Archives for posts with tag: illusion

What if…
it all lies beyond your fear
that coiled serpent
of a moment
that goes up in a puff of smoke
turning illusions into real
and returning you to heaven.
What if
the lies you told
were to leap to life
haunting you on your darker nights
pursuing you until you faced them
whilst they turned to doves
full of a forgiving song
as Grace filled you in redemptive wonder
as your heart is given over to truth
not as a thing you would ever dare utter
but to live?
Would it be enough to spend
centuries of earth time in silence?
What if the old stories were mistook
as you were led on journies of folly
for lifetimes even

And what if those stories
were the ones that you wrote 

on the bright sky of memory?
What would you do then?
Would you go looking
to a fabled promised land?
Or would you find it right where you rest?
What would your heart say?
What if all you ever needed
was held in one sweet breath of a moment
such that nothing else ever felt the same
or could be?
Would this
and more
be enough to undo you
as the tightly bound laces of your
were loosed in one wild flurry of  forgetting
as all laws and convention
save one 
were cast aside?
What would you do
and who really would you be?


This post began as a small rant on Facebook and then grew far too big to even consider keeping there.  Instead, I have placed it here for those who find these kinds of ramblings to be of interest.  -P.

Years ago I realized the problem I had with religion….ANY religion was the belief part.  It wasn’t really some personal problem or an ego thing or….it was a lot simpler.  I grew up willing to ask myself is belief even necessary? I mean, what if you just started from the premise that instead of believing, you simply inquired about the things that most folks have a a belief about?  I realized that in doing so, I could solve any nagging issues about whether something was real or not.  And mind you, some things simply do not lend themselves to this form of authentication or checking out.

But a lot of things do.  And most people do not know how to go about authenticating their experience.  When it comes to that, humans are mostly all thumbs.  Or rather, they have been trained to be like that.  And why?  Because one serious problem or drawback when swimming in the waters of belief, I have found, has been the hand-in-glove tendency for beliefs to require you to cleave to an authority figure of SOME kind.  Whether priest, priestess, mullah, or pastor, these two things tend to go hand in hand. And that is really a problem.  Why?  Because when it comes to authority, and spiritual things, being able to listen to the authority within is really important.  And a LOT of religions tend to weed that one out.  A LOT.  Oh yes, people will say that they do listen within, but its all within

So what is forgotten in all of this is what I have come to observe is that the gateway of all experience, all of it, is within each of us.  It then makes sense that this gateway must be clear…..but all-thumbs human does not know what this means or entails.  Like a glass darkly, we distort so much within ourselves because its just now….prepared well.  And look at our brothers and sisters walking the earth. God bless them, but we are all a mess inside.  A mess.  So much so that the only way through a life inwardly is by following what we “believe” is an accurate and unimpeachable authority to follow hoping it will not lead us into a ditch.

But even the grasping for a teacher is itself a belief, if not deeper down and less noticeable.  We all have our flavors.  And yes, this will upset people, but when you bite into the deeper unpresupposed, naked, and radiant truth that stands before us. The teachers who got it will be known for how deeply they partook of it and were able to convey some important aspects of it back to us, the great unwashed, the unseeing, the ignorant, the untouched by the great and brilliant white light of this space where some of us have been known to reach.  Our belief also turn our most important teachers into gods or very nearly so.  They did it with Jesus.  It is now without a question that he was God.  Mary was argued over in the early church and those who said she was a woman who gave birth to a man (yes, this happened) were pushed out into the wilderness (literally) and the flaming tires of the term “heretic” were tossed around their necks.  This left these people at odd-ends to say the least….so powerful was this desire and drive and belief.  The belief.  The belief.  Oh the belief!

But what we do not talk about much is that our books on this man are all cherry picked for us by people who lived thousands of years ago.  We say the teachings are perennial and thus do not change….and this is funny to me because I know that as humans, we have a lot yet to get right.  We are ourselves unfinished and thus our own wisdom and passion and intellect and how we use our minds and our souls to grasp reality and the divine cosmos are all in the process of becoming.  We made a lot of assumptions two thousands years ago about what we thought was right and not right about what that man taught.  And you know what? Buried in these heretical books I have found, for my own use, incredible gems of what I call the “Apex” teachings of Jesus.  They were dumped I suspect because the people could not understand them.  And so we got the KJV (King James Version) with all of its subsequent sub-versions that further push the interpretation further and further afield.

