Archives for posts with tag: soul retrieval
Beach scene on Oahu Hawaii

Beach on Oahu

Have you ever been to a place, felt a shudder,or had an emotion move through you that made you feel as thought maybe there was something special about the place, or that maybe you had been there before? Have you ever found yourself reaching into that feeling and finding yourself tumbling down the rabbit hole? Have you had that deja vu moment, a sense you have been there before?

Waikiki, Hawai

I recently had an experience on the island of Maui that shook some of the things I thought I understood about myself and the origin of experiences I had as a very young boy. I wound up seeing things that I had seen in visions and out of body experiences some 50 years ago that were now on the island of Maui in the Hawaiian island chain. Was an old circle being completed?

I had gone to these islands as a result of an invitation from a friend who had a timeshare on the island. It was my birthday and my good friend wanted to help me celebrate. I had been planning on beginning to visit locations such as Hawaii in order to get photo documentation of fish for a sculpture project that has been in the works, possibly a new business, I have had in the works. I just didn’t think I would be able to go so soon.

While we were there, my friend suggested we go to the other islands. I had read about the snorkling in Maui and I knew I wanted to go there to film and photograph fish. When my friend mentioned Kaua’i I said that island felt too emotional for me, I didn’t know why. I went first to Maui after landing in Oahu.

It turned out that Kaua’i was the calm one and Maui was the emotional one. I hustled over to Maui to get the opportunity to shoot some fish and I was not ten miles from the airport when I began to get waves of emotion along with a growing perception of a man, another version of me, who had lived there some time in the past.

In what wound up being a very quick and efficient clearing of past material within me, I found myself cleansing not only a past life but my life as well of the particular quality of stuck energy that this self had in him. And boy was this guy stuck! He was like a rock. He must have been in some leadership role because of how monolithic he felt. Maybe not, but goodness sakes, he sure did dig a hole for himself!

Years before this experience the same friend who invited me here had been telling me about Ho’oponopono. This is a pretty amazing healing modality based on the concept of radical forgiveness of self by asking forgiveness from the universe while knowing simultaneously that we make up a part of the universe energetically and physically. I had not been able to use this method in all the years of having known about it, though. I sensed I just wasn’t there yet with Ho’oponopono. I knew I had to be in the right “space” in order to be in the grace necessary for it to work for me.

This was the breakthrough moment for me. I already was aware of a life as a Polynesian a number of years ago, I just…..couldn’t connect into Ho’oponopono like I felt like I should. I needed this moment to reach that place. So much of this isn’t mental, rational, head or book learning. It is more about a capacity to feel, to include, to encompass, to wake up to. It sounds grandiose, it really isn’t. This isn’t a problem we solve, it is something we let go in order to feel or focus on what lies hidden behind the stuff we are dropping or letting go. Big difference.

As I drove, I was being coaxed to do something. I was feeling this aspect of myself, unsure if it was me or a past self, or a bit of both, being pulked into something. I don’t always know what is about to happen, so I go into witness mode and observe. As I felt this personality my inner guidance kicked in. It said,

You are the doctor. You chose this time to heal all the other parts of you. You can do this now by filling this man with what you have. Help him, help yourself.

That was what it was telling me. I felt how closed he was. I felt him lying on the beach at night in the firelight, listening to the waves, and watching the flickering firelight and feeling like shit. He was so stuck. I had a little “Wait…what?” happening. Do you know what I mean?

Okay, here is a little more of my thought process, ” You are lying in a hammock under the stars, listening to the waves on the sexiest beach on earth, the fire feels fantastic, and you are feeling like shit?! Are you kidding me?”

That boi. He must have been raised the wrong way. Maybe he raised himself the wrong way. Maybe he felt a man has to be hard, strong, unmovable, unemotional, ya think? Basically these are all the things we teach boys to do that we later decry as “toxic masculinity.” Is it any wonder?? Poor guy. Living in paradise and suffering in hell.

