Archives for posts with tag: kundalini

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In my last entry I described a meditation I got caught up in that resulted in strong light activity, a phenomenon often tied to awakening experiences. After what was a very productive session, I decided it would be a good idea to revisit the meditation again to see if I could continue with the work. This time was decidedly different, but was oddly similar to the movie about the after death experience “What Dreams May Come” starring Robin Williams. In a similar way, it was also a bit like the movie “Inception” too. This was due to the lucidity present throughout the experience, I think.

When I say my meditation was like a movie, it’s not lost on me that there was an undercurrent of drama, hinting at a subsumed emotional energy, like a great big question lying in hidden veils at the center of some great edifice that kept coming up and up, over and over. But this meditation took me deep while awake, and then took me into dream, while I alternated between lucidity and full-on dream state and forgetfulness of earthbound ego awareness. This time, instead of brilliance, I delved deep into the shadow.

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I have tended to see awakening taking on this kind of cycle; a moment of brilliance followed by a deep dredge of the muck as though one serves to bring up the other. It isn’t perhaps why many people misunderstand the power that awakening contains. It’s not all rainbows. It is more about clearing, cleansing, and it can be hard on you to do this kind of delving. I know it’s not fun for me….but it always comes with a reward that is forever reaped, an inheritance that remains perennial.

I slipped into the deep state. This part is the easy part. It’s being able to remain lucid enough inside such a deep lovely swirling eddy of energy and not lose consciousness, especially when it’s at the end of the day and you are ready for bed. I remained neutral, not seeking to do anything since the intention was already placed. I just had to wait for the subconscious and higher self to do their part. I was along as a witness to what would unfold. My cat lay next to me, again, purring softly, a few snorts as she drifted either deep or up out of her own deep sleep. This time, she would project right into my lucid dream, acting as a reminder to remember why I was there.

I wound up inside a dream. It was night and I was walking around an old house that I remembered having dreamed of years before in another shadow work dream at an earlier stage in my progress. Nowadays, dream imagery and its meaning tends to be much more direct or understandable than it ever was before awakening. For me, a house represents the construct of human consciousness. It is an image that Jesus often used, too, and it has been a consistent image each time I dream of it. In one dream I might be in a house, in another, a warehouse, or in one, I stood on the streets of a city as I observed the roots of some massive tree or plant that was growing in a large building, revealing its roots as it emerged through cracks in a deep stairwell….an image that spoke to me of the work that remained to be done in the root chakra, the foundation.

Last night, it was that same old haunted house. It had the weight of ghosts, of lives and people who had lived inside of it and now it lay abandoned. A moment of lucidity began to build and I felt myself dream while kicking into meditation all awareness simultaneously. The last time I was here, the dream ended with me discovering that I could lift up into the air; a clear indication of my letting go and allowing the organic force flow through me. I lifted up into the treetops. This time, though, I was solidly grounded. I pondered what else was there to clear out, to resolve in this tumble of an old home? It was in its own slanted way, a great life, but it wasn’t my life today, but one lived a long time ago. All of this was emblematic of the work I had left incomplete in that previous life, and here I was, having to set it right, to give it that moment of forgiveness it so needed in order to be free.

The house lay in a depression, between two sloping meadows. It must have been a lovely sight in its heyday, but it was lying in moonlight and was ramshackle. The large wrapping porch had sunk in, taking a wing of the roof with it. You could see into its interior and as I made my way around it, I realized how much it lay in shadow. “If there is to be light here, I am the one who must bring it…” I realized.

Just as I thought this, I felt myself lift and the dream fall away from me. I was warm in bed, and only had a moment to ponder as, like a swimmer, I went right back in, grabbing a quick breath as the waves of sleep lapped over my head and everything went muffled and I lost ordinary waking consciousness, trusting that I would find myself again on the other side.

I was walking in yet another building, another old house, and this time I was inside it. There was no light, and windows down the hall and into a large outer room were painted over a kind of greenish color. Drapes hung in tatters, and there was a drip of water that made a smacking sound as each drop filled a puddle on the wooden floor, now a wash of sepia in the dark of the night. I remembered this house, too. This was one I didn’t like at all. It looked like it hadn’t been lived in in forty years. Nothing was bright about this place, it had a dank and decaying feeling to it. I kept walking though, wondering if I would find something that would mean I had broken through to something. I noticed kitty was with me. She has a name, but she knows kitty best. Sometimes she is monkey, sometimes Georgette. There she was, her tail flicking upwards. I could hear her thoughts, wondering why we were here, then immediately realizing that she was in my dream. She settled in after that and began following alongside me with less trepidation. She predicted that we wouldn’t be here long,and she was right. I surfaced yet another time out of sleep and felt my deep breathing. It was like being awake, but feeling the spell of dreaming still all around me.

The answers didn’t come in the usual fashion. So much of these places represented aspects of myself from the past, mostly distant, unresolved, lying unseen, needing badly to be seen. They had a surrealistic quality to them. I felt that edge of…fear, dread, and yuck about it. But that was exactly why I had to go back into these old haunts. I wasn’t there seeking to do what a guide once admonished me never to do, which was to try and drag it back into my life again. No, this was different. The idea that I had to carry the light into these darker corners was what this was all about.

Awakening is ruthless. You can’t bullshit yourself. Only when it’s completely clean, clear, forgiven, can things be forgotten. Until our inner compass is satisfied, we wind up going back to those places to sweep that little remaining bit of shadow away. I felt like I was ingesting it, taking it in so that I could metabolize it into light. Kitty stirred and looked at me through blinking eyes, sleepily, her head up, then back down, nonchalantly falling back in for another round of sleep. This felt like it was turning into a tag team wrestling match, dipping into lucid dreaming using meditation as the launching pad.

I kept at this all night in a marathon of visitations, never knowing where I would end up next, but in each case it was some long forgotten building, some old remnant that I have inherited in this go-round and am tasked with emptying of what is less than it’s best. Like  a big cleaning. You know how it is. You pull out the big stuff and haul it away, and with each time you go back, the particles get finer and finer until you go from sweeping up the last bits to wiping up the dust. This is all old business, an old self, a past life, and it’s now being brought forward.

I thought about that first house I dreamed of in the months before awakening came. It was all so much brighter, more optimistic. A road led up a hill with a creek running beside it. The creek grew stronger the closer I got to its headwaters, which revealed how this wasn’t an ordinary body of water. It was prana itself, filled with symbols and brilliant. How could water be so bright? Climbing the hill, on the right, was a beautiful arts and crafts meets Zen monastery. Built from large beams, the building interlocked, revealing its construction. Stone rose up through its middle, and when you walked inside you could clearly see two fountains inside, split down the middle, representing the Ida and Pengali currents with the Shushuma in the middle. That was my house, my temple, a place that was more than just home, but was who I was. It still is. But since that time, I have had to venture out into the past in order to heal it and cleanse it. Actually, I can’t even say it is I who does this; clearly my earthbound self isn’t up to this, but something deeply rooted in me is. It is this part of me that teaches, reveals, redeems, and ressurects. I wish dream could be brighter sometimes, but there are plenty of regular dreams that are, and besides, digging into shadow always resolves some deeper sense of feeling ill at ease in me.

It would be great if I could offer some grand finale, but an ending is itself a beginning, a new thread is discovered and it’s then followed through until something big is exposed from the rubble. Another chapter is begun even as additional chapters emerge. Over time, what I have found, is the gradient becomes finer and finer. It actually gets harder to keep the shoulder to the grind stone sometimes. It’s easier…the energy is less turbulent and it doesn’t stir me in the same way. But what I also find is that in some ways it’s a little easier simply because so many blocks have been removed. The blocks have gotten harder, but the level of confidence has been forged in the flame of awakening. As if that makes any kind of sense, right? The easy stuff came away first, and when I put myself into energy work like Chi Gong, material cascaded away, and this continued for years. Thousands of blocks, I figure, big and small, always burrowing down deeper and deeper.

For me, the hardest blocks lay deep down. For me, the root was where the hardest wounds lay. And despite all of this, I was able to manifest truly remarkable opportunities in my life, and when I was ready, events have simply fallen into place. When I was ready to fund the next phase of my life after a collapse of the markets, I waited, keeping my wealth in assets I could relate to, which was real estate. Even though I saw half the value of my property evaporate, it also came back during a confluence of events when I was ready to make my next step. Wanting in truth to sell directly to a buyer instead of a realtor, my soon-to-be realtor cancels when she gets too busy with a market which suddenly was going crazy. Deciding to sign papers for representation in another three days, I’m contacted by a family who heard through the grapevine that I was going to list my house soon. They asked if they could buy it directly from me, an outcome which I had wished for in my heart. While taking a nap hours before I would speak to them on the phone, I see them in a meditative state, not knowing that they would be talking to me later that day. Before I was set to sign papers with my realtor for representation, they brought a contract. I was able to sell to a family who had loved my house for years and were having trouble even seeing homes because of how hot the market had heated up within months.

