Archives for posts with tag: yin and yang


You might think that my words on the sacred two are about tantra and are thus sexual in nature.  I have had friends make comments about my poetry and writing as being about sex.  But that would be  a mistake.

Most often, when I write about the “two” I am actually writing about the twin forces contained within awakening.  This was what Jesus spoke about when he said “I am one with the father and the mother.”  Problem is, mainstream Christian dogma wrote the “mother” part out so that the religious experience became an all-male club.  The Hindu, though, along with the Taosists, recorded it rightly: kundalini, or life force, the Tao, is known as twin forces that move through the body and awareness as a potentiating force of both healing and radical change.  To show how powerful this force is, it is possible to do more healing work in ten minutes with this force alive in your than in ten years of standard talk therapy.  Part of the energy is said to be sexual.  And here is what is so important, right along with the twin-thing; the force of awakening is like a carefully controlled stream of water being so carefully tended, is allowed to overflow its tight bounds and allows for other water and other new bounds to enter in.  The flow grows, the flow breaks down old barriers.  It is sexual, yes, but it is creative, it is mental, it is physical, it is emotional, it is ego, it is intellect, it is all that we ARE. By allowing our energy to flow as one varied current, we can actually catch a glimpse of what we can be if we become less compartmentalized and controlled.  We return to a primordial state which I describe as a return to the Garden.  This is us, you see….

All that we ARE.  So my poetry?  It is about THIS. And yes, it is cast in the form of pure adoration.  This is significant and important because the “two” are not themselves really separate.  They are in truth ONE, when you experience them within your awareness, but they pull apart to form what seems to be two in the etheric body structure of the Ida and Pengala channels, and in so doing, they become a powerful creative force.  This force exists in every single person on the planet.  So when this force is liberated deep within ourselves, the twin force of kundalini releases, it is said, the Shakti and Shiva currents through the body.

Like a plug into the cosmic, we plug into the universe with a blast up the spine. Never are we ever the same after this.  And I make them adore one another like lovers because of HOW closely they work with each other in the body when you become aware of them. You cannot have one without the other.  I found that I could allow the “two” to grow in strength by allowing them to come closer and closer to one another through nothing except my own focus and awareness on my own process of energetic flow through my body and upward through the chakras and my spine.  Out of these two, there is birthed an even finer form of energy that is the core of the Christ, or Cosmic Consciousness.  Awakening is akin to conception, what the early Christians mention as “begetting” as a spiritual practice (the only remnants we have of this teaching are extant in the gnostic writings of the Nag Hammadi).  For the bulk of Christianity, the subtlety of what Jesus had to say was largely lost where his core apex teachings were concerned.  He was a man who spoke in pictures and parables to people who were drop-dead literal in their understanding and approach.  But you think I feel the Christ?  I feel what HE felt in his life and what he sought to get his followers to know.  This is also the same force that all yogis and pilgrims have felt down through time.  This is a HUMAN experience, you see, not religious or dogmatic.

I pay homage to these things.  I pray, I look, I long, I breath, and I find healing through them.  Always always, as they turn turn around the other.  And yes, I am here to state emphatically that you cannot have God the Father without Goddess The Mother.  Anything less is ignoring the truth that will one day stare straight at you like looking down the barrel of a cosmic gun ready to shoot you through and through with truth, murdering your lies and your false belief.  We all hold lies in ourselves, and most of us do not know they are lies.

Strong words, I know.  But I am through pussy-footing around.

Time to bring back the Her to the Him.  And that is what I am doing.  My words. they are about the She as much as the He.  they are at once religious in feeling but shunning dogma and false belief.  They are also fanciful, playful, fun, and passionate.  Just like every good love story should be.  So there you go.  Sexual energy, along with the REST of your energy is healing.  Subsume or hide your sexual energy out of some feeling of shame or guilt and you lose a strand of your own healing.  And what does that get you?  More repression and sickness.

So why did we strip the man-god from his woman?  Why do you think we did that? I mean, really, what do you think was beneath all of that? Fear? Short-sightedness?  There may be many reasons, but in a moment we can change all of that by choosing differently.

The Goddess joins with her God right here inside of me.  It informs me, heals, and innervates.  It is for me the way Home.  And what is this?  It is merely a joining of all the opposite ends of things in the universe using a glorious and beautiful form of cosmic short-hand.  ALL opposites are thus strung along the invisible string of the Creator….IN OUR AWARENESS.  And that is the core of all religious feeling.  So back to the poetry….


Within cell walls


lies curled

the Two


in blue

and golden hues

an endless meditation

birthing the spirit of all religion.


