Archives for the month of: February, 2014

Boy the change that is happening! Since January its been….well…interesting to say the least!

So just so you know, I am sorry I have not been blogging more frequently, but some changes in my work have meant that I have had to put a lot of time and resources in other directions and this has made getting heer less frequent. That, and it has focused me on book work (I also started two more books with outlines in the last week…we will see how those develop…one is on creativity and the other is a diary of “epiphanies” from awakening).

However, the really good thing is that I have been working on THAT BOOK. Recently I said I had gotten some major editing done on it and have since added some short chapters that I felt needed to be included.  It makes the work larger, which means I may need to work some more on making it smaller all the way through the work since its hovering around 400 pages at a “cut” size.

But the material is good, and I am looking forward to getting it into the hands of other writers for a good first look.  This has been the work of over four years and I want to get it right!

So for now, I can’t say exactly what the future holds, but it has been exciting, that is for sure.  It has also given me the much needed time to look deep within at the remaining issues that dog me, effect me in my life.  Life, even though it has changed, remains a deep intake of breath, of awareness, and of relasing all that had held me to a limited scope of being and becoming.  And you know what?  I think it can sometimes be messy, but as we each unwind to what we are, we let go those things we have been toting around for ages which we realy don’t like to see, and probably don’t WANT to see.  Our fear, our anger, our greed, our dishonesty with ourselves and with others.  But instead of falling for shame, being able to fall for love instead is so vital.  When shame catches us, we are most often caught in a situation where we do not feel safe enough to be ourselves, to unwind, to allow our fundamental selves to peek through the landscaping.

So spring is upon us, even if it does not feel that way…it is. The buds are beginning to grow and there are signs that the early bulbs are getting ready for the trigger of MORE SUN….which they are now getting!  Hang in there and I hope March is the kind of March I have always known thus far; embracing spring, and embracing new life.

Happy Voyages to you… until next time….

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The world coheres to what we put out, how we feel.  Feeling is the catalyst and current by which we interface with the universe.  That might sound crazy, but we are part of this incredibly huge nervous system that is the universe.  Are you fearful?  Are you fearless?  The world is your mirror…..and it will change as you change.  Learning how to allow healing of the past is such an important part of clearing your own energy field so you can have a clear connection……no competing memes or beliefs standing in the way.  The universe conspires to be what image you are, knowingly or not, creating.  Here’s to a wonderful Spring-time filled with great opportunities to see the wonder that awaits in this breathing world….

Without it, we hunger, short of a large view that it can provide…..still turning with old notions of love as object…forgetting the love is what we ARE.  We get lost in mazes of love FOR something.

This path is unforgiving in that until you have emptied yourself of the dharma of that basket of notions of love FOR something, it is hard to really know what this broader love is.  The yogi speaks of emptying and knowing this great Nothing…..and so true….but I would add that this then leads you straight to that cosmic maypole…..round which we have so long danced….pulling against the other…learning about the cosmic force that leads to this greater love….and all along, emptying ourselves so the vessel may come clean and uncluttered….so that “it” may love you with nothing else in the way….no collection of investments or positions or beliefs.  Empty, a virgin before it.  Fearing a sense of loss, we hold on to the old for dear life because it defines us, and feels familiar.  And yet, without letting it all go, there is no room within to conceive it could ever be different.  This continues, for we are stubborn creatures, but we are called back to it over and over as an ever-deepening secret realm that is in you emerges.

I skipped Valentines day for making a post on this love because, in truth, this has been a daily mantra….a steady process of coming back over and over……each mis-step forms the content of the next lesson….perfectly….with ultimate compassion.  Every day is a day about this love…..and more so when I simply feel it, letting it stream through every atom and cell…just as I ask it “how do I heal this next piece, let it fall from this basket of mine?”

