Archives for posts with tag: spiritual

I don’t really see the thing we do, this intense multi-year process of shedding old skin as “work.”
I use the term..work, but it is, for me in truth, a letting go, a deeper and deeper surrender. This is not an effort, you see? But in the beginning it seems that way.

 

This “work” is a returning to a quieter less noticed part of us. It is the “part” that so easily gets drowned out by our barrage of physical sensory information. If you want to see effort, see how we hold onto those looped strands of energy we have formed by hard emotion and a lack of surrender. This is the stuff that forms our inner programs, conditioning, and negative karma!
When the programs, negative energy blocks, drop, those things that you obsessed over dozens of times each day just go “poof” and are just GONE. In fact, once they go, isn’t it hard to even remember what they were, or why all the drama?

We actually clench our minds recursively around so much that hurts us, numbs us, all without realizing we are doing it. But what a relief when the hand of the mind.just.lets.go. So this has been my “work” since awakening entered my life.

I’m at a place now where I’m getting down to the bottom of the barrel. I will say that while I’m pleased with how much I have released, it’s a small pleasure, a lowercase “p.” I feel different, and things are getting easier even as I hold tight to a few last broken pieces. They are doozies…but as I say that some part of me is laughing because it seems to know how ridiculous that is, saying, “It’s only that way because of the power you gave it….and it’s a thing that disempowers you!” True.

I’ve not been so keenly aware of this “doozie” though as I do now. It has come into vivid focus because so many other blocks near it have been removed. These  blocks veiled the ones deeper down. I am now aware of the deeper blocks more keenly. This is of course a good thing because awareness is what helps bring change. It tightens my abdomen, it keeps some part of me dull, upset, clinging to….what? An investment in hurt. Yuck.

This state, though, however temporary,  leaves me feeling graceless, bumbling even. I lose grace, I sometimes feel normal….and I’m aware that it’s my inner compass telling me I’m a hippocrite as long as I’m holding this last bit, this pile of stinking stuff. But after being here hundreds of times it tends to play out the same way.  Being not filled with grace seems to be the whole point, which is to help point out the glitch that keeps me unsettled.  More so than usual.  This place is different than just grinding away on something that is firmly planted inside of me, though.  Its got a bit of that muck being stirred, you know?  Something is up. there is a feeling of something is about to happen.  My feet, feeling the edge of a great cravass, teeters there a little and something in the back of my mind begins to calculate (which I wish it would not do) and wonders what would happen if I fell.  And again, that is the whole point.

It leads me to being at a loss for words. Entering here, I feel the inner earth shaking, uneven, like a world on fire, burning, strange, even dark. It leaves me feeling vulnerable. I have this “work” to do, and it makes me feel… upset. Mildly agitated. For as much as I once reveled in the cosmic energy of union with a “twin” I have never before felt so relieved not to have to deal with my un-becoming and all it entails while dealing with another in my head space going through their own gyrations and chaos.
We all do this differently, and for as much as I have wanted to beat back loneliness with connection, I am finding that when I can just be left to do my “work,” my part of it, it gets done. I’m learning, stubbornly, to love the grace that will be permanent, common, sure, and solid instead of falling for the idea that this can be done while enmeshed in a karmic connection. Yes, a karmic connection  drives powerful energy, but it also leaves me yearning for an ideal I see in that person that has yet to be manifest. I used to think that because I could see a soul in its pristine state that this meant it HAD to manifest itself in them. But their time scale is not mine. I’m making peace with how we all go at this with a different pace. I might leap forward, now no longer attracting nor attracted to that old karma. The tension goes slack right along with the sexual tension, tightly focused previously. When it goes, my focus widens.Each time, the force widens, sublimes, and then grows stronger….but only because I am now more open…less clenched and cluttered. And the things that mattered before don’t. I’m left having to figure how I do feel about any number of things. I’m left having to figure out what fulfills me enough to even keep me here.

It isn’t that I don’t care. Im a feeling passionate person in all truth. It’s that the old arguments…they are, so many of them, just gone. I remind myself, though, that there’s more work to do. I keep leaning into the wind, though. I’m ready for the next thing.

This leaves me wondering what even to write. This process leaves me at odd ends at times. When I’m processing blocked material I often feel agitated, raw, upset, and close to the presence of a block that gives me grief right up to the moment that I find that gap in my heart mind and soul where I can root it out deep so it can go away entirely. Transmuted, redeemed it feels like. This makes it very hard to write.
I’m reminded I have 60 posts in draft mode. I can have one posted each week for a year and not run out. I’m thinking that I’m all out of words. I kind of wonder what is the use. I mean, nothing seems more important to the journey inward that is me and mine. I’m thinking I want to garden quietly, contemplatively, seeing into the mystery that fills me that I alone must face and encounter wordlessly. It’s made all the more precious because it is so quiet.
I’ll be working on getting those drafts more acceptable and not worrying about what next to say. I just can’t. But all those drafts will make it possible for me to go quiet without really being quiet. That’s nice. Better when I’m shedding my skin. I want to move quiet, silently, heeding my own bliss.
Like all of these periods, it’s temporary….but it’s necessary.

I’m working on my house. But The house is connected to me in this weird way. I find I am shifting the energy pattern in the house just as I shift and heal my own—some which are compliments and some have been mirrors to some aspect in me.
It isn’t that the house has the same patterns as me. It has patterns that are present in the awareness of all-time that were created by previous owners here. Both me and my daughter can sense the energy here, and we sense it best when it’s something that is also in us. It’s easier to relate it and to tune it in this way.
It’s two years worth of renovations. Detail work with trim and feelings being stripped away and repainted so this old house looks anew.  It’s more than just looks, though. It’s feeling differently day by day.
Already so much has been done, and it feels like my house is changing right along with me. We are drawn to people and places because they match something in us. I am ready to change the pattern in me as well as the person who buys it. Once complete, I won’t have to worry about its being valued….because it will be a different story based on seeing this house in a new way. It wont be because there are new curtains or new paint just covering the old with new.  Something else will be in the mix, changing the feel.  It is already happening.  A friend of mine told me a few years ago I needed to be careful about those stuck emotions in me and in the house.  People can feel them….and yes, while someone else who is stuck in a similar way might be attracted to it, I prefer to just change the narrative by editing out the noise.  This, I suppose is the work, if ever there was any (on the house I mean).
Columns stripped and repainted, looking brand new. Walls clear and clean. Weeds pulled, mulch beds framing the house in a new look. It’s a labor of love. Now eleven years in, I am ready to sell and move on. Out of it will come an explosion of creative output I have been pushing hard against the harness on for many years. Free now to create just as I have always yearned for: free and clear. Clear inside, free outside.

Meantime, I have research on a book about early Christianity and it’s forgotten mystic roots….and teaching. And renovation in more ways than one.

So I am taking a”rest” for a bit while I work on me and drink deep of this lovely life that keeps growing sweeter…I will have blog entries scheduled each week, and I might just be more consistent by posting all those old drafts than I ever was when writing when the spirit struck.

Within cell walls

infinite

lies curled

the Two

turning

in blue

and golden hues

an endless meditation

birthing the spirit of all religion.

 

His gaze

undoes her

she brings to him

his returning

unwinding,

bearing vulnerabilities

as the sweet syllables

of those secret mysteries.

 

Here they turn

forevers upon their lips

their sweetly swaying hips

Round and round

for infinities

a perfectly pitched moment

measured in whispers

mysteries

secrets

born through soulfulness

and awe.

 

Everything else falls away

all memory is locked into a moment

bursting

worlds form from this

flowers and sea foam

gallactic twisting

rivers runnin

stones tumbling

muted

but feeling

prayers lasting centuries

ushered from their lips

a lineage of everything

where the god and  goddess

mingle

tangle

become

turning round and round

central core

within a cell trebled into life

bursting with potentiality.

This is the divine masculine and feminine….

yin and yang

the servants to the Tao

handmaidens to the All

and that dwells in each leaf

and cell

and doubt

that it even exists…

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This post is what was promised from my last post about the core of methods of practices….

I was flush deep in the roiling seas of kundalini.  It was 2009.  I had been moving a lot of blocked energy and with each release I could feel how the prana impacted my body in the turbulent state, energetically, that I was in.  It had an effect on my system that included a lot of nausea.  Every few days I would come against not just one, but a series of blocks.  this is good, but it also made things intense and a little much to take physically.  But it was in the midst of this that I was shown a vision of a desert cat.

The whole scene was meant to illustrate how we shift out of our “dry” left brains into the fluid flowing world of our right brain, the kundalini shakti, the flowing feminine side of our consciousness.  To feel this flow meant removing blocks and still more blocks.  I was shown this leopard and I watched it breath.  I could feel its breath, which was actually a panting breath.  Because I was seeing and feeling the content of this vision, I immediately was able to feel what it was I was supposed to feel.  So I began to breath like this cat was breathing.  I thought about being this cat.  I don’t know why, but cats seem to put me in touch with a sensual aspect of my masculine energy.

