Archives for posts with tag: healing blocks

Your energy body is a perfect reflection of the totality of the universal truths of existence. The seven major chakras represent seven major aspects that make up the seed of all creation. In you are seven major chakras which are like an octave, a totality. When you can clear these seven chakras of all of the shame and guilt and repressed emotions, you can begin to really know by direct experience what creation is because it has been seeded in you. This is the “divine spark” the Atman, the higher self. 

This “seed” has within it the power to know truth (crown chakra), see the truth(third eye chakra), speak the truth (throat chakra) love the truth (heart), be the truth (solar plexus), feel the truth (the sacral chakra) and create the truth (the root chakra). When these centers are clear, you no longer repress the truth but experience it cleanly. As long as you have repressed emotion in a part of the light body, so too will the truth be hidden from your direct experience. Clearing these centers is an act of clearing karma. You might think karma is tied to your actions, but I ask; what is the root of your actions? This is what clearing karma is, and it closely aligned to the concept of sin (which means anything that harms your soul). It clears away bad memories, bad knee-jerk behaviors that keep you in a cycle of pain and spreading that pain to others. It clears you so you know who you truly are beneath that mountain of dross. This is the true freedom, it is true peace. 

When you reach this place, you see clearly that anyone behaving in anything other than their highest is simply acting in accord with this mountain of things. And while we are human, and imperfect, we also can step into, and remain, in a fully integrated self that calls on all aspects of the self, including the super self. Yes, the world is imperfect, but to bring perfection it is incumbent on you to reach it first for yourself. This can only be done through a process of inner inquiry, observation, and radical self honesty. You have to want truth more than you want the mountain of things.

How you do this clearing work can be found on this blog by using the Search function with the keywords “clearing blocks.” There should be more than 30 posts that speak to the techniques that are most effective for doing this work. There are techniques for clearing this blocked or stored energy using TRE, movement, breathing, and eastern methods like Qi Gung, just to name a few.

One if the biggest blocks we have as a species is in our root chakras. Here, our ability to give and receive nurture exists. It is where our creative fire is initiated, whether for creating new life in the physical or for that next new idea or way to help create your day in a new way. Creativity is so much more than an artistic pursuit as it is a way of being and living.

We are all so tied up with root block, and it shows! It shows in how we have so little regard for creativity in our culture (save for technical pursuits). It also shows up glaringly in how we treat sex. It is pushed down, made dirty by taboo and “kinks” in our being. As a result, we never get to experience our creativity as the wildly powerful thing that it is. We regulate, control, and turn it down because we think it’s inappropriate to ooze with it, or let it fill our life with its vitality, wonder, bliss, and the awe it brings. It is our collective shame that most everyone here is faced with dissolving and letting go. It is our shame that literally attenuates or blocks our full experience with the divine within. The divine does not move with these kinds of shackles. 

Getting to the root is substantive work that when cleared makes the rest of the work easier, but it’s most often the last center to clear in people. Why? It is so foundational. It leads us to what we are: co-creators. Most don’t want that kind of responsibility, so we shirk it by saying our problems are because of our parents, our loved ones, our society and its institutions. But ask any co-creators and they will tell you, your misfortunes are all entirely self made. It’s because this is so hard to face that many don’t, preferring instead to blame an event in childhood as the cause. But it isnt the cause, it is a symptom.

I know this is hard to believe or trust us true, but if you apply this awareness to your life, you will progress much quicker and be much happier.

This is why it is only a symptom….

You chose your life and your parents. You chose them in order to set up events that would challenge you to both create and to heal. No true learning comes by way of a mental understanding of how bad something is that needs to be healed; you have to know this through every inch and atom of you. No exceptions. This is how the divine is; it is not a half measure of itself. It is a full measure. It only got to be that way by not falling for anything but the best of itself. It has made itself and it is unwavering in this. This is why when you try to heal and reach into the divine that you are that you can feel a lot of tension inside building up. You are dragging your mountain of things into it, and you can feel the chaos and tension and difficulty with just trying to remain in that superstate. Eventually, you are destined to “fall” from that grace over and over until you learn that you cannot enter your heaven with that baggage. When you awaken you can visit there for longer and longer periods, but your fall is all but promised when you still have work to do. Once you clear the baggage, you naturally and effortlessly are able to remain in this heavenly state with ease. And to be clear; this is a process, so most often, ease comes gradually, piece by piece as the blocks are removed. Its because they block you from something that you really are, deeper down. 

We get tricked into thinking that we are victims of our past or our upbringing as a way of not having to dispense with our brokenness. But the events in your early life are the result of a soul that exists prior to each lifetime. It is a glitch already in you that is creating how you are. No one makes you do or be anything. You choose just as you chose the conditions of your birth. You are here to clean it up. So instead of playing the victim, play the role of the responsible creator-in-training that you truly are. If you adopt this attitude, it will straighten all that is crooked in you. It will make you strong. It will make you more honest. Now be ready to work at it each and every day until it becomes a part of your thinking and feeling; this is true empowerment!

It is for some an inconvenient truth that there are two forces working to make prana and these two are described as yin and yang, the Shakti and Shiva. They are in Jungian psychology the anima and animus. In ancient Christianity they are the father and Holy Ghost (which was considered the feminine aspect before orthodoxy came and obfuscated it’s true meaning). What we are looking at are two forces in us that we experience as archetypes in our lives and our cultural and religious institutions, and eventually they merge into one in order to fuel both awakening and divine union. In awakening, we can experience them as the “lost” sides of ourselves, our twin (a karmic relationship in awakening) or as a side of God that allows us to experience ecstatic union with the divine. This is all there to help us learn not to feel shame about sexuality and spirituality existing together in an unbridled and free way. This happens when the self becomes less divided and more whole. 

Once free, dysfunction is healed. Sexual “kinks” go away, and a desire to use sex for control (men and women both do this in different ways) and what replaces it is nothing short of relief and freedom. Your creative energy expressed through all seven centers (the seed) is free to be.

To get there, though, requires diving deep into the matters of the root in order to acknowledge what’s bent, broken, and limiting you. You can’t feel the divine by doing this intellectually. You can’t do it by leaving any single part of you behind. You can’t know the divine until you ARE the divine, which has no compunction about sexuality or ecstacy as one channel of the seven major rivers of experience which leads us to that one great ocean. To be whole, the whole must ascend together bearing no more falsehoods about itself.

I realized that I was a tantric when I began recognizing that my sexuality had to come along and be okay with complete and total surrender and flow of all that I am. That means, no shame with sexuality. So I have worked on healing this shame and it has helped me to be more grounded, healthy, and happy. I am at ease with my riotous creativity. I also no longer hang out with people who don’t understand or value my creative fire and the vast abundance that lies bubbling up from deep within me. Whenever I have been able to dispense with people who are limited in their own hearts and minds, I tend to soar on skies that I know are my own. It isn’t that I study tantra or even practice sacred sexuality,  because the truth of tantra at its core is this idea I have been telling you about, which is being healed and more fully integrated so there are no divisions within who you are. You are free to feel all aspects of yourself as bliss and the love behind it that supports the universe.

 I promise that dissolving your deep-seated shame will also dissolve the appearance of divisions in the self.

This healing is a critical first step in the awakened experience. Nothing substantive can be done before you clear the dross within. Deprogram, cleanse, heal, and you will find the you you knew existed within you.