His gaze

undoes her

she brings to him

his returning


bearing vulnerabilities

as the sweet syllables

of those secret mysteries.


Here they turn

forevers upon their lips

their sweetly swaying hips

Round and round

for infinities

a perfectly pitched moment

measured in whispers



born through soulfulness

and awe.


Everything else falls away

all memory is locked into a moment


worlds form from this

flowers and sea foam

gallactic twisting

rivers runnin

stones tumbling


but feeling

prayers lasting centuries

ushered from their lips

a lineage of everything

where the god and  goddess




turning round and round

central core

within a cell trebled into life

bursting with potentiality.

This is the divine masculine and feminine….

yin and yang

the servants to the Tao

handmaidens to the All

and that dwells in each leaf

and cell

and doubt

that it even exists…


In it


the three




Two divided

return to union

creating a third

like some cosmic family.


Left brain unites to right brain

see how Shakti and Shiva are merged?

It is the same

the world bubbles up with this

the ubiquity of union

of disparate

becoming familiar

exploding in creation.


The distant stars draw us forward

into an ancient

but recognizable vibration

where the massive

unites with the small

where the dark joins the light

where the cold is embraced by heat

and the yin knows the yang.

Forever like this

for this is how all cosmic mind is and shall ever be.

Turning one into the other

within each and every single particle

that exists.

In you

in me

in all of us

as we make sense of this

and give up trying

and embrace the mystery

and thus sighs the universe

in its ecstasy

in our union.

creative CalvinI will admit that like my spiritual journey, my journey through the creative has been studied, considered, and lived for many decades now. I have pondered long the nature of creativity and I have been a careful firsthand observer of it.  Over the years I have had pieces of the puzzle,  I knew deep down that there was a way to help make creativity FLOW instead of merely flash for a few short seconds.

When I awoke many new  pieces of the puzzle came into view.  When the bliss field emerged as a part of my experience more as a steady state  experience I realized that what we call the human orgasm is part of a larger spectrum of bliss energy that is wildly creative and that once we awaken and can properly ride this bliss wave without falling off of it or needing to bleed it away through sexual union (this doesn’t happen in awakening, but that is itself another blog entry), this same baseline energy can be used in the same way that the flow of energy in a river is used as long as the water flows.  What I am saying is that in awakening energy that is orgasmic in nature flows through every corner of your being, the proverbial genie in the bottle being released and bathing the entire body in the rich nourishing flow of what the Hindus call prana. It is the very locus of ecstasy, of expansive states of consciousness, of the very essence of self transformation and of intense, wild and wonderful creativity.   Its just that in our unawakened experience that we only see this high level energy as expressed through the orgasm as being the only way to experience such high levels of energy, that we can become biased as to what is or is not possible.  When you awaken, you can open up the floodgates to inspiration.  Ask anyone who has gone through this experience.  I know people who began writing music, writing poetry,  designing clothing, artwork, etc.  In my case it fueled a whole new direction for my business which was a hot glass production studio.  I wrote short stories, children stories, music, poetry, and began a journal that turned into a book several hundred pages later.  It has also helped to illuminate the nature of creativity as being essentially an intimate encounter with the two “opposite” forces within the body, within the self and soul that we call yin and yang.

The elusiveness of the creative state is really not elusive at all once you understand how it works. We have allowed ourselves to become alienated from a fundamental instinct or way of being that is native to who and what we are.  We are operating with only half engines on full.  We can in truth live in a constant state of inspiration as the next dimension of experience unfolds in experience. There is a way  for the creative to flow unhindered. It involves the two seemingly opposite aspects of your being reaching  unity within you.  When these two forces come together, some very interesting thing happen. I have experienced ongoing creative energy flow continuously for years at a time. The nature of creativity means every corner of human endeavor is littered with creativity.  Its not that art is the place where we feel creative, it is that human experience rich and rewarding moments of creativity in every single facet of experience.  We ARE creativity.  It is in our blood bones and nervous system and souls.

When you understand the nature of creativity, it becomes much easier.  To learn more about this, read about it in my upcoming book

Waking The Infinite.

creative resistance

In it, I go into the relationship that both the yin and yang energies have as purely etheric and nonphysical manifestations of cosmic consciousness and how the physical body then is designed to be a perfect biological mechanism for the expression and conveyance of that energy physically.  I also explain how the etheric or pranic current moves through the body and how it intersects with the nervous system, informs it, modifies and enriches it once kundalini is awakened in a more or less conscious way.  I also show how the two brains that we possess themselves are mirrors of this cosmic couple and how we can in a very practical way, learn how to marry them in order to discover that moment when the two explode in that moment of genesis, the moment of inspiration.  I further explain that it is possible to actually LIVE in a constant state of inspiration and what effects or benefits that this has. This is nothing short of learning how to ride a wave of bliss and wonder that these two energetic currents create when the consciousness of the individual is able to focus the energy in the arena of the conscious self.  Learning this is about learning the correct type of balance of feeling necessary to generate the physical chemistry needed to support the etheric or nonphysical state that those who are interested in awakenings seek to do for themselves and for the race as a whole.

