Archives for the month of: March, 2015

One of the gifts we have in our lives is when we can step back and look at our lives and relationships and be willing to play the role of Witness. The ability to bring this very neutral part of our (rational…and this uinemotional) minds to the fore can represent a sea-change in awareness of who we are as people….good bad, beautiful, and ugly. Getting honest has always led to bg breakthroughs in my healing work. It requires you to set aside bias and the arguments that trap a person in justifications.

I was involved in a dysfunctional relationship in a marriage with children. It was a codependant relationship that involved a lack of emotional responsibility for being able to be happy and anle to not depend on others for one’s own sense of joy and fulfilment. Yes, we are social creaturw who thrive on connection….but we can suffer when we make others responsible for our happiness.

My relationship was doomed to fail because as I awoke, I began to see the list of behaviors that I and my spouse engaged in was unhealthy. This was a gradual unveiling that took some months to a year to fully see. I knew I had reached the point of no return when my spouseno longer looked the same. Something in me was pulling away those glossy veils that we unknowingly surround ourselves. I was, in the words of a counselor and friend, releasing the layers of karma that had served to blind me.

All of this meant I was no longer playing the old games… least not to the degree that I had done before. I was not as affected by the old behaviors and was not as controllable by my then-spouse.

We decided to divorce not long after that, and what ensued was a campaign of alienation that involved my children as emotional pawns when my ex did not get what she felt she was entitled to during the divorce.These were things for which there are legal protections against a spouse seeking to seize during a divorce, so it wasn’t as though what I was doing was unfair. It was enough for her to go to war, using my children as a wedge in the process.

This behavior is known as Parental Alienation Syndrome, and while it is most often perpetrated by women, both genders have been known to engage in it. At the core of this is a need on the part of the alienating parent to discuss openly with children, the details of divorce…sometimes the parent simply says damaging things about the other parent in an effort at what is called mobbing behavior. From a legal standpoint, this would be called slander. Children are not always emotionally prepared to question these assertions made by the parent who is actively engaged in trying to alienate the children and the other spouse.

This is a form of brainwashing, and when it happens over a long period of time, the framework from the alienating parent becomes a part of the child’s belief system. Children are in this way alienated from the other parent, sometimes for the rest of their lives.  I can tell you just how difficult going through such an experience is.  The level of grief one feels knowing that a child is caught in a belief system that has been put there by another parent and is unable or unwilling to break out of this state.  As a parent, your instinct is to protect your children.  This kind of behavior turns your life on its head.  The level of acceptance that must be reached in order to forgive this kind of betrayal is, to say the least, a challenge.  It has demanded a complete level of being honest with myself about who was doing what, and why.  And the answer? My child had always exhibited a desire to align with his mother.  It was part of who he was.  It made him feel important.  But I was in there in this soup of very dysfunctional behavior and situation and was being drawn into this very difficult and even crazy delusional behavior.  I was activated by this behavior, and while it was negative, I was nonetheless there.

In relationships like this, there are no victims, even though nearly everyone tries at some point to identify someone as being responsible.  This is the source of relationships like this.  I went into this relationship thinking I could make a person’s life better.  There were deficits in my spouse-to-be, yes, but I largely ignored these because I knew I could make this person’s life better.  I was always a person who had a glass who was half full.  But the truth is that without an individual desire to improve, to know joy and inner happiness, seeking to find it from others is like a house of cards that is bound to fall.  This is what I have learned.  It was gained at great cost.  I have in later years met another person who wound up having very similar traits.  I sought to work through these issues, which were mine, through another person later.  That was a big mistake.  Again, even though I knew that healing must come from within, I still tried to work through this with another person who was attracted to me in just the same way as my previous life had drawn my wife and I together through the law of attraction.  I had to change what was in me in order to have a different life.  While we can work through some things through a catalytic action that effects others, this effect is limited.  Ultimately, we must change ourselves in order to have any hope of changing our world.

By working through these issues, I have learned from a counselor that behavior exhibited by these people is best described as Bordeline Personality Disorder. While a few of the symptoms was not present in my marriage, most were.  These people feel empty without having relationships to support them.  Because of how deep this emptiness is, they go from relationship to relationship.  But so too did I do something similar, deepening some of the issues that I have been trying to heal.  And I have been drawn to it, so I have my own issues to work through.  Deep within the root chakra lies a fundamental uncertainty about survival that goes back to my early childhood, and in truth, moves through many lives, all of which can be healed in all-time by what I can now do with the stirring actions that Awakening has afforded me.

This is itself a hopeful time, an opportunity to wipe the slate clean….and let the chips fall where they may.  Will I be able to reunite with my alienate child?  Perhaps.  But it is possible that it may not simply because there is something in him that is simply not interested or focused in the story that is my life.  My hopes are constantly that we will reunite.  At this time, the finger-pointing will have stopped and we will have come much closer to seeing things as they are instead of HOW we are (to quote Anais Nin).