So he had no way out. I, however, had a way in, and I was NOT stuck at all, not in the way he was. Okay, I could feel his stuckness in me, but I had enough mobility to slip into his moment there on the beach. I hated how he felt, but boy did I enjoy lying there with him next to that fire listening to those waves! Okay, about three seconds worth, but I had to soak that in! Time to work, to invoke an extra juicy form of grace…

I could feel something in me sinking down into him. Me, sinking into another version of me. I was like a germ that his spiritual immune system had no defense for. In this case, what I am doing is “infecting” his pride and rigidity emotionally. I was able to feel the fluidity, the forgiveness, the softer more mobile form of consciousness and adapted it to him. I infected him with me. I could do this because he was another me.

“Wait. You said this was about forgiveness! Right? This doesn’t sound like forgiveness, not really.”

If you have felt what happens during a radical form of self-forgiveness, you might have caught how forgiveness involves a giving, which is much like giving something away which then leaves an empty space where something else can then fill it, something from the true foundation of you, that kind of substratum where the soul is accessible. In this case, what fills the empty space is a ressonant field that is at once your awareness and the energy of the universe. The hard feeling is given up as this healing feeling is given on my end to the man on that island. A pure moment of being able to feel, and in feeling just a bit more, that sense just obliterates that stuckness. What an angry kind of guy. He’d be a 60’s biker in So Cal and he’d be no one to mess with. So fuck that, right? I’m pretty sure all the yogi’s and yogini’s secretly want to say that very thing, but aren’t allowed to because, well….fuck.


I am driving on my way to a special bay known for turtles. As I drove, tears in my eyes, I feel like I really want to clear this spot out as much as I can. I realize that as this is all happening, I am sinking myself into that same space necessary for me to “get” Ho’oponopono. Yes, there is this deep humility and reverence needed for me. I need that reverence, I don’t know about anyone else. I realize that the way to create the circuitry necessary for this to work in my own consciousness, I seem to need reverence. In that moment I could feel my mind reaching out into that vibrant field that is the All and it was responding. “I am sorry. Forgive me. I love you. Thank-you!” I just hadn’t been able to do Ho’oponopono before, not effectively. Not until this very moment. The capacity filled me, bloomed, or emerged in me at that moment. I’m not sure exactly how it happened, or by what route, only that it did. Something clicked, which is how all of these hundreds of healings have happened over the last decade and some change…

All of this went so quickly, so smoothly. I think that is how these events go for me, so quick, so efficient. I make a turn in mind and it is like the ju-ju grabs hold. I really mean it. I think it is a hallmark of the higher self being given space to work. This only seems to work, for me, through surrendering my control. Then, as those parts of the brain are shut down, nonlocal consciousness can step forward. Thank-you small self for letting in the larger.

The juju was starting as I was boarding the plane to go over from Oahu before I had even departed to go to Maui. I kept seeing these Polynesians in the airport. I hadn’t sern them like this before. They only spoke Hawaiian. They were older, people who looked like I looked in that lifetime, except I hadn’t had the experience yet. It is easy to second-guess myself in this moments. Maybe I was just taking the visual material around me and crrtating a fanciful narrative. Thing is, it is always the other way around. I am seeing these things because an event of importance is about to take place. How I felt. Maybe not so stuck. I kept running into them, hearing their soft language slipping into that place within me that has that powerfully charged sense, the emotion, like where volcanos always start, in a blistering moment that leads to creation. Strong raw creative. Better be careful. Respect that force in nature, maybe in you, too.

The energy I am moving clears out that spot in the man. This feels like a warp in time. Did I just go back in time and fix this guy? It feels and looks like a warp. Did I create a new time line? Or, by intervening, did I alter his own actions in his own timeline. If that is so, I did what time travelers aren’t supposed to do without generation new timelines or time branches. Changing his line alters mine and it by extension altered his physical line in an ancestral way. His great great great grandchildren are different now, but in a small way. A small burden is lifted, however inconsequential. Ripples spread outward. I have waited my whole life for this moment to arrive at this time. I catalyze it by being ready for it. Only then do I have the means to reach back through time. Let me emphasize, this is fundamentally different from most every release or cleansing that has taken place thus far.

