Archives for posts with tag: karma

The story of the night in shining armor has a shadow side that we often prefer not to look at. 

I was one of those people-pleasers who grew up with all the right family dynamics to bring this trait out in me. What begins as a desire to make the life of a depressed or bereaved parent or sibling’s life better can set up a pattern that gets carried into relationships later in life. Most of this is unconscious behavior, so it is neither recognized as it’s being felt or acted upon nor experienced. This is most often experienced as what some call the “karmic merry-go-round” where certain behaviors and personality types come into our lives repeatedly (hint: we are attracted to them without fully knowing why…and this is why I say “karma creates chemistry” for all you twin flame and twin-souls out there).

 For every man who wants to come to the aid of a damsel in distress, there is a woman who wants to be saved. Notice I didn’t say “needs to be saved.” We do these things because they satisfy a deficit in ourselves. The deeper problem is that there is a brokenness in both people, allowing themselves to be drawn into a relationship that is highly codependent. The question becomes, why does that “knight” need to save anyone, and why can’t the woman save herself? The answer, or part of it, lies in our inability to be truthful about how we feel. The man probably feels innadequate in some way and saves people to make himself feel better about himself. The woman, incapable of accepting her own feelings of inadequacy, relies on others to fix things she believes she is powerless to affect.  Both are relying on someone else to give them what they lack within themselves. I don’t need to tell you that such relationships don’t end well unless both are equal in their respective need or dysfunction. The moment one grows or changes is the moment this delicate house of cards can fall.

It’s common for us to point to childhood as the genesis for these behaviors, but this is short-sighted when you bring in the issue of karma. In all of my experience in releasing karmic blocks, all of them emerged from a central point within not just me, but within my larger being on a reincarnation-based scale. What I am saying is that many of these glitches come about not through a linear progression of lifetimes lived, but outside of time and most often trouble multiple lives at once.I say this because I have had access to numerous lifetimes and I have seen how these issues often repeated in some lifetimes (but not all). The themes predate life here, ad in going to their root, I did not find a Genesis here, but “elsewhere.”

 It appears that we come back over and over to work through a number of different themes, some which can be very different from each other. 

Some cycles in reincarnation can be fairly straightforward in the sense that a soul comes in as a woman, man, father, and mother. These encompass the entirety of our possible relationships (including siblings when we are a part of a family). For others, a soul with a more expansive interest will come back in a variety of cultures in order to get a larger perspective. It’s possible to develop many major currents in karma as well as sub-currents.  All of these come in with you while the soul is drawn to the very factors in life that will help activate these patterns, even when they are negative. Once a soul on the planet begins to be self aware, these deeper patterns begin to be more noticeable and they can be worked through. Healing these patterns actually can have an effect on past lives as hard as that might be to believe. I have seen this happen in my own experience when my spiritual guardian awakened me in the wee hours of Good Friday seven years ago to show me a vision of how all my past junk was being shoveled out through my lifetime now. I stood outside in the cool night air at 4:00 a.m. as he motioned for me to look off to my side. I saw a long hallway appear going off into the woods behind my house. He told me to watch and the hallway tilted downward while the other end tilted up and I saw the doors to each room (a lifetime) fly open and the refuse contents all came sliding out. Hopes, dreams, fears, upsets, all repressed emotion the self was unwilling to deal with, all of it, came sliding out. Sandalphon turned to me and explained that this was part of why I had come here, to be that life where this material was cleared for lifetimes. This wasn’t just from my life as a child, this was from my soul, a pattern that was being made right again. If you understand how something you do here and now can impact your existence both forward and backwards in time, its easy to get very “hungry” for wanting to clean that kind of mess up in your life.

The result of these changes I was going through in the early stages of my awakening put me on a collision course with my then-spouse who was unsteadied by the forces at play in my awakening. Angry over the changes taking place that made me less reactive to her codependent behavior, I had to move forward with the forces in my awakening regardless of the ramifications it might have had for my old life.
I learned that I was drawn to these damsels who, I would learn, were engaging in a form of destructive behavior known as projection. Projection is a type of lie we tell ourselves, a lie that we completely believe….

Projection is an observed behavior that both Freud and Jung wrote a lot about. Jung ascribed the need to project to the Shadow Archetype in the self, a part of us that does not reflect on itself. Jung explained that when the person affected by their shadow self has a deep enough fault or a deep enough misgiving about a fault they have, they will turn this on others and believe that the fault lies with the other person. This is more than blaming, it is the result of a rift within the shadow self that can make this possible. While we all appear to project from time to time, those with neurotic tendencies or who are pathological, will most often do it regularly. For people such as this, projection becomes a way of life. I know because I married one and because of how traumatizing it was, I was drawn to yet another person a few years later who had all the same traits. Because I was awakened, the karma fueled a powerful connection which I attempted to work through a number of times with no success. People like this woman who are serial projectors are said to have either narcissistic tendencies or have a condition known as Borderline Personality Disorder. My first clue about this was when I drove with a friend to a neighboring state to pick up a car she had bought online, and while we were going, I talked about my ex-wife. My friend, who was a licensed counselor, said that my description of her behavior was consistent with BPD and narcissist tendencies. 
As a result of our discussion I did some research into these designations and found that I had not just one run-in with this kind of person, but two. Remember that merry-go-round I mentioned earlier? That’s what I mean. I was drawn to another person who would repeat all the same behaviors as my ex-spouse! And the crazy thing about it was after a few weeks of knowing this person and seeing how she let down her guard and began showing her true self, I had already begun to suspect, even was able to predict what range of behaviors I was likely going to see come from this person, assuming at the time that this was a karmic connection modelled on my ex-spouse. And I was right. To make all of this even more entertaining, I actually thought I needed to work this karma out with this person so I could put an end to this extremely hurtful pattern once and for all!

One of the most difficult part of being with these kinds of people are the lies. In fact, when I saw how both of these women were psychopathic liars, I was accused of being a psychopathic liar. Living with someone like this is like living in a hall of mirrors. Everything that is theirs gets put onto you and then they begin isolating you and trying to alienate the healthy people in your life so your relationships with them are ruined. 

My wife said I didn’t love my children and said this directly to them numerous times. It was a cycle of denigration that had a destructive impact on my life, my sense of wellbeing, not to mention how it effected my children and how it strained, unnecessarily, my relationship with them. It was a nightmarish kind of experience. This second person said I was online seeking to seduce women using my “kundalini powers,”writing publicly and creating an air of drama and conspiracy.  These were the tame lies, and they got worse from there. All of the lies she told appeared to me to be efforts at character assassination in order to isolate me from friends and family, or from colleagues professionally. The really crazy part to all of this was how this person worked in a professional capacity dealing with issues of harassment in the workplace. Talk about a fox in the hen house. 

What makes these lunatics believable is how functional they appear to be. How can they be psychotic when they hold down jobs that require a degree of responsibility? In truth, the narcissist and the Borderline personality type have a public face and a private face. No one saw how the Borderline personality would behave at home, ranting and raving at family, or at themselves. “I talk to myself like this to calm myself” she would say when we would get out of public and into private. The truth was, for as composed as she seemed, she was really repressing a huge amount of emotion second by second and on a few occasions would simply go into a temporal meltdown that would be the reason why she would have to leave a public place because she couldn’t hold it together long enough. 

All I ever saw was that this behavior and the words she used were not about finding peace, but as a way to keep the tension in place. We say that venting helps, but all venting does is it serves as a way for us to justify our upset. If venting is done without being defensive then, yes, it can help release stored anxiety. But this wasn’t what was happening. She was putting her neurosis onto me.When she claimed I was hiding her presence in my life by not friending her on Facebook, I was instead not wanting her to have access to my friends for fear she would use them as she had used me in her need to shirk her responsibility for her feelings and reactions. I feared that she would do to my friends what my ex had done to my children. She complained about my not introducing my family to her, but the truth was, I suspected she could use them the same way my ex used my own family members to try and distance and alienate them from me. The jealousy I’m talking about here is beyond anything anyone would call within normal bounds. It was scary. The “clusterfuck” of emotions she claimed marked my emotional state were the result in large part to her own raw emotions and upset, which was vented directly at me. She would get upset if I looked a female cashier in the eye and thanked her by name for checking out my groceries. I was dressed down for being playful with wait-staff at a restaurant. Behavior that was just me being nice suddenly took on a sinister tone. I found myself being punished for being me. What was happening was that she was putting her own hard emotions on to me , the guy so eager to help. The result always felt like having someone pooping on you and then saying what a mess you are. It was beyond upside-down.

It’s hard because people like this do not see how they are creating the crisis they claim others bring to their lives when it’s all their own doing. In fact, the victims of this form of emotional abuse often wind up being enablers by being afraid to speak out against these kinds of people. I was accused of having sexually assaulted “all” of my female art students at my work. When I confronted her with this lie, she pointed out how she had not used my name which is the definition of slander and libel. She then said that had a Constitutionally protected right to write anything she wanted. I have the email. 

The problem is that in our society when a woman makes an accusation like this, people tend to believe the woman. In this case, it was another in a long line of lies. People don’t stop to consider the pain that this causes men who are often stuck in roles that expect them to just “suck it up” and go on. It’s a deadly double standard that assumes women don’t lie about these things. My experience has been that they do, and do so in spectacular fashion.

So how do you make sense of all of this? How do you deal with people who project? What are some of the symptoms and the backgrounds of people who engage in behavior like this?

Projection is a psychological defense mechanism in which individuals attribute characteristics they find unacceptable in themselves to another person. For example, a husband who has a hostile nature might attribute this hostility to his wife and say she has an anger management problem.
In some cases projection can result in false accusations. For example, someone with adulterous feelings might accuse their partner of infidelity. Considering how much the woman I knew engaged in affairs while being with other men, it began to make sense that she was putting on to me her own inability to control her sexual appetite. She claimed that I had broken up her marriage when she actually said to me privately that she divorced her husband because she was not happy with him. She said that you don’t go looking unless things aren’t alright at home to begin with (I have screenshots of those texts). Months later, she was blaming me for her own broken marriage. She was also claiming that I too was married at the time, but I was not. I had been separated for over two years by the time I met her and my divorce was finalized the following year.

According to the psychiatric community there are types of projection. Like other defense mechanisms, projection is typically unconscious and can distort, transform, or somehow affect reality. A classic example of the defense mechanism is when an individual says “She hates me” instead of expressing what is actually felt, which is “I hate her.”

There are three generally accepted types of projection:
Neurotic projection is the most common variety of projection and most clearly meets the definition of defense mechanism. In this type of projection, people may attribute feelings, motives, or attitudes they find unacceptable in themselves to someone else.

 

Complementary projection occurs when individuals assume others feel the same way they do. For example, a person with a particular political persuasion might take it for granted that friends and family members share those beliefs.

Complimentary projection is the assumption other people can do the same things as well as oneself. For example, an accomplished pianist might take it for granted that other piano students can play the piano equally well.

What Is the Purpose of Projection?
Sigmund Freud believed projection to be a defense mechanism often used as a way to avoid uncomfortable repressed feelings. Feelings that are projected may be controlling, jealous, angry, or sexual in nature. These are not the only types of feelings and emotions projected, but projection most often occurs when individuals cannot accept their own impulses or feelings.

In modern psychology, the feelings do not necessarily have to be repressed to constitute projection. Projection can be said to provide a level of protection against feelings a person does not wish to deal with. Engaging in either complimentary and complementary projection can allow people to feel more like others or relate to them easily.
It is fairly common for people to engage in projection from time to time, and many people who project their feelings on occasion do not do so as a result of any underlying issue. In some cases projection can contribute to relationship challenges. Projection may also be a symptom of other mental health concerns. In my case, projection was part of a personality disorder.
Projection and Mental Health Concerns Projection, one main mechanism of paranoia, is also frequently a symptom of narcissistic and borderline personalities. A person with narcissistic traits who does not respect their partner may say to the partner, “You don’t respect me or see my true worth.” Some individuals with borderline personality may be afraid of losing the people they love and project this fear by frequently accusing friends or partners of planning to leave. However, individuals who project their feelings in this way do not necessarily have either of these conditions.

A person in therapy may be able to address these projections with the help of a qualified mental health professional. When a person can explore the reasons behind any projected feelings, it may be possible to prevent or reduce occurrences of this behavior in the future.

In the end, there is no “working” with a person like this. Instead, you learn when enough is enough. I thought I could heal a troublesome pattern, but I learned that this is not possible with someone with neurotic and delusional traits. In the end, it was far more productive to work out my stuff instead of tossing my junk into a cauldron with another person’s junk and expect anything good to come of it. But I knew this already. I was stupid. I was foolish. I learned you can only do this work quickly and productively on your own. Everything else is an invitation to the tar pit of karmic entanglement no matter how much that karma revs up your pranic engines. The result is I am genuinely happier, feeling safe, free, and ready for the next big adventure I’m about to embark on, and it finally looks like a dream come true.

References:

American Psychological Association. APA Concise Dictionary of Psychology. Washington, DC: American Psychological Association, 2009. Print.