Now it might be a big question what this has to do with my work. What I have found is that as each block is removed, so too are the blocks to manifesting the events in my life that support what needs to come next. This isn’t for me about chasing wealth, but finding my own inner abundance, which is less about money as it is about opportunity and helping to make others lives better. There is so much feeling of loss and lack, and for years I too fell for this feeling. But often, the things I chased after weren’t the things that would have been good for me. That was why they were hard. What is easy comes like magic. These things emerge in perfect timing. Life is increasingly different as the years roll, and as the air clears. Life is more a series of serendipitous events that have purpose and flow, pushing some old block to the surface, or leading to the next step. Something bigger is in control. That might sound superstitious, but it’s not. As division falls away, there is a marriage of the small self with something larger within. This is about bridging the gap and clearing the way for this to happen, and it’s not done halfway or half-assed. How’s that for mystical musing?

Whatever it will be for you, getting out from underneath the tangles holding you back, is what brings the change. For now, the work continues, and who knows what is around the corner.

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I’m not going to blow smoke up your behind. I honestly cannot say where it comes from. I can’t even say if it originates in our neurochemistry or in interdimensional space. What I do know is that it figures in most every transformative event for people down through the ages.  Saints and sages all speak of it and in the world of awakenings, it’s presence is ubiquitous. You might even say it’s a prerequisite or initiation into awakening itself.

 

Im talking about the experience of “the light.” Most who have awakening experiences have had at least one encounter with it. In earliest Christianity they wrote about it, even connected it to the same light one sees when one dies, linking this encounter as critically important for attaining something more in this life of ours. What is clear is that whether you were Paul on his way to Damascus, or a monk meditating in a cave, getting hit by that blinding light is an important clue that awakening is here.

 

I experienced it in a completely unexpected way while meditating prior to the full “rise” of kundalini. When it happened, I actually thought someone had flipped the light switch, like playing a trick on me to get me to come out of the dark room I was in at the time. But no, there had been no switch flipping that day…at least no switches in the physical, that is…

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after my innocuous encounter with with the white light, things began changing real fast. I didn’t see events downstream as being connected, but over time, I have come to see it as one of several central events tied to my awakening. I think that to attain this light leads to what the ancients called the perfection of the Light Body, the Rainbow Body, or soul. In ancient texts an encounter with the white light is the demarcation point most often used to point out how a person’s life has changed. I should add that this is not, in my experience, an instantaneous cleansing, but an event that initiates a process of cleansing.

But here’s the thing. I can’t say for sure that it’s even really light. It may simply be an interpretation of an energetic emanation of some kind. It might even be connected to how we perceive. It might be inside of us all along. I say this because it feels like it is within. It does not feel like it’s coming from outside in the least. Perhaps this is a realization about our true nature as this light? I really cannot say. It is a bit of a mystery. Maybe it’s God, Maybe it’s an emanation from it. Maybe it’s my own connection to higher order awareness. What I can say is that while I am aware of it, I don’t feel anything particularly special at the time while I see this light effect. It seems to have had a healing effect, but more “downstream” from the light event itself. It remains a bit of a mystery in my experience, and I am loathe to jump to conclusions about what I think it is or isn’t.

What isn’t a mystery, though, is how this encounter has life changing effects.

Last night, on what can arguably be considered one of the coldest nights in years, I snuggled into bed with my cat purring by my side and after watching a documentary, slipped into a nice meditative state. I did this after feeling a bit of upset about something happening with a family member who is unable to understand something which I felt was important at the time. For some reason, it had me tied in knots. All the more reason to go into meditation and see if I could find resolution of one kind. So with eyes closed, I felt my energy begin to move, fluttering, spinning, and pulsing. The more I let go, the more it was free to simply be itself. My meditation nowadays tends to center around letting my energy body simply be itself without controls from the mind. Call it a surrender to the higher self, a larger order or picture of what is true. When I did, even though I had been tied in knots thinking about the world as it is, everything went by the wayside as a world of light effects began to take shape for the first time in years.

Since my encounter with the light, my experience has been largely one of sensation but without a visual compliment. No light effects. As I found myself very quickly in deep water, I prayed about the state of the world, my experience in it, and how I might resolve my feelings about it. That’s when the light came.

It was without form, but it felt as though it had layers and that these layers were unfolding from within, as though from my core a light was being generated and was propagating such that it had sheaves or orbs with different layers nested one inside the other. It was multilayered light. Suffusing it was this white light. I know I just said it had no form only to begin giving it form. It had the idea of form, but was not tied down to how form is linear and composed as it is in the physical. If something was in a center point, it was more the idea that this was so. In truth, I can’t adequately explain exactly how it appeared to me. It was at once no local while also having locality, shape, and form. Formlessness within form.

Was I being cleansed? Was it healing me? Was it a neurological effect? All I can say is that when I awoke, whatever feelings I had last night that weighed on me, they feel far away.

So here is what I am going to do. I’m going to see if I can repeat last night’s performance and try and place my unresolved feelings into the light, if it comes again, to see what happens. I will see if I can begin doing this on a regular basis to see how it works. I suppose if one believe in it enough, anything is possible. But humor me my experiments. I’ll report back on what I have found. And I also should include that it’s easy to say there has been a change 24 hours in. The story will probably be told after weeks or months. Only after seeing sustained change can we ever know that the change was real and not just wishful thinking.

In a sense, this is what awakening does anyway, which is to resolve blocked emotional material. In the healing method called Ho’oponopo, one offers up your brokenness to the universe in order to heal it. It is offering it up to a higher power. There are countless other methods for healing that are from many different traditions that all involve very similar methods, a “let go and let God” sort of idea.

I think it could be interesting…<3

They don’t tell you this in the sales brochure, but Awakening isn’t all sunshine and rainbows. Sometimes it’s you, marinating in some dank dark oil of your own indefinable misery as you tell yourself that this must be what they mean about “Shadow Work.” Sounded pretty innocuous at first glance. It didn’t stop you from rushing through that door, though, did it? And it hasn’t stopped you from reading this far.

It gets better. I promise.

Awakening for Westerners is proving to be it’s own unique kind of experience. In India, the culture has systems in place that have been developed over hundreds, even thousands, of years all for the purpose of preparing the individual for one thing: awakening. This is in a word, called yoga, a system with multiple rungs intended to somatically clear the naddis (our circuitry for prana) of stored emotional energy in preparation for the emergence of a stronger or higher energetic state which is called kundalini. The results, then, are different for those in India than for most Westerners (with every case being unique). I could say it’s good to prepare, but here we are, Westerners, blank slates where awakening is concerned, now thrust into this new life. It’s a birth that took only seconds in some cases where everything is changed…..irrevocably. Truth is, we haven’t a clue about the kind of prep needed for awakening. But then again, this preparation wasn’t a part of our culture unless you count accepting Christ as your savior or having a meditation practice.

It’s exciting to watch as it takes shape. It can also be a little terrifying. It’s because something quite large is within and it’s running the show. For as freaked out as I was those first few weeks, I came to realize that this force was not here to hurt me. It never has. It has always removed things that in the end really did me no good at all. I thought of it as a chef in the kitchen of my spiritual life, concocting solutions, changing the menu, setting things right. I learned to stay out of the way, watching a master at work.

I lost really important relationships. I was crushed by a woman I was married to and had children with who sought to turn my children against me. It never hurts nearly as much as when they succeed, though. I was taught that some things just aren’t my own, and never were. I was just there, and it could have been anybody, really, the same scenario was going to play out for them. I saw the kitchen door open as the chef showed me the back door. He whispered, “It will be safer for you this way.”

There is hurt, happiness, fear, joy, loneliness, love, and longing. It’s all lit up, incandescent, at least for a time, so you can see your issues and foibles and learn to let them go. Since the truth is that material things don’t ever buy authentic happiness, the shift is into real often “lonely ” joy. It’s this solitary joy that is like entering the Holy of Holies. It is what dying is like, too, which is surprising when death comes because it’s such an expansive process rather than the dark ending that our worst fears promulgate. It grows in freedom the further you go along with it. It has a swirling beauty that is sensual and orgasmic. It is, of course, nothing like the Southern Baptist minister said it would be like. It’s clear that you are blissful now for no reason except that this is what you know about yourself, and it’s unbelievably beautiful. You feel this way because of this realization that woke you and opened you to your true nature as a child of the one great Light.

Even as you know this, you go through bliss to misery, sometimes many time in a day, a sure sign that your buried bones in your subconscious are still there, rattling away, killing the thrill of your “be here now moment.” You wake up one day and you feel paralyzed. Unable to move. The next day, the energy is leaping around the room and you hear voices or see shapes, or angels in the wee hours, or a hundred other amazingly wonderful things. On this day you are a golden goddess or a god,but you do wonder when it will turn to rust. But wait long enough, and you suspect you will be on that train to Paradise yet again. Something in you screams that there is a reason for this rapid cycling, and you’d be right. You make a new promise to let the energy penetrate as deeply as it can, next time, even if it does uncover acts and feelings you are ashamed of or that you have loathed secretly about yourself for years. As a Westerner, you probably have to be brought to the furthest edge of your misery before you are howling in the night, praying for it to come take you from your fucked up madness. And it does. Honestly, this is how souls are saved more often than we would like to admit.