People unable to join or be with me, I see with clearer eyes why this is all so….and more perfectly and compassionately this vibrant presence within asks how to do better, be better, and even as importantly, how to bless all the souls who cannot be since an expression of an old less than perfect expression was in the way of glimpsing this greater love…..a  mirrored truth which, like those basket of things, we bear the greatest of compassion and love for ourselves….because when we feel it’s presence so clearly and cleanly, absent that basket of old things…we are free in a beautiful way….first singular, but then bubbling up like a vast wellspring that is not for honor or reward, not for a return on what we give or hope for exchange….but a simple love that is for nothing and thus is free to be for all.  This has been what has drawn me forward from day one in this experience…..first unsure what “it” was, realizing all my dreams which foretold of it’s coming to me was beautifully represented.  And prescient, too.  Silly, I knew.  Deeper down, I know, and now inner knowing reaches longingly now to outer knowing….building block by block this bridge to this self that knows this love constantly, free, the only example I have or will need….a divine template hidden within….accessed through feeling (not emotion) and known at a cellular kind of certainty…..a process of constant aligning to “it.”

This is the greatest love and it is what I seek.  Day by day, silently, perfectly, it comes and whispers what remains to empty out.  Unfurling, undoing ourselves, our inner terrains emptied so we may be filled…so I may be filled…so I might forgive…so I may reach this great everything that I have been seeking in letting it go.  I do this not because I know where it leads but because I seem to know it leads to what I have been seeking fervently all this time….past the hall of mirrors others have shown in themselves to me, showing me where Iw as….perfect in a way….guideposts along the way.  And yet, we  have this capacity to be more than what we mirror.  Healing it, we feel so much closer to this one great love.  The greatest there is!

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This is the way forward….

Embodying all that you are is not about sucking it up.

Sucking it up has been the source of so many problems, delaying that moment as what you seek is now known to be……seeking you.

If you must, curse the past, but do so in the knowledge that it was your past that you now run from, fleeing like horses from a burning barn.  You do not free yourself from that vast tarpit by continuing to remain there, wrestling your demons.

Yes, you give it all up and consider there is a better way.  As you seek this, you begin to see how it is seeking you….to be the best and happiest that you can be.  If not, then something is amiss.  Just ask yourself why and what.  This part seeking you knows.

Giving it up, you give up your feelings of limit, desire for more hurt, retaliation that keeps wounds fresh, as Francis Bacon called “green” instead of giving ourselves the opportunity to take responsibility for your choice in being here.  No one can MAKE you feel nothing.  You chose.  By living in a world where others choose is itself an illusion, the lie we must now flee to be free.  But you see, you flee into the arms of all that remains of you, this glorious, beautiful and wondrous creation.  You wind up escaping the arms of the past to find the truth is waiting for you bearing no sword but a smile.  Welcome home!

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Today while clearing a workspace I thought about how ritual is used in the world to help us to anchor certain feelings and states of being. If you know me, I am not big on ritual. The reason for this is the result of years of seeking and pondering what it is that is behind the things we do. Part of it, too, is this aspect that is part of who I am that seeks the essence of things, the root cause. But for as much as I live life without ritual, I also know that when used in the right way, it can yield effective results.

So I cleared this work space after finishing some jobs for clients recently and as I did so I noticed how much clearer I felt inside. As I did this I found myself going into that familiar meditative state where I am ever present, yet also in the flow. I stepped outside and found myself pulled to a spot where I felt this wonderful whoosh of energy from the earth flow up into me. It then began a one-two rhythm of moving through my energy body, healing and clearing. I felt the presence of this conscious energy and felt the flow of information as it began answering the questions floating in my mind.  Less a hive of busy thoughts and more like, “And the answer to that question you have had in you mind, well….”  I was surprised to find myself feeling this energy flowing up through me like this…after all, I have spent years feeling the energy of the earth.  It goes to show that we all have so much to learn.

