There is a new page I have put up on the blog, and I hope you will take a look. I will be adding more information as time goes by, and I’d like to extend to you an invitation to include any books that you have found useful in your journey as a woman as it relates to your spiritual journey. This is the link:
As simple as a cup of coffee in the morning
something in me opens up
I am curious
a map unfolds
a world opens
atoms in my body
dance and sing
as two energies
move through each other
in a dance that I know has been eternal.
The room begins to throb
I feel the electrons spinning in my body
inducing a field around me.
It has been years now
and so much I have gone through
and it still feels the same.
it builds dimension
and leads to great longing
I feel a field moving
rippling around me.
I know that this is what moves mountains
and awakens minds.
It all sounds so high and mighty.
I step over and slip open a book
and there is a description
of Buddha who had thousands
who awakened whilst he was here
and I know
we all serve as this
in our way
a steady torsion field
of the serpent people
the dream makers
the tapestry weavers
the love makers
the magical brethren and sisteren
that waits with heaving breath
in hope and wish
of ushering in the new way….
Whilst coffee and tea are made…
I look into your eyes
which are the eyes of legion
for goddess dwells in everything
-split the stone and she is there
she is everywhere….
a calm breeze
a rush of realization
of the sacred androgyne
that this makes of us
and explodes all notions
opening us up to the new
as skin after skin is shed….
as I feel you there
in the kitchen
as the water hasn’t even begun to boil
but the universe opens up
so simply and wildly.
I am reaching the goddess
reaching the goddess within
so as to heal the god
and make my world
a garden with no competing weeds
You react in the air around me
as I ride this wave
moment to moment
day to day
a great big silly silence
with nothing present
no one there
with a room full of something
but screaming too…
the universe yearns this way
and bids us to
so we might create as it does
moment by micromoment
in scales measured in
millennia curled up within nanoseconds
as all time expands perfectly within its one great moment
alive in all other moments
and my inners seek the flow from one polarity to the other
to unlock my own secrets
that I am here to find
in the eternal garden of the soul….
I don’t often write about my dreams, so much of it seems so personal somehow, an upclose process I am not always ready to come out with. It seems more that as I gain some distance with them that I can talk about them. But last night I had one of those epic dreams where I was all over the place…..many places, many things, many ideas, many issues all happening almost at once. In one scene I observed how I looked into a house and up on an upper floor a door opened out into a room that was outdoors. Within this room was a woman draped in this large and billowing colorful cloth. It moved and flowed in the wind in this most wondrous way; it verged on art. As I watched I realized she was the same woman I had dreamed early in my awakening process, a woman I knew to be an archetype figure. In that dream, I was being birthed and in the dream it helped to signal a shift in my awakening into a new dimension of issues and healing. This feminine archetype, the Goddess, was dark-haired with dark brown eyes. I have had a number of encounters with this woman in dream as well as waking experiences. Almost instantly I am aware of suddenly being an an auditorium sitting next to my father. I am not myself but someone else entirely, a man of dark skin, perhaps Mexican, perhaps Mediterranean. I am slightly younger than I am now in this life. In this dream version of me, I turn to my father, who bears no resemblance to my father in this life and say “Why don’t you get us some Mahita….” As I dreamed this and heard his words (I watched this all as a spectator in the seats next to the father and son, I wondered what a mahita was. I thought perhaps this was something like fajita, that it was some kind of food, but was curious about what kind of food this might be.
Upon awakening, I began to recall parts of the dreams that I had the night before and decided to look up mahita online. Curiously, I could not find any food references, but instead discovered a word that was the same that was an old word in sanskrit which meant regeneration. Huh. If this is indeed on the mark and my higher self was seeking to return this to my conscious self, the meaning of this becomes very interesting….!
