Archives for the month of: September, 2013

This Fire
which burns through
vein and muscle bone and nerve
casts knowing glances into my marrow
and echos your beating heart
in trebled metaphors
and conjugated miracles
with syntax as brilliant as the star from which you hail. 

We say this is all mystery
but really
the mystery is in choice
such a small price to pay for love
and belonging….

When fire strikes to my core
it reaches out through all universes
as the only thing that quells it is that spreading fire
or your smiling glance
your knowing smile
your rich laughter
and presence
setting me afire
an echo perfectly placed
in my heart.
This, something I doubt anyone
but you and I could appreciate….

All of this burns through me
returning me to simplicity
marking me forever
changing me for all-ways
this smoke is a prayer
that all will return to ash
and brilliance
as fire burns that which could not help but be set aflame….


Some comedy for you with a slight spiritual bent….to keep you thinking….to keep you bent!  Enjoy!


Before I went through awakening, I will admit I was not as aware of this idea as I probably could have been.  I KNEW I created my own reality.  I did. But what I didn’t do was to see just HOW MUCH I was really really creating it.  All of it.  Who I was, what I was, how I was arranged, what I felt…the energy coursing through my energetic veins was determining so many things!  I just wasn’t aware how deep it went.  I wasn’t as observant as I could be, I don’t think.  I didn’t realize just how deep all of this went.

When I woke up, I got a second chance at getting a good old wake-up slap on my head.  And it sunk down into me.  Deep.  The force of awakening woke me to a leel of knowing that’s hard to explain….as though perceptual abilities were not just sharpened, but bloomed….the sense of Gnosis, what the Greeks called knowing, moved in me.  And what was in me was in the world.  HOW I FELT about that world was the flux field that determined what was happening with me.

So when it came time for me to backtrack in my work, which I did, I found that this stirred a world of things in me that I thought I was DONE with.  See, we can fool ourselves all the time.  Awareness is huge for us, and we do A LOT to hide things from ourselves.  What we hide, we do not see, what we do not see, we do not work on.  It remains until we realize there is SOMETHING in us that is putting off this vibration in us to cause certain things to happen because HOW we are serves to determine HOW events go.  We ARE NOT victims here.  Source granted us FREEWILL.  So HUGE was this that Source WILL NOT get in the way of that freewill…..even if it means killing or hurting others.  EVEN then!  Holy moley, right?  H-H-H-HUGE.

So as I did this, it actually showed me up close and personal all the work I had to refine.  To work on. I had a history with people who claimed to love me actually hurting me, a very specific kind of hurt, too.  I had been married before all of this, had kids and this person who was someone I shared a life with and who I thought I knew turned her back on some very important issues she gave lip service to but didn’t actually follow through on.  Thing is, I KNEW she knew these were important things.  She was going back on some pretty critical things simply to hurt me.  Now for as petty as that may seem (to me and to my lawyer, both), this was shown in the bright lights of my awakening as something I had to work on.  Afterall, I was attracting this.  I was.  And when I thought maybe I had worked through it, I met another person who I realized was going to do something very similar, something that represented the merry-go-round nature of karma and how we really can’t attract anything different from what we are deep down. The saving grace is that we can change, DO change at all different places in our lives.  So this work, I was doing.  Digging digging….And I was releasing SO MUCH JUNK!  And yet, this issue remained and as a result, I attracted based on that.  This is the relentlessness of how this all works.  You just can’t bullshit your way around this stuff.  You can, sure, but Buddha once said there were three things you cannot hide; the sun, the moon, and the truth.  So, it is going to come around.  Watch the tree and observe what it produces.  Watch people.  You don’t even need to take their word for it, just watch.  Over months, years, if need be.  What they say and how they act and what they produce as the fruit of their lives will reveal itself.  Eventually, the truth will be revealed.  Known.

So as this all took place, I saw the Dark Goddess in all her terrible presence.  And I knew how it was going to go.  Dark goddess?  What do I mean when I say this?  Within us there is both shadow and light.  We have the power, we have the choice to decide.  Its freewill.  Quite naturally, there are not just the gods and goddesses that are all light, but are also consumed by shadow, by their dark sides.  When we, in the awakened state experience such negativity, we experience the ascended darkness or the ascended light.  Again, what does that mean? it means we have the potential for both, and it is WE who decide.  And in that moment, even as my head and heart all knew that nothing good would come of this, that all of this was following a pattern, and even when I spoke this truth, the fact that my root chakra was not yet cleared, IT vibrated at an energetic frequency that was not convinced.  Now, I tell you, there is no worse place to be…..for everything in you says this is going to be bad because it turned out bad with another person before this, and clearly with the third ey and heart I could see this….but the root would not let go, could not.  Such is the nature of the unhealed lightbody.  But even then, in partial knowing, it was read by the Goddess as rejection, as abandonment, hurt, pain, and all she knew to do was to strike back… seek to harm and hurt.

