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I love this time of year.  I do.  I was born just a few days before Spring and even as I grew up in a warm semi-tropical climate,  I did not experience seasons for the first six years of my life, but my move to the mountains of Virginia revealed to me the great wonder that is Spring.  There have been so many important hallmarks in my life that have involved Spring, from my own birth, to the births of others in my family as well as to significant events, all choosing to take place during this special window of time when the earth is beginning to loosen and open and awaken to new life.  It is so special because, perhaps,  it is also a brief happening.  The buds come out in stages, then the trees all leaf out and then usually by May, its all fully unfolded.  It is, though, a marvelous catalytic event that brings so much to us in so many ways.  At least it is that way for me.

It isn’t just the spring flowers that are poking up.  Its the buds that begin, even now, to begin their gradual greening and burgeoning.  Its like this gentle but subtle movement to being.  Pushed by growing daylight, carried by warming days, and made more fertile and possible by rain.

The new mystery flower buds up close

The new mystery flower buds up close

When awakening took a deeper turn in my life, I was awakened at four-thirty in the morning by a presence I had known about for years but who had suddenly made a re-entry into my life in a more active way, perhaps because my own inner sensing was more active by what awakening offered or brought.  Now, to understand, I am a DEEP sleeper.  So deep, in fact, that I used to need an alarm clock that would continually go off and insist that I get up, just to get up.  Yes, I sleep deep. Its one of my super powers, actually!  Waking up at four-thirty in the morning was simply not something I normally have been known to do.  At all.  And yet, this presence, an angel, actually, who had introduced himself again to me, seemed fond of getting me up at this same period during the mornings in order to administer some teaching or healing of one kind or another.  This angel,  who had roused me from my sleep,  insisted that I go outside.  “Go.  Now.” he said.  So I dutifully roused and got my clothes on enough to make the journey.  Bleary-eyed, I stood at the back of my yard and wondered what was going on.  I looked up at the still-night sky and waited for whatever it was that was so important.

He pointed me off in one direction and bid me look.  I will explain what I mean by what it was that I saw when he told me to look….I was aware that my third-eye was active.  I was seeing with my physical as well as inner eyes.  Do you know this effect?  It can happen when your eyes are closed and it feels as though you are looking through your closed eyelids.  You get a definite sense of space.  Something almost just behind your eyes opens up. There is a sense of expansiveness, of space every bit as real as what you sense with your physical eyes (except for me it actually feels more spacious than physical space—does that make any sense?).   That is at least one symptom I can point to to describe what I was feeling/seeing.  Okay, so you get the idea….so on with the narrative……As I did this, I saw a large hallways open up and I somehow knew that each door represented a lifetime.  All these lifetimes. He then bade me pay attention to what was about to happen next.  An odd thing took place!  The hallways that opened up in front of me lifted up and turned, like how you might imagine how a large boat would sink in the ocean; the hallway just lifted upwards on its far end and suddenly was like a slide of sorts.  I had the awareness of all of this material being shaken out of all of those lifetimes.  The dross.  All that was not necessary.  Like a paper bag that you tilt up on one side to let all the material come falling out.  He explained to me how this life was seminal in how this act would take place, that it was taking place and would continue to take place.  THIS was THAT life!

So you might be asking yourself what this has to do with Spring.  As I stood there, soaking this all up and waiting to see if there was anything more this being had to say to me, I then went back inside and went to my bed where I then fell fast asleep.  It turned out that the day was Good Friday.  At the time, I didn’t know that.  The next day, as I rode through the mountains from the Blue Ridge Mountains where I live to the Alleghenies where I have my studio (I am only a few miles from this eastern continental divide), I noticed something that I had not noticed even the previous day, which was that as I came into the Allegheny side of things, everything was just beginning to get a haze of GREEN on all the trees.  You know that look.  It’s the first visible sign of Spring after all the early bulbs come up.  The trees come in a little later.  But this year, the trees all began to bud out a little earlier than usual.  As I thought about all of this, the confluence of Spring, the trees, Good Friday, and my image of the many lifetimes being cleared out, I saw how it was that this was itself one giant opportunity for new life to emerge, for new beginnings to grow after a slumber of lifetimes.  All of this, nature and us (who are a part of nature), are waking up just as all life awakens in the slim path of Spring.  This, for me, is why I have loved Spring so much.  It is new life!  New beginnings, a chance around this Great Wheel.  Each time, we can bear our shortcomings and seeming failures into the new opportunities that are being offered, which is as perennial as the grass, the hope that love instills on the greatest and the least of us…..which has the power to raise each of us to equal stature with all of our kin, sentient and non, on this planet.

