Archives for posts with tag: samscara

 

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This morning  (now two day ago as this post ages in my drafts folder) I had what I think of as a grand mal seizure of pure ecstasy.  It put me into this state of deep and abiding ecstasy so strong, so sweet, that I was unable to move or do anything for about an hour.  I was finally able to move before getting to work in the studio, but for a while, I felt like I was frozen on the spot, not wanting to go anywhere.  I just felt the love.

I didn’t have a seizure, not really….but these moments come and I am not always sure that I can point to a reason for it, except that in an extremely simple way, I am ready for it…just ready to do what I must for this field of love to envelop me, to remind me what I really am beyond what I think is challenging me.

I do try to think what contributing factors have been at work on why a given event happens as it does.  Did I say just how incredibly sweet this last experience was?  Boy, it was a real doozie. There.  We have finally brought “doozie” into the realm of the transcendental.  But back to the why at hand. This extreme high might have come courtesy  a lot of activity on the “release” side of things.

My instinct through all of this, no matter how hard it has been, has been that I need to drive the energy as high as I can, to let it sweep me away, to allow it to come because I sensed it was going to clear away a lot of junk. Before I knew that this had a name like kundalini, I was hearing it speak to me telling me telling me to just soften, let go, to open to its power so it could do its work. And for the record, that trust was not easy to come up with right out of the chute.  In the first month or two of my awakening, I considered all sorts of possible scenarios, including having been possessed.  That said, though, what I got from this force in my life was that I needed to drive this energy higher and higher.  I wasn’t sure in the beginning why, I just knew that this was what I was here to do.  And you know, as I bid the energy come, it did. As I said for it to take me, it did.  It was sometimes uncomfortable, but it always led to relief from having been held in an emotional vice which really was of my own making.

For those who have had this, you will know that when I say that as I was getting ready to awaken I was suddenly met with people from all over the place who were awakened who were making entrances into my life (and not because I was on a site online for awakening or because I was attending a class or workshop….the truth was, no one knew, and I was one of those people who was not in on what was happening.  It was like my whole life began vibrating at this different frequency and it began to attract people who, for the time, were important catalysts for understanding and for accelerating my process. Some were old karmic connections that needed to be cleaned up.  Some were hard, some were surprising in how they changed from one thing into another once the karma was cleaned up.  In that process I have known people whose energy was higher, lower, and all over the place.  Everyone has their own comfort level it seems….but my feeling remains that we have cut ourselves off from the most amazing field, which the Tibetans call the Buddha field (I am sure other Buddhists call it something similar).  It is cosmic consciousness.  Just thinking about it puts me into its throws again (which makes writing this challenging)!This attenuation of our awareness is this Veil I was recently writing about in an earlier post.

Recently I have spent the last few weeks traveling to places both old and new, seeing some old places from my earliest childhood and going places I have never been but have always wanted to see. I have discovered that some of the places that I knew well as a child now no longer exist, or exist in such altered form that they are simply no longer recognizable. What is so interesting is that  I felt like this was perfect because so much of me had changed.  Before going there, I thought how I wanted to go to the spot where one of the biggest traumas of my life happened, the one where my new stepfather beat me within an inch of my life (no, he really didn’t beat me literally within an inch of my life, but at age three and never having been whipped before, his beating felt brutal and it left a big mark on me).  I found that while I thought about releasing this, in going to the location, it no longer mattered.  I had released so much stuff as a result of my awakening that I no longer felt an attachment to finding the place.  I knew my awakening would release so much more stuff, and each time I did that, my capacity for this love that is at the core of my being would grow, as though I am a vessel that was clogged with mud which I am now removing so the love fluid can flow through me unhindered.  It is so real, so vivid, it is like a fluid.  Have you noticed?  I’m drifting into it…

I think that because of this realization that what I thought I might want to do, which was to try and revisit a place I thought I had an issue about was changed by the unavailability of the location physically, I was able to better see that all things are only issues if we make them issues.  SOme are hard to get over, no doubt, but at the end of the day, our own suffering does not stop until we find a way to be okay with our past.  Regardless of what we think is right or wrong.  We are all human, we all err, and we all deserve to be forgiven.  Most of all we deserve to be forgiven by ourselves as the ultimate act of learning how to move forward.  It’s actually easier to forgive others than it is to forgive ourselves sometimes.  We just don’t always realize how deeply our misgivings are about ourselves. When we are able to really see it and then forgive ourselves for putting ourselves through that kind of difficulty for so long (and admit it; you probably have something you have been beating yourself up for close to a decade or longer….and if so, you know just what I mean). These kinds of things have helped me to unexpectedly shift a lot of stuff over the course of this trip which was a kind of vision quest almost. I just didn’t think it would turn out that way, but there it is.

It has been eleven years into full awakening and I thought I would give a quick sense of perspective, for whatever it is worth.

I feel bliss more easily.

This corresponds to the years of releasing I have been doing.  This has been a daily task for well over a decade.  It is now resulting in a fairly significant reward for me on a day-to-day level.

