Archives for posts with tag: awareness

When I first awoke I asked the energetic presence of kundalini what it was doing. I did this because this presence showed every sign of intelligence.  In the beginning, this is unnerving-feeling as though there is this intelligent energy that is there, but later, as the story unfolds more, it develops into something more complete and understandable.  Still wet behind the ears, I was still getting my footing. The energy immediately unfolded a scene within my mind’s eye as soon as I queried it.  I was shown a vivid image of a large warehouse full of boxes.  I was shown how “it” (the energy) and I were going to go through every single one of these boxes, opening each one, making a check mark for each box.  As each box was opened, something came out of them. What came out of them was stored emotion that had been shoved down at one time or another in my lifetime. I began calling this “the inventory.”

This inventory was the incredible backlog of repressed emotion and trauma from my life.  I was here to get rid of my baggage. Some of it touched on past lives.  In an earlier post, I describe how a being who announced himself as Sandalphon, bid me to get up in the early morning hours (4:00 a.m. on Good Friday to be exact) and come outside as I was shown how what I was going through was about emptying myself of all psycho/emotional material, even past life material.  In a very serious tone, he explained that this shift, this release, and cleansing would affect all times or lifetimes.  This was something of significant scope.  Understanding this now, I hope that you can perhaps know how foundational, precious, valuable, and important this kind of process and the mechanism within us that triggers the avalanche of “inventory” is.  U.G. Krishnamurti described this same process for him that he described in The Mystique of Enlightenment as when the “Saints go marching out” (as opposed to the saints marching in).

Looking at this image created in my mind, it was daunting, frustrating even, to see the sheer volume of boxes.  I knew that what I was being shown in my inner vision was accurate as to the sheer volume of material that needed to be removed.  It seemed like chipping away at a mountain.  Over the course of awakening, though, I have found myself in the midst of sudden rapid-fire releases, some of which were falling away by the dozens, like blips on a radar screen, going so fast I had no chance to see what they were even about.  Others, being more stubborn, were seen as they passed into the night.  Some I was able to pin to experiences in my past, some in this life, others from past lives.  All of them bore on this life even if their genesis was from an event in the past.  In each case I began feeling that this form of energetic release was not just clearing me here in this present time, but was also reconfiguring the past through other parallel time lines.  What I mean is that a block cleared now has the effect of clearing and redeeming all time. I could feel the tension in the block like a cord that tied the block through my life, as though some cable ran through my time-line in this life.  As it released, I could feel through past memory how it released all of the events in that past where the block came up as a problem or stumble.

We are all like this.  As I speak to people who are engaged in their awakening and “get” how important it is to allow blocks of this kind to go, it is clear that the whole world is just jammed packed with this stored material (whether anyone knows, realizes or is willing to acknowledge it).  It is work like this that we are here for.  When I sit in deep meditation on the Tao, on the Source, what I find is a brilliant and beautiful energy that resides in potential.  It is like an explosion that has been utterly frozen.  Somehow, in ways that I do not yet fully understand, this energy moves “out” of this state of pure unrealized potential into worlds like ours, effectively projecting itself into countless worlds wherein it is able to realize itself in creation.  It is through this creation that a clever kind of situation is set up wherein the potential is “realized” through many smaller parts.  This, of course, does not help anyone in knowing the All or the Tao, except by way of observing it at this level of awareness that monks, priests and shaman have all described at various times through history. This Tao is the small dot that exists in the center of the Shri Yantra mandalla, but before the dot even appears.  This dot is like the stone cast into the mirror-surfaced reality, sending ripples of phenomenon everywhere; this is an act of creation.  When I say all of this, realize that the Source of life exists both in and out of potential.  It is all, it is both.  It exists outside of time, just as all souls are radiations or projections into a reality such as ours here on earth. The radiation, though, is across all time all at once.  When you experience time as a dimension of experience, you effectively exist in a spacious present, as was described by Jane Robert’s trance personality Seth (they wrote a few notable books about the nature of reality, etc.).  Despite all of this, in each life, until the cords are cut and the blocks healed, these issues continue to haunt us.  The way out of them is through intent.  It is just that simple. You can tell yourself, even if you are scared to death to let go of all of your junk that you want to let go of it.  If it is something that you really do want, you can correct enough of the bad programming within you that will open enough doors within you to make it so.  Especially in awakening, which is already stirring you like nobodies’ business.  You are not powerless.  This is why we are here!  To do this work means the end of countless lives running over the same old ground!  This cleansing has far reaching implications not just individually, but for the planet, for the great well-spring of collective consciousness that is the human race.  It has and will continue to trigger a big shift globally that we are beginning to feel even now that will perhaps be messy, but will result in some significant changes when this process more or less “completes” itself (which is a misnomer because all of life and growth is a spiral that does not end, constantly looping back onto itself, but never in the exact same place as we spiral “upwards” in our evolution physically and spiritually on this planet).

As I move into a more accelerated period of block removal, and as I get down to the last bits in my energy body, I find myself in a new place.  I will be honest and say that such a rapid removal of these blocks can be unsettling for the fact that whether we like it or not, or whether we are willing to admit it or not, these blocks, negative, yes, have nonetheless formed a significant part of our lives.  They have mine.  While I have a lot in the rear-view mirror now that I can look back on and see how the loss of these dysfunctional behaviors that were energized by those old blocks were a saving grace to have gone, the truth is that the things remaining are the same in some ways to some of the first blocks.  Each one feels like the first time…..because in truth, they are in a way…..The very nature of these blocks is that in many ways, releasing them often means feeling them for the first time…..and I mean really feeling them…..as opposed to skirting them, brushing up against them, or having them kind of bundled up like a mummy within my body of memory…..there, yes, but not really being encountered fully enough to see it, know it, acknowledge it, and then let it go.

We are human.  It is easy to tell ourselves we are in such a different place, that we are “spiritual” now or awake and part of the cosmic federation of spirits.  🙂  Truth be told, our spirituality lies in every single corner of who we are, and most notably it lies also within our frailties.  THAT is our humanness.  It is also our spirituality.  Everything we do, good or bad, exists under the umbrella of what we call spiritual.  All of it. Wherever our presence and awareness goes, it is spirit.  We want to think of it as something beyond us, but it isn’t.  It is right here in the chores we do, the mundane and fantastic.  We want to spin stories about some ultimate truth, but this “truth” is something so broad that it is witnessed in each moment even as the world changes or the light in our bedroom changes, or how others change.  These are the 10,000 Things.  Within all of them is the One.  The Tao, Source….and this thing has levels layers just like us and escapes explanation because it can only truly be experienced.  And this glimpse?  It changes lives.  And we put all of this up on pedestals when we need to just keep it right here where we are.  We need it in fact in order to do the work of Awakening.

So digging deep, I continue this balancing act.  I find that the releases now require me to really focus on what the releases have offered to me in my present moment.  There is, for me, a real benefit to be found in keeping myself away from things that trigger me.  Why?  Some might say that “triggering” as we so often call it is a great way to focus on what remains. And they would be right!  But the difference for me now is that I am more aware than I ever have been during this current phase as I dig deep into the bottom of my barrel.  I can feel how I might be triggered.  Some part of me just knows. For me now, triggering tends to slow me down, like how a loop can catch you in a merry-go-round of the same old behavior.  And so it is important for me now to help support a new way of being, feeling, and experiencing.  It is like a gentle but persistent reminder to help support a new kind of life.  After all, an old story is being erased, revised, some pieces are being kept that belong to the soul’s purpose here, and there is a lot of chaff blowing out into the wind.

Even though I know that it is all nonessential material that I am removing, some part in my human side feels that moment like this is a goodbye.  Another part seems to pat my shoulder and say how it was never really something that served me in my highest. As all of this happens, though, the people and events that triggered me simply do not trigger me. And it was never really about them. The only problem I have ever come across has had everything to do with how I chose to feel or react to it.  This is not to say that I am aloof to injustice or lack in compassion, but just that I am so much clearer about who is taking part in the actions that lead to negative outcomes.  By becoming embroiled, or upset about it, I toss myself into the same bin with those who perpetrate the wrongs in our world.  It is on whomever is engaged in it.  Why should I be unclear about who is doing what?  Sometimes those fighting for peace are as embroiled in a war inwardly as those who are engaged in the physical warfare.  It is a tender balance, but it is one that is actually quite clear.  In the end, it is the essence of personal choice.  We have this as part of our individuality and our freewill.

