Archives for posts with tag: manifesting

I’m an artist by profession and was trained in being good at observation. I have been involved in fairly technical media during my training and career, so I have spent a lot of time testing things for a wide range of results and insight. Like how long it takes on average to finish a surface in metal or glass in order to determine how long each step will take in the production of a piece that will get created many times. Having a good and dependable data set is critical to being able to know how to price work competitively, but also how to reduce flaws or problems that crop up. It is also a great way to understand all sorts of phenomena. Engineers will test new alloys in order to understand how it will weather, hold up under stresses, or finishing surfaces.

If you learn how not to bias yourself with what you think you are seeing, the data often will lead you right to the issue and you can then begin to formulate solutions from there.

Hang on, there, this does tie into spiritual or energetic work, I promise!

By my second year into awakening, I noticed that while I was having lots of synchronicities, I had this feeling like there was something more to them than met the eye. Was there a way to test this phenomena so I could learn more about it? It seemed reasonable to me!

I turned to observation to see if I could tease out any important details. My feeling about this phenomenon was that this wasn’t something the universe was sending me, like a message from the divine as I had heard others describe it. But what was it, if not that?

When you run high energy for days, weeks, months, and years at a time, you get lots of opportunities to observe it in action. I had reached various levels of what I learned was called samadhi.

I noticed one early Fall after I had broken my dreaded adrenal cycle experience that my energy hit new high vibrational peaks. I can only describe this as feeling different from how kundalini had been. It was just….high frequency is the only way I can describe it. I could feel it in my body, too, all this energy once used to fuel unacknowledged fear (expressed as 24/7 adrenaline for about five months solid), now being expressed as this new energetic feeling. I had released some repressed emotional material, along with learning how to regulate my system through the will for this “new” state I had finally reached.

This energy was fairly constant, but it would go away for a day, a week, or just an hour or two, so I had opportunities to see it at work under a variety of conditions. Who knows how it was going to go, except it was doing its work on me.

During this time I noticed when the energy got to a really high in frequency, I would begin having synchronicities. If the energy cut out, so too would the synchronicities. This was noticable as a cery different frequency, I could feel it as this shimmering energy instead of the old peak energy mixed with my body pumping out adrenaline.

“Hmmmmm,” I thought, “I wonder if the two are connected?” I considered the possibility that my energy was responsible for creating these events. It sounded reasonable to me. What had me a little fuzzled was how this worked. Like usual, I had ideas but needed ways to test them.

I continued to watch and observe. I would wake up one morning with a totally calm energetic landscape but would find by, say, mid-day that suddenly the energy would whir to life….and I’ll be darned if the synchronicities didn’t track right along with the energy. Coincidence or correlation? After observing this dozens of times with the result being the same each time, I felt that this was a correlation. Okay, that was most likely figured out. I had also noticed whenever I began feeling the energy awakening early on in my process I also noticed really bizarre synchronistic events taking place. So, yeah.

I then began thinking about the concept of manifestation, considering that this was very much like that principle but now on steroids. I wondered how I could test this idea? I considered that synchronicities were just how we ran our energy and that the universe was doing what it had always done, except now events were more clearly mirroring our thoughts.

I know that this sounds like a bit of a leap from seeing “11:11” or other number sequences, but my intuitive read on this was that seeing number sequences were the result of my simply not giving a direction to my thoughts. I reasoned that we all usually have these number events because we aren’t thinking about how we could direct out thoughts more. This was just my theory. It was time to try to gather some data.

In order for my theory to show any correlation to directional thought, I would have to experiment with that very thing. As I began doing this, I tried to envision outcomes stemming from my thoughts. I picked things that I knew I had few competing beliefs about since this has long been known as one element that can keep a wish or thought from coming to pass. I had to feel like there was no, “Yes, but” kind of thoughts present. I did this over about four months, often on a daily basis, depending on when the energy was peaking or strong.

I found that my old synchronicities dissapeared almost completely and began to be replaced with even more complicated series’ of events that, while synchronistic, were now providing me with much more information based on relevance to my own thoughts. This showed me that a synchronicity as we think of them can become much more complex than before.

I also began having events that would repeat, such as seeing a quote from a writer and then randomly seeing that author’s name coming up based in events for which I had no direct control over, all within a few hours of each other. I would then look up the quote in a book by that author only to find that the chapter in the book from whence the quote was mentioned would contain critically relevant information for the chapter in a book I was working on. I had numerous events like these, but with the caveat that each set of events were specific to a goal or wish that I had in mind. Maybe you have had experiences similar to this!

To put a fine point on this phenomenon, nearly all of the “research” that I did for this book was all gleaned as a result of synchronicities much like I have just described to you. The conditions were that I was engaged in the subject and really didn’t want to have to pour over books to find what I was looking for. That is, I dreaded having to do research the traditional trial and error way. This set up a parameter for how the events would take place. This, I think, was the direction given to my thoughts, which would manifest in these unbelievable events.

I began to realize that the books that came to me, whether randomly plucked from the library shelves and opened to the very page that contained the pertinent information, or from a friend who might innocently reference a book on the subject I was currently working on, the result was always the same. I was gleaning information that would have been nearly impossible for me to find in the way these events were doing. And yet, these events happened with considerable regularity. In truth, ALL of my outside research simply came to me in this inexplicable way. I know that some people on hearing this might say, “You were meant to find that one paragraph in that book!” But, I thought, what if the emphasis is on how our consciousness interfaces with reality, essentially creating an alignment based on your own thoughts? Yes, I do think there is an intelligence there, but if it is as objective as many want to think it is, why doesn’t it do more things for us that we don’t think about that are in our best interest? Do you see the difference, here?

Why doesn’t it save thise children in the school bus in Yemen that was instead blown up by a missile? Why didn’t it jump in and save the Jews during the Holocaust? Why didn’t it save me from a head-on collision four months ago? I’m fine, by the way, but I really wish the car wasn’t totalled! Do you get what I mean here? This was showing me that it was being driven by my own needs which I was thinking about, not some objective intelligence. I know, that might be a tad cerebral, but this is the kind of thing that fascinates me. And yes, I do split hairs!

Always there was an aspect universal to these events, which was that the information that I needed was not known to the person when they randomly mentioned a book relevant to my topic. If it was an event that didn’t involve another person, I was plucking books off the shelves and turning to the one page that had the information I was looking for.

