Archives for posts with tag: gnostic

The Gospel of Thomas, along with the Gospel of Mary, and the Gospel of Philip,  were key books that I discovered early in my awakening that related to me the body of esoteric knowledge that Jesus taught to his disciples.

These books are so new to modern Christianity that their effects on our thinking are only recently being felt. The discovery of the Nag Hammadi codices happened in 1945 by a local man living near the town that the codices were named after. The same year the Dead Sea Scrolls were also discovered. The codices, though, were not fully translated and published until the early ’70’s. The differences between these two finds, though could not be greater: the Dead Sea Scrolls were written very much in the Judaic tradition as mystical treatises from a group of people who were the Essenes, while the Nag Hammadi was mystical thought based on what would become a break from the Judaic tradition into new realms of experience.

Reading them for the first time in 2006 was an epiphany for me. Growing up, I always felt that there was more, and that something more was missing from Christianity. I didn’t know what this something more even was, nor did I know why growing up that I had this deeply held sense about how Christianity had been hiding something. Sounds a little crazy, right? As I have read this collection of books that began with Thomas, I felt immediately as though I had found it. Just like any book I could feel where it was “off” or when a distortion was creeping in. When the writing was hitting the bullseye, it felt as though I was reading a buried truth inside of me. I saw how, for as useful as science has been, it had done the exact same thing religion had done; it taught us to pay no heed to our own experience (in this case, an inner reality was reduced to mere chemical signals and with religion, our broken state could not hope to allow us a clear view to divine reality).

The Gospel of Thomas was the first book that began to illuminate as well as unravel both what I was taught and what I suspected deep down was a different story about Christianity. Maybe you, too, have had similar misgivings-like something just doesn’t seem quite right about it? I guess I grew up questioning and found it odd that there was invariably that moment in conversation where the other person would say, “You just have to believe!” I never outgrew that need to question, and consequentially never became a follower of anything…..not a religion or philosophy or “ism.” But as time would tell, it stood me in good stead.

Being introduced to these books was like putting a puzzle piece into place that had long been missing. It came to me by way of a friend who read something I wrote while I was in the “thrall” of the energy I had been feeling in bursts early on before the full-on “rise” of awakening.

I published the writing on a forum in 2006 just months before kundalini rose. The writing was an innocent appraisal of what I was going through and how it was affecting my inner perception and experience at the time. It was written as prose, but it was poetry at its heart. The discovery that I made was when my friend suggested I read the gospel of Thomas in the Nag Hammad. I had no familiarity with these books, but found certain passages in Thomas to be identical in content to what I had just written. My friend had said as much, which piqued my curiosity.

The piece I wrote was about how all of nature was suffused with the energy of life force and that this force existed for plants just as it existed for humans; that sexual energy is the interconnecting principle behind all energy, which is creative and connective. Most people never feel this in their baseline experience because the energy is narrowed down so much that they only get a trickle. By sexual energy, I am not talking about sex or active arousal, but rather a steady continuou experience of sexual/sensual energy as a kind of energetic baseline —or bliss, if you prefer.  What I had unknowingly stumbled onto was this baseline experience instead of mere arousal. How can anyone know the creative power inherent in the emanations of spirit and the universe who does not experience it first hand? 

The energy that I felt was sexual, yes, but it was also different in that I noticed that it was opening my mind in a way that I was familiar with as an artist and seeker, but in a different way. It was like a rarefied form of inspiration, maybe like inspiration on steroids. It brought the awareness that I was opening up to a reality that existed in all things and that this was more than mere imagination. I was at work as this experience first poured through me so powerfully, and was like a narrative that hung in the air, waiting for me as I turned my mind back to it through the course of the day. It was almost exactly like putting a book down and picking it back up at the same place later. The sense that “I” alone was creating this had vanished.

Rather than feeling like I was creating this experience, it had an objective quality to it that was co-creative; as if it waited for me to find my own unique way to give it voice. This was a very different kind of experience, and I have written about it before. On that day it was as though I stepped past mere imagination to find that imagination, if you go deep enough into it, becomes a sensory portal where we form images to describe the reality we are experiencing when we are not using our physical senses. It allows you to see beyond yourself (as long as you aren’t wearing  blinders). 

The sense I had was extremely vivid and a little more than “trippy.” It has now become a fixture of my experience, but back then this was a horse of a different color. It was akin to how you awaken from a dream and are able to go back to sleep to finish the dream….except I was awake.

 It was like a truth living in the light. I came upon the first realization that sexuality was an integral part of spiritual energy in an undivided way. I knew, had known, that our sexuality had the capability to allow us deep communion with ourselves and one another, but I simply had not experienced it in the way I was doing so on that crisp October day in 2006. I was moved by sexual energy to see and to feel into a world that seemed like it was a product of imagination only to find that it was a channel, along with imagination, for apprehending the world and reality in a nonphysical, nonsensory way. I was not experiencing this with a person, it was with a matrix or field of energy that interpenetrated everything. It was through the energy that I first began to relate and see in this new way.

I realized that our shame about sexuality was, at least in part, blocking all of us from knowing the light of this knowing. I knew on that day that what made sexual energy dirty was the shame we brought to it. Sexual energy had been poorly understood as a result. 

When I finally sat down to write out the material that had played through my mind that day, I felt a need to note the time. I put it down on the page and began to type. The material poured through me. It was so fast, a part of me was surprised. I noted the time that I ended and put it at the end of the page. Years later, I went back and tried to type the piece again and found that I couldn’t match the speed that it came through. It was entitled The Yearning. 

After having written the piece, I had the first synchronicity occur that was uncanny right after leaving work. I went into town and wound up buying a science magazine that had a story in it that carried the same message in it as my writing. Out of all the magazine’s I could have bought, this one was the most different of all of them, and I had to work to find it because it was hidden behind a card rack in the store. When I looked at its cover, there was no mention of the story that was in it. These personally relevant coincidences would begin to form the basis of so many events in my life once awakening came in full force. Synchronicity happens when we step into the flow of this energy in consciousness, you see. It is part of this new landscape.



The writings of Thomas, which are a collection of quotes that Jesus said, carries no story-line like the mainstream Gospels do, but instead is a collection of sayings with no apparent personal commentary by Thomas. The book is laden with an understanding of awakening and relays this in the same way Jesus taught the masses, which was through a nonliteral language of parable and analogy. The reason for this is because Jesus was seeking to relay a nonphysical reality to minds who knew nothing but physical reality.  You can’t do this in a literal way and expect anyone to understand you.

Photograph of a page from The Gospel Of Thomas


The key here in ALL of his teachings is his use of the word “like” which is in nearly every parable: he does not say the kingdom is a mustard seed, he says it is like a mustard seed. This type of discourse assumes that you will look inward for the details, for the truth. It is a means of getting us to look inward to find our own inner mustard seed, to understand how something so small and so hidden can grow and unfold into something so large.

(17) “I shall give you what no eye has seen and what no ear has heard and what no hand has touched and what has never occurred to the human mind.”

This quote lies at the heart of the deeper esoteric teachings of Jesus, which was that this information could not be properly known through physical means or the senses. It was a reality that Jesus knew and sought to convey. More than just a structure for doing good, it was the essence of spiritual knowledge, of inner discovery. 

“Jesus said to them, “When you make the two one, and when you make the inside like the outside, and the outside like the inside, and the above like the below, and when you make the male and the female, so that the male not be male nor the female female; and when you fashion eyes in the place of an eye, and a hand in the place of a hand, and a foot in place of a foot, and a likeness in the place of a likeness; then you will enter the kingdom.”

What Jesus is saying is that when the opposites within our nature are brought into unity, awakening comes. For Jesus, the kingdom was the word he used to describe this state of being. 
If this sounds the least bit familiar to those who know and experience kundalini, it is because it is. Some suggest that these teaching borrow from other esoteric traditions. Anyone who has experienced kundalini can likely tell you that when it happens to you, you don’t need a tradition to explain it. You know. So it is natural for anyone who caught on and achieved awakening to describe it in roughly similar ways as another culture or tradition did is because it’s the same experience being described. You will never get awakening through a description, you will get it because you found it inside of you. 

The awakening of kundalini is a merging of the seeming opposite forces in awareness, symbolized in the Hindu tradition as the two serpents that rise up through the body and awareness to merge into one another in an experience of blissful union that awakens, redeems, and saves us from being, as the Gnostic texts convey, “dead.” And life before awakening is like this-we thought we lived until we awoke and then REALLY knew what being alive was all about!

The idea of this fusion of opposites shows up throughout the teachings of Jesus in the Nag Hammadi. It is told in different ways, but it’s the nonliteral language Jesus is using that urges us to look within ourselves for the answer.

(48) “Jesus said, “If two make peace with each other in this one house, they will say to the mountain, “Move away,” and it will move away.”

