Archives for posts with tag: gnosis

I was not satisfied with the teaching in church….I knew there was more. I didn’t know what it was, only that it was wanting. I knew this above all else, beyond the explanations of others that I was merely “prideful” or unable to take the teaching as truth. No, there was more, I knew it beyond all else.
When I awakened I was lucky to have seen how there WERE teachings by Jesus himself which he passed on to his disciples in books that spoke directly about a process whereby one entered the kingdom. These were central teaching that acted like a key to understanding everything else Jesus was teaching in his ministry. The problem was that these teaching were demonized and anathematized by the church. These were part of this something “more.” I knew that in fact Jesus was teaching his followers about awakening and that the truth was hidden or obfuscated in numerous ways. History offered up her secrets and laid bare the many ways that contributed to our losing these central teachings. What is so amazing to me is that these teachings are actually the lynch pins in understanding all that Jesus taught about. It’s pretty incredible to look at all of this and know that this went down in the way that it did.
I once wrote about this issue and had some of my friends asking me why I was so critical about Christianity, or why I hated the church. It’s too easy to feel that way when dealing with this issue and to me, it is an easy way out of actually examining things closely and asking some very fair questions. But it’s not out of a deep hate or any of that. In fact, it is quite the opposite. I want a religion that offers the keys to self realization, of actually knowing what this kingdom is. Truth is a curious thing; we can have all levels of it and still be missing key points.

I have done the hard work of inquiring and looking. I have poured through the texts of the New Testament as well as those that were not included, from apocrypha to the Nag Hammadi. I have studied issues surrounding translation, how the contextual nature of Aramaic actually does matter when translating to any language, as well as what biblical scholars are saying that pastors dare not touch. More than this, I awakened and saw that the only books that helped describe my new state of being were the words of Jesus teaching his followers about the kingdom, which fit my experience perfectly….but also happened to have been deemed heresy. They had been cast aside and had never made it into canon.  The more that I read, the more it became clear that what we got was a version of the truth, but not the full truth.  I’m not even suggesting that this was some sort of conspiracy.  It may have been simply a conspiracy of ignorance acted upon by those who had less than the full story.  But even half the story is better than no story, and it wasn’t as if we weren’t getting truths.  We just didn’t get its heart, and this, dear readers, is the hardest one to swallow for some of us today.  It is covered over first by some 1700 years of tradition and then it includes a whole new dimension of thinking added, a great mystery that has been hidden from all of us (for whatever reason).

Since my experience in awakening is the same exact phenomenon as others who have awakened, and it’s all described in the same way by nearly everyone, and is being described in these cast-away texts, it begs the question; isn’t it possible that something very important was missed? And perhaps, then, might this missing piece be important to know the fullness of this man’s great insight and teaching? If you found out that the teaching of Jesus was incomplete, wouldn’t you, as a follower of Christ, want to know? I’m asking you to put your pride aside and get curious and be simple like children, ripe for hearing what might just be really big news.

Awakening, which is the kingdom, brings a renewed way of using the mind. If you can teach yourself to forgo mere rational thought, you can activate more and more of your capacity for understanding, which is truly liberating. It requires humility because there is so much to give up in order to see in this way. There is a blizzard of biases and beliefs that rage in such places, and the very religion that was created to support these teachings has essentially continued to demonize the concept of awakening in some quarters. Once these biases have been cleared, though, the mind becomes a luminous field of awareness in direct proportion to how much bias has been released. But it isn’t just that, it’s letting yourself be shown, led, taken by the presence of the indwelling divine and it’s child which is the Christ consciousness. Others call it Cosmic Consciousness, or Cosmic Mind. It is all the same and emerges in the same way in each tradition because this is what we ALL are, rather than the beliefs we hold. Remember how Jesus said the kingdom is within you? That might just be an important clue to all of us. It’s what’s inside-this does not happen outside of any of us. Where, then, do you think you will meet God?

This more asks me to continually to let go of my familiar moorings to here and as I do, new understanding floods in, mysteries become knowns, and the universe resolves into a greater and greater miracle. But no words can contain this more…you just have to go and see for yourself.

All of this is like a seed that grows into a sprout, then a plant, and then a flower. The flower opens more and more and this flower is awareness. This is how awakening proceeds; it is the smallest of seeds that grows in stages. More and more, it opens, revealing still-deeper layers of comprehension. To get there, I lay aside all rational thought and allow my mind to go blank. Yes, blank. It is here that absent thought a great and ineffable presence grows that is a love unlike any other. Everything I could ever wish to know becomes available in that “space.” If you believe you can’t, you probably won’t….but if you consider it possible, then it becomes possible. I wish this for everyone because it reveals our own foolishness and opens us to wonder and awe. The world so needs this right now.