The other side to all of this was a state in which I was either not thinking of finding the material or not having spoken about the information to the person who would mention a book on the same topic or a teacher who had information on the topic at hand. This still kept the “bizarre” aspect in place that is native to most synchronicities.

This experience showed me that synchronicities are little more than our ability to manifest outcomes by using a “field” based approach instead of a particle based approach. A field is consistent with “putting it out there” as an unencumbered wish or visualization, whereas a particle approach is more about trying to work to make an event happen a certain way. One wishes for an outcome but doesn’t think beyond how that will happen, while the other wishes for an event and tries to make it happen. Want to guess which one has been heads and shoulders above the other in both efficiency and usefulness?

I use these terms of particle stnd wave symbolically to refer to the two seemingly dualistic modes referred to in physics and electrical phenomena. One feels masculine and one feels feminine in character. Can you guess which one refers to which mode of “doer-ship”? Particle. Solid, concrete, following a rational systematic and liner approach. The other is much more mysterious and always seems to work with amazing accuracy and perfect timing.

The end result in my observation of this phenomenon is that it seems that our intention meshes with our reality and helps bring certain events to fruition at a speed that makes these events feel almost otherworldly. Can you relate?

Does prana work with our own thoughts to help create events like these on a shorter time scale than usual? I say this because awakening is certainly a change in the flow and awareness of prana (that is what kundalini is, a radical flow of vast amounts of prana).

I wanted to pass this along for anyone who has either had this happen or who wants to test it for themselves to see what results they get. I hope this adds a little new wrinkle to your day. ♡

(Copyright, Parker Stafford)

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In my last entry I described a meditation I got caught up in that resulted in strong light activity, a phenomenon often tied to awakening experiences. After what was a very productive session, I decided it would be a good idea to revisit the meditation again to see if I could continue with the work. This time was decidedly different, but was oddly similar to the movie about the after death experience “What Dreams May Come” starring Robin Williams. In a similar way, it was also a bit like the movie “Inception” too. This was due to the lucidity present throughout the experience, I think.

When I say my meditation was like a movie, it’s not lost on me that there was an undercurrent of drama, hinting at a subsumed emotional energy, like a great big question lying in hidden veils at the center of some great edifice that kept coming up and up, over and over. But this meditation took me deep while awake, and then took me into dream, while I alternated between lucidity and full-on dream state and forgetfulness of earthbound ego awareness. This time, instead of brilliance, I delved deep into the shadow.

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I have tended to see awakening taking on this kind of cycle; a moment of brilliance followed by a deep dredge of the muck as though one serves to bring up the other. It isn’t perhaps why many people misunderstand the power that awakening contains. It’s not all rainbows. It is more about clearing, cleansing, and it can be hard on you to do this kind of delving. I know it’s not fun for me….but it always comes with a reward that is forever reaped, an inheritance that remains perennial.

I slipped into the deep state. This part is the easy part. It’s being able to remain lucid enough inside such a deep lovely swirling eddy of energy and not lose consciousness, especially when it’s at the end of the day and you are ready for bed. I remained neutral, not seeking to do anything since the intention was already placed. I just had to wait for the subconscious and higher self to do their part. I was along as a witness to what would unfold. My cat lay next to me, again, purring softly, a few snorts as she drifted either deep or up out of her own deep sleep. This time, she would project right into my lucid dream, acting as a reminder to remember why I was there.

I wound up inside a dream. It was night and I was walking around an old house that I remembered having dreamed of years before in another shadow work dream at an earlier stage in my progress. Nowadays, dream imagery and its meaning tends to be much more direct or understandable than it ever was before awakening. For me, a house represents the construct of human consciousness. It is an image that Jesus often used, too, and it has been a consistent image each time I dream of it. In one dream I might be in a house, in another, a warehouse, or in one, I stood on the streets of a city as I observed the roots of some massive tree or plant that was growing in a large building, revealing its roots as it emerged through cracks in a deep stairwell….an image that spoke to me of the work that remained to be done in the root chakra, the foundation.

Last night, it was that same old haunted house. It had the weight of ghosts, of lives and people who had lived inside of it and now it lay abandoned. A moment of lucidity began to build and I felt myself dream while kicking into meditation all awareness simultaneously. The last time I was here, the dream ended with me discovering that I could lift up into the air; a clear indication of my letting go and allowing the organic force flow through me. I lifted up into the treetops. This time, though, I was solidly grounded. I pondered what else was there to clear out, to resolve in this tumble of an old home? It was in its own slanted way, a great life, but it wasn’t my life today, but one lived a long time ago. All of this was emblematic of the work I had left incomplete in that previous life, and here I was, having to set it right, to give it that moment of forgiveness it so needed in order to be free.

The house lay in a depression, between two sloping meadows. It must have been a lovely sight in its heyday, but it was lying in moonlight and was ramshackle. The large wrapping porch had sunk in, taking a wing of the roof with it. You could see into its interior and as I made my way around it, I realized how much it lay in shadow. “If there is to be light here, I am the one who must bring it…” I realized.

Just as I thought this, I felt myself lift and the dream fall away from me. I was warm in bed, and only had a moment to ponder as, like a swimmer, I went right back in, grabbing a quick breath as the waves of sleep lapped over my head and everything went muffled and I lost ordinary waking consciousness, trusting that I would find myself again on the other side.

I was walking in yet another building, another old house, and this time I was inside it. There was no light, and windows down the hall and into a large outer room were painted over a kind of greenish color. Drapes hung in tatters, and there was a drip of water that made a smacking sound as each drop filled a puddle on the wooden floor, now a wash of sepia in the dark of the night. I remembered this house, too. This was one I didn’t like at all. It looked like it hadn’t been lived in in forty years. Nothing was bright about this place, it had a dank and decaying feeling to it. I kept walking though, wondering if I would find something that would mean I had broken through to something. I noticed kitty was with me. She has a name, but she knows kitty best. Sometimes she is monkey, sometimes Georgette. There she was, her tail flicking upwards. I could hear her thoughts, wondering why we were here, then immediately realizing that she was in my dream. She settled in after that and began following alongside me with less trepidation. She predicted that we wouldn’t be here long,and she was right. I surfaced yet another time out of sleep and felt my deep breathing. It was like being awake, but feeling the spell of dreaming still all around me.