So this begs the question…..if the path is through yourself, then why not polish those parts and find the place within where the teachings can become manifest.  Or known.  Or felt. Or experienced.  Directly.  Why not?  Just because you don’t believe it is possible is by no means any kind of test for the validity of my statement.  It is itself what the rest of what religion has become, which has been a hijacking of our ability to think not just in a reasoning way, but in a deeper more spiritual way….which is much more free than the rather cramped quarters my brothers and sisters in various and sundry religions have.  I will say that my freedom has allowed me direct access to some things that I read about from yogis and saints.  Its true.  And isn’t this what we all seek?  Or am I wrong? Why do we seek it, then, through belief? What I have access to is not through a form of belief, but through direct experience.

To get there means you have to take incredible leaps.  They are not leaps of belief, though.  They are leaps that have to do with knowing how to use your insides.  It means undoing limiting beliefs.  Perhaps there IS a belief that does need to be held to until the rewiring is complete, and that is that within each of us is the means to know the divine reality directly.  Its interesting that its the Native American holy men and women who were on to what this was all about.  They would pray that they would become like a “hollow bone.”  This meant, obviously, that they ceased reflecting on what they thought they were experiencing and just let it flow through them.  They did not distort or interpret the information.  This, though, is incomprehensible as an experience for anyone who has significant distortive material in the way.  The leap, then, is a very real one. It is one more of faith, than of belief. The difference?  Belief will land you where you expect based on what the belief tells you or requires of you, but faith will land you in a place completely unexpected, unmade in your mind, and thus also quite possibly free from as many of the tethers of belief than would have happened otherwise.  If you are lucky. And this, I say, is not based on something I believe as much as what I have to this point experienced.  Now my interpretation could be faulty, yes, because even I do not escape all belief.  Belief is itself so incredibly pernicious a thing that it lies like dark fry (small fish) in the rivers and creeks of our subconscious.  The deeper you go, the more you find.  The fish sometimes make us think that our purpose is to fish those streams when in fact our purpose is in knowing that we are to join the river with the ocean that is in our being.  And what is there?  Our teachers have recalled these places for us and some of us have reported back about it.  One thing is for sure; belief is not required.

So through all of this even from a young age, I felt like there was a way through the dogma and from leaving my brain in the parking lot.  It has led to opening the heart wider and using the mind differently.  It has sparked immense creativity.  It has also led to deep swings from bliss to depression. Its been difficult, not easy, and also easy as pie when I can get “it” right.  I am plumbing my own depths as much as I am learning to let go of the things that limit me.  Like belief.  And to be fair, there are more beliefs to let go.  But once you let go of the big ones, the smaller ones, the day-to-day ones are what are left, or were for me.  This is where some of the most practical inner work has been done and it is also the hardest since it lies closest to the ego and our sense of self. Or my self.

And this self does not cotton to the thought of being obliterated…..even as it has offered itself up for obliteration on a daily basis and have only found that the grain gets ground ever finer….

Some believe the way to God is by destroying the ego.  Some believe that we are fallen and have no chance of ever getting up on our own. There are beliefs that we are not good enough individually, and also that there is some enemy out there.  I have sen these beliefs tear apart families.  I have seen people brainwashed by belief, and some of them have been in my own close family.  And the effect has been incredibly destructive.  And painful. And, like Buddha, I suppose, I ask myself about the way out of this suffering Way.  And for me?  The way is partly through the abandonment of belief in favor of going to find that thing that I feel tempted to believe. Doing this requires humility, a kind of emotional plasticity, and a willingness to be completely, absolutely WRONG…..and then being willing to set about changing it, or at least being on duty while the change is being made (largely by the higher self).  All of this is much too detailed a thing for me to hit on specifically and not turn this into a small book, so I keep to the edges and to the docks and away from the sailing spaces and oceans so deep and ineffable.  🙂

So this has meant that instead of believing in God, I have been impelled to just go find this thing. How do you do that? This gives rise to questions, naturally, very big ones, but we save the questions for later and address them one by one carefully.  Yes, there is a way to know about God and death and all the questions that dog us and keep us up at night or terrify us as we grow up enough to know, holy shit, we are each going to DIE!   In my mind as a youngster I asked the question.  How would one go about finding out what lies beyond that transition?  I mean, without any meaningful information, we are all just guessing, right?  It is this kind of inquiry that has led me to some interesting places.  When I was 9 years old I figured that the best way to deal with the fear that grips each of us here about our demise here physically, is to learn about what might lie on the other side of that place, if there is anything.  The advantage seemed to be a win-win.  If there was nothing, then at least we would know and we would also know that this is all there is.  Or, we would find something more and we would know more about the conditions of that other place.