I feel like I sank into him by way of using this location, Maui, as the means of connecting in to this man’s life. As this began to happen, I could feel him feeling me moving into him. It felt like a moment of inspiration where something of himself, maybe a more developed self, a future self, was present and was there with a heart full of love-no judgment at all. Here is that liberation you were looking for my brother…

The fire crackled, the waves crashed in the moonlight, and his eyes filled with tears as this simple thing happened. With no effort on his part, this burdened mind softens, shifts, and is relieved. No rituals, no method, no bullshit.

He looks up into the night sky and he says something, a thank you to ancestors or a god or goddess. I don’t know. What I do get is his intent. I understand that about as clearly as a maidenst knowing smile.

Copyright, the author

I was still only halfway to my first stop. I relaxed and sank into the trip. Once I reach the first bay, surrounded by black volcanic rock, I see almost no fish, but lots of really nice coral. For over an hour, things were kind of….meh. I began to make my way back when I get up in shallow water near the rocks and suddenly come across a moray eel, it feels like a sign. I get on the rocks, and as I sit there a turtle comes right up to me. Very well; I will follow you, miss turtle. I get some pretty good photos. I head to shore and while standing in thigh-deep water a turtle comes right next to me. So I just follow along and am able to get a series of excellent photos for my work. Right after, it begins to rain. Perfect. Everything on this day trip is happening like clock work. I feel this voice that says what to do next. It is halfway my wish mixed with this “Okay, you need to move on to the next step for the next event to happen.” If I had gone too quickly or too slowly the things that happened would not have happened as they did. That is, the last part, which is what makes this post so long.

Photo Copyright, Author

It is lunch and I drive to the next location. Again, great snorkling, and I am able to get scores of excellent photos of fish for the project. I think how nice it would be to be on the island and make work for galleries on the islands. How nice would that be, right? Everything is beautiful, and everyone just seems to be enjoying themselves so much.

And Then Things Get A Little Weird…

Once I am done, I realize I need to get on the road so I can make my flight back to Oahu. I am going to go back in a direction I hadn’t been through before. As I drive, I am going out into the most rural parts of the island. I come across these cliffs that look so similar to cliffs I had seen in an out of body experience as a child. The color of the earth was surprisingly similar to the cliffs I saw as a child. It is looking like a match. It’s been 50 years but the color of those cliffs in my experience as a child look for the life of me to be right here along the road on Maui. These were the cliffs I saw over and over in my oobe as a child.

I feel a little nuts, questioning whether this is a thing or not. “It’s just really similar” says that part of me. But I know if its for real, synchonicity will squash that part of me, leaving no doubt. The thing to appreciate is I hadn’t seen a cliff face that looked like that cliff face from my childhood until this moment. Not only this, but the cliff face could have been completely missed had it not been for the rain which caused me to go a different way. I couldn’t see these cliffs headed in the direction I was going originally. I had to turn around to see them.

I keep driving and wind up on a single-lane road. It is raining harder and harder. I get to a bridge that has close to two feet of water rushing over it. I turn around and go back after I stop and walk across the bridge to test depth and flow speed. Yep, no safe way to cross, not in that little car of mine. But here is the weird part: only by going back in the other direction do I see a cliff face that is eerily identical to what I saw as a child. Only by going in the opposite direction. By doubling back, I was concerned about making my flight on time. I do make my flight and I get to my gate just as boarding began.

So what is the deal with this early childhood experience?

I have written about this before.

At the age of about four, I began having a series of identical experiences that would take place while I was awake. I might be outside playing and I would get this feeling that would come over me. I would feel incredibly heavy but incredibly light all at the same time. I realized my body felt incredibly dense as a new awareness cane on line and….cleaved itself from my body. I later learned that I was experiencing sleep paralysis except I wasn’t asleep.

I would go to this location that for the life of me looked like a giant cliff face. This cliff face had these striations in it that put my young mind in mind of pot roast. Yes, funny, I know, but this cliff face didn’t look like anything I had seen before. I had nothing to compare it to. It was this deep iron red. It looked like flesh. I thought of it as part of the flesh world. The carnal (meat) world.

At the same time, I also would see these forms which looked a lot like dandelion fluff floating down from the top of the cliff face. They would float downward, all so very much like Mary Poppins. I understood I was witnessing the souls of people who were going into the bodies of babies. Just floating down into matter, into our world.