Corsini, R. J., & Wedding, D. (Eds.). (2007). Current Psychotherapies (Eighth ed.). Brooks Cole.

Perry, J. C., Presniak, M. D., & Olson, T. R. (2013). Defense Mechanisms in Schizotypal, Borderline, Antisocial, and Narcissistic Personality Disorders. Psychiatry, 76(1), 32-52.

Projection. (n.d.). Changing Minds. Retrieved from http://changingminds.org/explanations/behaviors/coping/projection.htm

Your energy body is a perfect reflection of the totality of the universal truths of existence. The seven major chakras represent seven major aspects that make up the seed of all creation. In you are seven major chakras which are like an octave, a totality. When you can clear these seven chakras of all of the shame and guilt and repressed emotions, you can begin to really know by direct experience what creation is because it has been seeded in you. This is the “divine spark” the Atman, the higher self. 

This “seed” has within it the power to know truth (crown chakra), see the truth(third eye chakra), speak the truth (throat chakra) love the truth (heart), be the truth (solar plexus), feel the truth (the sacral chakra) and create the truth (the root chakra). When these centers are clear, you no longer repress the truth but experience it cleanly. As long as you have repressed emotion in a part of the light body, so too will the truth be hidden from your direct experience. Clearing these centers is an act of clearing karma. You might think karma is tied to your actions, but I ask; what is the root of your actions? This is what clearing karma is, and it closely aligned to the concept of sin (which means anything that harms your soul). It clears away bad memories, bad knee-jerk behaviors that keep you in a cycle of pain and spreading that pain to others. It clears you so you know who you truly are beneath that mountain of dross. This is the true freedom, it is true peace. 

When you reach this place, you see clearly that anyone behaving in anything other than their highest is simply acting in accord with this mountain of things. And while we are human, and imperfect, we also can step into, and remain, in a fully integrated self that calls on all aspects of the self, including the super self. Yes, the world is imperfect, but to bring perfection it is incumbent on you to reach it first for yourself. This can only be done through a process of inner inquiry, observation, and radical self honesty. You have to want truth more than you want the mountain of things.

How you do this clearing work can be found on this blog by using the Search function with the keywords “clearing blocks.” There should be more than 30 posts that speak to the techniques that are most effective for doing this work. There are techniques for clearing this blocked or stored energy using TRE, movement, breathing, and eastern methods like Qi Gung, just to name a few.

One if the biggest blocks we have as a species is in our root chakras. Here, our ability to give and receive nurture exists. It is where our creative fire is initiated, whether for creating new life in the physical or for that next new idea or way to help create your day in a new way. Creativity is so much more than an artistic pursuit as it is a way of being and living.

We are all so tied up with root block, and it shows! It shows in how we have so little regard for creativity in our culture (save for technical pursuits). It also shows up glaringly in how we treat sex. It is pushed down, made dirty by taboo and “kinks” in our being. As a result, we never get to experience our creativity as the wildly powerful thing that it is. We regulate, control, and turn it down because we think it’s inappropriate to ooze with it, or let it fill our life with its vitality, wonder, bliss, and the awe it brings. It is our collective shame that most everyone here is faced with dissolving and letting go. It is our shame that literally attenuates or blocks our full experience with the divine within. The divine does not move with these kinds of shackles. 

Getting to the root is substantive work that when cleared makes the rest of the work easier, but it’s most often the last center to clear in people. Why? It is so foundational. It leads us to what we are: co-creators. Most don’t want that kind of responsibility, so we shirk it by saying our problems are because of our parents, our loved ones, our society and its institutions. But ask any co-creators and they will tell you, your misfortunes are all entirely self made. It’s because this is so hard to face that many don’t, preferring instead to blame an event in childhood as the cause. But it isnt the cause, it is a symptom.

I know this is hard to believe or trust us true, but if you apply this awareness to your life, you will progress much quicker and be much happier.

This is why it is only a symptom….

You chose your life and your parents. You chose them in order to set up events that would challenge you to both create and to heal. No true learning comes by way of a mental understanding of how bad something is that needs to be healed; you have to know this through every inch and atom of you. No exceptions. This is how the divine is; it is not a half measure of itself. It is a full measure. It only got to be that way by not falling for anything but the best of itself. It has made itself and it is unwavering in this. This is why when you try to heal and reach into the divine that you are that you can feel a lot of tension inside building up. You are dragging your mountain of things into it, and you can feel the chaos and tension and difficulty with just trying to remain in that superstate. Eventually, you are destined to “fall” from that grace over and over until you learn that you cannot enter your heaven with that baggage. When you awaken you can visit there for longer and longer periods, but your fall is all but promised when you still have work to do. Once you clear the baggage, you naturally and effortlessly are able to remain in this heavenly state with ease. And to be clear; this is a process, so most often, ease comes gradually, piece by piece as the blocks are removed. Its because they block you from something that you really are, deeper down. 

We get tricked into thinking that we are victims of our past or our upbringing as a way of not having to dispense with our brokenness. But the events in your early life are the result of a soul that exists prior to each lifetime. It is a glitch already in you that is creating how you are. No one makes you do or be anything. You choose just as you chose the conditions of your birth. You are here to clean it up. So instead of playing the victim, play the role of the responsible creator-in-training that you truly are. If you adopt this attitude, it will straighten all that is crooked in you. It will make you strong. It will make you more honest. Now be ready to work at it each and every day until it becomes a part of your thinking and feeling; this is true empowerment!

It is for some an inconvenient truth that there are two forces working to make prana and these two are described as yin and yang, the Shakti and Shiva. They are in Jungian psychology the anima and animus. In ancient Christianity they are the father and Holy Ghost (which was considered the feminine aspect before orthodoxy came and obfuscated it’s true meaning). What we are looking at are two forces in us that we experience as archetypes in our lives and our cultural and religious institutions, and eventually they merge into one in order to fuel both awakening and divine union. In awakening, we can experience them as the “lost” sides of ourselves, our twin (a karmic relationship in awakening) or as a side of God that allows us to experience ecstatic union with the divine. This is all there to help us learn not to feel shame about sexuality and spirituality existing together in an unbridled and free way. This happens when the self becomes less divided and more whole. 

Once free, dysfunction is healed. Sexual “kinks” go away, and a desire to use sex for control (men and women both do this in different ways) and what replaces it is nothing short of relief and freedom. Your creative energy expressed through all seven centers (the seed) is free to be.

To get there, though, requires diving deep into the matters of the root in order to acknowledge what’s bent, broken, and limiting you. You can’t feel the divine by doing this intellectually. You can’t do it by leaving any single part of you behind. You can’t know the divine until you ARE the divine, which has no compunction about sexuality or ecstacy as one channel of the seven major rivers of experience which leads us to that one great ocean. To be whole, the whole must ascend together bearing no more falsehoods about itself.

I realized that I was a tantric when I began recognizing that my sexuality had to come along and be okay with complete and total surrender and flow of all that I am. That means, no shame with sexuality. So I have worked on healing this shame and it has helped me to be more grounded, healthy, and happy. I am at ease with my riotous creativity. I also no longer hang out with people who don’t understand or value my creative fire and the vast abundance that lies bubbling up from deep within me. Whenever I have been able to dispense with people who are limited in their own hearts and minds, I tend to soar on skies that I know are my own. It isn’t that I study tantra or even practice sacred sexuality,  because the truth of tantra at its core is this idea I have been telling you about, which is being healed and more fully integrated so there are no divisions within who you are. You are free to feel all aspects of yourself as bliss and the love behind it that supports the universe.

 I promise that dissolving your deep-seated shame will also dissolve the appearance of divisions in the self.

This healing is a critical first step in the awakened experience. Nothing substantive can be done before you clear the dross within. Deprogram, cleanse, heal, and you will find the you you knew existed within you.

Yes, cleansing is a process. It might take years to go through all the levels, but by clearing them, it is rare to go back and reinstitute them. My experience is that some blocks go fast and easy but there are others that are deceptively hard. You can’t B.S. your way through this, you just have to be honest with yourself when you continue having a problem cropping up; you haven’t cleared it yet. Be patient, and be ready to continue doing the work. This is not a race. Give up your misgivings because you created them. 

The conditions of your life are only a symptom that comes from your own inner origin that you have come here to clean up. Once you do, the events and conditions that were in that old life will be gone forever. A more accurate set of conditions of events will prevail. If you espouse the value of “ascension” then this is the process that will get you there.

Until next time….

I can remember a day when I wondered why certain things happened into my life and knew that it had to do with how we create our own reality….but until I entered into a state that resulted in a rapid dismantling of the material within me that was serving to create that reality in the way it once did, it was hard to make a connection between how subconscious material can indeed rule our lives.

For those of you who are on to the Gnostic literature there is a lot in a number of the gospels in the Nag Hammadi Library that speaks directly to this.  In Phillip he says that the “evil” makes us do what we do not want to do and makes it impossible for us to do what we want to do.  This is karmic blocks. He goes on to say that this was what was meant when Jesus spoke of laying the axe at the roots.  To get at a problem, you have to go deep within to the source of the problem or issue.  It has to be pulled out entirely.  This type of work is not always as easy as it seems, and having methods that work both psychologically and physiologically can be very helpful.  But once you begin traveling down this path and are successful at removing a string of issues that had been dug in deep within, it frees up your insides enough that it can lead to cascades of releases.

In the near future I will be setting forth (as promised) some of the most effective means for releasing stored trauma that I have discovered along the way in my practice.  Some of these, it turns out, were in the process of being developed as I made my own discovery.  In perfect timing, they came, and I will be offering them to you for you to try on your own.  While yoga is an old tried and true series of methods and techniques for handling this sort of material, these newer methods get to the core of stored material.  The reason why this is so useful and so revolutionary is that it has the power to completely change your life by releasing you from feelings and thoughts that seem as though you have no control over.  While self control is a very useful way to cope with this stored material, it does not address it completely, while the methods I will be showing you go right to the root of the matter.  When you do this, you begin to enter, bit by bit, into a space of mind that is your authentic self that is more and more free from the more troubling things that may dog you in your emotional and spiritual life.

Life has taken a rather sudden turn over the last couple of months and time that I thought I would have for blogging has been entirely taken up with the new work that I am doing.  If you follow the blog you will know that this summer I began with work that I knew was more than just…well….work. I sensed right away the energetic and emotional landscape of the people I was working with.  I waited, knowing that when you become aware of another person’s inner material, it is only a matter of time before they start speaking about it.  Everyone can sense this level of awareness even if its subconscious, and when we really see people, it opens them and frees them to a large extent.  It can be the first step to real healing if they are ready for the work.  Then, in the midst of all of this, I found that a whole series of issues were being driven up in the events around me that showed me that none of this was an accident.  I was being shown aspects of issues that I had experienced and had been effected by.  But instead of being affected by this, I observed.  I was not surprised to find that my abusive ex would come onto the scene engaging in her usual punishing behavior.  Again, I did not respond.  Then, within 24 hours, I felt a deep thread of pain in my gall bladder meridian (yang energy line) release.  This area I have identified as being the place where there is a lot of the remaining stuck material.  Its been hard to deal with because it is the most current and “active” from my divorce 6 years ago.  After this happened, an entirely different level of feeling took over me.  A clearing took place and I found that people who were in the same alignment to this type of behavior simply fell away from my focus or concern. It was like an energetic deactivation.  Poof.  Just like that.

In the wake of this, cleared as I was, I found that the company I was working with was not able to continue keeping me in work.  I was not terribly worried about this because at a universal level, there was really no way to keep this association up anymore.  Whatever drove this person to contact me out of the many people who could have been working with him, was now simply gone.  I knew a new chapter was about to emerge, I just had no clue what it might involve.  I simply wait for the universe to bring the next thing I have to work with.

And then it came.  I didn’t go looking for it, dream of it, or anything like that.  Someone sought me out, just like before, and some of it just made no sense from a practical stand point.  This kind of thing isn’t always about practical, though.  Its what is needed.  So someone who was looking to buy land saw a property that I had that was vacant and loved it so much that he wanted to move in.  This person has been in a rapid period of change and recently walked away from a relationship that was abusive and chaotic.  He left with 58¢ in his pocket.  But this man was unconcerned about that fact.  He had worked with the likes of Warren Buffet and had done work with political and theatrical luminaries over his life.  It was all a part of his way of looking at the world and interacting with it.  He was at rock bottom and was beginning his next rise in this next chapter of his life.  And he was placed smack dab in the middle of my life.  What are the odds?  Right.  This is how this kind of abundance is created.

A week into working with him, I could feel how his own field of awareness was affecting my own.  I have lived a life from an early age that involved my awareness of consciousness as energy, and in awakening, this is greatly heightened.  I was surprised to find that the resistance I was feeling while working with him was not located in the areas where I thought I would do this type of release work.  I knew instinctively that the root is where abundance springs, but the tension or resistance (always a sign of a block) was coming from my solar plexus.  This was a new sensation and also a new awareness for me.  By focusing on this, I “got” rather quickly that my own will (solar plexus) had been the center that was blocking my own natural sense of abundance.  So all of those people who had tried to paint me as somehow less were in truth painting their own pictures, and I was going right along with it.  When we speak of others, so often, we speak of ourselves when it comes to our difficulties with them.  Its really just about us sometimes.  Luckily I have begun to cease trying to make it a problem that lies with another person and simply look inside of myself to understand why I have the issue with them and then own that.  I am able to turn a problem entirely on its head and make it work as a healing moment for me.  Instead of seeing the world as the problem I see that the problem is just me and is an excellent opportunity to heal the part of me that takes issue with the crazy behavior of another person who I have attracted like magic into my life who is a mirror of this issue I have not myself gotten over yet.

