Archives for posts with tag: reiki

waterish

Over the course of awakening I have found that my comprehension concerning energy has evolved significantly over the last eight years.  Before awakening I read auras, I had a native ability to pick up on this energy, but when awakening came this sense easily tripled in sensitivity.

As a result of this, I have found that I am picking up on aspects of energy that no one is even talking about.  When I read documents such as on pranayama or on the Golden Flower, I often find that there is a lot missing in understanding what is at work in the energy body of a person.  A few months ago I was being worked on by a therapist who was doing massage and energy work.  I could follow what she was doing, which was clearing individual lines of energy through the meridian or nadi channels in my etheric or energy body.  As she did this, I found myself changing the way that I looked or picked up on my own energy field; I began looking DOWN through the energy channels, and when I did this, I saw something completely different from anything I have ever heard described.  What I was able to see was the presence of the chakra wheels in each channel in a certain arrangement.  This showed to me an aspect of how our energy works, which is how the chakras have their own channels through which their own energy frequency flows alongside the frequencies of other centers. Why this is important is that once you know HOW each intersecting line in the energy body is composed, you can direct pressure into that point in a very exacting way in order to release a portion of a block in, say, the sacral chakra, by how one applies pressure in one portion of the meridian system that is far from the center being worked on.

I have also found that the directional flow that most yogis and other practitioners talk about is not actually the flow of the pranic force but is something else altogether.  While it IS an effect of how energy flows, it is not directly tied to energetic flow, but is in truth more about energetic harmonics.  Have you ever heard about pranic harmonics?  I didn’t think so.  No one talks about it.  What does it mean for a healer?  What does it say about your own level of energetic awareness? What can you do to delve into the world of energy more and understand this at a higher order than you had before? The benefits are that you can help others with their own energy and you can understand your own energy and the energy of the universe.

The question I have is whether or not there is interest in this kind of material.  I know that by expanding our awareness in this region, we can also expand our capacities as healers. What say you?

I have sensed energy and understood how energy works for years and knew that were I to want to, I could be a good energy healer.  I was untrained and did not read books about alternative medicine.  But I knew what I knew.  I knew that there was a side to healing that had to do with how we feel, how our consciousness is set up for “shaped” within our bodies that had everything to do with how healthy we are, how at peace we are, and a host of other things that western medicine has largely been either unwilling to approach or wont.  As I stood there one night, using my energy to make my cat roll over, I asked “What on earth is this?  What am I?”  the answer was that I was an “energy handler.”  I was so frustrated at that point, wanting ot figure this out. But it was not to be.  I had a deep impulse that until or unless I knew I was at complete peace, I would not do any kind of healing work. 

I can remember telling a friend who was a gifted psychotherapist that I knew there was a way to heal people from a distance.  This was about five years before I found out about a healing modality caller Reiki, which served up distance healing.  Still, something in me told me that while I would be good, I knew that I had to be the most healed person in the room. 

Amongst the Native Peoples of North America, the person who was the healer was the person who was him or herself the most healed.  This healed person was the most neutral.  A person who is not healed fully will not be able to see beyond his or her own lack of healing.  The block or issue in the energy body will create a certain level of blindness for the therapist  It is important to yourself be healed if you are to heal.

When a person is healed of an issue within, they are more able to change the issue in the person before them who is there for healing.  Whether you know this or not, there is an energetic component to all healing.  Sure, if you break an arm, you have to do things that will mechanically set and allow the arm to heal. But the speed of healing is greatly influenced by the flow of life force into the area.  This life force energy has a stimulating effect on a whole range of processes in the body and they go all the way down to the cellular level.  We know this because we have observed how it is that capillaries will dilate when someone comes into the vicinity of a healer’s hands.  We have charted that there are very real physical changes taking place in the wake of what we now know is a flux or flow of life force into the body of the person being healed.  There are many very beneficial things that happen when energy flow is allowed to move unhampered.  Sometimes the result is miraculous if the person who is doing the healing is him or herself a healed person.  Healed = clear.  the other side to this is that until you heal something in yourself, you will often tend to attract what you yourself are still working on in others.  So for example you might be dealing with something that is at its root about fear.  Until you are able to deal with it, though, you may not be as helpful to others as you would be if you yourself no longer had the issue to begin with.  Why?