What I found was that bit by bit, I got my questions answered.  In a myriad of ways.  There is enough there to fill a book, so I will save you, but I will say that as you seek, you will tend to find.  That old maxim holds true.
What’s interesting is that within some dogma, there is a limiting belief that essentially says that one should not go messing with the powers that involve finding this out.  It is, itself, a kind of straw man argument, which essentially creates a false premise from the beginning just to knock it down, as though it was real in the first place.  But it, like so much, is a belief.  And belief has the power to toss all kinds of adrenaline into your body in order to create the illusion of fear and dread, which tells you that this is a path you ought not go. But its belief that does it.  Most people just never bother to unravel the packaging as deeply as this to find out that this is the substance of these things.  Ego and belief dive all the way down into the marrow of our most primal of places, places many do not ever bother to even plumb, yet exist and all of this stuff goes deep, one as deep as the other, and is part of the tyranny of belief that says be will be cast into everlasting hell-fire or that we need to destroy ego in order to know God.  Both, just as ridiculous and impossible as the other.

I found many years after this journey that there was another person who had advocated what I was advocating decades before I even knew who he was, or that he held just such a position.  It was U.G. Krishnamurti who spoke and taught a version of this idea that he called “The Pathless Path.”  When I first read about it, it felt cold and sterile until I caught on to what he was trying to say.  And of course U.G. liked to shock people.  He was also a curmudgeon.  But behind all of this was something very similar. Look within, inquire, and learn about the contents of who you are and dare to go deep.  Most people are frightened to death to go deep for fear of what they will find.  Doing this deep delving is the same as the shamanic shadow work and also the same thing that Carl Jung advocated, which was turning the unknown into knowledge, into awareness.  Shadow work is a healing experience that relieves us all of the neurosis that besets us and our loved ones who seek to find purchase on the soil of our common shores together. When we do this, we make the dark into light, and the dream into wakefulness.  We also move the subconscious into conscious awareness.  We raise the submerged lands within the self out into full awareness.  And what happens is that the self operates different.  The “machinery” actually changes.  What I have seen is that the light body can become like an incredibly brilliant transfer point for vast amounts of information.  All of this is possible without drugs or even any exotic practices or methods.  The path, which is for another post, is about how the chemistry in the body can actually potentiate awareness and energy so that what was once a weak signal can be boosted.  It is the same thing that we do with probes in deep space.  The process of doing this in the biological framework is one of self discovery.  it does not require belief.  But until you have reached deeply enough into it, it is best not to say what you think all of this is because until you do enough shadow work, you will be heavily laden with belief and this….dear friends….is the great distorter of reality.

This is the way I have gone in my life.  I have sought to erase fear of death by learning what is on the “other side,” and I have sought to know this thing so many want to call “God” and I can tell you that its unimaginably big, so big that we have sought to create demi-gods instead of actually comprehend the full breadth of this being, if you want to call it that.  It is much more accurate to call this being an idea more than a being.  It is an idea that seems to have sprung self-made into being….and it has spawned endless creative enterprises.  Just endless and incredibly various.

The world I have discovered in this place of non-belief has been quite incredible.  It has shown me just how incredible we are, and that there is so much more than most people realize.  It has not led me to some vacuous place, but to realizations that I may not have ever reached otherwise. And the difference?  I am closer than I have ever been to the stuff of the universe.  I am closer to my own inner depths.  I am also able to look more clearly at my own junk and work with it.  Do I have illusions?  I do.  This is a peeling away of the material, this is true.  It does not leave me empty and naked.  it just leaves me unafraid of being empty and naked.  The nakedness is about my own shame and empty is itself a state that sometimes is useful for understanding so many things. To know the new, to really know the newness of some state or experience or idea, you have to really let yourself be empty in order to not presuppose anything, to prejudice the material with your own suppositions about what you think you are experiencing.