I am not disturbed by things like before.

I used to be thrown into all manner of energetic contractions in the past.  This happens much less and to a far less degree.  I am reaching a point where I can feel bliss nearly in every situation.  I do, however, throttle it back when I need to focus and use my rational mind (because that is released or suspended during these bliss states).  That said, I still have other issues that can affect me that I am still working on (hey it is a process!).

The bliss field alters how reality works.

People talk about synchronicity.  I observe that synchronicity is merely the result of our letting go of the strictures we hold in consciousness that hold back bliss and also hold back the energy that naturally co-creates with the energy that drives reality (they are the same!).  I have been able to live life as one long series of synchronicities at long as I am able to anchor the bliss field within me.  When I drive this bliss field higher within me, this heart stopping love, the incidence of synchronicities goes up each and every time (it helps to be thinking about something strongly so things have a reason or anchor for).  This bliss field takes the place of intense emotion which used to be the thing that drove this co-creation.

The triadic nature of consciousness remains but is now less divided in appearance.

The Ida and Pengali or the yin/yang meridians carry an energetic polarity to an energy that we call prana.  We know so little about this except for observations made by yogis and yoginis. The masculine and feminine qualities in consciousness which seem like separate things are in truth mutually reliant on one another in order to make prana what it is.  I have not yet seen evidence that there really is a female and masculine form of prana that exists on its own without the other existing along with it.  What I do find is that they both exist together, but one can be admired or studied within the self and within another.  Traditionally we admire the opposite in someone of the opposite sex, but this is not merely a physical phenomenon.  Kundalini would never have arisen had it not been merged together with its opposites of Ida and Pengali (Shakti and Shiva). I have found I am much easier with my true nature, which includes a combination of masculine and feminine traits as part of my individuality.  The curious thing is that while this proportion has been differed in other lifetimes for specific results, the thread has been how I have managed to utilize these forces in my life for union with the divine nature.

Life is easier.

The right things happen as I need them.  I once struggled with keeping the things that brought abundance into my life stable, but now events have reached a culmination point where I am able to reap what I have sown.  This makes me very happy and has afforded me a degree of freedom that I cherish as part of a spiritual path where I do not have the support of, say, an ashram or community.  i find that I want to show people how to do this thing, like an affordable class full of inspiration and energy….but this has not yet fleshed itself out yet.  I am on the verge of a new business start-up with a lot of very exciting implications.  Creative in nature, I will be working with the forces present in my awakening on a day-to-day basis.  I hope that I can continue to bring the same grace and magic into it as has been happening lately.

I am more peaceful.

I am.  And that said, I have more work to do.  That is the nice thing about this: I am aware of how turbulent I felt the first few years and how this affected my life.  I could see how this impacted the events in my life.  Now, a good bit further down the road in my process, I can see how my ability to anchor a given state has had an effect on the events in my life. It also helps to highlight what remains as work to do.  I was actually concerned that once things began reaching that tipping point in my favor that I might lose the feeling or energy somehow.  But what I have found is that while the energy is less turbulent, i can still manage a good release….its just different now.  And I think this is important to anyone who is still in the more turbulent waters.  The energy really does get a little more sublime in some ways.  it is easy I guess to get lazy, but I have not found this to be the case for me, but I see how it could be for some.  It’s just so cozy being where I am now…I just don’t want to upset it too much (but I get over that once I know this energy has more stuff to show me once I rid myself of more stuff).

The blocked material remaining becomes more obvious.

There are pros and cons (for me at least) of having had this happen. The day my grandmother died, she came and spoke to me about her afterdeath experience.  I was in a deep meditation (lying in bed taking a nap, naturally! Lol!) and when she left, she turned and reached out and touched my left side with her etheric finger.  In that moment my entire left side (along the hips) released a huge block that I had been trying to let go of for about two years without success.  My left or Ida side was now perfectly clear.  But my male side, however, was still blocked. This amazing release that took place on that day served to highlight how stuck the male side was.  In a way, all of this releasing made it harder for the left side.  It felt like it had this spot light on it now all of a sudden.  This feels familiar, though, as we expect men to perform! I chipped away at this thing for years and it was alike a freaking stone!  I found that it was impacting my physical body and I have actually been quite concerned that if left long enough, that it could manifest into disease (like cancer—all my friends seem to be going through their cancer troubles now).  Right now I think the problem involves posture and nerve pain, which I work on (see how the psoas muscle is considered the “seat of the soul” in other blog posts).  I have had several rather significant releases from the right side, all of which resulted in changing what I was drawn to, interested in, or thought were some of my likes.  It is funny how the nature of a repressed emotion can color or taint your personality.  For me, I am a believer.

Being solitary has been okay.