Atunement.  This is the term I use and it may be what others use.  It is a principle I have observed since I was in my 20’s and it has to do with how one person can actually atune a person’s energy so that they literally vibrate out the knot or block or issue in their energy body so that the underlying issue in the energy and consciousness is gone so that at the cell level the body can begin to repair and work as it was intended to. It will almost always work the right way as intended even after years of dysfunction…..so long as permanent damage has not taken place in the body.  I used to observe how I was able to get people to see auras by using this atunement energy.  I could always feel it and as long as the person was receptive, it resulted in their being able to tune into the same thing I was tuning into energy-wise.  I knew that what was taking place was how a person was able to feel my own energy and by just feeling its vibration could then achieve that same vibration for themselves, which was what enabled them to then begin seeing auras.  For the people who had this happen to them, this was itself a dramatic, but what I knew deep down was that this was how all energy medicine worked.  I just wished that I could bring my gifts to the world.  But something kept me from doing so.  What kept me from doing so was the knowledge deep down that while I could do a great deal of healing, I wanted to do something that was quite rare here, which was to be a healed healer.  I didn’t want to heal while wounded still.  I will give you an example of what I mean. 

Some months ago I decided to utilize Reiki as a healing modality for assisting me in releasing energy blocks which Kundalini has been actively engaged in helping me with since my awakening about seven years ago.  I was curious more than anything but I also felt like it could be a beneficial avenue.  After reading up on Reiki, I realized that this was a form of energy medicine that was similar to what I had always envisioned as something I tend to do with people when it comes to healing energy. 

When I went, I explained that I had been actively clearing my energy field and had done so to a pretty deep level.  I explained that this had all taken place in each chakra over many of the “koshas.”  I wanted them to understand I was not just the regular Joe.  I needed them to go deeper then they may have been used to going.  I explained I was dealing now with root issues and that this was where I needed help.  We began and the healers were successful in helping to release some difficult material.  I went a second time and while there I had a healer who was the head of a local school of alternaitve medicine say that she could not feel anything left in my root, that it was clear. I explained that there was more there, I could feel it.  In fact, I knew very well what remained in my root because I could feel the blocks as sharp pain, dull pain, and a feeling of tension as well as pressure.  My awareness of where I am with my energy is so strong that it is translated by my brain into something that it can make sense of and it also helps me to keep track of where I am by this not-so-comfy feeling, but has been useful for monitoring my progress over these seven years or so. 

After working on me for a while, the woman pronounced me cleared and stopped the work she was doing.  As I got up and thanked her for her work, she explained to me that sometimes we have to be careful about trying to turn nothing into something.  She assured me that I was clean as a whistle and to try not to make something out of nothing.  I smiled and thanked them all again before taking my jacket and heading out into the night air. 

The takeaway from all of this is that for healers who are themselves not healed,they will be blind to what remains, just as this lady was blind to what remained in me.  Over the course of the next six months, I continued on my own to release more and more material, none of it imagined, none of it an inflation of something small or minor.  In truth, I may have dug deeper than this therapist had ever had the experience of going.  I don’t say this to boast, I say this because this is itself a very real issue with healers of all kinds.  You simply cannot help someone if you yourself do not know the route to the healing your patient needs.  This is so for western medicine as well as other forms of medicine such as Chinese Medicine, energy medicine, naturalpathy, etc.  The aspect of healing that is energetic is the part that most closely corresponds to the placebo effect.  We literally decide to feel differently and we do.  Our bodies register the change and off we go.  In the case of energy healing, though, it is possible to have healing above and beyond placebo.  We talk about placebo as if its unimportant, but it is huge.  Being able to let go and being willing to be ready to feel differently are important precursors to actual healing taking place.  So HOW you feel is important. You can actually learn how to feel differently by connecting in with the feelings of the healer.  This is what atunement is all about.  We literally vibrate at the same frequency as they do.  But if that healer does not have a cleared root in her vibration, will the patient be able to clear his or her root center completely?  If s/he does, it will not be because of the healer. 

