Archives for posts with tag: union

68587152_new-pink-baby-crib-bed-canopy-mosquito-netting-jewelry-When I awoke, when I began to realize that something quite different had happened to me and that whatever “this” was, it wasn’t just imagination or some unusual effect of my physiology….I wondered what on earth this was….I wondered if there was any sort of explanation that would help me to understand what this force was that had entered my body and my life.  

Since I did not know what this thing was that was taking place within me, I was free to simply watch and observe, which was itself a great gift.  As I did this, I communicated with a friend about this happening to some degree and based on what I was telling him about my sense of two forces rising up within me that felt like a cosmic yin/yang, he pointed me in the direction of the Gnostic texts most notably found in the Nag Hammadi. He had studied in the seminary and knew these documents and how the church had sought to turn a blind eye to them as being inconvenient to church doctrine. 

I found to my surprise that these documents were describing what I was experiencing better than anything I had up to that moment I had found out there.  I would later come across the Hindu texts about kundalini, but it seemed that for the moment I needed very much to see all of this through an old lens of Christianity first.  I sense that it has been part of healing a rift I have felt I have carried about what went down with Christianity.  Its another story and I wont bore you, except to say that I felt since I was young that something was seriously amiss with our canon or bible.  The experience of finding the Nag Hammadi texts (most notably Thomas, Philip and Mary) have helped to really clear some things up.  Jesus was himself a carrier, a channel for the divine, yes, but had been a man who had done the work in order to help his disciples to know it as well.  It was becoming more and more evident that he had even spent decades in India and came home, translating all of the language of awakening into his local language and ways and customs so that others could know.  Jesus was like any other person and attained a knowing or sense of the divine within himself.  While prophecies swirled around his life as “the one” I think that this was a convenient gift for the man but it also brought in all kinds of distortive elements for the simple reason that when you bring the divine and earthly power together, the divine has to be the one calling the shots or else everything becomes distorted. Put theologians in charge of the mystical and you wind up holding a corpse.

Kundalini, the two forces of yin and yang had “risen” within my body, carefully piercing each chakra as it rose, establishing a blinding path of energy along the way which altered me forever.

Christ instead became a king who stood above all others, a kind of inaccessible force or presence that you had to entreat for his forgiveness or to gain his grace through his sacrifice.  This was itself a story that made no sense to me.  If Jesus was awakened, he knew there was nothing that he, as a man, was going to lose.  There was no death for such a man.  So where did the concept of resurrection come from?  It came from Awakening which the gnostics all described as having been “as if dead one day and then alive the next.”  It was not a literal death and birth…it was a resurrection OF THE SPIRIT.  When we awaken, this is exactly what happens.  And it happens regardless of religious affiliation; Jew, Christian, Native American, Hindu, Taoist.  Somewhere someone inserted the idea of sacrifice into the story.  Jesus may well have been crucified, yes, but what he sacrificed was his old earthly self in favor of “putting on the better person [man]” which the Gnostic Jesus entreated his followers to do.  What was moving in me was a dual energy that brought incredible bliss and transformation.  Further, this was a force that was absolutely in love with its opposite end of itself, its compliment.  And even more than this, these two forces WERE NOT SEPARATE!  If this was not a mind bending notion at the time, I don’t know what was!  Kundalini, the two forces of yin and yang had “risen” within my body, carefully piercing each chakra as it rose, establishing a blinding path of energy along the way which altered me forever. My new condition would be about getting used to the new forces alive in me and adapting to this new world I found myself in.  I lived with an energy that was in love in my body.  This idea could get reflected outward as my feeling intense love also.   

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What I discovered was a LOT of information that hit the nail on the head where my own experience was concerned.  I had to pick and choose some, though, because like all ancient texts, these texts showed signs of having been revised by different people over long periods of time.  These were, after all, handwritten texts, and not everyone was able to just make a photocopy of the original, but sometimes added or took away. This is the same situation with the canonical texts, too, if you dig into the history of these books.  It was in these heretical books, though,this Nag Hammadi,  that I found the most direct and clear description of the experience of awakening, of the union with the two-part nature of the deity or God, and what happens during such a sacred and mystical union.  All of it is achieved by way of images. Know that these are just images and that they are merely there to describe an experience that stand behind the words.  Know what is behind the words and you shall inherit the universe.  I know that sounds grand….and it is….but in so doing, a great humility has always come over me that has shown me that now that I know, it is like knowing powerful things that now must be honored and respected. 

Remember when Einstein had that BRILLIANT realization that energy = matter?  Wow.  Now what did others seek to do with that knowledge?  they built bombs with it.  Horrible things that had the power to wipe life off the face of the planet if the wrong hairless apes got a hold of them.  For 40 years the world was literaly held hostage by forces who played with this knowledge now existing as bombs and fissile material.  It was just as possible that we could have done very different things with this knowledge.  Yes, energy and matter are the same.  What implications does this have for us here?  How can we use this for the good of all?  This is the kind of responsibility I am talking about.  It is the same responsibility I felt when I began to see energy fields.  Doing this meant I had another level of awareness that I could use for healing or it opposite.  So in seeking and finding, always choosing the good is very important.  If we do not choose the good, depending on how high the stakes are, we can stunt ourselves or we can literally loft ourselves over the moon.  Lofting ourselves collectively over the moon sounds a lot better to me.  It may not serve the agenda of a small cabal of people who want all the goods for themselves (which has been the human story all over and all across time), but it does, I sense, serve the unfolding of the creation in an wonderful and ecstatic fashion.  We can know this ecstatic vision.  It is here right now and we each need to simply grasp it and make it our own and allow its presence in us to temper and guide our choices in each moment:  how does my actions help to serve the good of all, the highest?  Okay….that was my soap box moment.  But it is important for us in this moment, NOW, to get what is facing us now right. 

So the Nag Hammadi….

Union with the Deity was described less as facing the deity but more a revealing effect wherein the person would feel the presence of the “Father” and the “Mother” within themselves.  This powerful effect was a mirroring.  This was a bridal chamber because of how blissful that it is.  It was not called a grand reunion, no, and it was called the bridal chamber for a very important reason.  It is because when we reach this place within ourselves, when we touch upon the divine within, it is the most incredible experience we could ever know.  And part of it is a feeling of having fallen deeply into love with someone, a deep and abiding sense of engagement.  Looking into ones own self, a mirrored world opened up, a place where one wanted to make onse self more beautiful for the Other.  For me, I was watching this passion play unfold as two forces on each side of my spine sought to enfold the other.  I felt like I had suddenly become a vessel for the cosmic forces of the heavenly and divine.  I often wondered about this accelerated form of consciousness…..and I wondered what it was thinking.  I knew how it was acting and behaving.  I KNEW how it felt in my body.  I knew that something had taken up residence within and even as I let go of those first uncomfortable stabs of worry over what this presence intended to do within me, I found that it was all bliss for the most part…..except for when I resisted….in which case it would become misery. I quickly learned that this force did not have a single bad thing in mind for me.  I was not being possessed in the normal sense, but I was entering into a channel that exists inside each of us for the divine to flow. 

divine-man-womanYou “rise” in the spirit and in the flesh, which is the very essence of the resurrection.

The Gnostics described it well.  Jesus asks his followers what they would do when upon entering the Bridal Chamber that they discover that they are two?   One walks into the bridal chamber but two walk out.  Most people who have not experienced this might not realize what he was getting at.   You “rise” in the spirit and in the flesh, which is the very essence of the resurrection. In fact, Philip explains that we must rise in the flesh or else when we die, we get nothing.  We are here seeking to learn, to attain something that he says will not happen in the next life.  Perhaps it wont happen in the next life simply because all life is one life, whether in flesh or not.  If you can’t do it here, how can you do it anywhere else or in any other body?  Further, he also described ego-death and the aspect of the miraculous ability to cause events to happen in perfect timing, something we call synchronicity today.  This was most certainly what the first Christians were talking about.  The further you get from the fount of the bubbling spring that Jesus flowed out to his followers, the harder it is to get the original sense of mystery wonder and awe of the experience.  So it was by the time that the Church was formed that the theologians and politicians could not see or understand what these deep mystical texts were saying.  It did not help that a lot of the texts had some really quite messed up thinking attached to them.  Yes, there were some really messed up thinking that was in the mix of many of what we call today as Gnostic texts.  When I say messed up thinking, I mean that the books have some material added in that is just….well….it is way off base, even when being interpreted in an allegorical way, which many of these texts need to be, even the Bridal Chamber, which is itself not a real chamber that is physical, but a deep and wonderful communion with the divine within ones own self. 