The answers didn’t come in the usual fashion. So much of these places represented aspects of myself from the past, mostly distant, unresolved, lying unseen, needing badly to be seen. They had a surrealistic quality to them. I felt that edge of…fear, dread, and yuck about it. But that was exactly why I had to go back into these old haunts. I wasn’t there seeking to do what a guide once admonished me never to do, which was to try and drag it back into my life again. No, this was different. The idea that I had to carry the light into these darker corners was what this was all about.

Awakening is ruthless. You can’t bullshit yourself. Only when it’s completely clean, clear, forgiven, can things be forgotten. Until our inner compass is satisfied, we wind up going back to those places to sweep that little remaining bit of shadow away. I felt like I was ingesting it, taking it in so that I could metabolize it into light. Kitty stirred and looked at me through blinking eyes, sleepily, her head up, then back down, nonchalantly falling back in for another round of sleep. This felt like it was turning into a tag team wrestling match, dipping into lucid dreaming using meditation as the launching pad.

I kept at this all night in a marathon of visitations, never knowing where I would end up next, but in each case it was some long forgotten building, some old remnant that I have inherited in this go-round and am tasked with emptying of what is less than it’s best. Like  a big cleaning. You know how it is. You pull out the big stuff and haul it away, and with each time you go back, the particles get finer and finer until you go from sweeping up the last bits to wiping up the dust. This is all old business, an old self, a past life, and it’s now being brought forward.

I thought about that first house I dreamed of in the months before awakening came. It was all so much brighter, more optimistic. A road led up a hill with a creek running beside it. The creek grew stronger the closer I got to its headwaters, which revealed how this wasn’t an ordinary body of water. It was prana itself, filled with symbols and brilliant. How could water be so bright? Climbing the hill, on the right, was a beautiful arts and crafts meets Zen monastery. Built from large beams, the building interlocked, revealing its construction. Stone rose up through its middle, and when you walked inside you could clearly see two fountains inside, split down the middle, representing the Ida and Pengali currents with the Shushuma in the middle. That was my house, my temple, a place that was more than just home, but was who I was. It still is. But since that time, I have had to venture out into the past in order to heal it and cleanse it. Actually, I can’t even say it is I who does this; clearly my earthbound self isn’t up to this, but something deeply rooted in me is. It is this part of me that teaches, reveals, redeems, and ressurects. I wish dream could be brighter sometimes, but there are plenty of regular dreams that are, and besides, digging into shadow always resolves some deeper sense of feeling ill at ease in me.

It would be great if I could offer some grand finale, but an ending is itself a beginning, a new thread is discovered and it’s then followed through until something big is exposed from the rubble. Another chapter is begun even as additional chapters emerge. Over time, what I have found, is the gradient becomes finer and finer. It actually gets harder to keep the shoulder to the grind stone sometimes. It’s easier…the energy is less turbulent and it doesn’t stir me in the same way. But what I also find is that in some ways it’s a little easier simply because so many blocks have been removed. The blocks have gotten harder, but the level of confidence has been forged in the flame of awakening. As if that makes any kind of sense, right? The easy stuff came away first, and when I put myself into energy work like Chi Gong, material cascaded away, and this continued for years. Thousands of blocks, I figure, big and small, always burrowing down deeper and deeper.

For me, the hardest blocks lay deep down. For me, the root was where the hardest wounds lay. And despite all of this, I was able to manifest truly remarkable opportunities in my life, and when I was ready, events have simply fallen into place. When I was ready to fund the next phase of my life after a collapse of the markets, I waited, keeping my wealth in assets I could relate to, which was real estate. Even though I saw half the value of my property evaporate, it also came back during a confluence of events when I was ready to make my next step. Wanting in truth to sell directly to a buyer instead of a realtor, my soon-to-be realtor cancels when she gets too busy with a market which suddenly was going crazy. Deciding to sign papers for representation in another three days, I’m contacted by a family who heard through the grapevine that I was going to list my house soon. They asked if they could buy it directly from me, an outcome which I had wished for in my heart. While taking a nap hours before I would speak to them on the phone, I see them in a meditative state, not knowing that they would be talking to me later that day. Before I was set to sign papers with my realtor for representation, they brought a contract. I was able to sell to a family who had loved my house for years and were having trouble even seeing homes because of how hot the market had heated up within months.

Now it might be a big question what this has to do with my work. What I have found is that as each block is removed, so too are the blocks to manifesting the events in my life that support what needs to come next. This isn’t for me about chasing wealth, but finding my own inner abundance, which is less about money as it is about opportunity and helping to make others lives better. There is so much feeling of loss and lack, and for years I too fell for this feeling. But often, the things I chased after weren’t the things that would have been good for me. That was why they were hard. What is easy comes like magic. These things emerge in perfect timing. Life is increasingly different as the years roll, and as the air clears. Life is more a series of serendipitous events that have purpose and flow, pushing some old block to the surface, or leading to the next step. Something bigger is in control. That might sound superstitious, but it’s not. As division falls away, there is a marriage of the small self with something larger within. This is about bridging the gap and clearing the way for this to happen, and it’s not done halfway or half-assed. How’s that for mystical musing?

Whatever it will be for you, getting out from underneath the tangles holding you back, is what brings the change. For now, the work continues, and who knows what is around the corner.

It is so easy to wrap an awakening in myths and ideas about what we think it is.  There is a lot written about it from other times, cultures, mind sets.  All of it has a lot of good stuff.  Inevitably, though, even the awakened come up against the limits of what we ourselves can allow ourselves to know or consider.  It is a cognitive box. Breaking out of it is what this energy, this shift, can offer.  All of us.

In my awakening, soul connections have been part of the process.  I have karma to work through and this is the time that it seems it is going to get done.  The problem though is that in the community that speaks the most to these connections as twin flames and twin souls, there is a lot of disinformation.  I call it this because I don’t know what else to call it.  It is itself a cognitive box.  Lacking any better explanation, we come up with something that matches what it feels like.  Connecting in this way is pure bliss.  Yes.  But assuming it is because it is meeting the other half of you is a mistake.  What this idea does is it masks, I feel, what is actually at work.  Walk with me for a minute.

