It seems that I am, in my awakening, destined to try out all sorts of methods for assisting in the cleansing of consciousness….of stored material that gets in the way of knowing the authentic self and the connection that we have as our birthright (each of us!) with the divine.
I go about finding a new modality in large part intuitively. Sometimes someone will mention something a day or two after I have begun thinking about the same modality (I first sense maybe it might be a good one to try) and very often I will get a rather odd series of confirmations from innocent bystanders who all mention the modality within a rather short span of time, usually a day or two, maybe three. I of course have never said peep about these modalities, it is the magic part in all of this, you see. No one knows that its anything that I have been thinking about, which is key to me for knowing when its a genuine synchronicity. Its how this thing works most often for me. It is like, through others, the universe tells me what is next on the agenda when it’s unable to contact me directly through dream or in meditation. Maybe an odd sounding thing at first, I can assure you that there is an efficiency about it that, once followed, leads to rather effective and rapid changes. There have been considerations of mine that just never go anywhere…a thought is raised, nothing comes because of it, and it gets dropped. But I never know when I will be on to something golden for me, it is a bit of a surprise. This is very much in line with the phenomenon involving synchronistic events that is experienced once a person is awakened. Everyone talks about them. I began utilizing them as a way to get a little more out of them than that uncanny 1:11 or 3:33 or 11:11. I get it, a sign to remind you where you are. But at a certain point in awakening I thought that there was much more to this odd phenomenon than just numbers or meaningful coincidences. For me, I began seeing it as a form of guidance, that the universe was speaking to me…because once I considered that it could be something more…it was.
Once I did this, I began to get direction more and more through these events that most often come in groups of threes. Its just how it works for me. It is like a code to show me that its not just a random coincidence, but rather something from the numinous realm. I think of how this all works as being like a cosmic morse code or how a secret knock is decided upon for two parties to know that a special guest has arrived, except for me it is the triple event that is the unmistakable sign of this having come from that place of the eternal light. For me and the universe (perhaps an aspect of my higher self, I often consider), we have a triple event arrangement that has been laid out. Anyway, the point here is that I listen to these events as a form of direction once they come in their triple form. For me, they are closely oriented, these events, in time. Some have been seperated by hours or minutes. The further away they get from each other on the time line the less likely that they mean much of anything. With my recent foray into regression therapy, it was much the same. I knew that this was something that would most likely work very well for me (even though I have felt that I would make a bad hypnotic subject). With the signs there, I looked into it, found a therapist fairly quickly, got an appointment, and went to see her. It all worked out smooth as silk, another good sign.
I travelled a number of hours to get to the office of my therapist. I was concerned about the effect that the hours of driving might have on my mental state, but this proved to be of no consequence. I had already explained my situation and how I had been involved in the release of stored emotional material for close to a decade, that there was a lot that had gone, but what remained was the hardest or the most stubborn stuff (so it was the hardest stuff, or so it has seemed). My therapist explained that instead of deep breathing (holotropic, for one) that we would dive into regression right away. She gave me a very quick overview of how it works and I was quickly lying down and getting relaxed.
I was fist told to imagine a location that I liked a lot. It might be by a river, a beach, or some other natural surround. There were a series of suggestions and visualizations intended to relax me and then the image of a fog that moved into the area where I saw myself lying relaxed. It was suggested that I join with this fog or mist and let it take me where it will. It was curious to me that I was not taken to a specific time in the past (like a previous life), this was left open by my therapist. I guess she was hoping to take me to my past life before this one. She was surprised to find that the life I was in during the session was my present life. I had even said to her at one point in our presession talk that it might be best to just go back to my childhood past.
The result of this was that I wound up at about age one in my present life at a point very close to my fathers death. What I found curious about this was how easy it all seemed. My therapist had said before we began the session, “I have found that feeling as though I am making up the details in my head is a good sign that I am actually on to something; just go with it and see where it leads you.” I found that scenes would just pop up automatically, and instead of me censoring or questioning why they were there, I just went with them right out of the gate. It was at this point that there was a lot of detail swelling up around me in the form of events and feelings, which my therapist was busily writing down. I wasn’t taken deep into a hypnotic trance to the point where I had difficulty recalling details later. Instead, I was quite aware of my surroundings in the room in 2018 as scenes from the past just popped up and I looked at them and sought to determine why they were important. In a way, this was much like a meditative state that I was in. So much for the deep hypnotic trance, right? I really had thought that I would need to go deep in order to get anything. Apparently not!
I knew that the events of my early life were hard ones, ones that put me in an emotionally stuck place very early. I had given up accessing memory from that time because it seemed that while I had some very early memories in my life that were quite clear in my mind, I had a complete and total black-out on any memories having to do with my father. It was really quite curious….and telling…
The session did not involve my tapping into a memory of my father, not one of him while he was alive. Most of it had to do with the events surrounding him and his death. I did have one telling memory that involved my awareness of his body lying on the bed after he had died. It was one of those moments that felt like an “oops” moment where the small child is let into the room where the dead father lay on the bed. In fact, it was possible that I feltnthis just by walking by his room. The one thing that I noticed was that I seemed to be as sensitive energetically as I am now in awakening, essentially sensing everything from the inside out instead of just through the physical senses alone.
My father had a form of cancer that was known to metasticize very quickly in the body. There was virtually no hope for coming back from a diagnosis of his cancer. There was this odd swirl of denial going on where my father was concerned, perhaps his own way of coping with the innevitability of his own death and the uncertainty so many people feel about death and what might not exist beyond its doorway. So he had died at home, in the middle of the night, he had finally been able to let go and slip away. In my memory, I am walking past a bed, just the corner of it which was close to the door into the bedroom. I had this awarness, quite suddenly, of his presence filling the house one moment, then gone the next moment, even though his body was lying on the bed. I was extremely aware of how absent he was in that moment. It was like brushing past a person and feeling deep inside that this person was simply….no longer there. It was such an odd feeling, one that was entirely new in this life of mine at onenyear of age.
