Shame on me.

Now, over a decade later, I have recreated my lines of work in my business. I literally have all new work including the old standby’s. I am utilizing the internet for marketing, building community, and growing my business. This is a third incarnation of my business, first on a retail model, then wholesale, and now using the internet to do both. The thing is, it’s working. The steps are modest but each one is a step forward instead of backward. I have as many new designs created as designs that I had originally before all this happened.

Since October I have taught over 235 sessions to members in my community, held open studio events, and I am getting ready to migrate my site to a new server for greater speed and accuracy. I will begin growing my base on a national level in the new year. What feels different now is just how open and possible everything is. Step by step… While I sometimes worry about cash flow, there is a presence that tells me that everything is goung to be okay just as long as I stay out of my own way.

This past Spring I was given the gift of Ganesh, known as the remover of obstacles, a Hindu god that is the elephant-headed child of the union of Shakti and Shiva. It seems that many obstacles have been removed. It was a symbolic event spurring me to see that yes, there are fewer obstacles in the way. It feels exciting, like a new lease on life.

Being able to follow my instincts has led me to increasingly better and better places. By going it alone I have been able to also leave the old dysfunction behind, the very kind that served to limit. I know now that with a studied approach, anything is possible.

Recently I began having a flood of ideas for sculpural work dealing with nonduality as content. I have very much wanted to do sculptural work in this vein.

I realized that this new body would require a new special oven for making the work. While trying to upgrade a kiln in the studio, I was sent the wrong size elements. When things like this happen, it is usually a sign that something is up. It wasn’t a simple oversight, it was something more. While trying to work the problem, I realized that I had a kiln a friend had given me a number of years ago for helping her move it out of her parents house. At the time, I really had no use for it but thought I would store it. I forgot it was even there until this glitch happened. Turns out I have a fully functional kiln for large work. Perfect. I just had to stop going in the old direction to realize the new one waiting for me. Follow the flow.

In the midst of all of this, I have been educating myself through researching early Christianity for a book I promised myself I would begin working on in the new year. I announced recently to my customers that I would be closing down the studio for a few months in order to build new equipment, clean up the studio, and get started on this book. This book is about how Christianity may well have been changed by the power elites in the third to fourth centuries while attempting to wipe the existence of a private doctrine from history, an event they nearly succeeded in doing.

The thing is, I didn’t make this discovery because of my superior knowledge of Christology, but because I had an awakening. I have had to educate myself in order to get up to speed on what is known historically about Christianity in order to speak with any sort of authority about whtst will surely strike many people as a revolutionary take on the mission of Jesus as a Christ. It has been daunting.

Scholars study the content as well as the materials that make up the oldest known gospels. They also study how the words were formed on the page as providing insight into when a text was written, for example. A lot can be known from what exists. However, what I discovered was not something scholars have understood, which is how heretical texts present the single most sophisticated understanding of the “physiology”of spirituality to date and that it links them to a level of esoteic understanding that the Hindu’s have possessed for generations. And yet scholars see but do not always understand just what they are looking at.

I have been considering spending a month abroad in Europe doing the bulk of the writing just to get it done. No distractions, no one who knows me, and a lot of quiet. I love the idea of doing this, but I may hole up in my bedroom instead. I would love to visit family in Denmark and see friends in the U.K. I’ll see if the universe offers up an unexpected twist on that one.

In the meantime, I have a new interview I am transcribing from an audio recording I made from a family friend who experienced awakening exactly one decade before me (within a week of my own awakening) that will be put up soon. It is a pretty interesting account of two strangers meeting and awakening together.

In another post I will be passing along some very interesting developments in math and science in regards to nonduality and the nature of consciousness which you wont want to miss. That comes in a few days. I think it is pretty groundbreaking material. Until then….may the force be with you!☺

~Parker

The interview with Ian is now up and is now permanently installed on its own page, which you will see along the header for the blog.  My thanks to Ian for being willing to go along with this project. I hope that it helps folks gain a broader perspective based on those who have been going through it.  ❤

 

Awakening and inspiration share very similar attributes, and are to my mind siblings to each other within the self.

To reach each, the path or method is so similar. The inspired state requires surrendering everything that does not belong, that will hold you back, not push you forward. Inspiration is thought of as that elusive state that cannot be forced. Artists and creatives go “looking for it.” Popping on a CD, taking a walk, maybe some coffee in a corner of the shop scribbling, waiting for the mood to strike. You look or wait for it like an elusive jaguar slipping through the dense underbrush…you never know when it is going to show itself. One waits for it expectantly.

When it does arrive, you are letting it in, not wresting it to the ground. When it comes, it is as if you are invincible, on top of the world. Anything is possible.

In truth, inspiration comes when we allow ourselves to be dissarmed, when we let go the monkey mind that chatters away. You don’t force inspiration the same way that you don’t force awakening. Why is that?

Inspiration isn’t a rational process at its core. It may suit up using rational decisions…which instrument to play, what key, what time signature, or brush or color. But all of those things are subjects of inspiration, subservient to its need, desire, and play. Inspiration is, or can be, an utterly unbounded state in which anything is possible but only one thing can usually be done at a time. An entire year’s worth of creative output can be conceived in moments like these. I know that this is often the case for me. I have to pick and choose the things that have the best use of my time. Much is similarly discovered when one is awakened. Worlds emerge in both the inspired and awakened state. Why?

Both inspiration and nonduality are deeply rooted in creativity. All forms of it. People describe kundalini as a libidinous force, but I experience it as radical creativity in all of its forms. The desire in the physical for the beloved is itself a creative act of love…that creates new life. Curious, too, how we have so much shame surrounding that part of ourselves. Curious as well how little our cultures honors the arts. The powers that be prefer to make money selling war machines. So easy, so uncreative, so destructive. A world upside down. One expands, the other contracts. For now, this is how this world is.

We must fill it with the juiciness of our art, our music, our photography, and the love that is present in both inspiration and in awakening or nonduality. We must do this without cheapening either of them but making them even more precious…inspiring others even if they cannot hold a note, or paintbrush or a meditative state (yet).

So if you want to know awakening, know your creative impulse because that is the tail of the cosmic tiger.

Words, like belief, can be prisons or liberators. Breath can show you the way….a deep simple innefable truth existing beyond reason. An inner compass that resides before the prison of belief held me. Be careful of your words, like your beliefs, for like the gods and goddesses, they will reinforce each other, catching you and convincing you of its small truths as it stands in the shadow of the one great Light.

