God Wasn’t What I Was Raised To Believe

 

I think I have always wanted to know the thoughts of God.  I was never convinced that God was what we said “he” was.  It seemed that there was something much more to all of this.  I grew up feeling this way but having no way to back that feeling up with sound, solid proofs or contentions. I didn’t know for a long time why it was that I had a kind of amnesia about this knowing, at least not until recently. We all have this kind of amnesia, and it serves a purpose, I think.  We even have a name for it, we call it the “veil” and everyone talks about it so much.  It is everywhere you look. We have anthropomorphized it, essentially taking what is in us and projecting it out onto the world.   But this veil is within us….it is not outside of us or in the world, no matter how much it might seem to you at the time.  It does express itself in the beliefs of men and women, yes, but that only speaks to the ubiquity of this meme in people’s minds. The veil is discussed as part of attaining a clearer view of reality or how the world works, “Once I pull the veil completely back, I will then know what the real truth is” many think to themselves. Admit it, if you have read about the “Veil” you have thought about this at least once.

The secret to attainment is in unrolling these illusions and getting down to the deeper fundamentals of who and what we are, not doing what those who are not awake do, which is to see the surface of things and think they understand the forces that are at work.  This type of attainment means that some beliefs are going to die. This is in fact the very act of “pulling back the curtain.” This opens your awareness in such a way that you are now capable of being able to glimpse a new world, or at least what seems to you to be an upgraded version.  All along it was because the lenses and blinders were being  dropped within you (and me and the rest of us who are engaged in this process of awakening on the planet).

The problem is, as I see it, is that we don’t even know what God is.  We have created many many forms, but these are human creations. The biggest challenge I faced when I awakened was this thing we call God.  It just wasn’t at all what stories had tried to describe God as.  Obviously we had each created “him” and ourselves in each others’ image.  But what I found when my soul was cracked open like a walnut by awakening was that a force that was lacing itself through the entirety of creation and which lay nested within every single atom and lay there watching, quietly, observing.  In fact, my very first experiences when I encountered what I would later learn was samadhi, was the presence of this force that was ever-present all around me. I just came into an awareness that only seemed possible once the brain or mind had been altered by awakening….it just wasn’t something that I had any real direct experience with.  If you know me, I am a big one for direct experience and not just quoting the experience of others (but both are good). It was less that I stood before a great man being and more like living in the bloodstream of a light being that is so huge you can’t even glimpse what it is.  Something that huge is just hard to even wrap your head around.  I found it flabbergasting to be honest.

Another aspect of my experience with this grand living presence that was everywhere was the silence of this presence.  In fact, it could be said that silence was its hallmark.  I wondered about this for years.  Why was it so silent?  I mean, I am now aware of it and it must know I am now aware of it….aren’t there going to be some kind of recognition of that?  To date, there has been none. Instead, it seems that this is still very much an inside job, and I have been getting hints that this Presence does want to commune with me, but it wants to do so in silent knowing.  It already lives inside of me, albeit silently.  But this observation about its silence is nearly universal amongst mystics and people who describe such encounters.  Mother Theresa has mentioned this silence as have Buddhists of every persuasion.  Saint John the Cross wrote, “The Father spoke one word from all eternity and he spoke it in silence, and it is in silence that we hear it.” This perfectly matches the kind of silence that I experience…I feel the presence seeming to be pulling me into it.  It seeks union with creation, and it is not just content to be inside of everything looking out.  But when I say this, I have to stress that this Presence does not force anything.  In fact, everything that it has done thus far shows very clearly that free will on our side is absolutely crucial, which means, I supposed, that it remains inactive in a way, but vibrant in its longing to engage with the Creation which has sprung up around itself and which it, “God” (if you want to call it that), has cleverly hidden itself within.

Without realizing it, I had my own personal “God is dead” moment. The final tossing of that old dry construct of God as a man in a beard or something roughly mimicking human was replaced instantly with something wildly different, but also extremely interesting.  God had indeed died, but it died in the way that an idea dies; it wasn’t ever really real per se. It was like watching this old play set fall down around the actors.  It wasn’t even tragic, it was more like it needed to happen.  I guess on that day was when I really met God, or the thing that we all would agree or are yearning to know.I know how hard it is for those who very much want to believe in Christian doctrine to hear these kinds of things.  I don’t say them out of anger or upset or some deep seeded need to tear down the church.  Its just that…..we kind of have been getting wrong for a long time and I think it is time for us to wake up to something that appears to be much much more amazing.

I found that now I felt things that I had not felt before.  I related to the “spark” in me that is said to be divine.  What I mean is that I became aware of just how it is that our divine spark IS this “God” or Presence or divine intelligence in the universe.  I imagined feeling a thread that moved through all parts of me down to my deepest core.  Somewhere, in what seemed like the mystery of nothingness, I could feel that thread dive deep, somehow tying me to All That Is. Just beyond that inky dark, I sensed a world that was unimaginably vast.  I imagined or considered that this void was in fact God’s own veil in order to help us maintain our sense of self here in our reality.  When I would feel into this void, as I experienced it, I really did see that in the great void, there was simply nothing.  It was like the nothing state you encounter when you fall asleep….just…no consciousness.  But this isn’t a scary thing, not for most of us.  And I think that we really all known the Void as it is discussed in my mystic circles because we encounter it every single time we fall asleep.  We cross over in those moments.  Its a kind of non-event.

When I would feel a little overwhelmed by all of this, I would take my third eye and go into an atom and scale that up until it was like I was standing on a football field with the atom’s parts all around me (I suggest you try this sometime-it can lead to amazing discoveries about matter).  Here, I would feel the energy animating the atom.  I would feel the presence of those beings that orchestrate the creation and sustenance of the atom, these wildly creative and gleeful beings I encountered my first year of awakening, but I would also feel something else that was this amazingly constant presence that was…everywhere and everywhen.  I experienced it initially as a flash of brilliant white light, after which everything in my experience changed from that day forwards.  Shade of Paul on his way to Damascus.  In the case of Paul, I sense quite strongly that Jesus was sharing with him the light of his own attainment because they were, oddly, kind of like brothers of a weird sort, displaced by about 20 or 30 years in their births, but with a connection to this same light.  Paul was less converted from a distance by Jesus as he was touched and healed by the light that Jesus and all other initiates are connected to, regardless of religion.

When I read about the Chinese concept of the Tao, I see how their experience mirrors my own. Yes, I have felt this marvelous quiet and stillness that is the Tao. I have, however, also experienced another aspect of the Tao, which is that each time I go back to it, it has changed.  I don’t mean that it has changed its essentially nature, no, but something energetically has changed.  To explain what I mean, it is like how a lightning strike could be absorbed by a vast lake.  This lightening bolt is streaming in all of the time, and this lightening bolt is actually information coming from the Creation.  There is energy that is streaming out from the Tao also, but it is not seen as a lightening bolt because the creator is IN everything, actually sustaining everything that exists.  As a result, you just don’t see a big production happening. But this Creator is registering all of the change in all realities which is quite a feat.  I became aware of the Creator presence as this thing that looked almost like an atom, this thing that mirrored itself all throughout creation in the atom, the cell, in so many forms. Even as I say this, I know that this was not the truth, it was simply a way that I saw it.  It was inside of all things, like how you have DNA inside of your body at the base of your entirety of being. Having said this, I also must admit that it could be that the change that I see as taking place in the Creator as a result of being a part of its creation, may in fact be my own inner change.  I am always keeping my mind open because what I think I know is often changed by what actually is.  What I do know though is that as a kind of mile marker in my jounrey that what I have experienced privately is very much in line with what people describe during moments of enlightenment or while experiencing samadhi.

In fact, what I experienced while encountering this prime creator was that it was not masculine or feminine. It could not be said to be a God or Goddess at all.  It was radically different from anything we have ever as humans been taught.  I found that when I was feeling this prime creator, I did it best when I was deep in samadhi.  The deeper I could go, the more of it I could glimpse. I wanted to expand my consciousness more and more in order to take in a larger view. This Presence was so perfect, so wonderful to me, I wanted to know what made it tick and how I might be more like it.  Over time, though, I have found that my ability to feel it moment by moment has improved along with my own inner work in awakening.  That said, my ability to comprehend its mystery appears to be tied to what level of attainment I have matured to at the time.  The spark in me knows that in order to really change our world, we need to teach how to bring this spark into the world and nurture it into a flame.  We need it because it represents a balancing of our innermost natures and of a path to activating the latent abilities in the left and right hemispheres in the brain (which are activated when awakening is itself activated).

I am not alone in this sense about the creator as a vast presence.  Nearly every person who has had a near death experience (or NDE)  reports much the same as those who have had brushes with enlightenment.  Those who have had NDE’s as well as those who have awakened both often say that after the experience “God” was more a quaint idea for people to carry with them until they were ready for what I call the Big Kahuna of Realization.  It seems that awakening and NDE’s both share similar traits, in that both involve an encounter with a brilliant white light that always results in a significant change within the person taking place.  I have read extensdively on NDE’s over my life and this trait is nearly universal. People talk about the veil being pulled back in awakening, but really all that ever is pulled back are the beliefs that you had in place that kept you from being able to see things as they are.  Both an NDE and awakening promises this kind of glimpse and the changes that take place in their wake.

This is why, I think, people describe Awakening as a destructive process.  It is destructive because by rewiring yourself for awakening, you enable your mind and begin to glimpse the truth of things, sometimes only for mere seconds in the beginning, but a glimpse is all that it takes.  In time, you have more glimpses, and hopefully it melts the beliefs that have been wrong all along and which have also kept you from facing the prime creator and understanding your relationship to it (as a divine spark seeking to grow into a flame of creative energy).  But once you get past that sense of having lost so much, a new world begins to unfold.

I found myself watching a youtube last night of a man who I have known peripherally.  I have friends who know him and have studied with him.  His name is Joseph McMoneagle.  Joe was a military Chief Warrant Officer and a gifted Remote Viewer for 19 years in the military and intelligence agencies.  He has gone on to form a business where he remote views for companies and he speaks about his experience as well as having written books on the subject.