I knew that souls entered bodies like this. It wasn’t a big mystery. It wouldn’t be until several years later that anyone would say anything to me remotely similar about spirit in flesh. These episodes would just happen. Each one was the same. I had a handful of them before the phenomenon stopped, emerging years later as real dreams in another level of consciousness, helping people who had died to cross over completely to that nonphysical world, effectively returning from whence they came. In a way, I guess I got to see both sides of the cycle complete. Here I am, all these years later having spent the better part of my time here now thinking about the next big adventure that is beyond this one life.

What’s next is the interesting bit. I am telling my friend about all of this and she explains to me that in the Polynesian mythos there are locations on the island where this very thing actually happens, and it happens from the top of a mountain where souls come down into our reality, our world. The story sounds like a creation story. But inside of it lies the shadow, too. Well now, given what took place on Maui as well as Oahu and Kaua’i, I am finding myself reconfiguring my past a bit to allow for the possibility that this idea has its origins in that other life. Was I experiencing the living myth of creation using my knowledge about the Polynesian tradition as a frame for that OOBE?

I had always thought that my “location” was a nonphysical one, more like a visionary image. Instead, through a series of unlikely events, it appears as if I am being confronted with this that is connecting me to those islands by way of an actual location that looks exactly like the location in my OOBE from 50 years prior. In addition, I find myself in an encounter with a self from the past needing help from me, something that has at the same time made instant change in me as well.

Turtle on Maui, photo by the author

I think what I want to get across with this experience is to follow your instincts. I was going to go to Kaua’i first, but I kept going back to Maui in my mind. I ultimately went alone to the island, something that probably opened the door for these events to happen just as they did. With additional people, we could have wound up somewhere else, or I may not have been quiet enough inwardly to feel this building pressure inside. I might have pushed it away or tried to ignore it.

Sometimes when things seem like they are going wrong, it may mean they are just getting underway the right way. By holding a state of surrender, it is easier to reach the state necessary for processing these things with awareness. I say all of this to show you what can he done, to take heart, to turn your own corner over and over. It gets better and better, I promise.

So that is the crazy long story, a caution for others that you too might have one of these waiting for you. The result I notive most is my root energy feels strongee. My creative energy is flowing very strongly as my sexual eneegy has also increased. What is interesting is how this isn’t leading to any obsession or overt attachment. Being a tantric at heart, I don’t see these things as a problem, only how we respond or relate to what is. That is my postmortem on the experience. If you have thoughts, I would love to hear them.

Mahalo!

~Parker

This Thanksgiving I spent time making new friends and working on developing a Youtube series with my friend and gifted intuitive Alison on her island home off the coast of California.

One thing is for certain; you never know what will happen when Ali is in the mix.  I mean this in the best of ways. It all winds up feeling so perfect.  So real.  And so it was near the end of my visit that some friends came over for dinner and as the dinner seemed to be winding down, one of our guests made mention about how she didn’t know so much about the spiritual, not that she was afraid, she just felt like she didn’t have a third eye.  One of the guests mentioned how she had done a series of past life regressions with Ali and how wonderfully healing it had been.  Before you knew it, we were in the living room wrapping this lady up in blankets as Ali guided her down into the depths for an encounter with a past self. Easy, but it’s easy when you have someone who has the gifts Ali has to help guide and nudge when its necessary.

One thing that has become clear to me and that came up when we were watching a video that same weekend of an interview with a woman who has done countless regressions was that doing regression therapy is not that hard.  Our memories are all there, but resting deeper down inside of us, a place where we most often do not go so we rarely, if ever, encounter them on a conscious level.  With a little guided imagery and some deep relaxation, those memories begin to bubble up to the surface of awareness.