This is the great opportunity for working through such difficult and thorny issues in life, issues that often, by way of normal therapy, has not been able to touch.  With as many emotional blocks that have been released over the last 8 years, I remain hopeful, because nothing else has been as powerful or potent as what I have been afforded.  And this is a cautionary tale for anyone else who is going through this, because doing this work will result in the kind of life your soul is drawing you to, even if it does result in some snags here and there.



On a cool Fall night in 1977 I watched as a brilliant light moved across the next hilltop near my home in the mountains of Virginia.  This light shone like a star might, except that it had a rhythm to its twinkling that repeated in a regular and predictable pattern throughout the sighting I am about to describe to you.  This “twinkling” was not random, but very specific and this pattern repeated itself once every ten seconds (approximately).  It was two small pulses followed by one larger pulse, a smaller pulse, and then an even larger pulse.

This object moved slowly along the next hilltop and it emitted a rumbling sound that was not unlike a rocket,a lot like a coronal discharge might sound from a distance. Since the object did not move fast, there was no doplar effect. This object was brighter than the full moon.  You could, quite literally, read a newspaper by it.  My sister and I witnessed this object in our mountain sky that night and as we noticed the first object, another came into view from the opposite direction.  It too moved in the same way as the first object had, and it also was entirely in sync with the first object’s pulsations.  Clearly, these two objects were linked in some way.  These two objects were slowly moving towards each other.  The movement of these two objects was not jerky, nor was there any change in their pulsing rhythm throughout this encounter. There was never a moment when the pulsations of one object was out of sync with the other. One thing that did change, though, was the intensity of the light coming from each object as this encounter unfolded.  This change was slow, and the objects went from bright to dim over a period of about half an hour. These objects very slowly but surely moved towards each other.  Based on the distance from us, which was about a quarter of a mile, my guess would be that these objects were half a mile from each other when they both came out view and began moving towards each other.

By the time that these objects were very close to each other, the brilliance of their light had been cut in half.  This was noticeable to me, so that the collective level of light was now half of what it had been at the beginning of this close encounter. These two objects then merged together as one single object with a collective brilliance that brought them back to the same level of intensity as they had in the beginning.  It was at this point in my observation that I went inside the house.  My sister, however, stayed on our porch and watched what happened next, which was a sudden and incredibly swift movement from the next ridge toward and over our house. She explained that the object suddenly streaked across the sky.

A month later, in October of that same year, on Halloween, as I was coming home from a night of trick or treating, I saw another object whose outline I could see in the sky above, about half a mile from our home. This object was different from the one we had seen the month before in that its surface was not brilliant, but dark.  It was bell-shaped, and along its midsection was a band of brightly colored lights of just about every color.  The effect was a lot like Christmas lights twinkling.  It was not hard to see this object since it was not that far up in the sky.  I would guess that it was only about 400-600 feet higher than the highest hill nearest us.  This would have put this object at less than a thousand feet above.  The object was moving, but it was moving slowly.  I did not hear any sound associated with the object.  It was a slow but steady movement going across from ridge top to ridge top.

In the year that followed these encounters, I had a dream in which I was aboard a ship piloted by grey alien beings. The only difference with  these beings was that they were as tall, or taller, than I was, which would make them taller than the shorter grey beings most often mentioned (it turns out that there is a taller version of these beings….but that is another story)  A group of people, humans, were being given a tour of the craft.  We entered into what I would describe as a large main room that was circular with a door to our right, on the other side of the craft, where everyone was being taken through in a long line.  I noticed that there were some children along with the adults on the craft.  One boy about my age, a little younger (by a year to two years), was wearing a red black and white striped shirt.  Except for the fact that we were on an alien craft, there was nothing unusual about the character of the dream.  As we filed along toward this one door, I noticed that there was a round opening in the center of the room with a railing around it. I decided to step out of line and go over to the hole in the floor to see what was down there.  No one stopped me, so there was no feeling as though I was doing something wrong. When I looked down into this opening I saw what amounted to a vertical shaft where there were two set of flat fan blades that were both attached to a strut that kept these fan blades centered in the shaft, about ten feet below me.  These fan blades were made of a material that I would describe as looking like ceramic or some sort of composite material.  Instead of looking metallic, they looked more like a ceramic material.  Each fan blade set had three blades and each fan blade had markings on them that made it possible for me to identify each fan set as they moved at high-speed.  These markings would make a circular pattern around their blades like how an old airplane propeller might have markings on them that would make a circular pattern that you could see even when the blades were moving at high-speed. The blades were flat and slightly wedge-shaped.

The blades in the shaft moved in a very specific way, which was that one set would move in one direction, going from slow to fast (very fast—I could hear and feel the vibration from their motion) before reversing direction.  Each set of blades would go in opposite directions from the other set of blades.  This was an alternating effect where the blades were always moving in opposite directions from each other.

As I watched this I thought to myself, “This will never work.  The blades are working against each other.”  As I thought this, I heard a being say, “That is not how it works.”  I turned to see a being standing next to my left.  He stood there silent as a doorman, his back to the shaft.  I looked at this being and wondered what he meant.  He then added, “It is electromagnetic.”  Looking at these blades, I was put in mind of a jet turbine, except that these blades were not working together but in opposition to each other. After this being said that, I was totally puzzled about just what this even meant…..but it was clear that whatever was at work, it was not about trying to move air through a shaft for propulsion.  The blades were themselves flat and wedge-shaped.  Whatever this was, it was using something that was not a part of any of our known forms of propulsion.

