I wish I could tell you about what I feel. There are no words to contain this. I do try, though. My being is a swirl of bliss if I let the reflexive thoughts stop. That bliss would make me blush, running red-faced from the room. Hours have been spent lying down, unmoving, caught in the grace and transcendent wonder as worlds would shift and move through me like some cosmic broadcast. We are all like radios, I thought. I would realize my capacity for realizing dimensional aspects of reality and the Source which I could not explain using words was the best way for grasping this new realm of experience. It was curious, too, how just a look could contain it all. This is perhaps why love is so powerful because at this level, it may be one of the few states that can contain and be aware of the multitudes inherent in reality. Feeling, I found, was how the universe lives and breathes (and responds to you) while the rational was designed to be limited because the feeling mind isn’t. Like man and wife, they compliment each other. I became a lover, but one who, in time, was content to be alone, the beloved alive in my heart.
I was shown that this love was not divided out but included all forms. Like every Christian mystic, I was found wed to God, or like yogis deep in a trance of samadhi, I made the realization that love is the way. People don’t know this but in Luke Jesus uses three different forms of love to ask Peter if he loves him. One of the forms of love was erotic love. This passage was mistranslated by scribes in order to obfuscate the true meaning. Most Christians just think Jesus is trying to point out that Peter denied him three times. That wasn’t what was happening at all. Jesus was describing a love or encompassing a love that included all loves into one. It was not divided like my love, it was all of it in one go. Somewhere the power of this teaching got lost and there is not more about it in any of the sources coming down to us. Whether Jew or Hindu, the experience is the same. It was so for me, as well.
A friend and I spoke for the first time recently about my experience and he asked what it was like. It was the first time I had ever tried to explain it to a person who hasn’t awakened. I tried as simple and direct an approach as I could, saying, “You know that moment when you can feel the point of no return in orgasm?” He nods. “I feel that as a spiritual and physical energy all the time.” My friend said what I thought he would, which was, “That’s gotta be frustrating!” I replied, “At first it was. We are taught that we have to throw this energy away. I learned that when that energy accumulated, a thresh hold was crossed where this energy began healing me, transforming me. I could have become desperate, and sometimes I am, but it’s like the energy is there offering a chance for transmuting it where this unspeakable mystery is found…”
I feel like I have been disabused of my old habit of feeling, which is to always think of bliss as just sexual. It’s funny how the sexual bliss is the door to another finer state. It’s quite something. Maybe I’m not like Gautama Buddha who was said to have found solace in being able to feel such bliss without a partner. I am singular and happy, but we are social creatures who I don’t think have found peace with having intimate relationships while being so “spiritual.” There’s always someone who thinks this is about being a guru or a teacher and then the old memes get dragged out and it becomes a show. Maybe we just aren’t ready for this to enter all aspects of our lives. Such capable levels of deep communion can be scary sometimes. I get it. I’m still sitting here catching up with how awe inspiring nature is. Talk about the ultimate technology of the gods..
It’s been worth it to have been through so much. I stuck with it, stone by stone, grain by grain. After a few years I turned around and found my mountain had moved. Everything seemed so big at the beginning. It was like living in a blizzard of energy. Instinctively I knew my job was to drive the energy higher in order to…..to what? I soon learned what. I availed myself of every opportunity, every method, every happy accident and synchronicity that led to a release. I was in the belly of the dragon for years. There were times in the first few years when it all seemed bleak, but persistence has paid off.
I will also add, there are more things to heal, but the difference now is I don’t feel defeated by them. Every single thing dealt with was like acruing some cosmic grace that never went away. I have found great solace in this. I also found myself drifting away from “normal” human understanding. I fit less and less. That too was an adjustment. I would feel out of sorts, but then find a new angle with which to be able to relate to people I know and love.
Twenty four years ago I was awakened out of sleep by the angelic being who had appeared in my room only weeks before and I was told at four in the morning to go outside. There in the dark, he said “Look over here..” and motioned to the woods. There I saw a long hallway open up, kind of like something out of a Maurice Syndak story where the boy’s bedroom slowly turned into the wild outdoors. This hallway began tilting downward uneasily as I heard my guide say, “This lifetime is the conduit through which lifetimes may be healed or redeemed.” That hallway was shaken like a bag of potato chips to get the last bits out that were left. I was being shown how this would go and that my guide had been there since my birth, “Watching over you.” I realized the next day that this had happened on Good Friday.
Maui
Since then, I have been reminded, like on my trip to Maui, that I am the “doctor” for my soul. I was connected almost immediately to a past life on Maui with a man who had become stuck, mired in a poor definition of what being male was all about, and in a fifteen minute direct experience while driving along the coast, I was able to telepathically show him the way to feel. This was a past life of mine that was unfolding very quickly. He was taught to be the tough guy who didn’t talk about his feelings to the point that he was miserable. When I hear about “toxic masculinity” I think about how little our culture really understands how the culture carves out behavioral niches that are not natural or healthy for men (or women). A lot of toxic masculinity is the result of cultural expectations put onto men that are not natural. But what man feels like he can emote and not have his woman feel her stomach turning or feeling like her man is weak…because we misjudge just how attracted we are to these programmed responses. Men are silent strong and quiet. We support and the quieter we are the better. Don’t talk about your feelings as you really feel about them (millions of men quietly wanting to explode from holding it in or so disconnected from feeling that they don’t even know what the heck their feelings even are)/ While being the mute male sure makes women feel secure, it is making men neurotic in the same sort of way that women have difficulties with unrealistic expectations put on them as well. Okay, so in that moment I could enter his heart and show him how to feel, to bring in what he could not allow himself to feel (which he really needed but equated with being feminine or being weak). Immediately, there is this expansion, this joy that was completely new and then this guy lying in his hammock began crying for the first time in decades in his hammock. Crying because his life had been made into a kind of emotional sepia tone image. When I reached him, there was a tear coming down his eye already, but it was not a tear of feeling deeply, it was more the tear of a man who had been put into a vice and then crushed for about forty years. He had been holding it all in for so long and he was miserable. And with those tears, his hardness was gone. It bled out of him like puss from a wound. I had to pull over to cry, to let all that emotion out and to move it along so I didn’t get stuck, too. To him, my past life gentleman, I was like an ancestor spirit coming to him to give him that good medicine. Me, I just knew right where to go to find him perhaps at his worst point in time. I just had this feeling like I had to go to Maui, but not for the reasons other people go there. It felt like I really needed to go to get something done or to see something…it wasn’t really clear. It was ironic, too, because there he was, dressed in traditional Hawaiian garb, lying in a hammock near the beach, looking at the sunset in what most would describe as paradise, and he could not have been more miserable. All of this was done by way of feeling, and being open. Truth is, I don’t know much, a lot of this involves me being led by a more capable self. So when my guide showed me all of those doors in that hallway and explained how this life would be a life where I would be able to clear and cleanse my soul going back lifetimes, he wasn’t kidding. It has been quite the ride and there have been no dull moments. I am glad I am alone because if I were to describe this to a “normal” person, I would likely wind up in a hospital.
I do a lot of listening inwardly and outwardly…and I also realize that I have a turn of mind that allows me great flexibility emotionally so that I can be what these past selves need me to be in order to get over their own humps, glitches, and limits. Every time this happens I feel as if I am rewriting the past and improving the present and future lifetimes and timelines. While its hard to travel physically through time, your consciousness can travel back with ease! I can only imagine the ripple effects this will have. Has this ever played through your mind, the implications of this work? If nothing else, I was able to help a number of people in my soul, all past lives and one future lifetime, to reap greater reward through this awakening. No matter what happens, the ripple effects will be spreading out through time and consequence…
Sometimes I tell my higher self that I’d like to help others, too, but it tells me that in my evolutionary spiral, it is better to help myself so that in other lifetimes my purpose can be dedicated solidly with serving others.
There was a time when meditation was tricky. I would drift into another energy state, but it never went anywhere. I wondered what I was doing wrong. Only after opening up this powerful energy did I realize how solid our “veils” in consciousness can be. The rise of kundalini found me pierced from bottom to top seven times. It was as though I had been pierced and opened so that the flood waters from the cosmic could come in. They did. I had to navigate tsunami waves. It wasn’t always easy. With practice and familiarity, it got easier.
Sometimes “it” felt like a challenger, but it wound up an ally. It depended on what I brought to it. After months of struggle, the same struggle over five months, something finally clicked and everything went quiet. I mean to say, no thoughts. It was as novel a condition as weightlessness might be the first time in the body. After that, a great peace was available to me. I will also say that despite such a wonderful outcome, I would find plenty of instances where I would choose to be upset about something! We are so very human. Note to self: you can become a yogi overnight but you will still have to pay the rent…
I think that I think differently now. I rely on the grace of the universe saving me sometimes. It is tricky to be both Mr. Cosmic and Mr. Business at the same time. When I rely on God or the universe, it always seems to work out perfectly. A customer who is used to worrying about things, was put off by my peaceful demeanor recently. It was funny because she was speaking as though the thing out of place with me was this devil may care attitude that I seemed to have. Perhaps there is this idea that artists starve, that it’s a problem and since I am an artist, that is what must be happening. It isn’t happening, lol! “It must be so hard for you as an artist…” people often have said, and I kind of roll my eyes because it isn’t that way at all. It is a business like any other.
People incorrectly think that this is me not caring, which is my bliss state, when I care very much. I just don’t care to think about or worry about the same things other people worry about. I get how the visionaries tend to all get killed: they are no longer bound by the same steering forces and are no longer governable or controllable. People can look at you funny… It’s been worth it though.
It’s worth it to see my breath, so full of bliss, enter this world. I pray that it can be a gift to someone somewhere. I am not much of an evangelist…no religion, or guru to be found. I find I am just as J. Krishnamurti was on his pathless path. When you rely on yourself, an abundance of wisdom makes itself available to you. The more you rely on it the greater the wisdom that pours forth. We aren’t aware of the deep well of knowing that is available to us. You are one life among many. You are a child to a still-larger self. You exist outside of time. You are instantly god-realized in that part of you outside of time…and it then seems to be the task of these selves to realize their own divine lineage. Everyone is like this, I think. The answer seems to be found in our becoming limited in order to learn the most precious lessons, which often is about how to experience limitation and to touch one thing at a time, rather than constantly embracing the All in such an all-encompassing state.
All the work has been worth it. Keep at it. Follow your gut and heart while remaining open. If you can feel something with all your heart, that something will come. It seems like it takes forever, but every single ounce of it is accounted for and as the load drops, the soul becomes light. The bliss, which we once thought was to be used, or even thrown away, is now seen as The Way, a part of who we are. Instead of rising and falling, it is steady now. Hardly anything lessens it now. I am glad to have been able to show one person the way to bliss. If we all did that, the world would be a much better place. I talked to their soul about it and in one week the switch was flipped. I pray it has remained. If we can each do this, we would have a better, more peaceful world, perhaps.
It gets better. Stick with it. Surrender. Be a devotee. Within you is all the wonder you could ever imagine. Your divine parentage makes it so.
What happens when you begin to develop a capacity to recall past lives? In my case, when I had enough details from some lifetimes, I began to see patterns from one life to another. Normally, the lives I have lived are of people unknown to history. Over the last few years I have had clear enough recall to be able to pinpoint two lives known to history. I include this post for those of you with an interest in this type of inquiry. It is possible, with some research, to sometimes find lives that have been known through historical accounts.
A few years ago, after having a conversation with someone who I didn’t know in this life but who I had had a dream about, someone who I had correspondence with, I later experienced seeing a scene emerge that I knew was from a very ancient lifetime that involved this person. What was interesting about this experience was how clear and crisp the images were. I was able, by feeling into it, to tease out details that I “just knew” about but didn’t know how or why I knew them. This experience was a lot like putting together a puzzle. Instead of trying to “push the river” on digging stuff up, and risking possibly making something up in the process, I found myself just feeling into it and then letting myself being led into the experience.
When I say I was “feeling into it” I will explain that this is a particular form of “thinking” that requires me to be (1) very honest with myself and (2) careful that I am truly feeling instead of fabricating something. This isn’t about using emotion though. Instead it is based on the awareness that our capacity to feel can lead to realization. I think many people might have a hard time with this because most tend to discount their feeling side, or think it is inconsequential. It isn’t. Also, the more clearing work that you do, the more you open up this side of your preceptual awareness in order to better see just what is there. That said, on to what I first began to see.
I stood in a room that was a bedroom chamber. The room was made of stone with hewn timbers in the roof. Near the head of the bed there was a window. I looked out with wooden shutters which were pulled to the side that opened to the bright warmth of the day. Looking into a courtyard I saw flowers and shrubs below. This was, though, desert country. I knew those plants were there because water was fed to them. They would not have survived without daily care, not in that sun, not in this dry land. Looking out that window, I saw I was at least two stories up from the ground. I knew that this building belonged to someone who was of high status because the homes for most people were single-story buildings, made of brick or stone.
As I stood in this space, I was immediately aware of a woman who was my wife. She was tall and willowy. Her hair was kept and fell around her shoulders in tight curls. When I saw her I recognized her as the person who I had had a series of conversations with previously. She wore what looked like a dress, but this dress went from shoulder to foot and it highlighted her height. Me, on the other hand, was another story. While she was refined and well kept, I was stocky, short even, with dark curly hair and beard. The word “bull” came into my mind. I was, I knew, much like a bull. I was strong, stocky….and as I saw myself, a clear realization came into my mind: I was a general who served a king. I was aware of my “office” which was a hive of activity. It was located a ways off from where I stood. A general….but who?
I thought about how this man looked. He wasn’t Egyptian. Not Greek. Not Jewish. Not Arab or Turk. Not Persian. I kept going through my mental rollodex and ended at Babylonian. Over and over it kept coming back to that. Babylonian? Huh….
Fast forward a couple of years, and as a result of having had an experience that emerged in the wake of my having had a regression this past Summer which I wrote about several months ago, I had an unexpected outcome afterwards. This gets a bit unusual, but hang on for a bit. In this experience, I was having a conversation with an ET who I had a dream about in the early 1990’s. In this case, the ET was unlike any ET I have heard any description of. It wasn’t the typical “grey” or any other ET race I have read about people describing. While the being was the “five-point star” configuration of two arms, feet and a head (humanoid), her skin was not at all like ours, but had the look of burnt marshmallow. Her eyes were golden and the pupils were of different shape. Her head had a curious extrusion-effect along the forehead that made her head like that of a hammerhead shark (but nowhere near as much as a hammerhead). We had been talking and she was sitting in my living room, pointing to the sky explaining that she had to return from where she had come. I was hoping to get into this dream during my regression this past Summer, but it turned out we were only able to cover one early dream during that first session. As a result, my mind thought about this encounter because I wondered what the source of that dream might have been. Having read a few books on the abduction phenomenon I was aware that many abductees first had dreams as a clue that something larger was happening in their lives.
It was a curious time because not long after this dream encounter, I awoke one morning to find that my feet looked like I had been taken out of the house at night. My feet were visibly scratched like I had been dragged through a gravel parking lot. I had grass stains on the sides of my feet. The stains were fresh. The nails on my toes had also been scratched. I sat on the edge of the bed, my heart racing, wondering what on earth had happened. There was no memory of what had transpired. I searched my memory and knew that I had not been out the day before or even weeks before barefoot. I had showered the night before. Seeing this was one of those very odd things that didn’t fit and that odd puzzle piece kept screaming at me as if it didn’t belong. It was also one of the chief reasons why I decided to see a trained hypnotherapist. There was no blood and I wouldn’t say it looked like a struggle. I began to attempt contact not long ago in my present day to see if doing so might yield some answers. It was a bit of an experiment, but I considered that in all of the ET lore, beings who have become interstellar all seem to communicate through telepathy. This was a very easy way to get around the issue of different languages and since telepathy has shown to not be held to the same laws that a radio signal has (going at the speed of light and taking tens or hundreds of thousands of years to reach its target), I considered that this was worth a try at least to see if anything came of it.
It was quite the surprise when I tried this, because I was immediately in a space with that being again and what took place was…bizarre. Instead of it being a case of a cagey alien keeping its cards close to its chest, this being was incredibly forthcoming. She immediately recognized me when I reached out to attempt contact, and as I found myself suddenly in her space, which looked like a giant hangar, she did this thing where she looked down at the ground, stopping dead in her tracks, and took in a deep breath and then looked straight at me. It was just like how you might expect someone to react who hadn’t seen you in over twenty years. The reason why I am mentioning this encounter is that this being said during our conversation that she had a counterpart alive on earth and she said that I even knew this person. Now I had a moment where I did a double-take. “On earth?” I asked. “Yes…” and she brought up the image of this person and it this was the person who I had been in contact with about two years ago and who I had remembered I had had a life in Babylon with. While our exchange was not pertinent to the Babylonian life, what the being told me I passed on to my friend later, contacting her after a few years of having been out of contact. This was the bizarre part….The being explained that she was a “commander” of a small fleet of ships and did a number of different things that involved trade and shipping, essentially. When I told my friend about this she said that she had a memory of having been an ET in another life who was a “commander” in just the way that the ET had described. So it seems once you go down that rabbit hole, it gets a bit unusual.