I fought loneliness for years and found that the things that affected me most, which was alienating actions and words would throw me into a tailspin most often.  Realizing this, I moved to change this dynamic, to give it a rest.  The only way to do this was to be alone.  With so much ju-ju flowing through me, it makes it hard.  I have spent lifetimes in celibacy because the traditions really had no meaningful way to incorporate spiritual and physical intimacy or union together into one practice.  As a species, we just weren’t there (except perhaps for the tantric masters that originated from Tibet (a tradition that is distinctly different and in no way part of the Buddhist tradition, I should point out).  Now, I feel like things have moderated a good bit.  I think we are social creatures, so the desire to be with others is natural, but when does it become dependency?  When does it serve as a gloss to hide our own insecurities?  Or our inability to really love ourselves?  Interesting things happen when you learn to love yourself.  One, you are much more grounded all in all.  You also have less extreme views.  Life in this mode teaches you a love for balance because self-care is about stasis or balance, not living in the extremes. It could be said that my bliss is extreme, but it has been won by no longer having those large swings from one extreme to another.  Instead of bliss being an extreme, it has become the new baseline.  That is the difference, loves. And with that kind of discovery, I find that it would be great to have a partner who is dedicated to the same things I am, someone with whom I have positive karma with for a change (instead of some harder negative karma). Often those whom we have known a long time in other emergencies are those who we feel most natural and comfortable with.  Perhaps I am setting up an intention…

Fear Of Death has been conquered as best I can tell

When I was all of nine years old, my spiritual quest began with a search to find ways to erase my fear of death.  I felt that if I could do this, I might lie more fully and with less fear hanging over me.  I found the book Life After Life which had at that time just been published by Dr. Raymond Moody Jr., and with that book and others to follow, I was off to the races.  I have found that all of the religions of the world have not provided this assurance.  Only experience does, and not just one experience, but many experiences over a long period of time.  Out of body experiences, seeing or interacting with energy from a distance, contact with deceased relatives, all have helped to build a sense that this life is not all that there is.

My understanding of energy and how to work with it has been greatly expanded – I am ready to work with it at some level in my work now.

Even though I shrink from being a part of any method or technique or dogma, I find my life has taken on a form of dedication that really has been extremely persistent.  In fact, it is nonstop. I find this to be the most rewarding part of this work, the fact that I have committed myself to this path and that the path (which is really only my trail through my life and nothing more) continues to help me to feel more deeply committed as each day goes by. It also helps to reveal to me that not everything that we do in our relationships is strictly about mirroring.  Many have said that the people that are in our lives are there because they are mirrors of us, but what I have found is that this is just not so.  Instead, I have found that there are a lot of people who are very different from who we are and that sometimes the only thing holding us to one person is a karmic thread that has nothing to do with our being similar to one another.  In my next post, I will go into this mirroring idea in what I promise wont be as long a post as this one has been.

 

~The Light In Me Salutes The Light In You~

 

 


In 2008 I began a correspondence with a gifted healer who shared an understanding of energy and it’s benefits for us as human beings. I was recovering from an injury that had also served to help accelerate awakening, forcing me to remain still as my body healed.