So for one relationship I had a child turned against me.  this child wont speak to me because he believes what his mother has told him.  Buys it hook line and sinker.  Besides, why would his mother lies to him about such things, right?   In another instance it was said in a puvlic forum that I was sexually abusing the students I taught at the school I work at.  It was said that I used my abilities to manipulate people into doing my will.  Further, I admitted to this Dark Goddess that I did this in order to get what I wanted.  It wasn’t just that I did this, I did so wantonly, with design, with malice!  But this was not all.  if soeone else was percieved as somehow coming into a circle of influence, those people, too, would be subjected to the same kind of behavior, which was an attempt to punish, to hurt, and to demonize.  So hurt, so broken from the past that the past and present cannot be seen for what they are or as they are.  So clouded the vision, so bloodied the heart.  When we do this kind of thing we grow more karma, we do more harm not just to others, but to ourselves.  It is unfortunate, but out of such things I had to stop and just look at myself and ask why I had attracted this.  I didn’t make them act this way, no, they chose this, but I sure attracted it and THAT was what I had to examine and really look at, because once I did that, I was able to see more clearly the things that remained to be healed.

My chakra centers, nearly cleared, KNEW this would not go well. I was able to predict just how it would go……how she would seek to punish me, hurt me, even though what I was doing was true and fair……not an effort to hurt or harm, but to cast truth…to speak the truth about how this all was a replay of old hurts…..that we would simply be banging our heads against the wall.  I had already had this experience with a spouse a few years before, so you would think I’d have this one all worked out.  Well, we heal when we heal, and having someone do what my spouse did was particularly hard because it involved children, but the effect was the same pattern of retaliatory behavior in the following relationship, which is the Dark Goddess in her wrath.  She is the image of Kali, the angry one, the one who vents her rage…..but as humans, when we vent our rage it means people get hurt.  The powerful energy behind rage has to be very carefully wielded.

As a result of this experience, the humbling effect has served to bring me back into myself, back to where I need to be to place my awareness on the parts of me not yet fully healed  What is interesting is that all of this is energetic in nature.  The energy pattern is not physical, so when it heals, IT can heal immediately and completely if we let it.  Whatever lingers can then go on to create disease in the body, so it pays to clear all of this up as these unhealed places represent life force that is being choked off and used for all the wrong things.  So often we wind up experiencing diseases that are all part of a series or spectrum of energy effects that transfer effects through the body wince all of this is delicately connected (energy feeds into the body!).

Some people say forgiveness is important in healing.  It is.  But what forgiveness does, in all truth, is that is clears the way perceptually for YOU to realize that the truth is that all along all of this hurt and pain and terrible junk that has been happening TO you is actually YOU creating situations in your life where this junk that is IN you plays out in FRONT of you.  So we say we are not aware of our fractures, and yet those fractures are right there IN your life.  The women in my past were all very good at putting on a face at the beginning of their day, but this face was the ace they thought they had to wear.  I too in a way was doing the same thing. I finally grew tired of the masks and when that happened, the masks began to fall away.  The layers of hurt and propriety fell away.  the bullshit fell away.

And this is the fear that we feel when we wake up. We fear death, we fear change, we fear it being different.  Knee-jerk.  Totally.  But once we DO change, its never so bad as we thought.

So let it go. Your higher self will lead you perfectly.  Think of it as being like a cosmic parent that is there helping to mold and shape your life and wont lead you to the wrong place.  Just to the places that you need to go to learn. And you will realize that none of this is being done to you…..this is happening for a reason, no exceptions, and it has to do with who you are and HOW that “are” puts out a vibration which magically attracts certain events and things into your life.  Want to change that equation?  Change yourself.  All the way down, truly, fully and honestly.  That is the answer.  And the work is what lies in front of you since the hardest part has already been done; the realization that there is more work to do!

Good luck and all my heart-felt blessings for you in this!




When you awaken, you awaken to a world where nothing much is the same as it was.  Clearly, there is a channel within that is opened.  Thought energy is more than just your own private thoughts.  You come to realize that thoughts really DO have power.  And here we are on the planet, chattering away inside of ourselves, and its possible to hear all of this.  Your own thoughts aren’t as private as you may have previously realized.  It isn’t that people are snooping on you, no, because once you awaken, there just isn’t the desire to such things.  The quality of your thought counts, especially when you realize just how real thoughts are.

So thought is itself energy.  We ourselves are made up of all kinds of sheaths or facets within us that all process energy in a different way.  We have maybe five basic bodies that bend the energy in certain ways the way that a prism bends light and breaks it into different colors (if you are into dividing us into such neat categories)….physical, emotional, mental, spiritual, etc., and so each of these will experience the same energy differently.  Each will be a facet or expression of what you are. At one place it will feel as exquisite sexual energy while in another place it will feel more sensual, less sexual.  In another place, it will feel so powerful as though you can do anything.  In another place within you, this energy might be like divine love, in another place it might illuminate and clarify your inner sight….there are so many ways that energy from the cosmos can be experienced!