This began as a post on Facebook, and it grew to be much too big.  I also have friends who are themselves quite dipped in the river of belief, too much so to make a post of this order possible in such a forum.  So I put it here instead.  Besides, Facebook is the realm of the sound-bite.  Even here, on WordPress, posts are most often under a thousand characters.  I find that by exceeding this amount, I get the seekers who are most serious about what it is they are doing.  And it is this that I like….a perennial engagement amongst common minds and souls who are seeking something of themselves in what they find seemingly “out there” only to find  whisp of the infinite staring back at them in the mirror and winking……a knowing that we could all take off our masks and we’d all be more interconnected than we had previously thought….born of something the same yet also individual and one.  What a crazy way to start things off, right?

Like bubbles rising

from the depths

we come to know ourselves

as through layers of murk


into light.

The greatest love

is the love you will find within.

Seeking outward you will never find it

only inspiring moments


in the traces of other lives who have found,


and lived their own truth.

This is your journey work

your discovery to know

and the prize

which is priceless

beyond all measure

will take you

into the light

of who you are

and illuminate what you can become.

The love that does this

is the greatest kind.

Go to the root. Go to the foundation. Reach down to the place before all voices begin, before blood is born, before bone is formed. Look to the first causes, trace the line of phenomenon deeper and deeper and FEEL until you reach the place of First Cause. First Cause may be the birth of a cell, a world, of you, of a thought or feeling or belief or event. All things created have a first cause and all echo in their spirit their essence the same Is-ness that echoes through all of creation….be it rock or badger banana or jellyfish or celestial space dust spinning outward/inward. Find the first cause in all things……each moment born from a previous moment, shaped and formed by the bodies and people and animals and breezes and limitless phenomenon bearing upon it. A wonder-world seeking to be fulfilled. Naturally. Powerfully.

So in seeking, seek the essential. Seek the foundation. For here is what IS, not what you reflect as being. Seek to know the truth, not to bend the truth to your ends. Do not do not do not the angels cry and sing and murmur as they lay by your bedsides at night and as you feel the rush of wind and water in your lives as time seems to speed past you, as the architecture of your life seems to be used up more and more each day even as voices laugh in the silence of your forgetting, remembered in dreams that all of that is illusory. “Seek the foundation.”

Know what IS. Lose all investment in what you believe is right or wrong. So many people have destroyed others over what they thought was right or wrong. I have been destroyed by people who thought they were speaking truth when they were steeped in illusion. I have born their madness as a great lesson to myself to always seek to get it right because we are all effected by our illusions that skew our seeing and perception. Seek to know the truth. Seek to know the foundation, the essence. If you do this, you will know the all of a thing. You wont have to guess. And in being with it as it is, your natural acceptance will bring a joy and satisfaction so simple and so wonderful. Uncomplicated, it will keep your life simple and grand all at once. Such is the joy-filled life.

And once you reach that place….resist judging it. Be it a person or event or mountain or……

You never were young or old in your soul.  There are no young souls nor old souls.  The idea that time exists is like a snake curled up within itself, a line or progression that is itself an illusion.  It is not an illusion that we are born live and grow old and die.  But this life we live exists like an echo that does not fade from the fabric of all that is.  One part reads the story and another lives it.  One part moves on and one abides forever.  This is the great secret upon my lips tonight……So you already are old and young and all places in between.  Let it be that you are all of this….for in so being, you will better touch it and know the boundlessness that you are.  We all have known slave and king, bound and free, owner and owned, lover and hater, blind and illuminated.  We have been and shall be what our souls call us to be.  It calls us to become and to know and to become again and again until like worn out books, we are made over. Open your mind and heart and you can actually feel it.  The lie is what blinds each of us to what we are.  You are more than this….

You are not an old soul, nor are you a young soul. You are this soul.  Glory in that whatever it might mean for you for surely there is a purpose in all of that….

WTI Quote

Deeper and deeper it goes

a splinter welling up from deep within

a threat to unsettle everything you have spent working for

a connundrum

a voice in the night tells you

“take it off!”


you settle back into your slumber

but unable to forget what you tell yourself was madness

or dream.


So it goes.


A deep upwelling

how long will it take?

What forms will it manifest?