It was against this backdrop that Ali and I discussed awakening and the many ways we can all learn to use this force in us to heal. She had already used her gift to let me know about a healer and teacher in my area who would help me significantly in accelerating my healing process. While she didn’t know the name of the person, she provided a description that her guidance was providing. I found out about this person the next day when a family friend invited me to come to a healing session with a person who sounded just like the person Ali had described the day before (from the other side of the continent). This led to an accelerated period of releasing stored emotion that is lodged in the energy body and appears to have a relationship to the body tissues as well.
A few months into this work as Ali and I were talking she begins to explain that her guides are telling her to do something. They don’t explain, they just tell her to trust them and to do as they instruct. I was to get off the phone, breathe deep and keep my mind calm. I had no idea what was about to happen.
So I complied. I was standing in the kitchen when I felt what I can only describe as a buoyant state of lightness and relief. I felt relieved of what I was aware as a certain degree of Painbody. Painbody is the energetic equivalent of the emotional energy that we have each stuffed down inside ourselves. This energy, since it was never fully felt, is stored and remains like a tape or program that can play over and over whenever events like the one that originally triggered it, triggers it anew…over and over. This condition lasts until the stored material is dispensed with once and for all through what are often deep states of meditation and willingness to just let it go once and for all.
The buoyancy was nice and I wondered what was happening. Then, after about a minute of this feeling, I felt what I knew was my old painbody….. except that as it returned to me, it felt as though I was being hit by a train. All of the Painbody that had left me came screeching back all around me. It was one of the most startling experiences I had up until that point in time.
What the heck happened, I wondered…
The way I was feeling Painbody was different now. In those minutes after it returned, I thought I was going to crumple from the pain. What I would realize in the aftermath of this event was that Ali had “adopted” my energy body signature and it looked like I had adopted hers. Where I felt relief, she described feeling like she was going to throw up. Her skin felt clammy, the pain was intolerable. She wondered how I made it through each day.
The truth was, I had grown numb to my own accumulation of inner pain, and this “switch” brought me back to a normal level of sensitivity. I was now feeling more acutely than I had before.
I felt my own energy body in a new way after this. I had daily pain, pain that I felt much more clearly and vividly. For as bad as all of this seemed at the time, it was a saving grace for me. If I had not had what amounted to a “reset” of my energetic sense of the presence of my own Painbody, I might not have had as much of a motivator to clear it all up. But clear it up I did. What choice did I have, right? Wincing through a pain in my heart, I got motivated to do more work.
I have spent years on this journey attending to every bit of this stored material and I have become aware of how we continue to store more of it even as we slough off decades of old ghosts from our past. 
In truth, by having my senses upgraded as they were in that day back in 2008, I was able to feel everything I needed to in order to heal. I think of it as a form of spiritual honesty expressed through feeling. It has helped me to detect the smallest of impediments and allowed me to focus on them for healing and release. All of this took place in just such a way as it needed to because if we both had known what we were in store for, I’m not sure either one of us would have agreed to it. It may have been the perfect therapy for me if I was to really see and feel ALL of it.
It’s been nine years since then, and I have been busy at work. Since then I have eliminated nearly all of the Painbody, layer by layer, energy center by energy center. I am thankful for having this level of sensitivity because I doubt I would have been able to feel where all the material was stored away inside of me. As I write this, I feel a triple twinge in my right hip that, as it turns out, corresponds to three acupuncture points along one meridian. Like a small traffic jam, I have been working the last three years on clearing the blocks there, like digging through rock strata a layer at a time. Each release bring greater flow, a clearer mind/body/heart and a change in feeling. 
I know that this hip block corresponds to the most recent feeling of loss I felt during what became a fractious divorce with my ex many years ago and led to the alienation of one of my children from me. It’s not been easy to learn how to forgive my ex for behaving in such a petty mean-spirited way. But even as I say this, I know that I entangled myself in my ex’s broken story and can’t be surprised that I might have become a casualty of it. 
The next step in healing asks the most from me. Unless I do that, it’s enough to attract, like moths to the flame, other people who are broken in exactly the same way. It already has, and there’s nothing worse than having to face the same level of emotional dishonesty in people who are unable to own how they hurt those around them.
It seems that in order to forgive, to do it with my whole being and not just with my head or voice, requires the most of what I am. It seems this is required for something as hard to heal as something like that.
Whatever our stories, the journey from a suffering road to one of pure bliss remains as the road we each will walk. I’m very fortunate to have gotten “reset” when I did. I don’t know if it’s for everyone, but Ali’s guides were right.
So I would say, our ability to feel may have no end. How numbed have you gotten in your life? Awakened? Very excellent; are you really feeling as deeply and as honestly as you could? Do you feel like you are on pause, waiting and waiting for that next release to go ahead and complete itself? Go into breath and sink into yourself in quiet contemplation and ask your heart if there is more to be known, if there is a deeper story to be felt within your capacity to sense and feel deeper yet. The answer might surprise you, and it could free you, too.
Until next time…

What divides you is keeping the fullness of awakening from being known within you. What divides you keeps not just your mind in seperation, but it keeps your whole self seperated to one degree or another.

The term “samscara” is a Sanskrit word that means “soul scar” and this scar lies at the foundation of our feelings, motivations, and actions in the world. The soul scar divides the self from being completely whole, aware, and unified to its origin. Many might think that this scar is the sum total of what has been done to us that has caused hurt or pain. In truth, the samscara is created out of our own reflection on the world, and arises out of the contrast between our expectations of the world and how the world actually is. This is the source of all suffering. But this is an inner event that takes place, this perception that things are not how we want them or expect them to be.  
It is a reaction. We in the West fail often to understand how we feel is a choice. We think it is just how we are made, that we have no choice. People MAKE us feel certain ways. Am I your maker? I make you? No, you make you. Always.

If you take five people and have them each experience the same event, you will most likely get a range of reactions. For the person who has a strong sense of expectation that the event was negative, that person will see it and feel it that way. This feeling will also color how they saw the event for years to come. But for the person who does not have the same level of expectation, there will be much less in the way regarding their perception and feelings about the event as purely negative. It will be much easier for them to see that the event unfolded the way it did because of the limitations that the participants had. It wont be taken personally, but seen more clearly. What is so hard for us is that we want to believe all kinds of things, all perfectly noble and good about how we think the world should be, but the truth, more often than not, is that the world just does not match what we believe inside ourselves. When we are unable to come to terms with this, we remove ourselves from our capacity to forgive and move on. Instead, we are hooked by it. If the contrast within us compared to what’s happening in the world is great enough, it forms a soul scar. It then forms the basis of a stumbling block where we then suffer in big and small ways from then on. The nature of the scar, the suffering, will be activated over and over until it is healed.

The samscara is not just one emotional issue, but is in fact made up of a whole cluster of issues. Whatever your expectations are of the world that the world does not match, will most likely form the basis of  problems for you.

