Archives for posts with tag: abundance

We are the ones who get in our own way, never realizing sometimes just how we sabotage ourselves.  So much of our suffering comes from looking outwardly and pointing to others, outside, for why we suffer, or why we have troubles or grudges or hurts or issues.  Year after year, layer by layer, I have watched as my life has changed right along with these changes within my own awareness…..old knots, blocks, samscaras, transmuted, replaced by the opposite the very next moment.  The very next moment.  I release a big old block from my heart and within hours the phone is ringing, resources of a different source pour in where before its shadow was all that could get through.  And it is why we feel the world is out to get us because these shadows are there IN us, and we do not realize its not the world that is set against us, but that a part of the world is its ability to mirror what we are, to follow our FEELINGS which are so often governed by our shadow or latent hurt or sense of somehow being limited…..but it isn’t the world as much as it is our impact energetically on the world.  The world, I know, is a chalkboard, a clean slate, a neutral slate, actually, upon which we write such permanent feeling things. It is only we who give them power.  But we shake our fists at this chalk dust and say how unfair the world is.  It is just chalk.  It is ours.  When we own it, we can release it. Face it, forgive it.

Every time I have ever sought to forgive another for the hurt done to me during this journey into myself has resulted in my becoming aware that it was not the Other that I needed to forgive, but that it was myself that needed to forgive itself.   Something in me seems magnetized, highly aware of the truth in this one shining moment of realization, as each time it was something I could not forgive myself, something that I held seemingly against the world that resolved all the way back to its roots into me.  Karma is never created because of another.  Never.  Karma is created by each of us on our own because of choices we each make in how we choose to respond, feel, or react. Choices that are based on how we choose to feel and react to the reality before us.  Many of these reactions aren’t even based on knowing the full story.  We assume, we let our beliefs or biases fill the gap in our understanding of what is true and then we MAKE that filling-in of that gap a reality, but all it ever was, was something based on HOW we were, not how the world was at all.  A parent, working long hours, is believed to be uncaring of his child because, after all, if he cared, he would be at home.  And yet, the bigger story is…well…much bigger than what the child sees or assumes.  We are all like this, misperceiving the world, seeing things as we are rather than how things are.  And this is how these misalignments lead us to karmic battles within us. We can spend lifetimes there running through the same cycles over and over until deep grooves are cut into our being which we carry over and over like old baggage from the 5th Century BC.  We go into it with our freewill and we get out of it through our freewill.  Clearing karma is clearing ones own soul.  I laugh when I think of some God judging us.  This sense of conscience exists in all things!  All things.  Even in the atom, even in the water that flows.  We each know what is right even though we have sought to hide the truth from ourselves.  But in pulling back the curtain with self honesty, these illusions cannot stand for very long.  Karma can be released quickly if you are ready.  Its is as easy or as hard as we make it. Being compassionate with ourselves and others is what most often provides the necessary sense of safety in exploring without fear of retribution, but in honestly and in our own way…..which often means going our own way.

And so, in this leg of the journey, I have found myself in a hard spot within myself.  I have realized that I have so many incredible resources that have emerged as a result of this journey, why would I let one old funky hard feeling trip me up?  Why?  No reason for that.  When I think of something, it comes to pass. Why not run with it?  Why not live abundantly?  The only thing holding me back is some old funky thing within….but even that has been only subject to a habit I have of reflecting on how others might see me or feel about me. Really.  What kind of crazy stuff is that? It is the last shovel-full of manure to be tossed from the stable of my soul.  And really, how I manifest has been pretty amazing……it is something we can all do.  It si what we are, what we each were born to do once we get out of our own way.

A few weeks ago as I drove out of my driveway it struck me that I really needed to contact a local news station to tell them about my efforts with my business, to help get the word out.  I knew that with what I did, they would probably be all over it, excited to do a story on a unique take on the holiday season.  But I stopped short.  I told myself that was too self-serving, too much….SOMETHING.  Maybe some misplaced voice was saying it was innapropriate somehow.  And yet, a story by them would have so helped me at a time when I needed it most! So I deferred.  In a few days, though, after announcing events at my studio through social media, I got a request from someone who wanted to come to my business to make some glass.  This person turned out to be a local news station meteorologist.  I again deferred saying anything that might seem self serving to this lady while she paid me to spend some hours making a variety of things she had always wanted to do with hot glass.  I knew she may have gotten pestered a lot in this way by the public.  She was at the studio to honor her Mother and make some glass.  I explained to her and her Mom what I say to most people; I am leveraging the resources I can to get the word out about my business locally, which means facebook and other sites.  If she wanted to say something about her experience, great.  I don’t twist arms, I want it to come in a genuine way, never forced.  When it is done in the right spirit, it just soars, you know?