And so it was with our guest who lay quiet and still, breathing deeply and following Ali’s lead.  After only a few minutes, an image formed of a woman in a doorway.  This woman was the woman in a previous lifetime, and she stood continually at a door, neither here or there.  It turned out that she had a self who was stuck between lifetimes.  Ali guided the woman to begin to approach the woman, and as she did, she felt like she could not move.  She couldn’t move because both aspects of who she was as the woman in the door and as herself now we’re BOTH stuck, or seemed to be. Seems she only needed to decide not to be stuck in order to not be. Then, as she continued to try to approach the woman, she saw a spot begin to appear, which was a portal off to one side which had begun to open as she tried to help this woman, to find out why she was there in this room in a house.  Over a period of minutes the woman in the doorway moved into the tunnel and was taken into the light.  Immediately the woman felt great relief and began to see the funerary arrangements, the meal and the home of the woman she had been.  She sat up saying she felt 100 lbs lighter!

This encounter was one that helps a person to become “unstuck” both as the person they were as well as the person they are today in their current life since some aspects of that feeling of being stuck often haunts them in their present life.  Being able to do this work frees a person up and helps them to move on.  This process is called soul retrieval.  Some years ago Ali helped me with an aspect of this in one of our many talks together.  It turned out that there was a part of me that had become stuck when I was about ten years old.  The process was much the same in the after effects of feeling suddenly clearer and more integrated.  It was experiences like this along with the removal of emotional blocks through the cleansing effect of strong pranic flow (kundalini) that has had such a significant impact on my life as an agent of transformation.

The experience also showed me that I had a natural healing ability that I have always sought to sideline or put on hold because I felt that I needed to be as healed as possible before working with other people in a healing modality.  With my hands on our guest’s head, I felt energy flowing through me in such an easy way.  I identified that this was the same sort of energy that we use as healers for helping to bring about the changes that are healing moments.  My role was simply as support, but it was curious to me to see how as the woman began to describe that her past self had gone through the tunnel that the flow of energy through my hands had begun to wane moments before she described what was taking place as she looked on at the event unfolding before her.  It was one indicator to me that had a way of coming up over the course of the visit.  

Soul retrieval is claiming what is yours, a part of you that may have seemed inaccessible before the process began. By returning you to yourself, it is like a short circuit in your cosmic wiring is fixed so that an easier and more complete flow takes place. When we retrieve those lost parts, we allow them also to heal whatever it was that had them feeling stuck. But since they are us, we attain something that they become. Past life regression lets  the self help unstick it’s other selves…and sometimes when we encounter angels in other lives, it is sometimes an aspect of ourselves moving outside the confines of time and space to help bring change.
Kundalini, or strong prana, has had this effect for those who awaken. If you are going through this, you know how it stirs, helps you to feel those stuck places and as if by magic, and heal them. There are many pathways or means of doing this type of integration work that leaves us feeling more whole. I think it can also aid you even when awakening is stirring you. 
Sometimes we can get stuck in awakening, I have seen it happen often enough, and past life work is most often where the “source” of those stuck places we feel in us now that often make so little sense (because they aren’t from this lifetime), helping to release us, freeing us to move forward in a slightly more improved version of us. The bigger the healing, the bigger the leap into the higher self.
People who have had this experience often exclaim how the irrational fear they had went away when they realized that it was coming from another lifetime, or that one reason they are so good at something is because they have been at it for a number of lifetimes. A botanist in one life, a farmer in another, both with a keen interest in how to help plants grow. A slip off a cliff in one life might mean a powerful fear of heights (that might just go away once the memory is fully recognized).  So what do you think is your super power? Your achilles heel? What if I told you that regression therapy could help you integrate both while being able to emphasize the super parts while getting over the Achilles part?  

As I have been writing this post, I noticed that Ali is embracing her talent for helping people with past life regression work more and more (funny how that works!). She has done hundreds of these journies over the years, and her method came to her naturally in her intuitive work as a way to resolve patterns that were snagging her clients over the years. But recently she has begun to do more of this type of work, and it’s prompting me to go ahead and publish this now so that if you want to explore this aspect of yourself, you can get in early. The great thing is, she helps to make it easy. When you work with an intuitive like Alison, its like having someone who is one step ahead, guiding you even as the waters might seem uncertain. Its a great way to do this work.

To learn more, contact Ali at avaloncmaiden@yahoo.com or speak with her at The Spa At Catalina at 310-510-9255 and let her know I sent you. 