The clue is in both context and the use of “two” in his teaching. The two are not two physical people. If you take it literally, you lose what he is trying to teach, which is much deeper. He is saying that when you make peace with the two forces in your awareness, the male and female, or in the Hindu tradition, the Shakti and Shiva, in your body (or house), you will attain the powers that come because of it. 
Jesus is not being literal; the two are living in the house that is the body. When they make peace, or move into union with one another, you can think of something and it happens. The mountain does not literally move, he is just saying that the seemingly impossible now becomes possible. For anyone who has experienced awakening, you know just what I mean. Again, synchronicity lies at the heart of this. 

Another key to this is also how Jesus uses the concept of being divided. When you are divided enough within, awakening is not possible. But when you are no longer divided, a process takes hold that is the very essence of what we talk about and experience in awakening. One of these keywords experiences is that of feeling as though we are being taken apart by this force, that it leaves us irretrievably changed. The accounts of this are too numerous to mention in the Nag Hammadi Library (where Thomas is found). So we have Jesus speaking directly to this experience again in Thomas where he states that, “Therefore I say, if he is destroyed he will be filled with light, but if he is divided, he will be filled with darkness.” 

Most every awakening is accompanied by a brilliant flash of light. The encounter of this light is the same light experienced upon bodily death, but those who were on to the esoteric teachings of Jesus could experience this light while still alive, an encounter that always leaves the person forever changed.
If you see what happens to people who have had near death experiences, they are all similarly changed by it; accounts almost always involve the person feeling as though they have to live their lives in a more purposeful and compassionate way than before. Additionally, people who have had a NDE will often have kundalini awakening and if not a rise of the energy, return with similar abilities as those who have awakened without an NDE. This is due to what the encounter with the light does, or initiates in us as real soulful change. It was so important that Jesus taught almost exclusively about it. What these teachings share with other traditions is the concept of a unified self as the means to know God, Cosmic Consciousness. I will remind my readers that the whole purpose of yoga is to bring body and mind into unity in order to prepare for awakening. The word yoga means union.

The question at the forefront of your mind might be, “If this is true, why doesn’t it come through more clearly in the canonical Gospels?” It is a fair question, and it’s due in part, I observe, as a result of the early versions of the  Gospels that were making their first rounds during the third century AD. These books have many of the same words in them, but a  different understanding was now in place. For example, when Jesus mentions adultery, people think he is talking against cheating on your spouse. But clearly in the Gospel of Mary our adultery is sinning against out own nature; we turn away from that part in ourselves that could save us. This is but one example of the differences in understanding that took place at the time. The documents, as written, reflect that level of understanding as a result.

These were books selected by a group of people who all thought the same way. That is, they were literalists, and the nuances of Jesus’s spoken word was lost on them. They thus favored books that conveyed a certain literalist depth to them. Everything else sounded like nonsensical gobbledygook to them. So naturally, anything that bid them to dig deep within was quickly rejected, and Thomas, along with a lot of the Nag Hammadi Library, is deep. They labelled it heresy because it did not agree with the collection of books that conveyed what I call Christianity Lite. 

I know this sounds dismissive, but it isn’t. It’s what my journey has shown me is true. If you like this form of Christianity, I think it’s fine, but don’t expect it to be a means to bring you to a full-on transcendent encounter with the cosmic  It simply lacks the important central teachings for sparking the requisite awareness and willingness to approach it differently for that to happen. Too much is missing from the road map! Besides, there are passages in the Bible that exhort followers not to fall prey to conjurer’s and magicians. They effectively sealed the library shut, denying anyone the hope of finding the keys to awaken. If this sounds bad, bear in mind that this was the exact same observation Jesus was making about the Pharisees when he was alive. The key unlocks all of us regardless of religion, but the key has been surrounded by fear of losing ones eternal soul. What a fine state! But the story has stuck along with a particilar understanding of the teachings, and the victor was Rome, so the church in Rome set the pace and the kind of story that would be told.

The history is not ambiguous on this. Rome became the center for Christianity based on the superior resources found there. But Rome was not the defacto center in the beginning. In fact, there was a very real vying for this designation in the beginning. Constantinople was one such early center, and there were also ministries that sprang up in the wake of the work that the disciples did early on in those areas. The gift of the discovery of the Nag Hammadi was a result, most likely, of a church that was nearby.   It is likely that there was ongoing activity long before the structure was even built. 

Rome became the center because of power, influence, money, scribal resources, and the will to become that center. The church also had the support of the Roman empire behind it. The church could decree any teachings it believed stood outside what they believed was the core messages as anathema, which they did, landing any heretic in jail or losing his or her life. The church could simply remand a person to the Roman authorities for punishment in much the same way certain Jews were said to have demanded punishment of Jesus before Pilate.

This is not the only force that served to so change the story of Jesus’s teachings. 
There are scribal errors. Some, most in fact, are so mild that they don’t change the meaning of what is being conveyed. There are tens of thousands of these types of errors that are found in the books, and they are easy to find by simply comparing all of the oldest copies of the same books with others of its kind. But there are more substantive errors that take place, and they are less numerous but they tend to be far more significant. These often take the form of translational errors. 

The Gospels were written mostly in Greek and later translated to Latin. This is how a passage in Luke has Jesus asking Peter three times if he loves him, totally missing the mark meaning-wise from what was said in the Greek version.

Jesus has Peter over to his house for breakfast and he turns to Peter asking him three times if Peter loves him. Peter says that he does love Jesus each time he is asked. 
On the face of it, it doesn’t make sense why Jesus would do this. He just keeps repeating himself. This encounter happened we think after the crucifixion, so Christians have explained this by saying that Jesus was doing this to remind Peter that he had denied knowing Jesus three times when Jesus was arrested and later crucified. And it all makes a kind of sense, except that isn’t what Jesus was asking Peter at all.

Instead, in the Greek, Jesus asks Peter if he loves him agape, which is the form of love one has for, and with, God. Then Jesus uses the word philos, which is the familial form of love one has. Think of it as brotherly love. Jesus then asks him if he feels eros, which is erotic, sexual love. Peter answers in the affirmative each time. 

Do you see how different this story is now? Instead of “going there” and shaming Peter for denouncing him, he is instead asking him if he loves him without reservation, without any boundaries as pertains to social propriety. Jesus wanted to know how full and complete Peter’s love was. Now imagine “eros” being translated into the King James’s Version! That was because the image which those in the early church chose was not the real Jesus. The accounts of Jesus thus followed the narrative the early church fathers wanted, which was a nonsexually, non-erotic Jesus. In this particular case, I think it was quite possible that the error in translation may have been intentional. It is why I view this passage as being intentionally mistranslated; having Jesus speaking of sexual love didn’t fit their narrative, but it fit another story when not translated completely, thus giving the passage a very different spin.

The other problematic side to this which I haven’t gotten into is the fact that Jesus spoke middle Aramaic, which is a highly contextual language. This means you need to know the context a word is given in order to discern it’s meaning. Since all of the Gospels, we assume, were first written in Greek (“koin” Greek), we are all one step removed from the nuances wording Jesus was giving in his teachings. The elephant in the room though is that if someone did not understand what was being said, a different story might be told. This is a small but important point.

Imagine the scene: Jesus walks into the kitchens of Levi and says, “That is a very cool oven, Levi! How do you cook with it?” Levi later says to his friends, “Jesus cannot understand how I cook with an oven which has no fire…” In truth, Jesus was saying that he thought Levi’s oven was really great and could he show Jesus how he cooks with it? I know that sounds silly, but it’s very likely this has happened about central concepts about Jesus’s divinity, our relationship to that divinity, and the path to salvation. Actually, these small errors make for big missunderstandings!

Most people assume that the Gospels were written by the disciples, but many of the disciples were illiterate and the canonical Gospels have very sophisticated writing structure. They were first told, then copied. There were different versions of the same document in existence (such as two copies of Matthew, one purported to be for the masses while another for the more initiated). Scholars can also see how a Gospel will abruptly have a different writing style, which suggests a different writer. Most readers never even catch the difference though.

 Through translational errors as well as picking the versions of books that spoke more to the people’s own sensibilities who came three hundred years after Jesus, this likely became the force that defined our understanding of Jesus as the man we think we know. 

Then, it was quite easy to fold our arms and say, “For the Bible tells me so!” Except that this isn’t so because there is a problem with that Bible.

We now have books that were hidden away for over 1600 years that had been thought to be extinct. The fabled Gospel of Thomas was decried a myth by the church (even though it was mentioned in the writings of some well known people at the time) until a copy of it emerged having been discovered in the desert of Egypt in 1945. Along with it came a trove of over 40 books all bound in leather folio’s, the contents of which have caused scholars to rethink Christianity in a radicaly new way. 