One aspect of your energetic being is sexual energy.  Now we have a lot of repression surrounding this part of ourselves.  There is a huge amount of shame as a race on this count.  This shame that has remained unresolved in most people and it has tended to make many of us prisoners to old hurts and old karmic threads that have kept us on the merry-go-round of karma for lifetimes.  LIFETIMES. But sexual energy is one aspect of who you are, and it is easier to deal with the more you allow yourself to be healed. Once you are able to clear each vehicle (as the Hindus call it), as you clear each center that channels energy through you, you can begin to have a clearer and more peaceful existence.  You can also use each center for life in a way that brings you fulfillment instead of snags or problems.

What makes Tantra so important isn’t that its about sex, its that it deals with sexual energy as a way to reach union with the divine as well as a way to heal powerfully and also quickly (when you make yourself available to it).  See, the divine does not have the shame you have.  The universe has no problem meeting you and merging with you in any way you are willing to merge with it.  The vast consciousness that IT is simply has moved beyond shame a long time ago.  As a result of this, it seems perfectly capable of experiencing bliss and wonder no matter how we approach it.  the only thing missing is how WE react to the same thing.  Learning how to be without shame is important.  By this I do not mean to say that you are shameless and thus unstudied in your morality, no.  What I mean is that you are more like a child.  You return to a purer place within before all of the guilt and shame about your body, about who you are or how you are was put into place by you. When you do that, you experience whatever it is more directly, less encumbered.  When you do this sexually, you are dealing with a very powerful form of energy.  This energy can speed yourself along, but it is not for the feint of heart.  Using all of you is a beautiful thing in spiritual work.  It reaches into religion but without the dogma. Sexual energy, then, moves fast and is felt by others.  You need to be careful about how you direct it and use it.  As a result, your own mind and your own issues need to be healed and worked on so that the quality of your experience will continue to be more and more refined.

Approaching this kind of work requires a great deal of self honesty and courage. To dig down beneath the surface is something that most people find very uncomfortable.  To do this kind of work, the very soul of what tantra is (which isn’t predicated on sex….no…sex is ONE manifestation or arm of tantra) you need to be ready and you need to be willing to see that some of what you think you are perceiving is part of a worn out belief system about yourself, about sex itself, and about other people as well.  There are few other places where these shortcomings rise to the surface as quickly as in sacred sexuality.  Most are afraid of it, or see what they want to see through the eyes of shame when they get down into its depths.  But the path provides a powerful and potent way for healing to take place.

It is hard for some folks to know what remains.  What remains in you is what gets in the way with a direct experience of yourself and the divine.  What remains to be surrendered?  What is not in your highest?  It is hard to know what isn’t in your highest always…..because sometimes your highest is a few steps ahead of where you are… this means that you have to be willing to accept what your higher self sends to you as signs, as directives, or as outcomes or events that can lead you to the next step in your path.   In time, with enough attention, the answers will come.  I know this may sound laissez- faire, but I promise you that this is an aspect of co-creation that will work if you allow it.  the secret is that you can make ANY technique work IF you believe in it enough.  If doing a series of incantations allows you to believe that something will come to pass, then by golly, it will!  That is the nature of belief!  Ask that you be shown.  And be patient.

Keep at it.

Sometimes you need to be ready to see before you can see. Let the universe pave the way for you.  You think you are this limited being in this small body when in truth you are one life looking out through this one body but you have many many many more bodies, lives, experiences beyond comprehension.  With time being an illusion, ALL of you is available NOW.  Your future selves, your God or Goddess self in its advanced state is available to you…..and its at your fingertips.  Accelerate yourself….and you will see.



So tantra isn’t really about sex, but it is about creative energy, surrender, and, yes, sexual energy.  There is a very big difference, there, though.  Some feel the need to respond in a more typical way with tantric energy and release the energy.  However, it can also be used to elevate ones self.  You can use it to do things, create things, or to live a life that is devoted to love in a more subtle way.  There are countless ways to utilize the energy, and no one way better than another. But its not always about sexual union only.  Feeling sexual energy is not the same as being engaged sexually, and this energy when felt powerfully enough actually has the power to transform you.  This has been the aim of many followers, many monks, many priests and priestesses down through the ages.  It isn’t the only one, of course, but it is one very valid way toward self transformation.

