Archives for posts with tag: kundalini symptoms

Its pretty amazing to me just how big the stats are on people searching using kundalini and flu symptoms. This has been going on for a number of years on several blogs that I have.  It is consistent across the board.

 

This tells me that kundalini awakenings are going strong and that people are concerned most with this, next to a handful of other observations related to awakening.

 

I dealt with this a lot during awakening and my sense has always been that prana as a force has a stimulating effect on the body, yes, obviously, but it also creates some irritation as well.  I felt this irritation before the full rising of kundalini in the form of stomach upset and mysterious bouts with flu-like symptoms that affected my intestinal track.  It is normal.  Along with this I also found a lot of other bodily fluids being produced that I felt were the direct result of this stimulating effect.  I could be wrong, but my sense has always been that these fluids were being produced as a way to protect the body from further irritation.  When prana flows at such high levels, I think the body does what it can to deal with it.  When I had gut trouble in the beginning, I used pepto, which always made it go away for a while.  I think that similar stomach coating methods can be helpful.  Just a little something to provide comfort.  At the time this was happening, I didn’t know it was related to kundalini.  I even went to the doctor for it.  He showed nothing of concern, and suggested it was just my natural system adjusting to something.  All good, he said.  And a week later: boom!  Then things began making more sense to me.

 

My sense has been that this is part of what is called “solar” prana, or the masculine side of the energy.  When I looked it up on some Chinese medicine sites, sure enough, they described solar energy in the gut related to Qi flow and its effects, most notably irritated bowel, production of mucus, etc., as a result of this stimulation effect.  So yes.  Normal.

 

This begs the question, at least in my mind, of how to deal with this?  My first thought is to focus on the feminine energy, the yin side to this for comfort.  It has what is called a “cooling” effect.  On the one hand, the masculine energy can clear and heal a lot of things, an energy that I like for letting things go having to do with blocked energy, but it is only one side of the equation.  While the yang energy is good at pushing through stuff, you also have to work the other side of things, by really going deep in another more “feminine” shakti way.  Push out, draw within. Part of a cycle of innermost creation.  And this cycle is what makes consciousness whole.  We each have both, so don’t be afraid to explore it.  It will also connect you in to issues and balances that will help you in your process.

 

How you are able to anchor the feminine energy will be something that you connect well to, your own inner associations.  You will FEEL “her” in you, so the trick will be how to explore it more.  It might be that simply thinking about the feminine, looking at images of goddesses, dakinis, or yogini’s can do it for you.  Sometimes just reading something about the divine feminine….meditating on the moon and its symbolic nature in your own mind as an archetypal symbol loaded with meaning….deep rivers, the dark side of our being, a deep void pregnant with possibility might do it.  if you are actively experiencing awakening you wont have to go far to encounter her.  She resides along the left side of your body and then as she moves up into the neck and the head, the energy does a flip as it goes into the “zero” state, where the flow moves into what I calla “flux” condition where its polarity changes.  It meets in the head and the hemispheres of the brain mirror this.  Right brain is holistic, sees the big picture, is diffuse, vast, wildly creative, but also needs the direction of the left in order to create a focus within that vast field.  Learn how the energy works in your consciousness and body.  I think that this will help if you do this kind of work daily.

 

