Archives for posts with tag: grace


What if…
it all lies beyond your fear
that coiled serpent
of a moment
that goes up in a puff of smoke
turning illusions into real
and returning you to heaven.
What if
the lies you told
were to leap to life
haunting you on your darker nights
pursuing you until you faced them
whilst they turned to doves
full of a forgiving song
as Grace filled you in redemptive wonder
as your heart is given over to truth
not as a thing you would ever dare utter
but to live?
Would it be enough to spend
centuries of earth time in silence?
What if the old stories were mistook
as you were led on journies of folly
for lifetimes even

And what if those stories
were the ones that you wrote 

on the bright sky of memory?
What would you do then?
Would you go looking
to a fabled promised land?
Or would you find it right where you rest?
What would your heart say?
What if all you ever needed
was held in one sweet breath of a moment
such that nothing else ever felt the same
or could be?
Would this
and more
be enough to undo you
as the tightly bound laces of your
were loosed in one wild flurry of  forgetting
as all laws and convention
save one 
were cast aside?
What would you do
and who really would you be?

When awakening comes, the consciousness you awaken to is an awareness of the collective consciousness. Beautiful, joyful, and also with bitter and sad notes, too. It’s a group voice, this soul of the world.

Perhaps, if you are like me, you go down deep just to listen to those trillions who have lived, will live, and are alive now. This resurrection, this “rising” spoken of in early Christian documents such as Philip, gives a nod to the change or shift away from such a simplistic (and limited) way of seeing the world to one more nuanced, an awareness -a Witness- within time while being cognizant that all-time is accessible when consciousness is pitched to the right frequency. It’s less a single line, and more a radiation through all realities and worlds. This is known as the spacious present.

So going deep into it, I feel this inevitable shift happening in the collective that so often mirrors what happens when a block, or what my friend calls a “soul split” is healed. Do you notice what happens in the weeks or days before a block is healed? I notice there is all this stuff that comes up….it can make me feel sick sometimes…it can fill me with an awareness of a part of shadow that is getting ready to be healed, which always makes me feel yucky….I might even feel fear over it, I might feel edgy and even an edge of anger, all depending on the nature of the block. And then…. there comes the moment of grace where I accept it while the divine awareness within me forgives myself…a part that is not “apart.” It is redeemed.  This is where it transforms, in just such a place or state of being….it’s energetic polarity flips and it begins to be flow, not resistance. After that, it was as though it had never been. Poof. Just. Like.That!

It seems this is happening on a larger scale, and it’s been a long train coming. In greater earnest it’s been coming since around 2000. In truth, it’s a continuum with feet all through time, building up to the current day. As it does, as more light comes into some, there is this reaction by those still caught in the old paradigm. Its often similar to what I feel when all the junk gets stirred up…I remain calm, but most act out. In truth, it isn’t an orderly March out of shadow on an individual level, but it’s certainly gaining momentum. As it does, this reaction becomes increasingly more bizarre. The shadow is being driven upwards out of the collective. I don’t sense there is a great deal of awareness of this en mass. 

Logic suggests that this will continue until something comes to a head. And then?  I can’t say. What choice is made will determine this. But amongst the apocalyptic philosophies or religions, they point to a greater deal of sanity world wide. In the Christian idea, it’s a thousand years of peace. In the Hopi cosmology, a shift from one world into another. Both are marked by upheaval.

The world does not end. Humans move forward. The end is the end of the old ways for at least a group who see the light. Rarely can a prophet see beyond the prophecy that they propound. And sometimes, cloaked in the syntax of dream (like John does for example), it’s hard to know just what the symbols mean. 

For the Hopi and their tradition of startlingly accurate prophecies, they saw one group, a small one, keeping on an even keel while others stuck to a jagged line or path in the passage into the next age. But who knows. There have been people in every single generation who thought the end was near. Do we really know what this “end” will look like?

I know that for me, this is an ever-brilliant world whose petals open as ones awareness opens and the nuous, or knowing, comes. It was there all along and people have not seen it. In early Christian texts Jesus explains that the Kingdom has already come, and no one has seen it. That was about two thousand years ago.

It rests within you what it is that the world of humans will be. What have you been choosing at this time on the planet? I’d like as many awake that can come along. I do know, despite the nay-sayers, that it won’t be as simple of a dividing of the goats and sheep. Don’t be surprised if things don’t go down as the apocalyptic (= to suddenly reveal) visions have seemed to have pointed to. There might be a “new” earth, but this earth might simply be seen anew. It could be cleansed. It could be any number of things.