Digging deep, while I find greater peace, I have also found that what remains has, for me, become more reactive in some ways for the simple fact that this is the stuff I have held on to the hardest.  It is the hardest to let go, I suppose.  These things represent a very stubborn part of my psyche, so I am approaching this last part in me with understanding, compassion, and patience.  Feeling shame or guilt or sorrow or hurt over it does little to help it to go.  the desire to just dig it out, does. So go easy on yourself.  Listen to what you need.  Take a walk, take a break, give yourself this time even if some part of you feels like you cannot afford it.  The infinite is spreading out before you, so why not take this time to do what it is you need?  We need never feel bad for giving ourselves this level of self care.

The hunger to be free grows with each step I take.  I wonder what lies ahead.  What does this new world look like?  As I think back on all that has been conferred on me, on what I know that I am capable of as I go forward, the possibilities really feel exciting.  Life can go from drudge to play so quickly. I am moving toward play.  I hope you do, too!

Namasté!

26c022755ef9b108caaf6e3f4d28f7b5All it takes is a subtle shift to change how you see everything.  Einstein explained that he didn’t understand physics because of how some scientists chose to see or describe what it was they were seeing.  I think this happens a lot with people who are linear in their thinking, and who are unable to see bigger pictures. For the big picture people, the descriptions can leave us  holographic thinkers caught in lack.  But just one radical shift, like how we thought the universe revolved around the earth and later found that it was actually very different.  Each time we do this, it represents a huge shift in awareness and cognition for the race.  For all of us.

What happens when what you see in the world is suddenly very different from what the most brilliant minds have been saying…..even as you know something is amiss in a pretty big way and that things are far more poetic, beautiful, and built on patterns more like sacred geometry than anything else?  What, the universe is superstitious?  No. It is just different from what we were thinking.  And that is just it; it is that the theories we come up with are not completely mirrors of mere phenomenon.  They also wind up being mirrors of….well…US.  Sometimes it is about who we are and how we think and the biases that we have that shape our thinking….all without our believing it is even possible. Plato said something quite prescient that keep coming up and bears repeating here:

Those that are able to see
beyond the shadows and lies
of their culture will never be
understood let alone believed
by the masses.
-Plato

That is something to think about as we teeter on an age so full of possibility revelation, and possible change. Peace ~Parker

waterish

Where I live, and maybe where you do too, the locals use this term to describe the experience of radical self-honesty as a “come to Jesus” moment. Maybe you know this kind of moment. I know that in my life, the most moving and liberating moments have been when I have been able to reach this place. It has almost always been one where I become very honest with myself about how I was seeing the world and relating to it. It is being willing to see things as they are in order that what is not aligned within us gets rewritten, changed, or redeemed.

I write a lot about how the process of releasing old stored material essentially IS this very thing. It can sometimes sound mechanistic when I try to explain it with descriptions of the energy body, electromagnetic fields and all the rest. All of that does play into it, but that is more like how your experience on a wonderful journey is made possible by the car you are riding in. It is the machinery, and to be sure, the machinery is part of the wonder of this incredible journey we find ourselves on, since it is all made up of all the same material as everything else is (energy!), but its what rides on that machinery, on those waves of energy that seems to be the thing. So when you say “come to Jesus” we mean becoming more truthful within ourselves. You can’t hide from this truth, you see. Oh sure, you can delay it. We are wonderful at that, aren’t we? We have been delaying the inevitable for lifetimes. In this time, it seems so many are looking around wondering what’s the buzz….what on earth is happening?

Well, its as simple as this. It is contained within this colloquial term I have been using in this post, and it is nothing to be afraid of. Sure, we fear it, run from it, deny it, and make all kinds of deals around it and excuses for not facing it. It is very much a part of how we become glued to what is familiar, and in fearing change, we hold on to the devil we know.

We do, though, have a capacity built right into our very brains and body that lean into this newness in the same way that we lean into the familiar. Thing is, the universe, I have found, is designed to be a mirror of us and to be what I call a giant chalkboard whereby we write all sorts of seemingly concrete and permanent things on it that say what we believe is true and real and then it becomes so. We see it is so, after all, right? And yet, in truth, it is all just chalk. It doesn’t even matter what you write on that chalk board. With freewill, you write what you want to write. We each also live by what we write. Are you writing a story that is in your highest? Do you feel happy with your life, with your existence? I will tell you, a lot of it can be found on that chalkboard. For as permanent as all the facets of your life may seem to be, they are in truth an encoding of electromagnetic energy (oops, here comes more cosmic mechanics!). This energy, which is in you, attracts more of what it is. Many go through their lives so fast without looking long enough to see that this is even happening. It takes some effort to stand back and be honest about it. But when you do, you are in the perfect place to begin wiping that chalk away and writing something new. Something better. And you know what? Everything can change in that instant because YOU are changing. It is so simple a thing that it tends to escape us and we also do a lot to make it hard or more difficult than it is. The key is in just being honest with yourself. Until you do that, the old programs just continue rolling and churning out the same old product. The merry-go-round keeps you right where you are. The more aligned you are to what you want to be, the more of a delight it can be. The more aligned you are with things that do not serve you, well, it can be a whole lot of trouble. I say this because I have myself been a pro at not seeing the truth or seeing what is in front of me. And, really, what I am saying is nothing new.

So the first part is awareness. Sometimes we just aren’t even aware of our condition. It is interesting, though, that we have a means to become aware. You do not even need a guru or some grand experience to do it. You simply intend it, want it, and hold onto that feeling for as long as you need because the world will have a very curious way to some to your aid. A book might present itself to you, a chance conversation at a coffee shop, a dream, or even a moment of reverie where you suddenly feel something slip away…maybe some old grudge or hurt….and then you begin to see quite suddenly how things can and do change. Piece by piece, this is how I have seen it happen in my life. It has been like a puzzle, pieces being redeemed and put into their right and just place, or old ones tossed out because they never really did fit into the bigger picture. And it may be that it just SEEMED like that old puzzle piece fit, but now, in your new place of awareness, you realize they never really did. We do this a lot. I know I have. I am embarrassed to even admit how many times I have done this, but I have. Slowly, stubbornly, and sometimes humbly, I am getting the message. We are, after all, human.

Part of awareness infers honesty, and when we can do that, when we can have our own “come to Jesus” moments and overcome the fear we might feel in facing them, why, things change. That’s the good news.

So really, all the talk about being embodied, awakened, ascended, enlightened, it really isn’t about anything more difficult than this. Over and over again I come back to this and each time I do, I move some old fragment of an old world that no longer suits the new man I am becoming. And its not always clean, or peaceful, or full of rainbows and light. In this, I am honest. But, I know that this is not why I am here. I am a being who has known himself as perfect, even without flaw, entirely bored and fed up with infinite perfection and light and asked as I believe we each have asked, how it is we can become imperfect in order to add something new into the rather static blissfield of infinity? So I came here and got caught up in all kinds of things and didn’t have my infinite self to always fall back on. But gradually, that old self have been found and gradually, I have been able to use that self is a cosmic parent to begin guiding me. It is a partnership of the best kind.

Sometimes, we just need a little reminder. 😉

Being able to know what is yours and what belongs to others is a curious and often frustrating experience related to awakening.  Being able to differentiate between them for those who are affected can be an important step in overcoming this often troubling effect of kundalini.  You can be affected by this phenomenon or you can gain control over it in order to utilize this skill or ability and not have it….utilize you.