My therapist didnt understand at first what I meant. I had to explain, “Its like how the driver of a car steps out and the car is still there, but the driver isn’t. He was there one moment, then completely gone the next. His physical body was right there but I knew even though I was small, that he was just gone…” There was a shock about this. I also did not understand what this meant. I didnt fully understand that his sickness would lead to his death. I think in my world, you got sick, then you got better. That was the range of my experience. As small children, I think we are mire blank slates at certain points in our development. I have always sensed thatnwe do have memories very early on about our previous lives, but as we become more in our bodies and in greater command of it, those connections to past memories fade. As a result of this, there was a directness to everything. I did less reflecting and more direct processing of what was happening, and this struck me as being different with how things are in my mind now, with so much more experience to pull from, comparing with, judge, etcetera. As small children, we look outward with a fresh uneducated and unbiased view until experience builds over time and we accumulate memories…at which time our perceptions change, or at least our relationship to those perceptions. As children, its so much simpler, direct. But there is less awareness of what all of what is happening might mean. All of that is simply not there, at least that is how I experienced it.
It was this suddenness of my father’s absence that served to become the formation of the first major block in my early life. My siblings and I were not taken to the funeral on the advice of extended family who thought it wasn’t the right thing for my mother to do. This, though, created still more problems than they solved. My father became a mystery, a man who just evaporated in the night and was just….gone. I told the therapist later that in my family, we didn’t talk about the death of my father that much. I never knew what he had died of until I was age ten, for example. It was as though we just rolled up the carpet of those events and packed them away in an attic or basement somewhere. I got the sense that it was just too painful to talk about these things, so we didnt. Such is the stuff that blocked emotional trauma is made of. And here we go, digging up those bones again so that we might be able to release the ghosts that they represent for us so that their ghost can be released from us.
While I was still under hypnosis, my therapist asked me to look at my father and tell her what I saw after we had gone though this tour of memory. I said I saw the self that he was and the self that he is now, side by side. I was told to let the image of my father go into the memory of the small child I was, and then let the memory of my toddler self integrate itself into who I am now and become a part of who I am now. I then let go the father that was to see the father who is now. Then I was directed to cut the cords that I have with my father, imagining the cord being sliced through and both of us being free to just be ourselves. By being stuck so early on, I was literally stuck in an early version of myself. By doing this, the idea was that I could better integrate my infant self with who I am today for greater wholeness. Just being able to disrupt an old recursive memory pattern tied to a stuck emotion could help me to begin feeling….different.
Once we had done this, we had to move quickly because our hour was over, and another client was waiting for their session to begin.
Being able to grieve the loss of my father is an important step to my wholeness, I realize. By holding up or keeping grief at bay for years,the chemical signature that grief made in the body can lead to health problems that are chronic at midlife. A small niggling feeling, which boosts, say, adrenaline but suppresses endorphins and dopamine in the body can lead to a chemical landscape that could favor cancer, or dementia later in life, all depending on which way one decides to go emotionally. Does fear acidify the body? Do the kidneys and liver have to work harder to balance this acidification, for example? I am not a chemist or biologist, but what I do know is that our consciousness, as it resides in our bodies, tells the body system what (with the body following by producing chemistry to mimic what is happening in consciousness) to do based on the moment by moment state that this consciousness is in. I have been keen to remove as much of this material as possible over the course of the last ten years since awakening has come.
What is the chemical signature of grief held in the body for decades? Subtle, no doubt, but like a drip, drip, drip, wearing away the stone of our body and its integrity, it often will manifest at moments of physical weakness in the immune system, or a weakening ofnthe kidneys, or with some imbalance in nutrition or an illness that leaves us short on needed nutrients for building the physical representation of who we are in our souls, thoughts, and emotions. What is the physical chemical signature of fear, of anger, or paranoia, of jealousy, or worry? What effect do these have on us long-term as those stuck emotions live in us, unable to budge, unhealed, causing all manner of problems?
Releasing these stuck emotions leads to the cessation of those issues forever, I have noted. If they come back, they werent really fully released. When released, it is like breaking the chains on something that has imprisoned you for years (often without your realizing how much it had affected you all along). In my case, I know that the removal of these blocked energies can give us a new lease on life. Years ago I had an entire body of energy pulled out of me by,of all things, an angelic presence. With it went tension, physical pain, and symptoms that had been bothering me for close to a year. While I refused to get diagnosed prior to this, the symptoms in my case were consistent with cancer, which went completely away once this bundle of body emotion was pulled out of me. If you think of it this way that your body is a mirror of your soul, then your thoughts and feelings are the body of your soul through eternity, then changing your thoughts and feelings can lead to changing how the mirror of that soul, the body, responds to the signals being sent to it from the “driver” of that body.
This is an inside job. You alone can do it, but despite how impossible it might seem to you now, it is well within your reach. I am no different from anyone else, I just know that it can be made simple if we let it. And really, the world conforms to our notions of what it is that we think it is. A rationalist scientist does not have the bizarre and magical events we call synchronicity because s/he doesn’t believe that such a thing is even…..a thing. So it isn’t. But once you FEEL the juicy energy within consciousness as strong enough to move mountains, well, the mountains move…
There are many therapists throughtout the U.S. and abroad who are trained in regression therapy who can help you in your work. Luckily, they are easier to find now with the internet as our vast storehouse of information.
Peace Be With You…
#reincarnation, #regressiontherapy, #hypnoticregression
Waking The Infinite 