For years I didn’t know quite what to think about this dream. But if you know me, you will know that I have had many such dreams like this, and the tip-off to me about them is just how normal and everyday they present themselves.  These dreams most often suggest that what I am seeing into is something that has some objective reality.  Over the years I have had these same dreams that have foretold deaths, births, as well as world events that would come to pass.

In dream time I have done more than merely deal with emotional material, but using dream as a kind of jumping off point for other things.  Most often these dreams lack the same emotional content and appear as very normal everyday kinds of events in my dreamscape.  Except for the unusual fact that I was aboard an alien ship, there was little about it to suggest that I was processing emotional material. For whatever reason, a large swath of the human race has chosen to look at dreams as some kind of gobledy-gook that isn’t real. I will say that that is fine if you believe in a materialistic view of the world as pressed forward by many people, which is that our consciousness arises as a result of atoms coming together to form ever-more-complicated arrangements that create living systems and then, consciousness.  For people like this, the world is a very large, empty, but also finite place where at death everything ends.

The other side to this belief is that consciousness gives rise to matter and that consciousness is open-ended and eternal.  A universe such as this has boundless potential and implications for us as beings living within it.  And it is so that I know that my dreams are more than just the ravings of a mind that needs to stretch out and imagine things that are not real.  For me, I know that there is much much more to the story. It is, though, just my own story. I do hope, though, that in considering that there is a little something more that your own world view is opened up just a bit.  What I can promise you is that in opening your awareness in this way that you will see a world that is quite different than what your belief has shown or revealed to you.  When we wrap ourselves in belief, this belief acts like a tube through whcih we travel in our lives that blocks all other possibilities from our view.  For as good as the scientific method is, we have even scientists who have not done the necessary work to explore this other side of the universe and congradulate themselves on how effective their reality tube has been. These beliefs effect us all whether we have religious beliefs or more secular ones. This is just how pervasive all of this is.  And so, perhaps in opening up the world just a crack you might see that when you leave this body, this life, you continue through all-time and that the thing that is the foundation for all of your physical senses is a vibrant form of consciousness that projects itself through a myriad of life forms.  And what does this have to do with extraterrestrial life?  A lot.  These beings, whose own existence as a species has been in existence a lot longer than we as beings who have mastered their place in their world and have gone on to master themselves as beings who can traverse the seemingly vast distances of space that Einstein suggested was an impossibility.  As a race, we are just beginning to climb out of our shadowed past. Having mastered space, these beings have also mastered time so that our seemingly short life spans are but a drop in a vast ocean of drops.  We do not know just how much we have imprisoned ourselves cognitively in our lives. But until we are able to glimpse this larger reality, our knowledge of these beings remains limited and mysterious.  And when we do have contact with these beings, it often represents a kind of rending of our world views.  What we see in these experiences can take down our carefuly-lain reality tubes.

What I saw in this dream, I now know, was based on highly specific information about the interior of some of these space ships that some beings who are visiting us use.  As humans, though, we have been taught to believe that the idea of extraterrestrials is a bit of a joke.  it was our government who created the campaign about a character called “Swamp Gas” who was a little green alien flying in a saucer shaped craft. This character has been mixed and remixed into video games in our recent era, but was one way in which we have all collectively sought to keep the reality tubes of our lives intact.  The dream was itself very vivid in the same way that my other dreams of this type are, with the clue that there was a lack of emotional material, which is for me a big hint as to the nature of these kinds of dreams.

Fast forward to 1984.  I see a book written by Whitley Streiber entitled Communion that has an image of a being that looks a lot like the image of the being I saw that night aboard this craft in my dream.  I was drawn to this book and bought it without reading it, which I would usually do at the time to make sure that the content was something worth the purchase of a hardbound book (it had just been published).  It was an odd reaction that I could not explain, but merely respond to.  In the book, Streiber recounts his experiences with what are known to be abductions with nonhuman beings.  For him, these were most often harrowing experiences that stretched his credulity and sanity.  But it was in this book that he describes trying to build a device that he described as an anti-gravity device that was based on the concept of counter rotating magnets. There was also the suggestion in the book that many abductees would become aware of their experiences as a result of a series of memories that would surface into conscious awareness first as dreams.  This is where it gets muddy for most people still caught in the idea that dreams are merely a production of the subconscious and thus are a by-product of consciousness and are imaginary or somehow not real. This would all make sense if you were caught by the old paradigm about just what the nature of consciousness actually is.

