Archives for posts with tag: siddhi

Once I caught on to what had happened to me had a name (kundalini/awakening), I came across some work by U.G. Krishnamurti.  A friend lent a book to me of some central thinking from his life.  I remember feeling how spare his view was about all of this.  A pathless path. As humans, we like to fill our lives with the things that serve to decorate our lives.  We are all about the mental jewelry, right? Inner and outer kinds.  So it felt kind of bereft of a certain human feel to what he was saying.  But the thing is, the wonderful thing about all of this, of awakening, is the less you believe in something, the more open you are to what is true….potentially at least. You now have a new channel into this world that is all around you.  It is like a umbilicus that nourishes you, and it is the universe that is sustaining you.  Instead of letting belief get there first to muddy the water with centuries of error and opinions and half-glances and incomplete comprehensions, you can get it directly.  And perhaps, too, you might also have your own half glances about it, but it will be yours, and it will grow organically like a flower bud opening.

You look out from the eyes of your body here and feel the rush of the universe inside of you….and you know that as the soul of the world moves through you as light forms, you are feeling the goings-on that is all around you at incomprehensible distances.  This is part of the overwhelm that many feel when they “rise”(the rise of kundalini…)  or resurrect into this new life.  It is an inward inner-net of life.  It would not be stretching it to say that you have unlimited information at your fingertips. This is where the siddhis come from in the Hindu tradition as they describe one facet of awakening, which are abilities.  Now on the one hand, they are just this, and should not be given too much weight, but only the same weight you might give them as you give eyesight, hearing, or anything else: they are there now to help bring more information into your life.

In the early days of awakening, I used my desire to know to penetrate deep into this “inner” world.  By allowing consciousness to accelerate, you can do what I have done.  We all can.  When I read the words of Edgar Cayce, who did thousands of readings for clients using a method of going into trance (code for an acceleration of consciousness!), he was able to access what he described as an unlimited library of information. I can’t say that I have seen it as a library, but the image is useful to point you to the place where you and the universe meet.  I discovered remote viewing before I even knew what it was.  Seeing objects from a distance, describing the interiors of people’s homes who I knew, or feeling into the marrow of the multiverse, I was most interested in knowing directly, personally, what the stuff of the universe was.  I didn’t want an article of faith.  I didn’t trust that people always got it right.  I wanted to enter into a personal and intimate relationship with the soul of the world.

The universe is thus inside of you.

You do not need belief in order to experience the divine reality.  This reality, in truth, is merely an expansion of your narrow focus.  It has simply unfolded in important ways.  In many ways, the right brain, in its capacity to glimpse the big picture, is adept at processing the information that is streaming into you in a moment by moment basis.  Why one person picks up on it and another does not is not because of ability, or due to divine favor.  It is simply due to less things being in the way of this stream of energy, life, and information.  You can let it flow like a river and just watch the surface of this water sparkle or you can dip your awareness deep into it and “grasp” the stream and examine it.  In doing this, I have found worlds in a drop of this energy, this water of life.  A world explodes into view and is so powerful you have to let your imagination take center stage in order to help to construct what it is that it is trying to tell you.  Imagination is incredibly important, central, in fact, if you want to let this world teach you, speaking to you to reveal its secrets.

You don’t have to believe in anything to inherit the universal truths.  You do not even need to believe in a deity. You don’t.  You just need this connection, this umbilicus that nourishes you and fills you.  The trick is in waking up and shifting focus. The energy will itself accelerate your consciousness.  Some call this an “altered state” but accelerated is much more accurate, so I use that.  It is literally like being swept off your feet by a wind and finding yourself flying where before you had to walk. And really, you can know just about anything that you are clear enough to have come through. As long as you remain totally open without your blinders in the way, you have so much to learn.  You can learn about grace, about how this energy has animated worlds, vast universes, and how it has seeded all of matter with sentience. It can show you the relationship between how this energy filters down into matter and turns itself inside out, transforming itself into countless things.  When you see things like this you see just how free-wheeling creation is. Suddenly the world stopped being dead matter and became this thing that was alive with a vitality that was incredible.  At the atomic level, this creation is taking place constantly and at time scales that are astounding.