Speaking to a therapist about the work she did helping people in her practice, she expressed how she did not help people to heal.  She explained she helped them to cope. On the one hand, I thought that she was being honest and practical.  She did not try to reach for healing, she tried to make life better for the clients.  It probably  suited her well for where she was.  But no healing?  If you don’t think its possible, then its pretty much a lock that it wont be for your client.  When you expect the impossible, it tends to happen far more frequently than otherwise.  🙂

This same issue is at work when a teacher seeks to tell his or her students about something that he or she does not yet fully understand or has made a part of his or her practice.  Ram Das who wrote Be Here Now had a conversation with his teacher about why it was that he had not learned a certain principle from his previous teacher.  It was curious because other students had not learned it either, even though the teacher was able to teach about it many times.  Ram Das’s new teacher explained this perfectly:  his teacher could not expect anyone to learn the new perspective and embody it because he had not yet done so.  His teaching, then, was ineffectual as a result.  You can preach it all you want, but until you ARE it, there is little hope that your words will make any difference.  See, until the vibration is right, people wont get it because the other side of our being is that we are each energetic beings and we are highly sensitive to these energies in consciousness.  Our world is an unseen but entirely felt tapestry of energy that has a very real effect on people and as we have found in physics, on objects as well. 

Does this mean that I think all people should hold off on doing energy work or healing until they themselves are clear?  Nope.  In fact, I think that a lot of good can be done even before you are completely clear or free from the wheel or karma.  I think for me, though, I am most interested in being able to come from a place where I am so clear that I can easily find every little hitch and glitch and gently and effortlessly give space and the vibration necessary to entrain and heal that person’s field of anything that is anything less than an aligned state of being. And does this mean that I wont be healing in this life?  Well, I can’t say for sure. At the pace I am going it wont be long before I have emptied the karmic dustbin out completely,  A few years ago I had someone say something to me that I thought was short sighted, which was that I was stuck in these karmic glitches and would probably remain so the rest of my life.  I thought “Wow, how incredibly limited!”  It was enough to get me shaking off the feeling behind those words, the sense of hopelessness that must have been in that person.  Well, I am here to say that life is nothing if not full of surprises and our conception one moment can be completely reformed the next.  Change can happen on a dime!  So I say: be ready for anything!  I am here to return to the garden.  Why are you here?

And that, dear reader, is a little perspective on the healing arts! 

I have sensed energy and understood how energy works for years and knew that were I to want to, I could be a good energy healer.  I was untrained and did not read books about alternative medicine.  But I knew what I knew.  I knew that there was a side to healing that had to do with how we feel, how our consciousness is set up for “shaped” within our bodies that had everything to do with how healthy we are, how at peace we are, and a host of other things that western medicine has largely been either unwilling to approach or wont.  As I stood there one night, using my energy to make my cat roll over, I asked “What on earth is this?  What am I?”  the answer was that I was an “energy handler.”  I was so frustrated at that point, wanting to figure this out. But it was not to be.  I had a deep impulse that until or unless I knew I was at complete peace, I would not do any kind of healing work.  And I didn’t. 

I can remember telling a friend who was a gifted psychotherapist that I knew there was a way to heal people from a distance.  This was about five years before I found out about a healing modality caller Reiki, which served up distance healing.  Still, something in me told me that while I would be good, I knew that I had to be the most healed person in the room. 

Amongst the Native Peoples of North America, the person who was the healer was the person who was him or herself the most healed.  This healed person was the most neutral.  A person who is not healed fully will not be able to see beyond his or her own lack of healing.  The block or issue in the energy body will create a certain level of blindness for the therapist  It is important to yourself be healed if you are to heal.

When a person is healed of an issue within, they are more able to change the issue in the person before them who is there for healing.  Whether you know this or not, there is an energetic component to all healing.  Sure, if you break an arm, you have to do things that will mechanically set and allow the arm to heal. But the speed of healing is greatly influenced by the flow of life force into the area.  This life force energy has a stimulating effect on a whole range of processes in the body and they go all the way down to the cellular level.  We know this because we have observed how it is that capillaries will dilate when someone comes into the vicinity of a healer’s hands.  We have charted that there are very real physical changes taking place in the wake of what we now know is a flux or flow of life force into the body of the person being healed.  There are many very beneficial things that happen when energy flow is allowed to move unhampered.  Sometimes the result is miraculous if the person who is doing the healing is him or herself a healed person.  Healed = clear.  the other side to this is that until you heal something in yourself, you will often tend to attract what you yourself are still working on in others.  So for example you might be dealing with something that is at its root about fear.  Until you are able to deal with it, though, you may not be as helpful to others as you would be if you yourself no longer had the issue to begin with.  Why?

