Archives for the month of: November, 2020

This is the next interview in a series that I have been conducting with individuals who have had kundalini awakenings. I have a battery of questions, all the same, to hopefully form a baseline for understanding awakening. While the questions are the same, what makes these interviews so interesting are the variety of responses provided for the same set of queries. In some cases, there is overlap from one interview to the other while also having divergence from one another. All of this is a rich bed of observation that I hope will help others in their own awakening experience, as well as to inform those who are interested in the topic but who may not have had experience with this “cosmic light switch” yet.

My thanks to Kayla and all of the others who have chosen to participate. Each interview is given its own page on the blog so it is readily accessible at the top of the blog when you visit directly at https://wakingtheinfinite.wordpress.com

Additionally, I would like to invite anyone who is interested in telling their story to contact me and I will happily include your answers along the growing list of participants. You can be anonymous if you prefer, but in every case each interview is with a real honest to goodness person. So far I have had two people from the U.S., two from the U.K. and another from an E.U. member state.

My hope is that the questions serve as a way to organize discussion but hopefully can be open-ended enough for you to have your say. In some cases, answers can prompt a few more questions from me, but I try to keep those limited. In addition, you are welcome to include links to websites or blogs that you are involved with so others can read or interact with you. My sincere desire with this is to spread the word and increase our knowledge base at a fascinating time in our history when awakenings are on the rise. You may contact me at info@staffordartglass.com.

With that, the interview follows.


  1. What was your spiritual background before awakening?

In retrospective, I acknowledge that I had an affinity and sense for supernatural things since early childhood. Around the age of three, I once woke up from a nap and a “ghost” or other dimensional being was standing very close to me and stared at me. Due to my infantile innocence, I was not scared of this being and so I tried to touch it. It was then that this creature freaked out and hissed at me before vanishing into thin air. I could also see colourful landscapes when lying in the dark. I experienced them so vividly that I was even scared to get up due to my fear of stumbling over roots and plants.

Growing up and getting conditioned made me lose these senses… but I was always drawn to religious/spiritual themes, I used to pray every evening.

2. Do you know if you did anything to trigger your awakening?

Oh yes, I did. But with no intention other than to finally know the truth of our existence. I had a time were I was obsessed with reading through any material known handling ancient occult/esoteric knowledge. I guess the kick off for that was when I started a two-year education in screenwriting. My chosen topic for my script: A story about a person with multiple personality disorder. As multiple personality disorder is often associated with ritual abuse, research led me to themes like occultism, mind control etc. etc. etc.

From there on, I was madly driven by the question of what is going on on our planet behind the scenes, what is kept hidden from us and why?! What is the meaning of life? For a long period, this sent me down deep and endlessly deeper down the rabbit hole. It was dark there… it freaked me out what I was digging up… Too much darkness, so many secrets… until I realized that were there is so much darkness, there also has to be the same amount of light. This did not make me stop to look for the answers but at least I was turning to the light, to the hopeful view of all these secrets.

Simultaneously learning a lot in education: Parallels of Spirituality and telling a good story became obvious. It is all about the journey, the losing yourself, nearly dying, the coming back as a different person… when you understand the covered longing of mankind it is then when you are able to tell stories that hit that deep spot and therefore move someone’s heart.

3. What was your initial awakening experience like?

I divide my Awakening into two. First, there was a conscious awakening. It was at my lowest point, still in the middle of my relentless quest for truth. It was then that I had a spiritual awakening – a psychiatrist would label it as a psychotic episode but I now know better. I was aware that my awareness shifted and which part of the experience is kind of delusional. But what I came to realize in this very moment was that if I want to keep a sane mind, I have to let go of all the fear!!!! Or better said: It “made” me get rid of a lot of long held, deeply rooted, universal fears in just one instant. From there on, I was a different “me”. The rug had been pulled under my feet and I was falling. Falling, until I was not scared anymore of falling.

At a certain point, I kind of hit a dead end with gathering “outside” knowledge. Time and again, I read the firm advice of experienced people that you have to turn inside as you will not find your answers in the outside. Numbed down, I surrendered and had to try the only way I haven’t pursued so far: started to meditate in December 2016. Expanding duration to up to 4 hours a day as I enjoyed it more and more.