If you take a second and then divide that second into 300,000 even increments and then slow that one increment into an hour, what you would be able to glimpse would simply amaze you. You might see just what I saw, which is that matter is not solid at all, but is being supported by way of a stream of quasi-particles that move from energy to matter at ridiculously fast speeds, Speeds so fast, I don’t know that we have yet detected them. And someday we might have a way to glimpse this so science can know it, too, but for right now, consciousness as it exists in your body is perfectly suited for being able to move into these time scales and see the world that explodes into view.  With no mass, your consciousness can become small, large, slow in time, or fast.  It can also move through time as it does this, too, which is helpful when you are examining the “insides” of all that is. It might seem impossible, or like some drug trip, but I assure you that it is not.  This is the potential we have in our hands.  We can use it to heal the planet, to change how people see their world from one of dead matter to more than sheer miracle, but zillions of miracles happening on each needle-point stretch of space that is wrapping itself around your flesh.

I know it sounds a little out there.  I know.  And yet, my experience along these lines was described perfectly in a thousands of years old document found within the Vedas where our ancestors used their newfound awareness in awakening to glimpse vast cities inside of their bodies, where cells exploded into view and revealed to the onlooker that the cells were themselves made up of still smaller particles.These folks were all over it. Old school.  And they might not have the technical vocabulary like atoms or compounds to explain it all, but they did very well with what they had.  And you have it. We all do.  This is the good news.

So yes, I read from time to time of others’ experience….not to know some truth, but to gauge where I am, and to try to pick up new awareness.  It usually comes when I am not even looking.  I’m just thinking about it and then someone comes around the corner, smiles, and hands me a book saying, “I was wanting to give you this because it has something pretty cool that I thought you might like.”  And there it is, a cosmic friend who has arrived in perfect timing to answer a feeling or question in a way that feels like a gift from that universe which winks back at me, urging me on to open even more so it can reveal more of itself.  And of course, I am giving something to the universe that is highly personified.  But there is an intelligence there that is beyond anything I could even grasp in ordinary consciousness.

This that I am explaining is itself the means by which you can know instead of using belief to prop up for what is a shortcoming now in awareness for you.  You do not need belief though, since all of the things that were expressed in the past and written down will come into view to be seen for what they are. And just like I am doing, using words to describe the ineffable, we achieve varying degrees of lucidity of this “formless” presence that gives form to all things.  Emptying your mind of what you think you know, you can be open to what is.  Like a data stream of bliss, it will move through you.  Its grandness is enough to reveal just how wonderful the universe is.  It can fill you with grace, awe and wonder, softening you and shifting your awareness.

When we talk about our advancements in technology, this consciousness is light years ahead of using THOUGHT and the force behind all things (its love people!) in its ability to animate, create, play, and discover. We could learn a lot from something like this. “It” is ever present, yet what “it” is will escape you because, I think, it is just so vast.  And yet, if you allow yourself to be true inside, you can glimpse the whole in every single of its parts.  Like a cell inside a vast body, this is akin to glimpsing the dna or some universal holographic form that has all of itself in everything else.  Yep, it will boggle the mind and of course, discussing this in mixed company would get you some funny looks, but the world needs it.

No belief is required.  I know that the hymns and the rituals all help make us feel warm and safe, but there is a greater safety inside every moment that will also strip you down of all your faults, errors, and blindness.  Seems you have to just let it work as it burrows down into your core.  And it can be hard letting go of something you reflexively have held onto but don’t even know what it is.  This feeling inside, a broken feeling that you have taken as being who you are when in truth it was simply a story inside of you that you grafted onto your personality.  Its brokenness just feels……familiar…..and when this force digs deep it is like a death….but when you open to this cosmic invader, the light illuminates the roots of this and will show you what is true and what is error.  And really, this is what sin is about, which is doing that which damages us. Doing this work often means slipping past the subconscious self in order to dig out the roots that you thought were you.  It was the devil that you knew.  And its simple.  Jesus said you needed to be like a child.  True.  And trusting of “it” in the same way that a child might trust a parent.  You put yourself in the hands of this thing….and it can be hard for the most ardent believer…..especially for the believer….because they already have their own ideas preformed about what they think this will be like.  And it is different from what most people have thought, so it unsettles them.  It is so deep a place of communion, of union with the universal force of all life….and of course many of us shrink back because we feel like we have a reason to feel shame for our sin, for all the roots we let grow inside of us.  But this light….it does not care….it does not CARE what you have done.  It knows that in this moment, you could unwind centuries of wrong as it dips down into you and pulls out those roots wrapped aroud your energy body that form your negative karma.  This is the error of all of us.  The reward is simply so grand, why would you want to live another day in prison? Well, that is the illness of humans.  We just don’t know how bad we have got it.  If you open to this light, it will show you.  But to do this means that you get really honest and really open to it.  You do not need a priest or priestess.  You do not need to believe in a matrix or a 5d world or commandments or any of that.  The light will naturally guide you.

