Archives for posts with tag: spirituality

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Your bag is packed

it screams to be released

how long do you think your hands can continue to clutch

the lie that we all want to believe?

We let go

bliss slips around us

a delicious remembering

amidst a cloud of forgetting

the ancients dance in us

as the shame that we have shackled ourselves with

falls in splendid beauty

wonder

and awe.

 

We make others responsible

for what we  cannot bear

what has been ours

and whose roots dig deep within us

and masters us.

We lie to ourselves

and forget

taking the mirror

for reality

laying the guilt

on the shoulders of the innocent,

a dirty inculcation

into what is untrue.

 

We are that mirror

and we are all it shows us.

 

Who is brave enough to turn it ’round

to see it rightly

or finally?

 

Do you know who you are

behind the lies you tell,

the lies we all tell others

and ourselves,

the lies that we each believe?

There is such sorrow in these lies

we cannot help but tell ourselves

and others

as though we can slip one more day

through the keyhole crack

and continue wandering like thieves

free from persecution

for one more day…

free and shackled.

 

Losing your head,

your drive to think,

you feel

but how deeply can you feel–

can you fall deep within the truth

or do you make deals with it

to pretty it up

or bend it to your will

or do you bend to it

and let it take you

like a lover

who seeks to destroy

all you held dear

and all that ruined you

for lifetimes

so that you might find yourself wrecked

in a new and beautiful way?

Who is brave enough to take such a dare?

 

The great magic is upon you now

and your thoughts are lost

and your being is emergent.

Who is the you that you are?

Do you know?

 

Will you fall into forgetting

trusting that love will support you

and take you down

into nothing

so that you may be remade?

No one sees more clearly

when these veils are lifted from  within

because there is a deeper veiling…layer upon layer of it…

and the only veils

are those that we each have made.

Can you be the agent of your own undoing?

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If it’s “spiritual” and it isn’t simple, you have over-thought it.

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Can we go beyond the love that we know

to reach a father shore?

Can we know that which has been hidden

all our lives?

Our lives are bound by certainties

but the greatest discovery lies in a question

a journey into the ineffable

where words cease

and a new life begins.

Love is a force

not for a thing

and when felt this way

unwinds everything you thought you knew.

Ruined, your notions of the past

lie resting on this foreign shore

wrecked

dashed

destroyed.

But quietly a new life begins

new life emerges

and a new story is writ.

Love as a force not for anyone or anything

it undoes every agenda

for this or that

for it is for the great All of everything….

Not a thing

a force

felt flashing and living madly within me

undoing me despite my efforts to claim otherwise.

Love as a force is not to be played with

but known

like wind

that cannot be captured.

What madness is there in those who love such things?

And who knows?

Perhaps this is just the love that Gods have

that leaks out from their presence around us

and we feel it as a force…..

in such places as this anything is possible.

Welcome to the furthest shore…

Shakti-Shiva2

In experiences of nonduality nothing is just one thing or another.  With everything connected, increasingly, there is less and less and less that we see or feel that is seen from a biased state of mind.  As the walls or barriers within ones own self fall, the truth of things begins to emerge.  The truth is there are many facets to any given thing.  There are facets we give to events and people and things and then there are those things that are simply there, despite our need to project upon them or see what we are in them.  Everything that Is has its shades of dark and light.

Learning to see what is, is a big part of my journey- and the journey of many others in disentangling what we create from what exists…prexistant of our own projections, beliefs, expectations, and hopes.  It is a way to see clearly, to know “what is.”  When we operate from a place of wanting to know what is, we tend to be increasingly inoculated against the tendency to build into each moment, each event, each meeting, expectations that are based on our own inner hopes….which are themselves based most often on what the accumulated presence of karma does to a person’s thinking and acting.  Truth is, we have all of these programs running in us that rule us.  Until we can remove that stuff, we are mastered.  And there are layers to this material.

When we say we are like onions, we are….layer by layer we are undone just as we made ourselves through years of shoving junk down into those layers.  This is what constitutes the bulk of these blocks and conditioning….but it also means that programming exists at deeper levels, yet, in perfect onion-layer form.  Removing it all is a humbling experience.  it is also something I sense is the most beautiful thing.  We are changing the story as we go.  Sound impossible?  It means facing all of your own silliness, rudeness, reactivity, anger, fear, jealousy, and sense of lack. You name it, it comes up, and gets to be cleared. And this, the cleansing of the self, is so important. It is our saving grace.  It is the single most important part of my awakening.  It continues to offer me the opportunity to undo lifetimes of junk.  And the result is that it will change those lifetimes as much as it will change THIS life.  Its beautiful and huge.  It will send ripples throughout the multiverse.  There is a lot on offer here. And yet, for as huge as this all is, we can, in our all-too-human frames become undone by what remains.

When I awoke, I found that this energy began taking me apart right away.  Blocks began falling away within the first week. After two weeks of having felt the “rising” of this energy in me, effectively lighting me on fire, my juiced system began to respond by churning and teasing out these small blocks of knotted emotion from my awareness, from my body.