The language used to describe what happens to you when you awaken to this presence of the two within was not that different from what Hindu and Chinese mystics have described as the yin/yang or the Shakti and Shiva.  St. Theresa of Avilla describes her awakening as the cleansing of seven rooms within her being where she found communion with her spouse, God/Jesus and looked forward to the day when she could leave this earth so she could go be with her spouse in heaven.  And this was just how it was for me.  I was absorbed completely into this and it was absorbed into me.  Whatever that had existed before that served to be the boundary between knowing this so deeply and not feeling so deeply only moments before it “rose” in me, the effect was one of an essence of spirit that was in no way built on anything resembling the old life I had known where everything existed as individual objects, divided out, separate and alone.  In fact, all of life seemed to rise upward into my awareness like individual objects being suspended, supported, and fed by this endless ocean or web of living presence that my own consciousness had a habit of being able to seep so far down into that I would lose myself in visions of how it was made or composed.  It was not too unlike what it was like if you were to awaken as a cell in your own body and were given a tour of your body, which would no doubt look like a vast teeming realm, seemingly endless in scale or scope and fascinating and amazing for how wherever you looked, you “saw” (felt deeply) the presence of this ocean….this field….this web of life supporting everything quietly, non-judgmentally and lovingly. 

I had come to peace with the reality that my own sexuality would be used as a vessel for the divine.

In fact, I had to come to peace with the reality that my own sexuality would be used as a vessel for the divine.  All of my energy which flowed through me was now…..taken.  But hadn’t it been given?  When you touch such sweetness there is nothing you can do but to say yes.  Every single act of resistance is turned into compliance in such moments as those.  It is simply too powerful.  While we may each give ourselves to it or resist out of fear, in the end it seems that this is all a large-scaled event wherein it is not always easy to see the whole picture simply because the picture is endless.  Something in this consciousness does not divide itself because to do that would be to deny life to some part of itself.  I learned that the divine simply had no shame.  This is the work we have to do here, which is to realize that when this force takes us, it takes us innocently and completely.  It does not know half-way or less than all the way.  It does so totally because….to do any less would mean that the presence of the divine somehow does not feed all of its creation equally or evenly. There is simply no exception or division or limit.  And so the sensual character, the mental, the emotional, the sexual….ALL of it becomes a vessel for the divine to reside and know itself in you.And this is the marriage that takes place. 

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As these two forces rise in your body, what the Gnostics called the Mother and Father, they reach a deep embrace that is like sexual union that gives rise to the creation of a third, a child, what we call cosmic consiousness or the Christ.  It is a transcendent energy…..it is hardly just a person but a force, too.  It coheres the a sense of presence but also goes beyond our usual sense of what a personality might be as a deity or divine presence.  I would say that what we think of as the presence of ego is different.  This less identified ego allows the presence to flow in and out of things, out of you and me with great ease without feeling a sense of losing itself.  It is, I would say, a perfect form of ego where the presence still is itself but is able to flow through all things. 

But what I found was that if I could simply resist feeling shame over being found to have this junk in me and instead just opened deeply to this presence, it would cleanse me of this darker material and my own energy and experience would refine.

This experience has shown me that as I surrender to this presence within, I am letting “it” more deeply into my being, into my light body, which is where all sorts of old knots and blockages once existed and were cleared away.  But as this energy flowed in me, the effect that it had was to amplify all of my feelings.  Even the sexual ones, too. It was itself a process of union where I let it into the deepest and most intimate parts of myself knowing that I would be consumed with this great love and passion and even lust.  All of it would rise up within me as this presence came in.  It was like I was the moon being illuminated by the sun whenever it would come into my silence and meditations at night and in my day to day work and thoughts. So for a time I had to deal with all of the old baggage getting knocked about the interior of this bridal chamber, a lot of muck being kicked up for a time.  But what I found was that if I could simply resist feeling shame over being found to have this junk in me and instead just opened deeply to this presence, it would cleanse me of this darker material and my own energy and experience would refine.  Even as I tried with all my might to hold on to the old familiar ways of feeling as a human being….i would slowly lose my grip and learn, in degrees, that I COULD become a different person…..not difference in essence, but different in what motivated me, affected me, or moved me.

This presence would move into me and create such a storm of feeling within…..and it was often a feeling from something to something.  For a time I would feel the Presence sending me love until I learned to hold that love within myself.  When I could do that, somethign quite miraculous would happen; I would find myself wed even more deeply and more inexpicably into the msytery of this experience, which is to say I would experience a still deeper sense of union where the notion of the “other” would simply dissapear.  That, or it was so deep within me it did not matter whether I say one part of me is the me I have always known and the other part is this ancient yet forever new presence that is this “other.”  This is why it is so important for me to not seek to always understand it, but to allow it to unfold like a mystery because any effort at trying to make sense of it using my logical mind will trap me and keep me caught in something that was never intended to be used for knowing the mind of God. 

There is no greater love in the universe than this, so continually seeking to surrender to it opens it up within yourself.  Struggling with it or fighting it is fighting with what you are.  How can anything good be expected to come from that? 

God does not feel shame.  It is totality in all it does.  If it feels union, it is because it does so totally.  So when you feel God truly, it will be as though one is suddenly gripped in the presence or heart of something so amazingly vast yet also so incredibly personable and so ready to take over your entire body in order to worship and love and adore you that to resist is to invite psychosis.  There is no greater love in the universe than this, so continually seeking to surrender to it opens it up within yourself.  Struggling with it or fighting it is fighting with what you are.  How can anything good be expected to come from that? 

When I do this I find that I am like a mandala that, folded, continues to unfold around its outer edges, revealing a little more dimension each time.  Something inside of me that is at once me and the divine, unfolds.  I know that this is the mystery of creation….that as I touch the bliss of being in unity with the divine, I am made more….I unfold….I am more aware of more that is at once me and also the universe.  How can that be?  That is because the divine dwells within everything.  It literally looks out from within EVERYTHING.  It is silent and it waits until, through grace, each particle that it inhabits, begins to realize that the vibration that it has is purely divine and reaches it back to its creator. The Shri Yantra unfolds within me as larger and larger triangles of phenomena, like ripples on the surface of the water, spread outward.  As they spread outward, so too does my awareness expand along with it. I have become one with the divine.  I ride along with it just as surely as it has been riding within my cells waiting for the day when I awoke to the truth of my being. 

how-to-awaken-the-divine-feminine-within-you-twin-flame-twin-flame-confusion-twin-flame-relationships-twin-flame-reunion-twin-flame-separation-twin-flame-stages-twin-flames-twinThe Hopi, who describe a dividing of the way that would happen someday in the coming of the next world, where some people would take a high road and others a lower road, may be happening now.  And like all prophecy, nothing is written.

And now, it is your time to consider who and what you are.  This is a flame that is composed of both fire and water, of the totality of all opposites and all union that will move and purify your body mind and spirit.  This is the essence of what awakening has brought to me.  It is not for anyone who is not ready to take it on and allow the work to unfold.  To resist it is to know madness.  And even as I flow with it, I too have my moments of resistance, and resistance I don’t even know yet that I am resisting.  And yet, even as I know this, I also know that I have unfolded….and will continue to do so and that there is no force that is seeking to judge me, no force that is within my cosmic orbit.  