Beyond belief is that place within me, within you and the All, where we meet where we are, you and I, stripped bare of pretense. Written in the heart of a Child, these sparkling consequences tell us of truths simple in their acquisition. Beyond reason, curled up within the fiery portals of becoming, it beckons to you, promising to ruin you for anything but its great soul-saving promise.

It holds out promise, it’s hand, that we might drop what we hold now to embrace this new world within us. It asks everything of us to discover what will remain, what abides in its deep portals of bliss which has always been the physician to our undoing, redemtion, and inward discovery.

It is beyond belief.

Let it go. To feel it means letting loose your grip of what you think is real. It is at once terrifying and the deepest comfort, the more you let go the more it fills you and animates you. Whispering in your heart it welcomes you as so much leaves you in this upside down world. Set right, set on fire, it meets us in this place. The great healer has come to you.

I know that I was made to bear this fire, to bring it down through myself in a simple act of forgetting. It asks me to let go of the things that limit me. All belief, bias, notion. “Forget what you think you know; you cannot know the gods with your mind or memory…” is what it says. It opens a portal through feeling, through the She, and through her I see a brilliant channel into those realms of fact but which are beyond all belief.

The divine asks us only one thing: feel truly, deeply, because that is where it waits for us. This is the stair, the ladder which we seek but are held back by in our rational minds that speak in the grammar of uncertainty and the syntax of fear. Letting go of it, I turn from dark to brilliant, fiery, possessed of myself, possessed of you, no need to ask why. It just is.

You meet me here, this garden of the gods and goddesses.  Fiery is the soul of creation and what animates it. Constantly burning away the impure, returning us to a renewed state of ressurection. Can you feel how such a simple grace in him responds to the grace within you? Can you feel how they each speak in the mute syllables of bliss? The cantenaries of desire? Can you see how he and she turns around in a spiral ever upward, endless in scope, forming worlds? So simple the Ida and Pengali become the rails of the ladder and we rise both alone and together. Every entry into this sparkling realm was as if we had never left. He touches her in the center of her heart and says, “There.” Her head falls back with such a truthful reminder.

Breath tells more truth than a million beliefs. It explodes illusion, turning you and I inside out, returning us to that brave realm of sacred fire and boundless joy. What you are brings out what I am in those places…

IMG_6366

Sunset over St Marks Nature Preserve, Wakulla County Florida. Copyright Parker Stafford 2018

 

Several years ago I decided to interview people who had experienced awakening for inclusion on this blog.  This was an effort to help bring the perspective of those who have experienced the phenomenon to the fore in order to help others who have gone through this life changing event to gain perspective, understanding, and perhaps greater awareness. I have recently published two of those interviews and they have been given their own page which are located under the header at the top of the page.

 

It is hard to know how much awakening can change your life.  It is like a quantum leap into the unknown.  It is bewildering.  It crowns just as it crucifies.  Navigating it is at once easy, difficult, with old rules now completely out the window.  It leaves many feeling scattered to the four winds sometimes, and yet it is also a saving grace.  It is powerful medicine.  Many awaken without a background in any philosophy or religion to provide a framework for the experience.  My sense, as it was perhaps my own experience, that we have much more to learn from awakening when we don’t have those frameworks in place. This is for the simple reason that we face the phenomenon without preconceived notions of what it is that we are experiencing.  We don’t get “captured” by the “rules” of other groups who, I note, have been unable to glimpse the larger potential that awakening offers us. While the experience happens in every culture and corner of the world, there is also a rising tide within the Christian church, factions of it, who would paint this as an inauthentic experience, what is called a “counterfeit spirit.”  Sadly, there are those who would resist the universality of this experience and they do so out of nothing more than ignorance.  The only way to deal with ignorance is with education, with information, and with what we find to be true (rather than what we believe) from direct experience.

 

There are plenty of frameworks that do speak of awakening and many of them wind up, for me at least, to include just as much belief as they include factual information, which to my mind makes it a mixed bag.  To know the truth, it seems, we have to go beyond what the masses are saying about it in order to learn to trust our own experience.  This is a lonely proposition and can put us at odds with the mainstream (like Advaita or Neoadvaita for example).  While awakening has very specific symptoms and signs, it leads us to an awareness that places us in a whole new kind of mind and heart space.  This can be a lonely road for many of us.  The interviews reminds you that you are not alone, that you are part of what appears to be a growing number of people waking up all around the same time frame.  Curious, perhaps purposeful, we can each learn from each other.  This is my hope.

 

My hope,too, is that we can build a library of these interviews for the assistance of anyone wanting to learn more about the experience, be they curious or an “experiencer” themselves.  If you have had an awakening and would like to add your voice to the chorus, your interview is welcome here.  Interviews are kept anonymous if you wish, but very real people are behind them.  You can simply respond in the comments section and I will arrange to receive your answers to the questions (which are just a jumping-off point) for inclusion here.  I am interested in whatever insight that you feel that you have, regardless of what others may say about awakening (or even myself) because we all have a lot to learn.

 

IMG_1616

I think I have always wanted to know the thoughts of God.  I was never convinced that God was what we said “he” was.  It seemed that there was something much more to all of this.  I grew up feeling this way but having no way to back that feeling up with sound, solid proofs or contentions. I didn’t know for a long time why it was that I had a kind of amnesia about this knowing, at least not until recently. We all have this kind of amnesia, and it serves a purpose, I think.  We even have a name for it, we call it the “veil” and everyone talks about it so much.  It is everywhere you look. We have anthropomorphized it, essentially taking what is in us and projecting it out onto the world.   But this veil is within us….it is not outside of us or in the world, no matter how much it might seem to you at the time.  It does express itself in the beliefs of men and women, yes, but that only speaks to the ubiquity of this meme in people’s minds. The veil is discussed as part of attaining a clearer view of reality or how the world works, “Once I pull the veil completely back, I will then know what the real truth is” many think to themselves. Admit it, if you have read about the “Veil” you have thought about this at least once.

The secret to attainment is in unrolling these illusions and getting down to the deeper fundamentals of who and what we are, not doing what those who are not awake do, which is to see the surface of things and think they understand the forces that are at work.  This type of attainment means that some beliefs are going to die. This is in fact the very act of “pulling back the curtain.” This opens your awareness in such a way that you are now capable of being able to glimpse a new world, or at least what seems to you to be an upgraded version.  All along it was because the lenses and blinders were being  dropped within you (and me and the rest of us who are engaged in this process of awakening on the planet).