Part of this dynamic was being aware of another person whom I had never met in this life, someone who lived about 1,500 miles away. A whole other country in fact.  As time rolled on I learned that I was feeling what this other person was feeling as though it was a direct link. I was incredulous at first but as the incidents piled up day after day I realized I shared a connection to this person that was from the inside out.

There was a lot that was said about these connections.  Awakenings like mine were often being accompanied by these connections.  It was a way of shifting your way of seeing the world in a pretty dramatic way.

As I went from this being the will of the universe to something that my own soul was embarking on, I began to bid this energy to do its work.  I sensed that the stronger the energy was, the more work it would do.  Part of me was apprehensive of this energy.  A part of me was afraid that “me” would be swept away.  There was a calm sense of impartiality, almost coolness to the intelligence that lived within this energy, that lives in all energy.  My own awareness sought to commune with it, to learn why it was here, to learn anything I could.  This probing would begin to form the first of what I would come to call my “epiphany talks” which was where in a deep state of meditation, I would let this energy do its work, and as a plus, I could ask it questions.  For me, understanding the very core of what Is was what I was interested in.  I felt that in knowing this I could begin to unravel my own mysteries, to become, to transform.

This journey resulted in my becoming aware of multiple connections.  They just happened.  I didn’t know why, but they did.  Over time, these connections would be a source of shame and guilt for me.  I would also set these connections aside in an effort to overcome whatever it was that had fueled these connections.

As time passed and I continued to let this energy do its work, I went from surface blockages to removing deeper, more substantive ones.  Each time as this happened, the energy which I had been communing with came through clearer and clearer.  But as long as I remained even slightly uncleared of blocks, I was like  visitor to this land of the divine.I could tune it in anytime I was ready to.  It was mine.  It was me and I was it, and yet, I had this baggage that my personality had to learn to let go of.  I knew there was probably a way to just let it all fall away at once. Theoretically possible, yes, but likely?  Nope.

But the journey along the way helped me to understand energy more and more…..in the way I was most gifted.  It seems that we meet this conscious energy where we are at the time.  As the dross clears, the energy also becomes more clear.  The intelligence within the energy resolves too.  The personality also goes through changes.  For me, the hardest and most difficult was my own Dark Night of the Soul.  This was itself a period of time when the gateway of energy opened up within me to the degree that I would feel clobbered by the energy.  I often would have to lie down, unable to know how to deal with this crush of energy.  This period would result in dislodging my ego from its front and center location in my psyche.  What resulted was that a higher-vibrational version of the ego was within view, a way to still know myself as me, but with fewer snags.  The idea that ego dies, is itself silly, yet people still use the term “ego death” which stirs fear and anxiety in anyone who is going through awakening.  This part, is, in fact, a saving grace, a blessing, since it allows the self to not identify so powerfully with so many things that can serve to hang it up.  Ego itself does not die, it is more…..mobile. Instead of ego being the latch on your toolbox of gifts, it becomes one tool IN the toolbox. The result? You become more of the master and less the slave.  But here is the thing….the deeper issues, the ones that are most ingrained….they tend to appeal most directly to ones identity and sense of self, and as a result can be the last things to go in this cleansing that is awakening.  The Dark Night itself comes of its own accord when one is ready.  There is no formula to this, or for this.

For me, the hardest was saved for last.  And that is where I am. It seems that this is being taken apart bit by bit.  The advantage to getting down into the dirt, into this root junk, is that with each release, no matter how small, it changes the balance of power, or energy, in the body.  What affected me before no longer does.  And all along, I was very good at being able to manifest what I needed.  I had been using this method I developed that worked for me.  I simply asked for the big things, the important things.  They all came to pass in time.  What I could not change was the karmic field that existed within each of the manifested events that brought me what I needed, all in divine timing.  But it is now a matter of no longer wanting to manifest the abundance I need in my life in order to do what I am here to do.  It is now a refining process that now frees me from the entangling alliances that were part of the past but that my soul now feels is no longer necessary for what lies ahead in the future of time.

I ask myself what these connections were for….I ask them what they think now after all this time.  What was at the very base of all of this?  What holds us back?  What has limited us?  What has kept us from something that was less than an easy form of love in ourselves? And not all of them are able to know the answer.  It is, in a very real way, an answer that they must find for themselves.  Understanding one’s mirrors are an important step in doing the inner work necessary to stop attracting the same thing as in the past.

These were all people who obviously felt as though something had been left unfinished.  An expectation was not met the way the individual felt like it needed to be.  This is where what Buddha had to say about the suffering of the world comes into play.  Remember what he said?  When we build expectations that are not based on what Is and are instead something from our own inner dialog, our own karmic leanings.  Having begun to dig deeper into the root, I have found that as I do, I am less reactive and am simply wanting to know what is it that remains? How do I honor and heal what remains in me and does understanding what lies in the other serve as a reflection for me?  It does.  But it requires a willingness or ability to see things impartially.  As you might guess, karma is not about being impartial.  It is about feeling something that is less than our divinely inspired selves.