I later met a man who had an experience where he saw what he described as a sentient machine that would show up in his room at night and beam information into him mind.  Years later when computer technology came into the mainstream, he said that the term “download” was a perfect description for what he had experienced.  What it left him with was an awareness of blueprints existing in his mind or memory that were for an antigravity device.  He explained that for all the efforts he made at trying to recreate this device, he always failed because he sensed or somehow knew, later, that the “download” he had was only a part of the overall device. What I had learned, though, was that this one facet of the Visitor experience was nearly universal.  May of these abductees were left with a feeling as though they should build a device based on this principle. The thing to realize is that all of these people, at the time, had not read about abductee experiences prior to their experiences involving these gravity drives.  Statistically speaking the chances of this many people managing to have the concept of an antigravity device involving counter-rotating magnets surfacing in their abduction “dreams” or experiences is akin to flipping a coin and having it land on the moon. The curious thing about all of this is that for all the material on this concept, no one has yet managed to do this.  It leaves you wondering what on earth is going on?  My friend who had had this “download” explained that he could feel as though the information would only be released so that those with this information in them would suddenly be able to come forward and find all the others who had been seeded with other parts of this device, but only “when the time is right.”  He stared off across his yard and said dryly, “I think the time IS right…NOW.” But this gets more interesting….

Over the last couple of decades people have been coming forward telling about their direct experiences with devices that they have seen that were part of an effort to backward engineer alien craft that had crashed on our planet that are of nonhuman, non-terrestrial origin. These people, however, have not been part of the abduction experience.  Some of them have been scientists, engineers, and also military personell.  For as wild as the stories have been, they all have one thing in common, which is centered around a device that has the capacity to cancel gravity by creating its own gravity field.  This field, it has been described, has the ability to not only cancel gravity, but to bend space around it.  This effect has resulted in objects that can become invisible and that can move from one place to another instantaneously. These devices have been kept under considerable secure locations within the U.S.  Those who have witnessed their existence have been threatened with death should they even mention any of what they saw.  Each of these people had to sign a security oath that effectively stripped them of all civil rights.  For them, in exchange for entering these secret facilities, the Constitution ceased to have any meaning.  In a world such as this, people can simply disappear with few, if any paper trails following them. This may all sound the height of crazy, but consider that a government seeking to keep something secret has all the power in the world to do so.  If the Constitutionally- granted rights can be taken away, so too can any proof of their having ever worked at secret facilities. Because of the level of secrecy and the limited number of people who have witnessed these devices, the number of people coming forward to tell what they have seen is small.  For those who are skeptics, consider that anyone coming forward to tell a tale such as this is either crazy or they are telling the truth.  There is little that someone who is telling such a wild tale has any hope of gaining.  Considering how easily we will as a race poo-poo stories such as these, the idea of someone coming forward with anything but honest intentions begins to stretch credulity.  It is why many abductees do not openly speak of their experiences to others.  Fearing ridicule, they remain amongst communities that will be more open minded.  This phenomenon represents to large of a leap for many amongst us, but represents something larger than our own limited perspectives might be able to even imagine.

Bob Lazar is one of the most well-known people who has come forward to tell his story about what he saw at a super-secret facility located in the desert Southwest.  His story, while attacked by a number of debunkers, has held up for the fact that he has insisted that he was hired by a company that had a contract with the government in a secret effort to help backward engineer these craft for the purpose of gleaning technology from them.  Almost all proof of Lazar’s employment evaporated in the wake of his disclosure of his work at a location that he said was called “S-4” which is on the Nellies Airforcebase in New Mexico.  This is near to the famed “Area 51” which is a designation used by the government for a particular area within the base.  Just as there is an Area 51, there is an Area 50, 49, and even 52.


Source: Wikimedia. Community Commons use.

You might think that Lazar is a kook if you hear his story since nearly all proof that he even worked for the company he says he did is non-existent.  His W-4 does not exist.  However, whoever sought to scrub his record clean did forget one important piece of proof of his employment.  It turns out that a reporter was able to locate a departmental phone book for the company he said he worked for during the time that he said his employment took place that included a listing for Lazar.

Lazar explained that he came out to tell his story partly because the public needs to know about this information, but also to save his own life. When people who have broken their security oaths in this way, these people are quite suddenly plunged into a black area where their rights as a citizen simply do not exist.  Lazar caught on to this since he was told as much by those higher up in the facility where he worked. At a certain point in his employment his home was raided by government officials.  His belongings were taken.  The level of this type of intrusion was so complete that even the books he was reading were taken.  Every scrap of paper, every possible note he might have made was also taken.  Those coming into and out of this top secret facility were strip searched as they came into and out of the S-4 facility. Any possibility for employees to make notes or record what they saw was eliminated by this type of security.  For Lazar, the writing was on the wall. He had already been briefed during the course of his work at S-4 and was told that if he ever disclosed what he knew that he would not live to see another day.  Lazar knew that if he came forward, he had to do so in as public a way as possible in order to protect his life.


By gaining a high enough profile, he learned that this was one of the few ways to protect his life.  He was dealing with a shadow government that existed outside of normal U.S. law, a government that was described in just the same way by an engineer who worked to create flight simulators for these same craft. The only way that they operated was under the veil of secrecy.  Like Lazar, countless others who have come forward have had to do so in a way that this veil of secrecy is pierced…..just to save their lives.  It is a fact that countless individuals who have come forward have wound up murdered within a year of their disclosure.