It would be a different story if the books made no sense at all, but instead the teachings are extremely deep, so deep that gnostic scholars admit that they have trouble understanding them.
They don’t understand them because these books are a treasure of esoteric teachings, the marrow of how to find God, how to know the self, to know about the twin forces within awareness that Jesus says many times in different books as his being “One with the father and mother.” This only sounds strange to someone who has no experience with awakening. Thus, the books in the Nag Hammadi have this as a consistent theme. Yes, there is mention of God the father, some writing in the NHL uses this term exclusively to describe the masculine aspect. But it also focuses on the feminine aspect exclusively too, (Pistis Sophia) so there you go. These “new” themes are difficult for scholars to understand because they themselves do not know or already taste the nature of the experience. 
It’s hard to pull back the veil when you don’t know a veil is even there.
 
To better understand the rift that occurred in the early church and how heresy was the origin of Christianity (as defined by the church in Rome), you have to read the history on all of this. You won’t find the whole history within the church because the church had its mind made up 1600 years ago and it hasn’t changed much since Instead, you have to pick up scholarly analysis to begin to see the additional materials that help to clarify the issue more.

Works by Bart Ehrman, while criticized by the church, are some of the best examples for understanding the Bible as it was instead of how it has been made to look. He does this by examining the facts. He draws on scholarly research instead of faith.
Even in his own work, there seems to be something missing, which is the gap between the esoteric works and the exoteric (canonical Gospels). Somewhere between the death of Jesus and the birth of the church under emperor Constantine, there was a dividing of the way in understanding. Somewhere, books were radically changed. Perhaps this was done piece-meal, changes that took place as the result of people hearing the stories and having only a limited understanding,and then writing them down.  What we know is that the Gospels, most of them, were not written by their authors. We know this because of how they are written. They often use the name of the writer as having said what the book contains instead of the writer using the correct  form of person if they were writing it; “These were the words that Jesus told Luke” instead of, “These were the words that Jesus told to me, Luke.” Even in Thomas the same form is suggested in the first sentence:. “These are the secret sayings which the living Jesus spoke which Didymos Judas Thomas wrote down.” In the case of Thomas, the sayings were without narrative, so it was easier to simply copy them as they were. Scribal errors were reduced with the document  because it had been written and then buried for 1600 years. But this book was copied many times even as the other Gospels were.We do not have another copy of Thomas with which to compare. We do know that some of the sayings found in Thomas were found carved in a building in India, a country, not coincidentally, that Thomas was said to have been encouraged to go to spread the teachings.

(5)Jesus said, “Recognize what is in your sight, and that which is hidden from you will become plain to you. For there is nothing hidden which will become manifest.”

The process of awakening is one where you increasingly learn to see things as they are. When you are able to pierce the fog of your belief and inner bias, events will look vastly different to you. You will also attain secret knowledge, which is referred to as “gnosis” and that those who did know were the “gnosticoi.” While writing this piece I had a comment made on another earlier post where a reader, herself awakened, described how she could discern answers to problems, any problem by sitting down, getting quiet, and ‘listening’ inwardly for the answer…. which, she added, always comes. So that is an example of what I mean by “secret” knowledge.

The act of merging the opposites within is what keeps us from being “one-sided” or stuck in one mode (masculine/rational) of thinking. It is when we merge them and find union within that the energy rises and we are saved from death.

The “rising” is mentioned in Philip, and it’s quite remarkable. He explains we must attain this while alive now if we are to live a fuller life. He suggests in his explanation of it that simply waiting to find it when we die wont do it; doing it here is important. He uses the term rising in the flesh. He also explains that the concept of resurrection was wrong. We do not die and come to life, but we are as though dead and come into a larger spiritual life, becoming more alive. I highly suspect that even in his lifetime Philip was seeing a corruption of the teachings by people thinking Jesus would come back to resurrect them, which is a distortion that shows up in the canonical Gospels such as in Revelation where Jesus comes in glory to raise up the dead and judge them too. This is how the fairy tale that is the rapture came to be I think. But Philip explains, no, this is a rebirth, a resurrection of the self in flesh as though it had been dead. This is not a literal physical death. This is a death of soul, of awareness of ones true potential.

This concept of those who are “dead” are found through both Thomas as well as Philip. It is clear that Jesus is playing with words to make an important point. It is also word usage that befuddles scholars. “The dead are not living and the living do not die.”

Those who are not awakened are like someone who is dead; they do not live the fuller life that awakening, or the kingdom affords them. The living do not taste death because the gnosis which they attain upon awakening shows them that they are more than flesh and bone and that the universe is a living breathing subtle presence that supports this new life by way of the Creator who is both masculine and feninine. It is by joining the two in yourself that you live in the same way as the deity does. This is why it brings gnosis of the deity; the twin forces that are in you are present in the deity. This becomes the way to know this larger life.

The difference between canon and the Nag Hammadi is the role Christ plays. In canon, you seek the Christ as Jesus to be saved by him. In the Nag Hammadi, the Christ is found within. You already have the capacity to BE a Christ. The idea that anyone could be a Christ right along with Jesus was an anametha to the church and could land you in jail, and you could lose your life.

The clues to all of this is in knowing that the sayings were meant to stir your own knowing. It’s there for you to know. When you do know, you will begin to see what is being said. While the vocabulary might be different from Vedic teachings about the rising of kundalini, and while they may vary based on aporoach and their details, they both are speaking about the same exact thing. This teaching is the same as found in other non-abrahamic religions or philosophies.

The sad part is that this was weeded out in the beginning as “heresy” when in fact it contains the esoteric teachings that Jesus conveyed to his disciples because, as Jesus explains, the masses are not able to understand his deeper teachings even though they are present in every single parable. He also points out to Peter in the same sentence that even though Jesus speaks plainly to Peter that even he does not understand.

This is a tall order for us, then, to understand these teachings. Perhaps the difference in content may have been due to the differences amongst the disciples themselves, with small differences equalling substantive differences in what they each understood the teachings to mean. Even in the letter of Peter to Philip, Peter describes Philip as standing or keeping himself “separate” from the rest of the disciples. Could it have been that Philip found himself at odds with the rest of the group in his understanding of the teachings? 

I won’t pretend that the Nag Hammadi is without fault, though. While it has those parts that seem to lift off the page, it also contains a lot of what I would expect from a culture of the time as being highly resistant to the feminine principle having equality amongst the masculine. This is no more evident than in the creation story that was written by this group of people. In it, the error in the world came about by the feminine principle seeking to create a world on her own, which results on a demiurge that then sows all kinds of havoc in the world. It seems women just can’t get an even break! But you can see how the bias is there and results in a prejudice against this force, which we all have in ourselves. But luckily, the truth is there inside you, you need only knock and the door will be opened.

When I awoke, I became aware by meditating and focusing on the energy that this thing felt like the embrace of a man and woman. I called it that. I also found that the i focused on their embrace that I could begin to feel a third presence emerge from them. I called this “the child.” I didn’t know that this was kundalini, I simply knew what I felt. What I did not know was that this was the same result as the early Christians had and were describing. In fact, they used the image of the bridal chamber to explain the sexual bliss that existed in the experience of this union. The Christ was the one who emerged from this bridal chamber called the “nymphion.” Boom.

It was in reading these words that it all came  together for me; the union of the inner man and woman producing the child, which for me was a transcendent awareness that unleashed my mind and brought “secret knowledge” was the same thing Jesus and his followers had described. It was also an idea the later Christians who devolved away from and could not stand the idea of their god-man as being sexual in any way. This also meant that the teachings of Christianity did not offer the teachings which, despite their prudishness, would have actually saved them and redirected them into a new life.

It was a big “WOW” moment for me to say the least. This was the origin of the Trinity, and the takeaway here was that the Holy Ghost was the missing link, the feminine aspect that if understood, could have jump-started a revolution in being here on earth. 

In recent posts on how to release trauma, you can perhaps understand why I stress why it’s so important to release trauma or emotional material from the past. It is because it serves to divide you and keeps your insides turning away from the trigger that brings awakening.

This is not just achieved by dealing with emotional material in a more or less direct fashion, it can also be achieved by way of somatic release exercises which recognizes that emotion is stored in the body and can be released through body movement without having to reexperience trauma, but simply to face and acknowledge the emotion. This is at the core of pranayama yoga as well as chi gong, just to name a few. This has, though, the result of releasing what divides you and as such, will lead to awakening when enough of the right material is healed or released. It isn’t for the elect, it is who each of us are regardless of class or religion. It goes way deeper than that.