It is only a matter of time

for when we carry such a backlog of masks

lies we tell ourselves to keep ourselves living fat and happy

there comes that moment

of utmost courage

to step out of the realm of normal madness

and into the divine.


Gibran spoke of it.

He took them all off

and now a voice wells up within

telling you to do it too.

It is the authentic

which is enough to scare the pants off you.

But take it off.

Take them all off.

Do not fear standing naked

for you will wear nothing

but bear all within you

the truth that is what you are

like one single brilliant light

shining through the muck of all that has been built

an act such as this is enough

to tear it all down.


This temple may fall

but will be rebuilt in moments

with such a power as this by your side.

So take off the masks

all of your precious beliefs

about what you are

to know what Is.



There is a notion that exists within the realm of the nondualists whereby the Void, that state of pure potential, is seen as the original condition and that everything else that we experience is somehow inferior or less than this original state.  There are a lot of high-minded teachers who have espoused this, so in speaking into it means I am coming up against a lot of people whose own experience stands in a more monolithic way for some people.  The curious thing, though, is that at the end of the day, even when we come back to the poor pitiful state of our daily illusion, of the dream of the false self as the earthly self is called by these folks, we remain here with this self.  No one seems to even question WHY this false self even exists.  Some say it is through karma that this self exists and that through this reasoning, is the reason for this kind of cosmic error in our being. To me, this is nothing different from what has taken place within Christianity as the Fall whereby through sex we must emerge here, an experience which they have considered sinful and whereby a god-man came to free us from. It is present in Hinduism and other traditions, no matter how high-minded or “spiritual.”  This sense of self loathing exists in various forms and it all comes down to much the same thing.  WE have this sense that this place, this body, this self, is somehow less than that “other” state which is pure and untouched by the vagaries of psyche, emotion, and desire.  Afterall, aren’t these all the things that have gotten us into so much trouble?

But what, I must ask, might happen, if we were to learn that the self, which some call false, was actually intended for a new way of learning about the dream, this illusion so many speak of?

The thing is, there is an application of this bias about the self vs the soul-self that seeks to suggest that those who do not agree with this notion that these folks have about the pure state or primordial state that anyone who diverges from their argument or ideas are themselves somehow not fully enlightened or awakened.  And you know, it isn’t that I dislike someone saying I am this or that, but rather it is more a simple matter of perception, perspective, and awareness.  I don’t even think that they are even all that wrong with their notion.  There is a lot about it that is entirely on the mark, except when it comes to the self. It smacks of a deep unidentified loathing for this existence that even they would deny, I think,  feeling.

The one thing that I have been afforded in this experience is being able to ride the coat-tails of the energy present in awakening whereby I have seen so many things.  I am an adventurer and I like to go waaaay out.  Down into the subatomic structure of the universe.  Down into the coding of the atom and how everything is itself holographically formulated in order to wed everything to everything else at a deep fundamental level.  Sitting deep in thought I am drawn into a revelation of how consciousness expands “outward” into larger and larger aggregations of conscious energy which goes to form our experience, then our world, and then still other realities of which we but simply are aware.  It is akin to a series of wheels within wheels (thank you Ezekiel) whereby one wheel rises to meet another which turns at a larger arc in the heavens and whose own heaven is turned by still greater and greater wheels.  At each seeming level, different phenomenon occur as a result of creative energy.  The one common thread is awareness.  In bearing more awareness, we naturally bear more energy.  As we learn to handle this energy, we also learn to handle still “larger” forms of consciousness.

I know that the makers of this world were themselves dreamers.  For them, their art was in simply dreaming such incredible dreams that we here experience their productions as a stable template upon which we exist and agree upon. We all see the same tree grow and die.  We each see the same sky, the same clouds.  And yet, the flexibility built into this realm is the ability to transform it, or seemingly transform it, by simply being….different.  And it is here that we get into something that leave those who feel that the body is so limited in the dust.