But recently I spoke about working with men in healing work….and along comes this man who was primed to finally change how he had been attracting abusive behavior into his life.  I will begin using a set of the methods I will be developing in my cleansing system with someone who is excited to free himself from the issues that lie deep within himself so he can live an even more abundant and happy life.  All of this honors the “patient” as the healer.  The problem with most energy healing is that until we are thoroughly healed ourselves, we can leave imprints of our own energy on others.  This is so subtle that most healers are not even aware that they are even doing it.  In my case, this is one reason why I have stopped short of doing healing work except with those who I know closely already because of the ressonant effect that this association can have.  Only when I have cleared the decks top to bottom would I ever consider doing energetic healing for this very reason.  The result is that you can wind up attracting people who are where you are in some fashion, and it can serve to reinforce rather than completely free the person being healed if the healing work is being done in a broad enough way.  The healer should always be the most healed person in the group otherwise they run the risk of creating more problems as they are trying their hardest to solve them. You have to do the healing first for yourself.

So I was able to gently release this tension inside of me.  My good friend served as a kind of control, and anytime I would feel a sense of resistance, I just looked at it with compassion and let more healing and surrender into my awareness.  Now what do you think this does?  It begins to release some pretty dug in material.  In an entirely bizarre event I was able to take the deceit visited upon me for years and turn it completely on its head.  And the most amazing thing was I didn’t do anything except hold a certain state or vibration. I had a break-in to my home that resulted in a rather sudden turn of events that had the power to completely change the terms of engagement with someone who had been playing by her own rather warped rules of acceptable behavior.  All I had to do was to simply show up, document it, and leave the rest to the universe.  No more drama, no more trouble, no more feeling bad about myself. When something is about to release that is this deep, some pretty amazing things will often happen that show you that its a world of energetic alignment that is doing the work for you.

Lying deeper within all of this exists a still deeper lesson that takes holding on to and allowing it to grow and set up shop in the mind of the heart.  This took years to get to this place, but when you align to what is fair and true, the universe has a way of supporting that.  As soon as I was able to deal with the issue deeper down, the people who had been involved in all of this drama pretty much screwed the pooch in such a dramatic way that it sounds more like a line out of a movie than anything that might actually happen.  Except that it did.  And me?  I just keep doing my work and let the world be what it is.  There was no sense of justice, no sense of anyone getting theirs.  If anything, a kind of relief mixed with a sadness for them.  But this will itself fall away as well when I allow myself to fully come into my own on this account. Far from karma being a judgement or punishment or someone “getting theirs” I see it as neutral but which is activated by how we feel.  Change that, and you can change the nature of events very quickly.  When someone lives a life so full of dishonesty, it just has a way of coming back on them without a single finger being lifted.  Its their life, not mine.  It becomes their choice even though they might be lost in the miasma of their own emotions that seem to tell them that they are not  the problem.  They just aren’t my problem anymore because I am seeing and feeling it differently now.  How could that be a part of my reality when I am so different?  Now bear in mind, this is not just my wishing to be different, its a sea change.  It is a laying of the axe at the root and taking it out in entire.  Wishful thinking is great for developing vision for the future and as a path for future work, but it does not really address the issues themselves in the present.  All of this is useful, but if you want to be done with something, you have to change your mind completely about how you feel and respond.  I am not here to love someone healthy anymore, or to help them like they are some sort of broken birdie project.  I used to think I owed people something of myself.  What I owe is a debt of gratitude that the world is made the way it is that it allows my innermost self to be reflected in the people and events that are in my life.  Now that I have begun clearing the deeper root issues, things are changing fast now, and I am looking forward to a positive turn of events and in life now.

The world is now opening up for the next chapter, one in which I will be able to allow my native abundance to really flow unhindered.  I know who I am in a way I didn’t allow myself to be.  It is now time to have a lot of fun.

Until next time, my bearers of light….

 

P.

Healing work can only come through a brutal self honesty….also referred to as “radical self honesty.”  This is because of how  adept we are at ducking responsibility for how we react and respond to others around us.  Until you are able to get to this deep level of honesty about what is happening, you will be unable to heal. It seems that only this kind of self examination is the prerequisite to true healing.

Not long ago I was able to heal something pretty important in my life.  I had been told for years that I might just have to find a way to forgive the person who was part of the issue that has been involved.  It sounds reasonable to think this, and I think that in some cases, it works.  But what I have found is that the only path to true healing is by forgiving yourself.  Why?  It seems that karma has to do with you, not the world.  This is the radical side to being honest.  If something was your problem, then forgiving another person would not heal the karma.  The only way is to inquire within not without. If the problem really is about how you felt, then forgiving another is like lying to yourself, the same act as projecting all of your junk on another when that junk should be examined as your own baggage, not the other way around. On a karmic level, it is dishonest to try and saddle another person for your own shit, but sadly this is what we all do at some point or another.  My recent healing was in learning not to be reactive to those who would try to make their own shit my problem.  I simply stopped responding, stopped reacting.  This small simple thing gave me enough breathing room in my spirit to effect the release of something that has dogged me for so long.  It worked because it was true.  The soul knows the truth even when the personality does not.  You can’t bullshit yourself into the truth.  You just can’t.

I was also talking with an old friend and teacher from my college days today.  I had reached out to see how she was after she had gone through a PhD program and went from doing art to a big change into mediation work with inner city kids.  Something told me that something was up and that I needed to check in after a couple of years of being out of touch.  I recently contacted another old teacher in the same way recently to express to him how his teaching had impacted my creative life.  He died about six months after I told him this.  Life waits for no one.  So I jumped on this and acted because, well, you just never know.

We wound up in a conversation about the trials she has been going through with family.  She explained how this other person was the source of so much pain in her life.  Gently, through a series of turns, I explained how important it was to learn to see these things in a different way.  I began with a simple quote by Wayne Dwyer which states that how someone else acts is their karma, and how YOU react to them is your karma.  Do you get that small but important difference?  No one ever makes you feel any way at all, except that we each choose, yes choose, to feel the way we do.  After all, I explained, she could easily have a sibling who, going through the exact same thing might just wave off the same behavior as something not worth worrying about when it comes to that other person.  I see this all the time. I saw it in my family, I have seen it in class mates in college, and I have seen it in my children, too.  Two children living the same kind of life see and react completely differently.  The difference is in how we choose to feel.  Simple.  But people continue to want to see that it is the other person’s fault for HOW they MAKE them feel.  No, no one MAKES you feel anything.  YOU make YOU feel.  That is how things work.  Knowing this and living this truth is the only way to get out of the emotional and spiritual prison that we often find ourselves in, in our lives.

The problem with how we normally go about this way of relating is that we make everyone around us responsible for our feelings.  Normal sensitivity aside, we each have a choice.  I explained to her that by thinking and acting this way she not only misdirected her awareness, she also gave her sibling the power that she now has over her, which she has such a glitch now in dealing with.  It has resulted in a pretty big block emotionally for her, and she wound up revealing the severity of how she felt (which wound up being the most honest thing she could have done during our talk).  But the challenge is that she has this block that goes way back to her past, an issue she knows comes from when she was a small child. And the problem with these old repressed and blocked emotions is that they emerge in our adult lives with the same level of maturity in them as when they were shoved down and repressed to begin with.  Now imagine having a feeling that haunts you that was designed by a three year old. No perspective, lots of drama, and me, me, me. That is the kind of thing you get over and over until the issue is healed.  Can you imagine just how hard it would be to have to deal with the merry go round of feeling  something like this?

Until we can get really honest with ourselves about what is at work within ourselves, these repressed emotions simply keep playing themselves over and over seemingly with no end in sight, no resolution.  People die or move away and so often we feel like they are the people that we need in order to work this out with.  But this is the trick that keeps every  one of us in the game of our karmic entanglements.  She even asked me if she could clean this mess up if one or more of the people involved had passed from this life.  The answer was a firm “Yes!” because even though someone does die in the body, their soul lives on (and besides, the karma is not on THEM, it is on the person who owns it).

To do this, you just need radical honesty perhaps for the first time ever.  Take a moment and stop thinking about how someone pushes your buttons or upsets you and focus on how you wind up reacting to them. It is here, in how you actually do choose to react, that the problem emerges….for you.  Trust me, the way to healing all of this is by doing this.  When you hear yourself saying the words, “But he made me feel so rotten, so terrible….” STOP!!  Stop right there and back it up a little and look at what is happening here.  No, they are not the one who has power over you.  You have the power.  You have the power to find a way to release this so that YOUR issues cease entering into the marketplace of emotion.  You can go from being upset to realizing that this is just their stuff and has nothing to do with you and everything to do with them.  Pity the soul who must make another responsible for how they feel.  How powerless a state is that to be in?

The first step in authentic healing work is to clear up this one issue first.  If you are used to being the victim in life, this will be a hard one to overcome.  It will take time and training your mind to see things differently. But as you do, you will increasingly begin to breathe the fresh air of freedom instead of the stale air of dependency.  We have to be very clear about whose stuff is whose stuff.  My friend described a dream she had in the wake of a difficult encounter with her sibling that involved someone having pooped all over her yard.  Even in her dreaming she was aware that bad stuff was happening, but she was focused on the poop coming from someone else.  In the end, the shit was hers.  By going back into the dream, I explained, and imagining herself cleaning it up without making it anyone’s problem but her own, it would be one important way to cement just whose poop is whose, and then it would change the terms of engagement forever.  But I know how hard it is to shift so radically in order to see it this way.

Now mind you, I was the gold standard in shifting the blame at one point in my life.  I saw where it got me: nowhere.  Even though I did believe that others were responsible for my happiness, I learned that there is a different way, a more realistic way, and it is in our grasp.  When you can do this, this radical reorientation of the self, then things can change pretty quickly.  We each deserve this honesty even as we fear what its implications might be.  But the fear is unfounded.  Why we fear being honest might come from the fear of the unknown, or of upsetting others, or getting hurt by those who cannot or wont hear the truth.  But those who cannot bear the truth are probably not anyone that you could stand to be with in any significant way.  In the end, it is the greatest compassion you can pay yourself, something that might be hard, but is the greatest act of self love you can give yourself.  This really isn’t about anyone else but you, and the buck must stop here.

May you cast a great light in your life….

This post is the second installment that is best read in series about how karma creates chemistry and how we can open our lives up to a new horizon, literally a new kind of life by clearing the karmic threads and “debts” which we owe to ourselves as drops in the vast ocean that is consciousness…

 

So I was thinking about how I was able to clear up the karma from this “soul twin” that I had in the beginning of my awakening. I was thinking, too, about  how effortless it was to dissolve the connection that had caused me so much angst as well as bliss.  Mind you, in the beginning, there was this expansive love that I felt as well as this fiery quality that was part of the rush of prana that is kundalini.  This was not an effort at making myself a recluse, but rather that I felt, knew, that this was not all there was.  Most everyone I observed in the “twin” community seemed fairly situated in what I was rapidly feeling was the mythos of the twin flame and comfortable with this view as the twin as “The One.” It was natural, afterall, I had been there, too.  But things were changing for me and I was no longer content with what I saw as a delightful fairy tale, a beautiful story, certainly, but not one that reflected reality.  Yes, I felt the depths of soul love inside of me and I shared this with another, but I also felt the earthly self, both where I was and where she was.  We were oh-so human.

How to deal with this dichotomy, I thought? It seemed to me that this disjuncture was the proof that there was something more at work.  What the twin community was doing, it seemed to me at the time, was the same thing we do when we are putting a puzzle together.  You know those puzzle pieces that LOOK like they fit, but don’t?  I mean those pieces that look exactly like they should fit, but the shape is off so very slightly that you are kind of stumped in that moment?  Yeah, like that.  Now I was watching as some of us were just jamming that puzzle piece into place and saying “good enough!” and going on with it.  I just wasn’t one of those people.  I am a big believer in letting a mystery BE a mystery, yes, certainly, but there is also a time when you ought to use your mind some to roll this thing around, especially when the “mystery” isn’t fitting into any of the discussed paradigms set forth thus far.

I thought about this and wondered what a later soul connection might have involved, and this time around, for soul connection #2 it was similar, but different.  It also involved a miss-identification of responsibility for a host of issues that caused me a lot of hurt and pain with this person, to be quite honest.  I was snagged by this person with her dishonesty, which was very much like my wife before my awakening began.  In fact, I considered at the time that this #2 connection might have been a way to work through what my ex-wife and I had not worked through. They were so similar in some important ways.  Sounds dysfunctional, doesn’t it?  Well, actually, it has turned out that since the two of these people were sooo similar that it has helped a LOT in working through the remaining karmic snags for BOTH.  Despite the fact that something in the back of my head was telling me that what I was being drawn into and WHY I was being drawn into it might well be bad for me.  Different stories, yet so very similar.