The teachings found in Thomas might speak to you as they spoke to me and others. For me, it was through Thomas that I knew someone besides me had experienced this before. Philip explained that Jesus was trying to get his disciples to be Christ’s. This happens when the two merge deeply into each other and remain so from then on. This is the consumation of Augustine, the divine marriage of the alchemists, and the Bridal Chamber. It is cosmic consciousness of the Hindu, exemplified in the merging of the yoni and lingam, the Tor of the Druids in England, and cosmic mind of the Zen Buddhists.
Critics of these writings seem to say that the writings in the NHL are of eastern lineage and are not aligned to Christian thinking. I rather think that the truths espoused in all of these traditions or strands of thought arise from direct experience of a spiritual reality that is common to us all. I was able to describe my own experience without the aid of a tradition. Further, I was led to writings that had passages nearly identical to what I had written. 
What I did was no different than what anyone else has done who could witness their own awakening. It isn’t that the early Christians were  a “Gnostic” group, it was that they had insight that led them to describe what all other esoteric traditions have done for ages, with the descriptions illuminating a condition, or state, or structure to consciousness that is common to all of us. What the critics do not get is that this experience is often so clear and vivid that those describing it as the union of opposites are describing it as it is. No tradition needs to tell you what’s happening because you feel the energy rise, you feel the physiological and neurological reaction to the energy as serpentine, and you experience the rush as it pierces the chakras and opens you even further for the universal awareness to move through you.  I described it on my own in exactly the same way that the early Christians had-which was the truth of the Trinity.

All of this amazing stuff is in you, and is the source of all that I write about. I hope that you might find this so that you can walk in this new life which is the real “resurrection and the life.”

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I am working on the most difficult chapter in my book, which is going back into the historical record to show how Christian orthodoxy was an outgrowth of a much deeper mystical current that existed with the first Christian (Jesus), and that through the intervening years between his Ascension and the institutionalizing of the church, this deeper connection to soulful truth was lost.

It is a difficult chapter  for a number of reasons. One is bias.I am up against an entrenched tradition that is used to believing what it believes.  The other is a tradition that was built off of and drew from an earlier “doxos” (or thought) but lost critical aspects or concepts necessary for it to more deeply guide it’s followers to the depths of who they were. The other difficulty has been time. The sheer accretion of it as a belief system has made it a stumbling block, most notably for those with the most need for clearing a path within that leads both into themselves and into the vast realm that is the Kingdom. Lastly, it is challenging because so much has to be packed in to what must be a short and to the point chapter.

To untangle this has meant that I need to bring not just scholarly resources to the table, but the reality and experience of awakening as well. It means that I have to show how this first tradition was lost long before ink was set to papyrus, and how it most likely happened. 

The challenge that comes along with all of this is how the early church sought to scour from history those books and sects that actually served to birth Christianity before it was a state institutionalized religion. A lot of supporting material that I could have used has been lost. However, despite all of this, something amazing has been given to us in our current era. It came in the form of a time capsule, an honest to goodness time capsule buried in the perfect spot in order that it could survive the heresy hunters that have come and gone over the centuries as Christendom has grown.

In an interesting twist of fate, a man named none other than Muhammad Ali (no, not that Ali) uncovered one of the greatest finds to date of early Christian thought in the desert in Egypt just outside the town called Nag Hammadi. Without knowing it, Ali played a role in helping rewrite history by helping to bring forward the very documents the early church came to revile, and which it spent so much effort in burning, anathematizing, and demonizing.

While the Nag Hammad find took place in 1945, translations of the more than forty books were not completed and brought into the broader publishing world until about 1972. As a result, we are only now beginning to assess more deeply the impact that these books have had not only on how we conceived Christianity, but also ourselves at our deepest of levels. 
The reason why I am approaching this subject is two-fold. First, as Westerners, we have been touched most by Christianity than any other religion. Even people who are not members of a church or who buy into the faith at all are still affected by the reach of a religion whose values have threaded themselves into so many facets of our lives. Many people today might not be involved in the church, but very often their parents took them to church as children, or they have grandparents who did. Secondly, there is the issue of the truths and the path that could have happened, but didn’t, and how important the teachings were to anyone, regardless of any religious affiliation. Before there was a religion, there were brilliant messages that were plucked from the Light, which transcends all religions or institutions.
The story here, at its core, is about an infection. It is the infection of ignorance and how it can turn it’s own deliverance into a 1600 year odyssey of illusion. I know how bad that sounds, and honestly, I am grappling hard with how to strike the right balance in this one important chapter in WTI. Sometimes you have to know how to break the news gently. But this isn’t just about overturning a beloved institution. It is  not about that at all. It is in fact about a way to recognize that we have been swimming in the shallows all this time, and that a deep ocean beckons to be explored.
The problem that we face in the wake of the discovery and subsequent dissemination of the Nag Hammad Library into the mainstream is that the conversation about it has lacked a thread of continuity of knowing (or gnosis) when studying the texts that make up the collection. As a result, those who did the translating and the commentaries that accompany the books admit to being mystified by their central precepts. These books cannot just be read with the intellect, or with orthodoxy weighing heavy in the mind, but must, I feel, be read with the heart and the soul. These books ask of us something more than what orthodoxy ever did. It isn’t surprising to find that Christian scholars are so dumbfounded. They are inheritors of a tradition that never demanded that they utilize the hidden depths. It is now time that we did. What’s more is that people are  ready.
These books from the Nag Hammad Library, the best of them, ask us to take that leap into the unknown in order to retrieve or discover that which most of us have lost or have buried. This isn’t about facts and concepts, but a quality that IS us. Curiously, in some of the books, they provide the simplest and clearest means to reach awakening, which Jesus called the Kingdom.
To do all of this in one small chapter has led to the realization that this first book won’t be “the” book most widely read, but will be the foundation for a number of them. What gets laid down in this one small but potent chapter on Christianity will lead to a book that side steps the Orthodox journey and helps to bring a turn of mind and willingness to go deeper. More than a dry analysis of these “new books” from Egypt, it will show how they communicate the ineffable and help bring us closer to it, less by rational discourse and more by tapping our innate powers of feeling in order to conceive what is in fact entirely revolutionary in each of us. In an effort to set themselves apart from other religions, Christianity denied the very aspects that are universal to reaching enlightenment by hiding something terribly important to all of us.
The chapter on Christianity in the book I am writing now will be to wet our whistle for a deeper dive into what the origins of Christianity could have become. The book will examine all of the historical evidence and will ask readers to be audacious enough to step into the gap, their own unknown, to reach out, and in, to retrieve what is still missing in so many of us.
My dear friend and spiritual cohort who is one of the most gifted psychic intuitives I have ever met, said to me many years ago that there would be a book that I would write that would be the book, and it wasn’t the one I was working on then. This ruffled my feathers back then partly because I had so much time, so much experience, tied up in the effort of that manuscript that I had in front of me. But here it is, six years later, and as I begin working on this one chapter, I can feel the presence of an entirely new book muscling it’s way into my awareness. When Ali told me about this as we sat in the car at the gas station that rainy day, she said, “That book is already written, Parker….it’s just waiting for you to put it to paper.” Sometimes a wise man needs a wise woman to help him see the bigger picture.

Part of the soul of this new book is how we can change our world by being able to acknowledge one element, one simple aspect of our inner spiritual reality  that the Orthodox tradition swept under the rug right from the beginning. I sense, at this time, that it has to do with something that will only work if we begin to embody and practice it in our day to day. The way we are going about it now will only lead to a growing divide between all of us and our fundamental nature’s. We need to become aware and begin working now if we are to stave off what could become an ever-widening gap in our society and all of its institutions. 

How A Book Not Yet Written Catalyzed A New Paradigm For Men

What is so interesting about this is that in the months prior to beginning work on this chapter, I felt a clear need to begin doing a type of inner work with men.This was an unexpected realization, and it happened during a conversation I was having about retreats for women who were doing spiritual healing of their own. When asked if I would want to be a contributing partner in this visionary idea, I found quite suddenly that I really needed to work with men, at least at first. At the time I really had no idea about what that work would entail.  
The idea was firmly planted though, and it hasn’t budged a single bit since then. The earliest ideas began in my mind as a group who would first gather locally to begin revisioning the masculine, to, as a group, share and work together to come up with solutions that will aid in recreating the masculine experience and identity. This would be done without destroying what is the essence of what it is to be men in an essential way, apart from cultural expectations and programming. This local group would then be translated into a larger arena where workshops and retreats would be formed in order to reach a wider audience. That assumed that men would ready for this, and I personally see many who are.

