Archives for category: awakening

Many Christians today are accustomed to thinking in certain ways about their faith which is based on a narrative that the Orthodox church put forward over centuries. It has been a way of thinking that I have come to call “orthocentric” thinking. It has resulted in conclusions that range from defining the divinity of Jesus, his nature, and the composition of the trinity. Today most Christians take these meaning for granted as if they were always known, but in the early days of what would be known as Christianity, there was a broad ranfe of ideas and interpretations. What Orthodoxy did was to make it seem as though there was only ever one right way, which was their way.

Orthoxy fought and won a war of ideas and the winner is the one who then gets to write the history. The history that was written was what agreed with their view. Why this matters is that for Christians who might want to know the deeper story, it isn’t available anymore. That isn’t just Dan Brown sensationalism about a hidden truth at the core of the church, it is part of what happened if you are willing to discover what we know now about the lost Christianities that existed early on.

The other strands within Christianity at the time were quickly driven from the stage by the tide of Orthodox thinking and understanding, and these movements or groups in the faith that differed from Orthodox thinking were both reviled and criticized by early church fathers within the movement. The orthocentric view won out such that there existed for centuries no other accepted way of understanding what the Christ drama was all about. If you wanted to know about Jesus and Christ, your go-to books were the ones that were sanctioned by the Orthodox wing of the church.

The orthocentric view has created the impression that there was only ever one acceptable way of approaching Christianity, and that group went to great lengths to make sure that their view was the one that would be accepted. Part of this orthocentric view includes the idea that heresy was a kind of later outgrowth, a distortion of the original “truth” of Christianity. Origen, an early church father and Christian historian, characterized heresy as that action which took place after the “truth” was known, a “veering” away as he put it, from what we all know is the one accepted group of central truths that animate Christianity and give it it’s life.

This, though, isn’t true. In 1935 Walter Bauer wrote a book entitled Orthodoxy & Heresy In Earliest Christianity. In it, he poured over numerous letters and other writings from earliest Christianity and found that instead of heresy being a late-comer to the faith, it was instead present even before Orthodox thinking got a foothold in the early Christ movement. The upshot of his work was that Orthodoxy was the late-comer, not heresy. But how could that be?

Over and over, as Bauer conducted his detailed survey, he found the language of heresy was preexistant over Orthodox language and thinking. He found many examples that heresy, as the later church would describe it, was more robust and established from the very beginning, which is contrary to the writings of Orthodox writers and historians from the first three to four centuries.

It should be noted that “heresy” was itself not a unified or monolithic body of thought but was composed of many different groups with different thoughts on a range of ideas such as the divinity of Jesus, and whether Jesus was a man who became God, or that was a man who was later adopted by God when he was baptised by John, for example. There were the earliest converts to Christianity, for example, who were Jews that Jesus had inspired called the Ebionites. These earliest of followers were branded as heretics by some in the church. We are told that if we want to get to heaven you better believe in the right things instead of what the heretics believed, or else hell waits for you. It was a compelling strategy because with the fires of hell hanging over your head, people wouldn’t want to chance it.

Bauer’s work sent shock-waves through the Christian community when it was first published. His work was criticized as going too far and making too many assumptions about what the many documents that he examined meant. However, in 1945, a giant discovery was made in Egypt with the unearthing of a treasure trove of early Christian writings, some of which historians had written about in early Christianity and others no one even knew had existed. While some scholars suggested that these books were not part of a significant tradition, a possible “one-off ” a later discovery of a second fragment of one of the books found in 1945 (Thomas) helped to support the contention that the books had been circulated and used by early Christians and lent support to the idea that the books were more widely circulated than thought. This find came to be known as the Nag Hammadi Library (NHL), and while they were found in Egypt, the chief reason for their discovery was due to how dry the environment has been there for many thousands of years, which helps to preserve documents just like it does with mummies. Bauer received considerable vindication once the NHL was unearthed because it showed that there were different understandings in circulatiin about central tenets in Christianity. In Philip it clearly points out that many early Christians considered the Holy Ghost to be female, for example. How this could change dogma was significant. In the concept of the “Bridal Chamber” mentioned both in the Gospel of Philip as well as the synoptic gospels, the bridal chamber becomes a sacred act of union that generates the Christ. The implications for this idea alone are huge. It also links Christuan thought to concepts tied to enlightenment that had existed for centuries in the East…not because Christianity borrowed from them but because the spiritual acumen of the group that produced the books which described or put forward these concepts was formidable. What’s more, many of the books in the collection claimed ties to Jesus and his teaching in private.

The books which were part of the find were bound in fine kid leather with tooling on them with both Christian and Egyptian symbols. These books showed every sign of having been important to the monks who hid them. While Bart Ehrman suggests that the books were likely buried where they were to free up space in one of several nearby monestaries, there is perhaps a more accurate theory which suggests that by the time of their burial (around 400 A.D.), the writing was on the wall where books like these were concerned: anyone found holding books that were not accepted by the church were to be consigned “to the flames.” It is much more likely, then, that the NHL exists today because a monk could not bear seeing them destroyed and hid them away for later discovery.

One compelling piece of possible proof that may have prompted monks to hide the documents where they were found in 1945 is found in a letter written by Anathanasius, Bishop of Alexandria, who was the first to spell out what books were acceptible and which ones were not: Matthew, Mark, Luke, John, and the letters of Paul. Those books formed the early corpus of Orthodox belief, with others added later. Anyone found to have books other than these would come up on the wrong end of church doctrine and the authority of the burgeoning religion. In the centuries that followed, Christians were anathematized or excommunicated from the church for heresy. In still later years, some heretics would even be executed in horrific ways.

Instead of being a movement on the very fringes of Christianity, the books in the NHL show how developed and incredibly sophisticated that the esoteric wing’s teachings were.

Today, though, Christians aren’t used to referring to the Gospel of Thomas to glean from it teachings which, the author who wrote the gospel contends, are the private or secret teachings of Jesus. No Christian is used to reading the Gospel of Philip and pointing out how its descriptions of the Christ are incredibly similar to ideas in Hindu, Tibetan, and Chinese writings. That’s not to suggest that the Christians writing these books had been to India, but that they had uncovered the Christ as a potential that exists within every person on the planet, and as such was not subject to belief in the same ways many beliefs put forward by the Orthodoxy depend on those beliefs. Additionally, the Christ was only ever found within, not without, something that Jesus was known to teach even in the Orthodox sanctioned Gospels. Paul ssys he was shown the Christ within himself.

The only reason why I know this is because I discovered the similarities in them with Eastern esoteric thought as a direct result of an awakening that took place in me beginning in 2006. I came across the NHL for the first time a few months after my awakening and saw for the first time someone describing what had happened to me. These weren’t Sanscrit texts but the Gospel of Thomas, Philip, and many others. Hard to understand without the inner knowing or “gnosis” that awakening brings, I am convinced that the authors deliberately sought to keep hidden the direct meanings contained in the documents in order to protect the uninitiated. Still, their meaning was consistent with awakening in both Thomas and Philip as well as in the other documents which modern Christian scholars have dubbed as Gnostic in character.

This discovery initiated a decade-long research project for me into the earliest days of Christianity where I found that what I had discovered was actually being supported by the synoptic gospels and the letters of Paul. The more I looked, the more evidence I tended to uncover that supported my thesis. Yes, this work is hampered by a kind of information black-out in some ways but in other ways there are important clues that I have found that makes a case for not just an alternate or deeper understanding of Christ, but also that it was possible that Jesus did have a private teaching, something that the Gospel of Thomas proclaims at its beginning.

