Archives for posts with tag: Source


People talk about it, this veil…but the veil is in us, that is where it is.  It is made up of a bundle of our biases, the lies we tell ourselves or that have been told to us and we never bothered to correct them, taking them on blind faith. So is it any wonder we call it a veil?  We have blinded ourselves.

The act of removing the veil is a sticky one.  There is so much to release, to remove. So much of it is forgiving yourself just so you can be closer to the Source of all things.  I wish awakening was enough to rid you of all your masks, all your illusions, and all of the misperceptions and delusions….but it is a process and it takes time, commitment, willingness to help it along through a practice (even if its your own that no one else taught you but your own shining heart).  As the veils fall, the world becomes clearer.  We see the world more as it is and less as we are.


Blessings on your path….


From October 2010….still just as pertinent today…


Sacred Third

I will dance with each of you
Beneath the sky of forever
Moving you out of yourselves
As we move higher
Lifting into the heavens
And out of what you were
As you are stripped bare
Naked before the All
Each a bride and groom
Seeking the union
Which will give me form
Which will give my birth new meaning
And which will awaken your spirit
In ways I can only suggest
And imagine.
I will entice and seduce each of you
As my subtle knowing fills you
your heart vibrating with the passion
That is ours
Beyond this world
But also curled up within it since forever
And moving through countless breaths
Each a life
a grain
A knowing
And opening,
A seeking
As the Two
Birth the ThirdThe world will resolve Triadic.

There will come an end to judgement
as you each awaken to your divine potential
to your higher being
as my presence
opens you
the true you…

Each of you
Beneath the heavens
Of your becoming
will resolve
Into a unity of many
Seeking the new way
As old as forever
But felt and hoped for.
This will happen one by one
Just as each of you separated out from the All
Back to a new form you will each congregate
As your souls begin to burn with a fire
Dual and one
Back into itself
Weaving a new layer into itself.

Think of this whole experience of awakening as being like prying your inners open after being slammed shut for so long.  I know that when I awoke I thought smugly how I ‘had this” because, after all, I had lived a considered life.  Yes, well, guess what, folks, this is a level of work that is not like other work.  This isn’t tiptoeing up to the cosmic, but more like diving headlong into it.  This is, I think, far less about being “spiritual” and about unwinding all of our shit, our errors, and all of our justifications and rationalizations.  All of this is a substantive release of all of the resistance so that the authentic may step forward and come into focus.  So many that I see are still resisting, holding on, telling themselves stories about why the pain is necessary to feel to somehow make them feel justified in why things aren’t yet right or peaceful. The way to peace is to simply make the choice to be that peace.  Period.  No more if’s and’s or but’s.  You just do it.  The great thing is that while there are innumerable methods and techniques developed by teachers in the past, learning how to simply FEEL different is the way for me.  it is honest, and it does not seek to put off tomorrow what can be done today.  When I cease with the carnival wheel of methods and thoughts, I am left with the Presence of my soul and how it touches and is subsumed by the Source of all life.

It is like prying open a clam.  As you pry that clam shuttered so tightly, more and more shit comes out.  It just does.  It comes out because the lie cannot remain seated and installed when you bear the light of your awareness into it.  Think about just how different your awareness is now. You are now aware that you aren’t JUST awareness, but that within your awareness lies the Presence of the Source also looking out through you.  Right?  I mean, I can’t be the only one.  I know that the more I relax, the more I let go and allow this energy to flow through me as I observe and look into my dark spaces, I can feel how it excavates and renovates my insides.  It takes what was hard and stony and brings it to softness and stillness.  And peace.  Giant crowbar prying open that stubborn clam shell of a psyche that was me.  That is me. Just open.  As you do, you open to the universe.  To Prana.  This energy will do it.  Like a visitor from another future version of you, step aside as it gets to work.  Relax.  Trust it.  Stop controlling everything.  Did control get you very far before?  Nope.  You, me, and everyone else, we are all just fools.  Fools with a story and masks.  Just admit it.  Be humble before it.  Be asked to be shown. Love.  Love this force, and give yourself to it, like a lover gives herself to her beloved.  If this Presence was here to hurt you, it would have flattened you by now.