Atunement.  This is the term I use and it may be what others use.  It is a principle I have observed since I was in my 20’s and it has to do with how one person can actually atune a person’s energy so that they literally vibrate out the knot or block or issue in their energy body so that the underlying issue in the energy and consciousness is gone so that at the cell level the body can begin to repair and work as it was intended to. It will almost always work the right way as intended even after years of dysfunction…..so long as permanent damage has not taken place in the body.  I used to observe how I was able to get people to see auras by using this atunement energy.  I could always feel it and as long as the person was receptive, it resulted in their being able to tune into the same thing I was tuning into energy-wise.  I knew that what was taking place was how a person was able to feel my own energy and by just feeling its vibration could then achieve that same vibration for themselves, which was what enabled them to then begin seeing auras.  For the people who had this happen to them, this was itself a dramatic, but what I knew deep down was that this was how all energy medicine worked.  I just wished that I could bring my gifts to the world.  But something kept me from doing so.  What kept me from doing so was the knowledge deep down that while I could do a great deal of healing, I wanted to do something that was quite rare here, which was to be a healed healer.  I didn’t want to heal while wounded still.  I will give you an example of what I mean. 

Some months ago I decided to utilize Reiki as a healing modality for assisting me in releasing energy blocks which Kundalini has been actively engaged in helping me with since my awakening about seven years ago.  I was curious more than anything but I also felt like it could be a beneficial avenue.  After reading up on Reiki, I realized that this was a form of energy medicine that was similar to what I had always envisioned as something I tend to do with people when it comes to healing energy. 

When I went, I explained that I had been actively clearing my energy field and had done so to a pretty deep level.  I explained that this had all taken place in each chakra over many of the “koshas.”  I wanted them to understand I was not just the regular Joe.  I needed them to go deeper then they may have been used to going.  I explained I was dealing now with root issues and that this was where I needed help.  We began and the healers were successful in helping to release some difficult material.  I went a second time and while there I had a healer who was the head of a local school of alternaitve medicine say that she could not feel anything left in my root, that it was clear. I explained that there was more there, I could feel it.  In fact, I knew very well what remained in my root because I could feel the blocks as sharp pain, dull pain, and a feeling of tension as well as pressure.  My awareness of where I am with my energy is so strong that it is translated by my brain into something that it can make sense of and it also helps me to keep track of where I am by this not-so-comfy feeling, but has been useful for monitoring my progress over these seven years or so. 

After working on me for a while, the woman pronounced me cleared and stopped the work she was doing.  As I got up and thanked her for her work, she explained to me that sometimes we have to be careful about trying to turn nothing into something.  She assured me that I was clean as a whistle and to try not to make something out of nothing.  I smiled and thanked them all again before taking my jacket and heading out into the night air. 

The takeaway from all of this is that for healers who are themselves not healed,they will be blind to what remains, just as this lady was blind to what remained in me.  Over the course of the next six months, I continued on my own to release more and more material, none of it imagined, none of it an inflation of something small or minor.  In truth, I may have dug deeper than this therapist had ever had the experience of going.  I don’t say this to boast, I say this because this is itself a very real issue with healers of all kinds.  You simply cannot help someone if you yourself do not know the route to the healing your patient needs.  This is so for western medicine as well as other forms of medicine such as Chinese Medicine, energy medicine, naturalpathy, etc.  The aspect of healing that is energetic is the part that most closely corresponds to the placebo effect.  We literally decide to feel differently and we do.  Our bodies register the change and off we go.  In the case of energy healing, though, it is possible to have healing above and beyond placebo.  We talk about placebo as if its unimportant, but it is huge.  Being able to let go and being willing to be ready to feel differently are important precursors to actual healing taking place.  So HOW you feel is important. You can actually learn how to feel differently by connecting in with the feelings of the healer.  This is what atunement is all about.  We literally vibrate at the same frequency as they do.  But if that healer does not have a cleared root in her vibration, will the patient be able to clear his or her root center completely?  If s/he does, it will not be because of the healer. 