One parting word of caution though. The Hopi have only given prophecy as a way to avoid the bad outcomes. A prophecy was never meant in Christianity to be what inevitable. Nothing is. We can choose the higher path, which keeps us rooted to earth while our souls soar in sheer glory and grace.
We will have to see how things go.

What is in me is seen in the world.  What brings suffering in me is mirrored in the world.  My world is like a thousand refracted rainbows all based on a bending of the light.  Sometimes the light gets bent too far…..but I see this bending in the world around me…this light that is bent in me. The path to healing becomes a path of self honesty that there is nothing before me that does not first originate within.  As much as I try to make deals with it, the truth of it faces me each moment.  There is a way to heal it.  It takes honesty.  Humility.  I am not the most humble person, so there is often struggle.

Ho’oponopono recognizes this reality, that what we see before us in our day-to-day is a reflection that is within us.  Each moment is colored by it.  We attract perfectly what we are.  If you do not like something “out there” look within for the answer.  It sounds magical, but it is the way.

Ho’oponopono is a healing modality or Hawaiian origin that recognizes that the way to healing is by healing first what is within us.  When we do this, it provides a path for healing what we ourselves have attracted. Shift yourself, you shift the world.  It has a powerful leveraging effect.  It is also the essence of a compassionate path whereby what you heal in yourself will be healed in others.

The practice is simple.  You pray to the universe.  You think of the problem before you in your awareness and you hold it there while you pray to the universe saying

I am sorry

Please forgive me

I love you

Thank you

Ho’oponopono is a method for atonement, for helping to heal and erase the error and cause of hurt in our lives.  By being able to touch upon the grace available to us, that can be in us, we can begin to free ourselves and others from the things that have troubled us and that cause trouble for us.

To understand the power that this simple method has for you, I  direct you to a video that I think you will find very interesting.  After that, perhaps you will find a way to include this in your tool-box of tools for healing.  It is an interesting video of a practitioner of Ho’oponopono who has a great story to help illustrate how this can work in your life.

One very effective way of learning to deal with what is out in the world is first becoming aware that what you are being attracted to is something unresolved in you at some level.  People who have awakenings speak of how they can feel what others feel.  True, but look deeper though at what it is that you are picking up on.  In every instance, you will find that you are making a choice in what you are picking up on. If you are like me, you might come to the realization that you aren’t picking up on EVERYONE’s energy, just certain people.  Why some and not others?  There is a reason for this, and it is rooted in where you are and what you are feeling, even when you are not entirely aware of what these things are.  They are still inside of you and they help to paint a portrait of your life in a way that might be difficult to face sometimes, but is perfect for how accurate it can be.  It is in learning what the point is of connect within you that can lead you to resolving the issue that is at hand.  And maybe you find that you, say, keep running into people who have trouble with anger and this is very troubling to you because you find it so unsettling.  You aren’t an angry person, no, but there is an issue that is not completely resolved and the universe is serving as a perfect mirror for you.  Time to dig deep on this one!   For example, I had someone not long ago who was having trouble being in public because he was feeling everyone’s energy. In truth, he was sensing certain kinds of energy, and this was all itself a mirror of where he was.   I explained to him how an experience I had helped me break the cycle of feeling as though I was wide open to others thoughts and feelings.

Up to that point I would walk down the street and be overcome with incredible pain coming from people I would pass in public.  At first I thought this was because I was more sensitive, that I was picking up on everything.  true, yes, but there was something more that bears pointing out, since it is a finer point in all of this and can help a good deal when dealing with these things at least initially, which is that I was not picking up on everyone’s thoughts.  I was in truth picking up on those thoughts that held a vibration that had something in common with me.  A specific example and break-through for me was when I was attending a party with family where there were at least a dozen people in attendance.  I began to feel very anxious during a certain part of the party and as I felt this wave of anxiety wash over me, I found myself stopping for a moment and questioning why it was I was feeling this all of a sudden.  There was no good reason why I should be feeling this sudden wave of anxiety.  So I asked myself was this mine?  The answer was a quick “no.”  So I then asked myself “where is this coming from?”  The energy pointed me immediately in the direction of a man sitting quietly talking to my Mother who was over to the side, kind of out-of-the-way of things.  I looked at him and asked him point-blank, “Do you have problems with anxiety?”  He kind of sunk into his chair for a moment.  the look on his face was the same look that a kid gets when they realize they have been caught with their hand in the cookie jar.  But looking at me for a moment, he seemed to realize I was not asking this in a mean way, and that I did not mean anything by it.  I was just being direct.  He then softened, and explained that he had actually had a lifelong problem with anxiety and had gone to numerous therapists for it and took medications over the years because of it.  I listened as he spoke and as he did, I felt the feeling of anxiety melt away.