Until next time….

 

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I started a project yesterday that has been nagging at me for years that involves my encounter with early Christian texts and what I have found was an effort to change the teachings of Jesus in order to appeal to a specific group of believers.  While I’d love nothing more than to have a real cloak and dagger story for the sake of excitement, what we have as historical documents is scant.  But the fix was in even during the life of Jesus in terms of who would tell the story of this man’s teachings and what that story was going to look like.  
I know I am going against 1600 years of ingrained belief and programming, but it is a story that deserves to be told.  Jesus was deep into the forces of awakening and taught about them, but either those in power wanted to hide them away, or they simply could not understand what a certain strand of his teachings even meant.  Having said this, those who had these deeper teachings were hunted relentlessly in an effort to not allow these most important of his teachings to see the light of day.  Whether by design or by ignorance, this was the result.  And this, I now know, is a fact.

 

For me, the story begins when I was young and had trouble with the church and its teachings.  For me, my trouble wasn’t as vague as some people’s problems with the church often tend to be.  In my experience, I had this very strange and unexplainable sense that the church had hidden something of great importance from the public. It is this hidden element within Christianity that made all the difference in knowing God intimately, directly. The only problem was I didn’t know why I had this sense growing up.  But like so many people I knew who were church goers or grew up in a family who went to church, something just didn’t add up. 
The story gets interesting when I began looking at early Christian documents that had not been a part of the canon of the church. I did this after a friend  saw a piece of my writing and suggested I look at a certain book because, as he explained, what I had written bore similarities to this early book.  
I was at this time going through a six month period that was for me, the time that I was waking up.  For me, it was a gradual process with a number of steps.  Clearly, I knew something was up and that I was somehow being prepared for something.  What it was, I didn’t really have a clue.  
When I first read those passages in a book that stretched back into antiquity two thousand years, I felt a familiar stirring inside of me and wanted to know more.  It would take going through a full awakening, though, for me to be able to pick out the passages that were clearly talking about awakening.  Scholars, though, described these passages as “strange teachings” and this showed clearly to me that even they didn’t understand what Jesus was getting at.  How could it be, I wondered, that I could see these for what they were and no one else could?  
In writings by a follower of Jesus, a church developed in the second century called the Valentinian church or school. They explained that only those who had attained the light would be able to understand the teachings.  Otherwise, they would seem like strange incomprehensible teachings.  Could it be, I wondered?  How could someone without a deep background in scholarly study of the Bible like me identify what they were talking about was related directly to awakening?  
Because of how the church and our world has evolved, we tend to look to learned authorities for confirmation about what is true or not true.  But these authorities are part of a system of being and thought that is part of the problem, which is of course the same problem that the early church had to begin with when they suppressed the teachings to begin with.

 

At the center of this story is a Wild spirit that if known, brings about revelation, self knowing, secret knowledge, and healing.  This is the story that should have been told.Now that the beginning work has been done, the rest is going to be more scholarly work with research and historical accounts.  Dry stuff for me, but the story is so compelling and so interesting that I think that it will turn into an interesting read once I am done with it.  Finger crossed!
This is ultimately a work of devotion in the hopes that it can help bring a paradigm shift in thinking by placing something wonderful and wild back in a central role in an understanding of the forces of awakening that are  redemptive in nature.

I will tell you straight and true that I do not think of Christ’s birth this time of year because with the consciousness he sought to impart, which has awoke in me leaves me at odd ends with the way followers chose to tell the story and how it lives ever-present in me. The Christ within has a different story to tell me.

When I think of his birth, I have never seen a child born in Winter but who was carried on the promise of Spring. Christ, my Christ, was a life cast in a message of rebirth, renewal, and boundless vigor, hope, wonder, and expansive possibility. For this is how Christ has healed as it has entered my life.
As a result, I can’t think of his life beginning in the dead cold nights, even though the fables say it so. I am his close companion and he says he is as much a he as he is a she…which is the deeper mystery no one dares speak for fear of being called a heretic or blasphemer…

Historians point out that there was a supernova that occurred in the Spring of his birth year. It was a bright star shining for a time in the night sky that may have been the portent the magi used to get them looking for a king not of our world, but the one who sits with his queen enthroned in a kingdom few seem to describe well, apart from the bliss they heap upon those who enter the secret bridal chamber. But so scandalous was that idea that no mention of it was to be found in the canonical Gospels. I could almost forgive them for not knowing. It was, though, the only apt image to describe what happens when that dove descends.

