Archives for posts with tag: light body

Here is a draft from a few years ago, part of my backlog of posts that I am bringing forward so it can be out there for what they are worth. This is a very busy time of the year for me, so it is nice to have this backlog….


I came to awakening without having been raised in a tradition or philosophy. Yes, my family went to church for a time, but I didn’t join when it came time to do that (and luckily I was allowed to decide for myself). I was always listening to the voice in my heart that tended to caution me about buying into a religious or philosophical construct.

I spent my life in a solo singular approach, seeking out those sources that reflected back to me what spoke to my own growing body of inner truth. In the 80’s I heard the album by Van Morrison “No Guru No Method No Teacher” and found a common sense of belonging to a path that comes from within.

The advantage, to my mind, of this “path” is that we learn to rely on our own inner compass point instead of relying on dogmas from other outside authorities. There is so much in our world that has distortions. Most every philosophy and religion has them. I would be called a nit-picker to point out some, but others are quite big and substantive. This is not to say that there aren’t traditions that aren’t good or useful, it is just that my inner guidance kept me from buying into any one of these paths. Along with this resisting joining or buying into a religion or school of thought was the feeling or expectation of a ‘big reveal’ that was going to happen further down the line. That inner voice was telling me that all of this was building to something.

….And then awakening came and so much was made plain to me about religion, spirit, the world….

It feels like to me that in many ways (not all, but many) that I have been called to seek the light within in order to bring forward the perennial teachings. Now, I know what this might sound like, but I do this for myself. I know growing up, the one thing I was most interested in were the “secrets of the universe.” I also realized that no one else was interested in these things like I was. Not many, anyway. So it isn’t as though I do this for an audience of any kind….I do it because I want the truth. I know; and now I’m writing about it…doesn’t that suggest that I am all about the audience? Not like that.

I share what I come across for anyone who cares to read…so in this way, I very much keep away from the teacher and guru model. Over and over people want a link, a book, a teacher, when the real rubber- meeting-the-road moment happens within. I understand, but enlightenment is waaay simpler, way more foundational an event within the self. No methods, no postures. It is so simple but hard for most it seems. So simple it can be transmitted by a look, a breath, a sigh.

I prefer to be an example for a way to be. It turns out that others have done this also and it is Jiddu Krisnamurti who espoused the “Pathless Path” in his own work. So my impulse or inner directive is not a singular one since there are others who have done the same thing. So with that bit of babble, what I am saying here is something that I came across from what I would call an inner teaching has helped me to understand desire in a way that isn’t often talked about and is also often misunderstood.

In most religions and philosophies, there is a strand or need to describe desire as something that is bad. In other traditions, desire is considered a bad thing, something that is meant to be eschewed. What I have found, though, is that this is actually being filtered through a bias that serves to cause a good deal of misunderstanding about the natural path through the self as a way to work through the issues that remain.

These issues are stored emotions that are contained not just in the brain, but are all throughout the body and is contained and recorded from life to life through the pranamaykosha or the sum total of what we think of as the Light Body.

The “problem” with desire is that what we call prana is itself full of desire. EVERY SINGLE PERSON who has ever been touched by high levels of prana has felt how desire has been intensified. Now you might think that this is just a reaction to an outside stimulus, but in the world of the nondual, any belief about the seperateness of phenomenon quickly is dismissed when you experience how all phenomenon is connected (like Dr. Bronner used to say: “all-one”).

This is one reason why awakening bears with it considerable desire of all kinds. Now, this is not just because when you awaken that prana is stirring these desires (of all kinds), but is the very basis of prana. Yes, personal desires are stirred, but this isn’t all that is at work. The crux of this is that there are issues that we each have that result in desires that are distorted.

Imagine a pure light streaming through a window that is colored with stains that distort this pure light. This is what I am talking about here. We forget the nature of prana and thus also kundalini as being full of desire. Who doesn’t see the stimulating effects that kundalini has on the body who has gone through this? I saw effects of age slow, then reverse for a time before age continued forward more slowly than before.

This desire, though, is a perfected light that does not have the same distortions or blocked forms within it. We are experiencing this advanced energy in our bodies and consciousness while also experiencing what happens when that light strikes our own light bodies, which are most often chock full of blocks when awakening comes (because in the West we do not have traditions that properly help us to prepare for awakening—at least not yet). But we often hear about how bad desire is and how many monks will spend their lives eschewing desire. This leads to all kinds of problems.

One problem is how in Christianity we have shunted aside women as active participants in it (there have been no female popes and no female cardinals or priests (or priestesses)). In Islam, it is much the same. The covering of the feminine is considered a form of protecting modesty, but it is actually doing something else, which is holding back men from learning how to deal with their own energy in such a way that they can work on their blocks and move into this purer kind of light. This is simply one example of how this state of being has been distorted and so misunderstood. The path through desire is not to resist, but to work through it and you cannot do this without facing all of your junk. If you think desire is some bad thing like I have described, then you are hobbling yourself. You will find that your capacity to bring heaven on earth will be greatly limited. But the question naturally arises, does this mean that we must embrace our desires in order to work through them?

The answer to my mind is no. However, it does mean that you do need to raise your awareness about where you are in your development. To do that, you need to be able to see how your desires are causing you problems.

Can you ask yourself if your desires are causing you problems? Can you observe the truth in this by observing what happens in your life? If you are experiencing awakening, you know how powerful this desire can be…and you can feel both this higher desire, which is this light that is moving through you, but you can also feel how this same light of prana is also activating a slew of other lesser desires, and it is natural for us to be drawn to our earthly desires. This is about learning to align to a higher vibrational state. When I hear about people seeking to “ascend” I wonder do people really know what this even means?

Sometimes I see people who are trying to ascend the hardest are the ones who are suffering the most. Simply, this is just holding onto blocks that keep these lower vibrational desires activated. So here’s a secret; if you respond to the reaction that you get from a block, you will never dig that block out. What you need to do is to actually find the stored emotion, not what that emotion is generating. Address that, and you are at the source. Blocks can fool you. You got hurt and you have been placing blame on others ever since. The problem here is as long as you are doing this, you are NOT addressing the initial reaction that you had that causes the block to begin with. I know people who are still going around in circles with something from childhood that they are too invested in how they felt they were hurt by others. This is the trap, you see. The universe does not give a whoop who did what. The only thing that matters is your reaction. You can let yourself be stuck in your reactions. You can be stuck for your whole life, even.

I say this as someone who has known this all too well. We hold onto these things because they feel so wonderfully strong and when we feel something that is so strong, we naturally get drawn to it. What I can tell you is that there is a higher power, a higher vibration that is available to us when we can do the work to cleanse the pranamayakosha (or Light Body).

Early in my awakening, when I began to really get involved in figuring out ways to help assist in releasing these blocked energies (which are often traumas) I began to be visited by higher vibrational beings. They came after awakening ramped up and began to accelerate, which made awakening difficult for a time. One of these spiritual visitors was someone whom I learned was my life guide, someone who revealed himself over twenty years ago to me, but who seemed to disappear for a long time.

When he showed up, he explained who he was. This turned out to be an angel from the Old Testament, called a Seraphim based on what it was he said to me. I never knew much about the angels, so I had to look his history up on the internet. It’s strange to find that the things that I saw about him were actually described in his description in the Old Testament accounts.

He showed up in my room at about four a.m. He walked over to my bed and explained that he needed to take something out of me. In a very matter of fact way he said “You are much more beautiful without this…” and he reached into my heart chakra and removed a dark body from my light body. This was itself amazingly vivid and it felt as though an inner body was being pulled out of me that had no bones. It was pulled away with a feeling of tearing at two points at the top of my lungs, up in the shoulders. But the moment that he reached into my heart center, I had a pulse of energy that was beyond anything I can even begin to describe. I was completely awed by my ability to experience this energy. I had never felt anything like this. It was like bliss X 1,000.00. This was a transformative experience in that I was able to see what is possible for us resting in potential. I wondered how on earth I was able to feel this, it seemed so beyond anything in our world. What this did was it showed me what I had to do in terms of work.

Needless to say, this has served as a kind of peak to look for within myself, to know that as I release more of the hurdles that are in the way within me that have accumulated over this life and other lives, I know that with dedication to this way of being that I can attain this pure light that is known by others seemingly more advanced than we.

You see, these blocks are tied up in beliefs that we have about ourselves that serve to hold us back. These are big and small and very often they are almost always limiting us. When you think about this energy of prana as a sentient energy (which it is), you are dealing with an energy that is limitless. Is it any wonder, then, that we experience synchronicities and perfectly timed events when kundalini (prana) begins to flow so strongly? When we are aligned within ourselves without limitations, what we wish for is unimpeded in its movement through the pranic field. When this happens, the field responds and it begins to create with us. Well, it is actually always creating with us, but the problem we so often talk about is how some of our wishes don’t come true. Instead, we have other things happen that hold us in a state that is “less than.”

The reason this is happening this way is because there is a competing belief that literally cancels out the signal of the wish that you wish could come to pass. Remove or resolve/change the belief and you open the flow and path for this wish to come true. To do this requires honesty and surrender.

Now bear in mind that I am not espousing some materialistic angle on spirituality that will bring you your wildest dreams for the sake of greed. Instead, when aligned to the highest within you, and when that alignment is not being cancelled by competing beliefs, that energy will flow in accord with how clear you are and the result that you get wont be filled with glitches like they so often might be. For example, here you are, you are finding you can wish for things and they happen. Great. You land that job you really needed in some new part of the country for the next leg of your journey and it is just what you need. That is one hurdle removed. But once you get in that job suddenly you find people emerging from the woodwork who seem to be the same color of some past experiences that you thought maybe you had dealt with, but obviously not because here they are causing you trouble. These people are part of a pattern from your past and they remain for as long as you have this belief still within you because that belief about yourself is actually activating physical reality along those same lines. The universe is super intelligent and it will bring you things that are bizarrely perfectly aligned with your stuff that you have not yet dealt with. Its like God is sending you something. But you are doing this. You. You are working with this amazingly creative force that is forming the physical and supporting it and bringing you all of this energy. It is up to you how you use it. If you are holding limiting beliefs, the universe dutifully brings you limited results.

We live limited lives in part because we believe that we are limited beings. We think we are just this one body, and we have created both consciousness and culture to close our larger being down, but we are much more. Being able to tap into what we truly are, which is a vessel for this shining light, is a very good first start. Only then can we know what is possible.

You can begin to taste this by removing the blocked energy in your field. As you do, you will find gradually, that things will get easier and easier. In fact, desire itself will change. It will get better, stronger, more cosmic, but also more peaceful. I think we all know just how chaotic awakening can make us feel especially in the beginning. But this is not because of our upbringing or because of another person making us feel a certain way or any of that. We feel this chaos because we are the chaos. Work through it, and it will go away, never to return.

The thing about doing this work is that desire does not go away, it get better. The thing about this work is that we realize over and over that no one else is ever the problem, we are. When you can turn the lantern of your awareness into yourself and dare to see all of your broken places and roll up your sleeves and ask the universe how to heal it, it quite naturally will begin to show you ways to do that. When I said I wanted to clear away the dross, my awakening accelerated because I had someone telling me where the blocks were and who to go see to take care of some of them. I had books and I had dreams, I had realizations in meditation or throughout the day, all showing up in amazingly perfect timing over and over. These things were not based in the old way of doing things but of being willing to finally be really honest with myself about my own shit.

The other side of desire that limits us is our shame. It keeps us locked in a prison most often. We don’t want to be seen as “less than” so we put on these masks or we try to hide in order to get through our days. Someone once said that we should be as children and we will know the kingdom. We need to return to a kind of openness and innocence in our work I think in order for it to go more smoothly. We might need to get used to the idea that things are going to change and that the intense current we are feeling in awakening is likely coming from holding our fingers over the end of the hose. No, more energy is not flowing, it is being impeded. Impeding the light will make everything seem intense and strong, but it is holding back the flow. This happens the first five years of aeakening for most people (some it can take much longer, some, fewer, for less time).

When we hold back, we are also holding back or denying what we are destined to be. There is no reason to feel shame that you have not reached perfection. The truth is, no such perfection exists, we just keep getting better and better. I mean really. if you think of the supreme consciousness and how advanced it is and how it interpenetrates the entirety of all things and knows each sparrow that falls, then that is a pretty high bar to set, don’t you think? So don’t be silly; ascension is simply a process that goes on and on. Maybe its even a good idea to let that old husk of an idea go because at some point all that striving will actually serve to limit you. There is no arrival, there is no real ascension save for a continuum of becoming and improving ourselves continuously forever. When we can be like children, we are no longer impressed so much by big productions and hunger for the really simple things…like play (creating).

So I say this to speak to myself because I am telling myself what I need to remember. Since I have experienced this, I have no hesitation sharing it because when you share what you know and what has served you as genuine, it will work for others too. Our fields are part of the same field. All are connected. Our consciousness divides “this” from “that” creating arbitrary and sometimes not too arbitrary divisions. Some are important for a time but fall away.

Even as I am writing this, I can feel the presence of the future and those who will be reading it. I know that my own energy will meet the reader, you, and something in me that is entirely without word will remind you of what it is that you are and what you are capable of. And this happens all the time. It is only a reminder.