From there on, slowly the other Awakening started to show its signs. Initially, I was having some kind of a rumbling experience in my pelvis and lower back area. Something, one could be freaked out about, but I felt intuitively that this is a good sign.

Following: sudden idea of attending Yoga Teacher Training. Waiting list – somebody cancelled – I am in.

With TT starting in April 2017, speeding up of process to the point where I had this intense experience in a class: 

Our teacher was reading a Buddhist text to us when I felt the strong urge to just shut my eyes and listen quietly. Then, like out of the blue, the inner layer of my lower belly area seemed to loosen grip to the gross body, became very light and kind of swirled up to my head.

I became incredibly light and the energy went out my crown… but leaving me with fast thoughts about what now… Should I just let it happen – but how will I react in the middle of the class?!? I thought about quickly leaving the room, locking me up in the bathroom in order to let it play out… but that wasn’t a very intelligent option either, of course.

 So, I forced myself to open the eyes, pulling the energy back down as good as I could… and then, right after that intense moment, we chanted an OM all together and the sound vibrated literally through my body. It was not separate from me anymore…

 As the energy stayed very high that whole day, I felt like just getting through the day and then sit down quietly in the evening and let it finally happen. As high as the energy was, I thought that would be easy. But, of course, when I tried in the evening, nothing happened.

 (Maybe… that was luck. As I then had the chance to do it more slowly and more in control.)

The next nearly two weeks were very intense, especially, because I felt a bit like those superheroes in the movies – but the worrying part: I just did not know how to manage these high energies! I literally worried, that when in public and being involved in a slightly emotional encounter yet, my energies could just burst out of my body uncontrollably.

What strikes me the most about all of this: Even though I was obsessed with Spiritual topics for nearly two years, I never stumbled over the term Kundalini before experiencing it myself. Considering the vast amount of literature I digested and how prominent this topic in the Spiritual community is… this is quite surprising.

Further symptoms during that time which had positive and negative aspects, not always possible to match it to one or the other:

 – Feeling very light, all the energy wanted to constantly go up. Even my hair was kind of fluffy like when electrically charged. Gave a nice feeling of lightness and inconvenient things like pain in the body were just gone. But it made me also feel very unstable, like a wind could just blow me away.


– Senses like hearing and smelling incredibly heightened.

– Concrete experience of the magnetic vortexes in the body and how energy moves around them, tightening, loosening the grip in constant change.

– When laying on the floor, able to somehow melt into the ground.

– Involuntary body movements, especially in the neck which helped me to lose tension as energy could find its way through.

– Sudden insights like: It is all there to wake us up! A beautiful piece of music, enjoying art, that moving moment in a film, an honest hug… if only we were able to surrender to what is beautiful. It would not have to be the hard way… suffering only creeps in because we better surrender when hitting rock bottom… Seems as it has its purpose… If we cry when we are hurt then when we see beauty – so be it. Time takes its toll on that and every hardening makes it more difficult to find that soft spot of the surrender. 

– Sensing other people much more, seeing misalignments in the body very clear.

– A glass and even a knife broke after holding them in my hands and putting them aside.

– Realizing, that when not having the knowledge about these energies, it can be quite dangerous. Nighttime worried me especially because I had even less control over what is happening there.

 After two weeks, finally addressed the issue to my Yoga teacher. His advice and the assurance of somebody taking me serious in that crucial moment, helped me to slowly ground again.

Two weeks later, I was kind of stable but the fast way into meditation was laid and stayed with me.

Since that incident, lots of things and work going on in different layers of the body/mind followed but sometimes, it is a lot to take and it is a constant tearing between the feelings.

– The strong movements of the energy can make you crazy but when silent, I miss “her”…

– Character changes come like gifts but on the other hand, demand a lot of work which means: I have to do it now or I pay with enormous tensions. Have to sit down. Have to do the work.

– Knowing, just knowing what to do. Not being afraid of certain things happening. Things that in a “normal” state would have freaked me out. On the other hand, feeling utter despair for always having to know on my own. 

– Much more able to just trust and let things happen, evolve, develop in time while on the other hand being much more upset about things that are out of my influence and therefore the “me” being forced to accept it.