The other thing you can do is to look at what the Eastern traditions say about foods that are good for yin.  These will be described as “cooling” in nature.  Before I knew about this type of diet I was approached in a vision by my guardian and he showed me an image of several foods.  One was eggs.  That was the protein I was to eat for a while because meat was giving me a lot of trouble.  Then alongside the egg was a slice of cantaloupe. “Really” I thought. But I tried it, and by golly, it really helped to calm kundalini effects a LOT.  In fact, it put me into this very calm blissed-out state.  It was like a drug.  This only lasted for about a six month period for me, though.A year later I came across an article on a site that described that eating melon was very good for calming and “cooling” kundalini down.  Well there you go, right?  Along with melon are other foods like cucumber which are supposed to be good.  I found myself not eating meat and eating a lot of eggs, fruit and light uncooked vegetables.  I also found that a couple of years later that raw jalapeno would really even me out and put me into a similar blissed-out state as the cantaloupe had a few years prior.  Again, this was synchronized with where I was at the time.  Jalapeno does not affect me the same way as it did then when kundalini was stirring me so strongly with all those blocks to clear out.  You might want to listen to your intuition, consider lucid dreaming and mediation to get messages about the best things to try.  Trust that you can discern these things. Whatever the way is that works best for you, the information is there and it can help you out a lot if you can learn to trust that this can happen.  Sometimes just being aware that you can do this is enough to begin grabbing that informational tiger by the tail.  Heavier foods have had their place for good grounding, but there is also a time not to be grounded completely.  Sometimes you have to go waaay out in order to do the work, right?  So go.  Do.  And then, get your grounded state in so you keep balance in your life.

 

The other side to all of this is that during rapid block removals you can feel achy.  It feels almost like you are going to get sick.  This is a good time to let the junk flow through you.  it is a bit like the “hair of the dog.”  When I had rapid removal during Qi Gung work, I actually felt clammy and sick for several weeks.  Then, just as a block was getting ready to move, I would feel sick a little to my stomach.  This always became a sign that I was moving energy.  At this stage, it can often be the result of what I call chakra energy movement where the force of the chakras are moving many blocks in a given region of the light body instead of individual blocks.  This is more a wholesale kind of removal.  You can often be dealing with a whole cluster of blocks being removed at once and this was always where I got flue symptoms.  It was a lot to deal with, so symptoms emerged.  But instead of this being a situation where I was being made sick by the junk floating through me, it was more its last hurrah before it was gone.  So think of it as a positive sign and that once it all moves, the flu feelings will recede until the next big series of blocks go.  You will likely find after a few years of this that things quiet down and you begin experiencing blocks moving more from the meridians than the chakras.  They are ALL moving out of the meridians or the nadi, but the chakras are creating these powerful stirrings of the energy in certain areas that sweeps all that stuff up and out.  Let it do its work!  Its good! Just know that this is simply a reaction and you are not getting sick.  If it gets bad enough, consider minimally invasive ways of calming and creating comfort for coating the stomach. Teas, honey, even yogurt or milk if you can handle that.

 

Drink plenty of water, too. I know it sounds simple, but your body is working overtime.

 

 

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You know that pranic movement leads to greater awareness of subconscious material. You know that prana brings awareness. 
So inevitably there is a point in awakening when all manner of hard emotions gets dredged up as a result of this. 

One is fear. But fear is very tricky, you see, because of how self-reinforcing it is. It is an emotional trap that can capture a person and keep them imprisoned. 

Some people repress their fear, which leaves what was creating the fear safely hidden deep in the subconscious. 

Sometimes people will only let fear share a small place in their conscious awareness so it does not take them over. Again, the reason for the fear remains like a weed whose leaves sprout up into the conscious self and are tended carefully by the personal will of the self. 

In awakening, though, fear and it’s chemical mirror, adrenaline, can rise up and show itself in all of its powerful glory. In truth, this can be overwhelming. But hang on; ask yourself what is really happening here. What is happening is prana is merely increasing your awareness so that you now feel more of the fear. At this point, though, you are only looking at the branches growing out of your subconscious, with the root of of the problem lying deeper within. You are being shown a problem, you see, and now you need to be able to go deeper to root it out from the subconscious. 

There is a problem with this situation, which is how fear begets more fear. In order to draw it out, you need a steady sense of calm. Adrenaline does not keep you calm. 
You need to learn how to tame the beast first, then draw it out by healing it. You no longer just calm yourself and then try to forget about it, which is what most people do to cope, but use the fear as a huge sign that is telling you right where the fear is. Now, instead of running from it, you wisely use this as a blessing. 