The goal of desire is to teach us about our need to create and how central this is in our universe. We create all the time and we do so out of desire….desire of all kinds…and those creations are a mirror for where we are in our development like how children are a biological mirror in part of who the parent are. As you clear desire of the blocks, desire will grow ever more powerful and it will be….simpler, less impeded, and it wont trip you up as much as it did in the past. it wont be that you will feel any less desire, it is that the desire that you feel will be free from limiting ways of getting energized by things that aren’t good for you. It isn’t that desire is bad, it is that so many people can’t get over the hump of their own junk enough to see that desire actually changes and does so in a wonderful way. No, this is not about denying desire, and if you do, you will forestall your development, I promise you that. If you release fear then you might find yourself more easy with others so your own energy can just fill a room without any hesitation. You wont be afraid of somehow being captured by another person’s energy because you are so sure of your own. You will be more easy in yourself and desire will simply be aligned to a higher purpose. This wont be something that you think with your mind, it will be something that you feel all through you. And even then, you might still have things to work on…like all of us.

But the homework for today is; what is the source of desire? What IS desire? if prana IS desire-filled, then what is its parentage, its origins? What is animating prana?

I think desire is here to help us to refine the way we feel. It is to help us to feel. Most tend to pooh-poohs feeling, but the truth here is in order to know peace and contentment, we first need to understand all of the things that color our feeling. When the consciousness is clarified, we don’t get tossed about by our knee-jerk and hot button issues all of which are being driven by the result of the repressed emotions, the blocks I have been discussing all along here. I’m talking about a version of you that you were always meant to know. Now isn’t this interesting, a great mystery to help yourself unravel.

If you ask the question how do I do this work, the first and most important step is to learn how to help facilitate the release of stored energy in the body. Kundalini helps immensely with this, but you can also facilitate its removal greatly with a variety of methods. Qi Gong is very helpful especially in the first five years, but so is a method called TRE which uses tremor movement (shaking) to tap into an ability that we have to release stored trauma. It can work remarkably well. There is body work or deep tissue massage by an intuitive therapist who can feel blocks in your body. There is also forms of yoga that involve helping to clear the energy channels in the light body that hold these blocks. Being creative is itself very helpful also. There are many methods that can assist you in releasing this material.




Long before awakening came along for me, I had been seeing energy, called auras, for decades. I had studied energy and how it works in us for some time before awakening came. When awakening came though, there emerged a more complete and perhaps more direct and intense awareness of energy in all of its forms. Instead of just seeing the energy as I had done for years, I was feeling it, inside my own shell of perception. This is a perception that the late Jane Roberts trance personality Seth described 40 years ago as “Inner Vibrational Touch.” * Simply put, the sensory abilities that I had prior to the awakening event caused my inner senses that had already been used prior to be tripled in their strength at the least.


Some of my earliest perceptions as a consequence of my awakening was of an aspect of energy bodies better known as the meridian system. I saw these in others as well as myself (I had only seen a kind of fibrous character to the aura in the halo in the years prior to awakening with my ordinary energy sensing but now I was sensing the inner core of energy of all kinds). I didnt know at first that what I was glimpsing were meridians. I was doing this not with every person I saw. I was able to glimpse this through a particularly intimate or close connection that was forged as a facet of many awakenings that are referred to as the Twin Soul phenomenon. These are marked by a feeling as though one is sharing the same space as the other, that two consciousnesses are occupying the same psychic space even though they might be seperated by vast distances (in my case I had never met my “twin” in this life and she lived in another country).

In our encounters, which were less a willed process and one that simply was, I found  that my own inner proclivity to want to explore and discover manifested itself in my usng my newly enhanced third-eye perception to explore the physics of our bond. I wanted to understand why we were joined at the hip, so to speak, and why was it that thousands of others were also reporting the same phenomenon. I think I was able to see these meridian lines because of her and my initial close bonding.  Part of the experience was that the force of the draw was simply much too strong to resist, so instead of resisting, I went into it as deeply as I could in order to find out as much as I could about this experience (this blog is an outgrowth of those earliest of discoveries)

Very recently I realized that this perception of the meridians in the human body has a tie-in with what people describe as the “grid” or patterns in the universe. I was so not getting or even relating to all of this “grid” talk, mostly because the universe isnt a grid. I mean, if you look at it energetically, it isn’t. Instead, at the nano-scale, there are strands connecting everything to everything else in physical space, but this is seen at the subatomic scale mostly. The strands are so many that they wind up creating the appearance of a coherence…a glow rather than individual strands. Yet, this is the fundamental reality underlying this energy which is the necessity for a strand is based on laws related to physics (albeit energetically).

Since our bodies are made of matter and matter is energy, and because our consciousness is made up of aware energy (prana or qi), it makes sense to understand what we are dealing with here. I’m a guy who really loves to know how things work. I love how things work because I really want to know how I, a human, can co-create with the creative energy that pervades the whole universe ( and I know the energy is matter at a different vibration). That is it in a nutshell.

That said, the path to clearer seeing and perceiving is through a clarified self. To see clearly, the mirror must be polished, the glass must be cleared of its stain, the lake must be clarified of all of its muck to not only see into its depths, but to also see out of it. As a consequence, the inner work of clarifying, cleansing, and healing the distortions in the self are critical for a self that itself becomes the clear lense of inner sight (“insight”). The self must be cleansed of the forces that bias consciousness and misdirect attention. It is interesting that the force of awakening itself actually serves the purpose of helping to cleanse the self in this way. Followers, pilgrims, monks, and yogis through the ages have utilized the power of awakening to help cleanse the apparatus of perception so that they might see more clearly. The self, consciousness, becomes the telescope and microscope through which we can examine the world (and this includes the inner senses as well).

Doing this work leads to learning the difference between what I call the ego-compass and the soul-compass, which tends to point us in different directions (with the soul compass always getting us to the right place and cutting through the bullshit even if its the bullshit we have created for ourselves). We often tend to pick up the ego compass because it was such a central part of our thinking for so long, even if it led us into ditch after ditch. This is how we begin to adopt cosmic consciousness or cosmic mind. We learn that this so-called “false self” (boy I dislike that term!) is the same as this false or egoic compass. It is filled with things we desire, but those desires are driven by our distortions carried in our light body/consciousness . A real conundrum. Learning to detect the soulful compass from the selfish one can be a real challenge, but I have found that there are signs that help to identify it (both actually).

In the realm of energy, my eyes really were opened to a level I hadn’t quite experienced with seeing energy for years before awakening came. One of the first things that I found while existing in a state of union most of the time with a “soul twin” or “twin flame” experience was that I found that I would routinely use my inner sight to see her energy body. In truth, I coukd not always tell which was hers and which was mine sometimes.  I found that my consciousness would get very small and be able to see these strands of energy that moved through her whole body that looked like these white stands of light that looked a lot like nerve fibers. In fact, when I moved my energetic hand through them, I could feel them give and pull against my hand. They were kind of rubbery to my inner sense for energy. I also found that when I combed my hands through her field, it did two things. First, she would go into states of ecstacy, which she would complain of as being too much to take, to be able to feel, and still stay focused in the physical. Second, she would also go into opposite states that corresponded to what happens when we resist letting go of blocked energy. We have emotional meltdowns. I was there, combing her energy with my energy because I could feel how the interaction was so healing, but that it also was not the heady healing she was ready for. At this time, these meridians looked like white fibers. I was able to do this combing, a healing kind of massage, I guess, that I layer found was much like Reiki for how it was higher order energy and because I could do this from many thousands of miles away while it felt to her as though I was nearby The picture above is a poor representation of the strands I later saw, and how in earlier perceptions they were like veins or nerves, albeit energetic in nature and seeable only through the third eye. They were everywhere, down to the smallest level (cellular and subatomic) and up to the largest size along the torso.

If we fast forward a decade, we get to a point in my healing process where I have released a significant amount of material and I am finding that things are looking more and more different to me. What things, you might ask? Well, a lot of things really changed. For example, the release of so much emotionaly distorted stuff led me to understanding peoples’ behavior in relation to me in a much different way, which is that so much of what people think they see is the result of the distortions present in awareness. We assume so many things about how we think the world is or why people do what they do when in all truth we are judging based on each of our own inner rule book, which has nothing at all to do with what might actually be happening to the people in the world that we are seeing and judging (unknowingly). Our own inner distortions keep us from seeing things as the are, you see. That said, I am not suggesting that I am completely clear. I still have my work that I am actively engaged in, but increasingly, as I go from energetic event to energetic event, from one clearing to the next, my inner sensing has become much changed.

I knew that these white strands I had seen corresponded to the meridians in Chinese medicine. I saw that where each strand crossed another strand, ormwhere a branch moved into a central a channel, that there was always this little…chakra there, a vortex of energy. As each strand joined to still larger strands, these points got bigger and bigger, these chakras. Long before I knew anything about the fact that there are hundreds of thousands of chakras in the body, I was seeing many many of these points in the bodies of people who let me see them. I looked at my own, too, and it was when I was able to do this during a body work session with my healer that I was able to see something that I had never seen described in any of the literature….anywhere. Looking down at my body, I was able to see how each accupuncture/pressure point was actually made up of many other points all inside this one point. I saw in each strand also that the strand was not solid or monolithic but was instead made up of thousands and thousands of strands all within the same meridian itself. It was not unlike how it might look to see a bundle of fiberoptic fibers upclose. I could see some fibers within the meridian that were colored more darkly and I could trace that fiber back to a chakra point or meridian point down, say, into the leg or near the back, even though I was looking at the meridian going up the torso before it moved into the heart chakra, for example. I was able to see that everything in this meridian system was related to everything else and that all ofmit was delicately, masterfully, created as a portal for bringing in energy from the universe and spirit into our here and now. This energy could be for healing, for creating new technologies, for any number of things.

What came next was the realization that what was in us was also in the universe. Now, I knew that the torus field exists around every atom, every living being, and is also surrounding the earth, the sun, and also the galaxy, but so too is this thing everyone has been calling “the grid.” I just wasn’t making the connection! Tiny little torus’s that make up ever subatomic particle on up to living things, planets, suns, the whole shooting match. Making this connection helps to explain why it is that we feel everything as sentient and alive (because this living energy that runs through everything sentient and nonsentient is alive even if its in nonsentient matter….(as if THAT now makes ANY sense whatsoever!) It also shows that just as we have blocked energy in our bodies there can be blocked energy placed in the physical system, too. This manifests as troubled areas in the world where mostly humans fought or hurt each other and got energy stuck in the area where things took place. This can be released in the same way that we release stuck energy in ourselves.

I noticed that when I saw these energy points or chakras with all of these other smaller points from other strands or meridians within them, I realized that this was probably what was behind the depiction of chakras as many-petalled flowers. What I saw was a disc with many other discs within it. Each smaller disc was a strand from another chakra in the body, which means that our energy body is this interconnected, redundant system that takes the idea of connectivity to a whole new level. To say we were made for connection is an understatement! I had not read anywhere that a petal on one chakra corresponded to another chakra…but here I was seeing how these little ringlets or sphericules surrounding a pressure point were relating to a point in another chakra. Have you ever touched a point on your body and felt as though it was also touching another point further away?…as if you were touching two points, one physically and one energetically? It is very much like this in a way.

Now hang on: I want to stress something and I hope you can get what I am going to say. Inhave enough observations in thenworld of energy to know that since energy rides between one dimension and others, trying to get it to fall into neatly defined catagories is probably foolhearty to do. I have noticed that my perception will sometimes offer me something that is more like a hallucination, or an inner sensory creation in order to provide me information about the truth of what is going on. Many people who see auras describe them in a fairly uniform way despite the fact that the eyes cannot really see into that wavelength of energy! So what gives? The deeper truth here is that seeing auras is not a physical sense…at all. It is an inner sense. It appears that one is actually seeing this halo around the body when in fact, this is all just a seeming. Wait!! What?!! It is now widely known that when the brain is confronted with information that does not come from the five senses, it will plug that data into a sensory slot that makes the most sense to it at the time. Physiological psycholgists are familiar with this spectrum of behavior and itnis now well documented tha this does indeed happen. In  the case of seeing auras, the brain is aware of all of this information and it puts it into a visual center to be processed, even though it is not coming in from physical senses (this is how psychics can report hearing voices-claireaudience-as a means if speaking with thise who are no longer physical, for example). It seems that we are wired or designed for psychic senses.

As long as we carry powerful enough distortions in our fields of awareness, we will mistake our distortions for the truth. This is the risk we take. By learning how to FEEL fully and more deeply, we can begin to feel the deep innermost compass in our soul that will not err in directing each of us to the right place for our development and fulfillment.