I am going to convey to you an experience that helped me at a time when I was having very strong energy at a time when, looking back, kundalini was ready to go into a kind of overdrive.  At this stage, I had already experienced a full awakening with the typical “rising” of the energy with six months of scattered phenomenon during what I call my period of “high strangeness” where I wasn’t sure WHAT was going on!  It was after a year that I began to question some of the things that have been said about kundalini and other aspects of the awakening experience that everything went into overdrive for me.  This force, the force of my own consciousness, my soul, I feel was seeking to crack me open even more.  There was a period where I would feel others’ energy very strongly, which meant that I felt fully sometimes what someone else was feeling as I passed them on the street.  I could feel others’ energy which had imprinted on a place when no person was present (this leads into parts of what we call ghost phenomenon, I feel).  I felt all of this as though it was my own, and it was often a source of some dismay.  For me, it always seemed I was aware what it was I was feeling, but for at least a few seconds, I would not always catch in immediately and there was a moment of reeling pain in my energy body and felt in my physical body sometimes until I stopped, observed, and reflected long enough to determine the source.  However, this did not stop this from happening and I was not entirely sure what was at work.  Was I destined to be such a complete and total empath?  If so, this was not such a good thing because of how filled the world is of hurt and pain.

It happened when I was at a gathering at a family member’s house where I noticed I was seized with a sense of intense anxiety.  As I sat there, I took an inventory.  I asked myself “Why am I feeling this all of a sudden?”  As I asked this, I realized that there was no triggers at all that would have been obvious to me that would have caused this.  I considered this was subconscious material bubbling up, but in situations like this, I don’t settle on any one thing right away.  I let intuition guide me as best as it could  in that moment.

As soon as I settled on there being no reason for this to have happened, I suspected this was not mine.  Once I did this, my next question for this intelligent force in me was to show me who it belonged to.  I felt it pull my attention to a man who was sitting over in a corner talking with someone.  I looked at him and asked him rather abruptly, “DO you have problems with anxiety by any chance?”  The man, who I did not know, seemed to sink back into his chair a little.  He had a look almost as though he had been caught with his hand in the cookie jar.  It was that kind of look that moved across his face.  Following this, he seemed to loosen up a lot and his face relaxed and he brightened up and said, “Well, yes, actually….I have had problems with anxiety my whole life.  It was so bad that I went to therapists and was on medication for it. ” The man paused for a moment and then said, “I was even feeling a sudden rush of anxiety just before you asked me about it just now.”  I apologized for being so forward with him and explained that sometimes I seemed to pick up on things and I thought perhaps he had been feeling this.

Doing this had the interesting effect of lessening the result of feeling people in a way that threw me for a loop or tangled me up.  By being able to bring awareness into the moment and not merely being swept away by someone elses feelings, I was able to differentiate between what was theirs and what was mine.  It is true that were it not for ego, we would be feeling all of this stuff.  If our neighbor stubbed her toe, we would feel it.  And for all that is said bad about ego, it serves as an important and even vital filter for identifying what is us and what are others.  As in life, everything is a balance, so just as we can have too much ego, we can also have too little.  In either direction we can become unbalanced.  It isn’t that ego is some nasty weed in our soul-self, but that it may need to be transplanted so it is less front and center in our consciousness.  Ego does a very good job of sitting looking out of the window of the self from a back kitchen window instead of standing at the front door.  We need some filtering just to stay sane, but we also don’t need ego as control agent for everything that comes along.  Being able to do these kinds of things is a sound way, to my mind, of navigating through the world of awakening.  By simply bringing awareness into the moment, you can help to shift things in a significant way.

Does this mean that I no longer feel energy?  No, actually, I am quite sensitive, but the difference is I now know whose is whose.  I can be more like a slick pipe through which the water of life flows.  I am less like velcro where things can get caught or stuck on.  One other thing that I will mention in connection to all of this is that while you may feel others’ energy, the energy you are responding to is a result of what you are and where you are karma-wise.  Sure, I felt the guy with horrible heart pain, but that was because I related to it.  I had been dealing with a lot of heart-oriented issues at that time.  The man with anxiety was feeling something I had felt a lot and struggled with, so there were things that matched me.  I also noted, why didn’t I feel the person who just passed me on the way to the grocery store while I was feeling another person only a few moments prior.  If you observe yourself, you can learn a LOT that you did not know before this.  The fact is, we feel what matches us most.  And in this way, we also are drawn to people in relationships based on this, too.  For as hard as it may be to admit to, this happens a LOT.  Karma binds us in more ways than we could imagine.  But what has been useful for me is to look at these draws or these mirrorings less as a stumbling block or noxious weed as it is a very reliable way to look at yourself and the people you attract and let who they are beginning to guide you towards greater insight into what YOU are.  It’s not a curse to have this happen.  Look at those around you and you will have a portrait of yourself.  Even people you do not like most often represent some aspect within you that is unresolved.  Resolve that, and you do several things; you drop karma and you free yourself from being mastered by what this karma does to you emotionally.  In the Gospel of Philip in the Nag Hammadi (lost scriptures discovered in 1945 in Egypt) he describes karma this way (which he calls ‘the evil”).  It makes you do what you do not want to do and keeps you from doing what you want to do.  As long as we have its roots in us, it masters it and we are its slave. Now those sound like pretty strong words, right?  Well, that is how karma is.  And this karma is US.  You, me and everybody else.  When you grow slick inside, when you no longer have a reason to have your feathers ruffled, all of this moves right past you like water under a bridge, or a breeze in the air.

So consider observing yourself next time you feel a stab of something in your heart or in your head or elsewhere.   Reflect on what it is you are feeling and ask if how you are feeling makes any sense to you at all.  Then, let your insides guide you as it surely can.  I think that when we seize the moment and raise awareness for ourselves, it can help to break the cycle of associating too closely with things that only cause us trouble.  We do not need to take on the trouble of the world.  We need to clear out our own backyards, and when we do, others will be inspired and even moved to do something similar. Then, one by one, we all edge closer to awakening instead of doing this as some giant Crusade.  Crusades, like wars, can have uncertain outcomes.

Doing this also has an added benefit of actually giving you the best of psychic protection, which is what I have found to be true protection; allowing it to flow through you.  If you don[t have an issue with something, it slips right through you as so much energy.  Its only in having some issue that it catches on those frayed edges of your awareness and then pulls a string, causing a cosmic stocking to run or snag.  Creating an armored psychic mote around yourself may keep some things out for a time, but they will have a tendency to creep right back in as long as you have something unresolved within yourself that is causing the problem to begin with.  Carl Jung and Freud both spoke of the phenomenon of projection and how until we face our shadow, we see it in others.  That has been true in my experience, and we are blinded and mastered by it so that we are unable to see things as they are but rather as we are (thanks Anais Nin for that quote!).

Imagine that in your energy body that instead of feeling pain or hurt, you imagine that the area that hurts or is affected, you feel it loosening up.  Just feel into that and practice it each day.  See a given chakra letting go and loosening.  I have observed that all problems karmicaly are mirrored by a corresponding tightening within the chakra and also body.  This results in our not flowing in a more natural way.  Its funny because one more obvious energy, sexual energy, is often described as being sexual tension, hit it on the nail;  so many of us feel it as tension and we naturally want to release it.  This then serves to fuel most of our experiences with energy that is sexual.  But what would you feel if you just opened up and let yourself flow instead of holding so tight down there?  Indeed, this goes for every other center in the body.  It is so for every corner of your body as your body corresponds with the light body, which go hand in hand while you are in flesh.  So watch yourself and see how you feel.  Bring awareness into it.  Do you find you feel the energy differently?  Did what you took to be sexual energy, say, become more obviously this tension (or tension in ANY part of the body for that matter)?  And in identifying it this way, in feeling your insides loosening, does the energy change its character after some time with it?  I would be curious to know because this certainly has had some corresponding effects in my own life experience.  In the beginning of awakening, this tension is so severe that it can be experienced as a physical malady that doctors can find no known cause for.  As you drop more and more material, this also has a corresponding lightening and loosening of the hardness that can be a part of certain stages of awakening or kundalini.

If you think that you know where other people are in their process life will deal you a wake up blow, because even when you are awakened, knowing where someone is is one of the most difficult things to really know.