After that experience, I no longer felt others’ energy like I had before in that same sort of way.  I was not seized with a pain in my heart chakra after passing some man on the street, or feel a sense of tightness in the shoulders when I was talking to the receptionist over the phone.  I suspect, or feel, that the very act of identifying these things in the way that I did had the effect of helping me to identify between my own feelings and those of others in a more clarified way so that I was no longer processing things that were not entirely mine.  What it did do also was to point out why I would feel something from another person, which was that there was some aspect of it that was also in me.  I also think, though, that this mirroring still continues in our lives, just in a different way. Maybe you see them in the customers you deal with, or the clients that come through to your workplace, or the kind of people you work with.  The interesting thing is that often, when I do this work, I see a change in the other person.  I have seen some big changes taking place in my family, for example, that has led to some very healing results and some marvelous results for these people in my life.

I have seen that as I clear things up in me the type of people I encounter on a day-to-day basis has also changed.  The power of the Law of Attraction, which is that like energy attracts like energy, is at play.  It is just how the universe is.  this is not some kind of game, it is just how things work.  By being aware of this I can look at the world and the people around me to get a good view of what I might want to heal in the next go-round of work on my roster. Layer by layer, new material is revealed, I become more aware or sensitive to layers I had not felt before, and the work continues.  It is what I call spiritual archeology.  This is a digging down, revealing and healing old baggage that has been buried down there for ages.  The force of kundalini, which is itself a creative force, has a magnificent ability to heal these knots of cords that we have built up within us.

So try it on for a bit and see how it works for you if you are so bold.  And also try Ho’oponopono.

If you think that you know where other people are in their process life will deal you a wake up blow, because even when you are awakened, knowing where someone is is one of the most difficult things to really know.

Awakening opens you up, no doubt.  However, kundalini does not completely disrobe you of the distorting dross that lies before you which you are looking through.  It brings the potential of incredible insight into how things are, no doubt, and the world begins to clarify as these scales fall from the eyes of the self, but it does so incrementally.  With each reveal, we assume we become all knowing. We become more knowing.  Ego leaps us forward telling us we are where we are not. We wax foolish.  This is the most dangerous place to be without humility and grace by our side.  We assume much and know less and less.  Projections rule the day.  This is when turning the search light into our own process is so critical.  We fail with others but we succeed so much better when we deal with our own.  Everything we see around us is measured against our own inner distortions. Of these, we have lots.  Humility.  Grace.

Beware anyone who proclaims they know where you are and offers you advice.  I might know what it is like for someone to go through “ego-death” as someone recently wrote to me about.  I know just where he is….but I cannot know exactly what his experience is.  I can only know my own. And in looking through the windows of his own soul, I am gazing through the windows of my own soul first. And then into his. And who am I to proclaim to know where he is?  Look, the world is full of the walking wounded, and everyone deserves compassion, if only to bear our own souls to that place within ourselves where we learn how this is done for our own good if not not for the other.

The gift of individuality is a big one, cosmically it lays the responsibility for your own spiritual sovereignty at your feet and no one, not even the Creator will ever mess with that.  THAT is just how sacred freewill and individuality is.  As such, you cannot pick up anothers’ experience.  You will always view it through your own. I have said many times that the saying of Anais Nin goes, we don’t see the world as it is, we see it as we are.  This individuality also means that you alone come to the divine.  No one hauls you up to it. We each reach it on our own.  How many times have I known someone with such incredible insight fall so terribly far from knowing where I am?  When someone starts telling me or others how it is that I feel, that is when I run for cover because this is where the greatest illusions get spun.  Karma projects its distortions writ large and nothing good every comes from it.

Does it mean we cannot empathize with others or feel their presence? No, we most certainly can, but don’t ever be fooled that what you feel is directly them. Years may pass before you wake up to realize that what you were seeing was your own version of that own secret world of another. It is a lens through a lens.    I know of nothing thus far that suggests that this will ever change. As humans, we like to think we WILL KNOW. Bearing that, through our egos, we proclaim to know some great immutable truth.  But fortunately for the world, we just know our own.  We can relate, yes, but we always come home to our own hearth, to our own assembly of self for council and nurture.

We are not entirely alone, for we also live in that vast sea together, but this individuality serves us for a purpose we have found so important that we have taken this on in each life.

Humility is the greatest balm for the ego, for false masters and would-be authorities of this world.  It is also the hardest one to take and the strongest medicine for all of us.  Its reward is a spreading grace all through our being.