These energies are all around us all the time.  They have always been and shall always be.  In awakening we make a lot about how we awakened, that the energy “rose” in us.  What “rose” in truth, was our own awareness of a universe that was, right out of the gate of creation, awake and aware with this vibrant boundless energy.  The truth is, it has the power to change your life tremendously and for the better if you are engaged enough to recognize what it is that seems to stand in the way of your realizing this state.

So creativity will play a role in the book simply because as an artist I recognize that the power of awakening is the same power as the flash of inspiration.  The sad thing is that those (including myself who am a visual artist)  in the arts call it the ” flash” instead of the steady state flow or the dwelling place or something else that would suggest that the experience is continuous.  What do you think the flash of inspiration stretched out into a daily experience would feel like?  How do you think such an experience would change your world?  (the answer, at least for me, is “radically”)  The fact remains, it just isn’t a continuous phenomenon for most people and for many more of those, how to even try doing such a feat seems an utter mystery.  We still are beings that find this part of our experience to be shrouded in cognitive veils.  It need not be.  By learning how to turn this faucet on you can learn how to bring fulfillment in your own life as well as inviting in the force that can dismantle lifetimes of dysfunction and trauma and hurt from your light body.  And if you didn’t know already, the light body records ever single thing that ever happens to you, at least of an energetic and emotional nature.  We are fast realizing that while the brain may be the locus of recording memories, it may in fact be more of a biological switching system for nonlocal as well as locally recorded or imprinted experiences which we call memories.  The realization is fast upon us, though, that the body itself records past emotional impacts, and by learning how to erase those impacts from our energy memory, we actually free up the energy system of the physical and etheric bodies to operate in a way that is far more optimal, efficient, healthy, and clear.  When awakening hits most people, they are bowled over by the experience and are in wonderment over the power of the experience.  And yet, in time, people who learn how to move through their awakenings in a successful and fulfilling way find that this same intensity is itself more a steady-state experience that is the new way of being for humans.  What is on offer for us is a truly incredible way to be and to feel every moment of the day.  To get there is the “work” that so many talk about, which in truth is merely a surrender of those patterns, beliefs, and old feelings that stand in the way of a clearer flow of the cosmic in your seemingly tiny frame here on Gaia…..which is herself a speck in a sea of specks.  And yet, even on the micro-scale, the atomic scale, everything still vibrates with knowing.  This knowing may be beyond science at the moment, but everything in our world is alive.  It may not be what science call sentient life, but it is certainly what the ancients observed is part of a universe that lives and breaths in its own way.  When you consider that energy is conscious, the whole universe, bound together by energetic forces (an atom is mostly energy, not matter), then you can perhaps begin to appreciate the impact that this has.

Some time ago when I began to utilize my awakening to understand it better, I found myself being plunged into these worlds….worlds that were right here in front of me, the inside of things.  Over a period of several days I found myself caught in a reverie whose content was fueled by this energy moving in me. Intelligent, it would seem to begin to show me things.  I wrote a piece back then about how this thing “spoke” to me.  It didn’t really speak, but rather communicated through the movement of energy, in the silent syllables of feeling, the shape and form of bliss, the penetrating power and the enveloping loveliness of this presence that was, for me, two-in-one who were creating a third energy, which at the time I called the child. I would later see in Gnostic texts that this was precisely what the early Christians were talking about and which the later versions of the institution had either weeded out or had watered down.  It spoke mutely, loudly, somehow with nothing but its beautiful body of being and taking my hand, it took me deep down inside of itself.

“Look at the trees” it said.

