Archives for posts with tag: Christ

I will tell you straight and true that I do not think of Christ’s birth this time of year because with the consciousness he sought to impart, which has awoke in me leaves me at odd ends with the way followers chose to tell the story and how it lives ever-present in me. The Christ within has a different story to tell me.

When I think of his birth, I have never seen a child born in Winter but who was carried on the promise of Spring. Christ, my Christ, was a life cast in a message of rebirth, renewal, and boundless vigor, hope, wonder, and expansive possibility. For this is how Christ has healed as it has entered my life.
As a result, I can’t think of his life beginning in the dead cold nights, even though the fables say it so. I am his close companion and he says he is as much a he as he is a she…which is the deeper mystery no one dares speak for fear of being called a heretic or blasphemer…

Historians point out that there was a supernova that occurred in the Spring of his birth year. It was a bright star shining for a time in the night sky that may have been the portent the magi used to get them looking for a king not of our world, but the one who sits with his queen enthroned in a kingdom few seem to describe well, apart from the bliss they heap upon those who enter the secret bridal chamber. But so scandalous was that idea that no mention of it was to be found in the canonical Gospels. I could almost forgive them for not knowing. It was, though, the only apt image to describe what happens when that dove descends.

It’s that it’s a reality that isn’t seen or known well, that it’s less about being prim and proper as it is about a sensuality that is explosive…and I have always been left at odd ends when I hear words like the pagan Rumi instead of Mark or Luke echoing in my being.

So I am thrilled to let Christmas be….to let the event it has always been just BE, which is a way to break up the cold night in order to share good food and celebration with family and friends. It’s just that it’s an earthy festivity to do this and stop pretending we even know what our fables try to tell us is even true…

The mystery of Christ runs so deep and asks so much of us, but it asks only once it has penetrated to the very depths of us and whispers how it is there to take us whole, in order to redeem us in the great incandescence that is the love of the Source, our tripartite God, our Trinity where the goddess is shrouded as the holy ghost….and we go eagerly, consumed as we are from the start.

So like a pagan I enjoy Christmas for its earthy pleasure whilst feeling Christ alive in me rioutus and sensual, still and deep, using all of me to reveal the greatest of mysteries to me that I can scarcely explain or describe….
So I don’t. Or if I do, I do so so feebly that it’s like a joke that I even try. For me, it’s almost enough to sink back into that incandescent depth and have a sip of wine. Well, almost enough.

I await what I know was your birth in Spring, which is the same as my own. Born on the cusp of when everything turns green and springs into life and leaps up in promise and unbridled joy, I find your physical echo firm and sure, simple, and quite lovely.

So you can call me a sinner or lost soul if you must, but I am hardly moved by lessons so poorly formed in our past, the fables hardly pass the test for truth, or even poetry. I meet my Christ in Spring as we both run naked in flowering woods unafraid and with no spit of shame, just like the children he described when he was alive and staring onto our world. He says it was as though  whispered  because it was in his day a blasphemy; I am one with the father and the mother….
These two, who merge in us and create the sacred third, the cosmic consciousness, the Christ consciousness have as their means a union of their seeming opposites to birth the transcendent in us.
They are the cosmic lovers who beget us when we each become Christs. We come about by way of their begetting, their cosmic love which we come to know as our own birthright. This was the good news so many sought to change and fudge and clean up because of shame. We come about spiritually by way of a spiritual begetting. This was much to big and too shameful an admission for the early church fathers to admit so they hid it and chose a version of the truth. Winks.
I try to make peace with this past as I live in the vibrant wave that fills me and has remade me, and continues to do its work as my devotion only deepens for its great work.

That is how lovely my Christmases are….


When I awoke to being afire, I wondered if anyone before had such a thing happen to them. I had looked out for this for years, even ready about this act of self-immolation but never really “got” it or understood.  There is no way to understand because it just isn’t like that. How can I tell you what it is to kiss the lips of a goddess or god? I could, but you would make it up for yourself from my own words so that we would each have our own approximated versions.  They’d be different because words are so limited.  And because this is not something to be understood.  It is something to be experienced.