I bow deep before your greatness……

I have described these as “epiphanies” that I often have where I am most often shown something, or am taught something compliments of the intelligent energy that is moving through me.  I have embraced my creative imagination realizing the linkage it has with helping me to see and know things that are not physical but that are in the etheric or spiritual realm….the world of energy. Here the third eye sees this world.  I embrace the fact that I must allow myself to imagine.  Once that center opens inside of me, then the inner core of my sensory realm opens like a flower bud and everything becomes flow.  Bliss fills me, I feel expectant, like a man awaiting his beloved who will be along just about any time now….and then it is there.  The epiphany begins.  It could be just about anything, but it seems that I am being taught about hidden things, or secret knowledge.  What is kind of silly about saying that is that its no longer secret the moment its conveyed….so was it really secret at all? I’m having a good laugh at myself.

But the epiphanies are real.  They have helped to show me the nature or the energy body in great detail.  I have been shown the linkage between large scaled events and those on the atomic level and how these are linked and how we can learn to harness this force in our bodies to gain a degree of control or influence on events in our lives…..its not different from what we do normally as we create our own realities, its just that when you learn how to channel energy a little differently through your awareness and your brain/body, which kundalini CAN assist you with and meditational practices that are designed for helping support such shifts (and I don’t know about meditation modalities so I can’t tell you if there is one out there that exists…..if not I will make you one for you to use so you can know what I am talking about!).  I have been counseled, admonished, healed, and tutored during these epiphany moments.

The last week has been a rough one for me.  I have jumped headlong into a healing method that has helped me a great deal but has also shaken up a lot of dust in my life emotionally.  IN the last six years of my awakening I have gone from awakening and awareness of my pain body to beginning to actively assist in the removal of old emotional blocks in my energy body.  Kundalini has helped hugely and it has also helped to raise awareness of how deep this pain goes (even though sometimes a little knowledge or awareness is a difficult thing!).  But it has also helped me to clean things up and I am glad to say what looked in the beginning to be an impossible hulk of junk in my light body is now being pared down.  Day by day, week by week, blocks of every size and shape have fallen away.  WHat made me feel defeated in the beginning is now getting easier, a kind of sacred work…..excavating the bones of past lives and scattering them to the winds and blessing them, letting that chapter go so a new one may be writ. I am not bragging. I am speaking into this and saying that for anyone who feels stuck, there is a way forward.  Sometimes we try too hard.  Most often, it is in learning that the way is easy.  Jesus said “My yoke is easy.” His yoga was easy.  His means to bliss was not a difficult thing. And so it is or can be for anyone.  It was hard for me when I thought it was hard.  When I consider it is easy, it becomes easy.  I have this past week gone to a reiki club for some work.  As I have detailed in recent posts, I have been having root issues that have dogged me the whole time I have been going through this awakening.  It goes to show that when the books say that kundalini clears you from root to crown, I can say emphatically that kundalini follows the path of least resistance and does not go according to any pattern from one chakra to the next.  The tendency may be to do that, yes, but in truth, if something is stuck it remains that way until your ego lets go of it. NO one can undo what the ego creates as a reality for itself.  This week I went in for a second treatment and I wound up with the whole room of therapists working on me.  It was very illuminating for a variety of reasons.  I was asked if I had been psychically attacked, for example, and I realized later that in a way I had, and that a pain that I have felt in one of my meridians was part of this.  The attack though came from a living person and how the wound presented itself in terms of where and how it felt was consistent with the issues that were at work.  Being able to develop a stronger sense of psychic protection is important, yes, but by grace and being what we want to attract, we can transmute the old into something more conscious and aware.  This time I found that I reached a very subtle but important realization.

It had to do with the root and also the sacral. I began to have these images projected into my head that didn’t make sense right away but soon did.  I saw an image of iron and how it is forged.  I wondered over that until the information cam in a steady stream.  It began as I awoke this morning.  The epiphany began then.

As I awoke in bed this morning I felt the presence of a concept floating all around me.  It was an image of identity.  We make ourselves into who we want to be in our lives.  While our personalities define a lot of how we become, we also have a great deal more control over what we become than we realize.  Deep down, we know who we want to become.  We also know we are not being true to to who we want to be because….well….we feel it so strongly.  And yet we will ignore it….most often at our peril. But from life to life, even though we are part of a larger soul, it is amazing to see just how different we are from one life to the next.  Some lives are similar but having known a person who died and was reincarnated all in the same life I am living, I can say that people really do change a great deal.  The person that was my father is a very different person in his new reincarnation.  Some issues are still very much the same.  It is oddly fascinating to see how he struggles with the same issue of being brainwashed by a mother played by two different women but who do the same things to him.  This, he has attracted. This, he is working through as part of his karmic journey.  But in this image is showed me how we can shape ourselves in different ways if we but have the will to do so.  Destiny is not what we are born with, it is what we are.  If we change what we are, we can change destiny.  And it is not as hard as it might seem. It takes work I think, but it is entirely doable.  Destiny is the sum total of your choices made up to this point. This hardens into your character and is also part of your personality.  Maybe you think I am talking about changing habits here.  I am not.  the way to change is through the root.  It takes work and incredible persistence. I have reached this place realizing that I am down to the last of the hard stuff.  What shall I do now? Where will I go from here?