It is in truth I think a blending of aspect of both feminine and masculine.  And when you do this in awakening, it brings peace and bliss because two aspects of the self are held so closely within awareness without any division.  So for me, the cat was a good image for my own turn of mind.  Strong, rippling in strength this cat was sleek and sensual.  I felt bliss move all through me as a result.  I was taken, seduced by the bliss of prana.

I panted; the energy moved very strong as my stomach lurched and turned.  I kept at it, and within a day I had moved through the nausea and the block was gone.  There were more blocks to deal with, and many were taken care of with this panting breath which I found moved a lot of energy for the very fact that the image and the breathing helped to support an openess within me that allowed energy to flow.  Since your consciousness IS energy, it isn’t that difficult to understand that the character of your consciousness will help focus and even determine the nature of the energy that flows through you.  The more open and trusting you are of the natural universe, the more direct a connection you will have without any prejudices or biases coloring your perceptions.

But the thing I want to point out is that the important thing in this was the image inside of me, which just “did it” and opened me up.  It was less the breath than this image.  Yes, breath did stimulate my body in certain ways, and breath IS coincident with prana or chi, but it is NOT chi.  Sorry.  It just isn’t.  Breathing CAN stimulate the flow of chi, though.  But as you will see, so can your pure feeling….which is the coolest part….because when you consider that in spirit, in All-Time, you exist without a body.  HOW do you breath?  You breath in your awareness.  If you can get that the breath of your body mirrors the breath of your soul, oh my goodness, the worlds that this can open for you conceptually as a creator of great methods, new methods for people to use that help bring in new aspects of awareness that just weren’t possible a century ago but are now just at our fingertips! Yell it at the top of your heart, your soul, for this is true; amazing things await us….and the boundlessness of creativity will bring it to you if you will but OPEN to it.

I was opened, seduced by the flow of this very sensual of energies, this pranic flow. It was so strong that it almost made me sick.  I got over it, and I would in the following days  use the panting breath as a way to tap this state.  But for it to work, the image must be there.  I have to know what I am reaching for.  I am taking breath into me the way one would say yes to a lover.  Prana is this. YOGA is UNION.  Yoga means just this.  So?

Now, I will say that up to this time, I was not familiar with a breathing method, a well-known one in pranayama and kundalini yoga which is called “breath of fire.”  It is this type of breathing that is supposed to aid in the stimulation of kundalini. When I finally saw a demonstration of breath of fire, I saw that there wasn’t a big difference between what I had been shown to do from my own inner guidance and this method that has been in use for thousands of years.  The question I have for you by way of teaching you about this feeling part that I think is so central, IS central, is how does breathing like this make you feel?  What does it conjure?  If it does not conjure any feeling in you, if it leaves you flat, relatively unmoved, you may not be getting an arousal of prana in the body.  In this case, I would suggest that you let your imagination move you.  Whatever you find is most natural to you will work because prana is bid by how we feel, how we think.  When we are stressed, we are often shutting down these channels of energy and it is this that leaves us, often, feeling tired or worn out.  Feeling a warm thick fluid moving up through you, or the movement of water, or alternating currents of cool and warm air…..if you can put your imagination there, what you conjure by using images like this can lead to moving energy if the stimulating effects of just breathing don’t do it.

So consider trying to pant as a method for moving energy.  In fact, letting your tongue extend slightly out of your mouth might get your feeling this energy. Prana is not just electricity….it is an energy full of feeling.  It is what we feel when we feel bliss.  We release a blockage in our bodies, the energy body, and suddenly things feel clearer, lighter, but there is also a surge of bliss, too.  There is a reason for this, and it has everything to do with what prana IS.  You are matter made conscious, now able to observe itself as the cosmic moves through you.

Prana is your saying yes to life, yes to allowing the bliss of the union of your body with the sustaining life that is the breath of the Tao. So then the breathing movement of the cat breath was what I needed.  But I will let you in on one important secret; once I had the breath work anchored in me, I was able to move energy simply by thinking or visualizing the method without actually doing it.  As a result of this, I was taken deeper into the core of what all breath work is about.  I discovered a form of pranayama that has no use of breath. How do you think you control the flow of energy in your body without breath? You control it through feeling!  BUT.  To do this, you have to have control over your feeling states. It is simple, primal.  Other parts require more practice. All of it is built on an image and this image either does it for you or it does not.  But the core of all of this is caught in feeling.  I know I keep hammering away at this, but this is important.  It is important because the “body” of the universe does not respond to the touch of rational thought, no.  It responds to the touch of the feeling thought.  When you can master feeling, you can bid the universe open to you in ways that it had been closed to you. I can’t begin to suggest how wonderful this can be for us all here.

It emerges from that. It is just that when I say feeling, most people are stuck because that does not give them much to go on.  They start fidgeting and they want the safety of their yoga mat.  I get it.  Its so simple, this.  But the work, the great work of this age, is going to be about people returning to their humanity.  To what it means to be humans, instead of the barbarians we have all collectively been for so long.  Time for healing, cleaning, and this will be the age where humans will get deeper and deeper connected into their feeling states.  And you want to know what this looks like?  Each and every block removed, things just get simpler and simpler. Like how joy is simple.  But it cannot be faked.  You have to reach this authenticity, and it is just as Jesus exhorted his followers: be like children. It is the feeling part of you that is the conduit through which all prana will flow.

It will not flow through your reason. No.  It is not some dry feeling-less thing.  It lives for bliss and joy and creativity.  Match an inner image with this level of boundless joy and wonder and you begin to anchor a whole new feeling within.  The joy I feel is like joy distilled into star light (really).  I cannot begin to even describe it very well….except to say that if you can match an image to a practice, you can use the practice as the anchor.  See? THIS is what so much yoga is about.  And really, folks, there is not a lot of magic in the movements.  Some of them are about helping you to dissolve a block or to open up flow in the body.  But sometimes it is to help just anchor a feeling. Your yoga can be about giving yourself in wild abandon to this thing that is all around and within everything……and after that, anything that anchors that feeling in you will be a practice worth its weight in gold because you know what the practice is intending for you to feel.  So make your own.  Let them flow effortlessly through you and ask yourself….”what does this FEEL like?”  or “If I were a painter of methods, what scene would this feeling wind up being?  How do I instill the same feeling in others?”  That is just what you are seeking to do.  Anything that stimulates the flow works. So maybe the brush of a feather against your neck will give you chills and a sudden warm flow up your leg and into your side and into your head.  Boom.  Pranic flow enabled.  What does this tell you?  it tells you that your body, the flesh, will itself respond to triggers as the energy currents are excited in the body along its surface to trigger a deeper flow of energy.  This then leads to feeling differently in your consciousness.  A perfect example of how working with the body can bring about a change in your consciousness.  Because they are all connected, this makes perfectly good sense.

So not to belabor the point.  Once you get to this place, if you are a creative person, you could come up with dozens of new methods, then spend years honing them in order to bring into them aspects of reflexive elements or trigger points or any number of other supportive moves or methods for what it is that you want to accomplish with your newly minted method.

I know that for many who seek enlightenment, a better way, a more authentic life, this most often means reading widely and trying to see if you can pry out the gold from our storied past.  I was myself a seeker since age nine when I felt like there was something more.  I could not quite put my finger on it, but over the years this sense has led me down many different roads, but all of them have led back to me right here and now.

When I awoke and my blood ran with a sacred fire that began to transform me from the moment it began to move in me, I have been part of an accelerated process of becoming.  What I have seen, though, is that most people treat this condition as rare, unique.  I want to dispell this notion and explain that you do not need a system or even information on any of this.  You do not need kundalini meditation or yoga or special breathing, mantras, or any of it.  You don’t.  You do not need arcana, or ancient texts to get you there.  Chances are that the books that do speak of it, you wont “get” unless you already have it.  I have observed that ancient Christian texts that explain this process of awakening very well are complete mysteries to the scholars who study them.  By scholars I mean the likes of Elaine Pagels and Bart Ehrman, for a few.  The problem is that what is being described is itself a nonphysical reality so any effort at trying to describe or explain it will either be so basic that there is no information contained, or it will be clothed in symbol and metaphor.  The truth in most great teachers’ teachings about this is right out in the open and most do not get it.  Even Jesus laments that his own disciples didn’t get it.