I have also noticed that we can’t really examine these points beyond a third eye awareness and make much sense of them. Yes, we can objectively see where a strand or a chakra is blocked, but the path to unblocking is one that is not done objectively, but rather, subjectively. Subjectively how? By feeling, of course! By letting that rip-tide of near-orgasmic energy that is the bliss field pouring through us illuminate the blocks and push them on up and out, effectively transmuting the blocked energy into bliss energy! This is irrational. Forget your need or ability to control-like Shakti this is wild and free. This is through feeling that we do this. When you let this bliss flow and then shine that bliss into the darker corners of yourself or another, it begins to break up the blocked energy right away….unless the other resists it. And sometimes when we turn it on ourselves, we can actually feel the resistance building in us. But what I have found is that this is not cause for upset with ourselves, just see the resistance as a sign that points directly to where your next challenge in healing lies. A problem thus becomes your teacher….not just a problem to be solved or set aside (or worse; hidden). Some people have an amazing ability to hold onto old junk and keep from letting go their grip on the familiar in favor of the new human experiencing the cosmic (I count myself as one of these people with an extraordinary grip!). Anyway…

So we can use the rational mind to see things as they are if we can clear the third eye chakra. But seeing is not feeling, so be ready to feel the issue full-on with your whole energy body. But to feel clearly, I have found we each need to be clear….and to be clear, we really need to be honest with ourselves. I have seen how others have fooled themselves into thinking they were further along then they really were because of how their own work was used to fuel their often brutalized ego, which soaked up all the love and turned it into more of itself (which was ego-energy).

If you want a quick way out of the path of progress, just feed that ego. It will tell you all kinds of things, some completely true, but some remarkably distorted, about how things are. This is in large part because the small individual ego onlynhas access to your own localized belief systems that you have adopted in this life, it does not access as a matter of course the information from the superself or cosmic consciousness (which is where an even more expansive sense or superego resides that is involved in touching the others in cosmic encounters beyond ordinary consciousness) This is why it is so useful to be able to step outside of ego and into that silence of the self where the eternal stream of pranic bliss can be met and felt. It isn’t that ego is bad or evil. It is in fact completely necessary as a filtering device for phenomenon (trust me, feeling your neighbor stubbing her toe isn’t always the great experience-we are individual for a reason). Without ego, you would be completely overtaken with the flood of information flowing through the whole of the universe, which happens to also be flowing through you as well (we just feel it as “flow” instead of the gazillions of feelings thoughts and bitsmof information from everyone and everything else in the universe). Haven’t you ever felt that stream of energy-as-information? Have you sensed how it would be just too much for any one person to be completely aware of? Have you felt that overwhelming immensity, knowing that you were standing off to the side, like a person looking at an immense vista rather than merging with its totality? Well, that is what we do each moment of the day. It is also why the energy is orgasmic…it carries so much creative energy, which is naturally stimulating in nature. And by orgasmic, I mean energetically orgasmic, what the Buddhas have all known as bliss. To handle it all, and to experience individuality, we have the marvelous filter called ego. But we also have to be careful that it doesnt get inflated, right? By learning to side-step ego, cosmic consciousness can be experienced without it getting in the way. Some want to call this “ego death” which, having gone through what this is supposed to represent, I can say that ego does not die…only our dependence on its filling a central role in our lives dies or is refigured. No death, only life. More and more life!

I observed that the meridian system connects everything in the body, along energetic lines, together. This means that I saw how these lines exist all the way down at the subatomic level. This is what I mean when I said in the beginning that I explored the energy body of the one I was connected to at the early stages of my awakening. AsmI delved into the energy field, I saw that these lines went to finer and finer lines until the lines went into subatomic particles. Its really wuite a fascinating thing to see. At the level of the atom, these lines look different than the main meridians do. At the level of the meridians that travel along the trunk of the body, there are so many strands existing there from all the other things that the energy is connecting, that it looks like an artery when it is in truth made up of millions of individual strands, much like fiber optic cables that are bundled together. Further, the way a strand or “artery” feels in the torso is different from how it feels at the subatomic level. At the subatomic level,the force is very weak compared to the force of the overall auric field. Still, though, there is nothing quite so joyous as feeling what the “subatomics” are feeling every moment of the day. The capacity might be small at the subatomic level, but the force it connects to is very strong (the universe). When I have seen the strands at the subatomic level, they are much like spiders webs, except that the strand is made up of extremely thin strands of white light that has this slight glow around them. The glow from a distance in perception can be read as the strand itself, making it seem bigger than it is. Look closely and I saw that the energy was both field and particle all at once. It was hard for me to divide this perception…it was simply…both all at once. It had magnetic properties that made it possible to disrupt the flow while still maintaining the overall structure of the energetic field. If you cut off a finger, the field is not cut off, it reforms itself like the body does in order to heal.

Whether or not our own chakras corresponds to chakras that are in the physical system, like the earth or cosmos, I can’t say. I haven’t looked into it like this yet, but I am interested in doing so. I am also very interested in anyone who might have some observations that they have made along these lines. I do know that I have felt the energetic lines of the earth every day, and I have felt the energy of the sun and how it interacts with earth. I just haven’t sensed into these bodies or fields for the presence of these transit lines or points where they cross (aka chakras). Maybe in the universe it is on a different scale than our own bodies. I’m not sure that our chakra system is a carbon copy of anything except the human being. Maybe the transit system for energy is what is common, tying everything together regardless of how things connect together. I would love to hear your thoughts because you know how meditating on and noodling these things are…


* While in trance, Jane Roberts personality Seth described a series of inner senses which readers ofmthe Seth books could discover and use for better understanding the world and their place in it. Inner Vibrational Touch was described as picking up where empathy leaves off. Empathy suggests an ability to reflect on ones own past experience and infer what someone must be feeling. With IVT, it is possible to feel as the other person is feeling in that moment. One is able to tune into the specific vibration of emotion and replicate it within ones own perception. It thus feels as though one is experiencing directly what the other person is feeling (this is also consistent with the majority of people and their experiences with awakening).

For perspective, the Egyptian culture brought us the description and detailing of hundreds of inner senses, of which IVT is but one of many.

liquid flower

Artist Credit: Mark Mawson

It has been widely known by those who have first-hand encounters with it that there is a limitless field of energy upon which our consciousness rides.  Focused in bodies, yes, for this life, but we are also multidimensional beings that are more than just “this.”

To understand psi ability, it helps to understand what the genesis is for your ability and experience.  What we call “psi” is a living energy that moves through all things and all-time.  It forms a kind of body that is part of you and yet your ego makes it possible for you to identify yourself as separate from it, which is a boundless field of energy.  Instead of the physical senses forming your inner senses, the inner senses are part of a continuum of sensory ability that is your native infinite self.  The physical senses mirror a smaller subset of senses that are part of a larger sensory realm of the soul or consciousness. Your five senses are just a few of your fuller sensory capacity. These inner senses are always with you, but most people are too focused on the physical senses to ever begin exploring the broader field of these inner senses. 

The Egyptians identified 360 different senses that were known or described as being part of the inner self and in no way physical.

The way to tap into these senses is to develop the right cognitive bridge for them to your brain, which will assemble the information in a useful way.  The same happens when someone sees an aura, for example.  There is nothing to see because the eyes do not have the capacity to pick up on the wavelength of energy that is the human aura.  What happens is that the brain does an amazing job at creating a representation, most often visual, of what it is that it is detecting.  When you consider just how much information is present in the human aura from one moment to the next, its pretty mind boggling that the brain is able to do this. But it does.  The same is the case with all other inner senses.  For those who can hear or see events from a distance, the information is presented in a highly accurate way even though it is information that is plucked out of the air and assembled into something that makes sense and is accurate. Think of this as being like how a radio set takes radio waves and turns them into a broad range of sound.


The more you are able to do this work “cold” without anything to bias you in any way is best.  The more you know about a situation, the more you have to not let that information come into play.  I once was able to remote view a woman’s apartment with amazing detail, getting all details correct.  These were specific details that had to do with how the apartment was situated in a larger building, the type of lighting in the hallways(sconces instead of pendants or ceiling mounted units), as well as the layout of the apartment including the types of windows, their construction (old metal casement)  and their size.  The one detail that I got wrong was the result of bias that I had when I had talked to this person on the phone.  I incorrectly “saw” the size of her living room.  I saw it much larger than it was.  The reason for this, I am certain, was because of the reverb that I heard over the phone prior to my seeing her apartment, that made it sound like she was in a much larger room than she was.  In this case, I would have probably been more accurate if I had not first spoken to her on the phone while she was in her apartment.


This is an important caution in doing this kind of work.  Personal thoughts or ideas can creep in very easily.  You have to keep this material out and learn when you are on the mark, how that feels when it happens, and continue to go to that “place” within feeling.  And contrary to popular belief, this place is not  found in a place of certainty.  You have to become comfortable looking first at a blank screen without trying to put something there that doesn’t beling. You begin with a blank sheet and you have nothing to work with at first.  You have to be able to keep your mind neutral even in this “blank screen” place.  You have to be able to not think about what it is that you imagine it all to be.  You actually need to not know.  The more you can do this, the better you can get clear information.  And this is not easy for a lot of people.  People are so used to apprehending information, going out and ‘getting’ it….but the capacity that allows you to do this best is like a mindless state.  You don’t know how on earth you are doing it….except that you are. If you think about it, neither are you aware of the process by which your physical senses operate, but they do.


Another big impediment to this kind of work is how the imagination is involved.  What you have to be able to do is you have to enter the gateway of the imagination and go beyond the region where your mind creates things and learn how to use the imagination as the engine for building imagery in your mind.  In a way, the process is the same; you start with nothing and you “image” something.  When YOU are actively imagining something, you are the one creating the information.  When you are seeing psychically, you are not the one who is creating it.  It is a subtle but important distinction. Instead, it often feels like it is being assembled within you as a sensory experience.  The difference is one you do, the other happens to you.  It is a slight difference but it is recognizable.  Ask yourself; am I thinking this, or is it happening to me?  If it is the latter, you will find, if you are doing this right, that this is the authentic material relatively untouched by how you think or feel about it.  You have to clear, and if you have biases about seeing something clearly, you wont.  In fact, I have had people read me who were very obviously drawing from their own insides or emotional material. It is hard to know when you are doing this because it will seem real. Most often a clue will be that you want it to be a certain way, or you are being too rigid in how you think you are sensing; being able to constantly ask yourself “is this true?” and then feel into it with your heart of deep compass of knowing is what I have always tried to do. It’s when I question myself and remain neutral that I tend to get the best results. By not remaining neutral,  you will effectively “cherry pick” the information, and this can lead to a world of distortion.  Again, keeping the mind shut off while feeling it is a critical point here. And it’s important that you can distinguish between your inner stuff that you feel and this inner compass of “feeling it.” Luckily, “feeling it” helps to keep the rational mind out of the picture so the information can stream in unhindered and uncolored.

In my work what I have found over the decades that the energy field, which is always “on” and taking in information, is the receiver.  You have tuned all of this information out and you can begin to tune it back in by using some of the same tools that your mind uses as it begins to go into dreaming.  So instead of a long drawn out explanation with methods, I will suggest that you begin paying attention to the very edge of your sleep before you fall into sleep.  This is where you can learn the most about the inner senses within you and you can begin to learn what it takes to keep the bridge erected within you while you are awake instead of when asleep.

As you begin to fall asleep at night, try to stay in that deep relaxed state and instead of falling asleep, remain there for an extended period.  You will find that you will drift in and out of normal consciousness.  As you do, you will find that you hear voices and sounds that seem to come from the inside of your head.  They might have a slightly “faraway” feeling to them. This is where your native capacity for tapping into these senses emerges.  The only difference between your doing it close to sleep and a psychic doing it while awake is that the psychic has learned how to build a cognitive bridge between different states of mind.  They can have one part of the waking brain fully alert while activating other parts of the brain that are normally associated with sleep. Some of this can seem a little akin to dream sometimes.

When you are awake, you will need to let yourself drift into that place where your thinking stops.  This is a highly charged in-body state that is where you can actually begin tuning in all kinds of information.  Mind you, you are actually already bringing a lot of it in, but you have your waking awareness focused in such a way that it gets filtered out.  It drifts into the background and only comes forward when you shut off your outer perceptions enough to begin to tune in that other part of you that has these abilities.  Everyone has these abilities.

The problem most people have when tuning in is that their sensory information that comes through their physical senses gets their most attention.  There is a certain amount of detachment that is always present in psi pursuits.  Turning off the inner mind chatter is key.  Only once you have done this can you hope to erect the bridge.  Once it is done, it becomes second nature and you do not have to work as hard to tap back into that state.  Many psychics when asked how they do what they do often are at a loss as to how to explain it.  Most often they use terms that suggest they are feeling something, but they can’t identify where it comes from.  Truth be told, if we were concerned with the mechanics, nothing would get done.  The vehicle, the body, makes this process effortless.

When you understand that all information, everything that has been, exists in a field of energy that takes up no space whatsoever, and is itself seeded throughout the universe, access to this information is a given once you know how or begin training yourself.  To do this requires you to turn on your ability to FEEL. You do not think.  You feel.  

Don’t misunderstand; I am not saying emotion.  Feeling is not emotion.  Feeling is a capacity for perception.  Feeling includes emotion, but its more that emotion is a kind of subset of feeling.  See?  When you can dip down into the subconscious self, you can begin bridging the disparate parts of the self and bring in extrasensory experience.  All of this is entirely energetic in nature.  Your energy field picks up this information, tunes it in, and received it, and is paying attention to one piece of information over a vast swath of other material.  This field can be felt by your consciousness and it is felt all through the body.  I am aware that when I am picking up on information like this, I feel it all through my body, less as a perception of a reaction to the information and more as a direct experience of the information as it actually strikes me, my awareness, which is all through my body (not just the brain or head).  The energy vortices called chakras also have some play into all of this as amplifiers of information.  While they can amplify a signal they can also degrade it with noise.  You have to have a still quiet mind.  You need to be simple.  This is how it works.