One morning you might look in the mirror and forget for a few seconds who you even are. The disorientation itself is enough to keep your brow furrowed. You might worry that it might be a brain tumor but you think, “No, I’ll just wait” because you dont want to tip your hat to the world that you might be hip deep in a shit creek. Sure enough, it passes, but you get a feel for what a real brain tumor might be like and tell yourself that you’ll have to give to cancer research because what you just experienced was its own special version of a bad morning discovery.

You are visited by angels even as you are haunted by your demons. Its how this is for us; we didn’t prepare. We come to awakening dirty as sin while standing in the temple of our greater spiritual light. Lucky for us, this light is just so glad we managed to show up. There is a bit of muddy water until we begin to get washed clean. It goes on for years, really, but you can’t help but clean a dirty garment of its filth when you live in the water of life.

Over time, and in direct proportion to the amount of material you have released (It’s all repressed emotion from one traumatic event in your life to another), it gets easier. Turbulent intense sexual energy refines into finer vibration. It’s smoother. There are fewer stones in the road. It all takes time, dedication, and a willingness to just let go. What feeds your purpose stays, what doesn’t, goes. The pendulum swings aren’t as great as they were before. You don’t transit from heaven into hell and back again from one day to the next. Swings come, they just aren’t as destructive as they seemed before. We each have much to learn from each other who are going through this trial by fire and water.

It’s just your baggage. Seems you can’t be in heaven with it, so we learn how not to accumulate it here. And awakening is the magical elixir that makes it possible to heal the impossible. It loosens your grip, allows you to fall, it let’s you see that there is nothing except this feeling which is a version of what the great Light feels. It too was once lonely, and it speaks through the very light of awakening in as unobtrusive way as it possibly can. It wants to be with us if we can let it in. Its like how the Egyptian god weighed hearts using the feather as the measure. It isnt that you are damned if you have a heavy heart; you just cant feel or be aware of heaven without that lightness of being. Which of course begs and answers the question all at once that heaven is a state of mind and not a silly tale about a gated community somewhere.

The earthly self is one rung on this ladder into heaven. The Higher self is the second rung. From there, ever higher rungs lead us back into our ancestry, our origins, back to a less complicated way of being, and back to something we call God (note to self: no description can ever describe it).

It gets better. You get to be whoever, but perhaps more importantly however you want…. just as long as it’s your highest. Anything else will always be hard. What is easy is the flow. I know; Westerners look at flow and think “lazy ” but this is in truth learning to partner with physical reality to bring about the manifestation of important events that reveal a hitherto unknown quality for consciousness to join with the physical universe to make small and big miracles happen.

Whoah! That was fricken incomprehensible!

How about this: we are suddenly magical and can make miracles happen when its needed. It’s just co-creation and it has everything to do with how you feel and how your mind has been unleashed. Yes, it gets easier. It takes dedication and a lot of self honesty. This is turning the light back on yourself. What do you see? Yeah, shadow work.

It is lonely. It’s lonely realizing how everyone is caught up in a world that has very little to do with what is here on this planet, or that matters. Sure, you can get people to care so long as you tie it to a 5k Run for charity or you can create a slick meme you post on social media so it gets gobbled up and digested for a few moments. You wonder how anyone wakes up at all.

Can you see how our desire has been eating our planet alive? Car trips spewing carbon just so we can satisfy our desire to see someone we love,or to go to jobs, to do all the things we say and see as important. Plane trips to visit coral reefs in decline. An addiction to plastic that makes eating our Little Debbies so much more convenient but also gets into our rivers and lakes as microplastic, disrupting the guts of fish and their endocrine systems. Yeah. Big buzz kill, right?

The shape of our desire has forced us to live easy but it comes with a price. Again, buzz kill, but it’s true. People who want things so they can feel a certain way….cars, houses, and relationships. We marry so we won’t be alone. We have children because we don’t want to die alone. We buy nice things sometimes to scare away a deeper sense of poverty or fear that we aren’t good enough. Once in a great while we get really honest about what is motivating us, but we usually want what we want. We will take dying rainforests and bleaching coral reefs just to get those Little Debbies and lifestyles born of a desire that is killing our world. And there you sit, on your own, watching this giant pooping machine of hunger turn and move. You are, afterall, a part of it, too, but maybe a little more aware of what’s going on because a channel was opened in you that let you feel the connection everything has with everything else as you can’t help but feel a sacredness about it which leads to grace. But it still won’t change unless we are it’s harbinger, it’s mover, it’s shaker, it’s champion. The loneliness might also come from knowing that the life of desire, the shape of desire as we know it now on average, is coming to an end as it pertains to what we think will make us happy…

Nothing, though, brings as much exquisite….feeling…than the energy in awakening, simply resting in the heart of the divine. And that too is a challenge because it washes away desire for the things of this world. Is it any wonder we demonized it back in the garden by calling it a deceiver who brings knowledge? But still, I challenge you to find anything as incredible as the light which confers a standing wave of orgasmic ecstasy pulsing through every level of body, mind, heart, and soul for days-months-at a time.

It does get better, but it’s a new world. Maybe we need this so badly that it’s coming the way it is…to people nearly unbidden and woefully unprepared. It’s a new orientation, a new world, if we can take it.

Namasté ❤

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My morning window view

 

 

It comes in the unexpected moments,

with lack of guard

the inbetween

where the barrier to it falls

the heart melts

the self is returned to its primordial state

a glimpse

that returns again and again

until the brilliant flash fills and alters

changing you forever.

 

 

It isn’t worth wasting it

on anything but wonder

this sovereign moment

that owns itself

turning you over to a higher ❤️

a force that

forges you

bending the crooked

straightening,

cleansing,

purifying…

 

It can come at any time

especially when you least expect it…

making a lover of you.

People say a lot about it…and for the most part, there’s a lot of good information out there. But there are a lot of things said that just aren’t so. Some say you must have a guru, receive diksha, and stuff like that. But they say it because that’s their only experience, so they can’t imagine it any other way.

I didn’t have a guru. I didn’t receive diksha. I didn’t do yoga. I didnt sit in full lotis with back straight, eyes on the nose. I did have a confluence of serendipitous events based on my singular intent to get to the bottom of a few things in my life. These were things that I had buried and needed to resolve that wound up being the switch that turned on the lights. I didn’t have a guide, I did what I was trained as an artist to do: I observed. I’m no different than anyone else except I have been seeking this something “more” that came crashing into my life like a cosmic visitor who made sure nothing would ever be the same ever again.

I see so many searches done on my page that show me that on a daily basis people are just trying to come to grips with their awakening. In the beginning it is a lot to take in. But I think that you were made for this. I also think that we all have existential threads that we need to learn how to cut while awakening is present and strong in us. Doing this will free you up to go from intense awakening to smooth flow. For as hard as it was for me at times, I always knew I was going to make it. I think I chose this at some level. Something in me has the resilience to get through the harder parts of the experience. It’s incredibly personal, so it’s a bit like being laid open like an experiment in dissection…and yet, if you notice, the things that are dissected are never a loss to you. I had this fear….like it was going to destroy me. It was really my fear of change. Over time I learned simple forms of surrender which took me twenty feet into my soul depths, then 40 feet…only to find there was a still deeper surrender as it took me deeper into my psyche to dig out the deeply rooted issues. Not happy with trimming my existential bushes, I dug deep and asked the energy to take me with it. It has always been my teacher and my guide. I am the guru…but that guru is mine. It is your job to recognize the guru in you, too. There is nothing wrong with seeking to figure out how you will do this. My words are just a reminder that you have this. Get curious about yourself.

Today as I was working, there was this channel of information streaming in. Normally I ignore it so I can focus on the busy-work of my day. But it comes, and when it does, when I listen deeply and give myself to it, I can later go and lay on my soft carpeted floor on cushions and give it my full attention. This makes a lover of me, I am not ashamed to admit, and it draws me closer, a great nothingness that is everything, that I am drawn to. And then, I am on fire again.

So as this comes in the moment, let me see if I can explain something that it’s telling me and if you can relate to it.

Kundalini is just an abundance of an energy we call prana, chi (qi), ka, or life force or vital force. It comes when enough blocks are removed to make it possible to let it’s flow increase. I know the Indians say you concentrate on it to imagine drawing it up from the base of the spine, but energetically something “gives way” inside of you that allows for this flow. This isn’t a physical change. It is a change in the structure of your thoughts and your feeling. It’s simple. In fact, way simpler than most people let themselves to be.

Since prana is a force that is also conscious energy, the “structures” that govern it is the subtle energy system. Normaly, we were made for it’s flow, but as humans, it’s stopped. In most people, its a trickle. Once it flows, little can stop it.

The one thing that can stop it is strong negative emotional energy and your thoughts. In the early stages of awakening it seems nothing can stop it, but I have seen that it can be regulated. So if this is so, then the way you can work with this energy is by learning how to be so that the ride is easy instead of hard. This is how it teaches you. You might want to resist it at first, but this is the universal intelligence in all of us, and it has no limitations. The only thing that limits you is you. And for a time, keeping a handle on it may be what you need before going deeper with it. Just follow your instincts and your comfort level. You can, though, go as deep as you wish with it. It is without limit.