So if you have had this, you know how events have such a wild way of happening?  Where do you think those events emerge from?  Are they coming from God?  Or is it possible that they are coming from you?  I have had so many of these events happen to me, literally hundreds big and small that what I have been able to observe that when the energy, the bliss of this experience was at its peak, these synchronicities tended to happen in profusion.  Each and every time, this happened.  There is a correlation with the energy and my thoughts.  I do feel that what is happening is that we are dropping into a flow of energy, creative energy that is our birthright.  This bliss IS this creative energy.  We say it is libidinous, which is a fancy way of saying it feels sexual.  It does.  But it is more than just that.  It is sensual, lovely, freeing, and it is the very thing that melts us, that breaks up our inner blocks.  It frees us.  And isn’t this the essence of creativity?  Creativity almost always makes us see things differently.  Think about it.  Almost all new ideas shift how we see things.  It is not JUST what people are doing, it is the energy fueling it.  A product results….maybe some new discovery, some new form, some new piece of art, music, or institution.  Creativity is in every corner of our lives.  So this energy, expressed as bliss, which I say I experience as creative in its root, is literally making events all around me come alive.  But wait….if this is not being divinely guided, but is just my own ability to manifest supercharged, then it means that instead of it having some grand design, it could simply be what I feel in my heart as a possibility to happen, and carried by the energy, it does?  From thinking about something only to see a bumper sticker a second later that echoes it, ir I bump into someone who tells me about a story that helps to put me on the track of some new wrinkle in my work that I have been thinking about that day?  Over and over and over, these events all happen.  Some would say they are “fated” but they all cohere to my own thoughts.  If there is nothing blocking that block in me, the event happens. Simple.  So maybe this is just our normal ability to manifest now super-charged.

And yes, you feel bliss with this Other, whom you call twin.  But have you ever looked into it to know why?  All of the universe, we are told, is about like attracting like.  When we attract along a certain vibration, those vibrations naturally reinforce each other.  And the flow of soul energy is increased.  Bliss results.  Over and over I have seen this in my life and I have seen it in others, too.  We are now awake, yes, the flow is now instigated.  We are forever changed.  Forever.  Get around more like-minded kind and the vibration naturally reinforces itself.  It is I think an important consideration.  What happens if there is something in that vibration that is karmic from the past.  It could generate really powerful fear too.  DO you think that this could be the concept behind the “runner” experience?  Honestly, I think so.  We feel this bliss, but we then also feel this fear….and this fear?  It is the karma we share and the bulk effect of what this karma has meant to use on a soul level.  And what is this karma except a turning away from all that is true in us?  Bear in mind, I am only talking about the negative karma.  Yes, there is also positive karma.  Yes!  Thank goodness!  But the positive karma does not trip us up.  In fact, it holds us up.  But the negative stuff can cause us to nose-dive, am I right? So until that karmic knot is resolve there will be challenges!  So we deal with them.  The knot is there in you and me because we have set it aside and not dealt with it.  We pushed it down.  What we ignore is what persists.  And sometimes, the knot is nothing more than a strong emotion that we did not feel or embrace completely.  We instead denied it and there it has lain since the beginning.  But when you release such a block…..WHOOOSH!  Boom.  Done.  Gone. And for me, when it is gone, it is GONE!  Whatever hung me up is just…..no longer an issue.  And it doesn’t make a lot of sense!  You would think that what we think and feel is so easy to access, sift and work through….but alas, our bodies show every sign of STORING this stuff in our bodies.  Yes, in the body, right along with the current of prana that makes up the sheaves or layers the Hindu call the koshas.  This is what makes us like a multilayered being and the clearing that happens in awakening sweeps through each of these vibrational layers so that there are up to, they say, five cleansings or total clearings of each chakra before the process is largely completed, removing all of this stored pent-up material.  But until these knots that tie to negative karma are resolved, they too draw us, attract us without being aware of what it is for the simple reason that this material is not always conscious.  It has been stuffed down, after all, right?  SO that gets hard to deal with, right?  Submerged feeling.  It means we have to learn how to feel DEEP and honestly.  And bravely.  For me, it is undoing all of this bent and twisted energy so that I can feel the free flow of the divine within me.  Unhindered, all of the things that caused the flow of energy to become turbulent…..just like how obstructions in a water hose will make the water flowing out of it spray and gush and behave erratically.  Energetically, these thoughts/feelings impede the flow of energy.  This is pretty huge, too.  Thought controls energy?  Well what do you think we could learn from that?  Could it lead us to a way of being where we could learn how to free ourselves from all sorts of limiting factors?  I recently watched a video of a man who had spent years learning how to clear himself and to use his energy for healing.  He demonstrated how he could shock people by touching them (no, not static, silly!) and inducing paper to burn using hot chi, something that I experienced in my body at one point that alarmed me but also served to heal and balance my energy.  And could it be just as simple as that?  Could it be as simple as clearing the pathway so that both the yin and yang channels, the positive and negative poles of our life force energy can better flow and merge?

So think about what it is that is drawing you and then think about how you feel when you feel scared to death when the draw brings you to that place.  What is that feeling you are seeking to turn away from?  What is it that your insides are trying to tell you?  It is creating a draw, yes, but look at what else it is doing!  It is serving to bring you to a place of honesty within.  Real deep kind of honesty.  And it can be messy.  Don’t be afraid.  We all shun these feelings because we think its not good of us.  I have spent years holding back some of this and I have during the last six months begun to really dig into it deeper and deeper.  Each time, though, the result has been the same; I release some deep hard knot in my being and the energy flows more gently.  I feel more peace.  And I am free from this feeling of impending doom or fill in the blank. We are, though, admittedly, perhaps unknowingly, addicted to our hard feelings.  It is the devil that we know.  It is time to let the tiger out of the cage!  Dive into that hardness and let this eenrgy flow into it and change it.  Just by LOOKING at it, it can change your life.  No, I offer you no methods because the “method” is the one that always brings you to the point of honesty and clarity.  I know that each time that I do everything I can to put my awareness on that shadow spot, I can feel how the light of my awareness and the divine energy that flows through the eyes of my own inner awareness that it is knowingly or unknowingly breaking those blocks apart, scattering the shadow and allowing it to transform, lift away, to go away for good.  And this?  It is not a rational process.  It requires you to just FEEL your energy.  FEEL it.