So what was shame and guilt has resolved into an awareness that I am here to resolve some old accounts, to clean it up, to open the way for a new Way to be to flow through me.  Like a creek that has been dammed up, the walls are falling away, and while most of them feel as though they are down, there is this part at its base that is now being excavated.  This, the root, is the darkest, the most difficult, I suspect because it goes to the very source-point of our survival, our nurture and our ability to create at the most fundamental levels.  ANY kind of creation….from procreation through the body to art or the use of our creative energy for a whole host of things. What I know from my talks with this light inside of me is that when I remove the troublesome junk in the root, I wont have any concern as my ability to co-create will not be muddled by action (karma) from a past life, or from some earlier part of my life here.  How do we build the temple when the stones were lain from poor stock to begin with?

So this is the journeywork.  This was what the Dark Night did; it scattered the stones of my being.  Some remained….it seems that if we are not ready to allow ourselves to be scattered and remade, we wont.  Not even kundalini will be able to take care of it.  Perhaps with enough time….perhaps then.  But for me, I sense that time is of the essence.  Time for all of us here….time for me….time for my children, time for those I love.  Time to enjoy the fruit of my labor, to settle into this way of being for the next time I am scheduled to re-emerge.

So what is holding you back?  you might feel as though you wrestle with yourself sometimes, resulting in knee jerk reactions.  If so, I can tell you categorically, that is the karma speaking.  And as long as that is the case, you will respond the same over and over and over.  Yes, you might be able to put a good face on it, yes, you might learn to CONTROL it.  Yes to all of that.  But we have spent lifetimes doing this.  It is as though we have worn these masks which have hidden all of our own fears about who and what we are…..and those things were themselves the lies we tell ourselves….why?  Fear.  We are afraid we are terrible somewhere deep down…..so we ignore that dark spot and go on about life.  Sometimes for lifetimes.  Eventually, the karma comes calling and the soul no longer wishes to deal with it like this anymore.  We grow up.  Slowly, perhaps, over many lifetimes, this maturation takes place.  And perhaps there is something in us that needs to know this shadow part of ourselves.  Maybe.  But then, in doing so, embody it, which effectively removes it as something you are pitted against, or fighting with, or having a knee jerk reaction to.  Whatever it is for you.  For me….there were strains of victimhood in there.  I was not ready to take responsibility for the fact that my own light body, how it is composed, is what is creating ALL of this.  There is nothing that does not happen that I myself do not attract.  And what happens when that image is one I don’t like?  Well, its in me to heal!  ME. Until I do, I am mastered by whatever it is I see in the world around me. Sometimes, it is with disastrous results.  And the deeper we go into the chakra system, the harder it seems to be.  Digging in this deep pit is now the work that I feel so ready to do.  My focus on this center is constant.  Every moment of the day I breath into it, I place my awareness, the light that is in me that is also the universe.  What a way to shine the light on things!  But it WORKS.  In fact, the easier I allow it to be, the easier it is. As I have said in past posts, sometimes a glance is all it takes.  After turning this old soil with my awareness, it eventually soften enough to fall away.  There is little else as important as this.

The result?  In important areas of my life, I am finding myself becoming less stuck.  Things that I knew I needed to do but had been stuck by the economy or by a hundred different reasons, has now suddenly freed itself up.  The way forward has clarified.  As soon as I was able to see it, those in my life responded with excitement because this shift would offer them opportunities that we have not yet had together. These were opportunities their own souls have been waiting for.  It is an important step, one that charges my creative energy with the push to get this next step done in divine timing.  Divine timing?  Yes.  this is when the impossible becomes possible.  This is when all you have to do is put the intention there and the world conspires to assist.  Some of it is not because of anything that you yourself have done.  This is the foundation for the synchronicity….those inexplicable events that happen with uncanny timing.  So why something is in your life is the result of something within you…..for good or ill.  When you can come to terms with any given block, you can free yourself to be able to choose how you react and respond.  You free yourself from a kind of slavery.  The idea that we have been the ones to have enslaved ourselves seem repugnant to us…..and is the very reason why it continues. When we take responsibility for our stuff, for our lives and choices, we are that much closer to owning all of it instead of being the ones who are owned.

The reason, I know, that this work is important is that as each of us are able to break these chains within us, it makes it easier for others to do so also.  If you haven’t noticed, the world is rapidly moving towards an effort to use technology to control in a whole new way.  It is time to so fill this world with the hunger for true freedom that the idea that we would seek to control the world just because of greed or fear or anything less than our highest will seem….so unnecessary.  Why would we want to do that?  To change the world, we have to change ourselves. From one backyard to another.

So in awakening, in the beginning, there is so much in you that is magnetizing so much….from feelings to events.  You are in a pit and you don’t even know it.  But what you DO know is that you want things to change.  Sometimes it feels like a gift, sometimes a curse.  But that is as it should be; to be able to see both sides is so important….and once we do….integrate it all into our being so that it can be free to transform.  The path to change is in forgiving ourselves.  This, it turns out, is the hardest thing for us to do….but it leads to the greatest love there is.