Healing the samscara requires radical honesty about how you feel and react to the world around you. Healing the samscara requires the deepest innermost forgiveness, not of others, but of yourself, for having put yourself into a position where you were less than your truest being. To be this true being means being honest about how you have chosen to suffer. As long as you believe that your suffering comes about by anyone except yourself, you will continue to remain in a maze of your own making, a blend of dharma and samsara (different from samscara)…with your own beliefs about yourself leading the way. I don’t think I need to tell you how difficult this sort of combination is for any of us.

The secret of the samscara lies in how it divides our awareness. If awakening is the result of a merging of our opposites, the samscara is that which keeps  inner union from reaching its fullest possible expression in each of us. Awakening is a partial union, an initiation, and is so rich and intoxicating, that most so touched by it forever seek it. Awakening is just the  water upon our lips, and full union is a wholesale cleansing that allows us to become purer vessels, realized vessels, for this water of life, which we once sipped and found so amazing, so celestial, which now pours through us with perfect peace and acceptance of what is. Curiously, this is where we each can best change the world, not in the perception of division and seperation that the samscara always creates.

The curious things about the samscara is that while it divides, it also becomes the agent for change and transformation. It is the crack that lets in the light. When the pain gets to be too much, something deep within asks the question, is this all that there is? Most often, this is the spark that catalyzes a deeper relationship with the full undivided awareness of self and can lead to the kindling of the creative fire, the powerful flow of prana, that is called kundalini.

Do you see how the image above fractures our being? Our awareness of ourselves as truly whole? Do you see how it stands between the two sides of the energy body? The Ida and Pengali? The yin and yang? Do you see that the samscara is in the center of awareness, blocking out fuller union, fuller embodiment of this higher or more expansive experience of ourselves? Do you see that the samscara, the wound, is also opening to let in the light? Do you also see that the whole self already radiates the light of the totalities?

The samscara is made up  of beliefs. These beliefs are about the world, yes, but they are always fundamentally about you. So often we look to the events in childhood to try and find the genesis of our samscara….but the truth is that the origin of the samscara comes from you. Beyond all time, beyond all cause and effect.

Everyone who awakens speaks at one point or another about how time is an illusion, yet often we do not bother to consider that what happened in our childhood or in later life came from who we are outside of time, in the very spacious present so many espouse being aware of. It is here, in us, that all of our glitches have emerged. Since this involves awareness beyond the world of cause and effect, it is hard for us to embrace this timeless realm from which we each come to be incarnated in bodies here in this world. It also means that all problems begin first in ourselves.
When you can reach into this realm beyond time, you can heal your samscara for all lifetimes. Do it now, and you can feel the tension in the karmic cords it creates through all that you are and all that you have been and will become. It is precisely because it is so total a healing that it is so effective. The effect this will have for you in your evolution is that of a quantum leap.

This is how total we each must learn to be in our own sense of personal responsibility. It is one reason why whenever I tried to get over a hurt I thought someone had caused me, just as I reached into the root of the problem, I always found that it wasn’t the other person who needed  forgiveness, I was always brought to the inner truth of all of it, which was I had to forgive myself. 

This is the radical honesty that emerges when you heal the samscara. We stop seeing ourselves as being at the mercy of others and events for how we feel, and we own up to our part in it. It reverses victimization by bringing the awareness of what we did to create such a weakened dysfunctional condition in ourselves in the first place. This is not blaming the victim, it is stopping being a victim by healing our part in the equation.

We are energetic beings. So many of us are stuck believing that the five senses are all there is to our experience. Awakening shows us that HOW we feel and HOW our consciousness is constructed has a subtle nonphysical effect on what we experience and attract in our lives. You change all of this by changing what you are inside. 

You try to change it by changing where you live, but it follows you. Some things you can change when you want to heal, like not interacting with someone who you feel has hurt you. This is perfectly reasonable and can give you enough breathing room to be honest with yourself about where the old problem lies (within you). But try to initiate another effort to create a new life, without healing the samscara in you, and versions of all the same problems just keep returning. This is the karmic merry go round. What gets you off of it is how you change how you feel and identify with an aspect of your being that is anything less than healed.

Anything that you see that serves to limit your fulfillment in your life is a sign  of something that needs to be set right. There is no one way to do this, but your higher self knows. It will step in and set it right when you can lay ego and the rational mind aside enough for it to enter.
 By going deep within and finding the root of the problem, you can heal it. In so doing, your own inner awareness of what you are will grow and unfold for you. The result of this is that whatever was snagging you or causing you a problem will no longer be there. 

The way to reach the root of the problem is not by the rational mind. You have to use FEELING. This is NOT emotion! This is your intuitive capacity to know the source of all things in you. You do know. You must practice feeling

This begins with a willingness to stop thought to any degree that you can, and feel yourself. Then, you feel deeper and deeper. You let go and drift into yourself with a quiet mind and awareness that is present. It is so easy, but so hard to explain. It is like you are visiting a new world, which is your deeper self, and you are along for the ride. You can access material from earliest childhood using this method. Feel it. Don’t judge or resist. It is deceptively easy, and you need to work through your own beliefs that block you from achieving this.