Open.  That is the one simple way to be.  It becomes a fast lightening path.  No worries over methods or techniques.  I know it may not make you feel like you are being spiritual, but a yoga mat does not make your spiritual.  Everything that you are is that spirit. All of the atoms swimming around you emerge and impinge on this reality as a direct result of this spirit of which we are all inexplicably wed and woven into.  So try it.  Use your very thought to reach that place.  You can be driving, working, lying in bed, or sitting talking with friends.  I do this work all the time.  Persistent, consistent, abiding.

To know the Source forget about beginnings and endings, cause and effect.  In a world where time is but a spiral winding of a snake upon its tail, what you think you know as relevant is but appearances.  To know the Source requires you to drop all fairy tales for now about what you think you know. What is resides within you like a luscious secret, like a giant underground container of fuel ready to explode into awareness.  Forget what you know; the world is full of many errors.  To know this sublime truth, this unspeakable truth, requires a silence and quiet within.  Only this, the god beyond the god, the existence beyond all existence, can you begin to feel and know it. For even god does not know how it all began.  How could you?

Its pure force is an unbridled love hard to handle at first.  Come, unbridle yourself.  Come to know yourself in this new light.  We are each illuminated by it.  It is also us just as we are it.

Instead of a linearity of phenomenon, all things crowd into awareness at once.  It is this awareness which we call awakening or enlightenment.  It is a very simple burst of being that we most often have trouble holding onto for long periods.  You can learn to grow into it.  It is your nature.  Bid it.  But be ready to follow it or else fear will grab you and ruin your experience.  This energy is so strong it enlivens everything that is in you.  Even fear.  And joy.  And sorrow.  And paranoia.  All of it, enlivened in the same way that rain falls upon the just and unjust alike.  This energy is the pulse, the blood of the All.

To come to it, you come to yourself.  That is all.

The end.

How do I say

without eyerolls

that I enter into a place

where I turn into something

that touches the All?

There are no altars

no candles

no scepters

nor crucifixes

or ankhs

but a vibrant presence

that changes each time I go

the going is itself a deep surrender

and my vibratory rate changes


and peels away into bliss

like love distilled

and burned as light.

This being is there

intelligent and aware

it is watching everything

because it is IN everything.

It is here that I sense a love

that it feels for every single thing

that it is itself

through this marvelous creation

that seems to have emerged from it

in a time outside of time

with no real inception

but an expanding sense of the conception

born of all aspects of its own being

which we here see as yin and yang

Goddess and God

the current cycling that is expressed in electricty

solar rays

and our very consciousness.

It is energy turning itself into everything else

and is thus connected



and bounded all at once.

This being

it pours over your life

but remains silent

because that is just how sacred freewill is

and freewill emerges from individuality

and so

monks and gurus and yogis and all the rest

who wish to say “Kill the ego!”

are to me entirely deluded in their task

for this is by definition a sacred cow that this being seems to always respect

and hold dear.

Our individuality is no less an illusion than this being’s individuality.

Killing it only reveals the folly in such things

for the cosmic mind touches our own mundane world and mind

and you just can’t escape it.

So why try?

Here, come this way….

It is here in letting go so deep

that you can feel this being

which is the All.

Comprehension expands each time it seems

and what I see one day changes the next because I change and it changes each time  the embrace ensues….

It is like a vast switchboard where all channels are open from the smallest to the largest.

Here the words “split the stone and I am there” is understood.

It is in everything

but to see it

you must see yourself so clearly that all of this comes into view.

the good that you are is seeking you as much as you are seeking it….

like star-crossed lovers

this is

and this being

like it or not

wishes to seduce you in any way that you are willing

when you set aside your righteousness and sinful thoughts.