You never were young or old in your soul.  There are no young souls nor old souls.  The idea that time exists is like a snake curled up within itself, a line or progression that is itself an illusion.  It is not an illusion that we are born live and grow old and die.  But this life we live exists like an echo that does not fade from the fabric of all that is.  One part reads the story and another lives it.  One part moves on and one abides forever.  This is the great secret upon my lips tonight……So you already are old and young and all places in between.  Let it be that you are all of this….for in so being, you will better touch it and know the boundlessness that you are.  We all have known slave and king, bound and free, owner and owned, lover and hater, blind and illuminated.  We have been and shall be what our souls call us to be.  It calls us to become and to know and to become again and again until like worn out books, we are made over. Open your mind and heart and you can actually feel it.  The lie is what blinds each of us to what we are.  You are more than this….

You are not an old soul, nor are you a young soul. You are this soul.  Glory in that whatever it might mean for you for surely there is a purpose in all of that….

book blog

I know; I should not begin a sentence with a semicolon so close to the beginning but I have to say this quick! Okay; the work continues on that book, but I have to tell you that things are looking better and better. As a writer, I don’t know that I will ever be completely happy with what I have written (I am also told by my cat that I should not be admitting that, but she just caught a vole in the yard, so…). Like my art, it is a progression, so for me, I guess, what gets me excited and fulfilled is the next project. When I look back at an older work I have that impulse to go back and fuss with it. Somebody hold me back!

But. I am currently having the book reviewed by another writer who is familiar with the topic and after a few months of silence and being disciplined not to bug anyone about it, I got a preliminary piece of feedback. And it is really encouraging. In fact, so encouraging, I am having trouble seeing it for what it is at this moment.

I am initiating the process of finding an agent who will shop the book first in the hopes that it will be picked up by a major publisher. Then, the option to self publish will also remain as an opportunity to pursue, along with converting the work to e-book format.

The more I move along in this, the more I come to the powerful conclusion that what we call awakening or kundalini (that’s a verb, you know) is in fact what we are wired for. See, in the not-so far-past, this “thing” which someone like U.G. Krishnamurti had, or that Gopi Krishna experienced while seeking to raise it at home, was once a very rare event or phenomenon.  There were very few people on the planet who “had” this elusive, perhaps esoteric thing going on.  Now, we are absolutely in a new day.  People by the thousands, literally, are awakening in what I determine is nothing short of a watershed event.  And it is none too soon!  What is happening, though, is what I observe to be what the ancients talked about with a good degree of aplomb using their vocabulary-set of the times.  Jesus and his disciples spoke of “the left and the right” in context to the trinity, the force of the two who joined to create the third.  While mainline Christianity deemed these texts that spoke so clearly of the awakening experience heretical, they persist as excellent examples of what Jesus spoke of as being The Kingdom.  And I don’t mean to suggest something tentative or thinly laid, but rather a whole series of documents, most of them lost for centuries and recently rediscovered by scholars.  The Taoists, the Hindus as well as the Mystery School initiates were all on to the same thing.  And what was this?  With my own voice added to the mix, it was nothing short of a top to bottom merging of both consciousness and physiology, all of which serve to support awakening.

The secret is dissolving what divides you.  Its less a science as poetry and art.  Art is not easy, but does bring grace, and this makes it all effortless.  So a little backstory, explanation, of what I now call an “epiphany talk” I had with the force that was is in me and “talks” to me since my awakening.  It is more that I merge deeply into its presence, deep into the energy, and find that anything I am interested in arises into my awareness with an amazing vividness, much like a movie or dream- while awake.  In an odd sort of twist, I came across the words of Edgar Cayce who described how he “did” what he did, and while he went into trance, I found that my perhaps-lighter trance state was similar in how he described it.  It was, in fact, what I had been doing whenever I found myself in the grip of a great inspired moment when making art. Okay….