Time had passed, two years, and since then I have had a number of releases take place. I think as a result, one night not long ago when I walked into the studio, I found the same scene of that bedroom rise up around me, probably because of our conversation two weeks earlier. This time, as I looked at that same window and the bed nearby, I heard clearly….”He was a general….who became king.” A flurry of thoughts played through my mind at this point. I realized or knew that whoever this man was, his being crowned king after being a general made the events surrounding his ascendancy to a throne a rare one….because when have you heard of generals becoming king in any culture? Most cultures with kings meant you had to be in the family. This man wasn’t. Now, two years later, a whole new wrinkle emerged that wasn’t available to me previously. I mention this because it may help you to see how “doing the work” can have other ramifications, like better recall.
I had several more details stream in in the wake of this new realization. I saw a wrought iron “keeper” that was used to hold the shutters open. This detail was in the shape of what I recognized was the seed of anise. Additionally I knew that we were involved in a practice known as Heiros Gamos, the union of God and Goddess. This practice was understood by the people to be tied to our own creative energy and when this union took place the opposites merging resulted in powerful and potent forms of manifesting. In this culture, they used this for good crops. It was desert country. These people understood creative visualization taken to a high level, essentially. I saw just how ancient all of this was. While this may have been what the kings and queens engaged in, this was part of our own individual personal power. Back then it was about the authorities doing this for the good of all the people. This was a way, if you were successful, of holding onto power. Your ability to bring good things to all of the people was what cemented your rule and position with the people. All power comes from the people even if the kings would be the last to admit it. After all, I knew that this man was able to come to power because of the backing of the people. How this happened, I was not entirely clear on. I realized that it might be possible to find out who this person was because it was very likely that his rise to power was a unique event and might be mentioned in history.
During preparing this post I did more research into the details that I saw and I found some curious things. The wrought iron detail that I saw on the wall that held the shutters open, this star-like wrought iron form I thought originally there might be no way to know for sure whether it was correct or not. What was the chance of finding a wrought iron detail in an archeological dig of the same object to show that it had indeed been used at all? In watching a video of historical accounts related to Babylon I found that the older friezes and bas reliefs found in museums showed that many of the rulers had a floral design both on their headdresses and on wrist-bands. This same design shows up on the Ishtar Gate, which was built at about the same time. While this design looked similar to the anise design, I knew that it was not a direct hit. But while watching a video of images in the natural history museum in Iraq, I saw another image that was also in some of the images, and this image showed up a number of times, and it was a six-sided star form that has the same look as star anise. While this is itself probably not strong enough evidence and it could not hold up in a court of law, it is itself a tantalizing clue that I will continue to follow to see if archeologists have ever unearthed wrought iron forms or “keepers” for shutters, for example. Could it have just been the shape for a star and not anise? Yes, it is possible. At this point in the digging I have done, it can also possibly be anise as well. I wont know until I dig further to see if I can find more details related to this. But it is a clue and when you go looking into the past, it is details like these that you have to look for to see if history offers anything tangible or directly related to your search. The fact that I saw so clearly this design in the way I did deserves a second look. If I do dig something more up I will include it here in future edits of this post. Images of what I saw are included in the images below…
What I saw was very similar to this, but there were too many “petals.” So I looked further.
Here you can see the same floret, but look to the left and another image appears…
This is a closeup…
And there is another…
This is anise. It is described as having 6-10 points depending on the variety and development of the plant. A star? Or a plant that looked like a star? Perhaps they were used interchangeably…it was grown in the region.
While I regarded this scene again, feelings flooded in that filled in some of the spaces. I had known this person before and in a myriad of ways. I felt the love, the care, the admiration this man had for this woman. I felt how something would rise up within me, that ancient knowing of how we were whenever we came into each others’ presence. It was because of other pasts that this unspeakable familiarity came. I felt the rush of feeling, I felt how unapologetic I was about who I was…how direct and how utterly unashamed I was of how I felt because of its depth and vividness. Something in her brought something out in me. It is true that some people will do that to you. For me now, it was about the creative power within the opposites as one. And yet, this was simple in so many ways, effortless even. I stopped contact with this person initially because it was often too clear, too strong, and vivid. But this recent conversation, as unlikely as it was, with an ET millions of light years away, brought it all back, nudging an orbit back onto an ancient path….With all of this and the new disclosure that this man was not just a general to a king but a king himself, I took to the internet to see what might be there.
I didn’t have to look very far. When I entered “Babylonian general who became king” the result was a singular one. There was only one general of the Babylonian army who rose to be crowned king. His name was Nabopollaser and he reigned beginning in 628 B.C. His son was Nebuchadnezzar II.
Most of the lives I have lived have been of regular folks, many who were anonymous to history. This man, though, was able to rise to power, replacing the Assyrian king Ashurbanipal not long after his death, when there was a power vacuum involving his sons who clearly were having a struggle with holding onto power and even deciding who was going to succeed him. It was a coup, but one that involved wresting power back to the Babylonians, something that the people were behind him on. That, and he had an army who would fight for him if it came to that. I was aware that here was a man of Babylon who had served under an invading king who had been part of a dynasty that had been an occupying force in the country. In a way you could say it was not unlike what is happening right now with the U.S. as an occupying force in Iraq. He chafed under this rule, but he also was offered a better life by serving this king. His own loyalty to his own people won out, and along with his tenacity and courage, he took advantage of a situation that he saw develop after Ashur’s death. Also, years ago I awoke from dream with this very strange name in my head: Ashurbanapal. I didn’t know what it meant back then, didn’t even know that it was even a name. Where had that come from? I looked it up and saw it was the name of an old Babylonian king. It went no further than that. there was no memory back then, no sense of being on to something. It was like a curve ball from out of left field.
Here is where things get interesting. This life mirrored another life that I had with numerous memories from that took place in the Yucatan in Palenque. This was itself as much of a rabbit hole as the Babylonian life because of how many details that I recalled that wound up being in line with what we know about the ruler there in South America. In both cases, these men were involved in major building projects. Now you might think, “But a king would be building stuff, right?” But if you look at the history, some leaders undertook building projects and others did not. For example, Ashurbanipal allowed his kingdom to go into ruin to a great extent. Buildings were falling apart and he just let it go. Nabopollaser came along and began shoring up the old buildings and then began building new ones. When we look at the Yucatan in 600 A.D., it was one king and his son who were largely responsible for not just building projects of significant scope, but an attention to art and decoration for those buildings. This also happened in Babylon—his son built the Ishtar Gate and while it is “just a gate” into the city, it is considered by many historians to be one of the great wonders of the world for how beautiful it was. Both used nationalistic pride to get the cooperation of their people behind these construction projects. It took time and money, man and woman power, to get it all done. Stone had to be quarried, laid, and carved for decoration. Tiles were fired in bright colors, paintings were done on temple walls and bas relief which stood the test of time even as the murals have faded were part of both lives One was alive in 600 B.C. and the other almost exactly one century later in 600 A.D.
Both built water works. In Babylon, this makes sense because of how dry it was, but in a rain forest country like Palenque, the waterworks that were built were underground and archeologists are to this day still scratching their heads to understand what the purpose of that extensive building project was even about. Both built ziggurat-like buildings (ziggurat and step pyramids). Both had sons who followed them in their reign and in their building projects. Both leaders would not have ordinarily risen to power on their own merits or based on their lineage. In the case of Nabopollasser, he filled a power vacuum after an Assyrian king died by having the army in case he needed to use them, but more by having the backing of his own people who were eager to also throw off the influences of a foreign dominating power (the Assyrians). Once crowned, he pushed out the Assyrians (an invading force that also happened in the case of our king in Palenque). In the case of our jungle king, his mother essentially created a narrative that placed him within the royal line of kings even though this narrative really didn’t exist. Both led their people to a new zenith in their culture. Both were fierce in war. Pacal fought alongside his army to push out invaders from other areas and Nabopolassar pushed out the Assyrians, both in the early parts of their reigns. What I saw in Palenque was they literally scared the poop out of the invading forces. He explained that they had to appear as savages so that it would cement in the minds of the invaders that no one should even bother setting foot into their territory again. “Don’t mess with them, they are animals, they will eat your ears off!” As a result, there was peace during his lifetime. Both were involved in using spiritual energy to help bring abundance to the people. With the Babylonian king it was through the ritual of Heiros Gamos and with Pacal, it was his sacred blood which he shed ritually. In Mayan culture the king shed blood from his penis. Patterns, anyone?
So what happens when there is so much information through recall on crossing lifetimes from such disparate times and places? Does it forge the basis for a “new” way for us to be, based on the work done in other lives? What I know is that now I am not interested in the least with looking to authorities for the source of power. Instead, the next new wrinkle is the realization that we all have this inner authority and that we each have this gift, this ability to reach into the numinous. The keys to this realization were kept away from the common people for a very long time. Even in India and in other areas, the priestly caste kept the knowledge away from people because they knew that if not trained properly, it could lead to madness (which may have been legitimate to a certain degree but they also perpetuated a kind of infancy state in humanity at the same time not realizing how important it is that we experience what awakening is).
What I see as the biggest hurdle for us now has to do with our tendency to fall for the victim meme, which is all about the past. There is no power in the past, only in the present. We can learn things from it and in terms of reincarnation you can feel into what one person was able to feel back then that might help you with how to feel into your own issues facing you today, which can be helpful. If you are unable to see how this victim energy emerges, which is the connection between how you choose to react to outward events, events that are beyond your control, and how you then choose to make those events a problem….. is a very disempowering place to be. Trust me, I know. I had to dig myself out of that trap. It was one reason why once I awoke, my marriage came to an end because I could no longer play along with what I knew was a dysfunctional way of relating with another person.
What is so interesting, though, is this man knew power….but the way he wielded it was done in a singular way and not for everyone. Likewise, Pacal was also looked to as the source of divine power to his people. It is now time for us to grow up. Our channels for creative power exists just as powerfully in every person. One of these channels is our sexuality. Everyone says that kundalini is sexual energy. I don’t observe that this is the case, not completely, and it misses a critically important point. It isn’t just sexual energy, it is that our creative energy is not divided out into discrete streams but is felt in its truest way as uncompounded and undivided. It has long been seen and known as a path to God or the Source of All Life. When we reach that level of spiritual bliss our consciousness opens like a blooming lotus and as this happens the numinous emerges and union with the higher powers naturally rises up all around such a person. Here words fail, but you wind up in a place within yourself that shows there is this capacity to know realms that your physical senses will never show you. By letting this energy in and wash through you, your own inner lotus will bloom and so much of the past junk will naturally fall away. Nearly every tradition on earth has something to add to this understanding, and as a result it is not something that is an article of faith or belief, but can be understood as any other phenomenon is understood. Those wedded to a religious belief may not like this, but in my experience it is just another reason why we should begin the process of not allowing the limits of belief to limit our experience any longer. Central to each of these traditions is a release of that which limits us. In Christianity, we speak of baptism as a ritual for washing away sin, the blocked material from our past. In the Hindu tradition they describe this as the cleansing of the nadi channels in the body where it is now shown that the body stores this repressed emotional material from the past. In the Taoist tradition ego is superceded by a larger awareness that serves to heal false beliefs. The Tibetans have much the same practices all done through their own cultural lenses. The Native Americans have the “inipi” or sweat lodge where fasting and prayer go together to clear a person of the ghosts of the past.
In some cases, to do this work, you might need certain techniques to help the cleansing along because of how hard you are holding onto it. It is one reason why some people who have awakened can still remain blocked. I was like that at one time, and I had someone more aware than I was to set me straight. It represented a turning point in my awakening process. There is way more there if you can be humble enough to be led (by the cosmic mind or higher self) or to admit that you still have a lot of shit rattling around inside of you. In every single case, instead of a rational step by step formula meted out by some teacher from centuries ago (or from now even), the most immediate one is learning to surrender and to allow yourself to feel deeper and deeper into yourself. Using this very simple way of working, you can go deeper and deeper to pull up the whole place by its roots. Feeling. But many people still think that you do this by way of the rational. The problem is, you didn’t get there by feeling rational. You got there through feeling, but broken feeling. Still, people want techniques as if those things will magically transport them out of their problems. Sometimes those things can serve to be way of keeping people walking like an ox at a mill wheel who walks all day, getting nowhere. That is because many techniques are used to get you to feel a certain way….and it worked for one person in time and everyone else followed it. This is why so many people who do yoga or meditation will sit just as the Buddha was sitting when he had his awakening. There is no magic involved in sitting like that. I awakened without doing this and while I have used it, I have found no particular benefit from it (although I will say that the “mudras” do move energy through certain parts of the body that are beneficial). If you can learn that it is all about how you choose to use your consciousness through feeling, you really have a large part of it wrapped up. All techniques, save those that manipulate the meridian system manually, are based in getting you to a certain state of feeling and thus realization. The rational mind is entirely outclassed by the quantum leap that is cosmic consciousness and can only serve as a servant and not the master.
What I have observed, too, is how we can miss past life recall. I think how we do this is critical in order to ferret out accurate details. I was able to come to it to greater and greater degrees not by seeking it but by allowing enough barriers to perception to fall, and this took a good bit of time to do. Sometimes with each release, I can often have a new memory that was tied to that block emerge and sometimes it can have its roots in another life (and in this one too).
I once knew someone who tried to claim that she had known me in a past life, which she went on to describe in some detail. What she didn’t know was that the time period that she was claiming that this life took place in was already accounted for. I had at that time a growing level of recall of my past lives. I was living in Tibet during the end of this supposed time frame she was mentioning, and before that (in the earlier portion of this time period), I had one of my first detailed recalls living as a native American living in California. This life in my past simply didn’t exist as she had described. I did consider that I might have somehow missed it, but further investigation never brought it up. It also didn’t fit me, didn’t fit how I felt about family or the other aspects which she described, and if this post is any indication, patterns can reign supreme in this work. Having that life was like a curve ball, something that did not fit in my growing landscape of past lives whose patterns could be seen in my present life. I came to see that this was about telling a truth for her, but more in a mythical way. Instead, I began to see how the details, which didn’t fit any of my past life (and present life) patterns, were instead her own. It also revealed to me the issues that remained for her to clean up in her own life, some of which dog her to this day. A quick scan is enough to know what is up on that account. As a result, we get people who believe that they were Cleopatra, or some other figure in history who is well known. It turns out that thousands have claimed having been Cleopatra in a past life.
Truth be told, we live much more significant lives spiritually often when we are just the regular person on the street. But once in a great while we wind up in a drama that is recounted in our history. With this woman, the only life I had where she showed up was in a life in Spain during the period when the Inquisition was taking place. I was a magistrate and I had to pass sentence on a host of people who had gotten snagged by the Church. In it, this person came before me doing what she wound up doing in her present life. It won her no support to my mind. Yelling in court, she (as a he) had been caught defaming people and defrauding them. My karma was that I showed little mercy when I could have spared him (her). Just from that one forty-minute exchange we wound up with this pretty difficult karma that played out in this life. It didn’t take much, really. It wasn’t life after life after life, constantly seeking and not finding, but still trying. No, it wasn’t like that at all. I think it was that way for her, though, because clearly she believed she had known me many times before. But that “many times” was really about how invested she was in her own shame and hurt, which she had created as one of the most difficult emotional traps I could think of. I ultimately had to do what I could to let her think what she was going to think because that would wind up serving to distance her from me, and it did. It wasn’t the most honest thing to my mind at the time, but correcting her own narrative was not going to happen. She was dug in. And a lot of people are dug in in just this same way. Perhaps you have been much like this, caught up in things that you believe rather than truly know about yourself. I was. I hid out for decades, hiding the true me for fear that I might be held up for ridicule. And in the end, it happened anyway, and in letting it happen I learned that how those people act is their karma and how I react is mine. I had to simply exit that burning world. And when I did, I moved into a place of peace…..my own peace….on my own terms…and this led to a much better life for me. It allowed me to get back to square one and then reorient myself to my own inner truth and not the “truth” someone else was seeking to insert into my life simply because it felt so familiar to them even though it was a broken picture of their own work that remained to be done. Projection anyone?