There is not a sense as though anything is wrong or bad, just a simple matter of cleaning this all up…because the world is FULL of faults and “bad” if you want to really get honest about it and those who point fingers the most are the ones who have been the worst transgressors most often.  Motes and beams, motes and beams…..what I saw in a vision as the purification of the earth that the many native tribes of north America have foretold would happen.  The Hopi, who describe a dividing of the way that would happen someday in the coming of the next world, where some people would take a high road and others a lower road, may be happening now.  And like all prophecy, nothing is written.  Do we take a drop along with us or do we swell that drop to an ocean?  there is not real timelines on any of this and I urge you to follow your passion, your wonder, your awe and live life as fully as you can no matter what that might mean.  Be you a computer tech, a designer, a teacher, or a builder or a service worker or Mommy who nurtures her children full time or a farmer…….all that seems to be asked of us is that we punch it all up a notch or two in order to expand our awareness of what we are beyond our more dim visions into a larger vision of what we are and what we can be.

You are two-in-one, the divine awareness that is love and does love itself.

We have lived under the canopy of separation consciousness for a long time.  That is now changing as we reach into a state within ourselves, individually, where we can touch and know and feel the totality.  You are two-in-one, the divine awareness that is love and does love itself. We can sense the sacredness of the experience and be informed and changed by it. No matter who we are or what we are doing…..for the simple fact that the divine is everywhere…..it is in the atoms of the tire that the mechanic is changing in his shop, and it is moving in currents beyond the stars and is a force holding everything her together as a cohesive unit.  No matter who or what you are…..it will meet you perfectly because it is without any thought of limitation or judgement.  Truly.  If you would get to know this force you will learn that each and every act of judgement was you.  It is already awake and aware and is patiently waiting, silently and softly for each of us to come to our senses. 

And so this is a little of what I experience.  It is a deep and difficult depth to explain or plumb.  IN the end, there are no words.  In the end, it is simply what it is and I often tire of telling of it because it takes me away from my direct experience.  And while, yes, I seek bliss with the divine, I do so knowing that in each moment, that bliss heals me so I make no excuses for feeling it and letting it into my life.  It has set so much right and is setting more that still remains to be right.  I hope that you may find such fulfillment and love and wonder. 

If the teachings are to be believed, desire is one of the cul-de-sacs of spiritual work.  It is desire that very quickly tangles us up and suddenly takes us from ardent seeker to mash potatoes in no time flat.  So it is something we must guard against, returning to the seemingly elusive “zero” of the Zen Buddhists?  This is a place of non-attachment which so many teachings point out is the buggaboo of spiritual work.  And many follow these edicts mindlessly without comprehension.  These become catch phrases that so many have said that they don’t get examined.  Maybe people are afraid to buck any trend for fear of looking foolish….or actually thinking for themselves.  So I am going to give you my take from a man who has experienced awakening.

You see, the problem with losing all desire is that the desire to lose it is…..(chuckle) itself a form of desire.  Something just ‘aint right in the land of the great cosmic muffin!  What’s even worse is that our continual desire (ack!  there is that word again) to merge with the divine is…..DESIRE.  So sticky a thing!  Even talking about not wanting it….brings it up.  So what’s the problem?  Obviously, I am exaggerating just a bit, but not much!  But you BET there is a problem here, and it isn’t quite what some of the teachers would have you believe.  So many have spent so much energy running from it that they have not realized that this is more mastery than denial.  Denial…..well….denial is the worst of diseases, right?  It shuts you down in no time flat!  So many neurosis’s are tied to this.  And teachers speaking of denying desire?  Really?

The problem, the only real problem, with desire, is that desire so naturally reflects our own inner karmas. When I say karma, what I mean is what karma is at its very core; a misalignment to a divine presence that just so happens to be in all things. Karma is itself the outcome of a mismatch between us and the divine…..the higher expression of what we are and what is the universe.  When out of alignment, things are, well, glitchy.  This “glitchy” is karma. So instead of being able to reach for the perfect divine love, you get close, but not quite.  There is a little problem…..maybe a sense of loss….or a bit of fear….or jealousy…..or really, any NUMBER of things!  THAT is the karma I am talking about. When you have fear, you then ACT out of that fear.  When you are jealous, well, most often that jealousy results in your ACTING all manner of ways (some of them quite silly, right?)….and yet there it is. It is a missalignment with the divine because when you touch it feel it, you can feel all the karma in you in a moment like that in a way that is illuminating.  And yet, you would think a moment like that owuld have the power to just melt it all away….except it doesn’t.  All this does is make you AWARE.  And it is this AWARENESS that works away at it, like a millstone grinding all that grit down to dust…..letting it just wash away into nothing until it is no more.

And I know that this might sound different from how many have grown accustomed to thinking or talking about it, but trust me when I say, this is the very core of what drives ALL karma.  Yes, it is defined as “action” by the Hindu monks, but that action must come about by way of intent….a person with certain thoughts and feelings who then ACTS.  Karma is NOT punishment as many seem to suggest.  Not at all.  But the further you are from Divine Alignment, the more you will suffer and the more you will most likely bring suffering on others.  THAT is because, I say, the universe favors good over bad.  We can, and do, do both, but when you choose the good, good naturally makes more of itself.  So, simply put, choose the good!  But you wont be able to do good if you don’t FEEL good.  And THAT is the core of “spiritual” work.  I put that in quotes because EVERYTHING we do is de-facto spiritual.

How you speak, carry yourself, breath and sleep….it is ALL spirit!  And thus, it is spiritual.  And the core of all of this is the Creator.  It is in everything and is everywhere.  It is in you, aunt Tilly, and it is in me, too!  It is the universal solvent, the answer to every tune, the universal material upon which everything is built. It is running in everything! That is actually incredibly awesome and every single thing I have EVER experienced when experiencing it, which has been a near overwhelm in the form of desire…..but a desire not quite like earthly desire.  Certainly, absolutely, modeled on earthly desire but lacking many qualities that enter into other lower vibrational forms of desire (like lust for example).  And the love I have felt has been  so remarkable that there was NO QUESTION that the Creator, as presence in all of this loves us all in every form of love there is.  This is the hallmark of a being that simply lives without ANY limit.  And if it does, its so far ahead of us in terms of its being that it looks entirely limitless through our binoculars.

So what IS the deal with desire?  Good question.  Really good question, actually.

Desire refines as we refine.  The more we reach this “zero” point, the less competing material that gets in the way of an experience of the divine.  And where is it you find this divine?  Within. Nowhere else but there.  Every single action or reaction that you think or feel is all based on something inside of you.  The people you find interesting or beautiful or handsome…..all of that is based on what is within you.  So when we say that someone MAKES us feel a certain way?  Really, it is your very own reaction at work there.  And suffering?  Suffering comes from the same place, too.  Inside.  Expectations dashed, all of that.  Messy business, but a business that leads to a souls liberation if you are “on it” which is to say “aware.” And desire?  It continues. We think there is some place of completion that we will reach simply…….because…..we desire it so badly!

The humanity!

But you know something?  All this talk about reaching zero….I think it serves a really important purpose.  I have been living it, haltingly, willingly, brilliantly, and darkly.  I know it seven ways to Sunday.  And since I am not a buddhist or a Hindu I can say that I have done a lot of work…..there is more to go, but I have been really hard at this work….the koshas have been cleared from five layers deep through all but two centers in completion.  One center has been just barely touched and this was, it seems, saved for last.  I have “worked” hard at it for years and just let it undo me. Deeper and deeper I go.   So I think that based on my evolving sense of what desire is I can offer you this one tidbit.  It is either wise or insane.  You get to decide.  I am either delusional or divine.  What I am saying is that there is something about desire that bothers me still, after all of this….

We want to think that we are complete and whole at that place.  But what I sense after doing all of this work is that we didn’t come here to be complete or whole. We came here to be gloriously human.  That means that we are like one small flower on a vast tree of cosmic awareness.  There will be time enough to know ourselves as entirely unbounded and free.  We did not come here to be free, but to free the world so that it might resolve into a new creation.  Some will say this world will stay the way it is….that there will be terrible things happening here forever…..but in the core of my being, I know that we will evolve this planet and the consciousness upon it.  There will be a “divergence” that will take place, yes, and two worlds will divide.  What will that mean and what will that look like? I wont presume to know what exists beyond my own karmic blinders. But whole? Do you feel how you are one with everything?  That is wholeness of a kind.  Does this resolve into wholeness within you?