Joe had two NDE’s and when he talks about them, he describes how his old notions about
God were put to rest. What he believed about God as a result of growing up and what he actually experienced during his NDE’s were so vastly different from each other that he was left grasping at straws.  He saw that there was this vast presence and it was in this white light.  His whole inner spiritual paradigm got shifted through those experiences.  This, though, is part of the “growing up” that we each do in order to be able to face the much bigger truth that waits for all of us.

Knowing this is such a big thing. By this, I mean that the Presence that we wind up experiencing is just so incredibly vast.  Faced with this presence of the Light, and the lack of all of the things that we thought was God (ala Moses and the Ten Commandments), we can be left with a paradigm shifting experience that leaves a giant hole open, which is a vast mystery and really hard to wrap your head around.  It really takes a level of spiritual maturity I think to be able to deal with this. While we each face this when we leave this body, we also face a curtain of forgetting, too, which means that most people do not remember what it was like in between their lives.  I know that for as many lifetimes as I have wound up remembering this go-round, I have precious little in the way of what it is like to be in this place called heaven.  I suspect that this is something that we can’t cheat on, it is something that we have to be able to obtain for ourselves, this presence of the white light. But what I do know is that when I encountered the white light and what it brought to me, I had this singular experience of remembering, not as clear as you might think, that yes, I had experienced this white light before, I just could not place it (it existed, it turned out, outside of time, something that makes placing something so tricky).  Until we do this, we are simply caught on the cycle of reincarnation, trying to grow up and mature enough so that we can handle to news that things were different from what we had thought.  And to be honest, its not a devastating truth, its just….different.  No more Santa Claus, yes, but something else more subtle and bigger.

I tend to feel that by knowing this great mystery, as the Native Americans called it, that we are kind of setting things right again and getting more right with the way of the world and the way of the entirety of Creation. It seems based on my observations that the prime creator does not speak through burning bushes but by simply being present inside of every subatomic particle, inside all of us, looking out, and waiting for the moment when we get quiet enough and clear enough within to be able to see how we are connected to the Creator and how what this Creator has is freely given.  Many of our leaders in the past encountered their own spark turning into a flame and had visions that they believed were of God speaking to them.  That’s great, I guess, but given our new understanding of how things are, it is more likely that it was Moses’s own inner spark speaking to him and not the Presence in the white light.  I say this because when it comes to people who talk about God speaking through them, just knowing how silent the White Light is, causes me to doubt the very nature of these communications.  I have no doubt someone like Moses had an experience with an inner presence, I’m just not convinced that it cam directly from “God.” I think anyone having experiences with awakening or NDE’s will likely have similar feelings.  We, it seems, are here learning how to receive these gifts as the sparks of the divine that we are, and we are bounds to get the truth only partially correct sometimes. Additionally, learning how to use the energy that comes from that divine spark in us for beneficial purposes also seems to be an important aspect to growing up and seeing that this White Light is this powerful force that is love.

Namaste

Advertisement

The Initiation

How do I tell them

that you dwell in all of the smallest

and thus through the All?

How do I tell them how You exist everywhere

in everything

utterly ubiquitous

seemingly silent

except for how present you are?

How do I tell them

that the path to initiation

is by way of joining the

Two Currents

of thought

feeling

brain

mind

and archetype,

and that nothing less

will reveal

your presence

to them?

How do I tell them

that their religions have been poor substitutes

to the glory

wonder

and awe

that is you?

How do I tell them?

How do I utter your secrets?

The problem

is there are no secrets.

We have chosen to close our eyes

our inner-seeing eyes

whilst looking outward

through eyes made

of gross matter only

chosen that as the truth

forgetting that it was the Creation

not the soul that inhabits that Creation.

Who can be bothered to seek deeply

only to find

everything is a prop

a stage set for a story whose plot contains

a diminished message

while a deeper truth abides

curled inside of everything.

It takes real inquiry

honesty

and so simply

the doors do open…..

To know the One

focus your attention

on the smallest place within you.

At the smallest level is where

the One rushes in

and inhabits all of us

quietly

and without our permission

or knowledge

like ancestral DNA

whose voice can be heard

beneath the soft sigh of imperishability.

It is below normal awareness…..

its power is so strong

that once awakened,

you should be ready

for a new life to form

filled with meditation and practice

to working to release your inner resistance

to the work it will do in you….

thus the old life can change so much.

With the two currents awakened in your awareness

you can join two “eyes” of your being

into the one eye

which initiates a flow all through you

and undoes you

that you might know

see

feel

and abide

in your riches.

It is near the third eye where the currents

flow one into the other

naturally

continuously

and the only one who has not known this

has been your concious awareness.

This is the point or merging

opposite forces

into one

for the sake of Creation

the Dance

that returns and supports

all creations.

This is the rebirth

the ressurection

the awakening

to a new life

as though the flesh were dead

and which is now alive,

more alive now than ever.

Here,

mysteries can be known

felt

experienced

like a contiguous map

or landscape

uncompounded

consistent

whose golden thread

runs through everything

and can be illuminated

when you bring

both sides

of reason

and irrational

imagination

concrete

the warm

cold

full

void

into unity.

When these twin forces merge

everyone experiences

what can only be described

as an extreme state of bliss

that is orgasmic

and which releases

this energy all through the body

to heal

cleanse

and return it back to love

so that this bliss

is used for larger purposes

like enlightenment

illumination

and ressurection.

Here is where it begins

a fine thread

you grasp

that takes you through itself.

No images exist here

but pure spirit

will carry you to worlds

beyond this one

but straddles all realities.

The thread will take you to every answer

your mind seeks

all origins

and being.

A vast library is built of this thread

the one living invisibly within us all,

threaded through all thought,

all action,

all events,

all matter

and all that was

or shall be.

You shall inherit this

upon Initiation.

Touch this Presence at its smallest

within you

and you will know it

outside of you

through all things

for we are all connected by this thread

of golden awareness

linked to imperishability

and new life.

You do not need to believe anything.

This exists before all dogma

all belief

and will correct all wrong thought

when you submit yourself to It long enough

to wear away the stones cast into your heart

and sou…..

There are so many hurdles

Errors which we each have created

lifetimes of them

and yet

the world of them will come toppling down

when we each enter more deeply into this force

that is love

that is your emanation

your presence

your life

within us.

Join the two

open your whole being

let it invade you

and undo you.

You needn’t be afraid

for each of us who are already awake

will be standing silently within you

as your eyes open

to this new world…..

Your vision will slowly clarify

as you are healed

of your error

and you will see clearly

more and more

like swimming slowly

up from murky depths

to the light.

This can take a lifetime to clear

or only moments

and when the Two are joined

a current will begin to move in you

restoring you

to the original state.

Here,

you use both reason

and imagination

like a man and woman

hand in hand

in close union

with respect and care for the other

left and right brain

Shiva and Shakti

Yang and Yin

together

nonantagonistic

moving evenly in peace

which produces

immense pearls of bliss,

further healing you from past error

and illusions.

These things were once spoken secretly

behind stone walls

and only to the ‘elect.’

It is time

that we see

that it is time

for this teaching to be opened up for all to know

the good new spread far and wide…..

but who shall have the eyes to see?

Those who are ready

can inherit it

but only by joining irrationality

feeling

fluidity

with the rational

and solid

for the new Arrangement

to take form,

the mystical marriage

of the Alchemists.

This is the only Initiation

that has ever mattered.

Who then shall hear?

When then shall see?

Beyond Love As We Know It

Can we go beyond the love that we know

to reach a father shore?

Can we know that which has been hidden

all our lives?

Our lives are bound by certainties

but the greatest discovery lies in a question

a journey into the ineffable

where words cease

and a new life begins.

Love is a force

not for a thing

and when felt this way

unwinds everything you thought you knew.

Ruined, your notions of the past

lie resting on this foreign shore

wrecked

dashed

destroyed.

But quietly a new life begins

new life emerges

and a new story is writ.

Love as a force not for anyone or anything

it undoes every agenda

for this or that

for it is for the great All of everything….

Not a thing

a force

felt flashing and living madly within me

undoing me despite my efforts to claim otherwise.

Love as a force is not to be played with

but known

like wind

that cannot be captured.

What madness is there in those who love such things?

And who knows?

Perhaps this is just the love that Gods have

that leaks out from their presence around us

and we feel it as a force…..

in such places as this anything is possible.

Welcome to the furthest shore…

Without and Beyond Belief

This post began as a small rant on Facebook and then grew far too big to even consider keeping there.  Instead, I have placed it here for those who find these kinds of ramblings to be of interest.  -P.

Years ago I realized the problem I had with religion….ANY religion was the belief part.  It wasn’t really some personal problem or an ego thing or….it was a lot simpler.  I grew up willing to ask myself is belief even necessary? I mean, what if you just started from the premise that instead of believing, you simply inquired about the things that most folks have a a belief about?  I realized that in doing so, I could solve any nagging issues about whether something was real or not.  And mind you, some things simply do not lend themselves to this form of authentication or checking out.

But a lot of things do.  And most people do not know how to go about authenticating their experience.  When it comes to that, humans are mostly all thumbs.  Or rather, they have been trained to be like that.  And why?  Because one serious problem or drawback when swimming in the waters of belief, I have found, has been the hand-in-glove tendency for beliefs to require you to cleave to an authority figure of SOME kind.  Whether priest, priestess, mullah, or pastor, these two things tend to go hand in hand. And that is really a problem.  Why?  Because when it comes to authority, and spiritual things, being able to listen to the authority within is really important.  And a LOT of religions tend to weed that one out.  A LOT.  Oh yes, people will say that they do listen within, but its all within

So what is forgotten in all of this is what I have come to observe is that the gateway of all experience, all of it, is within each of us.  It then makes sense that this gateway must be clear…..but all-thumbs human does not know what this means or entails.  Like a glass darkly, we distort so much within ourselves because its just now….prepared well.  And look at our brothers and sisters walking the earth. God bless them, but we are all a mess inside.  A mess.  So much so that the only way through a life inwardly is by following what we “believe” is an accurate and unimpeachable authority to follow hoping it will not lead us into a ditch.