Since then, without fully knowing what the content would be exactly, the concept has evolved very quickly into a means to effect a much needed paradigm shift. This shift will have the result of creating a space and knowing about how to heal our innermost spiritual, and emotional fractures related to masculine identity. The outcome of this, I sense, will be men who live very different lives and whose own healing will also help heal a new generation of women who have been yearning quietly for this sort of outcome, for this kind of man in their lives, be they father, brother, son, or lover.
I know that you might be wondering how this type of work is connected to a book on Christianity. It ties into fundamental beliefs about our identities which were supported and informed by the church. It has played it’s part in keeping a great secret from itself and us. This secret has the power to transform all of us. It is the missing ingredient that when added, is tranformative at the most basic and essential levels. Since paternalism had a hand in the early church, and because of the extraordinary scope of the reach the church has had on most Westerners, being able to see the church as how it could have been actually can show men how they can be today by correcting this one simple aspect that got hidden away by men. Men did this, and now we can each undo it. The results should be interesting to say the least.
Having said this, this work won’t be limited to heterosexuals since it will not be built on the old paradigm which has an often unrecognized or acknowledged codependency at its core. It will instead seek to bring healing and fresh thinking to the individual first, with the balance then achieved in the self naturally rippling outward with new effects, new eventualities, coming into the lives of those who participate. This will be driven naturally and organically as an outcome of this re-visioning process that will call upon, not coincidentally, the one aspect that the early Orthodox Church sought to hide, whether by ignorance or design.
There is a lot that I haven’t written about in specific terms because to do so would mean a number of posts. The main core of the work will in fact be incredibly simple because instead of this being a process of reshaping the selves of men, it actually serves to bring men to the one place within them that society has taught them to ignore. Instead of methods, finding this lost part of themselves will BE the method, the compass, the guide, the teacher. We have been envisioning this the wrong way, you see. 

What I sense that this awareness can liberate in men is an amazing relatedness to their deepest selves…this in turn will bring greater and greater layers of fulfillment which will be a healing balm for the rough edges we have had for so long. I am merely it’s facilitator. You are the healer!
It only takes a single pebble dropped in the calm waters of a self ready for change to effect this change.

Who knew what writing this one chapter might birth or clear the way for all of this to begin coming through?
For now, I have a chapter to write. Besides my own work that sustains me in my day to day, I have an outline to write along with how to include all elements necessary to make this book what it needs to be. Concurrent with this will no doubt be setting up the framework for my first group of men who are ready to take that first step into a new world.

The One has no limits.  It is neither form, nor not-form. It is indivisible.  Everything that exists, exists in it.  It seeks only Itself.  It is eternal and the giver of eternity.  It is pure Light.  It is the Blessed One that never changes.

The Apocryphon of John

 

All things manifest are filled with God.  All things that are invisible are filled with God.  All things flow from God, yet [S]He does not change.

The Isha Upanishad

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They have been spoken of down through time, a dual force in awareness that has emerged with many names and have all been tied to awakening, to the manifold process that is enlightenment.

These twins, as I call them,  were written about in early Christian documents. Recent discoveries have unearthed their known and truer nature as part of the trinity (I know the trinity is not two, but the “two” birth the “third” which is Christ Consciousness—more on that later…).

In the Eastern traditions of the Taoists, the Yin and Yang were expressions, understandings, of the vital role these forces played (and not merely as an observation of how our world just has bright and dark, or opposites only).  The Shakti and Shiva were expressions of this understanding, and the kundalini, as expressed as a serpent twining about a central axis, was an expression of the two-in-one force that gave rise to a third awareness that moved along the central axis (the spine where the shushumna channel lies energetically and is the center for cosmic awareness).  This awareness has been in many cultures such as the Polynesians who knew that out of the One life force came two complimentary forces that when joined formed the One again, which is a truly transcendent awareness and state of being.

The experience of this union is so powerful, so incredibly blissful, that it has been likened to sexual union for the fact that the experience created an intense bliss that felt orgasmic.  This was not itself physical orgasm, but is instead the result of the chemical soup in the body which has been instantly changed by the presence of the energy now within awareness.  The body is an amazing servant, a mirror to the soul, and what the soul feels that can be brought into full conscious awareness, the body will share in and will respond to through chemical production of endorphins, dopamine, oxytocin and also even adrenaline.  These compounds, some which are used as neurotransmitters in the brain (yes, can you even imagine?) have a profound effect on how we feel, how we recognize that we feel. And so it is that when one feels this bliss, it is like being bathed by a quiet pulse of orgasmic energy all throughout every part of your being.  it is the presence of this energy and this bliss that begins to purify and cleanse you of a world of hurt, wrongdoing and wrong thinking and feeling in your life, past and present. It is HERE in THIS that we experience the true power of what enlightenment is.

Within each of us, these forces exist all the way down to the atoms that compose our bodies.  One can see and interact with this vital force in this way when your awareness is honed and focused.  The Hindu Vedas describe just such a sensory experience of seeing down into the microscopic level to feel and commune with this energy that is expressed in everything.  Some say, rightly so, I think, that these Twins exist as creators of reality, or supporters of it.  Through them come the birth of all phenomena.  All of it. They are entirely ubiquitous, and awareness of their presence can be seen throughout all writings, especially in the east.

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These two forces are likened to a feminine and masculine force.  Complimentary, they merge one into the other upon awakening in such a way that vast sums of energy are created in the body and awareness.  This production of energy brings healing, however difficult for some at first (due to shame surrounding anything that might feel…..gasp….sexual), in a way that is likened to a lightening bolt experience at first (kundalini) and then as a deep stirring effect that stirs out of the subconscious those things which have made us each sick, neurotic, or holding to old traumas.  We enter into a new life through these and the early Christians describe these people who have encountered the flash of white light as being androgenous people of a sort.  They were called this by the so-called Gnostics as Syzgy.  This term was used to describe people who had an encounter with the brilliant white light that marked the beginning of awakening (aka kundalini and divine union experiences).

The result of this encounter was that the two currents of energy which are akin to the two energies surrounding stars and planets ( a torus of negative and positive particles creating a spheroid or torus shaped field of energy–the same torus that surrounds physical bodies as well).  The awareness of this energy, now heightened in awakening, reveals to each of those so awakened to two forces alive in the body.  This brought awareness of both energies, and this leads to the “androgynous” sense of both forces alive in the body of awareness and matter.

This Syzgy was not itself something that changes ones own native sexual orientation, no, but shows every sign of broadening ones awareness of both while it also erases any compunction with feeling so intimately the energy that represents the opposite from your own sexual orientation.

So yes, the early Christians were describing this incredibly blissful experience which they likened to a sexual experience of being in a Bridal Chamber, a union of the soul with its two parts. It is the beginning of all forms of union in life, top to bottom.  It is the very genesis of what divine union is and without it, the idea would not exist, for it rests within this foundation and is fed and nurtured by it.  Simply put, it is an erasure of all elements within the self that serve to limit and to divide you against others….be they people, or experiences.

Link that describes this term in more detail: http://www.gnosis.org/library/valentinus/Syzygy_Valentinian.htm

To help to explain this state of inner union, the Gospel of Thomas says it very clearly by letting Jesus speak for himself to a woman named Salome (not the princess Salome who demanded the head of John the Baptist, but was rather much more like a disciple).

In the Gospel of Thomas ( Saying 61b) Salome says to Jesus that he had come up on her couch (presumably referring to reclining at meals) and eaten from her table. “Who are you, man,” she asks. Jesus replies, “I am he who exists from the undivided.” He goes on to say that someone who is divided will be filled with darkness, but someone [presumably “undivided”: translators point out that there is a gap in the text] will be filled with light. This is one of the notable sayings on the theme of Oneness.

Source: www.gnosis.org/thomasbook/ch24

In numerous places throughout these gnostic gospels, you have Jesus saying over and over how when one removes the division, within that the kingdom comes, that one is “resurrected” that the flesh “rises” or awakens into what seems to be like the difference of being dead and then coming into life.  I observed early in my awakening that what had sparked my awakening was the removal or healing of a long-standing issue that I had which had kept me divided.  When I removed that, awakening began. it is an account that I describe in the book I am working on that involved a discussion with an Oglala Lakota medicine man named Sydney Has No Horses.

It is important to remember that these things are themselves mysteries that cannot be fully explained in a literal linear mode, and are instead  expressed or conveyed through more poetic and less “exact” language.  To know what they are saying, it helps to already be awakened…..which does not help those who seek, but merely points in the general direction. This is not a factual conceptual framework being created, but is instead a description of a state of being.  And how can we really explain such a thing? Most often, poetry does it better than more materialistic means.  That means not being literal. Sadly, the early Christian church was gripped by a wave of literalism that was called orthodoxy, and a whole host of teachings within the church were cast aside, deemed heretical, or were simply not understood for what they were. If you read the Nag Hammadi texts such as Thomas and Philip and Mary, you see that the language used is…..more like poetry and is inexact.  It is this way for a purpose.  It is less that this was a different church, but that it was a different depth of understanding that had taken place.