Growing up, I had a lot of run-ins with energy. I could have awakened early in life, but the material didn’t move enough. I knew intuitively though that I needed to increase the flow of my inner energy. Interesting things would happen when the flow increased. I often missed what the trick was in increasing the flow. I didn’t realize how I felt was the valve that opened it up. I was too much in my head. I was shown that as this energy increased, my ability to be more aware of numerous streams increased, too.

In an experience at age 18 with a past life as a Native American man who was having a Thunderbeing vision, I found myself swept up into a high level electrical energy of the spirit that made it possible for me to be simultaneously aware of being in four places all at once. Without going into the experience in detail, as the energy rose in me during this vision quest experience in that past life, I was able to be aware that I was alive in numerous aspects or spiritual beings in the vision. I looked out through my eyes as the native man, my own eyes in 1984, the eyes of the thunderbird, and the eyes of the Thunderbeing who was in the storm. I was able to be aware of each location at once. There are exercises that yogis use that do the same thing, and I suspect it’s to achieve the same type of state.

I am telling you this to illustrate the point that as energy increases, so too does consciousness and it’s ability to perceive and take in information incredibly fast and on many channels at once. This only happens when there is enough energy present. I am telling you this to help you be aware of what your potential is and that you can use this to help yourself understand better what’s going on inside you. And if you don’t believe what I have conveyed to you is possible, try imagining the possibility that it is possible, and then do an experiment where you tell yourself that you will allow yourself to open up and be led. Depending on who you are, you might slip right into it, achieving what you thought you were not capable of moments before, or it might need to incubate in you for days or even weeks before you have that surprise “a-ha” moment. Could be, too, that you have it come to you in dream. If it fits you enough, it’s only a matter of time before you encounter it. It’s really about where you put your focus.

So the really great thing I was being shown today was a version of something I think about a lot because I find it so interesting. This is the energetic engine that keeps prana flowing. I’m being shown that it’s these two polarities, things I think of as a cosmic quantity that I might symbolize in my mind as the shakti-shiva or the divine pair. But when these “two” which are really just one wake up inside of you, it wakes up the rest of the cosmos inside of you, too, because this pair is seeded into everything, so it opens you up and gives you access to all that is.

The energy in you is moving through all other things, and since the energy exists outside of space/time, it is everywhere all at once. This means you are also everywhere, too, by extension. I know you aren’t everywhere physically , but take a moment to feel the “god” state alive in this experience and feel how the very fine energy within it is simply not limited. Do you feel that immensity?

Maybe you think you should do something with it. Maybe you think it’s just that way and nothing more can be done. What I find is that as I turn my attention, the energy can “fetch” whatever it is I want or need to know about a good many things. I also need only think about something and it winds up happening. I have been having some very nice adventures in manifesting lately. This reveals to me how the world is really creating using our thoughts. The world is not for or against me, it’s giving me what I am.

Imagination is the gateway for this experience. Beyond the most obvious use of imagination, which is the creation of things, is also the capacity in you to image things that you never knew about before. Imagination becomes a portal for direct knowledge, direct learning, and your ability to feel is what makes it possible for you to relate to whatever information you are picking up on. All of this is experienced not as concepts but as a living reality. Everything has a life. Everything is alive, sentient, even if it’s not physically alive. It is the aliveness of atoms that makes it possible for matter to evolve or to become living like we are.

This aliveness, this livingness is in everything, and it isn’t that our existence as sentient matter is the ultimate state, because it isnt, it’s that everything that exists exists because it is aware. Far from dead matter, atoms have an enduring life of their own, with subatomic particles making up the “cells” of each atoms “body.”

What makes this possible is the sweetness, the uncompromisingly compassionate and ever-present energy on which we are all riding. By sinking into it, you avail yourself of its healing as it straightens out the kinked and blocked places within you. It feels fierce early in awakening only because it’s like trying to fit a thousand gallons through a straw. This is due to the energy body still being restricted or blocked. The more you let it flow into you in your dark places, the more it removes and the more smooth everything within your body and mind gets.

This is to me like the biggest story around. It is for many, a secret. But hidden in your ability to feel (not your emotions…this is your ability to feel and to be more and more sensitive inwardly) is it’s “secret” revealing itself. The less you rationalize with it,the more it will unfold in you.

The more aware you are, the more capable you will be of feeling the remaining blocks in your energy body. As you turn your attention to them, the prana flows. It flows through your attention. This is why we can transmit energy through our eyes. It isn’t that the energy literaly flows through our physical eyes, but that it flows through our attention, and for this energy, a gaze is a form of attention.

It’s quite something knowing that your body is host to trillions and trillions of other lives existing in your body at this moment. It’s true; every cell has it’s own life, even if it lives for only a few weeks, or even days. Every atom, when you see it up close , pulses and vibrates in such a way that it’s a wonder that your body mass doesn’t just slip through everything.

The world’s secrets can open up like a beautiful mountain flower which only you are privy to in that moment. What would you like to see? Would you like to see how we were made, how we came to be here on this planet? It’s surprising to find out that human life as we know it was active long before earth was hospitable, existing in different genomes in different regions of this and other gallaxies. Sound impossible? Go look. Use your minds eye. Or maybe you ant to learn how other cultures existed, or how the light body works, or new forms of technology that use sentient energy as a way to interface with them without the use of dirty fossil fuels, or how you can cancel gravity through high frequency waves, or how some theories in physics only get it partly right. Or, closing your eyes, you can listen to the life of plants and read about their story and how their passions exist in differently seeded ways than our own, a realization that helps to open the mind to the possibilities.

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I only want one thing for you, if you are blazing with the fire and rushing with the rivers running through your heart and soul as your body is taking this wild ride of awakening: to make it count.

 

 

You can push this beyond what you think is possible, you can reach for the ripe fruit. You can dare yourself, you can reach uncharted waters.  I have been there, and I am egging you, nudging, waving my arms.  Its here.

 

 

Imagination is the portal through which you will go. Learn to trust it.  If you bring the awakened state with you, as you sink into it and it fires up, a world will emerge before you.  Blank slate at first, but hush, be quiet; its up ahead.  I am pointing you to the impossible.  I am asking you to make the unknown, known. Now lean into it.  Lean into it and ask a question….but that question should be something that you are really interested in.  Its not stock quotes or the lottery; you are here for the secrets of the universe, right?  Ask about how things go, the root cause of things.  Do not expect an answer, just make the call inside of your mind.  This is the inception.  It broods, it grows, it gestates. This is how it goes.  Wait.  But be ready. At any moment, it could come.  Make awakening your friend, make it your partner.  In it will be everything reflected.  But disbelieve that you can even do this and poof! It scatters like light in rain.

 

 

Then you are lost.  You are stuck with what you think you know, relying on what your senses have been telling you, which is itself a limited story.  You don’t need to read or acquire knowledge in the old way.  There is a new way, a way that has been used for a long time by a very few people.  It isn’t magic, and its poorly understood.  It just takes getting in the right grooove.

 

 

Feel with your body. Stop the mind.  This is how you shift out of the physical senses.  It is also how you can make your awakening count by doing this.  It does not seem legitimate simply because our world is awash in the belief that you can’t do this.  But you CAN.  I have, and so can you.  Sink into it, and let the mind go blank.  Its easy once you know how.  So slip into that delicious space where you don’t have to think or worry, you are in that place where you feel Presence.  It is YOUR presence that meets the Tao.  The One.  Its simple, no thunderclaps.  In fact, no one would believe you had done it, so let the haters hate, the empty suits just be empty.  You have this.  It is all done through feeling.  Its how its been done for centuries.  FEEL your body, FEEL your energy.  Let it grow and increase. Its so simple, so easy, yes?  Get quiet.  Feel those eddies and currents begin to flow and increase.  That is the first part.  Your mind goes quiet, you focus inwardly.  You are almost there…

 

 

You let your body FEEL it and the mind goes silent.  There, as you wonder if its even working, is the first thread.  Just grab it with that empty mind and don’t worry what will come.  FEEL it!  The more you learn to feel, the more of it that will come. This is the secret.  This is the reverse of rational thought.  It’s okay, you can do this, you have permission.  Play.  Consider.  What is there to lose or risk?  Then, it will seem as though some part of you is magically coming up with ideas, images, concepts. They will slowly begin to resolve.  Reach beyond what you think is possible.  It is like being suspended in thin air and all of a sudden land builds around you to support you: impossible, you think.  But there it is, a world is forming.  Let form build.  See where it takes you.  Everyone will go in the direction that they are most intimately interested in.  That is always the best stuff because it is so close to your heart, you see.  Your imagination is stepping beyond mere production to reception.  This is the other side of what imagination is! As you go, things add up….ideas stack up in your head.  You feel excited, you feel inspired.  It all seems crazy, your rational mind is in fits.  You let the rational mind go in circles for a while longer as you tease more and more threads from thin air.