But even the grasping for a teacher is itself a belief, if not deeper down and less noticeable.  We all have our flavors.  And yes, this will upset people, but when you bite into the deeper unpresupposed, naked, and radiant truth that stands before us. The teachers who got it will be known for how deeply they partook of it and were able to convey some important aspects of it back to us, the great unwashed, the unseeing, the ignorant, the untouched by the great and brilliant white light of this space where some of us have been known to reach.  Our belief also turn our most important teachers into gods or very nearly so.  They did it with Jesus.  It is now without a question that he was God.  Mary was argued over in the early church and those who said she was a woman who gave birth to a man (yes, this happened) were pushed out into the wilderness (literally) and the flaming tires of the term “heretic” were tossed around their necks.  This left these people at odd-ends to say the least….so powerful was this desire and drive and belief.  The belief.  The belief.  Oh the belief!

But what we do not talk about much is that our books on this man are all cherry picked for us by people who lived thousands of years ago.  We say the teachings are perennial and thus do not change….and this is funny to me because I know that as humans, we have a lot yet to get right.  We are ourselves unfinished and thus our own wisdom and passion and intellect and how we use our minds and our souls to grasp reality and the divine cosmos are all in the process of becoming.  We made a lot of assumptions two thousands years ago about what we thought was right and not right about what that man taught.  And you know what? Buried in these heretical books I have found, for my own use, incredible gems of what I call the “Apex” teachings of Jesus.  They were dumped I suspect because the people could not understand them.  And so we got the KJV (King James Version) with all of its subsequent sub-versions that further push the interpretation further and further afield.

So this begs the question…..if the path is through yourself, then why not polish those parts and find the place within where the teachings can become manifest.  Or known.  Or felt. Or experienced.  Directly.  Why not?  Just because you don’t believe it is possible is by no means any kind of test for the validity of my statement.  It is itself what the rest of what religion has become, which has been a hijacking of our ability to think not just in a reasoning way, but in a deeper more spiritual way….which is much more free than the rather cramped quarters my brothers and sisters in various and sundry religions have.  I will say that my freedom has allowed me direct access to some things that I read about from yogis and saints.  Its true.  And isn’t this what we all seek?  Or am I wrong? Why do we seek it, then, through belief? What I have access to is not through a form of belief, but through direct experience.

To get there means you have to take incredible leaps.  They are not leaps of belief, though.  They are leaps that have to do with knowing how to use your insides.  It means undoing limiting beliefs.  Perhaps there IS a belief that does need to be held to until the rewiring is complete, and that is that within each of us is the means to know the divine reality directly.  Its interesting that its the Native American holy men and women who were on to what this was all about.  They would pray that they would become like a “hollow bone.”  This meant, obviously, that they ceased reflecting on what they thought they were experiencing and just let it flow through them.  They did not distort or interpret the information.  This, though, is incomprehensible as an experience for anyone who has significant distortive material in the way.  The leap, then, is a very real one. It is one more of faith, than of belief. The difference?  Belief will land you where you expect based on what the belief tells you or requires of you, but faith will land you in a place completely unexpected, unmade in your mind, and thus also quite possibly free from as many of the tethers of belief than would have happened otherwise.  If you are lucky. And this, I say, is not based on something I believe as much as what I have to this point experienced.  Now my interpretation could be faulty, yes, because even I do not escape all belief.  Belief is itself so incredibly pernicious a thing that it lies like dark fry (small fish) in the rivers and creeks of our subconscious.  The deeper you go, the more you find.  The fish sometimes make us think that our purpose is to fish those streams when in fact our purpose is in knowing that we are to join the river with the ocean that is in our being.  And what is there?  Our teachers have recalled these places for us and some of us have reported back about it.  One thing is for sure; belief is not required.

So through all of this even from a young age, I felt like there was a way through the dogma and from leaving my brain in the parking lot.  It has led to opening the heart wider and using the mind differently.  It has sparked immense creativity.  It has also led to deep swings from bliss to depression. Its been difficult, not easy, and also easy as pie when I can get “it” right.  I am plumbing my own depths as much as I am learning to let go of the things that limit me.  Like belief.  And to be fair, there are more beliefs to let go.  But once you let go of the big ones, the smaller ones, the day-to-day ones are what are left, or were for me.  This is where some of the most practical inner work has been done and it is also the hardest since it lies closest to the ego and our sense of self. Or my self.

And this self does not cotton to the thought of being obliterated…..even as it has offered itself up for obliteration on a daily basis and have only found that the grain gets ground ever finer….

Some believe the way to God is by destroying the ego.  Some believe that we are fallen and have no chance of ever getting up on our own. There are beliefs that we are not good enough individually, and also that there is some enemy out there.  I have sen these beliefs tear apart families.  I have seen people brainwashed by belief, and some of them have been in my own close family.  And the effect has been incredibly destructive.  And painful. And, like Buddha, I suppose, I ask myself about the way out of this suffering Way.  And for me?  The way is partly through the abandonment of belief in favor of going to find that thing that I feel tempted to believe. Doing this requires humility, a kind of emotional plasticity, and a willingness to be completely, absolutely WRONG…..and then being willing to set about changing it, or at least being on duty while the change is being made (largely by the higher self).  All of this is much too detailed a thing for me to hit on specifically and not turn this into a small book, so I keep to the edges and to the docks and away from the sailing spaces and oceans so deep and ineffable.  🙂

So this has meant that instead of believing in God, I have been impelled to just go find this thing. How do you do that? This gives rise to questions, naturally, very big ones, but we save the questions for later and address them one by one carefully.  Yes, there is a way to know about God and death and all the questions that dog us and keep us up at night or terrify us as we grow up enough to know, holy shit, we are each going to DIE!   In my mind as a youngster I asked the question.  How would one go about finding out what lies beyond that transition?  I mean, without any meaningful information, we are all just guessing, right?  It is this kind of inquiry that has led me to some interesting places.  When I was 9 years old I figured that the best way to deal with the fear that grips each of us here about our demise here physically, is to learn about what might lie on the other side of that place, if there is anything.  The advantage seemed to be a win-win.  If there was nothing, then at least we would know and we would also know that this is all there is.  Or, we would find something more and we would know more about the conditions of that other place.

What I found was that bit by bit, I got my questions answered.  In a myriad of ways.  There is enough there to fill a book, so I will save you, but I will say that as you seek, you will tend to find.  That old maxim holds true.
What’s interesting is that within some dogma, there is a limiting belief that essentially says that one should not go messing with the powers that involve finding this out.  It is, itself, a kind of straw man argument, which essentially creates a false premise from the beginning just to knock it down, as though it was real in the first place.  But it, like so much, is a belief.  And belief has the power to toss all kinds of adrenaline into your body in order to create the illusion of fear and dread, which tells you that this is a path you ought not go. But its belief that does it.  Most people just never bother to unravel the packaging as deeply as this to find out that this is the substance of these things.  Ego and belief dive all the way down into the marrow of our most primal of places, places many do not ever bother to even plumb, yet exist and all of this stuff goes deep, one as deep as the other, and is part of the tyranny of belief that says be will be cast into everlasting hell-fire or that we need to destroy ego in order to know God.  Both, just as ridiculous and impossible as the other.

I found many years after this journey that there was another person who had advocated what I was advocating decades before I even knew who he was, or that he held just such a position.  It was U.G. Krishnamurti who spoke and taught a version of this idea that he called “The Pathless Path.”  When I first read about it, it felt cold and sterile until I caught on to what he was trying to say.  And of course U.G. liked to shock people.  He was also a curmudgeon.  But behind all of this was something very similar. Look within, inquire, and learn about the contents of who you are and dare to go deep.  Most people are frightened to death to go deep for fear of what they will find.  Doing this deep delving is the same as the shamanic shadow work and also the same thing that Carl Jung advocated, which was turning the unknown into knowledge, into awareness.  Shadow work is a healing experience that relieves us all of the neurosis that besets us and our loved ones who seek to find purchase on the soil of our common shores together. When we do this, we make the dark into light, and the dream into wakefulness.  We also move the subconscious into conscious awareness.  We raise the submerged lands within the self out into full awareness.  And what happens is that the self operates different.  The “machinery” actually changes.  What I have seen is that the light body can become like an incredibly brilliant transfer point for vast amounts of information.  All of this is possible without drugs or even any exotic practices or methods.  The path, which is for another post, is about how the chemistry in the body can actually potentiate awareness and energy so that what was once a weak signal can be boosted.  It is the same thing that we do with probes in deep space.  The process of doing this in the biological framework is one of self discovery.  it does not require belief.  But until you have reached deeply enough into it, it is best not to say what you think all of this is because until you do enough shadow work, you will be heavily laden with belief and this….dear friends….is the great distorter of reality.

This is the way I have gone in my life.  I have sought to erase fear of death by learning what is on the “other side,” and I have sought to know this thing so many want to call “God” and I can tell you that its unimaginably big, so big that we have sought to create demi-gods instead of actually comprehend the full breadth of this being, if you want to call it that.  It is much more accurate to call this being an idea more than a being.  It is an idea that seems to have sprung self-made into being….and it has spawned endless creative enterprises.  Just endless and incredibly various.

The world I have discovered in this place of non-belief has been quite incredible.  It has shown me just how incredible we are, and that there is so much more than most people realize.  It has not led me to some vacuous place, but to realizations that I may not have ever reached otherwise. And the difference?  I am closer than I have ever been to the stuff of the universe.  I am closer to my own inner depths.  I am also able to look more clearly at my own junk and work with it.  Do I have illusions?  I do.  This is a peeling away of the material, this is true.  It does not leave me empty and naked.  it just leaves me unafraid of being empty and naked.  The nakedness is about my own shame and empty is itself a state that sometimes is useful for understanding so many things. To know the new, to really know the newness of some state or experience or idea, you have to really let yourself be empty in order to not presuppose anything, to prejudice the material with your own suppositions about what you think you are experiencing.

This began as a post on Facebook, and it grew to be much too big.  I also have friends who are themselves quite dipped in the river of belief, too much so to make a post of this order possible in such a forum.  So I put it here instead.  Besides, Facebook is the realm of the sound-bite.  Even here, on WordPress, posts are most often under a thousand characters.  I find that by exceeding this amount, I get the seekers who are most serious about what it is they are doing.  And it is this that I like….a perennial engagement amongst common minds and souls who are seeking something of themselves in what they find seemingly “out there” only to find  whisp of the infinite staring back at them in the mirror and winking……a knowing that we could all take off our masks and we’d all be more interconnected than we had previously thought….born of something the same yet also individual and one.  What a crazy way to start things off, right?