The problem is, as I see it, is that we don’t even know what God is.  We have created many many forms, but these are human creations. The biggest challenge I faced when I awakened was this thing we call God.  It just wasn’t at all what stories had tried to describe God as.  Obviously we had each created “him” and ourselves in each others’ image.  But what I found when my soul was cracked open like a walnut by awakening was that a force that was lacing itself through the entirety of creation and which lay nested within every single atom and lay there watching, quietly, observing.  In fact, my very first experiences when I encountered what I would later learn was samadhi, was the presence of this force that was ever-present all around me. I just came into an awareness that only seemed possible once the brain or mind had been altered by awakening….it just wasn’t something that I had any real direct experience with.  If you know me, I am a big one for direct experience and not just quoting the experience of others (but both are good). It was less that I stood before a great man being and more like living in the bloodstream of a light being that is so huge you can’t even glimpse what it is.  Something that huge is just hard to even wrap your head around.  I found it flabbergasting to be honest.

Another aspect of my experience with this grand living presence that was everywhere was the silence of this presence.  In fact, it could be said that silence was its hallmark.  I wondered about this for years.  Why was it so silent?  I mean, I am now aware of it and it must know I am now aware of it….aren’t there going to be some kind of recognition of that?  To date, there has been none. Instead, it seems that this is still very much an inside job, and I have been getting hints that this Presence does want to commune with me, but it wants to do so in silent knowing.  It already lives inside of me, albeit silently.  But this observation about its silence is nearly universal amongst mystics and people who describe such encounters.  Mother Theresa has mentioned this silence as have Buddhists of every persuasion.  Saint John the Cross wrote, “The Father spoke one word from all eternity and he spoke it in silence, and it is in silence that we hear it.” This perfectly matches the kind of silence that I experience…I feel the presence seeming to be pulling me into it.  It seeks union with creation, and it is not just content to be inside of everything looking out.  But when I say this, I have to stress that this Presence does not force anything.  In fact, everything that it has done thus far shows very clearly that free will on our side is absolutely crucial, which means, I supposed, that it remains inactive in a way, but vibrant in its longing to engage with the Creation which has sprung up around itself and which it, “God” (if you want to call it that), has cleverly hidden itself within.

Without realizing it, I had my own personal “God is dead” moment. The final tossing of that old dry construct of God as a man in a beard or something roughly mimicking human was replaced instantly with something wildly different, but also extremely interesting.  God had indeed died, but it died in the way that an idea dies; it wasn’t ever really real per se. It was like watching this old play set fall down around the actors.  It wasn’t even tragic, it was more like it needed to happen.  I guess on that day was when I really met God, or the thing that we all would agree or are yearning to know.I know how hard it is for those who very much want to believe in Christian doctrine to hear these kinds of things.  I don’t say them out of anger or upset or some deep seeded need to tear down the church.  Its just that…..we kind of have been getting wrong for a long time and I think it is time for us to wake up to something that appears to be much much more amazing.

I found that now I felt things that I had not felt before.  I related to the “spark” in me that is said to be divine.  What I mean is that I became aware of just how it is that our divine spark IS this “God” or Presence or divine intelligence in the universe.  I imagined feeling a thread that moved through all parts of me down to my deepest core.  Somewhere, in what seemed like the mystery of nothingness, I could feel that thread dive deep, somehow tying me to All That Is. Just beyond that inky dark, I sensed a world that was unimaginably vast.  I imagined or considered that this void was in fact God’s own veil in order to help us maintain our sense of self here in our reality.  When I would feel into this void, as I experienced it, I really did see that in the great void, there was simply nothing.  It was like the nothing state you encounter when you fall asleep….just…no consciousness.  But this isn’t a scary thing, not for most of us.  And I think that we really all known the Void as it is discussed in my mystic circles because we encounter it every single time we fall asleep.  We cross over in those moments.  Its a kind of non-event.

When I would feel a little overwhelmed by all of this, I would take my third eye and go into an atom and scale that up until it was like I was standing on a football field with the atom’s parts all around me (I suggest you try this sometime-it can lead to amazing discoveries about matter).  Here, I would feel the energy animating the atom.  I would feel the presence of those beings that orchestrate the creation and sustenance of the atom, these wildly creative and gleeful beings I encountered my first year of awakening, but I would also feel something else that was this amazingly constant presence that was…everywhere and everywhen.  I experienced it initially as a flash of brilliant white light, after which everything in my experience changed from that day forwards.  Shade of Paul on his way to Damascus.  In the case of Paul, I sense quite strongly that Jesus was sharing with him the light of his own attainment because they were, oddly, kind of like brothers of a weird sort, displaced by about 20 or 30 years in their births, but with a connection to this same light.  Paul was less converted from a distance by Jesus as he was touched and healed by the light that Jesus and all other initiates are connected to, regardless of religion.

When I read about the Chinese concept of the Tao, I see how their experience mirrors my own. Yes, I have felt this marvelous quiet and stillness that is the Tao. I have, however, also experienced another aspect of the Tao, which is that each time I go back to it, it has changed.  I don’t mean that it has changed its essentially nature, no, but something energetically has changed.  To explain what I mean, it is like how a lightning strike could be absorbed by a vast lake.  This lightening bolt is streaming in all of the time, and this lightening bolt is actually information coming from the Creation.  There is energy that is streaming out from the Tao also, but it is not seen as a lightening bolt because the creator is IN everything, actually sustaining everything that exists.  As a result, you just don’t see a big production happening. But this Creator is registering all of the change in all realities which is quite a feat.  I became aware of the Creator presence as this thing that looked almost like an atom, this thing that mirrored itself all throughout creation in the atom, the cell, in so many forms. Even as I say this, I know that this was not the truth, it was simply a way that I saw it.  It was inside of all things, like how you have DNA inside of your body at the base of your entirety of being. Having said this, I also must admit that it could be that the change that I see as taking place in the Creator as a result of being a part of its creation, may in fact be my own inner change.  I am always keeping my mind open because what I think I know is often changed by what actually is.  What I do know though is that as a kind of mile marker in my jounrey that what I have experienced privately is very much in line with what people describe during moments of enlightenment or while experiencing samadhi.