 

 

I will tell you that I saw how matter is formed from energy using this method.  I wanted to know, but I did not know how it could be known.  Weeks later as I sat in a park I felt the inner Presence speak: “Look at the trees” it said.  I did, and I felt something pull me inward through their leaves and cells, down into their compounds, atoms, then subatomic particles.  All of this, through my third eye, I saw as if in my imagination a world explode into view.  I was there, feeling the warm breeze and watching carefully as my child played in front of me.  I was all completely there, tantalizingly present, totally aware of everything, yet this energetic presence was supporting me and showing me another channel.  My mind was fed information about that place where matter turns into energy and energy into matter.  It took me years to untangle it, to understand that what I was seeing had been described by such great minds as Plank, Heisenberg, and more.  I knew what I had seen was true, but really, who would have believed me?  I hadn’t gone to school for this, I hadn’t studied for years in books, and I hadn’t worked on advanced formulae.  I simply got pulled down into it and saw it first-hand.  I related to what I was feeling.  I FELT the phenomenon as an atom might feel itself.  I WAS the phenomenon.  I had to translate it, make it into something my mind could grasp.  But I did, and you can too.  All of this took only moments. I kept going back to it over and over, just to get a better look, and to satisfy my rational mind that it was real.  Of course it was real.  Doubters will always doubt, and that is the rational mind for you…

 

Seers have done this for centuries, and because it was so poorly understood they were often oppressed.  You do not need to fear this this time around.  The world supports this, this way is built into the very molecules of life and matter.  It is encoded into the All like light shines through our world.  This thread can lead you to many other worlds and can fill your life with inspiration, creativity, and life.  It IS life.  A forgotten life….but you can remember it, and the more who do this the easier it will be for others.  I have blazed a trail as others have, too.  Just follow the path of least resistance into the underbrush.  Feel the currents pull you.  Trust the universe in the wisdom and structure built into it.

We can all do this, it isn’t so hard.  It is reading the light.  It is teasing strands out of the ether, and it can be used for the good of all.  We can learn how to do this and we can teach others. We have this one moment in the sun of our illumination where this can be done and passed on.  It need not be covered over in myths and legends, or in misconstrued notions about how reality is or might be.  You need only consider that it could happen….

Your energy body is a perfect reflection of the totality of the universal truths of existence. The seven major chakras represent seven major aspects that make up the seed of all creation. In you are seven major chakras which are like an octave, a totality. When you can clear these seven chakras of all of the shame and guilt and repressed emotions, you can begin to really know by direct experience what creation is because it has been seeded in you. This is the “divine spark” the Atman, the higher self. 

This “seed” has within it the power to know truth (crown chakra), see the truth(third eye chakra), speak the truth (throat chakra) love the truth (heart), be the truth (solar plexus), feel the truth (the sacral chakra) and create the truth (the root chakra). When these centers are clear, you no longer repress the truth but experience it cleanly. As long as you have repressed emotion in a part of the light body, so too will the truth be hidden from your direct experience. Clearing these centers is an act of clearing karma. You might think karma is tied to your actions, but I ask; what is the root of your actions? This is what clearing karma is, and it closely aligned to the concept of sin (which means anything that harms your soul). It clears away bad memories, bad knee-jerk behaviors that keep you in a cycle of pain and spreading that pain to others. It clears you so you know who you truly are beneath that mountain of dross. This is the true freedom, it is true peace. 

When you reach this place, you see clearly that anyone behaving in anything other than their highest is simply acting in accord with this mountain of things. And while we are human, and imperfect, we also can step into, and remain, in a fully integrated self that calls on all aspects of the self, including the super self. Yes, the world is imperfect, but to bring perfection it is incumbent on you to reach it first for yourself. This can only be done through a process of inner inquiry, observation, and radical self honesty. You have to want truth more than you want the mountain of things.

How you do this clearing work can be found on this blog by using the Search function with the keywords “clearing blocks.” There should be more than 30 posts that speak to the techniques that are most effective for doing this work. There are techniques for clearing this blocked or stored energy using TRE, movement, breathing, and eastern methods like Qi Gung, just to name a few.

One if the biggest blocks we have as a species is in our root chakras. Here, our ability to give and receive nurture exists. It is where our creative fire is initiated, whether for creating new life in the physical or for that next new idea or way to help create your day in a new way. Creativity is so much more than an artistic pursuit as it is a way of being and living.

We are all so tied up with root block, and it shows! It shows in how we have so little regard for creativity in our culture (save for technical pursuits). It also shows up glaringly in how we treat sex. It is pushed down, made dirty by taboo and “kinks” in our being. As a result, we never get to experience our creativity as the wildly powerful thing that it is. We regulate, control, and turn it down because we think it’s inappropriate to ooze with it, or let it fill our life with its vitality, wonder, bliss, and the awe it brings. It is our collective shame that most everyone here is faced with dissolving and letting go. It is our shame that literally attenuates or blocks our full experience with the divine within. The divine does not move with these kinds of shackles. 

Getting to the root is substantive work that when cleared makes the rest of the work easier, but it’s most often the last center to clear in people. Why? It is so foundational. It leads us to what we are: co-creators. Most don’t want that kind of responsibility, so we shirk it by saying our problems are because of our parents, our loved ones, our society and its institutions. But ask any co-creators and they will tell you, your misfortunes are all entirely self made. It’s because this is so hard to face that many don’t, preferring instead to blame an event in childhood as the cause. But it isnt the cause, it is a symptom.

I know this is hard to believe or trust us true, but if you apply this awareness to your life, you will progress much quicker and be much happier.

This is why it is only a symptom….

You chose your life and your parents. You chose them in order to set up events that would challenge you to both create and to heal. No true learning comes by way of a mental understanding of how bad something is that needs to be healed; you have to know this through every inch and atom of you. No exceptions. This is how the divine is; it is not a half measure of itself. It is a full measure. It only got to be that way by not falling for anything but the best of itself. It has made itself and it is unwavering in this. This is why when you try to heal and reach into the divine that you are that you can feel a lot of tension inside building up. You are dragging your mountain of things into it, and you can feel the chaos and tension and difficulty with just trying to remain in that superstate. Eventually, you are destined to “fall” from that grace over and over until you learn that you cannot enter your heaven with that baggage. When you awaken you can visit there for longer and longer periods, but your fall is all but promised when you still have work to do. Once you clear the baggage, you naturally and effortlessly are able to remain in this heavenly state with ease. And to be clear; this is a process, so most often, ease comes gradually, piece by piece as the blocks are removed. Its because they block you from something that you really are, deeper down. 

We get tricked into thinking that we are victims of our past or our upbringing as a way of not having to dispense with our brokenness. But the events in your early life are the result of a soul that exists prior to each lifetime. It is a glitch already in you that is creating how you are. No one makes you do or be anything. You choose just as you chose the conditions of your birth. You are here to clean it up. So instead of playing the victim, play the role of the responsible creator-in-training that you truly are. If you adopt this attitude, it will straighten all that is crooked in you. It will make you strong. It will make you more honest. Now be ready to work at it each and every day until it becomes a part of your thinking and feeling; this is true empowerment!

It is for some an inconvenient truth that there are two forces working to make prana and these two are described as yin and yang, the Shakti and Shiva. They are in Jungian psychology the anima and animus. In ancient Christianity they are the father and Holy Ghost (which was considered the feminine aspect before orthodoxy came and obfuscated it’s true meaning). What we are looking at are two forces in us that we experience as archetypes in our lives and our cultural and religious institutions, and eventually they merge into one in order to fuel both awakening and divine union. In awakening, we can experience them as the “lost” sides of ourselves, our twin (a karmic relationship in awakening) or as a side of God that allows us to experience ecstatic union with the divine. This is all there to help us learn not to feel shame about sexuality and spirituality existing together in an unbridled and free way. This happens when the self becomes less divided and more whole. 

Once free, dysfunction is healed. Sexual “kinks” go away, and a desire to use sex for control (men and women both do this in different ways) and what replaces it is nothing short of relief and freedom. Your creative energy expressed through all seven centers (the seed) is free to be.

To get there, though, requires diving deep into the matters of the root in order to acknowledge what’s bent, broken, and limiting you. You can’t feel the divine by doing this intellectually. You can’t do it by leaving any single part of you behind. You can’t know the divine until you ARE the divine, which has no compunction about sexuality or ecstacy as one channel of the seven major rivers of experience which leads us to that one great ocean. To be whole, the whole must ascend together bearing no more falsehoods about itself.

I realized that I was a tantric when I began recognizing that my sexuality had to come along and be okay with complete and total surrender and flow of all that I am. That means, no shame with sexuality. So I have worked on healing this shame and it has helped me to be more grounded, healthy, and happy. I am at ease with my riotous creativity. I also no longer hang out with people who don’t understand or value my creative fire and the vast abundance that lies bubbling up from deep within me. Whenever I have been able to dispense with people who are limited in their own hearts and minds, I tend to soar on skies that I know are my own. It isn’t that I study tantra or even practice sacred sexuality,  because the truth of tantra at its core is this idea I have been telling you about, which is being healed and more fully integrated so there are no divisions within who you are. You are free to feel all aspects of yourself as bliss and the love behind it that supports the universe.

 I promise that dissolving your deep-seated shame will also dissolve the appearance of divisions in the self.

This healing is a critical first step in the awakened experience. Nothing substantive can be done before you clear the dross within. Deprogram, cleanse, heal, and you will find the you you knew existed within you.