Delores Canon, who spent decades doing regression hypnosis into past lives, found that the details that she uncovered during thousands of sessions could be cross referenced with other regression subjects who had been regressed to the same time periods and cultures to reveal a remarkably consistent story line that tended to agree with one another. When she took people back to the building of the pyramids for example, different people would describe the same things, some of which were quite unusual and not easy to just guess. As a result, it is important to have ways I think to cross-reference your details in cases where there are historical accounts available. I was able to find an account that was identical to a memory that I had as a Californian native American man that lined up perfectly with a written account in an old Army report in a case where the natives had tried to steal horses from an Army fort in the area. This case aligned with the same time frame as my memory (which I was lucky enough to be able to place on a specific time line based on what we also have in the historical record of these people) and involved details as to the number of people in our party as well as the number of people who were wounded (I was one of two who had been fatally wounded). This kind of historical evidence and detail isn’t always possible, though. In such a case, remaining open to more details coming through can sometimes help to flesh out more details. This can take time. It took me two years before I got enough information that I was able to locate myself in history where our Babylonian king was concerned. It may not be the kind of evidence that would hold up in a court of law, but it can provide important clues in helping to lead you to a fuller understanding of what was taking place and how this applies to your own spiritual development over time.
In my case, two years went by with releases of what are called “knots” or repressed stored emotion. Once you have gone through this enough times, it gets easier and more common. A full flow of prana or chi does help, but there are methods that can assist and many involve physical movement that unlocks emotional armoring locked into the body as well as manipulating the energy centers throughout the body. All are pretty simple methods. TRE, which I have written about before, is one very effective method along with body work involving acupressure with a practitioner who understands energy. Chi Gong is another very useful modality that when applied consistently over a period of time can result in significant releases of material, especially at the earlier (first two to three years) stages of awakening (although it could also help later as well). Sometimes even reiki can help. As the energy body clears, awareness also becomes more clear. A deeper understanding can result and a better understanding of your truer nature emerges to the degree that there is a greater awareness of the unity of all things and this translates to behavior changes that are permanent. Until that happens, these states are more like places that you can visit for periods of time as a kind of taste of what lies ahead. Until embodiment takes a greater hold, you can use these visits as a way to draw you forward. Things get easier, the self trusts in its ability to more consciously co-create with the universe.
Sound woo-woo? Well, that was what the ancients were doing, and tantra does just this, a tantra that isn’t rooted in just sex. Tantra is the direct path through, not around, problems. The only problem is the trouble that you have within yourself. This is what I have found. Any problem that you seem to have with the world has its root in you. That doesn’t mean, though, that you don’t seek to help bring change to those things that appear to be bad for people in the world. But the path to real change means being clear-eyed and honest about how the change needs to happen. Then you have to help with that change.
For me, the great interest facing me in coming back again in my next incarnation is in how differently I will be creating. In personal relationships, the way that a couple creates together is limited by the karmic threads that bind them. What is their character? What I know from experience is that as a couple become parents, the karma that those two hold together attracts the consciousness of other lives entering our reality, hopefully as the very means of working through that karma. But what happens when a couple creates without the kind of karmic load as that of a generation before? Does a new kind of person begin to make itself be known? What we each are doing in our own lives, waking up, has very concrete effects on the future of the planet even if you live your life in a solitary way.
No longer do we need the kings or priests. What they did, we can do. And in the Gospel of Philip, he explains that Jesus was teaching people how to BE Christs. How could Orthodoxy manage to have gotten this so wrong? This is the danger of this old way of thinking which is that only the kings and queens can do it, or the priests and priestesses or a church or government or an “outside” institution. We literally give up our power and give the institution our power by being a follower or adherent (and it also includes our money as well). It is less doing as allowing, a very feminine trait in all of our consciousness.
I know that I have made deals and resisted the hardest of blocks. I also know that as they go, I find greater and greater peace. There is this marvelous understanding of what these blocks do that was written in the Gospel of Philip from the Nag Hammadi Library which I include here:
That is why the word says, “Already the ax is laid at the root of the trees.” (Mt 3:10). It will not merely cut – what is cut sprouts again – but the ax penetrates deeply until it brings up the root. Jesus pulled out the root of the whole place, while others did it only partially. As for ourselves, let each of us dig down after the root of evil which is within one, and let one pluck it out of one’s heart from the root. It will be plucked out if we recognize it. But if we are ignorant of it, it takes root in us and produces its fruit in our heart. It masters us. We are its slaves. It takes us captive, to make us do what we do [not] want; and what we do want we do [not] do. It is powerful because we have not recognized it. While [it exists] it is active.
The more private teachings of Jesus and the ones which were hidden away for at least 1600 years and recovered in 1945 show a sophisticated understanding of how important it is to do release work. We might call it suppressed emotion today and they might have called it “evil” back then, but it is clearly the same thing. They saw this work as leading to “life” instead of “death.” I can tell you that when you do this work that your perceptions change simply because your beliefs that you hold that are part of the blocked emotion limit your perception and understanding of many things in the world, you see through a distorted lens, which then falls away (and “everything” about what that belief did to you changes). I have known people entirely caught up in their own inner story which had little to no relationship to the outside world. I was one of them, too. For myself, I see that all of this was a doing based on limited understanding, a growth through lifetimes, chapters in a larger book of life. Then later in time, there came a life that was made to open it all up. If you are awakened, then you are this life, made perfect for this work, so don’t doubt yourself. Step back and let that master within you show you what can be.
If you thought this was an interesting dive into reincarnation, you might find an associated post about how to navigate the professional victim worth a look..
At a certain point in my own process of shedding blocked energy in the wake of a kundalini awakening, I became many times more aware and sensitive to my own energy. As a result of the clearing work, I realized that the body, every square inch of it, has chakras. Not just seven, there were thousands. I had never heard of such a thing, but reading later confirmed this.
I saw that this energy system extended to every corner of the body in much the same way that the nervous system is established at the most minute scales in the physical system. I saw how energy lines would cross, creating a thicker line of energy, and that a line would cross another line in a series of branches until all lines seemed to be connected by way of a central trunk. This looked like a tree of life. I realized that this system was responsible for what we call chakras, which are vortices of energy that are produced when at least two lines of energy come together. In the case of the trunk of the system, many lines merged to create powerful effects. This is where the seven major chakras are located. Everyone knows about those, but not about the thousands and thousands of chakras all through the body.
What kept me interested were the chakras no one seems to mention, which are the chakras in the arms and legs. Why doesn’t anyone talk about those?
These areas deserve attention if for no other reason that the energy that gets stuck there is the hardest to remove (at least this has been my experience). Not only this, but the type of energies that become lodged there are also the ones that can hold us back the most.
It would make sense that more awareness about these chakras is in order. To that end, I have blogged on this topic numerous times already. You can search my blog using “leg chakras” to learn more. I have named them and the paricular emotional vibrations they correspond to. I’ll put up a few direct links about those older posts since this topic is so popular.
Moving energy in the legs is no different than how energy is moved in any other part of the body with the one exception that the force in the legs seems lower to me than in the trunk of the body. It is the intensity or force of the energy that is so useful in releasing or clearing blocked energy. I will tell you that the hardest energy to move has been in my legs.
A Curious Event
Last night as I settled down to sleep, I slipped under the comforter and instantly felt the energy in my legs seem to come alive. This thing about this, I knew, was that my awareness was what was coming alive, not the energy. The energy had always been there. Something about last night was different. I couldn’t figure out what it was, but something was different.
As I lay there, I experienced what I call “shimmer” which is a word I use to describe a pulsation of energy in my body. This shimmer effect was happening at about five pulses per second in my legs last night. This pulsation moved all through my legs and it gives me the feeling as though I have come alive in some novel way. This was located in my legs only. I call it shimmer because it has the effect of a physical compliment to how a visual effect might feel like if it was moving through your body. As one pulse emerges, there seems to be the tail end of the last pulse leaving. In a way, it could be also a little like an echo, with multiple pulses happening each second, some pulses feel as though they could be echos of later pulses (even though they aren’t). I was very pleased with myself and was happy to be experiencing this.
I began trying to approximate the cycles of pulsations. With my phone on the charger and in another room, I didn’t want to get up to try to use the stopwatch in order to count the exact number of main pulses per second so I tried to “guestimate” it. As I put my attention there, there came a sweeping type of movement of the energy, moving from one end of my legs to another. This was so enjoyable, lovely, and as the energy continued, it turned into bliss. I kept counting the pulses until I felt relatively certain they were in the 4-6 per second range.
I wondered how this might relate to ELF waves, which are waves of energy human energy operates at (this stands for Extra Low Frequency). For the moment, it was good enough to map it in this way. It could change over time, s this could be a moving target of sorts. Time would tell.
All of this was happening as if my energy system was on automatic. Nothing I did seemed to make any change in it. As I lay there my inner guidance nudged me to place my hands on my legs. I had noticed that there was a strong pulse coming from an accupuncture point just above the right knee, about 4 inches from the knee on my thigh, so I centered on that point to see what might happen. This point can be seen on the meridian chart above, which was LV-9. At the time, I wasn’t familiar with this point as I was with the one lower down on the leg.
All pulsations changed….immediately. I heard a voice in my head explaining how it changes when another part of the body and its electrical system gets placed in proximity to it. It had the effect of having been grounded out, although I can’t say that this is an accurate description. Perhaps some energy was being re-routed? Accupuncture can sometimes reroute blocked energy through metal needles that conduct electricity so that energy flows with the hope this is enough to clear the center of the blocked energy.
I then took my index finger and traced from the meridian point up my leg into my right hip and up into the liver meridian to try and move the energy. This was a technique I was shown in a dream years ago about how to move energy in a body. I could feel a sense of something being drawn upwards. This was very subtle, and no other results were noticed after having done this. I wouldn’t say this resulted in a large release of any kind, but something moved. That is, nothing moved at that time or in that particular interval of time. Something interesting was about to happen that was surprising, though. Sometimes a “nothing” winds up as something.
The shimmer effect or the cycling had changed after this, and as I lay there I returned to the point above my right knee that had been pulsing earlier. As I thought about it I was being told how this point in my right knee had an energetic relationship to jealousy. This was odd because the point normally associated with jealousy was much closer to the knee, the inside knee point as a matter of fact. Instead of resisting, I asked how this was so.
Almost immediately I was shown the person that this block was associated with. I was having a memory of being dressed down and berated by this woman in a parking lot years ago for having called a cashier in the market by her first name (this is something I do-its part of who I am which is letting people who work these menial jobs know that I appreciate what they do). This woman kept yelling at me, trying to create this sense that I had somehow done something wrong, a terrible transgression. Even though I knew there was nothing for me to get upset about in that moment, it was upsetting for other reasons, most notably that she obviously didn’t understand me very well. Still, connected as it was to her being over the top jealous must have been why the block happened where it did. This is very interesting, because it wasn’t me who had stuck energy related to jealousy, it was the other person and yet I had stuck energy from this emotional attack just above the knee area regarless. It was my stuck energy, but was based in my reaction to another person “losing their shit.” I think this is interesting to learn. Jealousy is described as being locked into the knee region under the Indian chakra system (different yet similar to the Chinese meridian system).
As I lay there, it seemed like something was beginning to clear. This was an unexpected outcome. My guidance said to imagine placing my hand over this person’s heart and feel the energy return, flowing back to this person and to the universe. Normally energy of this kind only needs to be dropped, but I suspect the nature of how the block happened had to do with this urging on my part to give it back, so to speak. I suspect this only served to keep my mind clear and focused on how this block was created (not like there is any magic to any of this beyond my mind being made clearer about where this emrged). Quite unexpectedly there was this moment of feeling this person right across from me. I remained calm and did as instructed. She seemed to be laying facing away from me, which was good for me and I directed the energy and felt the energy return or flow out of me.
After this I fell into a deep sleep brought on by a fuller flow if prana. You know the feeling you have after having a great massage? It’s as if you can’t focus with the rational mind and you just float off into deep sleep. That was me.
I awoke suddenly in the middle of the night to find that this person had been in a dream, but when I fully woke up, she was still there. She said she had left but came back and began making a statement that sounded like an odd excuse for being there. What she said suggested to me that there was a less than honest statement being put forward. As she spoke I could hear an entirely different dialog in my head of what she really was thinking . You could say this was what she really meant. As she kept talking and I kept hearing how her words did not match her thoughts or feelings, I began to tell her what was the truth and then said, “You really need to be more honest with yourself if you ever hope to heal from your issues..” I then turned over and went to sleep. At first I was concerned that I wouldn’t be able to get back to sleep because I had been asleep for a few hours already. Surprisingly, I was able to drop back into deep sleep again.
Upon awakening, I found I was aware that my right leg felt different. I also had crazy bliss moving through my body. It continues unabated since the experience, which is a very nice outcome.
I think I will try to focus my attention on my legs each night to see what happens. If I continue to feel the energy so clearly then perhaps it will be an avenue for working through the energy system of the legs. To be clear, I never really know when something like this is going to come along. It certainly isn’t something that is deepky rooted in intention or expectation, but seems as though it works on its own time-table. Why I would quite suddenly be thrust into working on my leg chakras, I can’t say. Maybe it is a ripening process. Maybe this simpky had to reach some stage of maturation before it would emerge in my conscious awareness? Being calm, quiet, and reflective seems to have been an important factor in tapping into the state necessary to be aware of this issue enough to be guided properly. I know for some of you, this may seem obvious, but it may not be for others. Learning to feel your energy is important.
Long before awakening came along for me, I had been seeing energy, called auras, for decades. I had studied energy and how it works in us for some time before awakening came. When awakening came though, there emerged a more complete and perhaps more direct and intense awareness of energy in all of its forms. Instead of just seeing the energy as I had done for years, I was feeling it, inside my own shell of perception. This is a perception that the late Jane Roberts trance personality Seth described 40 years ago as “Inner Vibrational Touch.” * Simply put, the sensory abilities that I had prior to the awakening event caused my inner senses that had already been used prior to be tripled in their strength at the least.
Some of my earliest perceptions as a consequence of my awakening was of an aspect of energy bodies better known as the meridian system. I saw these in others as well as myself (I had only seen a kind of fibrous character to the aura in the halo in the years prior to awakening with my ordinary energy sensing but now I was sensing the inner core of energy of all kinds). I didnt know at first that what I was glimpsing were meridians. I was doing this not with every person I saw. I was able to glimpse this through a particularly intimate or close connection that was forged as a facet of many awakenings that are referred to as the Twin Soul phenomenon. These are marked by a feeling as though one is sharing the same space as the other, that two consciousnesses are occupying the same psychic space even though they might be seperated by vast distances (in my case I had never met my “twin” in this life and she lived in another country).
In our encounters, which were less a willed process and one that simply was, I found that my own inner proclivity to want to explore and discover manifested itself in my usng my newly enhanced third-eye perception to explore the physics of our bond. I wanted to understand why we were joined at the hip, so to speak, and why was it that thousands of others were also reporting the same phenomenon. I think I was able to see these meridian lines because of her and my initial close bonding. Part of the experience was that the force of the draw was simply much too strong to resist, so instead of resisting, I went into it as deeply as I could in order to find out as much as I could about this experience (this blog is an outgrowth of those earliest of discoveries)
Very recently I realized that this perception of the meridians in the human body has a tie-in with what people describe as the “grid” or patterns in the universe. I was so not getting or even relating to all of this “grid” talk, mostly because the universe isnt a grid. I mean, if you look at it energetically, it isn’t. Instead, at the nano-scale, there are strands connecting everything to everything else in physical space, but this is seen at the subatomic scale mostly. The strands are so many that they wind up creating the appearance of a coherence…a glow rather than individual strands. Yet, this is the fundamental reality underlying this energy which is the necessity for a strand is based on laws related to physics (albeit energetically).
Since our bodies are made of matter and matter is energy, and because our consciousness is made up of aware energy (prana or qi), it makes sense to understand what we are dealing with here. I’m a guy who really loves to know how things work. I love how things work because I really want to know how I, a human, can co-create with the creative energy that pervades the whole universe ( and I know the energy is matter at a different vibration). That is it in a nutshell.
That said, the path to clearer seeing and perceiving is through a clarified self. To see clearly, the mirror must be polished, the glass must be cleared of its stain, the lake must be clarified of all of its muck to not only see into its depths, but to also see out of it. As a consequence, the inner work of clarifying, cleansing, and healing the distortions in the self are critical for a self that itself becomes the clear lense of inner sight (“insight”). The self must be cleansed of the forces that bias consciousness and misdirect attention. It is interesting that the force of awakening itself actually serves the purpose of helping to cleanse the self in this way. Followers, pilgrims, monks, and yogis through the ages have utilized the power of awakening to help cleanse the apparatus of perception so that they might see more clearly. The self, consciousness, becomes the telescope and microscope through which we can examine the world (and this includes the inner senses as well).
Doing this work leads to learning the difference between what I call the ego-compass and the soul-compass, which tends to point us in different directions (with the soul compass always getting us to the right place and cutting through the bullshit even if its the bullshit we have created for ourselves). We often tend to pick up the ego compass because it was such a central part of our thinking for so long, even if it led us into ditch after ditch. This is how we begin to adopt cosmic consciousness or cosmic mind. We learn that this so-called “false self” (boy I dislike that term!) is the same as this false or egoic compass. It is filled with things we desire, but those desires are driven by our distortions carried in our light body/consciousness . A real conundrum. Learning to detect the soulful compass from the selfish one can be a real challenge, but I have found that there are signs that help to identify it (both actually).