I have found how love and sexual energy go hand in hand….for love is NOT sexual energy, but sexual energy is an expression of love, or CAN be if love is holding its hand.  Do you see?  Sexual energy is like a raw fire.  For a long time we have simply misused this gift, not understanding its hidden potential and power for healing. We can use that fire to burn down the house and barn or we can  manage that fire within the bounds of love and devotion.  By allowing yourself to be open to the All, you can experience something here on the planet with the divine that is simply not here with many humans yet.  Being able to FEEL something HERE that is about this seeming “other world” on the planet is huge.  It is what I call Anchoring The Vibration.  Being able to anchor a vibration here is so important.  Really.  So by doing this kind of work, you aren’t JUST doing it for yourself, you are also laying down a path that makes it easier for others to reach it.  You are setting up a frequency that will be easier for others to match or follow or find.

And I am just here reminding you that this is so.

So with tantra, you can find God-dess or the divine.  It is right in front of you.  Now breathe deep and just let it in.  Let it be.  Realize and remember who you are.  You are more than just this one life.  You are so much more… breathe it in and let the divine cradle and love you….it is possible to know the “more” that you are by letting it all be.

The energy will guide you if you don’t allow yourself to go immediately to the sexual part.  Feel into the energy what is less obvious at first. Meditate on it, and feel how you feel when you surrender sexually, and then seek to do the same without sexual expression.  What does that result in?  Does it bring you to a level of humility or devotion?  Does it help you to see yourself in a new way?

Part of sexual energy is connected to something called prana.  Some think of it as life force, but I experience it as a universal energy that is of a very fine vibration.  As you allow this energy to move through you, it can help to throw off old traumas and hurts as well as false beliefs about yourself and the world.  By learning how to become more aware of prana, you can also learn how to direct it with purpose.  This is done largely through breathing exercises.  Breathing stimulates the flow of prana.  The reason why “breath of fire” is used in kundalini yoga, a very fast and aggressive form of breathing, is because it CAN stimulate a lot of prana to flow.  Yogi’s have learned that prana is stimulated by breath.  As a result, there are methods, entire branches of yoga dedicated to this one practice such as pranayama yoga.  Through centering focus on energy centers in the body and through breath work and fasting, the ancients knew that kundalini could be aroused.  Kundalini is itself nothing more than an abundance of prana in the body.  It is not a spirit or a religion at all.  By arousing this energy, the self comes face to face with an acceleration of process in healing.  And coincidentally, creative and sexual energy are also enhanced (but then, so are all other faculties).

If you thought that tantra was just about sex or an orgy or something like that, you missed the boat on that one.  Like the layers of a bloom, the flower opens to reveal what is often a mystery to many.  We have just scratched the surface.  U

Blessings to you…



©Parker Stafford

This image of the Buddha I created a few years ago to express a certain sense about the awakening experience, which has a lot to do with being able to be IN the fire of awakening or a spiritual experience while still remaining blissfully calm.  Being able to do this is an important part of being a primate.  We can reflect and we can control ourselves.  We can seek the highest, even if that highest thing is something we aren’t quite sure we even know IS. We can each find a place of calm where we can be powerfully present, observant, but not always in the throes of the drama of our lives. We can choose to let the clutch slip as we simply sit quietly and calmly, observing and letting bliss wash over us instead of feeling angst or anger, or hurt or pain or jealousy or any number of things that really wind up wasting our time here on the planet and just burn up energy and make life harder for all involved.

Sit down for a few quiet minutes.  Give yourself permission to unhook, to not have all of your worldly tethers on and demanding your attention.  Instead of your life pulling at you, I want you to try and watch your life float on by.  Just let it be like a big blue balloon of a moment where the string slips out of your fingers and you find that you aren’t upset in the least; it already is done.  No use crying over spilt milk…..

So slow down.  Feel your life as like a river.  It is noisy up close, but you are going to get very quiet inside so that any noise is merely incidental.  It wont matter so much to you.  We all can have very noisy lives, and it can sometimes be a bit like street noise.  It is all lovely, but let it all drift into the background some.  Let the part of you that is Observer be that; observe.

So sit comfortably and calmly. Think about your life, but do not get caught up in it. You now have permission to look at all of it in the same way that you might watch the landscape move past you as you float in an inner-tube on a slow and lazy river.  No worries. You cant stop it, but you can watch it all happen.

Whatever it is that bothers you, the universe can take care of it and WILL take care of it if you just let it be.

So let it be.  Watch your life pass before you.  See your mother, your father, your brothers and sisters, your children, your coworkers, your friends and the whole wide world just slip on by you.  For a few moments just BE here and watch.  Observer. Be neutral.  This is a bit like what death is about and is actually what it serves to teach many who can let go; surrender.  We fear death, but death is in truth a great learning opportunity.  We learn so much when we die.  It is so final and so much is brought to that moment of finality…(or SEEMING finality).  But we just let go and the feeling can be so delicious and so wonderful.  Whoever said death was horrible must have never remembered dying a time or two!