When I sat on that late August night two years ago on my porch, I felt the presence of this familiar force alive in me, a force that has what I often feel is a consciousness all its own but that I know is an extension of myself, the higher self.  And on that night it wanted to show me something because I had been puzzling over the linkage between body and cosmic consciousness.  What it showed me was that the force of energy that is beyond the body yet also within it coheres to the electromagnetic field in the body.  Think of this as like how we beam signals and information using radio waves.  Talk and text and images, all travel astride this energy which our devices then decode.  Our bodies, our nervous system and brain as well as our bodies are amazing devices of a soft sort that are expertly capable of decoding information that travels within our bodies and even beyond it.  Our heart, which pumps iron rich blood, is creating electricity through this activity in the same way the earth generates electricity when the molten iron rich core moves within it.  In fact, physicists have discovered that we can generate massive amounts of electricity by circulating molten metal within a cavity.  So it is not so strange to see how the body is creating a much lower level of energy which is expressed as electricity that the nervous system uses to convey information throughout the body as nerve signals.  It’s all electricity and it is all being expertly decoded by our brains and felt by our bodies.  Electromagnetic fields are the result of this electricity as electricity and electromagnetism are two sides of the same coin!  Cool, right?  But hang on!  These fields also have a polarity.  Our bodies also have a polarity.  Even the Chinese observed this and called it Yin and Yang.  Just like a magnet, just like the sun and earth.  For us, this field shields us from life killing plasma from the sun.  We would be dead within weeks without it.  It is also why Mars is a dead planet; no more molten activity in its core (although it has the largest volcano yet found in our solar system!).  So I was pondering all of this and I was shown in the usual fashion what this force in me wanted to show me or reveal, which is how in our bodies RIGHT NOW there is a current of energy moving in us that moves from one polarity to another.  Where this energy merges is where the Hindu describe as being the crown chakra, the placed that is supposedly where cosmic consciousness flowers (so they say; I have a different opinion and experience….but for now, its good enough for what I am trying to get across).  In the body, there is this flip that happens, where one energy pole merges into the other.  This is union.  It is also, this presence said, what explains why one hemisphere controls the other side of the body.  It was, it said, this way to ensure that the two merged.  The left and right brains are mirrors of the yin and yang energies.  They cohere closely to aspects present within both.  Some call this the divine masculine and feminine, but in a larger scope, these are aspects that are within each person and is not in any real way aligned to our sexuality or sexual orientation. In fact, the idea that there is a man and a woman within us might seem a little silly.  This is simply that there is a higher order energy that is not so focused in our physical operations that is focused at this slightly higher dimension.  It carries qualities that COULD be called masculine and feminine and DO most certainly connect into those archetypes for people so focused, but it’s not a rule as far as I can tell. It just can help you to relate to these opposite ends of yourself……which is itself a mirror of all the things that are in the universe.  The yin and yang are themselves a reflection, I say, of the Tao, that formless thing that is within everything. It is in the atoms (neg and positive) it is in energy (neg and pos. poles) and it is in us….in the atoms in our bodies, and in our electrical field you can also call the aura.  This energy can be seen or perceived even by those who have caught on to how to do it.  I have been reading fields since I was 18 and there is simply no doubt that our consciousness rides upon a very real and perceptible field of energy.  In fact, it really isn’t so hard to learn to see auras.  You can find the simple exercises all over the net and they are all about the same.    I first saw them when my mind was emptied….which led me to being open to my natural present ability to pick them up.  Seeing this field before you can be life changing in the sense that it creates a tangible sense of awareness that we are more than just bodies, atoms, and mere electrical activity.

This energy does this flip, and this is where union takes place, so they say.  What I experienced was that this union takes place at the atomic level and happens the moment awakening takes place.  SOme will say they did not “raise” their kundalini correctly, but my experience was that the very force OF kundalini WAS defacto union.  It is like trying to raise only positive energetic force; the positive does not exist without the negative as its counterbalance.  They are, like electrical fields and magnetic fields, two sides of the same coin. So knowing all of this, what is the difference between one who is awakened and one who is not?  Simple; division cognitively and emotionally.  When you can remove enough competing material within you, you literally remove the blocks in your field of awareness and your field of energy that allows for  a greater flow of energy to happen.  Question is, where is the tipping point where awakening will happen?  It could be that childbirth could spark it, with its rich bed of hormones helping to mirror many of the cosmic elements that take place in awakening.  That could help support awakening, and this has been known to happen.  Sometimes a stressor happens that can stir it.  Sometimes a simple meditation, or a series of meditations can do it.  For me, I triggered awakening by simply resolving a long-standing issue that had me tied up in knots.  By letting it go, releasing it, awakening began to gather force.  How my awakening unfurled, though, was by no means text book.  it is why I write; there are many ways we can awaken and you ought not be put off by what others have to say about it.  You KNOW something has been triggered and is a horse of an entirely different color!  For me, I was able to observe this force in me without knowing it was kundalini.  I was able to see it for what it was before doing reading on it.

What I know now is that our bodies and our consciousness itself coheres to a model of energetic polarities that will take me beyond the body and into the body of the universe, into cosmic consciousness, a kind of vast network so unbelievably complex that it boggles the mind, but delights the soul.  By moving beyond concepts of the self as separate, we can begin to glimpse and then embody greater volumes of awareness here and now.  It is nothing less than knowing heaven on earth.  And for an earthling like me, that is a pretty huge inspirational experience!

So dissolve division.  What divides you is what keeps your awareness from settling into the natural pattern of the left and the right, the yin and the yang…..the left side of the body carries the yin and the right carries the yang.  They are constantly merging and commingling all throughout their current-journey through your body.  And they move with the speed of light, so the idea that kundalini “rises” is itself merely an effect the body registers as a result of this realization, most likely the potentiating of the energy in the body so that more cosmic juice can now flow.  And how it feels?  If you surrender to it, it is pure bliss.  This very fine energy called Qi (Chi) or Prana is bliss when we strip ourselves of notions and beliefs that do not serve a direct approach to it.  In fact, beliefs can serve to distort it, and over time, the energy will tend to show you a better way (to the degree that you make yourself available—note: some of us are notoriously hard-headed!).  I do know that the action, the verb that is kundalini, is itself a churning effect in my being and it shakes out the chaff.  Bit by bit emotional blocks are dissolved that have impeded the flow of energy.  The less I have in the way, the more it flows.  Perfect.  And if you are blocked and kundalini rises, the force will help to clear you (again, to the degree that you make yourself available!).