The Universe Becomes Your Mirror

In an interesting twist, I have been having a lot of problems popping up with my ex-wife as I have been headed towards the end-game of this soul connection, trouble that she has been initiating all on her own.  This has always been telling to me because whenever I was working through some karmic material it was as though they could feel it and would pop up out of the blue.  The timing on this has always been bizarre, at least in the beginning.  Lately, I just see this kind of behavior as proof for how we are bound by common material and that we can indeed all feel it whether it is conscious or not.

I chose to remain neutral with my ex-wife, though, in this last series of interactions, choosing not to engage her by pointing out the error in her way of behaving (which has always been over-the-top mean and hurtful).  This tack or approach has proven to shake things up in me just enough to help release some significant karmic material in both cases, ex-wife and connection #2.  In this case, the release was sooo simple. God, just to think about how much hand-wringing and worry and concern there had been about approaching this day there had been!  So much self-doubt, so much loathing of myself for being tied to these hard people! The release happened with #2  I when I was able to see an admission that one of them had emotional problems.  All I ever really needed was that moment of honesty from them, that “come to Jesus moment” that never really happened, and probably wouldn’t happen.  This had kept me active and turning on this karmic merry-go-round.  And this moment was not one that involved me talking to either of them, which was actually really nice.  Poof.  On my own, I got the one small thing that I needed that flipped the switch on all of this.  And now?  All of that hard stuff is just gone. I feel different.  I look different.  I now realize that the thoughts that I once had that I often dismissed as just a fairy tale way of being were in fact the depths of who I am, the beauty that was waiting for me on the other side of that garden gate.  One side was thunder clouds and uncertainty and the other side was bright and hopeful without a need to convince myself that anything was anything except what it was. Now, whether dark or light, I just don’t see the dividing line but feel the bliss of simply being.

I will also add that along with this hard behavior taking place as I reached the home stretch in all of this, that I was approached about two months ago out of the blue by a guy I know only peripherally, asking me if I could help him with his business.  As I was working with him and his employees, I felt deep into the energy of the group and found this troubling but interesting swarm of energy there.  I just worked for weeks and felt into it as I went about my day.

I found that there were all of these similar energies that all went back to the male wound.  For the first two to three weeks I only felt the energy.  I really had nothing to go on beyond what I was feeling. But by the third week, people were suddenly opening up and telling me exactly what I wondered about on an energy level.  All of this felt so familiar to me, but I had no hard physical history to pin it to. Without saying a word or asking any questions, except in my mind, they each began to tell me just what I needed to know.

This time, instead of working this like a problem, I accepted it without feeling a need to fix anything.  The interesting thing that happened was that I went from repulsed and upset the first few weeks, to feeling a strange affinity for these men.  I understood where they had been because I had been in similar places, too. I think we all have in one way or another.  It was as though life was giving me this opportunity to step deep into this chasm that was the inner life of these men in order to ponder my own wound, what is called “samscara.” But the brand or nature of their wound was so similar in so many ways to my own. This was tricky…..be in the world, but don’t be of it.  Step into the abyss but remain untouched…..no….not quite….surrender and accept all of it, see it, feel it, know it and don’t feel a stitch of resistance.  Yes, that is much more accurate.

It was at the moment that I began to accept them that the changes began to take place with my ex chiming in with her junk, all in perfect timing.  The distance between these men and their admissions about their past happened within 24 hours of my ex texting me and trying to “yank my chain.”  I remained stolid and calm.  It all passed with some hurt on my side, but no reaction, which was the big difference.  In the past, I knew that she took some pleasure from getting a reaction out of me.  As long as I reacted in pain, it confirmed to her that I was just as messed up as she was.  It was her way of keeping me in the boat.  But wait, no, it was me allowing myself to be controlled, effected, and enmeshed.  And THAT was the difference.  I had control now. Hurt me all you want, or try to; it just no longer works.  The first few times, yes, it still hurts…but the behavior and the energy is actually changing, and this was part of how I just stepped out of that old restrictive suit of clothes that made the man who he was.

After this took place, about a week later, another layer was unfurled and this time there came the beginning of a series of releases. I was able to feel the energetic side of the block releasing from my right lower range of the meridian when I got out of the work van at our work site several days ago.  This was between root and sacral chakras and was not felt IN the chakra like so many releases in the past.  This one was stubborn, bug in, and I felt the root block more as points within the meridian line on the male or solar side of yang energy (based on the Chinese medicine system). Then I was able to read about an admission from this soul connection and it all resulted in this perfectly timed matrix of effects that felt like a landslide or cascade of inner releases that brings me to where I am now. Poof. Gone.

Energetically, I feel different and my thoughts are different, too.  I am no longer obsessed with loss and lack churning inside of me.  Poof.  This buoyancy has resulted in my feeling like I can reach something that I didn’t feel….worthy of.  Can you believe that? With this hard energy weighing me down, I just didn’t feel like I could reach it easily.  Everything had this cast over it that had an edge of the negative. With a root-related block this type of thing relates to issues of nurture and abundance.  If the block is big enough, it can result in problem taking care of ones self or creating abundance.  I knew that my block was partial because of how events happened in my life.  I had always used creative visualization for the important things in my life: school, job, career, and children.  They all came as I had asked.

In my life I have always been able to manifest pretty big things in my life, but they almost always have some kind of hitch in them, sort of like the wish the genie grants you that you always wind up regretting.  Now, though, I know that we no longer have to regret the wish because the wish is now forged in the clarity of the soul’s purpose free from these troubling alliances having to do with loss and lack and hurt and pain and all the rest. This corresponds to the root now being clearer. I should now see a new level of clarity to what is brought into my life through our ability to co-create our lives.  I also find that any problems that come along just don’t flatten me like they had before.

Today as I opened a new book I bought for myself as this change was underway, it revealed a quote by the Buddha that spoke about how releasing the karmic bonds that hold us down to the earth…..free us so we can fly like eagles who can leave this world or be untethered by the concerns that weighed us down.

I have been hoping for this moment for years.  Years. Me an my dear friend Ali  have been talking about this idea which she brought up in our early discussions back in 2008 about how karma creates chemistry.  I wondered at first how anyone would believe such a thing as this?  At first, it didn’t make sense to me.  What I felt in connection felt natural, not fabricated, and this karma=connection sounded a lot like that. There was something about it that didn’t make sense….but now what I know is that the reason why it did not make complete sense at the time was because I was seeing through  distorted lenses, that my way of sensing and seeing the world was itself….bent. I was myself captured by karma and you cannot fix an old problem using the same thinking that created the problem in the first place (thank you, Albert E.) And this is something that you will need to know about yourself if you find that this also makes little sense to you. I wont ask you to believe me, just file it away and then get on with your “work” and when the day comes when it happens to you, let’s talk.

When I  explained how karma created chemistry to my second soul connection, she did not believe what I was saying.  I hadn’t either.  It just didn’t seem right, based on how the energy felt. It felt like a “foreverness” that you just don’t want to ever let go of.  There are lots of people similarly hooked in the twin phenomenon that keeps them engaged but not healing the blocks.  But do you know why this FEELS like a forever thing?  Do you really?

The Reward Cycle

Dopamine.  I know it sounds simplistic, but it is really that simple.  Our reward centers physically are designed to give us that peasant reward for just about ANYTHING that our mind/brain believes is a good thing.  Sex is one of these things, but there are loads of others. Prana creates bliss and as it is identified, the mind sends a signal to the body to produce dopamine among other things to reward us for something that is actually very good for us.  The idea of connection with another person whom we love generates this rich chemical landscape that keeps us coming back, though, and the connection itself is most often karmic.  This means that on the one side you are feeling prana flow, which is good, but the karma is in there, too, which is a kind of soup of both shadow and light, so you get a bit of both.    If you have a lot of negative karma surrounding an issue, then the chemical train gets colored with that karma and you have the potential for bliss along with the chaotic emotions that are still suppressed within the psyche. This is the double-edged sword of life.  You have the dark and the light.  Learning how to navigate through all of this is what yields victory in clarifying and cleansing the self. There is this very insightful saying in the Gospel of Philip that says in essence that God is a dyer of souls. When God dyes a soul, it goes in one color and comes out white.  This is to say that the dying work that God does is to clear us of all color.  This is not to say that we are colorless. We do not lose our character or personality, but that we lose that which made it hard for us to see the divine within.

Dopamine also does something else where pain and trauma are concerned.  When it is created in the body, it helps to eleviate the pain so that it does not burn deep grooves in our minds.  It helps us to move on.  This is one reason why kundalini works on emotional blockages so well; the body is pumping out a LOT of dopamine (and there is evidence for this state at various stages of the awakening process that I wont go into here but I write a lot about it on the blog).  This is also why people who have PTSD or other types of trauma-based issues will often turn to opiates to soothe the pain.  In fact today as I sat waiting to pick my child up from an appointment, I listened on the radio about a woman who had begun using heroin as a way of dealing with her pain.  She spoke of how it soothed her, made her feel like she could cope.  Sadly, by doing this, she was actually shutting down her body’s own native ability to produce the compounds necessary to make her feel the way she needed in order to heal. Dopamine does this, it is the body’s own natively produced opiate and I can tell you that once I identified what it was I was experiencing that was making me feel so peaceful and smoothed out and wonderful and dreamy, I was able to see how a strong “dump” of dopamine into my system also corresponded with releases.  To put it simply; you just don’t CARE about the pain anymore.  When you do this, your brain and body can simply release the old hurt like that: poof!  The mind stop supporting the old programming and the brain and body are now charged and ready to take in a different story.  The result?  You feel instantly transformed. You are literally reconnecting the brain and the body in new ways, creating new pathways for though to flow.  At an energetic level, the change is felt in a myriad of ways as well.

The dopamine cycle works for a host of reasons, from building a strong family unit for the rearing of children, to the benefit that being with another gives to us as a couple as well as the cohesiveness of a community. There are other compounds involved like oxytocin (which is both a hormone and a neurotransmitter—think on that one for a minute!) a little adrenaline, estrogen, and testosterone.  Once our mind/brain has identified something as important enough, it sets up a reward system for it.  And we can become addicted to it in just the same way we become addicted to the very behaviors that keep us enmeshed in certain karmic merry-go-rounds.  But is this bad?  The curious thing is that some people, in order to get the dopamine blast into their systems will use some behavior that will trigger it.  The important part is whether you are using something else to make it happen, or are you choosing to just feel differently, which is itself the spiritual compliment OF dopamine.  You see the difference?  If its, say, sex, that creates the dopamine reward trigger, then you can become a sex addict.  The sign is that sex is an empty experience for you at some point because after all, you aren’t in it for the experience that sex can give, not really.  You are after the high of the dopamine. As a result, sex addicts wind up having a feeling of emptiness in the wake of sex. It is a terrible place to be.  They need to move the dopamine cycle, the reward cycle, so that it is not divided from the self by any degrees of separation. The trick, people, is to learn how to trigger dopamine production in your body so that you get a nice flow going all the time at a low healthy level so you mirror the physical state of peace.  We have forgotten how to do this, or that the body will respond in a fraction of a second to a desire to feel bliss by pumping out dopamine. We are a generation of pill poppers.  This does not solve the problem, it only masks it.  What is curious is that it appears that when your body is producing dopamine for no other reason than to feel good (not just for a reward cycle) the body does not appear to become addicted to it.

Sometimes the glitches in our karma can go on for lifetimes.  The trick here, the whole point of all of this inner work, is to choose the beneficial positive karma over the negative ones.  If you watch people who are obsessively upset, you will see that they are actually enjoying being upset.  They spend so much time engaged in explaining why they hurt and why.  Most often, they are pointing to some source outside of themselves as the culprit, when all along the culprit is  within. Through a simple turn in awareness, the true culprit is seen for what it is.  Doing this work accomplishes this.  And the result?

For me, when this last wrinkle unfurled in me and the hooks dropped away, I felt….a series of new feelings that felt authentic and good.  My energy felt buoyant.  So simple, so clean and so clear.  I didn’t feel this clenching tightness that could also be associated with sexual tension in an intimate relationship.  When I say tension, this was a tension that felt a little over the top and was a kind of warning signal even as I was unable to change it until I healed the karma at its deepest level. The really interesting thing was how supercharged my sexual energy felt in the wake of this.  I was actually concerned that it would all just go away.  As kundalini/prana cleanses the body/self, the energy is less chaotic or intense.  I worried that I might lose this intensity.  I identified that the intensity made me feel vital and alive….I just didn’t like the hardness.  It finally felt like a flowing powerful form of energy that was unencumbered by these tight or tense spots that I knew were there but was powerless to do anything about (until they were healed).  Like some silent reminder, they let me know in each moment that they were there, these tight spots, these blocks. But in the end, it was much-ado about nothing.