And if your life is one big drama after another, try this; yes look at all that lively drama you created.  It is such a mess, is it not?  Oh my goodness!  But you know, even though its a mess, I bet that if you let it be and start living differently, the mess will just take care of itself.  You just wont contribute to its being a mess anymore.  Perfect.  Oh sure, you might have to dip your hands into the mess a little to finish it, but you would be surprised to know just how many things are already about as done as they could possibly be and would never be improved on by our sticking our hands back into it to try and make it better.

It doesn’t mean that you don’t care when you are being the Observer.  You are merely not being so reactive and being so engaged  that you can’t see what is in front of you or have any sense of perspective.  Relax, breathe, and tell yourself that with the help of the universe, everything is going to be okay.  Even the stuff that seems messy now will sort itself out in time.  Inside of you is something so perfect, so right, that when you let it flow out of you without trying to control it anymore, it sets up just the right conditions and events for your greater unfolding.  If you want to talk about ascension, which is something I don’t think ANYONE really understands (but people write about it as though it is something that they know), then this might be a good place to start.  But then, this might just be something that I find useful for me.  All of us are different, and your own inner voice might be calling you to do something different; honor that.  You just never know when its going to turn into an ADVENTURE!

I tell myself this one a lot when I come across the harder things in my life.  I say this and keep saying it.  Each time things that were hard get a little bit easier.  Its not like running a fast race, but its worth it I think to no longer being so ruled by things.

So sit and take it all in.  This is your life.  All of it.  Now go live it!

Let me be an instrument for your grace

so that where there is chaos

I may bring order,

where there is madness

that I may bring peace

where there is hatred

that I may bring only love

and where there is hurt

that I may bear healing.

When I am in despair

let me know your hope

and when there is error

let me bring your truth

and when truth does not shine

may I remember that in the end

that your truth is something which cannot be hidden

no matter the madness, the chaos, the error, or hurt that exists

for it is your own light which shines

that is my own.But more than theselet mine be forgivenessfor this illuminates the pathway to your garden.

There are plenty of descriptions out there to help with what kundalini is, much of it quite old.  Texts, scrolls, things like that.  This is a very human thing, so you’d think we could each come up with something that helps to clarify things a little.  What I am going to tell you is directly from my own experience and it reflects seven years living with this force in my life through a number of colors, twists, and turns in my life and in perspective, too.

There is a LOT that kundalini or awakening can be presumed to be, and then there is what settles out and clarifies over time.  Which is what my experience has been.  You would think an experience would be an experience, but our perceptions do indeed change as our biases clear and change.  The writer Anais Nin said we see the world not as it is, but as we are.  SO true.

When kundalini rose, it felt like a force coming into my body… though it was something separate from me.  Caused me some concern.  It rises, you see, but my experience has shown me that this is an effect that this energy now being released or moved in the body has on the musculature.  Its as though there is electricity moving in your body and it makes you feel as though your back wants to arc or move or jerk.  Certainly there is a lot of that that goes on.  These are called kriyas.  As if a jerk will suddenly allow the energy to flow.  So there is THAT aspect of the experience, which feels very physical.  And for a time, it did feel like something was moving into my body.  I was a little freaked out at first because I was concerned that maybe I was being possessed.  That was itself a mild concern, but I just didn’t want to step into something that somehow messed me up, you know?  And really, what the heck DID I know about any of this?  I spent a life in study and being self examined but nothing could have prepared me for this.

The rising of the energy into awareness is like fire flowing in your veins, except it is not fire.  It is also like water flowing, except it is not water.  It has a sense of density when it rises, what feels almost like a pressure in the body, a presence of a force, which I feel is the effect of energy on the body beyond what it is used to.  Your muscles tense when they have electricity applied to them.  This feels like a very mild form of this. Kundalini can be like being strapped into something, like a roller coaster ride and then not being able to get off.  This can bring anxiety, but it can also bring incredible bliss once you settle in and enjoy…..surrendering to the moment.

So kundalini is not just one thing, it is many things, all things, depending on how you choose to be, to feel, react or respond.  And all of it will be amplified.  So if you feel a LITTLE uncomfortable about something, it can suddenly be much much bigger than it would have been otherwise.  Just to highlight it for you to see and make a mental note (“Note to self: must let go of that hesitant awkwardness with the boss…”).  Wherever you are, the difference with kundalini is that the volume has been turned up, things are more amplified.  A lot of what I am eluding to is actually how I got used to the feeling.  So what is the feeling?