One of the suspected authors of Thomas and Philip according to scholars is Valentinus who lived in the second century. Valentinus wrote how he had a vision of the risen Christ. At that time, he knew about Paul’s own vision of the risen Christ.

Valentinus explains how he had gone to a direct disciple of Paul, a man who had learned directly from Paul who was named Theodas. When Valentinus spoke with this disciple he learned that Paul had a private teaching which he reserved for his closest followers. Valentinus goes on to say that he was taught in this private way with the disciple.

The elephant in the room, for me at least, is if Valentinus was the author of Thomas or Philip, was it the result of having received a more esoteric teaching which he himself was ready for? Did Valentinus go on in his own way to produce writings perhaps based partly on the teachings of the disciples and with his own inner knowledge about the “body of Christ”?

While some might point out that this would amount to forgery, let me put this activity in perspective. At this time in history it was not uncommon at all for books or letters to be forged. Back then, a student or disciple would sometimes write after the teacher had died as though the teacher had written the document. Christianity has many of these forged documents as examples. Many are not included in the New Testament, but there are documents that are known forgeries that are still in the NT today. How do we know this? Because the content in some cases deals with issues that belong to a later date. Take for example some of the letters of Paul. In Timothy and Titus there is content in them that simply did not exist during Paul’s life, so we know thst someone else other than Paul wrote them. Someone forged the documents and in the process achieved a way to drive how the church might later be organized, for example. Additionally, in the case of Timothy, the writer makes Paul into a mysogynist, something that does not appear in any other of his other letters (not even once). If keeping women out of the church leadership was so important to Paul, it would have been repeated a number of times to the churches in other areas that he was known to write to. Today scholars tend to agree that five, possibly six, of Pauls letters were written by someone other than Paul.

To loop back around to heresy once more, an important fact has remained throughout the last two hundred years since new documents from early Christianity have emerged (thanks in part to archeological digs and efforts searching libraries and monestaries). If heresy was the unimportant movement that the orthocentrics would have us believe, why are ALL the newly discovered documents always heretical documents and not Orthodox ones? I contend that the narrative or picture we have been given to believe is in fact not the true one, not completely, not by a long shot.

Additionally, Orthodoxy represents a more literalist and authoritarian take on Christianity. The heretics proposed that you didn’t need a priest to get you there, you need only to discover the Christ which is in you, something that would have eroded the power that the Orthodoxy went on to seek to increase over time. What did the church do in its earliest days? It grew and gained the attention of Emperor Constantine who made it the state religion. The heretics, as they were called, were driven from the stage despite how closely aligned many of their teachings were to the documents the Orthodoxy championed: “Ask, and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you.” (Matthew 7:7) It has ever been thus!

We often think suffering is a noble cause. It isn’t. The ground of our being is love.

Image Source: Seth International, Facebook group

All throughout this blog much of what I have written in regards to my personal experience related to the phenomenon of awakening has been to suggest directions in which we can all go, or consider as areas of inquiry about the unfolding nature and emergent nature of our consciousness particularly as it relates to “enlightenment” (for as much as I dislike the term) or awakening (which is much better I think since it more accurately suggests what is happening in the process). This is something that you have yourself. You only need enough interest and passion, to investigate it seriously enough to begin developing your own natural abilities.

Many masters who teach about the nature of enlightenment warn against filling the mind of the student with too many ideas about what to expect concerning any number of different facets of the journey to enlightenment. What often happens is, by not knowing, the student or neophyte builds up in their mind what they think the experience might look and feel like. By doing this, the mind creates an imagined image of something that in all likelihood is innacurate. The problem with this is that it represents a journey away from what is most essential. These things are so simple even a child knows how to relate to them. Be ye like children!

The other side of the coin is that as sentient beings, we have the operations for enlightenment already within us. The Buddha sleeps in all, and when it awakens, it reveals what is most essential or true when the personality can listen to it with the innocence and open curiosity of a child (with no assumptions taken on). If one does what was prescribed for reaching the awakened state, there is nothing else to teach because the innermost knowing, the cosmic consciousness of the Hindu the Tibetans, Taoists, or the gnosis of the early Christians, is revealed or made manifest. Even as I say this, though, there can be the expectation that awakening is an arrival, suggesting to some that upon awakening I will know all that needs to be known when in fact this knowing operates more like an onion that we peel back layer by layer to the degree that the personality (and ego) are ready to examine and be open to this new knowledge. It is possible for the personality to be resistant to an important truth in the process, and as a result, the information or awareness of that information can be kept out from personal awareness and ones experience.

In reality the ordinary person is laboring, unknowingly, under the operatiom of countless inner programs which directs her attention which we call beliefs. It is hard to know or to realize the degree to which these beliefs govern perception or awareness. All who labor under them do not know that they do so, and are completely unaware that belief is governing them.

When I say belief, I mean any number of ideas which a personality can hold. It can be beliefs about how the person thinks the world works, which can include beliefs from the culture (often reflected in words like “values”), politics, and religion or spirituality. The hardest beliefs to identify are the ones that don’t seem to be beliefs at all. There is a very neat trick we play on ourselves sometimes when we tell ourselves that we don’t believe in something. “I don’t believe in this Judeo Christian concept of God” and the self then thinks it is being naturally innoculated against belief. In truth, this is itself a belief, one in which the world is devoid of a superconscious whose existence gave direction or form to the worlds we know today. What results is an end to any meaningful investigation along these lines of an inner direct manner.

What this belief does is it builds up an artificial wall within experience and perception that then says (without pronouncing it loudly), “I will disregard anything pertaining to the existence of a divine presence!” The self perhaps believes this because the stories written about God strike them as preposterous or unlikely, maybe more reflective of our ideas of what a God might be like (which of course many stories about God do contain). What is lost is the path to what a god might actually look like or be beyond the world of built-up ideas, legends, myths and tales (i.e., beliefs).

We all have the ability to know just about anything about the universe. I know that may sound impossible to some, but one thing I learned early on in my awakening process is that beyond the island of our carefully managed beliefs is an ocean of knowledge just waiting to be tapped into.

It’s interesting how a belief, which we tend to feel is so completely true can in fact misdirect us so much. The reason why it does this is how belief requires the mind to stop probing and sensing inwardly. This probing is called the intuition, and part of it involves the nonlocal or universal mind. Some call this the higher self. In truth all designations have truth and each are connected to the other so that yes, it is universal mind AND it is the higher self AND it is the accumulated wisdom of the self that you are right here, right now.

Belief involves a suspension of critical examination, part of the logic process, that shuts down any effort at questioning the belief. Belief has at its core a circular motion whose only purpose is to perpetuate itself. This is how silly ideas have been perpetuated for thousands of years largely unchecked.

As humans, we are so used to using the rational mind as if it is the end-all and be-all of intellectual determination, when in fact logic only plays a very limited role in this process. The part of the mind and brain that handles logic has no intuitive capacity. Logic is a tool that was designed to be used by the intuitive self for testing its knowledge. It isn’t the knowledge itself, but is a process by which things can be known experientially. Logic, then, would be the discipline that would allow you to properly investigate the evidence of God existing in all of matter, for instance. How that is done is an investigative process when the intuition either does not know or knows so well that it gives up its knowledge so clearly that the logic-driven experiment is simply known without needing trial and error to reveal the correct steps in the experiment. Both instances are possible but it seems that unless a person is clear or knowledgable of the steps required that some trial and error is required. Einstein knew in an intuitive flash the ideas behind Relativity but spent years working out the math to explain it, for instance.