In the realm of energy, my eyes really were opened to a level I hadn’t quite experienced with seeing energy for years before awakening came. One of the first things that I found while existing in a state of union most of the time with a “soul twin” or “twin flame” experience was that I found that I would routinely use my inner sight to see her energy body. In truth, I coukd not always tell which was hers and which was mine sometimes. I found that my consciousness would get very small and be able to see these strands of energy that moved through her whole body that looked like these white stands of light that looked a lot like nerve fibers. In fact, when I moved my energetic hand through them, I could feel them give and pull against my hand. They were kind of rubbery to my inner sense for energy. I also found that when I combed my hands through her field, it did two things. First, she would go into states of ecstacy, which she would complain of as being too much to take, to be able to feel, and still stay focused in the physical. Second, she would also go into opposite states that corresponded to what happens when we resist letting go of blocked energy. We have emotional meltdowns. I was there, combing her energy with my energy because I could feel how the interaction was so healing, but that it also was not the heady healing she was ready for. At this time, these meridians looked like white fibers. I was able to do this combing, a healing kind of massage, I guess, that I layer found was much like Reiki for how it was higher order energy and because I could do this from many thousands of miles away while it felt to her as though I was nearby The picture above is a poor representation of the strands I later saw, and how in earlier perceptions they were like veins or nerves, albeit energetic in nature and seeable only through the third eye. They were everywhere, down to the smallest level (cellular and subatomic) and up to the largest size along the torso.
If we fast forward a decade, we get to a point in my healing process where I have released a significant amount of material and I am finding that things are looking more and more different to me. What things, you might ask? Well, a lot of things really changed. For example, the release of so much emotionaly distorted stuff led me to understanding peoples’ behavior in relation to me in a much different way, which is that so much of what people think they see is the result of the distortions present in awareness. We assume so many things about how we think the world is or why people do what they do when in all truth we are judging based on each of our own inner rule book, which has nothing at all to do with what might actually be happening to the people in the world that we are seeing and judging (unknowingly). Our own inner distortions keep us from seeing things as the are, you see. That said, I am not suggesting that I am completely clear. I still have my work that I am actively engaged in, but increasingly, as I go from energetic event to energetic event, from one clearing to the next, my inner sensing has become much changed.
I knew that these white strands I had seen corresponded to the meridians in Chinese medicine. I saw that where each strand crossed another strand, ormwhere a branch moved into a central a channel, that there was always this little…chakra there, a vortex of energy. As each strand joined to still larger strands, these points got bigger and bigger, these chakras. Long before I knew anything about the fact that there are hundreds of thousands of chakras in the body, I was seeing many many of these points in the bodies of people who let me see them. I looked at my own, too, and it was when I was able to do this during a body work session with my healer that I was able to see something that I had never seen described in any of the literature….anywhere. Looking down at my body, I was able to see how each accupuncture/pressure point was actually made up of many other points all inside this one point. I saw in each strand also that the strand was not solid or monolithic but was instead made up of thousands and thousands of strands all within the same meridian itself. It was not unlike how it might look to see a bundle of fiberoptic fibers upclose. I could see some fibers within the meridian that were colored more darkly and I could trace that fiber back to a chakra point or meridian point down, say, into the leg or near the back, even though I was looking at the meridian going up the torso before it moved into the heart chakra, for example. I was able to see that everything in this meridian system was related to everything else and that all ofmit was delicately, masterfully, created as a portal for bringing in energy from the universe and spirit into our here and now. This energy could be for healing, for creating new technologies, for any number of things.
What came next was the realization that what was in us was also in the universe. Now, I knew that the torus field exists around every atom, every living being, and is also surrounding the earth, the sun, and also the galaxy, but so too is this thing everyone has been calling “the grid.” I just wasn’t making the connection! Tiny little torus’s that make up ever subatomic particle on up to living things, planets, suns, the whole shooting match. Making this connection helps to explain why it is that we feel everything as sentient and alive (because this living energy that runs through everything sentient and nonsentient is alive even if its in nonsentient matter….(as if THAT now makes ANY sense whatsoever!) It also shows that just as we have blocked energy in our bodies there can be blocked energy placed in the physical system, too. This manifests as troubled areas in the world where mostly humans fought or hurt each other and got energy stuck in the area where things took place. This can be released in the same way that we release stuck energy in ourselves.
I noticed that when I saw these energy points or chakras with all of these other smaller points from other strands or meridians within them, I realized that this was probably what was behind the depiction of chakras as many-petalled flowers. What I saw was a disc with many other discs within it. Each smaller disc was a strand from another chakra in the body, which means that our energy body is this interconnected, redundant system that takes the idea of connectivity to a whole new level. To say we were made for connection is an understatement! I had not read anywhere that a petal on one chakra corresponded to another chakra…but here I was seeing how these little ringlets or sphericules surrounding a pressure point were relating to a point in another chakra. Have you ever touched a point on your body and felt as though it was also touching another point further away?…as if you were touching two points, one physically and one energetically? It is very much like this in a way.
Now hang on: I want to stress something and I hope you can get what I am going to say. Inhave enough observations in thenworld of energy to know that since energy rides between one dimension and others, trying to get it to fall into neatly defined catagories is probably foolhearty to do. I have noticed that my perception will sometimes offer me something that is more like a hallucination, or an inner sensory creation in order to provide me information about the truth of what is going on. Many people who see auras describe them in a fairly uniform way despite the fact that the eyes cannot really see into that wavelength of energy! So what gives? The deeper truth here is that seeing auras is not a physical sense…at all. It is an inner sense. It appears that one is actually seeing this halo around the body when in fact, this is all just a seeming. Wait!! What?!! It is now widely known that when the brain is confronted with information that does not come from the five senses, it will plug that data into a sensory slot that makes the most sense to it at the time. Physiological psycholgists are familiar with this spectrum of behavior and itnis now well documented tha this does indeed happen. In the case of seeing auras, the brain is aware of all of this information and it puts it into a visual center to be processed, even though it is not coming in from physical senses (this is how psychics can report hearing voices-claireaudience-as a means if speaking with thise who are no longer physical, for example). It seems that we are wired or designed for psychic senses.
As long as we carry powerful enough distortions in our fields of awareness, we will mistake our distortions for the truth. This is the risk we take. By learning how to FEEL fully and more deeply, we can begin to feel the deep innermost compass in our soul that will not err in directing each of us to the right place for our development and fulfillment.
I have also noticed that we can’t really examine these points beyond a third eye awareness and make much sense of them. Yes, we can objectively see where a strand or a chakra is blocked, but the path to unblocking is one that is not done objectively, but rather, subjectively. Subjectively how? By feeling, of course! By letting that rip-tide of near-orgasmic energy that is the bliss field pouring through us illuminate the blocks and push them on up and out, effectively transmuting the blocked energy into bliss energy! This is irrational. Forget your need or ability to control-like Shakti this is wild and free. This is through feeling that we do this. When you let this bliss flow and then shine that bliss into the darker corners of yourself or another, it begins to break up the blocked energy right away….unless the other resists it. And sometimes when we turn it on ourselves, we can actually feel the resistance building in us. But what I have found is that this is not cause for upset with ourselves, just see the resistance as a sign that points directly to where your next challenge in healing lies. A problem thus becomes your teacher….not just a problem to be solved or set aside (or worse; hidden). Some people have an amazing ability to hold onto old junk and keep from letting go their grip on the familiar in favor of the new human experiencing the cosmic (I count myself as one of these people with an extraordinary grip!). Anyway…
So we can use the rational mind to see things as they are if we can clear the third eye chakra. But seeing is not feeling, so be ready to feel the issue full-on with your whole energy body. But to feel clearly, I have found we each need to be clear….and to be clear, we really need to be honest with ourselves. I have seen how others have fooled themselves into thinking they were further along then they really were because of how their own work was used to fuel their often brutalized ego, which soaked up all the love and turned it into more of itself (which was ego-energy).
If you want a quick way out of the path of progress, just feed that ego. It will tell you all kinds of things, some completely true, but some remarkably distorted, about how things are. This is in large part because the small individual ego onlynhas access to your own localized belief systems that you have adopted in this life, it does not access as a matter of course the information from the superself or cosmic consciousness (which is where an even more expansive sense or superego resides that is involved in touching the others in cosmic encounters beyond ordinary consciousness) This is why it is so useful to be able to step outside of ego and into that silence of the self where the eternal stream of pranic bliss can be met and felt. It isn’t that ego is bad or evil. It is in fact completely necessary as a filtering device for phenomenon (trust me, feeling your neighbor stubbing her toe isn’t always the great experience-we are individual for a reason). Without ego, you would be completely overtaken with the flood of information flowing through the whole of the universe, which happens to also be flowing through you as well (we just feel it as “flow” instead of the gazillions of feelings thoughts and bitsmof information from everyone and everything else in the universe). Haven’t you ever felt that stream of energy-as-information? Have you sensed how it would be just too much for any one person to be completely aware of? Have you felt that overwhelming immensity, knowing that you were standing off to the side, like a person looking at an immense vista rather than merging with its totality? Well, that is what we do each moment of the day. It is also why the energy is orgasmic…it carries so much creative energy, which is naturally stimulating in nature. And by orgasmic, I mean energetically orgasmic, what the Buddhas have all known as bliss. To handle it all, and to experience individuality, we have the marvelous filter called ego. But we also have to be careful that it doesnt get inflated, right? By learning to side-step ego, cosmic consciousness can be experienced without it getting in the way. Some want to call this “ego death” which, having gone through what this is supposed to represent, I can say that ego does not die…only our dependence on its filling a central role in our lives dies or is refigured. No death, only life. More and more life!
I observed that the meridian system connects everything in the body, along energetic lines, together. This means that I saw how these lines exist all the way down at the subatomic level. This is what I mean when I said in the beginning that I explored the energy body of the one I was connected to at the early stages of my awakening. AsmI delved into the energy field, I saw that these lines went to finer and finer lines until the lines went into subatomic particles. Its really wuite a fascinating thing to see. At the level of the atom, these lines look different than the main meridians do. At the level of the meridians that travel along the trunk of the body, there are so many strands existing there from all the other things that the energy is connecting, that it looks like an artery when it is in truth made up of millions of individual strands, much like fiber optic cables that are bundled together. Further, the way a strand or “artery” feels in the torso is different from how it feels at the subatomic level. At the subatomic level,the force is very weak compared to the force of the overall auric field. Still, though, there is nothing quite so joyous as feeling what the “subatomics” are feeling every moment of the day. The capacity might be small at the subatomic level, but the force it connects to is very strong (the universe). When I have seen the strands at the subatomic level, they are much like spiders webs, except that the strand is made up of extremely thin strands of white light that has this slight glow around them. The glow from a distance in perception can be read as the strand itself, making it seem bigger than it is. Look closely and I saw that the energy was both field and particle all at once. It was hard for me to divide this perception…it was simply…both all at once. It had magnetic properties that made it possible to disrupt the flow while still maintaining the overall structure of the energetic field. If you cut off a finger, the field is not cut off, it reforms itself like the body does in order to heal.
Whether or not our own chakras corresponds to chakras that are in the physical system, like the earth or cosmos, I can’t say. I haven’t looked into it like this yet, but I am interested in doing so. I am also very interested in anyone who might have some observations that they have made along these lines. I do know that I have felt the energetic lines of the earth every day, and I have felt the energy of the sun and how it interacts with earth. I just haven’t sensed into these bodies or fields for the presence of these transit lines or points where they cross (aka chakras). Maybe in the universe it is on a different scale than our own bodies. I’m not sure that our chakra system is a carbon copy of anything except the human being. Maybe the transit system for energy is what is common, tying everything together regardless of how things connect together. I would love to hear your thoughts because you know how meditating on and noodling these things are…
* While in trance, Jane Roberts personality Seth described a series of inner senses which readers ofmthe Seth books could discover and use for better understanding the world and their place in it. Inner Vibrational Touch was described as picking up where empathy leaves off. Empathy suggests an ability to reflect on ones own past experience and infer what someone must be feeling. With IVT, it is possible to feel as the other person is feeling in that moment. One is able to tune into the specific vibration of emotion and replicate it within ones own perception. It thus feels as though one is experiencing directly what the other person is feeling (this is also consistent with the majority of people and their experiences with awakening).
For perspective, the Egyptian culture brought us the description and detailing of hundreds of inner senses, of which IVT is but one of many.
In the last week I had an unexpected release of an old block. For the last couple of years now block release has gone from fast and furious to slower and more difficult as I have gotten down to what I know are the deepest of my blocked energy. It is now like chiseling away stone. While this has required greater patience than ever before, the reward has been great.
The interesting thing about the release of this latest block was that I was able to trace it back through history to a past life event. While I do not know the exact date of the event, I have been able to locate it in the third to fourth century AD. This was interesting, and this was not something that was on my radar at all. In fact, I have in numerous instances been over this same ground that involved this block many times, but never had much of a reaction one way or the other.
It involved burying a cache of ancient documents, and it helps to explain why, before the block lifted, I felt the way I did. For years I had this driving feeling as though something had been hidden that told the story , the untold story of a very important, a foundational, aspect of Christian thought. This sense within me has driven me since I was a small child, and honestly, it wasn’t the best sense for a child to have. How do you explain to someone that you KNOW that something had been hidden, but upon being questioned, you don’t have ANY details about what on earth this could be? So you see the conundrum. This is why I have always kept this sense entirely to myself, with only a few people ever even knowing I felt this way.
To give you just enough back story without loading you down with details, I had to bury documents I considered sacred and extremely important to spiritual maturity (a code word for awakening) in order to hide them from the church. I hid them in order that they might be protected, so they might be found by someone at a later date who could appreciate their importance. I was hiding these documents because the church had deemed documents such as these heretical and were an anathema to Orthodox belief. This experience was not ot unlike placing a child in a boat on a river alone, hoping that they might survive. Things were so bad where I was that doing this was the last and final option. It was my message in a bottle. Hidden. Would they ever be found? Would they survive? The desert is a sea where no oar is dipped, so say the Muslims. I placed my hopes in the hands of that great ocean of sand and said many prayers that they might come back to a more inquisitive kind of human in the future. This was in a day when everything was written down, not printed and widely distributed as today.
Once the block was encountered and the emotions fully processed, this driving feeling in me that I had felt most of my life went away completely. What is interesting about this, though, is that I lost the “fire in the belly” over this issue…which has made my recent work more difficult because now I am left without this driving feeling as though something was done that should not have been and am instead left with a peace and bliss that comes as a result of fully processing these blocks. All of this repressed emotion was what was driving me forward with such conviction and vigor….it ate at me, you could say, and this is very important to understand about how blocks affect us. They just keep turning in us until we resolve them. Depending on the nature of the block, it could be very destructive to all you hold dear.
I find it very curious that I would have a block like this pushed so far down. I say this because over the course of my awakening process, I have noticed the the easier blocks all went first. There were a lot of inconsequential blocks, many I had no clue what they were that simply evaporated, and these left in complete anonymity in numbers beyond my counting (but every one is accounted for in how they will affect us until it’s released). I am happy not to know what they were about because I no longer am affected by them….whatever they were. This has simply left me at a greater place of peace. But this last one, because I had a memory of how it was connected into the an event in the past and my connection to sacred texts, and because it came later in an area of the light body where the blocks have been notoriously difficult to dig out, I have been given a view of how this block has affected me and for so long. This was not an inconsequential one. How would you feel if you knew you had to hide the truth because those in power didn’t want to hear it? When I look back on the people I have known whose lies have degraded my joy, or destroyed parts of it, and I see how I did what I did, the guilt, the sadness, all of it, served to attract or draw to me lights that were less than the one great Light. This was what we called it back then because it was a great unfathomable beautiful mystery that was the Light!
Below is an image of the meridian where the block released. In the hip there are three locations for acupuncture points 10-12. It was on the #12 point that this last block released. I could feel it quite vividly. Shoot, I felt the presence of the block long before then nearly every day as a hard tense tight and burning sensation. Really. I am blessed to be able to feel these points, even though I feel them all the time. But when you wake up, it seems that when you are able to feel more deeply, as is often the case, you feel all of it, right down to where blocks reside. Knowing where they are is one very useful step in releasing them.
It is on my right side that this block was located.
Before I began feeling the specific meridians where blocks are now located, I felt them previously in a more regional way, and they were also released in a regional way through the action of the stirring effect of the major chakra centers. Now, though, the chakras seem less at play as I get down to the last blocks in the major chakra regions. It seems that now I am down to doing this piecemeal. But by feeling them as clearly as I do, I have been able to point directly to the specific blocked area on my body and either my acupuncturist or my body worker (a lovely Kahuna healer who is perfect for this kind of work at this stage in the game) were then able to go directly to the site and begin working their magic on me in those places.