When I was younger and I began seeing auras, it made me realize in a very tangible way that we are all energy; our bodies, composed of this seemingly coarse matter was energy vibrating at a certain frequency. Different types of matter has different densities. Different things have a different vibration, such as light and sound; all vibration. We live in a sea of All Energy. All kinds of energy moving at different frequencies, and yet, there is this sense that I have and that many others seem to have, too, which is that “behind” all of this or resting “within” all of this energy is a core energy source or force. We have all kinds of names, and for years and years every name I heard seemed to fall short of really explaining it. What I realize is that any name IS going to fall short of the grandeur of this living presence in all things. So anything will seem mundane or silly almost. Bearded man up in the clouds? Silly! Buxom Lady, Mother to all living in the springs and oceans? Silly! And yet, even as we say that we can dream such images into being and experience them as virtually as any vivid dream or vision. This is so because everything is a creation, everything IS creative energy. It isn’t nothing means anything, it means that anything can mean anything you need or want. Understand how this deeper level creativity works and you can find yourself living a much less effortful life. (yes-I just made that word up…) The Gods and Goddesses are reflections of what we are able to realize or know. Its a little funny that for some a God has meant a beaded guy up in the clouds. It shows that we have pretty well excluded the feminine in ourselves and in our deity. Well, all of that is changing. A delicate vibration of bliss is coming back to us as we reach the End Times. Set your hair on fire chillens, cause the seals are about to be undone. Seven of them; right along with the seven chakras making up the pranamayakosha or light body. The End Times means that we are coming to the end of the old way and we are now seeing the New Way. And I am here to tell you that. Didn’t you know? That, and the fact that by being energy we all have our effect on the world around us….and that the core of all things can have its own effect on YOU? Well sit back and let me tell you a story……
This great presence in all things I will boldly say is like a tuning fork. Its vibration is so pure, so incredibly refined…..it is like observing a master at work. I understand how those who can pause to see the incredible masterwork that exists all through creation would feel awed and become worshipful of this presence. I will tell you though that there is nothing about this presence that has ever once demanded that I go down on one knee. I think this has to do with our own limited conception of what a deity is, and what a deity was for us thousands of years ago may have been more like observing a Lord or ruler of some kind. I can tell you that this being seems to observe and flow through all things lovingly more than in any egoistic way. It wants us to be happy and to find our own freedom in expression and in fulfillment….and just as it has created so much, it is itself curious to see what WE will create. And what WILL we create?
Within this Presence lies a central vibration that is pure love. I can’t even begin to tell you how incredible this thing is. I don’t even know why I am using all this time telling you about it when I could be focused on the bliss that it confers. But here I am, explaining that there is something truly remarkable inside of you. It is a piece of the divine and that slip of divine has the capacity to vibrate at the same vibration as the central force in all things. This vibration is love. This love, however, may be unlike anything you have thus far experienced. It is not something that you feel FOR something, it is a force that IS everything. It is kind of awesome that way. Truly. But in order to embody it, you need to become aware of it. Can I help you to recall this? When the sages speak of “self realization” they aren’t talking about decades worth of work and yoga postures, they are talking about a simple act of recalling who we are deeper down. We are like amnesiacs who have been shipwrecked on this planet and we wake up one day to realize we are travellers from a distant land who are all artists of one kind or another. As our memories unfold and sharpen, we realize we have all of these remarkable abilities. Some amongst us say we are here to be punished. These people, those are the ones who have not fully remembered, because were they to remember fully, they would become speechless and just stand gape-mouthed at the realization of just what we are. How do I jog your memory? All you have to do is to look inside very quietly and begin to FEEL your energy. When you FEEL your energy, you feel it from one central place within the core of your awareness. In this place, in this stillness, stop taking your own energy for granted. Ask yourself what IS this energy that is you? FEEL that energy and center on it with your attention. You do not need anything more than this except that. The quieter you can become, the more still you can be, the better. This is not easy, so by gently bringing your busy mind back into a center of focus each time with becoming quiet and centered on feeling your own core of energy, you can slowly begin to learn to develop a practice of developing a capacity to rest within this energy in a way that can lead to a revolution in memory. Breathing has in the