It is beyond sin

and thus is itself the sexiest lover of all

for it has no shame

when it gets so close that it can feel your breath

and caresses your soul

in that embrace that changes you forever.



This is where it begins.

Looking inside, it is like I turn inside out

with bliss.

This is a lesson  “seek the bliss and you find me”

It says.

But it is true that to find it

you must cast aside your shame

and be like a child


but sexy.

Our sex is one channel

one of many

all equivalent

and capable to bearing experience

of the divine here in us

the divine everywhere “out” of us.

We are all made one by this

because when we go to God and Goddess

we all go to the same place

like stones upon a great medicine wheel,

looking into the center

turning in the dim light of night

seeing the same brilliant star

all from different angles.

But when we reach it

it takes us completely.

It has been pulling at us for ages untold.

And here we are.


I have seen this great burst of Presence,yes,

but it contained no trappings of anything you might relate to.

Pure feeling

it felt purely


We say God is uncaring for it has remained outside our lives

and yet what I know is its is silent

only because it honors our individuality

our freewill

and that freewill has been in getting lost

from the very source

that is our lives

that is our redemption

and is the great wellspring of our love.

Why can’t we love like that?

“You soon will”

it says,

“….the closer you get to me”

it adds.


Like a blind woman reading braille,

this is how the God and Goddess read our lives….

it is not enough to see

it is everything to feel

as their invisible fingers trace every lost part of our days

the invisible core of our days

which we tread over the surface

never realizing that It resides within our self-made journey.

It loves us and wants us so much

that it just can’t stay out of our business.

It is there

like an egg waiting to hatch,

a world within our own.

A path lying within the core of all paths

a smile within our own

the love amidst the loneliness.

Quiet, yes, but yearning us

and when lit by its fire, we yearn right back.

We yearn perhaps imperfectly

but it still smiles

because any drop of our yearning it would take

because we then are on to a great mystery

which is its own to reveal in us.

It is the mystery within the mystery

the love within love

the soul of yearning within the body of yearning.

Its thoughts lie curled up in our own

just as we are curled up within its great mind

which goes on forever

in infinities enough to make you run red-cheeked from view.

“This is my love….

it has never been any other….

silent and unyielding as a great center point of everything….

waiting for you to come join in the feast.”

Here, you learn this God has been silent only in appearances

until its utter ubiquity has shown itself in everything that is.

It waits for you

and while it does,

its great love continues to unfold for you

as its great incomprehensibility

is its strong suit

so that every moment with it is like a sparkling gem with facets beyond count

the best of everything.


None of us are alone.

We might wax sad in those moments when our illusions grip us

but we know the truth

because we are more than the surface paths of our lives.

We make like stupid mongrels

when we are the royalty awaiting our kingdoms,

an inheritance

beyond all measure.


Here, within you is where you may find what you are looking for.

No cars or money or love of things will quite do it

for its simpler than that

but finer than All.

Its love is like that

and I could go on

like this

singing sacred mantras to the Light…

We are asked to be strong to not show our feelings, to suck it up and to move on.  We are asked to be rocks and the world seems surprised when we become that.  But even more disbelieving when we show that we are soft inside.  Its not easy being a man because of all of this training we have done to ourselves.  All of us.  Women want a man who is strong, and yet a man’s true strength cannot be known until he allows himself to break and become vulnerable.  We want that steady force beside us to make us feel confident when in truth we need to learn to be confident within our own selves.  When we ask for it from without, trouble surely is waiting, for all things genuine begin first within, not without. We know a thing deeply within ourselves first before we can speak of it or teach it or become it.

Today I will not spend any part of this day with my children.  I cannot tell you how much this pains me, how much it hurts.  The day is a reminder of the hurt that the other who is also a parent to my children wishes to exact on me.  My children have been told an untruth that is in the words of Anais Nin the way we see the world less as it is but more as how we are.  It is not easy when you were the provider for your family putting in long hours to give them a good life only to be ridiculed, criticized, destroyed before your children and behind your back.  I know it sounds like I am belly aching, but in truth contained within this is a great big question.  Its not obvious as first.