Prime

To know the Source forget about beginnings and endings, cause and effect.  In a world where time is but a spiral winding of a snake upon its tail, what you think you know as relevant is but appearances.  To know the Source requires you to drop all fairy tales for now about what you think you know. What is resides within you like a luscious secret, like a giant underground container of fuel ready to explode into awareness.  Forget what you know; the world is full of many errors.  To know this sublime truth, this unspeakable truth, requires a silence and quiet within.  Only this, the god beyond the god, the existence beyond all existence, can you begin to feel and know it. For even god does not know how it all began.  How could you?

Its pure force is an unbridled love hard to handle at first.  Come, unbridle yourself.  Come to know yourself in this new light.  We are each illuminated by it.  It is also us just as we are it.

Instead of a linearity of phenomenon, all things crowd into awareness at once.  It is this awareness which we call awakening or enlightenment.  It is a very simple burst of being that we most often have trouble holding onto for long periods.  You can learn to grow into it.  It is your nature.  Bid it.  But be ready to follow it or else fear will grab you and ruin your experience.  This energy is so strong it enlivens everything that is in you.  Even fear.  And joy.  And sorrow.  And paranoia.  All of it, enlivened in the same way that rain falls upon the just and unjust alike.  This energy is the pulse, the blood of the All.

To come to it, you come to yourself.  That is all.

The end.

The Great Tuning Fork

When I was younger and I began seeing auras, it made me realize in a very tangible way that we are all energy; our bodies, composed of this seemingly coarse matter was energy vibrating at a  certain frequency.  Different types of matter has different densities.  Different things have a different vibration, such as light and sound; all vibration.  We live in a sea of All Energy. All kinds of energy moving at different frequencies, and yet, there is this sense that I have and that many others seem to have, too, which is that “behind” all of this or resting “within” all of this energy is a core energy source or force.  We have all kinds of names, and for years and years every name I heard seemed to fall short of really explaining it.  What I realize is that any name IS going to fall short of the grandeur of this living presence in all things.  So anything will seem mundane or silly almost.  Bearded man up in the clouds?  Silly!  Buxom Lady, Mother to all living in the springs and oceans?  Silly!  And yet, even as we say that we can dream such images into being and experience them as virtually as any vivid dream or vision.  This is so because everything is a creation, everything IS creative energy.  It isn’t nothing means anything, it means that anything can mean anything you need or want.  Understand how this deeper level creativity works and you can find yourself living a much less effortful life.  (yes-I just made that word up…) The Gods and Goddesses are reflections of what we are able to realize or know. Its a little funny that for some a God has meant a beaded guy up in the clouds.  It shows that we have pretty well excluded the feminine in ourselves and in our deity.  Well, all of that is changing. A delicate vibration of bliss is coming back to us as we reach the End Times.  Set your hair on fire chillens, cause the seals are about to be undone.  Seven of them; right along with the seven chakras making up the pranamayakosha or light body.  The End Times means that we are coming to the end of the old way and we are now seeing the New Way.  And I am here to tell you that.  Didn’t you know?   That, and the fact that by being energy we all have our effect on the world around us….and that the core of all things can have its own effect on YOU?  Well  sit back and let me tell you a story……

This great presence in all things I will boldly say is like a tuning fork.  Its vibration is so pure, so incredibly refined…..it is like observing a master at work.  I understand how those who can pause to see the incredible masterwork that exists all through creation would feel awed and become worshipful of this presence.  I will tell you though that there is nothing about this presence that has ever once demanded that I go down on one knee.  I think this has to do with our own limited conception of what a deity is, and what a deity was for us thousands of years ago may have been more like observing a Lord or ruler of some kind. I can tell you that this being seems to observe and flow through all things lovingly more than in any egoistic way.  It wants us to be happy and to find our own freedom in expression and in fulfillment….and just as it has created so much, it is itself curious to see what WE will create.  And what WILL we create?

Within this Presence lies a central vibration that is pure love.  I can’t even begin to tell you how incredible this thing is.  I don’t even know why I am using all this time telling you about it when I could be focused on the bliss that it confers.  But here I am, explaining that there is something truly remarkable inside of you.  It is a piece of the divine and that slip of divine has the capacity to vibrate at the same vibration as the central force in all things.  This vibration is love.  This love, however, may be unlike anything you have thus far experienced.  It is not something that you feel FOR something, it is a force that IS everything.  It is kind of awesome that way.  Truly.  But in order to embody it, you need to become aware of it. Can I help you to recall this?  When the sages speak of “self realization” they aren’t talking about decades worth of work and yoga postures, they are talking about a simple act of recalling who we are deeper down. We are like amnesiacs who have been shipwrecked on this planet and we wake up one day to realize we are travellers from a distant land who are all artists of one kind or another.  As our memories unfold and sharpen, we realize we have all of these remarkable abilities.  Some amongst us say we are here to be punished.  These people, those are the ones who have not fully remembered, because were they to remember fully, they would become speechless and just stand gape-mouthed at the realization of just what we are.  How do I jog your memory?  All you have to do is to look inside very quietly and begin to FEEL your energy.  When you FEEL your energy, you feel it from one central place within the core of your awareness.  In this place, in this stillness, stop taking your own energy for granted.  Ask yourself what IS this energy that is you?  FEEL that energy and center on it with your attention. You do not need anything more than this except that.  The quieter you can become, the more still you can be, the better.  This is not easy, so by gently bringing your busy mind back into a center of focus each time with becoming quiet and centered on feeling your own core of energy, you can slowly begin to learn to develop a practice of developing a capacity to rest within this energy in a way that can lead to a revolution in memory.  Breathing has in the past been connected to this process since breathing inward also helps to move energy in your body.  If it helps, breathing in a deep and steady way, much like how you breathe just before you fall asleep, is the perfect way to breathe for recalling your soul self.  You can also bring great relaxation by pressing one nostril closed and breathing in and out four times each and then changing to the other nostril. You can do this as many times as you need in order to drift into a deeply relaxed state.  You can also press your hands together as in prayer and then focus on the place where the hands meet.  The reason why this method is so powerful is because the hands when brought together in prayer actually complete a circuit in the body that helps build and accumulate energy.  By placing your attention on the place where the hands meet, you are activating the quantum potential within the energy to vault yourself into a new form of awareness.  This form of awareness is one that moves you from object-based awareness to what I would call field-based awareness.  It is the basis for a method I call Divine Energetics which uses the power of the brain and body to accumulate the type of energy that can lead to awakening and to greater awareness.  It is actually as simple as learning how to shift from an “I” object-based form of awareness and reasoning to one that is not based in objects but fields, waves, of awareness.  It is in the wave or field (the forest instead of the trees) that the awakening experience awaits you.  Having said that, being ready by working through the more thorny issues of your life can be a big help to you because once awakening comes small things are greatly magnified.  It is my sense, though, that sometimes the only real way to work through our small things and big things is by having them magnified by the presence of awakening or kundalini.  It is what it does; it helps us to see even the most minute grain of sand in order that we can cast it aside from the great turning of the wheels within us so that it does not scratch or harm or hurt our very delicate inner workings.

Our energy can serve as a tuning fork.  Just as the central sun or light or presence serves as a tuning fork for us, we too also attune others whether we know it or not.  The more receptive or open we are to this attunement, the more likely it is to happen.

Long before I ever had my awakening but a few months into seeing auras, I was sitting with one of my room mates as we spoke.  I was talking about something, I forget what exactly, but I noticed that I was feeling what I know now to be my own core energy.  This energy is strong…..its not a flowing kind of energy….it certainly wasn’t at the time.  It is like I am most often; animated, intense and with a brilliant kind of flash to it.  That same year I had a memory from a past life where I was a native American man who had a vision that had Thunder Beings in it.  Like a bolt of lightening; that was what it was like. I had felt this emerge over  the years.  It was in some ways what I thought to be a very masculine kind of energy.  As it turned out that the Sky was most often polarized towards the masculine in native imagery and belief while the earth was considered the feminine polarity.  Certainly in the vision I was being shown an archetypal image that served to merge the sky with earth in a cleansing that I was told would happen when I was reborn as a new person.  The vision from that past life was a prophecy about the life I am leading now.  “You will bear a power to the earth that will be cleansing….”  How could I have known that kundalini would do this?  Certainly kundalini was a cleansing force, yes, and perhaps, then I was here to help in the cleansing of the earth….which is within us just as we are within it. By learning to cleanse ourselves, would be manage to cleanse the earth?  It turned out that there were all kinds of prophecies about this Day of Cleansing from the Navajo, Hopi, Lakota, Ojibwe, and more.  All agree that we are in the Day of Cleansing period and those who teach about it tend to do so in a way that is dynamic; we are not separate from the effects that are happening before us.  The junk on the face of the earth is the junk in our own minds. CLean the mind and heart and the world can itself also begin to heal.  When my vibration changes, it becomes easier for you to change.  It is possible to change the world this way, you see.  We just need enough people here to effect this change.  From all accounts, I’d say that it is happening.  But on this day, I was talking to my room mate and feeling this energy.  As I spoke to him, I explained what I saw in his aura.  I could feel myself feeling this vibration of energy very strong.  I would later think of it as my tuning fork effect.  As I spoke to him, he began to look at me funny.  I asked him what was up and he explained that he saw a light all around me.  To test to make sure my room mate wasn’t pulling my leg I asked him to do something that I knew meant nothing to him but that would help me to gauge if he was actually seeing auras. I asked him to take off his glasses.  Now to understand this, you need to realize that John wore these coke bottle glasses.  The poor soul had such poor eyesight that his eyes looked like big fish eyes staring back at you through those thick panes of plastic.  When John took off his glasses, he was blind.  But instead of going blurry, John’s face grew even more amazed.  He said “the light!  It is so bright!”  It was then that I knew that John was indeed “seeing” auras.