– Losing the grip of the ego more and more while standing clearly in the “I“. No longer having patience for attacks of any level of severity against me that have nothing to do with me. 

– Accepting other people in their way of being while when sensing it is coming from an egoic state of mind, not having lots of nerves for dealing with petty problems and/or eg. resistance to make changes that would help getting better.

– Days like at work, sitting without movement for a long time, can create lots of tensions and a kind of nausea-feeling like when I was pregnant. Need for rest while need for lots of movement, stretching, bending.

– Sleeping hours very uncertain: Lots of sweating during nighttime, vivid dreaming, not being able to sleep more than 5 – 6 hours but feeling very tired in the early afternoon.

– Heightened senses come back slowly, this time more gradually. Even sounds traveling through the spine came back. Strong ones like thunder and – if I desire, I can draw certain music inwards.

– Thunder seems kind of “there“ anyway. Sometimes hearing thunder-like sounds, feeling energy exiting my body like thunder into the ground.How has your awakening progressed?

4. What year did awakening come for you?

My Kundalini awoke in 2016, so it’s been 4 years now. Progression is ongoing and unfolding in circles. Every time I thought that NOW! This is it! I had to realize that I am still nowhere…

So, for me, I had to learn to accept that this process is above all a humbling one. And one that will go on for as long as I live. Right now, I am at a point where letting go and having to realize that I can’t force anything and that I still hold myself back with illusions of wanting to achieve something and arrive somewhere with all of that.

Letting go of control… coming into trust… my ego still being squeezed by life, by experiences and by felt physical symptoms of that same holding on to control, not being able to fully soften into trust even though my rational mind knows now without a doubt that this is all I would have to do… but being conscious of something and really living it are two different things and the experience of the Kundalini energy does not allow me to fool myself. She knows and she shows.

5. What do you feel kundalini/awakening is in your experience?

I actually realized quite early on in the process that this must be something rather “normal”. Not normal in a sense of common (yet) but it seems to me that I just entered a process that every human soul will eventually experience. I seem to take part in an early cycle but numbers of people experiencing an Awakening are on the rise and so for me, this is just an evolutionary process we happen to not know a lot about yet.

Why should the modern human be the end product of an evolutionary process that is ongoing since millions of years? We are not cave men anymore, we changed! And so we will also in the future. Common sense when considering even scientifically, no?

6. Did you have challenges with the energy? And if so, what did you do that helped you get through those periods of difficulty? Or, has it always been easy?

Numerous! Especially, because the energy gathered much more on the right side of my body. Sometimes, the energy feels very pushy and this can make me feel uncomfortable, even in pain and restless. But I learn a lot through that and by pushing me with physical symptoms, she urges me to get relief by working on these blockages shown in the body by examining my blockages and long held fears or doubts in my mind and soul.

Slowly and now over these four years, I start to understand how the energy moves and what I can do to bring more harmony into the flow. But this learning process also goes in circles and cycles, with plateaus where I get back to the feeling of just suffering in this journey.

Then, breakthroughs happen and I trust in this “happening” again. Despite these physical challenges, I would not treat this experience against anything else. Thanks to it, I have been given my answer to my most urgent question: There is more than our common senses can grasp and there is more meaning to our lives than what most of us are living out right now. And to ask for truths intensely will be met with answers…

7. What do you think makes the experience easy or difficult?

In short:

Letting go and trusting and letting it humble you vs. trying to be in the driver seat and doubting and believing, this experience has only to do with you.

8. How has the experience impacted or changed your life?

Hmmm… in so so many ways. My awareness and how I see reality, of course, changed completely. And there is not a lot anymore that can freak me out. My ego structure changed completely in the way that I like myself now so much more since I know that I am not very important. It is all not that “loaded” anymore which enables me to stay calm in very uncertain and chaotic situations.

Two years ago, all of this had been tested when I was confronted with a life changing decision: Two cousins of my kids were thrown into a horrible situation because they were living in Columbia with their parents when finally, their father ended up in jail and the mother was being found in the streets, unstable because of years of alcohol and drug abuse. Without my Awakening, doubts might have kicked in strong enough about whether this is a good idea for me, as an already single mom to two boys, to take these two kids to Switzerland so that they can live with us. In my new “me”, doubts were just bypassing without the slightest chance to get a grip on me. I did what was best for those two kids and I did not have to regret my decision for one second.