Will you fall?  Oh, probably. At least a couple thousand times.  Get used to it.   Just accept this as the price of admission to the next level of existence.  If you think that you awaken and suddenly are completely enlightened, you miss the human part, and this is the part missing when we think of those who are “enlightened” because I can tell you from experience that there is no great completely free person full of enlightenment sitting on a louts.  It does not exist.  And why should it?  It just isn’t what is real. Our humanness is.  We do not leave our humanness.  We renovate and perfect it by clearing it of the junk we put there so we can honor the Presence who made all of this for us here. It is then that you can glimpse how amazing this world is by how your own vessel, your soul made flesh is. But fall, yes.  Learn from it….not just how what you did made you fall….but about how compassion can make you better.  Awakening give you this rocket boost way ahead of anything you might have known, and yet, you still are little you.  It takes a while to catch up.  It may be true that it takes lifetimes before you can refine what you capture in awakening. But we have all the time in the world. We do.  Existing as soul independent of time, you can glimpse how time is not some kind of race.  The grace and compassion built into the creative force that is prana is that we have all of it and more than we need.

This work is like putting a big puzzle together….the puzzle is you…your self cleared of all the pieces that did not fit.  Errors, assumptions, beliefs that all sounded good at the time, but wound up not being quite right.  And each of these are like blocks for the true light.  So piece by piece, you feel this light shine into those cramped places inside of you…..and as each piece goes and is replaced by its more perfect piece, you can begin to feel all the other places where other puzzle pieces don’t fit.  Like tight shoes.  You wear them for a while and you one day realize, “You know, these shoes aren’t that comfortable!”  This is the beginning of the change.  Just awareness.  So simple.  Your own personal awareness has flowing through it the light of the All, and this force has the power to melt and erase and save you from all of these pieces that were installed incorrectly, or were less than joy.  You don’t even need to know HOW it works.  You just  let it in.  It is the single most intimate act you will ever do, letting that thing in.  No mantras are needed.  No prayers, no postures, no methods or techniques.  It is what U.G. described as the pathless path.  But that path, I will tell you, is simply amazing.

To awaken, you will do so when you are able to remove that which divides you.  The more of this you remove, the more this flow will move into you.  It is this simple. Some might call this removing blocks from the body, others will caution that you MUST breathe a certain way or else the kundalini will flow the wrong way….and I am here to tell you that this is all the result of the past error in perception because we really don’t have a lot of time left to get this right.  The Collective is pushing forward the energy of awakening now in what can only be described as a watershed moment in history. People who have not spent decades in a practice are waking up spontaneously.  This ought to tell you something.  This is not for the elite, the chosen.  It is WHAT everything is, and when you awaken it is just this very thing that you find stringing all of this together into something at once vast and also incredibly simple (like how a galaxy can be resolved into a speck in the night sky).

Sometimes a simple meditation is enough to bring you to enough unity within that “it” revs up and turns into full blown awakening.  Maybe being around someone who is awake will remind you of what it is “this” is.  I stirred awakening in myself, I know, by resolving a long-standing sense of guilt that I had with the universe about not doing enough in my inner life.  When I made peace with that (quite unexpectedly), the waters flowed from then on. My days as the old self were numbered….even as my essence has remained.  Two days later I turned and felt this thing… a far off song playing on the breeze….and I wondered….how could something be so beautiful?  “It” told me that I was part of a family of consciousness, that I belonged, that the story of this family would be what “it” would be revealing to me for the rest of my days here on the planet.  Its funny, because this “family” is actually everything that is.  That is the family.  Every leaf, every atom, every star and galaxy.  Every baby, every smile, every action, event, thought, all of it. Nothing is excluded.  And if that don’t shake your world, I don’t know what will.