The stimulation of the various chakra centers is also at work in inner sensory awareness. The third eye is one such center.  As unfortunate as it is that the third eye has been associated with the pineal gland ad nauseam, the pineal actually has nothing to do with it (this idea first emerged with a completely off the wall pronouncement by Voltaire that the pineal gland was the seat of the soul even though he had zero evidence for this at the time, except the idea stuck and has continued to enjoy being used as a mystic center of some kind or another).  Trust me, having a third eye-opening or activation has NOTHING to do with a gland in the head.  This gland is only for physical processes (secretions for the regulation of mood and sleep cycles only).  This is because a physical gland or organ is for working with physical matter.  The energy body is for working with nonphysical things.  And a third eye awakening will make it more likely that you can image things from a great distance. 

The way to open the third eye is also a way to spark kundalini awakening, and anyone who does this need to understand that this can have unintended consequences if you are not careful. Awakening kundalini without preparation can make for a very difficult experience. 

Most often psi work leads to improvement of the individual because developing the senses puts one in touch with a broader range of characteristics of the self that need to be dealt with because of greater awareness of the self as it is.  The vehicle, the light body, is the means for this inner sensing, and this light body needs to be clear in order to get clear transmission.  It also can lead to stumbling blocks for the healer or seer if they are unable to work through their own blocks.  These activities often lead to a more “spiritual” outlook and effort to be more refined.


I hope that this provides you with some new insight into this world of inner sensory capacity.  If you aren’t good at it, working on it will help.  If you already have prior experience (often from other lifetimes for example) then it will come more naturally.  But no one is more psychic than another.  When we leave the physical, we will all use our inner sensory abilities to the same degree as anyone else. In fact, you will have to. But beginning now will help to show you how you are more than just this one self.  This is very much at the core of what I feel is important for us to do here….to awaken to all of our capabilities, some of which will lead us into other realities as well as capacities that we all have as multidimensional beings alive in all-time.

A large part of what I write about on this blog has been about how to release stored emotional energy that is in the body. I do this because of its connection to our ability to know the deeper self. It also is work that can make an awakening experience far less chaotic or difficult. Some people who either awaken without preparation or do so spontaneously can wind up in a state of psychosis. While I speak and write glowingly of awakening, it is our own backlog of stored trauma that causes great difficulty with so much prana (which is kundalini) now animating the good and the not-so-good within.

There are numerous ways to assist in releasing stored emotional trauma. One of the ways that I have been exploring this has been a direct result of earlier releases which have made an awareness of how fundamental the hips are in aiding in clearing trauma that is stored there. This is where the root chakra rests and it is also home to a set of muscles yogis have dubbed “the seat of the soul.” These muscles make up what is called the psoas (pronounced “so-as”). These muscles are where the most basic and earliest traumas in life are stored. Without proper care, this muscle group can not only store trauma, but can also lead to a number of lower back problems that include a weak, unnatural, or shuffling gate,  and body pain that radiates down to the knees and up though the hips into the lower lumbar regions. Knowing how to stretch and tone the psoas will leave you feeling as though you have a new lease on life. While Voltaire claimed the pineal the “seat of the soul,” the psoas is in my experience the real honest to goodness seat of the soul. This region will impact your self worth, feelings of abundance, and creative fire, to name a few.

The psoas is so basic and foundational a muscle group that it governs our most basic of emotions and feelings in our bodies. When this muscle group is stressed our whole being feels out of place. When this muscle group is cleared stretched and toned you can go from feeling trapped and oppressed and full of pain to feeling light and like a child again.

I’m going to describe one of the most effective ways to begin to release stress from the psoas. There are also some stretches that are used in yoga that have been used for centuries for stretching and toning the psoas.

To understand how foundational this muscle group is,  you need only look at the illustration below to see that the psoas is the bridge between the legs and torso. Like back muscles, if this muscle group doesn’t get  enough stretching and toning, it can develop soreness and rigidity that telegraph’s that pain and rigidity throughout the body making you feel “yuck.”

Trauma Release Exercise (TRE) is one of the most effective ways to release stored trauma in this muscle group. A quick look on youtube will reveal countless videos that reveal how this method works, and I also have a detailed post that delves into this extremely simple yet effective method (search on my blog “TRE”).  It works by causing the body to go into tremors which help release stored emotional energy that is in the body (who knew, right?).  Humans are the ONLY mammal that does not have the instinct to shake after a traumatic event has occurred. In fact, more often than not humans will freeze when trauma is experienced. This is how trauma is stored in the body, and it will remain there as an energetic and physiological imprint until it is removed or released. By inducing shaking in this important muscle, everyone can utilize the therapeutic effect of shaking as an effective means for releasing trauma from earliest life.

This method, which I have detailed before (search “trauma release” in the search section) involves lying with your back on the floor and your behind lifted up about six inches off the floor, doing so until the leg muscles become fatigued so they begin to shake. This shaking begins to help release stored emotion. You might find that a lot of hard emotions come up, and it’s important to not hold these emotions back. You need to let them flow without “grabbing” for them. If you adopt this approach, you will find success with this method.These emotions are in the past and there is nothing to fear.

In the illustration above, a large pillow can be used to rest as needed. The lifted position of the pelvis is very helpful in getting the stress to move deep into the hips.

Next, stretching the psoas is very helpful. In fact, if you do it regularly you will feel as though you have a new lease on life. Believe it or not, this very simple act can lead to releasing karma. The one way we release karma is by forgiving ourselves (not others, although this is indeed helpful and an important prelude to self forgiveness when it comes). Feeling the weight of past “debts” bearing on you is not how karma is ever released. Once you shift how you feel deep down, it is easier to reach into the light that is the new life that comes through this work. It might sound unlikely that such a simple thing as stretching can shift and evaporate karma, but it is in fact an important run-up to getting into the right space where these debts can go forever.  It always involves a deep recognition of forgiveness.  No God or outside agency can do this for you; it is an inside job.  Winks.

This stretch, shown above, is very helpful. Start off slow and don’t stretch beyond your comfort zone. Over time, you will loosen the psoas more and more.
If this stretch is uncomfortable  at first, you can lie flat on the edge of a table or bed and let each leg dangle over the edge, allowing you leg to flex at the hip. This is a little lower impact than a full stretch. You can detect imbalances in your energy field by way of tightness, muscle pain, pressure, as well as issues with balance while performing this stretch.  As I have gotten into using this stretch I have found that I am increasingly more off balance, which might not seem correct at first.  The nature of releasing blocks is that as the block begins to let go (this can be of short duration while stretching or it could occupy weeks or months of time as you work this block out), unsteadiness can often be a symptom of your becoming increasingly aware and present with the block.  This is not a bad thing!  It is a wonderful sign that your body is beginning to “speak” to you to let you now that something big is up. It is also possible to feel a range of sensations from a liquid-like feeling of motion in the body surrounding the block, heat, cold, electrical shocks, and waves of emotion.  Don’t let a strong wave of emotion stop you; this is where the best work is actually being done!

Next, lying flat on your back, bring each leg in turn up to your chest, which will also stretch the “glute” muscle group in the behind. This will also stretch the psoas where it ties into the lower back, an important place for releasing stored stress. Take it slow. Hold this for many minutes. Begin holding one minute and slowly extend it into the three to four minute range. In time, you will be able to naturally stretch into these deep positions naturally. Go slow; this is not a race and your muscles groups, if they have blocks in them, may also be very tight, so you will need to move slowly but persistently over time to help loosen things up.  This will help release body armoring (also called emotional armoring) when you bring thought, feeling, and body together as one in these movements. In fact, as I do these exercises, I will often begin getting intense sensations related to the psoas that in the past might have made me wonder if I should continue, but don’t let feeling emotionally rough stop you; this is a sign that the healing is happening.  Continue with it until it is stretched, massaged, and released. Wait for it; it will come, simple as sunshine.

One final note: stored energy isn’t just in muscle. It is also in the interface between tendon and muscle. By holding a stretch long enough, you give the time needed for the stress to release in the tendons. During a therapy session recently, I had a body worker releasing stress in my elbow, something that had developed as a result of over stressing it in my work. By pressing down and stretching the tendon in a hold, I was able to feel the tension/stress release which felt like water pressure leaving a tube. Once this happened, the tension bound in the tendon was gone for good.

I found that the tension went deeper into the tendon where it connects to the bone. Having learned the technique for release, I pressed deeper and closer to the bone. Once clear, the memory of the trauma was released. While the stress in my elbow and forearm wasn’t emotional stress, the body responds to it the same way. When stretching, let yourself stretch deeper as you go, gently but persistently. You do not want to create tears. Slow and gentle is better than being overly aggressive.

So there you have it: practice this and you will find immediate relief from stored emotion in the hips.



In the last week I had an unexpected release of an old block.  For the last couple of years now block release has gone from fast and furious to slower and more difficult as I have gotten down to what I know are the deepest of my blocked energy.  It is now like chiseling away stone.  While this has required greater patience than ever before, the reward has been great.


The interesting thing about the release of this latest block was that I was able to trace it back through history to a past life event.  While I do not know the exact date of the event, I have been able to locate it in the third to fourth century AD.  This was interesting, and this was not something that was on my radar at all.  In fact, I have in numerous instances been over this same ground that involved this block many times, but never had much of a reaction one way or the other.


It involved burying a cache of ancient documents, and it helps to explain why, before the block lifted, I felt the way I did.  For years I had this driving feeling as though something had been hidden that told the story , the untold story of a very important, a foundational, aspect of Christian thought.  This sense within me has driven me since I was a small child, and honestly, it wasn’t the best sense for a child to have.  How do you explain to someone that you KNOW that something had been hidden, but upon being questioned, you don’t have ANY details about what on earth this could be?  So you see the conundrum. This is why I have always kept this sense entirely to myself, with only a few people ever even knowing I felt this way.


To give you just enough back story without loading you down with details, I had to bury documents I considered sacred and extremely important to spiritual maturity (a code word for awakening) in order to hide them from the church. I hid them in order that they might be protected, so they might be found by someone at a later date who could appreciate their importance. I was hiding these documents because the church had deemed documents such as these heretical and were an anathema to Orthodox belief. This experience was not ot unlike placing a child in a boat on a river alone, hoping that they might survive. Things were so bad where I was that doing this was the last and final option. It was my message in a bottle. Hidden. Would they ever be found? Would they survive?  The desert is a sea where no oar is dipped, so say the Muslims. I placed my hopes in the hands of that great ocean of sand and said many prayers that they might come back to a more inquisitive kind of human in the future. This was in a day when everything was written down, not printed and widely distributed as today. 
Once the block was encountered and the emotions fully processed, this driving feeling in me that I had felt most of my life went away completely. What is interesting about this, though, is that I lost the “fire in the belly” over this issue…which has made my recent work more difficult because now I am left without this driving feeling as though something was done that should not have been and am instead left with a peace and bliss that comes as a result of fully processing these blocks.  All of this repressed emotion was what was driving me forward with such conviction and vigor….it ate at me, you could say, and this is very important to understand about how blocks affect us.  They just keep turning in us until we resolve them. Depending on the nature of the block, it could be very destructive to all you hold dear. 


I find it very curious that I would have a block like this pushed so far down.  I say this because over the course of my awakening process, I have noticed the the easier blocks all went first.  There were a lot of inconsequential blocks, many I had no clue what they were that simply evaporated, and these left in complete anonymity in numbers beyond my counting (but every one is accounted for in how they will affect us until it’s released).  I am happy not to know what they were about because I no longer am affected by them….whatever they were.  This has simply left me at a greater place of peace. But this last one, because I had a memory of how it was connected into the an event in the past and my connection to sacred texts, and because it came later in an area of the light body where the blocks have been notoriously difficult to dig out, I have been given a view of how this block has affected me and for so long. This was not an inconsequential one. How would you feel if you knew you had to hide the truth because those in power didn’t want to hear it? When I look back on the people I have known whose lies have degraded my joy, or destroyed parts of it, and I see how I did what I did, the guilt, the sadness, all of it, served to attract or draw to me lights that were less than the one great Light. This was what we called it back then because it was a great unfathomable beautiful mystery that was the Light!


Below is an image of the meridian where the block released.  In the hip there are three locations for acupuncture points 10-12.  It was on the #12 point that this last block released.  I could feel it quite vividly.  Shoot, I felt the presence of the block long before then nearly every day as a hard tense tight and burning sensation.  Really.  I am blessed to be able to feel these points, even though I feel them all the time.  But when you wake up, it seems that when you are able to feel more deeply, as is often the case, you feel all of it, right down to where blocks reside. Knowing where they are is one very useful step in releasing them.
It is on my right side that this block was located.  

Before I began feeling the specific meridians where blocks are now located, I felt them previously in a more regional way, and they were also released in a regional way through the action of the stirring effect of the major chakra centers.  Now, though, the chakras seem less at play as I get down to the last blocks in the major chakra regions. It seems that now I am down to doing this piecemeal.  But by feeling them as clearly as I do, I have been able to point directly to the specific blocked area on my body and either my acupuncturist or my body worker (a lovely Kahuna healer who is perfect for this kind of work at this stage in the game) were then able to go directly to the site and begin working their magic on me in those places.