Wherever you feel a sense of tightness, there is something there.  Don’t try to wrestle with it.  Sit with it, FEEL it quietly.  Something inside of you KNOWS.  But this is why we meditate.  We do this in order to tune into the inner world of our energy.  This energy is also what is connecting us to the rest of the world. It can be beautiful once we have cleaned up the mess inside.  Instead of being pulled in different directions, we just feel acceptance, joy, bliss. And while I continue on this path, not pretending to be “done” with all my stuff, I have seven years or so of hard “work” of learning to let go, to surrender in ever deeper ways within myself.  As I do, I feel deeper into my resource field that makes it possible for me to move on to the next even harder spot.

It seems, for me, I have saved the hardest knots for last.  But you know what?  I am now very confident in my ability to just go ahead and face what I have seemingly denied for lifetimes.  letting go of this will free all my other selves, even those in the past, to know alternative pasts to follow.  I will indirectly be showing them the way.  It is such a personal and sometimes messy process, but we should never shrink back because of that.  So if using a technique works for you, use it.  ALL methods serve to help us FEEL a certain way.  Will it work for you?  Perhaps.  For me, I like a method-less approach because it leaves me with nothing between me and the thing I am facing.  A method is like a boat to get you there, but you have to abandon the boat once you get there.  This process demand absolute perfect and simple facing of whatever has not been faced.

Recently I faced a decision I had to make.  I thought about it and it unnerved me because my inner voice was telling me that I had to start doing the opposite of what I had been feeling I had to do.  So, despite all reason, I considered that there was a path to this that I had not considered, or that had been veiled.  I then did something I have not done in a long time; I picked up the I-Ching and threw coins asking my question about how I was to move forward.  What did I need to know about this?  What came up made me laugh.  It was “Abundance.”  You see, one of my biggest issues that crops up has to do with my relationship with women….and in this life it began with my mother.  I know that it has cropped up in other lives.  This has, at its root, something to do with the feminine force in things.  And abundance is deeply tied to the feminine.  It is the feminine that grows the new things within her.  There is an inception force, the masculine, which is necessary in all of this, but it is from this inception that grows miracles.  What comes from the feminine is larger than the sum of its parts.  This happens in physical life as well as in our spiritual life, too.  My journey has been in correcting my own inner glitch in how I am in relation to the feminine.  Something about my experience has put the breaks on my own ability to face my own ability to attract abundance into my life.  Don’t get me wrong, I have done well attracting it, but it is often full of hitches, what-if’s and a lot of turbulence.  There is a problem there.  The fear I have has manifested itself in abandonment in my early life, and this set the stage for always keeping people at a distance.  This emotional armoring has been falling away piece by piece over this entire process.  Layer by layer.  So to have abundance come up was very interesting.  To get to the bottom of it, I had to go forward, embrace whatever it was that was causing me trouble instead of resisting it and hoping it would just heal or go away.  Sure, given enough time, that old wound might scab over and fall away of its own accord.  Early in my awakening I had material like this that fell away in just this way; it was all very old material that had stuck itself to me even though it was no longer a part of my experience.  It was released when the being, an angel, who reached into my heart and pulled it out.  It was like a boneless dead body.  Gross!  I had been carrying that around all this time.  But what took its place was…..nothing.  It was a glorious emptiness that was now ready to be filled by this new energy filling my life. So just looking into it has shifted so much.  Where does it lead? I have no clue.  But you know, I know that the intelligence behind this energy, which is also the universe, I have no problem with.  I am connected to it…a cell within its body.  I trust this. It is not exactly God.  It is something larger than my own awareness….an awareness of what is.  If only it was so pat as a deity!

Then, a couple of days later I got a message from someone in my field of work who wanted to see if we could see if we could work out a working relationship that was beneficial to both of us. This had been something that felt being kept at bay.  I had been asking my inner self to show me the way with a larger community and perhaps a partner that could take my work to a whole other level.  I kept this neutral, not wishing to push it one way, I just asked that it be in the highest.  And then I got another call that had the power to move my work into another new direction.  Coincidences like these cluster around these kinds of shifts.  I once shifted some material and someone who had made a 100k offer on a building that was worth way more than that doubled their offer the very next day.  It had been six months since the last offer, and boom, out of the blue.  These have been so closely timed with these kinds of shifts that I have seen them as having a causal connection.  It is simply too coincidental.  These have always followed these releases.  Its as though events simply change or turn into something else, taking on an entirely different cast.  I have a number of cases like this where I literally bumped into someone who I didn’t know from Adam who was interested in something that I was trying to sell or move, and how it all happened was entirely “accidental.”  When you remove what divides you, the path opens up.  Mountain move. It is a potentiating of the waveform within the universe and within ourselves. I do think so.  When I can allow that wave to continue, interesting things happen, always.  Living on top of that wave is where things just happen like….magic.  Almost all of these things that happen are not the result of me doing anything….they just happen.  And this is so often how these things happen.  Events can begin to flow effortlessly, but it is we who need to do the clearing so the intention made has the ability to flow from us to the universe which will react, respond to that vibration.  The more open-ended you make the intention, the more freedom the universe has to bring you what is perfect.  That or its your higher self, which is what I am betting on.  We can go beyond just surviving.  We can thrive.  Instead of the law of the jungle, it can be the law of heaven.  Let’s give it a chance!

The world coheres to what we put out, how we feel.  Feeling is the catalyst and current by which we interface with the universe.  That might sound crazy, but we are part of this incredibly huge nervous system that is the universe.  Are you fearful?  Are you fearless?  The world is your mirror…..and it will change as you change.  Learning how to allow healing of the past is such an important part of clearing your own energy field so you can have a clear connection……no competing memes or beliefs standing in the way.  The universe conspires to be what image you are, knowingly or not, creating.  Here’s to a wonderful Spring-time filled with great opportunities to see the wonder that awaits in this breathing world….

So this is a bit long, but it begins to lay out issues related to manifesting and the physiological and psychological basis for how this will work for you.  Understanding the root of it can help you in knowing how to resolve issues later on down the line by applying these basic principles. All of this has been the result of direct experience, not from other sources.