It sounds impossible that the mind could know what the self has no experience with, but this is precisely what intuition can do. You might be like Einstein and see the core of the math as phenomenon without knowing the math at all. It is instead experienced directly as a felt experience. Feeling is operative in having intuition work well. It is the opposite of logic.

The most important part in learning to cultivate intuition is being alright with having no formulated ideas about how a given inquiry will go. Will we find God lurking in the subatomic particles? Who knows, it’s a mystery. Let’s keep our mind completely open.

The mindset most necessary to nurturing intuition in my experience is this attitude. It assumes nothing at all. In fact, the more you can learn to let the mind be a blank screen, the more likely you are to catch glimpses of what is actually out there. In this case, the radio is not talking to itself but is in contact with the multiverse. I am trying to show you how to be a gifted channel for the universe. Intuitive is receptive and has often been seen as feminine while logic is more masculine. These are qualities every person has, so everyone has an equal opportunity to be able to develop it if that is their interest.

The more you can completely suspend belief, the better you will be at receiving, like a radio, the information that exists “out there.” While this has been central to the investigative and psychic method known as remote viewing, it is also how many of the most gifted psychics operate: completely blind. Doing this, while disconcerting for some at first, is the only real way to go when doing this work. It requires a suspension of ego, and self as the judge of experience. There is a lot of very neurotic habits tied up in needing to know to the point where one becomes rigidly fixed in ego and the personality and all of its previous experience, now controlled and filtered by its conglomerate of beliefs, traumas, and habits, so that the deeper truth may have no hope of ever emerging. There is simply too much competing material.

This also suggests that releasing stored emotion is another strand in the path to becoming more intuitive. Experience has shown that the best intuitives are those who have been at this work for lifetimes and is often an outgrowth or consequence of a deep abiding desire to know the truth and not a version of it. This is most often driven by a great love within and a devotion for truth. It often means stripping the self bare, often of cherished notions, just to know what is real or true. This forms itself into a multi-lifetime journey that takes time to develop and mature into. It may be that you have done this work before and are reading this now because you need to be reminded. If you have no experience with this, this might be the catalyst that starts the process. It isn’t like you will have to wait lifetimes because its capacity is already in everyone. You need only to know how to bring it out. Experts may have been at it before, but this is a capacity all humans have.

To cultivate this in your life requires practice. Most assume that the logical part of the mind is superior, and so always grasp for that reflexively. Can you differentiate between logic and intuition? Do you know it when you feel it?

In truth, logic is inferior to the part of mind that can know the cosmic, which is a completely different part of the brain from the logical linear left hemisphere. It isn’t that the brain creates or generates these experiences, but more that they both receive, like a biological radio, signals from the nonlocal consciousness that exists outside of time and space and is thus transcendent by its very nature. The personality thus does not realize how naturally psychic that it is.

The most uncomfortable condition for many along this path is being okay with not knowing. The most important skill to my mind in this work is getting used to not knowing, or being a blank slate. When you can do this, you do not engage the part of you that grasps. This is always the logical side of self. It thinks that is the path to success. Only in its limited way is this true.

What I want to point you to is how to not grasp, instead, holding your hand (your mind) open. When you do this, all the sands of all the deserts flow through your hand. Try and grasp it, and you only get a bit of grit.

The intuitive right brain operates best when wide open so that it can be the expert channel that it is. It knows nothing and yet can know All. The skill in using it lies in knowing when it is being used then trusting that when the sand flows that it can see the one single grain that you wish to see. It’s intelligence is a mystery how it does what it does. When I use it to locate a friend, it shows me the scene where she is in this very moment. I note the time, I jot down the details, and I ask her what she was doing between 11:00 a.m. to noon EST. I never know what I will see or be led to. Sometimes intuition will work on its own. You pluck a book randomly off a library bookshelf, pop it open, and find the very page that answers your question from an hour before.

Putting my money where my mouth is, I did all my research for a chapter in a book using only the intuitive as the way. Instead of researching authors and finding dead-end after dead-ends after spending hours in the library, I instead would accidentally discover passages in books that contained the informatiin that I needed. People would mention sources without my hsving mentioned needing the source—this was all serendipity. This happened numerous times. I already knew the material but I needed additional sources more than just me saying it for the book. This worked beautifully. Intuition brought me to sources within moments instead of days or weeks of searching card catalogs or reading extracts, for example. This all seems impossible, but for the intuition, anything is possible (or nearly so). Anyone can do what I do. This is the entire point for me writing this to you.

The good thing about this is you can test yourself and work to hone your skill in this area. When you get a miss, it requires, for me, to go back and think carefully about what I was doing at the time. Chances are, I assumed something or thought something instead of abiding with the information. I inserted an assumption somewhere. It usually isn’t a mere miss, but because I inserted something from my mind into the flow of information.

There are many benefits to doing this work. It reveals how neurotic we can be in needing to know and to control our environments when the impulse to control is itself the antithesis of genuine knowledge very often. By clearing the mind you can enter into silent presence, which is a great way to feel the soul of the world or the presence behind all things. It leads to deepening relaxation and the untying of emotional knots within the self. It is an undoing that feels like a threat to the neurotic, to those who always needs to know what’s happening and how to manage it. It undoes the fundamental lack of trust in the world as a safe place to be. There is no need to rush—we have plenty of time (lifetimes in fact). It can lead you to your fundamental nature as a creative being, a creative energy felt as bliss.

You have to learn to trust yourself and to depend on yourself to do this work. Start simply, inquire, and practice. If you keep the findamental ideas in place, any practice (not built on belief) will likely work.

I had been telepathically connected to her, tied as it were, after an effort on her part to pull me into her field forcefully at the point of her awakening. This was all done nonlocally. Anyone who says “twin flames” cannot force you to do anything you don’t want to do hasn’t experienced what I did. It was the equivalent of having someone charge into your inner life unbidden, unasked, and insinuating themselves into your life.

You might want to believe that these connections are divine and predetermined, or the result of a process where there are no mistakes. I can confirm that the wild card is human will and when it is exercised unconsciously we want to call it “fate” or the “will of God.” I can say that it is possible for these connections to be forged without our consent and against our hopes dreams or desires. It’s one of the things that hardly anyone will tell you because most feel so caught up in the engine of bliss that it can blind them to a world of faults. I think that the bliss keeps one from critically examining the phenomenon. Perhaps that is part of the point, a cosnic stab at unraveling our own personal errors in the hope of returning everything back to love. “Shush….all of those things are details, all that matters now is love. Now comes the age of forgiveness” it seems to say in the light of experiences such as the one I encountered in early 2011.

I am one who tries to make lemonaide out of those lemons, so at one point after dozens of preturbations and freakouts and contractions on her part, I ceased trying to help outwardly. I just stopped. I then began speaking to her higher self. Clearly, for as upside down as this was, it must surely be an effort on the part of her self in time and her soul (unbound by it) to get the memo on her own, in a manner of speaking. Sometimes it is with the aid of angels whose unsung roles are at work in the bakground.

I got the idea of just speaking to her soul instead to the self after realizing that she was always locked in one drama or another. I sat quietly on my bed before sleep and focused my attention on her and I began to tell her how beneficial bliss is for healing, in the hopes that she might inquire further into the topic on her own. When I was stripping paint from trim outside my house a few days later, my mind would again speak to her, and it would be all about the power of bliss. I would do what I could to slip the idea in through back channels instead of telling her directly. If I told her directly, I knew she would resist it because of her egoic innability to accept what I offered to her as truth. Instead, I made it so it would seem it occurred to her herself. It turned out that it worked very well.