You now have been shown where a wound exists. You know that it revolves around fear, and you can also know what kinds of events serve to activate it by simply observing yourself carefully like an observer.

 In the beginning of this kind of work, what is often felt can be the kind of fear that is primal, utterly irrational. All of this winds up looking like a tangled mess, which it often is, but lying at the core is often a very simple and utterly uncomplicated event that sparked the fear, which is most often a trauma (s) from your past.  You might have no earthly idea where it is coming from. 

Fear that is strong enough and persistent enough can lead to a deep sense of dread, horror, even….with no known cause (especialy when kundalini awakens-even though pranic force will in the end lead you to healing it….but just not immediately if adrenaline has “got” you).

The worst thing you can do is to react to fear. It can leave you feeling like a deer in the headlights. It can lead you to chaotic behavior and it can make your life hellish. Reacting to it, you feed it. You begin triggering the adrenal response with still more adrenaline.

My dark time with adrenaline stretched into months. It was one of the top five hardest parts of kundalini rising. Besides leading to adrenal burnout, collapse, or adrenal failure, it is very hard on your body. I have a good family friend who had to seek medical attention to restart her adrenals after a long continuous bout with fear and anxiety connected to her awakening experience. However, conquering fear is one of the biggest victories in an awakening because fear robs you of energy that could be used for things like it’s opposites such as love and joy. Love cannot properly grow and flourish when fear and its counterpart hatred are taking up your attention.

Most fear is irrational for the very fact that when you are working from a trauma in the past, fear can color everything you see and blinding you from seeing the world as it is. When you are sitting in the quiet of your room trying to meditate and all you can feel is that piercing pain down deep into the core of you, all you are doing is dredging up feelings from the past. To heal the past, you must bring awareness into the moment. The fear might not be connected to anything in particular, but you will still need to learn how to recognize it in order to move on. This can be the alchemical moment where a giant ball of “yuck” gets transmuted into bliss. Yes, really. So how to do this?

Learn to bring forward and cultivate the Witness. Stand back and watch. See what slight deviation in feeling can shift you out, even for a moment, of fear and adrenaline. Over and over, watch what you are doing to break the adrenaline train. If you are caught in a recursive pattern of fear, you might need to study this in small snatches, those moments when you feel adrenaline subside. Watch and ask yourself what was it that caused the shift to happen. You might have to spend days, weeks even, of watching when these subsidences happen and then identify what it was that did it for you.  Then you can learn to direct your mind to different feeling states that bring on greater bliss and train your mind to remain there for longer and longer periods. Leave healing the source of the fear for now because once you can feel bliss, the issue that caused the fear may naturally dissolve, or you will be naturally guided to how to heal it when you are ready. If you have experience with awakening then surely you have experience with this particular phenomenon.

You want to find ways to lessen the adrenal response, and in the beginning, anything that gives you relief is good (short of medicating yourself-this only delays the process of inner transformation). Watch what shifts you out of the fear and duplicate it in order to extend it. This is for cases of extreme adrenal response. You need a coping mechanism so that you can later deal with the root cause of the fear. Your body will follow you like an obedient shadow.

By feeling this deeply, your body is washing itself of fear, but it is you who must root out the fear locked in the body and tell yourself that this fear is only in the past. This moment now is entirely new.
Over time you train yourself how to step out of fear. 

Surrender can help, but this can be tricky at first. Sometimes it can feel impossible to break out of the cycle because it can be so overwhelming. If adrenaline is this bad, it is important to be able to trigger bliss. Surrender can sometimes feel like you will just make it worse. What is true is that by resisting (anything) emotionally, bliss can turn into a nightmare. I know how crazy this sounds. But part of bliss includes healthy adrenal output. Dopamine all on its own will leave you so dreamy and blessed out that you won’t be able to focus on anything except the bliss. A small bit of adrenaline is an accompaniment to the awakened state, but if you have latent fear, the adrenals can shift into high gear and stay there, overpowering the dopamine high and bringing such terrible feelings. It is here that you can manifest paranoia, which is a problem all its own.