My experience in this nonduality, of these twin energies, is that they open your awareness to the entirety, potentially at least, of the universe and everything within it. A boast?  In nearly every reference to this experience there is much talk about “secret knowledge” when one awakens.  This is what is being pointed to, which is a new or renewed ability or awareness within consciousness to join to everything.  This, not coincidentally, is the very essence of what nonduality is all about.  It means “no other” and it means, literally, that one may feel what another feels, to know it so intimately that there is no distinction at a deeper level of the experience between the observer and the observed. It is why I can feel what another feels over vast distances.  We are not divided by space or even time.

This also opens one up to an understanding of all others, including the opposite within you, which for many, is not just the dark or the light, but the feminine and the masculine. Whether these twins are literal male and female counterparts is not the point, but their complimentary forces can open the doorway to understanding all others. It means that as a male you can feel deeply the experience of the feminine, and as a woman you can commune with and feel deeply the experience of the masculine both within yourself and through the beloved, be they male or female. For anyone thinking that this becomes a non-homosexual experience, think again. There is nothing about these two that in any way limits or biases against same sex experience.  The joining of these two twins is simply the result of incredible vastness, a “waking the infinite” within each of us. One enters into the mysteries of this type of awareness and knowing, and part of it also is that one can relate to others in ways you have never been able to do.

It is not surprising to me that the kundalini is called “shakti” in the Hindu tradition.  The reason for this is because up until awakening is sparked, there is only one primary current in awareness, which for us is the yang energy.  I know you wont always agree with me, but the whole of humankind has for many thousands of years been focused primarily in the left-brained mind which is also considered to be the yang energy. I write a lot about this and how it ties into brain function and cognition, so if you want more on this simply search using left or right brain in the search function on the site and you should find a good deal of writing on this topic as it relates to current brain science.  I also say this as a very right-brained artist, and I can tell you that in a relative way, we do not know just how we have limited our right brained functions and the function of the “feminine” or yin sides of our energy and our consciousness. As a result, the discovery one find, whether you are male OR female, awaits you as a great discovery about the greater depth available to your sexual and spiritual self!  A man is greatly informed by what it is like to be a woman and a woman is greatly informed about a level of feminine experience that she may have never known (the same is true for men in the reverse, of course) as a result of these energies now fully awakened and interacting in this “new” way within consciousness and in the body.

When kundalini comes, it isn’t that a yin presence comes as the substance of the energy, but that in your awareness you become aware that you are now both.  It is in this awareness that the two forces are joined or unified in your consciousness and this is where the electric lightening bolt realization takes place that is so often a common experience in awakening (you do not need to have a lightening bolt experience, and it is better that you do not do so if you can help it since it makes for a more peaceful progression with the energy).  Less that shakti comes AS the kundalini, but more that she has simply been missing in our awareness.  As a result, when most awaken, you can begin to feel a fluidity and sensuality that is conferred as a result of the two now in union and it is this added compliment, the feminine force of yin, that now makes for an incredible chemical reaction in the body…which is not just chemical, but energetic from top to bottom. You can see how this is through simple observation in how your thoughts change and how more feminine you can become.  The feminine force of yin gives a great deal of receptivity, fluidity, and less of a literal approach to understanding and cognition (and this is not limited to men or women only!)

The advantages of this new arrangement are incredibly unifying and healing for the self.  These twins birth a third energy as a result of their union, something that I described in the first few months of my awakening as the union of the man and woman who birth the cosmic child.  At the time that I was writing this, I had no idea what had happened to me.  I didn’t know yet that this experience had a name.  I knew about kundalini years before this, but when it happened to me it was such a novel and different experience that any description of it went entirely over my head….at least at first.  But the description that I made based on my early meditations and communion within the energy, was no different from what I would find scattered throughout all cultures of the two who birth the third.

If you are of the Christian persuasion, you might find yourself upset over the idea of the trinity being treated in such a way, but I caution you that it is quite clear that the trinity and its deeper reality was hidden or obscured by the rising tide of orthodoxy that gripped the early church and it cuased, I observe, a kind of dumbing down of what the trinity was originally to Jesus and his followers.  When we look at the documents that had lain in the desert for so long and which had not been subject to the biasing effects of the orthodoxy church, you can find the trinity as a resounding bulwark of the masculine and feminine in one deity and that the Christ was born from them both.  This was why Philip said in his gospel, “Those who say that Mary begat with the Holy Ghost are in error.  They do not know what they say.  For when has a woman begotten with a woman?”

This quote reveals quite clearly that the Holy Ghost was the feminine aspect of the deity, and that it made no sense for the story of Jesus’s conception to have been described in this way.  For Philip, who was described as heir to the deeper teachings of Jesus (even within the orthodox church), he would have understood the subtle differences involved. It is in his and other books that he describes the union of these two forces as a Bridal Chamber.  It was out of this chamber that Christ emerged.  Many scholars are trying to make this Bridal Chamber experience into a ritual that the early Christians engaged in, but this is not so (they are in error).  Instead, it is an experience that one has that is initiatory, but instantaneous when one removes what divides you.  Less a rite, it is mystic experience that we each have.  As a result, this also meant that everyone one of us can experience this, that this was what Jesus had also taught to his students, his disciples.  Not all of them got it, or understood what was being said, however. It may be possible that gospels were favored over others that did not include these sayings, so that the orthodox church only had those which it favored (lacking the feminine aspect of the deeper mysteries of spiritual attainment).

This is one reason why I have long felt that Christianity was missing something terribly important, and that the early church had hidden something.  At age nine, when I felt this sense for the first time, I had no way of knowing what this thing was, I merely knew deep in my bones that this was so.  It was, I would later find, something that my soul knew without question, but that my inexperienced 9 year old mind had no way of knowing why it knew.  It is by joining this missing part that you can know the kingdom.  Right now. Right here.  And while the dried and limited orthodox minds will reject it, it is rather that orthodoxy is showing itself to be the real heresy and the heresies of the past, so much more closer to the truth.

There is nothing as life-changing as this awareness of the twin within.

नमस्ते

P.

 

68587152_new-pink-baby-crib-bed-canopy-mosquito-netting-jewelry-When I awoke, when I began to realize that something quite different had happened to me and that whatever “this” was, it wasn’t just imagination or some unusual effect of my physiology….I wondered what on earth this was….I wondered if there was any sort of explanation that would help me to understand what this force was that had entered my body and my life.  

Since I did not know what this thing was that was taking place within me, I was free to simply watch and observe, which was itself a great gift.  As I did this, I communicated with a friend about this happening to some degree and based on what I was telling him about my sense of two forces rising up within me that felt like a cosmic yin/yang, he pointed me in the direction of the Gnostic texts most notably found in the Nag Hammadi. He had studied in the seminary and knew these documents and how the church had sought to turn a blind eye to them as being inconvenient to church doctrine. 

I found to my surprise that these documents were describing what I was experiencing better than anything I had up to that moment I had found out there.  I would later come across the Hindu texts about kundalini, but it seemed that for the moment I needed very much to see all of this through an old lens of Christianity first.  I sense that it has been part of healing a rift I have felt I have carried about what went down with Christianity.  Its another story and I wont bore you, except to say that I felt since I was young that something was seriously amiss with our canon or bible.  The experience of finding the Nag Hammadi texts (most notably Thomas, Philip and Mary) have helped to really clear some things up.  Jesus was himself a carrier, a channel for the divine, yes, but had been a man who had done the work in order to help his disciples to know it as well.  It was becoming more and more evident that he had even spent decades in India and came home, translating all of the language of awakening into his local language and ways and customs so that others could know.  Jesus was like any other person and attained a knowing or sense of the divine within himself.  While prophecies swirled around his life as “the one” I think that this was a convenient gift for the man but it also brought in all kinds of distortive elements for the simple reason that when you bring the divine and earthly power together, the divine has to be the one calling the shots or else everything becomes distorted. Put theologians in charge of the mystical and you wind up holding a corpse.

Kundalini, the two forces of yin and yang had “risen” within my body, carefully piercing each chakra as it rose, establishing a blinding path of energy along the way which altered me forever.