Over the years I would find that when I was feeling my own inner core energy and reading energy that people had a habit of beginning, right then and there, to see auras.  My intuitive sense has been that all that has ever really happened is that by feeling my own energy in the way that I do, the people who were receptive enough, were able to tune into the same frequency I was on and it opened the sense up within them as well.  This phenomenon has happened about five times and I often can feel when someone else around me is about ready to activate this sense in themselves.  I can sense a similar vibrational frequency.

It turns out that Reiki is a healing modality that does something similar.  At least this is the read I get from it.  Last week I had my first attunement and what I experienced was how practicioners could help conduct universal and soul energy through my system in a way that was beneficial for my own healing.  By shifting my vibration it helped to move old energy blocks in my body that had been there for a very long time.  By doing this I was better able to feel my “own” energy which is itself like being a fountain for a source of energy that is the universe.  The more I do this, the closer I get, I achieve a divine alignment and it is in this divine alignment that I feel peace and joy and bliss while working on what remains for me to heal in my own energy body.  That we manage to hold so hard onto these old hurts and blockages is testament to how our own individuality becomes accustomed to a less than marvelous way of being and feeling.

Its weird.  It really is.  And yet, we all do this.  All of us.  Slowly and sometimes quickly, we are moved to the center of some great wheel…..to an axial point in our awareness where so much just falls away.  It is like a cosmic seduction.  I feel my soul grow naked under the great vibratory force that is this divine love.  I find I just don’t care anymore…..and in not caring, I lose my fear over what I am afraid might lie in the center of my soul.  Some dark pit or some glitch or something less than perfect, less than lovable, less than beautiful.  And yet, this seductive force teased me out of my shadows, out of the old feeling of not being good enough or strong enough or bold or smart enough or handsome or any of the rest.  It floods me with such incredible love that I just melt.

I am returned to a baseline vibration…..to a primordial state…..and its not harps and angels.  Its fiery flowers bursting open with passion and stars exploding into new worlds in the night.  It is the grinding force of gravity hending space and the passionate love that bears a moon to its planet.  It is the force that brings blood to churn in the heart, the nutrients to flow from root to leaf, of a boundless frequency that pervades all and makes all as it changes from one thing to another and is all things all at once.  It is a dance around the maypole, it is a passionate kiss by the fire.  It is a love of great art and science and devotion to all things great and hopeful.  It is the incredible reach and trembling grasp of our kind as we seek to break the bonds of one cradle to recognize the bonds of a still larger one ahead of us.  All of this could be some remarkable miracle or a mundane blurp of accident and for those where it is all mere accident, there is a kind of pall of death that comes over the soul.

So what do you want?  Do you want to follow rules laid out ahead of you or are you willing to realize that its all in your to know the infinite realm that spreads out before all of us?  In touching this wonder of wonders, doesn’t it just seem such a waste that humans would spend time making war and enriching themselves when there is more than enough for everyone here and that we could be doing such incredible things instead of merely seeking advantage.  Isn’t it time for the Goddess within each of us, the part that sees the larger good for all, to awaken collectively so that we might all be softened by this part of us that we shoved under the rug so long ago?  Isn’t it time for love to reign in heaven, the kind of love where God must close the door so he might be with his Beloved Goddess?  And isn’t it time that we allowed ourselves to see our Gods and Goddesses as loving and affectionate instead of angry and vengeful?  Aren’t the Gods and Goddesses our own projections anyway?  And in so being, might we not ourselves be able to remake our world in a finer sort of vibration where we become not the lost children of an angry father-god but the children of a happy and loving family of father/mother?  Because, I have to point out, that  it is in this vibration that their bliss is known.  Isn’t the bliss of this experience equal to the touch of the higher forces reaching one into the other for completion…..and isn’t this the same thing that happens to us as we ourselves awaken, which is that we merge that which is lacking in us, most often our opposites, in order to know bliss and love and joy and all the rest?  Isn’t this what we seek the beloved for?  Isn’t this really  just the way to clothe and describe a great mystery where there is no father, there is no mother, but there is a wondrous reality that is entirely beyond words even though we do seek to put it all to words?  Touch the universal force and you shall know the product of their love, their union, their hearts as vast forces that dream worlds into being.  I know that this may all sound like utter madness to you, but in the realm of the spirit, things are not always anchored to objects the way they are in the physical and this experience is very much bringing the heaven to earth. It is.  It is the Kingdom.  Here. So if that sounds crazy, what can I say?

All of this may all sound grandiose to you.  It is.  I admit it.  But so is the force that turns at the core of all things.  In fact, it is just beyond all description.  We, so little, like ants really, we are just feeling the far edge of its wonder.  What will happen when we learn to bite fully into it and know it rich flavor and juiciness?  And when, really, are you going to stop your inner struggle and just let go of that river bank and trust that the river shall take you to a still greater sea?  There is a tuning fork inside of you and you need only find it.  Then let yourself feel it.  In feeling your energy, you can know the wonder that is the universe.  People seek this for lifetimes.  I ti s here now on the planet in a way it has not been in many many generations.  By saying yes to it in your heart, you will say yes to a great love that is what you are and that is the universe.

For All Fathers

We are asked to be strong to not show our feelings, to suck it up and to move on.  We are asked to be rocks and the world seems surprised when we become that.  But even more disbelieving when we show that we are soft inside.  Its not easy being a man because of all of this training we have done to ourselves.  All of us.  Women want a man who is strong, and yet a man’s true strength cannot be known until he allows himself to break and become vulnerable.  We want that steady force beside us to make us feel confident when in truth we need to learn to be confident within our own selves.  When we ask for it from without, trouble surely is waiting, for all things genuine begin first within, not without. We know a thing deeply within ourselves first before we can speak of it or teach it or become it.

Today I will not spend any part of this day with my children.  I cannot tell you how much this pains me, how much it hurts.  The day is a reminder of the hurt that the other who is also a parent to my children wishes to exact on me.  My children have been told an untruth that is in the words of Anais Nin the way we see the world less as it is but more as how we are.  It is not easy when you were the provider for your family putting in long hours to give them a good life only to be ridiculed, criticized, destroyed before your children and behind your back.  I know it sounds like I am belly aching, but in truth contained within this is a great big question.  Its not obvious as first.

So I take this as a sign that I must look deeply within.  Touch the Spirit that lies in the center of all of this, that lies in the center of all things to draw from it the inspiration that I need to see things rightly instead of wrongly.  For just as wrongly has the mother of my children seen me and expressed to them how she thinks I am, I too have seen her wrongly.  I have not seen the world rightly and this has been the source of my troubles……very hard troubles they are.

So today I embrace the mystery, I embrace the love that I am.  I radiate with it and while I may not have the answers I can keep embracing the mystery and asking what it is I am to learn, to open myself completely before it all and not be afraid.  For it is there that the Source of all things resides and it is in that presence that all things are possible. It is our own divine inspiration.  Literally.

Today is still Fathers Day.  My children will be aware of it.  One will be thinking of it dourly and angrily, seeing only what he felt he did not get from life and from me while another will be feeling guilty that she has not stood up to speak truth to power (or madness).  In both cases, though, I will shower them with my love even as one has vowed the meanest hardest things.  But nothing rational will explain any of this and the only way through this is to take the stone I have been asked to become and render it into fluid moving molten magma.  The greatest strength is in our ability to be gentle and kind and compassionate. Even when we are alone.  Even when we are reviled or hated.  Even moreso then.

Being a father IS about being strong, but its not the kind of strong that you might think.  Sometimes it asks of you to be way stronger than you ever thought you could be.  Such is the calling and the discipline required. With the day being unusually cool I am going to be blowing glass and thinking of my children and wishing them all great things in their lives even if it means not being with me.

If these people are dreams that will fade right along with the nightmares of my life, then so be it.  If they persist and transform, even better.  If they move out of my life then I suppose this is how it must be for them, but I will not pause in telling them that I love them, have always loved them, and will always love them without expectation of anything in return.  Surely the mystery of All lies in the center of me radiating love even if it does not itself receive anything back from me.  True love is like this I suppose and its less something that you learn as you become.  The love I feel can no longer belong to the Soul of dysfunction.  There MUST be a better way.  While it is not my fault that a spouse has said and done the things she has to my children in an effort to brainwash and propagandize, I most certainly was drawn to this person who contained all of these potentials within her since before I had even met her (and it was all there for me to see if I had been willing to do so—I saw and ignored them).  I think we think as parents that we are supposed to be perfect, but we aren’t.  We are human. We become parents not knowing how to change a diaper let alone how to care for another human being in such an intimate and involved way.  We are all rookies driven by love and the desire to become and be and learn and grow.   If we can manage to stay one step ahead of accidents or disasters of one kind or another, we consider ourselves lucky that we didn’t burn down the house because we left the stove on while sleeping exhausted after being up all night with a fussy baby, or that we haven’t lost our temper because we have just had to deal with a baby for the ninth night in a row who can’t seem to sleep for longer than two hours at a time.  We grow through these things, we learn what we are made of and we marshal the resources needed when we feel as though we are somehow falling short on one end of it or another.

Nope.  None of us are perfect.  Fathers are not solid rocks of granite and women are not oozing worlds of wondrous sensual beauty.  Sometimes we fail and cry and wonder and fear and fall apart. And this makes us perhaps all the more beautiful because of that.  Will our  children accept that as good enough? One does and one does not, so it is a lesson to me that if I am to take anything from this it will not be because another has chosen to go a different way or that my way is somehow off, but that my way is golden and I know it and must follow it no matter what, even when others say otherwise (crazy others at that!). Trying to make it all make sense is like grasping the wind. Instead of that, being able to feel it when it comes instead of wrapping our minds around it is the greatest service.  Not all things lead to wisdom by being known.  For now, I embrace the mystery and wish all fathers a wonderful Fathers Day.