The “Reset”

There was a point in my awakening when I had what I call a “reset” of my energy field about a year and a half into my awakening.  This “reset” helped me to more clearly relate to the blocked energy that still remained in me. How this was done was completely unexpected by both me and my healer.  She was told by her guides to simply follow their guidance and take on my energy for a moment.  I was on the phone, doing this at a distance, and didn’t know that this was happening.  She told me to hang up and just breathe deep and wait.  I felt a sudden lightness to my being that was very nice.  Peaceful.  But after about one minute, I felt my old energy come back down around me.  The only way I can describe it was that in taking on my energy, by entering into my energetic capsule, she was able to lend or imbue or surrogate a much needed form of awareness that I was able to inherit as a result of this exchange.

What took its place was….not easy. At all.  I think if I had known what was about to happen, I would not have gone along with it.  What it felt like was a screeching clamor of metal like the sound of a freight train wrecking all around me.  It was accompanied by a deep and abiding physical pain that remained with me throughout my awakening until I released the remaining material. Okay, so that sounds really bad.  But actually, it wasn’t.  This was NOT physical pain.  What it was, was referred pain.  This was soul pain, a pain I had been blocking from my awareness….even in the midst of awakening.  Yes, I was aware of this pain, I had felt it, but I had simply dialed the volume down.  My healer dialed the volume back up so that I could hear what was happening.  I was, simply, much more aware of what was happening to me. And this sped me along on an accelerated path because the pain I felt in my heart was really hard.  But when the pain was released, as the blockages were released that following year, what followed in its wake, was a wonderful feeling that I keep with me to this day.

This level of awareness based on this “reset” has been of huge benefit to me because it has enabled me to see or feel into my energy body that much more deeply so that I can detect even the smaller things in a much more vivid way.  It will, in time, make me that much better of a healer should I choose to go that route.  It was this awareness that created a sense of pain in one of my meridians that helped me to pinpoint the exact area a year ago so I could show my Kahuna healer where to concentrate on in order to begin releasing material there through energy medicine and deep tissue massage.

And?  Poof!  Gone was all of the obsessing over this person I felt connected to but who I knew had been hurting me and would continue to do so because of her entitlement to being trapped in the meme of victim.  I had been told that I just needed to forgive this person…..but in the end, it wasn’t forgiveness that did it.  What did it for me was in being able to see things so clearly….something that I KNEW but that I seemed to hear from them as being the truth.  That was my hitch; I seemed to need to know that they knew.  I know that seems weird, but for my brand of karma, that was just what the doctor ordered.  Quietly, I was able to simply slip the bonds and soar.  Now, how it does it for you, what YOUR trigger is, I can’t say.  For me, though, it was like someone finally saying, “I know that what I was doing was messed up….I know…..and I am sorry about it…” That was all I needed to know, that yes, they knew that what they were doing was off. And now?  I feel no draw to this kind of thing at all.  It is as though I have transcended a murky layer in the ocean and am now in a much clearer place.

Having said all of this, my own energetic awareness shows me that there is still more murk in the root chakra, but it does not seem to be so entangled with others and this blame game that I have gotten tangled in.  I for one am glad to be free from it.  Come what may, at the least THIS part has been cleared, something I have been working on clearing for years.

How It Works

Until such an event takes place where you can resolve the “hitch” or the “hook” of the karmic connection, you remain on the merry-go-round caught in a recursive set of behaviors due to a suppressed set of emotions that are begging to be healed.  This can be done by a simple moment of honesty.  In this one important wrinkle, I was waiting on the honesty of another in order to feel the sense of release I hoped for for so long.  And for me, in my case, it released a whole series of difficult to live with feelings.  Now, free from all of this, I can FEEL myself unencumbered by the weight of another and their feelings of incompletion.  I simply had to know once and for all that this was not mine….but had been making it mine in this codependent cycle that was my karma.  Now with this new clarity of self and heart and soul, I ask myself: what am I going to do now? It will be interesting to see what manifests in the days that come.  With the karma gone, so too is the old chemistry that was caught in the dark goddess.  I am ready for the one who dwells in the light.  And the ONLY reason why I am going to the trouble of opening up like this is because each of us can reach this same place in our own time.  It is possible!  Whoot!

There are numerous methods that can be useful to you in assisting prana in doing its work re-magnetizing you to your larger authentic self.  I have done all of this work without traditional methods like yoga.  While I esteem yoga greatly, I know that it is but one of many methods that can be used.  Ultimately, the goal is doing what makes you flow and open up to the energy.  Breath work helps a lot, including alternating nostril breathing, something I created for myself that I call “Active meditation” which involves working on moving energy in my body and dropping into a deep state where I can feel the buoyancy of my lovely energy that connects me to the universe and reveals to me how the presence of the All is hidden in the atoms and cells of my body.  Centering attention on centers where you feel resistance helps to clear flow, as does movement, ANY movement from dance to things like Chi Gung, deep tissue massage, energy work, reiki, and more.  If you are dealing with awakening, drop into your deeper self and ask yourself what you most need to know.  Try it; then await the answer.  I will bet that you will wind up with resources coming out of your ears….people handing you books, people showing up to act as mirrors, teachers, guides, any number of things can manifest themselves. So trust in the power that is yours and that is also part of the universe.  You are, after all, a part of it and it is part of you!

नमस्ते

When I had my awakening, I awoke aware that I was feeling someone in my head, in my space….it was hard to pin down at first….but some part of me that woke up KNEW this was so, even as my rational mind was struggling just to keep up with the newness that was taking place.  All of it was novel, interesting, sometimes even scary or anxiety-producing.  I lived with the idea that I had a soul twin because, simply, there was no other theory out there that explained it so….well.

Cracks began to show up in that fairy-tale world when I heard the really hard and mean things this twin of mine would say sometimes.  I began to question, and as I questioned, more things popped up that showed me that something was amiss.  The concept of the twin soul was a fairy-tale.  Like angels on clouds and happily ever afters and gurus who are perfect (note: there is no such thing-these are things we would like to be true but are not). The experience was cosmic and I WAS feeling this person at the soul level deeply.  Yes.  Wonderful, yes.  But human still, yes.

In perfect timing, as I was beginning to question the mythos of the Twin Soul and the Twin Flame along came a person who had gone through all of this herself and we began this dialog.  It was one of the most insightful of any kind of dialog I have had with another person.  She spoke my language, and she helped to fill in some spots that I was clamoring around in the dark for.  One of the things that she talked about was how karma creates chemistry.  At first, this was so non-intuitive that while I took it all in, I honestly had some trouble with it.  After all, the energy that was a part of the connection felt so….natural. It just felt like it was so deep within me, right?

But the same is true for karma.  Whoops.

I have been at the cleansing process that is a part of awakening since early 2007 (early February) and I have slowly come to a realization through many many releases that some of the biggest troubles have been in the more base chakras.  Each release in the meridians or chakras (or both) has always been accompanied by changes in how I felt and how I reacted to things that might have upset me before.  I have been hard at “work” getting my field cleared because of how much better it has made me feel, how richer and more…..buoyant….my energy has felt following a clearing.  Despite how some have said that the root is cleared first, I have to take issue with this and call such tales utter nonsense. No, kundalini clears the easiest to the hardest.  It is like water, following the path of least resistance.  If it had tackled my poor solar plexus, sacral, or root chakras first, I would still be here today telling you how kundalini is still trying to bust down that one hardened armored wall!  Instead, I have hundreds, thousands of victories both big and small that has made the last three years easier.

The last three years has been a time period where MOST of my energy field was cleared with mostly sacral/root blocks remaining.  it has been challenging and sometimes utterly frustrating to see how big the block was, but I can say that over the last year especially, I have spent every single day surrendering to the flow of prana in the hopes that it would flow into those hard places and break up the material.  My meditations have shown me that it was a densely packed series of layers.  Some of the work that I have done has included utilizing a reiki practitioner as well as a  massage therapist who specializes in the Kahuna method, which honors the balance of the masculine and feminine current in our bodies.  I was able to break a lot of material free from those sessions.  I even reported a year or two ago how one reiki practitioner could not detect ANY blockages in my root and patted me on the back and admonished me about not trying to create a problem where no problem existed.  This was a person who was the head of a massage school and is well known in our community for her therapy work.  And this is mentioned as a cautionary tale that for those of you who are going extra deep into yourselves that there may be some who could help you that don’t….or can’t…perhaps because they themselves cannot feel that deep or detect what exists at such a cleared level.

I mean, think about it….most everyone on the planet is blocked from head to toe in some way or another.  I know this may sound severe, but as I awoke, my ability to sense energy was increased about three to four-fold.  Before then, I had been reading auras since I was 18 and I am now 50.  So lots of experience with this end of awareness…..and I can say that those who slumber are simply not aware all that much.  And it is probably good that they are not aware for the time being.  Only when you are ready to tackle such a backlog of material as we all have here on the planet can you really have any hope of getting it done.  otherwise it simply seems to be too big of a mountain.  I know that it has been a mountain for me, and I also know people who have been at this for decades who are still wearing away the stone, so to speak. I am not saying this to be negative, I am saying it because I observe that it is true.

So the “proof” part….

I was reflecting how I was able to magically release the soul connection I had when I first awakened.  God bless her, but she had issues that made dealing with her hard, and being connected to this, once I became aware of the hardness (I was not aware of the hardness in the beginning you see), it got more difficult.  But what “did it” was a couple of years ago when I initiated a correspondence with her in the hopes of clearing up whatever was left was the moment when she wrote to me, “Parker, I am really HAPPY in my life now…..I woke up and had someone like you to help me through it, to share and make sense of it…..and I now feel things I had not felt before but knew was possible….I really love my life!” Poof!  In that moment, it was like this thing gave way in me and I realized I was holding something up I just didn’t need to hold up anymore.  Then thre came this awareness in the clarified moment that I had known her in some official capacity as an advisor.  It FELT like she was a leader of some kind….and somehow I had let her down in some way.  THIS led to a hitch karmically that led to our connection later while in the super-charged environs of an awakening (a double-whammy!).  Then, as I began breathing more deeply and more slowly, I dropped down into it deeper and I was shown that no, I had not let her down.  It wasn’t event THAT clear-cut.  I had FELT like I had let her down.  Her problem was HER problem, but I had taken it to mean that I had failed her.

The interesting thing is that this was exactly what happened in another relationship…I was hooked, literally hooked into this fear of failing another person and letting it eat me up energetically and karmically.  It doesn’t matter what actually happened, it is HOW we choose to FEEL about an event that is the hook of karma.  And this is one reason why I have so much trouble with the concept of karma.  It is called “action” and I have recently considered maybe they were including inner action, because otherwise the definition as given by the Buddha seems…shallow….and prone to turning into being a punishment or something of the like.  People do this, though.  They are upset that something didn’t turn out the way they would like and they say “Karma is gonna get you!!!”  All the while, though, the deeper truth is that karma isn’t a punishment.  It is based on how far we have chosen, yes chosen, to turn away from our inner divine natures.  THAT nature is….perfect.  it does not NEED to be anything except perfectly itself.  And yet, we allow ourselves to get pulled in all these directions that are not in our highest.  Like me, just wanting people to be happy and failing at it because…..well…I am not the Lord of people’s happiness.  They are.  This was so bad in a prior relationship that my ex told my children that I had failed them at a time when I was sticking to my guns when the economy was in a rut.  Truth be told, when you tell children this kind of thing, YOU are the one “failing.”  But this was the consequence of living in this way.  The person who acted as the put-upon victim became the victimizer.  Terrible.  So it was in my interest to untangle this mess as soon as possible, right?

To learn more about how this all turned out, I have broken this post into two chapters, with the second one immediately following this one.  So now for chapter two….

 

 

It is so easy to wrap an awakening in myths and ideas about what we think it is.  There is a lot written about it from other times, cultures, mind sets.  All of it has a lot of good stuff.  Inevitably, though, even the awakened come up against the limits of what we ourselves can allow ourselves to know or consider.  It is a cognitive box. Breaking out of it is what this energy, this shift, can offer.  All of us.

In my awakening, soul connections have been part of the process.  I have karma to work through and this is the time that it seems it is going to get done.  The problem though is that in the community that speaks the most to these connections as twin flames and twin souls, there is a lot of disinformation.  I call it this because I don’t know what else to call it.  It is itself a cognitive box.  Lacking any better explanation, we come up with something that matches what it feels like.  Connecting in this way is pure bliss.  Yes.  But assuming it is because it is meeting the other half of you is a mistake.  What this idea does is it masks, I feel, what is actually at work.  Walk with me for a minute.