I had read around the edges of our esoteric understandings, hadn’t I?  Why didn’t I know what this thing was?  There is no way to know.  There is only experience. But when I did go looking, an intuitive friend suggested I try the Nag Hammadi.  It was there that I saw the world unfold before me.  It was not through the Hindu or Muslim or Zorasterian….but Christian.  Funny that awakening and the kundalini would be found there….but there it was.  It actually answered to me a deep sense of upset I have felt my whole life as an older life cam tumbling out of this like a bolt of cloth.  In this lifetime, I was one of those so-called “Gnostics” of a sort, which is to say that I once lived with the knowledge that what Yeshuah tried to do here was to wake us up, like all great teachers….but they did a real job on his teachings. In no other corner of our world of teaching has someone’s message been more subject to the slice and dice of bias and recreation of a man’s words for their own purposes.

The Apex Teachings of Jesus just didn’t have a chance of getting through.  What’s more, even the disciples seemed to feel it was dangerous to share this with just anyone. SO a lot was hidden.  Still more was driven underground or was simply not understood and was deemed “heretical.”  This was a very different Christianity.  The one we have today is fine, but it bears few threads that will lead ANYONE to liberation. The great teaching was reduced to a fine societal code for keeping people nice and docile. The followers were sheep and the shepherd moved the sheep around. Its kind of a mad thing, really, when you think of it.

The apex teachings of Jesus didn’t have a chance. No, this “new” Jesus that the new church fathers were going to fashion in 400 A.D. was going to be a chaste and pure man who was a god as surely as Jehovah was an authority over humankind.  And we would all OBEY this god of ours.  Its what humans do the best; control.  But liberation is not about control.  It is about allowing the impossible to happen.  It is about allowing every grain of sand to flow through your hand that lies on the earth in a moment of time.  It is possible for the human spirit to experience this.  It is possible to be entirely changed.  It is possible to win your freedom.  Jesus asks his own people if the teachings did not themselves say that humans are gods after he was criticized for speaking heresy.  He spoke it because he knew it to be the case.  In us lies not just the divine spark, but that which is godly.  What Jesus found, we each can find.  But who would need a church after finding the god or goddess within themselves?

Doing this, setting yourself aflame like this, though, is a lot of “work.”  It is a lot of work for us humans to be so honest, so candid with ourselves that we are willing to admit to all that we have done that has been in error, that has been twisted or turned, angled this way or that, to the brilliance of the great white light that is the source of all transformation.  We are riddled with error, my friends.  We are.  So sitting back and just letting this light into you is the healing thing…it will seem to tear you apart…but it is only because so much is nonessential….but as time goes by you will see it is the greatest of graces.  It takes so much effort to let ourselves be undone simply because we RESIST it so much and have done so for so long.

It is a lot of work for us silly humans because we do not know how to really learn sometimes.  I know, because I have resisted truly learning.  You cannot teach anyone who thinks they already know it all. Such full vessels are where the fools of the world seek repose and congratulate themselves that they have some piece of what is true, that they have it all figured out.  But there are so many “truths” are there not?  So many things to believe, so many biases to accept in the process of taking such delicious bait.  And yet, beyond all of our assumptions and knowing lies something still and entirely explosive.  Taking it into yourself, just this spark, is enough to engulf you in the purifying flame of the alchemical urge…..the divine spark rests in us all and it desires to set us each aflame.  I say “take it into you” but this is not true….you take it into your willingness to accept that it is already INSIDE of you. Awakening is what we all are.  It is a verb, not a noun.

This flame will burn away all thoughts about what you believed were true and leave you simple, less encumbered, sometimes lonely, even sad for the life you thought you had or wanted or the world you thought you had or wanted.  It takes time to adjust as you auger deeper into the depths of your soul and root out the errors that have been there for lifetimes.  Oh yes, you will learn that this is all a giant cycling from one moment to the next….from one life to another life…and to another and another….

We live so many lives because we are such stubborn beings, unwilling or unable to realize who or what we are deep down.  The gift of the deity is encoded in our cells, in the very atoms and subatomic particles that make up our bodies. You can feel this energy all the way down in the core of each atom in your body if you allow your awareness to open you that deep.  If you do, you will witness and fan the flames of an amazing immolation that is taking place.  I did not start this fire, but I am certainly fanning these flames.