Touching The All

Before I tell you this I am going to qualify it by saying that I fully suspect that what I have experienced is itself through some sort of filter or other.  I cannot, however, dismiss what it is that I will experience as a result of a very particular form of reverie as just imagination simply because I know now the role that imagination plays in helping to channel information into our awareness.  We clothe reality in all manner of dress while the essential truth lies within the body that is clothed.  Thus, the gods and goddesses come to us in myriad forms and ways and each one of them is in their own way valid, true, and real.  They themselves are connected into a vast network of sorts, a realm of being that is infinite. Like us, they live many different kinds of lives.  As such, there is a god and goddess within each of us simply because reality is not itself set to some linear process.  Our being exists all at once.  It is a mind boggling sort of realization, but when you feel it flooding into you, you can begin to get just how tangible and real this simultaneousness of time really is.  So what  I am saying is that I continue to have these experiences with touching the All which is very specific in how it comes to me and is actually entirely different from what I grew up imagining was the case.

There is this being that is so still and yet also so vibrant and alive.  A part of it is entirely conscious and aware of everything ALL AT ONCE.  This “everything” is actually a LOT of stuff.  A LOT.  Endless realities, worlds, and endless material packed into all of these worlds.  Our world is but one of many within this density of matter.  Countless worlds with life dot the skies.  COuntless other realities, versions of our own where copies of ourselves reside, counterparts of our own souls but experiencing slightly different situations within them exist.  There are all these realities which we don’t seem to know much about yet that do indeed exist and this being, the All, is aware of all of it.  How do I know this?  I have experienced watching it do this.  In my own fashion.

What I wind up seeing is something akin to what I can only describe as being like a giant egg or atom. It isn’t that I see this, but that I FEEL it.  This is then translated, through feeling into something that matches it or approximates it.  This is where I suspect a filter or lens is being used, and I think that when it comes to something that is outside our very physical way of associating with reality, we wind up fashioning something that is something of a translation.  What I am describing to you is just this.   Across its surface or moving all through it are all the events and things and thoughts that exist and that are happening NOW.  Every time I go back to it, it seems to change, to be slightly different, but in the way that something vast is different….that changes fast, but still retains something of its past self.  It is recognized as being the same thing in the same way that an old friend whom you have not seen in years is still recognizable.  What I see when I reach this place is something akin to a giant ball that has everything that is happening now moving through it.  It is like a giant boundless station where everything that is crosses through it, and observing how it observes is what I do….and I am fascinated by what I see or feel. I sense a deep state of attention, almost meditative with a very dynamic and alive sense or quality.  This is no dour god being that sits atop some lofty perch looking down on creation.  Not in the least.  Some how it is both within all of creation while also knowing itself in this space or place, an awareness of itself as individual but also an aggregate of everything else….a giant carpet upon which all of creation rides and becomes.  It is curious because this presence that is this form isn’t unapproachable at all, but is just the opposite.  There is nothing “fatherly” about this being and yet it is also truly humane without being human.  It is an intelligent energy that resides within everything. It watches or dreams deeply all that is taking place and does so in a state of what I can only call a mix of deep reverence and love.  It is watching all of this and it is learning.  It is learning the same way a parent learns from watching a child.  It is less a desire to correct as it is to marvel at what it has created.  Fresh and new in each moment, this being of the All observes in a way that feels participatory even though it is somehow NOT directing events.

When I experience this being, I do not hear some loud booming voice.  In fact, I hear no voice at all.  I sense a presence and it is entirely absorbed into everything. Across its surface skip countless images every second, material so fleet that my mind cannot even register it, except to know that it is there.  While it might seem that this is like some vast switch board, it is much more than just that.

When I find myself having reached this place within myself I remind myself that I need to reside here often because it is such a good place to be.  I say to it that I want to be just like it because whenever I come into the awareness that makes such a perception possible, I feel expansive and at one with myself and a current that is all of life.  The difference between me and this presence is that I feel the current more like how one might feel blood pumping through your veins whereas this being seems to be aware of each little thing, down to the atoms and subatomic particles because it IS everything.  In a way, it has kind of co-opted our awareness but in a way that does not direct or change anything.  We inhabit its body without knowing it….like cells living in a larger body with the being sitting “atop” all of these cells seeing itself as its own authentic self even though there are countless other authentic selves that reside within it.

Nothing about this being suggests that it is beating down anyone’s door.  It has no great secrets to impart or an agenda to press upon.  It feels like a completely  unconditional form of love that is more a being than a thing we feel.  Its like…..hmmm….its like this very particular thing originates with this being and it is something that it feels that is so special and can be felt just as it has always been.  Its unwavering and it is primordial because when you feel it, you are feeling into the vastness of the All knowing that this character of love is what everything will feel eventually when it begins to encounter the reality of this being, this All-ness.  It is everything, or resides within everything without getting in the way of our lives at all.  In fact, we go about our lives most often oblivious to its presence.

It feels like some part of it is waiting for us to wake up…..to become aware of it.  This, I sense, is a special moment, those glimmers of awareness.  It is like the lover who is always waiting outside your door just as you aren’t even aware that it had  been there all along.

To know the love of this being, just look outside and look at the utter profusion of life that is springing up everywhere.  Look at a small flower bud and look at how detailed, how miraculous it is and as you do, see those things as the presence of its love, which is itself a creative aspect of its being….love and creation touching one another. Except instead of having a few children, everything that is is its children.  Down to the atoms and quarks and all the rest. When you get that the love of this being is supporting all of this, then you can perhaps see just how incredible this being is.  And as I say this, it is entirely approachable.  It recognizes everything in an instant because it is itself.  Even as we have individuality, it too has individuality even as it is also not divided.  It is the great sum of all and is itself more.  Touching it in awareness is like being fed into a cosmic power line of the inspired state.

I have read somewhere, perhaps Osho who said this being cannot be grasped or cannot be known.  Maybe that is true.  But each time I reach into it and find it, it has been pretty much the same even though my own awareness has changed significantly over these last seven years since kundalini clicked on all the lights inside of me.It could be that this is simpler for me, and maybe that is so, but thus far it has remained unchanged.  I suspect that a direct experience of it would be different and yes, I think I am filtering material to a certain extent and yet, it is like the dyke is being held back even as rivulettes of water, its presence , trickles in.  It is streaming into our world even as it is entirely within it.  It streams in just as we realize it had never been absent one moment but had been there all along, a silent visitor who has granted us freewill and thus would not get in the way of that. It waits for when WE are ready.  To see it.  To feel it.  To BE it.

And that is how I experience this being that feels to me to be like All That Is.  For what it is worth…

The end.

The Return Of The Goddess

 

I have written extensively about this on other blogs, and I am now putting it here as it is a very important aspect to where we are headed as a species.  This is not a spiritual thing, a nice idea to hold or to cleave to.  It is part of the inner workings of the divine cosmos, the air, the atoms, the vibrations of all energy. What we have come to call the yin and yang, the masculine and feminine seen in myriad forms from Shakti and Shiva to the Goddess and the Horned God or Cernunonos, these images express an infinitely broad aspect of all reality, all being, all experience.  What a physicist describes as an energy pattern of positive moving to negative, the Hindu describes as the natural continuum of energy between these seeming opposites.  The images, the symbols, are merely that, and yet, within the electromagnetic spectrum wherein our own experience rides, we feel these currents as the bedrock of our very experience.  You can make this as personal or as impersonal as you want to; the presence of these forces are so broad, they are simply everywhere and are everything.

 

The reality is that even as males and females are seen as distinct, they both carry the chemistry of the other within them.  the most manly of men produce estrogen and women rely on some testosterone for normal bodily function and the regulation of libido.  We all have oxytocin in our bodies, that interesting hormone that is known to play an important role in pair bonding and family unity.  It is also a neurotransmitter (true!) and we all have it.  In just the same way, consciousness carries aspects of both masculine and feminine perhaps in less rigidly formed ways within us.  When kundalini rose in me I was aware of two energies that were in perfect union and that the very force of this energy was not one of the other, but BOTH.  The bliss from this force was the union.  When I pulled awareness away from this perfection in union, bliss ceased and I became really quite ordinary. Luckily, it took a very strong emotional force or “constriction” to cause this to happen.  We are, whether we know it, top to bottom, operating on this seemingly “dual” energy which appears to be in all truth only workable when it is in union, when they work dynamically together.

 

So look at our cultures as a subset of this union concept.  If these “two” are everywhere, top to bottom, then you will see it reflected in everything, including a culture. To understand how this union of these opposites is at work at the individual level, you can look at the culture.  Look at the institutions, the laws, the rules, the taboos, the beliefs.  All of these will be a perfect mirror for the body of the dimension as a whole.  For this dimension, it is a culture or a group.  How we reflect or are aware of these two determines how they are expressed.

 

Step back and look at humanity across the globe and you will see a real slant towards paternalism that has been going on four many thousands of years.  The Goddess, the yin, has been swept under the rug in our awareness.  Women have been persecuted in big and small ways, limited, marginalized in big and small ways. This effect has happened on the individual level and it has happened to ALL of us.  Even women. Over time, even women themselves have come under the beliefs and biases that have kept them limited.  This, though, is beginning to change.  As each individual person, regardless of their own sexual orientation physically or psychologically, begins to step out of this old pattern, we will, and are, seeing change take place.  Yes, this change has been slow, and yet it has been steady.  People are waking up to how things CAN be and the Goddess is returning.

 

There is a ways to go.  We know this.  And yet, we will continue to get there and as we do, we will literally build a collective bank of energy that helps to bring the unfathomable force that is the feminine in the universe to bear in our world. You simply cannot believe the changes that will take place as we make the change individually within.  You may not believe that it is possible to change things in this way, that it is akin to thinking things into being, and yet, in truth, this is what we do all the time. All great movements begin as ideas. All creation begins with the act of INTENTION. I know that in my own experience, in my own life, post awakening, that the things I have been able to accomplish, the greatest of them, did not involve me lifting a finger.