Speaking to a therapist about the work she did helping people in her practice, she expressed how she did not help people to heal.  She explained she helped them to cope. On the one hand, I thought that she was being honest and practical.  She did not try to reach for healing, she tried to make life better for the clients.  It probably  suited her well for where she was.  But no healing?  If you don’t think its possible, then its pretty much a lock that it wont be for your client.  When you expect the impossible, it tends to happen far more frequently than otherwise.  🙂

This same issue is at work when a teacher seeks to tell his or her students about something that he or she does not yet fully understand or has made a part of his or her practice.  Ram Das who wrote Be Here Now had a conversation with his teacher about why it was that he had not learned a certain principle from his previous teacher.  It was curious because other students had not learned it either, even though the teacher was able to teach about it many times.  Ram Das’s new teacher explained this perfectly:  his teacher could not expect anyone to learn the new perspective and embody it because he had not yet done so.  His teaching, then, was ineffectual as a result.  You can preach it all you want, but until you ARE it, there is little hope that your words will make any difference.  See, until the vibration is right, people wont get it because the other side of our being is that we are each energetic beings and we are highly sensitive to these energies in consciousness.  Our world is an unseen but entirely felt tapestry of energy that has a very real effect on people and as we have found in physics, on objects as well. 

Does this mean that I think all people should hold off on doing energy work or healing until they themselves are clear?  Nope.  In fact, I think that a lot of good can be done even before you are completely clear or free from the wheel or karma.  I think for me, though, I am most interested in being able to come from a place where I am so clear that I can easily find every little hitch and glitch and gently and effortlessly give space and the vibration necessary to entrain and heal that person’s field of anything that is anything less than an aligned state of being. And does this mean that I wont be healing in this life?  Well, I can’t say for sure. At the pace I am going it wont be long before I have emptied the karmic dustbin out completely,  A few years ago I had someone say something to me that I thought was short sighted, which was that I was stuck in these karmic glitches and would probably remain so the rest of my life.  I thought “Wow, how incredibly limited!”  It was enough to get me shaking off the feeling behind those words, the sense of hopelessness that must have been in that person.  Well, I am here to say that life is nothing if not full of surprises and our conception one moment can be completely reformed the next.  Change can happen on a dime!  So I say: be ready for anything!  I am here to return to the garden.  Why are you here?

And that, dear reader, is a little perspective on the healing arts! 

I was told that I might experience a kind of “healing crisis” after releasing such deep stuff as I did in my Reiki session this past Wednesday (and which I wrote about last post).

The material that I moved was some pretty old stuff that went back to my first year of life.  My father was diagnosed as having cancer soon after I was conceived.  I grew up not knowing my Father because he was gone when I was 16 months old.  I always felt like I was a giant sponge energetically and emotionally. I had no way to deal with all of these very hard emotions.  I grew up angry and distant from my mother who I felt had abandoned me emotionally.  In a sense she did, yes, but it was because she herself was suffering knowing my father was dying.  And he did die.  And she was worried what she would do with four children.  It was 1967 and a woman, unless she was independently wealthy or owned her own business, was most often dependent on a man to provide.  That was the soup I grew up in in the womb and that I came into on the day of my birth.  My mother tells of how she and my father shared smiles and tears on the day of my birth.  My great grandmother upon seeing me said “I wonder if the poor fellow knows what he is in for…..”

Now I am not pulling out the violins.  In fact, we all have our own past hurts that grab hold of us.  We all do.  By telling you this, though, I am actually saying that if I can move such stubborn dug in material, so can you.  I have been through an awakening of kundalini, life force which is so abundant that its very force helps to remove these blocks.  But even kundalini has not move this one big bundle of blocks from those early years and which have settled into my root, sacral and partly in my solar plexus region.  Here are the more emotionaly guided centers of energy. This is where our sense of survival spring, our sexuality, our inner beauty and our will. All of this is important for healthy self image and for attracting all the right things into ones own life. When life force increases in your life and you remove blocks, what you put into this strong life force comes out as a very fast turn-around cycle for manifestation.  What poeple are talking about as the 11:11 signs and “syncs” are actually a poorly understood phenomenon that will show you, when you understand it, how you and the universe are linked in a co-creative relationship!  This is part of what my new book Waking The Infinite is about.  I am looking forward to getting this book finished and on the market!