You don’t NEED belief.  When you move from imagining what the Kingdom might be like to feeling it surging in your veins and traversing at light speed via prana in your energy system like so many invisible fiber optics, there will no longer BE a need for belief.  You now have EXPERIENCE.  As this experience accumulates, belief naturally can go by the wayside.  And this?  This is what Yogi Bajan (I am told—I don’t read his writings) is what makes you the most dangerous person in the world.  I am sure he used this for dramatic effect, but its good because in a way it is true.  It makes you this person who cannot be lied to. If you see the world of the 10,000 things as the Taoists describe it, but also feel the soul of the world, then you see the outer and feel the inner.  You don’t need belief to prop any of that up. You walk by someone and you feel their world of life moving all through them.  Loss, gain, love, hate, joy, frustration, and that incessant chattering thought.  We have all been this.  We are this. But we are potentially more.  So beyond belief, yes.




Someone recently wrote to me and described a harrowing process he is going through in awakening.  No doubt, he is caught in this tight vice of an experience and is having trouble getting to the other side of it.  And yet, the process he is locked in is what kundalini does to us.  It rewires us, remakes us. It really does. Its easy for me to forget what it was like before awakening. Its getting easy now for me to forget what it was like that first year when I felt awakening stirring in me. It was so obvious how I had changed.  I write in my book, which is based on many journal entries during the awakening that it was as though I woke up one day speaking a different language.  From another planet. Just like that.  Boom.  Transformation underway.  Bye-bye Kansas!  But what my friend helped to remind me about is how we can get caught up in others’ feelings without realizing its them that we are feeling.

There is a curious capacity we develop when we awaken which is the ability to feel a person’s emotions and feelings so strongly that they feel like they are our own.  It is disorienting sometimes to have this happen, but the key to coping with this part of the experience is with awareness. Having the ability to stop and ask yourself a few simple questions is all that you will need to begin to discern between what is truly yours and what is someone else’s. Or perhaps, your engagement with another’s energy whether conscious or not….

People whom I know who have had this happen to them, most often speak of it as though it is now what they must do, that they are now suddenly more empathic.  But this is not correct.  It isn’t. If you are feeling others’ feelings around you, I want you to try an experiment in awareness and next time it happens, I want you to stop for a moment and ask yourself if you are feeling EVERYONE’S energy in that moment or if it is just one or two people in the room or the place where this is happening.  I have spoken with people who have observed decades worth of experience who have had the ability to really question as well as observe what has been happening to them and what I have found is that we attract what we are at the time.  For example, I know a therapist who has noticed that the issues she has in regards to ghosts, she will have clients coming to her in large numbers who will have similar issues.  Another person who has a major glitch from his past finds that he keeps attracting people in his work that has the exact same issue that he is still dealing with in his life from childhood.  I do the same thing and have attracted people into my life who have similar traits to people I have never gotten over.  What is interesting is when you clear the issues, and I mean really clear them, the ties can release from these people.  It is also possible that you both reach a place of healing and begin a new chapter in each of your lives (in the case of close connections in personal and intimate relationships).

You see, the experience of feeling this is so powerful and often overwhelming that it distracts us from what is actually happening, which is that we aren’t feeling EVERYONE, we are just feeling certain people.  And there is a reason for this, and it goes straight to the work that kundalini does in us, that is, if you are ready for this level of awareness to come into your experience.  What I am talking about is that in every case, we feel another early on in the kundalini process because we share something in common with them.  We are harmonized along a specific range of experience or karma.  Our energy is the same, but most often, it is about the things that remain in us that (we hope) kundalini will help to purify or release in us.  I actually had a family friend react incredibly harshly to my suggestion that she wasn’t just channeling everyone she was around as she thought she was, but that she was in fact, in each moment, channeling those people’s energy who shared something in common with her on an energy and karmic level.  When I felt her begin to pull on me energetically and I remained unmoved, she quickly got angry and shut me out in a pretty stark and hard manner.