 

It is interesting, as a side note, to mention the lesser-known Gnostic texts in which Jesus is speaking about a process that takes place that he called the “kingdom.” In it, he maps out the very process of awakening.  He didn’t use the Hindu language set, but he used one that is entirely consistent with kundalini.  But as those who know who are awakened, kundalini is not a religion or philosophy, but is a HUMAN experience that happens in every culture, we just have different names for it, a different language or vocabulary for it.  He explained that the singular self knows resurrection by way of the presence of the Mother and Father within.  This was also called Pistis, Pistis Sophia, and the Holy Ghost.  they were all used interchangeably enough in these texts that we know what it was they were talking about.  He described this as the one being two and the two then becoming one.  You begin as a person who seems to be a singular person but then awaken to the reality of these two forces within called the Mother and Father.  These then are in union and thus become one.  He explained that you resolve all division within yourself to achieve this.  To do that, you resolve any hitches in your awareness that are helping to keep the awareness of this subtle force at bay within you.  Then, after this, one enters into what he and others called The Bridal Chamber.  This was so called because of the bliss that the union of these two forces created in awareness.  In kundalini, this is the bliss of the union of Shakti and Shiva.  I feel this force everyday, all day, if I allow myself to simply remain perfectly perched on the crest of the wave that makes it all possible.  I remain in union with them, and their union creates a third force, the Christ.  And Jesus was very much about helping birth Christs.  And this Christ, while embodied in a man’s teachings, is not something that is male or female.  It is the very bliss of union that creates a transcendent state.  It is this transcendent state that he explained brought on something he described as “When you are destroyed.”  This is consistent with what the Hindus call ego death.  This is the severing of the head which is shown in many images in Hindu culture.  This is the loss of the usual sense of self as Kali severs the head and attains dominion over the self.  This is symbolic language for what kundalini shakti, expressed as the feminine force coming into awareness, does to us.  We become less mental, we become more like her; intuitive.  Yes, Kali is a severe expression, but it also expresses the inevitability of the process whereby a true breakthrough is only possible with the severe action that kundalini will bring to you as you go through the loosening of the bonds that you have to your old configuration…..your head….your ego.

 

Jesus then says something important, and key.  He says that once this happens, when you bid the mountain to move, it will move. You do not MOVE the mountain, you simply use your intent to make it so.  This sounds miraculous, and yet, miracles follow many who are awakened.  I know that for me, minor miracles follow me on a daily, weekly and monthly basis.  And it might seem miraculous, but in truth, it is part of a larger understanding of how the universe works.

 

So yes, we can sit still and bid great change to take place.  It depends on your capacity for knowing how to work with this energy, and the locus of its effect emerges from you through sheer will or intent and if nothing stands in the way (via bias or hidden belief) then it will happen. So yes, we have way more power than any of us might want to realize or admit.  But we do.  With it comes great responsibility because as the energy gets higher and knowing increases, there is a great potential for falling flat on your face and building huge karmic entanglements.  I know.  What I though was just the universe bringing me things I later realized was my own presence on this wave and I was causing it all to happen.  Instead of believing it was the universe, I had to realize the causal relationship between intent and event.  When we can get this honest, we can also save ourselves a lot of error.  Sure, it IS the universe bringing you this in a sense, but there is no one granting you something because some deity decides that it is right for you to have it.  It doesn’t work that way, and this is important to realize as we grow up energetically.  We were given this huge gift of free will, and it is this that makes us creators. Godlings. Now don’t let that go to your head, but focus on the important part, which is anything in life where there is great responsibility. With this freedom is also responsibility.  Now own it.  Owning it will also cause you, most likely, to look at your own shit.  I know that is a bit of an indelicate term, but it is one that hits it hard and clearly with no equivocation.  It is the dross that we need to remove.  And here we have great opportunity to make huge change in less and less time.  Like a snowball rolling down a hill, this process can gain size and momentum very quickly.  It is, I observe, growing day by day. Three weeks ago I was listening to a broadcast on women in politics at the state level and it was so hopeful to me to hear these women speaking about their concerns and how these were translating into shifts in policy.  These women were all looking at the big picture and asking what would the results be for everyone when a certain policy is changed.  they wanted to see the biggest benefit not to key individuals, but for the whole.  This is huge and can literally begin reforming our political landscape. Twenty years ago, the closest that a broadcast would come to actually covering things like this were when women would speak about what they would do if they ran for office.  Well, now they ARE in office in greater numbers and the change is taking place.

 

The entrance of the goddess in all her forms is coming, and we can give her a warm landing spot by simply holding her presence in each of us.  We all have her in us.  Me, a masculine man has learned that this force does indeed live inside of him.  She humanizes me both as a force that is part of my psychological makeup and also operates at a level that appears almost archetypal.  She has begun to turn around inside of me enough for me to experience her as a definite presence that has aided me in moments of great healing.  Without her in us, we are bereft of the very tools we need to become more whole. This, though, has not changed me into some sort of androgyne.  It has made me more aware of the importance of the feminine current in all things.  It has made me more aware of how she fits, how she works in all things and how important her presence is in ALL of us.

 

The biggest way to effect change is to simply BE the change.  How do you go about doing this?  You do it moment by moment.  Be aware of your thoughts and feelings.  Do you think first or act first? Which side of the dynamic are you working from moment to moment?  Are you overly harsh, do you plunge into things without exercising your intuition?  Or do you wind up feeling too observant of the range of possibilities and thus feel stuck unable to decide? Being able to balance all of these traits will bring you to a place of balance within….a kind of unbalanced balance.  If you are a male, being able to soften your edges with HER can be a huge benefit as it will make you more compassionate, and great leaders are also compassionate.  Despots have no compassion, and people fear them.  Do you want to rule in love or fear? The notion that a soft approach wont work because people only understand force is one notion that is erroneous. We are showing how this can change the balance of power over and over.  As countries seek the old paradigm to accomplish their political ends, more and more people will grow tired of it and demand a change.  Gradual at first, but the snowball grows.  As I soften, as I am more compassionate, I am able to relate to my children in an entirely different way.  I can now offer them opportunities that I could not just five years ago.  My daughter is now being nurtured by a man who is much more aware and cognizant of his actions, and she will grow up having known a father who is more considered, who is more balanced, and she will go on to year for a mate who will more closely follow the man I have become.  Because that is just how raising children works out.  Daughters often seek what is familiar from their early lives in some fashion just as sons do. As a result, I am rewriting the future not just for me, but for my daughter and for every person both she and I come into contact with.  Imagine if a million people were to do this.  The effects are huge.  A small pebble dropped in the water has far-reaching ripples.

 

Maya Angelou in a talk a few years ago spoke of how small things become big things and she did this by telling a story about her life growing up.  She was sent to her grandparents to live with them, and the small things they did for their family had long reaching effects later in those children’s lives.  It was really a beautiful story that only Maya can tell in the same way.  And she was then able to speak to others about the power of such small kindnesses and shifts that we make and inspired entire audiences to consider, if only for a moment, what their own individual actions might do to bring change.  We ARE the change.

 

So the answer, if there is to be one, is not in letting the pendulum to swing far into the goddess realm, but to once and for all seek a balance between the two.  Otherwise, we just keep the polarizing effect of the swing of energy to keep going on.  We do this by simply making the decision to do things differently and to not behave as victims.  It is easy to sit back and say how bad men have been to women as if the men now are involved in making the same inroads to persecution that have happened in the past.  As long as we put the sins of the past on the present, we merely carry those sins forward and keep the wounds fresh. Men will feel defensive and under the gun and be less capable of finding that shining self that is beyond all the dramas of the past.  Likewise, women will teach themselves again the way toward power is in using their prior victimhood as a source of power, a great shield against which they protect themselves from the world and for what is.  We all wind up poorer for it. For this to work, it requires honesty, bravery, and a lot of compassion and a willingness to let the past be the past.

 

 

When we are able to do this, we literally write a new script for the future.  NOW. We let the past feelings go and begin identifying with a new way to be. All of this takes great strength and compassion and bravery. And we wont be perfect at it always.  But in time, we will see women who are coming into entirely new experiences of the Goddess within simply due to the past limits they and the rest of society placed on them.  They will be less afraid, and will explore the great depths of HER more. As a man with the vision to see HER presence, I can tell you that there is so much more we have yet to uncover and experience.  The awakening of the goddess within will also serve to bring out the god within each person also. The frailties of the man will be healed at an ever-increasing rate as men also become less afraid to express their fundamental natures or essential selves.

 

John Farnham once wrote a song entitled “You Are The Voice” in which he explains that we have the power to write what we want to write, to change the world….the power is in our hands.  Yours. Mine. Hers.  His.  I promise you, as you step upon this path, there is no end to how deep all of this goes.

Nemasté

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Divine Energy

Reading through some posts of others, in the most synchronistic of ways, and in perfect timing, I cam across a thought that has been the same thought I have been thinking on and off for months, years.

We have a great deal of shame surrounding sex.  There are religions that make it the most unclean but necessary thing, which of course seems a bit paradoxical when you think about it.  At least I do.  I can remember sitting through a sermon at my grandmother’s church, though, where the pastor talked about sex.  He said “….and after all, God created sex so there must be a path to it that is holy….it can’t just be something unclean….”  Sometimes surprises lie in the most unsuspecting places.   The taboos on sex are so profoundly dug into some of our cultures that it is a wonder anyone is able to access any of its great potential for spiritual liberation.  Yes, liberation.  This is the essence of tantra, which isn’t so much about sex as it is about allowing your own energy to move freely through every inch of you, and this includes the current that we think of as feeling sexual.  We have divided ourselves into all of these boxes for what is right and wrong, good and bad.  We have divided ourselves, you see, and in our shame, we have locked away the greatest secret of our souls.  I am talking about sexual energy, it may seem, but it is way more than that.  It is like discovering one day that you are this river and you have closed off a whole slew of tributaries that have kept the flow of your own current at a slow and pitiful ebb.  You just never realized it was slow and pitiful.  To you, it may have seemed perfectly fine.  Such is the life of those who sleep.  Upon awakening, this tributary is un-dammed and the force of its waters, which is JUST energy, flows through those sacred channels of your river as fresh water moves through your veins and pushes you powerfully towards a still deeper ocean which waits for you,, gleefully, hungrily, happily.

The journey through awakening is undoing all of the division within you.  When you can dissolve your misgivings and shame about your own sexual energy, you have dissolved a most important dividing line that keeps you from experiencing the infinite.  We are not meant to be divided.  The only thing that divides us is belief.  Conditioning.  You decided to feel shame about sex, about your body, about your own true beauty.   Something in the culture or in its institutions seemed like it was more powerful than your own native divinity and you shut if off, shut it down, a process that has taken place probably for countless lives.  It is for some reason an ingrained glitch.  it is time, I say, to let that all go.  And be free.