Reaching the infinite, cosmic consciousness, or enlightenment, is not something that we were ever designed to reach by way of methods, and it is one reason why I do not offer many, if at all. Why?  Because it is just so incredibly simple.  Awakening is itself a release of what is holding you back from your natural state.  As it edges into your life, it becomes a sustaining fire of transformation as you and everyone else who has ever had this has experienced.  What we are undoing is centuries of programming that has conditioned us all to focus the bulk of our awareness through our rational minds.  This awakening is itself the result of awakening both the current and the hemisphere in the body that aligns with the current of energy that we are each holding back in our lives.  This current is known as the kundalini shakti in the Hindu tradition, but is highly aligned to the right brain and with nonrational and nonlinear thinking.  While the rational mind can be a good servant in this process, many people believe (Ken Wilber one of them it seems) that we go at this rationally.  But this is itself a mistake.  The rational mind is here to serve the right brain, the more feminine aspect of our consciousness.  Why? Good question. This is what is being called the Divine Feminine, and it is also the Holy Ghost (no matter how much some Christians would like to raise doubt that this is somehow a “false” spirit—no—it is quite real alright!)

We are beautifully made.  We have two capacities within us that handle a broad range of processing of experience.  The rational and linear left brain excels at making lists, making priorities, and seeing details.  It is, I content, the seat of the earthly ego that identifies  itself as an individual entity in its environment. An over-reliance on this part of our awareness and inner workings leads to a feeling of separation (leading to alienation, too). We are made to exist in stasis, in a delicate kind of range of balance in our physiological functioning.  It is all a matter of balance.  So just as an over-reliance on the left brain egoistic sides of our being can make us feel estranged and alone, there is another side to us that sees the other side of our world.  Sadly, THIS part of us has been largely submerged.  If it hadn’t, we would all see the connections indwelling in all things less as some mystic woo-woo but as a tangible verifiable fact.  No woo-woo needed!

Awakening, or bouts of nonduality all have at their core an experience of an erasure of that which seems to make us separate.  This is because at a certain level, everything is connected, but most people never reach this level of awareness.  It is, however, existing right beside your linear processor of yours.  Since developing this concept based on my own personal experience, I have found that a lot has come out that supports this notion.  Dr. Jill Bolte Taylor, who I have written about a few times before, has both a book and a TED talk describing an experience she had of her left brain shutting down after the had a stroke one morning.  Want to guess what she experienced as a result of this?  She experienced a state of enlightenment.  She describes it perfectly in her TED talk.

Enlightenment is not something that we should have to work at.  Enlightenment is a natural state that has been suppressed.  But as a result of this, our race here on this planet have created all sorts of processes and methods to try and trigger it.  We have all kinds of esoterica that has been created over centuries that all point to it.  But at the end of the day it is about one simple thing: releasing the feminine aspect of consciousness (as we define it) from its cognitive cage in our awareness.  Doing this sets into motion a change in how the body functions. It changes HOW you feel.  this reinforces different modes of behavior, too.

The physiological changes that take place in the body are well known and observable.  It leads to better health, better cognition, and most often the awakening of latent abilities and seemingly miraculous happenings. What I write about in my book Waking The Infinite is how our physiology is actually connected, tuned in directly to events happening around us.  I know; you might think I am talking about the Law of Attraction. Not really.  To be absolutely correct, I am uncovering a way by which we can live where the rate of manifestation can be increased many fold.  I am not suggesting that we will get more things, more stuff; I am showing a way by which the self can be arranged so that when you are in the flow with your higher self and when you can clear away the energy blocks, it is possible to see events so uncanny that they defy description.  These happen ALL THE TIME in my life.  This is not some weirdo’s manifesto, but is, I observed, tied into what the quantum physicists say we cannot do (because there is no proof) which is to link from the atomic level of “weirdness” to the human-scaled level of experience.  What happens in the weird wild world of the quantum universe can happen in our world, and in the book I show you how this is done.  To do it requires that you change, to become all that you can be.  Then, just as Jesus said, when you ask the mountain to move, it will move.

We are releasing the very block that each of us have placed in our emotional lives that keep the waters of “she” dammed up.  This is the fluid part of us, the part that can see vastness in a moment, and see the interconnectivity in all things.  The rational mind cannot, will not, do this.  And those who try wind up grasping a corpse.

When you consider that enlightenment is releasing a cognitive block that allows awareness of something long hidden to flow into conscious awareness, you can perhaps begin to understand or see how the self needs to arrange itself in order to best accommodate this change.  Many people struggle with it, and the more they try to be rational with it, the more they struggle.  You can see the evidence of these types, and some do a very good job of it, but they are taking something entirely without limit and trying to fit it into neat cognitive boxes.

You can comb and tease through this field gently and get all kinds of amazing ideas, concepts, discoveries, yes, and they will become the mountain of 10,000 things….all physical phenomenon, creations that are part of our being here.  Each important as markers for where we are as individuals and as a species.  Without being able to abide with this rich sense of Presence that is the energy that is in all things, doing this may be limited.

The first year of my awakening I had what I describe as being taken by the energy down into the world of the subatomic.  It was itself an amazing journey, one that showed how a very basic form of matter could turn itself from matter into energy, basically changing its form.  It were these incredibly small particles, I was told, that formed everything.  These
“particles” though were themselves conscious.  They formed aggregations of themselves in amazingly immense and vast ways that create matter, events, and were the things that our thoughts ride upon.  These things, whatever they were or are, were like a key to understanding all of matter.  What was most interesting was how they behaved: they moved from particle to wave and this I was told was VERY important.  When I looked into physics, like what Einstein was dealing with, there was little talk about any of this. I suspect that this is why Einstein’s theory of Relativity fails to help us come up with a unified field theory…..which if its on the mark, it should do.  But it doesn’t.  I soon found that quantum theory was explaining a lot more, which is how matter is both particle and wave.  This is important because in a way, consciousness is this way and it is the dance of our two sides of the yin and yang.  One is limited (particle) which is the left brain and the other is not.  In fact, this “other” (feminine) has the capacity to create sheer miracles.  In physical life, the feminine is capable of nurturing two particles that merge into something that is greater than the sum of their parts, which is a new life.  What happens on the physical level of our animal nature is itself a reflection of what happens in consciousness, but at another level of dimension of experience (meaning that it is not literally the same but approximate or similar).  Thus we have the yin (feminine) and the yang (masculine) in the Taoist tradition and the Shakti/Shiva in the Hindu tradition.  And every other tradition has aspects of this contained within it. This was possible because I had merged these two forces running inside of me. The more I merged them in bliss in my body, the more this material would come.  These were in pitched states of intense meditative focus.  I became  hyper-aware.Turns out that the Vedas actually describe how people often are able to SEE into the world of the impossibly small, in documents that describe very well the concept of the atom, for example.  Thing is, I am not a Hindu.  I do not need faith or belief.  I ONLY need to be HUMAN.  People!  HUMAN!  WE ARE ONE.  🙂  (I am beginning to feel like Dr. Bronner in his soap label sermons!)

I once had a friend explain that I felt like I was “Waaaay out there!” but in truth, I am incredibly present.  This is because the missing ingredient, the “feminine” in me was now moving and merging with its counterpart in my body, which is just as kundalini is said to do.  It is also what Jesus described when he said “I am one with the Mother and Father.”  Yes, he said “Mother and Father” many times as verified in apocrypha and in the Nag Hammadi scrolls, documents dug up in the deserts of Egypt in 1945 and which were fully translated in the early 1970’s.  These are new (old) stories that have managed to survive the book burnings that took place in the wake of the Nicean Council that was intended to determine what the dogma and the books were going to be that we would later call the Bible.  Sadly, the truth was made into heresy.  But regardless of what did happen, the little secret here is that no matter who you are or what belief or system you are into, when this comes, unless you are dead, you will feel this very sensual rise of energy that feels like the embrace of TWO in one (Christ or Cosmic Consciousness as the child of their energetic union).  Now as I write this, understand, there is no man nor woman there.  These are forces in our very physiology that causes one to feel this way.  It is intelligent, yes, and its movement will change your life.

In every situation, whether it is traceable or not, what stirs awakening is a letting go of that which held back the waters of this experience.  There is nothing that you need to know.  Like a baby, you are programmed for this.  It is in your DNA, it is in your blood.  It in fact runs in your body even as your consciousness has blocked it out.

What is happening to us is itself how our feelings inhibit the production of those chemical triggers that sustain the fire of awakening in us.  This is NOT just some cosmic energy.  It is ALL of us, all the way down to the calcium in our bones and to the tremor of prana lighting us up.  When you are able to release the emotional material that is serving to inhibit this physiological shift in you, awakening is itself only a matter of time. I know: there are centuries worth of people who have spoken of only the righteous “getting” this.  Bullshit!  The ones who “get” this are those who have in some measure been honest or who have helped to release something deeper within, something that they may have suppressed for a long time.  Some of it may not even make sense for the very fact that this suppressed material DOESN’T make sense.  This is part of our irrational selves.  When something has been shoved down inside of us because its too hard to bear or look at, it forms the corpus of blocks in our bodies, both physical and etheric.  There are traditions built on aiding in releasing these blocks.