It’s that it’s a reality that isn’t seen or known well, that it’s less about being prim and proper as it is about a sensuality that is explosive…and I have always been left at odd ends when I hear words like the pagan Rumi instead of Mark or Luke echoing in my being.

So I am thrilled to let Christmas be….to let the event it has always been just BE, which is a way to break up the cold night in order to share good food and celebration with family and friends. It’s just that it’s an earthy festivity to do this and stop pretending we even know what our fables try to tell us is even true…

The mystery of Christ runs so deep and asks so much of us, but it asks only once it has penetrated to the very depths of us and whispers how it is there to take us whole, in order to redeem us in the great incandescence that is the love of the Source, our tripartite God, our Trinity where the goddess is shrouded as the holy ghost….and we go eagerly, consumed as we are from the start.

So like a pagan I enjoy Christmas for its earthy pleasure whilst feeling Christ alive in me rioutus and sensual, still and deep, using all of me to reveal the greatest of mysteries to me that I can scarcely explain or describe….
So I don’t. Or if I do, I do so so feebly that it’s like a joke that I even try. For me, it’s almost enough to sink back into that incandescent depth and have a sip of wine. Well, almost enough.

I await what I know was your birth in Spring, which is the same as my own. Born on the cusp of when everything turns green and springs into life and leaps up in promise and unbridled joy, I find your physical echo firm and sure, simple, and quite lovely.

So you can call me a sinner or lost soul if you must, but I am hardly moved by lessons so poorly formed in our past, the fables hardly pass the test for truth, or even poetry. I meet my Christ in Spring as we both run naked in flowering woods unafraid and with no spit of shame, just like the children he described when he was alive and staring onto our world. He says it was as though  whispered  because it was in his day a blasphemy; I am one with the father and the mother….
These two, who merge in us and create the sacred third, the cosmic consciousness, the Christ consciousness have as their means a union of their seeming opposites to birth the transcendent in us.
They are the cosmic lovers who beget us when we each become Christs. We come about by way of their begetting, their cosmic love which we come to know as our own birthright. This was the good news so many sought to change and fudge and clean up because of shame. We come about spiritually by way of a spiritual begetting. This was much to big and too shameful an admission for the early church fathers to admit so they hid it and chose a version of the truth. Winks.
I try to make peace with this past as I live in the vibrant wave that fills me and has remade me, and continues to do its work as my devotion only deepens for its great work.

That is how lovely my Christmases are….

Some time ago when I began to utilize my awakening to understand it better, I found myself being plunged into these worlds….worlds that were right here in front of me, the inside of things.  Over a period of several days I found myself caught in a reverie whose content was fueled by this energy moving in me. Intelligent, it would seem to begin to show me things.  I wrote a piece back then about how this thing “spoke” to me.  It didn’t really speak, but rather communicated through the movement of energy, in the silent syllables of feeling, the shape and form of bliss, the penetrating power and the enveloping loveliness of this presence that was, for me, two-in-one who were creating a third energy, which at the time I called the child. I would later see in Gnostic texts that this was precisely what the early Christians were talking about and which the later versions of the institution had either weeded out or had watered down.  It spoke mutely, loudly, somehow with nothing but its beautiful body of being and taking my hand, it took me deep down inside of itself.

“Look at the trees” it said.