Merry soulful journies!

This Thanksgiving I spent time making new friends and working on developing a Youtube series with my friend and gifted intuitive Alison on her island home off the coast of California.

One thing is for certain; you never know what will happen when Ali is in the mix.  I mean this in the best of ways. It all winds up feeling so perfect.  So real.  And so it was near the end of my visit that some friends came over for dinner and as the dinner seemed to be winding down, one of our guests made mention about how she didn’t know so much about the spiritual, not that she was afraid, she just felt like she didn’t have a third eye.  One of the guests mentioned how she had done a series of past life regressions with Ali and how wonderfully healing it had been.  Before you knew it, we were in the living room wrapping this lady up in blankets as Ali guided her down into the depths for an encounter with a past self. Easy, but it’s easy when you have someone who has the gifts Ali has to help guide and nudge when its necessary.

One thing that has become clear to me and that came up when we were watching a video that same weekend of an interview with a woman who has done countless regressions was that doing regression therapy is not that hard.  Our memories are all there, but resting deeper down inside of us, a place where we most often do not go so we rarely, if ever, encounter them on a conscious level.  With a little guided imagery and some deep relaxation, those memories begin to bubble up to the surface of awareness.

And so it was with our guest who lay quiet and still, breathing deeply and following Ali’s lead.  After only a few minutes, an image formed of a woman in a doorway.  This woman was the woman in a previous lifetime, and she stood continually at a door, neither here or there.  It turned out that she had a self who was stuck between lifetimes.  Ali guided the woman to begin to approach the woman, and as she did, she felt like she could not move.  She couldn’t move because both aspects of who she was as the woman in the door and as herself now we’re BOTH stuck, or seemed to be. Seems she only needed to decide not to be stuck in order to not be. Then, as she continued to try to approach the woman, she saw a spot begin to appear, which was a portal off to one side which had begun to open as she tried to help this woman, to find out why she was there in this room in a house.  Over a period of minutes the woman in the doorway moved into the tunnel and was taken into the light.  Immediately the woman felt great relief and began to see the funerary arrangements, the meal and the home of the woman she had been.  She sat up saying she felt 100 lbs lighter!

This encounter was one that helps a person to become “unstuck” both as the person they were as well as the person they are today in their current life since some aspects of that feeling of being stuck often haunts them in their present life.  Being able to do this work frees a person up and helps them to move on.  This process is called soul retrieval.  Some years ago Ali helped me with an aspect of this in one of our many talks together.  It turned out that there was a part of me that had become stuck when I was about ten years old.  The process was much the same in the after effects of feeling suddenly clearer and more integrated.  It was experiences like this along with the removal of emotional blocks through the cleansing effect of strong pranic flow (kundalini) that has had such a significant impact on my life as an agent of transformation.

The experience also showed me that I had a natural healing ability that I have always sought to sideline or put on hold because I felt that I needed to be as healed as possible before working with other people in a healing modality.  With my hands on our guest’s head, I felt energy flowing through me in such an easy way.  I identified that this was the same sort of energy that we use as healers for helping to bring about the changes that are healing moments.  My role was simply as support, but it was curious to me to see how as the woman began to describe that her past self had gone through the tunnel that the flow of energy through my hands had begun to wane moments before she described what was taking place as she looked on at the event unfolding before her.  It was one indicator to me that had a curious way of coming up over the course of the visit.  During a reading with a gifted healer that Ali gifted me with during my stay by a man in Arizona, this gift came up as part of the core of his suggestions to me for forging a new direction in my spiritual and professional life.  All of this, neatly woven into earlier events that had already taken place.
Soul retrieval is claiming what is yours, a part of you that may have seemed inaccessible before the process began. By returning you to yourself, it is like a short circuit in your cosmic wiring is fixed so that an easier and more complete flow takes place. When we retrieve those lost parts, we allow them also to heal whatever it was that had them feeling stuck. But since they are us, we attain something that they become. Past life regression let’s the self help unstick it’s other selves…and sometimes when we encounter angels in other lives, it is sometimes an aspect of ourselves moving outside the confines of time and space to help bring change.
Kundalini, or strong prana has had this effect for those who awaken. If you are going through this, you know how it stirs, helps you to feel those stuck places and as if by magic, heal them. There are many pathways or means of doing this type of integration work that leaves us feeling more whole. I think it can also aid you even when awakening is stirring you. Sometimes we can get stuck in awakening, I have seen it happen often enough, and past life work is most often where the “source” of those stuck places we feel in us now that often make so little sense (because they aren’t from this lifetime).