I have always felt how different the earth felt to me in different places.  For years I have noted the character of the energy was just so different….the result of the local geology, it’s position on the globe, lines of force near that spot as well as the life upon it, all contributing to an overall feel.  When I lived in Kentucky, I could feel the presence of a long standing strife from battles or struggles on the land…..more so than most anywhere else.  It felt OLD….only to learn that Kentucky had been fought over….over and over….by rival native groups for generations.  It all made sense.  Visiting the deserts of New Mexico and Arizona was an epiphany of sorts after living in the lush green rolling hills of the Blue Ridge Mountains of western Virginia.  I found Sedona not the be the incredible thing people made it out to be…..a place that actually had some geographical karma of sorts that ATTRACTED a lot of people who were intrigued by its “vortices” never noticing what lay deeper.  I suppose we all get there in time, and really, maybe I am a geek where this stuff is concerned.

This, though was different.  I felt a series of thoughts move very quickly through me.  By clearing myself, I made it possible to pick up on this energy.  I felt it come through my feet.  Did you know you have chakras in your feet and legs?  I was just reading last week while doing some final work on the book that there are seven of them.  Hips are tied to lust, knees to retaliatory jealousy.  All of these are all tied to very negative traits.  While the observations may be correct, not sure I buy that there is only a negative side to all of this.  But be that as it may, I felt this tingling surge that felt wonderful as it moved up through my body.  It was actually a lot like what kundalini felt like before it fully rose in me.  A tingling.  It moved right up through my meridians and in the energy I could hear these wordless words…concepts or thoughts that were…..silent….yet also present.  As it moved upward it would pause and become focused on parts of my energy body.  It explained that two channels in both the Ida and Pengali were long ago injured….all of this was explained in terms of how I have attracted certain things into my life, like people and events.  If I was to heal it, I had to hand over the investment in the old hurt in order to feel this force run fresh and clear in me.  For the second time in about a year I felt the presence of what I can only describe as the feminine side of all energy move all around me showing me that in letting go, this issue would essentially go into this gestalt energy for recycling……redemption.  Letting go of it was the first step, the very most important.

The energy was like clockwork.  It rose and fell in a perfectly timed one-two count.  So, up for two counts and then down for two.  Ebb for two, flow for two.  This went on with a regular beat.  I saw how the sacred drum of North American tribes was based not on heart scattering syncopation! but on the heartbeat of humans.  I remembered how I had sat in on a talk by a shaman who came to town when I was in college and how he explained that this one-two beat was the beat of the earth.  I wondered, was this the beat he was talking about?

As I felt all this, the energy in the earth said something like “I am the feminine (winks) because this is how you can best relate to me….but I think we both know I am both feminine and masculine in the same way that ALL energy has it’s positive and negative polarities….with no man or woman being present…..but if it makes it easier to relate, then I can be all of that, more, or different…..”

I continued to hear this flow of information about some incidental things I needed to do that would help me with my energy.  It felt like healing, a scan, and a reading all in one.  I realized all of this came about because I was clear enough to feel it.  I had never felt anything like this tied to Gaia quite this vividly, as though my body became part of an energetic presence all around me.  I was standing directly over a strong line of energy in my backyard.  When I oriented myself I saw that this line ran very close to north and south.  I didn’t have a compass, but with the afternoon sun showing its way to the west, I figured the line as I felt it moving under me was very close to N/S orientation.

This led to including a short two-page chapter in ritual in the book, which explained why ritual can be helpful in finding certain feeling states.  All method and technique in yoga and meditation is based in this.  Ritual itself exercises both sides of the brain and can help us to feel the right way since feeling is the actual circuitry switch of the universe.  When you can flip that switch, you can flow with the world.  Sound crazy?  To understand, maybe it’s best that you buy WTI when it comes out, because I explain about this circuitry of the universe and how it is native to all things and how you can use it as an effective guide in helping you to identify the challenging parts in your life very quickly I order to heal them.  Most often people look at effects and point to them as the culprits, but unless you go deeper to the origin, you will continue blaming the world for your ills and will be like an ox going round and round the same way ox are harnessed to grind grain.  They walk miles and never get anywhere.  Welcome to the merry-go-round of karma!  And it is all yours.  So knowing how to change how you see all of this is the sea-change necessary for most folks to begin knowing how to relate to their trials and inner challenges in a more effective way for the simple reason that its means resolves back into the root of what is true; no one forced you to feel how you feel.  You made more choices that you may have even realized.  You, at the end of the day can argue about how bad life has been, and yet, no one is making you feel this way.  The path to freedom from these feelings is simply granting yourself the freedom to be……free.   Free from it all!  Kind of exciting, isn’t it?