Yeshuah said “No one comes to the Father and Mother except by me.” What he meant was that there was not anyone else that he knew of who had what he had, which was awakening.  So while it sounds like he was bringing something novel to earth, he really wasn’t.  He KNEW there was no one else who had it. He had studied, he had spent years in meditation, and he had traveled widely. He KNEW that this was rare.  Very rare.  When he said that no one came to it except by him, he meant it.  If you wanted to learn about it at that time or in the middle east, Jesus was the man. But this was taken to mean that NO ONE else anywhere or at any other time EVER had this except the would-be god-man named Jesus.  What Jesus did, you can do.  I did.  Thousands of others have.  Many more will.  And this kindling of flame in our spirits and bodies will bring great change, such that has not been seen before.  Mark my words. At no other time have so many awakened all within such a short period of time.

It will continue.  It will continue because the spirit has said so.  The second coming of the Christ is this….and it is just now filling thousands of people who often have had no tie to religion.  That is because this is not about a chosen group but those who have managed to do enough work to loosen themselves from the moorings of their old way of being.  They have done the three things critical to awakening that exist with every person who has ever awakened.

You do not need a church.  Waking up means you no longer need the structure of someone telling you what is or is not right.  consensus reality is itself something that is riddled with madness.  Why would anyone want to be like anyone “normal” ever again?  And even saying this, I see how it is that the followers of this Christ tried their best to make a wonder-filled church which had bits and pieces of the gold which did not tarnish peeking out here and there along with lesser brass or coppers, all pretty in their own way, but which do change due to their error.  The pure spark, the pure flame, which is eternally lit in us will bring us all to the doorstep of the divine as soon as we each discover the place inside of us where flame or spark meets the tinder that aches to be set afire and burned to ash so a wonder may emerge….

I learned of my condition not by way of the Hindu but the Christian because I think I had a small score to settle with the world of those who would seek to make my master’s teachings into a polluted lake of stale purity.  The Father and the Mother shall join in ecstatic embrace knowing that their union births the transformative Christ Consciousness.  It is ever-so whether Druid, Native American, Christian, Hindu, Muslim,Judaic, Zoroastrian, or any other faith.  Waking up to this leads one to knowing through direct experience and the end of all systems, which supposedly exist to help us reach liberation.  No system has ever been able to contain it, yet those who have known it will speak of it, even vainly, in the hopes of helping others.  It is a fire which will burn, but it is also a fire that will transmute.  Resisting it is not a way to move forward…..but resisting may well be the lesson many of us are set to learn (myself included).

I wish you the best, and I hope that you find the tri-fold path that leads to this most wondrous of all transformations.


How kundalni awakening has benefited me, in a nutshell, would be the awakening of the two energies together in my awareness that served to be the very essence of kundalini itself.  At the time I did not know that this thing had a name like kundalini.  I had even read up on this phenomenon many years previously, but when it came it went over my head.  This was not something apart from me, not something I had “caught” but that was rising up from the very depths of who I was.  Kundalini, before I gave it a name, made it quite clear to me what it was.  For me, I was aware of two energies inn union throughout my entire being.  This was like a libidinous force wherein a presence was released in me, set free from the cage of the root to flow freely throughout my entire being.  My whole body had become bathed in the energy of this thing, these “two” energies in this tight embrace, this constant unstopping embrace of pure bliss.  I was aware that a third energy was created, though, and I saw this as a triadic form of three pillars of energy rising through me.  The two pillars were like two lovers in full embrace, and out of their union there emerged this other powerful transcendent presence and energy and this was what I called for a time “the child.”  This was the fruit of their union.  It made perfect sense to me to label it in this way.  This was what it was.  However, this child was something different from its parents, and yet was also connected deeply with them.  NONE of them could have existed without the other.  Their existence was somehow defined by their context TOGETHER.