In an odd twist, though, it helps me to see how close this issue of getting the word out is to my own soul.  As a result, while I now feel freer than ever before, I have this calm sense of resolve that I do indeed need to finish this work. No fire in the belly, no, but I have something much better perhaps.  A quiet calm knowing.  To know that something I did in the past helped in some way to preserve the esoteric wing of early Christian thought is like having the past reach out to me and touch me on my heart, telling me that while we are at a time when these books can be seen anew, or seen for the first time in a new context, the work is perhaps even more important so I can round the end of this one chapter that has been almost 1600 years in the making. I get to tell the story I didn’t get to tell, you see. My work will be for the texts themselves and what they meant to me and how it was that I understood them when others did not seem to know.  The research I am doing will seek to illuminate this to show just how revolutionary and how similar these teachings were to other very different traditions in other parts of the globe.  

We each do not see the sun rise through the eyes of a Muslim or Christian or Zorasterian.  We see them through human eyes and awakening is very much a human experience, not one attained by way of religion (our self-imposed ignorance as a race has seen to that!).


The other really interesting thing is how it has loosened up my energy.  The heart center, which has been one center that has cleared the most in my ten years at this work, now suddenly seemed to explode with a new found sense of energy.  The heart center was not the one blocked, though, but when a block near the root opened up, it put the heart center into what felt like was a new context.  It has provided a vibrant presence of this energy within me that is remarkable.  That is a beautiful outcome. This is showing me yet again the complex reciprocity between all aspects of the light body (yes, heart is open and clear, but when the root is clear, the heart can know continuously what it could only feel in peak states previously).  It also gives me an unexpected level of hope and excitement about clearing up the two other blocked areas in the root that I can feel vividly. This last release helped to confirm what I had felt in my body before laying eyes on a meridian chart, which was a cluster of points (and blocks in each) that corresponds to an acupuncture meridian that has three points along it.   That is pretty cool, I think, because it shows that those Chinese who helped develop these charts really knew their energy centers and could feel them like I do. It’s almost as if I can see them talking now, “Xiao, I feel resistance right here in my hip!”
“Write it down on the chart! A new point! Now let us observe if anyone else has it and what its nature is!”


With each release, there is also sometimes a certain kind of confusion over why I am feeling the emotional reaction that I am feeling.  Often, for me at least, a few days before a block lets go, I begin feeling all kinds of emotions that are tied to the block….except I don’t know in the beginning that it is associated with that block.  I just feel all this emotion and I wonder if I am just “in a mood” or just what is going on!  But, as is often the case, my mind turns to the possibility that it is a block releasing and it is then that I quietly observe and just do as I have always done, which is the work to help the block go ahead and release.  In some cases, physical movement helps this.  Shaking, massage (deep tissue), breath work, and some other somatic work can help.  In this case, actually feeling the emotion and seeing where the block happened, can in some cases help me to realize its origin and to just let it go by flushing the emotion in my system partly by processing the emotion more fully.  In this case, this meant feeling such an intense mix of emotions was what took place.  Over the period of one day, this emotion kept coming up.  In moments through the day I mourned the loss of something I knew were texts that were  central to understanding how to help people to wake up.  And the narrative changed considerably after that date as Orthodoxy stretched out its limiting hand on Christian thought.  In its origins, what these people had was nothing short of explosive, and it was largely lost to time until about 60 years ago when some of them were recovered.  But how do you explain to people who don’t get it how important these books were?  Most often, people’s eyes glaze over when they are confronted with something someone says is important Christian thought.  But this was itself a different Christianity, an aspect that never made its way to the light of day.  I have had people criticize my thesis on this because, well, they only know what they know as a result of what Orthodoxy has handed down to them.  But this….this was something powerful, and there were people who had a clear view and understanding of it.  What it means is that human experience is human experience.  This prefigures ALL religion because an awakening is NOT Christian or Hindu or Muslim or Sufi or Native American.  Each has its unique cultural coloring, but its all like Rumi said, just water.  We all argue over the water in one bottle over another, simply because the labels are different.  But really, they all come from the same well, the same source.  We all experience it the same way the world over.  This is what people have a hard time coming around to.  But it is the truth.  It is also what will set us free. We all are seeing the same light. Our water all has the same source. Call it heresy if you must, so we all must face a common heresy because we are made by the same one who created the truth that we call heresy.


We don’t often feel a connection to the church because, it lost its own connection with the truth….or an important aspect of it.  The church has much good to say, some about a glorious garden whose keys to they themselves have lost. And it is here, in the midst of this, that I have been set free.  Here, the flow of life force is so strong, I am excited over getting the rest of the blocks cleared so that I can know a greater peace and a field of undisturbed bliss.  It is already better than it has ever been before.  
It is interesting to see how it will affect those who have been caught up in karma contrary to my own who have not themselves come to the truth of their own soul. And really, who knows.  It is their story.  I have my own, and in the end, we are each like flowers opening before the light of this new day, aren’t we?  Isn’t this a pretty amazing time?  And no matter what happens, we each know that at the least, we helped to bring the collective to a point of greater realization than has happened in a very long time.  It would be nice to continue just to witness even bigger miracles on the world stage. I suspect that in the next six months, we will be in for a very bumpy ride.  All of it, though, will be the collective consciousness coming to grips with many of the issues that still dog it. Some will see the change coming and miss understand the forces at work seeking to work it’s own agenda. If that sounds cryptic, hang on because the last leg holding up our economic table is about to be assaulted. And soon! This will unfold in such a way that someone who could have brought great change will be, very likely will be, neutered in effectiveness. If events unfold as I feel they will, this event is soon upon us.


Not long ago I was gifted with a reading by a really great person who works with ancient systems of knowledge and divination.  I know how that might sound, but when I talked to him, I explained that I never felt like I could do the work he was saying I would be doing because I had not fully cleared my field.  I have just always felt that before I do healing work with others, I need to be clear.  He explained that I needed to begin the work now because doing the work would get me to where I needed to be.  He had his ideas about what this would look like, but in doing this work with this book, which he didn’t see as playing a very big role in my future work, I have found that it has helped to do just what he was saying my work would do, which is to get me to that place of clarity.  While I have some ideas about what I am interested in delving into to help others, I don’t know what this will look like in specific because spirit always has a way of bringing me all the right events and opportunities in unbelievably synchronistic ways. So we will see how that unfolds, but by giving it the room it needs, the higher self will express itself as it needs to, with elbow room and with me not meddling too much in what I think it needs to look like. Maybe you have a few experiences with how that has worked out in your own life?


And all of this happening on the eve of my birthday.  I think I picked a great time to be born; a time when everything in the world is waking up, peeking out as new life.  How juicy it is to feel new life in me, right along with new life in the world.
Until next time…

In 2008 I began a correspondence with a gifted healer who shared an understanding of energy and it’s benefits for us as human beings. I was recovering from an injury that had also served to help accelerate awakening, forcing me to remain still as my body healed.

It was against this backdrop that Ali and I discussed awakening and the many ways we can all learn to use this force in us to heal. She had already used her gift to let me know about a healer and teacher in my area who would help me significantly in accelerating my healing process. While she didn’t know the name of the person, she provided a description that her guidance was providing. I found out about this person the next day when a family friend invited me to come to a healing session with a person who sounded just like the person Ali had described the day before (from the other side of the continent). This led to an accelerated period of releasing stored emotion that is lodged in the energy body and appears to have a relationship to the body tissues as well.
A few months into this work as Ali and I were talking she begins to explain that her guides are telling her to do something. They don’t explain, they just tell her to trust them and to do as they instruct. I was to get off the phone, breathe deep and keep my mind calm. I had no idea what was about to happen.
So I complied. I was standing in the kitchen when I felt what I can only describe as a buoyant state of lightness and relief. I felt relieved of what I was aware as a certain degree of Painbody. Painbody is the energetic equivalent of the emotional energy that we have each stuffed down inside ourselves. This energy, since it was never fully felt, is stored and remains like a tape or program that can play over and over whenever events like the one that originally triggered it, triggers it anew…over and over. This condition lasts until the stored material is dispensed with once and for all through what are often deep states of meditation and willingness to just let it go once and for all.
The buoyancy was nice and I wondered what was happening. Then, after about a minute of this feeling, I felt what I knew was my old painbody….. except that as it returned to me, it felt as though I was being hit by a train. All of the Painbody that had left me came screeching back all around me. It was one of the most startling experiences I had up until that point in time.
What the heck happened, I wondered…
The way I was feeling Painbody was different now. In those minutes after it returned, I thought I was going to crumple from the pain. What I would realize in the aftermath of this event was that Ali had “adopted” my energy body signature and it looked like I had adopted hers. Where I felt relief, she described feeling like she was going to throw up. Her skin felt clammy, the pain was intolerable. She wondered how I made it through each day.
The truth was, I had grown numb to my own accumulation of inner pain, and this “switch” brought me back to a normal level of sensitivity. I was now feeling more acutely than I had before.
I felt my own energy body in a new way after this. I had daily pain, pain that I felt much more clearly and vividly. For as bad as all of this seemed at the time, it was a saving grace for me. If I had not had what amounted to a “reset” of my energetic sense of the presence of my own Painbody, I might not have had as much of a motivator to clear it all up. But clear it up I did. What choice did I have, right? Wincing through a pain in my heart, I got motivated to do more work.
I have spent years on this journey attending to every bit of this stored material and I have become aware of how we continue to store more of it even as we slough off decades of old ghosts from our past. 
In truth, by having my senses upgraded as they were in that day back in 2008, I was able to feel everything I needed to in order to heal. I think of it as a form of spiritual honesty expressed through feeling. It has helped me to detect the smallest of impediments and allowed me to focus on them for healing and release. All of this took place in just such a way as it needed to because if we both had known what we were in store for, I’m not sure either one of us would have agreed to it. It may have been the perfect therapy for me if I was to really see and feel ALL of it.
It’s been nine years since then, and I have been busy at work. Since then I have eliminated nearly all of the Painbody, layer by layer, energy center by energy center. I am thankful for having this level of sensitivity because I doubt I would have been able to feel where all the material was stored away inside of me. As I write this, I feel a triple twinge in my right hip that, as it turns out, corresponds to three acupuncture points along one meridian. Like a small traffic jam, I have been working the last three years on clearing the blocks there, like digging through rock strata a layer at a time. Each release bring greater flow, a clearer mind/body/heart and a change in feeling. 
I know that this hip block corresponds to the most recent feeling of loss I felt during what became a fractious divorce with my ex many years ago and led to the alienation of one of my children from me. It’s not been easy to learn how to forgive my ex for behaving in such a petty mean-spirited way. But even as I say this, I know that I entangled myself in my ex’s broken story and can’t be surprised that I might have become a casualty of it. 
The next step in healing asks the most from me. Unless I do that, it’s enough to attract, like moths to the flame, other people who are broken in exactly the same way. It already has, and there’s nothing worse than having to face the same level of emotional dishonesty in people who are unable to own how they hurt those around them.
It seems that in order to forgive, to do it with my whole being and not just with my head or voice, requires the most of what I am. It seems this is required for something as hard to heal as something like that.
Whatever our stories, the journey from a suffering road to one of pure bliss remains as the road we each will walk. I’m very fortunate to have gotten “reset” when I did. I don’t know if it’s for everyone, but Ali’s guides were right.
So I would say, our ability to feel may have no end. How numbed have you gotten in your life? Awakened? Very excellent; are you really feeling as deeply and as honestly as you could? Do you feel like you are on pause, waiting and waiting for that next release to go ahead and complete itself? Go into breath and sink into yourself in quiet contemplation and ask your heart if there is more to be known, if there is a deeper story to be felt within your capacity to sense and feel deeper yet. The answer might surprise you, and it could free you, too.
Until next time…

The third eye and the pineal gland. Nothing excites seekers more than the connection between these two things. Except, there is absolutely no connection between the two whatsoever. I know, huge buzz kill, right? But if you were really interested in spiritual growth, wouldn’t you want to get this stuff right? I know how cool the pineal sounds, but if you pay close attention to every single person talking and writing about this topic, none of them are able to explain any connection between the third eye and the pineal. At all. Instead they point to the pineal as photoreceptive…. because they think this must explain the connection. It doesn’t. It doesn’t because the third eye has always been an entirely nonphysical sense. Remember the term “the mind’s eye”? This is the eye that the ancients have referenced for millennia.

Glands are built out of physical matter for dealing with the physical.  Inner senses such as the third eye are not made out of physical matter, are instead part of an energetic system, and thus exhibit definite characteristics that are directly attributed to nonphysical or energetic senses.  Period.  No one confuses the sensory powers of any other chakra center like we do with the third eye and the pineal gland.
Anyone who has had a full-fledged awakening almost always experiences a third eye opening, and this experience is VASTLY different from the one so often described with activations prior to awakening. You might ask why awakening is so important, which is a very good question. The answer is prana or chi/qi.
The connection between the significant pranic flow during awakening serves to open the third eye in a way most never experience. To open a center in this way requires a stronger flow of this energy we call Chi or prana.  There is no way around this: you  need the additional energy to bring on a full opening. This activation on a permanent basis comes about as a result of years of practice and familiarity for most people as well as the secret to awakening, which is something that has been a closely-held secret for many centuries (and in our current era the cat is out of the bag). The action of prana is very important for full activation of the chakras and the sensory capabilities some of them have. Just like a radio running on low power will have trouble bringing in a signal, so too does the energy body have difficulty picking up and then translating the signal. With enough energy, your inner sensing is much clearer. Prana is what boosts that signal, which essentially allows one to tune into these subtle-body sensations, effectively bringing them into focus.