So what stands in your way?  What bothers you?  What irks you?  Realize that something in the world is just what it is; what bothers you is not because of the thing you see, it is because of YOU.  I know, great injustice bothers us, as it rightly ought to do, but what I mean is that too often, what gets at us is less about another as what is in us.  You may not realize this at first, but in each instance where something bothered me, it ALWAYS led right back to….you guessed it; me.   And it is up to me to simply see the thing AS IT IS.  When I do that, I realize that it is because I expect it to be different than what it is.  Someone who has a crazy outlook about the world is simply working their life where they are.  They are a work in progress, and why should I make an argument about that.  Wasn’t I at a place similar to that at one time, too?  So then I am free to be more neutral and realize that this is how the world is.  Otherwise, its just a bunch of energy wastage.  Let it go.  Find your peace.  If you have guilt, resolving that guilt or that shame is a huge issue.  In one of the lesser known early Christian books that didn’t make it into the mainstream Bible, Jesus was asked how one is able to know this kingdom.  He explained that when you can trample the cloak of your shame like a child naked, then you can see the kingdom.  ANd this is perfect, really, because shame and guilt all serve as anchors that weigh our souls down and keep us from being able to embody the incredible lightness of being that is part of this experience.  One very good way of coming face to face with your energy is through stillness of mind, turning inward (not looking outward) and concentrating on your breath.  Prana is coincident with your breath, and when you focus on breath, you are also focusing coincidentally on your energy.  If you stay with your slow and steady breath, you will find yourself feeling very different.  This is the leading edge of something really quite big.

While some will caution about awakening, as if it is some dangerous thing, I take a different view; this is our native state which we have fallen away from.  What gets in the way of our awakening is NOT kundalini but ourselves.  Us!  When you learn the art of surrender, it becomes much easier.  When I was ready for more, kundalini obliged and poured it on….so strong in fact, that I went into a kind of spiral that was very difficult for me, but ultimately led to a place where I felt something crushed in me.  Once this took place, a kind of cognitive collapse, I realized I had experienced what was described (very poorly I must admit) as the much-feared “ego death.”  It is a real misnomer, because what took place was more a rearranging of my inner landscape so ego was not front and center.  Also, while I know that the psychological community has their own ideas about it, I have observed that ego corresponds to that part of ourselves that observe objects as separate within space.  This level of cognition corresponds, I will point out, to the left brain.  I have reached a place where I have observed that when I am most creative and working in my right brain (being an artist, this has not been hard to observe many many times!), that I have a corresponding suspension of ego as I feel myself move into this large  space where what I am is…different.  I am more fluid and the idea of ego is less important.  Ego is still there, it is always there, but its just not rigidly held within awareness.  Anyone who claims to have killed ego is just kidding themselves.  Even the most known of people who have gone through this all have ego after. In the Gospel of Phillip Jesus even describes this collapse of the self, a kind of “destruction” after which the self achieves an uncanny power to make mountains move.  And of course, this all makes sense, because by letting the ego step aside, we are embracing the waveform, not the particle side of our awareness.  The left brain is focused on individual things, like particles, while the right brain can focus on the wave.  The left brain is a linear processor of information, which makes it limited, while the right brain, we now know, can process vast amounts of information in nano-seconds!  People who have had their left brains impaired have discovered savant-like abilities.  And this all makes perfect sense, because the right brain can take billions of particles, ideas, or visual information and process it very quickly.  We have needed both sides of this coin in ourselves in order to deal with reality.  The problem for us is that we have tended to be very left-brained as a species.  This, though, is changing, and as this changes more, the merging of the left with the right will result in more awakenings.  This is what we call divine union.  It exists within yourself!  Here!  Now!

So.  As I said in the last post, I do not get to write much lately.  I am getting this off just so you know I am still active, I simply am doing other things and concentrating on myself. It is so easy to get caught up in what is “out there” and forget the work that one needs to do…..and you would be surprised how much more clearly the picture resolves when you do that!  The compass is within each of us.  Each of us must find it ourselves.  But it IS within you.  And while kundalini yoga might seem the way to go, the way is far more simple than all of that.  Your belief, which will govern and control your actions and what you choose to do, can keep you from discovering just how simple, how foundational, actually, this experience is.  Perhaps it is because it is so simple that it has evaded our notice.  That, though, is changing fast!

So you made it this far; one word that needs to be kept in mind because without it, this can be empty words: LOVE.  Seeking the highest, you will tend to find it.  Love to you.

Gurus with grey beards, robes, incense, or suits and funny hats.  Priests.  Nuns. Imams.  Ancient tradition.  Spiritual knowledge.

If you know me you know that while I do care to peruse old documents for information, I always filter it through where I am now for any bullshit. I don’t take anything on face value.  Buddha cautioned about that.  We let lots of BS masquerade as something that it is not by not really taking a good look at it.  You thought a spiritual person does not say bullshit. Well they do. Words.  “Bullshit” is very apt as you will see….

This whole business of enlightenment I have chased since I was young.  I didn’t even know what I was seeking but I sensed it was something within and something that had been systematically hidden over vast time scales.  I sensed religion had sought to hide a part of the truth.  It had, it turned out….but that is another story, and is one I write about at length in other places on this and other blogs.

