Archives for posts with tag: dreams

If you are an ardent seeker like me and like to understand how your insides work, one indispensable  tool at your command needs to be a dream journal. Keeping a journal by your bed and giving yourself a few minutes each morning to jot down your impressions from the night’s dream activities is a great way to begin charting your psyche.  I have been keeping a dream journal since high school, and now with over 35 years worth of journals to thumb through, I have discovered a lot of very interesting things about my dream landscape, how it has evolved, and it has also helped me in understanding that there are some symbology that I use that has remained unchanged while other symbols shift and turn with time like phases of the moon.

A few advantages I have found that have come with keeping a dream journal is that I have been able to identify

  • fears
  • frustrations
  • misperceptions
  • desires

More than just this, though, a dream journal allowed me to identify that not only had I had precognitive dreams, it helped me to identify the cyclic nature of these dreams that foretold in amazing detail elements from my future.

I recently looked back at an old dream journal from the time that I met the woman who would become my wife.  In one of the dreams I had of her in the very beginning, I had her show up at my house with some “off-duty clowns.”  When I read about this scene, I smiled; being married to this person was like having a bunch of circus clowns in my life, that is for sure!  Don’t get me wrong; I am not being mean.  I actually think the dream was trying to warn me of something!  It is funny how I can look back on my life in waking and see how I had elements in both dream and waking that both showed me clear clues as to the nature of how some relationships would work out if I had only chosen to listen.

  • Keeping a journal of your dreams can actually help you develop a keener sense of your own awareness and intuition.
  • Keeping a dream journal can provide you with a wealth of insight into your emotional landscape.
  • Keeping a dream journal can help you to understand how your subconscious communicates to your conscious mind through symbols.
  • Keeping a journal can help you identify psychic or precognitive elements.
  • Keeping a dream journal can help you to better understand where you are emotionally at any moment in your life.

Consider beginning to keep a dream journal.  I have found just 15 minutes each morning is all that is needed.  Sometimes when I can’t remember the dreams from the night before, I take my journal with me in case I remember it later.  As time goes by, I build a rich bedrock of understanding of myself over a long period of time.  And it really helps to put things in perspective.  By using this in addition to inner work, meditation, guided imagery, and other forms of therapeutic work, you can help build a solid core of understanding about the workings of your own self in a way that you might not have had previously.

Regards,

P.

I don’t often write about my dreams, so much of it seems so personal somehow, an upclose process I am not always ready to come out with.  It seems more that as I gain some distance with them that I can talk about them.  But last night I had one of those epic dreams where I was all over the place…..many places, many things, many ideas, many issues all happening almost at once.  In one scene I observed how I looked into a house and up on an upper floor a door opened out into a room that was outdoors.  Within this room was a woman draped in this large and billowing colorful cloth.  It moved and flowed in the wind in this most wondrous way; it verged on art.  As I watched I realized she was the same woman I had dreamed early in my awakening process, a woman I knew to be an archetype figure.  In that dream, I was being birthed and in the dream it helped to signal a shift in my awakening into a new dimension of issues and healing. This feminine archetype, the Goddess, was dark-haired with dark brown eyes.  I have had a number of encounters with this woman in dream as well as waking experiences.  Almost instantly I am aware of suddenly being an an auditorium sitting next to my father.  I am not myself but someone else entirely, a man of dark skin, perhaps Mexican, perhaps Mediterranean.  I am slightly younger than I am now in this life.  In this dream version of me, I turn to my father, who bears no resemblance to my father in this life and say “Why don’t you get us some Mahita….”  As I dreamed this and heard his words (I watched this all as a spectator in the seats next to the father and son, I wondered what a mahita was.  I thought perhaps this was something like fajita, that it was some kind of food, but was curious about what kind of food this might be.