Sometimes the idea of being able to manifest what you want in life seems like so much woo-woo, right?  The rational mind cannot see how any of this is possible.  There is a reason for this.  In a world where we really have leaned so heavily on the rational left-brained side of our awareness and consciousness, it can be hard for us to realize there might actually be a different way.  After all, stories of natives in the jungles dancing to bring rain just sounds like so much silly superstition, right? In an earlier post I wrote about how the medicine man Rolling Thunder was often observed harvesting plants that were not available at the time when he was harvesting them.  People would observe how he would need a flowering plant for a healing only to go out and find it along the path he was walking.  In my life my daughter has been able to observe this phenomenon as she wishes for a desk that is the same height as her bed only to find one the next day, set out by the dumpster, in perfect condition with a chair that is brand new AND at the exact height of her bed.  She has seen how when something was needed, it was found within a day.  The last time this happened, I had wished for a jewelry case for my gallery.  These are normally a couple hundred dollars used.  I walked into my local thrift store, saw a jewelry case up ahead but didn’t have a price on it.  With a ratty table for over a hundred dollars sitting next to it, I breathed deep and wished for the case to be fifty fifty dollars after the attendant went into the back to ask what the price was for the case.  They came out and put $50.00 on it.  Perfect, you see.  Even though I knew that the few cases they had in their store were at least a hundred dollars or more, I did not let this affect me.  I breathed deep and knew I could have it for less.  I simply used a tool located within the feeling self to make it happen.  I know it may sound like magic, and perhaps for now we can just call it that, or we can call it the power we all have to manifest things through unordinary methods.

The left brain, seat of much of the processing power for linear object-based understanding is a machine that excels at identifying things.  It has been an important part of our toolkit for physical survival.  See the threat, and take care of it!  Done. Nice left brain.  Did the job, brought home the bacon, pat, pat on the head. We have come to enshrine the left brain to a great degree, and I think we have done so at the cost of the other side of our brains and our being.   If you know anything about the energy system of the light body, you will know that the right side of the body has been seen as the part of the larger energy system that carries the masculine energy up the nonphysical template of the nadis or etheric energy channels.  You may also know that in the physical body the brain and body do a little switch so that the right and left sides of the brain control the opposite side of the body.  What you might not know is that the etheric energy also does a cross in the brain or near the crown so that masculine energy goes up into the left brain while the feminine current that moves up the left side of the body runs up into the right side of the brain.  This crossing that takes place energetically is the way nature and the cosmos has chosen to assure that your own body and light body have access to the necessary union for a fuller realization of what it is capable of, which is a subtle and overt blending of two different polarities within the body. This happens etherically, and it also happens physically.  It serves as a template for allowing a broad range of experience to happen all within our very small frames.   We may not have developed a device to show all you left-brainers out there that this energy exists, but we do have systems that utilize an understanding of those current channels such as acupuncture as well as movement disciplines such as Thai Chi, Chi Gung, and even the martial arts of Judo and Karate, just to name a few.  Once you realize how movement assists in the flow of energy, then these seemingly woo-woo movements stop being so and take on a broader context.  Movement is an important aspect in releasing karmic knots or energy blocks in the body, both energetic and physical.  So in the same way that a masculine current runs up one side, a feminine runs up the other.  This is energy 101.  These energies merge and are used in your awareness to build what you are.  You are literally drawing off an infinite source of energy, whether you know it or not, to focus your own awareness and consciousness in the world.  This means that one half of the equation, the yin or feminine, has a voice in all of this.  You determine how much of each you use based on a slew of factors, some which have to do with your own personality and habits, as well as what feels “right” to you.  The only thing keeping you from a full awareness of that point of union of both the feminine and masculine which exists in everyone is AWARENESS.  Simply that.  No switches, no knobs to turn, no mantras or methods.  You were born with it.  Anyone can experience huge loads of the feminine energy flowing through them, even if they are male.  All you have to do is allow it to happen.  The same is true for the masculine.  The only thing that is keeping you from feeling them is your own choice and filtering process that is in place. Your own subconscious decisions are all made and you do not even know they have been made, but you can drift away from your normal mode of doing things easier than you might realize in order to experience these energies more powerfully or differently.  I know because I have done it ad it has never once resulted in my feeling estranged from who I am, but in many ways helped to clarify what I am and how I feel.  The secret is in ALLOWING it, and this allowance is achieved through feeling. This allowing is the right brain, the feminine, the yielding aspect of your personality.  If you have a great capacity to yield, you might well find that you have a greater ability to bring in the powers of the right brain into your life

All the gurus who speak of divine union speak of this not being a thing of the mind.  It is far larger than anything the mind itself could come up with or hope to mirror.  When I say mind, I do not mean brain.  Mind is a construct within the brain or within our awareness (which some scientists are saying is actually not all located IN the brain but appears now to be all throughout the body…imagine that!)

The part of your mind that is incessantly talking and rambling, even right now, is the part of your brain that processes language and does so in a highly organized and linear way. This is simply how language and verbal communication is most often.  So the left brain is set up to deal with most of this processing.  But while it can identify and choose individual words, it falls flat in being able to take in the forest of words.  It is not so good at broad concepts or ideas that are of a more transcendental nature.  This is why people who try to shoe-horn the rational into transcendental experiences  fail miserably.  The zen master Taishen Deshimuru observed that monks who were overly mental in their personalities had the hardest time with reaching a state of transcendent awareness. They were simply using their left brains far too much.  But like anything, how we are is based partly in habit and you can change those habits to let in a broader range of experience.

I know it is not 800 words and I have not even mentioned manifestation, but I just need to lay this foundation, so hang on there….

When you shift into the right mind, it is such a different part of your being, you might not even recognize it at first.  For as good at the left brain is in organizing, the right brain does something very different.  And this right brain also mirrors a nonphysical character to your soul, too, just as the left brain does.  Two brain hemispheres are thus merged through a large nerve bundle called the corpus callosum, and in the physical this is the point of union for them, something that also happens in a similar place with the etheric energy streaming in. Allowing the two to speak to each other is where inspired states take place.  Recognizing right brain activity is the first step in giving it more leeway in your awareness. There is a lot of truth to the sense that the right brain  is highly sensual, free, and fluid. The right brain has excelled in bringing us great discoveries and imagining the impossible simply because it is quite simply able to conceive of the inconceivable.  This means the right brain can lead you to very revolutionary states of feeling and being, ones that never even existed before.  The right brain, also,  has the capacity of conceiving the infinite because of how it has developed. It also has a curious ability to not be oriented along lines of boundaries and old repetitive patterns.  We like to think of this as a kind of radical out-there woo-woo artsy mind-set, but this is only a result of the fact that so few people actually utilize their right brain in an aware and awake way.