The reiki session resulted in my being able to realize what it was I had shoved down so long ago.  It put me into direct contact with those old feelings and it helped me to understand a little better the mystery of that time which has been shrouded in a fog behind memory.  One thing I can tell you is that reiki has had similar effects as acupuncture and some body work.  I have also experienced the same effects with Qi Gung (also spelled Gong).  All of this is part of a continuum of energy work with slightly different means to the same end.  Whatever works, I say. Cranial-Sacral therapy is also another very profound method for reaching deep states of release and surrender and thus healing.  By letting go of a lot of material you can come away feeling a little unsteady.  I felt as though something had been stirred up that was kind of hard.  For me I realized that since I had never grieved the loss of my father, this feeling was shoved down and was reexperienced in a kind of distorted fashion in the way we might walk around an angry bull. Be know the bull is angry but we don’t do anything to help the bull release its anger.  We just keep walking around it and that bull just stays mad as hell.  For years.  Maybe he dies angry.  So letting this stuff goes is like walking right up to that bull and not being afraid of it only to find that the bull suddenly changes.  He melts.  Then, instead of a big bad creature we all stay away from, he became a gentle giant who lounges in the shade of trees and snorts from time to time, but only because he pulled in too much pollen from the flowers he was smelling.  Yes, this healing process is much like this. It is a revelation.

In the wake of this partial clearing my thoughts have cleared much more.  A whole slew of things I am seeing in a much clearer light than I had before.  Issues related to how the pain in my root had served to set up a vibration that attracted other people with similar problems. I have been able to see more clearly with compassion how people have sought to hurt me in the past.  I just see it differently.  the universal field energy is moving through me without the same lenses that I had in place.  People I was once attracted to I see as they are…..as people who are themselves not complete in their process, quite gnarly, and thus given to biting and other chaotic behavior. I know that as I dissolve this last big block remaining, it should have a corresponding effect on how I see and feel about a range of things that have caused me suffering.

It makes healing job one.

Being able to bring love and compassion into the moment is so important.  Learning the balance between selfless love and sound boundaries with people who are themselves not yet there is so important.  I remember toddling on my feet after getting up from the table from Reiki and someone behind me asked if I was interested in learning to do reiki and I explained that I always felt like I would be really good at it but I wanted to be as clear as I could be.  I smiled and looked over at the lady on my left and I said, “And that is why I am here.”

I hope to return next week and every week thereafter until this block is completely clear.  And then?  Its curious because a voice inside of me said “You will soon be clear…..what awaits you then I wonder???”  And I realized, whoah, I am nearing this point…..releasing all this stuff which is karmic….maybe its time I begin to shift gears into healing work.  Well who knows, right?  Life is a mystery.

For years I have been aware of the energy therapy called Reiki that was developed by a Japanese man who lived up until 1929 who had an awakening and developed this method for helping to move energy blocks.  I learned about it as a therapy while speaking to a friend and psychotherapist who was beloved by many in our community as a wise and intuitive healer.  We were sitting in his yard and I was explaining that I felt like there was a way that one could heal a person through their energy field without talking to them, or even touching them, all done at a distance.  He smiled and said that I might be on to something. It was there that I learned about this therapy called Reiki.  Being the nonconformist and lone wolf, I never did any more than read about the basics of the discipline.  Having been aware of energy for years since beginning to see auras when I was 18, the ideas behind Reiki all sounded on the mark to me.  But I was not a joiner.  It was like some sense I had even back then that by not aligning to other methods that I would be more free to create my own or to see something perhaps more clearly….what, I was not sure.  Twenty years and an awakening later, this impulse has begun to make more sense to me in terms of what it is I am trying to do with understanding awakenings.

It has been seven years since my awakening began and in that time I have had clearings of old latent material from a host of different levels within the light body, what is also called the pranamayakosha.  This light body has sheathes or levels much like an onion.  The literature states that there are five layers in the pranamayakosha, but intuition tells me there are seven within the range of our awareness in the physical.  In all truth, I suspect more and more that the real structure is that of a cone, a continuous broadening of the energy body into ever larger dimensions of awareness.  This is where we begin to experience the higher self.  Here resides bliss which we can begin to learn to anchor in our bodies, thus marrying heaven to earth, which I know to be a big goal in my own life.  If it helps to think of this all as layers, then use it, but just don’t limit your thinking…..there is more to all of this and it is waiting for you and me once we are ready to see touch and taste it. The result of this clearing is that I have removed a great deal of material.  It has been quite the trip!  And if anything has been a certainty is that the movement of life force or kundalini has not always been orderly. It has gone where it could do the most work, it seems.  So the idea that it goes from root to crown is a nice idea, but for me, the material in my root has been the hardest most stubborn stuff to deal with and so it has remained throughout this journey.  I have become increasingly aware of just how important is has been to clear this area, but it has been an example of a big glitch in my karmic makeup.