So if you have had this, you know how events have such a wild way of happening?  Where do you think those events emerge from?  Are they coming from God?  Or is it possible that they are coming from you?  I have had so many of these events happen to me, literally hundreds big and small that what I have been able to observe that when the energy, the bliss of this experience was at its peak, these synchronicities tended to happen in profusion.  Each and every time, this happened.  There is a correlation with the energy and my thoughts.  I do feel that what is happening is that we are dropping into a flow of energy, creative energy that is our birthright.  This bliss IS this creative energy.  We say it is libidinous, which is a fancy way of saying it feels sexual.  It does.  But it is more than just that.  It is sensual, lovely, freeing, and it is the very thing that melts us, that breaks up our inner blocks.  It frees us.  And isn’t this the essence of creativity?  Creativity almost always makes us see things differently.  Think about it.  Almost all new ideas shift how we see things.  It is not JUST what people are doing, it is the energy fueling it.  A product results….maybe some new discovery, some new form, some new piece of art, music, or institution.  Creativity is in every corner of our lives.  So this energy, expressed as bliss, which I say I experience as creative in its root, is literally making events all around me come alive.  But wait….if this is not being divinely guided, but is just my own ability to manifest supercharged, then it means that instead of it having some grand design, it could simply be what I feel in my heart as a possibility to happen, and carried by the energy, it does?  From thinking about something only to see a bumper sticker a second later that echoes it, ir I bump into someone who tells me about a story that helps to put me on the track of some new wrinkle in my work that I have been thinking about that day?  Over and over and over, these events all happen.  Some would say they are “fated” but they all cohere to my own thoughts.  If there is nothing blocking that block in me, the event happens. Simple.  So maybe this is just our normal ability to manifest now super-charged.

And yes, you feel bliss with this Other, whom you call twin.  But have you ever looked into it to know why?  All of the universe, we are told, is about like attracting like.  When we attract along a certain vibration, those vibrations naturally reinforce each other.  And the flow of soul energy is increased.  Bliss results.  Over and over I have seen this in my life and I have seen it in others, too.  We are now awake, yes, the flow is now instigated.  We are forever changed.  Forever.  Get around more like-minded kind and the vibration naturally reinforces itself.  It is I think an important consideration.  What happens if there is something in that vibration that is karmic from the past.  It could generate really powerful fear too.  DO you think that this could be the concept behind the “runner” experience?  Honestly, I think so.  We feel this bliss, but we then also feel this fear….and this fear?  It is the karma we share and the bulk effect of what this karma has meant to use on a soul level.  And what is this karma except a turning away from all that is true in us?  Bear in mind, I am only talking about the negative karma.  Yes, there is also positive karma.  Yes!  Thank goodness!  But the positive karma does not trip us up.  In fact, it holds us up.  But the negative stuff can cause us to nose-dive, am I right? So until that karmic knot is resolve there will be challenges!  So we deal with them.  The knot is there in you and me because we have set it aside and not dealt with it.  We pushed it down.  What we ignore is what persists.  And sometimes, the knot is nothing more than a strong emotion that we did not feel or embrace completely.  We instead denied it and there it has lain since the beginning.  But when you release such a block…..WHOOOSH!  Boom.  Done.  Gone. And for me, when it is gone, it is GONE!  Whatever hung me up is just…..no longer an issue.  And it doesn’t make a lot of sense!  You would think that what we think and feel is so easy to access, sift and work through….but alas, our bodies show every sign of STORING this stuff in our bodies.  Yes, in the body, right along with the current of prana that makes up the sheaves or layers the Hindu call the koshas.  This is what makes us like a multilayered being and the clearing that happens in awakening sweeps through each of these vibrational layers so that there are up to, they say, five cleansings or total clearings of each chakra before the process is largely completed, removing all of this stored pent-up material.  But until these knots that tie to negative karma are resolved, they too draw us, attract us without being aware of what it is for the simple reason that this material is not always conscious.  It has been stuffed down, after all, right?  SO that gets hard to deal with, right?  Submerged feeling.  It means we have to learn how to feel DEEP and honestly.  And bravely.  For me, it is undoing all of this bent and twisted energy so that I can feel the free flow of the divine within me.  Unhindered, all of the things that caused the flow of energy to become turbulent…..just like how obstructions in a water hose will make the water flowing out of it spray and gush and behave erratically.  Energetically, these thoughts/feelings impede the flow of energy.  This is pretty huge, too.  Thought controls energy?  Well what do you think we could learn from that?  Could it lead us to a way of being where we could learn how to free ourselves from all sorts of limiting factors?  I recently watched a video of a man who had spent years learning how to clear himself and to use his energy for healing.  He demonstrated how he could shock people by touching them (no, not static, silly!) and inducing paper to burn using hot chi, something that I experienced in my body at one point that alarmed me but also served to heal and balance my energy.  And could it be just as simple as that?  Could it be as simple as clearing the pathway so that both the yin and yang channels, the positive and negative poles of our life force energy can better flow and merge?

So think about what it is that is drawing you and then think about how you feel when you feel scared to death when the draw brings you to that place.  What is that feeling you are seeking to turn away from?  What is it that your insides are trying to tell you?  It is creating a draw, yes, but look at what else it is doing!  It is serving to bring you to a place of honesty within.  Real deep kind of honesty.  And it can be messy.  Don’t be afraid.  We all shun these feelings because we think its not good of us.  I have spent years holding back some of this and I have during the last six months begun to really dig into it deeper and deeper.  Each time, though, the result has been the same; I release some deep hard knot in my being and the energy flows more gently.  I feel more peace.  And I am free from this feeling of impending doom or fill in the blank. We are, though, admittedly, perhaps unknowingly, addicted to our hard feelings.  It is the devil that we know.  It is time to let the tiger out of the cage!  Dive into that hardness and let this eenrgy flow into it and change it.  Just by LOOKING at it, it can change your life.  No, I offer you no methods because the “method” is the one that always brings you to the point of honesty and clarity.  I know that each time that I do everything I can to put my awareness on that shadow spot, I can feel how the light of my awareness and the divine energy that flows through the eyes of my own inner awareness that it is knowingly or unknowingly breaking those blocks apart, scattering the shadow and allowing it to transform, lift away, to go away for good.  And this?  It is not a rational process.  It requires you to just FEEL your energy.  FEEL it.

Wherever you feel a sense of tightness, there is something there.  Don’t try to wrestle with it.  Sit with it, FEEL it quietly.  Something inside of you KNOWS.  But this is why we meditate.  We do this in order to tune into the inner world of our energy.  This energy is also what is connecting us to the rest of the world. It can be beautiful once we have cleaned up the mess inside.  Instead of being pulled in different directions, we just feel acceptance, joy, bliss. And while I continue on this path, not pretending to be “done” with all my stuff, I have seven years or so of hard “work” of learning to let go, to surrender in ever deeper ways within myself.  As I do, I feel deeper into my resource field that makes it possible for me to move on to the next even harder spot.

It seems, for me, I have saved the hardest knots for last.  But you know what?  I am now very confident in my ability to just go ahead and face what I have seemingly denied for lifetimes.  letting go of this will free all my other selves, even those in the past, to know alternative pasts to follow.  I will indirectly be showing them the way.  It is such a personal and sometimes messy process, but we should never shrink back because of that.  So if using a technique works for you, use it.  ALL methods serve to help us FEEL a certain way.  Will it work for you?  Perhaps.  For me, I like a method-less approach because it leaves me with nothing between me and the thing I am facing.  A method is like a boat to get you there, but you have to abandon the boat once you get there.  This process demand absolute perfect and simple facing of whatever has not been faced.

Recently I faced a decision I had to make.  I thought about it and it unnerved me because my inner voice was telling me that I had to start doing the opposite of what I had been feeling I had to do.  So, despite all reason, I considered that there was a path to this that I had not considered, or that had been veiled.  I then did something I have not done in a long time; I picked up the I-Ching and threw coins asking my question about how I was to move forward.  What did I need to know about this?  What came up made me laugh.  It was “Abundance.”  You see, one of my biggest issues that crops up has to do with my relationship with women….and in this life it began with my mother.  I know that it has cropped up in other lives.  This has, at its root, something to do with the feminine force in things.  And abundance is deeply tied to the feminine.  It is the feminine that grows the new things within her.  There is an inception force, the masculine, which is necessary in all of this, but it is from this inception that grows miracles.  What comes from the feminine is larger than the sum of its parts.  This happens in physical life as well as in our spiritual life, too.  My journey has been in correcting my own inner glitch in how I am in relation to the feminine.  Something about my experience has put the breaks on my own ability to face my own ability to attract abundance into my life.  Don’t get me wrong, I have done well attracting it, but it is often full of hitches, what-if’s and a lot of turbulence.  There is a problem there.  The fear I have has manifested itself in abandonment in my early life, and this set the stage for always keeping people at a distance.  This emotional armoring has been falling away piece by piece over this entire process.  Layer by layer.  So to have abundance come up was very interesting.  To get to the bottom of it, I had to go forward, embrace whatever it was that was causing me trouble instead of resisting it and hoping it would just heal or go away.  Sure, given enough time, that old wound might scab over and fall away of its own accord.  Early in my awakening I had material like this that fell away in just this way; it was all very old material that had stuck itself to me even though it was no longer a part of my experience.  It was released when the being, an angel, who reached into my heart and pulled it out.  It was like a boneless dead body.  Gross!  I had been carrying that around all this time.  But what took its place was…..nothing.  It was a glorious emptiness that was now ready to be filled by this new energy filling my life. So just looking into it has shifted so much.  Where does it lead? I have no clue.  But you know, I know that the intelligence behind this energy, which is also the universe, I have no problem with.  I am connected to it…a cell within its body.  I trust this. It is not exactly God.  It is something larger than my own awareness….an awareness of what is.  If only it was so pat as a deity!

Then, a couple of days later I got a message from someone in my field of work who wanted to see if we could see if we could work out a working relationship that was beneficial to both of us. This had been something that felt being kept at bay.  I had been asking my inner self to show me the way with a larger community and perhaps a partner that could take my work to a whole other level.  I kept this neutral, not wishing to push it one way, I just asked that it be in the highest.  And then I got another call that had the power to move my work into another new direction.  Coincidences like these cluster around these kinds of shifts.  I once shifted some material and someone who had made a 100k offer on a building that was worth way more than that doubled their offer the very next day.  It had been six months since the last offer, and boom, out of the blue.  These have been so closely timed with these kinds of shifts that I have seen them as having a causal connection.  It is simply too coincidental.  These have always followed these releases.  Its as though events simply change or turn into something else, taking on an entirely different cast.  I have a number of cases like this where I literally bumped into someone who I didn’t know from Adam who was interested in something that I was trying to sell or move, and how it all happened was entirely “accidental.”  When you remove what divides you, the path opens up.  Mountain move. It is a potentiating of the waveform within the universe and within ourselves. I do think so.  When I can allow that wave to continue, interesting things happen, always.  Living on top of that wave is where things just happen like….magic.  Almost all of these things that happen are not the result of me doing anything….they just happen.  And this is so often how these things happen.  Events can begin to flow effortlessly, but it is we who need to do the clearing so the intention made has the ability to flow from us to the universe which will react, respond to that vibration.  The more open-ended you make the intention, the more freedom the universe has to bring you what is perfect.  That or its your higher self, which is what I am betting on.  We can go beyond just surviving.  We can thrive.  Instead of the law of the jungle, it can be the law of heaven.  Let’s give it a chance!

divine-man-womanThere is no doubt about it; the experience that has come to be known the twin soul, twin ray, and even soulmate stands as a singular type of experience in our lives.  It becomes very easy to want to think of it as fated for this one reason. Add to it the ability to communicate from a distance, odd synchronicities, and the bliss that accompanies such an experience and it gets hard not see it as anything except exceptional and perhaps a little supernatural.

I would suggest, though, that you lay aside your belief and consider that all of this is pointing to an evolution of our awareness here on the planet and that it doesn’t mean…..anything.  No fate, except those choices that we each make that have led us to this point, this time, this place.  For a very long time we have quite simply kept the switch for the other side of our capacities as humans to feel and embody not just bliss on earth, but also the curious tendency for events to just form around our lives.  Yes, its magic.  In fact, I argue that the flow of the kundalini Shakti as it is called, is what is driving this, a sudden merging within each of us of the yin and yang.  Within this union that first begins IN us, we now have the expanded capacity to feel and know things from a distance.  There are reasons for this I wont go into that have to do with the quantum universe and the waveform as being capable to be everywhere.  Every point in the universe touches every other point.  All points are connected in a way that is hard to wrap your head around.  It is hard because its not really about space.  This something more, this extra element, the kundalini Shakti is what makes all the difference.  For a long time we as humans have allowed ourselves to be limited by our very left brained, and we say, masculine sides of our brains.  This has served to keep us bound in a sense of a limited self and it has kept the magic at bay.  The magic is nothing less than the magic that is the presence of the feminine, the goddess principle in our atoms, in our whole world.  That might sound like a big claim, but I say this based on careful observation.  I outline this in my book Waking The Infinite that I continue to edit, edit, edit…..