And yes, we become aware of our being as if it is one flower on a vast tree.  And we can feel ourselves as this tree, as the wind, the water flowing by and the mountains rolling off into the distance and even the planet and stars. There seems to me a beautiful poetry in our limited frames.  Just little ol’ us swinging through the vast night of stars and space dust.  It seems that we came her not to experience being whole but to appreciate how we are one in a multitudes of one’s. You know?  And desire is enough to keep us yearning to be ONE.  And you know, desire is enough to keep us disatisfied because desire always speaks and yearns from a place of MORE.  The great thing about desire is it moves you forward. It moves you closer to Creator.  It moves you through a career.  Sometimes it can move your out of one life into another.  Desire is so powerful, so useful, I would NEVER seek to remove it from my life.  In its purest expression it is without peer.  In fact, desire in its highest expression is very much WHAT a part that the divine IS.

And I know that for the bean counters out there, and the scribes and scholars, none of this is worth looking into or considering.  And I just don’t really care.  I just don’t.  I woke up a Tantric.  It seems it is an important part of what I am.  I very much want to touch the universal current of the creative force moving through all things.  Forget what you think you know about tantra as a sexual practice.  At its core, its not about sex at all. In fact I would even say that most forms of Tantra that involve more than one person embodied are tender traps in the beginning of spiritual awakening/work. Get it right in YOU and then you can get it right with another.

But complete?  Honestly, love is not about completion.  Love is about a continual, perennial, engagement.  It is, in its purest sense, its own reward.  When we can be like this, within zero, not entirely detached, but free from entangling belief and its karma, we begin to get this beautiful view of who we are….and how we can be with another…..or how we can be with God…..how we can be with the world.

Truth be told, waking up to the divine within is enough to SHOW you how complete you can be…..but we here are like dust specks on a giant dust speck whirling around in space.  Inconsequential perhaps at first glance but the miracle is how incredibly consequential everything actually is.  And when we can rise to that great challenge, I suppose we have the makings of a darn near perfect world.  That, or it will be a wreck.  But I think it will be amazing if we just set aside all the competing material away and let it all go……to zero.

But do you know anyone who has reached zero?  Me either.  We continue to work, incomplete, suffering on our way to the promise land.  But you know, the sky gets brighter, better, and more beautiful each and every time I step into the world where there is less and less of the junk….the limiting belief….that has framed so much of our world here.  The whole point of desire is not to be entirely complete.  Completion itself sounds so boring, no?  Yes, I am ready for zero.  I am working to get there and what I now sense is that zero is just another level to be where we are no longer dogged by the incredible neurosis that is anything more, or less, than zero.  You know? Life beyond all insanity that is our world.  A stranger, perhaps, on this earth, but AT LEAST at a place where all the old stuff no longer reigns supreme.  Anger, jealousy, fear of loss, loss, fear, lust.

So that’s it.  Wandering buddha-boy just speaking his truth.  It may not be YOUR truth, but what I know is that this world is full of people who so badly WANT to BE a certain way that they will convince themselves of a mountain of things.  We all do it.  Climbing out of that place is what moving to zero is all about in my opinion.  I just want to save you the mystical mumbo-jumboness of making this ride all about giving it all up for some cosmic form of Lent.  There is a LOT to give up….for sure…..but keep it in perspective. When it all goes, what do you think will be left?  I really hope you will think about that for the next week….because it is a biggie….and I really am curious to know.

Until then, enjoy this life with a side of grand desire because it seems to go with everything!

 

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In it

lies

the three

potent

foretelling

compelling.

Two divided

return to union

creating a third

like some cosmic family.

 

Left brain unites to right brain

see how Shakti and Shiva are merged?

It is the same

the world bubbles up with this

the ubiquity of union

of disparate

becoming familiar

exploding in creation.

 

The distant stars draw us forward

into an ancient

but recognizable vibration

where the massive

unites with the small

where the dark joins the light

where the cold is embraced by heat

and the yin knows the yang.

Forever like this

for this is how all cosmic mind is and shall ever be.

Turning one into the other

within each and every single particle

that exists.

In you

in me

in all of us

as we make sense of this

and give up trying

and embrace the mystery

and thus sighs the universe

in its ecstasy

in our union.

How do I say

without eyerolls

that I enter into a place

where I turn into something

that touches the All?

There are no altars

no candles

no scepters

nor crucifixes

or ankhs

but a vibrant presence

that changes each time I go

the going is itself a deep surrender

and my vibratory rate changes

deepens

and peels away into bliss

like love distilled

and burned as light.

This being is there

intelligent and aware

it is watching everything

because it is IN everything.

It is here that I sense a love

that it feels for every single thing

that it is itself

through this marvelous creation

that seems to have emerged from it

in a time outside of time

with no real inception

but an expanding sense of the conception

born of all aspects of its own being

which we here see as yin and yang

Goddess and God

the current cycling that is expressed in electricty

solar rays

and our very consciousness.

It is energy turning itself into everything else

and is thus connected

continuguous

boundless

and bounded all at once.

This being

it pours over your life

but remains silent

because that is just how sacred freewill is

and freewill emerges from individuality

and so

monks and gurus and yogis and all the rest

who wish to say “Kill the ego!”

are to me entirely deluded in their task

for this is by definition a sacred cow that this being seems to always respect

and hold dear.

Our individuality is no less an illusion than this being’s individuality.

Killing it only reveals the folly in such things

for the cosmic mind touches our own mundane world and mind

and you just can’t escape it.

So why try?

Here, come this way….

It is here in letting go so deep

that you can feel this being

which is the All.

Comprehension expands each time it seems

and what I see one day changes the next because I change and it changes each time  the embrace ensues….

It is like a vast switchboard where all channels are open from the smallest to the largest.

Here the words “split the stone and I am there” is understood.

It is in everything

but to see it

you must see yourself so clearly that all of this comes into view.

the good that you are is seeking you as much as you are seeking it….

like star-crossed lovers

this is

and this being

like it or not

wishes to seduce you in any way that you are willing

when you set aside your righteousness and sinful thoughts.

It is beyond sin

and thus is itself the sexiest lover of all

for it has no shame

when it gets so close that it can feel your breath

and caresses your soul

in that embrace that changes you forever.

 

II.

This is where it begins.

Looking inside, it is like I turn inside out

with bliss.

This is a lesson  “seek the bliss and you find me”

It says.

But it is true that to find it

you must cast aside your shame

and be like a child

innocent

but sexy.

Our sex is one channel

one of many

all equivalent

and capable to bearing experience

of the divine here in us

the divine everywhere “out” of us.

We are all made one by this

because when we go to God and Goddess

we all go to the same place

like stones upon a great medicine wheel,

looking into the center

turning in the dim light of night

seeing the same brilliant star

all from different angles.

But when we reach it

it takes us completely.

It has been pulling at us for ages untold.

And here we are.

 

I have seen this great burst of Presence,yes,

but it contained no trappings of anything you might relate to.

Pure feeling

it felt purely

everything.

We say God is uncaring for it has remained outside our lives

and yet what I know is its is silent

only because it honors our individuality

our freewill

and that freewill has been in getting lost

from the very source

that is our lives

that is our redemption

and is the great wellspring of our love.

Why can’t we love like that?

“You soon will”

it says,

“….the closer you get to me”

it adds.

 

Like a blind woman reading braille,

this is how the God and Goddess read our lives….

it is not enough to see

it is everything to feel

as their invisible fingers trace every lost part of our days

the invisible core of our days

which we tread over the surface

never realizing that It resides within our self-made journey.

It loves us and wants us so much

that it just can’t stay out of our business.

It is there

like an egg waiting to hatch,

a world within our own.