Yes, cleansing is a process. It might take years to go through all the levels, but by clearing them, it is rare to go back and reinstitute them. My experience is that some blocks go fast and easy but there are others that are deceptively hard. You can’t B.S. your way through this, you just have to be honest with yourself when you continue having a problem cropping up; you haven’t cleared it yet. Be patient, and be ready to continue doing the work. This is not a race. Give up your misgivings because you created them. 

The conditions of your life are only a symptom that comes from your own inner origin that you have come here to clean up. Once you do, the events and conditions that were in that old life will be gone forever. A more accurate set of conditions of events will prevail. If you espouse the value of “ascension” then this is the process that will get you there.

Until next time….

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Last month, I promised readers that I would share methods that I have found effective in releasing stored trauma. To do this will mean that I will have to break the larger method up into smaller bite-sized chunks since the overall system is enough to fill a book. For now, these are the basics of one important method for you to use in your own work at home.

First Things First

By now you probably know that you not only have a body, but you also have an energetic template that meshes perfectly with your body that allows your consciousness to focus itself in the physical body. 
The soul, which is beyond the time construct, lives in time as a focus courtesy of the projection it creates that allows it to mesh with the physical body. This projection is like a series of nonphysical bodies that allow for a broad range of experience and expression to occur. The light body is one important interface between the physical and nonphysical. It is itself not physical, but can manipulate and create with energy that also happens to stimulate and guide the endocrine system, which are the glands that help stimulate healing and emotional well being.  This energy changes form depending on how it’s needed. Most of the time we are all so enmeshed in what’s happening that this reality escapes us. In the body this energy is most often experienced as prana or chi (qi) and we are most aware of it during contemplation and healing work. This is but one state of the energy because energy can become anything when consciousness is in the process of creating with it. So that’s the baseline.

The big challenge for most who slumber, unawakened, and even those who are awake, is how this template,  that is a projection that focuses us in the body, can become cluttered with thought forms. These serve to disrupt a clearer flow of awareness from soul to body and from soul to all the different parts of the self (intellect, reason, id, ego, emotions, feelings/beliefs, etc.).
Clearing the blocks that exist serves to bring us closer to the light of our souls and the kingdom that is within each of us. When you can dissolve these blocks, which are made up of thoughts, beliefs, and feelings that serve to, in some way,  limit and divide you from yourself, the pathway or channel to the awakened state can more easily emerge. 

The act of awakening, itself, is a substantive union of opposites in consciousness, which IS this energetic flow. It is being triggered naturally in many people who often unwittingly remove enough divisive psychological material so that the energy appears to “rise.” There are numerous ways that this union of self begins, but it always revolves around an act or event that catalyzes a reduction in inner division of one kind or another.

What I have developed is a master method (made up of a series of methods used together) which is at its root similar to the same goals that yogic traditions such as pranayam and kundalini yoga have which is clearing the nonphysical pathways (called and nadi and also meridians in the Indian and Chinese systems, respectively) to make the presence of awakening easier or smoother. 

The first method that I will describe to you appears to be much more effective at cleansing the light body of blocks than the eastern methods have been, at least for the average person. Those currently using this method do not know that this can be an important first step to awakening (which is as it should be). This is one case where a contemporary method trumps a thousands’ year set of yogic methods or tradition. If you haven’t caught on to it yet, my hope in developing this system is to provide an effective and efficient means to clear stored material that is holding the majority of humanity in a certain level of consciousness. 
The idea that awakening is only for the special chosen few sounds preposterous and the height of arrogance to me. This is each of our birth right to know this level of awareness, and it’s emergence in this time is critical for our survival.. Further, the race needs this as a whole if we are to keep a balance with the pace that technology is taking in its development. We must, I feel, learn to extend our reach and improve our grasp as humans so that neither exceeds the capacity of the other (thank-you, Nicola Tesla).

Understand that when you are dealing with old systems from other cultures, you can wind up with inefficiencies as well as cultural biases and beliefs that can limit experience for all who follow them. To start with, many gurus in India operate under the belief that you cannot awaken without a guru or that anything you try without a guru will be wrong (I’m paraphrasing an Indian guru who writes on WordPress, so this is not an exaggeration). Obviously, we know that this is not correct because of the thousands of us who have awakened without yoga or a practice, let alone a guru. Having others more experienced around you is helpful, but it’s not a must. You simply have to be clear enough to hear your own soul communicating to you amidst the remaining static from the “baggage” remaining.

One class of blockage that occurs in the light body is stored trauma. This can be just about anything. Your birth may have been traumatic. Someone disciplining you for the first time as a child using a stern voice may have felt traumatic. Whenever we encounter something that causes us to resist feeling it, this becomes a stored experience. In fact, the experience doesn’t need to be that bad; if there is enough belief that it’s terrible or bad, the block is stored. This, by the way, is what many people wind up experiencing in awakenings where they might struggle for days, weeks, or even years (yes years!) with a stored block only to find that it was itself built entirely on a misperception or belief about how they viewed an event in the past. These are what I call, in my own work, “the mouse that roars.” That is, it was never so big than it was in our own belief or thoughts about it. 
The effect of releasing this stored material is that you can see the world as it really is to the degree that you release this overburden of material within.

Without it, life is being viewed in much the same way as my pinhole camera picture only reveals a limited and distorted view of what we each think we are and what our existence is. I have had a front row seat to see how this lack of awareness manifests in people through an inability to see how their actions bring drama and cause harm, or how their inability to be honest limits their lives and hurts those they claim to love. So blinded are these people they cannot see that they are hurting others…and they wonder why their lives are a mess. It winds up being the fault of others so long as these people remain in the trap of their own trauma, unable to look at themselves honestly and have that “come to Jesus” moment which is so important for undoing years of junk. What I’m proposing will help to release this burden immediately and can be put into use on a daily or weekly basis to eliminate the material that blinds and binds us.

The wonderful thing about this work is that you have a “get out of jail free” card that comes in the form of a series of somatic exercises that allows you to bypass the trauma and effectively toss it to the curb without so much as dirtying your hands. While there may be a few instances where encountering a block directly could prove effective in its release, the vast majority can simply be let go. Your conscious mind does not always need to know the contents of your subconscious in order to let things go; it only needs to be willing to participate in letting it all go so that it can set its sights on a future that is brighter and not bearing the limits that these blocks put on the self and it’s awareness of the soul.
That said; a background on the method….

Most mammals share a triadic coping mechanism for dealing with stress and trauma. Humans, however, do not share this mechanism in the same way as animals in the wild do. When animals experience severe trauma their nervous system instigates a coping mechanism that takes the form of nervous shaking immediately following a traumatic experience. Researchers have found that this helps release the emotional energy and keeps it from being stored. 

Normally the coping mechanisms humans have are fight, flee, or freeze when a traumatic experience comes our way. Most often we freeze. When we do this, we are actively storing the energy we are feeling, and this energy is not stored in the brain, it’s shoved aside, annexed, to reside in the body.

That last statement is something of a stumbling block for some people because as Westerners, we have been taught to believe that all past experience resides in the brain. But what the ancients have observed for thousands of years, modern psychological and neuroanatomy research is only just beginning to recognize. What we are slowly catching on to is that the body has a capacity for storing memory, and thus far, it appears to be emotionally-based memory.

My research has led me to find, based on the urgings of my higher self in meditation, the clues about how this is so. When I was writing a section in my manuscript about methods for assisting the clarifying effect that awakenings have in regards to these blocks, I had a series of synchronicity events where an important method fell into my lap three times over the span of two days. This unusual discovery led me on a hunt to find supporting evidence for why we store memory in this way, and how we can release it.