Being free does not mean being promiscuous.  While it is said that kundalini is a sexual energy, I tend to feel that most think this way simply because they have never really FELT their sexual energy in totality.  We are so used to feeling other channels more and so we have kept our channels of energy through which our sexuality flow tightly controlled and managed.  But in letting go, you don’t become promiscuous.  Well, perhaps when awakening first comes you might not know what to do with this relative flood of new energy coming in. I can remember driving to the studio, my hands gripping the wheel, wondering how I would get through the day like this.  So yes, it was a bit of an adjustment.  And yes, there were efforts to release this energy in order to find relief.  The realization I had was I could bleed this energy 24/7 and it would not touch its flow.  It was then that I rethought all of this.  I sunk deep into its source and it showed me without words that this was just what it was and there was nothing wrong with me and I was to get used to it.  I was to get used to it in the same way I had gotten used to all other forms of energy.  I was to simply become a vessel, a channel for it and to not hold onto it or see it as any different than any other form of energy.  My challenge was to undo my shame about it and let it simply flow.  The curious thing about releasing shame and owning your experience is that it makes things a hell of a lot easier.

Normally when we feel sexual energy, we tend to want to DO something about it.  It is a powerful motivating force, certainly.  The interesting thing is that its energy is not somehow exclusive to itself.  It is YOUR energy and that energy can also be focused into other things if you want.  It can be shifted and used in other ways.  There are other currents very closely aligned to sexual energy, and one of these is creativity.  I have been writing about how to release blockages using creative energy.  It is perhaps one of the single most effective methods and it does not require you to believe anything, or buy into anything.  I know that in years past I was a bit taken aback when I would feel sexually aroused during the act of creation.  Inspiration is itself VERY similar to the act of intimacy.  When I  observe the symptoms of inspiration I see all the same symptoms of sexual intimacy.  The difference is that in inspiration it is the fusion of the two polarities within the self which bring forth the burst (like orgasm) of the inspired moment, the big “A-ha!” moment when the light goes on over our heads.  And what could be more enlightening than the moment of orgasm where you lose yourself and find yourself all at the same time.  SO very much like awakening, except sustained throughout the days, weeks, months, and years.  And you learn to contain this, channel it, and deal with it in a way that is harmonious and meaningful.  Whatever that means.  Or you struggle with it, try to make deals with it, maybe try to bleed it off in the vain hopes of somehow lessening it.  I don’t think that this energy, kundalini is merely sexual, it is ALL energy raised to a higher pitch. An optimal one. We focus so upon the sexual part simply because it seems so novel or new or previously taboo.  It is just part of what and what we are from birth (not from puberty) as it mirrors a characteristic of our souls.  When you open the doors to your own unbound soul energy, which kundalini does, the lights turn on, the volume increases, and everything is far more vivid and alive.  Because you are.

In reading just moments ago on another blog, the writer said it perfectly, the same words and thoughts I had encountered….which is that it is just energy.  And if we dam it up, if we seek to ignore it, it will do just what all repression does to us; cancer, degenerative diseases, depression, fear, anxiety.  All of this has its lasting effects on the body.  The body can turn on a dime chemically if you let it, which is why kundalini is said to give us greater youthfulness.  Certainly the aging process has slowed down for me.  All of my siblings have grown grey and I am the only one remaining with a head of dark hair.  I am not the youngest, either.  I am not saying I don’t have grey hair.  I am getting it, bit by bit, but the last seven years has shown a range of very real physiological changes.  When we can be more true to ourselves, to our soul, to our bodies, we will tend to be a lot healthier. I do not really talk about this at all to anyone, and I certainly do not sneak sexual innuendo into conversation, which is just…..creepy.  But what I do is I LIVE this energy in the moment.  I feel like I am a flower bud that is in a perpetual state of bursting open.  All the time. I know that just its presence has turned heads, has caused waitresses to stumble over their words, to lose their thoughts and then turn redfaced as they apologize for not being able to speak.  I have observed how people who didn’t notice me when walking by me often turn my way as if they are looking for something.  This is the one phenomenon I notice the most.  This is the subconscious self waking up but not enough to tell them just what it is that they are picking up on.  So deep is their slumber.  But just because you slumber does not mean you are doomed to sleep.  You simply have to become aroused.  Roused.  By something.

In truth, the world hungers for this so badly that it often is the reason for so much strife.  We are literally hitching ourselves to a post that we weren’t meant to be hitched to.  And we strain against the post the rest of our days.  If we could but shine this on in life moment by moment, we would probably feel less repressed, less unhappy and perhaps more of an inspiration to our lovers and loved ones. Everyone is pretty grumpy when they are still tied to that old hitching post.  It just ins’t natural.  And when you can BE natural and just FLOW, why all that frustration evaporates.  You can just let this thing glow all around you and envelope you and just not worry.  Instead of it needing to channel itself through your genitals, it turns into honey and courses through your veins and comes out as a lovely ambrosia through your pores.  It oozes out of you, it causes heads to turn.  I have seen how people will hop to it when you know how to shine it on.  And I don’t mean manipulating people.  I mean being natural.  The natural state.  Eden.  Here.  Now.  This is the way that we were meant to be, and everyone knows it.  Its just that most sleep and are not aware that they are dreaming. They think “that” thing is the dream and what they dream is real. It is all backwards.  The real world is the world that lies within you since THIS is the world that will greet you when you leave your body to live on in other forms.  This inner world is the real world, you see, and if that world isn’t made right, then how do you think you get on in the next with so much division and mess in there?

So kundalini cleans that up for you, or tries to.  We, we act like we are so busy with the work of awakening, but in truth, the more we just stand out of the way, the more effective the infinite is in cleaning up our mess.  This is in truth the higher self doing this.  It is a higher range vibration that IS us.  It is our own souls energy.  It is very much like being visited by a time traveller in the sense that here is this highly refined state of YOU now alive in your body.  It is this way because the soul lives outside of time and thus is not bound by it. It is hard to even believe this could be true, so used we are to this time-bound hitching post.  But that is just what it is.  And this soul, it really has no use for systems or methods or beliefs.  At least mine doesn’t.  It is in what I can only call a preexisting state.  It is the rock that touches the surface of reality, but keeps skipping across the water, but unlike the rock, it never sinks all the way down into the water.  It is connected to your earthbound self, for that self is a projection of it, but it is able to know itself in this realm that is nondual.  In this awareness, it knows itself as part of everything and can feel and touch and taste everything. It just ins’t limited.  Just imagine what you could do with something like that. Imagine what the world would be like with a couple million people churning their depths like that.  As a being who is my guide in this life (I discovered in awakening) said to me, “It’s a game changer.”  So step aside and let IT do the work.  It is a heck of a lot easier if you do.

So if you want to think this is all heresy, go right ahead, but the facts are with me.  Sexual energy has refined me, connected me, made me more intuitive, more in touch, and more alive.  It is not some foreign agent, but is just what I am.  And I am happy with that.  Very happy.  It brings me miracles and fulfillment simply because I see now that there is a better way, a much easier way.  Less and less, life just isn’t the struggle it used to be.  It isn’t this because i am getting out of my own way.  And trust me, I really really got in my own way all the time.  I told a friend that we are like blind spiders who spin the web of our lives never realizing that WE are the ones creating it and then, turning around, seeing the web we just wove, shake our fists at it and curse it as if it was God/dess or the world.  It is just us.  My friend pointed out that there was something in one of the Vedas that said something very similar, just without the blind part.  Well, I am in good company, but even the Vedics could be taught a thing or two.  And we all can.  And it isn’t like I am atop some great perch or anything.  I am subject to all the same contractions of consciousness, its just that I know they are a choice I am in that moment unaware I am making.  Such is the nature of our own self made blindness.  But each time, I take something from whatever I pull away from.

We just aren’t meant to shrink away from anything but to let it all flow freely through us.  It is in the desire to clutch it that we have problems.  The energy is meant to flow.  We can use it, but I have found it works must better when you just let it be that freely flowing river.  And this is what I am deep down, a great flowing river.  In fact, my first awakening dream led me to a temple kind of place that I knew was my soul and in the center was this wellspring that came up out of the ground.  It flowed the strongest at its source and you could see the entirety of everything reflected in it.  This is so not because of what I am but what we ALL are.  It just is.  It isn’t ego or any sense of self importance.  It is just how we each are connected and it seems creation needs to move like a river in order to remain vital and healthy.

So sexual energy is like this.  When we shackle it with shame, it darkens it and slows its current.  We lessen it and put rules around it.  When allowed to be free, it does not seek to impose itself on anything or anyone.  It is not seeking anything except to know itself ever more brilliantly in the moment, which also serves to increase your awareness of it in the moment. It seems creation NEEDS this potent energy along with all the other currents moving through you. It is actually incredibly hopeful and inspiring.  I find that I no longer pretend my feelings way or shove them down.  I just let them flow.  Bit by bit, I am wearing away a backlog of shame about the simplest of things.  This all leads to a very natural state of self love, something that is vital and missing in the world.  We mistake it to mean selfish love, but it is not this.  Not at all. It is worshipping at the one altar that will ever matter, which is the soul you were given.  THIS is the holy of holies.  No graven images.  You are the image of the divine, see?  YOU are.  And as you undo all that kept you from feeling like this was wrong, the closer you get to the Holy of Holies, which is inside of you. And me.  And inside everything that IS.  All that is created is sacred.  All has its own inner temple, its own font of divine energy waiting to flow once the divisions are lessened enough to permit it to enter.  This is not narcissism, it is divine.  Instead of seeking love from others, we find the love inside of us already.  Then that love will heal the holes in our bucket so that we cease needing to depend on others for approval or love or all the rest.  We return to a place where we are okay, where we are enough and then we can be full and inspire others to be full also. If I am always full then I am never lacking.  If I am empty and seek to be filled by another, that other may not always be available or capable to provide what I desperately need or seek.  This becomes the root of so many problems.  Be full.  Then others might heal simply by realizing there is a more sane approach, which just happens to be the opposite of how we have tended to do things here.  At first it takes some getting used to.  Ego is so affronted by it sometimes, but as you wear that away, it becomes soooo much easier.  And life mirrors that.