After a week of my daily meditations and inward sugestions to her about the benefits of bliss, she started asking me about bliss out of the blue. There was no better confirmation that something was working than this. Here was a topic we had never spoken about at all and now she was suddenly asking me about it. I kept quiet about my inner suggestions and began to tell her about the benefit of bliss. She asked me in a morning text exchange that first week, “So do you feel bliss?” I replied that I did feel bliss. She asked how often. I explained that it tended to be nearly constant. She responded as if she couldn’t believe that a person could do that. I assured her it was possible, and that I had reached that in my work. She wondered how that was even possible. It was here that I knew that a transfer was possible because I did truly feel bliss most of the time and that she was becoming open to the idea that this state was possible for a person. It had taken years for me to come to such a place (feeling bliss in this way).

Those with whom we share these connections can feel what we feel to greater and lesser degrees, depending on how the personality is set up. In her case there was a lot of resistance and fear which got in the way sometimes of an aligning between portions of the self that can benefit from this type of work. When I would think of her she would feel it but she interpreted it as my wanting to be involved with someone else. She once messaged me explaining how she could feel my desire for another woman, how I would kiss her, even. At the time I let her think what she wanted to think because it served to drive her away from me (I was stalked for years by this person), but the truth was, it was her that I was thinking about. This helped me to see how we can receive information very clearly, but we can step in a distort with our personalities the meaning of the information. There was an edge of concern that she might distort what I was sending her.

Being able to do the work completelly on the etheric or subtle level because of how much ego was present in this case was a good outcome and was probably the ONLY way she was going to learn how. It was better to let her think it was all her own idea…and the thing was, it was because she had to first accept the idea from me as if it was her own. You can’t make them accept an idea but you can use your telepathic connection to plant seeds. Just keep planting them and don’t need to be the one who gets the accolades. Most growth happens this way which is the result of seeds having been planted in this way.

When she began asking me about this bliss, it was then a very simple matter to transfer to her the awareness the bliss field or bliss body to her telepathically while also using our verbal communication as one medium of focus and exchange for an event that was largely taking place internally or etherically.

I said that it was very easy to feel bliss and all she needed to do was to follow the steps that I spelled out to her which involved breathing and focusing only on the breath. I told her how to breathe and the breaths to take. I was breathing in bliss and breathing out bliss, transmitting outward as she breathed inward. Understand, I was not THE source for the bliss. I know that what I feel as bliss is just the awareness of a field of bliss that exists. I am a miner of gold that already exists, you see. I could hold my hands out etherically to her and have her respond because of the nature of our entanglement or connection. I didn’t need to say this was happening, and it it’s best that you do not mention it. Feel it, then transmit it directly through feeling. You become a lighthouse. Understand, this is only for things that WILL directly benefit them (not you). Anything less is manipulation and generates negative karma for yourself.

In the moments during my breathing suggestion, she very suddenly began feeling bliss run all through her. I knew at that moment that the door had opened for her and as long as she didn’t respond with fear, this state would grow and establish itself. It was so easy to do, really. She just had to be open to it Bliss is not what you do, it is what you are, so this is easy if the right things are in place. I explained that she had gotten it and that she could go back to it anytime that she wanted, another neat trick of suggestion, which forms the very useful belief that this state can he accessible at any time or in any place. From all accounts, it has been precisely this for her. It worked because it was all based in what is true. Bear in mind, it could have gone a different way, in which case I would need to have dropped the idea after a while. There is something important about not wanting it or needing it too much, or obsessing over it too much.

Sometimes it is easier for the egoically inclined to think they are doing all of this themselves, especially someone like the person I had to deal with for a time. Tricky? Maybe a little, but it wasn’t an effort to manipulate her but to provide for her something thst she sorely needed in her world as what I refer to as her role of “professional victim.” Its hard to know how dissempowering such a state of mind is to us when it is you who are buried in it. In fact, there is no use in even trying to explain it. It is easier to plant seeds in the hope that they will take root (all of this is done nonlocally).

I tell you this because you might be dealing with someone you are connected to that has been hard to deal with. This method or approach could be of some benefit. In order to feel it best, you have to feel it natively in your own skin first and then imagine whatever that state of mind is, being offered, not pushed, on the other over and over. Do this at various times during the day. Don’t be obsessive about it, treat it as a casual thought without a hope of an outcome. You do though, offer up the suggestion of its benefits as you feel them yourself (because through you they will feel it).

I later found out that gurus in India teach their students in this way by holding certain states in mind, which students will tend to pick up on in meditation. I thought how perfect.

In the Indian tradition they said what a great responsibility it was for the guru. I myself thought how easy all of this was, how this method made growth and healing much easier when I stopped trying to help outwardly and began working inwardly. Perhaps it can be a subtle way to help the other grow and heal. It is like osmosis.

~Nemasté

The word “occult” means to hide. When I place my hand in my pocket, it is occulted in the same way that when the moon crosses the path of the sun, it occults the sun in eclipse. Today the term “occult” has been made to refer to witchcraft or black magic. Occult means only to hide.

It is fair to say that Jesus was himself an occultist. I am not saying this in order to stir controversy, but to point out that he did do this in his teaching practice. Absolutely, no doubt about it. If you doubt this is the case you can find the evidence in the synoptic gospels themselves.

And when he was alone, they that were about him with the twelve asked him of the parable. And he said unto them, Unto you it is given to know the mystery of the kingdom of God, but unto them that are without, all these things are done in parables. That seeing that they may see but not perceive, and hearing they may hear but not understand lest at any time they be converted, and their sins be forgiven them.

Mark 4:10-12

It may be a bit much to take, realizing that Jesus was only speaking openly to a Jewish audience and with those who had already been prepared to understand his teaching and not others (Gentiles). This situation is communicated in Luke 12:41 with Peter asking about whether Jesus will teach to all (openly and not in parable so as to hide the meaning of his teaching). Jesus only explains or decodes his parables when he is with an elect or prepared group of people (and as we see in Mark, this means not Gentiles).

A lot is said about this by Christian apologists who try to explain why this might have been done. An early writer and bishop of Alexandria writing under the name of Dionysius (see: Salmond, S. D. F, et al.¬†The Works of Gregory Thaumaturgus, Dionysius of Alexandria and Archelaus. T. & T. Clark, 1882.), explains that the church regularly seeks to keep its teachings secret, even from those within the church who are members when they do not themselves fully understand the mysteries. This is done so as not to “blind” those who are “lost” or without the full knowledge or understanding (referred to as gnosis). Jesus uses the word “maturity” to signify this level of comprehension as does Paul in some of his letters, too. This maturity involves a capacity to understand what is being said in a deeper more full way. It is not uncommon for the deeper teachings, the more mystical ones, the mysteries as they are called, to be hidden from view.

Every single tradition, Christian or not, does this in order to protect people from gaining something for which they are not yet prepared. Traditions with an esoteric wing (in essence nearly every tradition that I can think of) have this as a feature because of the power associated with these “innermost” teachings (they are more than simple rule-following and may include how to cultivate new states of awareness). For example, for a very long time certain methods for reaching enlightenment were shrouded in mystery and kept from public view in India because it was known that prematurely exposing a person to these powerful methods could bring a person prematurely to enlightenment before the person was ready for it. I have personally observed a case of an individual who “forced” awakening and it did not go well for her…at all. It is not out of the realm of possibility that Jesus recognized this and operated in the same way. You mean Jesus resisted saving people? Absolutely. But wait, doesn’t that go against most of what we were taught since the beginning of time (or at least the way we now count time)?