Tips

When you forgive, forgive with all that you are. Imagine the problem seeping out of every corner of your being, top to bottom, like a vibration that is leaving every cell in your body. Breathe deep and slow. Then use a panting breath, like a tiger or jungle cat does. It will move a lot of energy. Close your eyes and imagine that you are floating in a deep blue ocean, unafraid of its depths and willing to drift deep into it.

Pray to Source to see and accept your apology. Offer up this problem, not with a desire to fix it, but to simply remove it. These problems were not created by the rational self so the must be given up without a hint of ever trying to understand them this way. Hand them over to that in you that touches and lives in a higher vibrational state. This is how you transmute all low vibrational problems within you. 

Expect a miracle.

Be open to change. Be like a child; open and ready for the new.
The moment you think you have everything pegged, step back and observe. Do you really? If you are still suffering, there is more work to do.

Stop assuming that you know where you are headed. A higher intelligence is running this if you will surrender control and allow your awareness of its presence to fill your life. It is so much bigger than your awareness that it takes faith, like a child, to be led by it.Y you go from pushing the river to working harmoniously with it. Your doing is now allowing. Do you see? The rational self controls. It is also limited. It cannot begin to dream of what could enter your experience next.

Grace comes by way of matching discipline and faith together as partners in your day to day growth and progress to realization.
When you are stuck, sit quietly in meditation (this can happen anywhere …even while shopping or standing in line) ask to be shown what remains to do. If it doesn’t show up as inner guidance, it will show up as events in your life. Pay attention and see how they are mirroring something inside of you. Then, by witnessing this, not ingratiating yourself with it by being reactive and emotionally invested, ask yourself how you can choose to feel differently. This is how you can actively break the chain of behavior that keeps the samscara active.

Devote yourself to love in its deepest possible expression. When you do this, seperation is dissolved in you. Love unifies. If you feel like a stranger in a strange land, love has the power to heal this. Love does not exist in condition. If you cannot do this with someone in your life, this is a sign that this is a place where more love needs to be in you. It points to a block in you. It works perfectly when you let it.
You cannot control the world, nor make it better by following old methods or paradigms for change. Instead, make yourself the paradise you would like to see in the world. You will wind up seeing all the aspects of this paradise that you had missed previously because of your blinders. If you are paradise, this will have a much better chance of catching on than any campaign sought to change through the mind.
Every part of this forms the basis of my “work” that always, in time, leads to profound healing. I hope that it can help shift your own awareness too. Nemaste.

Healing work can only come through a brutal self honesty….also referred to as “radical self honesty.”  This is because of how  adept we are at ducking responsibility for how we react and respond to others around us.  Until you are able to get to this deep level of honesty about what is happening, you will be unable to heal. It seems that only this kind of self examination is the prerequisite to true healing.

Not long ago I was able to heal something pretty important in my life.  I had been told for years that I might just have to find a way to forgive the person who was part of the issue that has been involved.  It sounds reasonable to think this, and I think that in some cases, it works.  But what I have found is that the only path to true healing is by forgiving yourself.  Why?  It seems that karma has to do with you, not the world.  This is the radical side to being honest.  If something was your problem, then forgiving another person would not heal the karma.  The only way is to inquire within not without. If the problem really is about how you felt, then forgiving another is like lying to yourself, the same act as projecting all of your junk on another when that junk should be examined as your own baggage, not the other way around. On a karmic level, it is dishonest to try and saddle another person for your own shit, but sadly this is what we all do at some point or another.  My recent healing was in learning not to be reactive to those who would try to make their own shit my problem.  I simply stopped responding, stopped reacting.  This small simple thing gave me enough breathing room in my spirit to effect the release of something that has dogged me for so long.  It worked because it was true.  The soul knows the truth even when the personality does not.  You can’t bullshit yourself into the truth.  You just can’t.

I was also talking with an old friend and teacher from my college days today.  I had reached out to see how she was after she had gone through a PhD program and went from doing art to a big change into mediation work with inner city kids.  Something told me that something was up and that I needed to check in after a couple of years of being out of touch.  I recently contacted another old teacher in the same way recently to express to him how his teaching had impacted my creative life.  He died about six months after I told him this.  Life waits for no one.  So I jumped on this and acted because, well, you just never know.

We wound up in a conversation about the trials she has been going through with family.  She explained how this other person was the source of so much pain in her life.  Gently, through a series of turns, I explained how important it was to learn to see these things in a different way.  I began with a simple quote by Wayne Dwyer which states that how someone else acts is their karma, and how YOU react to them is your karma.  Do you get that small but important difference?  No one ever makes you feel any way at all, except that we each choose, yes choose, to feel the way we do.  After all, I explained, she could easily have a sibling who, going through the exact same thing might just wave off the same behavior as something not worth worrying about when it comes to that other person.  I see this all the time. I saw it in my family, I have seen it in class mates in college, and I have seen it in my children, too.  Two children living the same kind of life see and react completely differently.  The difference is in how we choose to feel.  Simple.  But people continue to want to see that it is the other person’s fault for HOW they MAKE them feel.  No, no one MAKES you feel anything.  YOU make YOU feel.  That is how things work.  Knowing this and living this truth is the only way to get out of the emotional and spiritual prison that we often find ourselves in, in our lives.