As I have been writing this post, I noticed that Ali is embracing her talent for helping people with past life regression work more and more (funny how that works!). She has done hundreds of these journies over the years, and her method came to her naturally in her intuitive work as a way to resolve patterns that were snagging her clients over the years. But recently she has begun to do more of this type of work, and it’s prompting me to go ahead and publish this now so that if you want to explore this aspect of yourself, you can get in early.

To learn more, contact Ali at avaloncmaiden@yahoo.com or speak with her at The Spa At Catalina at 310-510-9255 and let her know I sent you. 
Merry soulful journies!

visions

I sit and speak with the light.   It is opening up to this great love that lives inside of me.  It has been the one thing that has driven me forward in my process of healing the barrage of blocks, the breaking of old patterns, the dissolving of karma. It is at once the force of awakening as well as my own love.  it is interesting and lovely how my purpose can be a part of it, to learn from it, to heal with it.   It is nestled into each of us….a part of us. It can BE us and we can BE it.  It can also come, probably like Moses saw it, as a burning bush.  Part of it, I know, are aspects of my higher self.  But I also know that in all of that, this extension of consciousness, that I am reaching something more….something else.  It is the thing that granted me my individuality.  it is funny because if I told you how I experience it, I don’t think you would believe me.  It lies utterly silent, but aware within the core of everything.  I can feel what it feels as the interior of all things and I can also see it on the FACE of everything through the sentient universe.  But to get there I find that I have to use my imagination.  I think that most people think that when they are using their imagination that what they come up with is a fabrication….a creation….itself only real for the creator. What I have found is that what we call the imagination is like a path that we only go down but so deep with.  It goes deeper, though, and will birth phenomenon while the higher self becomes engaged.  It becomes like a way for information to be projected from the so-called higher self to the so-called lower self and also as a way to create, to birth what has been waiting in the wings.

All of this is what interest me, teaching me about the nature of creativity, the dance of opposites, tantra as a creative and healing art, and the nature of time, as well as our relationship to higher order consciousness.  reaching the zero point, what the zen monks call “zero” is also a big part of all of this.  In fact, you  could say it underpins all of this.  It is what I write about over and over and over…..which is a return tot his zero, something that I have engaged passionately in since awakening took place.  In fact, it is this one thing that has been the core of my work all this time.

If you had something in your brain that made you think you saw enemies when they were actually your friends, would you be concerned and go to the doctor to see if there was a way to fix it? That sounds pretty troublesome, right?  Well, in fact, we are all afflicted with this tendency. We see others as for or against us in ways that wind up being off the mark.  I have had this happen in my life several times since the rising of kundalini.  Some had been in place years before.  I have been able to observe in others as well as myself how these lenses blind us completely or partially.  In either case, the result is chaos and pain.  Who needs that, right?  What is it that has made us so messed up that we would cleave to that even as something inside of us says “boy this sure is crazy.”  As if we are possessed.  Except, there we are, making the choice ourselves.  Why?  When you turn from something as perfect as this love that the divine is, it can make a person mad.  Plus we are a kind of crazy crowd, us humans.  Crazy and beautiful all at once. What a trip, right?