There is a disconnect between what many are told about their faith (Christianity in particular) and what actually happened. Most Christians I have spoken to have ben of the opinion that Jesus taught and spoke openly to the multitudes, but the evidence shows differently. While Jesus spoke openly, yes, he did not speak openly in such a way that those “without” the additional teaching and inner initiation could understand. Technically he taught to all, but his purpose was not for everyone to understand or to become saved. This is to my mind an important factor when we reassess Christianity at its very roots because of the existence of documents that date back to earliest Christianity that speak of a private teaching and how important it was to teach privately. This would be documents which the church itself disputes as being tied to Jesus’s real teachings, the Nag Hammadi Library.

One possibility, which I explore in the manuscript I am currently researching on Jesus and the Gnostic texts, is the theory that Jesus taught this way as a recruitment tool. You teach by parables because there are “dogs” (see Dionysius) or swine amongst you. However, you might also get people who come up to you to say how they enjoyed the teaching but what did you mean by the parable of the candle? What was that all about? What I contend is that the quality necessary for maturity and being prepared to know the truth is a deep sense of curiosity. For most who hear the parable, they might get some comfort from it, but not everyone would want to know more. Clearly people were not pressing Jesus to just go ahead and explain himself plainly, nowhere do people do this except in a more private way.

When you are dealing in mysteries the reality is there is a very small number of people who are going to actually pursue understanding the teachings at a deeper level. it seems a little silly for the church to say Jesus didn’t teach in private when he certainly did so, and it also isn’t that much of a stretch that he might have had more teachings which were hidden from view even from those who would form the basis of the orthodox strand within Christianity who did not themselves understand them (as in the gospel of Thomas or Philip for example). They seem to be so far removed from the kinds of things that the orthodoxy is used to hearing Jesus say that they tend to reject the teachings out of hand even as there is evidence that such teachings may have in fact existed. A number of the gospel writers said that there was a lot that Jesus did and spoke about that weren’t being included in the gospel accounts, and the gospels themselves really aren’t that large in size for a person who was considered to be so important. Its curious, isn’t it? You would think there would be many more writings about him than they are. In 1945 with the discovery of the Nag Hammadi Library documents, we may well have gotten some of them, even if the Church was unable to accept them at such a late date. That said, these documents are from very early Christianity, so it wasn’t like they were created centuries after Jesus was off the scene.

I am surprised to learn just how many people who consider themselves Christians actually think that Jesus taught openly to all people. He didn’t do that in fact. He hid his teachings from Gentiles. Only later was the Word taken to the Gentiles through the efforts that Paul made to export Christianity beyond Judea.

The idea then of Jesus having a private teaching is not so hard to understand, and yet the church railed mightily against gospels which purported to have been collections of Jesus’s private teachings (the Nag Hammadi Library is a trove of this “secret” or private teaching). Additionally, one of the foremost purveyors of these secret teachings, according to scholars, was a man named Valentinus who lived at a time when he was able to speak directly to a disciple of Paul, and he was a disciple who had learned directly from Paul while he was still alive. What Valentinus wrote in a letter was that he went to this disciple because, I presume, he had a vision of the risen Christ (much as had Paul). When he spoke to this disciple of Paul we was told that Paul had a private or secret teaching only given to his innermost circle of disciples and he says further that he was then schooled in this teaching. Now bear in mind, Valentinus was not a fly-by-night person. He was highly respected and was a devout Christian. He even was in the running for being chosen for the position of bishop of Rome back in a time when Christianity was still an underground movement and either frowned upon by Rome or outright prosecuted for being an illegal religion (depending on which emperor was in power at the time).

While many want to say that there was no secret teaching, there remains some evidence that this was in fact the case both with Jesus as well as Paul. No controversy, only understanding why this was done the way that it was. It makes for a lot of conjecture alla Dan Brown style writing, but it seems that this was done for very good reasons.

It is worth considering in order to get a better understanding of the history of Christianity and how some of the leaders of the Church conducted themselves.

Boy, this has taken a bit of courage to post especially given my stance on using substances for altering consciousness in the past. Gulp. I am writing, though, to share an observation and point something out that happened in the event that you are interested in taking a deeper look on your end. Or not.

July 1st 2021 was the day that the prohibition of marijuana ended in the state of Virginia. Not long after that, a friend stopped by the studio after having obtained weed. All legal, now, and what a strange place to be I suppose.

If you read my blog you will see that I advocate natural means for reaching alternate states of consciousness. While Terrance McKenna didn’t believe it was possible to enter into the numinous without DMT or psilocybin, I know different. While I very much respect what these early psychonauts were attempting to do, theirs was just one path or road to “Oz.” In a way I would have liked to have spent some time with Terrance explaining to him how I came across this naturally. I don’t think it would have changed his mind, though. For his generation he had found a viable way of gathering knowledge and experience that in many ways is perfectly valid because of how broad and far-reaching consciousness is. My way took longer so it was not a path meant for the impatient. People get bored quickly.

While under the influence of a drug we say that our consciousness has been altered. Has it really been “altered” unnaturally? We have receptors for all kinds of substances that are found in nature that allow us to experience what those agents do to us. We also have bodies that produce many of those compounds naturally also. You can see that I might appear like I am hemming and hawing. The truth is, I think that plant agents can be very helpful if used judiciously and not used so they become like a crutch. That said, what I hear from friends who have used marijuana for years illegally, is that it is far superior for cutting anxiety and helping with sleep than drugs that leave them feeling out of sorts and with other unintended symptoms (“may cause intestinal bleeding, rapid heart rate, shingles, fear of the unknown, sleeplessness, and dizziness”).

Recently a friend offered some of the devils lettuce to me and I decided that I would take a very small amount because I was curious to see what effect it would have on me now that I have awakened. I decided quite unexpectedly that I would give it a go after many decades of having sweared it off. I explained to my friend that one reason why I didn’t smoke the stuff was because it made me feel like I could feel this immensely large consciousness very close to me and I explained that I could not tell if that consciousness was me or if it was something else. It made me feel very….self conscious too! My friend looked at me and just smiled. I realized she had no idea what I was even talking about, and I kind of felt funny even mentioning it. That’s one reason why I don’t talk much about any of this stuff because I inevitably wind up sounding like I am crazy. Or baked.

“I’m not baked! It just sound like I am!”

After my friend left to go home, I was free to turn my attention inward, which I was eager to do to see if I could trace the contours of my awareness and see if I noticed anything different about it. Obviously I felt different, yes, that was the drug, but what about whether it might confer something interesting in regards to awareness? It all happened quite quickly.

At first I thought it was my imagination. It seemed real, but ever the scientist, I needed some form of proof one way or the other. What had happened was my mind turned to my two children who live on their own now, having grown up. When I thought of them I had the distinct impression that my mind was locking into their own vibration and that I was seeing through their own awareness, something that had not happened before in the way it was happening on that day recently (I keep my distance so as not to spy on my kids). It was novel and different from what I have experienced in years past when I had a connection to someone or when I was running some strong energy that would have an effect on my awareness. I don’t mean to sound contradictory; when awakening came there was a slew of phenomenon that I was peppered with and they all seemed to just happen without knowing how or why. Yes, so I was psychic from having awakened. The Hindu write at length about this, it is a sign of attainment. And everyone is a little different, none of this is a competition. In those earlier cases, my perceptions would become more sharp or would open up more. This would mean I would feel what others around me were feeling. The difference between then and now was that back then I felt like I was tossed bodily into the experience. I felt like I had little say-so about it. I felt it bodily, but what I was feeling or experiencing recently was a lot more controlled. I felt it more as though I was in control of myself, and I had the distinct impression that something in my awareness was able to just slip into these thought-streams and it certainly had the distinct feeling like that was exactly what was happening. Still, maybe it was just my imagination, maybe it was the weed. I took a few moments and surveyed the landscape of the mind of one child and when I decided to pull out of it, it was like breaking the surface of the water and I was out of it. In fact, it was like waking up from a dream where it got to be a little hard to even remember what it was I had just seen and experienced.