Christ instead became a king who stood above all others, a kind of inaccessible force or presence that you had to entreat for his forgiveness or to gain his grace through his sacrifice.  This was itself a story that made no sense to me.  If Jesus was awakened, he knew there was nothing that he, as a man, was going to lose.  There was no death for such a man.  So where did the concept of resurrection come from?  It came from Awakening which the gnostics all described as having been “as if dead one day and then alive the next.”  It was not a literal death and birth…it was a resurrection OF THE SPIRIT.  When we awaken, this is exactly what happens.  And it happens regardless of religious affiliation; Jew, Christian, Native American, Hindu, Taoist.  Somewhere someone inserted the idea of sacrifice into the story.  Jesus may well have been crucified, yes, but what he sacrificed was his old earthly self in favor of “putting on the better person [man]” which the Gnostic Jesus entreated his followers to do.  What was moving in me was a dual energy that brought incredible bliss and transformation.  Further, this was a force that was absolutely in love with its opposite end of itself, its compliment.  And even more than this, these two forces WERE NOT SEPARATE!  If this was not a mind bending notion at the time, I don’t know what was!  Kundalini, the two forces of yin and yang had “risen” within my body, carefully piercing each chakra as it rose, establishing a blinding path of energy along the way which altered me forever. My new condition would be about getting used to the new forces alive in me and adapting to this new world I found myself in.  I lived with an energy that was in love in my body.  This idea could get reflected outward as my feeling intense love also.   

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What I discovered was a LOT of information that hit the nail on the head where my own experience was concerned.  I had to pick and choose some, though, because like all ancient texts, these texts showed signs of having been revised by different people over long periods of time.  These were, after all, handwritten texts, and not everyone was able to just make a photocopy of the original, but sometimes added or took away. This is the same situation with the canonical texts, too, if you dig into the history of these books.  It was in these heretical books, though,this Nag Hammadi,  that I found the most direct and clear description of the experience of awakening, of the union with the two-part nature of the deity or God, and what happens during such a sacred and mystical union.  All of it is achieved by way of images. Know that these are just images and that they are merely there to describe an experience that stand behind the words.  Know what is behind the words and you shall inherit the universe.  I know that sounds grand….and it is….but in so doing, a great humility has always come over me that has shown me that now that I know, it is like knowing powerful things that now must be honored and respected. 

Remember when Einstein had that BRILLIANT realization that energy = matter?  Wow.  Now what did others seek to do with that knowledge?  they built bombs with it.  Horrible things that had the power to wipe life off the face of the planet if the wrong hairless apes got a hold of them.  For 40 years the world was literaly held hostage by forces who played with this knowledge now existing as bombs and fissile material.  It was just as possible that we could have done very different things with this knowledge.  Yes, energy and matter are the same.  What implications does this have for us here?  How can we use this for the good of all?  This is the kind of responsibility I am talking about.  It is the same responsibility I felt when I began to see energy fields.  Doing this meant I had another level of awareness that I could use for healing or it opposite.  So in seeking and finding, always choosing the good is very important.  If we do not choose the good, depending on how high the stakes are, we can stunt ourselves or we can literally loft ourselves over the moon.  Lofting ourselves collectively over the moon sounds a lot better to me.  It may not serve the agenda of a small cabal of people who want all the goods for themselves (which has been the human story all over and all across time), but it does, I sense, serve the unfolding of the creation in an wonderful and ecstatic fashion.  We can know this ecstatic vision.  It is here right now and we each need to simply grasp it and make it our own and allow its presence in us to temper and guide our choices in each moment:  how does my actions help to serve the good of all, the highest?  Okay….that was my soap box moment.  But it is important for us in this moment, NOW, to get what is facing us now right. 

So the Nag Hammadi….

Union with the Deity was described less as facing the deity but more a revealing effect wherein the person would feel the presence of the “Father” and the “Mother” within themselves.  This powerful effect was a mirroring.  This was a bridal chamber because of how blissful that it is.  It was not called a grand reunion, no, and it was called the bridal chamber for a very important reason.  It is because when we reach this place within ourselves, when we touch upon the divine within, it is the most incredible experience we could ever know.  And part of it is a feeling of having fallen deeply into love with someone, a deep and abiding sense of engagement.  Looking into ones own self, a mirrored world opened up, a place where one wanted to make onse self more beautiful for the Other.  For me, I was watching this passion play unfold as two forces on each side of my spine sought to enfold the other.  I felt like I had suddenly become a vessel for the cosmic forces of the heavenly and divine.  I often wondered about this accelerated form of consciousness…..and I wondered what it was thinking.  I knew how it was acting and behaving.  I KNEW how it felt in my body.  I knew that something had taken up residence within and even as I let go of those first uncomfortable stabs of worry over what this presence intended to do within me, I found that it was all bliss for the most part…..except for when I resisted….in which case it would become misery. I quickly learned that this force did not have a single bad thing in mind for me.  I was not being possessed in the normal sense, but I was entering into a channel that exists inside each of us for the divine to flow. 

divine-man-womanYou “rise” in the spirit and in the flesh, which is the very essence of the resurrection.

The Gnostics described it well.  Jesus asks his followers what they would do when upon entering the Bridal Chamber that they discover that they are two?   One walks into the bridal chamber but two walk out.  Most people who have not experienced this might not realize what he was getting at.   You “rise” in the spirit and in the flesh, which is the very essence of the resurrection. In fact, Philip explains that we must rise in the flesh or else when we die, we get nothing.  We are here seeking to learn, to attain something that he says will not happen in the next life.  Perhaps it wont happen in the next life simply because all life is one life, whether in flesh or not.  If you can’t do it here, how can you do it anywhere else or in any other body?  Further, he also described ego-death and the aspect of the miraculous ability to cause events to happen in perfect timing, something we call synchronicity today.  This was most certainly what the first Christians were talking about.  The further you get from the fount of the bubbling spring that Jesus flowed out to his followers, the harder it is to get the original sense of mystery wonder and awe of the experience.  So it was by the time that the Church was formed that the theologians and politicians could not see or understand what these deep mystical texts were saying.  It did not help that a lot of the texts had some really quite messed up thinking attached to them.  Yes, there were some really messed up thinking that was in the mix of many of what we call today as Gnostic texts.  When I say messed up thinking, I mean that the books have some material added in that is just….well….it is way off base, even when being interpreted in an allegorical way, which many of these texts need to be, even the Bridal Chamber, which is itself not a real chamber that is physical, but a deep and wonderful communion with the divine within ones own self. 

The language used to describe what happens to you when you awaken to this presence of the two within was not that different from what Hindu and Chinese mystics have described as the yin/yang or the Shakti and Shiva.  St. Theresa of Avilla describes her awakening as the cleansing of seven rooms within her being where she found communion with her spouse, God/Jesus and looked forward to the day when she could leave this earth so she could go be with her spouse in heaven.  And this was just how it was for me.  I was absorbed completely into this and it was absorbed into me.  Whatever that had existed before that served to be the boundary between knowing this so deeply and not feeling so deeply only moments before it “rose” in me, the effect was one of an essence of spirit that was in no way built on anything resembling the old life I had known where everything existed as individual objects, divided out, separate and alone.  In fact, all of life seemed to rise upward into my awareness like individual objects being suspended, supported, and fed by this endless ocean or web of living presence that my own consciousness had a habit of being able to seep so far down into that I would lose myself in visions of how it was made or composed.  It was not too unlike what it was like if you were to awaken as a cell in your own body and were given a tour of your body, which would no doubt look like a vast teeming realm, seemingly endless in scale or scope and fascinating and amazing for how wherever you looked, you “saw” (felt deeply) the presence of this ocean….this field….this web of life supporting everything quietly, non-judgmentally and lovingly. 

I had come to peace with the reality that my own sexuality would be used as a vessel for the divine.

In fact, I had to come to peace with the reality that my own sexuality would be used as a vessel for the divine.  All of my energy which flowed through me was now…..taken.  But hadn’t it been given?  When you touch such sweetness there is nothing you can do but to say yes.  Every single act of resistance is turned into compliance in such moments as those.  It is simply too powerful.  While we may each give ourselves to it or resist out of fear, in the end it seems that this is all a large-scaled event wherein it is not always easy to see the whole picture simply because the picture is endless.  Something in this consciousness does not divide itself because to do that would be to deny life to some part of itself.  I learned that the divine simply had no shame.  This is the work we have to do here, which is to realize that when this force takes us, it takes us innocently and completely.  It does not know half-way or less than all the way.  It does so totally because….to do any less would mean that the presence of the divine somehow does not feed all of its creation equally or evenly. There is simply no exception or division or limit.  And so the sensual character, the mental, the emotional, the sexual….ALL of it becomes a vessel for the divine to reside and know itself in you.And this is the marriage that takes place. 

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As these two forces rise in your body, what the Gnostics called the Mother and Father, they reach a deep embrace that is like sexual union that gives rise to the creation of a third, a child, what we call cosmic consiousness or the Christ.  It is a transcendent energy…..it is hardly just a person but a force, too.  It coheres the a sense of presence but also goes beyond our usual sense of what a personality might be as a deity or divine presence.  I would say that what we think of as the presence of ego is different.  This less identified ego allows the presence to flow in and out of things, out of you and me with great ease without feeling a sense of losing itself.  It is, I would say, a perfect form of ego where the presence still is itself but is able to flow through all things. 