When all is well, the feeling is unmatched by anything.  It can be light, it can be soaring.  Heavenly.  It can also be seven different kinds of bliss rolled into one.  Literally. Telegraphed from each chakra center, this bliss comes, or emerges. It is beyond merely a sensual experience.  Most often I think people focus on the sexual and sensual side. It is certainly this since the body is now wired differently.  Dealing with a constant state of this bliss  is one of the early struggles I think many go through, just dealing with such an enhanced sense of sensuality and sexual energy.  Being able to focus it and utilize it in a positive way instead of it simply driving strong sexuality is the trick in my book.  Refinement, not slavery.  It is a subtle AND significant difference.  But that only deals with the root chakra center and the sacral, which are the two centers that generate most of the sexual oriented feelings.  But move the energy up into the solar plexus, the heart, and then into the non-emotional centers of the throat, third eye and crown, and the bliss goes from fiery to a finer kind of stream; the full range of human experience here, in the flesh, at least. The heart is like an axial point between the strong emotional centers that reside below it and the less emotional centers above it.

Just feeling this energy in my body serves to knit me into creation in a way that is hard to explain.  I am no longer simply an individual element in the landscape, I am the landscape.  I am connected to it and can feel into that landscape in a way I had not done before. I am that cloud, I am that mist, that rock, that tree, that person, that cow, that bird.  I am the grass and a buzz of life all around me.  I am aware of this without feeling my awareness being threatened.  I went through a collapse to allow me a better flow of this sense of not being dual.  Some call it ego death, but this is itself misleading.  It is a substantive change within the self that accommodates a slightly different arrangement of awareness within.  It is actually more like a snake shedding its skin.  Cracking open, moving, changing, maybe it seems so final, like you are going to die, but you don’t.

It cracks you open, this.  It seals you shut.  It inspires you constantly, drives you and changes your life.  it unravels you if you just let it.  All unraveling is rewarded, it seems.  Everything becomes excruciatingly beautiful.  Today while meeting someone at their office I looked at the sky and thought how cool it would be to be able to live on a planet with life on it.  And then my whole view changed; I am on that planet and I am very much visiting!  The whole way I felt and saw life here changed.  This incredible experiment with matter becoming life just played through my body all day. Life becomes a priveledge, right?  Another day on Gaia.  It changes how you see things. It can help you to see things from different perspectives, it is an evolutionary spiral, a pressing urge to become more, to know more, to become. All of this is also incredibly difficult!  That’s because kundalini also drives desire.  So with all this energy flowing and the more sexual side of it, it can be hard to let go of things….of people, or investments in things.  While it helps to clear karmic threads, it can also make them harder in some ways. It is like how you can drive a splinter under your skin to the surface by pressing all around and under the splinter in order to drive it out; until it finally surfaces, it causes a great degree of pain and discomfort.  Also you can only see what you can see in the moment.  You can be utterly convinced of a connection as being the most important thing in the world and then through doing the “work” realize just how silly all of that was. And you can be told this by untold people.  But you can’t see it or know it until you know it and see it.

Kundalini does not make you wise.  It can in truth make you stupid!  Yep.  If you doubt that, read the lines above.

Kundalini can also lead to wisdom if you let it.  It ups the energy and allows you a way to haul more water and chop more wood.  Sometimes, in some ways, that can make a difference.

Kundalini seems to do well around surrender.  The more complete, the more deeply it goes, the deeper it goes to clear out the dross and remove the poison resting there.  Poison you didn’t even know existed.  Poison perhaps that you thought was a wonder of wonders.

Kundalini can drive knowing, gnosis,a new inner life unlike any other.  Kundalini dives deep into the cellular level and does its work.  It is uncompromising and perfect.

It can have you on a yo-yo string if you don’t master it.  Even as you master it, it can burn holes through you.  Adrenal burn-out is a very real thing. Just as it can drive joy and wonder, it can drive dread and depression. Where are you focused?  Kundalini is life force in abundance.  Whatever you are, it is.  And more.

The experience is like falling in love with life, with existence, with what we all are.  It opens a hole in space time and reveals that our time here is itself like a bead on a larger necklace.  There is much more to time and existence than what meets the eye.  It is the inspired moment running 24/7.  It is a baseline bliss running in each and every moment.  It is a call to become, without anyone telling you how it has to be done.  It awakens intuition, it guides, it teaches, it blinds.  It loves and it releases you.  It is like life but with more life.  It IS life force, so trying to make it something more can be tricky.  What you take to be the experience can also resolve later through healing as merely a preoccupation with a given center or part of the self or psyche that was unable to let go of something or other.  Whatever you feed is what grows.  There isn’t any one way for this to be, but all ways that we are.  For those who want to say it has to BE a certain way, I say that is just silly, because obviously there are lots of ways that people can be that are perfectly healthy and fine but different.  I think this teaches you how to have fewer and fewer problems with things.  Your insides become more slick.  Ego cant handle this, becoming slick like this feels like the self no longer feels or cares. It is simply no longer affected by those old emotional gales like it used to be, or with others’ emotional gales that you both were quaqmired inside of.  This is what I have described as the spiritual tar pits……we jump in thinking we can save another when our only job is to take care of ourselves.  Only after being completely clear from that tar pit is it possible to really comment on it with any degree of perspective.  The Bodhichitta returns when s/he is free from the things that they are to teach about.  The world is full of unhealed teachers. It takes  a long time to get to the place of neutrality.  This is the next stage beyond this.  We are each a sleeping Buddha. For me, this returns me to being like a child.  Free, joyful, without judgement, innocent.  And to get there; many fires and trials. True, unflinching, demanding and inflexible; you are it only when you are it. Until that time, trials come to test you.  Life turns into a wonderful school…..that can be hard or can become a living breathing intelligence bringing you exactly what you need now.  Want something different, then change what you are and life itself will change in more ways that you can believe.  Change, though, can be hard…..