Reflexively, my mind turned to my second child, and the experience was completely different. I experienced what felt like a panic attack, but it was unlike any kind I have myself ever experienced before. It came on very fast and then was gone very quickly. While I was experiencing this, it felt completely real to me. What’s more, it showed me something about my child that I had not considered previously. I had seen these sudden outbursts before and I had not understood them, two had happened just recently when I was helping with a move from one apartment to another. It had thrown me for a loop. It was upsetting, and I was left at a loss as to what on earth had just happened. Was it possible that I had gotten inside someone’s head? Was it possible that I was now seeing or experiencing what this child sometimes experiences? In similar fashion as the first experience, when I was out of it, it felt like popping out of the ocean, moving from one phase or mode into another. I was now back in my own local focus. When had that happened before the way I had just experienced it? I couldn’t say that I had experienced reading someone like that in the way I had just done. The difference was that I felt like I was in control of the experience. I was able to pull out when I was ready. I felt like there was this observer in me that was able to watch and then feel what this emotional and mental material meant (or seemed to mean). Still…was it just the weed that had done this, had created the appearance of this phenomenon? Like I have said, it felt like the real thing.

The memory of the experience kept at me the rest of that afternoon. By that evening, I resolved to call my child to compare notes. My only concern was there might be no interest in talking about any of this, but when I did call there was no resistance to discussing it. I was so relieved. I remembered what a psychic friend of mine explained to me many years ago who said that often when we read someone and really see them, when we see them next, they will often tell you everything about what it was that you had seen perhaps a few days or a week before. She explained that it was like some part of them knew that they had been seen, and this is something that sparks a response even if it comes from a more subconscious state. We know, but we don’t know that we know. Perhaps we suddenly feel like we want to tell that person our life story, or one part of it. I had experienced this before with a number of people who I had read in similar ways before, so I had seen some evidence of this being a thing. “Read them and then they will then speak back to you everything that you saw, which is a very good way to confirm without needing to ask that what was seen was accurate.” What was remarkable was how much of a breakthrough it represented in my understanding of another person. It became clear to me that what was experienced was in line with what my child experiences.

The feeling that I had when this scan happened was a sense that I was going deeper into my mind than I normally go. I don’t know how else to describe it than that. I had the distinct impression that I was using or utilizing a part of my brain that doesn’t normally get used and it felt like it was a deep innermost core part of brain and self. Each time that I had this experience happen, I was aware that I was in this very deep place within that had been made possible with the use of the marijuana. Maybe it is a little bit like what we do when we channel? No, strike that; it didn’t feel quite like that. No one was taking me over. I was slipping into a mind-stream and my own inner perceptions were analyzing and sensing what was taking place or what exists within their mind-field of thought and feeling. That is what it seems like from my vantage point right now. One outcome was that I understood a little better how my child might get triggered by me or something I say or do. It was helpful because by being more aware of what I say or do or how I interact, I can in some instances head the triggers off at the pass.

It feels like I have gone full circle in my work and my experience with kundalini. In the beginning, I was swept up by the force of the energy and I had all kinds of unusual experiences taking place that I seemed to have no control over, they simply would happen. I would know things, I would walk past someone on the street and I would feel their painbody or their load that they were carrying around. I didn’t seem to have any control over it or when or how it would happen. Now, though, it felt much more controlled. It felt like I had found that place in the center of my brain where there is this transceiver. It felt just like that. It felt like I went into a place don’t normally go that was quite deep and it was there that I could see in this “new” way. Yes, I have had experiences similar to this before, but now it was also different. Now, it was controllable, more intentional. At first, I felt like I was spying to be honest. But then I also realized, if what I was experiencing was on the mark and not just imagined, then this kind of insight could help me to better understand the behavior and reactions of others who are near me.

Clearing the inner junk is critical for being able to fine tune your inner senses. This is why doing the “work” not only helps you to be free from the distortive effects of your own repressed emotion, but it also can make you clearer as a seer or psychic. It makes your life more peaceful as you integrate the truth of who you really are in a concrete way in your inner sensory landscape. I have seen in myself how stored emotional material can get in the way of inner sensing work. I have also seen in another person that I knew very well who was constantly projecting her own mental illness onto me or others whenever she “read” them. The problem was how readily apparent she was drawing from her own inner index of past material but was unable to see how it was clouding her own inner vision. Another friend who is an established psychic with years of experience counseling others is someone who has worked doggedly most of her adult life to clear and cleanse herself of stored emotional material, and the result is that she can do cold readings that have an incredible level of accuracy. The only difference is one person has done the work and the other person still has a lot of work left to do. So let this be a lesson to you; do your work! One sure sign of what you are seeing is inner material being projected onto the other person is that fear is often involved. When I felt my child I didn’t feel fear, I simply experienced something on a visceral level but I can’t say that “I” was the one feeling it. I was sensing it, yes, but I knew it didn’t originate with me….and that is, I think, the small but significant difference. Mind the gap.

So did weed make me more psychic? Did it open part of my mind in a way that it helped to catalyze this new shift into awareness? Possibly. I find myself having to admit that I will have to conduct a few more controlled experiments first to see if I can more completely confirm what it is exactly that has ben taking place. For all I know this might be something specific to me, but then again, it might not be. I think it is worth taking a look at, especially given how after decades of negative press about marijuana the results are showing that instead of being dangerous, that it has medicinal qualities and for this person, it is a great sleep aid. Much better than taking some complex pharmaceutical compound that might leave you with a host of undesirable side effects.

I’m not rushing out to buy and use. I am, however, quite keen now on seeing what else it might suggest to my consciousness as directions to go. Sometimes a compound in a substance will act like a trap door in our consciousness which we can then go back without the compound in us and recreate through our own native chemistry. How? We meditate on the state that the substance produced in us originally. Does that sound strange? Turns out, people describe how they can recall the states experienced with psychedelics in such a way that they don’t have to actually take the drug again in order to produces its effects in consciousness. THIS is how the plants can help us. We can recreate their effects in our bodies and consciousness if we simply focus on them and remember their effect so clearly that the body itself produces the effect that we are thinking about (which the body is expert at doing). It is amazing when you think about it: if you focus on feeling a certain way, your brain will see this and then your body will begin putting out the chemistry for the state you are imagining.

So? I guess my views on using substances has changed. There is nothing wrong with using them if you understand what you are going into. Psychedelics have been known to help people perform some of the same “exorcisms” of emotional material as kundalini does. There have been a lot of recent studies in this area that involve the use of magic mushrooms that have had some very amazing results for those involved in the studies who took the mushrooms, and were more positive in result than other drugs that are legal to use which can produce many undesirable side effects. That isn’t to say a psychedelic wont produce some intense experiences for the person, the difference is that often when faced with a negative experience, the issue is often being brought up to be healed. Just noticing and seeing that emotion fully for the first time can be enough to break the bonds it has in our subconscious. Ergo, it can be, however hard, a path to authentic healing. And no, it isn’t for everyone.

Absent the drug effects, it seems that all of the same requirements are the same: face the fear or the emotion, see it for what it is, let it play through you but remain dispassionate in relation to it (don’t grab back at the emotion in order to keep it) and it just goes “poof” and is gone forever. Ayahuasca does the same with a lot of vomiting and being led to facing old repressed emotions and fears in order to overcome them. DMT seems to offer some emotional release effects as well. But I think at what point do these things become crutches? No one will know except you. As for me, I am now a little more curious than before and is an old dog who is learning some new tricks.