Yes, cleansing is a process. It might take years to go through all the levels, but by clearing them, it is rare to go back and reinstitute them. My experience is that some blocks go fast and easy but there are others that are deceptively hard. You can’t B.S. your way through this, you just have to be honest with yourself when you continue having a problem cropping up; you haven’t cleared it yet. Be patient, and be ready to continue doing the work. This is not a race. Give up your misgivings because you created them. 

The conditions of your life are only a symptom that comes from your own inner origin that you have come here to clean up. Once you do, the events and conditions that were in that old life will be gone forever. A more accurate set of conditions of events will prevail. If you espouse the value of “ascension” then this is the process that will get you there.

Until next time….

©Parker Stafford

I remember feeling that dot activate in the center of my brow even when I was little. It was maybe the size of a pea. Okay, maybe half the diameter of a dime, a little bigger than a pea. It always came with this curious sense of pressure there. Like something was just…resting there….a dime, a pea, really it could have been anything. I would wonder if my third eye was activating.

But then I was jettisoned into an awakening, and it began, in part, when this voice in my head told me to close my eyes and focus my eyes along the center-point of my brow line. That changed it for me. It sounds impossibly simple, right? This has been one method used by many people across time and cultures to activate life force so that it flows at a higher level (Egyptian Mystery Schools, early Christians, Hindu, Taoists, and more). I slipped past the mirror and began a journey into a world within that was expressing itself through myriad lives here on earth….atoms, trees, fish, stars, and the ten thousand things.

That dot transformed. I felt it as it changed, grew, then spread across my forehead. I didn’t know that this would lead to awakening, I was trusting in the inner voice that was urging me along. I drew a picture of it as it felt on my head. It was just that vivid. It was no longer a dot, but a double channel of yin and yang energies fueling my inner sight. 

Bands of energy radiated outward horizontally and wrapped all the way around my head. The pressure was intense, but it never hurt. It was an ethereal energetic pressure, and it felt like it was cracking my head open like a nut.

The dot, a seed, really, had sprouted and grew each night as I sat down in bed to meditate before going to sleep. I watered the seed with my attention. You don’t have to think magic thoughts, you don’t have to do anything when you turn your awareness to it. In fact, it seems like you are doing precious little. It is like flipping a switch. But be aware what you are in for. Are you ready for a relentless process of realignment, cleansing and release? Are you ready to go forward one step, crossing a threshold from which there is no return? “Buckle up because Kansas is getting ready to go bye-bye.” There’s no putting the genie back in the bottle. But when you are ready, you are ready.

Please come take me,”  I wrote in my journal that night. “I am not afraid of you, I know you do not mean any harm. I know you want to open me like a lover opens his beloved.” Unashamed, unafraid, I knew that this was how this had to go. I was to be lit on fire by the Holy Ghost, the Cosmic Fire, the Kundalini. One part of me was the initiator and another was being initiated by this new fire of life. And it happened so effortlessly, like I had come here for this. My ticket had been reserved aeons ago. It was going to happen. 

This is a full third eye awakening, my friends. I thought I knew, but I knew only the tip of its tail, that pea-sized dot. The dot is the seed. Nascent, full of promise, but not fully activated. Maybe that’s why they paint the bindi on their foreheads I thought. They do it because that’s how it feels to them.

When the third eye blossomed in me, it was so radically different, you see, that I had to draw it, recording it both so others could see it and so I could look at it with my  physical eyes, too.

It led me into undescribable bliss. Like a rocket, it took me there until I learned how to reach that pearlesent bliss on my own. It taught me that I had to work to clear my baggage. This took years. I wish I could say it was easy, but it wasn’t. But the inner presence that woke up within me didn’t care; it offered me endless chances with no judgement. While I would feel defeated by my stumbled, it seemed to smile as if to say, “This is how you learn. You stumble, you fall; you get back up and go farther each and every time.”

Some refer to it as “the helmet” some as “a vice.”  I wanted to study it. My little secret is that if you bring your fiery love of awakening with you, unashamed, into the moment and come to your wanting to know more about something, something in the universe opens inside of you, like a blossom, a riotously wild but free blossom that contains just what you want to know. The universe opens its “secrets” to you. I don’t know who is being seduced more, me or God. But it works so beautifully. Just silence your mind and be ready to let your imagination build the images or words or smells to give you it’s truth and meaning….because when you do, you naturally can become the thing you are after to know. What better way to know something than to become it in your heart.

How do I explain to you that you fall in love with the Universe? How do I explain that while this intense live flows, it just gives all of itself to you in the process? It responds to the seductive power that is the human spirit. This spirit, gifted through God, is a spark or piece of God and thus our own desire is God’s desire. How do I explain how when you feel this love you lose who is you and who is God? The gift is that in this live beyond all our loves, all secret hidden things become plain as the scales of our earthly condition fall away…or can…if you can give yourself completely to this love. 

It is this way that I have learned so much. No teacher, no guru, and no need to wade through what parrots have to say. But this was how I began to learn and how I use my third eye as a sacred instrument of knowing. It is. It is part of my inner temple. And we all have that temple in us, that place where we meet the divine. My third eye let’s me see what is important or most immediate in my life. It’s force spreads across my head, a reminder that it’s there. The secret is to keep it simple. Our rational minds stumble and fall in its advancing presence. No, you have to be able to let yourself think and feel in an impossibly big way.Are you ready? It is like an amazing dream, impossible for it to be real, but is. 

I was pleased to see that what I had drawn matched perfectly the Tilak that yogis paint on their foreheads. They too were just drawing what they had felt. Maybe some were just parroting what others had done, not realizing that this was how a fully awakened third eye felt like. Shiva has it always painted on his head. The yogis sometimes don’t have the horizontal bands on their Tilak. Some do. Some have a series of dots with those horizontal pressure bands. It’s all the same, I know, different versions, varieties of the same experience. Below are some images of the Tilak, so you know, so you can see that it isnt just decoration, not merely a ritualized marking; it is an illustration. It describes something. Something real in us…

Look at my drawing again….

So look for this, but do so carefully because if you are feverishly seeking awakening, no one will keep you from it, but it’s good to prepare. It makes things easier. But if you are going to be taken by God, it’s just going to be. This third eye is how they got there. The yogis describe it, Jesus even taught about how to activate it (few even realize that he was teaching about something so esoteric), and anyone who knows where it is that his teaching on the third eye shows up wins a prize! I will give you a hint; it is in one of the canonical Gospels! Verily I say to you, it is true! Let me know if you can find it…

You can travel with the third eye, you can. I was taught by “it” this broad inexhaustible divinity in all things, how it’s to be used (or how I would use it). You can step into worlds through it and glimpse wonders. If that sounds too impossible to you, just remember; it’s already been done, and I do it whenever there is enough of a need. It’s always about something I either need to know or would love to know. Either way, it’s always juicy and perfect. It’s also teaching me how to live my life on the narrow path….which is in truth how to balance between shadow and light so that I might know the depth of love and bliss right here and now. That of course freaks out the fundamentalists, but is understood by the esoteric, the mystics: the shadow we create through our actions does not dissolve until we recognize and heal it (“repent and sin no more”). Until then, it haunts us, taunts us, until we can call on the grace that we are that is God-given, a lifesaving, soul-saving gift. We can be saved, but not until we repent…or recognize that we were doing shadow work to begin with. 

I Ask You….





So how does the third eye feel to you? Has it given you wonders, has it been a curious thing, a mystery? Have felt pressure there? Does it seem inconsequential to you?  Is it a mystery? Do my words seem impossible?

 Know the mysteries. Like stars, they beckon us to adventure. How does it feel, this awakened third eye? Is it a dot? Does it spread across your forehead? Where has it gone? Did it open to you, was your life changed? Has it been hard? Did the hardness show you the way into supreme bliss?

I’d love to know your story…

Sorry to be away so long; so much is afoot right now for me. I’ll write about it later. Meanwhile, how does the third eye treat you? I would love to know.

Swimming in bliss…

I was not satisfied with the teaching in church….I knew there was more. I didn’t know what it was, only that it was wanting. I knew this above all else, beyond the explanations of others that I was merely “prideful” or unable to take the teaching as truth. No, there was more, I knew it beyond all else.
When I awakened I was lucky to have seen how there WERE teachings by Jesus himself which he passed on to his disciples in books that spoke directly about a process whereby one entered the kingdom. These were central teaching that acted like a key to understanding everything else Jesus was teaching in his ministry. The problem was that these teaching were demonized and anathematized by the church. These were part of this something “more.” I knew that in fact Jesus was teaching his followers about awakening and that the truth was hidden or obfuscated in numerous ways. History offered up her secrets and laid bare the many ways that contributed to our losing these central teachings. What is so amazing to me is that these teachings are actually the lynch pins in understanding all that Jesus taught about. It’s pretty incredible to look at all of this and know that this went down in the way that it did.
I once wrote about this issue and had some of my friends asking me why I was so critical about Christianity, or why I hated the church. It’s too easy to feel that way when dealing with this issue and to me, it is an easy way out of actually examining things closely and asking some very fair questions. But it’s not out of a deep hate or any of that. In fact, it is quite the opposite. I want a religion that offers the keys to self realization, of actually knowing what this kingdom is. Truth is a curious thing; we can have all levels of it and still be missing key points.