I did not feel the masculine rise without the feminine.  The very power of kundalini was in the immediate and constant embrace of the two together.  “The child” seemed to develop in my awareness after a number of weeks and months, however.  I found myself lost in the reverie of this embrace within me, my mind soaking it up and feeling into it.  The energy was itself highly intelligent.  Wherever my mind was directed, I seemed to apprehend the meaning of whatever it was I was curious about.  I felt hooked into a kind of inner network of energy.  People who had died who came back spoke of having instant knowledge of anything they put their mind to.  I wondered if this wasn’t all that different.  I felt hooked into something….something vast.  The energy seemed to contain information within its “DNA” that I could unlock and see and feel and know.

Searching to see if I could find anything that described this experience, I found an exact description in early Christian works.  The Gnostic texts spoke directly to my experience of the Mother and Father and the “perfect seed” being the Christ or “child” I had felt moving through me.  The Mother, though, would be the Holy Ghost in later works, an attempt to perhaps hide her reality.  I realized that there were those who could not, for whatever reasons, recognize the feminine side of this experience perhaps because it would put women on par spiritually with men.  What a contraversy to have a feminine power so alive within yourself that it is undeniable as to the nature of spiritual experience!  So it has gone.

But today, we are open to the necessity for a balance.  I know that for me, I experienced this balance alive in me, and continue to do so.  It is the divine feminine that I felt from the very moment that kundalini awakened that gave me such rich insight into women, into myself as a man, and about how the two fit together both in the day to day and on a cosmic level.  It became clearer and clearer to me that in order for them to fit well here on earth, we had to learn how to mirror them in ourselves in order to align to a “destiny” and mate who would most perfectly fit this part of ourselves which is already ascended and is not showing us the way.

Kundalini, I knew, was a time traveller, an advanced stage of consciousness looping back into its past to help raise itself up.  I have since had some interesting experiences with going back into my own past to bear messages and help to my younger self and I have come to the conclusion that time does not stop us from doing this.  Only our bodies that have mass may keep us planted in our own river of time but the mind is free to roam as it has no mass.  And we do.  And we will continue to do so, leaping back and forward to repair and heal and boost ourselves from a variety of different time lines. Sound impossible?  My dear, there is nothing that is not possible.  The stories I could tell you about time and traveling within its many varied currents!

So the saving grace has been in awareness.  This inner beloved, called the bridal chamber by the Gnostics for the libidinous bliss that it confers, is the fire, the catalyst that actually bears transformation.  In the beginning, it was a hard thing to deal with.  It was almost too much.  But in time, I learned to develop ever widening capacities for it, to become the vessel for it that I had to be.  Resistance is futile.  In this are lessons to the feminine aspects of the self as well as the masculine.

I think person by person, we are being shown a way to be, a way to feel, a way to become that is entirely personal and individual.  Instead of conquering nations, individual hearts will be conquered by this, piece by piece until the world is a giant patchwork of this light.  Perhaps it will continue to spread.  My first sense was that this energy was doing just this.  Spreading.  It is no accident that you are now reading this!

Is it possible that the virgin Mary was schooled in Egypt or in the manner of the mystic traditions of Kabbala or the Mystery schools in Egypt?  It is described that Mary, as a small child, was allowed into the Holy of the Holies, a place that ONLY the priest was allowed into and only once a year.  While people say that this was because Mary was to be the mother of the incarnation of God on earth, I wonder whether they knew that Mary was going to be the one at such an early age?  Could it be that Mary was herself blessed with an openness to the mysteries of awakening herself?

Link to Mary in the Holy of Holies

It is curious to find that St Austin (c. 380) asserted that it was generally known in church circles that Rabbi Jesus had been initiated in Egypt, and that “he wrote books concerning magic.”  This was at the earliest period of the forming of the Church by Emperor Constantine.  Curious, also, is how Jesus’s uncle also named Joseph (or Arimathea) was a wealthy tin merchant.  The center of the tin trade were tin mines in Cornwall, a stones throw from The center of the Druid universe, now known as Glastonbury, but which sports an ancient site called the Tor, a seven-ringed hill with a phallic stone sitting atop it.  Curious, because Jesus may well have been taken to this area of the country after the death of his father , Joseph, and could well have had contact with the Druids.  Sound far-fetched?   Curious that the Druids have a word in their language which is most amazingly, Yeshua, which is one of the names used for Jesus.