Upon awakening, I began to recall parts of the dreams that I had the night before and decided to look up mahita online.  Curiously, I could not find any food references, but instead discovered a word that was the same that was an old word in sanskrit which meant regeneration.  Huh.  If this is indeed on the mark and my higher self was seeking to return this to my conscious self, the meaning of this becomes very interesting….!

icebergThis idea of dreaming is near and dear to me.  It is near and dear to me because along with a spiritual journey since age nine, I have been fascinated with dreaming and what this very significant amount of time we spend each day is used for.  I have also been fascinated with dreaming because I have had what I consider to be quite fascinating events take place within my dreams and I am also brave enough to simply tell you what I have found and also what I think as part of a CONSIDERED opinion (which stands apart from an opinion that may not be based on significant evaluation of ones own dreaming).  I also like dreaming because its MINE. It is my own landscape, my own stuff. I get to go into the temple of my OWN dreaming and no one else’s.  I can explore and discover and learn.  I have spent years studying my own dreams, by the way, so I know a few things about it that are not in the mainstream and bear mentioning….

The thing I think that is so great about understanding dreams is that we each have the opportunity to be experts with our own dreamscapes.  Since we each dream, just as we live a life, we ourselves can learn a lot from our dreams. I did this by keeping a dream journal starting in high school until I was married, which was a period of approximately ten years.  We want, though, to wait on what others have had to say about dreams in order to understand them, but even the supposed experts haven’t been that great at coming up with a theory that works for how and why we dream.  Freud said dreams were unfulfilled wishes.  Excuse me, but my dreams have had healing elements, points of resolution, I have had what appear to be out of body experiences, and I have also had dreams that have clearly shown the future.  So if the supposed “experts” can be so off on all of this, it stands to reason that our own observations might well be a little more helpful in helping to progress our understanding of dreaming.  Don’t get me wrong, there is a lot of fascinating information out there from REM being a way to nourish the cornea with oxygen, to dreams being an expression of unexpressed wishes and desires (thanks Sigmund). It is all sounds very nice, I just think it is woefully incomplete.

It’s probably a problem of clarity, though, why we have so much trouble being able to figure out what dreaming is….. for the simple reason, most likely, that WHY we dream is so broad that any one theory will have trouble containing it all in a neat tidy way that will make a scientist feel good about his or her work and reason for being. It is a bit like asking me what the purpose of LIFE is.  Do you have a few days to have a seat and talk about it?  really, I don’t think you can sum it up in a few sentences, and if you do, it will probably be so hopelessly simplified as to bear very little meaning.   So having said that, I am going to tell you a few things about my own experience in the same way that a tourist might come back and show you a few pictures of a trip, say, to Tuscany, or Greece, or Neptune, or somewhere near the Dog star….

One thing I can tell you is that dreams can be precognitive.  Not maybe, but certainly.  Not only that, but my dreams have not only been clearly precognitive, they have also shown a most interesting phenomenon that an old friend named Rodney called “periodicity” when I walked into my Wednesday night jam session and explained how I had uncovered something incredible about my precognitive dreams. What you should first know is that I have had these precognitive dreams my whole life and second that they have been very detailed so as to eliminate any guesswork over whether they were just a lucky guess or actually seeing “remotely” the events that would take place later.  What I had uncovered in my journal work was a very distinct pattern in my dreams that all showed precognitive elements.  This phenomenon showed that my precognitive dreams all took place on very specific days, and this was tied to the lunar cycle.  Now for some, this might sound a little crazy, but to a scientist, this suggests other forces at work.  What those are, I don’t know, but in the same way that the moon has an effect on tides, it apparently has an effect on seeing the future as well….and as a result may well help us to better understand HOW to bridge the gap between now and the future.  For those who aren’t sure what precognition is, it’s simply being able to anticipate future events. Now I know that for some, such a thing seem preposterous and flies in the face of everything we think we know about time and space.  Well, clearly, we don’t know everything there is to know about time and space or else I would not be going around having these dreams about the future!

But so you can appreciate what I am talking about, let me give you a few examples of my precognitive dreams.  When I was a pre-teen I dreamed that my neighbor was pregnant with twins and that these twins were born and had blonde hair.  The twins were a boy and a girl in the dream. Now the thing to realize is that the mom and dad were both very dark-haired people.  The father had this jet black hair without a hint of gray in it and the mother had chestnut colored hair.  At the time of the dream, there had been no talk about their having children.  They were without children at the time of the dream that I had.  In just a few months, I did find out that the mother was expecting and while I did not pay much heed to the dream, I found that she gave birth to twins who grew up to be blonde, both of them, which was itself a bit odd since there was so much dark hair in the family.  Skip forward in time to 1985 when I have a dream that I am floating above the earth and witness an explosion at a facility in Russia.  I hear the voice of a t.v. anchor narrating the events taking place. He says that there was an explosion over Russia that sent a plume of radioactive gasses into the atmosphere.  I watch as I see a white cloud rise and spread.  This cloud spread to Europe and rained down as radioactive snow.  I watched as people were herded onto freight trains in order to get them out of the area quickly. I saw an odometer type device that was showing the current count of the number of people who had been evacuated from the area.  At the time of the dream I saw a number around 80,000 as it continued to climb.