What can trigger this is broad for the simple reason that our emotional material that is suppressed is broad.  In some cases, people do not identify what just  happened to cause it, only that something came loose.  Maybe it was the twig that broke that caused it.  Sometimes we ripen by ways of simple things, less like science and more like poetry.

In some cases, it is a simple willingness to stop rationalizing and allow awareness to return to its root.  Sometimes a chakra cleansing exercise might be enough, and this most certainly does release blocked material.  In some cases really strong emotions can unblock material.  There are a LOT of people describe how intense emotions were felt just prior to their awakenings. Sometimes strong emotions did it.  I had a twin soul (as they are called) who described a dream she had about six months before we awoke together where she was standing looking out across the world from a great height and a man walked up to her and asks her somewhat chidingly while the depths of the energy began to stir, “Do you remember?  Are you ready for it?”  She said she did, and that she was.

When Buddha awoke, he was not doing much of anything except meditating under that tree.  THAT is how simple all of this is.  As a result, Buddha sought to develop a method for his followers to attain what he had attained, which was essentially a copy of what he had been doing.  This is called vipisanna meditation.  I have a family friend who awoke using this method.  It involves sustained quiet, mindfulness, and meditation, a state of being that most people almost never allow themselves.  Normally, we are so focused outwardly that it never occurs to us just who or what we are.  This method can help with this.

Will it do it for you?  It is hard to say.  I can say with absolutely certainty that what helped me awaken was letting go of a long-standing sense of guilt with the universe that I was not doing enough in my life.  When I let that go, it was as if a log had been dislodged in my heart and I began feeling different immediately.  This log was itself a block for any energy moving in my system.  Who knows what sorts of blocks you have, but there are a lot in most humans (hundreds of thousands from big to small and in every center of energy in the body from foot to crown).

This feeling, once allowed enough room in me, continued to grow over a six month period until my process grew into a full-fledged “awakening.”  I suspect that the reason why my awakening was gradual was that I had a lot of material in the way, a lot of suppressed material that had to be slowly teased out of my consciousness.  Once that was done, the fire rose up through me.  Everything that you could say about my awakening went against what the scrolls and documents all say.

So what do I do?

You realize who you are without the coverings, what some call illusion.  I resist calling it that because I like to call it what it is (like a proper Tantric would) which is that it is a CREATION.  If you see these things as creations you see perhaps that you can create something different!  You can live and create in a wildly different way! My own creative life has been completely renovated in so many ways based on my own awakening.    WHat you created a year ago will be different now.  But to understand what it is that you are creating, you also have to examine the beliefs that underpin those actions/creations, for they are surely born out of that kind of foundation. But this is where things get juicy and wonder-filled!

You have to get to the part of you that dreams, that is the “secret” you, the part of you that you feel within you that is not subject to outwardly looking into the world.  It is the part that knows there is more but is softer, more afraid of speaking the truth for fear of how it might sound.  It is the wellspring of our magical selves.  It has been suppressed and called illegitimate for centuries.  It is our source-point and wellspring of wonder and awe.  It is so strong, so powerful, that it alone is capable of taking you apart, piece by piece and putting you back together again.  It alone has the awareness and the intelligence.  The rational mind cannot do this.

Just look at our world and you can see how we have teetered on the edge of destroying the planet and ourselves all due to our short-sightedness, courtesy of our rational minds that are unable to glimpse the bigger picture. It is also part of our imaginations and our creative selves.  If you look at how artists have been treated in our society, you will see how lopsided our values have been.  We prefer to build bombs that are ten million dollars a piece instead of fostering creativity as a nurturing source for culture.  It seems we are about as busy destroying culture as we are in trying to build it!  And of course, artists are often seen as weirdos, freaks, or just “out there.”  The reason for this is that most rationally minded people never bother to get enough into the mind of the creative self to every see and feel what its like to live there. We say artists starve and so its not a good idea to be one, and yet, its because we so undervalue the creative that we are ourselves choking off culture in all of our communities.  We cheer when an arts organization gets a grant for $50,000.00 without ever considering how much we put to armaments on a per capita basis.  If we knew the difference we might blush or grow white! I’ll tell you that in 2009 the per capita spending was $2,141.00 for our military spending Source. What do you think the per capita spending is on arts, do you think?  Yeah.  You get the idea.  With bases all over the world and our hand in everyone’s pie, it is no wonder things are so expensive.  Time to be a light house.  Time to realize that our involvement in the world is not really spreading democracy as we have been told, but is only serving the military industrial complex and those who stand to make the most money from it.  It might seem cynical, but it is true. We spend 22 billion a year to secure our borders.  It is something to think about, really see and understand in terms of where our priorities are as a nation and species.

The world of energy is in all things and as a result, the energy residing in a mouse in the deserts of Mexico can be felt and discerned from a great distance for the simple fact that energy, having no mass, can be anywhere and everywhere.

Knowing and abiding with who and what you are is not as easy as it sounds.  Inside of all of us is also lurking our skeletons within that depth of being.  It is as though the cabinet door to Narnia, a magical world, is first populated by our horrors that we have each put in there in just such a way that they also keep us from delving too deeply within it to see that beyond our skeletons is a deep blue world of wonder.  It is this part of us that those who awaken discover once the skeletons are dealt with.  In just the same way that we can see the world through our physical senses, we also have a part of us, the opposite and hidden side of us, that “Shakti” lurking that also has senses.  We each have these, and they are tied into our etheric or pranic bodies.  The world of energy is in all things and as a result, the energy residing in a mouse in the deserts of Mexico can be felt and discerned from a great distance for the simple fact that energy, having no mass, can be anywhere and everywhere.  Those who awaken describe psychic abilities, which are a natural result of a more conscious awareness of the flow of this energy within them.  This energy can itself be anywhere and it forms the basis for all psi abilities.  They might all SEEM different, but they are at their core based on the flow of energy that can be and is everywhere.  These are what are called siddhis by the Hindu yogis.  This is not a Hindu thing; it is a human thing….be you Christian, Muslim, Jewish, Native American, Eskimo, or Aborigine.

This is also why some can awaken by the simplest means.  You turn, you feel something drop and boom.  You are a goner!  Krishnamurti, identified as the “World Teacher” by the likes of Blavatski and the Theosophists didn’t have it.  He dissolved his “Order Of The Star” because he knew better.  Whatever it was, he didn’t have it.  It took years before it struck him.  And perhaps some might argue that those Theosophists had an intuition about that U.G. Krishnamurti….and perhaps they DID see something….or perhaps it served to help him to examine himself a little more and ask what IS this thing they think I have that I KNOW I don’t have?  He met with those who DID have it.  One of them said he wasn’t ready for it.  U.G., being prone to indignation and arrogance, became angry at this man and his dismissal of U.G.  Years later, when asked how others could “get it,” he replied, “You don’t want this.”  Those who are not ready for how it rearranges your inner furniture will have a very hard time of it.  You have to let go and let this thing just take you apart.  You have to be honest with yourself, brutally honest, and let it have its way with you.  “She” is always right!

You are using your earthbound consciousness to form a kind of bridge with a higher order awareness that is at once a part of you and a part of your higher self, which you have largely been out of contact with for most of your life. This bridge requires a certain “arrangement” within the self, and it CANNOT be done by way of the rational mind. The rational mind is limited.  It is like seeking to hook up 4 million volts with a wire that is rated for 40 amps.  Silly, right?  So you use the part of you that IS capable of dealing with this, and it is the irrational and unlimited and also the dreamy side of who you are. Two wires are now joined in your awareness and the thing that brought these wires together was what was removed that was getting in the way of conducting a circuit of continuity from one end of you to the other….a microcosm for how the universe is made: we are all made to be connected, tied together.  All of creation is like this.  We as the silly humans are just now catching on to what the Native Americans have said, the aboriginal peoples, who have explained that everything is part of a web of life.  It is so because they felt it, saw it, and knew it.  Sitting Bull spoke about how he would find answers from listening to meadow larks.  Now that might strike you as crazy, but not if you live in the world the awakened do!

The charm of the world emerges in all of this.

And so here you are wondering what this is.  It is so simple.  It is who and what you are but most of it has been suppressed. Its not hard to understand what it is.  Look at our societies down through time.  Look at how the feminine has been suppressed, marginalized, swept under the rug.  The story of Mary Magdalene and Jesus was itself the subject of a lot of disinformation. She was labelled a prostitute by a pope early on in the process.  The church has since admitted that there was no evidence for this.  The Gnostic texts describe how Jesus says “I am one with the Mother and the Father.”  A paternalistic tradition followed in his wake and sought to take the Mother out of the picture.  And this Mother is the Mother that lies in our consciousness…..not as a literal anima, but as a quality of consciousness.  This is why most male teachers who awakened also softened during their years.  Buddha was himself angular and sharp, he was part of a warrior lineage that laid control over vast swaths of land and made themselves kings by their own decree.  But this man is shown as soft and round, not the strong angular fellow he was who also wore a beard.  He is shown sitting on a lotus in his bliss.  It is because of the flow of this field of energy in him that did this.  It will also do it to you.  And the more you resist the “her” the more you will make this process maddening.  You simply have to trust it, what Christians say, “give it up to God.”  If you can trust this larger awareness, it will stop seeming like an outsider and will connect you into the larger realm of your awareness so that you will cease being a Balkanized consciousness.