Come.  Walk with me.  Away from all tradition, beyond the incense burning and the temples and prayers to this goddess and that god.  I can tell you just what this whole enlightenment things is about without any dogma.  Hopefully we will reach a place where we can all do this so we can understand without any distortion.

Enlightenment is itself  the forward edge of what awakening is.  It is called many things in many cultures.  No one has a lock on it for the simple fact that it is a HUMAN thing.  It is not a guru thing.  It is not a Hindu or Pakistani thing.  If kundalini yoga works so well, we would all have awakened who tried it.  It doesn’t.  But there is something that does stir this power within you.  You do not need a system or guru.  You just need to be brave enough to cut through the bullshit. Your bullshit and the bullshit of others.  My bullshit, too. Now you might think to yourself “this guy he can’t be enlightened because he is saying “bullshit” a lot.”  But there you are, more dogma.  Long before any conventions existed on this earth or in any culture, the force that is responsible for awakening has existed.  Try to fit it into a box and it will quite naturally flow out of it.  Grasp it and define it and it becomes ten times more than what you say it is.  But we still try to explain it because at some point you WILL experience it.  In a fashion, you already ARE.

Awakening is simple; it is the activation of the light body, the energy body.  This activation is itself not an event that is confined to one system but is part of the entire body from energetic (light body) to nervous system to vascular and muscular and every organ and piece of your body. All of it.  And it isn’t a great mystery how it begins.  But that part, I will spare you and explain that the activation of the light body is merely activating the interior sensing of your etheric awareness through the increased flow of energy now in your system. More energy brings greater awareness (or the potential for it in some manner or another).

The activation of the light body includes a period of time where knots are cleared in the naddis or the energy currents in the nonphysical part of your body (as the Hindus say).  As the light body becomes more active there is a feeling of energy piercing into the deeper layers of the energy fields we call chakras.  As the flow of energy is increased, so is ones ability to sense beyond the individual self.  This acts as a bridge to higher forms of consciousness.  You do have a higher self.  You ARE connected to the All.  You CAN experience union with the deity.  Your very little earthly self can quite suddenly be carried along with the higher self into quite unusual and beautiful places.  But you are still your earthly self.  Now, though, it is as though you are being knitted or wedded to this larger part of yourself.  You now have a very big and capable swimming buddy to go on these excursions with.

You will be like a god or goddess suddenly in the body of a three year old. This is what we all are.  We have this sudden awakening to a part of ourselves that is literally existing outside of time.  When you experience this, you literally have access to all lifetimes, all lives all at once.  And some of it can get pretty wild for a local such as you.  In fact, being human in your body might suddenly feel strange for the lives you have experienced as other life forms….and forms of life that have never even entered into physical form.  Its a vast endless thing.  It takes getting used to.  And still, you are this three year old with all this juice and ability.

The whole issue of light body activation, its a bid deal.  Its big to the tube of millions of dollars and people a year who seek to learn how to awaken through yoga. In fact, it is a far more simple process than you might imagine and you don’t need a faith or a guru or anything like that to make it happen.  Yes, I was on a journey spiritually, and yes there were a few things I did, but none of them were terribly involved.  My awakening was spontaneous.  There are many more who are awakening in just this way.  They are everywhere.  A couple of years ago I was sitting across from an artist in my county who was describing what it was she was experiencing and I was kind of amazed that she was describing awakening.  But why should I?  It used to be rare.  Extremely rare.  As in a handful of people on the planet at any given time.

The energy has been expressed as ying/yang and Shakti/Shiva. The father and the mother, and the son. On an energetic level, though, it is merely the polarizing of an energy into two seemingly different fields of negative and positive, north and south poles. This is in everything and it is in your body as your iron rich blood pumps through your body creating a rich field of electromagnetic energy that is just like how the earth produces these same kinds of fields.  The field of energy itself has a different feel from one end of the spectrum to the other.  It also has had an effect on our neurology and brain patterning.  The energy itself makes for subtle changes in the body and how it looks. How it feels.  Your left and right brain are the result of these two currents.  Learning to balance them is key.  Letting the left and right brain work as a whole integrated brain is of vital importance.  In awakening.  In life. Being able to bring forward both sides of the universal in this is of critical importance.  For one, it helps the flow of energy within you.  Gopi Krishna in his first book described the hell he went through because he had not awakened kundalini properly.  What Gopi failed to do was to feel into his feminine side.  because he was not able to do this, he suffered greatly with his awakening until he did.  He essentially opened the channels within himself that was unknowingly choking off the part of the universal energy we would call the feminine or yin energy.  The negative pole on the magnet, battery, solar body, and physical body. Once he did, we found relief.  Of course!

But its just energy.