A path lying within the core of all paths

a smile within our own

the love amidst the loneliness.

Quiet, yes, but yearning us

and when lit by its fire, we yearn right back.

We yearn perhaps imperfectly

but it still smiles

because any drop of our yearning it would take

because we then are on to a great mystery

which is its own to reveal in us.

It is the mystery within the mystery

the love within love

the soul of yearning within the body of yearning.

Its thoughts lie curled up in our own

just as we are curled up within its great mind

which goes on forever

in infinities enough to make you run red-cheeked from view.

“This is my love….

it has never been any other….

silent and unyielding as a great center point of everything….

waiting for you to come join in the feast.”

Here, you learn this God has been silent only in appearances

until its utter ubiquity has shown itself in everything that is.

It waits for you

and while it does,

its great love continues to unfold for you

as its great incomprehensibility

is its strong suit

so that every moment with it is like a sparkling gem with facets beyond count

the best of everything.

 

None of us are alone.

We might wax sad in those moments when our illusions grip us

but we know the truth

because we are more than the surface paths of our lives.

We make like stupid mongrels

when we are the royalty awaiting our kingdoms,

an inheritance

beyond all measure.

 

Here, within you is where you may find what you are looking for.

No cars or money or love of things will quite do it

for its simpler than that

but finer than All.

Its love is like that

and I could go on

like this

singing sacred mantras to the Light…

7fb6b5d780adc694b4946978ea101bfbTwo currents reside in your awareness, your body, and the universe.  We call them yin and yang, Shakti and her Shiva.  This is so because when we let go and allow them to be in us, it results in bliss.  To do that means letting both sides flow.  Restrict one, you effect both.

So let me suggest very certainly to you that we humans do not realize just how much we have choked off the yin side, the feminine in us.  For centuries.  This has had a big impact on us, but like frogs which boiled in water, the effect was gradual and we just never noticed it. We do not notice it even now.  We just don’t know how things are changed by having more of the subtler and more fluid flow of the yin in us.  But when you do this, when you let this side flow in you, it has huge effects for you.  The feminine current in your flows up one side of your body, the left and then flips when it reaches your brain or crown.  This sends the current of the feminine flow into your right brain.  Learning about HOW the right brain feels is knowing this flow. the right brain is not the linear processor that the left is.  It is not limited.  It can take in VAST amounts of things and details.  Research into brain function has shown that when people have left brain functioning impaired, they experience mystical states, develop incredible visual memory and can do incredible calculations that are on par with “Idiot Savants” (and is a term I find distasteful).  It seems the left brain serves as a controlling filter for the right which has no such limits. And isn’t this so very feminine?  I mean, who else is able to take a spark and turn it into a world, a baby, in nine months?  Amazing when you think about it.  Well, in a very similar way, a conceptual and feeling way, the feminine or yin in you can achieve similar results.  To do this, though, you HAVE to let her flow. Balancing the flow can lead to orgasmic energy within you.  This is a very good thing because of how healing it is.

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Let yourself FEEL.  Don’t be afraid of your feelings.  Many people try to control their feelings for fear that they wont be able to keep a grip on themselves.  I say let yourself go.  Let yourself go some, and let the carpet unroll.  Sure, in the beginning things might feel chaotic, but a curious things happens when you give yourself the freedom to feel; you return to a kind of point of stasis.  For everyone this point is different.  After years of living a controlled rigid emotional life in some respects, you might need some significant unrolling. So let it go.  Eventually, once the rougher energy is worked out of you, a more peaceful land will emerge.  And the plus is you will most likely have learned how important it is to cultivate a more balanced self that includes this other side you have been ignoring.  The great thing is it can actually lead you when you are uncertain of where this will all end up. Really!  But allow yourself to flow.  Allow yourself to not always have the answers.  Allow yourself to FEEL the answers.  Some answers are arrived at through non-rational means.  Give yourself the opportunity to feel this and do this and be this.  Your mind wont be thrown into disarray, and if it does initially, the ship is merely learning to right itself.  Trust your process, and welcome the divine feminine, the yin, the right brain, into your life.  Sometimes the best way to solve a problem is through non-rational means.  Some things are just that kind of a mystery. the left side wont ever be able to work that issue out in any meaningful way because of how it is built.

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So instead of thinking it, you will FEEL it. It will tend to happen that you can do odd things like BREATHE in peace and contentment.  The left brain says “WHAT???”  but the right brain smiles knowingly.  “But of course, that makes purrrfect sense!” she says.  And it does.  No way you could ever really breathe in the universe through your nose and yet, it happens because with the feminine, these things are commonplace. Letting HER show you the magic way is one really great way to expand and potentiate your consciousness whether you are a man or woman.  As a man, just being near this kind of spiritual fire is real nice.  What will YOU discover with this world within your reach?

0a63b-tantra_yabyumI have been an ardent seeker my whole life, but my seeking was singular in the sense that I always felt that whatever truths might exist for me to discover would be somehow found within.  I was not always like this, for when I first felt that deep urging within me, I was all of nine and knew that something, some great secret, had somehow been hidden away from me, and from all of us.  I did not know then that this secret was hidden away within each and every one of us, and so I sought to find the answer outside, in the things which were hidden or taboo.  My reasoning was that if there had been something indeed hidden, it would be likely hidden in those places where we had placed taboos on their access somehow so that no one would bother go looking.  This seemed most plausible.  By age thirteen, though, I began to sense that somehow this was not without but within.  It began with an intuition about how we sense reality and the role of the individual in sensing this reality. It expressed itself as the world not being quite what it appeared to be and fueled an almost conspiratorial sense that things were not quite the way we thought they were.  In very short order I would read a book that would speak many of these core intuitions back to me.  It was a book by Jane Roberts and her trance personality Seth who proclaimed that we create our own reality and that our sensing of reality is itself very personal, individual, and while we each see the same tree and sky, we also choose to see it a certain way.  It is this choosing that would become the basis for the undoing of so much inside of me when I experienced awakening many years later.  I did not know then that our own inner biases about HOW we though the world was would play so heavily in what I would eventually come to face.

I have, perhaps, as a result of my own journey and predilection for seeking within, have always sought the source of things and not just how they seemed to appear either directly or through the lens of our own bias, our own karma.  Bias is easy enough to overcome, but karma is harder.  Karma, though, I have learned, can be completely undone and is the greatest liberator of all, for its bias lies deeper yet within us and moves without our awareness always.  By bringing the force of awakening to the fore, it was enough to also bear awareness in greater degrees.   Surely energy is consciousness and consciousness is awareness just as awakening has shown these years.  It is also curious that we do not simply do what we wish to do, but to do what we are, what we are in our larger context, which itself is not always glimpsed in the day to day but in those often rare moments when we feel an acceleration of consciousness and begin to see things in a larger context, an undeniable one, and the self begins to turn within itself so that it sees things from a different perspective, often a more honest one.  If yoga is about union, then what is the purpose of all of the positions and methods and poses?  Its a highly developed system, and so if union is the goal, then what is it that yoga does on a physical level to feed into us a sense or feeling of union?  And what is union?  That may sound like a too-simple question to ask, but it is what I know is a question that has all kinds of realizations that go unnoticed by many for the very fact that if yoga worked so well, we would all be experiencing a deep abiding sense of union. True union resolves us back into our authentic selves, beyond karma, beyond bias, beyond what we have adopted based on a fear of how we think we should be or ought to be.  If there is a false self, then it is this self.  Otherwise, all that we choose to be is the gift we have received from the Creator which is that of freewill.  Saying something is false is like saying we are not being honest with ourselves, and if that is the meaning, then it is true.  So much of awakening is about unwinding the great cosmic spring of our vitality to find that the spring was wound the wrong way.  The current of energy reverses, the world changes, we follow a new path which others do not always understand, appreciate, or value.  Much of what we do, then, becomes a silent prayer, a silent process that is true to no other but our own selves.  The self re-learns, remakes, is destroyed to be rebuilt again, but built in a manner that is more honest, true, and satisfying.