Breath work is something that can be very useful in breaking the fear. This breath needs to be slow, deep, and even . I began mimicking the type of breathing I noticed in sleeping people. It worked very well. Alternating nostril breath can be very helpful, and has been used for centuries to stimulate and balance prana through the two channels of yin and yang energies (Ida and Pengali). Try four slow breaths in and out per nostril, holding each nostril closed as you do this, repeating this four times. Continue this at least four times. 
Cranial Sacral massage is very good at getting you relaxed and going deep.

When you get in a fix with adrenaline and fear, believing you need to stay there to soak it in is poppy-cock. The only purpose these negative states serve is to help you in not feeling them anymore. That’s right-flee the building as soon as possible. You will be able to release this fear once adrenaline has moderated.

Music can help, guided imagery for relaxation, and even eating have all been ways I have been able to step out of the pain of the fear body. Climb out and don’t look back. Later, you can release any block you need, but for most people, doing this while the body is in full flame is very difficult. If you respond from a place of fear, you won’t be able to release anything. You will just marinate in it. Once you conquer fear, you can then release the “split” or block.

So often, it is fear alone that keeps you locked in a recursive loop that has to be broken before substantive change can happen. If the block is in you and you are afraid of it, you won’t be able to do this release work.You will simply fear the block too much.

There are other therapies for dealing with fear, adrenaline, and kundalini, and these are included in my blog under adrenaline. Do a search and you will find much more.

If you are experiencing adrenal overload, it’s not easy, but it can teach you a high level of mastery over what appears to be involuntary.

~P.

NOTE:  This post has been revised since it was first written, so if you are returning to a second glance, then yes, there have been substantive changes, and no, you are not losing your mind.

 

I have been away for a bit and have not had time to work much up on the topic of awakening, so my apologies.  I had a wonderful trip to the West coast to celebrate my 50’th year here, and it was a marvelous gift from a wonderful friend who is one of a kind.  I like to travel because I have found that the very location, the particular flow of energy from the earth itself can trigger a different turn of mind or some new realization.   And out there on the Island of San Catalina, it was an energy I was so ready to feel into.  So what a wonderful gift, right?

I have noticed that there are a lot of search inquiries on my blog about flu symptoms connected to kundalini.  I don’t look at my stats enough, apparently, because this is a topic that I may have touched on from time to time, but never directly. So given the interest, I am going to hopefully give you some insight into these symptoms that might make the going a little easier.

As many of you know, I feel that we have everything we need inside of us to discern the manner of our condition and how to heal ourselves. This is especially true in the midst of awakening.  Even so, the sheer volume of symptoms and the fast-paced change can be a lot to take in and try to make sense of!

The Hindus describe the qualities of energy in our bodies as solar and lunar.  It isn’t that your energy is tied to these solar and lunar qualities, but rather it seeks to describe the character of the energy.  It is no different from the Chinese yin and yang. Simply, we have and are aware we have two complimentary energies that we often ascribe a character like male and female, hot and cold, solar and lunar, etc. Sometimes different qualities of energy are needed to help dissolve the blocked material that awakening brings.  A very male-leaning energy (yang) might need the compliment of the cooler feminine to hep move it along (yin).  Sometimes a lot of solar energy can cause stomach upset.  Blocked solar energy, that is.  The answer is to find ways to unblock and let ourselves FLOW.