The Voice began by explaining that the problem I have had with my root had to do with my thinking I had a problem.  There were some lingering issues having to do with personal power, of taking full responsibility for my life and also for a fear that I allowed into my field that kind of became a kind of dog of my soul.  I had actually seen a glimpse of this presence that was attracted to these less than admirable feelings and it helped me to realize what it was that was serving to reinforce the energy that was there.  It was akin to a dragon in form….it was itself an etheric being attracted like moths are to flame or a porch light.  It is a natural consequence of where we are.  While ridding ourselves of shadow, we attract these beings who are etheric and escape most people’s notice.  I have known people who have awakened and were entirely powerless to rid themselves of these beings simply because they were not ready to heal that part of themselves.  You can push these creatures off and out of your field, but the problem will very likely come back unless the underlying issue is resolved and you change the energy.  People talk about psychic defense and I have to laugh because while pushing things away they just have them come back because nothing substantive has changed. The light body is your vehicle.  You attracted based on what you put out.  Every time all the time. These beings are not big problems most often.  They are just along for the ride.  They are easy to get rid of.  Most people have multiples of them.  So by shifting the perception of the problem, I was able to see all of this differently.  I already do.  With it comes a sense of restlessness, of wanting to move forward now after a period of near-stasis in a cocoon healing and transforming rapidly.

Then someone stepped into my field as matter-of-factly as a doctor asks you to turn your head and cough.  My root, which had been hurting, was held in the hands by this presence who was now talking to me about all of this.  “You think about how in the root there is sexual energy…..but you also think about how this energy is universal energy….but you have not been able to feel it as that because of the issues in your root.  This has blinded you to the larger role that your root plays for your life.  Right now it has tended to play a very limited role because you have seen it as sexual energy and because of the pain stored there, it has been hard to see it beyond the bliss side of its experience.”  The voice stopped and I then felt a very different feeling in my root. “The root, your root, is like a magnet.”  I felt this force radiate around the root….and it did feel very magnetic. “Imagine all the ways that your root chakra has felt up until this time.  The pain that you have felt in the root that has caused so much trouble for you…..all of that when healed will result in your being able to realize that the root really is a powerful basis for all of your energy.  It is how you forge your will, how you choose to feel and to be.”  The root was beaming and I could feel these bands of force coming off of it.  “Imagine what you could do with this…..once free from what you feel is holding you down.”  Instead of being strongly sexual in nature, it became a number of different things.  I felt like somehow someone was stepping in and showing me how differently this center could feel.  I was also being shown a tutorial on how the root can be used to assist in manifesting. I began in those moments seize the day and begin by focusing my intent in ways I knew I needed most.

“This is where the work comes in, but nby now after everything that you have done, you are ready to do this work.  This is like forging iron.  You will do it gently and carefully piece by piece until you get the results in character that you feel suit you.”  I saw how the root was the foundation of so much.  In an interesting way, the root is tied into identity and to our will.  I had always felt my will as being centered in my solar plexus, but now I realize identity is scattered throughout every center but the foundation lies in the root. Maybe it is possible to make sudden jumps in healing and change.  I have certainly witnessed them in myself over these years, but this last step now feels like I am taking a piece of clay and spending time to shape it.  Its hard to explain it any other way.  I have conformed to others for the sake of love for acceptance.  Now, I am not interested in that and while some part of me may linger on that last note, I am taking up the iron and the anvil to shape in the fire a new form.  Made of the same metal, but made into a new sense of self in some ways. And perhaps for the first time, a center of energy that is now no longer hung up by the old hurts and blocks that have limited the expression of the divine infinite in my body.

All of this is helping to return old feelings that were of an energetic nature.  My core self is undergoing a change.  I will remain who I am but there is some stuff that is being changed.  I have no idea how it will turn out.  We will just see.  Like a painting with few plans, it will unfold in perfect timing.  And if this be a conceit of the ego, then so be it.  A lovely conceit it will be. But if not, then there will be something of heaven in it. This is leading somewhere….