This hunt led me to two important clues to the body’s connection with memory, which is that the body has neurons located all through it (and you thought neurons were just in the brain!) as well as research that shows that memory is stored in organs such as the liver, kidney, and heart. 

The research that is being done in the arena of organs storing memory has to do with the curious capacity donor organs have to transfer memory and personality traits to those receiving the donated organ. Bear in mind that nearly all organ donation is done anonymously so as to protect the family members of the donor from unwanted intrusion from strangers receiving the organs.  

Notable cases involve a murder that was solved because the child who received the organ began having dreams that revealed the last things the donor saw before their death (which included the name and description of the murderer). One recipient was able to locate her donor’s obituary, and another had both her sexual orientation change to the choice of her donor as well as her food preferences (going from lesbian to straight, and vegetarian to meat-eating).The research in this area is fascinating, and I feel is helping to show how it is that emotional memory is being stored. 
This research has become a substantive body of work which I wrote about on this blog several years ago and will add the link to at the end of this article so you can see for yourself.

By finding the most effective way of mimicking what the animals do to release trauma, you can begin digging down into your own body to release this overburden that every human on the earth lives with but is largely unaware of.

The Method

Position yourself on a comfortable surface such as a yoga mat or firm flat futon, lying on your back. You can support the base of your spine by rolling up a towel or firm pillow to raise you bottom up into the air about four to eight inches if you want. Begin to relax by breathing slowly and deeply in through your nose and out through your mouth until you find yourself feeling like you have made the transition to a more relaxed state. This step is necessary for all that follows. 
Let yourself sink into a relaxed and quiet state where your busy mind slows down. Imagine floating down a lazy river with the warm sun beating down on your skin; you feel like you don’t have a worry in the world. Keep breathing nice and deep so you can relax deeply, too.

Now, with your feet flat on the floor, raise your buttocks upwards so that your feet and legs are supporting most of the weight of your body on them. Your feet might curve to rest more on the balls of your feet for support. You only need to lift your body up a few inches. Support yourself in this way until you begin to feel your legs shaking. This is essentially an effort to fatique muscles so you shake. This may take some time to achieve. Also, you can induce mild trembling to strong shaking, and this works just as well.
Most often, you will feel like you should reposition yourself in order to stop shaking, but with this method you need to stay with the shaking for enough time that it can do its work, which is to begin to release stored material.If you center weight on your legs, you can eleviate any stress to the lower back muscles in the event that you have a history with lower back problems.

Do this exercise for as long as you are comfortable, with repetitions of a few minutes each, with up to three to five minutes being optimal if you can do it for this length of time.  Fifteen minutes at a time is optimal. Once the shaking begins, it is enough to stir you and begin to release material. 

You want to avoid physical strain and remain in the “sweet spot” of shaking for at least several minutes at a time or as long as you are physically comfortable doing so. Mammals in the wild shake an average of fifteen minutes.Just follow your own comfort level. The shaking is the thing.

As you do this, increasingly find your breathing going into your lower diaphragm and begin to open the lower solar plexus up by breathing this way. As you are shaking, you might feel emotions rising to the surface. When you breathe, give those emotions a voice in simple ways. It could be gutteral, it could be something different, but let whatever emotion rises be given a voice. Instead of going deep into the emotion, you are helping to release it, to let it express and then go. Don’t let yourself feel self-conscious if you can help it; this is a path to positive self care, so let yourself explore this area. Don’t censor yourself; this is all about acknowledging the feeling in order to let it go. This is different from marinating in the feeling. 
To get deep into how trauma is stored, it’s useful to understand some of the muscles involved and their proximity to the more emotionally charged energy centers of solar plexus, sacral, and root chakras.

The set of muscles you are using that causes most of she shaking are the legs and an area of the pelvis that is situated in your hips The interesting thing here is that it is this region of the body where a lot of our earliest trauma can be stored from childhood.this is where the solar plexus ends, the sacral begins, and the root is close by. This exercise helps to clear this region most effectively and is being used to treat PTSD.

Another posture is possible if lying on your back doesn’t work for you. This position is done while standing. 

Position yourself so that your back is against a wall, and then slide down from a standing position to one that is just above the position that you have when sitting in a chair. This posture is meant to fatigue your legs and hips so that you begin to shake or tremble. When you do both of these methods correctly, you will feel like you are getting a real work out both physically and emotionally! 

One big plus for doing release work of this kind is that your physiological reactions to stress and anxiety can change significantly for the better by removing the root cause of the stress, anxiety, or depression to begin with. If you have been on antianxiety medication, this could be a great way to finally reduce the load of stress or anxiety so that the medication might not be needed (since it is possible to release the store trauma that may have been causing the condition to begin with).

Sometimes it can be helpful to have someone with you whom you trust who can sit with your head in their lap as they cradle your head and help to let you know that everything is going to be okay. You have been suppressing these emotions and it’s not unusual to feel vulnerable when they bubble up. Very often, you won’t know what these emotions are tied to, but letting them bubble up releases them for all time.

Another benefit to this method is that once you release something, you will feel a measure of relief and clarity. If it’s a block that is central to many of your problems that you have in life, the bad feelings surrounding this will go away and you will feel like a new person where this old issue is concerned. I describe this experience as erasing an old program in my subconscious that has been running on its own on auto pilot for years, giving me all kinds of grief. Once it’s gone, the fear or anger or stuck feeling is gone as well. Just like that.

This method is the least invasive of any method I can think of for releasing stored emotional material. It is important to not resist whatever comes up. It was resistance that stored the material in the first place, and no matter how bad you think a feeling might be, your acceptance will always be the key that allows you to cope with just about anything. Once you do, it will be gone, and it will only be a dim memory within a matter of days. You will have shifted your own probable time line. Sounds like a big deal, but we do this with every decision that we make.

It is worth mentioning that other methods that achieve the same result often work with moving the body. In the practice of pranayam, pumping the stomach is a method that gets close to the shaking in the body that this method achieves. Chi Gong is a body movement method that works with the human energy field by using energy and body movement together to stir and release blocks. But for sheer speed and efficiency, the leg shaking method can’t be beat.

If you find that you can’t do the leg shaking method I have just described, I will be including more of the methods that go to make up  the “master method” which are a constellation of exercises and therapies designed to clear blocked material fast.

One very simple way to feel whether you are healed in a given issue or area is to simply gauge how you  feel about something. Are you resisting it?  When you feel yourself needing to pull away from something to keep from feeling it, there is something not yet healed. The Zen concept of “Zero” which is often called today as the “Zero Point” is what happens when pent up material is released. Healing happens when you reach neutrality, which is a deep state of balance which is achieved block by released block.  
Now I have an admission to make: I was not altogether truthful about the number of coping mechanisms that we have available to us. I recalled that they were fight, flight, and freeze. To be truthful, there is another “f” word and it’s central to never building trauma to begin with. I promise that I’ll cover this important coping state in my very next post. 

So begin trying this method and let me know what your experience is with it. If you have questions, don’t hesitate to ask. Until next time,  light-bearers…
Link:
http://www.paulpearsall.com/info/press/3.html

Healing work can only come through a brutal self honesty….also referred to as “radical self honesty.”  This is because of how  adept we are at ducking responsibility for how we react and respond to others around us.  Until you are able to get to this deep level of honesty about what is happening, you will be unable to heal. It seems that only this kind of self examination is the prerequisite to true healing.