I was speaking with a Chemistry professor who teaches at the same university that I do about this issue.  I said it was too bad that we do not teach students how to be creative.  By this I did not mean artistically creative, but just creative thinkers.  She said “That is what everyone here calls the”he’s smoking weed” mentality!” ”  What she meant by this was the sense that when we shift out of the rational mind and into the right brain mode, it is seen as a whole lot of airy-fairy silliness.  Or smoking weed.  Out there, man! You get the idea.  But this is unfortunate, which both she and I agreed because its the incredible power of the right brain that can bring you discoveries that do not always come from the daily grind of testing compounds in order to find just the right one.  This method works great, but it is incredibly time consuming. It does not occur to most people that there might be a different way, a way that is the territory of the right brain.  We don’t know that much about it simply because we spend so little time working effectively with the right brain to even know its capacities.  I will say, though that we DO use it, we just are not used to a more balanced approach.  We are kind of holding the dam back in a sense, the little dutch boys of our world. What would happen if we just let that flow move on through? Maybe be brave and bold and not be concerned if people around us started saying “Oh, she is on weed….”

During my awakening process, I reached a place where I was surrendering more and more  my old ways of being and thinking.  As I let ego go more and more, I found that it curiously sparked my creativity in a pretty big way.  I had ideas just springing out all over the place.  Books, new designs for work.  All of it was almost too much to keep up with.  I have a backlog of work right now all based on that activity. I have shifted awareness somewhat simply because it begins to get a little ridiculous for me to have so many ideas and not enough years to make them in. But as I let go of the old way, I relaxed into a very sensual mode where I felt more expansive.  I was not as hemmed in mentally.  I was more easy, more fluid.  I saw that ideas were just pouring in.  The tap in my consciousness where ideas came from went from sudden bursts to a steady flow.  It became a flow of ENERGY in my body and at any time I could convert it into ideas.  All I had to do was turn my attention in that direction and there they would be.  I was, in truth, in a state of near-constant inspiration.  The right brain allows, the left brain focuses. So let yourself ALLOW this state to be in your awareness and body!

One way to know that you are getting there is you feel a sense of drift. You do not focus on doing this, you ALLOW yourself, and this is important in order to KEEP this going.  Where the rational left brain focuses, the right allows.  It does not grasp.  Left brain does that. The right brain steps back and just sees.  It is not making judgements, it is taking it all in.  This is important to being able to be a great innovator because in this state you let all of your hidden biases go at least for the time being. These biases govern how you think and behave whether you know it or not.  As a result, things that you could not anticipate come to you effortlessly. In fact, they can seem accidental because it was so effortless. This should help you to anticipate the great power hidden in this part of you.  Meditation can often lead you there, but one of the most effective means is learning how to either quiet the monkey mind that likes to chatter, or to do what some do which is to not mind that the mind is chattering and to develop a kind of middle focus where you hear the chatter but it no longer bothers you.  It is like a train going down a track.  You tend to tune it out after a while, or you might wind up just listening to the patterns without paying attention to what is being said.  But you tune that out.  What you are tuning in is the holy grail of all enlightened states, and I will tell you right here and right now that it is assisted by waking up and using the right brain.  ONce you get that part in on the game, you can bring the two hemispheres into balanced action.  And all of this enlightenment talk is itself something that is firmly planted in physiology.  It is NOT a spiritual energetic off in the ether thing only.  The body HAS to register it in order to recognize it.

The double benefit from bringing this on is an acceleration of a force that has the most unusual tendency of bringing things to you at the perfect time.  This story is symbolized, whether it happened or not, by Buddha awakening and realizing that he was hungry.  Just then someone came by who offered him a bowl of rice to eat. When you begin to utilize this part of the mind the blending of the two vibrations has an uncanny effect of bringing you just what you need in the moment. This is along the lines of dancing for rain, yes.  And yes, it works.  The more you ALLOW the better it works. This means that you learn to become expert at making a clear wish that has no hurdles within you in feeling or belief that would keep it from happening, and you let it go and not dwell on it. This is important for some reason I have not fully understood, but it feels a lot like writing down your order on a piece of paper and then sending it to the kitchen where the staff work on it until it is done.  IN this case, it is the universe working on it. This is the part that seems like magic, and I suppose if you want to use that term, then fine.  Perhaps, using that same logic, this has been why we even HAVE the term magic to begin with, which is that we have observed over a long time period that some people just seem to have a knack for getting what they need or want.  Some people have the uncanny knack of getting it in the most miraculous of ways.  So we call it magic because we do not understand it.  But I am not describing something that a magician like Randi might employ, but rather something else that we are taught does not exist even though we see its presence in our lives or in our friends’ lives from time to time…

The idea that you can manifest things in your life may seem like magical thinking until you actually try it. I have found that all the things I needed or wished for I have gotten. I also ask for big things, things that I feel will help me in the major movements of my life.  This wishing made it possible for me to go to both undergraduate and graduate school without owing a penny in loans.  I simply asked for a way where I would be able to pay for it, to afford something that given my meager means I could somehow swing.  I had no idea what that would look like, but in one case it meant being admitted to a school where my tuition was waived the entire time I was there while also being paid a modest amount of money each month. In another case, I had another tuition waiver and also worked my way through school as part of this waiver. As an artist, I did not want to have to pay a mortgage each month, so I asked for a way to have a home without the mortgage payment.  I was able to pay for a home in total, no mortgage.  These are just a few of the things that I wished for and found coming to my door. In some cases, these were things that I had little or no say in, they just happened.  It seems that the less control I have over them, the better able they are to happen in the right way.