You will be knitted back, each block released, each misgiving let go, you will feel more whole, and more able to send the kit of your earthbound self into sheer infinity.  Most people are just not ready for this fire, so they resist.  But once awakened, its going to keep working on you.  By letting go and allowing this thing to work on its own, you can be here and let this larger part of you work on the harder stuff.  This is nothing short of learning how to merge with your higher being ongoing and in a contiguous way.  And most people will simply not like this approach because its too simple.  The problem is that every method is meant to help you FEEL a certain way.  This is why teachers create methods.  But what happens when you don’t get what it is they are trying to get you to feel into?  You move from method to method.  Ultimately, you will learn it is not about method but about simply being, of releasing that little something that knows itself as part of everything else, that part that is anchored in your right brain that is able to glimpse, see, and make connections within with this “everything” that is nonduality.  This can be scary for some people for how unlimited it is.  A drop of “her” in your awareness is enough to do it.  One drop contains the whole, and YOU are part of this whole.

So meditation sometimes does it.  Going within and being quiet and looking inward can help.  But realize, many people try to go within and get quiet and most often wind up situating themselves inwardly FEELING themselves but while looking out with their senses.  You have to go into your FEELING self and look outwardly through THAT part of yourself.  We are not used to this, but this is where the infinite lies.  The lens of our energetic awareness is within our feeling selves, not our rational selves. We communicate to the universe through feeling, not through the rational.  the rational factual material SERVES the creative aspect alive in every atom, cell, and world.  But you have to know how to turn your awareness inward.  You can’t sit and then just be aware of all the noise on the street and the itch on your butt and the fly in the room.  When the awareness of this gateway becomes obvious to you, all of those things wont be distractions.  They will simply be a part of all phenomenon because by then, the world will begin to feel like one big BUZZ of energy.  The Taoists said “Turn The Lantern Of Your Awareness Inward.”  The reason for this, as described in the “Secret Of The Golden Flower” is that  we bleed our energetic awareness outward through our sensory selves.  It isn’t like we have a limited amount of energy, though.  It is due to there being little awareness of the inner illumination.  Building up some energy within can cause things to happen.  Building energy inwardly is like striking a match and then having a sustained flame within.

This is not all there is.  Just as there is a physical world, there is the soul of the physical world, too, the inside of things.  This awareness will bring you an awareness or a capacity for this awareness of this side to the physical.  But to do this you need to really turn your energy inward instead of outward.  FEEL your energy.  Sit with your energy and be quiet.  Get really quiet. You might have to do this when you go to sleep because sometimes you really do have to get THAT quiet and still within.  Our inner chatter is so deafening that it drowns out the awareness of our own energy.  But the energy itself is the thing that will liberate you.  Keep it flowing within instead of flowing outward.  It is no surprise that many methods seek to have your look within.

Something that is very simple that will help you to feel your energy more and more is breathing using an alternating nostril breathing that I have used and have had my students use in art school.  It is incredibly calming for those who are willing to let its magic work on them.  It involves closing one nostril with your finger and breathing slowly in and then out four times through that one nostril.  Then, you alternate to the other nostril and do this four times, alternating all the way.  What you want to be able to do is to have your thought chatter slow or stop as you place all awareness on your breathing.  Breath work has an amazing capacity to stop all thought, and stopping this chatter is one way to help you to get in touch with your energy and to know yourself.  Do this exercise as many times as you need in order to find your thoughts calm.  Then, the process is so simple most miss it: FEEL how you feel without thinking it or trying to analyze it.  It is so simple, it escapes most people.

It is here that the source of all magic lies.  Our notion of magic, though, has been subject to a kind of mythologizing process.  Magic is actually real, but we have simply choked it off.  We have instead made our leaders or our god men and women do amazing deeds while we have languished because of original sin or some other reason that has served to keep the fire of being at bay. When you awaken, when you think of something, it has a way of happening.  Buddha, upon awakening thought how he no longer wanted to fast, that he needed to eat.  Just then a woman walked by with a bowl of rice and asked if he would like it.  I have no doubt that this story sought to tell the story of the “synchronistic” event within awakening.  Jesus also was trying to teach his followers to rely on this aspect of their being teaching them how upon awakening when they ask the mountain to move, it will move.  Those who have awakened often describe how their lives are made up of one event after another like this.  I did all the research for my book Waking The Infinite using this method.  It takes some getting used to, but it works amazingly well. It requires you to think and be different. It means letting go of control so that this “other” can enter and begin manifesting in just the right way.  It is this other side of us that this can happen, and it can happen each day.

How many times have I allowed these events into my life, entirely impossible events where my finger plucks a random book off the shelf in the library without looking at its title only to find a passage that speaks directly to what it is I am writing in my book.  Listening deeper, I have followed inner promptings to go places and to do things a certain way, never sure what it all means, only to find myself standing in front of the source I needed for my next chapter.  This is why some people were branded witches, I am convinced, because their lives seemed to be charmed.  Of course we have also been suspicious of women who knew how to practice old methods of herbal medicine and many men drove them out of it by branding them witches and having them killed.  Most were likely devout Christians, even!  But the women who were in touch with their own source of magic often had unusual things taking pace all around them.  If they asked for it, it just came.  Since they may have not bought into a more mainline kind of Christianity, many would have assumed that they had some pact with some being other than the angry and punishing father God.  All the while, it is all so much more subtle than this.

The energy that flows through us that makes all of this possible flows when the rational mind steps aside.  When the ego is pushed to the back of us, the flow increases.  When this flow has been the strongest, this is when the magical events in my uncanny life have increased.  Every time.  It is a corollary that I not just see each and every time, but something that I allow when I let my mind stop being so limited.  “Dream big, Parker” it whispers, and when I do, the flow within meets and mirrors a flow outwardly that is the same. When it happens, it all seems so impossible…..and yet it happens over and over in such a way that there is no mistaking it. When there is nothing inwardly (a block) that competes with the thought, it can manifest very quickly.  It seems like magic, but it is the forgotten aspect of living a life that now have the awareness of our fluid Shakti selves alive in us.  It is also the channel that connects each of us to ever larger realms of consciousness.  What is felt as a flow of energy is like a creek by your door.  Following it, it leads to still larger creeks and eventually, to rivers and then to a vast limitless ocean.  This is an ocean of bliss.  It is what we have all been waiting for.

Come, the ocean is beckoning!  It is simple.  It really is.  Overcoming the patterning and old habits of being the victim in life, or being powerless, or not mattering, or being inconsequential, or any of the thousands of stories we tell ourselves, will all in time, at least potentially, we swept aside.  For each of us, it is a matter of our free will.  Can’t nothing come up against THAT force!  So make sure you are ready and able to let go the desire to control.  Let go of the bank and let yourself float, flow.  It really is innevitable.  I am only here as a reminder.

Beyond all methods, beyond all our supposed knowledge, we are each as simple in awakening as a flower is before the sun.  We GOT this!  It is WHO and WHAT we are.  Don’t let anyone else try to make you think or feel otherwise!  I came here to spread what was utterly ubiquitous where I am from.  I am here to spread in whatever way I can, the “heaven” that is locked up within us.  But admission to this “heaven” means getting rid of your shame, all of it.  Thus, everything that we are suddenly moves from seeming dirty and broken-seeming to glorious and perfectly made for meeting awakening.  It is a 180° turn in our awareness.  It was here all along, right in front of us, we just could not see it for what it was.

It is the essence of what Tantra seeks to teach at its core.  It really isn’t about sex.  It is about feeling bliss in such a way that there is no shame and where there is no overemphasis on the sexual.  Our entire BEINGS are lit on fire with the bliss that makes us incandescent.  How do I explain how what was once base energy is allowed to be transmuted….but also released so that the whole body feels energy that is not verging on the orgasmic. How do you allow yours whole body become flooded, engulfed by this sexual-feeling bliss like the flooding of the Nile, and not let it cause a stir in your beyond feeling marvelous?  The blocks, like rocks in the river, cause the perfect flow of this bliss to become rough water.  If enough are there, then we get rapids and white water.  It all happens when the channels for this bliss narrow.  Too much is trying to get through and we all look to the rough water and ooh and ahh and seek those places and wind up upside down and lying on the bank!  But letting this flow all through you unhindered without needing to make it into anything is an important step.  It is how we heal and transmute.  The mere presence of this energy is itself healing.  It teaches you how to handle incredible bliss without losing your head. Like riding the waters of a swift river, you have to keep your head about you.  I can admit to having lost my head a time or two in such waters and it was not pretty, but I also did not drown.  I got back up and continued on.