Awakening opens you up, no doubt.  However, kundalini does not completely disrobe you of the distorting dross that lies before you which you are looking through.  It brings the potential of incredible insight into how things are, no doubt, and the world begins to clarify as these scales fall from the eyes of the self, but it does so incrementally.  With each reveal, we assume we become all knowing. We become more knowing.  Ego leaps us forward telling us we are where we are not. We wax foolish.  This is the most dangerous place to be without humility and grace by our side.  We assume much and know less and less.  Projections rule the day.  This is when turning the search light into our own process is so critical.  We fail with others but we succeed so much better when we deal with our own.  Everything we see around us is measured against our own inner distortions. Of these, we have lots.  Humility.  Grace.

Beware anyone who proclaims they know where you are and offers you advice.  I might know what it is like for someone to go through “ego-death” as someone recently wrote to me about.  I know just where he is….but I cannot know exactly what his experience is.  I can only know my own. And in looking through the windows of his own soul, I am gazing through the windows of my own soul first. And then into his. And who am I to proclaim to know where he is?  Look, the world is full of the walking wounded, and everyone deserves compassion, if only to bear our own souls to that place within ourselves where we learn how this is done for our own good if not not for the other.

The gift of individuality is a big one, cosmically it lays the responsibility for your own spiritual sovereignty at your feet and no one, not even the Creator will ever mess with that.  THAT is just how sacred freewill and individuality is.  As such, you cannot pick up anothers’ experience.  You will always view it through your own. I have said many times that the saying of Anais Nin goes, we don’t see the world as it is, we see it as we are.  This individuality also means that you alone come to the divine.  No one hauls you up to it. We each reach it on our own.  How many times have I known someone with such incredible insight fall so terribly far from knowing where I am?  When someone starts telling me or others how it is that I feel, that is when I run for cover because this is where the greatest illusions get spun.  Karma projects its distortions writ large and nothing good every comes from it.

Does it mean we cannot empathize with others or feel their presence? No, we most certainly can, but don’t ever be fooled that what you feel is directly them. Years may pass before you wake up to realize that what you were seeing was your own version of that own secret world of another. It is a lens through a lens.    I know of nothing thus far that suggests that this will ever change. As humans, we like to think we WILL KNOW. Bearing that, through our egos, we proclaim to know some great immutable truth.  But fortunately for the world, we just know our own.  We can relate, yes, but we always come home to our own hearth, to our own assembly of self for council and nurture.

We are not entirely alone, for we also live in that vast sea together, but this individuality serves us for a purpose we have found so important that we have taken this on in each life.

Humility is the greatest balm for the ego, for false masters and would-be authorities of this world.  It is also the hardest one to take and the strongest medicine for all of us.  Its reward is a spreading grace all through our being.

I bow deep before your greatness……

Before I went through awakening, I will admit I was not as aware of this idea as I probably could have been.  I KNEW I created my own reality.  I did. But what I didn’t do was to see just HOW MUCH I was really really creating it.  All of it.  Who I was, what I was, how I was arranged, what I felt…the energy coursing through my energetic veins was determining so many things!  I just wasn’t aware how deep it went.  I wasn’t as observant as I could be, I don’t think.  I didn’t realize just how deep all of this went.

When I woke up, I got a second chance at getting a good old wake-up slap on my head.  And it sunk down into me.  Deep.  The force of awakening woke me to a leel of knowing that’s hard to explain….as though perceptual abilities were not just sharpened, but bloomed….the sense of Gnosis, what the Greeks called knowing, moved in me.  And what was in me was in the world.  HOW I FELT about that world was the flux field that determined what was happening with me.

So when it came time for me to backtrack in my work, which I did, I found that this stirred a world of things in me that I thought I was DONE with.  See, we can fool ourselves all the time.  Awareness is huge for us, and we do A LOT to hide things from ourselves.  What we hide, we do not see, what we do not see, we do not work on.  It remains until we realize there is SOMETHING in us that is putting off this vibration in us to cause certain things to happen because HOW we are serves to determine HOW events go.  We ARE NOT victims here.  Source granted us FREEWILL.  So HUGE was this that Source WILL NOT get in the way of that freewill…..even if it means killing or hurting others.  EVEN then!  Holy moley, right?  H-H-H-HUGE.

So as I did this, it actually showed me up close and personal all the work I had to refine.  To work on. I had a history with people who claimed to love me actually hurting me, a very specific kind of hurt, too.  I had been married before all of this, had kids and this person who was someone I shared a life with and who I thought I knew turned her back on some very important issues she gave lip service to but didn’t actually follow through on.  Thing is, I KNEW she knew these were important things.  She was going back on some pretty critical things simply to hurt me.  Now for as petty as that may seem (to me and to my lawyer, both), this was shown in the bright lights of my awakening as something I had to work on.  Afterall, I was attracting this.  I was.  And when I thought maybe I had worked through it, I met another person who I realized was going to do something very similar, something that represented the merry-go-round nature of karma and how we really can’t attract anything different from what we are deep down. The saving grace is that we can change, DO change at all different places in our lives.  So this work, I was doing.  Digging digging….And I was releasing SO MUCH JUNK!  And yet, this issue remained and as a result, I attracted based on that.  This is the relentlessness of how this all works.  You just can’t bullshit your way around this stuff.  You can, sure, but Buddha once said there were three things you cannot hide; the sun, the moon, and the truth.  So, it is going to come around.  Watch the tree and observe what it produces.  Watch people.  You don’t even need to take their word for it, just watch.  Over months, years, if need be.  What they say and how they act and what they produce as the fruit of their lives will reveal itself.  Eventually, the truth will be revealed.  Known.

So as this all took place, I saw the Dark Goddess in all her terrible presence.  And I knew how it was going to go.  Dark goddess?  What do I mean when I say this?  Within us there is both shadow and light.  We have the power, we have the choice to decide.  Its freewill.  Quite naturally, there are not just the gods and goddesses that are all light, but are also consumed by shadow, by their dark sides.  When we, in the awakened state experience such negativity, we experience the ascended darkness or the ascended light.  Again, what does that mean? it means we have the potential for both, and it is WE who decide.  And in that moment, even as my head and heart all knew that nothing good would come of this, that all of this was following a pattern, and even when I spoke this truth, the fact that my root chakra was not yet cleared, IT vibrated at an energetic frequency that was not convinced.  Now, I tell you, there is no worse place to be…..for everything in you says this is going to be bad because it turned out bad with another person before this, and clearly with the third ey and heart I could see this….but the root would not let go, could not.  Such is the nature of the unhealed lightbody.  But even then, in partial knowing, it was read by the Goddess as rejection, as abandonment, hurt, pain, and all she knew to do was to strike back…..to seek to harm and hurt.

So for one relationship I had a child turned against me.  this child wont speak to me because he believes what his mother has told him.  Buys it hook line and sinker.  Besides, why would his mother lies to him about such things, right?   In another instance it was said in a puvlic forum that I was sexually abusing the students I taught at the school I work at.  It was said that I used my abilities to manipulate people into doing my will.  Further, I admitted to this Dark Goddess that I did this in order to get what I wanted.  It wasn’t just that I did this, I did so wantonly, with design, with malice!  But this was not all.  if soeone else was percieved as somehow coming into a circle of influence, those people, too, would be subjected to the same kind of behavior, which was an attempt to punish, to hurt, and to demonize.  So hurt, so broken from the past that the past and present cannot be seen for what they are or as they are.  So clouded the vision, so bloodied the heart.  When we do this kind of thing we grow more karma, we do more harm not just to others, but to ourselves.  It is unfortunate, but out of such things I had to stop and just look at myself and ask why I had attracted this.  I didn’t make them act this way, no, they chose this, but I sure attracted it and THAT was what I had to examine and really look at, because once I did that, I was able to see more clearly the things that remained to be healed.

My chakra centers, nearly cleared, KNEW this would not go well. I was able to predict just how it would go……how she would seek to punish me, hurt me, even though what I was doing was true and fair……not an effort to hurt or harm, but to cast truth…to speak the truth about how this all was a replay of old hurts…..that we would simply be banging our heads against the wall.  I had already had this experience with a spouse a few years before, so you would think I’d have this one all worked out.  Well, we heal when we heal, and having someone do what my spouse did was particularly hard because it involved children, but the effect was the same pattern of retaliatory behavior in the following relationship, which is the Dark Goddess in her wrath.  She is the image of Kali, the angry one, the one who vents her rage…..but as humans, when we vent our rage it means people get hurt.  The powerful energy behind rage has to be very carefully wielded.

