Waking up for me at a certain point became like an adventure in revelation.  I realized that I could tease truth from the ether.  I wrote reams and reams of this material that involved my plumbing the depths.  I later read how this was a common facet of awakening kundalini.  In the Hindu texts it is described as being taken down to the atomic level in order to see the universe in a new way.  This was one of my cornerstone experiences where I was shown the relationship between the phenomenon of the very small and how it moved up the chain of scale to reside within our rather large world.  In the Hindu texts this was synonymous with a type of mastery.

It is so easy in spiritual work to fool yourself into thinking you have attained something.  But is the accumulation of abilities attainment?  I have found that no, it is not. It is merely a gateway, a doorway.  It is not the Way.  The Way is within us. Even as we grow from child to adult, the Way remains central for growing and developing properly into kind and compassionate and feeling adults.  We might learn the things that children do and as we grow we might learn different things as adults, but in the end it is how we have anchored the Way within us.  The Way is our compassion, our love, what makes us human.  My being able to tease secrets from the universe is simply an ability but in no way suggests any sort of attainment whatsoever.  It can be used for great good and it can be used for great evil. It is a tool and thus neutral. Our humanity however is not neutral.  Our humanity saves us from being robots, from being coarse callous creatures.  It gives us the means to forgive even as though we forgive would wish us dead.  “Forgive them, for they know not what they do” was the cry of Jesus as great harm was being done to him.

There is talk about “Ascension” in awakening and its laughable to me….not in a derisive sort of way but in a sad sort of way.  No one really knows what this ascension is.  Ask anyone and they will provide you most likely with very forward-looking comments (which is very much what you read in an investment brochure!).  That is, to say, they really don’t know what this ascension will look like.  They look outwardly at ascension without really embodying it as a vital and living mystery within.  It is not like a skill to attain.  It is not like something that you will be someday, it is what we are.  Ascension is the Way.  It is so simple it isn’t about anything other than itself, preformed, preexistent, and thus free in a sense from the world of manifestation and phenomenon. To get what I am saying here means feeling it inside your own bones, in your blood, in your heart.  It is less an attainment as like your eyes focusing into what is already in front of you, what you are……deep down inside of you. This is not something that can be taught.  It defies all efforts at trying to pigeon-hole it.  It transcends all religion and all faith and belief and method and technique.  But it does so because I sense, its presence in our lives is so basic, so necessary, that making it complicated to get to wouldn’t make any sense.  And yet, it is so simple, people make it complex, even esoteric.

It is perhaps what prompted one reader to ask what this ascension business was all about when people did not seem to anchor a fundamental humanness.  It is great to feel the bliss of awakening, but it is in the trenches doing the work that is the meat of becoming more whole and becoming better.  We can talk lots, but it is just talk.  That is why what I am writing is itself just writing.  The work exists elsewhere and when I am away from this machine….in the moment….in all of my moments when I can make the right choices, ACT compassionately, and be loving.

Techniques are themselves helpful for doing some things, but at the end of the day a breathing exercise will not get you in touch with your humanness.  Your humanness is what does.  We can have mountains of methods and techniques, but it all comes down to love, to compassion, to our humanity.  No amount of attainment will get you there. No amount of  initiation or tests.  It is perhaps more about realizing what you are….because so much of the climbing of this spiritual ladder if you want to see it as that is not about work but about realization.  The work is the realization.  We are in truth going through all kinds of crazy contortions just to get ourselves to a place where we are ready to realize who and what we are.  That is why when realization comes (and I note it comes in dimension or degree) it does so like the dawning of something quiet and simple.  There is nothing to say, nothing to do.  It just is.  In fact, it seems utterly silly to go on about it (yet many do as a way to point to what they think is the Way for others….which is kind of beside the point).  It is also why it makes all of this so hard to convey because there isn’t anything TO convey.  Once you are there you tend to lose the desire to even talk about it…..its like you are on your way to the gold mines and you run like crazy to get there, following every lead and every clue as to where they are so you can get this wonderful wealth buried underground.  And yet, upon reaching the mines, you realize you really have lost all desire to climb back down the mountain in order to show others how to get there. It is simply so sublime to BE there that any thought to going back escapes you.  It is perhaps a bit like how people who have experienced Near Death Experiences recall how they were filled with such incredible peace that they did not even think about going back into the physical.  They were happy and entirely content to rest in this place of peace and joy and love.  It almost seemed beside the point to try and go back.

Some of us do return and I suppose they wind up being called bodhisattva.

False self, ego self, higher self, pranayam, kundalini, chakras. It is all stuff.  Let the Way live in you.  It does not matter if you have some facility for knowing or seeing.  The Way resides within everything and when you realize it is there it has the power to be your teacher, to show you without anyone’s help.  You do know the right and wrong, and you do make your choices as a being gifted with free will. How you are is what you attract.  I crave simple now…the complicated seems like so many grains of sand….and the grains themselves work themselves out quite nicely when I know how to be.  What seems to be the most wonderful thing is this pulse of awareness and life and love that is my core.  Getting to that core feels like salvation.  Redemption. The Way.