Not long ago I was able to heal something pretty important in my life.  I had been told for years that I might just have to find a way to forgive the person who was part of the issue that has been involved.  It sounds reasonable to think this, and I think that in some cases, it works.  But what I have found is that the only path to true healing is by forgiving yourself.  Why?  It seems that karma has to do with you, not the world.  This is the radical side to being honest.  If something was your problem, then forgiving another person would not heal the karma.  The only way is to inquire within not without. If the problem really is about how you felt, then forgiving another is like lying to yourself, the same act as projecting all of your junk on another when that junk should be examined as your own baggage, not the other way around. On a karmic level, it is dishonest to try and saddle another person for your own shit, but sadly this is what we all do at some point or another.  My recent healing was in learning not to be reactive to those who would try to make their own shit my problem.  I simply stopped responding, stopped reacting.  This small simple thing gave me enough breathing room in my spirit to effect the release of something that has dogged me for so long.  It worked because it was true.  The soul knows the truth even when the personality does not.  You can’t bullshit yourself into the truth.  You just can’t.

I was also talking with an old friend and teacher from my college days today.  I had reached out to see how she was after she had gone through a PhD program and went from doing art to a big change into mediation work with inner city kids.  Something told me that something was up and that I needed to check in after a couple of years of being out of touch.  I recently contacted another old teacher in the same way recently to express to him how his teaching had impacted my creative life.  He died about six months after I told him this.  Life waits for no one.  So I jumped on this and acted because, well, you just never know.

We wound up in a conversation about the trials she has been going through with family.  She explained how this other person was the source of so much pain in her life.  Gently, through a series of turns, I explained how important it was to learn to see these things in a different way.  I began with a simple quote by Wayne Dwyer which states that how someone else acts is their karma, and how YOU react to them is your karma.  Do you get that small but important difference?  No one ever makes you feel any way at all, except that we each choose, yes choose, to feel the way we do.  After all, I explained, she could easily have a sibling who, going through the exact same thing might just wave off the same behavior as something not worth worrying about when it comes to that other person.  I see this all the time. I saw it in my family, I have seen it in class mates in college, and I have seen it in my children, too.  Two children living the same kind of life see and react completely differently.  The difference is in how we choose to feel.  Simple.  But people continue to want to see that it is the other person’s fault for HOW they MAKE them feel.  No, no one MAKES you feel anything.  YOU make YOU feel.  That is how things work.  Knowing this and living this truth is the only way to get out of the emotional and spiritual prison that we often find ourselves in, in our lives.

The problem with how we normally go about this way of relating is that we make everyone around us responsible for our feelings.  Normal sensitivity aside, we each have a choice.  I explained to her that by thinking and acting this way she not only misdirected her awareness, she also gave her sibling the power that she now has over her, which she has such a glitch now in dealing with.  It has resulted in a pretty big block emotionally for her, and she wound up revealing the severity of how she felt (which wound up being the most honest thing she could have done during our talk).  But the challenge is that she has this block that goes way back to her past, an issue she knows comes from when she was a small child. And the problem with these old repressed and blocked emotions is that they emerge in our adult lives with the same level of maturity in them as when they were shoved down and repressed to begin with.  Now imagine having a feeling that haunts you that was designed by a three year old. No perspective, lots of drama, and me, me, me. That is the kind of thing you get over and over until the issue is healed.  Can you imagine just how hard it would be to have to deal with the merry go round of feeling  something like this?

Until we can get really honest with ourselves about what is at work within ourselves, these repressed emotions simply keep playing themselves over and over seemingly with no end in sight, no resolution.  People die or move away and so often we feel like they are the people that we need in order to work this out with.  But this is the trick that keeps every  one of us in the game of our karmic entanglements.  She even asked me if she could clean this mess up if one or more of the people involved had passed from this life.  The answer was a firm “Yes!” because even though someone does die in the body, their soul lives on (and besides, the karma is not on THEM, it is on the person who owns it).

To do this, you just need radical honesty perhaps for the first time ever.  Take a moment and stop thinking about how someone pushes your buttons or upsets you and focus on how you wind up reacting to them. It is here, in how you actually do choose to react, that the problem emerges….for you.  Trust me, the way to healing all of this is by doing this.  When you hear yourself saying the words, “But he made me feel so rotten, so terrible….” STOP!!  Stop right there and back it up a little and look at what is happening here.  No, they are not the one who has power over you.  You have the power.  You have the power to find a way to release this so that YOUR issues cease entering into the marketplace of emotion.  You can go from being upset to realizing that this is just their stuff and has nothing to do with you and everything to do with them.  Pity the soul who must make another responsible for how they feel.  How powerless a state is that to be in?

The first step in authentic healing work is to clear up this one issue first.  If you are used to being the victim in life, this will be a hard one to overcome.  It will take time and training your mind to see things differently. But as you do, you will increasingly begin to breathe the fresh air of freedom instead of the stale air of dependency.  We have to be very clear about whose stuff is whose stuff.  My friend described a dream she had in the wake of a difficult encounter with her sibling that involved someone having pooped all over her yard.  Even in her dreaming she was aware that bad stuff was happening, but she was focused on the poop coming from someone else.  In the end, the shit was hers.  By going back into the dream, I explained, and imagining herself cleaning it up without making it anyone’s problem but her own, it would be one important way to cement just whose poop is whose, and then it would change the terms of engagement forever.  But I know how hard it is to shift so radically in order to see it this way.

Now mind you, I was the gold standard in shifting the blame at one point in my life.  I saw where it got me: nowhere.  Even though I did believe that others were responsible for my happiness, I learned that there is a different way, a more realistic way, and it is in our grasp.  When you can do this, this radical reorientation of the self, then things can change pretty quickly.  We each deserve this honesty even as we fear what its implications might be.  But the fear is unfounded.  Why we fear being honest might come from the fear of the unknown, or of upsetting others, or getting hurt by those who cannot or wont hear the truth.  But those who cannot bear the truth are probably not anyone that you could stand to be with in any significant way.  In the end, it is the greatest compassion you can pay yourself, something that might be hard, but is the greatest act of self love you can give yourself.  This really isn’t about anyone else but you, and the buck must stop here.

May you cast a great light in your life….

I wanted to share this article that has just gone up on my sister site Divine Alignment about leg chakras and developing a keener awareness of subtle energy.  Enjoy!

http://divinealignment.blogspot.com/2016/05/energy-awereness-leg-chakras.html

For those experiencing awakening, I have an observation made over and over that came to roost a few days ago.  To set it up properly, I should explain that I have been moving into a state of incredible bliss over the course of several days.  I move in and out of it now that I am not sitting in a state of pure ecstasy (I have things to do!) so I move around and do ordinary things and this means moving in and out in order to do things like take my change and converse with people and make some semblance of sense.

It has been the result of realizing that I was allowing people in my field that actually had the effect of creating a great deal of static.  Thing is, this kind of association can happen and then…..it just stays there.  What is so interesting is how I was looking through my dream journals and remembered how I had a dream that initiated  a freeing up of my own energy field. This was almost 20 years ago, and it was something that I had not been completely aware had happened.  I did feel like I had been weighed down, but I was not aware that someone had camped out in my energy.  For a few years I just never really felt like myself….until the dream happened where I was aware that I was shooting up into the upper atmosphere on a rocket.  This rocket was my own energy. It was quite the ride.  But in the midst of this experience, I became aware that within me, like a shell within a shell, was this other person.  She didn’t really belong there anymore….and I could feel the shell of her awareness become more acute until like a stage on the rocket, she just slipped away.  The end result was that I was soaring again under my own power.