In fact, what I experienced while encountering this prime creator was that it was not masculine or feminine. It could not be said to be a God or Goddess at all.  It was radically different from anything we have ever as humans been taught.  I found that when I was feeling this prime creator, I did it best when I was deep in samadhi.  The deeper I could go, the more of it I could glimpse. I wanted to expand my consciousness more and more in order to take in a larger view. This Presence was so perfect, so wonderful to me, I wanted to know what made it tick and how I might be more like it.  Over time, though, I have found that my ability to feel it moment by moment has improved along with my own inner work in awakening.  That said, my ability to comprehend its mystery appears to be tied to what level of attainment I have matured to at the time.  The spark in me knows that in order to really change our world, we need to teach how to bring this spark into the world and nurture it into a flame.  We need it because it represents a balancing of our innermost natures and of a path to activating the latent abilities in the left and right hemispheres in the brain (which are activated when awakening is itself activated).

I am not alone in this sense about the creator as a vast presence.  Nearly every person who has had a near death experience (or NDE)  reports much the same as those who have had brushes with enlightenment.  Those who have had NDE’s as well as those who have awakened both often say that after the experience “God” was more a quaint idea for people to carry with them until they were ready for what I call the Big Kahuna of Realization.  It seems that awakening and NDE’s both share similar traits, in that both involve an encounter with a brilliant white light that always results in a significant change within the person taking place.  I have read extensdively on NDE’s over my life and this trait is nearly universal. People talk about the veil being pulled back in awakening, but really all that ever is pulled back are the beliefs that you had in place that kept you from being able to see things as they are.  Both an NDE and awakening promises this kind of glimpse and the changes that take place in their wake.

This is why, I think, people describe Awakening as a destructive process.  It is destructive because by rewiring yourself for awakening, you enable your mind and begin to glimpse the truth of things, sometimes only for mere seconds in the beginning, but a glimpse is all that it takes.  In time, you have more glimpses, and hopefully it melts the beliefs that have been wrong all along and which have also kept you from facing the prime creator and understanding your relationship to it (as a divine spark seeking to grow into a flame of creative energy).  But once you get past that sense of having lost so much, a new world begins to unfold.

I found myself watching a youtube last night of a man who I have known peripherally.  I have friends who know him and have studied with him.  His name is Joseph McMoneagle.  Joe was a military Chief Warrant Officer and a gifted Remote Viewer for 19 years in the military and intelligence agencies.  He has gone on to form a business where he remote views for companies and he speaks about his experience as well as having written books on the subject.

Joe had two NDE’s and when he talks about them, he describes how his old notions about
God were put to rest. What he believed about God as a result of growing up and what he actually experienced during his NDE’s were so vastly different from each other that he was left grasping at straws.  He saw that there was this vast presence and it was in this white light.  His whole inner spiritual paradigm got shifted through those experiences.  This, though, is part of the “growing up” that we each do in order to be able to face the much bigger truth that waits for all of us.

Knowing this is such a big thing. By this, I mean that the Presence that we wind up experiencing is just so incredibly vast.  Faced with this presence of the Light, and the lack of all of the things that we thought was God (ala Moses and the Ten Commandments), we can be left with a paradigm shifting experience that leaves a giant hole open, which is a vast mystery and really hard to wrap your head around.  It really takes a level of spiritual maturity I think to be able to deal with this. While we each face this when we leave this body, we also face a curtain of forgetting, too, which means that most people do not remember what it was like in between their lives.  I know that for as many lifetimes as I have wound up remembering this go-round, I have precious little in the way of what it is like to be in this place called heaven.  I suspect that this is something that we can’t cheat on, it is something that we have to be able to obtain for ourselves, this presence of the white light. But what I do know is that when I encountered the white light and what it brought to me, I had this singular experience of remembering, not as clear as you might think, that yes, I had experienced this white light before, I just could not place it (it existed, it turned out, outside of time, something that makes placing something so tricky).  Until we do this, we are simply caught on the cycle of reincarnation, trying to grow up and mature enough so that we can handle to news that things were different from what we had thought.  And to be honest, its not a devastating truth, its just….different.  No more Santa Claus, yes, but something else more subtle and bigger.

I tend to feel that by knowing this great mystery, as the Native Americans called it, that we are kind of setting things right again and getting more right with the way of the world and the way of the entirety of Creation. It seems based on my observations that the prime creator does not speak through burning bushes but by simply being present inside of every subatomic particle, inside all of us, looking out, and waiting for the moment when we get quiet enough and clear enough within to be able to see how we are connected to the Creator and how what this Creator has is freely given.  Many of our leaders in the past encountered their own spark turning into a flame and had visions that they believed were of God speaking to them.  That’s great, I guess, but given our new understanding of how things are, it is more likely that it was Moses’s own inner spark speaking to him and not the Presence in the white light.  I say this because when it comes to people who talk about God speaking through them, just knowing how silent the White Light is, causes me to doubt the very nature of these communications.  I have no doubt someone like Moses had an experience with an inner presence, I’m just not convinced that it cam directly from “God.” I think anyone having experiences with awakening or NDE’s will likely have similar feelings.  We, it seems, are here learning how to receive these gifts as the sparks of the divine that we are, and we are bounds to get the truth only partially correct sometimes. Additionally, learning how to use the energy that comes from that divine spark in us for beneficial purposes also seems to be an important aspect to growing up and seeing that this White Light is this powerful force that is love.

Namaste

People say a lot about it…and for the most part, there’s a lot of good information out there. But there are a lot of things said that just aren’t so. Some say you must have a guru, receive diksha, and stuff like that. But they say it because that’s their only experience, so they can’t imagine it any other way.

I didn’t have a guru. I didn’t receive diksha. I didn’t do yoga. I didnt sit in full lotis with back straight, eyes on the nose. I did have a confluence of serendipitous events based on my singular intent to get to the bottom of a few things in my life. These were things that I had buried and needed to resolve that wound up being the switch that turned on the lights. I didn’t have a guide, I did what I was trained as an artist to do: I observed. I’m no different than anyone else except I have been seeking this something “more” that came crashing into my life like a cosmic visitor who made sure nothing would ever be the same ever again.

I see so many searches done on my page that show me that on a daily basis people are just trying to come to grips with their awakening. In the beginning it is a lot to take in. But I think that you were made for this. I also think that we all have existential threads that we need to learn how to cut while awakening is present and strong in us. Doing this will free you up to go from intense awakening to smooth flow. For as hard as it was for me at times, I always knew I was going to make it. I think I chose this at some level. Something in me has the resilience to get through the harder parts of the experience. It’s incredibly personal, so it’s a bit like being laid open like an experiment in dissection…and yet, if you notice, the things that are dissected are never a loss to you. I had this fear….like it was going to destroy me. It was really my fear of change. Over time I learned simple forms of surrender which took me twenty feet into my soul depths, then 40 feet…only to find there was a still deeper surrender as it took me deeper into my psyche to dig out the deeply rooted issues. Not happy with trimming my existential bushes, I dug deep and asked the energy to take me with it. It has always been my teacher and my guide. I am the guru…but that guru is mine. It is your job to recognize the guru in you, too. There is nothing wrong with seeking to figure out how you will do this. My words are just a reminder that you have this. Get curious about yourself.