I have done the hard work of inquiring and looking. I have poured through the texts of the New Testament as well as those that were not included, from apocrypha to the Nag Hammadi. I have studied issues surrounding translation, how the contextual nature of Aramaic actually does matter when translating to any language, as well as what biblical scholars are saying that pastors dare not touch. More than this, I awakened and saw that the only books that helped describe my new state of being were the words of Jesus teaching his followers about the kingdom, which fit my experience perfectly….but also happened to have been deemed heresy. They had been cast aside and had never made it into canon.  The more that I read, the more it became clear that what we got was a version of the truth, but not the full truth.  I’m not even suggesting that this was some sort of conspiracy.  It may have been simply a conspiracy of ignorance acted upon by those who had less than the full story.  But even half the story is better than no story, and it wasn’t as if we weren’t getting truths.  We just didn’t get its heart, and this, dear readers, is the hardest one to swallow for some of us today.  It is covered over first by some 1700 years of tradition and then it includes a whole new dimension of thinking added, a great mystery that has been hidden from all of us (for whatever reason).

Since my experience in awakening is the same exact phenomenon as others who have awakened, and it’s all described in the same way by nearly everyone, and is being described in these cast-away texts, it begs the question; isn’t it possible that something very important was missed? And perhaps, then, might this missing piece be important to know the fullness of this man’s great insight and teaching? If you found out that the teaching of Jesus was incomplete, wouldn’t you, as a follower of Christ, want to know? I’m asking you to put your pride aside and get curious and be simple like children, ripe for hearing what might just be really big news.

Awakening, which is the kingdom, brings a renewed way of using the mind. If you can teach yourself to forgo mere rational thought, you can activate more and more of your capacity for understanding, which is truly liberating. It requires humility because there is so much to give up in order to see in this way. There is a blizzard of biases and beliefs that rage in such places, and the very religion that was created to support these teachings has essentially continued to demonize the concept of awakening in some quarters. Once these biases have been cleared, though, the mind becomes a luminous field of awareness in direct proportion to how much bias has been released. But it isn’t just that, it’s letting yourself be shown, led, taken by the presence of the indwelling divine and it’s child which is the Christ consciousness. Others call it Cosmic Consciousness, or Cosmic Mind. It is all the same and emerges in the same way in each tradition because this is what we ALL are, rather than the beliefs we hold. Remember how Jesus said the kingdom is within you? That might just be an important clue to all of us. It’s what’s inside-this does not happen outside of any of us. Where, then, do you think you will meet God?

This more asks me to continually to let go of my familiar moorings to here and as I do, new understanding floods in, mysteries become knowns, and the universe resolves into a greater and greater miracle. But no words can contain this more…you just have to go and see for yourself.

All of this is like a seed that grows into a sprout, then a plant, and then a flower. The flower opens more and more and this flower is awareness. This is how awakening proceeds; it is the smallest of seeds that grows in stages. More and more, it opens, revealing still-deeper layers of comprehension. To get there, I lay aside all rational thought and allow my mind to go blank. Yes, blank. It is here that absent thought a great and ineffable presence grows that is a love unlike any other. Everything I could ever wish to know becomes available in that “space.” If you believe you can’t, you probably won’t….but if you consider it possible, then it becomes possible. I wish this for everyone because it reveals our own foolishness and opens us to wonder and awe. The world so needs this right now.

Until next time….

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We are taught to look heavenward for the best in us but I have always found that the best in us resides with us here and now. Our divine nature, the source of all our seeking lies nestled within us waiting for the moment when we are ready to see it. Our limited humanness, that often reviled part in us that we have collectively felt was what we had to transcend, holds the infinite in its deep and often unknowing embrace. By awakening, the vessel yearns to know what is filling it. Rather than looking to the heavens, look to your humanity because the answers all lie in wait in all of your impulses, no matter how dysfunctional you may think they have become. You might see as I have seen that instead of our being the result of a “demiurge” or a “fall” from grace, we are in truth expertly made and have everything we need to realize the divine within us….but we have tended in the past to have loused it up a bit, and this has led to notions of our being fundamentally flawed. So I’m going to talk a little about a dynamic that has been a part of our past that we can each heal in order to turn all of this around. Thankfully, it’s already happening for many people!

This is the challenging part for so many, which is trusting that our desire is designed to bring us closer to the divine. Or that our impulses, which we have used to wreck our lives in the past,  can be used to actually save us. It means being brave and diving right into what the forbidden and the taboo is in order to liberate and heal those feelings and beliefs so that love can flow unhindered. This is what all taboos do to us when they serve to limit us. This also happens to be central to Tantra in its purest form. Before you think I am referring to s-e-x, please know that a central tenet of Tantra is how a direct realization of our true nature brings bliss and bliss heals the self of a world of shame by unhitching us from our shame and guilt, in large part because the bliss is stronger than the pain encountered in our shame. This is an experience not unlike diving straight into the briar patch of our spiritual mess or tangle. Unfortunately Tantra in the West has become synonymous with sex which is putting the cart before the horse. When we accept taboo’s without thoroughly understanding their purpose, we can become bound by a convention of behavior that distorts our authentic nature. So often a taboo does more harm than good. “Oh really?!” you might be thinking. I’m going to give you a few examples and see if you don’t see how these things twist us around. The central stumbling block of taboo is that it serves to direct behavior in an uncritical way while making it so you may not be listening to your own inner compass. It is this compass that everyone has and is in truth your very own seed or connection to the divine. When you follow a rule without fully grasping why the rule is there to begin with, you aren’t following your inner compass, you are simply taking the lazy way to being, which is a life that doesn’t understand authentically. Life becomes a shadow of what it was because your deeper connection to your inner divinity is lost, or buried. But a life that reflects vividly on this inner compass is one where one knows and acts in accord with the one true stream of guidance which is itself a river of life full of realization and boundless wonder.

There are so many of these taboos and they are almost always made as a result of fear and often out of ignorance. It was in many cultures, at various times in our history, taboo for a woman to show her body. Some cultures still hold to this way of being that involves covering the entire body of a woman. Have you asked yourself why this is so? Or maybe how it was a taboo for a man to show his emotions beyond anger and aggression? When we created these restrictions we act surprised that men became physically aggressive instead of emotionally tender or sensitive? Women, on the other end of our dysfunctional past have given up their natural aggressive nature’s and have chosen a different route. Instead of brute force women learned how to manipulate their environment by way of subtler means: through emotion.  In Renaissance Europe, arguably a hotbed of liberal thinking, women were expected to go to church and to the market; it was unseemly to be seen hanging out with friends in the city square. As for middle eastern countries, it got much more repressive. If you think about it, human kind has been in this arrangement for a long time all because we have worshipped fear over freedom. Every one of us have been affected by this, and every one of us can choose to no longer be affected, too. Change is coming fast now and we have seen a lot of change over the last 100 years, but there is still more that we can do that favors listening to our inner compass instead of a rule that was created perhaps thousands of years in our past when our ancestors were at a very different place in their spiritual and cultural evolution.
The deeper truth about our divine nature is that we are not divided but contain within us aspects of both the feminine and masculine. We have each lived lives, whether we remember them or not, as women and men. Inwardly, we are composed of both and we carry a capacity of both. You can’t know your inner compass without first knowing this important truth. By reaching peace within on this one point, you can know a greater peace in your life because it grants you a more direct access to that golden compass where anything can be known.

The elephant in the room is how the masculine and feminine is in all of us. We have somehow forgotten this.  Our sexes even show how divided we appear to be. Our behavior belies a fear of being the “other.”
For women who have exaggerated beliefs about femininity and the taboos that have been in place surrounding how they feel they need to behave (often responded to as what society expects of them), one predictable outcome is that their natural traits of aggression have been conditioned out of them. More accurately, they are repressed. Women have for a long time feared using their innate masculine power for fear of reprisal and a concern that it would make them seem less feminine. In the past, great value was placed on being female and this resulted in exaggerated beliefs that then served to shape the body. Just look at how values have changed and you can see how doggedly we as a species have stuck to a narrative for all women.
In the Victorian era, women were their most fertile when they had some weight to them. In fact, skinny undernourished women skip periods, don’t conceive readily, and have trouble taking a baby to term. So naturally the “Rubenesque” woman was prized by all of human kind during a large swath of our history.  If you fast forward to the turn of the century, you see women active in fighting for, and obtaining rights like voting, as well as being able to free themselves from being baby making machines through the advent of birth control. This, and a growing awareness and desire for greater rights helped to bring a change that resulted in the evolution of the perception of the feminine form away from the voluptuous and chunky earth goddess to a thin and more svelte version of herself. I am not suggesting that all of this was good, just that this change came with a swing of the pendulum and that we are working through the value of it. The change of the idealized female form has in large part been driven by the fashion industry, but it takes a public to buy onto this look in order for it to take hold, and take hold it did. Whether thick or thin, the changing face of femininity is drawn along by our own changes brought about by each of us individually and en masse. In either case, the value placed on women being submissive and tender remained even as how the physical image began to change. The change that women fought for, which was for better equality was itself an expression of women’s more aggressive nature, and only came about because women were willing to tap this nature that was and is always within them. Women in this way began stepping out of the shadows.