Something similar had happened not long ago, and it has taken considerable effort to clear the way. As people who feel the world from the inside out, having someone obsessively thinking about you can be difficult sometimes for the simple fact that you can feel it….and you have to really be clear about where you are so as not to get dragged down into something that is simply not your own.  This isn’t about being unavailable, but about knowing the integrity of your own field of awareness.  For healers, this kind of awareness and clarity is really important.  Blocking influences isn’t the answer.  You simply have to be clear.  Healed. It means no hooks in your field to snag you.  It is relentless work.

In the wake of this, my field has done a flip.  Suddenly I have myself.  This resulted in a whole slew of things happening quite quickly.  One was being drenched in bliss.  The other was a meltdown emotionally that pointed me toward work that I need to do.  In the midst of this happening, I seemed to have a renewed awareness of what needed doing.

Up until the meltdown, I was doing fabulous, and feeling like a million in my deep state of nirvana.  I am painting and sanding and weeding and nothing could be more golden or blessed or wonderful.  Then I am going through some old voicemails and I find one that I never listened to. Back in April.  And its my ex.  She is doing what she usually does, which is turning most anything that inconveniences her into a problem and a reason to tell my child (who is with me at the time) why it is that I am such a loser and why she just had to divorce me.  Truth be told, I lived with a person who was emotionally abusive not just of me, but of my children.  It was a really shitty situation that I often have to relive at unexpected times with this person who is just…..shitty.  Right?  But this shittiness has legs…or tentacles, and they move through me into my past and make me aware of where they go.  A few years ago, this would have just blown me over.  Now, I am getting tired of it.  I am tired of how bullies have ruled my world.  And quite frankly, the only thing that has ever worked has been the threat of punishment from some outside authority or being revealed for what they are.

So the meltdown comes and I go into it and am appalled by this.  In fact, I can feel myself sink into a mess that is just horrible.  I find that I am doing what I can to stem the tide of yuckiness, and its working, but I am feeling bad because, well, here I am for the thousandth time feeling this really shitty feeling of sadness about all of this.

Its right in here that something kind of amazing happens.

Over a period of a few more days, as I am trying to get back to normal, something comes up out of all of this.  And yes, it can take me days to get back to normal.  This sounds kind of loopy, right? But as it turns out, this lady I married was a dead-ringer for someone who abused me as a kid.  It has created this net of awareness in my mind about all of these people and how it is that while there are really shitty people in the world, we alone decide how we react to them. I don’t know that I could have responded differently to the man who abused me because of just how big he was and how little I was, but I know well how it is that I fell silent and how I fell silent while married, too, a very curious kind of behavior.  But this isn’t really what I am here to tell you about….its the deeper stuff….which is really quite amazing I think.

So I am moving through this stuff and then out of nowhere I feel a center of calm.  I take it in while I am doing some plaster work in an upstairs bedroom.  As I am doing this and thinking deep and feeling into it with what I call the no-thought channeling of information, I am struck by something rather interesting.

I am being shown how it is that we get hung up in relationships and I am being shown the source of these problems as it goes all the way back to the beginning of beginnings with us.  When I say source, I  mean the SOURCE of our problems as a species.  Don’t think there is a single source for our troubles here?  I think a few moments before having seen this, I would have not guessed so either.

I can’t explain to you what this place is, except that it is not duality. It is not a place because it is not physical, but we do come from it. It is where we seem to emerge from to come to this reality.  I am being shown how it is that physical reality is actually designed to take the pure Tao and divide it into two seemingly opposite parts. I am hearing in my head that this is how its done.  Forget life, there isn’t even any kind of physical PHENOMENON without this neat little trick that the ALL does with itself, this world we call physical reality.  This is so basic that it goes all the way down to how light travels, how energy behaves, how atoms are ordered, how subatomic particles are held together to make atoms….and atoms to make molecules.

Its showing me how we literally did divide, but that this divide has been poorly understood.  Many teachers have caught onto it….and it is the source of the twin ray and twin soul and soulmate concepts. There is this part of you that is out there that you have to find because then you will be complete.  But just so you know, when I awoke, I awoke with the sense of this other person.  Over time I was able to figure out who she was, where she lived.  I had already seen her home and what it looked like.  THAT was a very unusual time, indeed!  And the simplest answer at the time was that this person I felt inside of me was my twin soul. When I was sixteen I had the image of my soul dividing and one part going one way around the reincarnational cycle and the other went in the other directions…presumably to meet in the middle.  So when I awoke, it was natural to think maybe this is it.  In many ways,  I had been looking for this my whole adult life.  I felt silly, even more silly if I ever even told anyone about it because after looking and looking for years, I knew I had not found it.  But in awakening, when I could feel this person so closely, so intimately, and all from such a distance, I was reminded of this vision many years in the past.  I actually thought that perhaps the concept of the twin was real.

Except she wasn’t.  Nor were the next couple of people who I wound up feeling connected to.  But this thing that is taking place inside of me is explaining something really important, which is the nature of what we are in relationship to the ALL.  We ARE this ALL.  We are.  And not just that, but we are also individual. As a result, we have this thing called freewill.  It has been as a result of this one important distinction in our creation, that so many things have taken place that have been big surprises.  We continue to seek ardently for that other just as long as we are divided from that other part of ourselves.  Turns out, this other part of us has been in us all along.  I am being shown how a powerful divide sexually creates the greatest kind of yearning.  Balance this, and the divide is so less obvious.  the yin and yang begin to come into greater and greater balance. Does this mean that we are to become androgynes?  Well, here is the thing, the people who spoke the most about awakening outside of the eastern traditions were the Gnostics and they were all talking about how those who had this thing happen to them, the Kingdom, would actually become androgynes.  This means that the masculine and feminine aspects would become more balanced.

None of this is actually dealing that much with sexual orientation, but rather, the characterstics OF CONSCIOUSNESS  in human beings.  This also has a lot to do with our physiology in terms of how the pranic force is “divided” in the body and sets up a polarity that we call yin and yang, lunar and solar, female and male. The challenge for us is that we tend to crave the opposite of us.  This craving can lead to trouble if the inner work has not been done.  Its a rats nest of trouble if you think that its perfect straight out of the box. Unfortunately, it isn’t. The dopamine in our bodies gives us a wonderful feeling of nirvana, but feeling is not being.  Learning how it is that we can heal ourselves and overcome the past that is still living in us is perhaps one of the biggest challenges of this whole experience.  And yet?  Yet, this is where the action is.  It is where self discovery exists.  It is where we learn how we are a mirror to the cosmos.

The end point to all of this was suspended as I had to do a number of different chores today, but now I am basking in the rest of the lesson being delivered, which is how to find true and lasting peace, we really do have to work all of this out for ourselves.  Until we do that, whatever hitch we have in our makeup, we will attract based on that, whatever it is.

The way to do this work involves having the means to dig really deep into the self.  Most people are unable to do this kind of work.  Its possible, though, and I am convinced that it takes a certain type of chemistry to get it going and to sustain it.  this chemistry is possible to generate in your own body, but it takes some work to get there.  At the end of the dayl it is the chemistry of bliss.  It is this state or condition that naturally allows for brain plasticity to continue and to rewire the brain so that old connections are lost forever.  It also allows for a deeper somatic response in the body, all the way down to the tips of nerves and into the atoms and cells of the body.  Talk about deep ecstasy and bliss!  It goes all the way down into these places and you can FEEL it.  It is in such a state that anything is possible for you to happen. You can then direct your attention towards, say, why you have trouble with a given issue, and because of how fluid the body and mind is now, your subconscious boundaries will be so thin that the answer will come so quickly.