In your mind, you must allow the right brain to flow.  This is not doing, but allowing.  It is not trying to cause the water to break into a wave in your awareness but in standing back sufficiently  to let the flow develop and grow.  This wave of energy will build as long as you keep your awareness out of the rational left brain.  The energy of the left breaks all wave phenomenon. Period.  The way you observe all of this will need to change, too. This was the “focus” I learned when awakening came and I have since observed that it is a focus that monks and those who reach higher states use. It means turning off the talking mind.  It also means allowing yourself to naturally float into a kind of nowhere place that can take you into sleep if you are not careful.  It also involves turning off your need to identify phenomenon while observing it. THIS is very hard to do and seems to be something that takes a while to develop. However, it can be done. It is the very same type of focus that brings on dream imagery as you slowly drift into sleep.  Have you ever laid down to sleep and found yourself drifting and beginning to dream and something inside of you asks “Hey, where am I?”  And bam!  You are awake.  The dream stops.  The wave of phenomenon ceases.  For anyone who has had out of body experiences, similar things have happened.  You go into an “altered” state (right brain) and find yourself floating, perhaps standing by a window.  You stop and ask yourself how you got over to the window and as quick as can be, you are back in your body.  THIS is the same type of drift I am talking about.  It is nothing and something all at once.  You are kind of dropping into this place within you that is like a vast sea of possibility and as you allow your awareness to let the waves develop, they do, until you bring in the rational mind and ego consciousness, which just breaks everything down into discrete particles and the wave ceases.

You do the same thing with creating events in your life.  The nature of all energy is that it attracts more oft itself.  If you do not have any impediments in feeling within you, the energy of the wish is free to move out and attract itself in the physical. I see it as a circular motion where the wish is conceived, it moves through your being like a ripple and then begins to affect the world around you.

“But hang on there, chief.  You say that I can manifest things in my life.  I wished to win the lottery, and that was twenty years ago and I am still playing the lottery without a single win!”

What I would tell you is that you have to be very clear about your feelings.  Yes, you may be VERY excited at the prospect of winning hundreds of millions of dollars.  Who wouldn’t, right?  But very likely, lurking in there, is some competing belief or feeling that disrupts the flow of this energy.  Otherwise, you would have had some kind of win within a reasonable amount of time.  This does not mean everyone wins the lottery, but it does not bar that possibility either. We just believe it is not possible for everyone to win all at once. So that does not and will not happen. So how do you feel about money? Do you feel like it is something of a curse?  How do you feel about other people who DO have money? Do you feel like its unfair that some have it and some do not?  Or how about having money leading to greed or lack of caring?  Do you wish you had more money but somehow feel like you are not deserving of it?  You have to be able to be very honest with yourself when it comes to this part, and if there is anything standing in the way, then it will certainly affect the power of your wish.  Even a sliver of a doubt can have a countervailing effect.  You want this to be a wish that has nothing standing in its way.  Knowing that this is all a matter of clearing up your own insides can lead you to doing the interior work necessary for making manifesting more possible in your life.

Not convinced?

During awakening, I had the stirring of a desire to teach more.  My studio was to yet at a point where I felt comfortable having the public coming in even though the space was certainly adequate for having large groups in.  I had the thought how nice it would be to be able to teach at the college level. I even looked at job offerings with the thought that maybe for a while I might even move somewhere where I could teach.  It was about a month after this that I was called by a local community college and asked if I would be willing to teach their sculpture class.  I was called at 1:15 in the afternoon and the deal was I had to be there at three to start the first class! No interview, no paperwork.  I got that all done in the weeks that followed. I was also told by someone in the community that a position at another school would be opening up for a sculpture professor.  I interviewed for it and got the job.  I wasn’t really ready to be full-time, but rather preferred to be able to dip my toes into it while still being able to run my studio business.  The job was itself part-time.  Perfect.  This has worked out very well.

So there you go.  But it also gets more interesting as you get into the semesters I have been teaching….

When I began, I still had some issues I had to work through that were still very much pressing down on me, which namely had to do with blocks related to authority and personal power.  I was a bit of a mess during those days.  I was simply not in my own power.  The students I had also tended to reflect this, too.  I had students who were dishonest and who sought to shift blame for their own shortcomings onto me.  I had to look at this issue squarely and learned it had to do with how I was to owning my own personal power.  When I was able to do this more and more, I found that the quality of my students changed dramatically. Partly this was due to my behavior having changed.  There was no sense that I was a push-over anymore but held everyone accountable which was a direct result of my holding myself more accountable.  I wasn’t a hard ass, no, I simply had a better mix of  qualities that helped me to keep my classes on a more even keel.  The group dynamic changed and students enjoyed the classes more less based on what I was offering and more on the chemistry present amongst the students themselves.  This has now led to our doing a group project in glass that will involve my students creating an installation of glass sculptures in a garden space on campus.  As I have been able to stand up for what is correct instead of being a push-over as I was due to fear issues, I have found a much better way to be.  This does not mean that I have to act aggressively, but to be firm and follow what is true.  Those who cannot or will not fall into that type of alignment tend to weed themselves out of my life pretty quickly through their own actions or behaviors. I no longer see this as a loss but a gain.  But as long as I allow bad behavior to continue, I am giving it a pass.  All of this has changed how things work for me both on an overt day-to-day way as well as on a more subtle level.  This has had huge ripple effects, far larger than I could have even imagined, but in the end I know that while I may not see how any given event will work out, it always works out for the very best. I am simply no longer caught in the old way of doing things.  And life can get simpler.  I am still working on this, there are more layers to peel back and resolve, but it is the kind of thing that I can live with!  The more you own your life, the more you own your feelings, the more you work on yourself, the more the world will mirror these same qualities. And this can happen on a dime.  It is broad, too.  It can affect not just one corner, but all corners of your life.

So what do you say?  Want to give this principle a run for its money? I will begin by saying that you have actually been using this principle all along except that you have had some competing material standing in the way.  This material is both emotional, belief, and karmically based.  It is YOU, but it is the part of you that is not fully resolved.  When you resolve it in feeling, you literally clear a path for the energy to run unimpeded.  And this is very much what happens with a kundalini awakening within your body. You work with it to clear these blocks. Most of them may resolve without your even knowing what they were or where they emerged from, you don’t NEED to know. You can just let them go in favor of a better way of feeling. The degree to which you are not invested in the old way is the degree to which you can let it go.  The less mental you are in your approach, the faster it can be.  The more you tell yourself there is “work” to do is the degree to which you delay the work being done….which isn’t work at all. It is a simple realization of what you are beyond what some call “illusion” and what I call “creation.” Because all of this is what we have created.  You can call it false beliefs, but I find that too off the mark. They are real, but they do not serve you.  they only serve a broken sense of being that you have taken on in your belief system.

Now is the time to start changing it, and the way is knowing that you can!

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