The problem with how we normally go about this way of relating is that we make everyone around us responsible for our feelings.  Normal sensitivity aside, we each have a choice.  I explained to her that by thinking and acting this way she not only misdirected her awareness, she also gave her sibling the power that she now has over her, which she has such a glitch now in dealing with.  It has resulted in a pretty big block emotionally for her, and she wound up revealing the severity of how she felt (which wound up being the most honest thing she could have done during our talk).  But the challenge is that she has this block that goes way back to her past, an issue she knows comes from when she was a small child. And the problem with these old repressed and blocked emotions is that they emerge in our adult lives with the same level of maturity in them as when they were shoved down and repressed to begin with.  Now imagine having a feeling that haunts you that was designed by a three year old. No perspective, lots of drama, and me, me, me. That is the kind of thing you get over and over until the issue is healed.  Can you imagine just how hard it would be to have to deal with the merry go round of feeling  something like this?

Until we can get really honest with ourselves about what is at work within ourselves, these repressed emotions simply keep playing themselves over and over seemingly with no end in sight, no resolution.  People die or move away and so often we feel like they are the people that we need in order to work this out with.  But this is the trick that keeps every  one of us in the game of our karmic entanglements.  She even asked me if she could clean this mess up if one or more of the people involved had passed from this life.  The answer was a firm “Yes!” because even though someone does die in the body, their soul lives on (and besides, the karma is not on THEM, it is on the person who owns it).

To do this, you just need radical honesty perhaps for the first time ever.  Take a moment and stop thinking about how someone pushes your buttons or upsets you and focus on how you wind up reacting to them. It is here, in how you actually do choose to react, that the problem emerges….for you.  Trust me, the way to healing all of this is by doing this.  When you hear yourself saying the words, “But he made me feel so rotten, so terrible….” STOP!!  Stop right there and back it up a little and look at what is happening here.  No, they are not the one who has power over you.  You have the power.  You have the power to find a way to release this so that YOUR issues cease entering into the marketplace of emotion.  You can go from being upset to realizing that this is just their stuff and has nothing to do with you and everything to do with them.  Pity the soul who must make another responsible for how they feel.  How powerless a state is that to be in?

The first step in authentic healing work is to clear up this one issue first.  If you are used to being the victim in life, this will be a hard one to overcome.  It will take time and training your mind to see things differently. But as you do, you will increasingly begin to breathe the fresh air of freedom instead of the stale air of dependency.  We have to be very clear about whose stuff is whose stuff.  My friend described a dream she had in the wake of a difficult encounter with her sibling that involved someone having pooped all over her yard.  Even in her dreaming she was aware that bad stuff was happening, but she was focused on the poop coming from someone else.  In the end, the shit was hers.  By going back into the dream, I explained, and imagining herself cleaning it up without making it anyone’s problem but her own, it would be one important way to cement just whose poop is whose, and then it would change the terms of engagement forever.  But I know how hard it is to shift so radically in order to see it this way.

Now mind you, I was the gold standard in shifting the blame at one point in my life.  I saw where it got me: nowhere.  Even though I did believe that others were responsible for my happiness, I learned that there is a different way, a more realistic way, and it is in our grasp.  When you can do this, this radical reorientation of the self, then things can change pretty quickly.  We each deserve this honesty even as we fear what its implications might be.  But the fear is unfounded.  Why we fear being honest might come from the fear of the unknown, or of upsetting others, or getting hurt by those who cannot or wont hear the truth.  But those who cannot bear the truth are probably not anyone that you could stand to be with in any significant way.  In the end, it is the greatest compassion you can pay yourself, something that might be hard, but is the greatest act of self love you can give yourself.  This really isn’t about anyone else but you, and the buck must stop here.

May you cast a great light in your life….

What is in me is seen in the world.  What brings suffering in me is mirrored in the world.  My world is like a thousand refracted rainbows all based on a bending of the light.  Sometimes the light gets bent too far…..but I see this bending in the world around me…this light that is bent in me. The path to healing becomes a path of self honesty that there is nothing before me that does not first originate within.  As much as I try to make deals with it, the truth of it faces me each moment.  There is a way to heal it.  It takes honesty.  Humility.  I am not the most humble person, so there is often struggle.

Ho’oponopono recognizes this reality, that what we see before us in our day-to-day is a reflection that is within us.  Each moment is colored by it.  We attract perfectly what we are.  If you do not like something “out there” look within for the answer.  It sounds magical, but it is the way.

Ho’oponopono is a healing modality or Hawaiian origin that recognizes that the way to healing is by healing first what is within us.  When we do this, it provides a path for healing what we ourselves have attracted. Shift yourself, you shift the world.  It has a powerful leveraging effect.  It is also the essence of a compassionate path whereby what you heal in yourself will be healed in others.