To illustrate to you how you can know intuitively what kind of energy you need to help bring a fix of healing, I just typed in the paragraph above my feeling that yang energy was tied to the stomach/colon, and is responsible for problems we see there.  But the truth is, I had no outside source telling me this.  I just wrote it and then figured I could find out if this was right…..and if I was wrong, I would correct it.  Want to know what I found?  Look here to read this very interesting article on the type of energy in the stomach and intestines (you will need to skip down several paragraphs….I will excerpt the information for you but the link could prove helpful so that is included also)


http://www.steppingstoneacu.com/blog/2012/08/08/The-Large-Intestine-Transformation-Change-and-Letting-Go.aspx

Traditional Chinese Medicine is all about relationships. The Large Intestine energy also has a special relationship with the Stomach energy, in that they are both designated as “Yang Ming” or “Yang Brightness”. Yang, as we have mentioned, is the active, hot, fiery, expansive parts of our being. (As opposed to Yin, which is the passive, watery, cool, inward parts.) Yang Brightness, as the name implies, are strong Yang energy systems. This means that they are easily affected by heat. This heat may be generated by long-term patterns of stagnant energy, a poor diet, or physically or emotionally toxic environments. The Yang Ming designation also means that we can effectively use these systems to clear pathological heat from the body. Some of the best acupuncture points in the body to clear excess heat are on the Large Intestine meridian.  One of the ways to clear excessive heat (such as a high fever) with herbal medicine is to use herbs that stimulate the Large Intestine to promote a bowel movement and bring the fever rapidly down.

In the excerpt above, the tradition comes from Chinese medicine.  As with all healing modalities, there is always, or tends to be, a leaning in one direction or another towards certain ways of seeing and treating a given issue.  The gist in this article, though, as you may well find, is that yang energy is tied into the digestive track and is probably often responsible for problems when this energy becomes stagnated.  If this is the case, how then do you correct for this?  You move that energy!

These energies become much more intense during awakening.  They can be so intense that they can have very real physical effects.  The question in people’s minds is if these effects are bad for us?  What is important to bear in mind is that when the self resists the flow of this energy, there is always pain, anxiety, etc.  Whenever the self surrenders, the energy flow goes from hard to blissful.  This is the important lesson of this new world of energy. It is simple: don’t fight it.  I guarantee you that at any point at any time when someone is feeling difficulty in the midst of awakening, it is ALWAYS attributed or has its root in some resistance in the individual.  But when you awaken, you don’t just magically enter into it perfectly formed for letting this energy flow through you.  Yes, the INITIAL awakening might have involved a blast of white light up your spine that sent you into a transcendent state for a few minutes or even a few days, but everyone, and I mean everyone, returns to their lives to work at the level of the personality to work to clear and purify all levels of the self into a finer form.  This takes time.  As a result, you can be dealing with the effects from the dross or old material as it exists side by side with this other energy.

Flu symptoms are not unusual.  I had them.  I had them but without the accompanying high temperatures that might tell me this was a real flu.  Instead, I had stomach upset, nausea that would come and go, and even diarrhea which would itself also come and go with no rhyme or reason.  My appetite was effected, and my stomach often would feel on edge at certain stages of the cleansing process.  The observations I made were that just prior to and just after a big release of blocked material, I would get these digestive anomalies.  They would come based in large part to how big the block was.  I found that breath work (I was shown that I should pant like a wild cat….a type of panting that is not unlike the breathing that yogi’s teach to their students when dealing with kundalini), as well as physical exercise, mild foods, and proper hydration were all aspects to my working through these symptoms.

The unique problem when talking about kundalini is that we have what I would call “referred” symptoms that happen a LOT.  I define “referred” symptoms as energetic symptoms that aren’t even physical that get picked up by the brain and then are interpreted to BE a real physical symptom.  The way to tell the difference between real and referred is that when you go to the doctor, they can find nothing behind the symptoms.  In time you will be able to discern for yourself what is real and what is referred.  Many people do go to the doctor in the beginning of their awakenings because they think there is something wrong, only to find nothing is to be found. The real danger in this situation is the doctor who feels he or she must prescribe SOMETHING to make the patient feel better.  The accompanying sense of relief that you get when they give you that piece of paper called a prescription begins to bring relief right away, long before you even buy the prescription.  However, as you may know, the placebo effect is not improved upon by taking drugs that we really do not need, so patient beware.