At the time of this dream, I was more focused on the out of body aspects of the experience, which involved me flying over the earth and walking across a bridge that floated in the sky.  The experience with the  news broadcast began after I observed that the entire scene turned to snow or static and was replaced by a new scene.    At the time, though, I described the entire dream to my roommate, Joe, who in three weeks called me into the living room to watch a news broadcast about an explosion over Russia in the area now known by the world as Chernobyl.  Each element in the dream was exactly as the Chernobyl event several weeks later.  There was a radioactive explosion (not a leak—this was an explosion that sent a cloud up into the atmosphere). This cloud menaced Europe in the dream, which did happen in the Chernobyl event.  People were herded quickly onto freight cars both in the dream and in real life as a way to get them quickly out of the area.  The count I had seen was over 80,000 had been evacuated, which suggested this was a city or town area.  When Joe called me in as he sat amazed at the news report, they said during that report that as many as 80,000 people had already been evacuated from the area.

These are the kinds of dreams that I have had over my life.  They have been specific enough in the ways I have explained to you to be more than merely plucking a good guess out of the air.  The level of corollaries between the dream and the events usually within a month of the dream, have been extraordinarily good in my view.

Now I know what some people have said to me about this in the past, which have been along the lines of “Well, Parker, its easy for YOU to have dreams like this, but you aren’t LIKE other people…”  and to this I have to carefully explain that in each person’s life there is some evidence for unexplained phenomenon.  Maybe you don’t have dreams that came true, but perhaps you find yourself thinking about someone and find that they were mentioning you at the exact same time, or perhaps you get a feeling of foreboding only to find that at the same time a loved one was involved in an accident.  Perhaps you experience this in dream, or waking, or both.  You see, to my mind, dream and waking are all part of life and both serve important roles in our lives. Me, I just don’t ascribe to dreams just being random firings of the brain as it sifts through the days’ material.  I know that dreams are therapeutic, quite literally releasing trauma from the past, working through issues within the emotional landscape as well as deeper soulful issues.  I also know that dreams are a kind of window into other dimensions, dimensions we travel to by traveling not through space but through our own awareness.  You see, we ARE the window to other worlds and that window CAN be found by expanding consciousness.  It is curious that in dream we do the same things as those who meditate and are able to let the ego go in order to experience cosmic consciousness.  The cool thing is that ego is dispensed with the same way you take off a pair of socks or pants as you get ready to go to bed.  In fact, you can’t really do most of your dreaming with ego still all around you.  But when you let go of ego, some quite remarkable things begin to happen.

Now as an aside I will explain why I am talking about ego. I mean, how on earth do I KNOW that we let go of ego when we dream?  My work during my awakening of kundalini has shown me quite clearly that the concept of “ego death” (a term I absolutely dislike for how incorrect it is) goes hand in hand with being able to experience similar KINDS of things while still awake that the mind does -normally- when asleep.  I have also observed how ego has been lain aside while awake in order for certain dream-like phenomenon to arise much like what some people do in meditation or in shamanic practice.  The main feature of doing this is that you are more free to tap larger portions of awareness that naturally get filtered out by the controlling agent called ego.  To show what I mean, perhaps you can remember starting to dream and then realizing that you are dreaming.  What happens when you do this?  In my experience I always stop dreaming.  I have become self conscious.  I have suddenly taken on ego as “I” identifies that “I” am dreaming.  Ego and dreaming don’t work together.  You need to have a loosening of the ego in order for the part of you that can create those dreams to operate properly.  Part of it has to constructing a kind of creative scaffolding where your imagery can spread out and play. This play, though can be mulling feelings over, venting, thinking, hallucinating, seeing the future, and traveling out of body (OOBE) somewhere quite interesting.