9. Did you employ, or do you employ now, traditional meditation practices, and if so, how have they been helpful to you? If nontraditional, could you describe them?

I still practice Yoga regularly and teach Yoga lessons twice a week. But what I need the most is to lay down, get into a meditative state and just be with the energy. Sensing how she moves, “getting” her and letting her bring up themes I have to work through mentally and emotionally.

It is nearly an addiction. Every free second, I lie down and do and enjoy that work and that can mean hours of lying somewhere a day : ) But, hey! I can not hide like a hermit somewhere in the mountains and let it work through me for a couple of years and then come back perfectly balanced out. I have to include this in a normal, modern and Western lifestyle as a single mom with four teenage kids.

10. What do you think is happening with the large number of awakenings taking place today? Why do you think this is happening?

As I mentioned before, my feeling is that this is just a normal evolutionary process which started out slowly but is gaining momentum. For the “early ones”, this means that it is somehow a rough ride because of two reasons:

You can not tell people about this intense experience happening to you due to the very reasonable fear that they will think that you went totally bunkers. And secondly, because we are still Kindergarteners in this process, therefore, the impact – physically and mentally – can be very strong. It is my hope that as soon as enough work has been done and the Collective Awareness can catch up, it will get easier for generations to come.

But that is also why it is my intent to raise more awareness about what is going on. That is why I start sharing my story more often and I am as open about it as I can be. People need to understand that this can happen to anyone! It is not exclusive for “saints”, the hermits and well-behaved ones who live a god-fearing life. It can happen to a normal woman like me.

One that, even to this day, is still smoking too much and likes to drink alcohol and enjoying a night out. One, that still has her biases, her self-doubts and her skepticism, confusion and disagreements with god/the Universe. The only thing this woman did was to ask for the truth in a very vigorous way…

11. Where do you feel that this all leads you, and all of us, to?

I am not going to pretend like I would know the answer to this question. I just feel it in my heart and soul that it is leading us all to something more true. And truth does not hurt. Illusions do.

The development of man is hitting a dead end due to it’s destructive base, so it might seem… But the longing for growth, reaching goals and “be” someone while on this plane was an intended driving force for all of us since the beginning of time.

However, for a long time, we were trying to fulfill these needs way-off the intention and we now find us in a point of time were we already nearly destroyed our planet completely.

But only, because we tried to fulfill these inner needs by wrong terms: By getting it from the outside world. Now, an other force seems to come rushing in and pushing individuals to wake up, halt and make an imperative return to what it was initially meant to accomplish: The growth from the inside out. As more and more individuals are being thrown into this experience, the Collective has to and will follow.

Outside time, the plan is that it will be for the good of all of us – this is my feeling that this is what is being meant. Or maybe, it is already all good outside time but on our plane, we do not have the awareness of this fact yet. Either way, here, in felt time, it stays our choice of how long it is going to take for us to get it. To not miss the mark anymore…

I will be putting up a new installment in my ongoing effort to provide information about awakening (in the context of kundalini) through interviews. Being my busy time of the year for me at the studio, I am happy to be able to get this next one out to you in the next week.

I decided to create a battery of basic open-ended questions a few years ago for people who have experienced this phenomenon. While the questions ate limiting on the one hand, they serve to build a reference source because as each new interview is added, the same questions get asked. My hope is that the answers from my interview subjects will begin to create a spectrum of responses that may help illuminate in the mind of the reader the degree to which this phenomenon can vary from person to person while still standing under the big tent cover of awakening.

I am happy to include anyone who would like to participate in this project. You can choose to be anonymous if you wish, but I am happy to link to any web sites that you might be involved with so others can read your blog, or learn more abput what you do or up to our there in the world. Stats show a steady review of these interviews on weekly basis. Each interview is first posted and then a dedicated page is created where the interview remains at the top of the WTI blog so it remains easily accessible.

For inquiries about participating, you may reach me at info@staffordartglass.com.

Have a great day!