Many people have said that it would be impossible for our government to keep a secret like this for as long as it has.  However, according to eyewitnesses who have seen the craft stored at S-4, the level of security is so tight and the level of intimidation is so great that people fear for their lives.  In an interview in the last year of his life, one sentry who worked at S-4 described how they would be bussed into S-4 on buses whose windows were entirely shuttered so the occupants could not see where they were going.  This sentry explained that sometimes the trip to S-4 would take an hour while other times it would take three or four hours.  His sense was that the people handling security did this in an effort to hide where they were going, to create yet another level of secrecy. This same sentry described how after leaving the facility for a weekend, he and others were subject to strip searches and polygraph tests.  Anyone failing the test would no longer work at the facility. However, despite this, brave individuals have chosen to come forward despite the backlash from a public who has been fed for decades the idea that to entertain the idea that aliens here on our planet is just silly.  Insiders have explained that this has been the policy of this quasi-governmental group, in order to deflect public awareness or interest in taking any of this seriously.  Things, though, are changing.  Part of this change is due to the fact that the groups working on these craft have gotten enough understanding of the workings of these craft that this technology has been folded into our own military technology for what can only be described as a quantum leap in our technological advancement.  The issue of antigravity devices, though, remains top-secret, even from members of Congress.  But there are cracks in the wall.

Colonel Philip Corso has written a book about his work in the Pentagon that involved his dissemination of alien technology to civilian industry.  His book, entitled, The Day After Roswell, describes how he was tasked with secreting out the technology that made the integrated computer chip, super tenacity fibers, and night vision a reality.  The effort was simple and secretive: the government offered up the objects from the debris to the right companies to work with and they could keep the patents in exchange for not mentioning where the technology came from.  Corso never told anyone that the objects were from a crashed disc, and whenever anyone asked, he explained that it was simply foreign technology that the Pentagon had recovered.  For all anyone knew, this was something we recovered from a downed Soviet fighter jet.  Corso was on Eisenhower’s National Security Council and was head of the Foreign Technology Desk at the Pentagon.  Corso is far from an outsider, and may well be evidence of the loosening of restrictions concerning the origin of this technology.  And yet, you wont hear anyone speak about it on national television.

Corso’s book is on Amazon here:

There are links to Corso’s disclosure interviews later in the post.

People will say, “If these beings are here, why don’t they just show themselves?  Why not just land on the lawn of the White House?”  The truth is, in a manner of speaking, this has already been done.  There is now evidence that shows that Eisenhower was himself briefed on the intentions of these beings and their presence here.  This is one piece of evidence that this has happened by a government insider:




This interview with a sentry at S-4 helps to underline the security taking place at these facilities.  This interview is in several parts, but this one has a lot of the main material in it.  He explains the level of security exercised.  Like many who have come forward, he died not long after this video was taken.



In closing, I’d like to recount something that Robert Dean said about the topic of Disclosure.  He said in essence that this is something that is so big, so incredibly mind boggling in scope that the only way we are going to learn about it from the government is by way of a careful, slow metering out of the information.  Dumping this on the People, they believe, would lead to a collapse of people’s world view.  It would not just call into question a slew of beliefs within world religions, but it would call into question a lot that we think we know within science.  Disclosure, he claims, has been taking place for decades, and will continue, but it is going to be controlled.  I do think that we are ready for whatever revelations might come, though.  We are in a stage of advanced change, I suspect, in order to deal with the environmental issues that are facing us on the part of a dynamic planet that we are a part of. And while no one has officially come forward to admit that any of this phenomenon is real, a form of it HAS happened.  In late December 1980 there were lights seen near a military base called Bentwaters in England where NATO forces were stationed from the U.S.  The incident, which was originally covered up, has begun to come out into full view. Wikipedia itself does not include the full account,  but you can read more about it HERE


The incident involved a craft of unknown origin that transmitted binary code after one of the men touched the side of the ship where there were some symbols.  He was able to write this code down and it was analyzed.  Another individual, John Burroughs, was observed by witnesses to have been illuminated by a large beam of red light and was taken into the craft.  Burroughs has had illnesses that have arisen as a result of this encounter that is attributed to exposure to radiation.  The Veterans Administration has finally, after many years, admitted that the injuries that Burroughs sustained while on duty were by a craft of unknown origin.

I was able to see the full details of the account on (available by subscription) that include hypnotherapy sessions and full disclosure by the base commander Halt.  This presentation, a part of it, was given by Linda Moulton Howe and was followed up by the witnesses of the event.


“What makes this incredible and groundbreaking is that in January of 2015,
the Veterans Administration has finally implied — after many years of attempting
to get them to acknowledge that John Burroughs was injured while in the Rendlesham
Forest, tying it together with the Condign document from the U. K. — it was an
unidentified aerial phenomenon or vehicle that caused the injury (to John Burroughs).