As a result of this experience, the humbling effect has served to bring me back into myself, back to where I need to be to place my awareness on the parts of me not yet fully healed  What is interesting is that all of this is energetic in nature.  The energy pattern is not physical, so when it heals, IT can heal immediately and completely if we let it.  Whatever lingers can then go on to create disease in the body, so it pays to clear all of this up as these unhealed places represent life force that is being choked off and used for all the wrong things.  So often we wind up experiencing diseases that are all part of a series or spectrum of energy effects that transfer effects through the body wince all of this is delicately connected (energy feeds into the body!).

Some people say forgiveness is important in healing.  It is.  But what forgiveness does, in all truth, is that is clears the way perceptually for YOU to realize that the truth is that all along all of this hurt and pain and terrible junk that has been happening TO you is actually YOU creating situations in your life where this junk that is IN you plays out in FRONT of you.  So we say we are not aware of our fractures, and yet those fractures are right there IN your life.  The women in my past were all very good at putting on a face at the beginning of their day, but this face was the ace they thought they had to wear.  I too in a way was doing the same thing. I finally grew tired of the masks and when that happened, the masks began to fall away.  The layers of hurt and propriety fell away.  the bullshit fell away.

And this is the fear that we feel when we wake up. We fear death, we fear change, we fear it being different.  Knee-jerk.  Totally.  But once we DO change, its never so bad as we thought.

So let it go. Your higher self will lead you perfectly.  Think of it as being like a cosmic parent that is there helping to mold and shape your life and wont lead you to the wrong place.  Just to the places that you need to go to learn. And you will realize that none of this is being done to you…..this is happening for a reason, no exceptions, and it has to do with who you are and HOW that “are” puts out a vibration which magically attracts certain events and things into your life.  Want to change that equation?  Change yourself.  All the way down, truly, fully and honestly.  That is the answer.  And the work is what lies in front of you since the hardest part has already been done; the realization that there is more work to do!

Good luck and all my heart-felt blessings for you in this!

I tried to edit this so that it would be short(er) and it seems it needs to be about 2k words.  It was 3.5k.  I hope that you can get through this and that it can offer you some food for thought….I was talking last night about the concept of ego death with a friend and how misleading the term is….but what lies at the core of that term is itself something that can help people a great deal, which has to do with HOW the ego is used or resides within the self. Unfortunately the term ego death also does not help anyone who has not yet gone through this to understand what on earth it could be.  What I feel is important is learning how to let ego sit at the back of the bus.  Ego is still there, though, because ego death is itself a misnomer.

I also want to make it clear that acceptance is something that you use for entirely productive pursuits, right?  What is the line between simply accepting someone’s bad behavior and not?  Obviously, you do not let someone roll right over you.  That would not be healthy.  However, you also don’t put yourself in harms way by getting involved in a situation where its pretty clear that the person or event that is problematic for you is going to cause you problems or hurt or injury. In both cases, you have to exercise discernment.

Acceptance.  It seems so simple, so straightforward, right?  You are right, it is.  Things that are this simple and uncomplicated are most often won through a very simple and straightforward process.  It is so simple, in fact, that it eludes people.  It eludes us when we are upset because we are stuck in an emotion that wont allow us to feel what we need to feel in order to accept.  That and being upset is the antithesis of acceptance. The advantages that acceptance offers are huge and are like a bank that offers ever-increasing interest over time simply because you grow better and better at it as you go along if you remain focused on acceptance.  Acceptance is something that is learned and that you respond to in an ever-increasing way in your life as you pay  it heed.  What things do you need to aid in acceptance?

The first thing I am going to tell you is that acceptance is a choice.  If you understand anything, understand this. Your seeking to change how you feel about a given situation that has had you tied up in knots is going to be a choice that you will make.

I am going to offer some suggestions that are all part of my own practice that have led me to success in the past.  Some of it is even rooted in older traditions (whether I knew it at the time or not).  So consider acceptance a practice that you grow into incrementally.  It might not be reasonable to expect perfect results within a given period of time. Be patient with yourself and grow into it at your own pace.

Let The Ego Go

Acceptance requires that you allow ego to drift into the background.  To do this, identifying too much with a position or feeling that you feel you are entitled to that serves to keep you upset is obviously doing you no good. Ego does this!  One very good way to let your grip on ego (or its grip on you) go is to simply become an observer in the moment.  Step back for a second and forget what you were so upset over and just WATCH.  Don’t judge.  Just watch and observe.  As you do this, you will probably find that you are already becoming more relaxed and calm.  It isn’t that what you thought or felt isn’t important, you just aren’t worrying about it as you begin to become an Observer.  There is a very good background in meditation practice  for observation of ones thoughts and feelings and surroundings for the simple reason that it works. Being the Observer allows you to drop your investment in a harsh feeling and shift from emotional investment to something more neutral. It is also a capacity that we all as humans have because of our primate brain.  Using it can be very positive and could be key in unlocking how you respond to things that keep you upset.

Its All About You

The really great thing about acceptance is that you don’t have to get into a heated exchange with someone in order to learn acceptance. In fact, you can start small and build your way up.  Buddha spoke about suffering and he was clear that the suffering he was talking about was small suffering that found its way into our daily lives.  Of course there is larger scale suffering, such as the loss of a loved one, but what happens when the store is all out of the sour cream you need in order to make the dish tonight for company?  I know it may sound a trifle, but these are the very things that create within us a low level form of suffering….

Observe and Shift through Breath

The next time you are in a situation where you wind up not getting what you want, say, not getting the sour cream or bread at the market that you need, step back for a moment as you feel yourself feeling upset and pause for a moment. Not getting the sour cream is perfect because its less likely to overwhelm you and you can use your training wheels more and observe without knocking over the apple cart as might be the case with harder issues.   If you don’t know how to observe yourself, do what my third grade teacher told us to do when we were upset; hold our breath to the count of ten.  What this does and other things like it is it breaks the chain of obsessive thought or recursive thinking so you have a better chance of returning to stasis or greater normality in your thoughts and feelings. Until you can master observing your feelings maybe holding your breath or having a time out will work for now.

One very good way to calm yourself emotionally is to use breath.  One very good way to relax is to use single nostril breathing.  It works!  Simply plug up one nostril and breath deeply in and out through each nostril for a count of four to five breaths, alternating between each nostril until you begin to feel yourself relaxing.  Keep doing it if you want, since the benefits will continue.  You can also use deep steady and slow breath as well, but it does not work quite as well as single nostril breathing.  Once you have done this, observe how it has made you feel.  Build into your mind and awareness the shift that has taken place as it will likely be easier next time when you are looking for that elusive state of calm!

Change Your Mind

This is the hard part….which is where your own choice comes into play and is also the part that makes acceptance so hard for some people.  You have to WANT to accept something that just moments ago had you upset.  You literally have to CHANGE YOUR MIND.  To do this means you have to decide to actually change the character of your thoughts and your feelings. You have to be willing to take the yellow brick road and pave it over in, say, purple brick instead. The entire landscape of your feeling self has to change.  This is why I have mentioned observation as a key player in helping you edge closer to acceptance because most often acceptance requires a change in your mind.

To change your mind one very useful means to this end is to reach a state of grace.  Now grace might sound like an almost esoteric thing to you, and I say that it need not be.  I have observed grace quite a bit and I can tell you that there are some very clear alternative routes to grace that do not require you to carry a Rosary or bow down in saffron robes.