Today as I was working, there was this channel of information streaming in. Normally I ignore it so I can focus on the busy-work of my day. But it comes, and when it does, when I listen deeply and give myself to it, I can later go and lay on my soft carpeted floor on cushions and give it my full attention. This makes a lover of me, I am not ashamed to admit, and it draws me closer, a great nothingness that is everything, that I am drawn to. And then, I am on fire again.

So as this comes in the moment, let me see if I can explain something that it’s telling me and if you can relate to it.

Kundalini is just an abundance of an energy we call prana, chi (qi), ka, or life force or vital force. It comes when enough blocks are removed to make it possible to let it’s flow increase. I know the Indians say you concentrate on it to imagine drawing it up from the base of the spine, but energetically something “gives way” inside of you that allows for this flow. This isn’t a physical change. It is a change in the structure of your thoughts and your feeling. It’s simple. In fact, way simpler than most people let themselves to be.

Since prana is a force that is also conscious energy, the “structures” that govern it is the subtle energy system. Normaly, we were made for it’s flow, but as humans, it’s stopped. In most people, its a trickle. Once it flows, little can stop it.

The one thing that can stop it is strong negative emotional energy and your thoughts. In the early stages of awakening it seems nothing can stop it, but I have seen that it can be regulated. So if this is so, then the way you can work with this energy is by learning how to be so that the ride is easy instead of hard. This is how it teaches you. You might want to resist it at first, but this is the universal intelligence in all of us, and it has no limitations. The only thing that limits you is you. And for a time, keeping a handle on it may be what you need before going deeper with it. Just follow your instincts and your comfort level. You can, though, go as deep as you wish with it. It is without limit.

Growing up, I had a lot of run-ins with energy. I could have awakened early in life, but the material didn’t move enough. I knew intuitively though that I needed to increase the flow of my inner energy. Interesting things would happen when the flow increased. I often missed what the trick was in increasing the flow. I didn’t realize how I felt was the valve that opened it up. I was too much in my head. I was shown that as this energy increased, my ability to be more aware of numerous streams increased, too.

In an experience at age 18 with a past life as a Native American man who was having a Thunderbeing vision, I found myself swept up into a high level electrical energy of the spirit that made it possible for me to be simultaneously aware of being in four places all at once. Without going into the experience in detail, as the energy rose in me during this vision quest experience in that past life, I was able to be aware that I was alive in numerous aspects or spiritual beings in the vision. I looked out through my eyes as the native man, my own eyes in 1984, the eyes of the thunderbird, and the eyes of the Thunderbeing who was in the storm. I was able to be aware of each location at once. There are exercises that yogis use that do the same thing, and I suspect it’s to achieve the same type of state.

I am telling you this to illustrate the point that as energy increases, so too does consciousness and it’s ability to perceive and take in information incredibly fast and on many channels at once. This only happens when there is enough energy present. I am telling you this to help you be aware of what your potential is and that you can use this to help yourself understand better what’s going on inside you. And if you don’t believe what I have conveyed to you is possible, try imagining the possibility that it is possible, and then do an experiment where you tell yourself that you will allow yourself to open up and be led. Depending on who you are, you might slip right into it, achieving what you thought you were not capable of moments before, or it might need to incubate in you for days or even weeks before you have that surprise “a-ha” moment. Could be, too, that you have it come to you in dream. If it fits you enough, it’s only a matter of time before you encounter it. It’s really about where you put your focus.

So the really great thing I was being shown today was a version of something I think about a lot because I find it so interesting. This is the energetic engine that keeps prana flowing. I’m being shown that it’s these two polarities, things I think of as a cosmic quantity that I might symbolize in my mind as the shakti-shiva or the divine pair. But when these “two” which are really just one wake up inside of you, it wakes up the rest of the cosmos inside of you, too, because this pair is seeded into everything, so it opens you up and gives you access to all that is.

The energy in you is moving through all other things, and since the energy exists outside of space/time, it is everywhere all at once. This means you are also everywhere, too, by extension. I know you aren’t everywhere physically , but take a moment to feel the “god” state alive in this experience and feel how the very fine energy within it is simply not limited. Do you feel that immensity?

Maybe you think you should do something with it. Maybe you think it’s just that way and nothing more can be done. What I find is that as I turn my attention, the energy can “fetch” whatever it is I want or need to know about a good many things. I also need only think about something and it winds up happening. I have been having some very nice adventures in manifesting lately. This reveals to me how the world is really creating using our thoughts. The world is not for or against me, it’s giving me what I am.

Imagination is the gateway for this experience. Beyond the most obvious use of imagination, which is the creation of things, is also the capacity in you to image things that you never knew about before. Imagination becomes a portal for direct knowledge, direct learning, and your ability to feel is what makes it possible for you to relate to whatever information you are picking up on. All of this is experienced not as concepts but as a living reality. Everything has a life. Everything is alive, sentient, even if it’s not physically alive. It is the aliveness of atoms that makes it possible for matter to evolve or to become living like we are.

This aliveness, this livingness is in everything, and it isn’t that our existence as sentient matter is the ultimate state, because it isnt, it’s that everything that exists exists because it is aware. Far from dead matter, atoms have an enduring life of their own, with subatomic particles making up the “cells” of each atoms “body.”

What makes this possible is the sweetness, the uncompromisingly compassionate and ever-present energy on which we are all riding. By sinking into it, you avail yourself of its healing as it straightens out the kinked and blocked places within you. It feels fierce early in awakening only because it’s like trying to fit a thousand gallons through a straw. This is due to the energy body still being restricted or blocked. The more you let it flow into you in your dark places, the more it removes and the more smooth everything within your body and mind gets.

This is to me like the biggest story around. It is for many, a secret. But hidden in your ability to feel (not your emotions…this is your ability to feel and to be more and more sensitive inwardly) is it’s “secret” revealing itself. The less you rationalize with it,the more it will unfold in you.