The practice is simple.  You pray to the universe.  You think of the problem before you in your awareness and you hold it there while you pray to the universe saying

I am sorry

Please forgive me

I love you

Thank you

Ho’oponopono is a method for atonement, for helping to heal and erase the error and cause of hurt in our lives.  By being able to touch upon the grace available to us, that can be in us, we can begin to free ourselves and others from the things that have troubled us and that cause trouble for us.

To understand the power that this simple method has for you, I  direct you to a video that I think you will find very interesting.  After that, perhaps you will find a way to include this in your tool-box of tools for healing.  It is an interesting video of a practitioner of Ho’oponopono who has a great story to help illustrate how this can work in your life.

One very effective way of learning to deal with what is out in the world is first becoming aware that what you are being attracted to is something unresolved in you at some level.  People who have awakenings speak of how they can feel what others feel.  True, but look deeper though at what it is that you are picking up on.  In every instance, you will find that you are making a choice in what you are picking up on. If you are like me, you might come to the realization that you aren’t picking up on EVERYONE’s energy, just certain people.  Why some and not others?  There is a reason for this, and it is rooted in where you are and what you are feeling, even when you are not entirely aware of what these things are.  They are still inside of you and they help to paint a portrait of your life in a way that might be difficult to face sometimes, but is perfect for how accurate it can be.  It is in learning what the point is of connect within you that can lead you to resolving the issue that is at hand.  And maybe you find that you, say, keep running into people who have trouble with anger and this is very troubling to you because you find it so unsettling.  You aren’t an angry person, no, but there is an issue that is not completely resolved and the universe is serving as a perfect mirror for you.  Time to dig deep on this one!   For example, I had someone not long ago who was having trouble being in public because he was feeling everyone’s energy. In truth, he was sensing certain kinds of energy, and this was all itself a mirror of where he was.   I explained to him how an experience I had helped me break the cycle of feeling as though I was wide open to others thoughts and feelings.

Up to that point I would walk down the street and be overcome with incredible pain coming from people I would pass in public.  At first I thought this was because I was more sensitive, that I was picking up on everything.  true, yes, but there was something more that bears pointing out, since it is a finer point in all of this and can help a good deal when dealing with these things at least initially, which is that I was not picking up on everyone’s thoughts.  I was in truth picking up on those thoughts that held a vibration that had something in common with me.  A specific example and break-through for me was when I was attending a party with family where there were at least a dozen people in attendance.  I began to feel very anxious during a certain part of the party and as I felt this wave of anxiety wash over me, I found myself stopping for a moment and questioning why it was I was feeling this all of a sudden.  There was no good reason why I should be feeling this sudden wave of anxiety.  So I asked myself was this mine?  The answer was a quick “no.”  So I then asked myself “where is this coming from?”  The energy pointed me immediately in the direction of a man sitting quietly talking to my Mother who was over to the side, kind of out-of-the-way of things.  I looked at him and asked him point-blank, “Do you have problems with anxiety?”  He kind of sunk into his chair for a moment.  the look on his face was the same look that a kid gets when they realize they have been caught with their hand in the cookie jar.  But looking at me for a moment, he seemed to realize I was not asking this in a mean way, and that I did not mean anything by it.  I was just being direct.  He then softened, and explained that he had actually had a lifelong problem with anxiety and had gone to numerous therapists for it and took medications over the years because of it.  I listened as he spoke and as he did, I felt the feeling of anxiety melt away.

After that experience, I no longer felt others’ energy like I had before in that same sort of way.  I was not seized with a pain in my heart chakra after passing some man on the street, or feel a sense of tightness in the shoulders when I was talking to the receptionist over the phone.  I suspect, or feel, that the very act of identifying these things in the way that I did had the effect of helping me to identify between my own feelings and those of others in a more clarified way so that I was no longer processing things that were not entirely mine.  What it did do also was to point out why I would feel something from another person, which was that there was some aspect of it that was also in me.  I also think, though, that this mirroring still continues in our lives, just in a different way. Maybe you see them in the customers you deal with, or the clients that come through to your workplace, or the kind of people you work with.  The interesting thing is that often, when I do this work, I see a change in the other person.  I have seen some big changes taking place in my family, for example, that has led to some very healing results and some marvelous results for these people in my life.

I have seen that as I clear things up in me the type of people I encounter on a day-to-day basis has also changed.  The power of the Law of Attraction, which is that like energy attracts like energy, is at play.  It is just how the universe is.  this is not some kind of game, it is just how things work.  By being aware of this I can look at the world and the people around me to get a good view of what I might want to heal in the next go-round of work on my roster. Layer by layer, new material is revealed, I become more aware or sensitive to layers I had not felt before, and the work continues.  It is what I call spiritual archeology.  This is a digging down, revealing and healing old baggage that has been buried down there for ages.  The force of kundalini, which is itself a creative force, has a magnificent ability to heal these knots of cords that we have built up within us.

So try it on for a bit and see how it works for you if you are so bold.  And also try Ho’oponopono.

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