past been connected to this process since breathing inward also helps to move energy in your body. If it helps, breathing in a deep and steady way, much like how you breathe just before you fall asleep, is the perfect way to breathe for recalling your soul self. You can also bring great relaxation by pressing one nostril closed and breathing in and out four times each and then changing to the other nostril. You can do this as many times as you need in order to drift into a deeply relaxed state. You can also press your hands together as in prayer and then focus on the place where the hands meet. The reason why this method is so powerful is because the hands when brought together in prayer actually complete a circuit in the body that helps build and accumulate energy. By placing your attention on the place where the hands meet, you are activating the quantum potential within the energy to vault yourself into a new form of awareness. This form of awareness is one that moves you from object-based awareness to what I would call field-based awareness. It is the basis for a method I call Divine Energetics which uses the power of the brain and body to accumulate the type of energy that can lead to awakening and to greater awareness. It is actually as simple as learning how to shift from an “I” object-based form of awareness and reasoning to one that is not based in objects but fields, waves, of awareness. It is in the wave or field (the forest instead of the trees) that the awakening experience awaits you. Having said that, being ready by working through the more thorny issues of your life can be a big help to you because once awakening comes small things are greatly magnified. It is my sense, though, that sometimes the only real way to work through our small things and big things is by having them magnified by the presence of awakening or kundalini. It is what it does; it helps us to see even the most minute grain of sand in order that we can cast it aside from the great turning of the wheels within us so that it does not scratch or harm or hurt our very delicate inner workings.
Our energy can serve as a tuning fork. Just as the central sun or light or presence serves as a tuning fork for us, we too also attune others whether we know it or not. The more receptive or open we are to this attunement, the more likely it is to happen.
Long before I ever had my awakening but a few months into seeing auras, I was sitting with one of my room mates as we spoke. I was talking about something, I forget what exactly, but I noticed that I was feeling what I know now to be my own core energy. This energy is strong…..its not a flowing kind of energy….it certainly wasn’t at the time. It is like I am most often; animated, intense and with a brilliant kind of flash to it. That same year I had a memory from a past life where I was a native American man who had a vision that had Thunder Beings in it. Like a bolt of lightening; that was what it was like. I had felt this emerge over the years. It was in some ways what I thought to be a very masculine kind of energy. As it turned out that the Sky was most often polarized towards the masculine in native imagery and belief while the earth was considered the feminine polarity. Certainly in the vision I was being shown an archetypal image that served to merge the sky with earth in a cleansing that I was told would happen when I was reborn as a new person. The vision from that past life was a prophecy about the life I am leading now. “You will bear a power to the earth that will be cleansing….” How could I have known that kundalini would do this? Certainly kundalini was a cleansing force, yes, and perhaps, then I was here to help in the cleansing of the earth….which is within us just as we are within it. By learning to cleanse ourselves, would be manage to cleanse the earth? It turned out that there were all kinds of prophecies about this Day of Cleansing from the Navajo, Hopi, Lakota, Ojibwe, and more. All agree that we are in the Day of Cleansing period and those who teach about it tend to do so in a way that is dynamic; we are not separate from the effects that are happening before us. The junk on the face of the earth is the junk in our own minds. CLean the mind and heart and the world can itself also begin to heal. When my vibration changes, it becomes easier for you to change. It is possible to change the world this way, you see. We just need enough people here to effect this change. From all accounts, I’d say that it is happening. But on this day, I was talking to my room mate and feeling this energy. As I spoke to him, I explained what I saw in his aura. I could feel myself feeling this vibration of energy very strong. I would later think of it as my tuning fork effect. As I spoke to him, he began to look at me funny. I asked him what was up and he explained that he saw a light all around me. To test to make sure my room mate wasn’t pulling my leg I asked him to do something that I knew meant nothing to him but that would help me to gauge if he was actually seeing auras. I asked him to take off his glasses. Now to understand this, you need to realize that John wore these coke bottle glasses. The poor soul had such poor eyesight that his eyes looked like big fish eyes staring back at you through those thick panes of plastic. When John took off his glasses, he was blind. But instead of going blurry, John’s face grew even more amazed. He said “the light! It is so bright!” It was then that I knew that John was indeed “seeing” auras.