The same is also true for men, of course, but in opposite fashion. Men remain hard and stoic because of conditioning and taboo’s about men showing emotion. What is true, at the core of all of this behavior, is that men suppress their feminine sides because they fear that when the feminine energy is joined consciously to their masculine that they will lose themselves, which of course is true.
Women were also doing exactly the same thing out of a fear that they too would appear less feminine. But it is only the fear of this unknown state that men once projected onto women and sought to control and limit them as has happened in our past. It’s more than just men fearing women’s power to nurture new life, it’s that men fundamentally were uneasy with what this kind of creativity involved on a spiritual or energetic level within themselves. This fear was then projected outward onto women. Any time anyone is unable to deal with an inner fault they project it onto another person. This tendency has been widely observed by psychologists such as Freud and Jung. In this  case, the fear that they could not face was projected onto women. The same is also true for women, and both sexes have done their part in keeping the sexes divided inwardly and outwardly. This type of division no longer serves us, and we are seeing a much greater flexibility in sexual roles and identity as a result. None of this has destroyed what it means to be male or female, it has enhanced it.
While you might wonder what I am getting at, I am not suggesting an end to male and female identity. I am suggesting that our roles don’t serve us as humans as they once did, which was a more limited perspective in our past. I am for the change that happens when the curtain is pulled back and we can be really honest about who we are deeper down. I am for being aware of our compass, which leads us to our divine nature here and now. This isn’t about wrecking the past and destroying our future, but getting honest about who we really are. When we do this, in the words of the ancients, we do not taste death but know life in abundance. We are, in truth, emancipated from our prisons of belief.

I’m about to take a leap, here, and I want you to bear with me…

 

The Role Of Bliss In Healing The Rift

We call orgasm “petite morte” because it involves a deep letting go of control of the self. This is what we do when we die, it is the same. Of course, we don’t really die, we merely shed the body.  It isn’t a conditional letting go, it is a deep release and a subsequent encounter with the larger self and all that it’s connected to (all that is). In Tantra, for example, work often leads to losing fear of death for the simple reason that one stares in the face of it so often when experiencing the bliss that can be found in such a deep state of letting go.  Many teachings discuss how those who are not ready to let go in this way suffer through death and often wind up as ghosts, stuck in an “in-between” realm for various reasons.  This bliss also just happens to be an energetic state that accompanies awakenings (once you can get the hang of it), and bliss is a powerful way of allowing our emotional armoring to fall away so that the inner self can shine forth. This is what is central to Tantra as a way to heal very quickly (if you are ready and honest in your approach). It is here that I give you The Man, whose channel to his own bliss has been so incredibly attenuated….
Men have learned to be controlled in order to survive. It may have served a purpose once in the past but it no longer serves us now. But this kind of death is what men are uneasy about. When men come close to women, they can behave badly for the very reason that they have become so estranged from that part within themselves that could give them, moment by moment, the same thing they feel when they behold or are near a woman: death. This death, for those who live in it is known as orgasmic bliss. In an awakened man, this bliss can be constant, but in everyman who is not awakened, it is experienced as a brief explosive event that he can only get with a woman, and it is much more physically encountered. In truth, he can and does get it alone (sometimes multiple times in a day in his younger years!). The desire for something when it’s forbidden only makes the desire riotously  powerful. Add to this a man so estranged from his feminine side that the only way to feel it is to be in the full embrace of a woman, and you can perhaps see just how all of this has conspired to create an unhealthy situation for all involved. Pile onto this the double standard of women needing to be chaste and virtuous and you can begin to see how hilariously messed up that we have all become! Men sow their wild oats and women are to be virtuous and chaste! Pray tell me; how is this supposed to work?
Once a man awakens, he gets the briefing from the energy which shows him that this energy has arisen in him because of the forces of opposites now merged. I’m joking here because there is no “brief” as such, just a self that comes to the truth of the matter, which is a significant event in a man’s life. Orgasmic bliss is now no longer limited to those fevered moments beneath the sheets, but now pours all through the body in a continuous stream as a direct result of the union of opposites which is the source of the power of kundalini or awakening. As long as we don’t try to fiddle with the cosmic switches inside, we will feel a continual flow of this energy.
Women will experience much the same, but from the opposite end of the social/sexual spectrum. To awaken is to join the masculine and feminine currents in consciousness together, which will bring bliss. This is nature’s way of rewarding you for taking one more step closer to being a full person, a more whole being!

In fact, all traditions that have awakening as an understood experience (nearly all), you will find a balancing effect as a result of of its activation.  In the Hindu tradition the awakened person is shown as equal parts Shakti and Shiva, merged right down the middle of the body.  The Taoists more obliquely refer to this in the Yin and Yang.  In the early Christian texts this is called a syzygy.  This is an equal part male and female person who has awakened the sleeping energy of transformation.  They were known as androgynous in a spiritual sense.  During awakening the lines between these two aspects blur and they merge more and more as the awakening unfolds.  This does not confuse sexuality, but rather informs it in a deep and substantive way if the person so affected allows for this to creep into their awareness.

This is a moment by moment experience of bliss pouring through all parts of the body, it is not a singular event like a physical orgasm. It is a “standing wave” that does not crash, does not subside. It endures. And the reason for this is because those who know this experience are in varying degrees learning to awaken and merge their twin energies of both their masculine and feminine in their bodies and in their consciousness. Men, though, have been fearful of even going there. Taboo. They had to be strong. They had to provide by using muscle to hunt and create from the land. They believed there was no way they could survive and let that feminine flow into them. Men who were seen as effeminate were picked on. Gay men were known to be lynched, tied to fences to die, or beaten up in alleys outside of gay bars. The fear and programming went hand in hand. Somehow, we each have persevered through all of this. And what men refused in themselves they refused in their world. The way they created themselves was how they created their world. The pressures placed on women were no less restrictive than their male counterparts. Both were taught to hide their opposites while expecting the house to stand. The way we have managed this traditionally has been for the man and the woman separately but together to hold each other up. While this has had asocial function it has extremely limited use spiritually and personally.

Our society in the last 15 years has been going through a sea change as it relates to greater and greater equality for people from all walks of life. Women have become more assertive and are beginning to see greater equity in the work place than a hundred years ago (we have more to go!) has I think been concurrent with men realizing they don’t need to be the sole breadwinners but can be a stay at home Dad. Men are learning that they can be more sensitive and nurturing while still retaining their masculinity. Gays are not beaten in the streets or killed, and we are experiencing an opening, a flowering which is in its early stages still, but will help to push society to a much more egalitarian place. What it will do is it will fuel more and more awakenings for the simple reason that we won’t fear touching the opposite in our nature’s. Men won’t lose their masculinity anymore than a woman will lose her femininity by embracing the opposites within themselves. They will open the channels so that bliss will pour through.
This is to my mind the briar patch we should dive into, not fearing it or what it will do to us. This will happen when we stop listening to what the collective has created on a mass scale and begin listening to our own inner compass. When you are a woman and feel attracted to a man, what man is moving in you? Is it the man in front of you, or is it the man within you? No man makes you feel, you alone must participate and become moved by your own innate understanding of what this glorious energy is about and be willing not to make the man in front of you into the man who is really the one you feel that is inside of you. If you do this, you risk projecting onto the man before you the image and presence that is not with him but that is with you. In the same way, men must be careful not to put onto the woman before him the woman that is inside him, lest the two  not fit well, or will be forced together in a hopeful effort made by both people with the likely result that no peace and union can hope to endure. A woman, just like a man, will feel innately the force of your expectation that they should be something that they are not. Why make chameleons of ourselves? Are we not perfect within? Are we really afraid of seeing our gloriously human and divine selves in their truest light?
This is precisely what is brought to bear in so-called “twin” unions. The energy is often so strong because of the subconscious (now more conscious) desire to merge with an inner unrecognized aspect of the self (our opposite) that is projected outward to another person. While these can work, they will always labor under whatever karma and inner issues that remain and they will be felt more keenly. This is good for people willing to engage in rapid healing, but such change can mean that each are left without a common point of reference once the karmic glitches are healed. The reality is that twins DO NOT heal in perfect synchronization.It isn’t that love goes away, it is more that the change when one heals a glitch can be so profound that the foundation for that love can change faster than what most people can keep up with. One twin can, and most often does, move more quickly than the other, resulting in one feeling left behind in one way or the other. In the myth, the two live happily ever after, but in the reality they are having to deal with every emotion highlighted and amplified. Every challenge can then be so much more of a challenge. In a world such as this, there is often a gulf between the real and infinite potential. We often mistake the potential as being what is real in our world, which isn’t. We must work to create in such a way that this potential manifests itself, and this can only happen through radical self honesty. In the end, the true twin resides within each of us as a misperceived other that we seek to project onto a loved one.
Perhaps, for now, the wise approach might be to honor and see ourselves as we are and see others as they are and begin to learn a new way which is to appreciate each other’s wholeness as precious and love based on that instead of our yearning to touch the opposite that resides within. Perhaps  we then merge our individual yearnings  together in what might be an utterly new arrangement with regard for our true selves instead of allowing societal rules and taboo’s to guide us in an unknowing and unnatural way. When we follow our compass fully, we become innocent and cease being contrived by our ideas about how we think the world wants us to be.

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