When I began trying to understand why it was that I could know and feel the thoughts of someone I hadn’t even met who lived another country away, I found a community of people who were all experiencing this phenomenon.  I felt like I had in a way come home.  I was not crazy after all!  It was helpful at first to realize that I was not alone in what I and my “twin” were experiencing.  But what I found rather quickly was that many of the things that were said about the twin phenomenon didn’t make sense.  They weren’t…..true.  They all sounded like feel-good stuff and the reality is that while we were all being bowled over by bliss, people were having tantrums, and behaving badly.  They also said that you ONLY have ONE twin.  But I would experience connections to three other people that were all very similar in some respects.  How could this be?  I am not that different, am I?  I came to learn a few things.  Here they are for what it is worth…

Take kundalini awakening and karma with another person who is someone who is a compliment to you and you have the makings of a connection that sets your world ablaze.  Unbound by the linear aspect of your being, awareness spreads outward.  What you experience is an expansion of self, the beginning of releases of old stored emotional material, and bliss.  But this karma is merely an energy that is the same or similar.  Add to that some past experiences with this person and a pairing might happen. I know; I have several people that I all came here to release the past so that we might know ourselves in a new way…..in an authentic fashion.  Waking up is about waking up to your potential, which is without limit in the world.  We have, afterall, magic in our side.  🙂

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But does this mean that anything is fated?  No.  You see, what I found was that beyond the bliss of a connection is a wonderful opportunity to see where we match these connections and then set about cleaning up the match because beyond the bliss is a deepening of the experience.  It does not get less, it gets more.  But awakening with a twin in the beginning is intense and can become chaotic.  So much is happening so quickly.  Your whole world view is shifted.  You now step upon the earth with new feet, new eyes! Yes, bliss…..yes yes yes to all of that. But what exists beyond this bliss?  Have you asked yourself this?  You see, the problem I found with this community of twin souls was that they had been at this connection for decades, some twenty years or more and didn’t seem to be anywhere different.  Not all, but many.  They were happily stuck!  Any you know, that is just fine.  Really.  We are only ready to move to the next step when we are ready. Beyond this lies more.  I promise you.  The spiral of our evolution continues to expand outward and “upward.”  Aren’t you the least bit interested in what lies out there?  To see it means removing more and more of the lenses that have served to distort your perception.  You don’t know what you are missing.  And all you really need to do is to ask the question.  Ask guidance from the universe to know more and you will.  Events, as you know, will naturally form around your life so that all the right people and events happen to you to help you to the next step.  Sound like magic?  Well it is!

I find the concept of the twin to be a myth.  I do.  I think it is a belief-based concept that does not bear much on reality.  Many of the things attributed to it are coincidental but this does not mean that the things that happen in such twinnings is fate or any of the things that the community of twins say it is.  There is no harm, I think, in being critical and seeing if the old theories stand up to scrutiny.  I am not advocating a scientific strain of mentality, but you know, some good careful observation might not be a bad thing.  I mean, have you ever considered where all the things we say about twins comes from?  They were made up based on…..what?  They were created in order to explain a phenomenon.  But is the twin the other side of your soul?  If that is so, why did  I have more than one?  Does that mean that my soul have more than one side?  You see, this is where people will tend to dismiss me because I present a problem to them where I just don’t fit into the neat paradigm.  A paradigm is a cognitive map, a way to explain how something works.  It is a way of understanding the universe or something in it.  There was once a time when we thought the earth was flat.  We though this based on very real observation.  But that observation was incorrect because people kept at the question and kept observing until they amassed a greater amount of information that showed that the world was in fact a sphere turning in space.  We arrived at this realization not because it FELT good or right or appealed to our sensibilities, but because it cohered over and over to observable phenomenon.

What I am asking you to do is to become a witness to your own process.  There is SO much that we get wrong or are off on.  I was amazed as I spoke to a friend about an issue today that she had completely misunderstood for the simple reason that her world was so defined by a particular way of feeling and being that she could not concieve that the world could be any different…..and actually conveniently ignored anything to the contrary.  SO I say; be a careful witness.  We lose nothing and can win a lot!  I once thought that the bliss that I felt was the result of my twin but over time I found that no, actually, it was more how I reacted to her that made the difference.  These seemingly inconsequential things began to pile up as I saw that no, I did not always pick up on what she was thinking.  When I looked carefully at what was happening, I learned a lot. The other side is that in a twin relationship we can wind up feeling tied or bound by what the other person is saying or feeling or doing.  The truth is, no, actually , we do not.  All of this is a choice.  It might feel fated, but our fate is, as I have said, the accumulation of many choices, actions, over a long period of time.  All of this, all of it, can be corrected, healed, altered, or changed.  THIS is the really cool thing about our lives and our world.  We can actually HAVE a very different world….and we are building it RIGHT NOW! The power or force behind this, love, is what prana is.  It is a big idea!  And its quite beautiful.

Come be a witness!

Kundalini(from my phone while out in the wilds…..word may seem scrunched up….I just know it….)

Its a private quest but with others pulled and repelled by the force of karma undoing itself.  Beyond what you believe karma is in the world of punishment-rewards lies the truth of it…..and it is so beautiful it is enough to change the orbit of your life.  You aren’t made perfect in a flash….you are shown the way it can be.  I was shown this way and while I go about it in my human way, I am also finding it.  For almost eight years I have engaged in an intensive effort to unwind all of karma….negative karma….in my awareness.  It is a cleansing of the depths.  It is a Big Dig.

The activation of the living force in my body and  my awareness has come to me just as it has been coming to many the last two decades; spontaneously with little practice or effort to rouse it.  That is what we say.  On the one hand, this is true, but when you look at it a little more closely, its as if all of us are just monks in drag. Cosmic camo or something.  I know, I am being snarky.  But I think it is true.  I think that I was ardent a seeker as you could find all squeezed into a nine year old frame.

The truth, though, is that we have all been searching for it. A woman who says she never searched for it  confided to me that she had practiced Hatha Yoga, which is a powerful method for moving energy.  She had practiced for years.  And I, I had developed my own form of meditation, hadn’t I?  It was intuitively based and had to do with how to allow energy to flow in the body.  It had decades of observation behind it….observations made by a man wh9 had been able to read energy since e was 18 when the gift opened to him.  I thought of it as “active meditation” which meant that I had used similar practices in projecting consciousness, in expanding my energy field, in clearing it, and a number of different things.  I just though being very still was kind of…..silly.  Yes, I knew that it was in this stillness that I was supposed to find something.  I didn’t buy it.  I have since found that it is not in MY silence that I have found “it” but rather that I and the silence are part of the same thing.  This is quite different, you see, and is enough of a difference to leave a person seeking ardently and just not finding it.  But being silent?  Not thick enough!  This is a quality of self, of being.  It is falling in love.  It is. The universe comes along and takes you.  It is quite the experience.  It moves you beyond anything you have felt before.  Liquid passion, liquid light moves up inside of you.  If you are a man something inside of you has to soften itself into being feminine just to TAKE this.  And if you are a woman, something inside of you has to penetrate the DEPTHS of this…..in a way that is masculine.  Not ready?  Well, something in you obviously decided that it was. Sorry little ego.  Here we go!

(Now I get to use my computer after the day has turned to night….and I can stretch out some)

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And all of this, as hard as it can get, is a saving grace.  For as hard as it has been, I am thankful for it.  I have been hard at work.  Every single day is a new effort.  It is…..relentless.  There were times when I thought I might just lose it….and times when I could never lose it.  There and back again.

Deeper and deeper this has gone, layer by layer.  This, the Hindu call the koshas, the “layers” of the self or consciousness that include the energy of the body, the mind, the emotions, and the broader parts of the self. There are, I suspect, though, koshas that express the higher self.  Everything that we are will have its expression as one of these vessels.  And each will contain junk in it all expressing at a given vibration.  The thing to realize is that as material is cleared, it becomes easier to clear still more deeper material.  And for me?  Seems I have saved the hardest for last.

I go through my day in a constant meditation upon HOW I feel and I am finding that I continue to go deeper into my feeling self and realize that some things that I thought were my reactions to things were not based on anything real but were the result of something unresolved in me.  These things seem obvious at first, but its not obvious when the material has been shoved down so deep and hard.  My root work continues to surprise me.  It is like unpacking junk from an ancient trunk.   I go at it, often with weekly releases of energetic material, old traumas or hurts or issues.  As I dig down into it, I feel stuff I had just never felt before.  I just could not SEE it or KNOW it for what it was!

See, there is just so much that you CAN see and for so long….and you deal with it….you do….but some of it you may not know HOW to let it go….obviously it is by surrendering….no kidding, right?  But sometimes something in you just doesn’t know how to do that, the hurt maybe is too fresh or new, or any number of things.  It may in fact be really old, a repeat of a very old SOMETHING.  When I had an ex turn my children against me in the midst of a divorce, I saw just how mean spirited she was being, wittingly hurting not just me, but more importantly, my precious children.  How terrible is that?  To ruin an avenue for your children?  I had another ex seek to slander me based on outright lies….which was the same as my previous ex.  All of this was hard, really hard, and difficult to get past because of how FRESH is all was.  I simply was not used to people who loved me doing this to me.  For me, this was a first in my life.  Trying to destroy those you love?  Really? What flavor of madness is that?

Image © Stafford Artglass, Parker Stafford

Image © Stafford Artglass, Parker Stafford

But its the very nature of how reactive that this made me that made all of this hard to let go.  It seems that these things all have a kind of expiration date.  If we let them alone long enough, they wither on the vine.  They become easier to pluck out.  It also get easier to let the karma go, too.  But as I go deeper into this real dark place in the root, it is like I can feel all of this stuff related to survival, to nurture.  Some of the hard things from the death of a parent, the loss of bonding with one parent.  Hard stuff, I am sure, and its all being dug up.  WHat I have found is that there are some really hard feelings buried in there.  This is the archetypal hades.  This is the hardest place because it is so central to our creative selves.

Part of these releases, these healings, have involved the concept of the great womb.  This womb is about creativity.  We use it loosely simply because it is not about creating children.  It is about creating ANYTHING.  You can feel into that place that is in each person, every man and woman….it is not a literal womb.  And yet, in higher order energetics, it is indeed just that.  It is a womb of the higher self, of the soul.  It is the meeting place for all energies to collaborate and create.  It is.  And its health will determine what comes from it.  Clear it out and it is a clean slate.  This is why this work is so important.  To return not just a person to the “zero” point but to help the planet reach such a place.  It is an incredibly intimate personal journey as it is for me, and yet, we ALL have this shit in us.  All of us.  Even those of you who think you are pure as the driven snow. I can tell you that inside of you are things that you have simply never allowed yourself to see.  Look back at our history as a species.  DO you see all of that horrid stuff we have done to each other over all those centuries?  Well, you were a part of that in some way somewhere somehow. We all die at the hands of another. We die of disease, we are manipulated, we are lost, we are forgotten. We are also remembered, cherished and loved.  To know ALL of this.  When we are able to integrate ALL of this, we can make the peace with it that we seem to need in order to move on from this level to another.  This is important work for all of us, and the wave doing this now will help each other by those who dig deep and also they will help those who have yet to wake up. It will literally create a different template for those who come later into this love, this field that is bristling with energy and promise.  It is in everything.  You have to open up to it.  It is endless.  We are truly infinite.  Even atoms are like this.  It boggles the mind.

We are made for this.  And it is worth the work.

After years of being out of touch with those who were a part of my earlier awakening, with the one whom I thought of as my twin, I have been able to go back and speak openly and frankly about a host of things.  I have been able to do what I did not feel I could do that I very much needed to do, which was to bring some sense of closure,  and to help bring some depth of understanding to why everything went down as it did.  I simply disappeared quickly as my own awakening shifted into a new gear.  Being able to explain myself….and also to face what I was once fearful of but am no longer fearful of.  Your perspective can change 180 degrees in a relatively short period of time.  So much can change.  Running from it isn’t the answer, though.  It is this interesting dance.  We can’t get bogged down by it, but neither can we run from it.  This other person has this mirror effect, which strengthens things in a way that is not always beneficial.  What we mirror we also reinforce, you see.  And this can make a small thing into a big thing.  A tar pit of the soul.  But there comes a time when the draw of the tar pit just no longer does it and you can speak about things in a way that actually leads to more and more releases….realizations that something you were holding onto was simply not necessary.  A block in your that was the same in them, now cleared, now simply no longer offers up the draw.  And this is so hard for people in it to realize…..that the draw is so often the blocks holding energy in a tight position in the self.  I call it how energy flows in a tight hose.  When you can open the hose or channel, the water (Qi) flows with less turbulence and chaos.  This is what we all look forward to.  Being universal channels for this light field.  Growing up and doing exactly what Jesus did; overcoming the world.  Clearing the karma.  Becoming free.

So deeper and deeper I go.  Deeper into a meditative state.  I now do it while listening to music, I do it while walking down the street.  What required a moment of quiet is more like a tool I use in the moment when I need to.  It is not so much about meditating now as much as it is a realization of how some things can move me out of my zone where I am calm, able to plumb that depth.  As I do this, I find there is more to do, more to feel into, to look at that I may have not seen in quite the way I just did a moment ago, which was the whole reason why this things was lodged in me for so long.  I had missidentified it, shoved it down and not sen it for what it was.  And it distorted my ability to see so many things in others.  I saw threats that weren’t there or I reacted beyond what one would normally do.  Until this stuff is dealt with, it remains an issue.  So down I go.  Digging in the dirt.  And you know what?  Its worth every minute.  It is why I came here.  It is job 1.