Let Grace Flow

Grace is itself the act of opening ones self. Grace flows when you are receptive, not when you are rigid angry and shut down emotionally.  To know grace you need to first be calm and neutral. remember the Observer?  That, or hold your breath tot he count of ten. Once calmer, you REMAIN calm and then allow this receptivity to move through you and change how you feel.  It is this receptivity that is Grace that will lead you to a place of acceptance.  I will tell you that when you are creative, Grace is there.  IN fact, what we call Grace is actually a form of cognitive function that involves a broader brain being put to use.  Creativity is itself connected to Grace.  In order to be creative, you must be willing to PLAY.  You must be willing to set aside whatever you were thinking and feeling in order to throw yourself into the imaginary world of that play, whatever it happens to be.  For children, this might mean being in an imaginary realm.  For adults, it might mean solving a problem using creativity. It also means being open to the possibility that things could change.Ask yourself over and over “whats the greatest and highest good for this?”  By doing this, you train your mind to consider that there are options you may not have considered.  It also keeps you more pliable.  And just so you know, feeling as though you want to “give up” is itself NOT a bad thing!  This is itself most often letting go of an outcome and letting go your attachment to a position your own ego self may have held.  This is part of what I am writing about….which is a form of surrender.  You can still surrender while you are wrestling a 600 pound gorilla.  You just quit.  You give up (ego).

It is also coincidental that when you are receptive in this way creatively, that you are much more likely to have those inspired moments and visions that saints and seers talk so much about having.  I can tell you that a religious experience or spiritual experience only happens when we let go and allow our imaginations to be free enough to bear the information necessary for the experience to unfold. Yes.  You heard it right; you have to imagine.  But what is so different is that once you have met the spiritual half-way, it then takes on a life of its own. It is more than what you alone could have probably come up with.  Einstein did the exact same thing when he discovered Relativity; he let his mind wander and he let his imagination out for a walk and that was when he and the universe smacked into one another in a rather marvelous sort of way and changed our world and the world of physics forever.  This same state of mind or being can help in any number of pursuits or problem solving.  it can also lead you to a solution beyond the problem you are having, which has to do with acceptance.

Some other things to bear in mind that may be helpful to you is to learn to be present in the moment.  When we direct our attention away from the present moment several things happen, but one really big thing can happen, which results in  string of challenges for all of us.  When you leave the present moment you are suddenly dealing with what is not yet known.  That is a very uncertain space.  On the one hand, this type of thinking allows us to do some planning in our lives, but it can also get entirely out of hand.  We can plan so much into the future that we are simply not living in the present anymore. The reason why this is so undersirable is that it is a misuse of your energy.  It also can lead to fear and uncertainty….and while I wont call this sort of thinking a high level form of fear (fear of the car going off the road or the sky falling) but smaller and thus more insidious sorts of worrying and edginess.  Like small particles of sand, they infiltrate into the substrata of our emotional lives and help to create a low level form of dis-ease.  Small things can grow into big things over time and this can all turn into neurosis.  I have observed people first hand in my life and how this can take over your life in ways that can entirely blind you to the fact that it is even happening.  After all, what harm could a small grain of sand do?  So be present! The more you wander, the more what-ifs you will be dealing with and these just can’t be answered properly except in the present. SO do what you can do in the moment and let the future be the future and you will have to deal with it when it becomes the present.  it isn’t even that you don’t care about the future, its just that you cannot change it except by what you do NOW. Don’t get caught up in the what if of the future.  DO what you can do NOW so that as each moment passes, you will live it in as calm and happy way as you can.

For full disclosure I will say that I have had to deal with some pretty tough forms of acceptance in my life.  I have.  I had to accept the death of a parent and move on.  I had to deal with the loss of a child.  I am still dealing with these things and I have found that all of this work goes in layers. There is a lot that I have let go but there is more I have yet to dig down into and decide its no longer worth holding onto.  I know that the things I have passed on to you do work because they have helped me a great deal in doing the work I have done in my life.  I wish I could just drop things entirely, but it seems that our feelings and souls are built the way we dress, which is in layers.  But layer by layer, these things fall away.  Big things often go first and there is great relief from letting them go, which builds enough momentum for me to be very hungry for the next layer to go, too.  Just don’t get discouraged if you find that there is more material beneath the layers you have shed.  Be easy on yourself and be kind.   The deeper you go in this kind of work, the more interesting it can become, but it can also seem kind of endless.  Well, perhaps it is, but isn’t it worth it?

So be present.  Be grateful.  Check your ego at the door and keep expectations down. This doesn’t mean that you scale back hopes and dreams, you simply do not focus on them at this point in time.  And then have at it. See if this results in your having a bland life or one that is quite unexpectedly exciting and wonderful.  You might be surprised.  Go at life with wonder and let grace filter in as part of the transformative mix that aids you in your work.  Let the glass be half full and it will be. You can do this by simply learning acceptance.  It soften ego, it makes your mind more pliable, and your emotions far more fluid and accommodating. When you do this, you wind up being closer to your authentic self, which is at peace and filled with bliss.  Suddenly all the problems of a moment ago begin to fade and the angst does too.  And you will begin to uncover your native natural self if you are lucky.  You will feel this very delicious feeling….almost like you are falling or floating.  Energetically, this buoyancy points to your being more free.  And that is a very good thing!

~Good luck~

I am reposting this from my other blog….it is timely and worth reading!  ~Parker

Marking time has been an important part of being human.  Understanding how the passage of time effects us, binds us, moves us, has expressed itself in creating all kinds of ways of marking time.  We have earthly calendars made of stone, buildings that line up with stars that count the precession of the equinoxes.  Today with our Julian calendar, we forget sometimes the daily rhythms of  earth and nature.  We spring from nature, are a part of it.  Its great truth moves in our veins every second of the day.  The electromagnetic field of the earth which pulses and moves, protecting us from the solar wind mimics our own inner magnetic fields created from the iron rich blood in our veins building this field around us. We are a model of the earth with its molten core.  Our own cores made of iron rich blood helps to build and propagate this important field in our bodies. It is what gives our presence a constancy here on the planet. It makes life possible in the way that we know it. This energy field in our own bodies caries information all through it like a vast nervous system and it is a field that can be seen by sensitives in what is called the human aura. Since we are made up of this electromagnetic field and operate within its guiding force, tapping the planetary flow of information simply is not foreign to us.  You very likely haven’t had enough experience with it to be able to identify it when it does happen to you, but if you were to spend a day or two with me I think I could easily point out a couple of instances in your experience where I say “There; what you were just describing….THAT was your feeling something in the flux flow field of Gaia….Mother Earth….”  This is where you would cock your head realizing this sense is not a thing, but more a way to feel…..and this is what keeps this thing often so elusive for the simple fact that they often can’t or wont trust their feelings or anything that seems to transit the gateway of their imaginations.  Like a giant magnet, we are in its flux flow.  We are all part of the other.  We are a cell swimming in a sea of planetary cells within the heart of the cosmos.  And if you think that sounds like so much mystic mumbo consider that some of the leading physicists of our day are beginning to come to the same conclusions. The world is far more fascinating a place than we every allowed ourselves to even glimpse. What if, as the ancients have been asserting that everything we see is but one small part of a living breathing awareness that we sheepishly try to call god or goddess or any number of other names?  I know; it can get hard when someone is suggesting a different name than the one that your family tradition has held to for generations.  We are nothing if not creatures of habit but in a world where our understanding is rapidly advancing and evolving, our understanding of what our deity or source of all life is to us should be expected to change too. For myself, I see the deity as a huge flux core of immense energy.  Maybe a bit like the sun…..and like the sun only gives without any need for return…..

So it is with this day, the marking of the Solstice, that I pause to consider how the turning of the days can keep us rooted and grounded in the rhythm of life here. However we each choose to see it, however we each choose to allow its broad meaning to flow, we are all bound in this world of cycles and circles. Sunrise, sunset, equinox, solstice.  All are part of a vast clockwork that is our lives.

For myself, this day coincides with reclaiming of personal power.  For me, in this longest of days, the greatest of light, I reflect on how I have sought to help others while being blind to my own short comings. I have sought to take power from others in what I mistook as some grand gallant gesture of generosity and kindness. It was neither kind nor gallant. Some grain turned in me which I felt for in order to grasp instead of resolving.  Perhaps I needed to reap what I sowed in order to learn from it.