In an odd twist, though, it helps me to see how close this issue of getting the word out is to my own soul. As a result, while I now feel freer than ever before, I have this calm sense of resolve that I do indeed need to finish this work. No fire in the belly, no, but I have something much better perhaps. A quiet calm knowing. To know that something I did in the past helped in some way to preserve the esoteric wing of early Christian thought is like having the past reach out to me and touch me on my heart, telling me that while we are at a time when these books can be seen anew, or seen for the first time in a new context, the work is perhaps even more important so I can round the end of this one chapter that has been almost 1600 years in the making. I get to tell the story I didn’t get to tell, you see. My work will be for the texts themselves and what they meant to me and how it was that I understood them when others did not seem to know. The research I am doing will seek to illuminate this to show just how revolutionary and how similar these teachings were to other very different traditions in other parts of the globe.
We each do not see the sun rise through the eyes of a Muslim or Christian or Zorasterian. We see them through human eyes and awakening is very much a human experience, not one attained by way of religion (our self-imposed ignorance as a race has seen to that!).
The other really interesting thing is how it has loosened up my energy. The heart center, which has been one center that has cleared the most in my ten years at this work, now suddenly seemed to explode with a new found sense of energy. The heart center was not the one blocked, though, but when a block near the root opened up, it put the heart center into what felt like was a new context. It has provided a vibrant presence of this energy within me that is remarkable. That is a beautiful outcome. This is showing me yet again the complex reciprocity between all aspects of the light body (yes, heart is open and clear, but when the root is clear, the heart can know continuously what it could only feel in peak states previously). It also gives me an unexpected level of hope and excitement about clearing up the two other blocked areas in the root that I can feel vividly. This last release helped to confirm what I had felt in my body before laying eyes on a meridian chart, which was a cluster of points (and blocks in each) that corresponds to an acupuncture meridian that has three points along it. That is pretty cool, I think, because it shows that those Chinese who helped develop these charts really knew their energy centers and could feel them like I do. It’s almost as if I can see them talking now, “Xiao, I feel resistance right here in my hip!”
“Write it down on the chart! A new point! Now let us observe if anyone else has it and what its nature is!”
With each release, there is also sometimes a certain kind of confusion over why I am feeling the emotional reaction that I am feeling. Often, for me at least, a few days before a block lets go, I begin feeling all kinds of emotions that are tied to the block….except I don’t know in the beginning that it is associated with that block. I just feel all this emotion and I wonder if I am just “in a mood” or just what is going on! But, as is often the case, my mind turns to the possibility that it is a block releasing and it is then that I quietly observe and just do as I have always done, which is the work to help the block go ahead and release. In some cases, physical movement helps this. Shaking, massage (deep tissue), breath work, and some other somatic work can help. In this case, actually feeling the emotion and seeing where the block happened, can in some cases help me to realize its origin and to just let it go by flushing the emotion in my system partly by processing the emotion more fully. In this case, this meant feeling such an intense mix of emotions was what took place. Over the period of one day, this emotion kept coming up. In moments through the day I mourned the loss of something I knew were texts that were central to understanding how to help people to wake up. And the narrative changed considerably after that date as Orthodoxy stretched out its limiting hand on Christian thought. In its origins, what these people had was nothing short of explosive, and it was largely lost to time until about 60 years ago when some of them were recovered. But how do you explain to people who don’t get it how important these books were? Most often, people’s eyes glaze over when they are confronted with something someone says is important Christian thought. But this was itself a different Christianity, an aspect that never made its way to the light of day. I have had people criticize my thesis on this because, well, they only know what they know as a result of what Orthodoxy has handed down to them. But this….this was something powerful, and there were people who had a clear view and understanding of it. What it means is that human experience is human experience. This prefigures ALL religion because an awakening is NOT Christian or Hindu or Muslim or Sufi or Native American. Each has its unique cultural coloring, but its all like Rumi said, just water. We all argue over the water in one bottle over another, simply because the labels are different. But really, they all come from the same well, the same source. We all experience it the same way the world over. This is what people have a hard time coming around to. But it is the truth. It is also what will set us free. We all are seeing the same light. Our water all has the same source. Call it heresy if you must, so we all must face a common heresy because we are made by the same one who created the truth that we call heresy.
We don’t often feel a connection to the church because, it lost its own connection with the truth….or an important aspect of it. The church has much good to say, some about a glorious garden whose keys to they themselves have lost. And it is here, in the midst of this, that I have been set free. Here, the flow of life force is so strong, I am excited over getting the rest of the blocks cleared so that I can know a greater peace and a field of undisturbed bliss. It is already better than it has ever been before.
It is interesting to see how it will affect those who have been caught up in karma contrary to my own who have not themselves come to the truth of their own soul. And really, who knows. It is their story. I have my own, and in the end, we are each like flowers opening before the light of this new day, aren’t we? Isn’t this a pretty amazing time? And no matter what happens, we each know that at the least, we helped to bring the collective to a point of greater realization than has happened in a very long time. It would be nice to continue just to witness even bigger miracles on the world stage. I suspect that in the next six months, we will be in for a very bumpy ride. All of it, though, will be the collective consciousness coming to grips with many of the issues that still dog it. Some will see the change coming and miss understand the forces at work seeking to work it’s own agenda. If that sounds cryptic, hang on because the last leg holding up our economic table is about to be assaulted. And soon! This will unfold in such a way that someone who could have brought great change will be, very likely will be, neutered in effectiveness. If events unfold as I feel they will, this event is soon upon us.
Not long ago I was gifted with a reading by a really great person who works with ancient systems of knowledge and divination. I know how that might sound, but when I talked to him, I explained that I never felt like I could do the work he was saying I would be doing because I had not fully cleared my field. I have just always felt that before I do healing work with others, I need to be clear. He explained that I needed to begin the work now because doing the work would get me to where I needed to be. He had his ideas about what this would look like, but in doing this work with this book, which he didn’t see as playing a very big role in my future work, I have found that it has helped to do just what he was saying my work would do, which is to get me to that place of clarity. While I have some ideas about what I am interested in delving into to help others, I don’t know what this will look like in specific because spirit always has a way of bringing me all the right events and opportunities in unbelievably synchronistic ways. So we will see how that unfolds, but by giving it the room it needs, the higher self will express itself as it needs to, with elbow room and with me not meddling too much in what I think it needs to look like. Maybe you have a few experiences with how that has worked out in your own life?
And all of this happening on the eve of my birthday. I think I picked a great time to be born; a time when everything in the world is waking up, peeking out as new life. How juicy it is to feel new life in me, right along with new life in the world.
Until next time…
-Parker
In the first years of a spontaneous awakening without a practice or even understanding of what kundalini is, there is first bewilderment, then a settling into the rhythms and peculiarities of this new life. You begin perhaps by learning that this has a name, and once you do, you probably gobble up as much information about it as you can. The process itself, though, shows you that a lot of change is taking place in a very short span of time. The chakras are pierced, opening, and then much more susceptible to the stirring of pranic force now moving more forcefully in the body. Old things bubble up and lift away one by one, the energy is impacting your bodily systems “amping” up adrenaline, cortisol, but also dopamine, sexual hormones of testosterone and estrogen, as well as endorphins in the mix. In a period of mere months it is not unusual to feel as though you have gone through what might feel as only achievable through years of traditional talk therapy sessions. Things heat up, the process continues, and the light body releases what seems a vast backlog of stored emotional material that makes up the karmic load for the person. The soul enters in, samadhi is experienced, incredible states of bliss are known, and the self feels as though it is being reformed, healed, and brought to a new understanding of its place in the order, the design—now revealed—of the cosmos. All of this is rich, rewarding, and wonderful amidst the backdrop of such great energetic intensity.
Over time, the self most often begins its struggles with the trappings of ego. We all seem to come to it in our own way when we are ready (or not entirely ready as the came may be). This is often marked by what is termed the Dark Night of the Soul, more a period of time than a singular event which is where the “rubber meets the road” in coming to terms with how the self was ordered prior to awakening. This is due to an arrangement of the psyche where ego was once front and center, and then is slowly – perhaps painfully – pushed into the background by the sheer force and immensity that is now facing it. Ego is simply being outpaced by cosmic consciousness, and the cosmic has to move now. As necessary as it is, most call this a death because of how traumatic it is for some people (at least while it is happening). This is, though, a very necessary stage to reach in order to catch the “new gear” that our awakening selves require, which is loosening the ties to the part of the linear self in favor of the nonlinear holistic self. As an aside, I will say that this is only “necessary” when our ego is already so centrally focused in our awareness—not everyone will need this “death” whose ego is already not so front and center, but it will happen naturally if it is needed. This ties directly into how the brain itself carries a mirror of or for the cosmic within it that allows it to process cosmic consciousness and its sweeping vastness (which is the right brain, which I write about a lot in other parts of this blog). When this happens successfully, cosmic consciousness is no longer overwhelming, or a fearsome struggle. It is a shift (not a death). It just becomes the new normal. Things become easier over time, and this new gear comes into fuller use. The mind quiets, there is a greater sense of peace and understanding that this new condition, the awakened self, involves. I wont say that all is perfect peace, but things are much easier, especially for those who awakened spontaneously. But with it comes, perhaps, a place in experience that is what I think of as the “now what” state.
Many people experience this state at one time or another. With the incredible bliss comes crashes, and the yo-yo effect I mentioned in my previous post related to comping with kundalini. Some call it “rubber-banding” or “contractions” of the self into its old familiar pattern. You have been to the summit, you have had incredible insights, the world has been turned on its head, and events now take on a different form in their creation. You know that your own consciousness is absolutely creating so much of your life experience as evidenced by synchronicity, and other events very similarly aligned by way of their significance to what you might think of as your destiny are popping up all over the place. But in seeing behind or through the veil that is so often described as being a part of awakening (the veil that separates the different parts of the self— conscious, subconscious, as well as superconscious) you perhaps see into the very simple source code that runs all of this, the very engine of creation….the twin energies that are now alive in you that have been described in many esoteric traditions as the “Shakti and Shiva” union, the “I am one with the father and mother” described by Jesus in the so-called Gnostic texts of early Christianity. All of these traditions are simply pointing to the union of opposites within consciousness that make cosmic consciousness possible. But in knowing this, its almost as though there is this “what now?” moment at one point or another. You can reach a point where all of the old ways of being no longer hold their interest. Your body, too, might have been so impacted by the intensity of the physiology of kundalini that it creates a physiological form of doldrums within you, too.
If you have a karmic draw to certain people, those engage you and keep you in the intensity, but when you begin questioning even these powerful draws, this too can fall away and you enter into this very quiet place that is increasingly so new that it feels like a land of no more turbulent storms, no more drama, only you and the Tao, the persistent Presence of the All emanating throughout creation. You no longer have as your god the dramas of the old life. The battle standard is put away, and the world becomes cause-less. It is a good place to be, but it can feel like a loss sometimes. As Westerners, we are extremely unfamiliar with working with life in this way. This is very similar to what the Zen Buddhists describe as “zero” which means neither for or against anything, a place of no agenda, a point many observe as being where you can more clearly glimpse the truth of your own life and how the world is (to the degree that we each are capable). I think that being able to reach this place is actually important for the still-deeper blocks that remain as the deeper blocks that even our own intellect or compassion is outpaced or eluded by.
This can manifest or come in as such a stillness that it puts you off, making you feel at a loss as to what to do. When you know how things work in the world instead of thinking that you do by taking a side or an agenda, and you lose your investment in ego, the need to go on another crusade just drops away. We are, I think, so accustomed to making life into this dramatic play that we are in (it makes us feel engaged and fully in on the game) that when it changes, it can feel like a kind of loss of sorts. Maybe less a loss as a feeling of having won the world, you have also given it up in the way you had lived in it before. You actively lose so many things that you thought were important that had been driving you so hard and for so long, and this loss can leave you feeling like you are resting in a windless still-water world with no up or down, no “this” or “that.”
The part of you that corresponds with the super-ego, that I knew to be something I called the “watcher” (Osho uses the same term it turns out) is a higher order version of the earthbound ego, but without the restrictive qualities it places on us, helps to drive this feeling of detachment. Its incredibly useful when learning to surrender and to let all of the old memes drop away. For some of us, detachment can be hard sometimes. You see the drama in the world and this super-self ego says “There have been wars….there will be more wars….there will be drama, and still more dramas; they will come and go, and drama will unfold as it has done in the past….this is all a drama that repeats for those who need to work through their own junk….keep moving through it….just keep moving and be like a passerby.” And it is this state, that without bliss, can feel hollow or empty. It can lead to depression, and it can feel as though everything you fought so long and hard for in your previous life has less and less meaning (because it is supposed to mean something, right?). The things that fulfilled you before no longer fulfill you now. This could be a crisis or it could be a remedy.
I can tell you that this is a big adjustment. I can also say that when this took hold of me (or I took hold of it), I found that this happened after years of very intensive releases and the dropping of ego in the midst of a 24/7 awakening experience that had proceeded for five to seven years. I had incredible insights daily, unbelievable synchronicities that would boggle the mind, as well as difficult challenges as I learned to drop more and more of my own karmic material. It felt like a very real victory to have been able to release so much material. But it left me with a “blah” feeling as well. There was so much change and so fast! Once I was able to reorient myself, I found that in my own experience, there was more material to work through, another layer lying deeper still in the substratum of my awareness that I could not see in the previous cycle of releases. All of this happened when I was able to release the easiest material and had swept through all of the major chakra centers and through the five koshas, or layers, within each chakra (it is said that we have five, and my own experience has shown me that this corresponded to numerous clearings of the same chakra over and over but at different “states” of the energy).
What I found for myself was that the material that remained was much more fundamental and even primal in nature, the blocked energy that lay in the root for me that had to do with childhood nurture and my feeling safe and secure in the world in a material way. The point I noticed was that the blocks that remained were the ones that had been the most activated and were the most fresh. Since they were the most commonly activated, they also were he least understood or really “seen.” These were blocks that had been triggered during my very difficult divorce just a couple of years after awakening began. As a result, I observe, they were the blocks most difficult to let go of. These seemed to now lay in a substratum of my psyche that was the most irrational, most fundamental, and also the most difficult to get at. Yes, I had had some very challenging times doing the work up until this time with blocks in the heart, throat, crown, and the solar plexus, sacral, and root. It all seemed like a mammoth effort that spanned seven years. Now it seemed as though I reached some plateau and while I knew there was more to do (I could feel it pretty clearly in my energy body as tension, pain, or resistance), things had slowed down a good bit as I felt like I was literally chipping away at a stone now instead of these big sweeps of release. It was here that the “blahs” entered in. I think that this is one stage where I could have gotten stuck really easily had I stopped paying so much attention to bringing in the forces of change in my body.
What I know is that this was not some end, but merely the beginning of another chapter. I would meet friends who would be in the same place, a signal to me that life was a great mirror for me in telling me where I was. As I sat helping a friend move through a guided meditation, I realized that the visualizations I was providing were just the ones that I needed to use in order to get deeper into my own rooted issues.
Desire is such a double-edged sword. It can drive us powerfully to discover and to find what had been a mystery only moments previously. It can also serve to hold blocks in place, too, because desire that is not pure is being colored by our many blocks. We wind up wanting things or being drawn through desire to our very own karmic material, which are the things that cause us trouble and are not good for us (even as we crave them). It can feel like a trick to us that karma creates chemistry, but being double-edged, I observe that if used properly that it can also free us. This is very much in keeping with the soul of what tantra is, the part that is about the lightening bolt of realization through using desire as the crazy wild energy that can move mountains (and no, I am not talking about using it for sex, I am talking about using it for supreme bliss). It has to be used as honestly as possible, though. It can also burn the mountains down. Over time, I note, that desire itself transmutes as our own karma clears. I suspect that it is an adjustment period, and desire itself is not the bad thing so many point to. For as much as the wise ones (you know…just about everyone who speaks out about spiritual matters) speaks out against desire, I do not align to those views at all. I think that we simply do not understand desire and how our karma takes it over. While I speak as though its something being done to us, realize that all karma is based on a choice, a decision that we once made in the past, so it isn’t like we are helpless at all in the face of our own seeming karmic battles. It isn’t that desire itself is bad, it is that desire is so pure a force from the divine that it flows through everything, even our own blocked material. Animated in this way, old desires that we know aren’t good for us rise like phoenix’s from the ashes. We get upset with ourselves for having fallen for what seemed like a merry-go-round (which of course it is). Clean up the material that desire flows through and desire is free in a way that perhaps few (including his Holiness the Dalai Lama) have yet to experience.