Does it lead you to enlightenment?  I really hate that word.  I do. It suggest a destination and you know, I am sorry, but after awakening it is clear that we are like a cell within a vast realm of being.  We will know and become so much more.  The infinite spread out before us.  It is dizzying in its vastness.  It can also make you just want to sit there and just LOOK at all of the vastness and wonder “what’s the use?”  It is here that many monks and followers have gotten caught up.  Its hypnotic.  Beautiful. And yet, it is a giant sea of pure potentiality.  Are we supposed to draw energy from that sea and use it? Its one use for it, yes.  But is it the only use or reason for its being there?  I cannot answer that for you because it could well have purposes beyond my own realization.  And I am but a speck on a speck floating in space on the outer edge of a spiral galaxy almost 100,000 light year across. And even as I say this, recognize this, the sheer vastness does not in any way mitigate the sense of everything being connected, intertwined and ONE.  ONE!  Breath calms and centers and also helps move energy, so that can help. Silencing thought sounds great but until you have a major shift, your head is a beehive of thoughts.  You really need significant work to cease the wild monkey-mind.  You do. But doing these things helps to bring peace, a very nice side effect.

Now here is where I stop.  I am not going to give you a lesson in should’s or all of that. YOU will have to find your way through that. I do think or feel, though, that THAT is the real core of awakening.  It isn’t the bells and whistles and cool things that take place, the miracles and amazement. It is the process of refining. Getting better.  Compassion.  Love. This is the hard work because its very easy for people to talk about it and not do it.  That includes me.  I got all the magic stuff down.  I can manifest, I can read energy, I can have the most amazing things take place or happen….and really, so what?  It is merely me living in an activated light body co-creating at a new level. I know people awakened who have been amazingly hard and mean and even cruel.  Untruthful and deceitful. So certainly awakening does NOT make you a better person.  In fact, it can turn you into an evil person as much as it can turn you into a saint.  Why?  Freewill. Makes all the difference in the world!

So think about your life and the regrets you carry around inside of you.  Clean those up first.  And then get to work on shame.  Shame is the killer.  It can turn something beautiful into something twisted and ugly real fast.  Being able to become more natural and easy with yourself without shame or guilt is huge.  The path to this place is subtle, nuanced, but leads to joy and wonder.

So activation of the light body is the first step.  Third eye allows you to SEE the divine cosmology, yes, but it is seeing only.  You can activate all the other centers in awakening, but it is the heart siting in the center of the entire being of YOU that seems the singularly most important part for balance and return…..

This is the first part.  The rest, follow…

With Solstice yesterday and a “supermoon” tonight, I hope you can soak up all the rays from this very special night!

 

I wanted to thank you all for your interest in this blog.  I have unfortunately been incredibly busy these last several weeks and my work has edged out the luxury time of sitting and considering and sharing those things with you.  If anything, my life shows me that long standing blocks can be removed in a wink, clearings that can help to accelerate thinking and move us to a new level of embodiment.  The more we let go, the more there is remaining.  Isn’t that kind of funny?  This reality often escapes us when we remain steeped in the thought that we are somehow limited.  We are beyond conception.  And yet, as we lean into the limitless ocean of our inner being, great surprises await us.  Beautiful and juicy ones.

With a recent clearing of some long standing material that caused me a good deal of etheric pain for some time, the shift and removal of these blocks has brought me back more deeply to myself.  It has taken a few years to reach this circle end, this ending that is itself a beginning, and I am so thankful for it.  I have gone from  feeling stuck to flowing more, advancing step by step into this broad ocean of being.  And it is most certainly there.

Part of this change has brought me to a place where I am working like never before.  My hands, the tools that make it possible for me to do my work are now back into the shape they were in when I was doing production glass work seven years ago, just before an accident put me out of commission and precipitated a big shift in my life that left me having to look hard at my motivations, my feelings and all that remained to simply let go of.   An old familiar feeling now moves in them in a way that you simply have to feel to know. Its back and some remarkable things have been taking place.

Going deep, I feel into the soul of life and the world.  Certainly it is on my own terms, but if you look at it all honestly, some sparkling realities rise to the surface….such as karma being the result of our turning away from our own essential selves and thus fueling a sense that we are somehow alone in this world, that we have been forsaken somehow. Yet all of this is what the Hindu call Maya.  In a sense it is true, but in another it is merely what we choose to create.  The “work” in all of this is itself always a letting go, a surrender even of cherished notions.  No, the world is simply not a place where God has somehow forgotten us.  It is rather that we have forgotten ourselves. Waking up to what we are in a fuller context is where the fruit of spirit hangs waiting for us to pluck it…sweet and juicy.  When we can unlock the mystery of karma and see it for what it is, it becomes a precious gift.  We can now choose differently because we ARE different.  When you can balance looking outward with looking outward through the inside, you too can begin to perceive the world as a vastly different place then what it was before.  If we can “get” that it is we who have turned away instead of some deity turning away from us and forsaking us, a new world emerges. The living Presence of the All lives inside each and every atom.  It is in you.  It looks out through each eye  and know a myriad world infinite in scope.  Quietly, waiting perhaps, it is ready for the day when you move closer to it.Without the coarsening thinking that so often plagues us, we can no be free to see things differently.

 

Thank you for your interest in the blog.  I hope to add a fresh batch of material when I can.  Until then,

I think my bed is calling me.  Until then, I wish you all the best.  Thank you for all you do and consider….

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