So it came to pass that this lady could not get away to get her glass she had blown the week before.  For some reason my merchant account was not being agreeable about dealing with her credit card.  I was unable to collect payment for the private class she set up at the studio for that day when she came so I was eager to get her glass to her.  I was able to meet her to give her her glass and it turned out she took the glass back to the studio and showed some of the reporters what she had made (all of which was really great stuff) and I got a contact that same night from a reporter wanting to do a story on the studio.  So even though I resisted following through with my intention, my wish, my hope, the universe pretty well elbowed its way into my life and brought me what I needed.  Granted, it all came a couple of weeks late, it still came pretty swiftly for a guy who was resisting so hard!

Similar examples abound……events which were cancelled by others who withdrew support suddenly bloomed into the single most succesful weekend of the season…..a full two weeks past the Holidays!  Following in the wake of such hard changes, I dispaired over being able to garner the resources I needed in order to keep life and my business on a more even keel…..and yet….and yet….I felt within me this gathering storm of abundance that I knew could be tapped as though an endless spring moved beyond the small unassuming stop-cock that held back the ocean of energy and possibility, just waiting to happen, to flow into my life.  On top of this, people who had come out during Christmas were eager to come again. Others stepped in, bringing their friends and coworkers with joy and enthusiasm that quite literally lit up the studio.  On this visit one of the people who saved the day, pretty much singlehandedly, by being a supporter, said how he knew one of the anchors at another local station; he was close friends and suggested that I utilize this resource to help push the studio into a new level of exposure.  All of this coming all on its own, all stemming from an intention I have made, asking, “Mamma Universe, you are limitless even as I may think I am limited; bear to me your blessings and abundance so that I may bring my gift to my neighbors and community…”

It realy isn’t about money or things.  Its about feeling safe, about feeling supported by a force so large, it is all around us.  Had I not felt this abundance of soul come down around me that Summer night and heard Her voice speaking to me saying “Let go, let all of this hurt flow into me, let it go, let all of that old poison flow out from you into me; I shall transmute it by my blessings.  You do not know HOW to Forgive this and you don’t NEED to…you need only let go of it for a second so that it can be mine and then it will be gone….” I might not have fully realized the nature of this force….and like that, it was gone.  Like that, the tables turned from lack to greater abundance.  Abundance in feeling first.  The rest takes care of itself.  A clearer path for my own intention was what remained.  And really, that is all it is; getting the junk out of our own way so the magic  that is our own souls may better manifest as our hearts write new stories upon the chalkboard of the multiverse.  It sin’t the universe that judges us or decides.  It is in truth an inner authority, the divine within us, that does so.  When we can align to this, what I call Divine Alignment (it is also a blog by the same name), amazing things can happen for us, to us.

Just a few days ago I spoke to my daughter about the power of intention.  She has been able to see how this has worked, magically, for her Dad over the last few years.  Its not like it is a trick that I do.  I don’t.  I am not in control of what the universe sends me, but what it does send me is most often so perfect.  When I bought her a new bed, one that was taller than most beds, she said it would be great if we could find a desk that was flush with her bed so that she could sit on it and have her computer in front of her so she didn’t have to sit in a chair at her computer.  The following weekend we found someone had placed a wonderful oak desk by the curb, one that looked curiously close to what she had asked for in height.  Could it be?  There was also a desk chair that looked brand new, which was also one of the things on her list that she wanted for her room.  We set it up in the yard as we went on our errands and upon measuring it, it was the perfect height for what my daughter had wanted.  What were the chances?  This Christmas my daughter had mentioned that she wanted a very certain type of jacket for Christmas. Because of my lack of knowledge about how sizes are done with smaller kids, I was left guessing over whether a given size would be a good fit or not.  I needed to measure her to be sure, but I was never able to do this with how our schedule worked out.  I wound up with just a few days to do my gift shopping and had to pass on the coat.  This is a Navy peacoat, and her interest in it is based on how she had nestled into one of my coats which was a genuine peacoat style which she liked the feel of very much.  So this was a very specific style, not just any coat.  Last week I said I was sorry about not being able to get her the coat and suggested that we go down to the thrift store after making a clear intention to the Universe about having this type of coat.  I ended it with, “And we will know its being given when we ask that it be ten dollars!”  This was my way of adding an extra element in order to jack the odds.  We went down to the thrift store and lo and behold we found a peacoat in her size and color for $12.00!  I looked at her and asked her what the price was and gave her a sideward glance, saying, “Well, it was ALMOST the right price!”  Coats next to it were in the 20’s and 30’s.