I discuss this here because I went through the exact same thing and I now know, I was not channeling everyone in the room.  I was channeling one person only.  It was when I identified this fact that I was able to take this experience from being one where I had no control to one where I did have control or a choice.  Not only that, but after my decisive experience with examining what was at work and being honest with myself, I not longer was “captured’ by the experience like this again.  This was an experience that was different from that of the karmically joined “twin” experience, whatever you choose to call it (twin flame, twin soul, etc.) which can have a more enduring aspect and appears to also be karmic but with a sense of mission and self-work involved where feeling others randomly in public can be just…weird or off-putting.

In awakening you go through a whole range of new sensory experiences.  If you think that it’s all in your head, you will need to realize that this is simply not so.  It IS in your head, but it’s also in all things.  And the power that is now alive in your head now has the capacity to move the power latent in all things….which is to say that by connecting into the energy in all things you can more effectively get things done that need doing. this is a radically different approach to anything most people know about.  It touches on the idea of manifesting but it’s also different in how immediate and strong that it is.

Jesus, the so-called Gnostic Jesus, described this phenomenon.  He said that “once you are destroyed [ego death], when you say mountain move, it will move.” [Gospel of Phillip]  These are the siddhis or abilities/powers written about in the old Vedic texts that come about as a result of spiritual development or awakening (siddhis are one symptom of awakening).  It is also what many say should be ignored, lest they seduce you.  Well, yes, you do need to be careful with this stuff, but if you can approach it all with the innocence of a child, you can direct this power in the same way you direct an arm or your voice in order to get what you want or need.  I suppose that some feel its wrong or bad because it is an unfair advantage, but really all it is, is what you gain when you finally grow up, go through this spiritual puberty we call awakening.  Thus, everyone can inherit it. It is an ability that is of a higher order, and so with this power comes great responsibility, most certainly.  I have always asked for what I needed the most and most often in the eleventh hour.

One of the experiences is how you can feel others around you, near you emotionally, or who are connected to you spiritually, or people who are complete strangers who happen to mirror something in you.  Some of these senses are so strong that the experience is that you are yourself experiencing something as though it was your own when in fact it is from someone else.  Let me explain that for a time I would pass people on the street and I would feel their buried sense of sadness, broken-hearted feeling, their depression, their sorrow, their anxiety.  I would walk by someone on the street and I would double over from the heart pain.  Why?  Because I was more sensitive.  I was a vibrating tuning fork.  There was also another reason why I was feeling some things over others; I was not yet finished with something that was present also in these people. So for example, a man who had been injured by his spouse in his heart I would feel because he and I had the same pain in us.  I didn’t JUST feel EVERYONE.  I felt certain people. There was a rhyme and reason.  It was about mirroring. Why hadn’t I felt the lady who was walking down the street with her kids, why hadn’t I felt the old man who was walking with his wife?  Why hadn’t I felt the college student’s energy?  I had to realize I was not feeling EVERYONE.  Just certain people.  Sure, I may have had the potential to feel or read everyone the same way I read auras, but I would not ever read or feel them as deeply or as closely as what this kundalini conferred.  The events in our lives are no accidents. They follow an inner directive from us.  And if that seems impossible to you, consider that I have watched and observed this and have seen so many correlations with this that I can no longer dismiss it.  This is not a need for me to dwell in magical thinking.  It is a realization that either the world is chaos rendered into order by way of natural forces and its all just chemistry and nothing else, or everything is here because of consciousness and that everything IS consciousness.  This would be on par with what some have called this world; A Dream. It also suggests that consciousness is engaged in our physics and our world in helping to bring about certain events in our lives.  Accidental or miracle?

So it came to pass that I was at a dinner party. As I was talking with some new people I had met I began to be seized by a feeling of desperate anxiety.  I have been anxious before like this in the past.  I knew what that felt like.  It felt entirely as though it were my own.  I was feeling an energy within my own cocoon of awareness, within my own etheric sheath or auric field. It was mine, no?  Something in me said that maybe this wasn’t mine.  I thought about it.  It made no sense that it would be mine.  For one, there was no reason why I should be feeling so incredibly anxious. None. So I let my reasoning mind take some rope and try to lasso this thing some.  This is one instance where the rational does well!  So  I sat there and took stock of myself. Instead of JUST reacting.   If this wasn’t mine, then whose was it?  I asked the energy in me to show me the way.  And by golly, it did.  In a room with about seven people, the energy in me pointed me toward a man who was sitting in a chair off to the side.  He had been talking to my mother and he wasn’t someone I knew.  I decided to just be bold and speak to the man about this.