So if ritual does it for you, use it.  Use it to direct your imagination…..for imagination is what allows you to expand beyond your physical limits…..paradoxically we also treat it as an unreal thing when it is SO important!  Imagination is what frees you to smile, to be seduced, to let go and feel more deeply, to see things in ways your never knew could be.  Please doing discount what your imagination can do!

In the course of these happenings, I was describing this experience to a friend who said she had not ever felt earth energy in that way.  What she described sounded like an exact opposite to what I had felt.  Now wouldn’t it be interesting to find that sexual energetic polarity affected how we related to and felt energy?  Well, in fact, in Tibetan Tantra, that is what this is precisely about, which is all a dance of energy.  Having felt my polarity “flip” during a past life experience involving a life as a woman some four years ago during a stage of releasing some old stuff from a past life, I found, caught up in rapt attention that everything I was feeling was still bliss BUT just HOW the energy flowed was….different.  It was the opposite from how my energy moves in me as the masculine.

The reason why I am saying this is because your results may feel very different than mine.  My friend felt drawn INTO the earth while I felt it flowing up into me and through me like I had become a node within a living circuitry.  And who knows, it may also be that these energies are so large and complex that you can relate to them in a myriad of ways.  Perhaps at a certain level all energy is itself unlimited and relies on the focus of those around it in order to perceive the broader aspects of it’s being.  What?  Everything is multidimensional.  Every atom, every star.  When we begin perceiving like this, we do so in a potentially broader way, right?  And the enormity of the experience is our touching on this multiplicity of expression in all things.  Like a diamond with all these facets.  You are one such expression…..and your ego helps to hold back the holy torrent of being and energy from knocking you over…..and yet, when you open the door a crack a trickle comes through.

Trust your instincts…..walk through nature…..practice clearing….feeling your insides being cleared away.  And who knows, maybe washing the dishes might do it,or sweeping up leaves or…clear, walk and don’t over think it.  Let your intuition have room to work.  When it worked for me, It did so without my needing to think about it.  I just stopped.  Clear, I had nothing else left except to feel.

Spring is on its way!  Yes, a few more months of cold and February is for us the hardest, but there is a feeling in the air that tells me is time  to transplant the raspberries NOW if I want to triple my crop come spring and summer!  Curled, just waiting for the trigger of more sun, bud wait in dream for the moment they begin to break free.  Ah!  My favorite time of year!  Here it comes!

As some of you may know, I operate a glass studio in addition to teaching part time in art.  The holidays is an important time for me to capture the funds necessary to sustain me through the slower times of the year…..sooooo….I have not been blogging much!  Lots of change in the air and so, an update for now.

In a most odd twist, I was working on my book the last few weeks and finally reached….the end!  Boom!  Just like that!  I had edited this thing, cutting it from an immense size down to 160 pages, then building it up to 350 pages.  while this page number is going to get trimmed perhaps by as much as a hundred pages or more, the revised and edited version NOW contains everything that it NEEDS to say, convey, and discuss about awakenings.  The difference now is that I only need to add small bits and remove larger bits…..which wasn’t the case before!

It turns out that the day I realized that I was done with the main bulk of the book was the exact same time I awakened….seven years ago…..so it was….an anniversary of sorts!

 

Pretty wild things have been happening recently around these parts that confirm the fact that the universe is a living canvas on which we each create….that how we see the universe is badly in need of an update!  The KINDS of events that are taking place are not “supposed” to happen in a normal mechanistic world as we have been envisioning it.  When we can understand how to welcome this impossibility into our lives, it means impossible things happen (which of course ARE possible, we just don’t all know this yet!).

So!  I wanted to thank you for bearing with me.  There is more book work to do, getting some new eyes on it and then the next step, which leads to publishing!  Updates when I am able.

~Parker

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