Until we heal these rifts in us, we will think we see outside of us what is actually inside of us.  We will see as one person saw, nothing but enemies.  Another person saw reasons to be fearful.  I saw threats to my ability to love and I responded over and over and over by pulling away.  Suspended, not fully present, I learned to protect my own soul castle by not fully engaging.  This sense of being “out there” was certainly part of who I am.  I am so Pisces (believe it…I said it…), but this lovely ability to flow in the etheric realm has also meant that I have a means to escape. I have sought to do so in healthy pursuits for the most part, but I can admit that it meant in some cases that I would pull back from the stings and arrows others have shot my way in the hopes that I might never feel the sting of such hurt again.  Sometimes I think that I am to learn to take every single arrow with bravery and realize not a one can hurt me.  None.  So shoot me.  Kill me.  Hang me.  It has been done a thousand times anyway on this planet, so why am I so concerned about someone who is just being a little human?  THAT becomes the corpus of my own “stuff” which I must heal.  Until then, being able to see into the divine realm will be limited.  I might be able to lay down at night or in quiet moments, yes, but I wont be able to feel it in the moment when someone is cutting me off in traffic or someone is yelling at me because, well, they are in some way hurting.  Until we can be unmoved by the suffering as others as THEIRS we continually seek to grab onto others’ stories to somehow make them our own through a host of suppositions based less on what is true as it is how we are deep down.

The writer Anais Nin said that we see the world as we are, not as it is.  And it is so true.  But we CAN see the world AS IT IS by removing these lenses, these old beliefs, what the easterners call illusions, but what I like to call creations (we created them, we can create something different and new).  As I am able to remove this material, it has resulted in being able to see more clearly.  Truly.

For me, the way this has all gone is most of my issues lies in my ability to create.  As a result, a LOT of material that has been stuck has been stuck in a place between root and sacral.  It literally feels in my body as a sore womb is slowly being chipped away at and released from its prison.  It means also that my masculine character goes through changes as this happens as the feminine character in my awareness also goes through some changes.  How I feel, how I respond, all change incrementally as incremental things are healed.

Right now the project feels more like dredging an ancient canal.  the methods I have used to release this material have been wide ranging.  I write about them in my book which I am hoping to submit for publishing in the next year.  The “methods” if you want to call them that, include a broad range that turn out being the same things that the ancients have used for centuries, but it also includes some new ones. Until this is done the energy field of a person remains susceptible to the very forces that mirror the junk that has yet to be removed.  It is not uncommon, then, for most people to have energetic entities attached to them in one way or another.  These range from small inconsequential to much more human like and very likely form the stories of vampires and succubi/incubi.  Early in my awakening I dealt with removing these beings, but no more.  My work deals with getting myself right first.  Everyone actually has the means to rid themselves of these forces when they are ready.  And not everyone is ready.  Following ones readiness is also a great way to bring healing in a more perfect way.  In this way, we can be the doctors to our souls. We really do know best deeper down.  It might not seem that way sometimes, but there is intelligence that we are each a part of that is way beyond anything you could imagine or believe.  But it is the core of what each of us is.  Beyond time.  Beyond belief.  🙂

This isn’t about changing how you think or changing your habits.  Yes, you can bring change into your life this way, but what I am pointing to is an alchemy of the soul that results in instantaneous change.  It is a way where we can actually throw off massive amounts of junk in a relatively short period of time.  It is what modern psychotherapy has largely missed (with the exception of a few notable examples).   By doing this we can each reach this seemingly elusive “zero” point that so many seek, including me.

This is not about being cool and hip, doing yoga and all the newest methods.  It isn’t even about having a fit body or a nice house or anything else.  You can build your life with all of these things around you, but until you fix what is at the core of you that is off, the rest will always be problematic in one way or another.  The great job will bring you angst….the fancy car will be in the shop more often than it needs to be.  Something you thought was awesome winds up being riddled with problems.   That lovely house wont make you happy because you are not happy.  In seeking happiness in things, we each have forgotten the core of what happiness is about. It is not in another person, or in a different life.  It exists right here with you and it is waiting for you to LIVE it.  Like me, it is waiting for me.  I am seeking to grab hold of it as I can, as I can manifest it.  This is the love that waits for you, me, and everyone else.  It is waiting for each of us to learn of its existence.  Until we can feel this love in our own selves, we will each be a near-miss in our lives.  It is a self love that we allow ourselves.  When we ALLOW it for ourselves, we can allow it IN our lives with others.  Its really pretty cool and awesome.  So let’s get to it, shall we?

What is waiting for you?  Here’s hoping that you find your bliss and the greatest love there is!

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