The essence of union is the removal of all that divides you from this one thing that your consciousness rides upon, is carried by, and is a part of.  Through an awareness of self, of ego, through the left brain operations of object and self, we create an appearance of separation that only exists as a kind of conceptual construct.  But like all constructs, once erected in our consciousness, it begins to work like all constructions work; unaided and with fidelity to the rules under which it was installed with in the first place.  Beliefs are this way and if you have any question about the power of belief, all you need to do is look at how a country can move its populace to war under the slimmest and weakest of pretenses.  It is all a carefully understood process that involves the left brain and ego.  It is amazingly simple to do and it is done very well by those with an understanding of it whether conscious or not.  These things are the manipulation and creation of belief and it is ego that identifies with them and will hold onto them for the simple truth that ego is installed centrally in most people rather than peripherally.  This is why upon awakening and the movement of ego away from the central font of awareness that those thus awakened are much harder to manipulate in this way.  The old process no longer works quite as effectively.  It still works to the degree that ego rests near the center of the self, but less as ego moves to the back of the bus.  When you go through awakening the sheer force of the energy now moving in your awareness shifts and changes these beliefs and positions…..and even then, it can be a mighty struggle for some to undo the programming.  For me, I unknowingly struggled with this shift in me for many months until ego was gradually shifted to the side of my awareness so that it did not act as controlling agent in my consciousness as it had previously.  It was then that greater union was possible for the simple reason that more had been moved out of the way to allow greater flows of energy to move in me.  Simple.

But this was all done without yoga as one commonly thinks of it, and yet, all that I have done has been a constant process of it.  Every day I sought union within, quietly, silently, feeling into those places that served up a sense of resistance and letting kundalini wash away the resistance.  I will say that I did do Qi Gung as a moving method for helping to assist in removing blocks.  While we may want to think of awakening or kundalini as some exotic energy that is entirely nonphysical, it is not  It makes up everything here and is wed to the physical just as it is wed to the spiritual.  So what we do in the physical can create an effect on it just as how our thinking and feeling can have an effect upon it as well.  It is not one or the other, but both. the body is the soul IN FLESH.  Both sides of the coin benefit from the presence of life force, of prana moving through them and is the result of sound integration of it within both.  So while I know that physical disciplines can work if you know what they seek to achieve, and sometimes even when you do not, some of the methods are there to guide you to a way of feeling.  Kundalini is always here with us.  What makes the difference in feeling it is our awareness.  So how does a posture help with awareness?

As I have said, I do not do yoga, not as one would normally think of it, and yet if the core of yoga is to be known or understood, my life has been the very essence of it.  I am aware, however, of lives spent in the East.  I know that I have spent many lives in silent meditation.  All of it has helped in what is happening in this life I am sure.  But I am more than a Tibetan in Lhasa or in Angor Watt.  I have sat atop mountains in California’s Yosemite Valley and watched as the Thunder Beings moved very quickly towards me, beings that spoke of a day in the future when the earth would be going through changes, a time when the “Great Wheel comes full turn.”  It was in experiences such as these that I was shown that I and the Thunder Beings were in truth one and the same, that my higher self WAS that self and that through accelerations of consciousness (which some called “altered states” which is a term I do not like for how misleading it is), our own consciousness expands to become aware of larger dimensions of itself and of reality.  It is curious and telling that I have no other recollections from the past that served to bear such incredible flows of energy, of consciousness, into my awareness as simply sitting atop a mountain crying for a vision as that experience with the Beings in the storm did.  For me, it is a lesson to my own self here and now that by simply removing that which divides us, we may inherit our birthright, or realize it in the moment.  It waits for each of us as surely as the dawn.

All of this has led me to the inescapable conclusion of how consciousness works and how we have access to still larger realms of awareness, which is a recall of what we truly are in all of our potential.  These experiences, for me, help to form a core teaching or reminder of what we are and that as humans, we contain a lot of material that serves to block our view of this world waiting to happen to us through an act as simple as becoming aware.

In my life I have observed the function of two sides to our awareness and both of these have corresponded to the left and right hemispheres of our brain.  One side of us is incredibly restricted in what it can do and how it processes information, but it is a necessary agent in our lives.  This part of us is the left brain operation and the brain itself mirrors a certain part our own consciousness.  This part of us is necessary for being able to get anything done that is sequential in the world.  Without it, we would not know what comes next, or how to put a clock back together, make logical and sequential rationalizations.   The other side could not be more different because it sees wholes instead of parts.  It has the capacity to ponder the infinite and does.  It is not so restricted as the left but it also does not have all the answers either.  It might be able to glimpse incredible realms but it wont know how they work exactly.  That is the plodding job of the left brain.  And yet, these two worlds can be made to converge, in UNION with one another, to create a cooperative sense of realization.

When union, these two sides of us can serve to create a new synthesis.  Their union is the essence of creation.  You see it everywhere you look where opposites, attracted, merge and there is an explosion of energy.  Always.  Sometimes the explosion is destructive, sometimes we consider it creative.  And yet, when the two currents of consciousness within us merge we call it inspiration.  We see the world anew, we break ourselves out of our old conceptualizations in order to consider something different.  This merging is in no way within the box at least for that brief moment when the incandescent energy of union happens, the kind of orgasm of the mind which is the same orgasmic energy we feel when we awaken, something that is the result of UNION.  It is the same when a woman and a man make love. It is so with all forms of union whether conceptual or physically literal.  This union can happen within the self,  within couples, groups, and even institutions, all in accord to how they are made to move energy. While the union of sex may feel different from the union of the self, a similar kind of energy is created and is nonetheless just as liberating.  Energy is energy and it takes on different effects as it moves through the different wheels of our own energetic realization, which we have come to call chakras.  Even the chakras, themselves, are “lobed” to carry both masculine and feminine energies, the yin and yang.

Why My Yoga Does not Bear Kriyas

It is interesting to me that it is mentioned that those who awaken experience something called kriyas, a kind of involuntary movement in the body which is a physical feature of assisting with the flow of energy through it.  While I have experienced some of these, I have not experienced them a lot.  I have thought about this and it has occurred to me that the reason why these jerking motions have not happened so much is because my own consciousness has been focused on moving this energy within it in less physical ways.  I am aware because of my work in art that there is a subtle flow of energy and an interaction between left and right brain in order to bring about what we call inspiration. The energy is moving through less physical channels and is being assisted through the self and the neurophysiology.  I am not here to say it is preferred because I know that there is no one way to go about this, but only to point out that this is one tool that can exist in your toolbox for how to assist in e greater flow of energy through you.  Certainly, physical movement helps.  Sometimes it doesn’t even need to be Qi Gung or yoga.  Just MOVING the body helps  A nice walk, a run, or even just moving your arms around so the core of your body is not so rigid is very freeing to energy.  Because so much energy is taken up in what I’d call more dream experiences, not literal dreaming, but in subtle accelerations of consciousness, I tend not to experience so many of these jerking movements.

At a certain point, which I identify with the period of time in which the ego was moved to the side of my awareness more (to the back of the bus as I often say), I began to experience these very quiet and expansive states of awareness in which thought itself was entirely stilled.  Over time, this stillness of thought has become more of a feature of my makeup.  It isn’t that I can’t think, I do, but that there is simply less chatter and more….observation….of everything.  This was first introduced to me many years ago while I was driving late at night and saw in my inner vision a presence that was practicing this “quiet presence of mind” as he looked back at me.  I found at the time that I could not practice this same quietness of mind and found the encounter to be interesting but also beyond my ability.  In truth, I think it was within my capacity, I was simply not living a life that was conducive to that sort of thing.  But I am glad that the presence who came did at least introduce it to me.  Only later did I see the same face on the back cover of a book on Japanese Zen and in that same book the person describes the same emptiness of mind and quieting of thoughts.  it seems it is a pretty universal experience.  What I think I was afraid of was that it would empty me, that I might lose something of myself at the time that this happened. We seem to fear obliteration, and for as much as some monks and yogis seek to do just that, the self continues to be. And not just be, but it evolves as we ourselves are aware of still “higher” states of awareness where there is another identity much like our own here now, but more advanced….perhaps more refined.  The sense of self and ego is an important part of what we have created for ourselves here. However, learning to move some of it into a more harmonious position is itself  what has aided in helping with still deeper ranges of union within the self and with others.