So I think that awakening is itself a critical tool for us to make sense of ourselves.  There is just so much stuff to get through. There is a LOT of it, and we need these concentrated periods in life that will allow us to throw off this stuff that has kept us less than free.  Its hard to know the depth of all of this when you are gleefully unaware, but as anyone in a therapists office often asks, how do I get into this stuff to heal it?

Well, one thing is for sure; you can’t heal it by just talking about it. You have to face into the light or shadow.  And then allow yourself to finally feel whatever it was that you set aside.  Doing this is the bravest thing….

So the title was a bit of a trick.  The real truth is that you have to learn to love all of yourself first.  Just do that and then come back and tell me if you think there are twins out there….

Good luck!

P.

Think of this whole experience of awakening as being like prying your inners open after being slammed shut for so long.  I know that when I awoke I thought smugly how I ‘had this” because, after all, I had lived a considered life.  Yes, well, guess what, folks, this is a level of work that is not like other work.  This isn’t tiptoeing up to the cosmic, but more like diving headlong into it.  This is, I think, far less about being “spiritual” and about unwinding all of our shit, our errors, and all of our justifications and rationalizations.  All of this is a substantive release of all of the resistance so that the authentic may step forward and come into focus.  So many that I see are still resisting, holding on, telling themselves stories about why the pain is necessary to feel to somehow make them feel justified in why things aren’t yet right or peaceful. The way to peace is to simply make the choice to be that peace.  Period.  No more if’s and’s or but’s.  You just do it.  The great thing is that while there are innumerable methods and techniques developed by teachers in the past, learning how to simply FEEL different is the way for me.  it is honest, and it does not seek to put off tomorrow what can be done today.  When I cease with the carnival wheel of methods and thoughts, I am left with the Presence of my soul and how it touches and is subsumed by the Source of all life.

It is like prying open a clam.  As you pry that clam shuttered so tightly, more and more shit comes out.  It just does.  It comes out because the lie cannot remain seated and installed when you bear the light of your awareness into it.  Think about just how different your awareness is now. You are now aware that you aren’t JUST awareness, but that within your awareness lies the Presence of the Source also looking out through you.  Right?  I mean, I can’t be the only one.  I know that the more I relax, the more I let go and allow this energy to flow through me as I observe and look into my dark spaces, I can feel how it excavates and renovates my insides.  It takes what was hard and stony and brings it to softness and stillness.  And peace.  Giant crowbar prying open that stubborn clam shell of a psyche that was me.  That is me. Just open.  As you do, you open to the universe.  To Prana.  This energy will do it.  Like a visitor from another future version of you, step aside as it gets to work.  Relax.  Trust it.  Stop controlling everything.  Did control get you very far before?  Nope.  You, me, and everyone else, we are all just fools.  Fools with a story and masks.  Just admit it.  Be humble before it.  Be asked to be shown. Love.  Love this force, and give yourself to it, like a lover gives herself to her beloved.  If this Presence was here to hurt you, it would have flattened you by now.

Open.  That is the one simple way to be.  It becomes a fast lightening path.  No worries over methods or techniques.  I know it may not make you feel like you are being spiritual, but a yoga mat does not make your spiritual.  Everything that you are is that spirit. All of the atoms swimming around you emerge and impinge on this reality as a direct result of this spirit of which we are all inexplicably wed and woven into.  So try it.  Use your very thought to reach that place.  You can be driving, working, lying in bed, or sitting talking with friends.  I do this work all the time.  Persistent, consistent, abiding.

When I first awoke I asked the energetic presence of kundalini what it was doing. I did this because this presence showed every sign of intelligence.  In the beginning, this is unnerving-feeling as though there is this intelligent energy that is there, but later, as the story unfolds more, it develops into something more complete and understandable.  Still wet behind the ears, I was still getting my footing. The energy immediately unfolded a scene within my mind’s eye as soon as I queried it.  I was shown a vivid image of a large warehouse full of boxes.  I was shown how “it” (the energy) and I were going to go through every single one of these boxes, opening each one, making a check mark for each box.  As each box was opened, something came out of them. What came out of them was stored emotion that had been shoved down at one time or another in my lifetime. I began calling this “the inventory.”

This inventory was the incredible backlog of repressed emotion and trauma from my life.  I was here to get rid of my baggage. Some of it touched on past lives.  In an earlier post, I describe how a being who announced himself as Sandalphon, bid me to get up in the early morning hours (4:00 a.m. on Good Friday to be exact) and come outside as I was shown how what I was going through was about emptying myself of all psycho/emotional material, even past life material.  In a very serious tone, he explained that this shift, this release, and cleansing would affect all times or lifetimes.  This was something of significant scope.  Understanding this now, I hope that you can perhaps know how foundational, precious, valuable, and important this kind of process and the mechanism within us that triggers the avalanche of “inventory” is.  U.G. Krishnamurti described this same process for him that he described in The Mystique of Enlightenment as when the “Saints go marching out” (as opposed to the saints marching in).

Looking at this image created in my mind, it was daunting, frustrating even, to see the sheer volume of boxes.  I knew that what I was being shown in my inner vision was accurate as to the sheer volume of material that needed to be removed.  It seemed like chipping away at a mountain.  Over the course of awakening, though, I have found myself in the midst of sudden rapid-fire releases, some of which were falling away by the dozens, like blips on a radar screen, going so fast I had no chance to see what they were even about.  Others, being more stubborn, were seen as they passed into the night.  Some I was able to pin to experiences in my past, some in this life, others from past lives.  All of them bore on this life even if their genesis was from an event in the past.  In each case I began feeling that this form of energetic release was not just clearing me here in this present time, but was also reconfiguring the past through other parallel time lines.  What I mean is that a block cleared now has the effect of clearing and redeeming all time. I could feel the tension in the block like a cord that tied the block through my life, as though some cable ran through my time-line in this life.  As it released, I could feel through past memory how it released all of the events in that past where the block came up as a problem or stumble.