I looked at the trees, not really sure where all of this was headed.  Focused, I felt as if I was meeting it “there” and it grabbed hold of me like a lover on a first date, slinking out into the night to the river where she bade me to slip into the cool dark waters of her mystery. I was seduced, it seemed almost to smile this energetic presence flowing in me, for it was in the openness of my mind and heart in this place that it could fill me with all of this juiciness, its being, what it is, and what we all are.  I was pulled gently but assuredly down into the trees, into a limb, a leaf, then into cell structures, then past those into a great expanse that opened up as the level of the compounds and elements emerged….atoms….and then we broke through that level into subatomic particles until I reached a place where there was virtually nothing else there except something that contained the very essence of this energy within it.  I was shown a particle that was for want of a better word an anti-particle.  This anti-particle did not have any mass.  It was both “matter” in a kind of conditional way since it was both matter and energy, and so  this odd hybrid thing  literally formed the entirety of the universe. Here I was shown an energetic principle that was startlingly similar to the energetic principle in the world I knew with the energy. These particles were paradoxes. One would be charged negatively (feminine) and one positively (masculine) and they worked like keys and locks. They worked to create vast amounts of energy.  Within each particle, though, was the negative and positive, but each particle, if I can even call it that, had both charges but with a dominance that led to one polarity or another. Within these particles was the entirety of the universe.  It was almost like dna that didn’t just hold the information for one body or even one species, but for EVERYTHING.  I could not wrap my head around this, but it was very clear that these things, whatever they were, were the basis for everything.  They were the smallest and yet were the biggest even though this had nothing at all to do with space.  That was kind of heavy, but somehow made perfect sense once you know just how interconnected the universe is.  When you awaken to cosmic consciousness you become aware of everything.  I also know that it is hard to identify anything specific sometimes in this vast bliss-field, but it can be done through focusing attention just as I had done.  I was curious, I wanted to know how “it” worked, what “it” was….life the universe and everything.

These particles formed alliances or sorts.  They would merge into a wave form and this might serve to be an event, it might also be a bench, or rock, or particle of air.  How on earth they were able to do this, I cannot explain, but all of this was connected to a vast choreography that was going on at a pace that was so fast that we here at our level just cannot even glimpse the effect of what it is that they do.  What these particles did was to enter into our world from a place that is everywhere. They entered in an orderly fashion that seemed entirely random and yet, they slipped right into the correct spot for one terribly brief fraction of a fraction of a moment before disappearing again to emerge somewhere, someplace else.   They simply would wink into our reality or world and then expend their energy, much like a static charge.  Once this was done, this particle would then wink out only to be replaced by another particle in the exact position it left. This was perfectly timed, and thus the world took on a sense of permanence or solidity. This was subatomic, but may have been far smaller than what we consider to be subatomic now (as readily discoverable things within an atom for example).  I somehow “knew” that when the energy was released, the particle winked out of our reality and would find itself in another reality….where it was I do not know but my mind felt, intuitively,  that it had to do with densities of energy or space….and that there are different densities of dimension somehow….and that depending on how the energy was expended would be a determining factor in where that particle would wind up going next.  If you followed one of these particles, it would be like swimming through a continuous stream of water that has different densities and thus requires different energy output, a shiny particle that would glint in the sunlight and then seem to disappear only to reappear moments later somewhere else. One area or current might expend all of its energy while in another area, it would somehow gain energy due to its constantly changing polarity.  Almost as though it was first yin, then yang, then yin, then yang again.  Something LIKE this.  How on earth this manifests from a physics standpoint, I cannot say, except that it would probably not be something that is entirely observable or understood except that these particles simply appear to emerge from nowhere and go back into nothingness. Except they don’t just disappear.  They would just SEEM to do so from our limited perspective.  They do this incredibly fast.  I had the feeling like a second was slowed or stretched out far enough for me to comprehend or see what was going on. This second was itself stretched to something that was in the range of minutes, perhaps a second was half an hour worth of time.  I don’t know how fast this makes this particle, but it was slow to them at that level of space while being incredibly fast to us normally. And these particles exuded their own form of awareness.  I think they had very little sense of ego, that or they didn’t care if they showed up as phenomenon, energy, or form, or all of the above and perhaps all at once. This began to get complicated as I considered multiple parallel universes all happening and connected yet different. Do the particles in us resonate with those in our counterparts in other realities and times?  They do, they can, and this can also happen in all of matter. Walking on water, for example, if this was indeed an actual event in the physical world.

All along, these danced with the most sublime bliss and joy.  These were the creators.  They helped to support or form our world.  Maybe they did not create the reality, but they became the construction crew that supported it….built the trees, the air, the people…..nanosecond by nanosecond.  As they moved in and out of our world, the world almost seemed to shimmer just a bit….a shimmer that we do not detect but take for what is real. We have an effect on what some of this shimmering stuff does and is the core of a great secret that I think could help us move mountains….