Everything Can Be Yoga

For me, everything has become yoga, but it is not itself a physical exercise.  I do not sit on a mat, but rather I observe quietly and intently as my hands move together to wash dishes, or to make tea, or to rake leaves.  My yoga creates a space of presence that is not mental only but is like a presence that opens up the cover to a deep well where my soul enters into the moment so that small self and larger self merge and experience union within, which brings bliss.  As I give myself over, I realize that this feeling of yoga, or union, is like giving myself to a lover.  I feel the yin current in my consciousness open unabashed to show me how to open to the universe of me and the All by simply surrendering so that world womb may touch soul womb so that my yin womb may feel all of this in ladder-like fashion as heaven descends into me.  This is, you see, the secret of Heiros Gamos, the union of the two currents in us, in consciousness, in our bodies, and in the universe.  It is all of this, undivided, and yet our own consciousness, by not being in union, chops up the thread or current so it SEEMS to be separate.  When I give myself over to it, all thought stops and feeling begins.  This is why I find the words of so many teachers who speak of feeling as being the enemy.  What do these poor minds know?  The way to the All is through feeling!  And yet, unless you yourself have experienced this enough to know it well, you might be tempted to believe these very authoritarian people who have entirely missed the boat.  I suspect it is because they still are caught up in the thousands of years’ worth of paternalistic and left-brained functioning that has gripped our species for so long.  I hope that they themselves can feel this rich and delicious experience of the feminine side of their being without fear or queasiness and know that we are all like this….that you cannot experience the feminine as a male and not be able to know the All.  You can’t just feel it a little….but the more you feel the feminine, the more you can feel the ALL.  And it isn’t because the feminine brings the missing pieces, but because she has been hidden.  Its been buried under layers of denial and chauvinism for centuries, millenia.  When the yin side is opened, we feel it so strongly and identify it as kundalini because all of us, women and men, have become so used to the masculine awareness. The feminine current has nearly been lost on the planet.  And I am sorry for those women who are reading my words.  I know it might seem like I do not know the truth of your own experience AS female, but what I am writing about it the yin current, which has the capacity to bring the deeper range of the feminine experience into the world. Yes, women are here and yes they do experience a wide array of perspectives by simply being in flesh as female, but there is a vast amount of feminine awareness that simply does not exist just yet in the world.  It is like a woman holds a cup of water, which is her feminine nature and thinks that this is what she is, but what I have seen and felt is that she is a vast surging ocean, unlimited and wondrous.  If you reflect on the world and its ways, you will surely realize that this surging sea has never had any real place here because all of us, women and men alike, have been so shut down.  What matter does it make when I look at the world of women and see such vast seas churning silently and without awareness, within them?  They would all get mad at me to presume, as a MAN to say such a thing.  Truth is, we just are not aware of just how dumbed down we have become, or how limited we have been in our experience of the feminine.  And one more thing; I suspect that we have done all of this for the very reason that SHE feels so incredibly good.  Suckling at the breast without a fear in the world, feeling her depths in love, being carried away within her is pure ecstasy.  And loss of control.  Our world has been a model of control….rigid control that you don’t begin to appreciate until you feel this restless sea churning beneath you….churning beneath all of us.

So my yoga is tantra.  It is this moment by moment attempt, at least, of seeking union within.  It isn’t even about sex, but about larger archetypes and energies that we can learn from and evolve with, and how integrating this into ourselves actually changes the patterns IN OUR CELLS.  If we have lost our ancient knowledge of the feminine, then it is here in such a place that we can find it.  Silently, as I move my hands to the coffee pot, I feel the yin current move through me and I feel a stab of bliss that is like a petal opening deep within me that pushes all the petals behind it open.  It is like being taken, seduced by this warm presence that makes me realize that I can be opened entirely, taken apart entirely, loosened and cracked and given a means to flow more surely.  My own masculine is like the force that opens up ancient creek beds so that my own vital force may flow down into the sea and know itself as itself connected to still larger portions of itself.  This is my union, this is my yoga and none of it is done through any movement of the body but in a quiet realization that MUST happen here or else it cannot be realized in the physical.  And I wont say I have it all worked out, for just as a creek must join with larger portions of itself without any resistance, so too must I join larger portions of myself without similar resistance, and just as a creek learns to know it is a might river at other parts of itself, so too do I realize what I am in its larger context.  Ego is not always so agreeable, or the self so courageous.  It is like any discipline, a practice where I slowly but surely release the blockages in my own cellular and etheric memory so that I wipe the slate clean so that I might dream something anew.  Until those old programs are running, I am a prisoner in some fashion to them.

Last night I had a dream that helped to illustrate what I have known for years now, which is that it is possible to reset our inner programming and erase ancient patterns by connecting with those aspects of ourselves which do not have such patterning.  A life lived on another planet, seemingly foreign to us, could well have been lived in order to pick up an example of a template that could be used “later” by a self waking up.  Certainly our world does not have a lot of good examples for how to be enlightened.  Perhaps it can be reintroduced from somewhere else.  I am not sure that it can be found here on this planet since so much of our journey has been one of collective self loathing, manipulation, murder and mayhem.  By being able to culture a new template, we can learn how others have managed to do it and escape that very precarious position in evolution where technology begins to outstrip our own commons sense.  I think if you look around you can see the trap that our own technological advancement has brought.  And yet, we work hard to not let that impact us negatively.  Sometimes we give in and do silly things.  And yet, this is our story.  Maybe we will get our act together and grow a world that is just and compassionate and much more awake and aware of itself, its connection to all things, and how it is only existing within a small portion of its physical potential.

There is nothing more important to me than to do this, this type of yoga.  It is quiet and requires no teacher or guru, but it is true and makes me realize we all have this amazing resource at our fingertips.  It is what we seek, what we yearn for, what we hunger for and it is only as far from us as the beating of our own heart.  The authority does not exist outside of you, it is well within you and will work if you simply let it have a voice in your life.  Authority from the past may be in error; things change, we change, the world changes.  Not everything is as rock solid as we think.  Some have said what I did was not possible, to awaken as I did, and yet, thousands have awakened in just this “impossible” way.  So what voice do you listen to?  Clearly, the best voice is to listen to your own.  Have courage, it will lead you where you need to go. Indeed, it has led you to this place, reading this here and now.

What do you think it is telling you?

The term yoga means union. Awakening is union. If body movement assists this, then good.  What can you bring to a yoga practice that might help with the business of this union?  When awakening comes, it comes, and it did so for me as a result of resolving long standing issues in me that kept my energy tied in knots.  I let go the knots.  I let life be a mystery.  I really didn’t intend for it to go that way, but the universe conspired against me….which was really FOR me. I got the memo late and then realized none of this is on any kind of limited time line.  There are a LOT of people who are experiencing what I suppose is best described as spontaneous awakening or rising of kundalini.  I have my thoughts on this based on what came to me when I first awoke, a time when I did not know that this was even kundalini.  What I knew then from the source of this living energy was that this was something big that was going to grow.  I could feel the momentum back then.  Far from feeling alone, I was aware of the energy within the collective, within human awareness that was building in potential.  It wasn’t just me feeling a surge in me because when you awaken, you do not awaken to yourself, although this certainly is the case, you wake to a broader awareness, what some call nondual awareness.  The natural result is that it feels as though you are tied into a sea of energy on the planet, and the energy closest to our own experience is human consciousness (even though this too naturally connects to many other strands on the web of energetic awareness which is ultimately unlimited).  It felt as if some internet of my being sprung up.  I smiled when I thought of how close the internet and this network inside mirrored each other. I even came across someone who described it as the “inner-net”!  Perfect.  They get it.