I looked at the trees, not really sure where all of this was headed.  Focused, I felt as if I was meeting it “there” and it grabbed hold of me like a lover on a first date, slinking out into the night to the river where she bade me to slip into the cool dark waters of her mystery. I was seduced, it seemed almost to smile this energetic presence flowing in me, for it was in the openness of my mind and heart in this place that it could fill me with all of this juiciness, its being, what it is, and what we all are.  I was pulled gently but assuredly down into the trees, into a limb, a leaf, then into cell structures, then past those into a great expanse that opened up as the level of the compounds and elements emerged….atoms….and then we broke through that level into subatomic particles until I reached a place where there was virtually nothing else there except something that contained the very essence of this energy within it.  I was shown a particle that was for want of a better word an anti-particle.  This anti-particle did not have any mass.  It was both “matter” in a kind of conditional way since it was both matter and energy, and so  this odd hybrid thing  literally formed the entirety of the universe. Here I was shown an energetic principle that was startlingly similar to the energetic principle in the world I knew with the energy. These particles were paradoxes. One would be charged negatively (feminine) and one positively (masculine) and they worked like keys and locks. They worked to create vast amounts of energy.  Within each particle, though, was the negative and positive, but each particle, if I can even call it that, had both charges but with a dominance that led to one polarity or another. Within these particles was the entirety of the universe.  It was almost like dna that didn’t just hold the information for one body or even one species, but for EVERYTHING.  I could not wrap my head around this, but it was very clear that these things, whatever they were, were the basis for everything.  They were the smallest and yet were the biggest even though this had nothing at all to do with space.  That was kind of heavy, but somehow made perfect sense once you know just how interconnected the universe is.  When you awaken to cosmic consciousness you become aware of everything.  I also know that it is hard to identify anything specific sometimes in this vast bliss-field, but it can be done through focusing attention just as I had done.  I was curious, I wanted to know how “it” worked, what “it” was….life the universe and everything.

These particles formed alliances or sorts.  They would merge into a wave form and this might serve to be an event, it might also be a bench, or rock, or particle of air.  How on earth they were able to do this, I cannot explain, but all of this was connected to a vast choreography that was going on at a pace that was so fast that we here at our level just cannot even glimpse the effect of what it is that they do.  What these particles did was to enter into our world from a place that is everywhere. They entered in an orderly fashion that seemed entirely random and yet, they slipped right into the correct spot for one terribly brief fraction of a fraction of a moment before disappearing again to emerge somewhere, someplace else.   They simply would wink into our reality or world and then expend their energy, much like a static charge.  Once this was done, this particle would then wink out only to be replaced by another particle in the exact position it left. This was perfectly timed, and thus the world took on a sense of permanence or solidity. This was subatomic, but may have been far smaller than what we consider to be subatomic now (as readily discoverable things within an atom for example).  I somehow “knew” that when the energy was released, the particle winked out of our reality and would find itself in another reality….where it was I do not know but my mind felt, intuitively,  that it had to do with densities of energy or space….and that there are different densities of dimension somehow….and that depending on how the energy was expended would be a determining factor in where that particle would wind up going next.  If you followed one of these particles, it would be like swimming through a continuous stream of water that has different densities and thus requires different energy output, a shiny particle that would glint in the sunlight and then seem to disappear only to reappear moments later somewhere else. One area or current might expend all of its energy while in another area, it would somehow gain energy due to its constantly changing polarity.  Almost as though it was first yin, then yang, then yin, then yang again.  Something LIKE this.  How on earth this manifests from a physics standpoint, I cannot say, except that it would probably not be something that is entirely observable or understood except that these particles simply appear to emerge from nowhere and go back into nothingness. Except they don’t just disappear.  They would just SEEM to do so from our limited perspective.  They do this incredibly fast.  I had the feeling like a second was slowed or stretched out far enough for me to comprehend or see what was going on. This second was itself stretched to something that was in the range of minutes, perhaps a second was half an hour worth of time.  I don’t know how fast this makes this particle, but it was slow to them at that level of space while being incredibly fast to us normally. And these particles exuded their own form of awareness.  I think they had very little sense of ego, that or they didn’t care if they showed up as phenomenon, energy, or form, or all of the above and perhaps all at once. This began to get complicated as I considered multiple parallel universes all happening and connected yet different. Do the particles in us resonate with those in our counterparts in other realities and times?  They do, they can, and this can also happen in all of matter. Walking on water, for example, if this was indeed an actual event in the physical world.

All along, these danced with the most sublime bliss and joy.  These were the creators.  They helped to support or form our world.  Maybe they did not create the reality, but they became the construction crew that supported it….built the trees, the air, the people…..nanosecond by nanosecond.  As they moved in and out of our world, the world almost seemed to shimmer just a bit….a shimmer that we do not detect but take for what is real. We have an effect on what some of this shimmering stuff does and is the core of a great secret that I think could help us move mountains….

What I also saw was that these particles would dance in response to the energy in my body.  I knew that I could affect reality from the most basic level in a certain way…..this was limited, though.  I could not get in the way of anything that had to happen, but I could, shall we say, collaborate with these energies or particles in building bigger and bigger waveforms built out of these particles.  These particles, it seemed to me, were consciousness, energy, that could slip in and out of energetic states to create the barest nub of mass or physicality. Just a nub.  Barely noticeable.  Like one small krill in the ocean is seen as perhaps entirely inconsequential, and yet as they swarm, they become some of the biggest masses of life in the ocean and thus support vast lifeforms. Well, okay, not a perfect metaphor or analog, but maybe you get the idea.