She wants the one who will worship,

in a Temple whose mysteries are surrendered

with the right touch.

It is the He who knows this

and seeks to worship

prayerfully speaking into that mystery

where springs the greatest bliss…

Her church begins in the nave

the channel that leads to the altar

where new life is fostered,

where new worlds are birthed

and every man who understands

knows this as a sacred passage upwards,

and He is made, initiated by Her,

to recognize what is so simple…

When he reaches that altar

he coaxes it to open if he knows its secret

and enters to find himself vaulted upwards

into heaven.

It’s inward secret wont open to him unless he knows the Way.

There at the transept lies the “right and the “left”

the place of action

of creation on earth and heaven

where a new life is made

where souls merge to create something greater

than the sum of their parts.

All altars, all Temples, all edifices made in the world

are shadows of this one

which lie within us.

Do men know the way of worship?

Do they know the illuminating character they bear?

Can they speak so She can hear?

Will his prayers be heard?

He must bow to something greater within himself.

So long as we seek edifices in stone

we will have lost it,

for the flesh holds its great secret

of its master from other worlds,

until you see rightly, idols will continue

and our minds taken from the great truth

within ourselves.

Lao Tzu once said that men, in order to know the Tao, needed to cultivate a receptive feminine quality in their minds, in their consciousness. It was this quality that open men up and allows them to relate better to the feminine principle so that they might better understand and appreciate the power that exists in yielding and receiving. It is all too easy for men to exaggerate or emphasize their masculine traits as a kind of emotional armor against which they protect themselves from what the world might seem to throw at them. Really all this ever has done is to insulate men even further from their natural selves. While seeming to protect them from the world what men might fear, what is really at work is how men have chosen to feel about the world and how that world might be at odds with their truer nature. So then the armoring really only serves to shield you against yourself, or your truer nature. A lot of this is learned behavior, so it follows that it can be unlearned as well.

A lot is thrust upon us here on earth, man and woman alike. We are taught from early ages how to be, what to like, and what we ought to believe. All of this is the product of culture, and culture is not the self, but a kind of collection of many selves that have gone before us that chose or valued things they thought were important. That is all. As a result, we take what others have fashioned and we try to make it into ourselves. The result is that some things work, and others do not. One thing that is becoming clear is that a lot of these cultural beliefs don’t suit us, not always.

I will point out that these learned behaviors are being instilled in us, supported, by men and women alike. I was once in a marriage where my wife, when hearing me express myself emotionally, would chide me saying, “This isn’t about you…” It was a quick way to express her discomfort at a quality that she believed was not a masculine trait. It is interesting because it was always okay for her to express how she felt without any pressure from me to do otherwise. But more importantly was how my son was raised up. She called him her “protector.” This is similar to calling a small boy a “little man.” We say these things often with swelling pride because we value certain qualities and want our children to take those on. We don’t understand sometimes how destructive these expectations are to children. A child does not know how to be a man, he is only three or four years of age and does not have the emotional means to handle what an adult does, nor should he. In the case of my son, when he was drafted into his protector status, when all you have everything is a nail. It turned out to be a quality that served to blind him in his life about the true nature of the relationships around him and how his Mother would later abuse his trust in her for less than noble reasons. The relationship fell apart with my then-wife when I stopped behaving in the old ways and simply was myself. Yes, it was a loss at the time, but it also meant that I gained my soul. I can’t tell you how difficult it is to pretend to be something that you aren’t. A large part of this had to do with a fundamental shift that was happening where I began to see the value in this receptive quality within myself. Not everyone is going to value it, and if they do not, they might just be the wrong kind of people to surround yourself with. It’s a hard lesson sometimes, but once learned you can do better and be with the kind of people who do value what you value as well. In fact the Law of Attraction will see to it that this happens, but only after you have changed your beliefs surrounding these programmed behaviors. You have to be aware of what is driving you if you are ever going to attract something different. We are all involved in our culture so by being aware of what we are doing to instill what anthropologists call “cultural knowledge” (or values) we can choose to do better in our raising of children (and ourselves).

For men, there is this particular idea that they have to be strong, and that means denying certain emotions or feelings. If you don’t believe this, just notice how often you ever see a man weeping over the sight of a puppy or a baby. There isn’t a lot of that kind of thing going on. You see, we have been taught as men that this is a sign of weakness. In fact, we have been taught that whatever a woman might experience or express is what a man ought never to engage in lest we become weak like women are weak. That of course is an assumption, a bias, a belief, that women are somehow weak. The problem with this way of thinking is that we know that women aren’t weak at all. The story is much bigger than that. Emotionally, women are much healthier in many ways than men are because they have permission to express and emote. Men do not, except for those emotions that are considered to be more masculine (aggressive ones usually). Now of course I am making a generalization, because not all men are like that, and the tide is indeed changing in a favorable direction currently, but there is more work to be done, and more to be aware of. I can explain this by asking the simple question: how many women in the last ten years have been involved in mass shootings? What do you think is at the root of the fact that men take guns and go out and shoot as many people as they can? Of course it is wrong to go out and kill people, it is a terrible thing to do to another human being. What I suspect is at the core of this kind of behavior is an inner rage, an inability to be seen or heard or to emote while at the same time the belief that the only way a real man can express himself is through aggressive behavior. These shootings are a manifestation of the most exaggerated qualities in male nature, but they do help to prove a point. Instead, expression is limited to violence because being tough is the only thing left for men. It doesn’t need to be this way.

Cultivating an ability to receive, to have a certain feminine quality in your awareness does not make you less of a man, it makes you more of a man. It allows you to relate to women better and it also allows you to feel your emotions instead of denying them. It is unnatural for men to deny their feelings. It is as unnatural for a man to deny his feelings as it is for a parent to call their two year old boy child their “little man” which is, of course, how these values are passed down to male boys who then grow up thinking that they have to be like men. The problem is that boy doesn’t really know how to be a man. It is unnatural. And yet, each year, there are parents all around the world who are calling their boys their “little men” and they do so with swelling pride because we have been taught, programmed, to value these qualities. So what the culture does not provide for you, you must learn to provide for yourself.

In all change, there is always the “threat” of not being accepted. We are all so programmed to value and to be triggered by certain behaviors that we see. Our bodies will respond to our inner beliefs about what manhood is when we see the programmed behaviors in others and ourselves running on automatic. We all have this programming, what it is the culture has told us masculinity and femininity is, and it all works automatically. You can change all of that, of course. You start by changing it in yourself. If you are a man, you begin by being courageous and cultivate this inner sensitivity. You learn to become a channel in your thinking. To know the greater mysteries of the universe you must receive. If you do receive, you can learn a lot and you can also appreciate the tenderness of women, the thoughtfulness of women, and the vulnerability that women can feel. Woman may be weaker than men, but it is not emotionally, but only outwardly. Weakness in this way is not a fault, not an article of shame, it is just how we are made and how we are made has a great purpose in a life so it should be respected, revered, even.

One thing that all of this does is it begins to erase in a man fears of incipient homosexuality. When this evaporates, the self is more open to acknowledge the larger truth of the self. This in turn can open you up to a still larger truth about all humans on the earth who are coming and going in this grand experiment in learning and growing here on earth. It can lead to a respect for all people and it begins to erase the divisions many people create that separate human from human.