I’m telling you this as someone who went through this. I also know numerous others who have had the same experience. Somewhere along the line someone drew a connection and then no one ever bothered to question it. I know; the pineal sure sounds cool, but it’s job is as a gland and has no part in psychic ability.  And yet, almost universally, people pick up this idea that the pineal is the third eye and they run with it.  I assure you that the function of the pineal is very different than that of the real third eye.  It isn’t coincidental that the pineal is located in the center of the head near the brain where sleep chemistry is created (the pineal secretes melatonin which regulates our sleep cycles).

When you awaken, you do so with an awareness that shifts from the physical senses towards the inner senses. Even in the Hindu and Taoist texts related to awakening the writings are replete with description for how the mind turns to a world of awareness that is nonphysical in nature, an awareness of the forgotten “other side of the coin” of our experience. The energy current changes, according to certain Hindu texts and begins turning in the other direction so that one becomes more focused or aware of inner phenomenon instead of just what is outside and known through the physical senses.

In fact, this “turning” is described as a sudden awareness of self in light of the force now flowing in abundance which is called prana. Not entirely physical, but able to penetrate and nurture the physical body by virtue of its stimulating nature, this extremely fine vibrational energy straddles both physical matter and pure consciousness. The “body” that conducts awareness is our very consciousness. This body, which is nonphysical, has complimentary senses like those in the physical body. In truth, the physical senses are aspects of our so-called “inner senses.”

Who you are beyond your physical body includes the physical senses but are also so much more. Being an eternal soul means that you have all kinds of senses that are native to your consciousness. Any body you take will naturally reflect to some degree the senses that are native to you beyond the physical.


Prana, or chi, interpenetrates all matter and is an aspect of matter. Remember E=MC2? This means that matter and energy are equivalent with one another. Change the vibration of energy and you will wind up with matter. Change the vibration of matter, and you get energy (they took this theorem and built the atomic bomb with it, you see). As a result, you can read where prana has been in a very real sense, which makes it possible to pick up information from a distance (which those who tune in with their nonphysical senses are learning how to do). Prana, having no mass, is completely unrestrained by the physical world. This also means that it has “nonlocality” which means that you can detect things beyond your immediate environment as well as those phenomenon that are “beyond” the physical.  You can pick up on these things because prana or chi is everywhere and your consciousness is made up of prana. As you might have inferred by now, this provides a rather amazing capacity for sensory experience provided there is a sense that can detect these kinds of things which prana as energy makes possible. Now imagine physical senses being able to pick up on this kind of energetic phenomenon.  It is kind of laughable, right?  So when I was seeing a friends house who I had never met but only knew online and had never had described to me came through loud and clear as a series of rich and vivid inner visual sensory experiences that wound up being right on the mark were all possible not with my physical eyes (this person lived 1500 miles away after all—I don’t think my vision has the ability to see through the curvature of the earth let alone objects from that distance, do you?). And yet, when I sent my list of impressions which included the color of walls and lighting, where they were located, thelocation of the apartment within the larger building, the layout of the apartment, where the bathroom was, the two bedrooms, as well as the hidden kitchen, my impressions were all correct.  So too were my impressions about pretty granular details like the shape, size, and materials used for the windows in the apartment as well as where the windows were located in each room.  It turned out that I had 95% accuracy on all of my impressions.  This wasn’t just dumb luck, either.  I wasn’t just imagining it, I was tuning in to this person’s home and was able to do so as an amateur remote viewer because I was so engaged, focused, and willing to connect with this person.

If you have trouble with this idea, then imagine a vast network of energy that is in everything down to the smallest and largest of scales. Now imagine that your consciousness has the capacity to detect this network and “read” what is there, courtesy of the energy that is in all of matter. Oh, and one more thing; this energy is sentient, so it isn’t like the brute force of electrity, say, but of something that you can very much feel as alive. Since it is in everything and has an advanced form of consciousness, I think of it was belonging to a superconsciousness which might be what we want to think of as God or any one of the many gods that we have as humans have dreamed up over our storied past.

The third eye has long been known to be a powerful center linked to the arousal of kundalini. This etheric center is both energy vortex, or chakra, as well as an inner sensory channel. Called the ajna chakra by the Hindu, it is located along the brow between the two physical eyes. You can feel the third eye or ajna chakra activating when you feel a point of pressure in the third eye region.

Prior to the full “rising” of kundalini, I had a whole series of very unusual experiences that each, in turn, aided in my awakening process. I was aware of something within me that was guiding me step by step more deeply into the unfolding of my inner awareness that enabled the kindling of the force that is prana in abundance.i was careful to keep notes of my adventures in consciousness and was able to confirm my inner sensory information with things that were well beyond my physical capacity to have ever detected them (including subatomic phenomenon that has had a number of affirmations through the research done by quantum physicists over the years as well as recent discoveries being made).  It is hard to believe that there are senses so powerful and so far-reaching as the inner senses.  It is hard for most ordinary folks because the physical is all they have experinece with.  I am here, though, to tell you there is more, and that for each physical sense you have, you have a compliment of it in the nonphyiscal awareness or nonphysical self.

What needs to be understood by those who spread this idea that the third eye is somehow tied to the pineal gland is that the whole of the physical body, which is made up of matter, can only detect other material that is made out of it. Ears are designed to detect a very specific vibrational range of energy that is being expressed as sound. The eyes are designed to detect visible light. Taste is designed to detect the character of flavors in foods. All of this is physical.  What the chakra centers detect, though, is energetic. What I do when I sense something from a distance is I am able to feel how whatever I am sensing feels, be it a person or a rock.  When it comes to the energetic sensing, I tend to FEEL the inside of everything instead of seeing it or sensing it outwardly, which is the way we do with our physical senses.

The experience of inner sensory perception only seems physical because you are in a body and usually concerned with what is happening in the physical, but these senses are in no way limited to the physical, and can be turned to anything that you seek to inquire about. Your brain deftly turns psychic energy into recognizable patterns in the same way that it takes electrical signals and turns them into images or some other sensory experience. It does the exact same thing with inner imagery gleaned from the inner senses. It is pretty brilliant once you dig in and think about it for a while.

So a primer for what the pineal gland is about…
The pineal gland regulates sleep cycles and secretes melatonin. It does this by way of its photo receptivity. When the sun shines, melatonin is suppressed. However, in the presence of warm light, melatonin is steadily produced. This production of melatonin helps us to feel drowsy and to drop off to sleep. When the sun is at mid-day the light is a bluish white light.  This type of light is the light so many people have been having trouble with their electronic devices such as phones and flat screen t.v.’s which render whites as slightly bluish light.  This has had the effect of messing with a lot of people’s melatonin production at critical times in the evenining resulting in a rash of problems related to being able to get to sleep. The result was that by looking at white light sources so late in the day people’s melatonin production has been suppressed.  As a result of this many devices have an “evening” setting which shifts all whites into a warmer spectrum of color after about 7:00 p.m. or later, which is exactly what the pineal needs in order to be triggered to produce melatonin.
When you DO use your third eye, you are not looking outward, but inward in order to focus into that vibrational frequency that will allow you to detect objects and events at a considerable distance. This includes things taking place on the other side of the planet and even far out into space. And yes, this type of sensing is common once the third eye chakras has been properly opened, used, and understood. I doubt that when I was sensing the apartment of a friend 1500 miles away with pinpoint accuracy that I was using any form of a physical gland or organ at all. In fact, there is growing evidence to suggest that the world that we think as being so physically solid is in fact just an energetic construct and that there is a kind of energetic field of energy that helps to define everything that exists in our universe.  I have found Rupert Sheldrake’s work to be the most coincident with my own observations, and he has described what he thinks is a bank or field of energy that defines everything that exists in the physical universe, a kind of energetic blueprint that changes as situations change here on the ground, which makes it not monolithic but flexible and highly capable of change.

The wonderful thing is that you can do exactly as I have done, which is to  investigate all of this for yourself.  You can actually use your own consciousness to begin detecting this information on your own.  But until you do, try not to jump to any conclusions about pineal glands or any gland for that matter as somehow being tied to enlightenment.  The business of enlightnement has been clearly and positively located as being a part of the energy body.  This exists at a much simpler and far more perrennial positionw tihin the self than one could ever have imagined.  What I am encouraging you to do is to follow the trail set down by countless others who have awakened this inner sense and begin testing it to see for yourself. I also urge you not to just take my word for it. And if you want instruction on how to awaken, I am happy to oblige but with the caveat that it is an intense experience that will wreck your life and set it back right again.  it is difficult because the change is so rapid. If you are ready for such a seemingly disasterous situation, then you are ready to step on that road from which there is no return (I am joking because no one wants to return once they have stepped on this path).

I hope that this has served to help raise awareness about this subject.
In my next post I will provide a simple method for awakening both the third eye and consciousness. It is an ancient and extremely simple system that I employed that yielded results. I did not know at the time that this was an ancient technique, however.


This post began as a small rant on Facebook and then grew far too big to even consider keeping there.  Instead, I have placed it here for those who find these kinds of ramblings to be of interest.  -P.

Years ago I realized the problem I had with religion….ANY religion was the belief part.  It wasn’t really some personal problem or an ego thing or….it was a lot simpler.  I grew up willing to ask myself is belief even necessary? I mean, what if you just started from the premise that instead of believing, you simply inquired about the things that most folks have a a belief about?  I realized that in doing so, I could solve any nagging issues about whether something was real or not.  And mind you, some things simply do not lend themselves to this form of authentication or checking out.

But a lot of things do.  And most people do not know how to go about authenticating their experience.  When it comes to that, humans are mostly all thumbs.  Or rather, they have been trained to be like that.  And why?  Because one serious problem or drawback when swimming in the waters of belief, I have found, has been the hand-in-glove tendency for beliefs to require you to cleave to an authority figure of SOME kind.  Whether priest, priestess, mullah, or pastor, these two things tend to go hand in hand. And that is really a problem.  Why?  Because when it comes to authority, and spiritual things, being able to listen to the authority within is really important.  And a LOT of religions tend to weed that one out.  A LOT.  Oh yes, people will say that they do listen within, but its all within

So what is forgotten in all of this is what I have come to observe is that the gateway of all experience, all of it, is within each of us.  It then makes sense that this gateway must be clear…..but all-thumbs human does not know what this means or entails.  Like a glass darkly, we distort so much within ourselves because its just now….prepared well.  And look at our brothers and sisters walking the earth. God bless them, but we are all a mess inside.  A mess.  So much so that the only way through a life inwardly is by following what we “believe” is an accurate and unimpeachable authority to follow hoping it will not lead us into a ditch.

But even the grasping for a teacher is itself a belief, if not deeper down and less noticeable.  We all have our flavors.  And yes, this will upset people, but when you bite into the deeper unpresupposed, naked, and radiant truth that stands before us. The teachers who got it will be known for how deeply they partook of it and were able to convey some important aspects of it back to us, the great unwashed, the unseeing, the ignorant, the untouched by the great and brilliant white light of this space where some of us have been known to reach.  Our belief also turn our most important teachers into gods or very nearly so.  They did it with Jesus.  It is now without a question that he was God.  Mary was argued over in the early church and those who said she was a woman who gave birth to a man (yes, this happened) were pushed out into the wilderness (literally) and the flaming tires of the term “heretic” were tossed around their necks.  This left these people at odd-ends to say the least….so powerful was this desire and drive and belief.  The belief.  The belief.  Oh the belief!

But what we do not talk about much is that our books on this man are all cherry picked for us by people who lived thousands of years ago.  We say the teachings are perennial and thus do not change….and this is funny to me because I know that as humans, we have a lot yet to get right.  We are ourselves unfinished and thus our own wisdom and passion and intellect and how we use our minds and our souls to grasp reality and the divine cosmos are all in the process of becoming.  We made a lot of assumptions two thousands years ago about what we thought was right and not right about what that man taught.  And you know what? Buried in these heretical books I have found, for my own use, incredible gems of what I call the “Apex” teachings of Jesus.  They were dumped I suspect because the people could not understand them.  And so we got the KJV (King James Version) with all of its subsequent sub-versions that further push the interpretation further and further afield.

So this begs the question…..if the path is through yourself, then why not polish those parts and find the place within where the teachings can become manifest.  Or known.  Or felt. Or experienced.  Directly.  Why not?  Just because you don’t believe it is possible is by no means any kind of test for the validity of my statement.  It is itself what the rest of what religion has become, which has been a hijacking of our ability to think not just in a reasoning way, but in a deeper more spiritual way….which is much more free than the rather cramped quarters my brothers and sisters in various and sundry religions have.  I will say that my freedom has allowed me direct access to some things that I read about from yogis and saints.  Its true.  And isn’t this what we all seek?  Or am I wrong? Why do we seek it, then, through belief? What I have access to is not through a form of belief, but through direct experience.