There are methods for dealing with this energy and it is about movement, but I have found that for the deep stuff, some movement with being able to feel deeply into the centers is important because feeling that deep means that you understand what was not understood for so long.  So much of this can be STUFFED emotion….ancient stuff…..and when you let it go, the really cool things is that this releases all your other lifetimes…..because until this material is dealt with, it is simply reflecting and mirroring in all your past lives.  It is free to be something different.  Wait.  And yes, I also mean the past.  How is that possible?  I don’t know, but I have already experienced it.  I have actually gone into my past and changed it.  The presence that is here with me today that I call kundalini is itself a form of my future self looping back as a way to improve its own “present” focus in a kind of future.  Thing is, there IS no time…..we live in a hologram that is ALL TIME.  As consciousness expands, you will see just what I mean.  So this future self has so much to offer…..and as I improve, it changes its own self or being.

It is quite the experience…..and I hope that in time everyone will experience this as a kind of right of passage and that those doing this now will have made the path so much easier….something that I laughingly called a “puberty for adults” to a friend who asked about it about a year ago.  It was the best way I could explain it.  And yes, it is a new world with so many responsibilities tied up with it….

The journey continues…

 

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In experiences of nonduality nothing is just one thing or another.  With everything connected, increasingly, there is less and less and less that we see or feel that is seen from a biased state of mind.  As the walls or barriers within ones own self fall, the truth of things begins to emerge.  The truth is there are many facets to any given thing.  There are facets we give to events and people and things and then there are those things that are simply there, despite our need to project upon them or see what we are in them.  Everything that Is has its shades of dark and light.

Learning to see what is, is a big part of my journey- and the journey of many others in disentangling what we create from what exists…prexistant of our own projections, beliefs, expectations, and hopes.  It is a way to see clearly, to know “what is.”  When we operate from a place of wanting to know what is, we tend to be increasingly inoculated against the tendency to build into each moment, each event, each meeting, expectations that are based on our own inner hopes….which are themselves based most often on what the accumulated presence of karma does to a person’s thinking and acting.  Truth is, we have all of these programs running in us that rule us.  Until we can remove that stuff, we are mastered.  And there are layers to this material.

When we say we are like onions, we are….layer by layer we are undone just as we made ourselves through years of shoving junk down into those layers.  This is what constitutes the bulk of these blocks and conditioning….but it also means that programming exists at deeper levels, yet, in perfect onion-layer form.  Removing it all is a humbling experience.  it is also something I sense is the most beautiful thing.  We are changing the story as we go.  Sound impossible?  It means facing all of your own silliness, rudeness, reactivity, anger, fear, jealousy, and sense of lack. You name it, it comes up, and gets to be cleared. And this, the cleansing of the self, is so important. It is our saving grace.  It is the single most important part of my awakening.  It continues to offer me the opportunity to undo lifetimes of junk.  And the result is that it will change those lifetimes as much as it will change THIS life.  Its beautiful and huge.  It will send ripples throughout the multiverse.  There is a lot on offer here. And yet, for as huge as this all is, we can, in our all-too-human frames become undone by what remains.

When I awoke, I found that this energy began taking me apart right away.  Blocks began falling away within the first week. After two weeks of having felt the “rising” of this energy in me, effectively lighting me on fire, my juiced system began to respond by churning and teasing out these small blocks of knotted emotion from my awareness, from my body.

Part of this dynamic was being aware of another person whom I had never met in this life, someone who lived about 1,500 miles away. A whole other country in fact.  As time rolled on I learned that I was feeling what this other person was feeling as though it was a direct link. I was incredulous at first but as the incidents piled up day after day I realized I shared a connection to this person that was from the inside out.

There was a lot that was said about these connections.  Awakenings like mine were often being accompanied by these connections.  It was a way of shifting your way of seeing the world in a pretty dramatic way.

As I went from this being the will of the universe to something that my own soul was embarking on, I began to bid this energy to do its work.  I sensed that the stronger the energy was, the more work it would do.  Part of me was apprehensive of this energy.  A part of me was afraid that “me” would be swept away.  There was a calm sense of impartiality, almost coolness to the intelligence that lived within this energy, that lives in all energy.  My own awareness sought to commune with it, to learn why it was here, to learn anything I could.  This probing would begin to form the first of what I would come to call my “epiphany talks” which was where in a deep state of meditation, I would let this energy do its work, and as a plus, I could ask it questions.  For me, understanding the very core of what Is was what I was interested in.  I felt that in knowing this I could begin to unravel my own mysteries, to become, to transform.

This journey resulted in my becoming aware of multiple connections.  They just happened.  I didn’t know why, but they did.  Over time, these connections would be a source of shame and guilt for me.  I would also set these connections aside in an effort to overcome whatever it was that had fueled these connections.

As time passed and I continued to let this energy do its work, I went from surface blockages to removing deeper, more substantive ones.  Each time as this happened, the energy which I had been communing with came through clearer and clearer.  But as long as I remained even slightly uncleared of blocks, I was like  visitor to this land of the divine.I could tune it in anytime I was ready to.  It was mine.  It was me and I was it, and yet, I had this baggage that my personality had to learn to let go of.  I knew there was probably a way to just let it all fall away at once. Theoretically possible, yes, but likely?  Nope.

But the journey along the way helped me to understand energy more and more…..in the way I was most gifted.  It seems that we meet this conscious energy where we are at the time.  As the dross clears, the energy also becomes more clear.  The intelligence within the energy resolves too.  The personality also goes through changes.  For me, the hardest and most difficult was my own Dark Night of the Soul.  This was itself a period of time when the gateway of energy opened up within me to the degree that I would feel clobbered by the energy.  I often would have to lie down, unable to know how to deal with this crush of energy.  This period would result in dislodging my ego from its front and center location in my psyche.  What resulted was that a higher-vibrational version of the ego was within view, a way to still know myself as me, but with fewer snags.  The idea that ego dies, is itself silly, yet people still use the term “ego death” which stirs fear and anxiety in anyone who is going through awakening.  This part, is, in fact, a saving grace, a blessing, since it allows the self to not identify so powerfully with so many things that can serve to hang it up.  Ego itself does not die, it is more…..mobile. Instead of ego being the latch on your toolbox of gifts, it becomes one tool IN the toolbox. The result? You become more of the master and less the slave.  But here is the thing….the deeper issues, the ones that are most ingrained….they tend to appeal most directly to ones identity and sense of self, and as a result can be the last things to go in this cleansing that is awakening.  The Dark Night itself comes of its own accord when one is ready.  There is no formula to this, or for this.

For me, the hardest was saved for last.  And that is where I am. It seems that this is being taken apart bit by bit.  The advantage to getting down into the dirt, into this root junk, is that with each release, no matter how small, it changes the balance of power, or energy, in the body.  What affected me before no longer does.  And all along, I was very good at being able to manifest what I needed.  I had been using this method I developed that worked for me.  I simply asked for the big things, the important things.  They all came to pass in time.  What I could not change was the karmic field that existed within each of the manifested events that brought me what I needed, all in divine timing.  But it is now a matter of no longer wanting to manifest the abundance I need in my life in order to do what I am here to do.  It is now a refining process that now frees me from the entangling alliances that were part of the past but that my soul now feels is no longer necessary for what lies ahead in the future of time.

I ask myself what these connections were for….I ask them what they think now after all this time.  What was at the very base of all of this?  What holds us back?  What has limited us?  What has kept us from something that was less than an easy form of love in ourselves? And not all of them are able to know the answer.  It is, in a very real way, an answer that they must find for themselves.  Understanding one’s mirrors are an important step in doing the inner work necessary to stop attracting the same thing as in the past.

These were all people who obviously felt as though something had been left unfinished.  An expectation was not met the way the individual felt like it needed to be.  This is where what Buddha had to say about the suffering of the world comes into play.  Remember what he said?  When we build expectations that are not based on what Is and are instead something from our own inner dialog, our own karmic leanings.  Having begun to dig deeper into the root, I have found that as I do, I am less reactive and am simply wanting to know what is it that remains? How do I honor and heal what remains in me and does understanding what lies in the other serve as a reflection for me?  It does.  But it requires a willingness or ability to see things impartially.  As you might guess, karma is not about being impartial.  It is about feeling something that is less than our divinely inspired selves.

So what was shame and guilt has resolved into an awareness that I am here to resolve some old accounts, to clean it up, to open the way for a new Way to be to flow through me.  Like a creek that has been dammed up, the walls are falling away, and while most of them feel as though they are down, there is this part at its base that is now being excavated.  This, the root, is the darkest, the most difficult, I suspect because it goes to the very source-point of our survival, our nurture and our ability to create at the most fundamental levels.  ANY kind of creation….from procreation through the body to art or the use of our creative energy for a whole host of things. What I know from my talks with this light inside of me is that when I remove the troublesome junk in the root, I wont have any concern as my ability to co-create will not be muddled by action (karma) from a past life, or from some earlier part of my life here.  How do we build the temple when the stones were lain from poor stock to begin with?

So this is the journeywork.  This was what the Dark Night did; it scattered the stones of my being.  Some remained….it seems that if we are not ready to allow ourselves to be scattered and remade, we wont.  Not even kundalini will be able to take care of it.  Perhaps with enough time….perhaps then.  But for me, I sense that time is of the essence.  Time for all of us here….time for me….time for my children, time for those I love.  Time to enjoy the fruit of my labor, to settle into this way of being for the next time I am scheduled to re-emerge.

So what is holding you back?  you might feel as though you wrestle with yourself sometimes, resulting in knee jerk reactions.  If so, I can tell you categorically, that is the karma speaking.  And as long as that is the case, you will respond the same over and over and over.  Yes, you might be able to put a good face on it, yes, you might learn to CONTROL it.  Yes to all of that.  But we have spent lifetimes doing this.  It is as though we have worn these masks which have hidden all of our own fears about who and what we are…..and those things were themselves the lies we tell ourselves….why?  Fear.  We are afraid we are terrible somewhere deep down…..so we ignore that dark spot and go on about life.  Sometimes for lifetimes.  Eventually, the karma comes calling and the soul no longer wishes to deal with it like this anymore.  We grow up.  Slowly, perhaps, over many lifetimes, this maturation takes place.  And perhaps there is something in us that needs to know this shadow part of ourselves.  Maybe.  But then, in doing so, embody it, which effectively removes it as something you are pitted against, or fighting with, or having a knee jerk reaction to.  Whatever it is for you.  For me….there were strains of victimhood in there.  I was not ready to take responsibility for the fact that my own light body, how it is composed, is what is creating ALL of this.  There is nothing that does not happen that I myself do not attract.  And what happens when that image is one I don’t like?  Well, its in me to heal!  ME. Until I do, I am mastered by whatever it is I see in the world around me. Sometimes, it is with disastrous results.  And the deeper we go into the chakra system, the harder it seems to be.  Digging in this deep pit is now the work that I feel so ready to do.  My focus on this center is constant.  Every moment of the day I breath into it, I place my awareness, the light that is in me that is also the universe.  What a way to shine the light on things!  But it WORKS.  In fact, the easier I allow it to be, the easier it is. As I have said in past posts, sometimes a glance is all it takes.  After turning this old soil with my awareness, it eventually soften enough to fall away.  There is little else as important as this.

The result?  In important areas of my life, I am finding myself becoming less stuck.  Things that I knew I needed to do but had been stuck by the economy or by a hundred different reasons, has now suddenly freed itself up.  The way forward has clarified.  As soon as I was able to see it, those in my life responded with excitement because this shift would offer them opportunities that we have not yet had together. These were opportunities their own souls have been waiting for.  It is an important step, one that charges my creative energy with the push to get this next step done in divine timing.  Divine timing?  Yes.  this is when the impossible becomes possible.  This is when all you have to do is put the intention there and the world conspires to assist.  Some of it is not because of anything that you yourself have done.  This is the foundation for the synchronicity….those inexplicable events that happen with uncanny timing.  So why something is in your life is the result of something within you…..for good or ill.  When you can come to terms with any given block, you can free yourself to be able to choose how you react and respond.  You free yourself from a kind of slavery.  The idea that we have been the ones to have enslaved ourselves seem repugnant to us…..and is the very reason why it continues. When we take responsibility for our stuff, for our lives and choices, we are that much closer to owning all of it instead of being the ones who are owned.

The reason, I know, that this work is important is that as each of us are able to break these chains within us, it makes it easier for others to do so also.  If you haven’t noticed, the world is rapidly moving towards an effort to use technology to control in a whole new way.  It is time to so fill this world with the hunger for true freedom that the idea that we would seek to control the world just because of greed or fear or anything less than our highest will seem….so unnecessary.  Why would we want to do that?  To change the world, we have to change ourselves. From one backyard to another.

So in awakening, in the beginning, there is so much in you that is magnetizing so much….from feelings to events.  You are in a pit and you don’t even know it.  But what you DO know is that you want things to change.  Sometimes it feels like a gift, sometimes a curse.  But that is as it should be; to be able to see both sides is so important….and once we do….integrate it all into our being so that it can be free to transform.  The path to change is in forgiving ourselves.  This, it turns out, is the hardest thing for us to do….but it leads to the greatest love there is.

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