Instead of loath the body as imperfect, I see it as misunderstood.  Entirely.  Within us lies the promise of paradise, the kingdom, nirvana, here and now.  Encoded within us is the possibility for the seeming impossible to emerge.  We don’t understand how this could be because it stands, or seems to stand, so far out of people’s own limited sense about this world.  One side of our awareness is mirrored through the left brain which is a linear processor while the right brain is a parallel processor and which is VERY different from its left sides compliment.  These two brains also mirror the current of the yin and yang that moves through us and helps to enunciate their underlying truth, which itself is a still deeper truth about the form our own consciousness takes, which is this seeming dual form of awareness.  Whenever I have sought to bring both sides of my brain function into a closer unity always the result is the same; an explosion of inspiration.  This inspiration leads to all manner of new ideas, new creations, new ways of seeing, feeling, and knowing.  It is in this place where I have been taken into places that have revealed the inner workings of a vast array of things that are commonly referred to by the yogis as “secret knowledge.”  The only thing that served to limit my perception of this information and experience was how I was allowing my own awareness, as defined partly at least by my own brain function, to be.  We call this by many names, from awakening to kundalini.  When I awoke, I awoke to find that the world was a different kind of place, and that it seemed as though the world awoke when I awoke. Not coincidentally, this was a notion expressed by Buddha, I would discover just a few years ago as I began to investigate whether what Buddha experienced was the same as I had.  While where we go in awakening may differ, and while our own journeys are themselves individual, there are many common markers, which, if you know about them, you can begin to identify.

So this is just the tip of the iceberg.  A lot has not been covered, but I will leave you with this parting thought; what if, instead of the false self, we simply say that this is our earthly vehicle whose potential we are now only beginning to glimpse.  And for the world being illusion, what if we were to instead call it a creation.  By calling it this, by thinking of it in this way, we are then suddenly free to create anew, or to recreate how we see and respond to it.  An illusion itself suggests something that is false, but what if this illusion actually speaks or mirror a deeper reality about who and what we are?  And instead of the great Void as being JUST the pure original state, it is just as many have experienced including myself; a vast endless “realm” of energy existing in potential.  Now, potential is itself great to feel.  It is.  It is pure bliss.  And yet, the Creator itself is….well…CREATIVE.  Isn’t it in our nature, all of our natures, to create?   And is it not through what we create, that we have the opportunity to learn from?  For good or ill?  And isn’t this all a function of freewill, which was granted us as a central form of our being and which while it has been blamed for so many ills could also just as easily be blamed for all of our miracles and great discoveries about how to build a better world? I mean, really, isn’t this a dual world after all?  So instead of saying it is this or that, what if we sought to merge the two into a new synthesis of being and get off our high horses and learn the great secret of our being, which is to unlock the potential within us in order to realize that here we can have a paradise…..that we can wed the pure potential to the world of how that potential is realised, utilized, which is the same as it has always been; to create.  Sitting in a pure state yields only that, but it is like a boat in a harbor; it was not made for that.  Out of the potential, we draw and we project and thus create.  We want to say that creation is folly…based in desire….and yet if the teachings are to be believed, the highest form of consciousness we know, created all of this because such an act was so fundamental to consciousness.

It is known that nothing that we experience here in this less than perfect body is not registered unless the brain is able to process the information at least at some level or another.  So that sense of the Void, it is compliments of your brain.  See into the infinite? That is your brain again.  In fact, while some suggest that the brain is unable to conceive of the infinite, we are learning that there are parts of the brain that actually serve as filters and that the very process of awakening seems to serve to remove those perceptual roadblocks.  In people who have had damage to their left hemispheres, often their experience blooms into what is described as something very similar to mystical experiences had by monks, yogis and more.  Dr. Jill Bolte Taylor is one such individual who was able to observe what happened when she experienced a stroke that happened in her left hemisphere.  Speaking at a Ted Talks Conference, she described what was for me, eerily similar to what I had been experiencing during my awakening process, and illuminated a sense that I had had for years that the answer to accelerated consciousness lies in our ability to shift our focus from a left-brained dominance as a species to one that was more balanced with the right brain being given a broader expression or awareness in our own mind.  I have posted this talk before in a previous blog entry and it is posted here for you to consider.

What happens when we cease seeing life as illusion and see it as a creation?  What happens when we cease seeing the self as false and see it more as designed to do things that we currently are unable to realize but can actually learn to conceptualize by using our brains (both of them) to experience what was previously thought impossible?  Is it just possible that the real problem in all of this is that we simply have not learned to balance these two sides and that maybe, just maybe, by learning a better balance, we might learn a new synthesis that is itself evolving in human beings even as I write this?

What are we creating?

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