Many years ago I overheard my Chi Gung teacher speaking with a person in my class between sets. He explained that we can learn how to let go of all kinds of resistance in our energy field and consciousness by paying attention to the body. He said that many unconscious feelings are held in the body and that they can be held in different parts of it. He said that sometimes when we allow ourselves to become aware of this tension in the body it can tell us something about our own feelings. By going into and letting the resistance in a part of our body relax and unwind itself, we can also let go of emotions that get stored there. He said it might just be a little feeling in the back, the hips, the shoulders, or even a toe….all of this had something to tell us and teach us about letting go.

By letting things go like this, you can unwind all sorts of unconscious emotional material. It can be surprising how much that we hold onto. I have found that the more I do this work the more aware I become of still smaller elements in my body/mind landscape. It can lead to greater and greater clarity and a state of inner peace. I can also attest that if this process happens quickly, like it did with me during kundalini, the landscape is changed so quickly that it can even be bewildering sometimes. So, I suggest that you take this kind of work slowly and be easy on yourself.

When you can see that you are the source of all of your feelings, then you are one giant leap closer to taking responsibility for how you have thus far arranged your own inner emotional landscape.

 

Everything that we feel is not the result of what others have done to us but is instead how we have reacted to events in our lives. Buddha had something to say about this, and it is sage advice. No one makes you feel a certain way. No one. When you can see that you are the source of all of your feelings then you are one giant leap closer to taking responsibility for how you have thus far arranged your own inner emotional landscape. This is not always easy to do, especially in a time when people are increasingly wanting to have the world to conform to their own feelings instead of just being an adult and understanding how we each make choices ever day about how we feel and respond to the world. Being able to develop this honesty about how we feel (and that we feel) what is happening is the second big leap in work of this kind. Be easy on yourself, but be honest and be responsible.

When you feel resistance in your body, the first step is to observe it. It can sometimes manifest as physical pain. Instead of resisting it, try going into it. It wont hurt you. Explore it with your intuitive faculties. How does it feel? Why is it that you are holding tension there? Try breathing deeply and slowly and then imagining that your own breath is filling that tense hard space in you. Depending on how tense or how resistant the area is, you might need to do this a number of times. As you breath, imagine warmth going into that location. Imagine that your breath is being sent there, that it is opening up that area. Relax. Give yourself this moment to simply explore. What things that you do help to limit or soften the tension in your body, this pain or feeling of resistance? Often you will reach a place where you realize that the tension was in fact in your mind, being fed into a part of your body in a way that sent a message to tighten. Over time, this location can begin to hurt because of how recursive this feedback loop can become. A back can develop significant pain, hips might hurt, leg muscles might remain chronically painful or fatigued. In some cases, stretching gently can help, but in others, merely recognizing the feeling that is feeding the resistance is enough to short-circuit the feedback to that location in the body. Always, bringing awareness helps to limit the problems, but this is just a first step. If you can stop your mind after you reach the problem area and let your mind go blank, you will actually be in a much better position to intuit the problem.

Albert Einstein, who learned how to cultivate this form of intuition in his life described it precisely this way. He said that as long as his mind was busy with the problem, he would not find an answer, but once he let his mind go blank, the answer would just come to him. It turns out that this is what yogi’s and yogini’s do also. It is a cornerstone state for resolving all sorts of challenges in life.

By having a few encounters with how this method works, you can apply it to a broad range of other issues in your life, including things far-afield of our topic here.

There is a hazard in going about this in too much of a rational way because if you do, you will tend to draw on previous experience, whereas this approach I am describing to you now is the opposite. It requires your mind to go blank. Imagine that you mind needs this silence in order to pick up the deeper messages which will arise through your consciousness, for surely this is how they do. By having a few encounters with how this method works, you can apply it to a broad range of other issues in your life, including things far-afield of our topic here. As a Westerner, you probably have been taught to always have a busy mind. This is one big problem many of us have, which is that we tend not to cultivate more nuanced forms of awareness as our busy monkey-minds steal the show. There is a great benefit in allowing your mind to go quiet and to slowly learn how to cultivate this state of mind. In fact, all meditation practices have this as one of their chief goals. By quieting the mind you can more readily get to the substratum of awareness, to the Essential Self which tends to lie just below the surface. When you do this, it is much easier to delve into these problem areas and see them for what they are. It always requires some degree of discipline, courage, and self honesty.