Having a healthy root is important for being able to have an energy center that can help us feel healthy and to manifest what it is that we need without the glitches that come as a result of karmic entanglements.  This idea that you must be careful what you wish for goes away when you clear karma. Karma is the color in the chakra that changes how the energy expresses itself. We return to clear brilliant spring water……

I have a moment between printing out letters, working outside, and reaching the cool of the day when I can go back into the studio to blow glass (it has been a bit hot today so I am blowing mornings and evenings more….makes for a nice day actually…)

I am not a teacher nor a guru.  I am not here to take on some kind of mantle.  I am not.  I am in truth, a reporter of what I see and experience.  I think that we each have something in us that is of some value to the rest, to the whole, and when you find that angle, it is priceless because we all need to hear it, learn about it, and figure out how to embody it. I offer a perspective and it is one that is a lifetime in the making.  You have to decide if its something worth paying attention to.  What I offer is an incredibly simple way to understand awakening and how to relate to your own inner world (which actually touches on the entire world around you).  Because I am a good observer and because perhaps I have already been engaged in seeking to tease the secrets out of this field of energy that is US, it comes quite naturally.

There is a lot said about the work we must do to grow and to become.  I find this kind of silly, really, because those same people, if they have had a genuine healing experience would know that NONE of their healing came about through any kind of work.  In truth ALL of this ascension business is like  a GIFT.  The truth is, once things get rolling in the healing department and spiritual world, we wind up being like the cook in the kitchen that is asked by all the other cooks to just please sit to the side on the stool and watch.  That is because the higher self is actually involved in this work and we are along for the ride.  It will perhaps make sense why ego death is important in this process (and how silly the term is, too, since there are people just now writing about ego death who really haven’t a clue about what it is and yet they continue to write about it as if they know about it first-hand).  But THAT is why the whole ego thing is important; your higher self is the one doing this work.  Really.  If it was up to me, a good 80% of the healing just would not get done because of my own small-self fear, anxiety, uncertainty, or fear over change….and for all I know it could be GREAT change.  Sometimes our small selves, our HERE AND NOW selves will simply fear just because.  For no other good reason.  Luckily, though we are far more than these selves.

If you want to know what the self is like I would say imagine a cone or a pyramid of conscious energy.  Your own awareness in the here and now is focused very tightly into the tip of the pyramid.  However, as conscious awareness is allowed to expand you can feel your consciousness as it really actually IS, which is this expanding cone sort of arrangement.  It continues to expand outward as far as I can tell in an infinite or unlimited way.  Most often our encounters with God or gods are the part of our experience where consciousness has expanded outward in this way (although this is not a rule).  The most intimate experience of the All is through yourself, so it is naturally going to be something that takes place right in the center of you.  It will be quite naturally very personal, immediate, and powerful.  Instead of experiencing the burning bushes and other phenomenon through the projections that happen here on earth, all of that can quickly and easily be set aside in favor of a MUCH more personal, intimate, private, and entirely powerful and engaging experience within your own light body.  If you have ego fully engaged during these experiences it can lead you to pretty grand distortions, so this is why ego needs to be set aside before serious “work” begins.  Until then, ego is busy trying to figure it all out, to rationalize things and create patterns and designs where there may be none whatsoever.

The same writers I have mentioned, though, speak of ego death or write about it in a way it is clear they have not experienced it before.  the real problem with this is that without having experienced it, they may not be very well equipped to help others deal with it or know the signs of its coming or how to deal with it once the ego has supposedly “died.”  This is why I say that true healing is not work.  It is by grace.  Entirely so.  Now yes, there are smaller earlier healings that can take place in the beginning that are very easy, almost effortless that you can feel taking place within you.  Later the harder ones, most aligned to ego and emotions of hurt and trauma will remain and often be stubborn. The more you “work” on these the more installed they become.  It is tricky, this.  In order for something to be healed you either need to be at the absolute end of your rope (which provides the trigger) or you need to be able to have the grace to feel all the right stuff at all the right time in order to realize from small self to higher self that it is time to bid bad feeling adieu.  So if you want to call it work, well, then, it is the same as floating down the river and going over the falls.  The work is in letting go and giving it all up to the All to take care of you.  Curious how when you do that, though, the universe slips right in and does just that!