To get there means you have to take incredible leaps.  They are not leaps of belief, though.  They are leaps that have to do with knowing how to use your insides.  It means undoing limiting beliefs.  Perhaps there IS a belief that does need to be held to until the rewiring is complete, and that is that within each of us is the means to know the divine reality directly.  Its interesting that its the Native American holy men and women who were on to what this was all about.  They would pray that they would become like a “hollow bone.”  This meant, obviously, that they ceased reflecting on what they thought they were experiencing and just let it flow through them.  They did not distort or interpret the information.  This, though, is incomprehensible as an experience for anyone who has significant distortive material in the way.  The leap, then, is a very real one. It is one more of faith, than of belief. The difference?  Belief will land you where you expect based on what the belief tells you or requires of you, but faith will land you in a place completely unexpected, unmade in your mind, and thus also quite possibly free from as many of the tethers of belief than would have happened otherwise.  If you are lucky. And this, I say, is not based on something I believe as much as what I have to this point experienced.  Now my interpretation could be faulty, yes, because even I do not escape all belief.  Belief is itself so incredibly pernicious a thing that it lies like dark fry (small fish) in the rivers and creeks of our subconscious.  The deeper you go, the more you find.  The fish sometimes make us think that our purpose is to fish those streams when in fact our purpose is in knowing that we are to join the river with the ocean that is in our being.  And what is there?  Our teachers have recalled these places for us and some of us have reported back about it.  One thing is for sure; belief is not required.

So through all of this even from a young age, I felt like there was a way through the dogma and from leaving my brain in the parking lot.  It has led to opening the heart wider and using the mind differently.  It has sparked immense creativity.  It has also led to deep swings from bliss to depression. Its been difficult, not easy, and also easy as pie when I can get “it” right.  I am plumbing my own depths as much as I am learning to let go of the things that limit me.  Like belief.  And to be fair, there are more beliefs to let go.  But once you let go of the big ones, the smaller ones, the day-to-day ones are what are left, or were for me.  This is where some of the most practical inner work has been done and it is also the hardest since it lies closest to the ego and our sense of self. Or my self.

And this self does not cotton to the thought of being obliterated…..even as it has offered itself up for obliteration on a daily basis and have only found that the grain gets ground ever finer….

Some believe the way to God is by destroying the ego.  Some believe that we are fallen and have no chance of ever getting up on our own. There are beliefs that we are not good enough individually, and also that there is some enemy out there.  I have sen these beliefs tear apart families.  I have seen people brainwashed by belief, and some of them have been in my own close family.  And the effect has been incredibly destructive.  And painful. And, like Buddha, I suppose, I ask myself about the way out of this suffering Way.  And for me?  The way is partly through the abandonment of belief in favor of going to find that thing that I feel tempted to believe. Doing this requires humility, a kind of emotional plasticity, and a willingness to be completely, absolutely WRONG…..and then being willing to set about changing it, or at least being on duty while the change is being made (largely by the higher self).  All of this is much too detailed a thing for me to hit on specifically and not turn this into a small book, so I keep to the edges and to the docks and away from the sailing spaces and oceans so deep and ineffable.  🙂

So this has meant that instead of believing in God, I have been impelled to just go find this thing. How do you do that? This gives rise to questions, naturally, very big ones, but we save the questions for later and address them one by one carefully.  Yes, there is a way to know about God and death and all the questions that dog us and keep us up at night or terrify us as we grow up enough to know, holy shit, we are each going to DIE!   In my mind as a youngster I asked the question.  How would one go about finding out what lies beyond that transition?  I mean, without any meaningful information, we are all just guessing, right?  It is this kind of inquiry that has led me to some interesting places.  When I was 9 years old I figured that the best way to deal with the fear that grips each of us here about our demise here physically, is to learn about what might lie on the other side of that place, if there is anything.  The advantage seemed to be a win-win.  If there was nothing, then at least we would know and we would also know that this is all there is.  Or, we would find something more and we would know more about the conditions of that other place.

What I found was that bit by bit, I got my questions answered.  In a myriad of ways.  There is enough there to fill a book, so I will save you, but I will say that as you seek, you will tend to find.  That old maxim holds true.
What’s interesting is that within some dogma, there is a limiting belief that essentially says that one should not go messing with the powers that involve finding this out.  It is, itself, a kind of straw man argument, which essentially creates a false premise from the beginning just to knock it down, as though it was real in the first place.  But it, like so much, is a belief.  And belief has the power to toss all kinds of adrenaline into your body in order to create the illusion of fear and dread, which tells you that this is a path you ought not go. But its belief that does it.  Most people just never bother to unravel the packaging as deeply as this to find out that this is the substance of these things.  Ego and belief dive all the way down into the marrow of our most primal of places, places many do not ever bother to even plumb, yet exist and all of this stuff goes deep, one as deep as the other, and is part of the tyranny of belief that says be will be cast into everlasting hell-fire or that we need to destroy ego in order to know God.  Both, just as ridiculous and impossible as the other.

I found many years after this journey that there was another person who had advocated what I was advocating decades before I even knew who he was, or that he held just such a position.  It was U.G. Krishnamurti who spoke and taught a version of this idea that he called “The Pathless Path.”  When I first read about it, it felt cold and sterile until I caught on to what he was trying to say.  And of course U.G. liked to shock people.  He was also a curmudgeon.  But behind all of this was something very similar. Look within, inquire, and learn about the contents of who you are and dare to go deep.  Most people are frightened to death to go deep for fear of what they will find.  Doing this deep delving is the same as the shamanic shadow work and also the same thing that Carl Jung advocated, which was turning the unknown into knowledge, into awareness.  Shadow work is a healing experience that relieves us all of the neurosis that besets us and our loved ones who seek to find purchase on the soil of our common shores together. When we do this, we make the dark into light, and the dream into wakefulness.  We also move the subconscious into conscious awareness.  We raise the submerged lands within the self out into full awareness.  And what happens is that the self operates different.  The “machinery” actually changes.  What I have seen is that the light body can become like an incredibly brilliant transfer point for vast amounts of information.  All of this is possible without drugs or even any exotic practices or methods.  The path, which is for another post, is about how the chemistry in the body can actually potentiate awareness and energy so that what was once a weak signal can be boosted.  It is the same thing that we do with probes in deep space.  The process of doing this in the biological framework is one of self discovery.  it does not require belief.  But until you have reached deeply enough into it, it is best not to say what you think all of this is because until you do enough shadow work, you will be heavily laden with belief and this….dear friends….is the great distorter of reality.

This is the way I have gone in my life.  I have sought to erase fear of death by learning what is on the “other side,” and I have sought to know this thing so many want to call “God” and I can tell you that its unimaginably big, so big that we have sought to create demi-gods instead of actually comprehend the full breadth of this being, if you want to call it that.  It is much more accurate to call this being an idea more than a being.  It is an idea that seems to have sprung self-made into being….and it has spawned endless creative enterprises.  Just endless and incredibly various.

The world I have discovered in this place of non-belief has been quite incredible.  It has shown me just how incredible we are, and that there is so much more than most people realize.  It has not led me to some vacuous place, but to realizations that I may not have ever reached otherwise. And the difference?  I am closer than I have ever been to the stuff of the universe.  I am closer to my own inner depths.  I am also able to look more clearly at my own junk and work with it.  Do I have illusions?  I do.  This is a peeling away of the material, this is true.  It does not leave me empty and naked.  it just leaves me unafraid of being empty and naked.  The nakedness is about my own shame and empty is itself a state that sometimes is useful for understanding so many things. To know the new, to really know the newness of some state or experience or idea, you have to really let yourself be empty in order to not presuppose anything, to prejudice the material with your own suppositions about what you think you are experiencing.

This began as a post on Facebook, and it grew to be much too big.  I also have friends who are themselves quite dipped in the river of belief, too much so to make a post of this order possible in such a forum.  So I put it here instead.  Besides, Facebook is the realm of the sound-bite.  Even here, on WordPress, posts are most often under a thousand characters.  I find that by exceeding this amount, I get the seekers who are most serious about what it is they are doing.  And it is this that I like….a perennial engagement amongst common minds and souls who are seeking something of themselves in what they find seemingly “out there” only to find  whisp of the infinite staring back at them in the mirror and winking……a knowing that we could all take off our masks and we’d all be more interconnected than we had previously thought….born of something the same yet also individual and one.  What a crazy way to start things off, right?

Kundalini(from my phone while out in the wilds…..word may seem scrunched up….I just know it….)

Its a private quest but with others pulled and repelled by the force of karma undoing itself.  Beyond what you believe karma is in the world of punishment-rewards lies the truth of it…..and it is so beautiful it is enough to change the orbit of your life.  You aren’t made perfect in a flash….you are shown the way it can be.  I was shown this way and while I go about it in my human way, I am also finding it.  For almost eight years I have engaged in an intensive effort to unwind all of karma….negative karma….in my awareness.  It is a cleansing of the depths.  It is a Big Dig.

The activation of the living force in my body and  my awareness has come to me just as it has been coming to many the last two decades; spontaneously with little practice or effort to rouse it.  That is what we say.  On the one hand, this is true, but when you look at it a little more closely, its as if all of us are just monks in drag. Cosmic camo or something.  I know, I am being snarky.  But I think it is true.  I think that I was ardent a seeker as you could find all squeezed into a nine year old frame.

The truth, though, is that we have all been searching for it. A woman who says she never searched for it  confided to me that she had practiced Hatha Yoga, which is a powerful method for moving energy.  She had practiced for years.  And I, I had developed my own form of meditation, hadn’t I?  It was intuitively based and had to do with how to allow energy to flow in the body.  It had decades of observation behind it….observations made by a man wh9 had been able to read energy since e was 18 when the gift opened to him.  I thought of it as “active meditation” which meant that I had used similar practices in projecting consciousness, in expanding my energy field, in clearing it, and a number of different things.  I just though being very still was kind of…..silly.  Yes, I knew that it was in this stillness that I was supposed to find something.  I didn’t buy it.  I have since found that it is not in MY silence that I have found “it” but rather that I and the silence are part of the same thing.  This is quite different, you see, and is enough of a difference to leave a person seeking ardently and just not finding it.  But being silent?  Not thick enough!  This is a quality of self, of being.  It is falling in love.  It is. The universe comes along and takes you.  It is quite the experience.  It moves you beyond anything you have felt before.  Liquid passion, liquid light moves up inside of you.  If you are a man something inside of you has to soften itself into being feminine just to TAKE this.  And if you are a woman, something inside of you has to penetrate the DEPTHS of this… a way that is masculine.  Not ready?  Well, something in you obviously decided that it was. Sorry little ego.  Here we go!

(Now I get to use my computer after the day has turned to night….and I can stretch out some)


And all of this, as hard as it can get, is a saving grace.  For as hard as it has been, I am thankful for it.  I have been hard at work.  Every single day is a new effort.  It is…..relentless.  There were times when I thought I might just lose it….and times when I could never lose it.  There and back again.

Deeper and deeper this has gone, layer by layer.  This, the Hindu call the koshas, the “layers” of the self or consciousness that include the energy of the body, the mind, the emotions, and the broader parts of the self. There are, I suspect, though, koshas that express the higher self.  Everything that we are will have its expression as one of these vessels.  And each will contain junk in it all expressing at a given vibration.  The thing to realize is that as material is cleared, it becomes easier to clear still more deeper material.  And for me?  Seems I have saved the hardest for last.

I go through my day in a constant meditation upon HOW I feel and I am finding that I continue to go deeper into my feeling self and realize that some things that I thought were my reactions to things were not based on anything real but were the result of something unresolved in me.  These things seem obvious at first, but its not obvious when the material has been shoved down so deep and hard.  My root work continues to surprise me.  It is like unpacking junk from an ancient trunk.   I go at it, often with weekly releases of energetic material, old traumas or hurts or issues.  As I dig down into it, I feel stuff I had just never felt before.  I just could not SEE it or KNOW it for what it was!

See, there is just so much that you CAN see and for so long….and you deal with it….you do….but some of it you may not know HOW to let it go….obviously it is by surrendering….no kidding, right?  But sometimes something in you just doesn’t know how to do that, the hurt maybe is too fresh or new, or any number of things.  It may in fact be really old, a repeat of a very old SOMETHING.  When I had an ex turn my children against me in the midst of a divorce, I saw just how mean spirited she was being, wittingly hurting not just me, but more importantly, my precious children.  How terrible is that?  To ruin an avenue for your children?  I had another ex seek to slander me based on outright lies….which was the same as my previous ex.  All of this was hard, really hard, and difficult to get past because of how FRESH is all was.  I simply was not used to people who loved me doing this to me.  For me, this was a first in my life.  Trying to destroy those you love?  Really? What flavor of madness is that?

Image © Stafford Artglass, Parker Stafford

Image © Stafford Artglass, Parker Stafford

But its the very nature of how reactive that this made me that made all of this hard to let go.  It seems that these things all have a kind of expiration date.  If we let them alone long enough, they wither on the vine.  They become easier to pluck out.  It also get easier to let the karma go, too.  But as I go deeper into this real dark place in the root, it is like I can feel all of this stuff related to survival, to nurture.  Some of the hard things from the death of a parent, the loss of bonding with one parent.  Hard stuff, I am sure, and its all being dug up.  WHat I have found is that there are some really hard feelings buried in there.  This is the archetypal hades.  This is the hardest place because it is so central to our creative selves.