Are your shoulders tight? Is your solar plexus hard as a rock? Do your knees hurt? In some cases, you might have some issues with your physiology because of an injury or something that comes to your through your genetic line. That can sometimes be separate from what you hold in a center, like say, your knees. And yet, the knees can go on to hold tension that is more than merely how you have been gifted in your physiology. There is a lot that we do with feelings of vulnerability to further impact a part of the body. It is worth noting what part is purely physiological and what part might be exacerbated effects of emotion or tension in that area. I once had a shoulder in jury that I made worse because of my protecting it too much. The shoulder joint literally froze in place, hard as a rock from inactivity. I had to learn to open up the injured shoulder and not be afraid to move it and allow it to work as it had before the injury. In time, I found that I was able to bring more flexibility to it than it had prior to the injury itself, which was an unexpected bonus.

It sounds cointer-intuitive, but many reflexologists and energy healers have found that certain parts of the body tend to be areas where quite specific feelings can get trapped. Have had self-esteem? Your root and your sacral region might need some attention. Is your willpower off or is it too strong? That could very well be an issue in the solar plexus. Feelings of being a victim? Goodness, your heart might need some work. If you take on too much of others’ stuff, you might find your shoulders literally tightening up with shoulder and upper back issues plaguing you.

The more you do this work the more you will find yourself letting go of age-old problems.

It is helpful to have a good body worker who can help to loosen those areas up, the open the energy channels so the old stuff can go and new growth and healing can take its place. The more you do this work the more you will find yourself letting go of age-old problems. If you find yourself going back to an issue in your past over and over, this itself is a stuck emotion and it will almost always have its compliment in the body somewhere. It is actually pretty amazing how much we can become aware of this stuck material if you take the time to slow down, get quiet, and then begin to listen and pay attention in a meditative way to what your body is telling you. In some cases, you might not be able to get to the source of the problem yourself. You might know that there is something likely stuck in a certain spot, but you have no idea how to let it go. Despite everything that you try, it just hangs on. This is where an energy worker can often help. Whether that person does acupuncture, acupressure, reiki, cranio-sacral, or similar types of energy work, someone who is practiced in energy work often will have the intuitive abilities to get to the problem in order to provide you with relief. It is my experience that truly great energy workers are rare, so you will want to look around and ask people about their experience.

It is really quite a revelatory experience when you can feel the emotional energy move out of the body. It normally never comes back, which is a great relief, too. 

With practice, you can use meditation as a way to take a quick inventory of your body state and see what is coming up for you. We are human, so we are prone to holding onto things, obsessing about something that upset us or not being able to let go of something as far back as childhood. We have lost the ability that most other mammals have for “shaking off” the tension or past emotion or trauma. This is why I recommend for really sticky issues a healing modality called TRE. If you use this term to search my blog you will find a number of posts on this method. It is actually quite simple to do on your own and has been shown to relieve symptoms of PTSD, and if done more intensively, it can eliminate the trauma stored in the body for good! It is really quite a revelatory experience when you can feel the emotional energy move out of the body. It normally never comes back, which is a great relief, too.

As you replace old negative self-talk with more positive thoughts, your whole outlook can begin to change.

While mulling this post, a quote came up on my social media feed in a group that I am part of. It was a person describing how one day they realized that they were free to feel anyway that they wanted about themselves. They described this feeling as being able to become like a butterfly, free from being tied down to old thoughts and feelings. One day this person suddenly felt free to feel fantastic about themselves, and so his life changed after that, forever. He now lives his life considering that he is this marvelous creature with so much good in himself that this now fills him with joy and wonder instead of being hemmed in and feeling bad about himself. This is a really great way to treat yourself, which is a form of self love. If you don’t love yourself, how can anyone hope to do similarly? Plus, you will feel really great as a result of shifting this way. For some of you, you might need some practice, but go easy on yourself. As you replace old negative self-talk with more positive thoughts, your whole outlook can begin to change. Aren’t you worth it? My best of luck to you…

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