Before this, however, Jesus was taken as a small child to Egypt to flee from Herod’s desire to stamp out what he may have perceived as an heir to his throne when he ordered all male children two years and under to be killed.  Egypt.  Home to the Mystery schools.  In one Gnostic text it describes Jesus as having been back in Israel by age 12 or so, with people in his family wanting to marry him off.  It describes how Jesus then took off, following the spice routes toward India because he would have none of this.

Curiouser, still, are scrolls in Tibet that describe a man who had come from the middle east whose name was Issa.  This Issa had been crucified and had a wife named Mary. A book was written about these scrolls, which the author was allowed to view.  In them, many of the same things that Jesus had espoused this Issa espoused.  It is interesting to note that the name for Jesus in the Muslim world is Issa.  The Russian scholar, Nicolai Notovich, was the first to bring forth compelling evidence that Christ may have gone to India. In 1887, Notovich, was a Russian scholar and Orientalist and spent time in Kashmir during which he made his discovery of the scrolls about Issa. It was at the Zoji-la pass that Notovich was a guest at a  monastery  where a monk told him of the bodhisattva named  “Issa”. Notovitch was amazed at the similarities of this bodhisattva and Jesus.

It may well be that the history of the earliest Christians was different from the history that we know.  Some of the facts may not be absolutely confirmed, but there are some very tantalizing clues that have managed to escape the censorship that took place all across Europe and all of Christendom.  This censorship involves the burning of Torahs and the destruction of many books which were said to have contained stories about Jesus which were not part of the then-mainstream offerings of what was accepted.  There is a lot of interesting deviations that occur that lend credence to the Gnostic texts as being attributed to Jesus, for example. At the  Fatehpur Sikri, which is near the Taj Mahal, there are stones that have inscriptions on them called ‘Agrapha’ that are the words of Jesus and which are most like the words written in the Gospel of Thomas, a Gnostic text discovered in Nag Hammadi in 1945.  It is also known that reincarnation was known in the early Christian circles, that it was edited out of the Bible at the behest of Constantine’s wife, we are told, because she did not like the idea of having to come back again.  Many of Jesus’s teachings parallel the Hindu tradition quite closely, and yet through all of the efforts of suppressing only the “right” version, much of this information has been hard to get at, but it does exist.

When you consider that the Church came forward and formally announced that Mary Magdalene was herself NOT a prostitute, but had been so labelled in order to downplay her role or influence in Jesus’s life, you have to wonder what else there is that remains not entirely true?  And if truth is truth, then this truth is not the domain of any one religion or school of thought.  Some things can exist in the same way as gravity; entirely free from any need to build a dogma around them.  Even the subject of resurrection, I suspect, was not well understood.  Yes, it is entirely possible that Jesus WAS crucified, but there is also evidence that suggests that Jesus was involved in an initiation process that involved fasting in order to attain a type of resurrection of the spirit which was called “twice born,”  The Gnostics describe this very well by explaining that its as THOUGH you are alive but not fully living, as if you are dead, and then the next moment, your body becomes more alive than it had ever been, making your old life seem more like a death than any kind of life that you know now.

This explains how awakening is quite well.  The Hindus call it kundalini.  it is not the province of any discipline or religion, but is a very human experience.  However you seek to explain it, capture it, parse or describe it, it is a wondrous experience which opens the doors to a form of salvation of the spirit in that it gives you a powerful opportunity to make substantive change that may have eluded you. It does this by rewarding you when you remain aligned and “punishing” you when you are not.  As you learn how to remain aligned, bliss pours through you in a way that quite simply is like liquid fire.  This is not for the feint of heart, for this path is that of riding a powerful wave that can lead you into the dark or into the light.  After all, this is all of what we are, and it is up to us what we choose.  We are human, but we are seeking to be more than that.  Awakening is the ticket that begins the journey into what is called the bridal chamber, the Holy of Holies.  It is not a place save that it dwells within you…

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