When I awoke I was having this nagging stomach problem that would come and go with no seemingly good explanation for it.  Of course, I worried about what it might mean since it was unlike any stomach problems I have ever had, so I thought it was something new.  Well, the short story was that it was something new, just not what I thought or feared it might be.  Luckily my doctor did not give me medication, but suggested it was some kind of re-balancing of my system and to just give it some time, watch what I was eating, etc.

In my case, I was having bouts of diarrhea for no known cause.  I would feel a little sick during these bouts, but not as if I had a flu or some bug.  In my mind I thought this could be some unknown effect from something I might need to be careful about.  The clue for me was that each time that I took pepto bismal, the symptoms went away, only to come back about a month later.  This happened a number of times in the six months between my first initial epiphany encounter with nonduality and the sudden rising of the force that came up my spine in serpentine fashion. I simply had not connected the dots yet.

So some strategies for dealing with this

Treat Yourself Right

  • You might want to see a doctor first to rule out anything that might be the root of something physical first.
  • Take simple remedies that will help settle your stomach(pepto worked well for me)
  • Lighten your food intake to include bland softer foods (barley, oats, wheat, etc., for morning)
  • Certain foods will be easier on your stomach than others such as eggs, eggs, high fiber grains

Help Yourself Move Energy

This is what is causing the flu symptoms if it’s not due to a bug.  Learning to move energy and help with blocks is an important long-term strategy

Breathwork – See Pranayama and Hatha Yoga. Using a panting type of breath while concentrating awareness on the solar plexus and imagining the energy rising out of the stomach into the heart, is one important way to encourage energy flow through your body.

Physical disciplines that help to dissolve energetic blocks in your system.  Consider Qi Gung (also called Chi Gong), Thai Chi, as well as yoga all can be helpful in dissolving blockages.  Acupunture/pressure and deep tissue work can aid in energy movement.

I often will simply ask myself why I am having trouble.  As I do, I observe myself carefully, and I zoom in on my feelings as I ask myself this.  It is realy amazing what you can find out about yourself when you are no longer invested in hiding things the way you used to.  Access to the subconscious is much clearer now in awakening.  You might want to sit quietly and ask your stomach or gut why its feeling this way.  FEEL into it, don’t think into it.  Is this feeling reminding you of a feeling you have had before?  As  child?  Or in a certain circumstance?  What do these instances all have in common? You would be surprised just how quickly you can do this type of inner inquiry in order to get to the root of the cause or issue.  This type of work can be very healing and very helpful for you in all other forms of healing work (releasing blocks).  Don’t be shy, give it a try.  🙂

Alternative Methods

  • Diet

Try changing your diet.  You might need a higher fiber diet.  Very high fiber has helped me to deal with some of the fallout from energetic block movement.  In fact, I often use “All bran” as a kind of tonic in the morning and make sure that I eat food high in fiber. Cut down on sugar intake and eat foods that are high in beneficial bacteria.  This aids digestion and also gives the immune system a boost.

  • Fasting

Fasting may help tone your gut.  How you choose to do this depends on you and your health.  There are many ways to fast, some that involve still consuming food.  Some fasts involve colon cleansing.  While you will want to check with your doctor whether fasting is right for you (if you have health issues that could be affected by a fast), there are a lot of resources on the web today about the many ways to fast.  When I fasted, I found that it really helped with my energetic flow.  It helped the energy to flow less hindered.  My fast was a draw-down of food so that I ate half the amount the second day of the fast, then I ate nothing the third day and then did not eat anything for the next three days.  I made sure that I always had water on hand.  I was physically active the third day of my fast, but not excessively so.  I drove on a four hour trip one way and had no problem with being light headed. I found this type of fast to have been very beneficial to me.  Everyone is different, so the results I have may be different for you.  My experience has been that fasting tones my body as well as my mind and seems to help open channels of energy.  Fasting was long considered a way to open ones self to the world of the spirit. You can read up on the history of fasting from a number of different cultural and religious perspectives.