Over the years I would find that when I was feeling my own inner core energy and reading energy that people had a habit of beginning, right then and there, to see auras. My intuitive sense has been that all that has ever really happened is that by feeling my own energy in the way that I do, the people who were receptive enough, were able to tune into the same frequency I was on and it opened the sense up within them as well. This phenomenon has happened about five times and I often can feel when someone else around me is about ready to activate this sense in themselves. I can sense a similar vibrational frequency.
It turns out that Reiki is a healing modality that does something similar. At least this is the read I get from it. Last week I had my first attunement and what I experienced was how practicioners could help conduct universal and soul energy through my system in a way that was beneficial for my own healing. By shifting my vibration it helped to move old energy blocks in my body that had been there for a very long time. By doing this I was better able to feel my “own” energy which is itself like being a fountain for a source of energy that is the universe. The more I do this, the closer I get, I achieve a divine alignment and it is in this divine alignment that I feel peace and joy and bliss while working on what remains for me to heal in my own energy body. That we manage to hold so hard onto these old hurts and blockages is testament to how our own individuality becomes accustomed to a less than marvelous way of being and feeling.
Its weird. It really is. And yet, we all do this. All of us. Slowly and sometimes quickly, we are moved to the center of some great wheel…..to an axial point in our awareness where so much just falls away. It is like a cosmic seduction. I feel my soul grow naked under the great vibratory force that is this divine love. I find I just don’t care anymore…..and in not caring, I lose my fear over what I am afraid might lie in the center of my soul. Some dark pit or some glitch or something less than perfect, less than lovable, less than beautiful. And yet, this seductive force teased me out of my shadows, out of the old feeling of not being good enough or strong enough or bold or smart enough or handsome or any of the rest. It floods me with such incredible love that I just melt.
I am returned to a baseline vibration…..to a primordial state…..and its not harps and angels. Its fiery flowers bursting open with passion and stars exploding into new worlds in the night. It is the grinding force of gravity hending space and the passionate love that bears a moon to its planet. It is the force that brings blood to churn in the heart, the nutrients to flow from root to leaf, of a boundless frequency that pervades all and makes all as it changes from one thing to another and is all things all at once. It is a dance around the maypole, it is a passionate kiss by the fire. It is a love of great art and science and devotion to all things great and hopeful. It is the incredible reach and trembling grasp of our kind as we seek to break the bonds of one cradle to recognize the bonds of a still larger one ahead of us. All of this could be some remarkable miracle or a mundane blurp of accident and for those where it is all mere accident, there is a kind of pall of death that comes over the soul.
So what do you want? Do you want to follow rules laid out ahead of you or are you willing to realize that its all in your to know the infinite realm that spreads out before all of us? In touching this wonder of wonders, doesn’t it just seem such a waste that humans would spend time making war and enriching themselves when there is more than enough for everyone here and that we could be doing such incredible things instead of merely seeking advantage. Isn’t it time for the Goddess within each of us, the part that sees the larger good for all, to awaken collectively so that we might all be softened by this part of us that we shoved under the rug so long ago? Isn’t it time for love to reign in heaven, the kind of love where God must close the door so he might be with his Beloved Goddess? And isn’t it time that we allowed ourselves to see our Gods and Goddesses as loving and affectionate instead of angry and vengeful? Aren’t the Gods and Goddesses our own projections anyway? And in so being, might we not ourselves be able to remake our world in a finer sort of vibration where we become not the lost children of an angry father-god but the children of a happy and loving family of father/mother? Because, I have to point out, that it is in this vibration that their bliss is known. Isn’t the bliss of this experience equal to the touch of the higher forces reaching one into the other for completion…..and isn’t this the same thing that happens to us as we ourselves awaken, which is that we merge that which is lacking in us, most often our opposites, in order to know bliss and love and joy and all the rest? Isn’t this what we seek the beloved for? Isn’t this really just the way to clothe and describe a great mystery where there is no father, there is no mother, but there is a wondrous reality that is entirely beyond words even though we do seek to put it all to words? Touch the universal force and you shall know the product of their love, their union, their hearts as vast forces that dream worlds into being. I know that this may all sound like utter madness to you, but in the realm of the spirit, things are not always anchored to objects the way they are in the physical and this experience is very much bringing the heaven to earth. It is. It is the Kingdom. Here. So if that sounds crazy, what can I say?
