This time of the year is hard on a lot of people.  I grew up with people who grew dark and troubled in the wintry months. Seems with the time change, then the bad weather, then all of those expectations surrounding the holidays….and…..and….

I know.  I get it.  And yet? Dining on ashes does not solve the depression or sadness conundrum.  What “wrankles” a lot of people is when I say that your joy or happiness is a choice.  But it is.  You have permission now to get upset with me. Go ahead. But keep reading.  It gets better.

The interesting thing is that a positive outlook has been linked to the left brain, while those deeper more blue feelings are tied to the right brain.  Who would have thought, right?  And yet, what I know about the left brain based on years of study both on a professional level and in observing myself in meditation and awakening, is that its a really simple hemisphere.  We know this now, which is that the left brain handles simple linear processing-type things.  Its good at lists, creating strategies, things like that.  Oh, and its also where our feelings of positivity exist, too!  The right brain sees a much bigger picture, but it also has a hard time feeling bright.  So we need to know how to give that side, which happens to bloom in awakening (the right brain-seat of kundalini shakti) a little boost. We might actually begin to feel like feeling good is just a simplistic way of looking at things.  And maybe so, but you know what?  It beats the heck out of the alternative, am I right?

Knowing your essential self is also knowing that YOU are in control of your feelings and not something that has been stuffed down deep inside of you.  Now it might seem that going about bright and shiny all day while feeling like things aren’t all just perfect inside is somehow dishonest, but I tell you that until the moment comes when you can solve whatever the wrinkles are within you, which would you prefer to do, dine on ashes, or be happy?  The reality remains that some things you cannot in this moment fix.  But really, does it make any sense AT ALL to allow whatever lies beneath that you cannot in this moment get to to get you down? If I did that, I would just throw my hands up because the truth is…..we all have piles of junk (some more than others) to deal with.  If we let that issue alone get to us…..why even go on? Why get up in the morning? Right?  A week ago I got down about something related to my family.  I found my body crashing and burning.  I felt through this hard place in me and I knew that in due course it was going to get healed. Everything like this has seemed to do so as if according to a given order.  I just let kundalini work its magic.  In the meantime, I wait.  I do!  I wait and I am faced with how to make this inner space happier and more enjoyable.  And it’s funny; when I do that, everything turns around for me!

Having been in the depths of the Dark Night Of The Soul for an extended period some years ago, also, I am all for the buffet of happiness.  And the thing is, YOU can change your physiology so that you produce all of the necessary chemistry to allow that reality to come over you physiologically.  While waiting for your inner self to clarify and clear, it might as well be an order of happiness and joy.  And add a little extra love in your heart, too.

Today I had a critique with my students of their work.  While we were between pieces, I described how a woman learned that in order to combat her anxiety over performing or speaking in front of people, she discovered that in order to change how she felt, she could actually adopt a physical posture that told her mind that she was….confident.  And she found that whenever she was not confident or happy, she found that she could….fake it.  Even if she felt a certain way, certain body postures would counter the body chemistry that was being produced in her body. And it worked great for her. It was so good, she has gone on to tell people that you can basically, in the words of Susanna from art class, “fake it until you make it.”

Now I know that this can bring up the sense that maybe we are just being dishonest or  somehow notgenuine.  But look, its possible that some people can be so gripped by an emotion that they will do anything to get out of it.  Anxiety and depression have reached epic proportions in our country. And you know what?  I have found that our feelings are entirely a result of some condition that we have at some point made a choice about.  I know; you may not have chosen that shitty childhood. None of us feel that way, but I have had to face the reality in my spiritual work that actually, I really DID choose that shitty childhood.  I chose it actually to overcome something really important to heal and it seems that some of the early events in my life, I knew about upon entering this world. I’m not even saying that bad stuff is your fault.  I’m saying that if you could see and know the reason behind why some things happen, it would probably inspire you in the weirdest of ways to know that some of the hardest things contain the seeds of our salvation as human beings.  It really isn’t even what you thought it was….which is kind of like a wonderful surprise gift you get only at the very end of a hard feeling you are getting ready to heal.  It really only matters until it no longer matters, and when its gone, its gone.  Gone!  Now tell me, wouldn’t you like to get you some healing like that?  Well, its within the reach person on the planet.

I know though that many wont agree, and all I can say is that someday, somewhere, when you see into the layer I have reached, then on that day you will remember this little bit of writing that seemed so messed up and backwards and realize what it was I was talking about.  You see, until the error is healed in us, we cannot hope to extricate ourselves from it, not even a relationship which is the same as our last one. You have to heal that stuff inside…..

So I ask you, again, while you wait for the healing time to come, which do you prefer, hurricanes and lightening or something a little more enjoyable?

So given the mad ramble I have put you through, I will actually do something that I often don’t do, which is to post some great ways to deal with the winter blues and your emotions which might be a little on the hard side.  That’s next post.  For the time being, I wish you joy and happiness because….well….the alternative is really no fun at all.

God-dess Bless.