In a story about Pythagoras who was seeking entry into the Mystery Schools of Egypt, he was told that to “be different” he needed to fast, do breath work, and focus on different places in his body (such as the third eye).  Fasting was done for extended periods back then.  When Pythagoras had done as they instructed, he returned a changed man. Did he have an awakening?  Its certainly possible that this was exactly what took place.

This link is ALL about fasting.  Really. An entire site dedicated to it. 🙂

http://www.allaboutfasting.com/types-of-fasting.html

~As in all practice, extremes are to be avoided.  Good luck in your work!

Someone recently wrote to me and described a harrowing process he is going through in awakening.  No doubt, he is caught in this tight vice of an experience and is having trouble getting to the other side of it.  And yet, the process he is locked in is what kundalini does to us.  It rewires us, remakes us. It really does. Its easy for me to forget what it was like before awakening. Its getting easy now for me to forget what it was like that first year when I felt awakening stirring in me. It was so obvious how I had changed.  I write in my book, which is based on many journal entries during the awakening that it was as though I woke up one day speaking a different language.  From another planet. Just like that.  Boom.  Transformation underway.  Bye-bye Kansas!  But what my friend helped to remind me about is how we can get caught up in others’ feelings without realizing its them that we are feeling.
There is a curious capacity we develop when we awaken which is the ability to feel a person’s emotions and feelings so strongly that they feel like they are our own.  It is disorienting sometimes to have this happen, but the key to coping with this part of the experience is with awareness. Having the ability to stop and ask yourself a few simple questions is all that you will need to begin to discern between what is truly yours and what is someone else’s.

In awakening you go through a whole range of new sensory experiences.  If you think that it’s all in your head, you will need to realize that this is simply not so.  It IS in your head, but it’s also in all things.  And the power that is now alive in your head now has the capacity to move the power latent in all things….which is to say that by connecting into the energy in all things you can more effectively get things done that need doing. this is a radically different approach to anything most people know about.  It touches on the idea of manifesting but it’s also different in how immediate and strong that it is.  Jesus, the Gnostic Jesus, described this phenomenon.  He said that “once you are destroyed [ego death], when you say mountain move, it will move.”  These are the siddhis or powers written about in the old Vedic texts.  It is what anyone who awakens discovers they have.  It is also what many say should be ignored, lest they seduce you.  Well, yes, you do need to be careful with this stuff, but if you can approach it all with the innocence of a child, you can direct this power in the same way you direct an arm or your voice in order to get what you want or need.  I suppose that some feel its wrong or bad because it is an unfair advantage, but really all it is, is what you gain when you finally grow up, go through this spiritual puberty we call awakening.  Thus, everyone can inherit it. It is an ability that is of a higher order, and so with this power comes great responsibility, most certainly.  I have always asked for what I needed the most and most often in the eleventh hour.

One of the experiences is how you can feel others around you, near you emotionally, or who are connected to you spiritually, or people who are complete strangers who happen to mirror something in you.  Some of these senses are so strong that the experience is that you are yourself experiencing something as though it was your own when in fact it is from someone else.  Let me explain that for a time I would pass people on the street and I would feel their buried sense of sadness, broken-hearted feeling, their depression, their sorrow, their anxiety.  I would walk by someone on the street and I would double over from the heart pain.  Why?  Because I was more sensitive.  I was a vibrating tuning fork.  There was also another reason why I was feeling some things over others; I was not yet finished with something that was present also in these people. So for example, a man who had been injured by his spouse in his heart I would feel because he and I had the same pain in us.  I didn’t JUST feel EVERYONE.  I felt certain people. There was a rhyme and reason.  It was about mirroring. Why hadn’t I felt the lady who was walking down the street with her kids, why hadn’t I felt the old man who was walking with his wife?  Why hadn’t I felt the college student’s energy?  I had to realize I was not feeling EVERYONE.  Just certain people.  Sure, I may have had the potential to feel or read everyone the same way I read auras, but I would not ever read or feel them as deeply or as closely as what this kundalini conferred.  The events in our lives are no accidents. They follow an inner directive from us.  And if that seems impossible to you, consider that I have watched and observed this and have seen so many correlations with this that I can no longer dismiss it.  THis is not a need for me to dwell in magical thinking.  It is a realization that either the world is chaos rendered into order by way of natural forces and its all just chemistry and nothing else, or everything is here because of consciousness and that everything IS consciousness.  This would be on par with what some have called this world; A Dream.