And you might be wagging your finger here pointing out that “Good” Friday was a day when Jesus was Crucified. And well, yes, and so all of this has itself been a death.  In the case of Jesus and with life here, death is followed by rebirth (for plants blooming, in a fashion, as well as for Jesus in his own drama so long ago).  So a death, yes, for death itself was certainly turning in my life (and continues to do so) with the end being also the beginning.  And so, as one dies, there is also this new life which I saw take place the very next day.  Good Friday, itself, varies, so it is actually uncommon to see everything budding out in our part of the country so early. But it does happen, and it certainly happened almost as if by magic the next day.  The promise of new life, continuity, rebirth, renewal.

It helps me to continually reflect how I can bring more healing, more growth, more new buds out into my own life, to make sense of the love both given and denied, in my life and to learn how to better hold all love in my life….since Spring is itself bestowed to us all just as the greatest of love is bestowed.  But it is true, I think, that we each, including myself, can gain from being able to see things more clearly, less as we are and more as they are.  Somehow, Spring seems to remind me of this, and it makes me hopeful even as Winter loosens it grip and gives us here in this region, at least, a taste of the turning seasons.  Spring!  Spring!  Spring!

Bud closup sized

So it is that I regard Spring, celebrate it, welcome it, and breathe it in.  Born into it, I am born out of it, and look forward to it to come once the leaves begin to fall and everything goes to slumber again.

I hope that you can breathe in this new life into yourself…to stand out in the still-cold grass and feel the pulse and flow that is beginning to leak out through all things.  From here on out, it will be like a voice that will grow stronger and stronger….its spirit lies just beneath the ice, as drip drip drip, that ice slowly and gradually thaws.  Me, I NEED it.  Each time I pray for it to help me to understand more and more of my inner mysteries, old haunts and pains and mistakes and help me to realize them into new form.   This, I think, for me, is part of the promise of Spring!

I am not an angel person.  I did, however, experience something many years ago in connection to my deceased father that I was told was a ring of angels.  I did not see them with wings.  I know that in some ways, what we point to as angels can be any number of things to us in terms of what we see and experience.  Messengers, those who are between lives, a class of consciousness that assists us here.  Later, I found that I had a recognition of things that were about to happen.  This “angel” kept me out of trouble.  It alerted me to problems on the highway and saved me from many speeding tickets.  That period of time was spent in a lot of reflection.  Now, during this awakening, a lot has changed.  My third eye was the first to be activated in a process that opened that center up much like a bud bursting open.  Since then, I see things more clearly using this inner sense.  Since then more has been shown to me about this angelic presence.  I have had my own life guide or angel minister to me, pulling out old material from my light body in a process, as it turns out, was nearly identical to an account made by St. Theresa of Avilla over 500 years ago.  I stumbled across the account after someone explained how she had written  a book about how she described the progression of awakening and the chakras.  I was told by this being that I need only call his name and he will be here.  Others have felt his presence, people unaware that I had him as a life guide.  One person said she dreamed of hearing someone outside my window.  That was funny, because that was where I always felt him.  Just over there, standing guard.

So recently, while brushing my teeth and getting ready for bed, I thought about what he had said on that first night when he visited to do the work he did on me.  This was something beyond belief, beyond anything that anyone could, or would, call normal.  It went beyond anything I have experienced, an opening of the heart directly to a flow of bliss energy so powerful so full of love that it simply cannot be described.  What he explained left me with no other conclusion except that this, for as other worldly as it might have seemed, is something that is native to us.  It is who we are.  It is the universe.

So upon sliding under the comforter and turning out the lights, I felt a hand on my abdomen.  Then I saw him lift his head and look to the side where there was a ring of Others.  He said something right then, and the healing began.  I laid quiet and still, thanking each of them as I slipped into a peaceful sleep.  So now, I call his name.  Looking back on it, I never called his name.  He said I could call anytime, anywhere.  It did not matter.  All the times when I dreamed and felt a presence beside me, that unseen guide, that was him.  All through these years, decades of them, he has been living along the edges of my life, present, but often not seen.  In some cases, I need to do it myself.  But now, this last step, I need to bring all the resources available.  And he is here.  Perhaps a gift which I have not fully honored, perhaps even resisted in some effort to do it on my own.  But in that, there is a certain resistance which is not good.  Something inside need to open even more deeply, for this last step is a doozie. It contains the oldest of the old, or the hardest of the hard.  But I am determined to break through it, to see it for what it is, to forgive it in me and thus release everyone who was drawn or attracted through a less than healed place in themselves.  In all of ourselves.  I do not know what tomorrow or even tonight will bring.  It seems it works best without building any sense of expectation around it, just a very simple intent and let it go.  This seems to give the best latitude for the right ones at the right time to arrive.  And so now they come as they did earlier on when I was in a different kind of place.  Helping me through this misnomer called ego death.  Ha!  Silly we even call it that.  Something moves in us, glacially, but certainly, and powerfully.  Ego turns nimble and learns how it can move out of the way. When that happens, we open to the mystery, not to the mind or reason or logic.  We are in mystery.  We are in the sacred circle of healing.  Nights are no longer just any night.

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