So to aid you in yoga practice, I will say in innocence of yoga practice (I do not practice yoga….at least not yet) what it is that I have observed has been the main features and aspects of awakening for me.

Remove all that divides you.  Remove the resentments.  Let them go. These keep union at bay.  Sitting in the posture will do nothing if your light body is divided, and the path is not outside but inside.  Yes, body and mind go together, but THIS is more than just mind….it is supermind, superself, overself, and expands “beyond” the normal understanding and experience of the self as it is here on earth.  Let your feelings drop all of that old stuff, and what will come is relief.  Sweet relief.  Forgive. If you can.  What you cannot, hand over to a higher power and ask that IT heal it for you.  I will tell you that I did not buy into handing things over to a higher power, but I see how important that is now and have found some of the most difficult to heal issues healed by doing this very simple thing.  It requires that you be able to really hand it over like how you just sell a troubled asset just so it no longer….troubles you.  If you do so in grace, if you do so humbly, it can happen for you.

Surrender all that you can and become simple.  Do not be afraid if the temple of your being begins to topple.  If it does, it was not built on a perfect foundation. But don’t let yourself feel bad; this is entirely correctable.  Kundalini, when it comes, will love you so deeply and will, as it embraces you,  show you just where to lay those stones so your new temple will be perfect.  And it might just be that your temple becomes a simple hut.  Do not be surprised. It will be perfect, though, even if you were used to living a lavish life; this one will suit you much better even if it seems like it wont at first.  If you can trust the universe in this, the infinite wisdom it contains will bring you more surprises of a great nature than you could imagine.   But when you accept what it does for you, you will learn how perfect, how utterly perfect, the universe is in helping you get what is just right for you.  But to do this means laying aside ego some.

Let your pride go.  Let all of your positions, your anger, your investment in all that stuff go.  Do you have regrets about how your childhood went?  Ah, now there is some fertile ground just waiting to be plowed up and returned to productivity again.  Any feeling you have about how unfair the world has been to you is another place to begin. Yes, the world is unfair, it is what is.  But you will not know what is until you come to peace with all of that. When you do, you are able to supersede it, to move “above” it but while being more a part of it than you ever were before. I know that this may not make much sense, but it is a bit like learning how to animate your life, the world, in a whole new way.  It is a path to transformation.  Here, you literally can change the landscape around you, for the power of awakening is like this. So what do you want to do, seed the ground with regret or seed it with light?  Seed it while you are full instead of empty.  THAT is how you will change the world. To do this means getting it right in yourself, and when you do this, the law of attraction will see to it that the rest will follow.  You might not believe this, but when you awaken, you begin to occupy your life in a more present and energized fashion.  This increased awareness of presence has very definite effects on the events and people coming into your life.  You will see a more marked change at first as you resolve old issues, and things will change on a dime as you do.  Layer by layer, life will change as what you attract will also change based on where you are in awareness.  This is not just beliefs, but karmic issues which when resolved also result in a change in the landscape of your life.

It may seem like resolving karma is a big task, perhaps an elusive one, but it is not as difficult as you might think.  As you occupy your life in this new way with awakening, the threads will become increasingly clear to you.  You FEEL energy and karma carries its own thread-like energy which you can feel in various parts in your light body and even physical body. These resolve as blocks, and when you can release them by acknowledging them directly, they can be erased.  They can.  The idea that karma is some kind of punishment is a grave distortion of the truth.  There never WAS a punishment that we ourselves did not first exact on ourselves by removing ourselves from our divine nature.  THAT is the punishment and many have been putting this responsibility onto a deity ever since.  When you can face the truth in this simple way, you are so close to releasing mounds of material, you begin to wonder what you had been doing all these lifetimes.  Karma is a choice.  Getting into it was and getting out of it was. The way out is through forgiveness, and the most direct route is in forgiving yourself, not others.  There are reasons for this which I wont go into too deeply, but suffice it to say that if you think other people are responsible for how your life has gone, you are missing some important things that lie just beyond the next veil in your awareness.  I promise.  You wont fully realize this one until and unless you face the truth yourself enough times to begin to see the pattern.  No karma is ever resolved when you point to another as the reason.  YOU are the reason. Looking outside of yourself merely stalls the inevitable.

Just as the pulse of awakening moves through you and changes all of you, this same energy is suddenly circulating even more in the collective consciousness of humankind.  All who awaken awaken to the All.  You will see just what I mean by this.  And then you will perhaps realize that the path to real change is within. You can touch the entire world by touching the part of you that touches the infinite. This is why waking the infinite is so potent a way of being.  It is the authentic path that needs no methods or ways or techniques.  It is already here.  And it will come when you sit on a boat, or in a car, or while reading the newspaper.  It can come while you read this.  Or when you do yoga.  It will come the fastest when you simply realize or remember what it is that you are.  This involves letting down a veil in your awareness.  Doing this is an act of self love, one act among many, and is a series of acts that will deepen and inform your knowledge about just how deeply all of this goes.

Awakening is the energy of inspiration.  It is that moment of opening within you when you let in all that energy.  Awakening opens you just a little wider than normal so a much larger volume of this love can flow.  You have brushed up awakening whenever you feel the joy and even bliss of a great new discovery.  Awakening is like feeling this awareness or state remain and then build on itself.  This love, though, is not a feeling FOR something but is itself a force. You will feel it in your light body and physical body, as they are delicately intertwined.   We all yearn for this, all seek it.  Once it comes, seeking ends and becoming begins.  You will no longer feel normal.  You will no longer feel bored.  You will no longer feel ordinary.  Nor will life appear ordinary.  The dew will sparkle with magic, for you will now glimpse the magic that IS in all things, and this magic is what is in everything.  This magic is the very essence of  union and interconnectivity.  All life is built on this and it goes all the way down to the atomic level.  Hence, when you tap this in yourself, curious things can happen in life as though the energy in your cells are not communicating more clearly with the energy in the air surrounding you, the atoms in objects, in the local landscape.  This may seem or sound impossible or even crazy, yet there is truth in this and it is supported by the phenomenon that take place with those who are awake.  It is like a great secret, a mystery that once is discovered, remains a fresh mystery every moment.  There is no entire apprehension of this mystery but the delicious communing moment by moment with how it makes you feel. It is not the explosion of orgasm and release, but a steady building of orgasmic potential that now is no longer thrown away but is built every higher as the light body can handle more of it in its small frame.  Here, the energy centers are cleansed by the energy, and as you bid it come, it sweeps you and even moves ego if you let it.

The mind suddenly can go quiet in just such a place of being.  It is such a marvelous thing.  I could never do this before all of this started, and I certainly had a few interesting opportunities. My mind was a chatter with thoughts ordinarily.  But kundalini has stilled it for me.  A great silence can come when I do not need to be all a chatter with the world. I move from this chatter to utter silence and both have their place.  I simply am no longer a slave to the ramble-mind.  We just need this silence to witness the mystery which draws you into itself and reveals wonder.

Breath can help, but breath in the body is coincident with the intake of prana.  When you awaken you can bid it rise by bidding it.  No breathing necessary.  But until that day comes, breathing is a very good way to move energy.  And the breathing in one nostril and then the other?  Oh, yes.  This helps to stimulate an awareness of the two fields of energy that go to make up kundalini or awakening.  Shakti and Shiva.  Feminine and masculine inside of you.  Their presence will inform you of things in ways you may have never allowed yourself.  It can make you a better leader, a better lover and a more considered person.

Once the infinite wakes up inside, you will touch the infinite outside of you.  Awake to energy, all energy is everywhere.  Nonlocal, you have the cosmos literally at your fingertips.  I will admit that most of my time with it is spent in utter admiration of it instead of yoking it to some use.  But yoking it results in much better results than any other method for achieving what will bring you fulfillment.  Here, you can bid mountains to move.

You can change the world, but you must change yourself first.  Do that, and as you enter this field, the rest of us will come smiling, welcoming you like brilliant stars sparkling in the sky above you, as you enter this new life.

Awakening is union, and yoga is union.  This is yoga.  FEEL,  then you will inherit the kingdom.

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