The more aware you are, the more capable you will be of feeling the remaining blocks in your energy body. As you turn your attention to them, the prana flows. It flows through your attention. This is why we can transmit energy through our eyes. It isn’t that the energy literaly flows through our physical eyes, but that it flows through our attention, and for this energy, a gaze is a form of attention.

It’s quite something knowing that your body is host to trillions and trillions of other lives existing in your body at this moment. It’s true; every cell has it’s own life, even if it lives for only a few weeks, or even days. Every atom, when you see it up close , pulses and vibrates in such a way that it’s a wonder that your body mass doesn’t just slip through everything.

The world’s secrets can open up like a beautiful mountain flower which only you are privy to in that moment. What would you like to see? Would you like to see how we were made, how we came to be here on this planet? It’s surprising to find out that human life as we know it was active long before earth was hospitable, existing in different genomes in different regions of this and other gallaxies. Sound impossible? Go look. Use your minds eye. Or maybe you ant to learn how other cultures existed, or how the light body works, or new forms of technology that use sentient energy as a way to interface with them without the use of dirty fossil fuels, or how you can cancel gravity through high frequency waves, or how some theories in physics only get it partly right. Or, closing your eyes, you can listen to the life of plants and read about their story and how their passions exist in differently seeded ways than our own, a realization that helps to open the mind to the possibilities.

Reveal your Light

Awakening.  It brings so much.  For many, the first few years of an awakening can feel like you are running to just catch up.  Incredible things have happened, and continue to.  Some of it is hard, really hard, but understanding the hardness we feel is less the energy and our own inner states as something within us opens like a flower, the outer husk pulling away hesitantly at first, then more willingly as it dawns on you that THIS is how it was supposed to be…

It brings insight.  It brings healing.  It brings the light and can guide you to your own god-given gifts that seem to be coming at just the right time.  If nothing else, the light that you can shed in your own corner of the world can help to illuminate the shadow and help to scatter and transform the thinking that keeps us in shadow.  I will tell you that based on my own experience, there is no honor in keeping your own pain within.  There is no honor in shadow, just a necessity to clear it out so that you can be clear with what is.  And with it, the inevitability of the Light.  So let it shine in your life.  Awakening is going to clear you out, it’s going to, so make yourself available, and while you are at it, you can choose happiness instead of sorrow or pain or guilt or shame.

 

See, awakening makes you more aware, yes, and this is what makes it possible to clear hundreds and thousands of blocks, all that constitute programs or patterns of thinking that simply no longer work in the awakened state.  I wrote not long ago about how at a certain stage of my awakening I began to encounter a field of energy that I call the “Sea of Sorrow” and just yesterday an old friend from my college days talked about how she sunk into the collective sadness of the human race as she dredged all of the hard feelings and regrets, the election, patriarchy, all of it. And the thing is, its all true.  None of it is not on the mark.

 

We hurt.  We have hurt collectively for a very long time.  And just like my old friend from graduate school, when I felt this vast sea of sorrow open up to my mind and inner senses, it was so tangible, so real.  I wrote in my recent post about how I thought it was mine and that I needed to cleanse it, to purge it.  So I sank into it and would find myself in the deepest grief ever. Now mind you, I think that acknowledging your emotions is important.  You can’t ignore them.  But here is the difference for many people, and I was one of them; we think it is a thing that demands our attention.  Awakening tells a very different story.  It says to me that it is there, it is real, and it is up to you what you choose to focus on.  No one was coming to me telling me “Parker, this is a fools errand…come here, let me explain a few things to you…” No, that never happened.  In fact, this was a period when I had a whole slew of guardians and guides working with me during waking and in dream.  Freewill. They were letting me work through it because they knew I thought it was important. Maybe they knew how impermanent my belief in this would be, I don’t know.  I did find that this Sea was vast.  Oh my goodness!  It was almost without end.  I thought that by processing it, I could transmute it. I realized there was no way that I had all of this sorrow in me.  Not this life and not in the sum of my lifetimes.  No way.

 

So I realized that this was one of those resonant fields that we can often tap into in an accelerated state of consciousness (or be more aware that we are indeed tapping into it, feeding into it just like everyone else is), and that it belonged not just to me, but to all of us.  The sadness was so strong, the pull so powerful, I could have stayed there as it slowly ate away my heart and soul.  No, I realized that I could not do this alone.  I had to find a better way.  So I did.  I left and I did not look back. And you know what happened?  My awakening sped up.  It accelerated.  It clarified.  I clarified more and more.  I was and remain a work in progress, and I do not claim any absolute condition of grace or light or perfect joy.  But what I do know is that there is light in all of this.  There is joy to be had, and I have a choice. We all do.

 

When I read as a young boy the stories of how people had died and were brought back from death with amazing stories about their next step beyond this life, I realized I had found an important piece of the truth that could set us free here; a real honest to goodness avenue for seeing into the next realm beyond our physical lives here.  It had the power, I thought, of erasing our fear of death.  I have been interested in these things ever since because they served to show me what religions could not, what religion simply told me I had to believe if I was to get on spiritually.  Really? These stories were about the Light.  The light.  Over and over, this great light that suffuses every single person with a sense of peace and love.  Anyone who has gone there does not want to come back. Their return is a hard affair, taking on this body again, often ravaged by whatever had taken their life to begin with.

 

But the light remains.  This light changes people’s lives.  Those who have had NDE’s (Near Death Experiences) come back with a feeling of a mission. People who awaken likewise often have some form of an encounter with the light.  I know I did.  Brilliant, pure white, I saw in it the love I have for white my whole life.  This “whiteness” of the light was less about what we see with our eyes and what we feel in our souls.  This “whiteness” or “brightness” is a soulful energy that fills everything top to bottom.  It illuminates.  And yet, even so, it is not enough to feel it “over there” but instead, to work with this light in our lives HERE in order to work it all out.  The very act of entering into creation, into what so many call “illusion” is actually an incredibly powerful conjunction of spirit and the matter or form that it creates.  We come to work out every single thing we can.  The Light itself is not enough.  Its love is so total, its compassion to great that it does not ask anything of us nor does it judge.  It is just there, available for everyone.  But here, we become aware of the shadow and then as we do that, the Light comes chugging down the pike, filling us and healing what makes us less than that Light.

 

So, see, its important to know the shadow that still lies in you.  It’s important to go through your life being as honest as you can with yourself, and in turn, with others. And sometimes, that honesty is too much for others, yes, and you just do what you can and take care of yourself (because their lack of hearing it from you might well be something within you that remains a mirror for them).  We rise through greater and greater levels of honesty as we clarify.  But I can tell you, remaining in shadow, there is no benefit. The only benefit in resting in shadow is to cast your light into it to transmute it. Otherwise,  it only reinforces itself.