I have observed that most people seem to have a small cluster of issues that form a hard center or core of challenges that often tend to repeat from one lifetime to another.  Being able to heal these patterns is a huge thing since by dissolving it in one life it can loosen the threads in all others.  In truth, the idea of time works only as it is being lived…..but in the larger perspective, alltime becomes more like a landscape where many more things become possible. An event, then, in the past effects the future just as much as a future event sends out energetic ripples deep into the past.  In a recent journey into my own life as a teen, I was able to slip into my dreamtime way back then and insert a brief but brilliant moment of wisdom to my younger self.  The effect the following day was nothing short of revolutionary.  Whats so  curios was that I can remember having a dream where a weird almost manic future self showed up in a dream I had, looked me deep in the eyes and told me one simple thing.  It wasn’t about how to win the lottery or anything like that.  It was the one thing that would make the single biggest impact; love.  Love as deeply as you can.  She is going to come around the corner in fifteen minutes and if you get on that bus, you will miss her.  Just wait.  Wait and you will see her.  Love is the way. The following day there was a subtle yet noticable difference.  In the same way that I have known that the intelligence of kundalini is itself a future self more refined looping back through all time into its version of the past, it is helping me to change the pattern that might have otherwise been my life the way it was going before awakening visited me seven years ago.  The future self is thus changed.  I am changed.  Doing this travel is easy to do actually because it involves no mass.  No body. Just the light body. Try it.  You might be surprised just how easy it is.  Increasingly as people are becoming aware of this as a possibility this sort of travel, when used for healing and growth, reaps huge rewards.  The future self, like a more developed you, perhaps even like a cosmic parent, can visit you right here and now.

So this root has had be hung up. This root has been about the death of a father, the loss of a mother, a small baby who was not loved enough, who did not feel safe, who shut down…..and was thus also part of a pattern of countless lives lived where children were left without parents, adopted, left to live as urchins on the streets in centuries past.  This glitch in my makeup wore deep groooves into my being. Coming into this life, I carried it as a big skip on my karmic recording.  It kept going round and round, the record playing the same full revolution, never getting past that one spot. So it has been with awareness that I have sought to lessen its effects energetically as much as I can.  It has been stubborn.  Over the last few months, the removal of other material has highlighted the root more and more.  I have become more aware of it in a singular sort of way.  I have felt a near-constant sense of nausea, a feeling of thickness energetically there. And so it was that when I heard that there was a group who did Reiki attunements in my area that I thought it would be a good idea to get to know these folks.

I went last night.  The air was brisk and as I entered, there were perhaps seven people working on two people in the room.  I chatted with one of the therapists as they completed a therapy session with a student.  In an interesting turn of events, I was explaining that I had had a friend and healer who helped to move a block in my sacral with the waive of her hand. It was so effortless it changed how I thought about this “work” that we do in liberating ourselves from these kinds of things.  What was so unusual was that during that visit, the person who had just hopped up from the table had been at the local farmer’s market in my area and they chatted while we browsed the booths.  So here he was, again, standing up just as I told how my friend had done this clearing for me when we had met this young man who was…..just getting off the therapists table!  We all had a big smile and I got on the table.

At first, I could feel the energy, yes, but nothing happened.  One of the therapists left mid way through as he had to leave to go to work.  After he left, the therapists changed orientation.  We spoke as they began to place their hands at different places on my body.  I explained what it was that was giving me trouble, that for all the clearing I had done my root was giving me a real challenge.  Everyone was gentle, kind, and supportive.  As I relaxed more and more I found that my awareness opened up and I dropped into what I call the zone.  Within minutes I felt a shimmering of high vibrational energy moving through me.  I could feel the therapist with her energy moving up through my feet into my legs, serving as a kind of tuning fork for my own energy.  Someone at my head cradled me. After some minutes the therapists changed position and someone new came over to my head.  This was where I felt like some part of my awareness went waaaay out.  Gosh, what WAS that?  I felt like he was almost bilocated to some other place…..a higher dimension.  I kept hearing the number “7” being said over and over.  I realized that this was my crown chakra.  “Oh right!  Crown!…..”  there was a presence in the room and I was suddenly standing with him over near where I first came in.  I was asking him something but he smiled and said, “you wont remember…..just keep with the attunement and all will be well…..”