The universe is ruthless…..unbending. The Law of Karma tied into the Law of Attraction served perfectly to bring me those who were just as unresolved in their lives as I was in mine. In being unable to approve of myself for myself, I sought to find that approval in others.  By doing this, I took their power for safe keeping and they took mine.  The problem with people pleasers like me is that we attract people who need to be pleased.  This is a less than optimal start in any venture….because it means that someone in the equation very likely wont ever be happy with ANYTHING since they are, well, stuck in a sense in some old something that makes them always reflect on the loss, the lesser, the lost, the forgotten, the failure, the end-piece, the heel of the  loaf, the missing piece.  Whatever it was in their past life, they never got past whatever that regret was.  And here we go, the people pleasers, seeking to make it all better when the real job is for each of us to get our own sh*t straight FIRST before dragging others into it.  Knights in shining armor, for as tempting as they may be, should yield and let the damsels solve their problems on their own….not to be hard or thoughtless, no, but to ensure they are capable.

When we allow the broken birdies to heal themselves, we allow the Law of the Divine to work perfectly.  They wont go willingly and will continue their chirping for another to come along to save them most likely, but for those who seek the path of the enlightened, you have to leave those birds, blessing them and wishing them well.  This is because a new day has dawned.  It isn’t that you do not have compassion for the world, it is that the divine in each of us is Never fostered when we carry anothers’ weight.  I know what the Christians have to say, maybe we will get to that issue on another day…..But when we do this, when we take responsibility for ourselves emotionally and spiritually, We invite personal spiritual responsibility to grow.  We each live our lives for ourselves as we heal and touch the divine each on our own. We cannot simultaneously reach the divine while holding someone else’s story in our hands.  We must find it for ourselves.  And in finding it, and owning it, we reach a place where we ask the universe to align to that vibration rather than the old vibration of possession of another’s power. Possessing another’s power means they are effectively powerless.

I have seen how this lack has attracted others who all exhibited the same characteristics. In their own ways, they sought to hide from their own ultimate responsibility, giving me an in to their own wound, their karma. In some measure I tried to set the world right, but the only world I set right is the world within me first, not with others whose wounds I try to fix from across the other side of the table.  It has always been our task to do this. When we don’t, we enter into an unholy alliance that is doomed to fall. Every one has been a perfect mirror until I have learned that I must first know who I am deeper down. Not through another, not because of another but because of me.  Not to be alone, not to be hardened against the world, but to simply let this incredibly unusual self that I am to shine in the world without fear of any one else not approving. Only I approve of me, only I can love myself. Only I can feel the love that is the universe shining in me to finally reach the light of day.  Not because of another, but because on an individual basis, we much each find the god and goddess within us.  If we seek to have another do that work for us, we invite whatever shadow that rests in us to grow stronger and we forget the greater truth shining in us. Instead of carrying the power of another, we inspire others to carry their own.

You can do it.  Its in you to do this. And once this is done, then we look at the world and consider perhaps for the first time the view through clear eyes and ask what is in our highest to mirror. We have spent lifetimes mirroring in the shadow land, but now it is time to live in the mirror of light.

To me, Solstice is bringing the greatest illumination into the world.  It is reaching a place of illumination within.  Being able to see our own foibles within the bright light of the world. For me, it is a chance to stand back, to be honest and clear-eyed.  How does the turning of seasons help to remind you of your own inner seasons and changes?  Your body, springing from nature, is connected to nature.  Listening to that nature is for me a far more honest and integral truth than any dogma or system could ever hope to offer me. For me, right now, its about reaching that place of zero point, which is our “primal self” which has nothing to do with being unrefined.  Coming back to center, and in coming back to center, a marvelous opportunity to begin asking what I am beneath all the blankets of hurt from the past in order to know what my inner truth is.  Well….don’t I know this already? Can’t I feel this world within surging up with such bliss and wonder?  Haven’t I felt this my whole life long?  Casting them off and focusing on our most essential selves, our own true essence without fear of how we might look or seem, is important.  It is to me.  I finally realized that I had to accept myself and no longer try to run under the radar.  Perhaps the world would not understand, perhaps the world would reject it.  Perhaps. But I alone have to remain true, and the truer I am, the magic in all of this is that I am led to a place where I can mirror something new. I am free to mirror my own divine truth in my world. Not through another, not because of another.  And once I get right in myself, then who knows what can happen. Who knows who else will be inspired to do the same.

~Nemasté~
– Parker

The way to living an authentic life begins very simply. It has to.  there is a lot of BS you have to sort through.  But start, you must.

Authenticity is not about fear.  fear, even the smallest niggling fear of how the neighbors might interpret your intense love of plaid as being WEIRD, so you hesitate buying plaid wall paper because you think other people think you are crazy to want or like that.  This is not authentic. A big part of being authentic is not being fearful or letting your reflecting on what other people think get in the way of what you do, how you feel, who you are, and what you ultimately become.

But it’s also not about rebelling and taking a giant machete to your surroundings.  You don’t hack off arms and the limbs of those hanging out in your plaid-less jungle.  No.  You change. If those who were there before the change do not like it, they will move on. It could be a very peaceful transition.  Most often, it isn’t.  People want to hurt you or say things to hurt you because they are simply so dysfunctionaly cast into their memes that they can’t honor that it’s not plaid-ville (or whatever it is that you need to do to change your life for the better, for the more authentic).

Second, don’t expect the authentic life to be some granite edifice to your unwavering greatness.  Your authentic life will change.  Perhaps

Image © Stafford Artglass, Parker Stafford

Image © Stafford Artglass, Parker Stafford

day-to-day.  Week to week. Maybe it changes once and NEVER changes (okay, you are an unusual dinosaur bird and welcome to the 21st century, we want to study you….from a distance!)  Give yourself the flexibility to do whatever changes you need to do.  Allow yourself to be wrong.  Allow yourself to be right.  Don’t pretend to know everything that is in this enchilada because that, too, will change.  All of it.  Tomorrow we might be eating kabob or something.  Lamb.  Quail.  Cactus fruit.  Tangerine and coconut.

Authenticity lies in you.  I can tell you all sorts of things but unless you find it, you haven’t found it.  You are always seeking it if you are indeed seeking it.  Otherwise, maybe not so much.  What I am saying is that this is a constant state of becoming, so be ready for that. Be ready for what that means.  It means not taking yourself so seriously.  Besides, it makes you look stiff and that kind of brittleness does not look good on you (holds up a different colored suit and dress to compare and ushers you into the dressing room quietly to try on the new pair of clothes).

Be ready for people not liking you and not seeing what you are doing as anything worthy.  However, those that matter will see that what you are and who you are as being authentic is a good thing not because you are somehow different but simply because you are being you.  For you.  And the people who are attracted to that kind of person for that kind of reason are a rare breed of animal, different from the vast masses of followers and pretenders.  Lost children.  Angry.  Frustrated.  The people who like you for you….who do not feel any need to change you but to see you be all the more you are more of the same.  Authentic.  Not everyone is ready for the awesomeness of this.  Don’t let it trouble you. I have people who wont speak to me because of this.  Too bad, but really, if I spent my time pacing the halls and weeping, where would that get me?  Nowhere.

Life is not a popularity contest.  Any great artist who was ahead of his or her time will tell you this, each of them from the grave.  Its not about being recognized for your greatness, its just being YOU as the greatness that you are. So maybe that means plaid wallpaper and maybe it doesn’t.  I am hoping maybe it doesn’t, but then, that shouldn’t matter to you, right?  Your greatness will not be because of any other reason than you are THAT.  Don’t go looking for recognition because you have already recognized it in the only way that really matters.  the world, what does it know?  When does the world know cool when it sees it, or awesome, or marvelous, or beautiful or handsome? As soon as the world has caught on, its like disco was in the 70’s.  It was so yesterday.  If we worry about a trend or catching on, we wont every really authentically live in the moment.  Most recognition, then, comes at the very tail end of an era just as those who were there in plaid (or whatever else they were being authentic about) was getting ready to change.  That’s why you really can’t go chasing things.  No chase.  BE.  Butterfly come to you, not you chase butterfly. Wax on, wax off.

If you follow this and not worry about outcomes, you are going to find yourself and really that is all that matters.  When you can find yourself, you will find others who have also found themselves.  You do not find the found amongst the lost.  Are you lost?  You aren’t going to find those who have found themselves in the sea of lost swimmers.  Their time will come when it occurs to them to give up whatever it is they are doing that is keeping them from authentically swimming or living in this vast sea of everything.  I know; it is simple: just be yourself.  Be ready to watch as vast skeins of yarn comes unraveling off of you.  It has to.  It no longer fits….and now must be rewound or chucked completely. So much stuff that you thought was you….sitting like the old objects in your attic that you could never bring yourself to get rid of.  And yet, in chucking them, they are never missed.  Really, why were you carrying all that baggage anyway?

Oh, and I almost forgot; this authenticity thing, it is also a path toward self-love.  Not selfish love, not narcissism, but rather honoring the self you are in the very best way it deserves.  Okay, you can now take off the plaid and try on this new suit to see if it suits you….

It is true that when you awaken, you begin to feel things from the inside out.  Instead of a focus through the sense only, a rich world begins to emerge and it is the inside of things.  This can be very unsettling in the beginning.  Charged with the energy of kundalini, everything seems so charged with meaning.  Certainly, life takes on greater meaning in the face of greater awareness.  This is true.  It is also true, though, that ego will tend to want to put meaning on things that may not be entirely productive.

Yes, when you think of something, it has a way of happening.  Over and over and over…..countless incidents take place that show you that this is so.  There is a very different kind of order at work in all of this and the mind seeks to make sense of it.  Quite natural.  But as humans we have this tendency to want to insert something into a phenomenon that feels right to us but is actually based more on what we think is right than what actually is.  As a result, our understanding of a given phenomenon in awakening changes as we change.  It is pretty natural, expected, and kind of elementary. This is the same impulse that resulted in our believing the world was flat, that the earth was the center of the solar system, that we could not go faster than seventy miles an hour in a railroad carriage or else all the air would be sucked out (yes, this was a belief held back in the day).  We think how silly all of this is now, and yet, I ask you, what remains in our world views that are the product of this same kind of thinking when it comes to how we think the universe and reality work?  Maybe it seems silly or superfluous to say this, but when it comes to what happens in awakening, it becomes, at least in my experience, very important.  Quantum entanglement or particles, rising up through a chain of phenomenon resulting in the most peculiar things happening at larger scales….scales that the quantum physicists say does not or cannot happen.  And yet, when you step off into the weird world of awakening, this certainly happens and with great regularity.  So it begs the question.

Synchronicity is not well understood and these events come in gran scales during awakening.  We want to say it is the universe speaking to us, or God, or any number of things.  But were we to understand what is behind this phenomenon, it would pop the lid off of how we see and view the world.  And ourselves.  It would place our sense of magic back into the place where it belongs, for certainly synchronicity is part of a larger animal that I do feel we have been chasing for some time and have attributed it to “magic” simply because we have not understood it very well.  What I am saying is that what we call magic is a hitherto misunderstood phenomenon (and I do not speak of slight of hand or card tricks, no).  This is the kind of magic that reveals how a shaman who needs the flower from a plant that only flowers in spring can walk out in the dead of winter and find the plant s/he needs in that moment to help heal someone.  These are kind of unexplainable events, minor miracles, really, that reveal a side of the world that we mostly don’t understand. In understanding it, though, you begin to get a broader view of how the world CAN and DOES work….a world a good bit more different from the one we are used to thinking about.

We want to attach to our bliss to some deeper meaning simply because it seems so meaningful.  And yes, it is meaningful, but perhaps we have put too much onto it.  What if bliss was itself simply a state we were always meant to inhabit and that in so being, it becomes like the air we breath; it is what is…..there isn’t so much a mystery about it, does not mean anything world shattering but is simply the way we were originally designed to be and feel once we got in line with ourselves a little more.  Bliss may just be the inevitable result of letting go of so much pain and suffering in our being and choosing to do something else.

Those who awaken enter into this hyperversal kind of universe where things begin to act and behave differently.  Yes. My daughter asks me about awakening from time to time because she is curious as I suppose anyone might be,  and I do seek to explain it in as simple and straightforward terms as I can without coming to any definitive conclusions, only my current experience at the time.  I do this because someone once said “and you will do even greater things…” and I think this is good advice.  As I do explain, I also let events in my life unfold as they should and she sees evidence of these odd events all around me and so she is able to witness them as odd coincidences that stop being JUST coincidences.  The luck on this only goes so far before it begins being statistically important, you see, and in this way she is able to glimpse at least its outward effects in our day to day.  We are working and responding differently, or at least with a slightly different awareness which is making the difference.

This awareness also can drive strong currents of energy.  When I awoke I was aware that I could feel someone’s thoughts and feelings as if they were my own.  Even stranger, this was a person I had never met.  She lived in another country.  As my awakening unfolded, I began to believe that the universe had paired me with this person for some greater work or for some significant purpose.  I had eyes open enough to begin to see that all of this was not always happiness and rainbows, at least not what those who were saying about the phenomenon I was experiencing, which they called twin rays, twin souls, and soulmates.  If what they said was true, then things should have been of a higher order.  It was increasingly clear to me that we are all so very human while beginning to touch on the infinite within…and that unless or until we made the changes in our earthly selves, we would remain soaked or steeped in all of our old karmic accounts.  We would live lives that revealed an even greater fracture than before perhaps because now we at least knew there was something more.  Awakening is only as good as you make it.  It is not an escape out of being human, although many humans escape this world through it.

It took me a number of these soul connections before I would see and know just what this phenomenon was all about.  What we take for the bliss is still itself very much tied to karma.  We make the mistake sometimes that we are suddenly on the fast track to knowing when we awaken.  I say mistake because even as we are more enlightened in some ways, we still have the clothing of the past clinging to us and this material keeps us from seeing clearly or perceiving what is.

I wont say doing this is easy.  It is perhaps the hardest thing, and yet when things are hard or challenging, the greatest reward is often hiding in the wings, ready to emerge.  And so, beyond the forever of these deep connections lies a still deeper level of fulfillment that will I think radically change the very nature of our relationships here on this planet.  In many ways I sense that these relationships have the potential to become something that we have simply never experienced before and are thus a bit like speaking a dead language when we try to explain them.  So much gets lost in translation simply because we probably need to all get to this place so we can form new words, new ways of explaining or describing this new reality.  It is possible that it is a radical jump in our collective awareness and as a result may not be fully understood by anybody when someone DOES speak up and tries to explain it.

Until then, we will mistake the draw to these soul connections as though they mean something deep and important.  We will attach meanings that may not be suitable to them, and in the process we can run the risk of missing the boat on what is on offer here for us.  it is hard, though, to step out of our old conceptual boxes because those older boxes began to feel so comfortable.  Like any belief, we take up the standard of this new idea and make it our own even if it is not entirely on the mark.  This is one reason why I am not very big on tradition.  Tradition is great in some respects, but it also has been a wasteland for distortion and misunderstanding.  We gobble up what our ancestors deemed important without really looking at it or examining it. We seem to lose sight of the possibility that it is our responsibility to fashion our own traditions that are more up to date with who and what we are.  When quantum leaps occur, it has the tendency of putting is way out in left field and that can be a very lonely place.  We might even try to migrate back to those old familiar realities or boxes.

Until we reach deeper levels of surrender, for example, these connections will seem to be the cats pajamas, but once you have touched something new and different that vibrates at a whole new level of energy (emotional, mental, and spiritual) then it is hard to believe that those cats pajamas could ever be improved upon. But they can.  And they will.  To find it we merely dig up and root out what remains that keeps us tangled up.  Sometimes it means thinking big being fearless and seeking based on a deep inner compass which we each have.

When we do that, we will awaken anew to a higher order than what existed just a moment before.  It is entirely possible that we know less than what we do not know, which is to say the universe is a mighty big place and maybe we ought not prejudice ourselves by what we firmly feel is what we DO know.  All of that is subject to change….not  ideas or concepts but ways of being.  Because this all dwells in the collective awareness as well as the individual, we can actually affect a sea change by reaching these higher state in ourselves.  It will wind up being spread around even if no one awakened person ever spoke peep about their experience.  Through the collective it would simply spread.  In days, months or years…..it would eventually find the cracks in the facade and would work its way in.

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