So what about exercises and stuff?  Look, I know that people like that stuff.  Really, I get it.  But in truth, this is all achieved through feeling. If a breathing exercise HELPS you to feel a certain way, great.  Breath work is what it is because it helps to relax and facilitate the flow of energy.  With kundalini coursing through my body, though, I can say unequivacably that while breathing can help with flow, breathing is not the magic bullet.  If you understand what the core of this is, you don’t need ANY techniques but can create all the ones that fit you perfectly from having understood the CORE of what all of this is about to begin with.   A lot of this is learning how to gain control over your light body and allowing a natural and native flow of energy that helps to make you feel at one with yourself and the rest of the world.  It is a good way to feel.  Fabulous, actually.  You know people who ask why they are here or what their purpose is?  Well, in that moment when you FEEL this energy flow, contained within it the knowing of what your purpose is.  The thing is, it is not tied to your work or anything else.  Your purpose is actually a lot more simpler than that.  Finding it is like going back into childhood and holding that small slight hand of your own back when you breathed the world of yourself in and out with each breath.  Maybe that was when you were four.  Maybe it was when you were three.  Holding that hand in yours, all time becomes your time and what you thought you knew goes by the wayside….less as a loss and more as a gain….a remembering.  The loss maybe comes realizing just how simple it was made to be and we all have been missing it entirely so often.  But here it is.  To stay here requires that you be perfectly aligned.  No bullshit is going to make this experience stick.  You have to BE your talk.  Anyone like myself can spot the bullshitters a mile away….and really, it isn’t to be mean or judgmental.  It is more like how that small slip of a child within you can know things at a mere glance.  They don’t say “Ah, she doesn’t know what she is talking about” to be mean.  They say it in the same way that we say “That flower is the nicest shade of purple..”  We say it as a fact.  And that is the difference.  When spoken in this way, bullshitters will react defensively most often or wind up bringing up things that really have nothing or little to do with anything you or anyone else are even talking about.  It will be misdirected, you see.  But this wont happen EVERY time.  It will TEND to happen though simply because the person is off target in general.

Since awakening I have felt the presence of the Collective Mind here on the planet and the increasingly crowded yet also incredibly diffuse presence of something more, or intelligences that watch our world, have some sort of an interest in it, but are clearly not OF it.  E.T.’s?  Perhaps.  I don’t see them as much as I feel them through my own vehicle, the light body.  I know from this sensing that the body of the whole is changing, evolving.  It is sometimes fast, but most often slow.  There is an irrepressible energy behind all of this that makes it seem like change could be incredibly fast, and yet, in the day to day, that is just not born out through facts.  Change happens slowly and when change does happen fast, we as humans often tend to go into crisis if we feel like we cant keep up with it.  My awakening, though, has pressed the fast at varying degrees through the years and I have learned something about it and how to cope with it. I am not suggesting that its how YOU will or should go through it, but take what I say, hold it up and examine it.  If it resonates, great.  If not, then either you aren’t ready for that perspective or its just not fitting for you.  Either way, its all good.  The infinite is so grand a thing once you touch it you wonder how anyone could doubt its ability to move mountains.  Most often it is we, upon feeling the mountains moving within jump up (metaphorically) and grab the shotgun to stave off any change to the contrary. I say this because I remember a story I was told by my neighbors in the rural Blue Ridge where I grew up about the man who lived in our 100 year old Victorian country house.  When Mr Light (that was his name) found out that road crews were coming to widen the dirt road, he went out with his shotgun and blocked their way. Mr Light didn’t want any change in his life.  He liked it the way it was. He managed to stave off the project for a few weeks until it was explained that Mr Light did not own the road.  When we arrived, it was a small enough dirt road, but then change is relative.  Maybe it was a grass-line path back in his day.  Maybe he liked it that way.  Again, it is all relative.

People talk about the work one needs to do in spiritual circles.  I find this amusing, funny even.  Perhaps we shouldn’t call it work.  Perhaps I am too much of a pedant (nothing like a pendant, though), perhaps I like words to match their meanings.  Like Ego Death.  Boy, if ever there was a mismatch!  For some reason, though, we get sloppy with it.  I suppose I was because I was some kind of scribe who HAD to be careful about the words s/he used since words were knowledge and knowledge was power.  There is a lot people mistake for true or misidentify.  When I first heard about the concept of ego death, I found it a bit troubling.  Once I went through it, I understood on the one hand why it was called that, but also felt it was grossly misstating the whole issue.  But I am not here to talk about that (thank you Arlo Guthrie).  I’m here to talk about The Work.

The Work is not work.  It is a fundamental undoing of those things which have stood in the way of you and your essential nature.  It isn’t work, it is becoming sensitive, open, receptive, and willing to accept that the most cherished reactions, beliefs (no matter how vaguely defined they are) and postures may have impeded your witness to the Infinite within you.  it doesn’t exist anywhere else.  Until you can glimpse it within, it is hard to feel into it outside of yourself.  But once you do, the world resolves into something that is screaming with it and it has a kind of message…which isn’t a message at all but is rather the very Essence of the Living All in everything.  It is already there inside each of us and our awareness does incredible things to mask it, hide it, and even distort it.  Anais Nin once said we see the world as we are instead of how it is.  Wiser words could not have been spoken.  Or written.  As an aside, witness my surprise when I found out that Anais Nin’s work was mostly that of erotic pulp fiction.  “Really?”  I thought to myself.  “What, a writer or erotic fiction can’t have such incredible insight?  Is the erotic not spiritual?” My mind seemed to implore of me.  “No, you are right… is in all of us and I ought not be so narrow minded…after all I have found the divine through the sensual and erotic, no doubt about that….” I mused.