Imagine if people felt this good all the time.  Imagine how quickly our world would change.  Oh, no doubt, there would be the rational types who might be in hospitals, but there would be enough of us to help them through it.  Right?

The path through this is one of self honesty. Until you can practice this, moving through your process can be difficult.  I know.  All of the material that I KNEW lay within me that was unresolved was always the source of all my troubles and failings.  I cannot begin to tell you how those blocks served to limit how I was able to see.  And once awakening comes, it is important to realize that this force in you has the ability to heal you completely if you let it.  Opening yourself up to your own truth, listen and allow your rational mind to count all of the things that need to be identified that are your worst problems.  It will happily go about this task and deliver it up to you perfectly appointed and arranged on a silver platter (but don’t let it do any more than that 😉 )

Seeking healers in awakening will often be limiting.  You will find that each healer will often, not always, mirror just where you are.  There are healers out there who in subtle ways serve limitation and thus our healing is also limited.  In some ways they can open our eyes, in other ways the limits that they accept are the same limits that we are not aware of ourselves.  It is very rare to be able to find healers who are not limited.  I was lucky to find this, and you have to be ready to seek the highest, to not put any conditions on finding a healer or teacher who is sufficiently ahead of you and healed that you have the chance to heal a lot yourself.  Sometimes we can get very blessed.

A teacher who KNOWS how to parrot a teaching but who does not live it will never be succesful at getting students coming up to embody those teachings.  WHY?  Because beyond the knowledge, there is BEING.  Did you really think this was all about knowledge?  Silly, it is about being.  All great “teachers” are able to simply remind you of who you are beyond your filters and lenses when the “student” is ready.  This is why a glance is often more powerful than any conveyance of information.

You are simply here to remember.  Are you ready?

ded82-keysRecently….less than 24 hours ago, I mentioned how I had sought to make contact with some people with whom I had been connected through awakening.  I walked away from them in the hopes of clearing the karma that existed between us and which was fueling the draw.

Last night after coming home from a nice evening talking with friends and reflecting on what I have been working on, I continued my conversation with this person whom I have been out of touch with for so long.  I had been asking her what it was that she felt, deep down, it was that she needed from me.  The assumption was that most of these connections are fueled by karma.  If you talk to people who have had spontaneous memories concerning their soul connection (twin, etc.,) so often it centers around a relationship being cut short or something that happens that leaves the two feeling as though things were not finished.

So much of this material isn’t rational so its not something that you can resolve using the rational mind.  People do try.  I have, and it doesn’t work.  In fact, the best way to navigate through all of this is by way of feeling.  When you consider that this all happened as a result of feeling at odds with your feelings, then touching deep into your well of feelings is the way to resolve this.  This can be a little slippery to some people, but what I can tell you is that feeling is not emotion.  Feeling is like a sensory ability.  And so, the fear is that you will feel pain. But this is not true.  Feelings may be bittersweet, they might even hurt, but they are experienced in order that the old material is allowed to go.  Imagine if you were to just bottle a feeling up and stick it deep down inside of you.  When we don’t face our feelings completely what was a small issue looms big.  Mice become dragons.  they really do.  They have for me.

I had three central connections that I felt I need to clear karma with.  I have asked each of these people the same question as a way to frame the conversation.  All but one have been willing to engage in some thoughtful dialog about all of this. With so much healing having taken place these last six or seven years, it has meant that there has been some pleasant surprises for healing.

So I got to ask this person this question.  Following my intuition I began to speak the words I FELT she needed to hear.  I asked myself what was it that I resisted the most saying?  What was it that I had held back from this person?  How could I help her in moving forward?  Instead of seeking to go back down into the old energy, I sought, through intention, to touch the surface of the feeling and, acting as a mirror, disturb its surface enough so that it might help her to feel whatever it was she needed to feel. The only reason why I took this approach was because it FELT right.  I went into this with the intent of clearing this up, so I had to have some chance of it being successful, I reasoned.

There was a pause after I had said what I had said. It turned into a longer pause and the words came back that a dam had burst.  Then a flurry of words…..exclamations of relief….thankfulness.  It seemed that what I said had helped dislodge something that had somehow caught this person in an old snag.

The interesting thing is that in healing, as we heal, we open up the room for others to heal also.  I was discussing the way all of this has appeared to me to a friend recently, which is that instead of the idea of a cluster of worlds, which scientists are calling “strings” I think that we have an infinite number of them.  Instead of our living in a world that is set, we move through different worlds non-spatially depending on each and every act and choice we make.  As I heal myself in one of these, I find the world where this healing exists….and the people there?  They also reflect a slightly different state of healing, too.  It all corresponds to a vibratory state.  Endless worlds all based on our focus and belief of what we feel we are capable of.  The events in this new world actually happen differently because it is a slightly different version…..

So here I am.  What will this change press or change in me?  I don’t know.  I prefer not to know.  I prefer, instead, to ask for the highest.  I will let the multiverse bring it.  So many want to make karma into a punishment, a way that people “get theirs.”  But this view of the world is a human one.  This is the same attitude that religious extremists carry that have to do with people burning in hell because they believe a god would cast them into a pit of fire.  Silently gloating in the process.  We actually WANT people to suffer as we have suffered.  It is a kink in us that is best worked out of us so we can see that the world was not built with such limiting terms of punishment and reward.  The world is as we are.  Don’t like it?  We each can change it!

Be the change.

You never were young or old in your soul.  There are no young souls nor old souls.  The idea that time exists is like a snake curled up within itself, a line or progression that is itself an illusion.  It is not an illusion that we are born live and grow old and die.  But this life we live exists like an echo that does not fade from the fabric of all that is.  One part reads the story and another lives it.  One part moves on and one abides forever.  This is the great secret upon my lips tonight……So you already are old and young and all places in between.  Let it be that you are all of this….for in so being, you will better touch it and know the boundlessness that you are.  We all have known slave and king, bound and free, owner and owned, lover and hater, blind and illuminated.  We have been and shall be what our souls call us to be.  It calls us to become and to know and to become again and again until like worn out books, we are made over. Open your mind and heart and you can actually feel it.  The lie is what blinds each of us to what we are.  You are more than this….

You are not an old soul, nor are you a young soul. You are this soul.  Glory in that whatever it might mean for you for surely there is a purpose in all of that….

hot-dog-cart

We can get so serious sometimes.  We say the spiritual is such important work.  We make statues of this process and put things high up on pedestals. So for today, I offer you a JOKE!

A Zen monk, who is visiting New Your City, walks up to a hotdog stand.  He looks at the owner of the cart and says, cracking a faint smile,  “Make me one with everything.”

The vendor gives him his hotdog and the monk gives him a twenty dollar bill.  The vendor slips the bill into his pocket.  The monk pauses and then asks, “But where is my change?”  The vendor gives him a quick glance and replies, “Change comes from within.”

 

Be well and don’t forget to smile!

It is easy to get stuck and not even know it. In fact, being stuck is defined as a lack of awareness. In that lack of awareness, you can believe that what you think feel and see is true. The problem is, belief serves to filter what we experience. That is not to say that a belief that aligns with the universe will trip you up, but a lot of beliefs that do not align can. I am not even going to talk about false belief. I am not interested in any kind of righteous crusade. Thing is, it is entirely within our capacities to be shown the truth IF we are ready. The problem is, the more dug in you are, the more stuck you are. The more stuck you are, the less ready you are to see the mess you have gotten yourself into. That kind of gives you a bit of embarrassment, no? Ego dislikes being wrong. And yet, being like children, we open our eyes to the promise of what is and let fall away that which is inferior. When you do this, you will find, perhaps to your surprise, that you have been grasping chaff, not wheat. To turn around, to become unstuck, you simply have to be ready. Since belief absolutely governs behavior, the very lens through which we view the world, be aware of what your beliefs are. Examine them, for they will most certainly rule you whether you like it or not. Through ego, we take this all on, identify with it and then it defines us and masters us. LIke Buddha said, believe nothing until you have made sure such a belief holds water. And here is the thing…..when you go through a radical experience like awakening, everything may be new to you and thus it is easy to form all kinds of wild ideas about what it is that you think you see. We are each a babe in the woods on this one, so do not make your mind up too soon. Let the landscape shift and change; if you awaken, this will happen daily, weekly, monthly. Moment by moment, it will happen. Let it happen, and let the change come. If you try to grasp it, it is like a chimera that is a snake one day and a griffin the next. Thing is, in each moment, in each form, there is a kind of relevance, and yet, it is only a smaller part of a larger story. This crash course will take some time.