The ego can be quite the wet blanket, you see.  It’s a very useful thing, but you have to learn how to put ego aside so you can begin to experience the broader realm of your being.  I promise you that ego limits you absolutely.  And this is, of course, why I LOVED dream so much.  It let me go ego-less during a time when I was simply not yet ready for this thing called ego death (which I experienced during my awakening process).

But this isn’t about seeing the future.  Not really.  I am using seeing the future as an example of what CAN be done.  I figure if I can show you some rather fantastic examples of what has happened to me, you might just realize that you too have the same opportunities.  (Jesus said something about others doing even greater things than he did….) Granted, you might not be so keen about time travel.  Maybe for you its something else, like experiencing the effects of shifting from one brain state to another while “awake” in the dream state.  Clearly the static I saw in the dream of Chernobyl where once scene shifted into another was itself the shifting from one brain state to another.  I have actually been able to fool my brain into thinking I am asleep when I am actually awake and the exact same thing will happen, and I am able to observe it while I am awake and it is VERY much like a wall of static filling the view and my body and I simply vibrate into a different state and scene. It is, I do think, a way for the brain to travel dimensionally by changing its own energetic signature via its brainwaves. it turns out that this technique has been used for thousands of years by Tibetan monks and is a way for them to dream awake, or to have lucid dreams while being fully awake instead of asleep. You might think that dream and waking are fundamentally different, but I am telling you that you can and will break down the barriers between waking and sleeping when you begin to become more inclusive or broader in your awareness of these different states of being.  And don’t worry; all will not be chaos.  Instead, what will emerge is a sense of unity of awareness.  You simply wont see dream as some strange land anymore.  It will be understood as a very useful tool for relaxing, sleeping, as well as having all sorts of adventures both fictional and nonfictional.

Dreaming can be a way to expand your own energetic signature and mobility of consciousness.  The more aware you are of what you do in dreams and HOW you FEEL in dreams can lead to being able to relate to certain energetic states that correspond to deep shifts in consciousness within those dreams.  If you can learn how to FEEL the way you FEEL in a dream, you are actually that much closer to being able to experience an expanded state of awareness while awake.  You don’t need mantras, you simply have to remember.  The more you do, the more likely you are to see the phenomenon in a dream begin to make its entrance into waking.

I recently read a comment someone made about dreaming and meditation and the person described meditating as a form of self-hypnosis.  The sense I got from the commenter was that this was somehow bad or not desirable.  But really, the vast amount of self-improvement that we do, whether in meditation or in the therapists office is actually attributed to hypnosis.  What many people don’t fully realize is that MOST hypnosis today is done while the subjects are completely awake. Hypnosis might work at deeper levels of the self if you are put into a deep state of relaxation (the “trance” as it is called) but everyone in the psychiatric field knows that this is by no means a requirement. So anytime you want to change, you simply make he suggestion to yourself that you want the change.  That is the nature of suggestion.  You can go into a deep state of relaxation, you can even make hypnotic suggestions as you lie down to sleep that you will use the dream state to do lucid work in that dream.  This is much like I did when I experienced Quetzalcoatl in dream work from the same year that I had the Chernobyl dream (1985).  In THAT dream, I was attempting to use the dream state as a way to springboard into an OOBE. The technique I used worked really well, and that technique was as simple as a suggestion I made prior to falling asleep.  You can read that entry HERE.

As an aside, my observation about out of body experiences (OOBE’s) is that they can allow you to experience broader states of awareness than you might otherwise.  In some ways, it can be a catalyst for greater change because it seems to me that once free from the body to a great degree, the experience of energy is so much larger, or broader.  The reason for this, I sense, is that the consciousness is not so tied to the body.  The body itself, not just the brain, is a series of blocks of an emotional nature that inhibit the flow of prana or universal consciousness.  When these channels are cleared sufficiently, there can be a powerful flow of energy released which the Hindu call Kundalini and what we often simply call “awakening.”