All of this is terribly dry, I know, and none of it was experienced that way.  Here was the force I felt in my body as the “two” currents of masculine and feminine, the Shakti and Shiva in absolute love with one another (in my body….) and they were there in those particles, doing their dance of creation.  And atoms did this because they were formed from this stuff.  Cells did it because they were formed from it. The consciousness of the cell rode the wave of the energy and its phenomenon when it chose to be an event, just as we ride upon the great wave of cellular life to know our reality.  And then, at the mass scale, we are all rendered back into a single cell, the earth, as the collective cell of earth struggles to find its own form of fulfillment.  Ad this cell swings through what we consider vast space in a sea of other star cells and planets…..everything different at each level and yet entirely the same inside in principle. Spirals in atomic forms, spirals in water, spirals in weather, spirals in planet formations, spirals in galaxies….So all of this was charged with this energy.  What was in me was in it.  It was everywhere.

IN this experience was the holographic nature of everything.  Everything is seeded with it, a kind of cosmic dna.  NO, none of this is dead matter, and while you might consider I am off my rocker if you have not experienced it, those who have awakened have no doubt experienced similar things. It’s certainly not the drug of kundalini. I know this because reason told me that if the energy in me could connect to perfectly with everything, then I would see evidence of how my own thoughts and will was causing an effect on this world of the incredibly small. It was here, the quantum world where I discovered the missing link between the very small and very large.  There IS a continuity between these worlds and I write about it in my book (that was a not so subtle way to tease you into giving it a read once it is published…only because it has been so much work).  Once you understand this and you know how the energy in you must be balanced in order for this to take place, you will find uncanny events begin to take shape.  We do this naturally, but imagine those who awaken learning how to effect things in a “thy will be done” sort of way, acting as conduits for divine energy, which is nothing short of cosmic energy which is everywhere!

It is everywhere. IN everything.  As you awaken, you awaken to the intense bliss in flowers, how they yearn to release pollen and to be fertilized, to feel the growth, the cyclical nature of energy and life…..all of life, even “dead” matter yearns in this same way.  Surely it does.  I know it does.  the universe showed me through these incredible events that involve the entraining of these subatomic particles that form everything.  This is, I believe, the basis for what we have termed magic.  We do not understand it, so we called it miracles or magic or the will of one god or another down through time.  For those who were fearful, those of us who held its secret in us were often persecuted for it.  Thus, for a very long time, many feel the collective caution of not speaking out for fear of being not just ridiculed, but having our lives ended. Now for as severe and hard as this might all seem, it is actually connected into this very ancient of knowledge, and is tied to the one side of this energetic spectrum that has been missing….which is the yin, the negative charge, the feminine, the dreaming womb of the All.  It is precisely as she has begun her trek back into our own individual awarenesses that the seemingly impossible becomes possible.

You can call me a dreamer, and I would smile and say thank-you, for in my dreaming SHE emerges rich, powerful, beautiful and potent.  What she will offer us is something we cannot even begin to imagine.  Like a baby growing in her womb, the child which she births will do great things.  Last this child was spoken of, it was a he, but this child is not a he or a she.  It is the product of both, a transcendental and transformative power that comes from woman and her consort man.

You can know similar things….you just focus yourself in that energy and bid it come.  Let it take you, just surrender to it and then feel the yearning to know.  Then allow it to take your imaging centers, your imagination, and utilize it.  It will SEEM as if it is being imagined at first, but it will have a solid core of something more than just imagination within it. This is slippery for some people, but at a certain level of reality, the seeming imaginary actually is becoming actualized.  In the astral realm, for example, thoughts become solid objects.  The more energy that you give them, the more solid or permanent they seem to be.  Just as dreaming is threaded through by the imagination, it is the servant of the soul in communicating information from various places within you.  In symbols. Even my experience was itself something of a dream whereby I was led along by the energy using a certain facsimile, symbols, to express a deeper reality. You just have to trust and ride the wave of bliss.  This is the gateway of Gnosis, of knowing without having to learn it. You glimpse the fundamental order of the cosmos, an experience that happens to every person who awakens like Buddha, like Jesus, his followers, and also like you and me. All of us.  And for those who are not yet awakened, the Buddha sleeps inside because we all have it.  It is what you are.  Your fundamental nature.

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