All of this may all sound grandiose to you. It is. I admit it. But so is the force that turns at the core of all things. In fact, it is just beyond all description. We, so little, like ants really, we are just feeling the far edge of its wonder. What will happen when we learn to bite fully into it and know it rich flavor and juiciness? And when, really, are you going to stop your inner struggle and just let go of that river bank and trust that the river shall take you to a still greater sea? There is a tuning fork inside of you and you need only find it. Then let yourself feel it. In feeling your energy, you can know the wonder that is the universe. People seek this for lifetimes. I ti s here now on the planet in a way it has not been in many many generations. By saying yes to it in your heart, you will say yes to a great love that is what you are and that is the universe.
We have a beautiful mother
Her hills are buffaloes
Her buffaloes hills.
We have a beautiful mother
Her oceans are wombs
Her wombs oceans.
We have a beautiful mother
Her teeth the white stones at the edge
of the water
the summer grasses
her plentiful hair.
We have a beautiful mother
Her green lap
Her brown embrace
Her blue body everything
Eduard Bezembinder – St. Mary of the woods, collage, papercut, 18x24cm
Cool, wet, fluid, her spirit dances amongst the cool night of stars. She speaks with the voice of the elk and dancers, who plucks the silk of spider threads for music and muses deep into the mystery of being. Every flush caress of brush to paper brings an epiphany as the union of wet to dry brings worlds into being, a deep dialog of movement takes hold and something fresh emerges into the world.
The carefully crafted cells of energy, like nuts or flasks of fluid rise and coalesce through such creations, and the coolness is countered by a fiery magenta and purple that bleeds all outward from a still trembling realm within. For ages this has been the blood of the Goddess, and it has been shed through silence and forgetting and ignorance, but She is alive in your hand and heart and is soon to explode into the world in ways we could scarcely imagine, but are here to help usher, create, midwife to the infinite. Each cool cell made of silver is shifting as she feels the solar light cast upon her and a great warming fire enters in and all is turned to gold. This, the beloved’s alchemy, does not ask one of the other, but All. It does not say this or that, but all of it. His lips are upon all that she is and honors and adores it in the entirety. Skin and water and moon and stars and blackholes and paintings and wombs and pupils and lips and toes curled and eyes lowered but ablaze with her glory. Inside each of us lies her secret curled, her own secret which bids new worlds to be born and which is nurtured by her wondrous love and brimming possibility.
We each are rendered into tantrics, a deep hidden veil which must keep the secret from view but not from the heart. It is not to be gazed upon but to be filled by, a signpost to the infinite. This, fuel distilled from the cosmos, presses us onward with such ease and perfection even as we stumble on our path to the promised land, it lifts us up and forgives and says “you were always perfect for you are divine….and if the divine stumbles than all stumble, for all are such as I…..” The hands and heart of the Goddess are just this and most certainly we need more of it in this world so that the bloom of her spirit can water the poor dry hearts that have turned from her for so long that they have utterly forgotten that they have done so but thirst for her lifegiving spirit. It is here where silver turns to gold and back again countless times as current moves from cool to warm, from yin into yang and then into a complete union where they are not two but two who never were two but one who is known as two.
Those precious cells will soon begin to grow to explode, static images upon a page will speak of their boundless life in worlds near our own where one nodule gives birth to limitless creations and all moves into from flow to torrent. We should all be so a-mused, inspired, heady with making and creation, the touchstone to how all worlds come to be…..
Reading through some posts of others, in the most synchronistic of ways, and in perfect timing, I cam across a thought that has been the same thought I have been thinking on and off for months, years.