A therapist asked if my neck hurt and I said that it didn’t.  In that moment, though, I felt a sudden thickness in my shoulders rising up out of my heart and I replied that while I didn’t feel physical pain, I did feel like a block was trying to move all of a sudden.  I felt a familiar kind of sense as though I was about to pass out, except I never did. This feeling always seems to accompany strong releases of energy for me.  I also can get a feeling of nasusea as well.  I was getting both at this point.  It was here that I mentioned how I felt the pain in my energy body from the root upwards into the sacral.  A therapist was already there describing it, which was when the energy began to move.  I had said earlier that I thought that maybe the energy would move quietly through Reiki, but I was beginning to feel a swelling of emotion deep down inside of me.

I felt as though I had been hurdled all the way back to an early time in life.  This was hard.  It was a hard, sad, and even scary time.  My father was dying and my mother was in turmoil.  I was very young, an infant.  I felt a swirl of emotion.  I felt sadness over not being loved.  I also felt grief.  I was aware of my father dying, of his absence and how important his presence was in my life during that brief time. It was as though I never got to grieve his death.  This was a light bulb moment for me.   I had always felt a kind of sadness related to him, whcih I of course associated with his dying so young.  But when I touched it, the feeling was incredibly specific.  You see, I had always thought if I ever touched these feelings they would just be vague senses of loss or sadness.  Not so.  Everything felt keyed into very specific things that were immediately identifiable in my life.  It was as though emotional energy had the capacity to interface with very specific memories or perhaps that memory is also buried within feeling (which I think is maybe not what we might think at first blush when considering these things).  The discovery was that even as an infant, I had never gotten to grieve his death properly.  All of that grief got bottled up inside me. This was actually very clear.  I was very sad and had not grieved his death properly.  At age 14 months, I was not taken to his funeral. Deeper still were all these layers…..I wasn’t good enough to be loved….that was why I had slipped into this situation…..I feared I was not lovable.  These waves of emotion came one after another as I felt as though I had been pressed into the first year of my life, back into a space where I felt very small physically but very big energetically.  Everything felt out of proportion somehow.

The therapists could not have been more kind and supportive.  There was gentle and loving laughter as we chatted between my fits of grief and sadness.  It felt like layers were being shed.  I was aware of an edge of being uncomfortable with really letting go fully. There were other people there on another table.  One therapist said for me not to feel funny just letting it all out.  He let me know it was not unusual to really howl if I had to.  After a few more minutes it felt like I had cleared a good piece of it.  I felt some relief and THAT was a real relief.  As I lay there I could feel how everyone was wanting to go home.  It was a very quick and simple end to the session.  I got up and found that I could not write my name or my email address for a few moments.  This was a bit unexpected, but I really felt like I had gone way out. I suddenly had a flurry of impressions about the people who had worked on me.  One man I saw scrambling around on rocks near water.  He said he loved to be outdoors.  The man who had been there earlier I said I saw as a cook in another life, one in which he valued quality, was kind of crazy about quality as a path toward nurturing people. They smiled and explained that he was having to go to his job that he hated, which was at a local restaurant where the quality of the food was poor.  He was hoping to get a job at a place that valued quality more.  I agreed that he really needed that and actually thrived on it.

For the next hour I felt similar to how I had felt after I had had  acupuncture  a year previously.  I was aware of feeling a whole new layer of feelings that had been stuck in the root somehow. I felt…..different……I felt a level of compassion that was different than before.  It is hard to explain but I saw some things in my life differently.  I realized I had been seeing them through a lens of the old latent hurt. I also was able to see how the hurt as it was composed had attracted certain people in my life and how it too had blinded them in a like fashion.  I saw more clearly how important it is to accept our own stuff and not seek to put it on to other people, something that I saw how others had done to me before and that I had done to others also.  I saw how I had only been hurting myself, but that I had also hurt others by allowing this distortion to persist within me.  This distortion disrupted my ability to align to my higher self in this clearer way.  As long as that was in the way, I could not know the subtlety of awareness and perception that existed beyond the realm of those old suite of clothes.

My sense is that while I had an intense session, clearings using Reiki will have different effects for people at different stages of their process.  Like an onion, you may find that you start in one place and progress ever deeper until you reach the harder places where the self does not want to let go out of fear or shame.  This process, though, is slowly revealing the beauty that we are within. And me, I am going back next week for some follow-up work.

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