It isn’t that masculinity is to be distrusted or torn down, but that in our past certain qualities have been exaggerated. You don’t need to exaggerate, you need only to explore and feel as fully as you can and allow yourself to go in feeling in places where perhaps you felt you weren’t allowed. You can begin this on your own as a kind of experiment. Consider that feeling is itself not weakness, and when you do that, you might actually see how you begin to dismantle a belief that might be within you without your having realized it. What I found when I did this was that there was this truly amazing amount of energy in consciousness that was now available to me that had not been available before. It was so good that I just never went back. I told myself that if someone tried to pull the old cultural strings on me, I just would not respond, I would resist being activated by that kind of cultural value which was outmoded and which tries to keep men in the old mode. The only way they have you is if you let them shame you or trigger you. The trigger only ever has power if you give it value. Leave it alone, let it be, let it fall away as you experiment with feeling and receiving. I can tell you that it will help you in meditative work and it will help in your life in surprising ways. There is nothing to be lost in doing this kind of thing inwardly.

When we are young we are soft and supple and as we age we often grow hard and stiffened. We aren’t made to be that way, and often beliefs about ourselves will stiffen us into unnatural postures and ways of feeling. Take what Lao Tzu said to heart. In Eastern practice the power in their martial arts is the degree to which they use feminine-like principles to overcome an opponent. You literally can use the force of another against him (or her) so that their force works against them. If you know the power in such things, you can begin to learn to cultivate an appreciation for the “other” which is also who you are because we are all just one family here when you get right down to it. There is nothing to oppose, and everything to nurture and build up. Men would do well to do more of that in themselves than the other things which have kept us locked in personal and mass conflict. There is no power in control, only brutality. There is no strength in war, only destruction and theft. These are not noble qualities, they are those of lower life. The masculine can be tempered with understanding and I suspect that this is what the world needs right now. And if a woman rejects you for being sensitive, take that as a sign that she herself has been programmed into a belief system that wont serve you. Just walk away. Do you really need someone to approve of you? Do you need love so bad that you will become someone else’s puppet on a string just so you will get showered with love? What kind of love does such a thing? It is surely a very pinched and distorted form of love.

When you cultivate this inner receptivity you can begin to see just how little as a man, as a person, that you really know. It makes a person humble in such a place as this. Don’t worry about others, just tend to yourself. You aren’t here to make the world into your image, you can just let the world do what it is doing. Live by example. If more people did this, the world would change in the right way, without coercion, without force, using only inspiration as the way that change takes place. This is the softer hand at work and it gives freewill its proper voice in the world. If something is worth doing then it will become apparent, you don’t have to force it. You inspire the change, and not everyone will be so inspired by you. This is natural. If your ego needs validation so badly that you must force your ideas on another, it might be that those ideas aren’t worth adopting if they must be adopted by force.

There is no loss in masculinity in doing this kind of work, nothing at all. What we might lose is the bias that exists against others different from us. It could soften chauvinism, and a sexist outlook. This alone would make the world, at least your corner of it, a better place. It might even make you into a better version of yourself, someone the world might just be in need of.

image of the human brain with strands of electricity on it.

So every now and again, this inner Presence does its thing when I am in the right kind of mind space. It always feels like someone is asking me to become part of a partner in crime….to go on this thought adventure….

So consider what it showed me. I have been writing about, as have others written about, how kundalini is at least in part the union of the opposites, two opposites that move into union. These opposites may very well be reflected in the two hemispheres of the brain as channels for cognition and then explode into something more when the two become-one, an idea that is pretty big amongst those who experience awakening and the resulting near-obsession that we can tend to have with inner union…divine union. But this little rascal in me opened a door recently and flashed that mischievous smile at me that told me I just had to follow it.

It showed me another dimension of all of this, which has had to do with research I have done over the years of the connection that exists with stored emotion being let go especially after kundalini is aroused. It’s as if the emotion is being released from the body. A close friend and massage therapist who knows energy work has many times worked on me and by pressing a spot on my body, caused an emotion to lift and release, gone forever, leaving me with a little blank spot and a little less reactivity or one less trigger. Okay, so this energetic presence is saying to look deeper at this quality. I’m not getting what it is pointing to, so it says, that as we wake up and as the two hemispheres activate in this new arrangement we call cosmic consciousness or what I used to call meta-mind (before I even knew this thing I had had a name), but that it then activates the body consciousness or intelligence that exists in each person. We don’t think of the body as having intelligence within materialistic science, but it turns out there is a LOT of information about it written in the East. In Zen Buddhism they say “the body thinks.” We say “What does your heart tell you?” and “What does your gut say?” All of these are a nod to body intelligence. Now we might at this point kind of roll our eyes a bit with that suggestion, but hang on a moment.

In recent research we have found that the human gut has as many neurons as the brain of the average house cat. Now I ask you, what is the gut doing with so many neurons? What’s more, the heart has them in a high concentration as do all of the major organs. The body or viscera has its own neurological system separate from the one that goes from the brain to the rest of the body that is called the vagus nerve. Researchers have found recently that there is more signal activity going from the brain from the heart than from the brain to the heart. Signal means information, and information implies intelligence. What gives?

So this presence is suggesting that this other “brain” is linked to the brain in our cranium during the process of awakening and that one reason why many report feeling these energetic blasts up the core of their bodies (raises his hand) is because this is the moment when this brain is brought along with the other two hemispheres into a greater unity. Then conversations I have had with people who have described their awakenings begin to make a kind of sense when they almost universally use terms to describe the experience of feeling things all the way down to the cellular level (some say atomic, but close enough). Is it possible that what we are experiencing is the linkage of this third brain into a larger consciousness and that this ties us more closely to our emotions which may well have some of their origin in the body itself? For as crazy as this may sound, we do have both anecdotal as well as established evidence that this may well be true.

In my hunt years ago for this intelligence I came across the work of researchers who gathered data from hundreds of organ recipients and found a high correlation of the recipients having what could only be described as the memories of the donor. In fact, in one case a child was able to identify the person who had killed the donor, which triggered the organ donation. The child was able to name and describe the person who had committed the murder. There are all kinds of stories similar to this one (okay, this was one of the most dramatic illustrations of memory retention in the organ) that researchers had collected. Now it is worth noting that some scientists view this area of study as being pseudoscience, but I find it to be something worthy of more study. I know for myself that my body has certainly exhibited and still exhibits some form of intelligence and awareness that is structurally different from what the brain offers, but still may make up part of our overall intelligence. If it does indeed do this, then it would be worth tapping into it for a host of reasons, many of which we might not even be able to anticipate at this point what they might even be.

My question then is this why those who awaken are able to “shake” off the trauma from the past because we are now more intimately connected with that part of the body, that the whole neural network is now aligned and “connected” by way of this inner alignment that pushes consciousness into a whole new arena of awareness? I ask the question. I’d be interested in your thoughts and experience pro or con. I don’t know what to think of this impish presence that takes me down these rabbit holes. Just had to put this down so I could get to sleep tonight.

Sweet dreams…

This. From Alan Watts. From me to you. I don’t always agree with these teachers, but Alan gets to a state of mind necessary for beginning meditation and how to get the mind to go calm so you can go deeper. It’s also an easy thing to listen to because of the imagery and music. Nonduality is for all of us. Let it happen…

Alan speaks about a type of consciousness that I have written about as a result of having experienced it directly without a teacher or a book to tell me about it, and it’s an important part of what awakening is. I say pay attention. I call it “particalized consciousness” and “waveform consciousness.” Alan calls it “spotlight” and “floodlight” consciousness. Bring that forward, focus more through the broader and you will begin to experience it if you learn how to emphasize that part of you. Now go watch that one, too!

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