I know that this might seem like a u-turn on the path of having lost direction and passion for life, but I know in my heart that even the Prime Creator of the All lives in a sublime state of desire. Its desire birthed all realities, all worlds, all possibilities. Desire was what moved it to create in the way that it did. Its release of us and our potential from its own dreaming was itself the orgasmic surprise just before a moment of sheer risk of losing it all, that by releasing it, it might just all float away like the children we birth who leave home and exit our lives. There is, I know, a vista ahead of us where, freed from our shame and guilt and glitches, is an experience that is beyond limits. I know it sounds grandiose, but in truth I am talking about being bowled over by a cup of tea or a sunset, or dinner out with friends. The simplest of moments looking out your window becomes a sheer miracle.
What I am saying is don’t turn away from desire, but examine it. If it seems as though it is causing you trouble, it is a sign that there is more material that needs clearing out. I can’t tell you the end-point in this simply because it is new ground and we are all traveling together. But its the next big thing, I think.
Here is a simple practice for clearing the decks of material that has given you problems in your spiritual work, or that could be a challenge as you delve deeper….
You know the negative reaction you have in your day to day life that gives you frustration or upset? No matter how inconsequential you think that thing is, it is a sign of inner work that remains. It is also something that once you really look at it objectively through the lens of the “Watcher,” “Observer,” or “Witness” can provide you with a clear view to what the root of the problem is.
If you fall for thinking that everyone else is the problem, you won’t get very far in doing this type of work. Instead, try to see that the world is full of people who have their stuff, their own baggage, and they all act based in large part, at least negatively, to what that baggage is about. This isn’t personal, so don’t make it personal by getting hooked into their junk.
Instead, witness your own reactions in your day to day to the world around you and this will tell you perfectly what YOU have yet to clean up. When you do this work, it clears you of the kinds of reactions that form the basis for your junk. You see? This is about you and the work that remains for you to do.
All of our suffering stems from our own self-made expectations about how we want the world to be. But the world is the way it is. The fact remains that when you can make a deep substantive peace with this fact, your life will fill more and more with peace, calm, and bliss. Only then can you hope to bring substantive change to the problems that beset the world around you.
Trying to wrestle with the problems of the world by using life force energy that brings bliss by turning it into anger and frustration leaves you weak and defeated. It is a tar pit; the more you struggle, the more stuck you become. So you choose to change yourself, and when you do enough of this, the clarity of bliss begins to emerge.
All of us are vessels for a very fine vibrational energy that is our birthright. It flows through all things. It is the love that flows through the veins of an infinitely large awareness that we call Creator, Source, All That Is, and God. We are like cells in this vast body, able to soak up this amazing energy that is its lifeblood. So I ask you, wouldn’t it make better sense to first get in touch with this seemingly subtle baseline experience first and then take on healing the world? If you do, you will be coming from a place of greater love and compassion, and it will make your and everyone’s lives much better.
You might think that I am somehow glossing over the best ills of the world. I am not. People do indeed do some pretty gnarly things, and when someone says or does something that is a violation of sound principles of behavior, we have a duty to point out the deficiency. This does not mean that we must bring suffering on ourselves for the misdeeds of others. That’s their junk. If someone lies about you, this can be hurtful only if you are unsure whether the lie is really a lie. If you are centered and confident in who you are, a lie is simply an error and nothing to take personally. But does an eye for an eye do anything to end the suffering here? No, it does not.
I come from a place where I know we all want to do good, but our baggage, our reflecting on past unresolved hurt, gets in the way. So if someone cuts you off in traffic, they could be working from their own hurt, which makes them feel entitled to do what they do. They could also need to get to the nearest bathroom, too, so you just never really know. The point here is you react the way you do as a result of a reflection upon what remains in you…. otherwise you might not jump the gun and assume that someone is just intending to be mean (note: you have not fully dealt with someone who was mean to you in the past…something to look at and let go of).
Observe, identify, then change through awareness. This is the path to a peaceful and fulfilling life.
Last month, I promised readers that I would share methods that I have found effective in releasing stored trauma. To do this will mean that I will have to break the larger method up into smaller bite-sized chunks since the overall system is enough to fill a book. For now, these are the basics of one important method for you to use in your own work at home.
First Things First
By now you probably know that you not only have a body, but you also have an energetic template that meshes perfectly with your body that allows your consciousness to focus itself in the physical body.
The soul, which is beyond the time construct, lives in time as a focus courtesy of the projection it creates that allows it to mesh with the physical body. This projection is like a series of nonphysical bodies that allow for a broad range of experience and expression to occur. These bodies are in truth aspects of a still larger awareness, bodies that each deal with different aspects of experience. The ancients described these bodies as the mental body, the emotional body, the karmic body, the pranic of light body, and so on.
The light body is one important interface between the physical and nonphysical. It is itself not physical, but can manipulate and create with energy that also happens to stimulate and guide the endocrine system, which are the glands that help stimulate healing and govern emotional well being. This energy changes form depending on how it’s needed. Most of the time we are all so enmeshed in what’s happening that this reality escapes us. In the body this energy is most often experienced as prana or chi (qi) and we are most aware of it during contemplation and healing work. This is but one state of the energy because energy can become anything when consciousness is in the process of creating with it. So that’s the baseline.
The big challenge for most who slumber, unawakened, and even those who are awake, is how this template, that is a projection that focuses us in the body, can become cluttered with thought forms. These serve to disrupt a clearer flow of awareness from soul to body and from soul to all the different parts of the self (intellect, reason, id, ego, emotions, feelings/beliefs, etc.).
Clearing the blocks that exist serves to bring us closer to the light of our souls and the kingdom that is within each of us. Maybe that sounds like woo-woo to you, but is precisely what it does. Welcome to the next world, folks. When you can dissolve these blocks, which are made up of thoughts, beliefs, and feelings that serve to, in some way, limit and divide you from yourself, the pathway or channel to the awakened state can more easily emerge. This is precisely what kundalini yoga, pranayama yoga, and all other yogas seek to do, which is to help clear the light body of these old conflicts expressed as blocked energy. They are called blocks because if you do not clear them before awakening, when the energy of prana (kundalini) does move, it is like bringing your baggage into a wind tunnel.
The act of awakening, itself, is a substantive union of opposites in consciousness, which IS this energetic flow. It is being triggered naturally in many people who often unwittingly remove enough divisive psychological material so that the energy appears to “rise.” There are numerous ways that this union of self begins, but it always revolves around an act or event that catalyzes a reduction in inner division of one kind or another.
What I have developed is a master method (made up of a series of methods used together) which is at its root similar to the same goals that yogic traditions such as pranayam and kundalini yoga have which is clearing the nonphysical pathways (called and nadi and also meridians in the Indian and Chinese systems, respectively) to make the presence of awakening easier or smoother.
The first method that I will describe to you appears to be much more effective at cleansing the light body of blocks than the eastern methods have been, at least for the average person. Those currently using this method do not know that this can be an important first step to awakening (which is as it should be). This is one case where a contemporary method trumps a thousands’ year set of yogic methods or tradition. If you haven’t caught on to it yet, my hope in developing this system is to provide an effective and efficient means to clear stored material that is holding the majority of humanity in a certain level of consciousness.
The idea that awakening is only for the special chosen few sounds preposterous and the height of arrogance to me. This is each of our birth right to know this level of awareness, and it’s emergence in this time is critical for our survival.. Further, the race needs this as a whole if we are to keep a balance with the pace that technology is taking in its development. We must, I feel, learn to extend our reach and improve our grasp as humans so that neither exceeds the capacity of the other (thank-you, Nicola Tesla).
Understand that when you are dealing with old systems from other cultures, you can wind up with inefficiencies as well as cultural biases and beliefs that can limit experience for all who follow them. To start with, many gurus in India operate under the belief that you cannot awaken without a guru or that anything you try without a guru will be wrong (I’m paraphrasing an Indian guru who writes on WordPress, so this is not an exaggeration). Obviously, we know that this is not correct because of the thousands of us who have awakened without yoga or a practice, let alone a guru. Having others more experiencedaround you is helpful, but it’s not a must. You simply have to be clear enough to hear your own soul communicating to you amidst the remaining static from the “baggage” remaining.
One class of blockage that occurs in the light body is stored trauma. This can be just about anything. Your birth may have been traumatic. Someone disciplining you for the first time as a child using a stern voice may have felt traumatic. Whenever we encounter something that causes us to resist feeling it, this becomes a stored experience. In fact, the experience doesn’t need to be that bad; if there is enough belief that it’s terrible or bad, the block is stored. This, by the way, is what many people wind up experiencing in awakenings where they might struggle for days, weeks, or even years (yes years!) with a stored block only to find that it was itself built entirely on a misperception or belief about how they viewed an event in the past. These are what I call, in my own work, “the mouse that roars.” That is, it was never so big than it was in our own belief or thoughts about it.
The effect of releasing this stored material is that you can see the world as it really is to the degree that you release this overburden of material within.
Without it, life is being viewed in much the same way as my pinhole camera picture only reveals a limited and distorted view of what we each think we are and what our existence is. I have had a front row seat to see how this lack of awareness manifests in people through an inability to see how their actions bring drama and cause harm, or how their inability to be honest limits their lives and hurts those they claim to love. So blinded are these people they cannot see that they are hurting others…and they wonder why their lives are a mess. It winds up being the fault of others so long as these people remain in the trap of their own trauma, unable to look at themselves honestly and have that “come to Jesus” moment which is so important for undoing years of junk. What I’m proposing will help to release this burden immediately and can be put into use on a daily or weekly basis to eliminate the material that blinds and binds us.
The wonderful thing about this work is that you have a “get out of jail free” card that comes in the form of a series of somatic exercises that allows you to bypass the trauma and effectively toss it to the curb without so much as dirtying your hands. While there may be a few instances where encountering a block directly could prove effective in its release, the vast majority can simply be let go. Your conscious mind does not always need to know the contents of your subconscious in order to let things go; it only needs to be willing to participate in letting it all go so that it can set its sights on a future that is brighter and not bearing the limits that these blocks put on the self and it’s awareness of the soul.
That said; a background on the method….
Most mammals share a triadic coping mechanism for dealing with stress and trauma. Humans, however, do not share this mechanism in the same way as animals in the wild do. When animals experience severe trauma their nervous system instigates a coping mechanism that takes the form of nervous shaking immediately following a traumatic experience. Researchers have found that this helps release the emotional energy and keeps it from being stored.
Normally the coping mechanisms humans have are fight, flee, or freeze when a traumatic experience comes our way. Most often we freeze. When we do this, we are actively storing the energy we are feeling, and this energy is not stored in the brain, it’s shoved aside, annexed, to reside in the body.
That last statement is something of a stumbling block for some people because as Westerners, we have been taught to believe that all past experience resides in the brain. But what the ancients have observed for thousands of years, modern psychological and neuroanatomy research is only just beginning to recognize. What we are slowly catching on to is that the body has a capacity for storing memory, and thus far, it appears to be emotionally-based memory.
My research has led me to find, based on the urgings of my higher self in meditation, the clues about how this is so. When I was writing a section in my manuscript about methods for assisting the clarifying effect that awakenings have in regards to these blocks, I had a series of synchronicity events where an important method fell into my lap three times over the span of two days. This unusual discovery led me on a hunt to find supporting evidence for why we store memory in this way, and how we can release it.
This hunt led me to two important clues to the body’s connection with memory, which is that the body has neurons located all through it (and you thought neurons were just in the brain!) as well as research that shows that memory is stored in organs such as the liver, kidney, and heart.
The research that is being done in the arena of organs storing memory has to do with the curious capacity donor organs have to transfer memory and personality traits to those receiving the donated organ. Bear in mind that nearly all organ donation is done anonymously so as to protect the family members of the donor from unwanted intrusion from strangers receiving the organs.
Notable cases involve a murder that was solved because the child who received the organ began having dreams that revealed the last things the donor saw before their death (which included the name and description of the murderer). One recipient was able to locate her donor’s obituary, and another had both her sexual orientation change to the choice of her donor as well as her food preferences (going from lesbian to straight, and vegetarian to meat-eating).The research in this area is fascinating, and I feel is helping to show how it is that emotional memory is being stored.
This research has become a substantive body of work which I wrote about on this blog several years ago and will add the link to at the end of this article so you can see for yourself.
By finding the most effective way of mimicking what the animals do to release trauma, you can begin digging down into your own body to release this overburden that every human on the earth lives with but is largely unaware of.
The Method
Position yourself on a comfortable surface such as a yoga mat or firm flat futon, lying on your back. You can support the base of your spine by rolling up a towel or firm pillow to raise you bottom up into the air about four to eight inches if you want. Begin to relax by breathing slowly and deeply in through your nose and out through your mouth until you find yourself feeling like you have made the transition to a more relaxed state. This step is necessary for all that follows.
Let yourself sink into a relaxed and quiet state where your busy mind slows down. Imagine floating down a lazy river with the warm sun beating down on your skin; you feel like you don’t have a worry in the world. Keep breathing nice and deep so you can relax deeply, too.
Now, with your feet flat on the floor, raise your buttocks upwards so that your feet and legs are supporting most of the weight of your body on them. Your feet might curve to rest more on the balls of your feet for support. You only need to lift your body up a few inches. Support yourself in this way until you begin to feel your legs shaking. This is essentially an effort to fatique muscles so you shake. This may take some time to achieve. Also, you can induce mild trembling to strong shaking, and this works just as well.
Most often, you will feel like you should reposition yourself in order to stop shaking, but with this method you need to stay with the shaking for enough time that it can do its work, which is to begin to release stored material.If you center weight on your legs, you can eleviate any stress to the lower back muscles in the event that you have a history with lower back problems.
Do this exercise for as long as you are comfortable, with repetitions of a few minutes each, with up to three to five minutes being optimal if you can do it for this length of time. Fifteen minutes at a time is optimal. Once the shaking begins, it is enough to stir you and begin to release material.
You want to avoid physical strain and remain in the “sweet spot” of shaking for at least several minutes at a time or as long as you are physically comfortable doing so. Mammals in the wild shake an average of fifteen minutes.Just follow your own comfort level. The shaking is the thing.
As you do this, increasingly find your breathing going into your lower diaphragm and begin to open the lower solar plexus up by breathing this way. As you are shaking, you might feel emotions rising to the surface. When you breathe, give those emotions a voice in simple ways. It could be gutteral, it could be something different, but let whatever emotion rises be given a voice. Instead of going deep into the emotion, you are helping to release it, to let it express and then go. Don’t let yourself feel self-conscious if you can help it; this is a path to positive self care, so let yourself explore this area. Don’t censor yourself; this is all about acknowledging the feeling in order to let it go. This is different from marinating in the feeling.
To get deep into how trauma is stored, it’s useful to understand some of the muscles involved and their proximity to the more emotionally charged energy centers of solar plexus, sacral, and root chakras.
The set of muscles you are using that causes most of she shaking are the legs and an area of the pelvis that is situated in your hips The interesting thing here is that it is this region of the body where a lot of our earliest trauma can be stored from childhood.this is where the solar plexus ends, the sacral begins, and the root is close by. This exercise helps to clear this region most effectively and is being used to treat PTSD.
Another posture is possible if lying on your back doesn’t work for you. This position is done while standing.
Position yourself so that your back is against a wall, and then slide down from a standing position to one that is just above the position that you have when sitting in a chair. This posture is meant to fatigue your legs and hips so that you begin to shake or tremble. When you do both of these methods correctly, you will feel like you are getting a real work out both physically and emotionally!
One big plus for doing release work of this kind is that your physiological reactions to stress and anxiety can change significantly for the better by removing the root cause of the stress, anxiety, or depression to begin with. If you have been on antianxiety medication, this could be a great way to finally reduce the load of stress or anxiety so that the medication might not be needed (since it is possible to release the store trauma that may have been causing the condition to begin with).
Sometimes it can be helpful to have someone with you whom you trust who can sit with your head in their lap as they cradle your head and help to let you know that everything is going to be okay. You have been suppressing these emotions and it’s not unusual to feel vulnerable when they bubble up. Very often, you won’t know what these emotions are tied to, but letting them bubble up releases them for all time.
Another benefit to this method is that once you release something, you will feel a measure of relief and clarity. If it’s a block that is central to many of your problems that you have in life, the bad feelings surrounding this will go away and you will feel like a new person where this old issue is concerned. I describe this experience as erasing an old program in my subconscious that has been running on its own on auto pilot for years, giving me all kinds of grief. Once it’s gone, the fear or anger or stuck feeling is gone as well. Just like that.
This method is the least invasive of any method I can think of for releasing stored emotional material. It is important to not resist whatever comes up. It was resistance that stored the material in the first place, and no matter how bad you think a feeling might be, your acceptance will always be the key that allows you to cope with just about anything. Once you do, it will be gone, and it will only be a dim memory within a matter of days. You will have shifted your own probable time line. Sounds like a big deal, but we do this with every decision that we make.