 

If the light is in you, it is constantly drilling down into your darker recesses and clearing away the knots and broken bits.  And so much of it?  It’s mostly how we choose to feel.  When we let go of that identification with our hurt and pain, oh baby, it just falls away.  But our reliance on our hurt and pain is absolutely and totally neurotic in us humans.  We humans turn our hurt into great shields which hide us from the inevitability of the light overturning all of it.  We hate it and love it all at the same time.  Have you ever heard someone talk about all their ills and hurts?  They go on and on and as you look at their face, with furrowed brow, you see that while they tell themselves and act like its something terrible, they really deep down are loving it.  They love to hate it.  But look at all of that attraction to it!  And look, I know; I have been there.  Parts of me still have their hitches, but enough of this has released from me to be able to see how so many of my releases were just there for me to tend to them, like a person picking at a scab.  Isn’t it just delicious?  Oh, look at how the blood will flow….isn’t it horrible?  And we can’t look away!

serveimage-1.jpeg

Through all of this neurosis, awakening will come for even the smallest little knot in you.  Just open like that flower, and don’t worry.  The universe has your back.  It’s not out to get you.  Nothing does.  Not even entities.  Even those entities have been invited inside of you by you.  YOU.  Your hurt has attracted them because that is all these little creatures really know.  They aren’t advanced at all, but they are doing only what feels familiar to them.  We do the same on our own level.  We are attracted to people of a certain type or even wound.  And we play out the dramas until the cows come home.

 

Note:  the cows have come home, darling.  Its time to get over it.  Open the windows, let in the air, let in the light!

 

Let your light shine.  Let it.  Find what you are good at.  Find your passion.  Find your own love. If you do, you will find a new kind of calling, a better more efficient way of being.  The closer you are to your own soul-flow, the easier things are.  Synchronicities abound.  Its kind of magical, really.  Take care of yourself and learn to love yourself.  You wont be able to love anyone authentically unless you love yourself first.  Truly.  Seek your passion.  Find people who like to talk about the same things as you and find what you can learn from them. Sometimes its good, sometimes it can be a cautionary tale.  It will be a bit of both, most likely.

 

If you are in a soul connection, find out ways that you can help bring healing.  It might be hard to do at times, but it can offer healing if you can be honest about what lies beneath, this swell of shadow you know is your work, the karma you share, but realize, too, that together this can also strengthen the karma unless you are really invested in actively digging into that shadow between the two of you and letting it go.  And in the midst of this, find reasons to smile.  If you don’t feel happy, work on that.  Sit in meditation and try cracking a smile and see what happens to your body over time.  Bid the light to come even in the midst of shadow.  You might be surprised to find that a certain block that you know you have is now feeling differently just by how you look at it.  And what if you looked at it like it was nothing?  What if you considered that all of this is just a pattern…..and you have the ability to just wipe that pattern away like dust from a chalk board.  How long do you think it will take for you to forget what that pattern was that seemed so permanent a moment before?

 

If you feel shadow, what do you really think this shadow is?  Your own feelings of remorse, guilt, shame, or upset over how something happened eons ago that now you don’t hardly remember but you know it’s just there?  Let it be anonymous.  Let it anonymously fall away.  Say you are done.  Say you want relief from it.  You can ask for this.  You can.  It is allowed.  Spirit, if it seems to want anything, is for us to know who we are in our fullness and to see us filled with the light.

 

When you let your light shine, you will release a ripple of bliss field energy into your life.  You will feel comfortable, you will feel more at ease.  You will glow.  And people will notice.  Its was actually a really nice confirmation when this happened to me.  I had finally let it flow in me.  I was so jammed up….years of jammed-up energy!  Oh my goodness sakes.  My walk changed. I felt sexy.  I felt free.  I felt alive.  I had dropped all this shame.  I remember walking past people who hadn’t even seen me only to see them turn around and scan their visual field looking for something….and boom.  This happened so often, I learned to recognize it. I could feel it.  A soul was picking up on something that they wanted in themselves.  It is true.  Even the unawakened find this to be irresistible.  We all need it. We do.  But as long as we are jammed up in ourselves, we wont realize its really what we want to feel in ourselves.  We will think its the other person, or a hundred other things.  It is US.  Here.  And its everyone’s responsibility to find it for themselves.  And me?  I am just reminding you that it’s in you and that, yes, you can.  You just need to let go.  And then, you let go even deeper.  And once you do that, you keep let going and you keep doing this for years.  It’s hard to explain just how deep our tangle goes.  Even people who have gone through awakening for years have work to do.  And this is really one big reason for why we are here.

 

So let it shine.  Let it rip!  And awakening will untangle you.  Its sort of like autopilot.  Make yourself available in each moment.  A block can go as you step out of the car, or walk through the grocery store line or as you lay in meditation….okay, maybe only I lay in meditation, but it works.  All of this is an incredible renovation job, and it begins inside.

नमोस्कार (Namaste)

 

Its been five years to the day that I began writing on WordPress, and my how time flies! It is also a date that is very close (within days) to the day of the full rise of kundalini five years prior to my incept date on Waking The Infinite. No, that wasn’t planned, it’s just how it happened (the blog and awakening). Since then, it’s been my pleasure to share with you the many insights I have been blessed with in my journey, as it’s been my sincere desire that some of it may help you in your own journey by being aware of what is possible.
With there never being a dull moment, I will share with you something that took place last night that I have not experienced before that took me by surprise. But first, a little back story….
Recently I posted about how the use of binaural beats can aid in inducing deep brain states. I even included a link to one such video that has resulted in some rather startling results. The audio I have been using has been tuned into the brain wave range of Delta and Theta brain wave activity and has helped me to quickly enter those states while still awake. Let me know if you want a copy, I am happy to send you the links.

This is the post link:  https://wakingtheinfinite.wordpress.com/2016/12/28/binaural-beats-self-improvement-through-technology/
I am doing this work to aid in the healing of the last remaining block in my body. As I have written before, these blocks can be places where entities can attach to feed on the lower vibrational energy that these blocks create (we are actually creating this energy in the block). But once the light body is healed, the attraction ceases, the moths go elsewhere, and the light body is returned to a more pristine state. Energy goes from intense to smooth. Emotions are less disrupted. I have been keen to root out this last presence and heal the wound.