And there are a lot of ideas that propagate. Be grounded, let your kite fly high into the ether. A kite, which can go far, also does so by having a tail weighing it down. Remember that. I once believed, because of how my awakening moved forward, that what I was experiencing was a twin soul. I had reasons to believe this. And yet, over time, the stories about it simply no longer held any water. You should know, though, that I am one of the most hopeful people you will meet. I am not a cynic in my bones. We do need to exercise some reason while letting that kite fly high. What I thought was a twin was the effect of energy that attracts more of itself. When you feel that similarity, it creates more energy flow. that energy flow creates bliss because the energy IS bliss. Prana is itself bliss when you remove enough blocks that impede its flow. This is why kundalini is often felt as bliss; kundalini is the verb that is moving us within a sea of energy. But energy attracts more of itself. This is not always done at the highest vibration, and when we are attracted to others based on what is yet fully healed, we wind up reinforcing more of the same energy. It becomes a cosmic tar pit where the more we try to wrestle with it to “fix” or heal it, the “stucker” we become. Most of the time you will find there is some measure of an argument in the feeling….some stress or tautness to the energy. That is a sure sign that this is old junk. Yes, it moves energy, but yet it also moves it through less than clear lenses of our being. It is a coin with two sides. We are here, I observe, to clean it all up.

But the twin experience did feel amazing. But what I also knew was I was experiencing kundalini. There was a trick here…..and it is not a good one. We wind up telling ourselves that we are feeling all this energy because of another person. Well no, that is not so. We are allowing ourselves to open up and flow….and perhaps being in relationship helps this. My observation was that when I determined that the stories were “off” about what a twin was, my own soul responded by changing my kundalini experience in a dramatic way. Boom. Just like that. Something deep in me said something was not right. As I focused on this, sources that helped me to bridge my own cognitive gap appeared as if by magic. Poof! In the world of awakening, this becomes a known effect as life becomes ever-more magical. I found that by asking the question, I learned a lot in the answer. If the twin soul experience was one where you only had one, why did I experience it beyond my first twin. How can I have had more than one twin? That is simple; I was now in a new world where mind was more aware of the energy that was moving through it. Further, I could feel it from a distance. Thousands of miles away. But that is hardly magical, it is just how energy works. Reiki practioners can heal from a distance, so none of this should be so surprising. It is just a new experience. But we often want to mythologize the experience. it isn’t that the experience isn’t significant, it is just that the signal has been amped up much higher. We carry more energy and along with that comes some phenomenon that has not been noticed since before the amping began. We are now stronger receivers and senders of energy. As such, it also means, you have to be much more aware and careful about where you go, where your thoughts go and what you choose to embody. It is a new world, a new dimension. It is amazing, wonderful and amazing…..but it need not be mythologized.

The thing we do not always realize is that when it comes to karma, we really did make a choice about it. We CHOSE to feel a certain way and this choice did not involve another person directly. Oh sure, there may have been a person there, trees, rivers, buildings…..but the decision to feel or act a certain way, that was our own. And in developing a stumbling karmic block, we wound up reencountering this same thing over and over until we each learn to heal it. Let it go. Until that happens….same taughtness, tightness, struggle, issue, chip, splinter. It is there, no matter how seemingly small. By seeking to see the speck in your neighbors eye, you miss the beam in your own. How true. Like with the twin experience, I realized there were all these people who had twins, some even faced the fact that they had experienced more than one of these so-called “twins” yet continued to believe in the mainline story. All the while, these people were stuck. They sought to go for the bliss of what a close friend once termed the “foreverness” of the experience instead of doing the work. In fact, when I logged on to a twins board years ago, I saw people who had been in the same place for years. Had they changed? Had they helped to move the old karmas? Some twins seemed as dysfunctional as ever. I was staring into a vast mirror. I am not perfect, no, far from it, but from time to time I have this thing I have slowly learned to listen to (even as I have often ignored it much to my peril in the past), and it has helped me immensely when I have. And it has hurt me when I haven’t. It might be that an idea appeals to us in a reasonable way, but if that idea or belief is off in any way, it can lead to being stuck. I am now at a place where I don’t know the truth, but I suspect that this may be the best place to be….which is like a child who just does not know and is fresh and open to new change. I pray for that change daily. And doing away with old beliefs is not like shooting a beloved pet. It never dismisses any of the awe or wonder that life presents. I am living in a whole new world, afterall. That will never change. I have been forever changed. We just can’t know fully the big picture until we first get down to the zero point, the place of complete surrender and erasure of all old programs installed. Don’t be afraid; wiping the hard disc means room for that which now aligns with the universe. I seek humility, believe it or not in this enterprise. Becoming unstuck is merely an intent to know differently. It is not an affectation, a fad, or an idea. It is a fundamental willingness and discipline to follow what an old belief may seek to pull us away from. Sometimes we can become addicted to our old beliefs and obviously, this leads to addictive behavior (naturally, right?)

I seek the love that overarches all of this. It is big and sometimes I miss it, but it is there and I want very much to “understand” it. It is bigger than anything I have thus far experienced. Something in me says it is a great mystery, but one that we comprehend more like how poetry is grasped than a fact is known.

All my hopes…

The more I move along in this, the more I come to the powerful conclusion that what we call awakening or kundalini (that’s a verb, you know) is in fact what we are wired for. See, in the not-so far-past, this “thing” which someone like U.G. Krishnamurti had, or that Gopi Krishna experienced while seeking to raise it at home, was once a very rare event or phenomenon.  There were very few people on the planet who “had” this elusive, perhaps esoteric thing going on.  Now, we are absolutely in a new day.  People by the thousands, literally, are awakening in what I determine is nothing short of a watershed event.  And it is none too soon!  What is happening, though, is what I observe to be what the ancients talked about with a good degree of aplomb using their vocabulary-set of the times.  Jesus and his disciples spoke of “the left and the right” in context to the trinity, the force of the two who joined to create the third.  While mainline Christianity deemed these texts that spoke so clearly of the awakening experience heretical, they persist as excellent examples of what Jesus spoke of as being The Kingdom.  And I don’t mean to suggest something tentative or thinly laid, but rather a whole series of documents, most of them lost for centuries and recently rediscovered by scholars.  The Taoists, the Hindus as well as the Mystery School initiates were all on to the same thing.  And what was this?  With my own voice added to the mix, it was nothing short of a top to bottom merging of both consciousness and physiology, all of which serve to support awakening.

The secret is dissolving what divides you.  Its less a science as poetry and art.  Art is not easy, but does bring grace, and this makes it all effortless.  So a little backstory, explanation, of what I now call an “epiphany talk” I had with the force that was is in me and “talks” to me since my awakening.  It is more that I merge deeply into its presence, deep into the energy, and find that anything I am interested in arises into my awareness with an amazing vividness, much like a movie or dream- while awake.  In an odd sort of twist, I came across the words of Edgar Cayce who described how he “did” what he did, and while he went into trance, I found that my perhaps-lighter trance state was similar in how he described it.  It was, in fact, what I had been doing whenever I found myself in the grip of a great inspired moment when making art. Okay….

When I sat on that late August night two years ago on my porch, I felt the presence of this familiar force alive in me, a force that has what I often feel is a consciousness all its own but that I know is an extension of myself, the higher self.  And on that night it wanted to show me something because I had been puzzling over the linkage between body and cosmic consciousness.  What it showed me was that the force of energy that is beyond the body yet also within it coheres to the electromagnetic field in the body.  Think of this as like how we beam signals and information using radio waves.  Talk and text and images, all travel astride this energy which our devices then decode.  Our bodies, our nervous system and brain as well as our bodies are amazing devices of a soft sort that are expertly capable of decoding information that travels within our bodies and even beyond it.  Our heart, which pumps iron rich blood, is creating electricity through this activity in the same way the earth generates electricity when the molten iron rich core moves within it.  In fact, physicists have discovered that we can generate massive amounts of electricity by circulating molten metal within a cavity.  So it is not so strange to see how the body is creating a much lower level of energy which is expressed as electricity that the nervous system uses to convey information throughout the body as nerve signals.  It’s all electricity and it is all being expertly decoded by our brains and felt by our bodies.  Electromagnetic fields are the result of this electricity as electricity and electromagnetism are two sides of the same coin!  Cool, right?  But hang on!  These fields also have a polarity.  Our bodies also have a polarity.  Even the Chinese observed this and called it Yin and Yang.  Just like a magnet, just like the sun and earth.  For us, this field shields us from life killing plasma from the sun.  We would be dead within weeks without it.  It is also why Mars is a dead planet; no more molten activity in its core (although it has the largest volcano yet found in our solar system!).  So I was pondering all of this and I was shown in the usual fashion what this force in me wanted to show me or reveal, which is how in our bodies RIGHT NOW there is a current of energy moving in us that moves from one polarity to another.  Where this energy merges is where the Hindu describe as being the crown chakra, the placed that is supposedly where cosmic consciousness flowers (so they say; I have a different opinion and experience….but for now, its good enough for what I am trying to get across).  In the body, there is this flip that happens, where one energy pole merges into the other.  This is union.  It is also, this presence said, what explains why one hemisphere controls the other side of the body.  It was, it said, this way to ensure that the two merged.  The left and right brains are mirrors of the yin and yang energies.  They cohere closely to aspects present within both.  Some call this the divine masculine and feminine, but in a larger scope, these are aspects that are within each person and is not in any real way aligned to our sexuality or sexual orientation. In fact, the idea that there is a man and a woman within us might seem a little silly.  This is simply that there is a higher order energy that is not so focused in our physical operations that is focused at this slightly higher dimension.  It carries qualities that COULD be called masculine and feminine and DO most certainly connect into those archetypes for people so focused, but it’s not a rule as far as I can tell. It just can help you to relate to these opposite ends of yourself……which is itself a mirror of all the things that are in the universe.  The yin and yang are themselves a reflection, I say, of the Tao, that formless thing that is within everything. It is in the atoms (neg and positive) it is in energy (neg and pos. poles) and it is in us….in the atoms in our bodies, and in our electrical field you can also call the aura.  This energy can be seen or perceived even by those who have caught on to how to do it.  I have been reading fields since I was 18 and there is simply no doubt that our consciousness rides upon a very real and perceptible field of energy.  In fact, it really isn’t so hard to learn to see auras.  You can find the simple exercises all over the net and they are all about the same.    I first saw them when my mind was emptied….which led me to being open to my natural present ability to pick them up.  Seeing this field before you can be life changing in the sense that it creates a tangible sense of awareness that we are more than just bodies, atoms, and mere electrical activity.