It is worth mentioning that other methods that achieve the same result often work with moving the body. In the practice of pranayam, pumping the stomach is a method that gets close to the shaking in the body that this method achieves. Chi Gong is a body movement method that works with the human energy field by using energy and body movement together to stir and release blocks. But for sheer speed and efficiency, the leg shaking method can’t be beat.
If you find that you can’t do the leg shaking method I have just described, I will be including more of the methods that go to make up the “master method” which are a constellation of exercises and therapies designed to clear blocked material fast.
One very simple way to feel whether you are healed in a given issue or area is to simply gauge how you feel about something. Are you resisting it? When you feel yourself needing to pull away from something to keep from feeling it, there is something not yet healed. The Zen concept of “Zero” which is often called today as the “Zero Point” is what happens when pent up material is released. Healing happens when you reach neutrality, which is a deep state of balance which is achieved block by released block.
Now I have an admission to make: I was not altogether truthful about the number of coping mechanisms that we have available to us. I recalled that they were fight, flight, and freeze. To be truthful, there is another “f” word and it’s central to never building trauma to begin with. I promise that I’ll cover this important coping state in my very next post.
So begin trying this method and let me know what your experience is with it. If you have questions, don’t hesitate to ask. Until next time, light-bearers…
Link: http://www.paulpearsall.com/info/press/3.html
I can remember a day when I wondered why certain things happened into my life and knew that it had to do with how we create our own reality….but until I entered into a state that resulted in a rapid dismantling of the material within me that was serving to create that reality in the way it once did, it was hard to make a connection between how subconscious material can indeed rule our lives.
For those of you who are on to the Gnostic literature there is a lot in a number of the gospels in the Nag Hammadi Library that speaks directly to this. In Phillip he says that the “evil” makes us do what we do not want to do and makes it impossible for us to do what we want to do. This is karmic blocks. He goes on to say that this was what was meant when Jesus spoke of laying the axe at the roots. To get at a problem, you have to go deep within to the source of the problem or issue. It has to be pulled out entirely. This type of work is not always as easy as it seems, and having methods that work both psychologically and physiologically can be very helpful. But once you begin traveling down this path and are successful at removing a string of issues that had been dug in deep within, it frees up your insides enough that it can lead to cascades of releases.
In the near future I will be setting forth (as promised) some of the most effective means for releasing stored trauma that I have discovered along the way in my practice. Some of these, it turns out, were in the process of being developed as I made my own discovery. In perfect timing, they came, and I will be offering them to you for you to try on your own. While yoga is an old tried and true series of methods and techniques for handling this sort of material, these newer methods get to the core of stored material. The reason why this is so useful and so revolutionary is that it has the power to completely change your life by releasing you from feelings and thoughts that seem as though you have no control over. While self control is a very useful way to cope with this stored material, it does not address it completely, while the methods I will be showing you go right to the root of the matter. When you do this, you begin to enter, bit by bit, into a space of mind that is your authentic self that is more and more free from the more troubling things that may dog you in your emotional and spiritual life.
Life has taken a rather sudden turn over the last couple of months and time that I thought I would have for blogging has been entirely taken up with the new work that I am doing. If you follow the blog you will know that this summer I began with work that I knew was more than just…well….work. I sensed right away the energetic and emotional landscape of the people I was working with. I waited, knowing that when you become aware of another person’s inner material, it is only a matter of time before they start speaking about it. Everyone can sense this level of awareness even if its subconscious, and when we really see people, it opens them and frees them to a large extent. It can be the first step to real healing if they are ready for the work. Then, in the midst of all of this, I found that a whole series of issues were being driven up in the events around me that showed me that none of this was an accident. I was being shown aspects of issues that I had experienced and had been effected by. But instead of being affected by this, I observed. I was not surprised to find that my abusive ex would come onto the scene engaging in her usual punishing behavior. Again, I did not respond. Then, within 24 hours, I felt a deep thread of pain in my gall bladder meridian (yang energy line) release. This area I have identified as being the place where there is a lot of the remaining stuck material. Its been hard to deal with because it is the most current and “active” from my divorce 6 years ago. After this happened, an entirely different level of feeling took over me. A clearing took place and I found that people who were in the same alignment to this type of behavior simply fell away from my focus or concern. It was like an energetic deactivation. Poof. Just like that.
In the wake of this, cleared as I was, I found that the company I was working with was not able to continue keeping me in work. I was not terribly worried about this because at a universal level, there was really no way to keep this association up anymore. Whatever drove this person to contact me out of the many people who could have been working with him, was now simply gone. I knew a new chapter was about to emerge, I just had no clue what it might involve. I simply wait for the universe to bring the next thing I have to work with.
And then it came. I didn’t go looking for it, dream of it, or anything like that. Someone sought me out, just like before, and some of it just made no sense from a practical stand point. This kind of thing isn’t always about practical, though. Its what is needed. So someone who was looking to buy land saw a property that I had that was vacant and loved it so much that he wanted to move in. This person has been in a rapid period of change and recently walked away from a relationship that was abusive and chaotic. He left with 58¢ in his pocket. But this man was unconcerned about that fact. He had worked with the likes of Warren Buffet and had done work with political and theatrical luminaries over his life. It was all a part of his way of looking at the world and interacting with it. He was at rock bottom and was beginning his next rise in this next chapter of his life. And he was placed smack dab in the middle of my life. What are the odds? Right. This is how this kind of abundance is created.
A week into working with him, I could feel how his own field of awareness was affecting my own. I have lived a life from an early age that involved my awareness of consciousness as energy, and in awakening, this is greatly heightened. I was surprised to find that the resistance I was feeling while working with him was not located in the areas where I thought I would do this type of release work. I knew instinctively that the root is where abundance springs, but the tension or resistance (always a sign of a block) was coming from my solar plexus. This was a new sensation and also a new awareness for me. By focusing on this, I “got” rather quickly that my own will (solar plexus) had been the center that was blocking my own natural sense of abundance. So all of those people who had tried to paint me as somehow less were in truth painting their own pictures, and I was going right along with it. When we speak of others, so often, we speak of ourselves when it comes to our difficulties with them. Its really just about us sometimes. Luckily I have begun to cease trying to make it a problem that lies with another person and simply look inside of myself to understand why I have the issue with them and then own that. I am able to turn a problem entirely on its head and make it work as a healing moment for me. Instead of seeing the world as the problem I see that the problem is just me and is an excellent opportunity to heal the part of me that takes issue with the crazy behavior of another person who I have attracted like magic into my life who is a mirror of this issue I have not myself gotten over yet.
But recently I spoke about working with men in healing work….and along comes this man who was primed to finally change how he had been attracting abusive behavior into his life. I will begin using a set of the methods I will be developing in my cleansing system with someone who is excited to free himself from the issues that lie deep within himself so he can live an even more abundant and happy life. All of this honors the “patient” as the healer. The problem with most energy healing is that until we are thoroughly healed ourselves, we can leave imprints of our own energy on others. This is so subtle that most healers are not even aware that they are even doing it. In my case, this is one reason why I have stopped short of doing healing work except with those who I know closely already because of the ressonant effect that this association can have. Only when I have cleared the decks top to bottom would I ever consider doing energetic healing for this very reason. The result is that you can wind up attracting people who are where you are in some fashion, and it can serve to reinforce rather than completely free the person being healed if the healing work is being done in a broad enough way. The healer should always be the most healed person in the group otherwise they run the risk of creating more problems as they are trying their hardest to solve them. You have to do the healing first for yourself.
So I was able to gently release this tension inside of me. My good friend served as a kind of control, and anytime I would feel a sense of resistance, I just looked at it with compassion and let more healing and surrender into my awareness. Now what do you think this does? It begins to release some pretty dug in material. In an entirely bizarre event I was able to take the deceit visited upon me for years and turn it completely on its head. And the most amazing thing was I didn’t do anything except hold a certain state or vibration. I had a break-in to my home that resulted in a rather sudden turn of events that had the power to completely change the terms of engagement with someone who had been playing by her own rather warped rules of acceptable behavior. All I had to do was to simply show up, document it, and leave the rest to the universe. No more drama, no more trouble, no more feeling bad about myself. When something is about to release that is this deep, some pretty amazing things will often happen that show you that its a world of energetic alignment that is doing the work for you.
Lying deeper within all of this exists a still deeper lesson that takes holding on to and allowing it to grow and set up shop in the mind of the heart. This took years to get to this place, but when you align to what is fair and true, the universe has a way of supporting that. As soon as I was able to deal with the issue deeper down, the people who had been involved in all of this drama pretty much screwed the pooch in such a dramatic way that it sounds more like a line out of a movie than anything that might actually happen. Except that it did. And me? I just keep doing my work and let the world be what it is. There was no sense of justice, no sense of anyone getting theirs. If anything, a kind of relief mixed with a sadness for them. But this will itself fall away as well when I allow myself to fully come into my own on this account. Far from karma being a judgement or punishment or someone “getting theirs” I see it as neutral but which is activated by how we feel. Change that, and you can change the nature of events very quickly. When someone lives a life so full of dishonesty, it just has a way of coming back on them without a single finger being lifted. Its their life, not mine. It becomes their choice even though they might be lost in the miasma of their own emotions that seem to tell them that they are not the problem. They just aren’t my problem anymore because I am seeing and feeling it differently now. How could that be a part of my reality when I am so different? Now bear in mind, this is not just my wishing to be different, its a sea change. It is a laying of the axe at the root and taking it out in entire. Wishful thinking is great for developing vision for the future and as a path for future work, but it does not really address the issues themselves in the present. All of this is useful, but if you want to be done with something, you have to change your mind completely about how you feel and respond. I am not here to love someone healthy anymore, or to help them like they are some sort of broken birdie project. I used to think I owed people something of myself. What I owe is a debt of gratitude that the world is made the way it is that it allows my innermost self to be reflected in the people and events that are in my life. Now that I have begun clearing the deeper root issues, things are changing fast now, and I am looking forward to a positive turn of events and in life now.
The world is now opening up for the next chapter, one in which I will be able to allow my native abundance to really flow unhindered. I know who I am in a way I didn’t allow myself to be. It is now time to have a lot of fun.
In my previous post I mentioned how feeling is a choice. I know this often rankles people because most people feel as though they have no choice in their deeper-held feelings of emotions. What we do not feel we have control over are the emotions that crop up out of nowhere that leave us feeling as though feeling has mastered us instead of the other way around. I get it. There is a way, though, to deal with feelings that have plagued you for years that put you in that sudden miasma of emotion….and the great thing about the approach is that its not a band-aid, but a permanent reversal of the reactivity that we feel that we can’t always control.
The method is not about control, it is about genuine healing, and that is what is so different about the first portion of this post (which I know gets lengthy but…)
One important key to changing how you feel is understanding the choices you may have made years ago, maybe even in childhood, for a pattern of feeling that has stuck with you to the present day. We aren’t always self aware enough to realize that sometimes our emotional reactions are based in an assumption we have might, right or wrong, about how we think the world is, or how we are.
The choice I am talking about here may now be a long lost memory by now, so be easy on yourself. It may also be a feeling that has descended on you during adulthood, too. In either case, I am going to unravel some of this for you to see if it helps you to understand how it is that you might feel governed by feelings that you have little or no seeming control over, and that you CAN in fact make the change by changing the underlying assumptions or feelings that give rise to these emotions in the first place. The first method will involve the science of somatics, which, simply put, reveals how it is that the body stores trauma and latent emotion.
In this post, I have a rather long series of recipes, or prescriptions, for how to deal with a wide array of things that often trip people up this time of year. Sadly, this is not light reading, however, it has a lot of very good info culled from years worth of work on this subject. To make navigating this post a little easier and quicker for those of you who feel harried, I have divided each portion of this post up into sections, which you can quickly scan through if you find a heading that strikes our fancy.
The Root Of Our Troubles
When we experience an emotion that we have never fully processed, which is to say, that we never really truly felt in its fullest depth and intensity, we know that these emotions get stored in the body (this is a somatic effect). What many people don’t know is the degree to which this happens. Over years we push away many hard feelings resulting in a collection of unprocessed emotion. All modern psychologists have explained that anything that is repressed comes roaring back to life. If held in too long and too tightly, it can even lead to disease because of how the feelings distort the body’s own ability to function in a healthy way. My observation has been that when we create this stance in relation to our submerged feelings, they come bubbling up from time to time when triggered, but for may people, this bubbling up does not release them and they always remain not fully processed as a result. This creates a scenario where we have certain “hot button issues” that keep upsetting us over and over, seemingly without end. The answer lies in being able to let the feeling come out into the bright light of day, so to speak. To do that, however, requires a level of awareness that has not been brought to the emotion or feeling before.
How this happens is still a bit of a mystery to western minds even though it has been observed and taken as fact for thousands of years by eastern traditions. You could say that the Western mindset in medicine has been a material and rational one that looks at the brain as the center of much of the psychological activity, while the eastern traditions take a much less material approach (its all just chemicals bouncing around), that considers the body and somatics.
Most of Chinese medicine, the parts that concerns itself with energetics, deals directly with the issue of blocked chi (qi) or prana (in the Indian tradition) and Ka in both the Egyptian and Polynesian traditions. This blocked energy is always removed by manipulating the connections in what is described as a kind of etheric or energetic circuitry of chi energy that is nonphysical, but is very much a part of the body. This circuitry has been mapped out with a high degree of detail in the Chinese acupuncture tradition. It also exists in similar form, with the addition of chakras, in the Indian traditions. These are the often-mentioned meridians of the Chinese and the nadi of the Indian tradition (as in the illustration included below).
There are numerous ways that blocks can be removed, and in each case the first step towards removing them comes with an intention to do so. Regardless of the method used, it seems that when we are able to remove blocked emotional energy in the body, we can actually release an emotion that we have been holding in the body. The really interesting counterpoint to such releases of stored material is that once they go, they are gone forever. In fact, these types of releases can be so dramatic that the person who has released them no longer goes back into the old thinking and feeling that created them in the first place. Part of the reason for this is because each block in the body is actually blocking the flow of prana. When the flow of this energy is allowed to move freely in the body in a large enough volume in hindered by our thoughts and feelings, the result is a state of ecstasy or bliss. Blocks will always center around some kind of attenuation of this energy. Think of it as starving yourself of the loving force that will help animate your body and make you feel wonderful. This is not pie-in-the-sky thinking, but is actually a state that each human is capable of feeling and being every moment of the day when enough blocks are removed. So its beneficial to do this work, you see.
The concept of blocked energy was for me a foreign concept in many ways until upon awakening I saw how I was releasing blocks with the aid of kundalini stirring in me. It is odd, too, given how long I had been aware and able to see auras, which went back over 20 years. I had simply never learned about blocks and how to see them in the aura when I “read” someone. But after a particularly illuminating conversation I had with a brilliant intuitive about a year and a half into my awakening, I was made aware of my own blocked energy. I had been experiencing releases of blocked energy all along, but I didn’t believe I was as blocked as I was (I was!) This gifted intuitive explained that there was someone in my community who would be someone who would help me in removing these blocks, and she told me that while she did not know this person’s name, she described the person to a “T” and then explained I needed to keep my eye out for this person. It helped that she was very specific, because her description of this person as an expert in their field related to healing and energy, along with his personality traits she described made this person instantly recognizable to me. In my case, I did not have to wait very long before finding this person. In fact, it was the very next day as I was talking to a client and old family friend about some matters with a piece of glass she had bought from my studio that she began to describe this person to me in enough detail to cause me to sit up and take notice. The most interesting part to this story was that the classes that this person held were just around the corner from my home. By beginning weekly sessions with his Qi Gong class (also spelled Qi Gung), I embarked on an intensive period of block removal that led to hundreds of releases over a six month period. It led to a lack of reactivity on a slew of issues, too. I have continued with this work because the amount of blocked material for most people experiencing this rapid type of removal is fairly significant. Don’t ever feel daunted by the volume of material, just keep chipping away at it; it is extremely beneficial work! When things get difficult, I think about U.G. Krishnamurti, who went through the process of awakening and saw how he used to say “Nothing bothers me” only to see that near the end of his life, his core blocks came to life, the ones he had not dealt with….and it shows that we are all so very human (be easy with yourself–this is the great work we each can do).
While the work of releasing blocked chi is so incredibly useful for helping bring us back to a state of greater balance or equilibrium, the effects are most often permanent for the simple fact that if you are releasing a block from childhood, say, the person you are now is no longer the person you were as a child, and you now quite simply see and understand in a different way now than you did all those years ago. The problem with blocks, though, is that it does not matter if you are now “older and wiser” because as long as the block is shoved down inside of you, you suffer in direct proportion to how “off” your emotions were concerning a given event in your past. You can then very much relive the feelings from your childhood self over and over endlessly….experiencing feelings of blueness or depression as the holidays hit simply because they remind you of what you have not yet forgiven and let go from your childhood, for example.