What I also saw was that these particles would dance in response to the energy in my body.  I knew that I could affect reality from the most basic level in a certain way…..this was limited, though.  I could not get in the way of anything that had to happen, but I could, shall we say, collaborate with these energies or particles in building bigger and bigger waveforms built out of these particles.  These particles, it seemed to me, were consciousness, energy, that could slip in and out of energetic states to create the barest nub of mass or physicality. Just a nub.  Barely noticeable.  Like one small krill in the ocean is seen as perhaps entirely inconsequential, and yet as they swarm, they become some of the biggest masses of life in the ocean and thus support vast lifeforms. Well, okay, not a perfect metaphor or analog, but maybe you get the idea.

All of this is terribly dry, I know, and none of it was experienced that way.  Here was the force I felt in my body as the “two” currents of masculine and feminine, the Shakti and Shiva in absolute love with one another (in my body….) and they were there in those particles, doing their dance of creation.  And atoms did this because they were formed from this stuff.  Cells did it because they were formed from it. The consciousness of the cell rode the wave of the energy and its phenomenon when it chose to be an event, just as we ride upon the great wave of cellular life to know our reality.  And then, at the mass scale, we are all rendered back into a single cell, the earth, as the collective cell of earth struggles to find its own form of fulfillment.  Ad this cell swings through what we consider vast space in a sea of other star cells and planets…..everything different at each level and yet entirely the same inside in principle. Spirals in atomic forms, spirals in water, spirals in weather, spirals in planet formations, spirals in galaxies….So all of this was charged with this energy.  What was in me was in it.  It was everywhere.

IN this experience was the holographic nature of everything.  Everything is seeded with it, a kind of cosmic dna.  NO, none of this is dead matter, and while you might consider I am off my rocker if you have not experienced it, those who have awakened have no doubt experienced similar things. It’s certainly not the drug of kundalini. I know this because reason told me that if the energy in me could connect to perfectly with everything, then I would see evidence of how my own thoughts and will was causing an effect on this world of the incredibly small. It was here, the quantum world where I discovered the missing link between the very small and very large.  There IS a continuity between these worlds and I write about it in my book (that was a not so subtle way to tease you into giving it a read once it is published…only because it has been so much work).  Once you understand this and you know how the energy in you must be balanced in order for this to take place, you will find uncanny events begin to take shape.  We do this naturally, but imagine those who awaken learning how to effect things in a “thy will be done” sort of way, acting as conduits for divine energy, which is nothing short of cosmic energy which is everywhere!

It is everywhere. IN everything.  As you awaken, you awaken to the intense bliss in flowers, how they yearn to release pollen and to be fertilized, to feel the growth, the cyclical nature of energy and life…..all of life, even “dead” matter yearns in this same way.  Surely it does.  I know it does.  the universe showed me through these incredible events that involve the entraining of these subatomic particles that form everything.  This is, I believe, the basis for what we have termed magic.  We do not understand it, so we called it miracles or magic or the will of one god or another down through time.  For those who were fearful, those of us who held its secret in us were often persecuted for it.  Thus, for a very long time, many feel the collective caution of not speaking out for fear of being not just ridiculed, but having our lives ended. Now for as severe and hard as this might all seem, it is actually connected into this very ancient of knowledge, and is tied to the one side of this energetic spectrum that has been missing….which is the yin, the negative charge, the feminine, the dreaming womb of the All.  It is precisely as she has begun her trek back into our own individual awarenesses that the seemingly impossible becomes possible.

You can call me a dreamer, and I would smile and say thank-you, for in my dreaming SHE emerges rich, powerful, beautiful and potent.  What she will offer us is something we cannot even begin to imagine.  Like a baby growing in her womb, the child which she births will do great things.  Last this child was spoken of, it was a he, but this child is not a he or a she.  It is the product of both, a transcendental and transformative power that comes from woman and her consort man.

You can know similar things….you just focus yourself in that energy and bid it come.  Let it take you, just surrender to it and then feel the yearning to know.  Then allow it to take your imaging centers, your imagination, and utilize it.  It will SEEM as if it is being imagined at first, but it will have a solid core of something more than just imagination within it. This is slippery for some people, but at a certain level of reality, the seeming imaginary actually is becoming actualized.  In the astral realm, for example, thoughts become solid objects.  The more energy that you give them, the more solid or permanent they seem to be.  Just as dreaming is threaded through by the imagination, it is the servant of the soul in communicating information from various places within you.  In symbols. Even my experience was itself something of a dream whereby I was led along by the energy using a certain facsimile, symbols, to express a deeper reality. You just have to trust and ride the wave of bliss.  This is the gateway of Gnosis, of knowing without having to learn it. You glimpse the fundamental order of the cosmos, an experience that happens to every person who awakens like Buddha, like Jesus, his followers, and also like you and me. All of us.  And for those who are not yet awakened, the Buddha sleeps inside because we all have it.  It is what you are.  Your fundamental nature.

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