So I take this as a sign that I must look deeply within.  Touch the Spirit that lies in the center of all of this, that lies in the center of all things to draw from it the inspiration that I need to see things rightly instead of wrongly.  For just as wrongly has the mother of my children seen me and expressed to them how she thinks I am, I too have seen her wrongly.  I have not seen the world rightly and this has been the source of my troubles……very hard troubles they are.

So today I embrace the mystery, I embrace the love that I am.  I radiate with it and while I may not have the answers I can keep embracing the mystery and asking what it is I am to learn, to open myself completely before it all and not be afraid.  For it is there that the Source of all things resides and it is in that presence that all things are possible. It is our own divine inspiration.  Literally.

Today is still Fathers Day.  My children will be aware of it.  One will be thinking of it dourly and angrily, seeing only what he felt he did not get from life and from me while another will be feeling guilty that she has not stood up to speak truth to power (or madness).  In both cases, though, I will shower them with my love even as one has vowed the meanest hardest things.  But nothing rational will explain any of this and the only way through this is to take the stone I have been asked to become and render it into fluid moving molten magma.  The greatest strength is in our ability to be gentle and kind and compassionate. Even when we are alone.  Even when we are reviled or hated.  Even moreso then.

Being a father IS about being strong, but its not the kind of strong that you might think.  Sometimes it asks of you to be way stronger than you ever thought you could be.  Such is the calling and the discipline required. With the day being unusually cool I am going to be blowing glass and thinking of my children and wishing them all great things in their lives even if it means not being with me.

If these people are dreams that will fade right along with the nightmares of my life, then so be it.  If they persist and transform, even better.  If they move out of my life then I suppose this is how it must be for them, but I will not pause in telling them that I love them, have always loved them, and will always love them without expectation of anything in return.  Surely the mystery of All lies in the center of me radiating love even if it does not itself receive anything back from me.  True love is like this I suppose and its less something that you learn as you become.  The love I feel can no longer belong to the Soul of dysfunction.  There MUST be a better way.  While it is not my fault that a spouse has said and done the things she has to my children in an effort to brainwash and propagandize, I most certainly was drawn to this person who contained all of these potentials within her since before I had even met her (and it was all there for me to see if I had been willing to do so—I saw and ignored them).  I think we think as parents that we are supposed to be perfect, but we aren’t.  We are human. We become parents not knowing how to change a diaper let alone how to care for another human being in such an intimate and involved way.  We are all rookies driven by love and the desire to become and be and learn and grow.   If we can manage to stay one step ahead of accidents or disasters of one kind or another, we consider ourselves lucky that we didn’t burn down the house because we left the stove on while sleeping exhausted after being up all night with a fussy baby, or that we haven’t lost our temper because we have just had to deal with a baby for the ninth night in a row who can’t seem to sleep for longer than two hours at a time.  We grow through these things, we learn what we are made of and we marshal the resources needed when we feel as though we are somehow falling short on one end of it or another.

Nope.  None of us are perfect.  Fathers are not solid rocks of granite and women are not oozing worlds of wondrous sensual beauty.  Sometimes we fail and cry and wonder and fear and fall apart. And this makes us perhaps all the more beautiful because of that.  Will our  children accept that as good enough? One does and one does not, so it is a lesson to me that if I am to take anything from this it will not be because another has chosen to go a different way or that my way is somehow off, but that my way is golden and I know it and must follow it no matter what, even when others say otherwise (crazy others at that!). Trying to make it all make sense is like grasping the wind. Instead of that, being able to feel it when it comes instead of wrapping our minds around it is the greatest service.  Not all things lead to wisdom by being known.  For now, I embrace the mystery and wish all fathers a wonderful Fathers Day.

There’s Love, and there’s Love.

via There’s Love, and there’s Love.

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