We have a great deal of shame surrounding sex. There are religions that make it the most unclean but necessary thing, which of course seems a bit paradoxical when you think about it. At least I do. I can remember sitting through a sermon at my grandmother’s church, though, where the pastor talked about sex. He said “….and after all, God created sex so there must be a path to it that is holy….it can’t just be something unclean….” Sometimes surprises lie in the most unsuspecting places. The taboos on sex are so profoundly dug into some of our cultures that it is a wonder anyone is able to access any of its great potential for spiritual liberation. Yes, liberation. This is the essence of tantra, which isn’t so much about sex as it is about allowing your own energy to move freely through every inch of you, and this includes the current that we think of as feeling sexual. We have divided ourselves into all of these boxes for what is right and wrong, good and bad. We have divided ourselves, you see, and in our shame, we have locked away the greatest secret of our souls. I am talking about sexual energy, it may seem, but it is way more than that. It is like discovering one day that you are this river and you have closed off a whole slew of tributaries that have kept the flow of your own current at a slow and pitiful ebb. You just never realized it was slow and pitiful. To you, it may have seemed perfectly fine. Such is the life of those who sleep. Upon awakening, this tributary is un-dammed and the force of its waters, which is JUST energy, flows through those sacred channels of your river as fresh water moves through your veins and pushes you powerfully towards a still deeper ocean which waits for you,, gleefully, hungrily, happily.
The journey through awakening is undoing all of the division within you. When you can dissolve your misgivings and shame about your own sexual energy, you have dissolved a most important dividing line that keeps you from experiencing the infinite. We are not meant to be divided. The only thing that divides us is belief. Conditioning. You decided to feel shame about sex, about your body, about your own true beauty. Something in the culture or in its institutions seemed like it was more powerful than your own native divinity and you shut if off, shut it down, a process that has taken place probably for countless lives. It is for some reason an ingrained glitch. it is time, I say, to let that all go. And be free.
Being free does not mean being promiscuous. While it is said that kundalini is a sexual energy, I tend to feel that most think this way simply because they have never really FELT their sexual energy in totality. We are so used to feeling other channels more and so we have kept our channels of energy through which our sexuality flow tightly controlled and managed. But in letting go, you don’t become promiscuous. Well, perhaps when awakening first comes you might not know what to do with this relative flood of new energy coming in. I can remember driving to the studio, my hands gripping the wheel, wondering how I would get through the day like this. So yes, it was a bit of an adjustment. And yes, there were efforts to release this energy in order to find relief. The realization I had was I could bleed this energy 24/7 and it would not touch its flow. It was then that I rethought all of this. I sunk deep into its source and it showed me without words that this was just what it was and there was nothing wrong with me and I was to get used to it. I was to get used to it in the same way I had gotten used to all other forms of energy. I was to simply become a vessel, a channel for it and to not hold onto it or see it as any different than any other form of energy. My challenge was to undo my shame about it and let it simply flow. The curious thing about releasing shame and owning your experience is that it makes things a hell of a lot easier.
Normally when we feel sexual energy, we tend to want to DO something about it. It is a powerful motivating force, certainly. The interesting thing is that its energy is not somehow exclusive to itself. It is YOUR energy and that energy can also be focused into other things if you want. It can be shifted and used in other ways. There are other currents very closely aligned to sexual energy, and one of these is creativity. I have been writing about how to release blockages using creative energy. It is perhaps one of the single most effective methods and it does not require you to believe anything, or buy into anything. I know that in years past I was a bit taken aback when I would feel sexually aroused during the act of creation. Inspiration is itself VERY similar to the act of intimacy. When I observe the symptoms of inspiration I see all the same symptoms of sexual intimacy. The difference is that in inspiration it is the fusion of the two polarities within the self which bring forth the burst (like orgasm) of the inspired moment, the big “A-ha!” moment when the light goes on over our heads. And what could be more enlightening than the moment of orgasm where you lose yourself and find yourself all at the same time. SO very much like awakening, except sustained throughout the days, weeks, months, and years. And you learn to contain this, channel it, and deal with it in a way that is harmonious and meaningful. Whatever that means. Or you struggle with it, try to make deals with it, maybe try to bleed it off in the vain hopes of somehow lessening it. I don’t think that this energy, kundalini is merely sexual, it is ALL energy raised to a higher pitch. An optimal one. We focus so upon the sexual part simply because it seems so novel or new or previously taboo. It is just part of what and what we are from birth (not from puberty) as it mirrors a characteristic of our souls. When you open the doors to your own unbound soul energy, which kundalini does, the lights turn on, the volume increases, and everything is far more vivid and alive. Because you are.