Sometimes when I feel down, I shut myself off from these things happening…..I despair, or get down on myself, and forget that we are all this kind of magic, this kind of vibrant intention just waiting to leap out of the gate!  For my part, I feel a sense as though its just not my job to try and MAKE things happen, they come so naturally when I just step aside and trust in the universe.  And this is what I have been doing….I feel this massive abundance now that I know is just around the corner from me….why would I feel so impoverished with such incredible resources?  Why would I feel so limited when I have this father and mother who dwell within me, this yin and yang of the entirety of the universe that I can tap into with my own intention.  The purer and most direct the intention, the faster and more perfect the result!

The universe does not respond to thought alone.  It responds to FEELING.  Feeling itself is not some irrational thing, but it can have both negative and positive poles which we bring into the moment whether we are aware of it consciously or not.  This is why being in touch with all of your feelings and motivations are so important.  Do you feel worthy?  If you don’t, you will quite literally block the universe from flowing in an abundant way.  It is YOU who write  the story, so fill the story with the right feeling and it will be returned to you.  The WAY that you sow seeds is as important as the seeds that are sown.  Seeds sown in sorrow and lack tend to never even spring up and if they do, they can be children of the hand that scattered them.  So scatter your intention with joy and hopefulness and eliminate the feelings that say, “I never get what I ask for….” or “I am not worthy….” because regardless of the truth of this in the bigger picture (which is that you most certainly ARE worthy…we ALL are!), it is the picture that you are creating here and now. The problem with thought is that it can give you the grandest visions of how your life can be, but that is all it can ever be. You have to FEEL it all the way down to the bottom of your shoes and your soul before it can be something that will reflect this mental picture that you can see and know so well ….  BE it and it will show you itself AS you are.

We might appear to be limited finite beings, and in a very limited way we are….but just as a petal may think it is its own self, it is part of a larger body of being which is connected to a still larger being.  We are each multidimensional and the way toward glimpsing this is not through the rational at all, but through our one side that allows us to grasp the infinite; our feeling sides, our right brain, our boundless imagination, our own inner divine feminine, our Shakti who is the one who takes the masculine left brained intention (thought) and takes into her being so that this spark of thought is nurtured and  transformed  into an incredible miracle that is a new creation, a new life of sorts within our own lives.  This happens individually as it happens en masse.  We have an analog of the universe in us, a small mirror.  What do you wish to see in that mirror?  What brings you fulfillment?  What is in your highest to be, to do, to become?  Sometimes its the simple things….a desk for your daughter, a weekend at the studio helping people tap their inner creative fire, helping a friend selflessly, with full blessings and joy.  Sometimes its just getting the simplest of things for our most basic of  needs.  For me, I do not need much.  I just want to help change the world in whatever way I can that will lead to the highest.  Sometimes the highest is found in the simple things, which are  also glorious.

I have described these as “epiphanies” that I often have where I am most often shown something, or am taught something compliments of the intelligent energy that is moving through me.  I have embraced my creative imagination realizing the linkage it has with helping me to see and know things that are not physical but that are in the etheric or spiritual realm….the world of energy. Here the third eye sees this world.  I embrace the fact that I must allow myself to imagine.  Once that center opens inside of me, then the inner core of my sensory realm opens like a flower bud and everything becomes flow.  Bliss fills me, I feel expectant, like a man awaiting his beloved who will be along just about any time now….and then it is there.  The epiphany begins.  It could be just about anything, but it seems that I am being taught about hidden things, or secret knowledge.  What is kind of silly about saying that is that its no longer secret the moment its conveyed….so was it really secret at all? I’m having a good laugh at myself.

