The process for me of going to length to write about my awakening experience began as early as 2009 when I was keeping a handwritten journal that I thought at the time was helping me to keep track of the frenzied pace of change that was taking place in my life. I was witness to what felt like an afterdeath experience, one where the dying was already done and the crying was over and now I was having to get used to the new surroundings. I felt like in that place that maybe I needed to keep track of all this new stuff.
It turned into a book once I hit 120 pages. that was when I knew it was turning into a manuscript. The project was rethought and a simple outline grew out of this effort. This though was tricky because so much of the book had yet to happen since it was a memoir. I had to give enough room in the book knowing it would somehow fill itself up.
Most of the book was written during a time when I was outwardly in the worst shape of my life. I had seperated from my wife and children (I say children because this was how my ex sought to do things as a kind of punishment to me). I was lucky that I was able to live in my studio which had an office space that would work as a bedroom and a shower and plenty of industrial equipment that opened amazing culinary doors. You have not lived until you have had broiled prawns in my glass kilns. But much of the time spent there was without power, without water, without heat. I lived on the edge. I managed, though, to write this book without any distractions. I would gather my thoughts and my laptop and plug in at a coffee shop and rubbing my coins together, purchase a cup of coffee which would buy me an hour or two of comfortable time charging my battery and writing feverishly. Once my time was up and I had checked my email I would go home to my dark space and write by laptop light. It might have looked like a very bad kind of situation, but it was a marvelous gift if you can get beyond your associations of what is acceptable or good living. The quality of my life had to be inwardly first. I had plenty of time to contemplate that. I also had plenty of unusual events taking place all around me that served to teach me some basics about how quantum theory actually has a linkage into the world of larger events. The world opened up to me like a bud not once, but many times. Over and over I would receive inspirations that would become the basis for the book. Sitting by the river I would hear the instruction begin: “the brain is triadic just as the energy flowing is triadic…..understanding this helps to understand how energy is ordered in the body and how you can use it….” I suppose it would have been better if I had created a fictional character who would come and sit down with me to tell me all these things but the truth was far more subtle and nuanced than that. THis is where the writing is difficult.
Writing about this experience is like trying to explain something that grows out of everything you are to become something that you aren’t or have not been. I know many people after having been awakened like to say that it feels as though they have had it forever. Well, not me. I was VERY aware of a presence that was seducing me, sweeping over my body the way someone’s long hair might swoop all over your skin and give you goosebumps. I know that when it dove down into me that this may have been a seeming, but nobody talks or writes about the energy diving DOWN into you. They are busy writing about it rising up the spine. What I observed is what I think some people may miss, which is that this energy was conditioning my energy field, loosening me up enough so that it could become integrated into my neurocircuitry. When it did rise I awoke to a different kind of world. The old world was very much like how it must be like for astronauts when they see the earth shrink in size in their rear view. A little sad, a little meloncholy.
I took the events from life and let them tell the story. I had some most unusual things happen, events that in truth aren’t that unusual for people going through awakening. I have collected these and discussed their core purpose in our lives. We talk alot about synchronicity but no one seems to know what it is. Once you know what it is, it opens large doorways for you in understanding what you are as a creative being. I write about synchronicity because I had it happen so much I was able to draw causal principles between the phenomenon and what is actually driving it. The hopeful part is that synchronicity has the power to change your life for the better as it stands as a shining example of what we are all capable of.
I also challenge the old notions that emerge from the east about what Kundalini is. I know that one thing I am is a very good observer, what Robert Monroe described himself as being a good reporter. This is what I am, and without any prejudice as to what was happening to me, what I observed was something different from the way it is described in the eastern literature. I think that by keeping your awareness more balanced, your experience can become more beneficial and powerful to you. It can also lead to better healing and it can help remove powerful blinders that we all seem to have been wearing.
We are moving into a new paradigm, this is true, and we need new stories, new books and writings to help all of us re-conceive ourselves. What is on offer with awakening is the opportunity to remake ourselves in a rapid and rewarding way. To take most advantage of it, though, requires a daily discipline and self honesty. It is true that while I released much of the old dogma, I also became more monkish in the sense that I spent many hours meditating…..not in any disciplined fashion but while sitting or lying down, while driving or swimming or taking a bath. Life became a prayer.
The book covers about two of the busiest years of awakening. In that span I wound up with 700 type written pages. To make a cut book, I had to change the margins and fonts and this led to a book that was almost twice the size. I spent months trimming it down over and over until I got it down to two hundred pages. I am now at a place where I am slowly and carefully adding material back into it. It hasn’t been as easy as it first seemed. I often wrote while half in trance. It would pour out of me without any discernible location best suited for it. It often wound up in what I thought of as swamplands in the book. All of that though has been mercilessly turned back and trimmed. Keeping the spirit of the experience remains the challenge to me even now.
The book is a giant positive spin to life. In this spin the forward momentum will hopefully be enough to put you in new conceptual waters with experience that changes too.
I hope to get more work done on the book when the days grow too hot to be in the studio. To do this right I am going to have to keep the view narrower, simpler, and more straightforward. It hasn’t been what I have wanted to do. Someone looking at what I was doing explained that many writers wind up burying their readers in a monsoon of words. I am working in a gentle rain of words and not a flood.
Its late and time for bed. I have the best place now for writing than I ever did; a study on the south-side of the house with plenty of light and views. Somehow, though, sitting in such comfort makes me want to lie down on the floor and think back on how I was stuck in this place and embracing it for what it offered me.
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Waking The Infinite 