Here on this planet the level of our insanity goes deep.  Consider the wars and all the horrible things that have taken place here and you get a glimpse of it.  The rage women feel towards men.  the rage men feel toward women. the rage we feel about our parents, our growing up, the conditions of life, all of it.  it came from somewhere and yet it is all begun within us and must end with us.  We can find marvelous facilitators for our own transformation, but in the end we each are entirely responsible for it.  Totally.  And as long as we hold others accountable, we do not reach that point of honesty that we need for ourselves.  When we reach that point of honesty, we can no longer hide from what is ours.  We come to a point of clarity that is the very means of piercing through the thick mass of gunk that has troubled us for so long.  Most of the time we are used to stepping over the piles of shite in our lives.  Every once in a while events transpire to place all of this front and center for us.  Each of us.

it isn’t work to forgive another or ourselves.  It is in truth the easiest thing to do until we find the grace to do so.  Until we find grace within, its as hard as a grist mill wheel grinding out the same old stuff.  Im not talking about you.  I am talking about me, so hold it up and decide for yourself where you are with all of it.  I really shouldn’t have to include disclaimers….but we are forgetful.  That includes me.

Learning to love in a radically new way is not work.  It is about letting go.  It is about a death of the old way and the birth of a new one.  I cannot tell you how effortless it can be when you ride atop its wave.  And each time you reach it, each time your body and mind and heart and entire being finds itself there, a channel is built within you, much like how the brain remaps itself.  Surely this is what is happening also for what happens in the etheric also is mirrored in the physical body.  It is all connected.  I have observed this to be true from dealing with ego death and learning how to retrain my body to create the right combination of chemistry to support the bliss I feel energetically.  if fear exists in me then the chemistry of fear is being mirrored in my body.  THAT was a huge lesson, and yet, for as much as I’d like to call that “work” it really wasn’t.  It was simply learning to let go of feelings that had become recursive, habitual, in my being.  When I happened upon a combination of feelings that shut down my adrenal gland a little, I was instantly rewarded with relief….until my mind slipped back into the fear mode.  With kundalini raging, it highlighted and intensified everything.  ALL of it.  But that was a saving grace for me even if it was pure misery.  I can tell you I had plenty of dark nights of the soul to deal with that lasted months and I on more than one occasion just wanted it to STOP.  However, I had enough of a conviction about the cop-out that is suicide that I never got that far in my contemplation.  If I was to find relief, it had to be the right way.  I had to honor the wisdom of my own body and untangle this mess once and for all.

Its amazing how being true to yourself and only yourself can help facilitate change.  Do we continue with that or do we slip into self doubt and find ourselves back in old familiar territory?  Can we be brave and realize that no matter what, there is nothing that can truly hurt us or damage us beyond repair?  We are immortal beings living in finite bodies with an expiration date.  A kind of insurance policy placed in our path towards our becoming.  So the reward becomes something that is at the crossroads of our honesty and dysfunction.  When we can own it and not seek to put it off onto others, we can be accountable to it.  But curiously, no one else can help us.  We come to it alone on our own.  You have to have a measure of self love and gratitude to the One who made all of this possible.

What IS work is keeping up the old battlements and castle walls.  Keeping that ancient edifice up is something that will just keep the old behavior turning.  So today as I feel the ghosts of what may have bothered me in the past I ask what I can do to let go, to bring more grace and forgiveness into my life.  it is funny; when I first began “working” on forgiving others, I found that that was really window dressing.  It always wound up being me forgiving MYSELF for how I had been in the past.  If I was not able to do that, any forgiving of another was sallow, hollow, and without heart.  Its easy to speak the words, but it really isn’t about speaking them but being them.  Without this, its not really true.  It is like me wishing you love and light in your life; nice words but am I really feeling that?  When you wake up you realize intent is everything and when we use words in such shallow-ended ways, they really don’t mean anything.  Let me FEEL deeply, fully, aware and awake to all of it and when I feel a glitch that stops the flow, let me stop and watch it without obsessing and ask the universe how I can heal it.  And if I can’t heal it, then offer it up to the universe to heal for me.  For my higher self, for the God of me, or for ANY God whom I invest the power for such miraculous happenings and eventualities.

The war is over.  It isn’t work.  It was work just keeping up that old facade.

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