To some, this is kind of the holy grail of inner work since kundalini acts as an accelerating catalyst for inner change. This is nothing more than life force now flowing in abundance, but the effect this prana or life force has on you is that it stirs every inch of you and if you surrender you feel freedom and bliss and if you hold on, you feel paranoia and pain.  The stirring, though, is the stirring of the old blocks that reside in your body.  When these blocks are cleared, you experience the moment differently than before. Think of it as a kind of cosmic tune up that involves releasing lifetimes of pent up karma that has been recorded in your light body and is stored in your physical body.  It is itself a powerful process and can be akin to riding a roller coaster; you get on and there is no getting off until the ride is through.  But I suspect based on my own experience is that OOBE’s can provide the same unlimited flow of energy as in awakening without bringing it into the body.  This could have some advantages.  It COULD be used to gradually acquaint you with what its like to have this kind of energy flowing through you, to overcome what seems to be some anxiety or fear of such incredible flows of energy coming in and learn how to cope with it.  Now I say this based on my own experience with the out of body state, which was nothing short of a grand face to face experience with significant amounts of energy.  And where there is energy, there is consciousness.  That means your consciousness will expand. That sounds a bit like some of the goals of meditation, right? Find out who you are, what you are, what you are capable of?  Your birthright, right?

There are many ways to reach what it is you are looking for.  We are all in some way looking for it, even when it seems dysfunctional.  The thing we seek is what this prana force is.  It is love. I will just tell you now and get it over with because in time, if you clear the way, you will feel it so utterly that it will be entirely obvious.  But when that day comes, you will know this love less as a thing you feel for someone as it is a force as gravity and the wind are forces in nature.  It might be hard to imagine how love might be a force like that, but it is.  When you clear the way then you will feel love in all of its different dimensions or aspects.  And this is good because in doing meditation work based on curiosity about what you are, you discover the most beautiful thing about yourself. And that is a whole lot of good!

When I awoke I did so with a corresponding increase in the vividness and intensity of my dreamscape.  Before awakening occurred in total, I was already having dreams that were pointing to the fact that awakening was upon me.  Most of my dreaming is a rather intense experience, but is one that now seems much more purposeful and I am more aware of the fact that my dream world is very much a place for me to process my feelings about a host of things.

Just as awakening was getting under way I had an dream that lasted all through the night.  It was one giant dream that stretched from one end of the night to the early morning.  It was like a marathon in which I examined all of the major material present in my life at the time.  It was like taking an inventory.  In the end I was shown my own personal demon.  This was a revelatory process of digging as deeply as possible into the psyche using all the tools available.  Only in doing this, only in digging deep to examine the unexamined do we ever manage, I think, to come to a different place in ourselves.

My observation is that we are amazingly unexamined beings.  We live in the soup of our feelings and memories, and yet we shove so much material down into ourselves, and this place in ourselves, the subconscious, becomes a kind of dumping ground for things we would rather not examine very closely.  So out of the way, these things slip into the night and they wind up coming back later, as Jung and Freud observed, in  far worse shape than when they were when they were originally buried in the backyards of our minds and hearts. In our case, we bury different things in different parts of our energy bodies based on the vibration of the energy.  Then, as we begin to dredge the depths, these things start to release from certain areas of the Light Body, and we find that we have some clearing of an old block in the root, or sacral, or solar plexus, heart, throat or third eye or crown.  All of this has levels, layers, and what was cleared on the first pass in the heart can be cleared again at another layer in the same spot but with different things entirely.  It turns out that this observation was also made by the Hindus and they call this the “etheric sheaths” which sets up a layering effect to our energy body.  You don’t JUST clear the energy body or the chakras by having kundalini rise and pierce each center.  It seems, at least in my experience, that kundalini cleanses the chakras with this libidinous energy that bring awareness but it also does so in a deeper and deeper way with each “pass” through the center.  There are a number of very good methods for assisting in the release of blockages of an energetic type, but for now, I am going to focus on dreams.

Since 2006, my dreams have taken a sudden change, that is for sure.  And yet, I find that they still serve to help me in identifying old material I thought I had dealt with.  Just last night I had another round of these dreams where I was going through to very old relationships and coming face to face with people I had known decades ago.  I pay attention to my dreams.  I used to keep journals all through my college days up until about fifteen years ago when I stopped recording them. But paying attention to the harder dreams are key because they most often are involved in helping me to dissolve some fear issue.  Sometimes you can just FEEL it in your body as it happens.  Then, in facing the fear, it can actually be transformed.  Its a wonderful process, but always fees like a cliffhanger as its happening!