In reading just moments ago on another blog, the writer said it perfectly, the same words and thoughts I had encountered….which is that it is just energy. And if we dam it up, if we seek to ignore it, it will do just what all repression does to us; cancer, degenerative diseases, depression, fear, anxiety. All of this has its lasting effects on the body. The body can turn on a dime chemically if you let it, which is why kundalini is said to give us greater youthfulness. Certainly the aging process has slowed down for me. All of my siblings have grown grey and I am the only one remaining with a head of dark hair. I am not the youngest, either. I am not saying I don’t have grey hair. I am getting it, bit by bit, but the last seven years has shown a range of very real physiological changes. When we can be more true to ourselves, to our soul, to our bodies, we will tend to be a lot healthier. I do not really talk about this at all to anyone, and I certainly do not sneak sexual innuendo into conversation, which is just…..creepy. But what I do is I LIVE this energy in the moment. I feel like I am a flower bud that is in a perpetual state of bursting open. All the time. I know that just its presence has turned heads, has caused waitresses to stumble over their words, to lose their thoughts and then turn redfaced as they apologize for not being able to speak. I have observed how people who didn’t notice me when walking by me often turn my way as if they are looking for something. This is the one phenomenon I notice the most. This is the subconscious self waking up but not enough to tell them just what it is that they are picking up on. So deep is their slumber. But just because you slumber does not mean you are doomed to sleep. You simply have to become aroused. Roused. By something.
In truth, the world hungers for this so badly that it often is the reason for so much strife. We are literally hitching ourselves to a post that we weren’t meant to be hitched to. And we strain against the post the rest of our days. If we could but shine this on in life moment by moment, we would probably feel less repressed, less unhappy and perhaps more of an inspiration to our lovers and loved ones. Everyone is pretty grumpy when they are still tied to that old hitching post. It just ins’t natural. And when you can BE natural and just FLOW, why all that frustration evaporates. You can just let this thing glow all around you and envelope you and just not worry. Instead of it needing to channel itself through your genitals, it turns into honey and courses through your veins and comes out as a lovely ambrosia through your pores. It oozes out of you, it causes heads to turn. I have seen how people will hop to it when you know how to shine it on. And I don’t mean manipulating people. I mean being natural. The natural state. Eden. Here. Now. This is the way that we were meant to be, and everyone knows it. Its just that most sleep and are not aware that they are dreaming. They think “that” thing is the dream and what they dream is real. It is all backwards. The real world is the world that lies within you since THIS is the world that will greet you when you leave your body to live on in other forms. This inner world is the real world, you see, and if that world isn’t made right, then how do you think you get on in the next with so much division and mess in there?
So kundalini cleans that up for you, or tries to. We, we act like we are so busy with the work of awakening, but in truth, the more we just stand out of the way, the more effective the infinite is in cleaning up our mess. This is in truth the higher self doing this. It is a higher range vibration that IS us. It is our own souls energy. It is very much like being visited by a time traveller in the sense that here is this highly refined state of YOU now alive in your body. It is this way because the soul lives outside of time and thus is not bound by it. It is hard to even believe this could be true, so used we are to this time-bound hitching post. But that is just what it is. And this soul, it really has no use for systems or methods or beliefs. At least mine doesn’t. It is in what I can only call a preexisting state. It is the rock that touches the surface of reality, but keeps skipping across the water, but unlike the rock, it never sinks all the way down into the water. It is connected to your earthbound self, for that self is a projection of it, but it is able to know itself in this realm that is nondual. In this awareness, it knows itself as part of everything and can feel and touch and taste everything. It just ins’t limited. Just imagine what you could do with something like that. Imagine what the world would be like with a couple million people churning their depths like that. As a being who is my guide in this life (I discovered in awakening) said to me, “It’s a game changer.” So step aside and let IT do the work. It is a heck of a lot easier if you do.