– Pat Frascogna, Atty., for USAF Tech Sgt. (Ret.) John Burroughs

Finally, I leave you with perhaps one of the best forms of disclosure on this topic.  What makes this speech by William Cooper so good is that it goes all the way back to the beginning of the program, explains how it was formed, who was involved, and how it has evolved.  It also has connections to an early effort at essentially subverting the Constitution in favor of A New World Order, which George Bush Sr. spoke about (the first to use the term, actually!) in one of his State of The Union Addresses.  It has since been called “Global Governance” in an effort to make it appear more palletable by We The People of Earth (since this is effectively a power grab at a global level).While the information is dated to some extent, it serves to help make more clear the muddy waters of our involvement with the ET element from 1945 until near the present day.  It also answers some questions about the abduction scenario as it has unfolded in the U.S.  Effectively, our government worked with a type of being which was not honest with us and which may represent an energetic presence on the planet that can be troublesome for the fact that what they do is not in the highest.  Because these beings involve themselves in the nonphysical lives of people, understanding the nature of this presence is a big part in clearing our own fields of a subtle but present presence. My sense is that the presenter is telling the truth here.  The history on the ET issue has been subject to disinformation and muddying of the waters in an attempt to keep people running in circles.  Having someone who can name document numbers as well as names is a big help in making sense of this issue we have before us.  Sadly, he was murdered not long after having gone public with this information.

Kundal goddessWhen I awoke, when I had that burst of energy up my spine that left me changed as a human being, I really only had at that time the one thing I had always had at my command to make heads or tails of this experience; observation.  I didn’t know what it was that was happening to me.  I wasn’t terribly scared, but I was alarmed a bit and wondered what on earth had happened.  Observation is a powerful thing.  This is what I observed in that first year….

Once I realized that this energy was going to stay with me and was not some accident or stumble into some unknown land, I began to observe what this thing was doing to me.  It wasn’t hard.  I just sat quietly and began to do a simple form of what I would later learn was Mindfulness.  I just watched.

As I observed, I noticed that my awareness seemed to clarify.  I realized that I had not looked so closely at myself.  I had taken myself, my insides for granted, I suppose.  It isn’t that I didn’t observe myself before because I certainly did in meditation that I had developed over the years that I developed that was a good fit for me.  But this form of observing myself was…..different.  And the energy in me was different, too!  I guess it was like a new day.  It was.  It is hard to compare anything from the old ways to this thing.  What I noticed was that as I got very quiet, I could really feel the bliss flowing through me. When my mind was stilled from the rush of a thousand things we endlessly think about and chatter to ourselves about in any given moment, I was just amazed at the WOOSH of bliss.

Looking at this bliss, I asked what it felt like.  What was it?  How would I describe it?  What I realized was that one side of me felt masculine while the other side felt feminine.  I wasn’t always completely sure which side was which, and other times, it was very clear.  What was always clear was that there was this feeling as though something was embracing within me.  Something was now in an embrace that was without end.  It was an endless moment of love and the bliss that we feel when we are with someone whom we love, whom we yearn for, whom we cannot get enough of.  I felt into myself and found that the more I placed my awareness on them, the stronger their embrace became.  It really was an embrace.  I saw my body from a distance and as I looked down at it I saw these two forces as a masculine warm energy and a feminine cooler energy.  The thought here is that hot goes to cool. The man is drawn to the woman, and she is receptive to her beloved.  That was how this energy was.  And there was an intelligence within it!  As I let go of the who what when where and why’s, and simply let go and let this amazing crazy thing happen in me, I felt their energy grow in the way that a gentle wind might fan the flames of a fire.  As this energy grew, I became distinctly aware of an energy beginning to form between these two columns that went up my torso.


I didn’t know it, but I was describing kundalini.  I just wasn’t there yet.  I was there still observing, feeling into it, and wondering what on earth was happening to me.  I was lucky, I think, because it helped me to realize something hidden within Christianity that I had suspected, sensed, but did not know what it was….something had been missing, I knew it all my life growing up. There was a secret…..not some kind of conspiracy….just something hidden.  But what?  The answer came when I awoke.  The answer was there, and as I looked later, I saw it.  It was going to become plain as day.

Feeling into this this third energy, I thought about how I might describe it.  And really, it only had one description; it was a transcendental child.  It was the product of their union.  This was the most elegant image I could come up with.  And yet?  There was nobody there.  So odd.  And yet, there was someone there, a higher order consciousness was emerging within me and I was getting to observe this.  Something about consciousness could be described as a family unit!

I was at this early time in conversation with a pretty intuitive person who had gone to seminary but left because he found it too restrictive.  When I explained what I was feeling, he suggested that I take a look at the Nag Hammadi documents, those scrolls discovered in the desert of Egypt outside of the town the cache of documents is now named after.  These were early Christian documents that had a vocabulary that was very different from mainline Christianity.

As I read through some of these documents, two things stood out.  One, was that these old writings seemed just as riddled with distortive elements as any other Christian document, some because of translation errors, and others as a result of a story being told verbally enough that it changes or shifts depending on the person telling it.  There was enough evidence to show that these stories that make up the gospels were written  a good pace from the actual events.  Memory shifts, changes….and small misunderstandings creep in.  I say this because so much of what I read in these hidden documents were speaking directly to the experience of awakening.  The thing though, is reading the mainline gospels, the King James’s version, you might never catch on to what was being said….the deeper story.  For all its faults, these books were saying something pretty huge and the interesting thing is that they were the very first documents that I read that put me on the path to understanding what was going on with me.  Jesus was talking about Awakening!  The Kingdom, he said, was in us, all around us, and we see it not.  The Kingdom, he said to his followers, had already come, but they just didn’t know it.  They didn’t know it because they had not yet awakened. Did they wake up?  There is some suggestion that they at least got a taste of the Holy Ghost descending on them, but the degree to which they each tasted the elixir of this experience, I can only guess.