One thing that kundalini has done for me is it has dissolved some of the veils between waking and dreaming.  I can, while awake, utilize the symbolic imagery of dream by using my third eye to drum up images from the subconscious to help me to understand better what it is that is taking place in the here and now.  When I first awoke, I found that I could talk to this energy and it would respond.  I could ask it to rise and it would rise and become stronger (oops!) or I could ask it things and it would offer me up images in my third eye or as some people say their “mind’s eye.”

When I asked this energetic presence in me why it was here and what its purpose was, I was shown the inside of a very large warehouse building with pallets of material stacked high.  As I looked at it, the images contained all this information.  I understood; I saw myself going through each box, each pallet, identifying all of this forgotten warehoused material that was the ancient backlog of karma.  But the curious thing about this process was that whenever kundalini led me to a place where there was a block or old inventory of material, all I ahd to do was to acknowledge it in order to feel the block clear up.  I could then feel the energy rush through that center into the next center.  It was like going through a vast fiber optic network and cleaning off the sheaths of fiber so the signal could get through more clearly.  It seemed so simple, so straight forward.  I found that the more I identified, through ego, with a given knot, the harder it was to let it go.  The ego was holding on.  It was far better to not even LOOK at whatever it was the kundalini presence was trying to show me.  I would just pick it up like a rock and kiss it and toss it aside.  After a while, the fire of kundalini which had burned down the stubble of this vast prairie of my soul, had revealed all these stones peeking up our of the fresh grass.  Each one we picked up, blessed, and moved on.  this process worked very well in the beginning.  the early work was in many ways the easiest even though I knew the least about what was happening.  As I dived deeper, it has seemed that the deeper material is more central to ego and is thus much harder to dig out and let go of.

The phenomenon of ego death (a term I do not like because it is misleading) does help considerably in allowing one to let go of this material.  WIth ego so centrally positioned within ourselves, it naturally is far more active than it needs to be.  For me, this “death” was itself a collapse of the old arrangement and the creation of a new one.  It was in may ways like rearranging the furniture or transplanting a flower from the center of the garden out to the edges.  Ego just gets in the way for a variety of reasons and is not all that we are.  But ego is important and if we think we have killed it off, we are fooling ourselves.  We need it for survival purposes, and it seems that ego corresponds with some cognitive functions in the left hemisphere that allow us to identify individual objects and to make decisions in a linear, rather than nonlinear way.  These tasks are important, yes, and may have been much more important in our past then they are today.  As a result we have more freedom now to shift into the goddess mind, into the right brain more, which is what I think is helping to drive such incredible and peaceful change in awakening and the world.

In dream, ego is safely asleep and out of the way.  We can see things more for what they are, albeit dressed in the symbology or imagery of dreaming.  These dreams can help to dissolve the emotional blocks that keep the flow of energy at bay or from reaching into other portions of the light body.

For me, the energy was relentless.  I would dissolve a block, would feel elated at managing to do this, would spend about a day in celebratory jubilation only to find that the energy had moved to the next position, to the next place that needed to be cleared.  the energy would move on to the next spot, would begin to work around the blocked area and my awareness seemed critical in going there and recognizing it.  As a result of this I developed a kind of process that is very easy in some cases, for some blocks where all you need to do is be present and do this one thing that makes the entire process so much easier.

I think we feel as though we have to solve something when it comes to clearing blocks, but really, if you are honest with yourself, I think you will find its much more about recognizing something and making peace with it.  However you do this is your own way of relating to it, but ultimately it means you let go of it. It then loses all power over you, over your energy, over how you feel and how you react in all kinds of situations. For me, it has meant no longer focusing on what OTHER PEOPLE THINK.  Somehow, that seems a pretty mighty distraction for me, and is much of what I was writing about in my previous post about vulnerability.  Energetically, when we can do things like forgive ourselves, or seek forgiveness from some authority figure (a stand in for our own inner god-dess authority), we often can trigger just the right kind of feeling within us that releases this material.  It is like a kind of reset button gets pushed and POOF!  It is gone.  Just gone. Nada.  No more.  Let me tell you, the sense of freedom that is felt in that moment is amazing and perfect.