I know that, again, I might upset you by suggesting that your feelings were “off” but it is nonetheless true. If your feelings were spot on with the incident in question, you would be much more able to see that some slight or hurt dealt you, whether real or imagined, would actually be seen for what it is, which means taking a lot more information into account than what any block has ever been able to do.
There is a reason why a block is called a block, which has everything to do with the silent but brilliant intelligence which lies within prana itself. When we feel something that is off axis from what prana is, we incur a negative type of karmic thread, and often an emotion forms at the same time as a result that is tricky because of how it mis-perceives something in the world. We think our mother does not love us because of how she acts, when in truth, her behavior may not have had to with her love, but that she was going through a hard time, which we took to mean what we believe it means, for example. This forms into a notion of ourselves and each time she displays this hard emotion, we think it has to do with us, for example, when in fact, it may have nothing at all to do with us (it may not change how she appears to be-snapping at people around her, and maybe even at you…but there may be more to the story). This then gets played over and over within us until the end of time like some kind of merry-go-round experience that seems to lock us into the same recursive reaction or behavior.
Sometimes the act that helps to release a block is a simple act of deep unconditional forgiveness of others, but it also means forgiving ourselves for having felt hard or anything less than wonderful and wonder-filled. There is something about the nature of the cosmos that provides reward when our compass point is spot-on but difficulty when it is off. When it is off, we incur negative karma and blockages in our bodies and also a slew of undesirable emotions that we can’t seem to change no matter how hard we try.
One method that I was introduced to as a way of working with our own sense of accountability and honesty for owning our feelings was embodied in the Polynesian methodology called Ho-Oponopo. It means returning back to the zero-point that the Zen Buddhists talk about, which is the removal of all of the reactive material we have floating around in us. The method is not complicated, and is amazingly simple. I suggest that you take a look at an interview with Dr. Hew Lin to better understand how radical a change can happen when healing takes place. As is often the case, when we heal ourselves it can also lead to others being healed as well. I think it is clear how we hold other people in webs of resistance unknowingly that lead to these hard feelings. When that web goes, the healing can begin. I can say that in nine years of this work that I have encountered this similar phenomenon over and over many times. The benefit of our own healing is that it frees others to heal, too.
First Things First
In the case of subconscious material, it can be helpful to use a healing modality where a practitioner is trained and is intuitive and knowledgeable enough to know about where the emotional material is stored in the energy body, that system of meridians that acupuncture helps to open up and allow to flow. But acupuncture is not the only method. There are many others. To help you get at old stored material I have created a list of similar and also divergent methods that all address the energetic aspect of stored emotion.
Movement
Movement is a critical part of tapping into stored blocks. It is one “angle” you can use to get at certain kinds of material. By using forms of movement that have been studied over a long time and known to be of benefit to all of us when we practice them, you can begin to soften blocks all through the body through continuous practice and attention during that practice.
The practice known as Chi Gung (Gong) can have very beneficial effects on removing these emotional blocks. I was able to remove significant blocks using White Crane Chi Gung at a certain point in my work. I was able to go twice a week. Chi Gung has as its benefit being a discipline that moves through each major center of the body in order to “work” each center. My teacher explained that whenever you feel a sense of resistance or pain during this low impact workout, it is most often a sign of a block. When I first went to Chi Gung I came away feeling sick. In fact, I didn’t feel good after my first two workouts. I felt clammy and nauseous. What I learned was that this was just how powerful the Qi Gung was for me. I was already beginning to move a lot of blocks and this was having an impact on my system. I doubt that most people should expect the same reaction that I had for the simple reason that I was in the midst of an intense kundalini experience. I was “ready” for anything that might begin moving the blocks quicker than kundalini itself was doing. If you have experienced strong pranic flow, you may want to keep an eye out for physical symptoms and see how they change as your work progresses. If you study with an experienced teacher s/he should be able to help point out what it most likely an energetic rather than physical reaction.
The method is to place awareness on this feeling of resistance or strain and work on that area gently and with intention. It is so simple; you simply allow yourself to be aware and to fill that space with the light of your awareness. There is a difference here with intending to release a block and simply allowing yourself to observe and be aware, never judging or making up your mind what you think the block is. By allowing yourself to simply be aware but not judging, my experience has shown that blocks resolve themselves much easier. You do not want to create more resistance in by bringing this awareness, you simply want to bring a very simple awareness that does not judge. It SEES.I know how simple this sounds, but I sense that there is a part of our awareness that we are not fully conscious of that IS seeing into these blocked places and bypasses our own so-called “conscious” awareness in order to get at the block and release the stored material. This is a method I developed that is a part of my own meditation practice that has led me to become much more aware of my remaining blocks. They are each translated as a seeming physical feeling that is in fact energetic. They are marked by a feeling of tightness or, in the words of my teacher, “resistance.” I simply allow my mind or attention to go to the resistance and over weeks, sometimes months, the block is dissolved. I mention this method because you can join it with your work with a physical discipline like Qi Gong, but you do not even have to do this in order to get Qi Gong to work well.
You don’t even need to know what the block was, but you can feel a difference in your own inner energy flow and state of mind once it does release. After having done this a few times, you might not even want to know, which is akin to revisiting an old scene of the crime kind of experience. The experience of being freed from the old hard feeling is so good, I have most often not even looked back at what it was that was released that helped to bring the better flow within. And really, when you think about it, well-being is concurrent with a nice flow of energy in the body. I don’t mean just physical energy, but also the feeling of lightness and joy that can come with an increase in prana or chi. With enough of it, bliss begins to fill the body and it helps to bring a sense of lightness and awe.
Shaking
Shaking has been shown to help relieve the effects of PTSD in traumatized patients and is now being used for war veterans as a therapy with measurable results. It turns out that Osho offered a method of ecstatic movement that emphasized feeling the shaking not just physically, but within ones own being. It has been shown that we can literally shake off our hurt. The prescription for maintenance is to shake for ten to fifteen minutes while laying on a bed, a level of shaking that does not cause injury, but is like a gentle workout.
I myself have also used shaking and what I found most useful is a gentle shaking for five to ten minutes, continuously or intermittently over about a 15 to twenty minute period. I have found that when I can identify a center where a block is, I simply put my awareness there and leave it there during shaking. I don’t even think about what the block is, I just imagine my awareness as a larger awareness of prana flowing into me, and as I do this, I can feel the prana actually helping to dissolve the block along with the actions of shaking. I was first introduced to shaking by my intuitive friend I mentioned earlier, and I went on to find that shaking has a place in healing.
I have also developed a method of “inner shaking” that I can only do when I am lying still and alone. This inner shaking is a feeling that I have identified as a manipulation of prana itself that feels like a tightening and loosening of prana in my meridians, but it has no movement involved. It is in effect constricting and releasing the energy quickly so that I feel a swimming effect that borders on feeling physical.
To understand what I am talking about, the effect is nearly identical to the feeling when you feel yourself shuddering when you see something that upsets you. Do you know how you feel when that happens? The shudder is actually taking place at a level of consciousness and of energy. Your body might also shudder, too, but if you are careful and are not swept away when a shudder happens, you will be able to identify the inner shudder that is not part of the physical effect. You can then repeat this shudder inwardly and use it to have a very real effect on the meridians in your body where these old emotions appear to be stored in some way. When I came across the method described by Osho, which was to feel the quiver or shaking inwardly, I suspected that he was on to the same idea. Once you “get it” you can repeat it over and over quite easily, although it may take some degree of concentration and quiet to do so.
Body Work
Never underestimate the benefit of a massage performed by a practitioner who understand energy. I recommend having someone who describes their work as involving energy work along with deep tissue massage. I do feel that for me, I am careful of the people who do this type of work. I have had some energy workers be unaware of the blocks I could feel and knew were there. I also find that the universe has a way of providing the perfect thing for me at my level of work (which is always changing over time) Often you will find that a therapist that does one aspect involving energy will also do other complimentary practices as well, such as cranio-sacral therapy, or reiki along with body work. I have found a Kahuna practitioner who has melded her culture’s knowledge of Kah (chi) with a method that is balanced, which is very much like the Chinese system of recognizing the yin and yang energies. By keeping these balanced, both aspects of the self and prana or chi are brought through and worked with. A good body worker can be worth their weight in gold for how they can feel a block in your body tissue even if you yourself are unaware. They can, if you are ready, remove those blocks for you. I have found that by asking the universe to provide you with just such a person, and then keeping your eyes and ears peeled, that it has a way of coming along in due course. This was just how I found my very effective Kahuna healer who I felt instantly comfortable with dealing with some of the deeper root chakra issues that I knew were keeping me blocked. As a result, I could just let completely go while also guiding her in some cases for that exact position over a given block. I knew just enough about the work to be a help and not a hindrance.
I have found that I have had the most beneficial effects when I was already aware of the blocks in my body. These blocks always feel either like a feeling of tension in a part of the body, and sometimes can be expressed as pain. This tension is itself a restriction of prana and this gets referred to the brain as feeling like tightness. It is in truth a narrowing of energy flow that gets translated into tightness, pressure, or sometimes other related symptoms. These can often feel quite physical, and its probably a good idea for you to describe them when working with a practitioner for your own peace of mind.
This is not to say that I always knew what the block was about, only that I could feel its presence as a sense of tightness or resistance or even pressure in a certain part of my body. By working on that center, I often had flashes of memory as the block dissolved that showed me what the block was about. Don’t be shy to ask practitioners if they work with helping remove blocked material.
Another good first step towards making change is being aware that there is a problem. Since so much of these problems or snags for us reside at the edges of our awareness, being able to see your own reactions to a wide range of things that upset you can actually be a powerful way to get very quickly to the source of the challenges you face. I’m not suggesting that your reactions are wrong in any way, but if you are to change how your respond to certain issues that upset you, the only way is to identify them first. Being able to do this in an honest way as possible is the first step in identifying the root cause.
You can actually change how you respond to your hot button issues if you tell yourself that your hot button issues are very often the face of a deeper issue. What lies beneath that face is more material that has had you tied up in a certain way of feeling. Seeing it as an ally, not an enemy, is one first step in turning all of this around. If you can learn to do this, you can turn your issues from problems into potential solutions. Within them lies the answer, you see, so really, were they so bad? It is often our response to a given issue or our fear of looking deeper, or even our seeming inability to ever address it that often leaves us not dealing with these snags for years. Very often the fear of addressing something or looking at it seemingly for the first time square on is greater than anything that the issue itself contains. It is more that it is a mouse when we imagine it is a dragon.
Behold The Light
One important aspect to feeling better this time of year is the nature of the light our bodies receive. We have been learning recently that the character and color of light goes a long way to setting our internal clocks and also our sleep cycles. When you are unknowingly disrupting your inner clock, it can lead to feelings of sleeplessness, fatigue, and irritability. One part of this is the fact that our days have shortened. We are all getting less light, so our sleep cycles can change. You might sleep a little more in winter, and it might be in some latitudes that you should give yourself a little more time for this. Sometimes anywhere from 45 minutes to an hour is all that is needed. In other cases, though, for people who do not need as much sleep as some people, this could lead to oversleeping, and this is sometimes almost as bad as not getting enough sleep, since it leads to a feeling of dulled senses. I think you might find yourself more rested and feeling less sleepy by adjusting your sleep requirements over the winter. That means going to bed a little earlier than you may be used to. It may also mean keeping your sleep at night the same and finding ways to take a nap in the afternoon. While I know that many people cannot do this, I have found significant benefits with a short 45 minute nap in the middle of the day when I am suffering from fatigue. Some people are so affected by the change in light that it leads to depression, fatigue, and other problems like a weakened immune system. One solution can also be getting more light into your body, but as with anything, the quality of that kind of light is very important for how you feel. Light screens can be a way to combat the winter “blahs” by giving your body much needed light. I once had a friend who became bipolar as a direct result of not getting enough light in winter. She was able to fix this after I suggested she look into seeing if a light table or light screen might help her. In the case of my friend, it was a life saver. It saved her from the drastic swings from one state of feeling to another. The clue for me was that she was complaining about these things affecting her more in winter than in the summer.
Quality Not Quantity
While the sun is hiding from us, there is another issue concerning the character of light that many people are not aware of, and this has to do with computer screens and phone or portable devices. Most of these devices are powered with low power consuming high intensity L.E.D.’s. The L.E.D.’s that are most often used to create a white screen and lighter colors in our handhelds and computer screens are actually tinted very slightly blue. The white light, it turns out, mimics the same light the sun puts out at mid-day. What this means for you when you are sitting in bed with your phone checking email is that you are most certainly getting zapped with a lot of “blue” white light. Your pineal gland is responsible for the production of melatonin in your body, and melatonin is responsible for helping you get sound restful sleep. The production of melatonin is set in large part by the kind of light that you look at each day. Your pineal gland is actually photo-sensitive. So what is the prescription for helping your body produce melatonin so you can get to sleep?
Don’t look at a computer screen past 7:30 in the evening. Its even better if you can avoid looking at any computer screen in the evening after you come home from work unless it is a quick peek at email or something. Avoid compulsive “surfing” on the net if you are having to take melatonin to get to sleep. Those pills may be trying to tell you something.
One very useful and important thing that you can do to reset your melatonin production is to have warm light in your home. There are even clear films being made that make your handhelds and computer screens slightly more amber in color, which helps to counteract the ever-so-slight blue in the white light on these screens. Often these films do very little to dramatically alter images on the screen, and they can also help protect you from the effects of making your body think its daytime. You can very easily change the balance of light around your home to a warmer one by finding sheer fabrics that are amber that you can throw over a lamp. Like I said earlier, nearly ALL “white” L.E.D. lighting clusters lean in the blue range and often have a light balanced much closer to daylight than all incandescent bulbs. Candle light and fire light are excellent choices too, and can be naturally very relaxing for you. Its not so much that you have to deprive yourself of light, but that its better for sleep cycles when you choose warm light over computer-screen light.
Last year I ran a fund raising campaign on indiegogo that was centered around creating a light feature that worked with warm colors, and the effect of these lamps has been quite wonderful for me and many of the people who donated to the campaign. The added benefit is that they get a warm wavelength of light that helps to calm them. If you can’t have fire light in your home for some reason, having a lamp that produces warm light is a great choice. Treating yourself to a golden-colored lamp shade might be just the ticket for helping to reset your sleep cycles. You will need to give this method at least a week to begin showing signs of its working.
Changing The Reason For The Season
Another way of dealing with the season when the pressure of gift giving gets you down is to find a group of friends who feel similarly pressured and choose to have gatherings and parties that do not involve gifts but other types of giving and sharing. Sometimes simply sharing a meal among friends can help shake off the perception of demand that this time of year brings. Despite your guests insistence to bring a gift for the host, ask your friends to bring a story that they would like to share with each other. People love stories, and you might consider telling your friends to keep their stories down to about ten minutes each. This way, a group of five or six people can all share something they found significant without taxing the after-dinner attention spans of the rest of the guests. Then, lighting candles and decking the table with good wholesome food, enjoy the time laughing and talking, saving the story telling for the desert round, or coffee and tea, at the end. Families also often head off the stress of the holidays with limiting the price of gifts, which is a good way to ease the angst of building expectations.
Desire and Expectation
I think sometimes that the nature of desire is often at the root of many of our misgivings about the holidays. We sense that everyone is hoping for a perfect kind of gift, and in so doing, it can lead to disappointment sometimes, and as can be so often the case, we can perceive that our gift recipients were less than happy than they actually were. But just as likely, the holidays remind us of the morass of emotions from our younger years that we may not have fully dealt with, so they keep coming back year after year. It is amazing how radical honesty can help clear these feelings away for good. Sometimes, without knowing it, we have been holding a person accountable for some perceived slight from decades ago that we never fully got over and are still holding onto it.
Sometimes just finding the time to do all the shopping for gifts for friends and coworkers and for family is enough to turn the most ardent gift giver into a tarnished hum-bug. So why not admit that this time of year is hard and seek to find a way to soften whatever it is that bothers you about it. I have never had problems with Christmas time, but I knew many who did, and it was feeling on edge as a kid that was MY issue.
If this time of year is getting you down, it’s a sign that something needs to change, and the wonderful thing is that while we might have expectations and desire driving us about what we think this time of year is supposed to represent, there is nothing that says that you can’t craft your own tradition. Those who crave piles of wrapping paper will look elsewhere and might even find your home a retreat from business as usual. In the end, love is the greatest gift we can give this time of year, and with so many holidays crowding into such a narrow corridor, it strikes me as all the more important that we are able to be easy with others and with ourselves, too. You never know who you are going to inspire towards a more wholesome and healthy approach to this time of year.
I hope your holidays are bright and happy and that you can find yourself looking forward to letting it serve the love in your heart with the people who mean the most to you. And if you cannot be with those whom you love, for whatever reason, I hope that you can hold them in your heart, or mend the bridges that might have been harmed in our storied pasts.
Waking The Infinite 