What I did find was Jesus saying “I am one with the father and the mother.”  Exactly.  He spoke about the death of the ego as the seminal event that takes place prior to moving mountains, the means by which the power of awakening is realized in ones life as evidenced in strange coincidences, small miracles, or synchronicities.  He spoke of this mother in a few places, yes, enough that it was clear that his followers had been told about it. Philip probably guaranteed that his gospel would never see the light of day when we mentioned the elephant in the room when he said, “Those who say Mary begat with the Holy Ghost are in error.  For when has a woman begot with another woman?”  He was pointing to a misunderstanding some had at the time about the family unit within human consciousness.  The Holy Ghost was the mother! Same as Shakti.  Same as Yin. And in Christianity, it is a very important missing piece.   It was not correct that the story would say she begot with a consciousness that was female, no, it would have been that she was overshadowed by the Father.  What this points to is how there may have been an effort to obfuscate the role that the feminine has within cosmic or Christ consciousness by effectively anonymizing her into a “ghost”  early on in the rise of Christianity as a path.  Perhaps even during Jesus’s own life, even.  It is clear his disciples bickered with each other, and did not “get” everything that Jesus was saying to them.  He even said so.  Were some of them simply dedicated to his cause but asleep?

The Ghost is this vast presence within all of matter, within all of creation, bred and born and replicated all through everything, and this ghost is She.  A vibration of energy, or consciousness, which we all seem to feel or know is part of the world dreaming, the creation, and is active in each and every moment that we are alive and rides on our own waves of creativity.  The more you are aware of this part of you, not as a literal woman, but something that is receptive, grace-filled, wonder-filled, and awe inspiring, the more that you can feel it.  Just as I sat and observed, the energy just went off the charts.  I am one with the Mother.  But to be one with her, she must lay upon my lips each moment.  In my journey, it has been easy and hard to do that, in turns.  I just keep asking, keep surrendering, keeping myself humble.  “Show me.  Please.  I am hard.  Soften me, melt me.  Take me apart; show me how I can be….different. Birth me anew.”

I will tell you that looking back into my past pre-awakening, for as artsy and right-brained as I was, I was also caught in the tide of paternalism as everyone here is.  There is so much that we are not even aware of that is taught, handed down, but not looked at. By not really looking at it, we leave it as it is and it remains static but alive in us.  This is how the generations can hand down behavior for thousands of years until something disrupts it, shakes things up, and changes things.  I woke up knowing there was this force in me, male and female-feeling.  I am returning to that awareness again, today, yesterday, last week, last month, asking it to teach me anew.  Teach me.  Show me. I need you in my life.  Soften me, break me apart.  Take me down to chaff and wheat.  Blow gently across my soul and leave only what is best in me.  Let the rest go.  I am ready.  I now know the love that you bear is powerful, once scary, now seen as so wise, so ruthless in its honesty.  I am the fool.  Make me into what I have not yet been able to become.  Maybe this is my practice…. If there is to be one.  I never really thought of myself as having a religion.  I haven’t. I have sought using my own compass to guide me. But silently, quietly, privately, I pray to the light.  I do.

This is not an abstraction for me.  It is right here, swirling in what the Taosits call the 10,000 things.  This presence is in everything, yin and yang, female and masculine-feeling.  It is the Shakti and her Siva.  And yet?  And there is nothing material there!  But there is Presence.  When my awareness opens to it, I feel something beautiful in me, that KNOWS the feminine superconsciousness because it is in some way inside of me.  Looking into myself, I see out into the multiverse.  You see, you CAN learn a lot by inquiring within.  We think we only learn by looking outward.  But the road goes both ways.  Look both ways.  Your parentage is waiting for you there.  They will help you to grow up.

For me, I let go of any expectations.  I have learned that the more I do this, the looser I am, the more ready I am for a strong wind to blow my petals open and spread the seed, or the chaff, or whatever it is that needs to go.  There is an overarching presence that is not without purpose.  You can think me crazy, I don’t really care.  But it is true.  It is beyond any religion, beyond any need to believe or spin stories or tales, even as we try to do just that.  In the midst of it, this coarse self, so hardened, so unmade, dissembled, is somehow redeemed.  I am shown the way to BE. And for years, I have slowly learned how, the way one might learn a dance. But this dance requires that I do these dance steps each and every moment.  Every breath, every moment turns into a prayer.  This prayer is not for anything except to learn to be like “it.”  “Please show me” I ask it.  It is as if it is aware of me but says nothing.  It knows just as I know that the only way is for me to surrender to its presence.  Its hands are like a strong-handed doctor reaching into your being and taking out what does not belong.  Sometimes this is just hard. Sometimes it is easy.  Sometimes I am afraid.  And this is the insanity I have practiced all these lifetimes, round and round; I have desired the devil I have known instead of the angel that I could become.  Maybe I feared change.  Maybe I was simply addicted to chaos.  Maybe I wanted to be right even though deep down I knew I was wrong.  Wrong!  But wrong how?