Then, the energy just flows in such a beautiful way.  Until kundalini raises its hand and gets your attention to come back to the back forty of your awareness to find this old dead body you buried there.  The body is actually YOU…..and as you look at it….what might have been shame or hurt slowly slips away and you realize “it is gone….that was in the past….I cannot change it….so I need not hold onto it…I can let it go…..and sin no more….”  And just so you know, after having to take a two-semester course in religion in college years ago, I was fortunate to have learned from people who were not teaching faith but teaching facts.  My teacher explained “the concept of sin was very different from the one we have now….sin was anything that caused harm to your soul…anger, jealousy….pain, envy…..it didn’t have the objectified sense of judgement attached.”  It seemed that we can cause hurt to our very tender circuitry if we aren’t careful.  I noted that as I awoke I became incredibly sensitive to all kinds of stimuli.  I could look at things and be overcome with bliss and wonder or incredible hurt.  I stopped watching t.v., I stopped watching news and all the rest.  I was jut so open and its circuitry was just so vibrant and alive in me.  I had to be careful what I looked at, what I felt.  It was like all my senses were sharper and more alive.  What was a whisper could be heard as a scream.  This was what all of this cleaning of the circuitry was doing to me, for me.  As ego stepped back, so much just slipped and fell away.

To understand this, I am reminded of this dream that was told to me once.  this guy had this recurring dream that was a bit of a nightmare.  In it, he was pursued by a pack of angry werewolves.  What is more scary than werewolves?  Zombies?  Well anyway, he was menaced by these dreams.  Over and over they would plague him.  Then, one night, as he found himself cornered by a pack of these werewolves, the alpha male walked up to him with this grimacing look on his face.  He moved closer and closer to the guy and as he did this, he noticed that he could see his reflection in the eyes of the werewolf.  What he found so peculiar was that HE looked like a werewolf too!  Then, quite suddenly, the dream changed.  The grimaces on the wolves turned into smiles as the man relaxed and took off hooting and howling with his mates as they took off through the forest.  What he realized was that the thing that he feared most, he WAS.  By just letting himself BE this thing, he gave up all resistance to is and it took on an entirely different gloss.  So okay, maybe he was a wild animal deep down, but once he realized this and embraced it, it wasn’t nearly so bad as what was happening when he was resisting it.  It was in resisting it that he was getting scary dreams, fear, and anxiety.  He integrated the shadow into himself and then realized there really wasn’t anything to fear.  So it seems we embrace and accept at a deep level so that the nature of whatever it is we feel has the opportunity to change.  And after all, isn’t is ALL just energy?  Isn’t it all in how we mold and shape it?  For me at least, kundalini is the opportunity to change how I feel about what it was I have created in the PAST.  This is all about dissolving the PAST so that I can have a more vibrant PRESENT.  By doing that, I am not affected in big and small ways by that back log of material silently and perhaps subconsciously playing like a loop or program in the backs of my mind or heart, or sacral, or root, or solar plexus, or throat chakra.

But don’t get me wrong; there is more work to do.  More more more.  And the thing is, I am back to it, learning more than ever the things that will absolutely hang me up and cause me hurt and pain and that NOW is the time for letting all of that simply go and live a radically different life.  So in dream, I get the wonderful opportunity to be reminded of the old material that remains and instead of feeling defeated over something remaining from two decades ago, I feel like a librarian who finds some dusty old novel in the back stacks, smiles and holds the book for a few moments while whispering, “you were such a great story weren’t you?  We thought you were the cat’s pajamas, and now look at you…..” and with that, it gets put on the cart and taken to the curb.  Yes, its a good little book, and perhaps someone else might like it, but there is just no more room for it in this library.  The process in all of this is changing how we feel about things.  If I am afraid of something in a dream, I know that I have to conquer that fear somehow.  I have to know it is not something to fear anymore because that very fear blocks energy.  As I change my perceptions of something, it also correspondingly changes some small aspect of my life.  Piece by piece, the events in my life take on a very different quality.

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