So if you want to think this is all heresy, go right ahead, but the facts are with me. Sexual energy has refined me, connected me, made me more intuitive, more in touch, and more alive. It is not some foreign agent, but is just what I am. And I am happy with that. Very happy. It brings me miracles and fulfillment simply because I see now that there is a better way, a much easier way. Less and less, life just isn’t the struggle it used to be. It isn’t this because i am getting out of my own way. And trust me, I really really got in my own way all the time. I told a friend that we are like blind spiders who spin the web of our lives never realizing that WE are the ones creating it and then, turning around, seeing the web we just wove, shake our fists at it and curse it as if it was God/dess or the world. It is just us. My friend pointed out that there was something in one of the Vedas that said something very similar, just without the blind part. Well, I am in good company, but even the Vedics could be taught a thing or two. And we all can. And it isn’t like I am atop some great perch or anything. I am subject to all the same contractions of consciousness, its just that I know they are a choice I am in that moment unaware I am making. Such is the nature of our own self made blindness. But each time, I take something from whatever I pull away from.
We just aren’t meant to shrink away from anything but to let it all flow freely through us. It is in the desire to clutch it that we have problems. The energy is meant to flow. We can use it, but I have found it works must better when you just let it be that freely flowing river. And this is what I am deep down, a great flowing river. In fact, my first awakening dream led me to a temple kind of place that I knew was my soul and in the center was this wellspring that came up out of the ground. It flowed the strongest at its source and you could see the entirety of everything reflected in it. This is so not because of what I am but what we ALL are. It just is. It isn’t ego or any sense of self importance. It is just how we each are connected and it seems creation needs to move like a river in order to remain vital and healthy.
So sexual energy is like this. When we shackle it with shame, it darkens it and slows its current. We lessen it and put rules around it. When allowed to be free, it does not seek to impose itself on anything or anyone. It is not seeking anything except to know itself ever more brilliantly in the moment, which also serves to increase your awareness of it in the moment. It seems creation NEEDS this potent energy along with all the other currents moving through you. It is actually incredibly hopeful and inspiring. I find that I no longer pretend my feelings way or shove them down. I just let them flow. Bit by bit, I am wearing away a backlog of shame about the simplest of things. This all leads to a very natural state of self love, something that is vital and missing in the world. We mistake it to mean selfish love, but it is not this. Not at all. It is worshipping at the one altar that will ever matter, which is the soul you were given. THIS is the holy of holies. No graven images. You are the image of the divine, see? YOU are. And as you undo all that kept you from feeling like this was wrong, the closer you get to the Holy of Holies, which is inside of you. And me. And inside everything that IS. All that is created is sacred. All has its own inner temple, its own font of divine energy waiting to flow once the divisions are lessened enough to permit it to enter. This is not narcissism, it is divine. Instead of seeking love from others, we find the love inside of us already. Then that love will heal the holes in our bucket so that we cease needing to depend on others for approval or love or all the rest. We return to a place where we are okay, where we are enough and then we can be full and inspire others to be full also. If I am always full then I am never lacking. If I am empty and seek to be filled by another, that other may not always be available or capable to provide what I desperately need or seek. This becomes the root of so many problems. Be full. Then others might heal simply by realizing there is a more sane approach, which just happens to be the opposite of how we have tended to do things here. At first it takes some getting used to. Ego is so affronted by it sometimes, but as you wear that away, it becomes soooo much easier. And life mirrors that.