Wrong in how I chose to see, to feel, to be.  I say I was born into this life and was raised with no choice in the matter, but I now know that is not true.  I was DRAWN to this place, this time, this life, as a being living outside of time, within all possibility.  We are all immortals, taking on bodies.  How silly to try and set people up for being responsible for our own self-chosen journey!  And how powerless, too, we make ourselves by thinking this way.  Doing this has weakened my root centers, giving me no end of trouble, and trouble to others.  Something whispers that it must be strengthened with truth.  Sweet brutal truth.  It means turning away from the fault being any others but my own.  Always making judgements that were less about the world and more about my own broken record of a story.  I was, and still am, on this merry go round.  But the only difference is that with all of the chaff that has blown away since all of this began in 2007-ish, I know I am getting down to the most major end of the big stuff that has held me up and had me tied in knots.  No one else is responsible for how I feel except myself.  I was always there defining the moment in terms of light and dark, good or bad.  How does one, so soaked in sleep know how to be as one who is awake.

But aren’t I awake?  Now that is the rub, my friends.  It is what we each must bear in mind.  When you awaken, you are given this great gift, but you get that gift based on where you are in your accumulation or loss of the inner material that does not serve you.  You awaken amidst a giant garbage heap that is your self.  Awake, the work is to remove this garbage. For me, the awareness of this was early when I asked this energy what it was doing.  It showed me.  We were to get to work on a kind of inventory and release the stuff, the baggage, the STUFF once and for all.  So for a time, you have this remainder.  The idea that we wake up and simply change like a snap of fingers is itself not really true.  Even Buddha worked on this thing he found under that tree.  the realization is one thing, the becoming is another.  You have to cross over from shadow into light.  We have all been dancing in the shadows without fully realizing it.

These are notions and expectations and beliefs that are simply not in alignment with what IS.  Whatever we are not in alignment with is like being an adulterer to our higher nature.  It is a turning away.  This, I have said over and over, is the very nexus of what we think of as negative karma.  If you want to have good karma, you will learn to know who you are deep down and seek your authentic being, the father and mother within, and know them intimately.  They alone will save you.  No church outside of you will be able to do it.  So powerful is this force that it will take you apart to the degree that you just trust its mighty force.

I am praying, you see.  All of this, is nothing more than my prayers.  Always has been.  Find your own prayer, feel deep within and ask yourself where your error lies.  This is not something you will be able to rationally know.  it is what you will feel as a simple certainty, or a dreadful sense that you are just on the wrong path.  And yet?  And yet, we so often stay on that path because it is…..familiar.  Boom.  Wow.

Could it be so easy to turn over the cart and begin an entirely new journey?  How many times have you tried to change for another person in order that your very being would fit into their lives?  How often has your own nature come into conflict with others in a way that it made you feel bad to be you?  When one is resting in the authentic self, anyone who seeks to change you is themselves living in illusion.  Didn’t the Hindus say that all of this is an illusion, a dream?  Well…..I prefer to see it as a creation, full of possibility, a grand chalk board of a place where we get to discover and create wildly.  But within us… there a splinter?  A pain?  A hurt?  A feeling of something not fulfilled?  Our real selves are fulfilled already, needing precious little except to feel bliss and absorb the moment.  Do this, or do that, it is your freewill.  But when you come across something that feels like resistance, look within and ask yourself; is it you or them?  And maybe it is them.  And later, you might realize it was both….both of you mirroring in a place of “illusion” or delusional feeling and thinking.  My task, at least, is to find the highest.  Me, I am a bit of a glorious mess, but there is something inside of me that is perfect.  I will for now seek that, for the mother will heal, the father inspire, and the two will show me that we are two-into-three-as-one.

For me, as a descendent of the world or the paternal journey, it is now my journey to open up to the softening of the feminine super consciousness.  It is time to get to know the Mother.

So don’t think that I am someone who has it all down.  I don’t.  I am here praying, I am here singing to the light because I am a creature of the physical.  I am creative… my own way, these are my prayers.  So take them as that.  I am not here as any proclaimer of anyone else’s truth.  We each find it ourselves.  And maybe you might wonder what the point is.  It seems that this is how it all comes down.  Increasingly, as you will notice, I have become less and less verbose.  I sometimes wonder, what is the point, really, when it is so clear that we each have that compass point within us.  We each have to realize it.  No one can do it for us.  The inevitability of it was spoken to me in the first weeks of awakening as I passed over a river and felt it speak: “It is inevitable that you will return to the ocean…”  I had no idea what it meant then, but something in me seemed to know. We are each like fish swimming from creeks to ocean and back again.  We know the way.  We do.  You just need to keep it simple because the relationship of these forces in you are also simple, ubiquitous.  Thank goodness.

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