But the epiphanies are real.  They have helped to show me the nature or the energy body in great detail.  I have been shown the linkage between large scaled events and those on the atomic level and how these are linked and how we can learn to harness this force in our bodies to gain a degree of control or influence on events in our lives…..its not different from what we do normally as we create our own realities, its just that when you learn how to channel energy a little differently through your awareness and your brain/body, which kundalini CAN assist you with and meditational practices that are designed for helping support such shifts (and I don’t know about meditation modalities so I can’t tell you if there is one out there that exists…..if not I will make you one for you to use so you can know what I am talking about!).  I have been counseled, admonished, healed, and tutored during these epiphany moments.

The last week has been a rough one for me.  I have jumped headlong into a healing method that has helped me a great deal but has also shaken up a lot of dust in my life emotionally.  IN the last six years of my awakening I have gone from awakening and awareness of my pain body to beginning to actively assist in the removal of old emotional blocks in my energy body.  Kundalini has helped hugely and it has also helped to raise awareness of how deep this pain goes (even though sometimes a little knowledge or awareness is a difficult thing!).  But it has also helped me to clean things up and I am glad to say what looked in the beginning to be an impossible hulk of junk in my light body is now being pared down.  Day by day, week by week, blocks of every size and shape have fallen away.  WHat made me feel defeated in the beginning is now getting easier, a kind of sacred work…..excavating the bones of past lives and scattering them to the winds and blessing them, letting that chapter go so a new one may be writ. I am not bragging. I am speaking into this and saying that for anyone who feels stuck, there is a way forward.  Sometimes we try too hard.  Most often, it is in learning that the way is easy.  Jesus said “My yoke is easy.” His yoga was easy.  His means to bliss was not a difficult thing. And so it is or can be for anyone.  It was hard for me when I thought it was hard.  When I consider it is easy, it becomes easy.  I have this past week gone to a reiki club for some work.  As I have detailed in recent posts, I have been having root issues that have dogged me the whole time I have been going through this awakening.  It goes to show that when the books say that kundalini clears you from root to crown, I can say emphatically that kundalini follows the path of least resistance and does not go according to any pattern from one chakra to the next.  The tendency may be to do that, yes, but in truth, if something is stuck it remains that way until your ego lets go of it. NO one can undo what the ego creates as a reality for itself.  This week I went in for a second treatment and I wound up with the whole room of therapists working on me.  It was very illuminating for a variety of reasons.  I was asked if I had been psychically attacked, for example, and I realized later that in a way I had, and that a pain that I have felt in one of my meridians was part of this.  The attack though came from a living person and how the wound presented itself in terms of where and how it felt was consistent with the issues that were at work.  Being able to develop a stronger sense of psychic protection is important, yes, but by grace and being what we want to attract, we can transmute the old into something more conscious and aware.  This time I found that I reached a very subtle but important realization.

It had to do with the root and also the sacral. I began to have these images projected into my head that didn’t make sense right away but soon did.  I saw an image of iron and how it is forged.  I wondered over that until the information cam in a steady stream.  It began as I awoke this morning.  The epiphany began then.

As I awoke in bed this morning I felt the presence of a concept floating all around me.  It was an image of identity.  We make ourselves into who we want to be in our lives.  While our personalities define a lot of how we become, we also have a great deal more control over what we become than we realize.  Deep down, we know who we want to become.  We also know we are not being true to to who we want to be because….well….we feel it so strongly.  And yet we will ignore it….most often at our peril. But from life to life, even though we are part of a larger soul, it is amazing to see just how different we are from one life to the next.  Some lives are similar but having known a person who died and was reincarnated all in the same life I am living, I can say that people really do change a great deal.  The person that was my father is a very different person in his new reincarnation.  Some issues are still very much the same.  It is oddly fascinating to see how he struggles with the same issue of being brainwashed by a mother played by two different women but who do the same things to him.  This, he has attracted. This, he is working through as part of his karmic journey.  But in this image is showed me how we can shape ourselves in different ways if we but have the will to do so.  Destiny is not what we are born with, it is what we are.  If we change what we are, we can change destiny.  And it is not as hard as it might seem. It takes work I think, but it is entirely doable.  Destiny is the sum total of your choices made up to this point. This hardens into your character and is also part of your personality.  Maybe you think I am talking about changing habits here.  I am not.  the way to change is through the root.  It takes work and incredible persistence. I have reached this place realizing that I am down to the last of the hard stuff.  What shall I do now? Where will I go from here?