So beyond the flash and fire and torrents lies every conceivable experience.

What is kundalini to you?


Days are spent working on this book, digging first into its introduction, itself a small job….then to the beginning and to the structure.  With the work on the book moving along, its so easy to add material at this stage with great ease.  So naturally it leads me to ponder…..what do you ponder? What are YOUR questions?

What are your questions and ponderings about awakening?

Is there anything that does not make sense to you, or that you wonder about?

If there was something you most wanted to see in print about this subject, what would it be?

In science we like to appear so sure of ourselves.  We do the same in religion, too.  Its all sewed up.  In the bag.  We like feeling as though we are right, on the mark.  Sometimes, though, things come along to prove differently.

Science has these little things that completely blow what we think we know right out of the water. These things often show up as rare objects, but their implications put what we think we know into some shadow of a doubt.

Let me give you an example.  Some part of us would like to think that humans lived when the dinosaurs were still roaming the earth, and yet, we know, or think we know, that humans and dinosaurs were two completely different epochs.  Humans came later.  To even consider that dinosaurs and humans crossed paths is just nuts.

Except there is evidence that exists that shows that this was exactly what happened. This is something that scientists call problematica.  These are those objects, proof actually, that puts our cherished notions or theories into question. I rather like these things because it shows me that the world is quirky and unexpected, amazing and much more interesting than the way we have envisioned it.  When people say “That’s impossible!”  that is my cue to go looking for it because you know what?  The moment you say something like that is the moment something shows up that contradicts what you think you know.  Or knew.

There are footprints fossilized in the sand that have been found in rock strata that are impossibly old.  Human footprints. Heel, ball of the foot, all five toes.  Human sized.  Hundreds of millions of years old.  Gold chain has been found in a vein of coal many millions of years old.  A fabricated iron screw found in feldspar, a device with metal, ceramic and wood that looks like….a spark plug….encrusted with fossils that make it at least 500,000 years old.  But what we do with these things?  We shelve them, and try to forget about them.  I ask; why?  Why not admit that its one freaky wild world out there and maybe there WAS something like Atlantis once when we DID develop technology that enabled us to fly or any number of other things.  Maybe we rose in technology and learned what we are learning now which is that sometimes technology can be used to simply extend control to sickening heights or dimensions (consider that IBM is seeking to track via RIFD chip technology EVERYTHING that is bought and sold on the planet in what they call an :ambient computing environment” something that should make anyone who understands what this level of information means for your privacy and freedom).  Perhaps in developing technology the evils of our inability to control ourselves outweighed any good that it offered and the whole mess was forgotten, destroyed, and lain to rest.  Within just a few short generations these things could become lost to all history.  There was once a fleet of Chinese boats long before the European Renaissance that went to Australia, to San Fransisco Bay, and along the coast of South America.  And yet, knowledge of the Chinese exploits are little known because the following emperor ordered the fleet destroyed and all records (save one) destroyed.  There are stories to this day in Australia that tell of these Asian visitors.  One of their anchors was found in a bay in Australia as well as San Fransisco Bay. And yet, you wont be hearing about this because is upsets some people’s world view of how things are.   It isn’t so hard to destroy evidence of the past.  We do it all the time.  History is told by the victors.

Some of these things seem so impossible so improbable that we  ignore them.  Scientists do.  They shelve these things staring them in their face and try to forget about them.  They even have a name for these things:  problematica.  If you want to see just how odd and strange all of these things are, read up on some of my writing on this subject.  Instead of writing about it again here, go to a blog that has all the goods.  Here they are:

The Abydos Helicopter – A Question of Geometry

In this post I go into the fact that flying ships exist on the walls of the Temple of Abydos in Egypt.  Archeologists call the presence of these impossible objects a “palimpsest” which means what happens when one layer of stone or plaster falls away and results in the appearance of something that isn’t what was originally put there.  An accident.  The universe conspiring to make something that just never existed.  In my work, I use some analysis of the Golden Mean which the Egyptians used throughout their building and artwork to show that the accident at Abydos is one hell of an accident where not only do the stars align, but the rest of the galaxy too.