So it came to pass that I was at a dinner party. As I was talking with some new people I had met I began to be seized by a feeling of desperate anxiety.  I have been anxious before like this in the past.  I knew what that felt like.  It felt entirely as though it were my own.  I was feeling an energy within my own cocoon of awareness, within my own etheric sheath or auric field. It was mine, no?  Something in me said that maybe this wasn’t mine.  I thought about it.  It made no sense that it would be mine.  For one, there was no reason why I should be feeling so incredibly anxious. None. So I let my reasoning mind take some rope and try to lasso this thing some.  This is one instance where the rational does well!  So  I sat there and took stock of myself. Instead of JUST reacting.   If this wasn’t mine, then whose was it?  I asked the energy in me to show me the way.  And by golly, it did.  In a room with about seven people, the energy in me pointed me toward a man who was sitting in a chair off to the side.  He had been talking to my mother and he wasn’t someone I knew.  I decided to just be bold and speak to the man about this.

“Excuse me, but do you have a problem with feeling anxiety?”  The man pulled back in his chair, like a turtle pulling in its head. He was entirely taken off guard by my very forward question.  He had stiffened.  But as I looked at him, it was clear that I did not mean it in a hard or mean way.  I was more like a kid.  His face softened and he replied, “Well, yes, I have had some issues with anxiety.”  We both paused for a moment and he looked at me, something clearly on his mind.  He added, “In fact, I have had so much of a problem with anxiety that I have gone to therapy for it and have taken medication.”  He stopped for a third time and did the same thing; he looked at me like he was pondering something else and he said the magic words: “In fact, I was feeling very anxious the moment that you asked me about it!”  I smiled and thanked him.  I explained that I seemed to be picking up on stuff like this for some reason.  This interaction was the first case where I began the process of discerning between what was mine and what was others’ feelings.

After that incidence, the tendency to feel people like this waned somewhat. Part of it was that I tended to limit my focus more.  For some reason I had to be as open as a parking lot I think in order to begin a process of clearing, which began in earnest around that time.  As I Have cleared these old blocks, the things that I have mirrored or attracted have also changed substantially.  I once had students that were of a certain character and they have, largely, changed.  My behavior has also changed.  This results in a different kind of day and life for me. It’s an incremental process, this, but worth it because what it does is it gives me an energetic vehicle that I am in command of instead of being in command of a mass of karmic blocks and knots in my energy field….serving to distort the energy coming into me and also distorting the events that get manifested because of all those competing knots that send out bits of competing code signals to the universe.  They are me, but they are parts of me I wish I was not….but that I have not fully released.

When people say things like “She is haunted by her demons” you can know now that they are old blocks that are doing it.  These blocks act like subroutines in your psyche causing you to behave in ways you really wish you hadn’t.  Some people are entirely governed by these things. In the Gospel of Philip in the Nag Hammadi, this is what Philip describes as being the evil that must be pulled out entirely by the roots if it is to be freed from our being. It is what keeps us from doing what we want to do and it makes us do what we do not want to do.

You may not believe it, but once you learn how to look beyond the curtain of your own denied emotion, you will be given power over all your demons.  Until you do, you will be tempted by them.  Until you are the master and no longer the slave.   If you want to know about releasing blocks from your own field, I suggest you search the blog using those terms.  A lot has been written about it here.

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