The Voice began by explaining that the problem I have had with my root had to do with my thinking I had a problem.  There were some lingering issues having to do with personal power, of taking full responsibility for my life and also for a fear that I allowed into my field that kind of became a kind of dog of my soul.  I had actually seen a glimpse of this presence that was attracted to these less than admirable feelings and it helped me to realize what it was that was serving to reinforce the energy that was there.  It was akin to a dragon in form….it was itself an etheric being attracted like moths are to flame or a porch light.  It is a natural consequence of where we are.  While ridding ourselves of shadow, we attract these beings who are etheric and escape most people’s notice.  I have known people who have awakened and were entirely powerless to rid themselves of these beings simply because they were not ready to heal that part of themselves.  You can push these creatures off and out of your field, but the problem will very likely come back unless the underlying issue is resolved and you change the energy.  People talk about psychic defense and I have to laugh because while pushing things away they just have them come back because nothing substantive has changed. The light body is your vehicle.  You attracted based on what you put out.  Every time all the time. These beings are not big problems most often.  They are just along for the ride.  They are easy to get rid of.  Most people have multiples of them.  So by shifting the perception of the problem, I was able to see all of this differently.  I already do.  With it comes a sense of restlessness, of wanting to move forward now after a period of near-stasis in a cocoon healing and transforming rapidly.

Then someone stepped into my field as matter-of-factly as a doctor asks you to turn your head and cough.  My root, which had been hurting, was held in the hands by this presence who was now talking to me about all of this.  “You think about how in the root there is sexual energy…..but you also think about how this energy is universal energy….but you have not been able to feel it as that because of the issues in your root.  This has blinded you to the larger role that your root plays for your life.  Right now it has tended to play a very limited role because you have seen it as sexual energy and because of the pain stored there, it has been hard to see it beyond the bliss side of its experience.”  The voice stopped and I then felt a very different feeling in my root. “The root, your root, is like a magnet.”  I felt this force radiate around the root….and it did feel very magnetic. “Imagine all the ways that your root chakra has felt up until this time.  The pain that you have felt in the root that has caused so much trouble for you…..all of that when healed will result in your being able to realize that the root really is a powerful basis for all of your energy.  It is how you forge your will, how you choose to feel and to be.”  The root was beaming and I could feel these bands of force coming off of it.  “Imagine what you could do with this…..once free from what you feel is holding you down.”  Instead of being strongly sexual in nature, it became a number of different things.  I felt like somehow someone was stepping in and showing me how differently this center could feel.  I was also being shown a tutorial on how the root can be used to assist in manifesting. I began in those moments seize the day and begin by focusing my intent in ways I knew I needed most.

“This is where the work comes in, but nby now after everything that you have done, you are ready to do this work.  This is like forging iron.  You will do it gently and carefully piece by piece until you get the results in character that you feel suit you.”  I saw how the root was the foundation of so much.  In an interesting way, the root is tied into identity and to our will.  I had always felt my will as being centered in my solar plexus, but now I realize identity is scattered throughout every center but the foundation lies in the root. Maybe it is possible to make sudden jumps in healing and change.  I have certainly witnessed them in myself over these years, but this last step now feels like I am taking a piece of clay and spending time to shape it.  Its hard to explain it any other way.  I have conformed to others for the sake of love for acceptance.  Now, I am not interested in that and while some part of me may linger on that last note, I am taking up the iron and the anvil to shape in the fire a new form.  Made of the same metal, but made into a new sense of self in some ways. And perhaps for the first time, a center of energy that is now no longer hung up by the old hurts and blocks that have limited the expression of the divine infinite in my body.

All of this is helping to return old feelings that were of an energetic nature.  My core self is undergoing a change.  I will remain who I am but there is some stuff that is being changed.  I have no idea how it will turn out.  We will just see.  Like a painting with few plans, it will unfold in perfect timing.  And if this be a conceit of the ego, then so be it.  A lovely conceit it will be. But if not, then there will be something of heaven in it. This is leading somewhere….

Having a healthy root is important for being able to have an energy center that can help us feel healthy and to manifest what it is that we need without the glitches that come as a result of karmic entanglements.  This idea that you must be careful what you wish for goes away when you clear karma. Karma is the color in the chakra that changes how the energy expresses itself. We return to clear brilliant spring water……

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