This energy does this flip, and this is where union takes place, so they say.  What I experienced was that this union takes place at the atomic level and happens the moment awakening takes place.  SOme will say they did not “raise” their kundalini correctly, but my experience was that the very force OF kundalini WAS defacto union.  It is like trying to raise only positive energetic force; the positive does not exist without the negative as its counterbalance.  They are, like electrical fields and magnetic fields, two sides of the same coin. So knowing all of this, what is the difference between one who is awakened and one who is not?  Simple; division cognitively and emotionally.  When you can remove enough competing material within you, you literally remove the blocks in your field of awareness and your field of energy that allows for  a greater flow of energy to happen.  Question is, where is the tipping point where awakening will happen?  It could be that childbirth could spark it, with its rich bed of hormones helping to mirror many of the cosmic elements that take place in awakening.  That could help support awakening, and this has been known to happen.  Sometimes a stressor happens that can stir it.  Sometimes a simple meditation, or a series of meditations can do it.  For me, I triggered awakening by simply resolving a long-standing issue that had me tied up in knots.  By letting it go, releasing it, awakening began to gather force.  How my awakening unfurled, though, was by no means text book.  it is why I write; there are many ways we can awaken and you ought not be put off by what others have to say about it.  You KNOW something has been triggered and is a horse of an entirely different color!  For me, I was able to observe this force in me without knowing it was kundalini.  I was able to see it for what it was before doing reading on it.

What I know now is that our bodies and our consciousness itself coheres to a model of energetic polarities that will take me beyond the body and into the body of the universe, into cosmic consciousness, a kind of vast network so unbelievably complex that it boggles the mind, but delights the soul.  By moving beyond concepts of the self as separate, we can begin to glimpse and then embody greater volumes of awareness here and now.  It is nothing less than knowing heaven on earth.  And for an earthling like me, that is a pretty huge inspirational experience!

So dissolve division.  What divides you is what keeps your awareness from settling into the natural pattern of the left and the right, the yin and the yang…..the left side of the body carries the yin and the right carries the yang.  They are constantly merging and commingling all throughout their current-journey through your body.  And they move with the speed of light, so the idea that kundalini “rises” is itself merely an effect the body registers as a result of this realization, most likely the potentiating of the energy in the body so that more cosmic juice can now flow.  And how it feels?  If you surrender to it, it is pure bliss.  This very fine energy called Qi (Chi) or Prana is bliss when we strip ourselves of notions and beliefs that do not serve a direct approach to it.  In fact, beliefs can serve to distort it, and over time, the energy will tend to show you a better way (to the degree that you make yourself available—note: some of us are notoriously hard-headed!).  I do know that the action, the verb that is kundalini, is itself a churning effect in my being and it shakes out the chaff.  Bit by bit emotional blocks are dissolved that have impeded the flow of energy.  The less I have in the way, the more it flows.  Perfect.  And if you are blocked and kundalini rises, the force will help to clear you (again, to the degree that you make yourself available!).

So what stands in your way?  What bothers you?  What irks you?  Realize that something in the world is just what it is; what bothers you is not because of the thing you see, it is because of YOU.  I know, great injustice bothers us, as it rightly ought to do, but what I mean is that too often, what gets at us is less about another as what is in us.  You may not realize this at first, but in each instance where something bothered me, it ALWAYS led right back to….you guessed it; me.   And it is up to me to simply see the thing AS IT IS.  When I do that, I realize that it is because I expect it to be different than what it is.  Someone who has a crazy outlook about the world is simply working their life where they are.  They are a work in progress, and why should I make an argument about that.  Wasn’t I at a place similar to that at one time, too?  So then I am free to be more neutral and realize that this is how the world is.  Otherwise, its just a bunch of energy wastage.  Let it go.  Find your peace.  If you have guilt, resolving that guilt or that shame is a huge issue.  In one of the lesser known early Christian books that didn’t make it into the mainstream Bible, Jesus was asked how one is able to know this kingdom.  He explained that when you can trample the cloak of your shame like a child naked, then you can see the kingdom.  ANd this is perfect, really, because shame and guilt all serve as anchors that weigh our souls down and keep us from being able to embody the incredible lightness of being that is part of this experience.  One very good way of coming face to face with your energy is through stillness of mind, turning inward (not looking outward) and concentrating on your breath.  Prana is coincident with your breath, and when you focus on breath, you are also focusing coincidentally on your energy.  If you stay with your slow and steady breath, you will find yourself feeling very different.  This is the leading edge of something really quite big.

While some will caution about awakening, as if it is some dangerous thing, I take a different view; this is our native state which we have fallen away from.  What gets in the way of our awakening is NOT kundalini but ourselves.  Us!  When you learn the art of surrender, it becomes much easier.  When I was ready for more, kundalini obliged and poured it on….so strong in fact, that I went into a kind of spiral that was very difficult for me, but ultimately led to a place where I felt something crushed in me.  Once this took place, a kind of cognitive collapse, I realized I had experienced what was described (very poorly I must admit) as the much-feared “ego death.”  It is a real misnomer, because what took place was more a rearranging of my inner landscape so ego was not front and center.  Also, while I know that the psychological community has their own ideas about it, I have observed that ego corresponds to that part of ourselves that observe objects as separate within space.  This level of cognition corresponds, I will point out, to the left brain.  I have reached a place where I have observed that when I am most creative and working in my right brain (being an artist, this has not been hard to observe many many times!), that I have a corresponding suspension of ego as I feel myself move into this large  space where what I am is…different.  I am more fluid and the idea of ego is less important.  Ego is still there, it is always there, but its just not rigidly held within awareness.  Anyone who claims to have killed ego is just kidding themselves.  Even the most known of people who have gone through this all have ego after. In the Gospel of Phillip Jesus even describes this collapse of the self, a kind of “destruction” after which the self achieves an uncanny power to make mountains move.  And of course, this all makes sense, because by letting the ego step aside, we are embracing the waveform, not the particle side of our awareness.  The left brain is focused on individual things, like particles, while the right brain can focus on the wave.  The left brain is a linear processor of information, which makes it limited, while the right brain, we now know, can process vast amounts of information in nano-seconds!  People who have had their left brains impaired have discovered savant-like abilities.  And this all makes perfect sense, because the right brain can take billions of particles, ideas, or visual information and process it very quickly.  We have needed both sides of this coin in ourselves in order to deal with reality.  The problem for us is that we have tended to be very left-brained as a species.  This, though, is changing, and as this changes more, the merging of the left with the right will result in more awakenings.  This is what we call divine union.  It exists within yourself!  Here!  Now!

So.  As I said in the last post, I do not get to write much lately.  I am getting this off just so you know I am still active, I simply am doing other things and concentrating on myself. It is so easy to get caught up in what is “out there” and forget the work that one needs to do…..and you would be surprised how much more clearly the picture resolves when you do that!  The compass is within each of us.  Each of us must find it ourselves.  But it IS within you.  And while kundalini yoga might seem the way to go, the way is far more simple than all of that.  Your belief, which will govern and control your actions and what you choose to do, can keep you from discovering just how simple, how foundational, actually, this experience is.  Perhaps it is because it is so simple that it has evaded our notice.  That, though, is changing fast!

So you made it this far; one word that needs to be kept in mind because without it, this can be empty words: LOVE.  Seeking the highest, you will tend to find it.  Love to you.

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