We are all like this.  As I speak to people who are engaged in their awakening and “get” how important it is to allow blocks of this kind to go, it is clear that the whole world is just jammed packed with this stored material (whether anyone knows, realizes or is willing to acknowledge it).  It is work like this that we are here for.  When I sit in deep meditation on the Tao, on the Source, what I find is a brilliant and beautiful energy that resides in potential.  It is like an explosion that has been utterly frozen.  Somehow, in ways that I do not yet fully understand, this energy moves “out” of this state of pure unrealized potential into worlds like ours, effectively projecting itself into countless worlds wherein it is able to realize itself in creation.  It is through this creation that a clever kind of situation is set up wherein the potential is “realized” through many smaller parts.  This, of course, does not help anyone in knowing the All or the Tao, except by way of observing it at this level of awareness that monks, priests and shaman have all described at various times through history. This Tao is the small dot that exists in the center of the Shri Yantra mandalla, but before the dot even appears.  This dot is like the stone cast into the mirror-surfaced reality, sending ripples of phenomenon everywhere; this is an act of creation.  When I say all of this, realize that the Source of life exists both in and out of potential.  It is all, it is both.  It exists outside of time, just as all souls are radiations or projections into a reality such as ours here on earth. The radiation, though, is across all time all at once.  When you experience time as a dimension of experience, you effectively exist in a spacious present, as was described by Jane Robert’s trance personality Seth (they wrote a few notable books about the nature of reality, etc.).  Despite all of this, in each life, until the cords are cut and the blocks healed, these issues continue to haunt us.  The way out of them is through intent.  It is just that simple. You can tell yourself, even if you are scared to death to let go of all of your junk that you want to let go of it.  If it is something that you really do want, you can correct enough of the bad programming within you that will open enough doors within you to make it so.  Especially in awakening, which is already stirring you like nobodies’ business.  You are not powerless.  This is why we are here!  To do this work means the end of countless lives running over the same old ground!  This cleansing has far reaching implications not just individually, but for the planet, for the great well-spring of collective consciousness that is the human race.  It has and will continue to trigger a big shift globally that we are beginning to feel even now that will perhaps be messy, but will result in some significant changes when this process more or less “completes” itself (which is a misnomer because all of life and growth is a spiral that does not end, constantly looping back onto itself, but never in the exact same place as we spiral “upwards” in our evolution physically and spiritually on this planet).

As I move into a more accelerated period of block removal, and as I get down to the last bits in my energy body, I find myself in a new place.  I will be honest and say that such a rapid removal of these blocks can be unsettling for the fact that whether we like it or not, or whether we are willing to admit it or not, these blocks, negative, yes, have nonetheless formed a significant part of our lives.  They have mine.  While I have a lot in the rear-view mirror now that I can look back on and see how the loss of these dysfunctional behaviors that were energized by those old blocks were a saving grace to have gone, the truth is that the things remaining are the same in some ways to some of the first blocks.  Each one feels like the first time…..because in truth, they are in a way…..The very nature of these blocks is that in many ways, releasing them often means feeling them for the first time…..and I mean really feeling them…..as opposed to skirting them, brushing up against them, or having them kind of bundled up like a mummy within my body of memory…..there, yes, but not really being encountered fully enough to see it, know it, acknowledge it, and then let it go.

We are human.  It is easy to tell ourselves we are in such a different place, that we are “spiritual” now or awake and part of the cosmic federation of spirits.  🙂  Truth be told, our spirituality lies in every single corner of who we are, and most notably it lies also within our frailties.  THAT is our humanness.  It is also our spirituality.  Everything we do, good or bad, exists under the umbrella of what we call spiritual.  All of it. Wherever our presence and awareness goes, it is spirit.  We want to think of it as something beyond us, but it isn’t.  It is right here in the chores we do, the mundane and fantastic.  We want to spin stories about some ultimate truth, but this “truth” is something so broad that it is witnessed in each moment even as the world changes or the light in our bedroom changes, or how others change.  These are the 10,000 Things.  Within all of them is the One.  The Tao, Source….and this thing has levels layers just like us and escapes explanation because it can only truly be experienced.  And this glimpse?  It changes lives.  And we put all of this up on pedestals when we need to just keep it right here where we are.  We need it in fact in order to do the work of Awakening.

So digging deep, I continue this balancing act.  I find that the releases now require me to really focus on what the releases have offered to me in my present moment.  There is, for me, a real benefit to be found in keeping myself away from things that trigger me.  Why?  Some might say that “triggering” as we so often call it is a great way to focus on what remains. And they would be right!  But the difference for me now is that I am more aware than I ever have been during this current phase as I dig deep into the bottom of my barrel.  I can feel how I might be triggered.  Some part of me just knows. For me now, triggering tends to slow me down, like how a loop can catch you in a merry-go-round of the same old behavior.  And so it is important for me now to help support a new way of being, feeling, and experiencing.  It is like a gentle but persistent reminder to help support a new kind of life.  After all, an old story is being erased, revised, some pieces are being kept that belong to the soul’s purpose here, and there is a lot of chaff blowing out into the wind.

Even though I know that it is all nonessential material that I am removing, some part in my human side feels that moment like this is a goodbye.  Another part seems to pat my shoulder and say how it was never really something that served me in my highest. As all of this happens, though, the people and events that triggered me simply do not trigger me. And it was never really about them. The only problem I have ever come across has had everything to do with how I chose to feel or react to it.  This is not to say that I am aloof to injustice or lack in compassion, but just that I am so much clearer about who is taking part in the actions that lead to negative outcomes.  By becoming embroiled, or upset about it, I toss myself into the same bin with those who perpetrate the wrongs in our world.  It is on whomever is engaged in it.  Why should I be unclear about who is doing what?  Sometimes those fighting for peace are as embroiled in a war inwardly as those who are engaged in the physical warfare.  It is a tender balance, but it is one that is actually quite clear.  In the end, it is the essence of personal choice.  We have this as part of our individuality and our freewill.

Digging deep, while I find greater peace, I have also found that what remains has, for me, become more reactive in some ways for the simple fact that this is the stuff I have held on to the hardest.  It is the hardest to let go, I suppose.  These things represent a very stubborn part of my psyche, so I am approaching this last part in me with understanding, compassion, and patience.  Feeling shame or guilt or sorrow or hurt over it does little to help it to go.  the desire to just dig it out, does. So go easy on yourself.  Listen to what you need.  Take a walk, take a break, give yourself this time even if some part of you feels like you cannot afford it.  The infinite is spreading out before you, so why not take this time to do what it is you need?  We need never feel bad for giving ourselves this level of self care.

The hunger to be free grows with each step I take.  I wonder what lies ahead.  What does this new world look like?  As I think back on all that has been conferred on me, on what I know that I am capable of as I go forward, the possibilities really feel exciting.  Life can go from drudge to play so quickly. I am moving toward play.  I hope you do, too!

Namasté!

Here is a quickie for you.  Ha, right?  But it will be quick, I promise.  Always be willing to listen to your own inner compass when it comes to healing blocks.  I have a perfect example about this.  In “spiritual” work most people will say you need to eat a certain way, live a certain way, etc.  But really, it is about BEING a certain way, and when you do this, the rest will follow.

A couple of years ago as I was sitting meditating on what was next for me in my healing work, I heard the very definite and clear “command” that I should go to my nearest ABC store (where they sell alcohol), and buy a small amount of something strong.  This was out of left field, and it made me wonder a bit.  “Just go and do it.” the voice inside of me said.  So I did as I was bid.

If you know me, I am not a drinker.  Every now and again I might have a beer or some wine.  Mostly, though, I find it messes with my blood sugar a good bit, and it also makes me feel rough.  So on this day I go into the store and I decide Ia m going to do as I was told and I had my thoughts set on buying a very specific type of alcohol.  A year previous my brother had bought some rye whiskey and we imbibed together.  I found that I kind of liked it peppery taste.  Considering how horrible I thought bourbon is, I thought that the rye would be the thing.

So I go into the store and I head for the back where my brother had gone to get the rye from a year before.  Before I could get there, a vendor at the front was asking me if I’d like to try a sample of something they were offering.  I explained that I was needing to get some rye and began to go for the back of the store.  She called to me and explained that this was just what they were giving samples for and that they had rye for sale at their table where they were giving out the samples.  So I turned on my heel, smiling, and took a bottle and headed out the door after making my purchase.  That was quick, I thought!