Our Ancient Past

We know that winged flight did not happen until the Wright Brothers came along, right?  Why then do we have objects from South America that clearly show delta-winged aircraft with cockpits and aerodynamic shapes that when scanned into computers and scaled up can be flown with the addition of a propeller when these objects are hundreds of years old and predate the rise of the European culture? Who here knows that a delta wing is unique in aviation and does not exist ANYWHERE in nature?  Who knows that the delta wing craft has been the only effective means that we know of to date to deal with flight other than copying how birds do it, which is with a fully articulated tail?

Ancient Enigmas

Fabricated gold chain in coal?    A silver vase dug out of a coal mine?  Learn more about the facts in this investigation into the very unusual world of our Ancient Enigmas.

Today is a gift.  Another day that I get to spend working on my book.  I am taking a break from writing in order to write. I just finished a section that had to do with larger effects across the Collective Consciousness that are happening currently.  And it is exciting.

I can remember those early days of awakening where I looked out through new windows, a returned sense of perception. I sensed I could feel the collective awareness, knew I was doing this now, and in sensing it, could feel, like a pulse, what was moving in the Collective Awareness.  I had never heard of anyone sensing in this way so I kept quiet about it for a while except for my closest of friends like Alison who has been experiencing this since she was young.  About six months ago while visiting my grandmother I listened to an interview with U.G. Krishnamurti when I had little to do in the house where I was staying.  Krishnamurti was describing the same thing I had experienced and said how we awaken to this state, less of just the individual and more of the Collective Consciousness. “Yes, yes!” I thought, “like shifting gears from one singular focus to a much larger focus which now makes up the whole of my experience now….”

What I experienced in those early days was a very clear awareness that something was afoot!  It was!  All these beings, people, all awakening!  I could feel them like stars shimmering against the dark coat of night….each pulsation having its effect on the whole.  A giant webwork, a network of being that was becoming conscious at this level!  What I felt within this was how the Collective felt “pregnant” with awakening, that the incident of awakening would expand.  You could just FEEL it.  It wasn’t rocket science, it wasn’t something hard to get at, at least I didn’t think so.  As I observed it seemed that more and more younger people were waking up all in a more spontaneous way, or with the barest of triggers.  What I feel now is a feeling of something rolling out, unfolding.  In some ways, I have focused much more on my own process, on me, instead of looking out into the Collective.  I think at the time this new feeling felt novel so I spent a lot of time just poking it and feeling around inside of it like some new skin.  I know, that probably sounded weird.  At least it isn’t an old bear skin or something…

Something is being birthed.

After about two years of experiencing kundalini, I had this feeling like there was something more, and that some of the ideas that people were saying about soul connections, twin souls, just didn’t make sense to me anymore.  The idea that kundalini yoga being the only way to wake up was obviously proven incorrect since I had done so without it or without any discernible practice.  I mean, yes, I had my own form of meditation which I had used for years, but I never read up on it, I never followed anyone’s method or technique.  I was a do-it-yourselfer;  DIY kundalini!   And then kundalini shifted into a whole new gear, ripping me to shreds pretty much (or so it felt—I was actually just resisting it…that happens when you resist the waves instead of surf them!).  Tsunami waves broke apart the old me and left the core of me on the beach to decide what was next.  As I struggled through this portion of the process I was visited by someone I call “my zen guy” and who wound up looking like an actual zen master named Taishen Deshimuru.  I mention it because of just how similar he appeared, although the living Taishen died about two decades ago….This was what I was writing about in my book just a few moments ago….

But anyway…..zen guy.  I was feeling this hard spot inside of me and it caused me sadness and upset.  He came to me and sat down to my side asked me “Why do you struggle?  Don’t you know that all of this is happening just as it should?  Don’t you realize that all of the monks and followers and aspirants all through the ages have each unwittingly had their effect by helping to create what is here now?  Each devotional prayer has helped to shape this template and now it is ready for you and all of your kind to simply step into it.  This is not a crevass to jump.  It is like stepping outside.  It is one small step.  You only need to step into it to inhabit it, to be it. ”  After he said that, it seemed such a simple thing; like all of this was about stepping out of an old suit of clothes into one that fit  better.  Thus began my thinking in terms of the Collective not just as something I felt but that was now a tangible part of life experience.  On the one hand, it all seemed so big and formidable, but on the other, it seemed to simple.  We get to choose whether we want it easy or hard, since we are creating it.   We can, in the words of someone I recently read — we can “unfuck the world.”  I know perhaps it sounds  bit indelicate, but this is what is happening.  We are loosening the threads that bind us and freeing ourselves…..person by person.  Can you feel the sweet air of freedom?

Now, back to writing!

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