“Excuse me, but do you have a problem with feeling anxiety?”  The man pulled back in his chair, like a turtle pulling in its head. He was entirely taken off guard by my very forward question.  He had stiffened.  But as I looked at him, it was clear that I did not mean it in a hard or mean way.  I was more like a kid.  His face softened and he replied, “Well, yes, I have had some issues with anxiety.”  We both paused for a moment and he looked at me, something clearly on his mind.  He added, “In fact, I have had so much of a problem with anxiety that I have gone to therapy for it and have taken medication.”  He stopped for a third time and did the same thing; he looked at me like he was pondering something else and he said the magic words: “In fact, I was feeling very anxious the moment that you asked me about it!”  I smiled and thanked him.  I explained that I seemed to be picking up on stuff like this for some reason.  This interaction was the first case where I began the process of discerning between what was mine and what was others’ feelings.

After that incidence, the tendency to feel people like this waned somewhat. Part of it was that I tended to limit my focus more.  For some reason I had to be as open as a parking lot I think in order to begin a process of clearing, which began in earnest around that time.  As I Have cleared these old blocks, the things that I have mirrored or attracted have also changed substantially.  I once had students that were of a certain character and they have, largely, changed.  My behavior has also changed.  This results in a different kind of day and life for me. It’s an incremental process, this, but worth it because what it does is it gives me an energetic vehicle that I am in command of instead of being in command of a mass of karmic blocks and knots in my energy field….serving to distort the energy coming into me and also distorting the events that get manifested because of all those competing knots that send out bits of competing code signals to the universe.  They are me, but they are parts of me I wish I was not….but that I have not fully released.

When people say things like “She is haunted by her demons” you can know now that they are old blocks that are doing it.  These blocks act like subroutines in your psyche causing you to behave in ways you really wish you hadn’t.  Some people are entirely governed by these things. In the Gospel of Philip in the Nag Hammadi, this is what Philip describes as being the evil that must be pulled out entirely by the roots if it is to be freed from our being. It is also said in the same gospel that It is [the evil] that keeps us from doing what we want to do and it makes us do what we do not want to do. Substitute “evil” for karma, and I think you can begin to understand not just the root of evil, but also how to remove it. which requires going deep down into the very source of it.  “You say I have to go deep within myself to root this all out, but how do I do this?”  Everyone wants a method, right?  Everyone wants a way to just do it, maybe an incantation or something.  In everything I say here on this blog, it is the same; learn to feel deeply within yourself.  When you can feel deeply, you have actually begun to activate your inner sensory awareness.  Got that?  You need this awareness and you will find that the deeper you go inside of yourself, the more this sensory awareness will open up.  It is in truth, the axiom that the Greeks used to say in the temples: “Know thyself.”

You may not believe it, but once you learn how to look beyond the curtain of your own denied emotion, you will be given power over all your demons (or you will gain this to the degree that you are able to face which means that once the door is open, it is open and you don’t go back where you came from but you may only have incremental releases until it completes itself…it being a matter of time but the point being that it does not happen all at once, it can also happen incrementally).  Until you are able to adopt this childlike sense, you will be tempted by them.  Until you are the master and no longer the slave.   If you want to know about releasing blocks from your own field, I suggest you search this blog using those terms.  A lot has been written about it here. It is, in every case, based in learning how to feel deeply.  The reason why this is so important is because the deeper you can feel, the more aware you are of the occulted or hidden emotion that has been shoved down.  It is this emotion that forms the basis of so much of our karma, our difficulty in relationships, as well as our reactions an even our personal (non-religious) belief systems. With something that has such widespread influence over you, you would think that people would want to get a better handle on it, right?  One of the hardest things that we as humans do, is to be honest about those things that we have shoved down and do not want to face.  Carl Jung once famously said in effect that the self will run from facing the source of its own pain and resist changing it at the same time.  In this way, so many people become like graveyards for their cast-offs.  Search this blog using “healing blocks” and you will get many posts on this topic, from exercises that can help release stored material (like TRE for example) to ways to meditate using breathwork as the entry into the field.

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