So I drank a little that night.  Not a lot, but enough to feel as though I was relaxing and feeling the effects of the brew.  I continually kept connection with my inner guidance and kept asking if this was enough or if I needed to do more.  It urged me to get just the right amount, so I did as it directed.  Not really sure what was up, I just went along.

The next morning, as I awoke, I felt pretty good.  Normally I can feel a little “off” from drinking, which is why I don’t normally drink. As I took stock, I felt this growing knot in my belly, down low, and along with it came the now-familiar sense that something was moving.  Just then, a block released.  I then felt the presence of my guidance looking back at me almost in a smiling way and then saying, “Now don’t be using this as a way to remove the rest of the blocks.  This method was suited just for the one block you released; doing what you did was the perfect fit for what needed to go.”

Do what you need to do. And listen to your insides for guidance on what this might entail.  If you allow the higher self to come in and make its suggestions, in my experience, it has been dead-on even though the method at the time might seem a little….unusual or even unorthodox.  This is just a reminder that when you stop using your head and let the flow work for you, you can get work done that you might have struggled with previously.  And best of luck!

Surrender

Sometime last year I spoke with some local healers about whether they knew someone in my area who did a combination of body work (massage) with energy work.  I knew what I needed, I just didn’t know if there was anyone who did the kind of work I was feeling like I needed.  One of the people turned to the other and they both said almost at once the name of a local practitioner in my area.  It took a while to get on her schedule, but the work she does is based on the Polynesian method of balance of the feminine and masculine as yin and yang in the body.  It embodies awareness of the meridians and points throughout the body just as the Chinese methods of acupuncture do.  It is, for me, proving to be a very useful modality at the stage I am at right now.

My first appointment went well, and some blocks were removed.  It was helpful.  I have been working on some of the last blocks in my system, a process that has taken about eight years or so since kundalini rose and began clearing me out.  As I have gotten down to the end of this, it has gotten harder to remove the most stubborn of blocks!  But unlike the beginning when I felt defeated by the hardness of each block, then victorious as the block was magically moved by the stirring energy of awakening, I now have a level of confidence born out of perspective or experience. The second appointment, though, was something else.

We began the second session by going over where some of the blocks were and what they were doing to my physiology.  This provided her some clues, and she got to work.  I am able to identify very specific locations along certain meridians which helps her to know where some of the blocks are happening. She went all over the body, pressing here and there, both massaging, getting me to breathe a certain way, and then placing her fingers at certain points.  Once she had gotten through a certain portion of the work, she then placed her finger in one spot.  As she did so, she asked me what I saw.  It was funny, because I had begun to see something rise up in my inner vision just before she asked this. This was bringing up stored memories that existed on the other side of the blocks I have been dealing with for so long. My healer was already beginning to assist in the release of this stored material.

I found myself going back, back, back, further through time and deeper into the blocks in the root chakra.  Having to do with survival, abundance, nurture, care, and love, I felt like a toothpaste tube being squeezed out.  I saw my feet on wet sand as a child, an experience from early childhood in my home in Florida.  But then as I moved through these old blocks, I found myself looking down at feet that were not my own.  Different feet were running through a rainforest.  This was on a Pacific island.  A very old story unfolded that explained so much about the trials I experience in life.

Letting it go was the single most important thing I could do.  Somehow, in perfect timing, I was given this gift of a Kahuna healer to reach into a place in my past that was Polynesian.  This was not something I was experiencing that was by way of suggestion (that I was Polynesian), but rather through a complete and perfect form of serendipity. I needed something from that old world in the new to help bring it all up.  And there she was, my massage therapist, an amazing person for her insight into a system that seems to wed a range of sensibilities into one practice. Furthermore, this person lived right around the corner from my home, which has been how my most important finds have taken place, such as my Qi Gong teacher who helped me so much in releasing blocks, who lived the same distance from my home as my Kahuna healer does (almost exactly the same physical distance).  This, instead, points to the amazing nature of what lies ahead of us in a journey of this type.  Some want to call it miraculous, but instead of miraculous, consider that it is pointing to the potential for the universe to bring you exactly what you need when you need it (even if it means having a Polynesian who just happens to do healing work right around the corner from you with a healing modality that is perfectly suited to your own healing).  Rather than the universe working against you, it can also work FOR you in remarkable ways….

For anyone who feels stuck with clearing out old material, I suggest body work by a person who is intuitive and sensitive.  This Kahuna healing work was perfect for me, since it brings into the moment all of the things that help to move these blocks. What I have struggled with for over a year was released in that two hour session. As it sure seems that I have saved the hardest blocks for last, getting this kind of compassionate care has been so important. My healer looked at me afterwards and asked inquisitively, “Have you had releases like you just had in your process in the past?”  I had to explain that I had a couple that were as dramatic as the one she witnessed, but most of them were almost non-events since I was not experiencing the trauma that made up the block.  It seems that for these last bits, I almost NEED to feel the highly charged energy, to bring it into awareness in order to understand where the fault has lied within me (how I bypass the feelings that are so foundational and thus are root-related and that get stored as a result of this)

Its been two days now and I still feel tender, and I feel new.  The releases were so deep that they have left me feeling….at odd ends….which is something that I am used to by now. I just don’t sweat it as much now. I feel a stronger or renewed sense of my own energetic integrity and how important it is to no longer allow people into my field who mirror the pain that I have now released.  Up until that time, however, I continued to be vulnerable to this intrusion of sorts simply because that was just where I was, sharing the same “samscara” or soul scar. In a very real way, I was like a heroin addict hanging out with other addicts.  We kept each other going on this merry-go-round of dysfunction.  While I may have known all along that it was not healthy at all for me to be connected to these people energetically, I was also powerless to do much about it deep down.  To gain back the power of my own will, I had to cure the fault or hurt I had stored in the first place.  This naturally moved me out and into the new. Unlike a sudden arrival, though, this is one step of many steps, a kind of continuous spiral of evolving, healing, and becoming. It continues to be a process.  There is still more material to release, but I am now better equipped to feel a sense of quiet within myself without someone banging on my inner doors or sneaking in through the back way.  This is critical to do if I am to continue to heal, which is to remove all of the negative influences that serve to keep the new at bay and the old constantly reinforcing itself.

After these kinds of clearings, I just kind of observe, feel, and wait for my system to reach its new balance.  I have been living with this junk for so long, it might take a few days or weeks to reach stasis again.  But its good. Since you might be curious to find out more, here is a link to one of many Kahuna sites…I highly recommend this modality for anyone who is dealing with hard to remove material.

http://fionahouse.com.au/therapies/kahuna-bodywork/

Tonight as I was doing a form of meditation, a type I do that does not involve sitting quietly, but standing, moving, and feeling my energy, I suddenly found myself moving my hands in front of my body in a very specific way.  As if on automatic, I found my hands were moving through my energy field and activating my energy in the most fascinating way….

I am not a student of any method but have had a direct understanding about energy in the body from having read auras since I was young.  I have become more educated on Chinese medicine, deep tissue massage, polarity, and disciplines like Qi Gung and Reiki for doing energy work. What happened tonight was very different and showed me how we might actually be able to assist in moving energy in our bodies by using how the hands are a terminal point for energy polarity shifts that interact with our own fields. Think mudras, but different.

This is all so new.  It has had an effect already on a series of blocks in my body and I am simply waiting and watching to see what happens.  I suspect though that if I can continue to figure out how this works, it could represent a self healing method for, at the very least, moving qi.  Maybe lots more!

Back when  I know more.  Time to rest and repeat!

Happy Hallows eve!

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