Part of these releases, these healings, have involved the concept of the great womb.  This womb is about creativity.  We use it loosely simply because it is not about creating children.  It is about creating ANYTHING.  You can feel into that place that is in each person, every man and woman….it is not a literal womb.  And yet, in higher order energetics, it is indeed just that.  It is a womb of the higher self, of the soul.  It is the meeting place for all energies to collaborate and create.  It is.  And its health will determine what comes from it.  Clear it out and it is a clean slate.  This is why this work is so important.  To return not just a person to the “zero” point but to help the planet reach such a place.  It is an incredibly intimate personal journey as it is for me, and yet, we ALL have this shit in us.  All of us.  Even those of you who think you are pure as the driven snow. I can tell you that inside of you are things that you have simply never allowed yourself to see.  Look back at our history as a species.  DO you see all of that horrid stuff we have done to each other over all those centuries?  Well, you were a part of that in some way somewhere somehow. We all die at the hands of another. We die of disease, we are manipulated, we are lost, we are forgotten. We are also remembered, cherished and loved.  To know ALL of this.  When we are able to integrate ALL of this, we can make the peace with it that we seem to need in order to move on from this level to another.  This is important work for all of us, and the wave doing this now will help each other by those who dig deep and also they will help those who have yet to wake up. It will literally create a different template for those who come later into this love, this field that is bristling with energy and promise.  It is in everything.  You have to open up to it.  It is endless.  We are truly infinite.  Even atoms are like this.  It boggles the mind.

We are made for this.  And it is worth the work.

After years of being out of touch with those who were a part of my earlier awakening, with the one whom I thought of as my twin, I have been able to go back and speak openly and frankly about a host of things.  I have been able to do what I did not feel I could do that I very much needed to do, which was to bring some sense of closure,  and to help bring some depth of understanding to why everything went down as it did.  I simply disappeared quickly as my own awakening shifted into a new gear.  Being able to explain myself….and also to face what I was once fearful of but am no longer fearful of.  Your perspective can change 180 degrees in a relatively short period of time.  So much can change.  Running from it isn’t the answer, though.  It is this interesting dance.  We can’t get bogged down by it, but neither can we run from it.  This other person has this mirror effect, which strengthens things in a way that is not always beneficial.  What we mirror we also reinforce, you see.  And this can make a small thing into a big thing.  A tar pit of the soul.  But there comes a time when the draw of the tar pit just no longer does it and you can speak about things in a way that actually leads to more and more releases….realizations that something you were holding onto was simply not necessary.  A block in your that was the same in them, now cleared, now simply no longer offers up the draw.  And this is so hard for people in it to realize…..that the draw is so often the blocks holding energy in a tight position in the self.  I call it how energy flows in a tight hose.  When you can open the hose or channel, the water (Qi) flows with less turbulence and chaos.  This is what we all look forward to.  Being universal channels for this light field.  Growing up and doing exactly what Jesus did; overcoming the world.  Clearing the karma.  Becoming free.

So deeper and deeper I go.  Deeper into a meditative state.  I now do it while listening to music, I do it while walking down the street.  What required a moment of quiet is more like a tool I use in the moment when I need to.  It is not so much about meditating now as much as it is a realization of how some things can move me out of my zone where I am calm, able to plumb that depth.  As I do this, I find there is more to do, more to feel into, to look at that I may have not seen in quite the way I just did a moment ago, which was the whole reason why this things was lodged in me for so long.  I had missidentified it, shoved it down and not sen it for what it was.  And it distorted my ability to see so many things in others.  I saw threats that weren’t there or I reacted beyond what one would normally do.  Until this stuff is dealt with, it remains an issue.  So down I go.  Digging in the dirt.  And you know what?  Its worth every minute.  It is why I came here.  It is job 1.

There are methods for dealing with this energy and it is about movement, but I have found that for the deep stuff, some movement with being able to feel deeply into the centers is important because feeling that deep means that you understand what was not understood for so long.  So much of this can be STUFFED emotion….ancient stuff…..and when you let it go, the really cool things is that this releases all your other lifetimes…..because until this material is dealt with, it is simply reflecting and mirroring in all your past lives.  It is free to be something different.  Wait.  And yes, I also mean the past.  How is that possible?  I don’t know, but I have already experienced it.  I have actually gone into my past and changed it.  The presence that is here with me today that I call kundalini is itself a form of my future self looping back as a way to improve its own “present” focus in a kind of future.  Thing is, there IS no time…..we live in a hologram that is ALL TIME.  As consciousness expands, you will see just what I mean.  So this future self has so much to offer…..and as I improve, it changes its own self or being.

It is quite the experience…..and I hope that in time everyone will experience this as a kind of right of passage and that those doing this now will have made the path so much easier….something that I laughingly called a “puberty for adults” to a friend who asked about it about a year ago.  It was the best way I could explain it.  And yes, it is a new world with so many responsibilities tied up with it….

The journey continues…


I have sensed energy and understood how energy works for years and knew that were I to want to, I could be a good energy healer.  I was untrained and did not read books about alternative medicine.  But I knew what I knew.  I knew that there was a side to healing that had to do with how we feel, how our consciousness is set up for “shaped” within our bodies that had everything to do with how healthy we are, how at peace we are, and a host of other things that western medicine has largely been either unwilling to approach or wont.  As I stood there one night, using my energy to make my cat roll over, I asked “What on earth is this?  What am I?”  the answer was that I was an “energy handler.”  I was so frustrated at that point, wanting ot figure this out. But it was not to be.  I had a deep impulse that until or unless I knew I was at complete peace, I would not do any kind of healing work. 

I can remember telling a friend who was a gifted psychotherapist that I knew there was a way to heal people from a distance.  This was about five years before I found out about a healing modality caller Reiki, which served up distance healing.  Still, something in me told me that while I would be good, I knew that I had to be the most healed person in the room. 

Amongst the Native Peoples of North America, the person who was the healer was the person who was him or herself the most healed.  This healed person was the most neutral.  A person who is not healed fully will not be able to see beyond his or her own lack of healing.  The block or issue in the energy body will create a certain level of blindness for the therapist  It is important to yourself be healed if you are to heal.

When a person is healed of an issue within, they are more able to change the issue in the person before them who is there for healing.  Whether you know this or not, there is an energetic component to all healing.  Sure, if you break an arm, you have to do things that will mechanically set and allow the arm to heal. But the speed of healing is greatly influenced by the flow of life force into the area.  This life force energy has a stimulating effect on a whole range of processes in the body and they go all the way down to the cellular level.  We know this because we have observed how it is that capillaries will dilate when someone comes into the vicinity of a healer’s hands.  We have charted that there are very real physical changes taking place in the wake of what we now know is a flux or flow of life force into the body of the person being healed.  There are many very beneficial things that happen when energy flow is allowed to move unhampered.  Sometimes the result is miraculous if the person who is doing the healing is him or herself a healed person.  Healed = clear.  the other side to this is that until you heal something in yourself, you will often tend to attract what you yourself are still working on in others.  So for example you might be dealing with something that is at its root about fear.  Until you are able to deal with it, though, you may not be as helpful to others as you would be if you yourself no longer had the issue to begin with.  Why?

Atunement.  This is the term I use and it may be what others use.  It is a principle I have observed since I was in my 20’s and it has to do with how one person can actually atune a person’s energy so that they literally vibrate out the knot or block or issue in their energy body so that the underlying issue in the energy and consciousness is gone so that at the cell level the body can begin to repair and work as it was intended to. It will almost always work the right way as intended even after years of dysfunction… long as permanent damage has not taken place in the body.  I used to observe how I was able to get people to see auras by using this atunement energy.  I could always feel it and as long as the person was receptive, it resulted in their being able to tune into the same thing I was tuning into energy-wise.  I knew that what was taking place was how a person was able to feel my own energy and by just feeling its vibration could then achieve that same vibration for themselves, which was what enabled them to then begin seeing auras.  For the people who had this happen to them, this was itself a dramatic, but what I knew deep down was that this was how all energy medicine worked.  I just wished that I could bring my gifts to the world.  But something kept me from doing so.  What kept me from doing so was the knowledge deep down that while I could do a great deal of healing, I wanted to do something that was quite rare here, which was to be a healed healer.  I didn’t want to heal while wounded still.  I will give you an example of what I mean. 

Some months ago I decided to utilize Reiki as a healing modality for assisting me in releasing energy blocks which Kundalini has been actively engaged in helping me with since my awakening about seven years ago.  I was curious more than anything but I also felt like it could be a beneficial avenue.  After reading up on Reiki, I realized that this was a form of energy medicine that was similar to what I had always envisioned as something I tend to do with people when it comes to healing energy. 

When I went, I explained that I had been actively clearing my energy field and had done so to a pretty deep level.  I explained that this had all taken place in each chakra over many of the “koshas.”  I wanted them to understand I was not just the regular Joe.  I needed them to go deeper then they may have been used to going.  I explained I was dealing now with root issues and that this was where I needed help.  We began and the healers were successful in helping to release some difficult material.  I went a second time and while there I had a healer who was the head of a local school of alternaitve medicine say that she could not feel anything left in my root, that it was clear. I explained that there was more there, I could feel it.  In fact, I knew very well what remained in my root because I could feel the blocks as sharp pain, dull pain, and a feeling of tension as well as pressure.  My awareness of where I am with my energy is so strong that it is translated by my brain into something that it can make sense of and it also helps me to keep track of where I am by this not-so-comfy feeling, but has been useful for monitoring my progress over these seven years or so. 

After working on me for a while, the woman pronounced me cleared and stopped the work she was doing.  As I got up and thanked her for her work, she explained to me that sometimes we have to be careful about trying to turn nothing into something.  She assured me that I was clean as a whistle and to try not to make something out of nothing.  I smiled and thanked them all again before taking my jacket and heading out into the night air. 

The takeaway from all of this is that for healers who are themselves not healed,they will be blind to what remains, just as this lady was blind to what remained in me.  Over the course of the next six months, I continued on my own to release more and more material, none of it imagined, none of it an inflation of something small or minor.  In truth, I may have dug deeper than this therapist had ever had the experience of going.  I don’t say this to boast, I say this because this is itself a very real issue with healers of all kinds.  You simply cannot help someone if you yourself do not know the route to the healing your patient needs.  This is so for western medicine as well as other forms of medicine such as Chinese Medicine, energy medicine, naturalpathy, etc.  The aspect of healing that is energetic is the part that most closely corresponds to the placebo effect.  We literally decide to feel differently and we do.  Our bodies register the change and off we go.  In the case of energy healing, though, it is possible to have healing above and beyond placebo.  We talk about placebo as if its unimportant, but it is huge.  Being able to let go and being willing to be ready to feel differently are important precursors to actual healing taking place.  So HOW you feel is important. You can actually learn how to feel differently by connecting in with the feelings of the healer.  This is what atunement is all about.  We literally vibrate at the same frequency as they do.  But if that healer does not have a cleared root in her vibration, will the patient be able to clear his or her root center completely?  If s/he does, it will not be because of the healer. 

Speaking to a therapist about the work she did helping people in her practice, she expressed how she did not help people to heal.  She explained she helped them to cope. On the one hand, I thought that she was being honest and practical.  She did not try to reach for healing, she tried to make life better for the clients.  It probably  suited her well for where she was.  But no healing?  If you don’t think its possible, then its pretty much a lock that it wont be for your client.  When you expect the impossible, it tends to happen far more frequently than otherwise.  🙂

This same issue is at work when a teacher seeks to tell his or her students about something that he or she does not yet fully understand or has made a part of his or her practice.  Ram Das who wrote Be Here Now had a conversation with his teacher about why it was that he had not learned a certain principle from his previous teacher.  It was curious because other students had not learned it either, even though the teacher was able to teach about it many times.  Ram Das’s new teacher explained this perfectly:  his teacher could not expect anyone to learn the new perspective and embody it because he had not yet done so.  His teaching, then, was ineffectual as a result.  You can preach it all you want, but until you ARE it, there is little hope that your words will make any difference.  See, until the vibration is right, people wont get it because the other side of our being is that we are each energetic beings and we are highly sensitive to these energies in consciousness.  Our world is an unseen but entirely felt tapestry of energy that has a very real effect on people and as we have found in physics, on objects as well. 

Does this mean that I think all people should hold off on doing energy work or healing until they themselves are clear?  Nope.  In fact, I think that a lot of good can be done even before you are completely clear or free from the wheel or karma.  I think for me, though, I am most interested in being able to come from a place where I am so clear that I can easily find every little hitch and glitch and gently and effortlessly give space and the vibration necessary to entrain and heal that person’s field of anything that is anything less than an aligned state of being. And does this mean that I wont be healing in this life?  Well, I can’t say for sure. At the pace I am going it wont be long before I have emptied the karmic dustbin out completely,  A few years ago I had someone say something to me that I thought was short sighted, which was that I was stuck in these karmic glitches and would probably remain so the rest of my life.  I thought “Wow, how incredibly limited!”  It was enough to get me shaking off the feeling behind those words, the sense of hopelessness that must have been in that person.  Well, I am here to say that life is nothing if not full of surprises and our conception one moment can be completely reformed the next.  Change can happen on a dime!  So I say: be ready for anything!  I am here to return to the garden.  Why are you here?

And that, dear reader, is a little perspective on the healing arts! 

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