But what I found was that if I could simply resist feeling shame over being found to have this junk in me and instead just opened deeply to this presence, it would cleanse me of this darker material and my own energy and experience would refine.

This experience has shown me that as I surrender to this presence within, I am letting “it” more deeply into my being, into my light body, which is where all sorts of old knots and blockages once existed and were cleared away.  But as this energy flowed in me, the effect that it had was to amplify all of my feelings.  Even the sexual ones, too. It was itself a process of union where I let it into the deepest and most intimate parts of myself knowing that I would be consumed with this great love and passion and even lust.  All of it would rise up within me as this presence came in.  It was like I was the moon being illuminated by the sun whenever it would come into my silence and meditations at night and in my day to day work and thoughts. So for a time I had to deal with all of the old baggage getting knocked about the interior of this bridal chamber, a lot of muck being kicked up for a time.  But what I found was that if I could simply resist feeling shame over being found to have this junk in me and instead just opened deeply to this presence, it would cleanse me of this darker material and my own energy and experience would refine.  Even as I tried with all my might to hold on to the old familiar ways of feeling as a human being….i would slowly lose my grip and learn, in degrees, that I COULD become a different person…..not difference in essence, but different in what motivated me, affected me, or moved me.

This presence would move into me and create such a storm of feeling within…..and it was often a feeling from something to something.  For a time I would feel the Presence sending me love until I learned to hold that love within myself.  When I could do that, somethign quite miraculous would happen; I would find myself wed even more deeply and more inexpicably into the msytery of this experience, which is to say I would experience a still deeper sense of union where the notion of the “other” would simply dissapear.  That, or it was so deep within me it did not matter whether I say one part of me is the me I have always known and the other part is this ancient yet forever new presence that is this “other.”  This is why it is so important for me to not seek to always understand it, but to allow it to unfold like a mystery because any effort at trying to make sense of it using my logical mind will trap me and keep me caught in something that was never intended to be used for knowing the mind of God. 

There is no greater love in the universe than this, so continually seeking to surrender to it opens it up within yourself.  Struggling with it or fighting it is fighting with what you are.  How can anything good be expected to come from that? 

God does not feel shame.  It is totality in all it does.  If it feels union, it is because it does so totally.  So when you feel God truly, it will be as though one is suddenly gripped in the presence or heart of something so amazingly vast yet also so incredibly personable and so ready to take over your entire body in order to worship and love and adore you that to resist is to invite psychosis.  There is no greater love in the universe than this, so continually seeking to surrender to it opens it up within yourself.  Struggling with it or fighting it is fighting with what you are.  How can anything good be expected to come from that? 

When I do this I find that I am like a mandala that, folded, continues to unfold around its outer edges, revealing a little more dimension each time.  Something inside of me that is at once me and the divine, unfolds.  I know that this is the mystery of creation….that as I touch the bliss of being in unity with the divine, I am made more….I unfold….I am more aware of more that is at once me and also the universe.  How can that be?  That is because the divine dwells within everything.  It literally looks out from within EVERYTHING.  It is silent and it waits until, through grace, each particle that it inhabits, begins to realize that the vibration that it has is purely divine and reaches it back to its creator. The Shri Yantra unfolds within me as larger and larger triangles of phenomena, like ripples on the surface of the water, spread outward.  As they spread outward, so too does my awareness expand along with it. I have become one with the divine.  I ride along with it just as surely as it has been riding within my cells waiting for the day when I awoke to the truth of my being. 

how-to-awaken-the-divine-feminine-within-you-twin-flame-twin-flame-confusion-twin-flame-relationships-twin-flame-reunion-twin-flame-separation-twin-flame-stages-twin-flames-twinThe Hopi, who describe a dividing of the way that would happen someday in the coming of the next world, where some people would take a high road and others a lower road, may be happening now.  And like all prophecy, nothing is written.

And now, it is your time to consider who and what you are.  This is a flame that is composed of both fire and water, of the totality of all opposites and all union that will move and purify your body mind and spirit.  This is the essence of what awakening has brought to me.  It is not for anyone who is not ready to take it on and allow the work to unfold.  To resist it is to know madness.  And even as I flow with it, I too have my moments of resistance, and resistance I don’t even know yet that I am resisting.  And yet, even as I know this, I also know that I have unfolded….and will continue to do so and that there is no force that is seeking to judge me, no force that is within my cosmic orbit.  

There is not a sense as though anything is wrong or bad, just a simple matter of cleaning this all up…because the world is FULL of faults and “bad” if you want to really get honest about it and those who point fingers the most are the ones who have been the worst transgressors most often.  Motes and beams, motes and beams…..what I saw in a vision as the purification of the earth that the many native tribes of north America have foretold would happen.  The Hopi, who describe a dividing of the way that would happen someday in the coming of the next world, where some people would take a high road and others a lower road, may be happening now.  And like all prophecy, nothing is written.  Do we take a drop along with us or do we swell that drop to an ocean?  there is not real timelines on any of this and I urge you to follow your passion, your wonder, your awe and live life as fully as you can no matter what that might mean.  Be you a computer tech, a designer, a teacher, or a builder or a service worker or Mommy who nurtures her children full time or a farmer…….all that seems to be asked of us is that we punch it all up a notch or two in order to expand our awareness of what we are beyond our more dim visions into a larger vision of what we are and what we can be.

You are two-in-one, the divine awareness that is love and does love itself.

We have lived under the canopy of separation consciousness for a long time.  That is now changing as we reach into a state within ourselves, individually, where we can touch and know and feel the totality.  You are two-in-one, the divine awareness that is love and does love itself. We can sense the sacredness of the experience and be informed and changed by it. No matter who we are or what we are doing…..for the simple fact that the divine is everywhere…..it is in the atoms of the tire that the mechanic is changing in his shop, and it is moving in currents beyond the stars and is a force holding everything her together as a cohesive unit.  No matter who or what you are…..it will meet you perfectly because it is without any thought of limitation or judgement.  Truly.  If you would get to know this force you will learn that each and every act of judgement was you.  It is already awake and aware and is patiently waiting, silently and softly for each of us to come to our senses. 

And so this is a little of what I experience.  It is a deep and difficult depth to explain or plumb.  IN the end, there are no words.  In the end, it is simply what it is and I often tire of telling of it because it takes me away from my direct experience.  And while, yes, I seek bliss with the divine, I do so knowing that in each moment, that bliss heals me so I make no excuses for feeling it and letting it into my life.  It has set so much right and is setting more that still remains to be right.  I hope that you may find such fulfillment and love and wonder. 

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Upon waking, my soul and heart of my heart whispers, “Make it right….make the Bridal Chamber within you  your mirror of the world.”  With this single knowing command, a truth is given….and lying at its heart, a wonderful mystery.

When I awoke, I entered this chamber within…I tasted divine union from its very beginning. I entered its mystery and knew its wonders.  This is a mirrored chamber…which was one of the greatest of its teachers….the one silent gift and mysteries provided by the Gnostic writings….the mirrored chamber.  I soon learned what this all meant for me.  Stubbornly, in bits and pieces.  I could not deny what this image had to teach me.  And each time I return, everything is different, everything is new, and the reflection I see is always changing.

To get the mirror reflection right is my souls purpose and my greatest work.  I am bequeathed this gift from the start, just as we each are.  I learn how to make my reflection a clear image of the divine….so that on the day when I can no longer see who is the earthly self and the heavenly one, I will have won the message within the lesson of the mirrors of the Bridal Chamber…the place where the union rises from shadow into the light. Within  this gift, I need no other path or Way or method, just continuing refinement as I make my image pleasing in the eye of the divine…which dwells within and shows me the way. I wait for the day when the eye of the divine is the same as mine.  Until it is continuously known, I have more undressing, more stripping away, more shame to remove from this  walk through the world.

It confers upon me many blessings, many gifts, which I take gladly and joyfully.

Everything  for me becomes religion.  A gaze, a smile, a walk down the street is all a-riot of this religion…trees swaying in a cool  breeze as the whole world opens up and speaks to me.  Every particle bears this.  I feel so blessed.  How can I ignore it? It is my salvation, my ransom…if I will but listen and know all of life is calling me  into its mystery.  It has been easy for me to focus only on the shadow in hopes of healing it, the residual  which remains, and get down on myself, but I know in the love of this Presence within me that I am truly blessed.  Am I whole, complete?  I don’t know.  I don’t pretend to know.  I am being guided by a hand far superior to my own and like the bride, I return to the bridal chamber to learn more, to grow ever closer to my beloved.  Here is where I seek to reverse the fortunes of the world I have known.  It is here I seek to redeem, ransom, and save the past by healing it all.

All of this is ours.  All of this is what we will each inherit.  If not here and now, then in an infinity of nows.  There is time enough and love enough for each of us to know it…..when we each are ready.

 

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