 
In the last meditation with this a few weeks ago, I had inner light activity that I associate with other consciousnesses entering my field. I used to experience them whenever I would think about another person such as the one who I thought was my soul twin. She would have a consistent color to her light as she would wink in with a brilliant star-light flash signaling “hi!”

 
This time, though, as part of my awareness was out of my body looking down through my light body, I saw a red flash that flared deep down in the lower core of my body. Inner mind said calmly, “That was the entity.” As soon as that happened, I felt it move for the first time….ever. It’s an odd sensation, much like how it might feel when something moves on top of the blankets; there is no sense of feeling movement except by way of the vibrations it makes. It has a hollow indirectness to it that feels so….curious. I hadn’t felt that since 2008 when I released from my body several entities who had took up shop in my field since who knows when. I knew they had all gone, all but one that remained too hard to see. “Huh?” I thought. I kind of shrugged and figured that I would root it out once I was ready. But it has remained very hard to see. I only became aware of it once I had cleared away all but one small area of blocks, which is where this little devil is. Interestingly, I have become increasingly aware of it in a variety of new ways. It isn’t that I don’t know, it’s that I think it doesn’t want me to know or think about it….and it seems try to be as hidden as possible. I have seen how healers, even people who know how to remove entities will miss these because they are so dug in. Something is happening though; something is clarifying more and more.

 
Right after I saw its dim red flash indicating it’s presence on my right side down in my hip, I saw another light come in from about my heart chakra that was unlike any other light I have seen before. Normally when I close my eyes and see the flash of light of someone either feeling me or checking in, it’s a single well defined burst of light. I see them as being like starlight. some are big, some are small, but they always appear like that as thought reaches thought. I have learned to know who each light is over the years. I have known three such lights like this well, and they are all very different. Sometimes I can figure out who looks like what by simply sending a thought in a person’s direction and seconds later I see their colored light burst into view. The color reveals their soul’s essential vibratory rate. It is a lot like reading an aura. To see them I need to be relaxed, in the dark, and usually lying down. And no, this is not the effect that happens when you go into a darkened room where phosphene in the eyes shoot off creating bursts of light. These are different and most often happen up to an hour after going to bed. Plus, the lights are consistent in that they are the same size and color when I am thinking of that person. It’s like a projection of their thought energy and I’m just getting the end if the thread as this little burst that tells me who it is.

 
This “new” light was very different, though. It was larger, and it looked like it was composed of many smaller lights. I had never seen that before, so I watched it as it dove down towards the red light. It had the effect of seeing a light through a window screen with your face close to the screen. It created this effect of a tight cluster of golden light which, as I watched it, also looked like a distant candelabra in a cold room. Candles lit in cold conditions often quiver and pulse instead of being languid in their movement. As I gazed on it I knew what this was!

 
It was a seraph. A seraph means “fiery one” and the Seraphim are an ancient form of angelic being that has been described in Judaic thought as beings who surround God in their wings.And you might wonder how I made that connection. Well, when I looked at the many lights the movement and light spoke to me. It told me directly what it was. It was a direct transmission of energy.

 
For those of you who have followed my writing, you might recall my encounter with a being who revealed himself to me after what seemed to have been a 20 year absence, and who explained that he was a Seraphim. During my awakening, he had become visible to me again. The flash of pulsating fiery gold light was my angelic guide and protector emerging into my field of awareness again. As long as I had a certain person in my life, I was completely unable to see or feel him. But with my field clearing, he has begun making appearances again. To be honest, he has explained to me that he is with me all the time, I am his charge; it is I who does not always have the ability to feel him even though he is ever-present.

 
I watched his light as he plunged deep into my field and winked out. And then nothing. Huh. I continued with the meditation and drifted into sleep. Sometimes these events take place and then, boom, nothing. What I find is some kind of work is taking place just out of my range of awareness. Sometimes it becomes clear days, weeks, or months later.
And then there was last night.

 
I plugged in my headphones to my player and eased under my down comforter. I could feel it’s weight on my body, pushing me gently down. With the binaural beats coming in, I moved quickly into a deep state. I felt really relaxed, and happy. I have been getting so much done on my house getting it spruced up. I just felt very satisfied. And within seconds I began to feel it; the house began to shake. “Holy shit!” I thought, “there’s an earthquake!!” I laid in bed for what felt was thirty seconds as I felt the whole house vibrating in a trending vibration! I laid there, still deeply relaxed, waiting for plaster to begin breaking free from the ceiling, but there was not even the slightest whiff of dust.
I studied the vibration as it happened and I noticed how incredibly regular the tremors were. “My God, these vibrations are so perfectly spaced!” I had this thought rise in my mind that, you know, I probably ought to get up and try to get outside because I didn’t need to have my life end right then and there! I mean, I have been doing this exercise that has released so much of my fear over death, a practice or technique where I have literally purged fear of death from my cellular memory, with the perhaps unfortunate effect that I don’t feel very alarmed when “bad” things happen like oh, say, an earthquake!
As I lay there my guidance pointed out, “It’s too regular to be an earthquake…you are having a body quake…” And the joke was on me this time because for as real as that earthquake felt, as I studied it I realized that the source of the vibration was coming within me!

 
Was my body shaking? Was this like those early experiences in awakening when my body felt like it was being rung like a giant bell that had these deep repeating vibrations that shot through my whole being?

 
So it seems that something is unfolding, but I begin teaching again tomorrow, so who knows if my work will pause any of this very interesting work taking place.
As I lay there thinking about this and whether having this shady person no longer in my life has been allowing the veils to lift in my awareness I hear his voice explain, “Even when it’s someone else’s deceit in them, you can take it into yourself as if it is your own….but it is poison to all who dare drink of it!”
Live and learn…live and learn.

P.S. I’m all ready for school tomorrow and it’s time to get to bed, so it’s clothes out of the dryer and my things together for the big day. I’ll put the headphones on again and see where it takes me tonight. Fingers crossed!

What do you think awakening will be?
It will be what you are.
If your life is lived in fear
It will be that fear.
It can be what you choose
you were never a prisoner
or so incapable.
It can be grandeur
and awe can bathe you
clearing shadow
transforming it
into light.
But how you are is what it will be
and your choice is just that powerful.
You can choose to live in ignorance
you can live in the light.
There is no honor nurturing wounds
only in realizing that they were never the biggest and best in you.
A bud blooms in my chest—
nothing else need make any sense but this
the guiding light
the spreading wonder
that this has become.

It can be this and more for you,
and still more…
which is enough.

%d bloggers like this: