Archives for posts with tag: awakening kundalini

My awakening came gradually. It came in somewhat measured steps. The first step clearly opened me to a strong flow of prana and my first experience of nonduality. Then, over five months, I began having innexplicable events occurring that led me deeper. A friend loaned me a hemisync cd for clearing emotional baggage. Another gave me a meditation technique I have detailed in the last post.

A Voice spoke in my mind telling me to close my eyes and focus on the center of my brow. Complying, I awakened my third eye, a process that expanded over several days once I focused my attention there and saw the fiery brightly lit eye emerge into my field of vision. Then I was taught or tutored in how to alter my consciousness to take advantage of the wave-form part of our consciousness, the part we call the feminine, the Shakti, the right brain and left side of the body. Everything was unfolding, gradually, carefully, as if by some plan. I wrote about it to close friends. I had no idea what it was leading to.

I had several events that all directed me along a path to awakening in a way that left me the last to know what all of these things were adding up to. Clearly, a higher intelligence was involved. This is not to say everyone must awaken the way I did. What is clear to me, because of my own experience, that at the base of awakening is an effort to break through a logjam of trapped energy to liberate or open a hole within us that will let the water of life stream in. First a trickle (for me), and growing stronger each day, each week, until my body was conditioned enough so the full rising event could come. A breaking through this logjam.

One of the events that took place in October of 2006 was a day-long acceleration of prana, which was a preview of what kundalini would bring. I had a vivid vision-a certainty in inner vision and through intensely felt feelings-about how all life feels prana or life force in the same way when it is felt abundantly (which is all kundalini really is—unusually high levels of pranic flow).

Getting ready to go home, this information nagged and pulled at me until I put it down on my computer starting at 7:30 pm and finishing at 7:34 pm (I had no idea why I should note the start and ending time but I did…now try and type what I typed in under four minutes).

This writing spoke of prana and how it was affecting both my body and mind. After writing this, I would find myself experiencing an odd synchronicity involving my finding the only magazine on a rack full of popular magazines whose content was uninteresting to me except one magazine I had to hunt for around a corner, blocked by a card rack placed in front of it. Without anything on its outside to suggest its contents, I would find that it had an article that read in bold: “When it comes to seeds, it’s all about sex.” Here is the piece I wrote to try and get that stuff out of my head, a first brush with a powerful burst of prana.


The Yearning

The fields are wet from rain after the corn has been harvested. Trees slowly turn from green to yellow, then gold. The air cools and the mind thinks back on days when life was brimming over and the air was thick with the smell of pollen. The same corn, now nothing but stubble, stood gold and green with tassels swaying with the breeze, releasing its sweet nutty smell. To some it was just a delightful thing that marks the passage of seasons. To me, its more than that. It speaks of life seeking its own, making itself over; a new generation. A yearning, a leaning toward the wind in the hopes that Nature will take care of Nature, and carry its life giving sweetness on the air to waiting seeds, waiting for that breath of life, that germ of passion that makes the flowers grow, and makes life turn ‘round once more in the endless cycles this world is known for.

Seeds and plants and pollen, all lean into passion in ways we can scarcely imagine. For this is the glue that keeps life going. For them, it must be pleasurable, a passionate act of giving, a release, an immersion into a mystery far older than our own known seasons, our own individual lives and experiences. For this is the gravity that pulls them, moves them to continue. How can it be any other? Why then would life seek to replace itself through an act as perfunctory as the dropping of an apple from a tree? No, the drop of the apple is not perfunctory, or a second thought, but part of a yearning to become, a part of merging with some larger dance. If trees can’t feel this, then why continue? Why go on? Perhaps in measures we can only guess or imagine, there is some divine spark of wantonness, of passion and pleasure bound up within their shells of being. How can it be any other? Perhaps there is a secret life these rooted beings feel that is beyond our ken, beyond our too quickened ways. We have been “beyond” these beings for so long that they are now “just plants.” And yet, they are more. They will speak if only you will listen, and they yearn to tell of this ancient dance, this incredible desire and passion bound up within every cell of their being, so it pays if you will only listen.

I know that seeds seek and yearn and hope and dream; dreams perhaps that are so different I could never scarcely imagine or see them for what they are. And yet, it seems inescapable that these creatures, ancient as all of life here, yearn for the touch of pollen upon their seed pods and enclosures, waiting patiently for the bee to carry their spawn beyond them into other regions where others await the touch of the life giving sparks that enliven and awaken a new generation. Even the warming caress of sun and drenching rain is an act of divine providence, or giving in a wheel that knows no end and no beginning. Quiet and still, these beings mask their greater inner lives.

So even we do these same things, even we make this dance of longing and yearning, so old and ancient that its root can escape us as we are caught up as if in some whirlwind, some deeper dance both of passion and letting go as we give ourselves to life’s great mystery, to its passionate embrace, and longing that brings us to this place, this wonder filled state where our minds and bodies and hearts are excited beyond the normal trebling that life gives or provides.
To touch my eye with your eye, to touch smile to smile, or hand to hand, we join in this ancient dance, this passionate longing for life seeking to complete itself, and in so doing, complete ourselves. Round and round we turn, like stars upon an endless wheel that rolls and ducks and sways in the lost night of time. We are carried one by the other, some by our imaginings, some by the reality, but always by the same glue that keeps life turning turning back and forward at once, calling to the roots of what it was to the heavens of what it will become.

So as our hands embrace, our smiles merge, as face becomes face, and eye becomes eye; as flesh becomes flesh, we excite in this dance, this subtle movement first tentative, then more certain as we are gathered by the compass of its certainty, of its need to move as it moves, which is ever forward into endless days and tomorrows.

We came here as boundless beings who knew neither limit nor touch, and followed down into narrow pathways into minds of earthlings, like spirits on a cosmic voyage, we entered the world of limit and pain and loneliness, only to be called back by forces that were brought to bear in this world, moving us through realms of limit and bounding to that greater reminder that this is a dance of mystery, passion, and love. In this love we touch the infinite, wrapped in that which pulls and grabs us like hawk talons grasping talons in a spiral dance of yearning, moving us one step beyond this one, seeking the divine, seeking the infinite. 10/13/06 – 7:30-7:34 p.m.

Many speak of the veil thinning. But really what is this veil? Why is there a veil? 

Some think it serves a purpose. Some think it was put here by spiritual beings who did not have our higher evolution in mind. But this veil is in truth none of these things. The veil has been an act of narrowing our awareness along one singular, but binary, path. Binary means that there is another compliment, a compliment that is missing. It is this missing part that has created the veil. Since it is self created, this means it can be unmade.

We live in a world where we are so focused on the physical senses and locked in the rational mind whilst wondering what happened to that something “more” never realizing that we each have fallen under the spell of this type of focus.

Taking responsibility for our awareness and how we perceive how unaware we are is what brings each person back to a place where this veil will begin to thin, then fall away to greater and lesser degrees depending on the focus of consciousness and the needs of the individual. 

The veil is within. It is no longer necessary for it to remain. Our need to stay so focused is not needed for survival, and is leaving the species in a monodimensionality experience cut off, seemingly, from the kingdom that is within.

I grew up with experiences that showed me that the world of consensus reality was only a limited and lopsided view.At a very young age I was having out of body experiences, dreams that would come true, and indications that the world around me was imbued with a deeper reality, a validity all its own, and it lay largely hidden behind the veil of my physical senses. As I grew I learned that people, because they did not witness this world, did not believe it existed. And that was just the problem; their belief became the way this veil thickened, effectively trapping them in 3-D awareness. I went along with it, but I knew the full story had not been told. I knew better, despite the desire in everyone to drive their belief into everyone.

You can break out of this self made prison. You need only inquire. Since the other side of our awareness takes in the inner senses, then it will most likely be through them that you will begin to see things more as they are.

Meditation is one simple first step. If you do yoga, don’t get hung up on being an athlete, but seek instead for the places that it softens your inner resistance. Yoga was first intended to unify not just body and mind, but the lost part that is our mind. So feel for those softening places, the parts that feel that they are about to let go an avalanche. You have to experience a few inner mud slides before enough material is removed for you to begin to see this more. A part of you might feel it is being undone. Don’t worry; there is always an intelligence there in moments such as these that will guide quietly even if you are not yet ready to know it’s presence.

A good out of body experience is enough to show you this something more. Since you use your inner senses when projecting consciousness, this is a very good way to become acquainted with them. 

Follow your instincts. Be ready to also examine them as well. An instinct built on bias and fear is not going to convey the bigger picture to you. Always hone, always winnow the chaff from the wheat. And be ready to test your senses. It will show you where you are still deficient, and it may help you to improve.

Some hemisync CD’s can serve to sync both hemispheres of the brain better. I found this played a useful part in my awakening when done at the right stage of the process. Then focusing on the third eye is another way to begin activating all the other centers. This was what Jesus was eluding to in Luke when he spoke of making the two eyes into one, thus filling the self with light. The two physical eyes looks into the one chakra center because it’s “in” your vision all the time. Close your eyes and focus on the center of vision and do nothing else. Don’t expect, don’t try. Just do this while in a deep state of relaxation. You don’t even need to do it for long periods. I activated the third eye after no more that ten or fifteen minutes of quiet focus. You will know it is working when you feel pressure spreading out from the third eye all across your head. Again, you only need to witness, don’t try to do anything. There is nothing in your rational mind that is going to do anything to help. This feels like the opposite of doing, and it is perhaps why so few “get it” and stop only steps from the trigger point.

You can imagine an energy made up of two stands of energy, bound together, that rises up from the earth and up to the crown of your head. In a book on pranayam yoga, whose purpose it is to prepare for kundalini had all of one sentence in the whole book about how to awaken kundalini. Why? Because it is just that simple. You imagine a current or energy moving upwards through the chakras and the trunk of the body. That is it. It is this simple. Gopi Krishna, the author of a book considered a classic in the field, was using this very method or visualization technique.

“But what if I do it wrong?” Is often the refrain. After all, didn’t Gopi say he didn’t awaken his kundalini correctly? Gopi was not able to allow the feminine side of the force to fully enter his awareness, so that it made him feel out of balance. I know what Hopi was doing, and it had little to do with “raising it wrong.” Gopi was resisting his feminine aspect due to a deep fear that became his resistance and kept his feminine from giving him the balance that he needed. The feminine was still there, you can’t have kundalini without it. It is a two-in-one energy, and the force cones from both present. Gopi’s trouble lay in simple resistance. 
If you read a few posts back I mention how if you resist kundalini, it will kick your butt. When you do this, you develop physical symptoms of pain. It is a terrible situation. Gopi was in just such a condition. Being from a culture with such strong paternalism present, it is easy to see how hard it was for him to acknowledge this aspect of his higher self. But the higher self viewed through the lens of kundalini makes the higher self incredibly strong. To resist in the middle of this growing awareness means trouble. So let go. You will thank me for it later.

You do not raise kundalini the wrong way. You can only seek to deny aspects of its true nature, which is your true nature. When you allow it to be itself more fully, it will make you into a model of itself. It is a bridge to the cosmos. Let kubdalini do its work clearing the path to this bridge within. The only thing it is doing is showing who you are free from your limitations that are entirely self made.
When kundalini rose I was not sitting in full or half lotus. I was not using breath work taught to me by my guru. Heck, I didn’t even have a guru! I had no belief, no method, and NO teacher. The energy IS the teacher. When I read blogs of Indian gurus talking about how you can’t awaken without diksha or shaktipot, or anything you try to do on your own is WRONG, well, it’s enough proof to me that there is something awry here. And yes, many well-intended gentlemen of the Indian persuasion have seen to it to explain kindly to me that no way did I awaken kundalini….because of…..well….diksha….guru….lotus…and on and on. And I am one of THOUSANDS who are awakening this way. So there. 🙂

Releasing stored trauma is another critical step in waking up to this world within. In a recent post I have provided you with a tried and true trauma release method only recently gaining use for all sorts of stored emotional material. The less you have of it, the easier kundalini will flow.

People ask for methods, and so now you have them. But as you move into this, consider your life and whether you have the support for it. In my case, I had no support at all, but once I was in the flow, events unfolded in perfect timing to bring me exactly what I needed in the form of teachers along the way. I could not have gotten as good helpers if I had tried for years searching. Do you see? All of this begins to be like it has already been arranged, because in a very real way, it has. 

This is how you thin the veil. It is you. You release what holds an awareness of this other world at bay. It is all within your power to change all of it and see with new eyes and a renewed mind and heart.
Blessings to you on your path….
“O, You who are ever giving life to all life, moving all creatures, root of all things, washing them clean, wiping out their mistakes, healing their wounds, You are our true  life, luminous, wonderful, awakening the heart from its ancient sleep.” -Hildegard of Bingen

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If you have had mental health issues in the past related to depression, anxiety, or trauma regardless of whether it is from childhood or is more recent, seeking to awaken kundalini is not the smartest thing that you could contemplate doing. Seeking to knowingly awaken kundalini before doing inner work to help resolve old conflicts from within can lead to problems later on. Spontaneous awakenings may well be the result of many smaller clearings over a period of time, but actively seeking kundalini without a practice to support it I think is crazy. It is crazy because if your own psyche is under a lot of conflict and strain as it is, what do you think that an awakening will do?

I have said before here and in other places that the term kundalini psychosis is not some mental disease, but is rather a person’s response to the flow of life force in one’s being. Some people can let go and allow it to play through while others may respond in fear. Some do a little bit of both. But this psychosis is firmly planted in our ability or lack thereof of surrendering to this force within. It isn’t that kundalini is dangerous, it is that having a self that is less than healthy and ready for “the ride” IS a danger to itself. It is not pretty watching people express multiple personality disorder, fits of anxiety, delusion and psychotic episodes. Really! I don’t ever speak about this aspect of the experience, always seeking instead to explain that it is very much HOW you look at it. And it is. Part of this is in how you, right now, are ready for such a life changing process to unwind in you. If I had done kundalini yoga, I would have worked more on my own inner life prior to awakening if I had a chance.

That said, the first year saw the removal of more psychic material in that time than had happened in my life up to that point. This is just how powerful this force is. No guru, no therapist, no one to except this abiding force doing the work. Except for a few rather memorable events with a therapist which involved an energy “reset” and a guided journey into the self using visualization to help plumb and release old stored material, the force of awakening has largely been the responsible force for the work done thus far. But by understanding the sheer weight of dross we all carry, all of this comes up in awakening. Think of what happens when you stir a pond that has been still for years. What happens? Muck is stirred up. You must have a very good grip on yourself to not become reactive and wind up hurting others around you. Again, a practice would help in cases like this. Think of how often we are not honest with who and what we are with ourselves, with our families and friends. I wound up redoing all of this and it was not easy with people who were caught in the trap of the dysfunction. It is like a circular argument: how do you exit the dysfunction when you and the Other are caught in it and are reinforcing each other? Round and round it goes. And then, you simply step off the merry go round and swear not to go back on it again. I have been there before. Until the material is released, problems can continue. Honesty with the self and others is huge here at a time when you may feel the most laid open and vulnerable.

So as kundalini becomes ever-more popular in yoga circles and the blogosphere, bear this in mind. Being prepared is the first step, not the last. Sweep the path clean so when you roll over that path, it is smoother. We all owe it to ourselves. There is nothing like it, and because of this, treat it with respect and care; once you turn it on, it is most often on from now on!

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